DAY 158

If You Like Piña Coladas

Amy

"Hey there."

"Oh – hi. Didn't realise you were awake," mumbled Rory, halfway through flossing his teeth in the bathroom mirror. Amy was leaning on the doorframe with her arms crossed, watching him, in her pyjamas with her hair a mess – she hadn't bothered to brush it yet.

"I just woke up a minute ago," she began, approaching him slowly, "Thought I might have a shower, but then I thought maybe my husband might want to spend the morning with me, you know, catching up." She put her hand on the sink next to him and smiled her most tantalising smile with bedroom-eyes to match, and he paused mid-floss, looking at her. "God, how am I attracted to you even when you're making all these weird, flossing faces?"

"I… well, you've sort of… it's a bit late."

"What do you mean?"

"The Doctor, he kind of, stopped by. Wants to go have a boy's day. Look for medical supplies."

"Right, but the Doctor can definitely wait half an hour," she said, touching his cheek, making him meet her eyes. He could never normally say no to her when he looked into her eyes.

"Yeah, but… he's desperate, he keeps shouting through the wall. It might be fun, he wants to go to a restaurant."

"What? Just the two of you? Like a date? Is he having a fight with his wife?"

"No – why do you always look for bad reasons for good things? It's like you want them to be fighting."

"Excuse me?" she dropped her hand, and he hastened to make things up to her and put his floss down next to the sink.

"I didn't – I'm sorry. I'll tell you what – I will refuse to go to any even remotely date-like restaurant with him. Strictly medical supplies. And… I'll make dinner. For us. Tonight. You're right, we need to catch up. Actually, scratch that," he put his hands on her shoulders, "We'll go to a restaurant. Have a real date."

"Mmm, if we're having a real date then I get to pick the destination," she said, "Because you're brushing me off this morning."

"If you woke up a bit earlier-" He cut himself off when he saw her expression, her raised eyebrows, just begging him to continue. "It's almost noon."

"It's a time machine, Rory."

"I'm already dressed."

"Then get undressed and you can get dressed again in a bit," she persisted.

"Tonight, I will. Promise. We'll do a whole thing."

"I'll hold you that."

"I want you to," he said, then he kissed her good morning for a second or two, which annoyed Amy considerably because she wanted more than a kiss. And how often did that happen? Not as often as either of them might like. Sometimes she felt desperate for the privacy that not being on the TARDIS afforded them. "Why don't you go and see what Donna's doing? Have a girly day?"

"A-? Eurgh. You're such a man. Go away, go have your man-date, get out of my sight." He grinned at her and walked past, leaving the bathroom. "I love you, by the way," she called after him.

"I love you, too!"

"Don't forget your keys." She heard a rattling, metallic sound, meaning that Rory had just picked his keys up when prompted. She listened out until she heard the door open and then close, and then she had to work out what she was going to do with her day.

As patronising as Rory's suggestion she go see Donna was (well, it wasn't particularly patronising, she was just in a bad mood), it was really her best and only option. It was that or go see what River was doing, since Martha had been so busy with Mickey recently rekindling their marriage – or whatever was taking up so much of their time – Rose was preoccupied planning her wedding to Ten, Jack was busy boning Ianto at every opportunity, Jenny was elusive as always, and she refused to entertain the possibility of speaking to either of the Twins. As for the remaining two, Nios and Adam Mitchell, Nios freaked her out and Adam… well, he was boring. So, Donna, her TARDIS-best-friend, it was – their friendship was a little like having a favourite co-worker. Though she did have to shower first and get dressed.

All in all, it took her at least an hour to do all that and then fix her hair and do her makeup, and an hour was pretty much record time for her. When she had been travelling with the Doctor, just the two of them, had had become incredibly irritated at how late she always was. That was why it was a good thing she had married Rory – he was never late. He was one of those people who lived their every moment in a perpetual fear of running out of time to do anything – catch the bus, brush his teeth, stop aliens from taking over the world. The usual.

After showering and getting dressed she found herself hungry, and decided to go wander into Nerve Centre at one o'clock in the afternoon to find something to eat. It was empty, to her surprise. Especially considering it was lunch time. No one there. They were all away doing their individual things, and Amy got herself a bowl of Weetabix and covered them in milk, loitering in the kitchen and idly mashing up the wheat with the back of her spoon. Nerve Centre was so rarely empty, especially when – to her knowledge – most people were actually on board the ship. Amy sighed, wondering if maybe she should have asked Eleven if she could tag along with him and Rory and just put up with the complaints about her being late.

In the end, Amy took out her phone and texted Donna asking if she was about. It was much easier to do that than actually go look for her, since if she wasn't in her room she could be anywhere, and Donna didn't really spend much time in her room. Especially since tapping into her dimensional powers; she meandered around the TARDIS interior a lot more than she used to, and Amy was sure made secret portals to visit Shaun whenever she could steal a few spare moments (which was often.)

Donna replied: I'm in the library. Then, a moment later: Why?

Amy didn't answer, she put her phone back in her bra where she was having to keep it because of the lack of pockets on girls' clothes and took her bowl of Weetabix to go find Donna Noble. What was she doing in the library, Amy wondered? Reading books? She'd never known Donna to read books. Usually when she herself mentioned books Donna didn't care what she was talking about, and she hadn't even heard of her pen-name, Amelia Williams – though that was technically her real, married name, and it was only the Doctor who ever forgot and kept calling them 'the Ponds.' Then again, she read, but also didn't spend time in the TARDIS library. She took a fair few books at once and switched them every so often, like it was a real library, but she didn't stay in there. It was too big and too empty.

When she arrived, it still appeared big and empty. She ate a spoonful of her very late breakfast and looked around for a moment, but to no avail. There were maybe a dozen floors in there, all of them the size of a football pitch or larger, incredibly high shelves and ladders and multiple fires burning away in the hundred or so fireplaces.

"Donna?" she called loudly, walking in circles, looking all around, through the ornate old library. "Dooonna?"

"What?" came a distant shout. She was on the next floor. Amy had to go find a spiral staircase to follow the sound of Donna's voice, climbing quickly and eventually spying Donna looking over one of the balconies, trying to see Amy.

"Oi," Amy called. Donna looked at her. "Morning." But Donna was not happy to see her. She continued to eat her Weetabix.

"I came in here because I didn't want to be disturbed," she said.

"Oh, really?" Amy frowned, "Why? You could have just stayed in the living room, it's empty. Is there something weird going on nobody's told me about?"

"I don't think so," Donna said, leaving the balcony and going back to a table she had been sitting at, one covered in books and sheets of paper. Amy sat on the table next to her with her cereal. "What's the matter with you?"

"I'm bored. Rory's gone out with the Doctor. Man stuff. Something to do with medical supplies, I don't know."

"Bet they've gone to the pub," said Donna.

"I want to go to the pub…" she muttered.

"You just woke up. You haven't even finished your breakfast."

"It's a time machine," Amy said, shrugging, "I could really go for a drink. Seriously, why are you in here? What are these books?" she picked up the closest one and read out the title, "Wuthering Heights. Why are you reading Wuthering Heights?"

"It's a love story, isn't it?"

"Not a healthy one. What else have you got?" Amy scanned the collection. Many things by Jane Austen, Nicholas Sparks, even Stephanie Meyer. It was a hoard of romance novels. "Are you trying to write the next Fifty Shades?"

"No, I'm trying to write this speech," Donna admitted, picking up a pen and going back to a piece of notebook paper with many lines of crossed-out writing on it. "It's not going well. I only barely passed my English O-Level." Amy nearly choked on her Weetabix.

"Excuse me? Did you just say O-Level? You took O-Levels? Oh my god."

"Go on. Say one more thing, I dare you."

"I didn't say anything!" Amy protested, trying to hold in her laughter, "Didn't they replace those with GCSEs in the 60s?"

"No, they stopped them in the 80s. 1987, I think."

"I was born in 1987." Donna glared at her. She smiled, continued munching her Weetabix. "What year did you take these O-Levels?"

"I'm not telling you that."

"Were you born in the 50s?"

"No, I bloody well wasn't."

"…Do you want some help?" she offered. Donna looked at her with a look of death, fury – she absolutely despised people bringing up her age. So did most women her age – older women. Women some twenty years older than Amy was. "What? I'm a published writer. Why do you need to make a speech, anyway?"

"Because I'm the Doctor's best woman, so I have to make a speech. I don't like public speaking."

"Give over, you love attention," Amy snorted. Donna continued to glare at her. "I'm serious, I'll help you. Why are you stressed about it? You've got ages to write it."

"The wedding is in five days. I'm making a speech to a bunch of Rose's family I've never met in five days. No one will remember it anyway, Jack's doing a speech right after me."

"Oh, god, I can't wait for that. It's gonna be great. Is there a free bar?"

"Yes," said Donna.

"What, really? A free bar?"

"They're paying for it all with a hacked credit card, so I said there'd better be a free bar."

"Awesome… can't wait for it now. Seriously, speech, come on. Let me have a go. What do you have so far? I am all ears." She had just about finished her mushy Weetabix and so set the bowl down while Donna, in her desperation lifted one of her other notebook sheets and began to read. "'Firstly, I'd just like to say that I'm very nervous about this speech. In fact, this must be the fourth time today I've risen from a warm seat holding a piece of paper-'"

"What? That's you're opening joke?"

"…One of them. Do you not like it?"

"Instead of saying that, maybe you should stand up and tell a room of over fifty people that you can't stop shitting yourself. Oh wait, that's literally what you just did. Why would you think that's a good idea?"

"Well, what about: 'I did ask for a mic but was told there wasn't one available. So for those of you who can't hear me at the back, the silence from the people at the front should reassure you that you're not missing out on anything.'" Amy stared at her. "What?"

"Have you been on the internet?"

Donna paused for a long moment before, with an air of desperation, admitting that she had. "I couldn't think of anything to say to open it!"

"I've never been more ashamed of anyone. You don't need the internet, you're hilarious. You keep all of us on our toes, including the Doctor. Can't believe you resorted to looking up Buzzfeed's top best man one-liners, or something."

"Look, it's just… I mean, what can you really say about the Doctor?"

"The Doctor? The thousand-year-old, time-travelling alien? What can you say about him? You are the first person in the history of basically the entire universe who's said that. If you can say that, you can say anything. Maybe you and Jack, yeah, should join forces, and do like, a song."

"A song?"

"Yeah! You could… do a duet. You could do Islands in the Stream."

"You want me to sing Islands in the Stream in front of dozens of people?" Donna asked her incredulously.

"You could switch so that Jack does the Dolly Parton bit and you be Kenny Rogers."

"How is that a better idea than getting a speech off the internet?"

"Because, unlike either of those openers you read out, it would be hilarious. Or you could sing Abba. Do SOS. Everyone likes Abba."

"I'm sure there will be plenty of Abba afterwards. They always play Abba at weddings."

"I want the entire Abba discography."

"Well, Rose is taking song requests, so. Keeps meaning to ask people what they want to hear."

"The entire Abba discography," repeated Amy firmly, "Or at least the soundtrack to Mamma Mia." She was serious about Abba.

"SOS isn't even originally a duet."

"They all sing in it, though," Amy pointed out.

"They all sing in every Abba song."

"So sing every Abba song!"

"Why don't you do that, Amy? Since you love Abba so much?"

"I literally would – I mean, you can't name one single bad Abba song – but nobody's asked me to make a speech. I know what your problem is. You've got writer's block. And I have the perfect solution for writer's bock. Three words: sea, sun, and cocktails. I promise, when you're on the beach sipping a frozen daiquiri, you'll thank me. You'll be awash with amazing, hilarious ideas about how the Doctor is your best friend and Rose is… well, she's alright. Trust me. I'm literally a professional."

"…Fine. But if I don't have a best man speech, or at least the beginnings of a best man speech, by the end of today, then I will personally make sure that there is absolutely no Abba at their wedding whatsoever," Donna threatened.

"I promise."

AN: Crazy story, there's a bunch of stuff going on in the UK right now. First of all, one of the major unions of university lecturers, UCU (University and College Union) is striking over pensions so a LOT of my stuff this term has ended up being cancelled. Second of all, we're in the middle of what the tabloids call the "Beast from the East" and there's some of the most severe weather warnings in British history in effect right now in some parts of the country so there's tons of snow outside – they've literally got the RAF and the army out and nearly a dozen people have died, the coldest March day since records began. Along with that, I have less assessments this term than I did last term, I've got a different job, and I'm not being forced to move. So all that combines so that now I've got a lot more downtime than I usually do so I'm coming off break early! And because I have this whole storyline planned and it's gonna be a good one. Never done just Donna and Amy before so I hope it's good.