Part 3: Aya

IJN Zuikaku

Dormitories

"Another day, another miserable reminder."

First Year student and Rabbit team gunner Aya Oono sat at her desk as rays of sunlight slipped past the window blinds. She was once again re-reading the letter she had written on her computer to Utsugi Yuuki's mother, telling her how her daughter wasn't alone, and how hard she had tried to save her.

Utsugi-sama -

First and foremost, I wanted to say how sorry I am for the loss of Yuuki. Her death was a senseless loss of life, and she didn't deserve what happened to her.

I was with her on that day, when it happened. I was her team leader for our mission. Everyone has been trying to tell me not to blame myself, and that I did everything I could. Part of me agrees, but the other takes full responsibility.

Yuuki wasn't alone when she left. Saki and I were with her. We tried. I tried. And we failed. I failed. I failed her, and you. For that, I'm sorry.

For the team at Ooarai, and for us in the Lee, Yuuki wasn't just a classmate, or a teammate. She wasn't just our friend. She was family. I thought of her as the little sister I never had. I wish I could be saying this to her now. I wish I could have said it when I had the chance.

I wish I could have done something differently, and brought her home where she belongs. With her friends and family. With you.

I'm so sorry for her loss. For your loss. If there's anything I, or anyone on the team can do for you, please don't hesitate to ask.

- Oono Aya

Rabbit Team

Aya had never received a response, but she still hoped her, honestly poorly written, letter helped. Who knew that at fifteen, she was going to be writing to her friend's family about her death?

As Oono looked down at her arms and hands, eyeing the dozens of scars from that fateful day, the door to her room suddenly rattled with a knock. Knowing who it likely was, Aya didn't bother standing.

"It's open!" She said loudly. A moment later, the door clicked. The gunner glanced at the doorway and saw who she expected to see, closing her hand into a loose fist. "Morning, Commander."

Sawa Azusa closed the door behind her, frowning at the sight of her friend. Aya was hunched in front of her laptop, chin resting on her palm. Right away, she knew what was happening.

"Again, Aya?"

"Yes. I can't afford to forget."

Azusa sighed. "I think something like that would be impossible to forget."

"Well, I'm not taking that chance."

"How many times are we going to do this, Aya? It isn't your fault."

"And how many times do I have to say that I disagree?!" Oono snapped. "I was there, and you weren't! I saw it happen! I let it happen!"

Sawa held up her hands. "Alright. Alright. I'm not here to argue with you."

"Good." Aya returned her attention to her laptop, wiggling the mouse to wake it from rest mode. "Now, can I just be miserable in peace, please?"

"Can you do that and dress yourself?"

"Dress myself for what?"

"Commander Nishizumi's team party. It started already."

"Didn't I say that I wasn't going?" Aya grumbled.

"If you did, I disregarded it." Azusa passed Oono and yanked open the blinds, bathing the room in sunlight.

"Ah! Thanks for the warning!" Aya shielded her eyes, her glasses making the light even brighter. The commander ignored her friend, moving to the closet and sifting through it.

"Karina, Ayumi, and Saki are already on their way."

"Azusa, please. Don't make me go. How am I supposed to face the team?"

"By knowing that they don't blame you." Azusa pulled a short dress out and looked it over. "The only one who does is you." She put the dress back and continued searching.

Aya groaned and begrudgingly stood up, pulling off her pyjama shirt. "Fine, I'll go. But I'm gonna complain the whole time."

While she hunted around for undergarments, Sawa found a suitable dress and undershirt. She hung them on the door handle and began searching Aya's dresser for leggings.

Several minutes later, Azusa's mission was complete, and a fully dressed Aya was following her outside. The pair zipped up their coats as they met the frigid December air.

"Every time I start walking down this path, I keep expecting her to come running out after me." Aya said, turning around. To her surprise, the door to the dormitories opened, as if she had willed it to happen.

However, instead of Yuuki bounding down the steps, Oono saw the members of Anteater team coming out.

"Commander Sawa, piyo!" Piyotan shouted happily. At her side, Nekota flinched. Since surviving her own injury, the Anteater commander seemed to have become very sensitive to loud noises. She had been checked out by a few different doctors, and all of them had insisted she was perfectly fine, but that grazing headshot seemed to have turned Nekota even more into the feline persona she emulated. Twitchy, jumpy, and she said her verbal tic even more often.

"Good morning, Piyotan-senpai." Azusa said. "Nekota-senpai. Momoga-san."

"Nyaa…" Nekota mumbled.

While her crewmates and online friends were understanding of the verbal issue, others weren't so receptive. During one conversation with Kawashima, after the tenth 'nyaa' in less than half as many sentences, the Council member had lost her patience and yelled at the gamer. Nekota had eventually resolved to only speak when absolutely necessary, and made a conscious effort to reduce her tics. Which wasn't always successful.

By default, Piyotan had become the one she turned to for answering questions.

Momoga for one hadn't let her battle wound slow her down. A broken collarbone and shattered shoulder blade had, if anything, increased her drive in strength training. Bench presses, rowing machines, deadlifts, she'd mastered them all.

"How are things in your neck of the woods, Piyotan?" Azusa asked. She was still trying to shake off the tendency to use proper titles, and become more casual like her teammates.

"Not so bad, piyo. We're keeping up with the strength and endurance training. Piyo, speaking of… you know how Saunders has a shooting team?"

"Yes." Sawa said hesitantly.

"Well, Nekonya had the idea of starting one here at Ooarai, piyo. People at Saunders were calling us the Ooarai Rangers. That's what we could call the team, Piyo."

Azusa sighed quietly. "I was afraid you would say that." Piyotan and Nekota both appeared to deflate.

"Nyaawhy?"

"Because, unlike most of us apparently, I did not particularly enjoy my time spent pretending to be a soldier." Azusa said sternly. "From the moment we set foot aboard Saunders, through all of Abashiri, until we made it back home, I was absolutely terrified. I was disgusted by what me and my friends were forced to do and go through. And in case you had forgotten, two of those friends died! I may have put on a nice face and said some positive things for Commander Nishizumi and all of you, but the day I never see a gun again will be too soon."

"Well that's the thing, Sawa-san, momo. We wanted to create a team like Saunders and Kuromorimine have just for that. Just in case, Sitnikov-kun forbid, something like that happens again. We wouldn't be militarizing the school, momo, or anything."

"We would be helping girls get a taste of what that fear is like, piyo. To prepare them, without putting them in real danger."

"Ny- the training -N- would include first aid, nyaa."

"I do agree, we went into Saunders completely blind, piyo. But having a team or club like this would be very beneficial."

Sawa shook her head, unconvinced.

While the conversation continued, Aya drifted away, venturing into her own head. For most of the walk, she had felt an overwhelming, almost crippling sense of anxiety. How exactly was this little party going to play out? What was the rest of the team, particularly Commander Nishizumi, thinking and talking about right now? Was the topic of Yuuki going to be brought up at all? The Anteaters hadn't even mentioned her yet.

Aya so badly wanted to believe Azusa. She didn't want to be afraid of reuniting with her friends. She didn't want to feel so guilty.

"This is going to be a long night."

A/N: Not everybody is feeling very uplifted by the end of the conflict.

There's lots of 'Survivor's Guilt' floating around.

More to come later this week. Stay tuned!