Just the Way I'm Not

Jack

The humidity was stifling. It was at the point where Captain Jack Harkness thought his skin might melt and be replaced by waterfalls of sweat and condensation, the same condensation that was making the dark wooden walls of the makeshift shack he was being kept in bulge. It was a badly put together construction, with slivers of blinding sunlight spilling through the cracks in the wood and leaving him with streaks of sunburn on his body, which had not all been shaded enough to heal yet. So he sat there, sweating and blistering, holed up in the stifling darkness and feeling like he was choking on his own hot, slimy breath. He barely had any clothes on, either, sitting there bound to a chair in his underwear and covered in blood from his many deaths over the last week, as he was tortured for information. He didn't have any information, and even if he didn't he wouldn't give it up. He could withstand any amount of pain if the cause meant that much to him, and this one meant a damn lot, that was for sure.

"Tell us how to activate it," came the heavy accent of Ordov, a beast of a man more bear than person, prowling around Jack and his chair in a circle as he waited to strike with his poker. Jack had been burned by lots of pokers, though, sometimes willingly if he was in that kind of mood, and Ordov wasn't going to get anything out of him by using it, no matter where he tried to wedge the thing.

"I don't know," Jack answered, hollow, sounding almost broken. Being kept in that heat was a worse torture than anything they could inflict on him, and even Ordov was drenched in perspiration. The wet towel that had been around his neck to keep him cool was now soaked through and warm, yet Ordov kept wiping the beads of sweat from his face with it. "C'mon, big guy. Whatcha gonna do with that?" Jack turned his head to nod at the poker, when Ordov was just behind him. Ordov rammed the thing into the outer side of Jack's thigh, and Jack yelped. When Ordov moved the poker away again a few seconds later, its glowing tip now with blood dripping from it, there was a charred wound in Jack's leg. Jack winced. "Keep 'em coming. My safe word is pineapple, so you'll know when it's getting a bit too much."

Ordov laughed cruelly, "You think you are such a big man, Captain."

"Oh yeah? Pull down my briefs and you'll see what kind of a big man I am," Jack said, winking and grinning. Ordov soured, and then it struck Jack hard around the side of his head with the metal rod. Jack felt an intense pain that was almost like being stabbed, and the smell of his hair burning reached his ears. Great, more heat, just what he needed in the jungles of Rospaonus. "If this is the kind of thing that gets you in the mood, then I can't say I'm one to judge. And while I'm usually no stranger to being tied up, it kind of feels like you're taking away my consent."

"We will see how much lip you can give once I break that handsome jaw of yours."

"I'm sure I'll still be able to give plenty of lip. I'll tell you all about it, if you untie me." Ordov laughed again and then dropped the poker onto the wooden floor, though the floor was much too damp to catch fire. While Jack's eyes were trained on the poker, a fist twice the size of his own came and slugged him around the face, breaking his jaw as promised. He heard the snap and felt the swollen burn near his teeth, and groaned.

"Maybe once that heals you will rethink if you have anything to tell the Conqueror." Ordov turned to leave, poker still discarded on the floor next to Jack, and Jack tried to shout something after him but didn't manage it as the bones in his face became inflamed. That was the third time he'd heard that line used that week, and probably the fifth or sixth time Ordov had broken his jaw. Once he'd dislocated it, too, wrenched it out of place.

Hot sunlight streamed into the shack when Ordov opened the door, muttering something to the guard outside. A new guard. He kept getting new guards because they kept coming down with heatstroke or mysterious infections – at least he was immune to any alien, tropical diseases that might strike. The guard soured when Ordov ordered him back into the room to keep an eye on Jack. Initially, Jack could not make any snide comments, and just relaxed in the swelteringly hot wooden chair and waited for the deep burn on his leg and his busted jaw to heal. It took all of five minutes. Ordov's voice could still be heard close by outside. Jack raised his eyebrows at the new guard.

"So?" he asked. Silence. "How's the weather treating you?" Still silence. "What kind of short straw did you draw to get stuck in here minding the prisoner?"

"I'm doing an important job, for the Conqueror," he finally spoke. He sounded too young to be there, and looked too young as well. But with youth went naivety, and Jack was an expert at corrupting and bending naivety to his will. Maybe this would finally be his chance to escape? But then, he didn't really have a plan. Get out of the shack, and then what? He was in the middle of a hostile camp on a hostile planet, and they'd all be looking for him. How easily could he steal some weapons and commandeer one of their ships? It was just like being locked up by the Master all over again, but without a complicated network of friendly staff to pull some stunts that would set him free.

"Important job?" Jack asked.

"You hold the secret to ultimate power."

"Uh-huh."

"You could just tell us how to make the map work."

"It's always with the map with you people – aren't any of you interested in getting to know me as a person?" Jack pouted. The guard glared. "Oh, come on. Don't you think I'm cute, kid? Let me out of this chair and I'll give you a hundred good reasons to turn your back on the Conqueror right now."

"I couldn't turn my back, he's our leader," said the guard, shaking his head at Jack. Jack couldn't tell if he was getting anywhere or not.

"I've been known to be a pretty strong leader as well, in my time," Jack said, "Why not give me a shot?"

"Maybe if you tell me how the map works," the guard said. Okay, not as naïve as he seemed. He was trying to play Jack right back, and Jack's only remaining asset while he was bound to that chair – his silver tongue and easy good looks – were not helping him one bit. The kid was clearly just another brainwashed foot-soldier of Kasterborous.

But that didn't matter. Shadows flickered on the floor; someone was moving above, on top of the shack. Even if Jack strained his ears, he couldn't hear any creaking. A fine sprinkling of dust came down from one of the wooden boards, but the guard didn't see them. Possibly because he was wearing sunglasses indoors and everything was dim already. Jack noticed, though, and tried to observe without turning his head.

"Sure," he said finally, quickly. He kept watching the shadows, meeting the guard's eyes sometimes. "Come over here and I'll whisper it to you." The guard laughed.

"I don't think so."

"Just a couple steps," Jack persisted, "My voice is getting kind of hoarse from all the screaming while the big guy out there tortures me. Just lean in a little more. Get into a good position. Promise I'll tell you the secret to how to make the map work, trust me." He was an excellent liar and schemer, always had been. He saw the guard's eyes scan him carefully for any signs of lying, but clearly the guard still thought he had the upper-hand. Which he did, really, if Jack was wrong about what he thought he saw above.

"What?" the guard asked, stepping closer, bending down slightly, holding his hand near where the muzzle of the assault rifle slung loosely over his back.

"C'mon," said Jack. The guard continued to move closer.

"What?"

"The secret is…" he began. The guard held his gaze eagerly, Jack boring into his eyes intensely, like he was about to bestow a great piece of information. "Pineapple." The boy didn't get another chance to speak. There was a crash as the full force of somebody hit the flimsy wooden roof and broke a hole in it, dust and splinters falling onto the floor as a pair of slender, feminine legs fell through and grabbed the boy around the neck with their shins. Jack would know those legs anywhere, no one else was that agile. The boy struggled with the legs rather than going for his rifle, clearly not any kind of trained soldier, trying to pull them off, but the girl was much too strong and lifted him off his feet. His face went red and finally he went limp; she gave it a second or two longer from when he stopped struggling, and then released his now unconscious body so that it slumped uselessly onto the floorboards.

And then she dropped her whole self through in front of Jack.

"I should've known you couldn't keep away from me," he grinned at Jenny. Jenny did not smile back, she instead looked at him moodily and then crouched down to take the pulse of the boy she had just choked. "He'll be fine, looks like a fan of the old autoerotic asphyxiation."

"I don't see anything autoerotic about it, Jack."

"Anything's autoerotic with you around."

"Jack," she began, doing her sweetest fake-smile and leaning down in front of him now, "You don't have to do your flirting routing to get me to rescue you, that's why I'm here."

"Out of the goodness of your heart," he smiled back and leant as close to her face (and lips) as he could get while still tied up. She kept up her smile, which was a very good bit of acting on her part.

"Out of the persistency of River's guilt-tripping," she corrected. He leant in to kiss her, and she kicked the base of the chair right between his legs, jolting him but thankfully missing the crown jewels, and the chair fell backwards onto the floor. "Try something like that again and I'll just leave you here to get bludgeoned, alright?" Jack was winded from his fall.

"Sure, whatever you say."

She crossed her arms and just looked at him, "Did this lot strip you or did you do it yourself?"

"Well, I'm no stranger to taking my clothes off, but in this case, let's say they were a little… overzealous. Aren't you gonna untie me?"

"Dunno," she feigned contemplation.

"Still like me being bound for you?"

"Might prefer if you were gagged," she said dismissively, pulling something out of her pocket.

"What's that? Sock to put in my mouth?"

"I'll put it in your mouth if you want," she said, flicking open a switchblade. She still had bandages around her right thumb.

"Eh, too tame," he said.

"Pity," she muttered, coming over to cut the ropes around his wrists and ankles.

"You should've showed up ten minutes ago when he broke my jaw and I couldn't say anything."

"Definitely," she said, cutting the bindings.

"So River sent you?"

"She didn't send me, she came with, but I'm subtler so I snuck into the camp to get you," Jenny said, "We'll just go back to my ship and leave Rospaonus, easy, before another storm starts and we can't actually take off." They couldn't leave. He needed that map, and to figure out how to activate it, if only just to stop it from getting into the Conqueror's hands. Best not argue with Jenny until after she had got him to safety, though. All in due time. "You're at the back of the camp anyway, this lot aren't too bright, put you in a good place to be broken out."

"What are you talking about? This hut is backed onto a ravine with a waterfall," Jack said. He'd seen the scenery once, right before they threw him in the shack and locked it up tight. The guard on the floor shifted and made a grunting noise, right as Jenny succeeded in cutting free one of Jack's hands. "C'mon, hurry up."

"I'll just get a machete and cut off your hands and feet, shall I?" she snapped.

"If it means we get out of here quicker then sure, go for it," Jack said coldly. He knew she didn't have a machete. Not on her, anyway. Maybe hidden away somewhere else, wherever she and River had set up shop; it was, after all, pretty stupid to come to a jungle planet without a machete to cut through vines and thickets.

Somebody knocked a heavy fist on the door.

"Are things alright in there, brother?"

"Shit," Jack hissed, "That's Ordov."

"What!?" Jenny exclaimed.

"Ordov."

"Ordov!?"

"Yes, Ordov!"

"As in the infamously violent assassin!?"

"Yes, Ordov the infamously violent assassin, he's working with them, he's been torturing me all this time. Didn't you see him when you cased the joint?"

"I don't know what he looks like! I only know him by reputation!" They spoke very quickly, in hisses, and closely. For a moment it was almost like he was still married to her, like she still had feelings for him, as much as she liked to deny ever having those just to perpetuate her saint-like image and make it seem like she never really cheated on anyone, because the great Doctor's daughter would never be so immoral as to do that (even though she was.)

"I am coming in, brother," said Ordov.

"Don't come in!" Jack shouted, "We're totally screwing." Jenny slapped him, even though it wasn't her he was referring to, which he thought was out of order. Probably she had been looking for an excuse to hit him, because he'd put her to all the trouble of rescuing him to begin with. Ordov kicked open the door.

"Bit unnecessary," Jenny said, then awkwardly, "Hi. I'm a friend of Jack's. Can he come out and play, do you think? While the weather's so nice." Ordov was furious. Jack had never seen him so angry, he was normally relatively easy-going, probably just because he was so convinced that he would eventually be able to break Jack down into a snivelling wreck of map-related confessions without having to lose his temper. Ordov lunged for Jenny, Jenny who dropped the flick-knife at her feet where Jack managed to grab hold of it with his free hand.

Jack on the floor, completely useless and still half-attached to the chair, Jenny dropped down at the last possible second and slid between Ordov's widely-spaced legs, leaving him confused. He was burly and scary, but not exactly a genius. Moved slowly. Too slowly to be a match for Jenny. Jack hacked at the ropes binding him so that he could go help her. Not that he didn't believe Jenny could take on Ordov, a giant of a man who was nearly seven feet tall and three feet wide, but he would just rather not leave anything to chance in case both of them got kidnapped. That would be the worst possible situation, the Conqueror getting his dirty hands on Jenny, second only to the Conqueror getting his dirty hands on the Doctor – or, god forbid, the Mistress.

Jenny jumped back to her feet and kicked a confused Ordov square between his legs, which would have sent a lesser man reeling. Ordov laughed.

"You think that trick will win with me? I'm wearing a cup, girly," he said.

"Oh, really? I suppose you should always be prepared," she smiled. He swung a punch for her head. For a split-second, Jack was terrified it would connect, because Jenny always left things until the very last moment to get out of the way. For a while he had been working on a theory that Jenny actually saw the world in slow-motion, or something. She ducked another punch aimed at her gut just as he tore apart the ropes on his other hand, and then moved on to hacking and tugging at the ones on his ankles. They were very sturdy ropes, made of some almost impossible to cut fibre rather than twine. "Why are we even fighting? Don't you think we could be friends?"

"Friends who steal each other's possessions are not true friends," said Ordov, trying to knock her off her feet with a kick aimed at her middle. Ordov's leg was so huge though, and Jenny was so spry, that she put her hands on it and vaulted rather than let him kick her. He could have shattered her hip if he hadn't missed.

"I'm sure we can share Jack, he won't mind," Jenny said, "In fact, I'm not exactly sure the divorce has come through yet, so really he's more mine than yours."

"Divorce?"

"Don't let Fangs hear you talking like that," Jack commented, freeing one of his legs finally. Just one more lot of ropes to slash and he would be free, Jenny keeping Ordov busy.

"Well, he's my ex-husband, but the legality of the entire procedure is really very ambiguous," Jenny said, kicking Ordov's fist away from her. He was surprised at her strength. Jack kept hacking at the ropes. "Gets a bit tiring being married to him after a while, though, I'm sure it took a whole ten minutes for me to get sick of him."

"Yeah, yeah," Jack dismissed, "Here I thought your fourth regeneration was supposed to be nice."

"Depends who it's speaking to."

"Regeneration?" Ordov asked, becoming alarmed. Uh-oh, Jack thought. Ordov was stunned, and did not attempt to hit Jenny any longer, though Jenny clearly didn't understand at all why Ordov had stopped in his tracks. That was the moment that he finally managed to tear himself free of the chair. Jenny frowned at Ordov, still in a fighting stance and ready to rebuff his every strike, but it didn't get to that point. She took advantage of him becoming stunned and kicked him in the abdomen with her boot as hard as she could, which happened to be very hard indeed. Ordov staggered away, and Jack brought up the wooden chair he had been trapped in day and night for the last week and brought it down on Ordov's head. It splintered to pieces, leaving more wood on the floor along with the boards Jenny had broken when she had made her entrance, and left him dazed. Jack sucker-punched him and finally succeeded in knocking him unconscious.

"I'm glad that's over with," said Jack, "I was getting sick of him not putting out."

"Why did he ask about regenerations?"

"Uh, not sure," Jack lied, "Probably the heat getting to him. Speaking of the heat, the waterfall in the ravine out back is sounding very enticing. Maybe we could go skinny dipping? I'm right in thinking Fangs can't cross running water anymore, aren't I?"

"Mention her, or make any more suggestions like that again, and I'll knock you out and leave you here to find your own way off this planet," Jenny warned him. He decided, in that moment, that she was being genuine, but he neither cared about skinny dipping nor about her new lover. He cared about distracting her away from the top of 'regenerations' and what he and the Conqueror's little gang, Kasterborous, were doing there. "Let's go, give me a boost and I'll pull you up through the roof."

AN: Remember to review guys I really appreciate the reviews, I am working hard with this storyline it should be good.