It had been a rough hunt, and with Cas away from the bunker that left the Winchester's to fix up their injuries the old fashioned way.
"Sam quit being a little bitch and sit the hell down so I can stitch you up." Dean said.
Sam sighed obnoxiously still holding an old bandana to the bleeding area of his shoulder.
"It's fine Dean. I don't need your help." Sam replied.
Dean was exhausted and was running low on patience so he simply yanked on his brother's arm and pushed him down into the chair in the infirmary.
Sam hissed in pain.
"See? If you were fine then that wouldn't have hurt so bad. You can't reach it, and you are still bleeding like a stuck pig. Take your shirt off and let me fix it so I can go shower and have a drink."
Sam's shoulders dropped dejectedly and he nodded.
"Fine… just cut it off. I can't lift my arm that high right now. Don't screw it up, you are out of practice."
Dean reached for the scissors and poked Sam in the ribs."
"First of all, I still sew buttons back onto my shirts all the time, which is basically the same thing. Secondly, I am the best at everything, so I can't possibly be out of practice."
Sam chuckled.
"Humble is ever as well." Sam laughed.
Dean cut the seam of Sam's shirt and winced as he got a look at the long, jagged gash.
"Damn Sammy, that thing really got ya."
"Occupational hazard."
Dean grunted and poured some whiskey over the cut. Just as he was about to start Jack came in rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.
"Hello." Jack said waving.
"Hey kid. We didn't mean to wake you." Sam said with a smile.
Dean continued what he was doing not sparing Jack a glance. He may have agreed to let him stay, but Dean was still on high alert when the Son of Satan was around.
Jack walked around to take a look at what Dean was doing.
"Sam, you are bleeding! Are you okay?" Jack exclaimed.
"I'll be fine Jack, Dean's just giving me a few stitches. Nothing serious."
Jack frowned in contemplation.
"I think I can fix that for you." Jack said reaching towards Sam.
Dean tensed and reach out to grab Jack's arm.
"I've got this."
"Dean-" Sam started.
"No Sam. I may not be an angel but I can give you a few stitches." Dean yelled.
This was not a life-threatening situation. If it was Cas, then fine. Dean would step away and go take a shower in peace. Jack had not earned that level of trust.
Sam looked into Dean's eyes and nodded calmly, obviously understanding Dean's insistence at handling this situation himself. He may not agree but he didn't understand being a big brother either. Sam looked at Jack and smiled.
"It's okay Jack, Dean is almost done anyway. Why don't you have a seat and learn something. This is just how hunters work."
Jack nodded in confusion but took a seat anyway. He was always interested in learning something new about the Winchester's.
He watched as Dean placed each stitch with careful consideration, but then out of the corner of his eye he something that intrigued him. From Sam's side his eyes shifted from the current injury to Sam's forearm.
Jack could see many healed scars, none seemed overly recent. They were not red and angry, as if from a recent hunt. But they were raised, prominent. Bright white against Sam's already pale skin. He searched further on Sam's exposed skin, noting each of the other scars but none intrigued him as much as the ones one the younger Winchester's arms. They just seemed different.
Suddenly Sam flipped over his exposed arm and pulled it tight around the back of the chair. Jack looked up, but as soon as their eyes met Sam looked down at the floor.
Sam cleared his throat.
"You uh… you almost done there Dean?" Sam whispered.
"Just tying off the last one." Dean answered.
He looked up from what he was doing and eyed Sam carefully. Sam had turned bright red and was staring with intensity at a stain on the infirmary floor.
"You okay Sammy? You look like you are gonna hurl."
"Yeah I'm good. Just uhhh… ready to go get cleaned up."
Dean frowned but nodded, giving the stitches one last splash of whiskey to clean it.
"Alright, well go shower up and we will put a bandage on for the night, I'll just clean up here."
Sam nodded and quickly left the room.
Dean began to clean up the mess in the infirmary. Sam was on his mind. Something was definitely bothering his brother, and it was not the most recent hunt.
Dean jumped when he heard a throat clear behind him. He had forgotten Jack was there.
"Lessons over, you can be on your way." Dean said.
"Do you get a hurt a lot on hunts? You and Sam?" Jack asked.
Dean shrugged his shoulders.
"I mean… yeah. Hunting is not a job you come out of unscathed. You've seen some of the things that are after us."
"So I guess you have to do that a lot for each other."
"Not as often as we used to with Cas around but yeah sure. Between Sammy and my Dad I have done a lot of stitches in my day."
"Does Sam get hurt a lot more then you?"
Dean frowned and turned around to face Jack. He leaned against the table and crossed his arms.
"If I can get between Sam and a bullet or blade I will, but it is not always possible. Damn kid has a hero complex. Why are you asking all of these questions?"
Jack looked at Dean in confusion.
"I don't know. I was curious. Sam seems to have a lot more scars than you. I mean… There must be 50 on his arms alone. Some seemed really deep, others more faded…"
Jack's voice faded as he caught the angry glare from Dean's face.
Dean walked over towards Jack and pushed him against the wall.
"Let me get something very clear. Sam is a great hunter. We all have scars and those that you saw? They are not some sign that he gets hurt more then me. They are not some sign that he is weaker than me. Do not ever question that again."
"Dean I wasn't…. I know that Sam is great… He is one of the best people I know."
"Just so we are clear on that. I don't ever want to have this conversation again. Go to sleep, or go read a book, or go stare at the ceiling for all I care. Just get away from me and stay away from Sam."
"Okay…" Jack whispered.
Dean stepped to the side and let Jack walk passed him. He clenched his hands in anger.
Jack stopped in the threshold of the door.
"I am really sorry that I upset you." Jack said.
Jack left the infirmary, and Dean stood up straight, grabbing the whiskey from the table and chugging some back. He took the bottle with him and then left the infirmary. He had a little brother to find.
Dean knocked on Sam's door before pushing it open. Sam was sitting on his bed, wearing a long-sleeved button up that remained undone. Dean grabbed the still packaged bandage off of the night stand and walked over to join his brother.
"Take that shirt off. Gotta put the bandages on."
Sam tugged on the sleeves of his shirt self-consciously.
"I don't think it needs to be bandaged Dean just leave it."
Dean sighed deeply.
"Look, just for the night okay? Bandage it up so it doesn't get jostled in your sleep then you can take it off tomorrow."
"It'll be fine." Sam argued.
"Alright, you know what? Enough. What is going on? You are making a big deal out of nothing. You know you can't leave it like that. It needs antibiotic cream and you need the bandage to do that."
Sam pulled the sleeves of his shirt down over his hands and looked up at Dean.
"I know okay? Don't act like I don't know… I just…" Sam growled on frustration and pushed his hands through his damp hair.
Dean pushed Sam gently with his elbow.
"C'mon, I'm allowing a chick flick moment here. Safe space and all that psycho babble talk to me."
Sam laughed softly.
"It's nothing serious… just… just I caught Jack staring at them and now… I guess I am just feeling weird about it."
Dean nodded. Of course, Sam caught Jack looking.
"Yeah… He asked me about them after you left. He just assumed you were a klutz that always got hurt hunting. Which I mean is true. You did once, burn yourself with coffee, fall in a parking lot, and get kidnapped all in one day. But I may have gotten a little bit angry about it."
Sam punched Dean in the shoulder.
"Like hell I am. I was cursed that day in you know it." Sam laughed.
Dean smiled and looked at Sam.
"Look. We can tell Jack whatever you want about those. You want me to lie? Say a ghost once tried to put you through a paper shredder? I'll be your witness."
"That is not even a believable lie Dean."
"Meh, whatever. He is an angel. From experience with Cas, we know they are notoriously gullible."
Sam sighed.
"No I uhhh…. I will tell him the truth. At least some version of it."
"Okay then. I can help."
Sam smiled and then took off his shirt.
"No it's okay. I can handle it. You can bandage me up. Then I'll go and talk to him."
Dean nodded and opened up the bandage. As he worked he watched as Sam pulled the blanket towards him covering his arms again.
"Hey Sam? Do me a favour okay?"
"Uh yeah sure anything."
"Stop hiding them. You do not get to be awkward and uncomfortable here okay? This is your home."
Sam sighed and let go of the blanket.
"I'll work on it."
"Good."
"I am going to go and talk to Jack. You should go shower."
"Alright but uh… call me if you need me okay?"
Sam nodded.
"Will do."
Sam watched as Dean left then took a deep breath. He grabbed his shirt and put it back on and made his way down the hall to Jack's room. Jack's door was open and Sam saw the Nephilim staring at the ceiling.
"Hey Jack, you got a second?" Sam asked.
Jack turned towards Sam and sat up in the bed.
"Of course."
Sam made his way to the bed and sat down beside Jack.
"Dean said you were asking some questions."
"I didn't mean to make him mad. I was just asking questions, trying to understand your world."
"Listen, he knows that okay? He just… Dean doesn't like to talk about the times where he couldn't help me. But you can ask me anything okay? I promise I won't get mad."
Jack nodded and stared down at Sam's flannel covered arms.
"I asked Dean why you had so many scars. He said he would never let you get hurt if he could help it. He got really mad when I asked about the scars on your arms…"
Sam nodded his head and pulled on his sleeves.
"Listen Jack. Dean raised me, he was my brother and my best friend and sometimes my parent when I needed one. He beats himself up when things happen to me that he can't protect me from. These scars are the ones that hurt him the most. And not because they happened on a hunt… but because I did it to myself."
Jack frowned and looked up at Sam.
"You… you cut yourself? Why?"
"Sometimes growing up my head would tell me I was sad. With a Marine as a father and my badass brother I did not know how to express those feelings. So, I hid myself in pain, because it made me feel something."
"So all those scars, they are from when you were a kid?"
"Not all of them. Sometimes, I still feel like that."
"Really?"
Sam sighed.
"Jack do you know what an addict is?"
Jack shook his head.
"An addict is someone who feels like they need to do a certain activity. Even when it hurts those around them. I've been addicted to a few things in my life. But nothing worse than this. This? This is always with me, but it has been a long time since I have done it."
"Will you do it again?"
"Jack… I try every day too make better choices so I will not hurt myself. Dean helps when I ask. But I cannot promise that it won't happen again. Just that I will always try."
Jack sighed.
"Okay."
"Now do you have any questions?"
"Well… did you ever do something like that when you though you were evil?"
"Well… I definitely did it when I was feeling bad about myself… I had other bad things I did too… but we aren't going to talk about that stuff tonight."
Jack nodded.
"I stabbed myself a few days ago."
Sam looked up in shock.
"What do you mean?"
"I stabbed myself… it didn't hurt but… I guess I was trying to figure out what I am. Dean came and grabbed the knife from me."
Sam could only imagine the horrible flashbacks that his brother had from that.
"It didn't help did it Jack?"
"No. I mean I know it isn't the same thing. But I just wanted to tell you that I have felt pain too… not the pain on the outside but on the inside."
"The pain on the inside is a part of being human kid, and you are human where it counts."
"Thanks Sam."
"Anything else?"
"No I'm good. And I am sorry I embarrassed you."
Sam smiled.
"You did nothing wrong Jack. Have a good night."
Sam left Jack's room and closed the door behind him. His shirt rubbed uncomfortably against the bandages and Sam sighed.
"Screw it."
Sam slid the shirt off and began to walk towards his bedroom, he nearly bumped into Dean in the hall. Dean noticed the shirt in Sam's hand, and smiled as Sam held his head up with confidence.
"Good night Sammy."
"Good night Dean."