A/N: I hereby present to you the next chapter of Hear it in the Silence, in which we see Jed and Abbey dealing with the events of the previous chapter, Jeremy tells Abbey to take care of herself, and Jed reaches an interesting conclusion regarding his father.
When the first light of morning began to colour the sky, Abigail Barrington was struck by its pure beauty, and as streaks of gold appeared, she couldn't tear her eyes away from the window. Though she was beyond exhausted, she was transfixed by the pure normalcy of the rising sun, marveling at the fact that it continued in spite of the fact that their lives had been changed forever, and she shook her head slowly. She could hear Jed's even breathing next to her, smiling sadly as she reached out to run her fingers softly through his hair, and when Jeremy's alarm broke the easy silence, he turned away from the noise.
Jeremy muttered a few choice words as he turned off the offending device, and when he pulled himself out of bed, he rubbed his eyes tiredly. It took several minutes for him to notice that Abbey was awake and when he finally glanced in her direction, he offered her a smile.
"Morning, Abbey. Damn, that's not something I thought I'd ever hear myself say."
She laughed quietly, glancing at Jed to make sure he hadn't woken.
"I know what you mean."
"Did you sleep at all?"
Abbey sighed, shaking her head slowly. There was no sense in denying it, not when she knew she must look as exhausted as she felt.
"No," she admitted, "I think I dozed off for about half an hour sometime around one, but that's it. I just kept watching him, checking to see if he needed anything. Hey, Jeremy, do you know if he has a list of phone numbers anywhere?"
Jeremy frowned, trying to remember if he had ever noticed one, then shook his head.
"I don't think so. Why?"
"I just needed to make a call, but I don't know the number. I suppose I could call information and ask. I should probably also call my parents and let them know what's happened. They adore Jed, I know they'd want to offer their support."
Jeremy nodded, looking at her seriously.
"If you want to call, I can stay with Jed. I don't have class for an hour, and it's not like it takes me that long to shower."
Abbey shook her head, looking at Jed before speaking, thankful that he seemed to be sleeping peacefully.
"I should be here when he wakes up. I'd never forgive myself if he needed me and I wasn't here."
Just as Jeremy was preparing to tell her just how much he admired her dedication, Jed turned to face them, his eyes slowly opening in the bright light of the sun. He glanced around the room, seemingly confused as to why he hadn't been awoken by the sound of Jeremy's alarm, and when he noticed Abbey was still next to him in the bed, he wrapped his arm around her waist.
"You stayed," he said softly.
"Of course I did," she answered, "You asked me to. Did you think I would sneak out in the middle of the night?"
Jed shrugged, moving closer to her, his head buried in her shoulder. Abbey frowned at the action, though she couldn't have really explained why it made her worried, and when Jeremy spoke from his side of the room, she jumped.
"I'm going to go find some breakfast. Either of you want anything?"
"Coffee," Abbey said immediately, "As black as you can get it."
He smiled.
"You got it, doc. What about you, Bartlet? Coffee, toast, eggs, bacon? Anything?"
Jed shook his head, not looking up from his current position. Thanking Jeremy as he left, Abbey turned her attention to her boyfriend, still laying next to her with his head on her shoulder, his arm draped around her waist, and when he spoke suddenly, his breath was warm on her skin.
"Thank you for staying."
Abbey smiled, turning her head just enough that she could kiss his forehead, and when she spoke next, she made sure to keep her voice as neutral as she possibly could.
"Jed, what's Mrs. Landingham's number?"
After several long moments, Jed recited the number for her, not even glancing at her as she wrote it down, and though she had fully expected him to ask why she had requested it, he said nothing. This also worried her slightly, but Jeremy chose that precise moment to return with her coffee, and as he held it out to her, she gave him a grateful smile.
"Thank you so much."
"Don't mention it. How in the hell can you drink that without cream or sugar, though? Hell, even milk would be better than nothing."
Abbey laughed, taking a careful drink of the scalding liquid.
"I like my coffee to taste like coffee. Jed keeps trying to corrupt me, but so far, it hasn't worked."
She slowly untangled herself from Jed's hold, leaning down to kiss him softly, and she tore off the sheet of paper she'd hastily scrawled Mrs. Landingham's number on, slipping it into her pocket.
"I have to make a few phone calls, baby. I'll be right down the hall if you need anything, okay?"
He nodded, pulling his blankets more tightly around his body, and when she walked past Jeremy, she gave him a stern look, silently telling him to keep an eye on Jed while she was gone. He gave a nod of understanding and as she slipped quietly down the hall to the common area, she blinked tiredly.
God, this was going to be a long day…
As soon as she heard Mrs. Landingham's voice on the line, Abbey was almost certain she had made a mistake in calling her, but she pushed the feeling aside, shaking her head to clear it. This call wasn't about her feelings, it was for Jed, and she would have rather died than risk causing him even more pain.
"Mrs. Landingham, this is Abigail Barrington. Jed's girlfriend. We met at the beginning of the school year."
"Of course, I know who you are. I can honestly say I wasn't expecting to hear from you, though. To what do I owe the pleasure?"
Abbey sighed, feeling relieved but also nervous, and took the plunge.
"I wanted to ask a few questions, if you don't mind."
"By all means, Abbey. Go ahead."
"How did Jed's father die?"
"I'm not one hundred percent sure, but I believe it was a heart attack. I only found out about it because one of the women who works at the boarding school called me. She was trying to find a way to reach Jed and Jonathan, so I told her that I would call them. How is Jed handling it?"
"I'm not sure," Abbey admitted, "It doesn't seem to have sunken in yet. I also wanted to ask about the funeral service. That typically falls to the eldest child in situations like this, but Jed doesn't seem to be in any condition to plan one. What would you suggest I do? I want to make this as easy for him as I possibly can."
"I would think in this case, Jed's grandfather will be handling it. I can try to ask around and see if that's the route they're taking. I can call you with the details as soon as I know more."
"Thank you," Abbey breathed, leaning against the wall in relief, "I know you and Jed's father weren't on good terms, so I know this can't be easy for you to do. I appreciate your help and kindness so much more than you know."
"I'm not doing it for Dr. Bartlet. That man can rot as far as I'm concerned. I'm doing this for Jed. That boy has suffered enough on behalf of his father, and anything I can do to help is my pleasure to do," Mrs. Landingham replied warmly, "and I want you to look after Jed. He'll try to push you away and pretend like it isn't affecting him, but don't let him. I know how much he means to you, so I don't really need to tell you that, but I'm telling you anyway."
"Yes, ma'am. I can give you the number to my dorm common area if you have a pen."
She carefully gave her the number and after thanking her again, Abbey hung up the phone, taking a deep breath as she prepared to dial another number. She punched in the number for her parents' house, trying to control the shaking in her hands, and when she heard the familiar greeting, it took everything she had to keep from bursting into tears.
"Barrington residence."
"Hi, Dad."
"Abbey! What a nice surprise! You don't usually call until the end of the week. It's pretty early, is everything okay?"
The sound of her father's voice, so warm and caring, was such a contrast to the way Jed's father had treated him, and it hit her suddenly that Jed had never had a loving relationship with him and now, he never would. It was like a punch in the stomach, and she drew in a shaky breath, blinking as she tried to speak.
"Dad…"
"Abbey, what is it? What's wrong?"
"It's…it's Jed," she said, her tears threatening to spill over, "His father died, and I—"
She broke off, unable to keep herself from crying, and when she heard her father's voice, it only served to make her tears fall faster.
"Oh, honey…is Jed alright?"
"I don't—I don't know," her voice broke as she tried to control her breathing, "He hasn't really said anything since it happened. He's pretty much been lying down since he got the phone call yesterday afternoon. He hasn't eaten, he hasn't cried, he hasn't spoken to anyone…I don't know what to do. I don't know how to help. I can't pretend like I'm sad about it, because his father was a horrible man, but I just feel so upset for Jed."
"There's not much you can do, sweetheart. Just be there when he needs you, and he will. Listen if he wants to talk, and just make sure he knows how much you care. When is the funeral?"
"I don't know," she sniffed, "His sister is going to call as soon as she has more details."
"Okay. Call us and let us know as soon as you know. We'll be there."
"Dad, you don't have—"
"I know," he said gently, "but Jed needs all the support he can get right now, and we're going to give it to him. You love Jed, and even though we've not gotten much chance to know him, he seems like a very good person."
"Thanks, Dad. I should go. I love you."
"Love you too, honey."
As she placed the phone back on the cradle, Abbey leaned her head against the wall, trying (and failing) to stop her tears from falling.
Though he knew Jeremy was watching him from the other side of the room, Jed couldn't have cared less as he lay on his bed, his eyes closed as he tried to make sense of the last few hours. This time yesterday, he still had a father. How had that changed in less than twenty-four hours? It just didn't seem possible. How could someone exist one day and simply vanish the next? He knew the logistics behind death, he wasn't a stranger to it, but his mind simply refused to understand how one could suddenly cease to exist on the mortal coil.
He'd seen the concern in Abbey's eyes that morning when she'd left the room, but he didn't have the energy to tell her that she didn't need to worry about his being sad, because he didn't feel sad. He didn't feel much of anything, if he were being completely honest, and while he knew that should probably have worried him, it was too much effort to be concerned. All he really wanted to do was sleep, but even that seemed too complicated at the moment.
The opening of the door signaled Abbey's return, and he cracked his eyes open, watching her walk across the room. Her eyes were red, obvious tear tracks staining her skin, and though he couldn't have explained it, the sight filled him with an anger he hadn't expected. She sat down on the edge of his bed, not noticing the look in his eyes, and when he spoke, he couldn't hide the anger in his voice.
"You've been crying," his tone was almost accusatory.
She frowned, glancing at him.
"What?"
"You've been crying," he repeated, "Are you seriously trying to tell me that you shed a tear over him? You hated my father, Abbey, so why would you be sad about his death? I would think you would be off celebrating somewhere."
"Jed—"
"No, don't let me stop you! Go out and get a bottle of champagne to toast him with. Even better, buy a cake! Might as well make it a real party."
"Jed," Jeremy said quietly, "don't do this, man."
"Don't do what?" he asked, a slightly hysterical note in his voice, "All I'm saying is that there's no reason for her to be sad about this when she didn't even like him."
"You're upset, and you're taking it out on Abbey. Why don't you just take a breath and calm down?"
"Calm down? You really just told me to calm down? I would think this is the perfect time to not calm down. What's the point of someone dying if you can't be upset about it? You know what, I don't have to explain myself to you. Just get out and leave me alone."
"You can't kick me out, Jed," Jeremy reminded him, "This is my room, too."
"Jed, maybe you—" Abbey started.
"Abbey, for the love of God, please just let me deal with this. I need to be left alone."
Abbey knew he was lashing out at her because he didn't know of any other way to deal with the pain, and she merely nodded, giving Jeremy a sympathetic look as she passed. She gave Jed one last look over her shoulder as she opened the door, and when it had closed behind her, Jeremy shook his head in disbelief.
"Never thought I would live to see the day when you would kick Abbey out. Don't you think you might have been a little hard on her?"
Jed stayed silent, the question hanging heavily between them, and when it became clear that he wasn't going to get an answer, Jeremy sighed, pretending to read a book as he watched his friend from the corner of his eyes. He might have been acting irrationally, but it was still Jed, and he still needed him, whether he realized it yet or not.
Several hours later, Jeremy was forced to admit that he was starving, and after asking Jed if he needed anything, he set off in search of something to ease the gnawing hunger in his stomach. He knew Jed was grieving, knew he hadn't meant any of the hurtful things he'd said, but he would have been lying if he'd said it hadn't hurt just the same. He considered Jed his family and knowing that he didn't feel comfortable opening up to him stung more than he would have expected. Still, this wasn't about him. Jed was going through an unimaginable hell, and he certainly didn't need anyone making it worse.
He pulled the door closed, nearly tripping over something in the hallway, and he jumped when he realized that it was a person.
"Abbey? What are you doing out here?"
She shrugged, leaning back against the wall, and he frowned as he looked down at her.
"How long have you been sitting outside the door?"
"I never left," she answered quietly, "I know he's angry right now, but it's just because that's the only way he knows how to deal with it. I couldn't stand the thought of leaving him, so…here I am."
Jeremy nodded, feeling more respect for her than he knew how to put into words, and as he stopped to truly look at her, he noticed just how dark the shadows under her eyes were.
"How are you handling this? I know you never met Jed's father, but…"
She shook her head, her eyes closed.
"I didn't need to. I saw the effect of his abuse every time Jed got near him. I don't particularly care about his father. I'm not worried about him; his fate is in God's hands now."
"Mind if I sit?"
She gave him a smile as she shook her head, turning to look at him when he sat down next to her, their knees almost touching.
"You said you're not worried about him. What are you worried about? Clearly something's on your mind. Spit it out, doc. You'll feel better."
Abbey laughed softly, realizing that he was making quite a bit of sense, and she nodded slowly.
"I'm worried about Jed. Even in the best of situations, losing your father is unbearable and Jed has never had a parental figure he can rely on. He spent his entire life trying desperately to make his father proud of him and enduring years of abuse, on so many different levels. Until now, every decision he's made has been based around his father's approval and now that he's gone, I'm just…I'm so scared for how this is going to affect him. He's lashing out right now because he hasn't really grasped the reality of the situation, and when he does…you saw how he was a few nights ago and that was just because of a damn letter."
Jeremy nodded, wrapping his arm around her in a hug, and when he kissed her cheek, he could taste the salt from her tears.
"What if he does something reckless and gets himself killed?" she said, her voice barely above a whisper, "Grief makes you do things you would never consider under normal circumstances."
"I don't think Jed would do that. He's got something most people don't, and I think it will make all the difference in the world."
"I told you; grief makes people—"
"He's got you, Abbey," he told her seriously, "If anyone can bring Jed back to sanity, it's you."
"I hope you're right," she whispered.
"You know, I actually am right quite often, and yet people are always surprised."
The words made her laugh, making him feel more relieved than he could have ever explained. If there was one thing he hated, it was seeing Abbey so upset. He didn't have a sister, but he'd be damned if he didn't consider her family just as much as he did Jed. She wiped her hand under her eyes, taking a slow breath, and when he gave her a smile, she returned it weakly.
"Please make sure he stays safe tonight," she said quietly, "and if you need me, I'll probably still be out here."
"I have a feeling you won't be out here long. But hey, I'm gonna go grab dinner. You want anything?"
"No, thanks."
He frowned, looking at her seriously.
"Abbey, you haven't slept since you woke up yesterday for class. You need to eat, too. You'll end up in worse shape than Jed if you aren't careful."
She smiled sadly.
"Don't worry about me, Jeremy. I'm always careful."
Even as he stood to walk down to the cafeteria, Jeremy wasn't so sure.
As he sat reading over the letters his father had sent him during his college years, Jed frowned, trying to make sense of the fact that he would never again receive a letter that his father's hands had touched. Though they were always cold and strict, it still made him sad when he thought about his father's final moments. Had he regretted the way he had treated his sons? Had he been afraid? Was there any pain? Had he been aware of what was happening as he took his last breath?
There were so many emotions spinning around in his head, and as he tried to find one to focus on, he closed his eyes. For all his faults, he had still been his father, still been the only one who had provided for him over the course of his life, and though he knew his mother had loved him, his memories of her were so faded now that he wasn't sure he could even recall her face. God, he missed her.
He had saved nearly every single letter his father had sent, though he couldn't have explained why even if he'd tried, and as he read over the carefully written words, he felt the rush of anger again. How was it fair that his father had died without ever apologizing for his actions? For the cruel things he had said over the years? How was it right that Jed would never have the chance to know what it felt like to see him looking at him with pride?
The short answer was that it wasn't fair, and no amount of prayer or wishful thinking would ever make it so. His eyes began to burn with tears as he continued to read, and when he could no longer make out the words on the page, he threw them onto his bedside table, slamming his hand down on the surface harder than he had intended. The pain grounded him, and he did it again, sparing no thought for the still-healing cuts on his skin, and when he felt the tears falling from his eyes, he swore softly.
The door opened slowly, Jeremy holding an apple between his teeth, and when he noticed Jed, it fell from his mouth, landing on the floor with a thud.
"Jed, are you—"
Jeremy jumped when Jed's hand connected with the bedside table again, and he took a quick step backward, nearly tripping over his apple.
"Shit," he whispered, opening the door, "Abbey, you might want to come in here."
Abbey was inside the room within a fraction of a second, and she ran across the floor to Jed, grabbing his wrist as he pulled it back again.
"Jed, stop," her voice was firm but not ungentle, "You're going to break something and I'd rather it not be your hand."
"I can't, Abbey," Jed's voice broke on her name, tears streaming down his face, "He's gone and I'm not—I can't…"
He tried to pull his hand free from her grasp, but her fingers tightened on his wrist, keeping him mostly immobile. She knew he would have no trouble physically overpowering her if he truly wanted to, but that was the least of her worries.
"Stop," she repeated softly, "Hurting yourself won't bring him back and it won't give you closure."
She sat down on the bed beside him, still holding his wrist in her hand, and when he looked at her, the pain in his eyes was almost enough to take her breath away.
"I yelled at you," he said in quiet horror, "I kicked you out, I was so terrible to you."
"I didn't leave," she said, her grip on his wrist loosening slightly, "I was right outside the door the whole time."
"But I was—oh god, Abbey, I didn't mean any of it, I'm so sorry."
He threw his arms around her, sobbing into her shoulder, and as she held him, she ran her fingers through his hair slowly.
"Shh…" she whispered, "I know, baby. It's okay. I promise."
"I'm so sorry, Abbey."
"Shhh…"
Abbey knew that nothing she could say would lessen the pain he was feeling, so she stayed silent, hoping that she was providing even a small measure of comfort, and when she realized that his tears were beginning to slow, she felt a wave of relief.
"Abbey?"
"Hm?"
"Would you—I know you didn't like him, but…will you come to the funeral?"
Jed pulled back to look at her, sapphire meeting emerald, and Abbey knew there was no possible way she could refuse, even if she had tried.
"Is that what you want?"
He nodded, his expression serious.
"Yeah."
"Of course I will," she said gently, "You didn't really think I would leave you to deal with this alone, did you?"
"Not really," he admitted, laughing sadly, "but it's not the kind of thing you just assume. Especially not after the way I treated you earlier."
He paused, frowning as a thought occurred to him, and when he looked at her again, his eyes were puzzled.
"Did you really sit outside in the hallway for the last four hours?"
Abbey nodded, reaching out to wipe away the remnants of his tears, smiling as she answered.
"Yeah. That floor is kind of uncomfortable, in case you were ever wondering."
Jeremy laughed and Jed jumped, having almost forgotten that he was in the room.
"Why?" Jed asked.
"I love you," Abbey replied quietly, "That doesn't mean that I only love you when things are good. It means that I love you unconditionally and that no matter how pissed off I am or what might be said out of anger or fear, I'll still be here when you need me. My parents told me once that when you're in a relationship with someone, whether that's friendship, romantic, or even just family, always remember to fight from and with love. We might disagree on things, we're going to drive each other insane sometimes, but at the end of the day, we're on the same team."
"I really don't deserve you, Abigail," Jed said quietly, "but I'm so glad I have you in my life. I love you so much."
"As long as you always remember that you don't deserve me, we'll be fine, babe," Abbey joked, smiling at him warmly, "and I love you, too. Even when you're acting like a jackass."
Jed smiled and though it lacked his usual enthusiasm, considering the circumstances, Abbey cherished the sight more than she could ever remember.
Though she knew she was here to support Jed, Abbey felt wildly out of place as they walked into the funeral parlor, clinging more tightly to his hand than she intended, hoping no one would think she was intruding on a private moment. Jeremy and Millie were a few steps behind them, and Abbey was eternally grateful that they had both agreed to come to the funeral as well, making her feel a little less like an outsider. As they made their way to the front of the room, approaching the (thankfully closed) casket, Abbey noticed Mrs. Landingham entering near the back row of seats, and when Jed stopped walking, she was momentarily confused.
"Abbey, this is my brother Jonathan."
She smiled as Jonathan Bartlet held out his hand, grasping hers firmly, and as she looked at the younger man, she tried to pick out the similarities between them. She found them in the way Jonathan smiled, in the dark hair that fell almost messily over his eyes, and though his eyes were a dark brown rather than blue, they were no less intense. She noticed the blonde girl standing to his right and guessed that this must have been the girlfriend Jed had mentioned a few months back but waited to be introduced lest she be wrong.
"Hi, Jonathan. It's nice to meet you. I've heard a lot about you."
"It's all lies. Every word of it," he said with a smile.
Abbey laughed.
"Even the steamer trunk incident?"
"Well…okay, yeah…that might have been true. Abbey, Jed, this is my girlfriend, Emily."
Jed and Abbey both gave her a warm smile as they took turns shaking her hand, and when Mrs. Landingham walked up behind them, Abbey felt more than a little relieved at the sight of the older woman. She gave both Jed and Jonathan hugs, and when she wrapped her arms around Abbey, she made sure to keep her voice low.
"It's good to see you again, Abbey. And now you don't have to ever worry about his safety in New Hampshire."
She nodded discreetly, and when she noticed her parents walking into the room over her shoulder, she gave her a warm smile.
"Mrs. Landingham, you've been an absolute godsend. I hope you know how much it means to both of us that you're here."
Jed frowned as he finally realized that Abbey's parents were standing a few feet away, and when they approached, he shook his head in confusion.
"Mr. and Mrs. Barrington, I didn't expect to see you here."
Lorraine Barrington pulled him in for a hug, kissing his cheek as she wrapped her arms around him.
"We would never let you go through something like this alone. You're important to Abbey, and that means you're important to us."
As more people began to file into the building, Jed reached for Abbey's hand, needing something tangible to ground himself, and when she glanced at him from the corner of her eye, he hoped he didn't look as terrible as he felt. He briefly saw concern flash in her bright green eyes, and he knew she could feel the way his entire body was shaking. God, they needed to get this over with before he lost his mind.
By the grace of God, the service passed quickly, and as they walked out of the cemetery, Jed tried to keep his composure, though he was sure that anyone who really looked at him would be able to tell that he was dangerously close to a collapse. He had thanked his grandfather for taking care of the service, well aware that he himself had been in no position to handle it, and as they had placed roses on the casket, Jed had a suspicious feeling that his grandfather was also somewhat relieved by the turn of events.
The older man had taken an immediate liking to Abbey, not that Jed had expected any different, and as his grandfather steered the car down the road that would lead to the house Jed had called home for most of his life, he looked out the window silently. He could feel Abbey's hand in his, though nothing else seemed to register in his mind, and when he helped her out of the car, she looked at him seriously.
"Jed, we don't have to do this right now."
He shook his head.
"No, I just want to get this over with."
She nodded and as they walked up to the house, she glanced around curiously, intrigued by his childhood home. Even though she knew they were here for a purpose, she still felt uncomfortable going through his father's belongings, so she left the search for the will up to the Bartlet men, making her way instead to the kitchen in search of coffee. It had been one of the longest days in her recent memory and Abbey was sure if she didn't get caffeine in her system soon, she would fall apart.
She set about the task of making coffee with little thought, smiling when she heard the sound of more people arriving, and as Jed walked into the small space, he gave her a strange look.
"You look oddly domesticated standing in my father's kitchen," he remarked.
She laughed.
"I needed coffee," she said by way of explanation, "Any luck?"
Jed shook his head, rolling his eyes.
"No. At this point, I'm tempted to just tell my grandfather to do what he wants with the house. Give it to Jonathan or sell it if he wants. I wouldn't want it even if it was worth all the money in the world. When this is all over, I never want to set foot in this house again."
Abbey nodded sympathetically and when he moved closer, wrapping his arm around her waist, she was relieved to see the hint of a smile on his face.
"Hey, come with me. There's something I want to show you."
He guided her down the hallway, amused by the curiosity that he could practically feel radiating from her, and as he pushed open the door to his old bedroom, he gestured to the interior broadly.
"Abigail Barrington, it would be an honour to have you grace my bedroom with your presence."
Abbey laughed, rolling her eyes as she stepped through the doorway, and as her eyes roamed over the room, she smiled.
"So…this is where you spent your formative years, huh? All those nights crawling in and out of the window after parties, sneaking girls out in the morning before your dad woke up…"
Jed laughed, shaking his head as he threw his arm around her shoulders.
"Wrong Bartlet. That would be Jonathan. He climbed out of his window so many times that it could almost be considered a skill set."
"Maybe for a thief," Abbey quipped.
"Well, if he fails out of school, at least he'll have something to fall back on," Jed muttered dryly.
As happy as she was to see Jed smiling, Abbey couldn't ignore the feeling in the back of her mind telling her that he was merely putting on a brave face, and while she knew better than to call him out on it now, she was determined to talk to him as soon as they made it back to safer ground. She watched him closely as he examined various objects throughout the room, and when he sighed, she stepped closer, her hand on his shoulder.
"Jed?"
"Just thinking," he said, "I lived my entire life in this house and yet it never felt like a home. Every time I set foot in here, I felt like I couldn't breathe. I was always waiting for the next punishment or scathing remark. Does it make me a bad person if all I really want to do is burn it to the ground and salt the earth?"
"No, babe, it doesn't," she assured him softly, "This house is full of bad memories, it's only natural to want them to disappear. But, I don't recommend arson. That's a good way to get yourself thrown in jail for the foreseeable future."
He was silent for a long moment, lost in thought, and Abbey said nothing, allowing him the time to work through the undoubtedly complicated array of emotions. He sat down on his bed and without even stopping to consider what anyone would think should they come looking for them, Abbey closed the door, sitting next to him when she was near enough.
"Abbey?"
"Hm?"
"I don't know what to do. For as long as I can remember, I've been trying to make my father proud, trying to make him love me, and as soon as I was old enough for him to deem it "okay", he made it so that I was constantly afraid of being punished. It wasn't until I left for college that I finally realized that I hated him. But…he was still my father and…part of me still loves him and wants to make him proud. How messed up is that?"
Abbey reached out to touch his cheek, turning his head so that she could see his eyes, and when she looked into them seriously, she noticed he had started shaking again.
"It's not messed up," she said quietly, "and I'm only going to say this because you brought it up. Your father might have been a good headmaster, but he was a shitty father. I know part of you will always love him, that's nearly impossible to change, but he doesn't deserve your sympathy. I know this house is hard for you to be in and that you feel like you have to pretend otherwise, but I want you to know something. Are you listening to me?"
She waited until he had nodded before continuing, her voice quiet to avoid any potential eavesdropping.
"You can go out there and make jokes with Jonathan, Millie, Jeremy, maybe even Emily if you want, but don't do it with me. At least, not here. Not when it's just us. Don't pretend that this is easy for you or that it doesn't hurt. Please."
She could see the tears shining in his eyes, and she shook her head, moving closer.
"You don't have to be brave here, Jed," she whispered, "Not with me."
He said nothing, but when he tipped over into her lap, burying his face in the folds of her dress, Abbey blinked back tears of her own, holding him as tightly as she could while he tried to control the sobs that wracked his body. For several minutes, she ran her fingers through his hair, feeling his tears dampening her dress, but in that moment, she couldn't have cared less. She leaned down to place a light kiss in his hair, not even noticing as a few tears fell from her eyes, and when he straightened suddenly, she gave him a strange look.
"Jed, what's—"
He kissed her hard, his hands tangling in her hair, and when his tongue swept into her mouth, it took everything in her to remember where they were and what had just happened. He slowly pulled away, his eyes taking note of her confused expression and before she could speak, he gave her a smile, wiping his hand under his eyes.
"Hey, at least one good memory had to happen in this house."
"Kissing me after your father's funeral?" she asked, laughing in disbelief.
"No," he replied, kissing her again, "Kissing you in the only place I've ever felt remotely safe in this godforsaken place."
She smiled, laying her head on his shoulder, reaching for his hand slowly.
"Still want to burn it?"
Jed smiled, kissing her hand.
"Right to the ground, baby."
A/N: Reviews make me smile, and I just want to say how much I appreciate each and every one of you!