Society Girl

Jenny

Jenny Young had good reasons not to trust B-Earths. There were no A-Earths, but out of the existence of any one society a bleak underbelly was destined to grow. A B-Earth was like the multimillion dollar estate of a mobster drunk on the riches of racketeering, and Jenny would know. It was luxurious, exclusive, had only a handful of the most affluent criminals as vast landowners, and drifting into its atmosphere without permission and forewarning was a death sentence. It was lawless in that it was thoroughly in the jurisdiction of the Alliance, but that the Alliance were paid off handsomely to stay away. Jenny had never been to Earth 3-B before, 'New Earth.' It was a gated community, just on a much larger scale, and she was normally sensible enough to stay away.

They took Jenny's spaceship, because of its lack of infamy and very superior cloaking technology designed by Oswin, and landed it as close to the venue as they could without being too conspicuous. Jenny was still largely in the dark about a lot of River's plan, unless River was employing that method borrowed from the Doctor of saying very little to convince people you knew what you were doing and then playing it off casually after a daring display of improvisation. She herself was guilty of the same thing oftentimes.

As soon as she descended the stairs onto the planet's surface, she was struck by an unfathomable cold. It looked like they were in the middle of Antarctica, or its space-age equivalent, and she didn't even have a coat on because River had made them both wear evening gowns so they fitted in with the black-tie occasion. She even had some random bits of jewellery on, necklaces and bracelets and diamond earrings, all scavenged from within the TARDIS wardrobe. Real or not, she didn't know. Tokens of the affections of random women for her father? Possibly. Maybe she was wearing Marilyn Monroe's old charm bracelet.

"You didn't say anything about this mansion being in the middle of an ice field," Jenny complained immediately, River already leaving before her. Jenny stashed the keys for her spaceship in a clutch bag she didn't like to carry because it left one of her hands not free, but then, that hand wasn't doing an awful lot anyway. She glanced down at it, hidden underneath an elbow-length white silk glove. She could not wear her support splint with those gloves, and so she could see her thumb twitching. It made her wince. The cold wasn't helping, either, nor was the fact she was going to have to walk across a plane of ice in five-inch heels.

"I didn't say anything about it not being in the middle of an ice field, either," River argued. They were on a very expansive sheet of ice, and all around in a crescent shape were distant mountains. It would be impossible for anyone to show up there without being spotted first, a very good place for the leader of some criminal empire to set up house. She did not know who owned the estate, nor did she want to find out.

"I hate formal occasions," she grumbled as they made their way out from underneath the flying saucer, revealing themselves as they stepped through the threshold of the cloaking barrier. It was like a spaceport, all manner of starships and vehicles gathering for the prestigious auction. "It's hard to be discreet wearing clothes like this."

"You'd look less discreet in your military fatigues."

"I don't even wear fatigues," Jenny said, "You're making it sound like I wear camouflage cargo shorts, or something. I have dress sense."

"Fighting someone in a dress can't be any harder than fighting someone in those leather trousers you usually wear."

"They're not actually leather, they're PVC," Jenny said.

"Yes, and I'm surprised you can bend your legs at all when you're wearing them."

"I have an image to maintain."

"Have you ever sat down and spoken to Christina de Souza? You should share fashion tips," River said, "Which of you looks best in all-black tight leather. Oh, sorry, PVC. I think Jack has a type." Jenny shut up. She didn't want to talk about Christina de Souza or Jack, particularly, and bringing up that woman just made her more likely to turn her back on the whole thing and let River go off on her own to find him. So she made the sensible, executive decision to end the conversation right there. It was a good thing, anyway, because the two of them were nearly at the door.

"How do you plan to get us in, then? Aren't we going to sneak around the back?" Jenny whispered. River shushed her abruptly and they joined a line of equally well-dressed and suspicious people, all of them producing fancy, holographic invitations as they passed through the enormous doors into the mansion. It was one of the most ostentatious things she had ever seen; it looked like an aristocratic 17th Century French manor combined with a cake decoration, plucked out of whatever non-time it was meant to be from and dumped there in the middle of an artificial ice age. Only, it was a lot bigger than a manor, and Jenny now saw why River Song had initially described it as a 'museum.' It was gargantuan, and she didn't know how they were going to find any clues to Jack's whereabouts in there. Maybe Jack hadn't even left, he'd just gotten lost.

"Easy," River said, pulling something out of her own clutch, inside which Jenny also spied a gun and at least two knives and a stick of some sort of explosive. "I've been invited."

"Invited? What do you mean you've been-"

"Hello, darling," River interrupted Jenny to address the man with the list of names. As soon as they stepped underneath the large, ornate awning of the front porch and steps, a heat field washed over them. A synthetic atmosphere; climate control. Jenny was relieved. The man she spoke to had two enormous, alien bouncers on either side of him, a species Jenny did not recognise but also did not want to mess with. River held out her device, the size of a peanut, and out of it projected the invitation. And there it was, Professor River Song, Plus One.

"Ah, Professor Song, so nice of you to finally accept the master of the house's invitation," said the man with the list, "He doesn't normally keep issuing them to guests who repeatedly fail to turn up to his salons. Who is the girl?"

"My plus one," said River.

"Very pretty."

"Isn't she?" River agreed. Jenny grew uncomfortable, but knew better than to argue. No doubt everyone around them was armed to the teeth. Everyone on the planet, even, was probably armed to the teeth. She smiled as they were allowed inside.

"And how did you wrangle an invitation to this place?"

"This is my century, I'm an archaeologist," River answered quietly, "I've done a few odd jobs in this line of work."

"This 'line of work' being?"

"The same as yours, really. With more of an emphasis on investigation and adventuring, rather than plain daylight robbery," River said, "I have contacts as well, you know."

"Treasure hunting, then?" Jenny inquired. River smiled, and the two of them followed the queue of well-to-do bidders into an enormous ballroom; the site of the auction itself. They oughtn't stick around, though. They needed to get in and out of that place as quickly as possible, without staying to chitchat with people who may be at risk of recognising either one of them. They would not take kindly to 'Zero' being at their auction. Jenny didn't like these sorts of people, anyway, the kind who paid others to do their dirty work while they got to sit cosy in their arctic estates pretending like they weren't corrupt. The fancier the room, the more she hated whoever was in charge, and this was a very fancy room, the floor made of glass that gave view to the ocean below. They must have had to cut an enormous chunk out of the ice for this, and shadows moved beneath them.

"Isn't it funny how your father could have the TARDIS look as grand as this, and he chooses such tiny rooms?" River mused under her breath as they drifted through small clusters of people discussing 'business' and 'jobs' and other nefarious things. Jenny took a handful of hors d'oeuvres from a passing waiter and stood with them in her palm, picking them out to eat. She didn't know what they were, just some kind of seafood. "Your gloves are going to smell like shrimp."

"I couldn't care less," Jenny muttered. She really couldn't. And they tasted nice, anyway. "Now, what's the quickest and cleanest way out of this room?"

"The staff all have microchips in them," River said, "Inserted secretly, I assume. Doors detect the microchips and open accordingly; if they get itchy fingers and run away with something valuable, they can be tracked down."

"Hunted down, more like," Jenny said, "Well where does that leave us?"

"Do you have a pen to fill out a job application?" River asked jokingly, but Jenny was unamused. River sighed. "Fine, fine," she touched her elbow lightly to steer them both to the other side of the room, smiling and nodding at the people they passed. Please no one recognise me, please no one recognise me, Jenny thought to herself over and over. You could never be too careful in a place like this. "It's a lucky thing that this is the era of sonic technology, is it not?"

"I didn't see anything sonic in your bag."

"I don't keep my screwdriver in my bag," River said, then whispered, "Cover me." Jenny didn't know how, exactly, she was meant to do that, but they found themselves in front of an ornate door, with River Song fumbling around with her dress. Then she pulled her sonic screwdriver – the Tenth Doctor's old and battered one with a multitude of modifications so that it actually worked – out of her garter where it must have been stashed. She sonicked the lock on the door and, hey presto, they slipped out of the ballroom and into the rest of the mansion.

Whoever owned the place was so sure of their microchip security they didn't bother to have any guards crawling about the rest of the hallways. There would be cameras or traps, she was sure – trillionaire criminals loved excessive traps – but hopefully they would get out unscathed, if they were quick and clever. It really was like a museum down there, though. It was full of devices and taxidermy creatures, the likes of which Jenny had never seen before. Some of them were extinct, she assumed.

"It's creepy in here," she said, glancing around. It was cold, too; she saw her breath in front of her eyes. It was a good thing she was so warm-blooded, like a polar bear. The noises from the ballroom were completely numb now. They might as well be in the entire mansion on their own it was so silent. "What are we looking for?"

"Clues to Jack's whereabouts," said River.

"You're sure you don't have an ulterior motive?" Jenny questioned carefully. River stopped and looked down at her.

"How do I know you don't have an ulterior motive?"

"Uh… I promise."

"Then I promise as well."

"I'm not sure your promises mean a lot," Jenny said.

"What would an old fogey like me want with all this? Half of it's useless and the other half's grotesque." Jenny made up her mind to keep an eye on River Song, though. Until her eyes spotted something else, that was; a tiara no less, kept in a glass case on a pedestal and an ornate, marble dummy head. She walked towards it as close as she dared, wary of possible tripwires. She laughed when she saw it.

"That crown is the Queen of Hurk's," she said, "She was crazy. The Hurk crown jewels were meant to be kept locked up, but she kept them under her pillow. I always hated jobs where I had to seduce people to steal from them."

"I didn't realise anyone stole the Hurk crown."

"No, I left a duplicate," Jenny said.

"Must have been some duplicate."

"Nah. Cheap piece of plastic. The Queen of Hurk is practically blind. As long as it weighs the same, she'll not know the difference. Maybe they'll work it out eventually. Funny how it's ended up here," Jenny said, "I stole it a long time ago."

"Isn't the Queen of Hurk… old?" River asked.

"Erm, you and I have both been alive for multiple centuries," Jenny pointed out.

"But… she's old?"

"…Fine, yes, okay? Kind of old. I didn't… nothing… I was only there to get the crown," Jenny said.

"Which she kept in her bed."

"Just don't mention this to my girlfriend, please…"

"My lips are sealed," River smirked. Jenny doubted that she was telling the truth, but didn't know River to talk to Clara ever, so she figured that little anecdote was safe from Clara's scrutiny and judgement. "Well, you showed me yours, so I'll show you mine…" Jenny didn't even want to know what that meant, but she didn't appear to have a choice in the matter as River indicated something in a different display further down the room they were in.

Jenny followed her, and when she saw what River was pointing at her jaw dropped. A big, golden box with handles and adorned with angel wings was residing their peacefully.

"Holy…"

"Very."

"That's the Ark of the Covenant!" Jenny exclaimed.

"Yes," said River, "I found it."

"You-? When, where?"

"Oh, I don't know when. In the Dumghe Mountains in Zimbabwe," River explained, "A long story for another time."

"And you came and sold it to the highest bidder? You can't do that."

"I didn't, there was a… falling out. I'll tell you the whole thing once we're out of here," she promised. Jenny thought little of this next promise, too, and of River's attested lack of guilt in how the Ark of the Covenant had ended up millions of lightyears from home and why it hadn't been returned to whatever religion had a claim on it. Jenny did not get the opportunity to press River for more information, though. They were interrupted.

"Are you being modest, Professor? I didn't know you had it in you."

Jenny turned around, ready to throw some punches and break some bones if need be, and found herself face to face with a scrawny human and two enormous alien bodyguards cracking their knuckles. It was a lot of knuckles, too; they had four arms each. No longer did she think it wise to try and fight them off. For Clara's sake, if nothing else (she felt a twinge in her bullet wound when she thought this, and became aware again of the ache in her broken thumb.)

"Pasznoxo," River said, smiling. Then she spoke to Jenny, "This is Pasznoxo, sweetie. The man of the house, so to speak."

"And who might you be? Her new arm candy?" Pasznoxo commented. They seemed like friends, though, and like he might not kill them for sneaking out of his lavish ballroom.

"Oh, no, don't be appalling," River said, "Much too young. This is Jenny, but you've probably heard her called Zero. The toast of the Blacklight Society."

"River!" Jenny hissed.

"The Blacklight Society?" Pasznoxo asked. She clenched her jaw. "Planning on stealing anything?"

"Not if I don't have to," Jenny said, "Besides, you've already got stuff stolen by me in here. Like-"

"The Queen of Hurk's crown, yes," he said, nodding. He might be weedy, but he was very sharply dressed and well-groomed. She could smell his hair product from where she was standing, a good few metres away. "I'm familiar with your work. Nice to put a face to the name, and such a pretty face, too."

"Mmm," she murmured.

"Sorry to crash the party, I just couldn't let the esteemed Professor Song, the only woman who almost always declines my invitations and whom I keep inviting, get away without mingling," he said, smiling, "But I should have known you wouldn't just come here to socialise."

"We're looking for something," River said, "Or, someone. This is your house, you might know something. We were trying to find your security room anyway."

"And what's his name?" Pasznoxo asked. Jenny frowned.

"We didn't mention that we're looking for a man," she said.

"I think you can help us, can't you, Pasz?" River said. Pasznoxo shrugged.

"Possibly. What's in it for me?"

"One of the lost Fabergé Eggs," Jenny said quickly, before River could offer anything else. River glanced at her, perplexed, "I know where to get one of them."

"Really?" Pasznoxo's eyes lit up with greed, "Imagine that, the best thief of the century, working for me." Was it wrong she felt a little proud at being called the 'best thief of the century'? Especially with River Song right there. She was a better thief than River, what a feat.

"Yep. Thief's honour," Jenny said, "You'll have your egg soon enough."

"The man you're looking for, he broke in," said Pasznoxo, "We had a very major security breach last week. I've been away, you see, in a different continent, doing some business. Your handsome friend broke in the same time a group of extremists calling themselves 'Kasterborous' broke in, and it appears they were looking for the same thing."

"Which was?" River asked.

"A broken map. Well, alleged map, nobody's ever gotten it to work. It was supposed to be auctioned tonight, but unfortunately their little 'heist' was successful," Pasznoxo said, then narrowed his eyes, "This is all confidential, by the way."

"Of course," they both nodded. Jenny didn't care one bit about Pasznoxo's security problems, though she could think of half a dozen ways off the top of her head to make a good sum of money selling his secrets to the highest bidders. No doubt River had the same ideas, and significantly less integrity.

"It was about the point where they shot him and he woke up again that they became interested," said Pasznoxo, "That was how it looked in the footage. They killed my guards and took him with them, after he kept claiming the map was a family heirloom. I think their leader calls himself 'the Conqueror.'"

"Right. A map?" Jenny asked, "But what's it a map too?"

"That's beyond me, I'm a middle man."

"You mean a fence," she quipped.

"If you like. If I knew how to make it work I wouldn't be selling it."

"And where did they take our friend and the map?" River asked.

"Lucky for you the security leak was one of my own men," said Pasznoxo, "He has a microchip. The same ones that activate the door system you tricked to get back here. I would have followed, but they've gone towards the Yellow Cluster, and-"

"The only habitable planet in the Yellow Cluster is Rospaonus," Jenny finished his sentence for him.

"And I would hardly call Rospaonus habitable as it is," River added. Rospaonus was an infamously hostile planet, mainly for its wildlife and its weather. The entire planet was, to her understanding, a rainforest, but an alien rainforest subjected to incredibly frequent hurricanes up to fifty times more powerful than even the biggest storm on Planet Earth.

"I didn't think it was worth it to follow. But you two feel free," he said, "I'll expect to hear a good story of what you find when you come back here with my egg."

"Count on it," Jenny smiled. She would get him a Fabergé Egg. Mainly because she knew her dad had a Fabergé Egg buried and gathering dust on the TARDIS somewhere, and she didn't think he would notice if she took it and gave it to a crime mogul.

"Then I think it's time to leave," River said, winking at Pasznoxo, "See you around, Pasz."

"Whether you want to or not, I'm sure," he smiled back. He was quite amiable to see he was probably kind of evil. Jenny wasn't complaining about them taking their leave, though, and she followed River back towards the ballroom, itching to get out of her dress.