Katherine had come to avidly look forward to Tuesday and Thursday evenings.
She watched as the last student pilfered out of the studio, her dance bag slung over her shoulder. The brunette teen smiled at Katherine over her shoulder, pointe shoes gripped tight in one fist, "Goodnight, Madame Snape."
Katherine returned her smile, wishing the girl a goodnight. She rolled her eyes once the teen had cleared the door; Madame. What a silly title. She recalled her own ballet teachers whom she had called Madame; they had seemed like such ethereal beings to her as a girl. Slim and willowy with vast resumes of dance experience on Russian or Parisian stages. The polar opposite of the twenty six year old woman. However, it was quite nice to be called something other than Miss Kate. She looked around the empty studio, inspecting the glossy hardback floors for any forgotten rubbish. The class of twelve that she taught was not particularly messy; the girls having danced long enough at the one room studio that they respected the space and were cognizant of their belongings. A welcome change from her firsties and their near constant mess.
She had taken the part time position in late January, teaching intermediate ballet to young teens the town over from theirs twice a week, and then again on Saturdays. The studio was nothing extravagant; a single, airy, brightly lit room lined with mirrors and worn barres. The polished floors reflected the setting spring sun that poured through the large windows, the hardwood gleaming like polished copper, swirled with scuff patterns and chalk residue. The sweet, woody smell of rosin hung in the air, mingling with the overpowered scent of the different perfumes and body sprays the girls came layered in. The studio filled her with a nostalgic warmth, reminding her of the studio she had danced in as a child.
The psychiatric healer she had visited once a week since the baby had encouraged her to engage in activities that bring her joy; the old wizard explained that it would help in the healing process. She had ignored Healer Montgomery's multiple recommendations to see the shrink at first. She spent weeks rotting into their sofa when she returned home from work. She spent endless hours rooted to the cushions, wrapped in blankets, staring with unfocused eyes at whatever sitcom was on the telly with Gus curled in her lap; unfeeling and numb and angry. Severus had put his foot down after a month, her responses to his daily letters coming few and far between, Katherine responding dryly with only a few words to her husband's beautiful paragraphs full of love and tenderness to encourage his wife who felt like she was disintegrating after her body's great betrayal to her. He had returned home for a weekend about two months after, Dumbledore becoming more lenient with his time off of campus since the loss. Severus didn't believe in shrinks, found the whole idea to be a crock of shite in his opinion. Yet, when he passed her the letter containing the date and time of the appointment he had made on her behalf, his eyes soft and full of concern, she decided it was best to clean out the rot. For his sake, at the very least.
A Tchaikovsky composition floated from the cassette player, filling the room with the haunting, clear sounds of the orchestra. Katherine hummed along, mentally marking the choreography the girls had rehearsed during the hour. She leaned down, scooping an empty chewing gum wrapper off of the floor with a huff. She smirked, recalling having to ask one of the girls to spit her gum out for the fourth time during this lesson. She made a mental note to have the girls spit into the wastepaper bin before class started next Tuesday. The thought made her chuckle; she didn't know how Severus managed teenagers every day. She would go mad.
She stood, facing one of the walls of mirrors as she straightened up. Katherine watched herself in the mirrors as she stepped near them, depositing the slip of metallic paper into the small wire basket. She looked over herself, picking a piece of lint from her sweater off of her black leotard. Her body had felt foreign to her for months after the baby; an enemy she was battling from within, punishing it with skipped meals, too many cigarettes, and endless cups of coffee. Her collarbones jutted out from under the neckline of her leotard, a still too sharp relic of her hurting. Her hips began to return to their typical shape under her pink wrap skirt, Katherine drawing the same path down them with her hands that he would as he whispered to her how beautiful he still found her.
She sighed, fussing with the plastic clip she had used to secure the crown of her hair into a tight twist before the lesson began. She had cut her hair short after the miscarriage; an impulsive act done while sobbing over the vanity in their bathroom late one night after Severus returned to school when the loneliness had gotten the best of her. Her hair had covered the bathroom floor, long curls laying around her like spun gold. She had cried even harder when the first curl hit the floor, hacking away with kitchen shears until she was left with a fluffy bob that a salon had to fix for her the following afternoon. It barely brushed her shoulders, her curls springing around her head in a blonde cloud. Sev had compared it to a lion's mane, referring to her as his lioness for some time after. Katherine teased that it was shorter than his own when he had leaned behind her as she sat in front of the vanity mirror, his cheek pressed to hers as he wrapped his arms around her one morning. He had chuckled, Katherine pressing a kiss to his cheek. She didn't mind the length; she felt lighter.
She removed the plastic clip, shaking out her curls with her fingers. She kicked a foot up onto the barre, stretching her aching muscles. She hadn't expected to miss the tightness in her legs and core after a dance lesson. She would whine and complain on the drive home to her father about the aches and pains. She had spent the first lesson dancing with the girls, guiding them through the positions, getting carried away as she allowed the music to fill her and guide her body. She had returned home that night sore with knots in her shoulders and calves and sobbed when Severus rubbed her legs in bed. He had thought he had hurt her, fussing over her as she cried, chest heaving as her body ached so beautifully, knowing that the pain she felt was pain that she had put there. She guided herself through a series of stretches, then through the series of barre exercises she had led her class through at the beginning of the lesson; pliés, tendus, dégagés, rond de jambe, frappés, adagio, and grand battements.
She released the barre, allowing the composition to move through her as she spun from the barre in a series of pirouettes. Her body moved fluidly with the music through a series of positions, turns, and leaps, as if the music itself choreographed her each move. Her arms lifted overhead, legs lifting and kicking, casting long shadows across the copper floors. She stretched herself into an arabesque, her muscles groaning as she held the position, eyes fixed on the space just beyond her fingertips. She held the position until her leg began to shake, then dropped her arms, disengaging her body with a puff of air.
The late spring evening glowed through the windows of the studio, casting the room in a warmth, pink and gold bath. She glanced at the time on the wall clock, slipping out of her pointe shoes and into her worn Reeboks. She stepped out into the spring evening, the air cool and crisp and fragrant with the smell of damp earth. The village was more active than it had been in the winter months, children speeding by her on bicycles, their laughter echoing down the streets. An elderly couple dressed in matching canvas jackets sat upon a bench, laughing together at something the husband had said. Katherine smiled.
The sun cast long shadows across the cobblestones as it dipped behind the shops. The smell of cooking food from the restaurant down the block floated down the street, filling her with a pang of hunger. She wrapped her jacket around her shoulders, locking the studio door before starting down the street, filled with thoughts of dinner. She watched the sun fall lower in the sky, thinking about how she may have time to work in her garden before the sun fully sets. She should have some left over Thai takeaway from the other night still in the fridge, she thought. Maybe she would catch up on The Bill tonight, leave the pruning she needed to do for the weekend. She thought she may have a bit of weed left in the Altoids tin they kept in Severus's desk drawer. Seemed like a decent enough night.
She arrived on their street, apparating into an alley several blocks over in order to enjoy the warm spring evening as she walked home. Severus would always insist upon apparating directly into their home, but she enjoyed the short walk through the streets to their door. She raised a hand in greeting to the woman who lived two doors down who was entering her own home. Katherine fumbled in her bag for her keys, retrieving the Irish National Quidditch Team keyring her house key was attached to as she neared their own door. Gus meowed at her from where he sat before the door, twisting between her legs. She smiled, reaching down and scratching him between the ears.
"Hi, lovey," she cooed, scooping him up and kissing his head, "Waiting for mummy, eh?"
She slid her key into the lock, but found that the door was already unlocked. She frowned, recalling locking the door before she left for her lesson earlier that afternoon. She always locked the door when Severus was away, never missing a day in the near seven years she had lived in the home. She cracked the door open, Gus jumping from her arms and disappearing into the house. Katherine drew her wand from her bag, holding it before her as she pushed the door open the rest of the way. She stepped silently into the entryway, dropping her bag by the hall tree, taking careful steps down the hallway into her home. Her heart pounded, panic rising in her chest as she prepared herself for the worst. Sometimes she loathed living alone most of the year. Every sound at night or stranger on the street who walked behind her for too long made her nervous, but this made her hands shake as she held her wand, her mouth going dry.
Her shoulders relaxed when she heard his silky voice speaking quietly to the cat, finding Severus standing in the doorway to the garden. Gus circled around his ankles, the cat trotting out into the garden from between his legs. She exhaled, shoulders untensing as she dropped her wand. He stood with his back to her, looking out upon the blooming garden, the sun painting the kitchen golden in the late afternoon light. She dropped her wand, smiling.
"Hi," she murmured, Severus turning to face her. He returned her smile, Katherine noticing how tensely he stood.
"Darling," he replied, Katherine bounding across the kitchen. She threw her arms around his neck, Severus embracing her tightly.
She pulled away, taking his face in her hands, inspecting his tired features. "I wasn't expecting you," she said, brushing a thumb across his cheek, "I figured I wouldn't see you until the end of the term. I don't have anything prepared for dinner, but I can pick up some takeaway. What are you in the mood for-?"
"The headmaster wishes to speak with us," he said, standing stiffly in the doorway, the breeze carrying in the sweet fragrance of blooming roses and hyacinth.
"Now? Regarding what?"
Severus didn't respond, only wrapping his fingers around her wrists. She sighed, looking down at her leotard and tights, the idea of a quiet, cannabis-hazed night left forgotten as the sun fell beyond the horizon. "Give me a moment to change."
Katherine watched the old wizard from the other side of the vast desk in his office, head tilted as she processed the information Dumbledore had shared with her. She opened her mouth, Albus's wild eyebrows raising in anticipation as she raised a hand, Katherine closing her mouth and pressing her fingers to her lips in confusion. Dumbledore folded his hands, eyes leaving the befuddled woman and flitting to where her husband stood. Katherine's head spun as she recalled the facts of his story, making sense of what she had been told.
"Pardon me," she said, adjusting in her seat and pressing her hands to the desk, "Just to clarify; this upcoming school year you will be bringing a rock-."
"The Stone."
"The Stone," she repeated, "to the castle for protection. And in addition to a three-headed dog, you are requiring Severus, along with other members of faculty, to come up with some sort of obstacle to protect it. Along with an enchanted mirror. That about sums it up, yeah?"
Dumbledore nodded, bright blue eyes fixed upon her. "That is correct, Mrs. Snape.
"Yeah, alright, brilliant." Kate tapped her lips with her fingers, determined to work out why her evening had been interrupted for such a wild tale, even for wizarding standards. Severus paced behind her, his footsteps heavy on the stone floors of the office. "With all due respect, headmaster; I'm not entirely sure where I fit in here? It seems that this is a faculty issue."
"Oh, dear Katherine," Albus interrupted, eyes flitting between her and Severus. Severus shifted uncomfortably behind her, ceasing his pacing. "Unfortunately, this pertains to you as much as it does to your husband."
Dumbledore leaned back in his chair, stroking the length of his beard, "It is my belief, along with Nicholas Flamel's, that someone is after the Stone. Someone who plans to use the Stone's abilities for dark purposes," Katherine felt her blood run cold. "It is my suspicion that whoever seeks out the Stone plots for it to fall into the hands of the one who could benefit the most from having those powers in his possession."
"You-Know-Who is dead. He has been gone for ten years," her voice shook as she spoke, "I don't understand."
"Albus, I beg you," Severus finally spoke, his words a desperate whisper. Katherine looked to her husband, the desperation in his tone making her stomach twist, "Please. Do not involve her. You have said yourself that you are not certain, she does not need to be entangled with these matters."
"Severus, I remember not too long ago, you begged me to spare the life of another woman and I warned you against it. I am afraid I cannot acquiesce to your beseeching again."
Katherine sunk a little lower into the chair, the implications behind his words making her stomach twist. She thought of a decade ago, her thoughts going to the redhead her husband had loved before her. She wondered if he had begged for Lily Potter with the same ferocity that he begged for her now.
"To make myself quite plain, Mrs. Snape; if my suspicions are correct, if the Dark Lord is to return once more, then you will have a unique position in all of this. You will play the role of that of the Death Eater's wife." Dumbledore stated, picking at an invisible piece of lint on the sleeve of his indigo robes. Katherine swallowed, tension hanging heavy in the ornate office. Severus stepped behind her, shaking hands wrapping around the back of her chair.
"I warned Severus of this the summer you married. I explained to him then the role that you will play in this. But by the expression on your face, my dear girl, I can only assume that further explanation is in order. If the Dark Lord is to rise once more; if Severus is called upon by him again, he will not be the only one to respond. It is imperative that you respond to the call as well, play the part that your husband has agreed upon. If you don't, you will be putting yourself in grave danger if the Dark Lord is to suspect your allegiances are elsewhere."
A cold shiver ran down Katherine's spine, and a knot tightened in her stomach. Fear crept over her as she played back the Headmaster's words in her mind, realizing the gravity of the headmaster's statement. She remembered the years of the war; her father had tried to keep it hushed and out of her realm of focus, but she would find the Prophets he attempted to hide from her. She would sit upon her bed reading over the lists of missing and dead, recognizing last names from school. Her father would often be pulled to assist in other departments as needs rose at St. Mungo's, the usually carefree man returning home from work a bit more stoic. The room seemed to close in around her as the conflicting emotions reached their peak. She looked up at Severus, his eyes fixed upon the headmaster. She swallowed the blame that she had thought to put onto him at Albus's words, furious that he had not told her of Dumbledore's visit to their home. Katherine took a deep breath, attempting to steady herself and her thoughts.
"I would become a spy for you?"
Dumbledore nodded, standing and clasping his hands behind his back, "Yes. As well as the Order."
Katherine nodded, the room falling tense and silent once more. Her teeth gnashed against her cheek when Severus released his vice grip upon the back of the chair.
"I suspect that I am impeding upon a rather important marital discussion," the old wizard said, offering Katherine a sherbet lemon from a crystal dish. She declined silently, Dumbledore plucking one out of the dish. "I will see myself out. It was lovely to see you as always, Katherine. I look forward to seeing you again at the faculty Christmas party this year."
Dumbledore descended the steps that lead up to his desk, crossing to the staircase that lead back down to the castle. He raised a hand, waving over his shoulder. "Goodnight!"
"How long have you known about this?" she asked, her husband resuming his pacing. He didn't respond, Katherine's head spinning. She wanted to be angry with him; wanted to scream and shout and question. But instead, she listened to his anxious footsteps, anger replaced by pity for her husband.
"Sev, you're making me dizzy," she called, "Come sit down."
She continued to hear his footsteps behind her, his teaching robes swishing with each step. She cleared her throat, knowing her words had fallen upon deaf ears. Her stomach churned, knowing that his likely was as well. All of his fears; the events of every nightmare that had awoken him in a cold sweat, grasping to her swimming back into reality as if carried by a great tidal wave of darkness. Despite her own uncertainty, the prickle of terror that traveled down her own spine was not reserved for her, but for Severus. He had never told her completely of what he had faced during those awful years, only ever alluding to the terrors before he would retreat into himself. However, she had been there for the nightmares that still plagued him all these years later. She was the one who shook him awake when he would plead with an invisible force in his sleep, whispering to him as he clung to her. She was the one who ran her fingers through his hair until he drifted off after he would gasp awake, shouting into the dark with eyes wild and full of fear as she coaxed her half-awake husband back to sleep.
She stood from the chair, turning to face where he stood with a shaky sigh, "Severus, sit down-."
She stopped when he looked up at her, his pacing halted. His hair hung in his face, his eyes fixed upon the floor. He looked up at her, eyes and cheeks shining with tears. Katherine's heart sank at the sight, Severus dropping his eyes. She rose from the chair, stepping towards him.
"Baby…" she murmured.
"I have put you at risk," he said, his voice barely a whisper, "I was selfish and reckless and I have put your life at risk."
"Sev, listen to me-." She stepped forward, reaching for his hand.
"No," he gasped out, stepping back, "No. Dumbledore warned me that this could happen, and I was foolish enough to cling to reality in which my past wouldn't cause you any pain. I am a monster, Katherine. Who I was before…who I am…I…" She watched as he crumbled into one of the chairs before the grandiose desk, his head in his hands.
She crouched before him, her still aching legs groaning. She reached forward, taking his thin wrists in her hands. "Severus," she murmured, rubbing his wrist with her thumb, "Baby, look at me."
Severus lifted his head from his hands, watery dark eyes meeting her own. She took his face in her hands, wiping his wet cheeks gently. He leaned into her touch, "I cannot lose you. I could not live with myself if anything were to happen to you. If you choose to leave, to spare yourself from what may come, I would understand your choice."
She shook her head, offering him a soft smile. "Stop that. I am not going anywhere."
"Katherine, you do not understand what you are agreeing to."
"That may be true," she agreed, brushing the hair that had fallen in his face behind his ear, "Yet, I understood what I agreed to when I married you. I made my vows to you, didn't I? For better or for worse? I do not intend to break those so easily."
"It is not that simple," he muttered, taking her hands in his own and looking down once more, avoiding her gaze, "You cannot understand the hell this would drag you through. The horrors you would be subjected to."
"So teach me," she said, lifting his chin, "Help me to understand. Prepare me. I do not care for Hell, or for horrors. I do not care if I must slay dragons, or move mountains, or part the seas. I do not care if I must face the Devil himself. I only care for you. My love, you are worth it all. Every ounce of pain or fear that may come our way is worth it, as long as I face it beside you. If this is the great trial of our marriage, so be it, but I will not allow you to face it on your own. I am with you, Severus. I am with you through it all."
She took his face in her hands once more, wanting him to face her as she spoke. She would not allow him to believe for a moment that her love for him didn't outweigh her fear; that it wasn't greater than the sum of their magic combined. His eyes met hers again, his hands clutching hers tightly as if he was attempting to keep her from floating away.
"And if the Devil calls upon you once more, then I will stand beside you and follow you through Hell, Severus. Do you understand me?"
He shook his head. "I don't deserve you," he whispered, "I don't deserve you, nor do I deserve your goodness, your forgiveness, your love."
"Stop that."
"Would you truly relish being a Death Eater's wife?" he asked, his voice breaking, "In being the wife of a monster?"
"I relish being your wife, Severus Snape."
Severus leaned forward, pulling her to him. Katherine leaned into his embrace, her head resting against his chest. She breathed in his familiar scent; the warm, musky aroma of the potions classroom, the sweetness of tea leaves, the smokiness of the cigarettes she had assumed he snuck between classes. The smell comforted her, bringing her a sense of ease. He smelled of home.
"I love you," she whispered.
Severus kissed her head in response, smoothing her curls. They stayed like that for several long minutes, clinging to one another in the silence of the vast office, as if anchoring themselves to one another.
"We could run away, you know," she murmured, picking at an errant thread on his frock coat. She felt his cheek shift from where it rested upon her head, a smirk lifting the corners of her mouth, "Somewhere cold, since your ridiculously fair skin can't handle the sun. We could go to Norway…or Iceland, maybe. Open a bookshop. Spend our days in thick sweaters in a cozy little home by the water where no one knows who we are."
Severus chuckled, Katherine listening to the sound rumble in his chest. "You tempt me, wife."
She let out a soft giggle, wrapping her arms around him. She rested her chin against his shoulder, tilting her head so that it rested against his own, "What about the Pacific Northwest? You've always fancied that one state…oh, what was it called? The one with all the trees and that strange looking tower…Washington! Yes, we could find a cabin in the woods. Be that strange, foreign couple that all the muggles think are up to witchy shit and little would they know, they would be perfectly right."
He chuckled again, pressing a kiss to the side of her head. She lifted her head from his chest, smiling softly as she caressed his face once more. Katherine looked over her husband's face; the dark circles that ringed his eyes, the sallow paleness that came with days spent in the dungeons, his dark locks greasy from hovering over cauldrons. He looked positively knackered, Katherine sure that as the term came closer to an end, he neglected himself for sake of grading and last minute responsibilities. He needed a shower, Katherine sure that he also needed a meal that he was forced to eat while it was still hot, more than four hours of sleep, and a good fuck to release the tension that kept him standing so rod straight. She longed for the summer, for the unencumbered days together. She stood, reaching a hand out to him. If she still had to wait a month, perhaps she could weasel a single night out of this strange day.
"Come home," she said softly. "There's a hot bath waiting for you. Put that brilliant mind to rest for an evening."
Severus took her hand, pressing his lips to her knuckles and standing, "Although I am tempted to indulge for a night, I fear that I have far too much to attend to at the castle. Go home, darling, I will be there soon enough."
Katherine straightened his robes, "You work too hard."
"Perhaps."
"I can't tempt you with a blunt and a blowjob?"
Severus smirked, "I'll get my things."