This will be the last chapter I'll be uploading for the time being, considering that I have over 11 more chapters to edit to make them presentable on . Updates are going to be slower for ; Hinata-sensei, please archive your own. I keep saying this multiple times, but if you want to read the latest chapters, you're going to have to go there. They won't be as good as the versions you're reading right now, so if you don't mind waiting, be patient with me. The other chapters will come out when I feel like editing them.

This will be the last of the first five chapters that I'll be editing for now if there's any further edits that are required I'll do it later.

chapter 6 failure

A raven was sent in order to bring back his teammate Kakashi, along with a medic ninja who he brought with him. The medic ninja healed Hinata's injuries to the best of their abilities; she would need to rest. He carried Hinata home, while the team that was with him escorted Naruto and Sasuke back to Konoha since Hinata was unable to do her duties as a sensei. Team 7 was temporarily unable to do anything at least until their Sensei was healed and a new member was added to their team.

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" Kakashi asked, unconvinced.

"You have trained her yourself; Kagome Takahashi is an extremely talented young woman who would be a waste to drop permanently from the program." Kakashi understood the Hokage's reasoning, but he still didn't like it. Hinata wasn't ready to take on another student so soon after Sakura's death.

"Have her parents been informed?" The Hokage asked, dreading his response.

"Yes; Sakura's mother did not take it well. She almost attacked me, but her husband demanded, 'Where is Hinata?' It was not a pleasant sight. It's never easy for Kakashi to inform parents that their children had died on a mission. It was one of the most difficult parts of being a ninja.

"How is Naruto and Sasuke fairing?" he asked Kakashi.

Naruto has been distant; though I think he's going through his own turmoil, he killed for the first time and he doesn't know how to come to terms with it. This was something Kakashi knew immediately when he saw Naruto's face; he barely spoke.

"What are we doing, sending children out? Damn it, Kakashi! What are we? Are we machines? Despite what Hashirama's best intentions were, children are still dying and being sent out to die, and for what? I'm getting too old for this."

Kakashi disliked where this conversation was headed.

"Hokage-sama, I know things are difficult, but surely you don't mean to retire?" Concerned about all the years he had spent looking up to someone other than his sensei, Minato, everyone in his generation had grown up with him as the Hokage; it was inconceivable that anyone else could take his place.

"I'm old, Kakashi. Someone else should have succeeded me by now. In fact, I wasn't succeeded only so that I could return later. He knew what he was getting into.

If only (never mind), I shouldn't wish for things to be different because it's pointless. It doesn't change the present. Kakashi asked when/how soon Kagome could transfer.

As soon as Hinata is able to resume her duties," the Hokage answered

"We should give her space, as what happened was traumatic"

A traumatic understatement, Kakashi thought. He remembers it like it was only yesterday, what happened to Rin. Kakashi tenses when he thinks about that memory, a failed promise he couldn't keep to his late friend Obito. He knows what it's like to feel pain like you could have done; she will likely have nightmares for months or years to come from such a failure. It never completely goes away; it stays with you. That's why most don't choose to be promoted to Jōnin.

"I know what you're thinking, Kakashi. That it's too soon unless Team 7 has a new member. The team will have to be disbanded, and I won't let that happen. As soon as she recovers, Kagome Takahashi will join Team 7."

Kakashi wanted to argue against it, he gave in... There was was no point; the Hokage had had already already made up his mind and there was no changing it.

"I'm not sure if it's a good idea."

The old man put down his pipe.

No matter what argument Kakashi presents, the Hokage has already made up his mind, and nothing can be done."I will inform the girl of her transfer in a few days."

Kakashi bowed low and left the Hokage's office.

Naruto couldn't stop thinking about it how he had killed Haku. What made it worse was that he had stopped fighting, the battle was over, and Sasuke wasn't dead but alive. It was not self-defense; it was murder. Naruto wanted to scream, "This can't be what being a ninja is about!"

"What Haku said is correct: Shinobi are killers. Their tools—that's what they've always been. This is the reality." Kyuubi said bluntly. He didn't want to hear it; he couldn't accept it. There was no other way he could be both a Shinobi and still be human.

"This is bullshit. I didn't become a Shinobi to be a killer to be a murderer. This is not what I wanted to do" he was so frustrated and so angry. Not only was he unable to do anything to protect his friends, but Sakura, his classmate and teammate, was dead. It wasn't real; it couldn't be real, but it was. He saw her remains, her severed head. He couldn't get the image out of his mind. The facial expression she had at the time of death was fear. He couldn't protect his classmate, he couldn't protect Hinata. "Grow up! This is what it means to be a Shinobi. Do you want to be acknowledged as a man, or do you forever want to stay a boy?" Kyubi wasn't pulling any punches.

"it's not fair the way Sakura died it was fucked up we may not have known each other that well and she may have been kind of a bitch to me but still she didn't deserve to die like that."Naruto couldn't help but cry it bothered him that he couldn't protect anyone and the fact that he murdered someone In Cold blood nobody can convince him it wasn't cold blooded murder."Death is always a possibility in this line of work you should have known that when you decided to become a Shinobi it's not fun and games Face reality Naruto there's always a chance you could lose friends in this line of work even your precious Hinata is not immune this isn't a story that you read in one of your books this is real humans have been fighting to the death long before Shinobi existed and they'll do it long after Shinobi become things of legend. You are not a child anymore, it's time you face that fact and stop looking at the world in a childish way"He was brutal in his honesty. Naruto couldn't argue against it because he was right and he couldn't hated him for it but he couldn't help but be angry at him at this moment.

"You could hate me for telling you how it is, but it's the truth. Was it your weakness that caused Sakura's death? it doesn't matter. There was nothing you could have done; you couldn't have known what would happen her death. Is not your responsibility, and wishing for things to be different is pointless. Focus on the present."

It was so easy to be told to do that. When he was on the mission, he froze at the beginning. He felt like such a coward; he felt so pathetic. Sasuke saved him, and when Hinata looked at him like he was a helpless little boy and not a ninja.

"I'm tired of being weak, I'm tired of being helpless. I want to be able to protect those I care about so I will never be powerless again. I don't want to ever freeze again. Then Naruto thought about Haku, the boy he had killed." You didn't know Sasuke wasn't dead; you thought you were avenging him. You aren't at fault; you were in a battle to the death. Anyone could have made that mistake." Naruto didn't want to hear it; he didn't have to go that far. When he punched him and shattered the mirror, it was over. He had won the fight. He still attacked him until there was nothing left of his face.

His smashed brains is something he cannot get out of his mind. His face was covered in it no matter how many times he tried to wash it from his face when he was in the shower, but it still wouldn't go away; he could still feel the blood of Haku on his face. He had to do something, anything to get his mind off of it. He got dressed in his usual clothes and headed to the training grounds to train so that he could take his mind off of what had happened.

Sasuke was pissed off; he had completely and utterly failed. Yes, he survived, but he was helpless again, even with his Sharingan, it was not enough; he needed to train more; he needed to get stronger faster. The very fact that he was so far behind his brother made him sick. The very fact that he's able to walk free made him sick.

No matter how many times he gets a bull's eye with his eyes closed, a skill that he has mastered for years, he still isn't good enough. His fireball jutsu, which he has also mastered, is still not good enough. He is frustrated even though he has received training from Hinata Hyuga. It seems that what he has learned so far is not enough. He is 13 and feels like he is no closer to his goal than he was five years ago. Although he does not have a personal connection to Sakura on a personal level, this still infuriates him.

She showed signs of moving past her infatuation with him. He couldn't help but wonder what might have been. No longer was she focused on impressing him, but rather on improving her own skills, what good was that now? She was dead, and her hopes and dreams died with her.

One of the things that bothered him the most was why he used his own body as a shield. His goal was to kill Itachi, but he was willing to put that at risk to save Naruto. Why? The question bothered Sasuke the more he thought about it. Was he getting soft? Was he becoming fond of Naruto? Was Naruto his friend? Up until recently, he couldn't stand him. He started seeing Naruto as someone he could respect. Could that be the reason?

No, he couldn't think about that right now. He had his own goals to focus on: revenge by any means necessary. If he couldn't get stronger than his family and clan, they could never rest. Itachi had to die. What mattered now was training and taking any sort of training from anyone who could get him closer to his goal. He would do it. Hinata. He was starting to respect her. Her skills and the way she carried herself made Sasuke feel foolish for judging her harshly. But could he really apologize to her? It felt embarrassing. There was no need. He could show her respect in other ways. he can do it through his actions even if he still has misgivings because of she's a Hyuga.

He continued with his routine after he was done he went to Naruto was hopefully he can get some training done with him to keep his mind off the mission.

Hinata had been staring at the ceiling ever since she had returned from the mission. She hadn't been able to sleep, as it was riddled with nightmares. She lay on her bed, it being late at night, and she couldn't sleep because she couldn't get over the failure. She couldn't save Sakura's life; Sakura had died because of her. It was all her fault.

When Gato was killed by her hand, the people in the Land of Waves celebrated that their oppressor, who had oppressed them for all those years, was finally gone. A raven was sent because she was unable to move due to her injuries. She almost welcomed the pain, thinking it was what she deserved. She felt like a hypocrite. How could she set a good example for her students if she had done the same thing? Was she really qualified to be a Jonin?

"It should have been you who died", her father said all those years ago. Those words still hurt her, despite how many years have passed. How deep those memories are buried in her soul! That was one memory she couldn't suppress. A week passed since they returned home, but Hinata was healed, so she could resume her duties as a ninja. She didn't know if she even deserved to be Naruto or Sasuke's teacher. She had failed them.

She went to Sakura's funeral; she saw her mother and her father, along with Sakura's sister, who was still at the academy. As her teacher, she had to pay her respects; it was only right, but her presence wasn't welcomed. However, Sakura's mother looked at her and gave her a look of anger."How dare you come here! It's bad enough that I had to bury my own child, but to see you—who is responsible—come here, you have some nerve." Hinata couldn't say anything in her defense; she was right. "I'm sorry. I just wanted to pay my respects."

"I don't care you are responsible for my daughter's death, it's all your fault. your arrogance and hubris are the whole reason she is Dead."

Her voice cracked, and she couldn't speak clearly because of the grief.

"I hate you! It should have been you who died instead of her."

Hinata froze; it was almost the same words her father had said. She couldn't move.

"I'm sorry." She fell to her knees, remembering more things she didn't want to remember from the day her mother died.

"Run Hinata run " her mother told her there were ninjas from Kumogakure. The nine year old girl was scared. She couldn't move. She was terrified she was holding her 3-year-old sister Hanabi they're looking to kidnap them both she was scared she couldn't move. Her mother was begging her to run but knees wouldn't move. It was as if they were frozen. A ninja was about to grab her but he was killed by Hinata's mother who fought like a lion protecting her Cubs."Run Hinata take Hanabi and"she didn't get a chance to finish a lightning blade went through her heart Hinata saw blood drip from her mother's mouth and at that instant she fell face down dead.

Hinata screamed, "Mother! Wake up! Wake up!" But it was no use; no matter how hard she tried, her mother wouldn't wake up. her lifeless body her eyes which no longer had light in them was staring at her. Telling her she was at fault. Right as her kidnappers were about to grab her, their bodies were broken. Her father and her uncle came to save her, but her father looked at her and said those awful words: "It should have been you that died. You worthless wretch. If you weren't so useless and weak, my wife would still be alive. Leave me." Those words that he said hurt more than anything she ever received.

She couldn't control the tears falling the memories of that awful day her father's words Sakura's mother looked at her with even more anger and hatred she picked her up by the collar."Do you think going on your knees and begging for forgiveness and crying is going to bring my daughter back? She's dead you are at fault you might as well have killed her yourself you worthless wretch you should have never been promoted to Jonin it was a mistake."She didn't want to hear anymore she didn't want to experience that day again or the days that followed.

"That's enough, Mother. You made your point."

A soft voice said, "It's a girl who looks like she's around ten." The girl looked at Hinata with the same hatred her mother had.

"Leave," the girl said coldly. Hinata forced herself to get up and ran as fast as her legs could carry her. She went to her spot that she'd always gone to when she had no one to go to. She went there for the first time at her mother's funeral. No one was around; she curled herself into a ball and cried over her failure in the Land of Waves and the memory of the awful day that she was forced to relive.

One week later

Hinata was still doing the same routine for the past week she barely ate and she barely slept. She didn't even bother even bathing. Her hair was messed up. She should have returned to duty by now but was she really deserving? Before she could do anything else, Kakashi appeared in front of her and he didn't look too happy."How long are you going to stay there and feel sorry for yourself?" he asked her in a none compassionate tone.

"I am not feeling sorry for myself"she said defensively."Oh really then why aren't you with your team why aren't you consoling them? For the past two weeks Naruto has been feeling like he had ultimately failed even though it wasn't his fault Sasuke is training completely on his own. Your team is lost. What the hell are you doing Hinata? These are your students your neglecting them. I have not intervened up until this point cuz I wanted to give you space but I just can't do this anymore you're walling up in your own sorrows."

Kakashi wasn't pulling any punches."You weren't there, Kakashi-sensei. You weren't the one that made a bad call that got one of your students killed. You weren't the one that underestimated your opponent, which resulted in an injury. You weren't the one who she couldn't get the words out, with her voice cracking."

"There was nothing you could have done; Zabuza was an opponent that was formidable, he knew he couldn't defeat you, so he resorted to other methods. We've all experienced failure; Hinata, all of us, no exceptions. All of us have lost students too; you're not unique in this."

Hearing that did not make it easy; it didn't make her feel better at all.

"Sakura had a bright future ahead of her and she died because of my judgment."she turned her back on Kakashi not wanting him to see her tears."And"Kakashi asked."AND WHAT HOW CAN YOU BE SO HEARTLESS KAKASHI?"Hinata yelled in his face he wasn't phased."Do you think you're the only one who feels like a failure Hinata?"he asked her compassionately now."No" she answered."Even though they both are dealing with it differently Naruto and Sasuke are both shaken up about what happened instead of feeling sorry for yourself you should focus on your students instead. There will be many trials ahead of you in the future. They'll make what you went through in the land of waves look like nothing. Could you have made the call to abort the mission and Sakura would still be alive? Yes you could have but remember the 10th question."She remembers that lesson well she remembers it like it was yesterday."The best way to honor Sakura is to move forward."Kakashi left after he said that.

It was harsh what he said, but it was true: wallowing in her sorrows wouldn't bring her back, and neither would quitting. In fact, quitting would dishonor her. Hinata went to the shower to wash herself before meeting up with her students.

Naruto needed a place to think. He decided to go to the training grounds of Team 7. It had been almost two weeks since Naruto and his team returned from the Land of Waves mission. Before he got to the training grounds, he heard footsteps behind them. He looked and saw it was Hinata. He had not seen her since the mission. He had no idea what to say. "I'm sorry, Naruto," Hinata apologized. He had no idea how to respond. How could he? He failed his sensei. If only he had gotten to the bridge on time. If only he wasn't so rash and arrogant.

"I'm the one who should apologize," sensei. It was my arrogance and rashness that cost Sakura her life. If I hadn't been late…"

Hinata placed her hand on his shoulder and then hugged him."

"It's not your fault, Naruto. There's nothing you could have done. Don't blame yourself. Don't let this eat you up." She said to him softly, her soft and soothing voice he could feel the pain in her voice. He would give anything to be able to comfort her."

"I wasn't strong enough to protect Sasuke or Sakura or you." Naruto said that last part quietly.

He wanted to be able to protect her, he was tired of being a boy, he wanted to be a man, someone worthy of respect.

"You want to be a man, to be worthy of your future mate, you will have to work hard; as it stands now, you are not worthy of her; you are weak, and she knows it. If you cannot protect your her then you don't deserve her as simple as that."

Kyubi harshly what he said, but it was true.

"Can you forgive this fool, for neglecting you for this long?"

Naruto looked at her in the eye, after she pulled away; she looked like she was crying for days. He would give anything to wipe the tears from her face.

"There's nothing to forgive, Hinata-sensei."

"You're so kind Naruto; it's more than I deserve."

There was a smile, a sad smile, but a smile nevertheless. What happened in the Land of Waves affected everyone; everyone dealt with it differently. Sasuke dealt with it by training even harder, and Naruto did it by lashing out.

All of them were affected by Sakura's death how would he seven move forward with one of its members dead? No doubt there would be a replacement in the near future he dreaded that day no one could replace Sakura but when Naruto thinks about her it was just a crush that he once had a shallow one of that. Than he looks at Hinata he doesn't know how he feels about her it was something different when he thinks about Hinata the idea of anything happening to her he couldn't think about it he didn't want to. What were his feelings he did not know he put aside for now she was hurting more than anyone he couldn't make this about himself and his feelings.

"I'll do what I can to support you, Sensei. I know you're in pain right now, but you have my support we're friends right?"Naruto asked her.

Naruto asked her. The woman looked at him. He couldn't tell what she was thinking exactly. She turned away, not knowing why she spoke softly.

"Of course we are, Naruto."

The saw a brief glimpse of her face; she was struggling to smile. Naruto then saw Sasuke walk towards the training grounds.

"So you finally came out, Sensei, so what are we going to do now?" Sasuke asked her. Naruto had the same question: they were one person short; how would they go on missions now?

For now, we will train and get stronger together. Team 7 to Naruto wasn't just a cell to him; it was the closest thing he had to family. You would do everything in his power to protect them. He failed; yes, he did. Regardless of what Hinata said, he could not have done anything. He couldn't because he was weak. He needed to get stronger so he would never again be a burden on anyone and never again lose the people that he cares about.

He would train to protect Hinata, the woman who has become the most important person in his life; he would never again be a burden; he would never again freeze. But there was one thing that bothered him; he didn't know if he could talk to her about it.

2 weeks later

It had been a month since the mission she had noticed something about Naruto. Something was eating at him; she tried to keep her distance in order to give him space because of what happened. She couldn't let this go. His knuckles were bleeding. Naruto was training so intensely that he didn't notice Hinata was there; something was bothering him."You're not going to get stronger if you train like that," Hinata scolded him. Naruto turned around and then looked away in shame. He couldn't bear to face her in the past month; he hadn't made eye contact with her. Something was wrong; she had to find out why.

"What's eating at you Naruto?"Hinata asked him she waited for Naruto to give his response. He was looking to choose his words carefully from the look in his eyes. He didn't know how to tell her what he's feeling."Are we really Killers Hinata sensei?" she did not expect to be asked this question she never thought about it before."Yes that's what we are that's what we always have been. We are our village's first and last line of defense, that's what we are."She didn't mean to sound as cold as she was sounding but that's how the world worked. There was nothing honorable or glorious about being a Shinobi; it was an occupation nothing more.

"Even your a killer?" Naruto asked, not wanting to believe it. She got on her knees and put her hand on his shoulder.

"Yes, even me, even the Hokage." She was destroying the last remnants of Naruto's childish beliefs, but it had to happen if he was going to survive in this harsh world.

"I refuse to believe that you're so kind Hinata-sensei. I have a difficult time believing that you are a killer; a killer is someone who kills without remorse. Killing in self-defense is not being a killer; I don't know how they're the same thing." Rationalizing what is objective reality, Hinata wanted to cry; she wished she could hold onto these beliefs, but she had grown up long ago.

"Naruto, what happened in your fight with Haku was not your fault." Hinata said sharply, cutting through his turmoil."What I did wasn't self-defense; it was murder." Naruto's hands were shaking; she could feel it. She placed her hands on his and she made him look at her in the eye."Naruto, look at me. You have killed for the first time. It's a part of you that changes forever. You don't know what would have happened if you didn't kill Haku. Maybe he would have stopped, or maybe he wouldn't. You can't think of what-ifs and take reality as it happened. He's dead. His blood is on your hands." She made Naruto touch her hands and demonstrated her point further by making him look at her hands.

"When I was your age, I killed a girl. I impaled her. I was in the exact same position as you were then. Was it murder when I did? I question myself: things happen so quickly, I didn't think about it; I just did it. I did what was expected of me."

She took a deep breath due to how unpleasant the memory of that first kill was."

"Naruto we are killers. There's no 'ifs' or 'buts' about it. We are tools as well. It's not what we want it to be, but that's how it is."

This would kill the last aspect of his childhood innocence, the way he looks at the world. She had this romanticized view of what shinobi are, only to have it shattered on her first mission, where she fought to the death against a girl the same age as she was.

"If that's how it is, then I reject it completely. I will come up with my own Shinobi way. I will not have myself defined by being a killer or being a tool to be used and disregarded at a moment's notice. I'll find an answer someday of what it means to be a Shinobi that doesn't make us into human weapons because that's not what I want to be." Hinata couldn't believe it; Naruto, despite the harsh reality being put in front of him, was rejecting what the status quo is.

"Someday I tend to change this village. I want to redefine what it means to be a Shinobi," her 12-year-old self said such childish dribble. She abandoned that way of thinking when she killed for the first time. She had almost forgotten one of the other reasons she wanted to be Hokage Naruto. She wanted him to stay true to himself; she didn't want him to be like her - everyone else."Thank you, Naruto. You reminded me why my dream is as important to me as it is. Thank you." This wasn't easy for either of them. She knew this: she would like to believe that Naruto can change things, that they can change things.

Before they could engage in any further conversation, someone approached them. An Abu she wondered what they wanted."Hokage-sama has summoned you" she wondered what this was about; she sighed."Remember what I said, Naruto" she went with her escort and headed to his office.

After Hinata left, Naruto thought heavily about what they discussed. The harsh reality that Kyubi had told him didn't sit well with him. He hated what both of them said, but did he really have to define himself based on what a bunch of old fossils say?"She told you the exact same thing I told you, not as harshly, but it's the truth. What are you going to do now?"He asked him. Naruto didn't know what to do. The only thing he knew for sure was that he had to get a lot stronger. He felt weak and useless as long as he stayed a boy; he couldn't protect his friends or her. The one thing he cared about the most right now was being stronger so he could be equal to Hinata and worthy of her.