Ryuji's Physical

"This is not how I imagined spending my day off," Ryuji Sakamoto muttered as he walked towards Dr. Tae Takemi's Clinic.

For as long as Ryuji could remember, he was never a big fan of doctors. Between the fact that they often touch and examine you in your most intimate parts and, to him at least, they seem to get a sick pleasure out of telling you the things that you don't want to hear, Ryuji dreaded every single visit to the doctor's office.

The only reason he was going to Dr. Takemi's Clinic now was to keep his beloved wife and daughter, Makoto and Himari respectively, happy. When the two girls learned that Ryuji hadn't been to a doctor for anything other than vaccinations since his high school days, they were shocked.

Makoto originally tried everything she could think of to make him go. She tried bribing him by cooking his favorite foods. She tried reasoning with him by saying that she wants to grow old with him ('oldest trick in the book' as Ryuji pointed out when she said that). She even threatened to take sex off of the table if he didn't go, but Ryuji still wouldn't budge.

It wasn't until Makoto brought Himari into this that Ryuji finally decided to go. She told him that if something was wrong with him now, and he didn't know anything about it, and he died suddenly, he'd miss so many years that could've been spent watching Himari continue to grow. Their daughter had just turned 12, and while Ryuji was there for crucial moments like Himari's first words, first steps, and an assortment of birthdays and holidays, if he passed away he'd be missing Himari going out on her first date, getting her driver's license, going to college, getting married, and having kids of her own among other milestones.

Hearing that really tugged on Ryuji's heartstrings, and that's what finally made him decide to go to Dr. Takemi's for a physical.

"Calm down, Ryuji," Ryuji told himself as he got closer to the clinic, "You've known Dr. Takemi since you were a Phantom Thief, and she even helped Makoto give birth to Himari. She's basically family at this point. How bad can this possibly be?"

At long last, Ryuji stood in front of the doors to the clinic. With a deep breath, he stepped inside and saw Dr. Takemi, sitting in her chair, waiting for him.

"Morning, Dr. Takemi," Ryuji said nervously.

"And good morning to you, Ryuji," Tae said, "So you finally decided to come and see me after all."

"Yeah, anything to keep my daughter and the missus happy," Ryuji said.

"Well, I can tell you don't really want to be here right now, so we'd better get started" Tae said, "The sooner we get started the sooner you can leave and enjoy the rest of your day off."

"That'd be really great, doctor," Ryuji replied.

"Alright," Tae began, "Let's get some of the more 'awkward' tests out of the way first. Drop your pants, lay down on the bed, and we can begin."

"Oh boy," Ryuji groaned as he reluctantly did as he was instructed. In a matter of seconds, Ryuji stood in the middle of the clinic, his bottom half completely bare.

"Don't get any ideas now," Ryuji said, "Don't forget I'm happily married."

"Settle down," Tae said, "I would never make moves on men who are already taken."

As Ryuji was laying down on the bed, staring up at the ceiling, he heard what sounded like Dr. Takemi opening up a drawer followed by the snapping sound of rubber gloves being put on her hands. With a gulp, the man put his hands over his privates. The doctor took a glance at her patient and saw what he was doing.

"Uh, I can't give you a proper examination until you move your hands, Ryuji," Tae said as she got closer to him."

"I don't exactly know what you're going to do," Ryuji said nervously, aware of how dark Takemi's sense of humor could be.

"Relax," Tae told him, "This isn't Match of Chairs (Game of Thrones), I'm not going to cut it off. Just trust me. I'll take a look down there for a few seconds, and your 'boys' will be just fine."

After a brief moment of silence, Ryuji looked down at his groin and said, "It was nice knowing you guys."

Ryuji slowly moved his hands and Takemi got to work examining his meat and two veg.

"So, uh, what exactly is the point of this?" Ryuji asked as Takemi examined.

"To check and see if there are any signs of cancer," Tae answered, "You know lumps among other abnormalities, and even Klinefelter Syndrome."

"Gesundheit," Ryuji joked.

"I wasn't sneezing," Tae said, "Klinefelter Syndrome is when a male, that's you, is born with an extra X chromosome. People afflicted with this can suffer from osteoporosis, infertility, and even some learning difficulties. But from the looks of things down there, I'd say you're just fine. No cancer and no Klinefelter Syndrome."

"Phew, good," Ryuji said as he sat up, "Though in regards to that Kline-whatever Syndrome, I don't think I had anything to worry about. I have a daughter after all."

"And your learning difficulties can be attributed to the fact that you're just an idiot," Tae teased.

"Hey," Ryuji pouted, "Anyway, can I put my pants back on now?"

"Not yet," Tae said as she put on a clean pair of gloves after disposing of the ones previously used, "I have to check your prostate. You do know where the prostate is, don't you?"

"I pray to God it's something you can check with a stethoscope," Ryuji said, breaking out in a cold sweat.

All Takemi did from there was shake her head at Ryuji's answer, "Just stand up, turn around, bend over, and think happy thoughts."

"Yeah that doesn't sound shady at all," Ryuji said as he reluctantly did as he was told.

Before Ryuji could put anymore thought into what was going to happen next, he felt his 'balloon knot' get poked and prodded before he felt the discomfort of Dr. Takemi's hand going in. While his rectal cavity got invaded, Ryuji was thinking about everything that had happened in his life that brought him the most joy to try and take his mind off of things; Marrying Makoto, the birth of Himari, eating delicious meat, seeing Ann in a swimsuit, among other thoughts.

"And we're done," Tae said as she removed her hand and Ryuji turned around, a tear rolling down his cheek, "Yeah, sorry about that."

"My back door is an area that not even Makoto is allowed to touch," Ryuji said bluntly, "And you just went in there like you own it. Seriously, you went so far in there I thought you were going to strike oil."

"If it's any consolation, your prostate is just fine," Tae replied, "And on the bright side, at least the most awkward parts of your physical are done."

Ryuji was thankful for that bit of good news as Tae moved on to the more simpler tests in the physical. After the man put his pants back on, the doctor checked his ears, nostrils, and throat, then she tested his reflexes, breathing, weight, and heartbeat, and then she checked his temperature. Ryuji passed these tests with flying colors, meaning it was time for him to have his blood pressure taken.

Takemi strapped the cuff around one of Ryuji's arms and pumped it up until she got a proper reading.

"Hmm," went Tae as she saw the readings.

"What's it look like?" Asked Ryuji.

"Your blood pressure is looking a little high," Tae said before grabbing a vial, and a needle that was connected to a tube, "I'll have to take some blood to get a better idea as to what we're dealing with here."

Ryuji nodded, understanding what Takemi has to do. She inserted the needle into his arm and the man watched as the blood left his arm and went into the vial.

"I'll tell you right now, you're one of the braver patients that I have," Tae said, "Not a lot of people like the site of their own blood leaving their body. Some can't even bear to watch the needle go into their arm."

"Needles are just a little pinch, they never really bothered me," Ryuji explained.

He trailed off a bit as he remembered when his daughter Himari was younger, and she was deathly afraid of getting shots. To make her feel better, Ryuji would always bring along one of her favorite toys to distract her, or he'd hold her hand and tell her to focus on him and his soothing voice. Sometimes, Himari would cry a little after having gotten the shot, but Ryuji would always make things better by giving her a hug and taking her out for some ice cream.

"Well, what about looking at the blood?" Tae asked, snapping Ryuji out of his daydream.

"I guess the idea of my blood going into that vial reminds me of some kind of science fiction film," Ryuji explained, "I can't help but fantasize the possibilities of what you're going to do with it."

The doctor couldn't help but chuckle at the man's almost childlike imagination as she took the needle out of his body and patched up the puncture with a bandage. Once that was done, Takemi poured a tiny bit of the blood out from the vial and poured it under her microscope for examination. As she examined the blood, Ryuji's curiosity got the better of him and he started looking over her shoulder.

"What does it look like, Tae?" Ryuji asked, "Anything I should be worried about."

"Your blood is looking a little thick," Tae explained, "Have you been eating a lot of meat?"

"Are you really asking me that," Ryuji asked with a hint of sarcasm, "I swear it's like you don't even know me."

"I'll take that as a yes," Tae said, "Didn't your parents ever tell you to eat your vegetables to help you grow big and strong?"

"Yes, but then I hid my vegetables away somewhere when they weren't looking," Ryuji said.

"It's amazing how your physique is as amazing as it is despite your poor diet," Tae said as she shook her head before she continued, "Anyway, your triglycerides are higher than the average person should be. It's always important to keep a steady diet. Some meat is fine once in a while, but most of your diet should consist of fruits, vegetables, and fish."

"Hmm," Ryuji went, "Makoto does make some pretty good salmon."

"Perfect," exclaimed Tae, "Salmon is one of the best fish you can eat when trying to get on a healthy diet. When you get home, put in a request for some salmon."

"Can do," Ryuji said.

"Now, onto the next test," Tae said as she pulled out a pair of tweezers, and plucked one of Ryuji's dyed-blonde hairs out from his head.

"Ouch!" yelped Ryuji, "What was that for?"

"I need to examine your hair to see when we should expect that hairline of yours to recede," Tae explained, "I know you're in your late thirties, but it's never too late to start worrying about these kinds of things."

Hearing that made Ryuji run his right hand through his hair, somewhat self consciously.

As Takemi examined the thin strand of hair, one question appeared in her mind. One that she'd been meaning to ask Ryuji since the day they first met.

"Why is it that you dye your hair blonde, anyway?" Tae asked.

"You know, it's actually kind of interesting," Ryuji began, "Everyone just assumes that I did it to rebel against cultural norms, but I actually did it to support my friend Ann. You do know we've known each other since middle school, right?"

"Yeah," Tae replied.

"Anyway, I heard and saw how people were making fun of her because of her hair color, so to support her I dyed my own hair blonde, basically saying 'If you want to make fun of her, then you're going to have to make fun of me too, and I dare you to try!'" Ryuji continued, "I was actually going to stop dying my hair and go back to my original hair color some time ago, but then Ann had her daughter Kimiko, who inherited her hair color. So in the event Kim ever got bullied for the color of her hair, I can be there to support her, just like I did for her mother."

"Wow, Ryuji, that's actually very noble of you," Tae said, "It almost makes me wonder how you and Ann didn't end up together."

"Easy, I find myself to be happier around Makoto," Ryuji answered, "Just like I'm sure Ann finds herself to be happier around Ren. And if she's happy, then I'm happy."

After Ryuji opened his heart to the doctor, she had finished examining his strand of hair.

"Well, good news," Tae said, "Your hairline shouldn't be receding for a long time."

"Good," Ryuji said as he once again ran his fingers through his hair, "I like these locks of mine."

"There's just two more tests left," Tae said, pointing down at his crotch, "And they involve the use of your, ahem, 'friend'."

Takemi then handed Ryuji a cup, and he knew what he had to do into it.

"Just do your business and hand it back to me when you're done," Tae said as Ryuji grew embarrassed, "And don't worry, I won't look."

"No, it's not that," Ryuji said, "I don't really have to go right now."

"That's an easy fix," Tae said as she walked over to the sink and turned the faucet on.

"For real, doc?" Ryuji said unamused, "The old 'running water trick'? Don't you think I'm a little too ol-"

Suddenly, Ryuji felt a tightness in his bladder and he had to pee like never before. He undid the fly of his pants, pulled out his member, and peed right into the cup. When he finished, Tae turned the faucet off as Ryuji handed her the cup.

"Hmm," Takemi said, "Your urine is looking a little cloudy and dark in color. How much water do you drink a day?"

"To be honest with you, not nearly enough," Ryuji said somewhat ashamedly.

"It's important that you stay properly hydrated, Ryuji," Tae instructed before pulling out a chart that showed multiple colors of yellow. She pointed at a square that's a bright shade of yellow, "Properly hydrated urine should look like this," Before pointing at a square with a shade of yellow that's closer to Ryuji's urine's current state, "Your urine color is currently this color."

"So, just drink more water, and not only will your urine be a bright yellow, it will also come out nice and clear,' Tae concluded.

"More water and less energy drinks, got it," Ryuji said, "And, what about this second test involving my 'friend'."

"I think you know exactly what this last test entails," Tae said as she handed him another cup.

"Yeah, I know," Ryuji said, taking the cup.

"I think I have a dirty magazine somewhere around here if you need that," Tae said.

"No, I have a plan," Ryuji said as he took out his cell phone to send his wife a text.

Back at the Sakamoto residence, Makoto and Himari had the Yajimas over to hang out. Himari and Hotaru are playing shogi while Makoto, Hayato, and Hifumi are just hanging out talking and watching their kids bond.

"Interesting move, Himari," Hotaru said, "You're getting better at this."

"I'll take that as a compliment," Himari said.

As the adults continued to converse and watch their children, Makoto felt a vibration in her back pocket. She reached in there to and pulled out her phone.

"It's a text from, Ryuji," Makoto said, causing Himari and Hotaru to stop their game and gather around the adults.

"Anything good?" Hayato asked, "I heard he was going for a physical today. Maybe he's giving us an update."

"I don't know, let's see," Makoto said as she opened up the text and read, "Hey babe, in middle of physical. Doc needs a sample of my 'good stuff.' Send nudes please."

The three girls in the living room had bewildered looks on their faces while Hayato and Hotaru blush madly at the thought of a naked Makoto. Hifumi and Himari notice this and they promptly smack the two men on the back of the head.

"Ow!" Hayato whined as he rubbed the back of his head.

"What was that for?!" Hotaru asked.

"That's my mom you're thinking about," Himari scolded.

Makoto kept looking at the text and shrugged her shoulders, "Oh well, if that's what he wants. Hifumi, I'll be needing your assistance."

"Got it," Hifumi said as she and Makoto got up and went to Makoto and Ryuji's bedroom.

"Don't you need any help," Hotaru asked, "I can run home and get some lights that I use for my short films. Or maybe some make-up."

"No thanks, Hotaru, I'm fine," Makoto said as she and Hifumi continued to make their way to the master bedroom.

"You'll do anything just to see my mom naked, won't you?" Himari said, shaking her head.

Hotaru hung his head in shame and Hayato pats his son on the back to comfort him.

Back at Takemi's Clinic, a few moments later, Ryuji's phone vibrates. He looks at this phone and finds the nude picture that he requested. In it, Makoto was laying on their bed, shooting a sexy smile as her legs were spread, revealing her moist, pink, womanhood. Ryuji texted back a 'thank you' with a heart-eyed emoji before turning to Takemi.

"Alright, doc, I'm ready," Ryuji said.

"Okay, I'll be right outside," Tae said as she made her way out, "Come get me when you're done."

As soon as Tae left, Ryuji got to work saying, "Let's get this party started,"

Sometime later, Ryuij calls Takemi back into the room so he can give her his sample of 'baby batter.'

"Hmm, you seem to have given me more than required," Tae said looking at the contents of the cup, "I think it's a safe bet that your virility is very healthy. But as for the contents of your 'masculinity', we'll just have to wait and see."

Like with the blood, Takemi took a small bit of Ryuji's love juices and placed them under her microscope for examination.

"So why do you need my essence? You're not going to make some kind of super soldier out of that, right?" Ryuji joked.

"You watch too many movies," Tae teased back, "But if you must know, I need to check your sperm count, motility, and fertility."

"Well, Makoto and I decided that Himari is more than enough for us," Ryuji said, "So I don't know why we should be concerned about fertility."

"In case there ever comes a time when you want to help a family that's unable to conceive children, you have the option of donating some of your sperm to help them," Tae answered.

"I guess that would be pretty cool, helping someone out like that," Ryuji said, "But how does my sample look, pretty strong swimmers right?"

"Strong indeed," Tae said, "Not only are they healthy and moving well, but you've produced quite a lot of them too."

"Alright," Ryuji cheered, "So that was the last test?"

"Yes," Tae answered, "Now I'll just print out the results so you can show them to your wife."

"Do I get a lollipop for being a good patient?" Ryuji joked.

"You're an adult, you can buy your own lollipops," Tae joked back.

The results of Ryuji's physical printed out of the printer and Takemi handed them to the man.

"There you go," Tae said, "As we've learned today, the only things that need to be improved are your diet and water intake. I do hope you make the necessary changes for next year's physical."

"I will, doc, thanks," Ryuji said.

"Tell Makoto and Himari I said hi," Tae said.

"Can do," Ryuji said, "Goodbye, Tae."

And with that, Ryuji made his leave and headed back home.

Later that evening at the Sakamoto Residence, Makoto had made some salmon and steamed vegetables for dinner, per the request of Ryuji. The Yajimas decided to stick around and have dinner with them."

"This is delicious, Auntie Makoto," Hotaru said.

"Thank you, Hotaru," Makoto said.

"This is a beautifully prepared salmon, Makoto," Hifumi said, "Is it okay if I copy down the recipe so I may cook it for Hayato and Hotaru sometime?"

"Sure," Makoto said before turning her husband, "So aside from your blood work and urine, you have a clean bill of health."

"Yeah, Makie, everything checked out a-okay," Ryuji said.

"I'm proud that you're keen on making changes to your diet by requesting salmon for dinner," Makoto added, "Bet you're glad I made you go to the doctor, aren't you?"

"Totally," Ryuji said before thinking of other meals he could have to further improve himself, "I wonder if Ren has any vegetarian recipes,"

"It's great that you're concerned about your health now, Ryuji," Hayato said, "But it would be wise to not cut yourself off from meat entirely. Everything in moderation."

"Maybe reserve one or two nights a week for a meaty dinner," Himari suggested.

"Good idea, sweetie," Ryuji said before addressing everyone present, "Thank you all for supporting me as I seek to better myself. I know if I keep eating healthy like this and drinking the right things instead of energy drinks or beer, I'll be the spitting image of health."

"Hear, hear," Hotaru said, raising his glass as everyone else followed suit.

"So after dinner, what do you guys want to do?" Himari asked.

"Well, to celebrate a mostly clean bill of health and the creation of a brand new me, I was thinking we should go out after dinner and do something we haven't done in a long time," Ryuji said.

"What would that be?" Makoto asked before Ryuji smirked.

"By show of hands, how many of you like to go bowling?" Ryuji asked as he raised his own hand. In a matter of milliseconds, the other five with him excitedly raise their own hands.

"We're going to the bowling alley after dinner, dad?" Himari asked.

"You bet we are!" Ryuji said.

"Alright," Hifumi said.

"I love you, Uncle Ryuji," Hotaru exclaimed.

"Not to brag, but I think I can properly school you all," Makoto said with a crack of her knuckles.

"Oh, you are so on!" Ryuji said.

And so the group of six finished their dinner, cleaned and put away their dishes, and headed out for a fun night to celebrate Ryuji going to the doctors, getting a mostly clean bill of health, and above all, vowing to better himself so he can spend more time with his friends and the two people that matter most to him, Makoto and Himari.