Chapter 10

I opened my eyes and blinked the last of the sleep away. I tried to move but I couldn't. I looked down. He had his leg draped over me and his arm hooked around my waist. He was even more beautiful close up. It bothered me. Not because he was attractive, but because I took note of it because I was attracted to him and he knew that. That annoyed me even more. Twice he had done that; gotten over on me. I would not give in to a man simply because he was kind and made me feel somewhat safe; among other things. There have been strong women who have fallen prey to a man's charms and lost themselves resulting in their downfall. I refused to end up the way they did... I pushed against his chest trying to move away from him, but his grip on my waist only tightened.

"Where would you be off to this early in the morning? Trying to escape?" he asked, looking down at me.

I enjoyed being in his arms more than I wanted to admit. It was a new feeling. One I wanted more of.

"I am not going anywhere. I am simply putting space between us."

Much needed space.

He pulled me closer. "Why would you want to do such a thing?"

"I am not your wife or mate yet. I do not need to oblige you just yet."

He smiled. "Yes, yet. However, you will be. My touch is something that you will need to get used to. You will crave it at some point. You will be very happy to oblige me."

"Crave? Your ego is much bigger than I assumed it to be."

He chuckled. "The time will come when I show you exactly how enormous my ego is Himiko."

Before I could scold him for his joke. He grabbed my hand, kissing my knuckles looking me in the eyes while he did it. There it was, that feeling again between my thighs; and there was that look in his eyes again. He lightly licked me on my wrist. He turned onto his back and pulled me on top of him. His hands gripped my hips holding me firmly in place.

"Sesshomaru, what do you think you are doing!?"

"I enjoy hearing you say my name. Almost as much as I enjoy finding ways to make you say it."

"No, you enjoy poking fun at me like this."

"Hn. That as well."

"This is inappropriate!"

He grinned. "You are blushing."

I tried to wriggle out of his hold.

"You should not move like that," he said with a smile.

Yes... his ego would be very difficult to ignore.

I could feel him pressing up against me, and I was enjoying it. This is not what I was supposed to be doing. I could not fall for this. I barely knew this man.

"You should not have put me in this position." I scolded.

He smiled. "How could I miss such a wonderful opportunity?"

Between my legs throbbed. I knew that he could feel it. He sucked in a sharp breath.

"Waiting until tomorrow is proving to be very difficult."

"It would not be difficult if you were not a deviant."

He smiled. "This deviant will soon be your mate and husband."

He pushed his hips upward pressing harder against me. Almost instinctively my hips rolled rubbing against him.

Damn my body for betraying me.

"Careful Himiko. It seems as if you are enjoying what this deviant is doing to you."

I pushed against his chest.

"That is not true." I lied.

He sat up, wrapping his arms around me.

"The only person you are lying to is yourself, Himiko. Remember, I can smell it on you."

"I-"

There was a knock at the door. "Lord Sesshomaru, it is Rin!"

He looked up at me and sighed. "You are fortunate," he said, letting me go.

I quickly climbed off of him and covered myself with the blanket.

"Enter."

The door slid open and there she was.

A young girl. Did he have a child from a previous woman? No, she was human. Was she perhaps adopted?

She seemed to be in awe just as I was. She climbed onto the bed, getting very close to my face. She must get her lack of understanding of personal space from her father.

"You are so beautiful. You are the most beautiful lady Rin has ever seen."

"Oh," I said surprised. "Thank you."

"My name is Rin. It is nice to meet you but who are you and why are you in lord Sesshomaru's bed?"

"She will become my mate," he interjected.

Her eyes sparkled with excitement. "Lord Sesshomaru is getting married! Lord Sesshomaru has never paid attention to a woman before. This is so exciting. Now Rin won't be lonely anymore."

She was quite cute.

"You call your father Lord Sesshomaru?"

She shook her head. "Lord Sesshomaru is not Rin's father. He saved me a long time ago. Ever since then, he has been taking care of Rin. So I guess he is like Rin's father."

I looked over at him, but he was looking at her. The look in his eyes... was love. He genuinely cared for the girl. I turned my attention back to her. She was even closer than she was before.

"What is your name?" she asked, holding her hand out to me.

I gave her a small smile. "My name is Himiko Gushiken." I said, shaking her little hand.

Her eyes went wide. "A princess!? Rin has read about you in her book. Lord Sesshomaru will marry a princess! This is even more exciting." she yelled jumping on the bed.

"Sesshomaru is the emperor Rin."

She landed in front of me. "A princess is so much better than that!"

"That is enough Rin. You will have plenty of time to speak to Himiko later. Please give us the room, and let Jaken know Himiko will be needing clothes.."

"Yes Milord," she said, running out of the room and closing the door behind her.

"You thought she was my daughter?"

"I assumed for a moment. You saved her?"

He nodded. "From a pack of wolves in the forest a few years ago. You sound surprised."

"Where I come from, those of noble blood would not have lifted a finger to save her."

"Not all demons are terrible, Himiko."

"I see. Am I to wait here all day?"

"Jaken will be here soon with clothes for you. Then you will be able to go wherever you'd like. You are not a prisoner here."

I watched her intently. She was thinking. I could see it on her face. I hid my smile behind my hand. As I watched her play with the hem of my haori.

"You said you were close with my mother's family... my family. What are they like?"

"They are an eclectic bunch. It is difficult to explain. They are an experience. Have you never met them?" I asked.

I already knew she hadn't.

"No. The king... My father never allowed me to meet them. I'd asked once when I was a child, but he would not hear of it."

"After the formalities have concluded, I will take you to them."

Her eyes snapped up towards me. "Oh... thank you."

"There is no need to thank me. You are not used to this. Are you?"

"What am I not used to?"

"Anyone other than your sister showing you kindness."

She averted her gaze.

"I am not asking you to tell me what they did to you. In time I hope that you will feel comfortable enough to share those things with me. I do want to know why. I want you to feel comfortable around me."

She took a deep breath. "You have heard my father's excuses. As for his mistress, she was threatened by my position. She wanted my sister to be the sole heir. If my sister sat on the throne, her position would be much more stable. Her, I do not care much about."

"You care that your father has felt resentment towards you."

For a moment, only for a single moment. I saw it. I saw her. The wall had come down and she hadn't even realized it. The look in her eyes... it was vulnerable. Her eyes glossed over. There was something she wanted to say, but she swallowed it looking away from me.

"Well, of course. No child wants to be resented by their father."

I took her chin between my fingers turning her face back to me.

"I do not want the politically correct answer. I want to know what it is, that you actually feel."

She snatched away from me.

"What it is that I truly feel. Do you want to know how often I cried? How many times I prayed that I would wake up and things would be different? That somehow this way a long nightmare. That one day he would love me the way a father should love his daughter. That he would acknowledge my presence. That they would treat me like a person! Yes, Sesshomaru it hurt. It still hurts. Yes, I have spent countless nights crying myself to sleep, eating alone, talking to no one, and being a prisoner in my own home. For the longest time, I did not understand what it was that I had done wrong. Even though my body has healed, the wounds in my mind will always bleed as though they are fresh. Is that what you wanted to hear?!"

I listened to her rant, as her chest heaved. I grabbed her wrist pulling her to me. I held her tightly.

"Yes. That is what I wanted to hear. You do not have to hold all of this in. You are not alone. You are safe here. There is no need to carry this burden on your own. You are not responsible for what happened to you as a defenseless child."

"When you offer me this kindness... this tenderness. It is proof that I need it... that I am damaged."

"You do not have to be perfect all the time. Not here, especially not in front of me. You are free to be yourself at all times. You are free to be angry, frustrated, scared. Your emotions do not make you flawed. You are by no means damaged. It makes you, you. As I have said before. This you, I will happily marry."

She was searching my eyes. Most likely for some sort of lie. Some shred of doubt that she could cling to; but there was none. I placed my hand on top of hers. She needed reassurance, and I would give it to her.

"I want you to know you are not being too emotional, Himiko. You are finally feeling everything that you have been trying to hide. Your sadness does not make you weak. Everything they have neglected to give you, I will give it to you. I will love you on the days when you feel like you cannot love yourself. Do you understand?"

I could see her relax. I cupped her cheek, softly pressing my lips to hers. I pulled away using my thumbs to wipe away the stray tear rolling down her cheek.

"You will be alright here."

She pressed her lips together in a tight line.

"Can I trust you?" she whispered.

"For as long as I breathe," I told her.

"Sesshomaru if you betray me-"

I kissed her, cutting her off; her blush spread across her cheeks. She quickly pulled away from me, clearing her throat.

"I did not say you could kiss me."

I smiled. "You did not seem to mind it the first time.

"I-"

There was a knock at the door. I sighed in annoyance. Of all the times to be interrupted.

"Who is it?"

"It is me, Milord. I have some of the men here. They have brought the clothes you requested. I covered her with a blanket. Making my way over to the door, I slid the door open partially, taking the clothes from them.

"Wait! Milord, should I not meet the future empress?"

"No."

I slid the door shut. She watched me lay the clothes out. She came over to me picking out her preferred yukata.

"I will have some nagajuban made for you. For now, you will have to wear my haori underneath your yukata."

"Nagajuban?"

I nodded. "The undergarments that go under a woman's yukata."

I took the yukata from her, slipping it on, and tying the obi around her waist.

"This is quite comfortable."

I watched her moving around in the new clothing. I pulled my clothes from the wardrobe and got dressed.

"Are you ready, Himiko?"

She seemed confused. "No shoes?"

I smiled and shook my head, taking her hand. "You have much to learn about this place."