**I'm still working on this story but here are another 2 chapters. I'm making progress in finishing this so hopefully i will be back on a regular posting schedule soon. Enjoy! **

Chapter 3

Allison:

I don't know why I am torturing myself like this. The morning started off great. We met up at Scott's place, said goodbye and split off from our partners before heading to the spa. Theo and Malia were in hysterics in the backseat of Lydia's car for some reason. I couldn't pay attention. My mind was still on yesterday. Lydia was trying to keep up with their conversation, but she was watching me surreptitiously as well.

We were only about 15 minutes into the ride when I pulled out my phone. My initial reason was to text Isaac for a 'pick me up' because feelings were starting to intrude. But instead, my thumb hovered over the gallery icon. Even though my brain was screaming at me not to, I did anyway. I clicked it and then pulled up my family album.

Pictures of my mother came up. Some singular, some with me and some captured when her and my dad were being too cute, which wasn't often. my mother wasn't bad, but she was hard. She wasn't the type that you could go to if you just needed a hug or a kind word. She loved me I know, and I loved her but we clashed more then we got along.

There were pictures of all of us on various trips we took, places we moved to and from and a lot of holidays spent together. those usually included Kate. It was those that I stopped on. One in particular kept my attention. I zoomed in on the image, me and Kate, cheek to cheek, smiling for the camera as my dad took the picture.

It was Christmas when we were in New York. Kate had come as a surprise and stayed through the holiday. I had been ecstatic to see her since she had been almost completely incognito for over a year. She brought me all sorts of gifts from her travels, which I later found out were hunts she was on. I didn't even want to think of what she hunted and for what reason. Or if they were legitimate reasons or not.

We were posing with reindeer antlers on with matching Christmas sweaters, another of her gifts. My mother thought it was silly and ridiculous but Kate defended our attire. That whole week we spent hanging out. Talking, and gossiping. Shopping and just catching up. It was what I needed at that time. With the constant moving and my parents being so career driven I was lonely. I barely had friends, it's hard to make and keep them when you know in just a short time you would be leaving again.

It hit me like a tidal wave that those times were over. No more surprise visits, no more talking and giggling, no more shopping trips. For a minute I felt alone again. Even in a car with my friends, even knowing that the rest were just a phone call away, that Isaac would always be right there, I still felt alone. Because it was my fault that I would never have that again with her. It was my fault. I did it.

The breath rushed out of me in a whoosh and I felt myself breaking down. My hand clenched around my phone as I panted. My stomach rolled, threatening to bring up everything I ate this morning, which wasn't much. Oh God, what did I do?

"Allison?"

The noise in the backseat stopped when Lydia called my name. I looked over and saw her worry. I just stared at her, not knowing what to say or do. She quickly pulled to the side of the road.

"Allison, you have to breathe." She said.

"What's happening?"

"What's going on?"

Came from the back seat and I started to panic even more.

"It's my fault. It's my fault." I whispered.

"No, it's not. It is not your fault." Lydia tried to convince me.

"I did it. I killed her." I told her, shaking my head.

"Shh… it's okay. Breathe Allison." She said, pulling me across the seat into an awkward hug.

"Guys, what's going on?" Theo asked.

"We'll explain later." Lydia told him. "Let's get you back to Isaac, okay?"

I nodded letting her go and curling up in my seat. I felt her turn the car around, but I closed my eyes and tried to gain control. I felt hands on both my shoulders and knew it was Theo and Malia.

The ride back was quiet and tense and before I knew she was pulling to a stop. I looked up to see us in front of Scott's place and Isaac already at my door. Silently he unbuckled my seatbelt and pulled me from the car and wrapped me up. I buried my head in his chest not wanting to see anything or anyone else.

"Lydia, tell them, please." I said not looking up.

"Okay." She agreed.

I stayed outside with Isaac, feeling horrible yet again. I can't keep doing this to him. I can't keep breaking down like this. He has to be tired of dealing with my melt downs by now.

"Allison, stop. I know what you are thinking. Whatever it is you think I am feeling, I'm not. I want to be here for you."

"I hate feeling like this."

"I know Alli." He soothed. "Remember what Derek said. You have to feel what you feel. It will get better."

"When? I can't take it. It hurts all the time. I feel so guilty and horrible. I need this to go away. I'm tired of feeling like this. I'm tired of seeing her face. I'm tired of remembering. I'm so tired."

He held me tighter.

"Allison?"

I didn't even know he was here but still I pushed away from Isaac and ran to my father, throwing myself at him.

"I'm sorry daddy. I didn't mean it. I didn't mean to kill her. Please don't hate me."

Isaac:

I stood helpless, watching my girlfriend cry hysterically while clinging to her father, stumbling over her words as she kept apologizing. He looked at me before closing his eyes and just holding her.

"It's okay honey. It's okay. I don't hate you. I could never hate you."

"Why? You should hate me. you should be angry at me. I took her a-a-awa-."

"Shhh… stop baby. I don't hate you and I am not angry with you."

Melissa, who had been standing behind him when Allison rushed up to him, walked towards the house to give them privacy. I looked back to see Scott standing on the porch watching sadly. I took a deep breath before approaching.

"Allison, why don't you go home with your dad. I'll come by in a few hours, okay?"

She nodded, not moving. Argent gave me nod in appreciation before leading Allison to his car and buckling her in. She was still too distraught to do it herself. I watched as they drove off and anger took over. I felt the growl build before I heard it. Scott was by my side in an instant grabbing my arm and pulling me towards the back of the house.

"Come on. Let's run." He said. I didn't argue with him just took off. Flying through the trees and trying to out run pain and anger and frustration and guilt. Why, damn it. Just why.

I was still growling when I stopped. Nowhere in particular just stopped. Still surrounded by dirt, rocks, trees, everything. Everyone deals with pain and anger differently, even in our group. Liam and Theo will throw things. Stiles ignores things and has to be forced to talk about them. Malia goes coyote and is ready to fight everything in her path. Lydia will rant. Allison usually trains. Mason doesn't get too angry. when he does he kind of goes internal. I don't know what Corey does, he's still a new edition. Scott will talk things out. But I don't really have a way that I deal with things. Getting angry use to be a trigger for me, but it's been a while since I have been triggered by a reaction or anything. right now, I don't know what to do.

"It should have been me." I said when I heard Scott get closer.

"What?" he asked. I turned to face him.

"It should have been me." I gritted out, knowing my eyes were glowing. "I should have done it. I should have killed her."

He said nothing. It was his way. he listened, he didn't judge, and he didn't try to argue it he just listened. But I kind of wanted him to do something, I don't know.

"If it had been me, she wouldn't be hurting right now." I said, my voice getting louder. "If I had done what I should have done then she wouldn't be feeling so much guilt right now."

Still nothing from him.

"I had the chance, and I didn't take it. She had me by the throat against a wall. She raked her damn claws down my chest, all while Allison was made to stand there and watch. And what did I do? Nothing. I did nothing. Allison is in pain because I did NOTHING!" I roared.

"Why didn't I do it, Scott? Why didn't I end her pathetic life when I had the chance? Why did I let her do this to her? why? It should have been me."

"Isaac… you did what you thought was best in that moment." He tried to reason. I huffed a laugh.

"No, I did what I always do when faced with difficult choices, when faced with a fight. I did nothing. I was a coward then just as I was when I was a kid."

"You are not a coward. You are the furthest thing from a coward as you can get. And you're not a kid anymore. No one expects a kid to be able to fight back against adults who were supposed to love and care for them not punish them in the cruelest way possible."

"Maybe I deserved it. maybe I still deserve it, cause I sure as hell don't deserve her. I couldn't protect her, Scott. No, scratch that I didn't protect her. I could have protected her from this if I had just manned up and killed Kate when I had the damn chance. She deserves better than that. She deserves better than me."

"Isaac, stop. No one deserved what you went through. And no one deserves what she is going through. What you did in that church was trying to protect her. you didn't know how it would end. No one did. But you can't beat yourself up over this. This is not either of yours fault."

"I can't help her. I don't know how to help her with this." I told him, tearing up myself.

'You don't think your being there for her is helping her?"

"Obviously not. Look at where we are and where she is. Look at how much she is still suffering even three weeks after the fact. How is this helping her?"

"Because it's not something she is just going to come to terms with in a matter of three weeks, Isaac. It's not something she will just get over. No matter how hard she tries, no matter how much she cries. This is something she is going to keep with her, for the rest of her life." He said. "Look I get it. you hate seeing her in pain like this. You want to do something to make it better to make it go away, but you can't. you can't make this disappear, not for either of you. But you can be there for her. you can let her talk or not talk about it. You can hold her when she cries or when she has nightmares. You can keep reassuring her that it wasn't her fault what happened. You can keep telling her she is still the same person despite it."

"That's what I've been doing. That's all I've been doing. It doesn't seem to be working." I yelled. "You just don't get it." I sighed, scrubbing a hand through my hair in frustration. Grabbing my arm, he turned me back.

"You don't think I understand? You don't think any of us will understand? Ask Liam if he still has nightmares about what happened with Theo. Ask Theo if he isn't still kicking himself for leaving Corey behind, even though he had no choice. Ask Malia if she still doesn't feel guilt and remorse about Corrine taking Stiles and almost killing him. Ask Stiles if he doesn't feel guilt that about the fact that he had to watch Malia almost get gutted right in front of him and he could do nothing about it." he pointed out. "and if you think for one second that even now I don't lose my mind every time Lydia has a flashback about being taken or watching me get shot and dying trying to save her, then you are wrong."

Now I felt bad because I know all those things. I've seen all those things. And I know they would all completely understand.

"And you say that you're a coward. You were ready to die. Die, Isaac, instead of taking away another member of her family. Because you didn't want to hurt her. that's not what a coward does. You knew Kate wouldn't stop but you couldn't be the one responsible for taking any chance of Allison getting a piece of her family back, away from her."

"Yeah but then she ended up being the one to kill her."

"yes, she did because she loved you more then she wanted Kate back. You are her family now Isaac. You and Argent. You are more important to her then Kate. What happened was all on Kate not you or Allison. Kate made a choice, and this unfortunately was the end result. It seems that even from the grave she is causing chaos. Do not let her win."

"I just want Allison to feel herself again. I don't want this to consume her. I want to find a way to help her through this."

'You already are. You being there is helping her. it may not seem like it, but it is. You can't feel this for her, Isaac. You can't magic the pain and hurt and guilt away. It doesn't work like that. But what you can do is make sure she knows that she can always count on you to be there regardless of what it is she needs in that moment."

"It's just so frustrating you know. Makes me want to resurrect Kate just so I can be the one to end it instead."

"Yeah, I know what you mean. But I hope to God that is not possible. She seems to keep finding new freaking lives."

"If she comes back from being cremated, I'm just giving up." I told him. he snorted.

"Ditto. Come on, let's head back. I'm sure Lydia's done explaining things by now."

"Okay. I'm actually glad Allison didn't have to tell this for a third time. and I would rather if they have questions they ask me instead of her."

We ran back towards the house and, of course, Lydia was outside waiting. Scott wrapped her up as soon as we were near. She giggled as he picked her up as he normally does.

"Everyone's gone." She said when I went to pass them into the house.

"Really? Was everything okay?" I asked.

"Yeah, they feel bad that she's been dealing with this, and they don't blame her at all. But they figured you guys needed some time. They said they would see us tomorrow at the beach."

"Okay." I said, relieved that I didn't need to answer questions. I was raw after the run, and I just wanted to go to Allison.

"Here, take my bike. I'll grab it later when Lydia goes home." Scott handed me his keys.

"Thanks. See you guys later."