Chapter XXII: Echoes
"...iss Schnee?"
Weiss blinked. "Huh?" she let out in confusion, shooting the doctor sitting across the table a rather clueless look.
She soon felt her cheeks heat up, realizing she must've gotten distracted. After a bit of paperwork and establishing some ground rules, Dr. Glas had taken a moment to note something down; much to Weiss' embarrassment, that one minute was apparently all she had needed to completely check out.
"Apologies, I spaced out for a moment. What were you saying, Doctor?"
Thankfully, Doctor Glass didn't seem to mind and just shook her head, smiling reassuringly. "Nothing important; I simply asked how was your day." Then, her face took on a slightly more serious expression as she gave Weiss a studious look. "Is something the matter?"
"No, no, it is just... yesterday was a long day," Weiss replied, kneading the right side of her neck. While the previous night had proven blissfully peaceful, the price of falling asleep the way she had was what felt like a literal chip on her shoulder. On top of that, she was still pretty spent after the emotional roller coaster that had been the day prior. Needless to say, she was pretty 'out of it' at the moment. "I learned what transpired between Ruby and Salem. Then we talked... a lot." She left it at that, deciding to keep the details of the conversation to herself for the time being — exactly as instructed.
Besides, she wouldn't know how to even begin explaining the situation.
Doctor's eyebrows rose up in slight surprise, but she recovered quickly. "I see. Good to hear. It could be why she seems more relaxed today."
Weiss perked up at that. "Does she?"
"Yes, though it might simply have to do with the fact that she isn't the one now sitting in front of me," Doctor Glas replied with a small laugh, but then grew more serious as she went on. "That being said, hiding the truth from you, not knowing how you'd react to it... it has undoubtedly been weighing her down. I imagine her mind will be more at ease now, at least a little bit." She paused for a spell, taking note of Weiss' relief, then asked quietly: "But how are you feeling about the situation, Miss Schnee?"
What the doctor was asking about certainly wasn't something Weiss would be comfortable sharing under normal circumstances… but even though miss Cordelia was technically a perfect stranger, Weiss felt a degree of camaraderie towards her. She was a bit like an accomplice, or an ally — they both aimed to help Ruby, and doctor Glas had already given Weiss some information to work with; sharing some of her own perspective only seemed fair.
A cup of tea had been sitting on the table in front of Weiss. She picked it up and took a few careful sips, then lowered it onto her lap. Watching absentmindedly how wisps of steam floated over the surface of her drink, she stayed silent for a few seconds as she tried to formulate her answer.
"Worried. Angry. But also, I do not know..." She waved her hand about, as if fruitlessly trying to grasp a word that was just outside her reach. "Hopeful, almost," she finally said, looking up at the other woman.
Doctor Glas seemed somewhat intrigued by that answer. "Hopeful?" she pressed on.
Weiss furrowed her brow, her hair swaying from one side to the other as she shook her head. "I... do not really know how to explain it," she said. "Ever since I woke up at Beacon, there was that... infuriating blind spot in my vision when it came to Ruby..." holding her hand just outside her field of vision, she briefly gestured with it towards her temple before lowering her arm back onto her lap, "but it's gone now. I still don't really know what I should do, but... I no longer feel so helpless. Ruby wants to move on and I am no longer grasping blindly in the dark; we finally see eye to eye again. We shall figure something out." Her gaze became distant for a moment, and as she thought back to the many hurdles she and Ruby had overcome over the years, a tiny, gentle smile briefly lit up her face. "We always do."
"I'm glad to hear that," Doctor Glas said simply with a warm look in her eyes. There was a small pause after that, a moment of silence that was neither particularly comfortable not the opposite; it simply was, like a dot at the end of a paragraph. Then, before that lull in the conversation could drag on for too long, the doctor let out a soft hum of amusement.
"I must say, Miss Schnee, back when I was first introduced to your music, I never would've thought that our paths would one day cross." She chuckled. "It's... quite humbling, in a way."
"You are familiar with my work, then?" Weiss asked, eyeing miss Cordelia curiously.
"Oh, yes. I certainly can't say I know all your songs by heart, but I believe I've heard everything you've released to date. I also had the pleasure of attending one of your recitals, some..." Doctor Glas paused for a second and thoughtfully tapped her chin with her finger, "four years ago, I believe."
The situation Weiss found herself in did feel slightly awkward, but miss Cordelia's down-to-earth attitude stopped it from turning uncomfortable. The doctor wasn't fawning over Weiss nor passing any judgments; her familiarity with Weiss' art was meant to be little more than an anecdote, a conversation starter. Weiss could work with that.
"And how do you find my music?" she couldn't resist asking.
"Usually I'm more of a House person, but I do enjoy your songs a good deal, especially when I'm in the right mood. Your music always felt rather... soulful, at least to me."
While she'd posed the question purely out of curiosity rather than fishing for praise, Weiss smiled at the sound of what she considered to be a strong compliment. "Why, thank you."
Doctor Glas just nodded politely in a wordless 'you're most welcome'. She then watched Weiss for a heartbeat or two, as if to gauge how amenable Weiss was feeling at that moment before deciding how to steer the conversation. "I'd like to discuss your music with you. Would that be alright?"
"By all means."
A brief but seemingly genuine smile flashed across miss Cordelia's face. "Excellent. You see, I've always wondered how it's like behind the scenes." She leaned in a bit, framing her clipboard with both of her arms as if to hug it. "Long time ago, I wanted to become a musician myself; I picked up the violin when I was little and I absolutely fell in love... sadly, I didn't have that much success in learning." She let out a small, self-conscious chuckle and glanced to the side. "Or perhaps it'd be more correct to say that I lacked patience."
Weiss most certainly understood the feeling — how it had frustrated her when it seemed she'd been making no progress, or when the progress she had made only left her dissatisfied. It'd been years now — over a decade, even — and yet she still remembered the pain of learning a new instrument all too well. "Yes, patience is key when it comes to practice."
"Do you play all the instruments in your songs?"
"No, only the piano. I compose everything myself, but anything other than the piano is either synthesized or performed by paid contractors," Weiss replied. She technically knew how to play a handful different instruments, but she considered her proficiency with them rather lacking — at least when compared to the piano. "Sometimes I would ask Winter — my older sister — to play a couple cello tracks for me, but ever since she joined the military, she has not really had the time to spare."
"Was it your sister who introduced you to creating music?"
The question was innocent enough, but the expression of Weiss' eyes suddenly grew darker. "No. That would be my mother," was her dry response. The words tasted sour as they left her mouth, but rather than flinch, the heiress quickly slipped into her old ways, hiding behind a mask of cold nonchalance. "Before becoming the living ghost that has been haunting the Manor since, she used to be a great pianist, if you can believe that. She was also very supportive of my early career. Later on... not so much." Her lips curled into a sardonic smile as she finished — one that made her cheeks hurt a little.
It probably wasn't the answer the doctor had been expecting, but unlike some other people, she didn't falter after receiving more information than she'd bargained for, nor did she get intimidated by Weiss' callous delivery. She stayed silent for a second or two, looking at Weiss intently while Weiss watched her in kind, with the letter unsuccessfully trying to glean what the doctor was thinking. In the end, Miss Cordelia simply nodded in understanding, seemingly deciding not to push the subject any further just yet.
"Is there any reason in particular why you stuck to writing music over something else?"
Weiss unwittingly relaxed her shoulders somewhat and sunk deeper into the chaise longue she was sitting on. She welcomed that change of the subject — the matter of her mother was a wound recently inflamed and thus she didn't really look forward to exploring it any more than needed.
"I wonder," she hummed thoughtfully as she pondered on that new question. It was a good one, and oddly enough no one had ever asked her that, so it took her a moment to find her answer. She quickly realized she couldn't really reply in earnest without bringing up her family drama, but this time around Weiss had far fewer reservations about doing so.
"My family had me try out various arts, and so I did, albeit with varying degrees of success. Nothing else really stuck, for some reason — perhaps because all those things were being forced onto me by my father," she said matter-of-factually, punctuating her response with a brief, wry smile. She hadn't even needed to fake her apathy this time — whether it was because her father was a dead man, or because she'd simply gotten desensitized to it, nowadays talking about his particular brand of parenting filled Weiss with indifference and little else.
Weiss looked down at the cup of tea that sat in her lap and let out a small sigh. "As for why I never stopped singing... I needed an outlet, I suppose."
The session lasted for a good while after that, but all questions that came later were pretty safe. Personal at times, yes, but tame nonetheless, with both Weiss and her interviewer giving a wide berth to the subject of Weiss' familial situation. It wasn't always possible to avoid it completely, but Doctor Glas never took the opportunity to steer the conversation down that road. They really just talked about Weiss' music.
Weiss had been asked about her favorite song of her own, her musical inspirations, her most memorable performance, things like that; she'd also been questioned about the meaning behind a handful of her songs, but whether by design or by chance, none of the songs Doctor Glas had picked were as emotionally charged as Mirror Mirror or the like. It wasn't the easiest conversation Weiss had held in her life, that was for sure... but it was quite engaging, in its own way.
At some point well into the session, just after Weiss had finished answering yet another question, the doctor glanced at the watch she wore on the inside of her left wrist, then looked up at Weiss and put down her clipboard. "Well, that'd be it for today," she stated brightly, standing up from her armchair. As Weiss followed suit and also got up, miss Cordelia flashed her a brief, somewhat sheepish smile. "Apologies if the questions were pretty basic compared to the interviews you might've had; I'm sadly just a layman when it comes to music."
"Actually, it was pretty refreshing," Weiss replied honestly, then allowed herself to let out a small laugh in response to the slightly puzzled look directed her way. With her lips bent into an amused smirk, she clarified: "Most of the interviewers I've dealt with dropped the pretense of being interested in my music pretty quickly; fishing for drama was what they were really after."
Doctor Glas gave her a sympathetic look. She then seemed to consider something for a spell, but quickly returned back to reality and flashed Weiss a brief smile. "Well, let's not keep Ruby waiting."
"Feel like grabbing some hot chocolate?" Ruby's voice called out to her, bringing Weiss back to her senses for the fifth time within the last quarter of an hour.
Weiss glanced at Ruby, feeling a tiny pang of guilt in her chest as she spotted hints of worry behind Ruby's bright facade. Guided by the girl's pointing hand, the blue eyes turned towards a small café just across the street from the two of them.
In all fairness, Weiss probably could use some sugar. "Oh. Sure, why not," she replied, trying to muster a casual smile; somehow, she couldn't shake off the feeling that it turned out rather apologetic.
Weiss... hadn't been the most accommodating conversational partner while she and Ruby were on their way home. Ever since they'd left the practice, Ruby had been trying to keep Weiss' mind off of things. The girl was simply looking out for Weiss, and even though Weiss appreciated it, she'd been responding either curtly or with silence; every now and then she would just tune out completely and follow her partner like a mindless drone — so mindless, in fact, that she only now noticed that Ruby had led her to an area of Patch Weiss had never been to. Looking around at the unfamiliar streets and buildings, Weiss trailed behind her friend as the two of them entered the store.
One could say that Weiss had been getting lost in thought, but she wouldn't particularly agree with that assessment, as it would imply that she'd been thinking about anything at all while zoning out. She hadn't. Her mind had simply been... turning off, putting her on autopilot.
She was completely drained, mentally; while she'd been doing just fine for the duration of her session, a massive wave of exhaustion had washed over her the moment she'd crossed the doorstep and left, making it hard for her to concentrate on conversation for any prolonged period of time. That aside, she was fine, really... which made her feel kind of bad for worrying Ruby.
Ruby had ordered and paid for their drinks before Weiss had even registered it. With paper cups warming their hands, the girls left the shop and went across the street, entering a quaint little patch of greenery tucked between the nearby houses. A little ways into that tiny park, Ruby skipped on ahead and sat on a wooden bench with the frame of black steel; looking towards Weiss, she patted the spot next to her invitingly.
Weiss complied with that silent request and sat down next to Ruby. Neither of them spoke for a long while, sipping their drinks and enjoying the scenery. The chocolate was just fine, sweet but not overwhelmingly so, filling Weiss with pleasant warmth that helped her stave off the chill of that autumn evening. The sun was still out, but even if it hadn't been hiding behind the nearby buildings, it was not long for that world; while the time hadn't yet come, streetlights would flicker to life all around them pretty soon.
It was a rather quiet neighborhood that Ruby had taken Weiss to, even by Patch standards; she had likely picked the area for that exact reason, hoping to provide Weiss with a moment of serenity. Ruby herself just stayed silent, there if Weiss needed her. Such thoughtfulness was largely unnecessary... but really sweet nonetheless.
Having downed about a third of her drink, Weiss took it away from her lips and placed it in her lap; the cup felt pleasantly warm against her palm and thigh. Bundling herself up in her white pea coat, Weiss let her head droop onto her friend's shoulder.
"You alright?" Ruby asked softly.
"Yes, I'm fine. Just... tired," Weiss replied. A small laugh reverberated within her throat. "Who would've thought that talking about my music would be so exhausting, right?"
Ruby didn't comment on that latter remark, but Weiss could tell it wasn't for the lack of interest; rather, her silence was an empty stage, open for Weiss if she wanted to elaborate on the matter. Weiss entertained the idea for a spell, but wasn't convinced she had the energy nor clarity of mind to really explain herself.
"Let's stay here for a while, hm?" she murmured instead, closing her eyes. Ruby replied to that with a soft hum that seemed to say warmly 'take all the time you need'.
Being that up close, Weiss realized that the headset the Dolt had been wearing around her neck was still playing music, having never been turned off after Weiss had rejoined her in the waiting room. Weiss listened to it for some time until it became little more than white noise, barely getting registered by her brain while she continued to look for inner peace. She didn't think about anything much, letting her mind clear as she was getting lost in the tranquility of the moment.
Ruby's presence stuck with her throughout. Her warmth, her smell, her closeness, there was always something calming about it all — it helped Weiss ground and collect herself, to pause for just long enough to stop beating off-key; a precious rare moment when she could drop all the pretenses and breathe easy.
Perhaps she had been stressed all that time, without really realizing it; perhaps that had been the reason why her thoughts were getting all jumbled up on the way home. In that moment, it was as if an invisible layer of frost that had been covering her body was gradually melting and breaking away, leaving her lighter and more at ease the longer she lingered in Ruby's soothing presence.
When Weiss opened her eyes, it was clear that some time had passed. The scenery around them had changed — the sky was starting to turn purple and would've likely been dotted with the first stars if not for the nearby streetlights that had already come to life.
It seemed that she'd zoned out for maybe ten minutes; certainly not much longer than that, as the cup in her hand hadn't gone completely cold yet. She took a sip of her chocolate, wincing a bit as the liquid that could barely pass for lukewarm touched her tongue; sadly, cold 'hot' chocolate wasn't quite the same.
Out of the corner of her eye, Weiss saw that Ruby turned to look at her, alerted by the motion. Resigning herself to her fate, Weiss sighed and went on to finish her drink before placing the now-empty cup back in her lap.
"It... wasn't quite what I'd been expecting," Weiss spoke up after a while of silence. Her mind was clearer now and the sugar helped her wake up a little, too. "I believed she'd be interrogating me about my personal life, my family matters, my self-image... but all we talked about was my interest in music. Even after some of my family drama came up, we stuck to music." A small laugh broke free from within her chest. "Honestly, I used to wish that my interviewers were half as interested in my work as she was. I thought it'd be entertaining, and it kind of was... but Dust, that talk completely drained me. Which is kind of odd, since we haven't even touched any of the really personal pieces."
Ruby kept quiet for a brief while, carefully considering what Weiss had just said. "Odd? I dunno," she eventually spoke up, causing Weiss to look at her with interest. "You're the type of person that puts a lot of meaning and emotion into the things you do, but you don't really talk about your feelings out loud. I suppose your songs are kind of an exception to that... but are they really? I mean, yeah, you pour your heart into the lyrics and put them out in public, but the songs themselves act like buffers- err, vehicles? Proxy? Medium?"
A smile appeared on Weiss' face; it continued to widen with each of Ruby's attempts, eventually breaking into a tiny grin that caused the poor girl to get even more flustered. Those days, it didn't happen that often to Ruby that she struggled to find the right word, but whenever it did, Weiss couldn't help but find Ruby's agitated expression absolutely adorable.
"Intermediary?" Ruby tried once again before giving up.
Weiss' voice broke out in a small giggle. "I think I get what you mean," she said, then grudgingly pried her eyes away from Ruby's face, laying them on the gravel path running beneath her feet. "Even if people do believe there's an actual, personal story behind the music, the real meaning is obfuscated and up to interpretation, isolating myself from the listener."
She never really thought about it that way — to Weiss, she was baring her heart in the songs she wrote. It was almost funny, how starkly different Ruby's point of view was, but at the same time it made a surprising amount of sense in her mind. At the end of the day, Weiss' songs were just echoes — mere shadows cast on a wall, removed from the original source. To drop the veil and discuss the true nature of things behind that projection was an act much more... intimate. And intimacy, being vulnerable... those were not things Weiss was very good at, much less accustomed to.
"I'm that bad at opening up to others, huh?" she wondered out loud, actually kind of impressed with herself.
"It does take you a while, yes," Ruby admitted with a laugh. To some random onlooker, it might've seemed like she was poking fun at her friend, but Ruby's voice sounded warm in Weiss' ears — almost as warm as was the delicate smile that blossomed on Ruby's face shortly after. "It can be quite endearing, though."
It was an infectious kind of warmth, taking hold of the heart and from there spreading outwards like a fever, bringing some flush to Weiss' cheeks and traveling up and down her spine as a pleasant shiver. Her lips curled into an upturned arc, briefly mirroring Ruby's expression before Weiss' eyes acted on their own and meekly turned away. "Thanks."
"It's true!"
Weiss huffed out a small laugh and shook her head, amused. "No, not for that," she replied, earning herself a slightly puzzled look. Convinced that the weight she felt on the tip of her tongue was a fully formed explanation, she tried to speak, only to freeze up and feel like a fool when no words came forth. The truth was — as she belatedly came to realize — that she didn't really know what she was thanking Ruby for... or, rather, how exactly should she put it. Ruby's expectant stare didn't offer much help as Weiss desperately scrambled for words.
Was it about Ruby simply being her friend? For caring? For making her feel safe? For having taken the time to figure Weiss out? It was all of those, and more; in the end, Weiss settled on something along the lines of 'for accepting her for who she was'... but before any sound could make its way past her already parted lips, Ruby had spoken first.
"You're welcome," she said softly, her pinky finger brushing against Weiss' outer thigh in a gentle gesture of reassurance. Ruby wasn't smiling, per se, but there was a tender, knowing look in her eyes that made Weiss believe that no explanations were necessary — that she understood.
Deciding to rest her case right there, Weiss blew a tiny huff through her nose, part-amused and part-touched that Ruby had just made her point for her. That said, whatever traces of a smile graced her features vanished pretty quickly as she looked at Ruby's face and unwittingly thought back to the day prior. With a certain question already on the tip of her tongue, Weiss cast down her gaze and licked her lower lip.
"And how are you holding up?" she asked quietly.
Ruby glanced in her direction with a quirked brow. "After yesterday, you mean?" After a small nod of affirmation from Weiss, she drew in a deep breath and threw her head back; her cheeks puffed like a chipmunk's, she stared thoughtfully at the darkening sky for a good few seconds before finally releasing a soft sigh and answering. "I think I've had enough emotional roller coasters to last me for a while," she admitted with a small laugh. "That said... I'm better off for it, I think. Better than I've been in some time. Like, it wasn't exactly how I wanted to tell you, yeah, and it's kinda a pain in the butt when I think about it... but it's been a huge relief, too."
A wry, self-deprecating smile crept onto her face and she shot Weiss a brief glance, only to have her eyes drop to the floor but a moment after, as if she couldn't hold the contact. "It sucked, keeping you in the dark because my dumb ass was too afraid to tell you, as if I didn't trust you with it..." Ruby seemed to have mentally kicked herself as soon as the words had left her mouth; she scoffed with disdain at her own self and shook her head. "Oh who am I kidding, that's exactly what it was." She lifted her gaze and sought out Weiss' eyes, a look of regret washing over her face. "I'm sorry."
Weiss frowned, lightly taken aback. She could agree that trust was the issue here, but somehow she didn't buy that it was trust in Weiss that Ruby lacked... nor was it lack of trust in her friends that Ruby showed every time she dismissed their concerns with various I'm-fines.
Rather, looking at Ruby, Weiss saw a glimpse of her own old self: afraid that no-one would ever treasure her for who she truly was under all that pretense. What Ruby seemed to actually have had no trust in was her self-worth, perceiving herself as a bother, or perhaps as broken and defective; ironic, considering that it was her that reminded Weiss how to believe in herself.
Weiss accepted the apology with a soft, appreciative hum. Though she disagreed with Ruby's assessment, she saw no real point in trying to argue; instead, she simply returned her head to its resting spot on Ruby's shoulder. She didn't believe there was anything to forgive. Yes, Ruby's secrecy had done little but hurt both of them... but Weiss didn't fault her for it, and she wanted her to know that.
Her little gesture of affection managed to soothe Ruby's worries somewhat. Before long, Ruby's shoulder gave in and sagged a bit under the weight of Weiss' head, and Weiss could've sworn that she'd heard a tiny sigh of relief leave Ruby's lungs soon thereafter. The girl deflated a bit against Weiss' arm, leaning into her ever-so-slightly. The two of them then sat in silence for some time — maybe a minute or two — until a certain thought crossed Weiss' mind and she spoke up.
"Ruby?" The girl stirred as Weiss called her name. "I'll have some business to attend to over the next week, so I might not be around much during afternoons. Will that be alright?"
"Sure; no-one's stopping you," Ruby fired back without thinking, only to get immediately flustered as soon as it occurred to her how her answer could've come across.
Feeling rather mischievous all of a sudden, Weiss straightened her back and gave Ruby a sly look, making the face that had 'oh wow, that's cold' written all over it — all the while trying really hard not to laugh.
Ruby was quick to correct her blunder, launching into her clarification with a certain frantic energy that made it appear that she was in a bit of a rush to clear things up. "I mean, not that I don't like having you around or something — it's been pretty great actually, these past few days — but, like... don't feel obliged to spend every waking moment hanging out with me just because you're technically staying over at my place, you know?" Ruby knew, of course, that Weiss was just teasing her, which only served to somehow make that little outburst seem even more endearing.
Having paused briefly to catch her breath, Ruby flashed Weiss a sheepish smile and carried on — this time at a more reasonable pace. "You're free to head out on your own if you've got something to do, or just feel like it." She then chuckled and hung her head, swaying it lightly from side to side in playful disbelief. "I swear I've still got no idea how you don't get fed up with me."
"I happen to like your company," came the honest reply. It was surprisingly easy and natural for Weiss to admit it — so easy, in fact, that even to Weiss herself it seemed slightly out of character. To save face, she let out a small chuckle and added: "Bit of an acquired taste, if you will."
"Like coffee?" Ruby asked with a grin, clearly amused.
At that, a smirk spread across Weiss' face. "With cream and five sugars."
Author's Note:
Hi again! Guess it's been a while, huh. Sorry for that; the other project kept me a tad busy. The groundwork has been laid out already so the worst of it is behind me, but AtS updates might be slow while I'm still getting the hang of things and waiting for the business to pick up. Hopefully not three-months slow, but hey, a heads-up.
I guess it's fair to say that this update turned out to be on the short and sweet side. Emphasis short, sadly. Apologies for that, especially considering the length of the wait, but hopefully it was enjoyable enough to read.
If you're a Dungeon Master looking for some battlemaps for your games, or just want to check out what I've been up to in the meantime, you may want to look for Terkographer.
In any case, thanks for reading (and patience); I'll see you in the next update.
UPDATE 07.04.2023
Some people still seem to swing by and visit this ol' story every now and then (thank you! it means a lot!), so I figured I should probably update you a bit on how things are going on my end.
Long story short, I'm still around and still planning on continuing this story, even if it'd be just for myself and the few loyal readers that still drop by. I've been busy as hell, and not doing too hot at the moment. Nothing too terrible, but enough for my hair to start thinning a bit :') the next chapter is about halfway done and I'm slowly chipping away at it; I'll post it as soon as I'm done.