The Shortcomings of Democracy

Martha

"Martha! Oh my god, oh my god, where did you go!? You just vanished! It's been hours, you haven't been answering your phone-"

"Yeah, I know, just – calm down," Martha said, putting her hands on Mickey's shoulders to stop him pacing up and down in their room. She'd headed straight back as soon as Jenny had brought them back onto the TARDIS, Ashildr not sticking around for more than was expressly necessary. They'd also dumped the entire contents of the hamper and left them behind, not trusting them at all.

"I've searched the whole ship! Why are you so dirty?"

"I've been in the sea," she said.

"The sea!?"

"It was this thing, with these pirates-"

"PIRATES!?"

"Mickey, calm down, I'm fine," she continued, "I didn't want to leave, Rose teleported us because she's pissed, some pirates kidnapped us because they thought Rose was rich and they took our phones and threw them in the sea, then… well, Blackbeard showed up, only it wasn't really Blackbeard, it was… it's a long story, the important thing is that it's all completely Rose's fault, we all hate her, and I'm fine."

"Blackbeard!? Pirates!?" She led him over to the bed and made him sit down on the edge of it.

"Seriously, I am fine, and I'm sure the baby's fine." He paused and looked at her carefully. "What?"

"Nothing, just you called it 'the baby' and not 'the embryo.'"

"Yeah, well… the girls know. Rose told them all. Because she's drunk. Here, I'll get the scanner Itrux gave us, just to prove that everything's okay." She retrieved the silver disc from the bedside table and clicked it down, at which point the hologram of the tiny blob appeared, shimmering, above. She held the hologram out to Mickey. "See? And look, I've decided, we need to leave, as soon as possible. Like, after the wedding, ASAP. We're packing already, aren't we?"

"And live where?"

"We still have a flat, in London, the lease has, what? Four months left? That's enough time to find a new place, and we have savings. And, look, if worse comes to worst… mum's got loads of room-"

"I'm thirty next year, I'm not living with your mum."

"We just need somewhere until I can start working again, and I'll go… train to specialise in ER medicine. We can talk about this later, but really, I can't stay here anymore. I don't want to stay here anymore. And I think we should tell everyone, make some kind of announcement. They're going to find out anyway. I'm thinking we tell everybody tonight and then tomorrow my mum's coming to the wedding, so we'll just take her aside during the reception, or something. Maybe she'll know what we should do?"

"I thought you didn't want her getting overly-involved?"

"I just… well, I don't know what I'm doing!" she finally declared, sitting down next to him on the bed.

"You're getting mud on the sheets."

"We're not sleeping here tonight, we're going to that hotel, don't worry about it…"

"What you're doing about what?" he asked.

"Like, how to raise a child, look after a baby, be a mother. But my mum does – me, Leo, Tish, we're all alright. And she loves Keisha, dotes on her like mad. Honestly, I'm petrified. There's you, willing to drop everything to be a stay-at-home dad, and I don't think I have a motherly bone in my body. I… I wish I could talk to mum about this," she put her head in her hands for a second, then took a deep breath when she sat up.

"We'll tell her. Tomorrow. Who cares about stealing Rose's thunder at her wedding? She got drunk the day before and you all got kidnapped, and she's only marrying a man she's technically been married to before," Mickey said.

"I'm going to call a ship meeting," she said, "If I can work out how to call a ship meeting."

"Helix could do it," Mickey said, "Everyone's got that Helix app now. You're sure you want to just announce it to everybody?"

"Better that than have it spread like a rumour," she muttered, "Which it will, now the girls know. We'll tell them we're leaving, too… if you want."

"Well, yeah," he said, "Whatever's best for the baby."

"Why not just use an electric whisk?" Nios complained as she stirred an enormous bowl of brown, chocolate cake batter, practically a vat of the stuff.

"I am using an electric whisk," Jenny said.

"Very funny. I'm not a whisk."

"But you're doing such a good job mixing it by hand," Jenny continued. She herself was making icing, TARDIS-blue. Martha waited for the rest of the crew together, leaning on the opposite side of the kitchen's bar and watching what they were doing. "I think it tastes better when you do it by hand. It's my cake. I'd mix myself if it wasn't for… you know." She held up her plaster-cast covered right hand.

"You'd better wipe the batter off that before the wedding," Martha advised, "It'll look like you've got poo on your hand in all the photos." Jenny turned her nose up at the thought, going back to her icing. "Is the cake a TARDIS?"

"Big, chocolate TARDIS, yeah," she said, "What was your cake like when you and Mickey got married?"

"Just… normal. Three tiers, white icing, top tier was fruit cake because mum insisted on it being traditional, other two were Victoria sponge. What about you?"

"Me?" Jenny laughed, "Been married once, and barely. Didn't even have rings, let alone a cake." Martha wondered if Jenny would ever get over the rings.

"What if you got married to Other Clara?" Martha suggested.

"Garlic cake," Nios muttered. Jenny elbowed her. "Ow."

"Can you feel pain?"

"Yes."

"Wish I'd hit you a bit harder, then," Jenny quipped, then returned to talking to Martha. "I have no idea, I haven't thought about it. I'll ask her when I go pick her up to bring to the wedding." Martha couldn't say she was that interested in Jenny and Ravenwood's hypothetical wedding cake. "Maybe something with caramel… why've you called a ship-meeting, anyway? We never have meetings. Not since we needed to vote on whether to kick off Old Twelvey and Clara." While Jenny talked, Adam Mitchell and Oswin came limping into the room, her with her walking stick.

"Are we voting to kick somebody off?" Oswin asked.

"Yes, you," said Martha, "It's unanimous."

"Ouch, Marth. I'm wounded," she complained as she sat down on the closest of the four sofas.

"You know what it's about, anyway."

"Do you?" Jenny asked. "Why does she know?"

"Because I'm a genius, Jen-chan."

"We're not in Japan anymore."

"I know, but you're still cute, so you're still Jenny-chan," Oswin said.

"I can't believe you went to Japan and I didn't get an invitation…" Adam grumbled.

"I don't think you'd want one, Jenny crashed a car through a window. On purpose."

"You did what?" Martha asked.

"Nothing of the sort!" Jenny protested, "Would I put myself in a dangerous situation like that?"

"You are such a piece of work…" Martha shook her head.

"It was River's fault, anyway, she gave a dangerous criminal all the information he needed to blackmail me into going to steal some drugs," Jenny explained.

"Drugs!? You're unbelievable, honestly."

"We destroyed the drugs," Oswin said, "It's fine. She spent most of her time there eating fish rather than pissing off the yakuza. Although, she did definitely piss off the yakuza."

"Trying to bake my cake, Oswin, if you could try to be a bit less obnoxious…"

"What's going on? Is Oswin being a prick again?" Amy came into the room with Rory behind her. She'd had the opportunity to shower, while Martha was still filthy and stinking of seawater. Mickey (who'd gone to the loo) followed, along with Donna, who announced that Rose and Jack weren't coming because Rose was still a complete mess and Jack had volunteered to watch her. The two people closest to the baby (the most likely candidates for godparents) were the only two who weren't there. Though, they did already know about it.

Slowly but surely, the entire crew filed into the room. Clara and Eleven, eventually Nine and River, and finally Ten, who wasn't happy about leaving his drunken fiancée but had been dragged away from her side by Ianto. Not that Rose was very good company, yelling about chicken nuggets and pirates.

"What's going on?" the Eleventh Doctor asked.

"We're voting about whether we should get rid of Oswin," Jenny explained.

"Oi!" Oswin protested.

"Then I vote yes, get rid of her," said Amy.

"Seconded," said Clara. Oswin hit her with her walking stick. Clara grabbed the end of it and tried to pull it away from her, but gave up quickly; it wasn't worth the hassle trying to steal walking aids from a disabled girl, really.

"Right, it's not actually about Oswin, although we can always vote about getting rid of her afterwards," said Martha.

"Thanks," said Oswin dryly.

"Who needs a vote? Just chuck her off," said Jenny.

"Don't be a dick," Oswin said. Jenny just smiled smugly to herself as she rolled out the icing.

"Well," Martha began, standing up, Mickey at her side, "Most of you already know because of Rose being a prick today-"

"Can we vote to get rid of her, too?" Amy asked.

"No!" Ten argued.

"Definitely," said River, "Rose and Oswin – gone."

"Good plan," said Jenny, "Then we won't have to go to the wedding."

"You don't want to come to my wedding?" Ten asked.

"This isn't about your wedding," Martha tried to get them back on track.

"Of course everyone's excited about the wedding," said Ianto.

"Except the bride," muttered Amy.

"Rose is excited," Ten argued.

"Course she is, mate, that's why she's trollied."

"The drinking is nothing to do with the wedding tomorrow," he continued.

"Well, I wouldn't say nothing…" Donna began uneasily.

"Donna!? You're my best man!"

"You know what – it's gonna be a great wedding. Why don't we just vote to get rid of Amy, too?"

"Yeah," said Clara, "Stop her shit-stirring."

"Don't be a wanker, Clara," Amy said.

"I'M PREGNANT," Martha cut them all off loudly. They all silenced. That was the only thing that ever got through to them – yelling. "I'm one month pregnant. We're having a baby."

"Congratulations!" said Ten and Eleven at the same time.

"Never knew you had it in you, Rickey," said Nine, beaming, "Are you sure it's his?"

"Yes, it's his," said Martha.

"A baby!?" Jenny exclaimed, "Oh my god… I'm going to have to bake another cake… a baby cake… do you get people a cake when they have a baby?"

"Yes, definitely, we'll have a cake," Mickey said quickly.

"You don't need to bake us a cake," Martha interrupted.

"Is it going to be a Time Lord?" River now asked, "That's what happened to me, I was conceived on the TARDIS."

"Really? Tell us more about that," said Oswin, "You know, your conception. Positions, techniques…"

"This is why we're getting rid of you," Amy told her. Rory was mortified.

"Yes, it will be a Time Lord," Martha admitted, "And also a Manifest."

"A Time Lord Manifest baby?" Jenny asked, "You're really going to have your hands full. I'd love to babysit."

"Well, thanks…"

"Who are the godparents?" Ten now asked.

"We haven't decided yet," said Mickey, "But probably Jack and Rose. Definitely Jack, Rose is… we're still on the fence about that."

"Can I be the godmother?" Oswin asked.

"No, definitely not," Martha said, "It's a toss-up between Rose and Gwen, but we haven't talked to Gwen about it yet, so. And no, we don't know the sex, and we don't know what we're calling it. Also, my mum's coming to the wedding tomorrow and she doesn't know yet, if any of you let anything slip – including any cryptic clues and riddles, Oswin – so I don't get to tell my mother about her next grandchild myself, I will set you on fire."

"Don't know why you aimed that at me…" Oswin mumbled.

"And the other thing," Mickey said, "We're leaving the TARDIS. After the wedding."

"Oh, really?" Ten was disappointed, "You'll be fine for a few months, though, won't you?"

"No," said Martha, "It's for the good of the baby. We need to leave, find a new place to live that's secluded so that nobody tries to kidnap and indoctrinate it – no offence, River."

"None taken," River shrugged.

"Hold on," Adam Mitchell interrupted when Ten started saying something else, "Somewhere secluded?"

"Our flat's in central London, we don't want to stay there," said Mickey.

"Well – it's just – this is probably, you know, a stupid idea – but I was thinking of maybe, perhaps, selling my house," Adam said, "Which is off in the middle of nowhere on the Devon coast. It just seems gaudy and I don't see why I really need it, but, if you need somewhere safe to live-"

"We're not asking for hand-outs here," Mickey said firmly.

"Not hand-outs – I could rent it to you," he said, "It's not so bad out there if you have a car to get to the village and the supermarket. I already own Other Clara's house and rent it back to her so that it's harder for people to come looking for her." Martha hadn't even thought about that – Adam Mitchell the billionaire was going to rent them his mansion if they wanted? His secluded, high-tech, mansion?

"We'll think about it," Martha said eventually. It was too good an offer to pass up, and needed serious consideration.

"You could come and live in the village, with the cult," said Jenny, "They're really nice. They bake."

"We're not going anywhere near any cults," Mickey said.

"Suit yourselves…"

"It's going to be interesting," said River, "Another child of the TARDIS, but this one raised properly. I wonder what kind of person it'll turn out to be…"

"A nerd, I'll bet," said Oswin, "Definitely. Huge geek. I'm calling it."

"Shut up, Oswin," said Clara.

"We just wanted to tell everybody together to avoid it spreading through rumours," Martha said, "But… we're very happy. And it's… it's nice to have the support of you all…" She felt tears in her eyes again, cursing the dreaded pregnancy hormones and mood swings for inflicting this on her. She took a deep breath and sat back down as they all echoed the sentiments of congratulating she and Mickey.

"Does anybody have any other news they want to share with the group? Since we're all here," asked Eleven, looking around.

"Well…" Amy began, "Rory and I were sort of… thinking we'd leave after the wedding, too."

"What? No," said the Doctor firmly, "You're not leaving."

"Excuse me?" Rory asked him, "You don't really get to-"

"Why would you want to? Is everybody leaving?" he'd been thrown by this news, growing upset, angry – even Clara, sitting on the sofa in front of him, was alarmed. He looked around at the other faces in the room like he was accusing them of something.

"We just feel a bit stuck being on here," said Amy eventually, when nobody else spoke, "We have a life, you know."

"In the 1930s? Before vaccinations, and food hygiene? The midst of the depression?"

"No time period is perfect," said Rory firmly. How long had they really been talking about this for? Longer than she and Mickey, maybe. But it didn't look like anybody else was making the moves to leave. She supposed most of them didn't have anywhere to go. The likes of Donna and Rose had never willingly left life on the TARDIS, Adam and Oswin would never be able to agree on which time period to live in if they needed to settle down elsewhere – of course Clara wouldn't be leaving her husband. Neither of the other two Doctors had any alternative but to stay on the shared TARDIS. She could see Jack slipping away eventually, going and re-founding Torchwood or something like it, with Ianto, and knew Jenny was moving to Hollowmire, but Jenny would be on and off the TARDIS constantly no matter where she was. Nios couldn't leave, either.

"You're worrying over nothing. If there's no weird, temporal paradox anymore, you can just keep in touch," Amy shrugged, "Bring us some vaccines and sanitised food from the future."

"It's not like you spend that much time with us now," Rory mumbled. The atmosphere turned much more tense – was it going to turn into an argument? A ridiculous, overblown thing about how Eleven spent 'too much' time with Clara now, rather than them? But here merely bowed his head, and Clara looked off in some other direction trying not to engage. Tacitly, they admitted this shortcoming.

"I'll be sure to bake you a goodbye cake, then," said Jenny, trying to defuse the situation even further, "Any flavour you like. And the 30s aren't so bad. You could always just join the mob."

"Why do you view organised crime as the solution to every problem?" Oswin asked her.

"It's always worked for me! But, really, I have loads of contacts in the Irish mob, if you ever get in any trouble."

"Isn't your mob based in New Orleans?"

"They've got a lot of reach," said Jenny, "Vi has senators across America on her payroll."

"That is so worrying, but… thanks," said Amy, "I'll be sure to remember that, if we ever get arrested for something…"

"I have a question, actually," Clara began after a pause, "Not related to any of this, just, what are we having for dinner? Are we eating dinner at this hotel, or should we like, get takeaway?"

"Great question," said Donna, everybody now looking at Ten. If there was one thing that would get the whole lot of them to actively cooperate, it was the promise of a takeaway.

"Well – we're not really supposed to check in until late in the evening," he began, "There's a restaurant, but we haven't paid for anybody to have dinner tonight… I don't think…"

"Wait, which meals have been paid for?" Mickey asked very seriously.

"All the food tomorrow. Including breakfast."

"So, what you're saying is we should order a takeaway before we go to the hotel tonight? Just so we're clear?" Clara implored, "Because I really fancy fish and chips."

"No – we always get fish and chips, let's get something different," said Amy.

"Pizza?"

"We have pizza more than we have fish and chips," said Adam.

"I fancy Indian," Mickey announced, "We never have Indian." There were sounds of unanimous agreement from everybody who could actually eat.

"Right, then," Ianto said over the discussion of what food they all fancied specifically, "I'll find a menu and take everybody's orders." Martha had missed Ianto's knack for organisation while he'd been dead – his talents in that department were second-to-none. "Although, might advise some of you having a shower first…" he looked specifically at Martha, Clara and Donna, who were still in an awful state thanks to their Caribbean escapades all day.

"Alright, so the plan is, we have a wash, Ianto takes orders for takeaway, everybody else packs to go to the wedding, then we eat," Donna decided, coming into her best man role as the wedding loomed, "As soon as dinner's over, we go to the hotel, and it's all hands on deck for tomorrow."

AN: And, unfortunately, that's your lot – the next chapters are the beginning of the wedding storyline, which is vast and very complicated. I'm thinking I'll have to do with it what I do with Retrograde and write the entire thing in advance to make sure it all fits together properly, so I don't know how long that will take – though I'm still knee-deep in Retrograde storylines right now (the next one has five of probably eight chapters done already) so that'll show up soon. Also, bizarrely, I'm going back to uni next week for my last term in my final year – which is ridiculous because I started planning to END this fic when I STARTED uni so that I'd have more time to focus on uni, and instead it's just taken me so long I'm still going, five and a half years later. So I finish lectures and seminars in literally two months and then I've just got my dissertation (which is an 8000 word essay on H.P. Lovecraft) due in May and that's it for university. The good news is that while the main fic is almost definitely going to be on a very long hiatus because the wedding is both complicated and LONG and includes, like, forty characters (and yes it will include a multitude of alien threats they'll have to stamp out and isn't just domestic wedding-y things), I'm still focusing on Retrograde right now and will eventually be able to get back to Jenny Who? and Spooky Hollow. If anything, when this fic ends it's still not really ending because Retrograde just continues everything, only fifty years in the future.

But I am planning on doing an epilogue/some epilogue scenes and was wondering what you guys want to see post-fic most of all – right now I'm thinking I'll write a reconciliation between Jenny and Tentoo, but what might be more exciting is writing about when Mattie's born. Basically, if there's any scenes that take place between the end of this fic and the beginning of Retrograde that have been hinted at (Adam & Oswin's wedding or proposal; Jenny & Ravenwood's wedding; Sally becoming a vampire, etc.) that anybody really wants me to write up, then let me know and I could write a string of epilogue chapters which sort of "fill in the blanks" between the two continuities, as it were.