Chapter 10:

2017 (Season 12)

Tag to: Mama Mia

Sam stood stubbornly under his own power until Mick and Toni had left the confines of the basement. As soon as he heard the front door close Sam shut his eyes and his knees began to buckle. Before he could hit the ground two strong arms came around his middle.

"Easy Sammy, I gotcha." Dean whispered. "We are gonna get you fixed up okay?"

Sam allowed himself to lean into Dean's side suddenly overcome with exhaustion.

Mary came up beside the brother's and took a good look at her youngest for the first time.

"Sammy…" Mary whispered.

She reached out to place her hand on Sam's face. Her fingers brushed Sam's cheek and Sam's eyes burst open with fear.

"No." Sam cried.

He pulled himself out of Dean's hold and slid down against the wall bringing his knees up to his chest. He hissed in pain as his burnt foot dragged across the floor. Dean crouched down slowly in front of his little brother.

Mary attempted to walk over to help, but Castiel held her back with a shake of his head.

"Let Dean deal with this. He knows what Sam needs." Cas said calmly.

Mary wanted to go to her Sam but she resisted. She knew there were things about

"Hey there little brother." Dean said gently. "I don't really know what happened to you, but I need you to talk to me here. Let me know what I can do."

Sam took a deep breath and forced his eyes to focus on Dean. Dean had a calm demeanor but Sam could see panic in his eyes.

"Dean?" Sam asked.

"I'm right here." Dean replied.

"Yeah I almost believed that… but Mom? That is one step too far."

"Okay… look Sammy, I get that Mom being here is confusing but I promise you she is here. It isn't like she is the first of us to come back from the dead."

Sam shook his head frantically and dug his fingers into the cut on his palm.

"Dean, you can't be here!" Sam yelled.

Blood began to run from the wound and onto the ground, and Mary struggled against Cas' hold. Dean turned towards his mother and his best friend.

"Cas take Mom outta here. I gotta deal with this." Dean said.

"Of course Dean. We will meet you at the car." Cas replied.

Dean waited until they left before turning back to his brother and prying his hands apart. He looked at the deep gash in Sam's hand and placed his own thumb on top of it.

"It isn't the pain that is making you loopy, she messed with your head. Am I right?" Dean asked.

Sam shook his head frantically.

"I can't answer anymore questions… not if I don't know if this is real." Sam whispered.

Dean sighed and sat down cross legged in front of Sam and pushed down on Sam's cut palm with a hard even pressure. Sam winced and started to pull away so Dean released his hand.

"Stone number one, remember Sammy? I know since Lucifer its been hard when people mess with your head, but I promise you. This is all real and once we get out of here I promise to give you a full explanation. Okay?"

Sam stared at Dean for a moment before stretching his hand back out.

"Can you…just one more time?" Sam whispered.

Dean pressed down hard one more time as he saw the last of the fog lift from Sam's eyes.

"Good to go little brother?" Dean asked.

"Uhhhh… yeah I think so. Can you help me up?" Sam said.

Dean lifted Sam up by his good hand and threw his arm around Sam's back.

"We'll get Cas to fix you up outside alright?"

"Yeah alright…"

A few nights later…

Sam jolted awake from a now familiar nightmare. A mixture of trauma consisting of Toni's hands, the words of his dead friends and family, and 150 years of Hell. Sam sat with a cold sweat pushing down on his hand wishing for a spike of pain. Cas had healed Sam's injuries but of course he had no way to fix Sam's head.

Sam needed the pain and he slid his hunting knife out from under his pillow and held it against his wrist. Just before he pressed down, he thought about the last time he had done this, and what Dean had said the last time that he had slipped. He just needed to go find Dean.

Sam couldn't get his legs to move, he felt like his body was pushing him to hurt himself. He reached for his phone on his end table and pressed 1. Three rings later he heard the phone pick up.

"Sammy, why you calling me?" Dean yawned.

"Dean… please… I need…" Sam stumbled.

Sam heard a bedroom door slam open down the hall, so he dropped his phone on the floor, but he couldn't make himself let go of his hunting knife. Hot tears ran down his face as images of trauma flashed across his eyes. He heard his door open but didn't look up. He waited until he felt Dean sit down on the bed next him.

"Dean… I can't…" Sam choked.

"Sammy… what can I do?" Dean asked.

"Just take it. Please. Just take it from me."

Dean reached over and pried the knife from Sam's fingers, and put it down beside him on the bed.

"Calm your breathing, you are gonna pass out breathing like that?" Dean said.

Sam managed to get his breathing under control and finally looked up at his brother. He flushed with embarrassment at his own antics.

"Dean I'm sorry…" Sam said with shame.

"Hey, none of that. You never need to be sorry about coming to me about this. You think that I wasn't thinking this could happen? I am not mad; I am so proud of you."

"I can deal with pain. I just can't deal with my head being fucked with, I can't escape that pain."

"I know okay? You do not have to explain that to me. I am sorry she got in your head. Do you wanna talk about it?"

Sam smiled softly.

"Not tonight."

"Alright, how you feeling?" Dean asked.

"I'm okay now… I'm past it. I'm just gonna try to go back to sleep."

"Alright."

Dean picked up the knife off the bed and held in his palm.

"Do you wanna put this back under your pillow or do you want me to take it?" Dean asked.

"You actually trust me enough to give it to me?" Sam scoffed.

"I trust you to call me before you use it, but it is okay if you don't trust yourself right now. If that is the case, I can take this and you just ask for it back when you are ready." Dean said with a smile.

"I think…. Can you take it tonight?" Sam asked.

"Just let me know when you want it back." Dean said.

"Goodnight Dean."

"Goodnight Sammy."