Just What the Doctor Ordered

Nios

She had had a very short life, truth be told, and she had been a mindless drone for more of it than she had not. But despite her still very limited experiences in the real world, Nios was sure that this was the most nervous she had ever been. It was something about meeting Dr Cohen at her own flat, her home, which felt to her like a frightening and loaded situation overflowing with subtle, humanistic social conventions she had not a hope of understanding. She had such little knowledge of even what kind of greeting to give that she felt as though she had been stripped bare in a public place, flung into the deepest whirlpool of human interaction without so much as the chance to dampen her feet in the shallows first.

"Hi," she said tentatively after knocking on the door. Cohen opened it almost immediately. Even in all her nervousness, she couldn't help but smile when she saw Dr Cohen.

"Hey."

"I'm sorry about earlier and not replying… I was just-"

"Is fine, dinnae worry about it, honestly," she said, stepping aside and holding the door open, "Ye can come in."

"Thanks. And it's nice to see you again. It's been a whole week."

"Feels like longer," she smiled at her feet.

Cohen's flat was a verifiable museum of medical oddities, at a much more extreme degree than the actual medical archives they had visited because the vast majority of her specimens were not of Earth at all. Nios didn't recognise any of them, which was hardly surprising given that she sometimes felt as though she didn't know anything about anything, but they lined all of the walls on dusty shelves stacked high, all turned at different angles so that their labels would be perfectly visible from the exact centre of the room (which she was sure was done on purpose.) While the petrified and pickled alien remains were kept at an impeccable level of order, however, many other things were not. There were lots of stray papers littering the coffee table, the kitchen surfaces, the sofa cushions, an armchair it was impossible to sit in because it was stacked so high with folders. There was also a wide array of books, all medical encyclopaedias and journals from what Nios could see, in tall, precarious piles leaning against the jar-laden shelves, some of them still out and half-open having been recently perused. Nios was sure, though, that if even one sheet of paper was moved just an inch from where Cohen had left it, she would know and become disturbed, so Nios adopted the air of being at a crime scene when she entered, refraining from touching anything lest it be contaminated by forensic evidence (though synthetics generally didn't have much by way of forensic evidence and were told apart through serial numbers rather than pseudo-genetics).

"Shite, ah'm sorry about the mess," Cohen said, closing the door behind her after leading Nios through her building. She quickly went to pick up some of the books and papers from the sofa and move them out of the way so that Nios could sit down, but in the process, she knocked down one of her awkward towers of books and they went across the floor. Cohen stared at the books.

"A messy place is better than no place at all. I haven't got a bedroom."

"Why not?"

"I don't know. I haven't got any possessions and I don't need a bed to sleep in, so… does this sound sad? It sounds sad, doesn't it?"

"Aye, a wee bit," Cohen was busying herself picking up her books, stacking them in order of which was largest with the largest at the bottom.

"I just don't know what I'd do if I had a room. Just sit in there?"

"That's, eh, kindae funny."

"It is?"

"Aye, like… yer still too used tae bein trapped in involuntary servitude. Dinnae even have a room, any possessions…" She finished piling up the books. "Ye dinnae jist want somewhere ye can be oan yer own?"

"I sit in the console room, I have lots of time on my own. Not many people talk to me."

"Really?"

"No. Only Oswin. Maybe Adam. Jenny, but she's away now. Everyone else… I don't know if they trust me. It's a bit like they pretend I'm not there." There was a pause where Cohen was thinking of what to say next. "Sorry – this is supposed to be a date, and I'm being mopey and talking about myself."

"Is okay, really. Ah like tae hear about you. Even though loats of things about ye are sad." It was only when she was talking to Dr Cohen that she realised how tragic the details of her existence really were, when normally when she talked to people she adopted a demeanour of repeating cold facts in a rather disconnected way, as though everything that had happened to her had actually happened to somebody else.

"Yeah… I never realise. It's hard to reconcile the two halves of my life sometimes."

"How dae ye mean?" Cohen sat down on the arm of her sofa, despite clearing it of papers, and watched Nios as she talked, Nios herself standing and thinking carefully about her words. Though she was looking at her, Cohen still pointedly avoided looking at her face and making any eye contact.

"It's just odd to remember that just a few months ago, less than a year, I didn't have any emotions. None at all. Not even pain."

"What if ye were… broken, or somethin?"

"Oh, well, I still have a pain-like simulation, but it's nowhere near as intense as human pain is. I'm not even sure pain is an emotion, just a sensory response."

"Are ye lacking in other sensory responses?"

"I… I don't think I know what you mean," Nios said completely truthfully, because she did not know what Cohen meant at all. Cohen may have grown slightly flushed, but Nios couldn't quite tell.

"Forget ah said that. So – what's that like tae feel nothing? My sister thinks I feel nothing. Ye ken she's a nurse? She works with kids with learning difficulties and has havin us fae a sister oan her bloody CV, when she didnae give two shits when we were growing up," Cohen said. Nios didn't say anything, there was a pause. "Sorry. She jist goat promoted today"

"That's good though, isn't it?"

"Ah dinnae think she's good at her joab, so ah didnae congratulate her, ah didnae saying anythin, and she shouted at us over the phone. Ah'm no good at talking on the phone, otherwise ah'd ring yous," Cohen moved so that she was sitting on the actual sofa, so Nios decided she would go sit next to her and look for an opportunity to hold her hand, if one presented itself. "Ugh. She wis like, 'yer a machine, Hayley.'" It was the first time Nios had heard her say her own name out-loud.

"That doesn't sound like a compliment. Though, personally I don't think there's anything wrong with being a machine." That was a clunky joke that she didn't deliver particularly well, and Cohen didn't really react. "…Are you upset?"

"We fight a lot." Nios didn't know anything about families. The only sisters she knew were Clara and Oswin, and they weren't even really sisters – plus, they argued constantly, but meant the world to one another. Already she wasn't sure that Cohen and her sister had the same kind of relationship. "That's mainly the reason I asked ye tae come."

"Oh, really?" Nios, again, wasn't sure what she meant.

"Because ah am upset. And… yer nice tae us."

"I have every intention of continuing to be nice to you," Nios assured her, "And I'd love to be the person you want to see when you're upset, though it's not good that you're upset to begin with."

"I hung up oan her after she said that. Then I asked you if ye wanted tae come see us flat, likesay, because ah dinnae wantae go anywhere else, but… yer us only friend."

"We're not more than friends, you don't think? Because we did kiss. I've been thinking about it constantly." Cohen smiled and glanced at her for a half second.

"Friends is a good place tae start anythin. Have ye really been thinkin about that, though?"

"Yes, have you not?"

"Ah dinno, ah try not to be presumptuous, ken? Like… ah wouldnae want tae assume or say anythin before things are for certain, likesay," Cohen explained. Nios nodded slowly, watching her, "Yer way out of us league, after all."

"I'm sure I'm not."

Cohen laughed, "Ye are, ye look like a Barbie or somethin. Like, totally perfect." A beam spread across Nios's face. "Are ye smiling?"

"Yes, I'm smiling. Forget about that, carry on telling me about your sister," she entreated, "You must want to talk to someone about it if you asked me to come and see your flat, after insisting it would put me off you even more. Which it hasn't, by the way."

"There isnae much more tae say. Only that she's no talking tae us again, but this happens a loat. We've never git oan. Ye ken, ah havenae been back tae Glasgow fer over a year. Apparently, us mam's getting worse."

"With the dementia? I thought you said you pay the fees for the nursing home she's in?"

Cohen frowned, "Ye remember me telling you that?"

"Of course I do. Synths remember everything, it's recorded. More efficient."

"Kindae freaky. In a good way. Might be nice tae have a girlfriend who never forgets anniversaries. No that ah've had any girlfriends who managed tae reach'n anniversary."

"Why not?" Nios was surprised. She adored Dr Hayley Cohen already.

"Ah think it's the death thing mainly. Oh – and us tattoo, that freaks people out, but ah dinnae think you will be too bothered. Since yer no a human." Nios paused, glanced around at the specimens filling the small apartment, and came to the worst conclusion.

Very slowly, she asked Dr Cohen, "It's not of a dead baby, is it?"

"No!" she exclaimed, "It's the grim reaper. With flowers growin out of his eyes. It's oan us back, a girl once said tae us that she cannae sleep next tae me because it looks like it's starin at her. But, likesay, ye dinnae have a skeleton."

"I do have a skeleton, it's just made of solid tungsten and doesn't have any fancy marrow or calcium."

"Like the Terminator?"

"Not quite like the Terminator…"

"What dae you have instead've muscles?"

"Hydraulics. Hinges."

"Like a car?"

"Yes, like a car."

"Tha's no so interestin."

"I've never been more thrilled to be called 'not so interesting' before. I suppose if you did think it was interesting you would want to dissect me, like all of these… things," she glanced around at the room again. It was quite gloomy in there. "Why do you fight with your sister? Sibling bonds seem… important, from what I've seen."

"Says you who didnae want tae live with any of the other synths."

"They're not my siblings."

"What's a sibling? Ye were made by the same person, people, processes. Ah bet internally yer identical. Ye dinnae have genetics, or chromosomes, yer mass-produced, what would you define a sibling of yours tae be?" Cohen challenged her, and Nios sat very quietly, considering this, for a good while. Somehow, the large silence did not grow awkward. "Every relationship is a choice, it doesnae matter what yer blood is." The pause continued. "What're ye thinking?"

"About Clara and Oswin. They're genetically identical, but they come from different points in time, and they were both born, physically, from completely different people. They're not even the same age, don't even have the same birthday. Everyone calls them 'the Twins.' I suppose you must be right, we do choose. But then – why wouldn't you choose to stop talking to Victoria completely?"

"Because life isnae that simple."

"Then why did you-"

"Tae see what ye would say. Ah like watchin yous think."

"I'm not a novelty."

"Ah know that, but what you dinnae know is that yer even prettier when yer thinking." Nios didn't know how to process that. "Easiest time tae look at you is when yer no payin any attention tae me."

"I'm always paying attention to you." Cohen smiled and looked at the floor. "What you were saying, about choosing our relationships. And thinking. You haven't given any thought to our relationship, or lack thereof? You were the one who said the word 'girlfriend.' You said it twice."

"Uh…"

"Because I like you. A lot. And you haven't been successful at putting me off, no offence. Now I'm desperate to see this tattoo."

"Three dates. And then we can talk about that."

"But because we went to that café-"

"No, no," she shook her head, "That wis all one."

"So, what's your prediction for the end of our impending third date?"

"Eh, speculatin about the future is as difficult tae think about as lyin."

"What do you want to happen?"

"Yes, ah like you, too, obviously."

"So… speaking of third dates…"

"Aye?" Cohen prompted her, perplexed.

"Rose is getting married. You don't know Rose, but I live with her, on the TARDIS, and I thought maybe you might want to come with me?"

"…Oh," Cohen seemed crestfallen, disappointed. She looked at the floor.

"What?"

"Ah cannae come tae a wedding."

"Oh, right."

"Ah'm sorry – it's jist, so many people, and ah dinno know any of'm, and fer the whole day, havin tae dress up, be sociable, interact, in a new place… ah adore ye asking me, though, dinnae git us wroang – is no you. Yer wonderful. It's the situation."

"It's fine. I can't blame you. I don't really want to go either. I think it's going to be unbearable. Have you ever been to a wedding?"

"Jist Vicky's, an she's divorced now anyway. Did no last long at all." Nios quietened then, thinking about whether she would be expected to get Rose and the Tenth Doctor a wedding present, and what you even normally got people for weddings. Didn't they usually publish registries full of appliances? As far as she knew, there hadn't been anything in the way of handy lists given out to those of them attending the wedding. But maybe Rose wasn't too fussed for presents. She practically had everything in the universe already, including control of the actual universe. Cohen nudged her arm gently. "What were ye up to today, then?"

"We went to the 2003rd Century."

"Wow. Do humans still exist that far in the future?"

"Yes. And they're just as cruel as ever."

"Ye think all humans are cruel?"

"No, I think very few are, but the cruel ones are always exceptional at it and leave everybody else in their shadow." Nios went on to explain, as best she could, everything she had seen that day; Max, the prosthetics, the diseases, the experiment, the infospike, Sprite's heroics; Cohen hung on to every word of the story. She had probably never heard anybody talk about the future in so much detail before.

Once Nios was done telling Cohen everything that had happened to her, including her horror at the sight of the infospike and Jaleah Endem's untimely death, Cohen was at a loss for words. It took her a while to figure out what to say. Though out of everything Nios had told her, she was admittedly surprised by which detail Cohen picked out.

"Ye took that family medicine?"

"I shouldn't like to let somebody die when I have the means to do something about it." Cohen completely knocked her for six at that point by kissing her cheek out of the blue, Nios freezing up like a crashed computer for a moment.

"Well, yer a hero too, in mah book. Ah couldnae care less about what any men are up tae."

"…I don't know. Adam can be sweet. He's nice. He's nothing like Oswin, he hardly says a word most of the time."

"Well she can talk enough for a dozen boyfriends, let alone the one," Cohen muttered, "Ah only care about you. No offence meant tae anyboady else."

"Am I heroic enough to officially date yet?"

Cohen laughed, "Three dates! Are ye no programmed with any patience?"

"My programming is self-corrupting when I'm around a pretty girl."

"How romantic."

"I'm trying my hardest."

"One more date, okay? Then ah'll think about it."

"Can I decide where we go for the third one, then?"

"Why? Dae ye have a good idea?"

"No. But I have a time machine, I'm sure I'll be able to think of something impressive. Maybe I can convince the Doctor to let you peruse the anatomical volumes I'm sure he keeps."

"Are ye serious? Ah wid love that."

"I'll try and come up with something. But I'm not very creative."

"If it's jist the two've use, then ah'm sure whatever ye decide will be perfect regardless."

"I hope so," she beamed.