AN: Just to re-clarify here because I don't know if I did mention this properly, but this wedding is taking place in 2013 because that's how the fic chronology works, rather than this year, 2019 (which is why the SJA characters are so young here.)

-Wedding Crashers-

Seeing Double

"Are you sure I'm allowed to read from the paper?" the Tenth Doctor asked Donna, trailing behind him as they descended the grand staircase in the hotel lobby. Only a right turn and a hallway stood between them and finally getting this wedding over with; Donna couldn't wait.

"Yes, it's fine," said Donna, waving him away. "Hurry up, you have to greet people so they can all sit down before the bride gets here." There was already a small crowd waiting outside the reception room at the end of the corridor, including Gwen and Rhys who were occupying themselves talking to Martha's mother. Ten had forgotten she was coming and found himself wondering what had led them to invite Francine and not any other members of Martha's family. At least she greeted him a little warmer than she usually did. He made a mental note not to mention the baby to her; he didn't want to get on the wrong side of Martha by accidentally letting that slip.

Donna lingered by the open door while the Doctor shook hands and let people in. Also there were the Ninth Doctor and River, clearly irked about having to wait for him to show up so that they could go sit down and wait for the ceremony to start. At least they didn't have to hide what a bad time they were having, unlike her, who had to pretend like she was thrilled to be there. She took out the phone to check her copy of the final guest list, sent to her by Jack that morning.

At least something interesting happened eventually, by way of Christina de Souza and James Elliott arriving, in the company of Sally Sparrow no less, Elliott helping her to bring her tripods and cameras over. Donna had suspected that there was some sort of weird game being played with Elliott being Christina's plus one, but maybe they were all more mature than she gave them credit for. Christina didn't seem too concerned with the pair of them.

"What's the best place for these cameras? Do you know?" Sally asked Donna.

"Just put them where nobody will trip."

"Is that all? No other instructions?"

"You're the photographer," Donna said, "You decide."

"I just don't want Rose to have a go at me about the photos not being right."

"She doesn't know anything about photos, it'll be fine," said Donna, then she asked the Doctor, "Unless you have any guidance? It's your wedding as well." He looked at her blankly for a few seconds like he was buffering, before turning a smile on Sally.

"Whatever you decide will be perfect!" he said. Sally just shook her head and walked past them to get into the room.

"Where's Esther?" Donna called after her, "Since when do the two of you do things separately?"

"We're not joined at the hip," Sally reappeared in the doorway, "She's upstairs, with the Twins."

"Have you seen them?" asked Donna, who'd heard the whispers about them not answering their phones or responding to anybody.

"Yeah, just now," said Sally, "They'll be down soon." That was a relief; they apparently hadn't disappeared off the face of the Earth. Sally turned to Elliott, "Help me set these up, please?" He'd do anything she asked, becoming her temporary assistant in Esther's absence. Christina went to find a seat and the lot of them disappeared into the ceremony room, the doors swinging shut.

"Elton!" the Doctor exclaimed loudly enough to make Donna jump. A man smiled at the Doctor and approached from the direction of the lobby. Donna checked the guest list because she didn't recognise him, but sure enough, there was an Elton there: Elton Pope. The Doctor shook Elton's hand and greeted him warmly. Donna introduced herself as well, as the best man. "Didn't bring Ursula?"

"Well, it'd be a bit tricky, you know," he said, "Because… she's a concrete slab." A concrete slab, Donna thought t herself? Had she heard this story before? It didn't ring a bell.

"I don't think anyone here will mind," said the Doctor. "You're still together, then?"

"As much as we can be," he said.

"Nice of you to come all the way out here!"

"Well, the drive's not too bad from Peckham. And I'm just honoured to be a guest at the Doctor's wedding."

"Watch yourself around Jackie, though," the Doctor warned, "In case she's still not happy with you." He nodded and went into the room, Donna watching him go.

"Jackie? Who's he and what's he done to Jackie?"

"Tried to seduce her to try and get close to Rose and, by extension, me," Ten explained, "Met him when he was a kid. Sad day; couldn't save his mum… saved Ursula though. Well, resurrected her as a face stuck in a piece of concrete, but it's not quite as bad as dying. She's got him to look after her."

"Sorry, he tried to seduce Jackie Tyler?"

"I don't think she'll hold a grudge. It was ages ago. She's moved on. Although, she was quite upset at the time…"

"I can imagine…" said Donna. At least the next lot of people to arrive she did recognise and also understood why they'd received invitations. The guest list of this wedding was beginning to look like Ten and Rose couldn't find enough people they actually cared about to fill the seats. Then again, that was the perils of trying to plan a wedding in under a month. It was Sarah Jane Smith's group of children – not that they were children anymore – approaching them. Donna hoped nobody let slip to them hints about their future, their role in ending the Manifest Crisis in 2029, since they were taken from an earlier point in their own histories. Save for Sky, they were all still university age. They were bickering amongst themselves about being late.

"I wouldn't worry," Donna interrupted them when they approached, the Doctor beside himself with joy at seeing them, "Ceremony hasn't started yet. Rose will probably be late."

"Why would she be late?" asked the Doctor, his smile vanishing.

"Because she's the bride," said Donna, "She has to be a bit late."

"Well – why?"

"Look, just…" but she didn't know what to say to him. She turned back to the kids, Rani jumping in to explain their delay.

"Clyde decided he wanted to talk some shortcuts-"

"I still got us here," he said, brushing her off, "Right on time."

"He's just passed his test," Rani added.

"With flying colours," said Clyde.

"On your third try."

"I passed first time," Luke interjected.

"Of course you did," said Clyde.

"The Doctor never passed at all," Donna said.

"Hey!" Ten objected, "It's not that hard to fly a TARDIS. It's mostly about instinct."

"You don't know how to fly the TARDIS?" Rani asked incredulously.

"He nicked it," said Donna, "Couldn't get one otherwise."

"Nice that you could all make it," the Doctor reached out to shake their hands, ignoring Donna showing him up on his wedding day. "Wish your mum could be here. She'd love seeing me finally get married. I would've asked her to officiate."

"I'm sure she would've done a great job," said Luke, smiling. Pleasantries over and the clock nearing the moment of truth, they didn't stick around to chat for very long.

"Can't actually get your friends to officiate a wedding, you know," said Donna, "You can't just do it on the internet in this country. You'd have to do the real ceremony somewhere else. Although, is this a legal wedding?"

"What do you mean?"

"You're an alien and you don't legally exist – how did you get a marriage license?"

"Just… you know."

"Same way you got the credit card you used to pay for all this?"

"Shh! Don't broadcast that, Rose said we should keep it quiet."

"She's right… seriously, though, is this legal?"

"I've got, you know, documents. John Smith."

"She's not changing her name to 'Smith', is she?"

"No, she's not changing it at all." Thank god, thought Donna.

"So, wait, a normal registrar is doing this?" He nodded. "You haven't put anything weird in your vows, have you? About aliens?"

"Uh…"

"Let me have a look," she sighed, taking the paper off him. He'd been reading it over and over as they waited by the doors. "Not sure you should put in this stuff about the day you met, or about Mickey getting attacked by a bin."

"I thought it was funny."

"It is, but you're gonna come across as a head-case. And Mickey has to listen to this too."

"Well…"

"Save the weird stuff for your speech, there won't be a registrar in there."

"I can't change them now!"

"You only wrote them half an hour ago, it's fine," said Donna, "Now, there are only a few things I think you should alter…"

/

"Do you not think we should go in?" Rory asked Amy, "It's supposed to start in ten minutes."

"No," she said, "I can see the stairs from here." They were in the dining room, drinking tea. "Rose hasn't come down yet."

"We can't go in after the bride goes in," he said, "We couldn't show our faces."

"It's fine. Her entourage aren't even here. Donna's family are just going in now." She was watching people disappear towards the ceremony room through the doorway. "Or we could skip it."

"We can't skip it," he said.

"Are you sure? We'll say you were there, but you were just invisible."

"No."

"I think there were more people at our wedding."

"Our wedding was quite weird, though. You made that speech about the Doctor halfway through, then he landed the TARDIS in the middle of the ceremony."

"And my parents reappeared. After they got vanished by those cracks. Still, though. Got my man, in the end," she smirked at him, but he wasn't listening, he'd become distracted by something behind her. "Rory?" she asked.

"Isn't that…?" he was looking out of the window. Amy turned in her chair.

"Oh my god…"

"That's Rose's mum, isn't it?"

"I, uh…" It was Rose's mum, wandering around in the cold outside the hotel, near the dining room window, like she was lost. "This is, um… this isn't good, is it?"

"Do you know, I think it's probably not, no," said Rory, pushing out his chair and standing up. Amy set her tea down and followed him, out into the lobby and then through the front door.

"Bloody hell, it's cold…" She crossed her arms tighter.

"It's December, what do you expect? …Jackie?" Rory called at her. Jackie made no motion like she'd heard him at all. She started walking in circles. "Ceremony's starting… do you think you should-"

"OI, JACKIE?" Amy shouted, making Rory and his super-hearing flinch and stagger, "Sorry." It caught her attention, though. "You alright over there? It's a bit nippy out. You want to go in, warm up before the ceremony."

"'Warm up before the ceremony'?" Rory questioned her.

"Well, I don't know. You go talk to her, you're the nurse. Maybe she's… having a medical emergency, or something?" Amy suggested. Rory took this onboard – there had to be some reason she was being so funny, after all – and edged closer to Jackie.

"Jackie? Are you feeling alright? I'm a nurse, if there's anything wrong, I can help."

"Don't touch her!" someone yelled from behind them. Mickey Smith pushed his way between them, freezing when he was still a few steps away from Jackie. "Martha!" he shouted over his shoulder, "Out here! Hurry up!"

"What's going on?" asked Rory.

"She's a clone," said Mickey, "Sontarans."

"Sontarans!?" Amy and Rory said together. Martha came outside next, dragging with her none other than Jackie Tyler, who had a strange device on her head.

"Someone's going to see us!" Jackie – who they had to assume was the real Jackie – hissed at Martha.

"There are Sontarans here?" Rory asked again.

"There were, the Doctor tricked them into retreating," Mickey hastily explained, "Jenny's already dealt with the Slitheen in the kitchens."

"Slitheen in the kitchens!?"

"She's trying to run!" Martha pointed at the clone Jackie, who turned on her heel, sensing the end was nigh. "Take off the thing!"

"But you said-"

"No one's looking," said Martha. Jackie reached up and removed the strange device sitting on her head. At the same moment, the clone Jackie collapsed to the ground. To their horror, she started to melt before their very eyes, slowly disintegrating, skin peeling off and turning to green goop in the grass.

"Bloody hell," said Amy, grabbing Rory's arm. It reminded her of the Flesh gangers and how they sometimes behaved, and in a matter of seconds all that was left was an outfit and a wet stain on the grass in the vague shape of a human.

"I killed her, I'm a murderer," said Jackie.

"You haven't killed her," said Martha, "It's alright."

"She's dead!"

"She wasn't really alive to begin with," said Mickey. Martha shushed him, trying to comfort Jackie.

"It's all alright now, it's gone," she said, "Come on, let's go back inside… the wedding's about to start, Rose will be down soon." She took Jackie indoors, leaving Amy, Rory and Mickey with the gooey clothes in front of the hotel.

"Should we clean this up?" Amy nodded at the mess.

"We'll do it, you go back in," said Rory.

"…Okay. Don't get abducted by any Sontarans while you're out here, though. And I mean that," she said.

"I'll try," said Rory dryly, going to help Mickey try to clean things up without getting their suits covered in slime. And here Amy thought her wedding had been weird.

She followed Jackie and Martha back into the lobby just as the Eleventh Doctor descended the grand staircase with Clara in his wake. She was fumbling about trying to put in a pair of earrings. Amy was shocked to see him wearing his old top hat and tails, looking positively Etonian as he talked Clara's ear off.

"You're not wearing that, are you?" Amy called up to him as he jumped the bottom three steps.

"Course I am! It's my best suit."

"You can't be more overdressed than the groom at his own wedding," Amy said, "Which you are, in that."

"I wore this to your wedding," he said, "And I liked your groom a lot more than this one, between you and me. I could give Clara the hat?" he suggested. Then he took it off and dropped it down on Clara's head. She didn't really react, though, having finally sorted out her earring. "Makes her look taller, which is a notable improvement."

"Thanks," Clara muttered.

"Where've you been?" Martha came over, Jackie coming with her and still very shaken by her experience with the doppelganger just moments ago.

"Why? Have you missed me?" Clara asked.

"For god's sake…" Amy complained.

"Got put in another coma, if you must know," she answered properly. "Don't know who by. Other Me found us."

"You and Oswin?" Martha asked. Clara nodded. "Where's Oswin now?"

"She's coming in the lift, with Adam. And Jenny, I think."

"What's this I heard about Slitheen in the kitchens?" Amy asked.

"There were some Slitheen in the kitchens," said the Doctor, "Jenny got rid of them. Made a big mess, we've been cooking dinner. Don't let Rose now."

"But if you're here, who's cooking now?"

"Had to leave it with Sprite and Helix. But the menu has been drastically simplified. We should be fine to attend the ceremony."

"Are you sure they shouldn't be cancelling this wedding? Sontarans, Slitheen, comas – it's sort of a bad omen, don't you think?" said Amy.

"What are you lot doing loitering? Rose will be coming down with her dad at any minute," Donna approached them, leaving Ten's side at the ceremony room to herd them along like sheep. More people were coming downstairs, too; Jack, Esther and Ianto. Mickey and Rory came back inside, still relatively clean despite the fact they'd been ditching the clothes of a dead clone in a flowerbed somewhere around the back of the building.

"We were just thinking about whether this wedding should absolutely be going ahead or not," said Amy.

"Pond makes a good point," said Eleven, "I don't think any of us want to be here."

"The Slitheen did," said Clara, "Clearly."

"Sorry, Slitheen?" asked Donna, lowering her voice, "Where?"

"In the kitchens, putting cyanide in the soup," said Eleven, "But don't worry, Jenny's sorted the whole thing. And she's here now," he nodded over a few heads as the lift by the stairs opened and out came Jenny, Adam trailing behind her with Oswin holding his arm for support. She'd reattached her prosthetic leg and left the wheelchair upstairs, reduced to limping with her cane again. Seeing that there was apparently a house meeting going on in the lobby, the three of them gravitated towards everybody else, rather than the ceremony where they were all supposed to be. Everyone was now accounted for, save for the bride and her father, who were surely on their way. And Ravenwood, of course, though she had permission to skip the ceremony.

"Sorted it how? Have you been in the kitchens?" Donna asked Jenny.

"Yeah, had to change the menu, sorry. The Gazpacho soup had cyanide in it."

"What's for dinner now?"

"Roast chicken and vegetables, butternut squash soup, brownies. And the cake I also baked. They didn't touch the alcohol, so that's all fine," said Jenny.

"No profiteroles?"

"The next person who brings up profiteroles to me, I swear – do you know how tricky it is to just whip up enough choux pastry to feed thirty-something people?" she snapped.

"If we've dealt with all the threats, then I don't see a reason to cancel anything," Jack said, talking with the most authority of any of them.

"Well, I did see a Dalek this morning," said Donna.

"You what?" Jack demanded, "Where!? Why didn't you tell me!?"

"I dealt with it! There was just one of them, it was an elite Dalek assassin that came on its own."

"Where was it?"

"In my shower."

"It-!?"

"The Ninth Doctor and River got rid of it for me, it's all fine."

"What did they do with it?" Eleven asked.

"Locked it in a room somewhere upstairs."

"Oh, great. That's definitely the same thing as 'getting rid of it'," Oswin quipped.

"I agree with Amy," said Mickey, "This wedding is a bit doomed."

"No," said Jackie Tyler loudly, cutting off their bickering, "This is my daughter's wedding, and even if it is her second wedding to the same man, I won't stand for this. Today goes ahead no matter what. I don't care how many aliens invade."

"…Well, I suppose that's our answer," said Jack after a pause, "Now, can everybody hurry up and get ready for the ceremony? Rose is going to walk down those stairs any second, and she can't catch us all conferring like this. She'll think something's wrong."

"Yeah," said Oswin sarcastically, "God forbid Rose finds out there are a bunch of aliens trying to invade Earth expressly to ruin her wedding…"