Team Forest 2 Novels

Presents…

A pineapple conspiracy!

CW warning, violence, generational trauma, character shipping, but only with a couple characters and nothing graphic; gay moments again, pretty tame.

Blurb.

Spy is slowly becoming more and more fed up with having to deal with his idiot team but things turn around when he gets a letter from a colleague he hasn't seen since the 1940s. Spy is forced to go back to France to stop a secret plot that involves pineapples. Secretly, Engineer tags along, originally fallowing Spy to bring him back to New Mexico, but gets dragged into this mess.

"I am no longer accepting the things I cannot change, I am changing the things I cannot accept."

Angela Davis.

Chapter 1.

They say the definition of insanity is repeating the same thing over and over again and expecting different results…it couldn't be more correct, ever since the cold front incident there was tension, tension that could make the most simple minded explode, pressure that would make someone collapse from a stroke, but Red team was built to withstand stress and pressure, with Scouts speed, Soldiers ability to think outside the box, Pyros…chaotic unpredictability, Heavy's brawn, Engineers intelligent and determination, Demos brilliance of the art of explosives and chemistry along with being a master at making explosive traps, Snipers sharp eye, Medics insanity and brilliance along with Spy's deceptive nature and clever disguises, they were a resilient team a force to be reckoned with, they never lost.

Not until Cold front…

They were originally supposed to be at a outpost up north New Mexico as punishment for well destroying half there base with a giant mutated bread monster, that costed 1,000s of dollars in property damage, even though none of them were the ones to do it, Soldier was the one responsible but for some reason they all had to take the blame for it, what was this kindergarten?! Preschool?

Spy was getting more than frustrated with this, at first he wasn't all to bothered by it sure he did lash out at Soldier when he crashed the van causing them to get lost and go to the wrong place, but then when they had defend the wrong base they were at complete carbon copy's of them appeared and killed all of them causing them to lose for the first time ever.

One loss, ok not bad, can definitely recover from it, but than it spiraled into a streak of failure and losses, second loss was at upward, Spy was about to land a perfect backstab on BLU Soldier but a misplaced rocket from his Soldier hit him, ok accidents happen so can friendly fire, third loss Steel as soon as they left the resupply room everyone got lost, somehow Demo ended up at the last control point, Scout was running around in the same hallway for hours, Soldier was somehow the only one who ended up where he was supposed to be, and Spy had the misfortune of running into the BLU pyro who was just holding down the trigger of his flame thrower causing Spy to catch fire, and somehow when he respawned he was still on fire, thankfully Engineer was still at the resupply room setting up his buildings so he was able to put Spy out, but his suit was ruined.

4th loss thunder mountain, they were up too the spiraled structure when a lightning bolt struck all of them except for Blu team.

RED 0

BLU 1

Weather 1

Brazil, which wasn't Brazil they were still in New Mexico, he had no clue why the place was called Brazil, than due to bad weather and standing on a metal structure they were struck by lightning again.

It kept happening over and over again, they kept losing in the most ridiculous and stupidest ways possible, what was happening to the team?

Once the losses were becoming more common, Engineer set up a chalk board in each resupply room, with each Teams score tallied, BLU had excelled beyond there original score of 103, BLU was 178 wins in.

Weather related incidents didn't count thankfully, but things were getting tense, and there Employers were getting mad, but this mission today would decide if they were good enough to stay on.

Everyone was in the resupply room, getting there weapon's together, Spy was brushing off his suit he had gotten cleaned 2 days ago, Engineer than walked to the center of the room to give his usual motivation speech and run down of the plan, "Alright Y'all, I know the past few months have been rough." Engineer sounded confident but Spy could tell he was worried and concerned, each mussel twitch was an indicator of it, as "team leader" Engineer was quite close with there bosses, something told Spy Engineer had gotten a earful from them earlier today, but Spy gave the short Texan man some credit he was holding up the everything is fine look fairly well, Spy could picture the Engineers eyes twitching underneath his goggles.

"But I have a good feeling about this one, I have faith that will put those motherhubbers in the ground." Engineer continued sounding more confident, "Scout you'll lead BLU pyro to a sticky trap Demo will set up, everyone else keep BLU at bay, that cart ain't movin one inch."

The cart indeed was moving, in fact it was at the last point, the plan to lure the BLU pyro had failed Demo accidentally blew up Scout instead when he lured the Pyro to the trap and BLU Pyro burned Demo to death, respawn was slow today and it took 15 seconds for them to both respawn, everyone was all over the place as usual, the only calm and collected one was Spy, "get goin!" Engineer yelled at Soldier from up top, Soldier aimed his rocket launcher at the ground and propelled himself through the air, Engineer was building a sentry nest up on the balcony, Spy scanned his area, and headed down to the basement level he stopped at the doorway and put out his cigarette by stomping on it, he pulled out his butterfly knife and went invisible, his first target would be the Blu Sniper he was keeping Heavy and Medic from advancing along with Soldier since both heavy, Soldier and Medic were big targets, the only thing keeping them from pushing any further was there Sniper and there Engineer, Spy walked through the basement and up the wooden stairs, as soon as he came up from the stairs he saw an opportunity, he saw the BLU Soldier standing outside the doorway, ordering his team to push the cart and advance forward, Spy quietly Snuck around Behind him, without the Blu Soldier Blu team wouldn't have a leader, they would fall apart, and his team had there backs to him since they were busy pushing the cart, Spy drew his knife to Blu Soldiers back, he was ready un cloak and take the kill, his adrenaline pumping, but than the Blu Demo turned around, Spy held himself back, this was to risky, he stepped back, once Blu Demo turned around again he'd take the kill, patience's Spy, patience's.

"Sniper is in position." Blu Demo said, Blu Soldier looked pleased, "excellent, without a Leader Red will fall apart, and will win this match." Blu Soldier said, leader…Engineer…

Spy immediately backed off from Blu Soldier and ran back down the basement stairs and back up to the last point, he looked around saw Engineer was still alive, he sighed relieved but than he saw the flash of a blue light and saw Blu sniper was directly a few feet away from Engineers head, Spy saw where it was and ran to it, he ran up the stairs and saw Blu Sniper and his finger was inches away from the trigger, Spy un cloaked and tackled the Blu Sniper, both of them tumbled to the ground, Spy had Blu Sniper pinned on the ground and had his butterfly knife up to his neck but blu sniper had his hands wrapped around spy's arm trying to push it back, Spy almost had it to his neck, than he heard the sound of a gun rattling behind him, "let him go and stand up." Spy knew who it was, Spy growled and stood up, "drop the knife." Spy dropped the knife, "turn around." Spy turned around and Saw Blu Spy, his smile was from ear to ear, he hated his Blu counterparts Smile, Smug and full of himself, even his eyes were smug, the way he dressed as well was arrogant and full of himself, clean suit with a fancy vest with mixes of yellow, gold spectacles and a striped fedora, his whole aura was yelling I'm better than you and I know it, Spy hated it.

"Honestly are you even trying? I refuse to believe you are the Red teams Spy, Spies are supposed to backstab and or shoot there targets in the head when they least expect it, not mucking around on the ground wrestling there target like a pig!" The Blu Spy snorted a snobbish laugh, it was to similar to the way Spy laughed, which was rare, Spy hated everything about his Blu counterpart, ever since cold front he hated him, he could hear Blu Sniper in the background getting up, "Sniper go rejoin the others, this match is over." Blu Spy said with confidence, Blu sniper nodded and went back down but not before flipping Spy off, charming, as Blu Sniper left Spy took the opportunity and punched Blu Spy in the face, knocking his gun out of his hand, Blu Spy retaliated and punched Spy in the face, the two began throwing punches with one another, somehow Blu Spy was more agile than Spy was, he was dodging left and right, Blu Spy than delivered a devastating punch to his jaw, a red hot pained went through his face and he fell to the ground, Blu Spy snorted, "this is just embarrassing now, im starting to feel bad." Blu Spy said as he grabbed his gun and pointed it at Spy, but before he could pull the trigger, he was whacked on the head with a wrench and the one holding the wrench was Engineer, the Blu Spy fell to the ground his head bleeding out, his skull had been cracked.

"You alright there partner?" Engineer asked as he stepped over Blu Spy corps, he offered his hand to Spy to help him up, Spy swatted it away and stood up on his own, "yes I'm fine." Spy said, he would've been fine if he had gotten that backstab on Blu Soldier, why did he sacrifice that on saving Engineer from a head shot, he knew Engineer would've respawned and he'd be fine, so why did he do that?

Spy than realized Engineer wasn't at his Sentry nest, "shouldn't you be at your Sentry-" a loud explosion could be heard, Spy and Engineer looked out the window and saw the Sentry had been destroyed by a couple pipe bombs from the Blu Demo, Engineer looked devastated at the sight, and to top it off the cart made it all the way to the last point and it fell off the ledge, the explosion shook the base half of the room they were in fell apart and collapsed causing both of them to fall and tumble to the ground, and Spy fell right on top of Engineer face to face, it took a while for both of them to realize the position they were in but once Spy realized he immediately got off of him Engineer was either in shock from the explosion or by what just happened all Spy could read on his face was shock, Spy than heard something behind him, he turned around and saw Blu heavy and than everything went black.

If Spy had to describe respawn in one word, he'd describe it as painful and uncomfortable, and by painful he meant the same feeling as stubbing your toe or banging your head against a wall or table you didn't see, ouch but not horrible, apparently Spy was the last one to spawn in, he spawned back to there base, redb bread base, and he spawned right into a argument, a argument between all 9 of them, well 8 since Spy just got here, "you all are fricken embarrassments!" Scout shouted, Soldier then grabbed him and started shaking him out of anger, "if you were wearing blue you would be dead right now you sissy!" Soldier snapped, "well maybe if you Dummkopfs were doing your jobs this wouldn't have happened!" Medic yelled, "I cant take it anymore!" Medic shouted as he lunged at Soldier and Scout, everyone stepped back as the three scuffled with one another, Spy expected Engineer to do something about this, step in and stop the fighting like he always did, but he didn't, instead he walked off from all of it he walked away…

Spy didn't blame him, this shit was starting to get out of hand, and he was starting to get fed up with working along side a bunch of idiots.

Engineer needed to hold it together, he had to, it was only their 19th loss, everything will sort its self out eventually…right?

Engineer walked in the meeting room, and walked up to the chalk board, and marked Blu up a number and marked Red down, just the sight of it made him want to punch it, what happened?! Why were they losing?! What was Blu doing differently?! They need to win, they need to win or else…or else she would do something…fire them…kill them one by one, or replace them…she could do anything to them at any moment now…Engineer heard someone walk into the room, he turned and saw Miss Pauling standing there as per usual she was holding a tone of files and clipboards along with binders, he knew why she was here, "hey..is now a bad time?" She asked, Engineer shook his head, "no let's get this over with." He said, she nodded and began walking and he fallowed after her.

Everyone was winding down for the day, by winding down, Scout was throwing darts at a picture of BLU Scouts face, while holding a cold bear bottle to his eye since Medic punched his face so hard it gave him a black eye, Soldier was off to the side at the planning table aggressively battle planing, Demo was drinking as per usual and Pyro was watching cartoons on the tv, and Heavy and Medic were off doing something, and Sniper like the bushman he was, was in his camper doing who knows what.

While Spy was enjoying his alone time in his smoking room, he was contemplating how all his life decisions led him here, fighting over gravel with a bunch of idiots he was supposed to call his team, Spy knew what a real team looked like these morons couldn't even count passed 20, all they thought about was either guns or how many people they've killed, half of them smelled like it to, not to mention how loud and obnoxious they are, Spy was pretty sure all of them didn't even care about money or getting paid all they probably cared about was how many people can I beat with a frying pan, which he did see once, Demoman with a frying pan was an odd thing to see.

Imbeciles the lot of them, Scout loud mouthed little idiot, how he managed to get hired eludes Spy, Soldier also an idiot an insufferable idiot that never shuts up, honestly how that man's alive is a mystery, Pyro honestly he had nothing to say about pyro other than they were a mushed mouth freak, Heavy slow, brain dead half the time only cares about murder and food, Demoman, always drunk, oblivious to half the things around him, always manages to throw himself into danger in the most ridiculous ways possible, Engineer…Soy didn't even know how to describe him, somehow a lunatic that managed to get at least 11 phds, an odd small man that was what he was, Medic, a deeply disturbed man with a god complex and a ego that could take him all the way to the moon, Sniper, a disgusting bush man that Spy is convinced at least drank his own piss twice.

He was surrounded by freaks and idiots, how did this happen?! One moment he was in France enjoying his life then he was at America in Boston and now New Mexico was he really that desperate for money? Spy longed for the old days, where if he had a team they would be capable smart individuals, smart thinkers, planners, geniuses, not loud mouthed fools that smell like alcohol and piss half the time, where did he go wrong, Spy should have stayed in France, there were people who had class there, Spy wasn't venting he was contemplating, there was a knock on his smoking room door, Spy sighed he was sitting in front of his fire place, he stood up and walked to the door and opened it, Demo was there…great…"what is it?" Spy asked, Demo was holding a few letters in his hand, "mail came in, and there's a letter for you." Demo said handing it to him, Spy accepted it and closed the door, he walked over to his wine table and picked up the letter opener, he wasn't expecting a letter this late, he opened it and inside was a letter neatly folded, he un folded it and saw it was in French he began to read.

'' dear" spy skipped over the part of his full name, "we regret to inform you that something rather unpleasant has occurred and we need you to come over back to France and help us, we're short on Spies at the moment and you were the first person to pop in our heads when thinking about how to deal with this information, we've heard you've retired since then to America, but we need you now I'm afraid, you know how to contact us, whenever you're ready please call."

From the agency.

The agency…he hasn't heard from them since the 40s that was two decades ago, what could they want now? What was so important, why-….

They were asking him back…

They wanted him back…Spy immediately put down the letter and ran to a phone he had next to his chair, and began dialing, the phone began ringing and he quickly picked up the receiver, "Bonjour." Spy immediately greeted as someone picked up the call, "je suis dans." Spy said, he was in.

Cold walls, cold floors and ominous monitors on the wall with blank screens only making static noise, everything was odd here, Engineer could notice every single thing, he knew something was amiss, something odd, but he never questioned it, why should he? It wasn't his job to point out everything little thing that felt odd to him, Miss Pauling had drove him over to the administrators location…he was in her office while Miss Pauling stood outside the office, he was working on her life extending machine, only him and miss Pauling knew about this, every once a month Engineer came out here and upgraded her machine, it was a little device that was attached to her wrist , it was small and barely noticeable, and easy to hide, apparently it was like this before whoever made the original one was quite clever but limited by the technology of the time, so Engineer improved it till it was the model you see today.

It was always quite when he came over here, it was a nice change of pace compared to hearing his team argue about some small thing like, it's my turn on the tv, who touched my gun, who used all the hot water, who ate my food, he had it admit it as much as he loved his team, it was like he was babysitting a bunch of little kids, he didn't mind it, but sometimes it was draining, Engineer was finishing up on some details, and now all he had to do was add the very thing that was keeping her alive, Engineer pulled out a small little glass tube with Austrilium a decent amount of it to, he put it in the center of the machine and closed the device up, "there ya go all good to go now." Engineer said accomplished with his work, The Administrator held her arm up and nodded with acceptance, she rolled down her sleeve and she turned back to her computer monitors and lit a cigarette, she took a drag and puffed, "Tell me Mr Choneger." she started while Engineer was packing up his red tool box, "how has your job been treating you?" She said, Engineer felt some sweat dripping down his four head, the Administrator was a women that liked to ask trick questions, she was observant of every detail and action, Engineer needed to choose his words wisely, "yes mam, this job is better than my old one, I am grateful to be here working for RED." Engineer said, The Administrator turned around on her swivel chair and stared at him, "good to hear, tell me…if you love your job so much than why are you losing?" there it was, Engineer swallowed and looked right at her, "BLU is unfortunately overwhelmin us at the moment we just need a little more ti-" Engineer was cut off, "Mr Chonger, Your teams total win counter is at 103 and hasn't changed since Cold Front, BLU is at 112 wins right now as we speak, there Winning!" she snarled at him, he didn't flinch not by a long shot, if she wasn't the person paying him he would have strangled her, Engineer was a fairly patient man but he did have a short temper, especially when it came down to folks pushing him around.

"Look Ill be blunt with you, if your team doesn't win in the next several days, Ill have no choice but to fire your team, every last single one of them will be replaced, except for you, your to valuable." She said, Engineer didn't know how to feel, it was good he was valuable, it meant he was doing something right, but his team…who knows what would happen to them if they lost there jobs, he sighed "Dont worry mam next time we face off BLU will put em in there place, you and Redmond have nothing to worry about." Engineer could still sense her destain, he had give it to her she was good at hiding her true feelings, but Engineer could see right through her, She was about to say something but her assistant Miss Pauling peeked her head through the door, "uh sorry mam…but Mr C is here and is demanding to see you." She said cautiously, the Administrator sighed, "Miss Pauling I am in the middle of discussing business with Mr Choneger, tell him he will have to be a little more patient." she said while putting out her cigarette in the ashtray next to her microphone, "Well I tried and-" Miss Pauling was pushed to the side by a small round man with a mustache, he looked to be slightly balding as well, "I've been waiting 5 hours, I've waited long enough!" the small round man said in a British voice that was fairly high pitched, "We need to discuss Business right now!" he ordered, the Administrator looked annoyed but she put on a fake smile, "of course Mr C, Mr Choneger you may go now." she waved her hand dismissively, this Mr C guy must've been important if she was stopping there conversation early, Engineer packed up his things, hoisted his tool box on his shoulder and walked out the door, he saw Mr C giving him a side eye, and Engineer returned it back at him, he looked surprised when he saw Engineer gave him a side eye, as Engineer walked out the door he couldn't help but have a smug look on his face.

Miss Pauling was the one to drive him back, when he got back it was probably around midnight, everyone was asleep by now, well everyone except for Medic most likely, the garage was a mess slightly, there were cans of soda suggesting Scout had been here and didn't clean up his mess, Engineer walked over to his work table and sat down his tool box, behind him was a chalkboard filled with various doodles and ideas for inventions and weapon improvements, and right next to the chalkboard was a shelf filled with tools and a framed picture of his grandfather looking down at him, usually Engineer looked at the picture for motivation and inspiration, but now the picture felt judgmental, it felt like his grandfather was judging him, Engineer wondered what his grandfather thought of him now…probably disappointed.

Engineer didn't want to look at the picture so he walked over to turn the picture around but than something caught his eye, it was a small blueprint rolled up it looked old, it was dusty the color was faded and it smelled slightly awful like decay, Engineer grabbed it with his gloved hand to avoid getting any unpleasant smells on him, he unrolled the blueprint and saw the sketch of a device, a device called the gunslinger, the gunslinger was a body modification designed to make the user stronger, originally his grandfather made it for wrestling, since a metal hand punching someone would very painful, an idea struck Engineer, what if he used the base model and added on to it…the flood gate of ideas was open now, Engineer looked around his workshop, he had more than enough scrap metal and parts to start, only thing he needed was a bone saw…and a tone of alcohol.

Engineer couldn't get his hands on a bone saw so he took one his saws, and there was plenty of beer in the fridge, so he began working, he worked for hours on end none stop, from this day forward he wouldn't be behind the front lines setting up defenses, from now on he'd be on the battlefield alongside the others.

Time flew by quickly as he worked mostly because he fell asleep, he woke up on the floor behind his desk, surrounded by beer bottles and paper with hastily drawn scribbles, next to him was a saw covered in blood and a bucket half full of blood, he must've passed out from either a over dose of alcohol or from blood loss, he looked over to his right hand and saw it was no longer there, he sat up and observed his new hand, he did he had attached the gunslinger to his hand successfully, it was exactly like his grandfathers only smaller and updated with more modern parts and with a few personal modifications, he heard someone coming down the stairs, Engineer didn't want anyone to know he sawed his own hand, so he grabbed his orange gray glove and put it on quickly, Demo was the one that came downstairs, he walked over to Engineers work table, Engineer stood up quickly, "Mornin Demo." Engineer said as he stood up, "ach! Where have you been mate?" Demo said, Engineer thought about what to say, "uh…outside." No one knew about his secret meetings with the administrator, which they didn't need to know, he saw Demo peaking around the corner of his desk where the bucket was, Engineer quickly kicked it behind him, "anyway what I miss?" Engineer asked changing subject, "nothing really, oh but Spy did tell me to tell ye he left." Demo said as he walked to the fridge, Engineer stood there, Spy left? Without permission? When?

"Wait what? When?" Engineer asked, Demo counted his fingers, "just now, we'll a hour ago, not sure why, but he wanted to leave quite quickly." Demo said shredding and taking a sip out of a beer bottle, Engineer tried to keep his calm he really did, Spy leaving without permission meant the team was down a member and not to mention the Administrator would kill him if he didn't tell her Spy had left without notice or permission, Leaving without permission was the worst thing he could do, they were under contract which meant they had to stay here until there contacts expired, Engineer quickly headed towards the telephone that was in front of his work desk, on the tv table they installed after they lost the bread van it left them some space to add other things in, Engineer grabbed the phone and began diliaing the Administrators number, he held the receiver up to his ear anxiously tapping his fingers on the table below him, he heard someone else walk in the room, the Administrator picked up, "what is it?" She sneered, Engineer took a deep breath, "Sorry to disturb you mam…but there's been an issue." Engineer slowly said, "what kind of issue?" She said in a annoyed tone, Engineer took another deep breath, "Spies left…to where we're not sure…" Engineer braced himself, but there was silence, than the phone hung up.

Engineer sat it down, "OI what's happening?" Sniper asked, apparently he was the one who walked in, "Spy left." Demo said , Sniper lifted up his sunglasses, "Spy left?! Why?" Sniper asked, Demo shrugged, "Don't know why, he was in a hurry though." Demo answered taking another sip from the beer bottle, Engineer rubbed his face grappling the weight of the situation they were in, he then heard someone pull into the driveway, Engineer turned around and saw it was Miss Pauling, she hopped off her bike and pulled off her helmet and quickly walked in the garage holding a load of papers, "Alright everyone remain calm." She said as she walked in, "Spy left but we're gonna get him before he leaves completely." She dropped her helmet and quietly began sorting through her papers, "Miss Pauling where did he go?" Engineer asked, "Don't know, but I've asked around when the Administrator told me, and he was sighted heading to the Tufort airport." She said handing him some pictures of what looked like Spy, "She said you have one day to get him back, and if you can't intercept him at the airport, you have one week." She informed him, Engineer took a deep breath, he didn't have time to panic he dropped the photos and quickly walked to his red truck, Demo fallowed after him, "your leaving already?" Demo asked with a concerned face, "you heard Miss Pauling, I have one day and one week to get Spy back, till than tell Heavy he's in charge till I get back." Engineer said getting in his truck and starting it, "oh and make sure ya get Pyro in bed by 7 pm." And with that Engineer was off to the Tufort airport.

Demo stood there confused for a moment, "I didnt know Pyro had a bedtime?" Sniper said walking up to Demo, "speaking of Pyro I haven't seen that bugger all day today…" Sniper said looking around, Demo had a blank oh shit face, "what ya lookin at?" Sniper asked, Demo pointed to Engineers truck in the distance, and if you looked closely you could see Pyro in the back of the truck waving at them.