Chapter III: Meltdown
The dining hall of Beacon had always been the beating heart of the school; it would ring especially true around that hour, when all the inhabitants of the Academy gathered for the first meal of their day, filling the whole place with casual chatter and laughter.
This time around, however, the usual, lively buzz that echoed in the mess during breakfasts was nothing more than a soft murmur of a few hushed voices. There were no students to be seen nor heard in that place illuminated by the morning sunlight that seeped through the eastward windows. Only a few weary Huntsmen and Huntresses were present, talking quietly over their brunch; none paid any mind to the mildly disappointed stare of a pair of silver eyes that watched them silently over a rim of a mug.
Dressed in her deep crimson pajamas, Ruby stood with her arms crossed, leaning her back against a kitchen counter. Having already finished her preparations for breakfast a while ago, she waited for her companions to get their own trays ready, absentmindedly listening to their playful banter.
The absence of other students hit her as soon as she had crossed the doorstep of the hall, but back at the time she'd just shrugged it off, thinking to herself that more people would arrive as time passed by. And so she'd waited, one minute after another, her anxiety growing with each fleeting moment, ultimately earning her a worried look from her sister.
Yang nudged her gently with her elbow, trying to get Ruby's attention. "Why the long face?" she asked, grabbing the teapot and pouring the amber liquid into a cup partially filled with milk.
"I just hoped that I'd see some of our friends," muttered Ruby, taking a sip of her hot chocolate. "Guess that means everyone is in the hospital for one reason or another, huh?"
Yang passed the freshly poured cup to Blake, then smiled wryly at Ruby. "Told ya no one's gonna care about your PJ's."
Blake thanked Yang with a grateful nod, taking up both the offering and the task of answering Ruby's question. "Yeah, most are either hospitalized or tending to their wounded... or mourning the dead, like team CNMN." She sighed and put her cup down on the tray alongside the rest of her breakfast. "They've disbanded. Their leader, Claret, stayed behind to cover their retreat after they got outflanked." Her amber eyes hovered over Ruby for a while, looking at the young leader with a rather contemplative glint in them. Both pride and sadness hid behind the gentle smile that appeared on Blake's face as she explored various what-if scenarios in her mind, thankful that the fate had been as kind to their team as it had. "Former second-years, like Coco."
Yang's expression visibly darkened at the mention of Coco, which did not escape Weiss' attention; before Weiss could act on it, however, a short sigh made its way past Blake's parted lips.
"CFVY are visiting her in hospital," Blake said, her gaze downcast. "They got in a tight spot after we left… tight enough that she intentionally collapsed a four-story building on top of herself. It's a small miracle that she survived. She… she can't even stand on her own, you know? They say that her prognosis is optimistic and she should be able to walk again, eventually, but…" She just shook her head.
Hearing that, Weiss froze in the middle of placing the last slice of tomato onto her sandwich. "How is she taking it?"
Blake put on a painfully strained smile. "According to Velvet, she's trying to play it cool, but… you know Coco. She's prideful, headstrong. It can't be easy on her."
Weiss simply nodded, her eyes closed. "What about the others?"
"Well, team SSSN are fine. Neptune woke up two days ago."
The mood around them lifted somewhat at that bit of good news. The poor man had gotten badly wounded in the initial stages of the Battle of Vale; as if getting hit in the chest with a small cluster of foot-long bone spikes wasn't bad enough, he'd also caught a stray bullet to the arm. His right lung had been so devastated that it had to be replaced with a bionic transplant, and even then it hadn't been certain he'd pull through; back when team RWBY had left Vale to hunt for Salem, he still had been in critical condition.
Blake glanced at Ruby; the girl had been listening intently, standing almost completely still, with her head hung low and her eyes closed, taking deep breaths as the news were sinking in. Blake could tell there was moisture gathering by Ruby's eyelashes.
"And JNR?" Ruby asked in a small voice.
"They are well and kickin', just busy in Vale; they got involved with the clean-up effort, securing the area and making sure that no civilian runs into a pack of stray Beowolves," Yang said quietly, her lilac eyes looking away as if in a show of shame, or guilt. "Should be back home before the nighttime."
Ruby remained silent for a while, then let out a lungful of air through her nose and nodded. "Thanks," was hers quiet reply.
Saying nothing more, she lifted the tray with her breakfast and walked away, heading towards the less populated section of the dining hall. The remaining three exchanged a few concerned glances and then took their cue from their leader, talking among themselves as they followed a few feet behind Ruby.
"So, the Grimm are still in the city?" Weiss inquired as she trudged beside Yang, sounding a little bit more disappointed than she knew she should.
"Yeah, but from what I've heard they're more of an annoyance than a real threat at this point," said Yang with a small shrug, seemingly not worried in the slightest.
She was restless, though — torn between the desire to help people still fighting and looking after her family; between feeling bad just sitting idly at Beacon and being ecstatic that all her teammates were finally awake and well. "Mostly fresh-spawn, too dumb to not pick the wrong fights. It seems that all the clever ones ran away once we've killed... well, y'know." Her voice trailed off towards the end, her expression darkening. And indeed, Weiss did not need her to explain.
"Any reports on the casualties?"
Blake shook her head, watching Ruby sit down at one of the secluded tables. "No official tally as of yet. We've lost one safe-point and two more were breached, but that's pretty much all we know."
Weiss seated herself next to her partner. "And what about the other Kingdoms?"
"Atlas is, well, Atlas, so they obviously held up," Yang said, then both she and Blake plopped down on the bench across the table from Ruby and Weiss. "And so did Mistral, for the most part at least. Vacuo, though..."
That got Ruby concerned. "How bad is it?"
"Bad enough that you can hear people saying that there might be no Vacuo left by the end of the next year," Blake replied, her voice just as flat as the pair of cat ears atop her head. "Apparently about one third of the city was leveled with the ground... Vacuo was not the most hospitable place to begin with, even when everyone had working electricity and water in the sink. Now... They might be unable to hold out."
After that, the silence fell around them for a couple of minutes, interrupted only by the quiet clanging of cutlery as the four girls ate their breakfast, each of them pondering what the future had in store for the world of Remnant.
Eventually the mood lightened a little and the small talk returned to their table; only Weiss remained quiet, completely engrossed in her thoughts, not even fully registering the fact that her teammates had started speaking again. Her eyes stared straight ahead, their gaze unfocused and absentminded; to any onlooker, she would seem frozen in time, completely passive, with a cup of coffee suspended in her hands an inch away from her lips.
Ruby frowned a little bit at that sight, then proceeded to wave her hand in front of Weiss's face. "Team RWBY to Weiss, roger." Weiss blinked a few times in response to that, and while no eye contact was made, it was enough for Ruby to assume that Weiss was listening. "Hey, is everything okay? You kinda spaced out a little."
"I'm just wondering what my mother is going to do now," Weiss said, still not looking at anything in particular. "SDC's presence is strong in Vacuo, and its Dust deposits are important to the company. Instability of the region creates both risks and opportunities. And should Vacuo cease to exist as a country... well, things could get really, shall we say, interesting." She took a sip of her coffee.
"Are you gonna call her? To, y'know, let her know that you're fine?"
Weiss shook her head, her gaze fixing on Yang who'd asked the question. "No, not yet. If the situation in Vacuo is half as bad as they say, then I don't believe that SDC was not hit in one way or another during the attack. It means that saying she's 'busy' would be a most severe understatement." She sighed and looked down, at the pale fingers grasping her cup tightly. "Besides, I'm pretty sure that she already knows I'm well and awake, so there's no point in wasting her time, especially now."
"Taking it easy, eh?"
Weiss' eyes flicked back to Yang. "Oh, I don't know about that," she replied in theatrically thoughtful tone, hiding a smirk behind her cup. "I do plan to call Winter later today, after all."
"And you, Blake? Did you call your parents? How are they?" Ruby questioned.
"Happy that I'm alive and a bit mad that I signed up for, as my father had aptly put it, 'a suicide mission'," Blake replied nonchalantly. "Mostly happy, though."
Ruby let out a short laugh. "Can't say I blame them."
"Yeah," Yang chuckled, nodding in agreement. "Well, at least your folks dunno what was the whole thing about, not exactly. Our dad, heh. let's just say that for a while I honestly thought he was gonna rip Qrow's head off as soon as we got off the airship." She hummed softly as she rested her chin in her hand. A somewhat dreamy expression appeared on her face. "Ahh, what a sad death that would be. Lending a hand in killing the Big Bad One and surviving the ultimate battle with evil, only to die by the hand of pissed off Tai."
Ruby could feel how the corners of her mouth twitched slightly. "He still did punch Qrow, huh?"
Yang grinned. "Sure he did. Dad never fails to entertain."
Weiss, too, cracked a smile, albeit a weak one. Something tightened inside her chest at the reference of Salem, suddenly making her anxious. 'The way Yang mentioned her... don't they know? Or perhaps they do, and just don't know how to break the news to Ruby?' Weiss cast a sideways glance at Ruby, the knowledge of what she needed to do breaking her heart. Ruby, of all people, should know the truth, even if it hurt; there was no point in waiting, either.
Weiss took a deep breath and braced herself, clinging to the hope that Yang would not shoot the messenger, and praying that Ruby would handle the revelation well.
"About that 'ultimate' part... when I woke up, I talked with Ozpin for a bit..." Speaking became harder for her the moment she had opened her mouth, but it was only after she had noticed how quickly Yang's expression had changed when the difficulty truly hit her in full force, words getting stuck in her throat, almost choking her.
The look on Yang's face was one of defeat. It was rare, out of place even; Weiss had never seen her so crushed, and the sight squeezed her insides without a sliver of mercy. Yang's smile was gone, the warmth in her eyes replaced by disappointment and existential anguish as her irises flashed vivid red for a single heartbeat. One brief look at her was more than enough to achieve painful certainty — Yang knew.
The two of them just stared at each other, none of them uttering a word. After a painfully long while of heavy silence, Yang closed her eyelids and nodded, pulled into a side hug by Blake.
"She'll be back one day," she let out a hoarse whisper. "Yeah, we know. Ozpin told the two of us already."
The three pairs of eyes fixed their gaze on Ruby, each prompted to do so by a mix of both curiosity and worry. What they saw, however, was certainly not what they had expected to see.
Ruby was sorrowful, but strangely calm. The girl's jaw moved up and down as she slowly chewed a piece of a chicken cutlet, seemingly deep in thought, with her eyes staring at some distant, unspecified point behind the window in the opposite wall.
Watching her, Weiss found herself unable to shake off the feeling that she was not looking at someone who had just heard the most distressing of news. She could sense the sadness emanating from Ruby, but there was no sign of shock nor even the slightest surprise to be noticed. No; Ruby's was the face belonging to a person who had just learned that their fears were well-founded — who was proven right the one time they wished to be wrong.
Weiss was confused. "You don't seem all too surprised, either."
"Coz I ain't," came the answer just as simple as it was stunning.
"Wait what?!" the three girls exclaimed in unison, their sync virtually perfect. Ruby just raised one of her eyebrows, observing the trio with a gleam of mild amusement in her eyes.
Yang was the first to recover from her bewilderment. "You knew?!"
Ruby sighed, poking at her meal with a knife. "Well, suspected at least. Given what we knew about the Two Brothers or Ozma... it just seemed, well, logical, y'know. She's been around for thousands of years and this was the first time in history she chose to get her creepy butt off her couch and do something? Someone this spiteful? Yeah, no." Then, her lips curved into a tiny, humorless smile. "If anything, I'm more surprised that it didn't cross your minds."
Ruby gave the three a long, inquisitive look, watching as the girls exchanged guilty glances. Truth was, each and every single one of them had had their suspicions; they had simply been living in denial, unwilling to acknowledge the notion that such an unwanted scenario had also been a possibility. They let themselves be blindsided by the news, even though they really shouldn't have been surprised when the reality turned out to be more cruel than they had hoped.
After a short while of awkward silence, they returned their attention to Ruby, and her knowing smile told them that no explanations on their part were necessary.
"So… how long do we have?" The borderline matter-of-factual way in which Ruby asked the question continued to take the remaining team members a bit aback.
Being the first one to find her voice, Blake answered the question. "Between a couple of decades and a few hundred years, according to Ozpin."
Despite the resolute front she'd been putting on, Ruby's shoulders relaxed noticeably. "Much slower than Ozma, then. Sucks to be her." She took another nibble of her food.
The muscles of Yang's jaw tightened. "Still, the bitch will be back."
"Hey, it's not like all we did was for nothing, right? Think about it — life is priceless, no? And how many priceless lives we've saved by taking her out of the picture, even if it's just for now?"
Yang frowned. "Many. For now. But how long will those lives last?"
"Longer." Ruby smirked. "And I'd say it's a pretty good deal." With that, she stabbed at her plate with a fork and soon enough another piece of the cutlet disappeared within her mouth.
"Yeah, right," Yang scoffed, only to bite her own tongue right after she saw how Ruby's smile had drooped. The girl froze for a second, the piece of silverware still held between her lips; then, she cast her gaze down and stared at the tray that laid in front of her, chewing slowly.
Blake shot Yang a sharp look. "Perhaps. But it seems that it was also the best deal we could possibly get."
"I, too, had hoped for a happily ever after, Yang." A soft murmur eventually left Ruby's clenched throat. She took a deep breath, and when she finally spoke again, the bitterness and hurt in her voice actually caused Yang to flinch. "I wanted to be wrong about the Witch. But it seems that our life ain't a fairy tale, after all. And you know what? I don't fucking care."
She looked straight into Yang's eyes with such intensity that the latter almost immediately turned away. "It hurts like hell, sure, but I'm not gonna let it eat me alive. Not now. Not after all we've done. There was supposed be no tomorrow, and yet we've changed it — that alone is an outcome good enough for me. There might be generations because of what we did. A day or more than a lifetime, be it as it may; we've given everyone an opportunity to enjoy their lives just a little longer." Her glare had been gradually losing its sternness as she continued, eventually softening into a gaze both worried and caring. A weak yet warm smile found its way back onto her lips. "Might as well take it ourselves."
"She's right, Yang, and you know it."
Yang glanced at Blake, then sighed loudly and rested her cheek on her fist. "Yeah. It's just... I'm pissed off that Oz didn't tell us sooner. Not that it would be the first time he hid shit from us."
"Well, in his defense, it's not like we've ever asked," Blake remarked calmly, then snickered at the sight of the look of betrayal Yang shot her.
"I get being pissed," Ruby agreed. "Then again, I guess it just wasn't important at the time. Y'know, 'let us focus on the present threat' and all that. We had more than enough reasons to worry as it were, even without adding more things to the plate. Besides," she said, pointing at Yang with her knife, "how would you feel about the whole mission if you knew for sure that all we could do was to postpone the inevitable?"
Yang straightened up a little and opened her mouth as if to speak, but the words never came. Finding no good answer, she pouted and slumped onto the table with a groan of defeat, laying her head on top of her crossed arms.
Ruby smirked with a certain degree of smugness. "Case in point."
Weiss just stared at Ruby in silence, having not said a thing ever since she, Yang and Blake had simultaneously expressed their amazement at Ruby's reaction — or lack thereof. She didn't even know what to say, to be honest; she had expected many different outcomes of breaking the news to her, but Ruby still managed to catch Weiss by surprise, somehow.
It were the moments like those that truly reminded her that Ruby was no longer the naive, silly little girl that acted without thought. She had grown up into a young woman whom Weiss not only respected and trusted, but was also proud to be a partner of; she was both the voice of reason among the panicked, and the bright, unwavering flame of hope that guided people through the darkness.
But Weiss also knew that before everything else, Ruby was just a seventeen years old girl who had borne too heavy of a burden for far too long. And that knowledge worried her. If there was one thing she was sure of in that moment, looking at Ruby, it was that she wanted with all of her heart to ease Ruby's hardships; Weiss wasn't sure if she would be of any actual help, but she promised to herself that at the very least she would try her best.
Weiss suddenly noticed that while she'd been spacing out, the chatter had returned to their table. She smiled at the realization, feeling just a little bit more optimistic; then, after a while of listening, she managed to tune in to the conversation, eventually getting swept up in its current.
Even though the prospect of Salem's return hung like heavy clouds over them, they would carry on with their lives, smiling and laughing in defiance as they talked about everything and nothing at all.
The four of them stood in front of the entrance to the dining hall, talking quietly and enjoying what was one of the final warm days of autumn. The soft breeze didn't bother them at all; it was a pleasant sensation, actually, even though the wind did carry the first breath of winter alongside red and golden leaves.
"So, what now? After Ruby gets changed, I mean," Weiss asked, glancing at her pajama-clad partner. "I don't know about you, but I'd like to go for a walk."
Blake seemed quite willing to follow the idea, her ears twitching eagerly. "I wouldn't mind that. Yang?"
"Anywhere you go, Kitten." Yang laughed off the lighthearted punch Blake threw at her, then pulled her into a side hug.
Ruby interlaced her fingers and stretched out her arms, popping her knuckles as she did so. "Yeah, I sure could use some stretching. Count me in," she said, then scratched the back of her head sheepishly. "But I think I need a shower first, if that's okay with you...?"
"Sure, no problem. Want me to go and fetch you some clothes?" Yang asked, pointing over her shoulder in the direction of the ballroom.
"I mean, I still gotta grab my shampoo and stuff."
"Nah, we've got you all set up yesterday, towels and all. Our dorm bathroom, the cabin furthest away from the entrance."
"Oh. Then yeah, if you could. Love you."
"Sure you do," Yang chuckled, ruffling Ruby's hair as she strolled past her. Before she could walk away from their group, however, she realized that Weiss started following her, seemingly intent on not letting her go alone.
The surprised look Yang gave Weiss did not remain unnoticed. "What? You know how the saying goes: you want something done, do it yourself." Her eyes narrowed dangerously. "And I want my weapon back."
"I told you I was sorry I forgot!"
"Speaking of weapons," Ruby chimed in, only partially because she wanted to defuse the situation, "could you also grab Crescent Rose for me while you're at it?"
Weiss' glare softened significantly as she glanced in Ruby's direction; the corners of her mouth twitched ever-so-slightly, after which she simply nodded and walked away with Yang in tow. Ruby silently followed the pair with her gaze, finding the sight of Weiss' elegant figure slowly fading in the distance rather distracting.
It was Blake's voice that roused Ruby from her preoccupied state, startling her a little. "You really miss your little girl, huh?"
Ruby blushed slightly and blinked a few times before realizing that Blake was probably just referring to her scythe. "Y-Yeah, you could say that." Ruby chuckled awkardly, but soon enough her expression darkened, shifting into a more serious one. "But it's not just that. We were in constant danger for so long that now I feel... I dunno, kinda uneasy without her, I guess?"
"I think I can relate."
Ruby gave Blake a sideways look, smiling slyly at the girl. "Said the team's resident paranoiac."
"Hush, you," Blake snickered, playfully bumping Ruby's shoulder. Both she and Ruby cast one last glance at the fading silhouettes of their partners, then, together, they headed towards the dorms.
"That wasn't exactly reassuring, is all I am saying."
The door closed shut behind her as Yang had casually waltzed into the bathroom. She was carrying a small load of black, red and beige in her arms, with Crescent Rose and a pair of combat boots laid on top of the bundle of neatly folded clothes. She pressed onwards along a row of half-transparent glass doors, eventually coming to a halt in front of the one cabin that stood out from the rest — opaque and tinted deep red, with the image of a black, flaming rose emblazoned on the glass.
"Hey, Ru."
She knelt down and slid the parcel beneath the door to the small changing room between the common space and the cabin proper. With her delivery fulfilled, she stood up and leaned against the wall, then lightly knocked on the pane of crimson glass.
"A'ight, the package got delivered. Ya done yet?"
"No," came the muffled reply.
"Soon-ish, then?"
"Nope."
"You'll use all the hot water there is at Beacon, sis."
"Don't care."
"Means no rush for us, got it," Yang muttered under her breath, chuckling. "Alright, we'll wait for you in the courtyard, next to that cool statue. Noted?"
A soft hum of acknowledgment could be heard from the inside and Yang found it to be a sufficient answer. "Okay. See you in a bit, then." With that, she walked out of the bathroom.
As she stepped outside, she was immediately faced with a mildly questioning look coming from Weiss. Yang didn't really understand what was there to be so curious about, but she did sense a great opportunity to mess with the girl.
"Whatever she's doin' in there sure must feel good."
The image Yang had sown took root almost immediately. Weiss blinked a few times and then blushed profusely, imagining things she knew she definitely should not have been imagining. "…pardon?"
One glance at Weiss' face was enough for Yang to burst out laughing, and it took her a hot second to calm down enough to speak again. "She's just hogging all the hot water for herself, so won't be coming out anytime soon. You little perv." Committing the image of the very red and very embarrassed Weiss to her memory, Yang turned to Blake and continued, trying hard to keep her voice steady. "Told her that once she feels like gracing us with her presence, we'll be waiting for her in the courtyard."
"She just got in, to be fair; we talked for a bit. But yeah, fine by me." A sly smile appeared on Blake's lips. "Lead the way, Firecracker."
Quickly catching on to that bit of harmless payback, Yang shot Blake a knowing look and smirked, raising a single brow. Receiving a look both playful and defiant for the only answer, she snickered, then simply shrugged and interlocked her arm with Blake's.
The two of them started heading towards the exit from the dorm building. Weiss lagged a bit behind them, marching very slowly, suddenly and for no apparent reason having very mixed feelings about leaving the spot. She sighed and cast one last, uneasy glance at the door; shaking off her premonition, she turned away and trotted after her teammates, quickly catching up to the couple.
And so the three of them walked down the hall, knowing not of the quiet sobbing that soon poured out from one of the shower cabins.
Once she had heard the soft click of the door closing, Ruby let out a long, shaky breath of relief.
She was standing under a stream of pleasantly warm water, supporting herself with both hands pressed against the wall. Normally, the sensation would've been relaxing, which had been at least partially why she'd wanted to take a shower, but… not this time.
Frankly, that whole setting — her taking a shower at Beacon, of all places — seemed surreal, and not even like a dream would. Rather, she felt out of place, as if witnessing some stranger go about their day somewhere far, far away, in a different world.
Back in the last moments before she'd lost consciousness, she'd fully expected to not make it out alive; made her peace with it, even, as long as she'd get to take Salem with her. And yet, she got to wake up in a reality that seemed both cruel and too good to be true at the same time, left to pick up the pieces of her life and her heart. There was no ceremony, no fanfare, no gradual shift — no nothing. She was supposed to go back to 'normal', she guessed… but she had no idea how, or even if she could.
She wasn't sure how she should feel in her situation. Relieved? Proud? Happy? Never mind the should — Ruby didn't even know how she did feel, unable to make any sense of her emotions. One thing she was certain of: it was not happiness.
She could barely hear water cascading all around her over the incessant chaos inside her head. Intrusive, painful thoughts were shooting through her mind to the dull beat pulsing in her eardrums. She didn't want them, she did nothing to invite them, and yet they'd come all the same, the moment she was left alone.
First came the anger. At Salem. At the Two Idiots, who'd had the bright idea to curse their creation with the worst temper tantrum the world had ever seen. At Ozpin, or Ozma, or whatever — for his failures, mistakes and lies of omission, even though he was probably the greatest victim of it all. At her mom, who'd left her to deal with all of it alone, even though she hadn't meant to. At Cinder, for everything she'd taken from them, and for not suffering enough before death had claimed her.
And at her own self, for feeling that way.
But wasn't she justified? Hadn't she suffered enough?
Her nails were biting into the skin of her palms, not drawing blood only by the virtue of being kept short. Her jaw hurt. Her whole skull felt like it was about to pop. She was trying to calm herself down, even though she'd already realized that it was already too late; a wild torrent of emotions swirled and raged inside her chest, ready to break free and not willing to wait. It was like trying to hold back a river — a mere exercise in futility, but one she had to endure, just for a little longer…
Just long enough for Blake not to be able to hear her.
Pretty soon, her eyes started to feel as if they'd been set aflame under the closed shut eyelids. Her breathing grew heavy, labored, doing little to ground her. She wanted to scream, at the sheer injustice of it all. Scream till there was no air in her lungs and no voice in her throat; till she passed out, and no longer had to deal with her heartache.
She thought of all the sacrifices they had to make, all the things they'd gone through, all the wounds, pain and losses. Of innocence lost and their stolen youth; of hopeless nights and lashing outs. Of impossible choices that no one should be forced to make, much less a fucking teen.
They hadn't deserved it.
The thought of Coco crossed her mind, uninvited; of the proud, bold Huntress who had to put herself beneath four floors of rubble to save her friends, now unable to walk, possibly forever. She thought of Weiss, Ruby's very light, whom she'd failed to protect and almost lost.
She thought of Pyrrha's dying gasps, and had to bite back the wail that tried to escape her throat.
She so wished that Pyrrha and Penny were still alive. They'd deserved to see the end of it.
The first cracks appeared in the dam Ruby had been building up for years, and hot tears began to trail down her cheeks. Although her body was shaking, she still fought the current and fought it bravely; that said, even though her floodgates were sturdy, they would not hold forever.
And soon enough, they burst wide open.
She turned around on her shaky legs and pressed her back against the wet tiles, letting herself slide down to the cabin's floor. She managed to slip and stub her toes against the wall, but she didn't care; she just cried louder, hugged her knees and pulled them closer while warm water continued to pelt her head and face.
She felt small and so, so very lost. She wanted for the heartache to stop, to let go and to move on, but she didn't know how. How could she even begin, after everything? And what had she done to deserve to live on, unlike so many others? Her hands were bloodied and conscience heavy — why did she get to live, if Penny didn't?
Still, it was freeing — to finally let go of all the facades and to just cry, to be selfish, just for a little while. And so she cried the tears of sadness and tears of relief, cried for the lives wasted and innocence lost, for the heroes and victims, both nameless and known. She cried for those who'd been hurt, she cried for her team and her dad, for Jaune, Nora and Ren, for teams CFVY and SSSN... and for her own, torn apart self.
All those deaths, all the suffering, both experienced and caused... was it truly worth it? Ruby believed so. She felt she would break into pieces if she didn't. That said, in the end, all she knew for sure was that they'd have to live with the consequences of their actions... and the memories of those they had lost.
She only hoped that time would heal at least some of the wounds.
Because, in spite of all of her hurt and grief, Ruby did want to live on. To smile again, and to love; to experience everything she'd been denied and retake control of her own life. She had people she wished to share it with, and the thought gave her strength. Even if things like going to grab a pizza or having a dumb pillow fight seemed distant in that moment, she knew they were within her reach — she needed only to take it a step at a time.
Eventually, her wailing became less intense and slowly turned into quiet sobs, then into occasional sniffles as her tears began to run dry. She felt... empty, but not in a bad way; it was good to finally get all those feelings trapped within her out. Inhaling seemed to be easier now, more natural, as if a great weight was lifted from her chest. To be honest she didn't even know what had caused her outburst, but she was glad it had happened. She'd needed it.
With her mind clearer and breathing steadied, she grabbed her shampoo and stood up, then poured the bottle's contents onto her left hand before lathering up her hair. Once the familiar scent of roses filled the shower cabin, Ruby let out a long, relieved sigh.
Author's Note:
It's already after 4 AM at the time I'm typing this A/N so please, bear with me and any potential silly mistakes.
It took me two months. Two. Effing. Months. I hate myself.
Well, that's not quite true. I mean, I still hate myself, but I suppose there are some attenuating circumstances for my tardiness. First of all, it's only a half — well, a bit more — of the monster I've written; total word count was sitting at freakin' 8484 words, so I decided to split it up into two chapters. I supposed it would be easier to 'digest' that way, but it'll also allow me to build some buffer and draw a proper cover for the story. The good news? The next chapter is already done and will be posted within a week, along with the cover. Yay!
The truth is, I've written the whole thing in the past two weeks — hell, I've typed more than 1200 words just today (and lost my sanity somewhere along the way). Why did I begin so late, you ask? Well, partially because I'm a lazy bum, but there were also... other reasons. Long story short, I had a lot of things on my plate lately — burying my godfather among them.
Well, anyway, I hope you liked this chapter. I am actually kind of excited to post it, you know? Mostly because of the last part. If you could spare a moment and write a short review I'd really appreciate it; I promise I'll read and consider them all!
At the end I would like to thank both Alynna Peta and MariZainforth for their reviews (you truly made my day!) and Darkbring3r for answering my language-related questions and providing me with reasons to take sanity breaks (in other words, posting updates to his own stories). And bearing with me talking off his ear.
See you in a week!
Total offtop: has any of you playread the yuri visual novel "Flowers — le volume sur printemps"? No? Then don't. Unless you want to be backstabbed right in the heart and get to feel the knife twisting inside your chest for the good measure, then to join me among those who are condemned to wait a few years in the cliffhanger limbo till the next three volumes are finally translated into English.
You have been warned.
2017-03-04