Chapter Four
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It's been a long, exhausting day. I can barely keep my eyelids from sealing shut. Ewar catches me fighting off sleep and hops into action. He creates a bed for himself near the fire. The tent is offered for my comfort alone.
I suppose being a goddess does have its perks.
After closing the tent's flap for privacy's sake, I settle in for the night. The sleeping area consists of the softest fur blankets I've ever come across. I lay down, snuggle underneath the warmth, and pass out.
What feels like five minutes later, something shakes my foot.
"Bella... Bella."
I jolt into a sitting position. Ewar's head is stuck through the tent opening. A faint halo surrounds him from behind, giving his hair a burnt copper glow. The sun has just begun to rise.
It's morning already?
"Mehur iyatta!" he says excitedly while tugging at my blanket.
Evidently, he wants me to wake up. I would much rather stay unconscious a few more hours. At least when my eyes are closed I can pretend I'm tucked safely into my bed back home in London. Alas, sleeping in won't be happening today. I better get up to see what the fuss is about.
Yawning, I crawl outside. The grass is wet with dew. Our fire has been reduced to smoldering coals. Ewar places a small basket in my arms the moment I'm standing upright. It's filled with what looks like blueberries, except these are black all over. Breakfast, I presume. Ewar eats them by the handful. Since he doesn't foam at the mouth or keel over, I'm guessing they're not poisonous. I toss one in and chew experimentally. The berry is bland as water. Although it will keep you from starving, it sure won't satisfy your taste buds.
Following our simple meal, I get an unpleasant urge. I head into the waist-high grass in order to relieve my discomfort. I haven't walked far when I hear a set of crunching footsteps other than my own.
Ewar decided to tag along.
I slam to a halt and twist around to confront him. "Look, I need to pee. I'll be back in just a second."
I try leaving again. He trots after me. My little speech went right over his head.
"Ugh! Ewar, I need privacy. Showing off your genitals to strangers might seem fine to you, but I'm not into that shit. I don't want an audience while I pee, ok? You stay here."
Very much aware of his lack of understanding, I back away slowly while keeping a close eye on him. The instant he tries lifting a foot, I jab an accusing finger in his direction.
"Ah ah ah! I said stay, Ewar. Stay."
"Stay?" he repeats while rooted in place.
"That's right. Stay."
I leave him standing there and go off on my own. He's wearing the most perplexed frown I've ever seen. It would be funny if I didn't need to pee so badly.
Free from Ewar's presence, I discover that finding a place in the wild to do your business is time consuming. It needs to be in a secluded area, preferably with plenty of bushes to act as cover. This is because you don't want a group of hikers showing up unexpectedly and catching you with your pants around your ankles.
Admittedly, people aren't much of a problem here in Bumfuck, where the population appears to be just Ewar and I.
Yet, the simple act of peeing without a proper bathroom facility is a challenge. Every sound - no matter the volume - makes me jump. A swarm of scenarios swirl through my mind, each one worse than the one before. For instance, a snake could slither up while I'm exposed and bite me in the worse place imaginable.
Horrifying.
Then there's squatting. I hate this word with a passion, so having to position myself that way puts me in a sour mood. If I had a choice, I would use a porta potty at a three-day outdoor festival over this humiliation any day.
Now with an bladder empty, I return to Ewar's home. There's a surprise waiting for me. The tent is dismantled and its frame repurposed. The two longest branches of the frame are on the ground, crossed into an X-shape and tied together with rope. I watch as Ewar secures smaller branches at regular intervals on the lower half of the X. In a way, it reminds me of a pallet at a warehouse, except this has handles.
"What are you doing?" I blurt out.
He pauses to look up from his work. "Mumurra sumēs appanda. Uēs iyatta hūs kinun."
"Riiight." I shake my head at my idiotic question. "How could I forget? You don't know what I'm saying, and I don't know what you're saying either. Why did I even bother asking?" An alarming thought surfaces within my mind. My eyes narrow at him. "You better not have torn down your tent just to build me an alter. This goddess doesn't want to be worshipped. Got it?"
He grins. "God-dess."
"Yeah, yeah. But it's Bella... remember?"
"Bella."
"That's better."
After our little conversation ends, he scurries around collecting his belongings. Baskets, furs, and skinned animal hides are stacked on top of the lower half of the wooden X. Once everything is secured, he pats the strange contraption he made and looks at me expectantly.
"Sēr dāi."
I don't move. He sighs, which is the very first sign I've seen which suggests he is just as frustrated as I am.
He walks over and guides me to the wooden X. Again, he pats it and repeats himself. I notice he has created a spot cushioned with furs, similar to a seat.
"You want me to sit?" I lower myself onto the furs and look up to check on his reaction. "Sit?"
His pleased smile tells me I did want he wanted. "Sit," he whispers, more to himself than to me.
After making sure I am comfortable, he takes another walk around the area. There's nothing left except for some firewood, which he doesn't seem to care much about. He moves to the upper half of the X, turns his back toward me, and lifts it like a wheelbarrow. He grunts as the contraption he built travels forward under his muscle power alone.
I'll be damned. He made a primitive sledge.
He drags the sledge east, in the direction of the morning sun. I guess he wants to relocate his home. Exactly why he's moving, or where we are going, I can't say. The sledge glides over the grass as easy as if there were snow on the ground. Regardless, I feel more than a little ridiculous sitting here while he does all the work. It isn't fair to him. Queens of old were treated this way - not university students of limited means.
At midday, he stops to wipe his brow and rest. I get off the sled and stretch my legs. We eat some sort of meat that's flat and drier than a Slim Jim. When it's time to resume our travels, Ewar motions for me to take my seat again. I shake my head.
"No thanks. I think I'll walk this time." At his puzzled expression, I demonstrate what I'm saying by walking my fingers in the air. "Walk."
His eyes widen, like a deer in headlights. "Bella, sit."
"Nope. Bella walk."
My response triggers him. He paces back and forth, mumbling to himself and pulling at his chin hairs. This soon progresses to hyperventilation.
Cavemen can panic too, apparently.
I roll my eyes. "Ok, ok! I'll sit. We can't have your precious goddess tire herself out, now can we?"
My sarcasm is wasted, of course. He just breathes a sigh of relief once I take a seat. Having someone stress over your every want and need isn't as nice as it may sound.
Our journey resumes. Later in the day, the land slants uphill. Ewar strains from the effort of pulling so much weight. To his credit, he never mutters a single complaint. This in of itself is amazing. I would be pitching a bitch.
Off in the distance, I observe dark spots moving around. As we get closer, I realize it's a herd of grazing animals. They continue eating, but they seem very much aware of our presence. I have a feeling that if we were to begin heading in their direction, they would take off running. At first glance, these animals remind me of antelopes. Tawny brown color, nimble bodies, and the males possess horns of impressive length. The resemblance ends there, however. They have miniature trunks hanging from their faces. Did an elephant once mate with an antelope, thereby creating this bizarre creature? It's cartoonishly strange. It looks like someone stretched out their snouts with a pair of pliers.
When evening approaches, we stop for the night. My nose crinkles as Ewar collects dried cakes of animal dung and lights them on fire. The grass in them creates a bright, hot blaze with no odor. I appreciate the fire... but ew! He literally touched old shit and acts like it was no big deal. I summon all my goddess powers and drag him over to the water basket. His hands are sparkling clean after I'm done with them.
Our dinner is an easy meal of dried meat and those bland black berries. The air is cool and the skies are clear. It's a nice night, so he doesn't set up the tent. We sleep under the stars, on opposite sides of the fire.
Another long day of traveling awaits us in the morning. We rise before dawn. It's an eternity of grassland and nothing much else. Then, sometime in the afternoon, I squint my eyes. I spy rolling hills and even trees up ahead.
Ewar smiles over his shoulder, his gleaming eyes meeting mine. "Uēs ka!"
He picks up his pace. We're going so fast I swear the sledge almost takes off in flight. A lot of territory is covered in a short time. We meet the forest much sooner than expected. He appears to be searching for something, and soon I discover what that is exactly. A well-worn trail worms its way through the landscape. Since the path is bumpy and narrow, I insist on walking. For once, Ewar agrees.
This forest is different from the one the time traveling chair dumped me in. Many of the trees here appear to be hundreds of years old. They dot the hills and valleys with splashes of autumn colors. Overall, the atmosphere is airy and nonthreatening. Birds chirp. Insects buzz. Boulders of varying sizes lay scattered intermittently, covered in a thin layer of algae. We come across a small river and follow alongside it while walking upstream. I get so distracted by its gentle murmuring and sedate beauty, I don't notice a much larger landmark until we're standing directly in front of it.
A gorge.
It splits the largest hill in half and continues beyond the limits of my eyesight. Vertical gray walls rise high above our heads. Pebbles crunch under our feet. This place is sort of a scaled-down version of the Grand Canyon. The river we've been following narrows as it flows through the gorge. It leads me to believe the headwaters originate somewhere close by.
We come upon a fork. The river goes one way, the foot trail the other. Ewar does not hesitate. He chooses the foot trail. Several steps later, he whistles. It's a quick tune made of fluttering highs and lows. The sound bounces off the steep stone walls and echoes back to our ears.
To my disbelief, the tune is repeated... by someone other than Ewar.
A man pops out from behind a hidden crevice in the gorge's stone wall. He and Ewar greet each other with smiles and pats on the back. Afterwards, the man turns his attention to me. His chin-length hair is wavy blond. His eyes are curious.
The two of them chatter back and forth as we resume walking. Evidently, the man has a lot of questions. Ewar gives mostly single word responses. I pick up on other sounds coming from close by. We go around a slight bend, and then I discover the source.
People live here.
A collection of round huts are scattered around a central fire, but otherwise there is no layout design in mind for the settlement. The residents come in all age groups, though the population couldn't number more than thirty total. Their clothing is similar to Ewar's - animal skins, fur, and rough fabric. A woman nurses her baby in plain view. Most of the adult men have little to no facial hair. Several of the residents sit cross-legged in front of their homes while doing chores. A few talk with their neighbors. Small children run and play in their bare feet. Overall, it's a peaceful setting.
Yet one by one, these people stop living their lives in order to gawk openly at me.
Awkward...
A young woman not more than eighteen comes running out from the largest hut. Ewar drops the sledge's handles and catches her mid-air. Their hug is filled with warm, tinkling laughter. The moment ends when he ruffles her hair, making her pout like a child.
An older woman is next in line. Her manner is more tender as she cradles Ewar's face and murmurs soft words to him. A man of similar age welcomes Ewar too, though he reserves his affection to a half hug.
During the reunion, the people of the settlement creep closer and closer. I can hear their whispers and even feel their wariness. Soon, even Ewar's welcoming committee have joined in staring in my direction. The older man straightens his posture, giving him an air of authority. Although he jabs his finger towards me, his words are addressed to Ewar alone.
Ewar seems to sense my unease. He positions himself by my side before speaking in a loud, clear voice. During his speech, I am able to understand two words exactly: Bella, and Damara.
For fuck's sake. He's telling them I'm a goddess, isn't he?
His listeners gasp. He mimics the stomping of feet and the mighty roar of a mammoth. I suspect he is reenacting how we met. This is confirmed when he even does the beep-beeping of my phone alarm. I have to hand it to him. It's a pretty good impression for a guy who only heard it one time.
At the story's conclusion, several arms are folded. Many cast Ewar doubtful glances. The people don't buy it, and I don't blame them. I look nothing like a goddess. I haven't brushed my hair in almost two fucking days!
Ewar turns to me, desperation in his eyes. I can tell by his expression what he wants, but I'm unsure if it's a good idea. Then I recall the only reason why I am still alive and well-fed is because Ewar thinks I am a divine being. But to these people, I am essentially a stranger - a potentially dangerous one at that. If they are not similarly convinced of my divinity, I might be in deep trouble.
My mind is made up. I need to demonstrate my supreme power before they bash my head in with their clubs.
I pull out my phone and hold it up for all to see. This alone creates a buzz within the crowd. Some ooh at the sight, others back away in fright. Worried by their reaction, I sneak a peek at Ewar. He nods once, urging me to continue.
I muster a nervous smile for our audience, much like a student about to perform a dumb magic act for the school talent show.
"Hello," I croak. "Ahem! Um... It's nice to be here with you today. Ewar wants me to show off my phone for your entertainment. So, here it goes." I swipe through the phone and frown slightly. "I'm not sure what to do since most of these apps are useless offline... Oh! Here's one that should work. It's an oldie but a goodie."
I tap the app. The screen mimics a glass of beer. I tilt the phone to my mouth, making it seem like I'm taking a sip. To reenforce the gag, I smack my lips together and wipe them off with the back of my hand.
"Ah! Refreshing."
And as the sports commentators often say, the crowd goes wild.
Many chatter excitedly amongst themselves. A few people drop down and begin worshipping right away. The latter are clearly suck-ups.
The older man (the one who seems like the authority figure around here) claps his hands enthusiastically. He then ushers over the two women who had fawned over Ewar earlier.
Ewar places a hand on the man's shoulder and introduces him. "Arl."
I bow my head in greeting. "Nice to meet you, Arl."
Arl grins and gently coaxes forward the woman next to him. "Ehmay," he says.
Ehmay looks at me with deep green eyes. She and Ewar share the same color. It makes me wonder if they are mother and son. Other than that, they don't look alike at all. She has laugh lines but she doesn't so much as smile. While her demeanor isn't hostile, she seems more reserved about meeting me.
The younger woman gives a slightly different reaction. Ewar introduces her as Alie. She has a dainty figure, bouncing hazel eyes, and dark hair. Her hug knocks the wind out of me. She sure is friendly. My blouse is met with special interest. She touches the sleeve and coos at the cotton poly-blend material. As amusing as that was, I cannot believe how she gasps in delight at what's in my ears. About a thousand words come flying from her mouth in ten seconds time.
I huff a laugh. "I think you're the first person ever to be excited by one hundred percent genuine cubic zirconia earrings."
She grins even though she has no idea what I said. She's a lot like Ewar in that way.
While Ewar is busy with Arl and Ehmay, Alie's arm slips through mine. She pulls me from the group without a word. She's surprisingly strong for such a short person.
"Alie! Pāi Bella iskis!" Ewar shouts.
Alie doesn't bother looking back at him as she leads me away. "Istamas sar, Ewar," she says dismissively.
Whatever she said shuts him up.
She hums a happy tune as she and I head toward the largest hut. It's made from slabs of gray stone chipped from the gorge. Clay and straw are stuffed between the cracks to keep the elements out and the heat in. Strangely, the doorway is half the size of what I am used to seeing. I have to stoop to get through.
The interior isn't any better than the outside. An open fire burns in the middle of the hut. The smoke exits through a small hole cut into the ceiling. There is no furniture to speak of. Mats are available to sit on. Along the wall are two "beds" made of fur, straw, and moss. A Motel 6 has better accommodations.
Alie motions for me to sit by the fire and she does the same. Before I can blink, she starts yammering about god-only-knows-what while simultaneously braiding my hair. I'm too stunned to do anything except let her do as she pleases. No one has done something randomly girlie to me in... Well, ever.
Ehmay enters the hut and pauses by the door. She watches Alie wind the braids into a mound on top of my head. It's the fanciest hairdo I've had since prom two years back. Alie breathes a sigh of satisfaction once she is done. Ehmay only stares silently.
Afterwards, the two women go about preparing a meal. Ehmay becomes a gracious hostess despite her initial standoffishness. I am given roasted nuts to munch on while the food cooks. Yes! An appetizer. But on closer inspection, these "nuts" don't look like anything I've seen at a supermarket. In fact, the insides have a familiar yellow-gold tint...
Acorns. They gave me acorns to eat.
Who do they think I am? A squirrel?
Arl walks through the door and whispers into Ehmay's ear. While they are distracted, I slip the acorns into my pocket. I'll dispose of them later when no one is looking. My hand lands back on my lap right as a second man enters the hut. He has a sculpted, clean-shaven face and lean figure. He is very attractive even by my modern standards - so much so I can't stop staring.
The man smiles upon seeing me. "Bella!"
That voice is instantly recognizable. My eyes flutter wide in astonishment.
"Ewar, is that really you? What happened to your beard?!"
He settles down beside me. I gape at the changes in him. It's amazing how that bushy mess of a beard hid his male-model jawline and million dollar smile. Now that it's history, I'm having difficulty forming an intelligible sentence.
"H-hi. Can I just..." I lean closer to examine his face and neck. His skin looks glass smooth. "How the hell did you get rid of all the facial hair?" I tug at a pretend beard on my chin and shrug, hoping he will understand. "Beard?"
He tilts his head, eyeing me for a second. He then pulls out a flat, sharp rock from his belt pouch.
My eyebrows fly up my forehead. "You're kidding. You used that to shave? I use razors designed for my safety in the shower and my legs still get cut up!"
Ewar takes one look at my irritation and chuckles. Ehmay's head immediately snaps around. Her eyes flick back and forth, between Ewar and myself, several times. I squirm under the scrutiny.
The five of us gather around the fire and the meal begins. The first course is some weird porridge. There are no utensils. We must eat directly from the wooden bowls in our hands. The grain resembles cream of wheat - but without the sugar and cinnamon my modern taste craves. The next course is served. Chunks of meat still attached to the bone are far more palatable in my opinion.
As we eat, the people around me engage in good-natured banter, full of smiles and laughter. I get a definite family vibe between the four of them. If only I could follow the conversation, then maybe I would know for sure.
At the meal's conclusion, Arl stands and offers his hand for me to take. His animated smile looks harmless enough, so I accept. He helps me up and escorts the five of us back outside. Night is steadily approaching, but it isn't as dark as it should be at this hour. This is because the settlement's central fire was set ablaze. Flames are taller than I am. The fire lights the surrounding area so well, it almost seems like noon.
The people of the community are gathered to one side. All heads turn in my direction, watching my every move. Arl directs us to a log near the fire. I sit and Alie takes the spot next to me. My other side remains empty. Unnerved by the attention, my eyes search for Ewar. I eventually find him with the guy we saw when we first arrived here. They are talking up a storm - but Ewar keeps looking at me, and the blond guy stares at Alie. I glance to see if she has noticed.
She's smirking up at the sky.
Arl lifts his hands to quieten the crowd. Once everybody gives their undivided attention to him, a long speech begins. Upon its end, a small cluster of people move forward - a gray-haired man and two boys not older than twelve. They give off a nervous energy in spite of their smiles. Arl makes the introductions between us. And this is how the next half hour passes. People shuffle over, I learn their names, and then they act like they just met a celebrity.
Is this how a queen at court is treated?
A young family made up of a couple and their two preschool-age children move forward. Arl once again does the introduction.
"Mett," he says of the man.
Mett's physical size is impressive, on par with a professional wrestler. However, his dimpled smile lends him a boyish charm. It leads me to believe he won't body slam anyone unless they deserve it.
Arl tips his head at the woman. "Oza."
Oza is a statuesque blonde, ones of those who look like they were ripped out of a storybook about princesses and evil stepmothers. She is obviously heavily pregnant. I feel sorry for her. Imagine giving birth in a time when medical care consists of praying to your gods that you will make it out of the experience alive. I smile at her and nod in greeting, just like I did her husband. All Oza does in return is rub her protruding belly. She refuses to look at me.
Their children are more outgoing than their mother. The little girl whispers into her slightly older brother's ear. He grins at whatever she said. Next thing I know, he toddles closer while holding out a tiny pink stone. But before he can hand it over to me, Oza swoops in and yanks him backwards. Her eyes are wild, her breathing bordering on frantic as she hugs both of her children.
What did she think I was going to do to the kid? Eat him?
Mett's face colors to a deep red. He mumbles a few words before whisking his family away. I frown to myself. Did I do something wrong? As though she senses my bewilderment, Alie pats my hand sympathetically.
At least she still likes me.
The friend of Ewar comes next. I learn Jas is his name. His eyes twinkle humorously. He's a little bit taller and almost as attractive as Ewar. But for whatever reason, Alie barely glances in his direction - even after he tries talking to her directly. It isn't until he's walking away does she chance a look.
The last member of the community is another single male. He shuffles up to us like a zombie, his dazed eyes focused on me alone.
"Ichel," Arl says.
I nod in greeting. "Hello, Ichel."
He goes on staring open-mouthed. It gets a little awkward. I swear a little drool seeped out. Dude has the refinement of a Saint Bernard.
Alie covers her mouth in a piss-poor attempt at hiding her amusement. Arl comes to the rescue and nudges Ichel in the ribs. He flinches and immediately babbles apologetically at me.
And right as I'm breathing a sigh of relief that the visit is coming to an end, he faceplants to the ground and starts worshipping me.
Alie is full-on laughing now that Ichel is kissing the dirt. Arl shrugs in a what-can-you-do type of way. The only person who doesn't seem to find humor in the situation is Ewar. He glares so hard at Ichel his blood veins look ready to burst.
Ewar marches over, grabs my idolater by the scruff of the neck, and forces Ichel into a standing position. Gritting his teeth, he mumbles into Ichel's ear. Whatever was said, Ichel doesn't take it well. He gets in Ewar's face and snarls something back.
Before things can escalate further, Jas stages an intervention. He places himself between the two scowling men and keeps his voice steady. His passiveness rubs off on those surrounding him. Ewar nods and backs away. Ichel does the same. He stares my way one final time before turning to leave.
While Ichel merges with the crowd, a girl with the curliest hair I've ever seen catches my notice. I met her only minutes before. Her name was Essa, I think. She seemed indifferent to me then. Now she's giving me what scientists have dubbed the "bitch face". If her eyes were lasers, I'd be dead.
Great. Another person hates me. My track record in high school wasn't as bad as this.
Being a goddess sucks so hard.
My depressive thoughts are disrupted when Ewar sits down next to me. Alie mumbles something and skips away, leaving the two of us alone. This allows me to give Ewar all my attention. He's sitting there with the posture of a guy who somehow got a stick stuck up his ass. The confident, easygoing Ewar I've come to know is nowhere in sight.
I arch my brow at him. My expression says, "What the fuck is wrong with you?"
He smirks at me. The mood lightens. He points a finger to the sky, drawing my eyes upward. I don't understand what he wants to show me. All I see are the stars beginning to peek through the atmosphere. He takes my chin in hand and tilts it down a few degrees, until my line of sight is directed at a certain ledge high atop the gorge. A small black blur comes flying from a hole. Then another, and another.
Bats. They flap silently toward the darkening sky, most likely to dine on pesky insects until dawn.
"Tupi," he says. With great care, he brings out something from his belt pouch and opens his hand for my inspection. A black stone has been shaped into the form of a creature with pointed ears and fangs. "Tupi," he repeats while looking into my eyes.
"Tupi." I nod in understanding. "Bat."
He blinks. "Bat," he whispers.
I smile. "Bat."
Fueled by excitement, he points at Arl, Ehmay, and the other members of the community in turn, repeating the same phrase each time. "Tupi cen. Tupi cen." As a final act, we waves his arms at everything and everyone around. "Tupi cen."
I'm not sure how, but I think I know what he is attempting to communicate. These people have a name, and it's in honor of the animals who live above their very heads.
These are the Bat People.
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A/N -
Almost all character names have been changed to fit their paleolithic counterpart, such as Edward being Ewar. Can you break the code and figure out who is who? (Hint: It's pretty easy, lol.)
Cave paintings show evidence that our Stone Age ancestors shaved their faces. Most likely it was to keep out the nasties (like lice) and to reduce the chances of getting frostbite due to a wet beard. Sharpened stones did the job fairly well. They even used clam shells pinched together as tweezers!
People who review earn the privilege of watching your favorite Twilight character shave. Face, legs... whatever you please.
Thanks for reading. :-)