Episode 48: Space Baby
Disclaimer: This episode is based off the SpongeBob SquarePants episode Rock-a-Bye Bivalve. Anyways, let's begin.
Bessie and Penny are in Rawls' office, just waking up.
Colonel Rawls: You two are wondering why I called you in here.
Bessie: Yeah. What is it?
Colonel Rawls: I need you to watch our baby son Toby. I'm gonna spend the day with Charlene.
Penny: Okay. We're good babysitters. We once babysat Gwen's brothers.
Colonel Rawls: Perfect! Here's the list!
He gives them a list of things to take care of Toby.
Bessie: Change his diapers, feed him milk, take to a space park for a walk, but make sure you have on anti gravity clothes... Okay. We'll do it! Where is the little guy?
Colonel Rawls: He's in his baby crib taking a nap.
Penny: Where's that at?
Colonel Rawls: In the room where Charlene and I sleep. Don't worry. Charlene's in there with him. She told me to continue do my paperwork while she's taking good care of him.
Bessie: Okay. We'll do it!
Colonel Rawls: Good. And one more thing.
Penny: Yeah?
Colonel Rawls: IF ANYTHING BAD HAPPENS TO MY BABY BOY, YOU TWO WILL BE ON TOILET DUTY FOR THE NEXT THREE MONTHS!!! (Bessie and Penny gulped in fear.) But you don't worry. You two are some of the best babysitters in the galaxy.
Bessie: Yeah... We are. We'll take good care of him.
Colonel Rawls: Good.
Later, Rawls enters the barracks and gives Toby to Bessie.
Colonel Rawls: Make sure you take good care of him until we get back.
Bessie: I will. Enjoy your day with Charlene!
Colonel Rawls: I will. Oh, and Toby already ate before I brought him here.
He leaves the room.
Bessie: Okay. We have Toby for the whole day.
Penny: So what should we do?
Bessie: We'll just have to babysit him.
Penny: Okay. How hard could it be?
3 hours later, Toby was hungry.
Penny: I think somebody's hungry
Bessie: (Picks up Toby and speaks in baby-talk.) Is it true? Are you hungry? (Baby Toby laughs) I've got just the thing. (She takes Toby to the food court and gives him honeybee taffy) How would you like a honeybee taffy?
Penny: Bessie Higgenbottom, are you crazy? That's not the right food for a little fella like him!
Bessie: Of course not. I don't know what I was thinking. What he needs is a tiny taffy.
She shows Toby a tiny taffy.
Toby: Blech!
He throws the Taffy at Bessie.
Bessie: Huh? No one's ever turned down one of these before.
She goggles or eats it and gulps it down.
Penny: (holds up a donut) Let's try a donut.
Toby screams in anger and then Bessie holds up a tray of French fries.
Bessie: French fries?
Toby: (Shaking his head) Unh-unh.
Penny: (Eating the donut) A doughnut?
Toby blows a raspberry and then Bessie holds up an apple.
Bessie: All we have left is this apple, but we have to cut it up. But knives are too dangerous for us, so... we need an adult to cut it for us.
Penny: How about Mrs. Stotch?
Bessie: Okay!
After cutting the apple...
Bessie: Thanks, Mrs. Stotch!
Linda S: You're welcome, Bessie.
Toby eats all of the tiny apple slices.
Penny: What now?
Toby starts crying.
Bessie: Aww, don't cry!
She picks him up and tries to calm him down.
Penny: Do something, Bessie!
Bessie: Uhh...uhh...uhh... (She makes a funny face.) Blah-blah-blah! Look at the funny face! Doo, doo-doo, doo-doo! Look at the funny face! (It then shows Bessie has a puppet that looks like her on her hand.) Look at the funny face!
Penny: Wait! I think I might know the problem. (Picks up Toby and looks at him) Yep, that's it, alright. (hides it behind her back.) Hold on just one second. There he is, good as new.
Toby had a fresh diaper on.
Bessie: How did you know?
Penny: I babysat Gwen's baby brother a few times.
Bessie: Wow, I'm sure glad you're here.
Penny: I know, good thing there's two of us.
Bessie: You know, Penny, since Rawls and Charlene aren't gonna be back until later tonight, we should raise Toby like we're his parents, even though we're not.
Penny: Yeah. At least until Rawls and Charlene come back. Oh, I wanna be the mom!
Bessie: I don't think you can be the mom, Penny, because you never seem to act like one.
Penny: You're right. If I was a mom, this would be kinda shocking. Just call me Daddy!
(Play Baby Love by The Supremes for this section.)
Later, Bessie, in a red, polka-dotted dress, and Penny, wearing a bow tie, leave the barracks with Toby in a stroller. They walk by Human Kite and Rebecca, who are with Ike. Human Kite and Rebecca look at them in confusion. Scene cuts to them running with Toby, then sliding down a slide with him and playing in a birdbath. Scene cuts to them getting ice cream outside the Space Tree wearing oxygen space helmets. The Ice Cream Man scoops up an ice cream cone for the parents then scoops up ice cream with sprinkles on it for Toby. Scene cuts to them riding a bicycle doing various positions, but then Bessie and Penny chase after it, with Toby on the seat. They later return to it and the song ends.
Toby is now sleeping in his baby crib.
Penny: (Quietly) He sure is cute when he's asleep.
Bessie: (Quietly) Yeah. (She and Penny watch Toby sleeping.) Shh!
They both tiptoe out of the barracks.
Penny: Hey, Bessie?
Bessie: Yes, Penny?
Penny: I never thought being a parent could be this much fun.
Bessie: Me neither. (Her comms turn on.) I gotta take this. Hello?
Colonel Rawls: (Through comms) Bessie, how's Toby doing?
Bessie: He's doing good. He's just sleeping.
Colonel Rawls: Okay. Good. Anyways, my ship ran out of fuel on the way back, so we may be back tomorrow night. But don't worry, I will be back. Okay?
Bessie: Okay.
Colonel Rawls: Okay. Anyways, see you later.
The comms turn off.
Bessie: We have to watch Toby until tomorrow night.
Penny: Oh...
The next day, Penny approaches them and sees Bessie fixing some food.
Bessie: Penny, breakfast is ready.
Bessie is cooking something over the grill as Penny walks in the barracks, noticing a bunch of food that is on the table.
Penny: Alright! All this parenting stuff makes me hungry. (Lifts the table up as all the food slides down into her mouth.She burps, then pats Toby.) Hey, Toby, how are you doing today? (She smells an oder.) Bessie?
Bessie: Yes, Penny?
Penny: Kid's got a stinky.
Bessie: (Doing many chores at the same time) Can you take care of him? My hands are kind of full.
Penny guzzles down the soda as Toby begins to cry.
Penny: (Drinking soda) Ahh. Wish I could, but I gotta get going.
Bessie: Going? Where are you going?
Penny: (Puts on a suit and takes her briefcase.) I'm goin' to work. I'm the dad, remember?
Bessie: You mean I have to do all this baby stuff myself?
Penny: I'll give you a break tonight when I get home. Don't you two stop being adorable.
She chuckles as she leaves.
Bessie: Okay.
She chuckles weakly.
1 hour later, Penny returns.
Penny: Phew! What a day.
Bessie: Oh, great, you're back. Now you can help me with the baby.
Penny: Aw, gee, Bessie, I'd love to, but I'm totally beat from work.
Bessie: Huh?
Penny sits down on her armchair with a sigh and watches TV. A bonk sound effect was heardand she laughs.
Penny: That guy got hit in the head with a coconut!
Bessie walks in while still doing chores.
Bessie: Penny, what about my break?
Penny: Oh yeah, your break. Uh, 30 minutes, I promise.
Bessie: Uhh, okay, 30 minutes.
30 minutes later, Penny returns to the barracks again.
Penny: Phew! Another tough day.
She walks by Bessie, who is still doing the same chores from 30 minutes ago.
Bessie: Oh, Penny, I'm so glad you're home after working all day. I can't wait for my break.
Penny: Work was a killer. I need my chair.
She sits down and watches TV againand Bessie walks in still doing chores.
Bessie: Penny, I really need my...
Penny: 30 minutes for sure.
30 more minutes later,Bessie is still doing the same chores as Penny walks by.
Bessie: Penny?
Penny: I'll get to it eventually.
Eventually, Bessie is still doing the same chores, but even more tired.
Bessie: Uhhh?
Penny: Uhhh.
Uhhh...Anyways, it is now 3:00 PM and Penny is watching TV while an angry Bessie walks in and turns on the lights.
Bessie: (Sternly) Penny Lefkowitz, we need to talk.
Penny: (Lazily) Just one more minute, I gotta...
Bessie: (Angrily) Don't "one more minute" me, Mrs. Woman!
To Penny's surprise, Bessie takes away the remote and turns off the TV.
Penny: (Upset) Hey, I'm missing the coconut!
She gives Bessie an angry look.
Bessie: You haven't been helping at all with Toby! (Pulls in a baby stroller) We made a commitment to Rawls and you're not doing your share! You never do anything.
Penny: I changed his diaper!
Bessie: Yeah, once.
Penny: He's only this big. (Shows with her hands on how big Tony is) How many diapers could he possibly use?
Bessie opens a trash can full of dirty diapers.
Bessie: Hmmm?
Penny: (Doesn't see a big deal) Oh, that's not so much.
To prove her point, Bessie points over to the corner of the barracks where there are two bags and a trash can full of dirty diapers.
Bessie: Hmmm?
Penny: So?
Bessie: (Opens the mini fridge full of dirty diapers) Hmmm? (Pulls the cover off the couch, revealing it to be dirty diapers) Hmmm? (Tears the wallpaper off the wall, revealing a bunch of dirty diapers) Hmmm?! (Bessie then furiously points outside to a mountain of dirty diapers outside the Space Tree, causing Penny to quiver. Meanwhile, a bulldozer ship loads many dirty diapers into a garbage ship, which later flies away in space. Penny is about to cry.) I honestly don't know how a baby like him can poop so much at a time!
Penny: I have no idea! What kind of a father am I?! Oh! (She sobs as she looks at Bessie as she smiles.) I'll make it up to you, buddy. I promise.
6 PM
Bessie: So, what's the plan for the day?
Penny: No more foolin' around. From now on, I'm Super-Dad! I'll work straight through lunch so I can get home on time. So make sure you save a big ol' stinky diaper for me to change, and you can take the night off, pal.
Bessie: (Gives Penny her briefcase) Great, so I'll see you in 2 hours.
Penny: 2 hours.
Bessie: 2 hours.
Penny: 2 hours.
Bessie: (Waving) 2 hours.
Penny: (Waving) 2 hours.
Bessie: 2 hours.
Penny: 2 hours.
3 hours later, Penny walks in with a lampshade over her head, giggling and turns on the light.
Penny: Oh boy, that was some party! (Bessie is wearing her mother-like clothing and holding Toby and she gives Penny a bitter look. Bessie is quiet and bitter on the outside, but on the inside, is very furious at Penny for breaking her promis again.) Oh, hey, Bessie. Hey, Toby. (Bessie now looks angrily at Penny as she taps one of her bare feet.) What? What?!
Bessie: (Coldly) Oh, nothing.
Penny: (Relieved and stupidly) Oh, what a relief. (Stupidly takes the lampshade off her head and foolishly puts it on Bessie.) For a second there, I thought you were mad at me.
Bessie angrily takes the lampshade off her head.
Bessie: Do you remember what you said to me 3 hours ago?
Penny: Somethin' about root beer, right?
Bessie: (Takes a deep breath, flatly) No.
Penny: Oh, wait, wait, let me guess. (Confusedly gives up) I give up.
Bessie: Does... (Angrily imitates Penny in a mocking tone with a silly look on her face) "You can take a few hours off, pal!" (Normal voice, beat) ...ring a bell?
Penny: (Scoffs in annoyance) I don't need this.
She angrily walks outside the barracks.
Bessie: What?! (Angrily walks to the door) Where do you think you're going?
Penny: (Opens the door to a different room) I'm going back to work!
She closes the door to the room.
Bessie: Work?! [growls in fury, rips off his foam rollers]
She growls in fury and rips off her foam rollers, and then changes back to her honeybee scout outfit, walking outside across the hallway to the room Penny's in. She furiously opens it up and finds Penny watching a movie in the theater room. Bessie was really angry.Two bonk sounds were heard in the theater and Penny laughs.
Penny: He got hit in the head with two coconuts!
Bessie: (Angrily) So, this is work?
Penny: You know, it's not as easy as it looks. Sometimes, I gotta adjust the picture, sometimes, I lose the remote, and sometimes, my back itches real bad!
Bessie: (Sarcastically) Oh, you poor, poor thing. By the way, you forgot your... (Now furious) BRIEFCASE!!!!!
She pulls a briefcase out from behind her back and opens it up to reveal that it is filled with donuts and ice cream sundaes as she angrily dumps it all over Penny.
Penny: (Quiet but fumingly) Oh, so this is the thanks I get for working overtime?
Bessie was enraged. She balls her fists and her entire body shakes. Then she loses her temper and goes ballistic on Penny. Her mouth become huge.
Bessie: (Screaming intensely with fury) OVERTIME?!
Bessie jumps into Penny's seat, and they both begin to argue intensely and abusively.
Penny: Yeah, overtime, pal!
Bessie: (Angrily overlapping Penny) Oh, boy, yeah, you're working!
Penny: You know what that means?!
Bessie: And that's the kind of work you're doing?
Penny: It means working when you're too tired to work!
Bessie: Show me where to sign up for it, because I've been working my fingers to the bone!
Toby's babbling was heard.
Penny: You just keep going on working and working!
Bessie: You never helped! Never! We promised Rawls to babysit Toby while he was gone, but his ship ran out of fuel and he and Charlene are currently camping in the outer limits of space right now!
Toby's babbling intensifies, which makes the two finally stop arguing and listen to it.
Penny: There's that stupid noise again!
Bessie: Oh, that's not a stupid noise. That's just Toby about to jump out of the top bunk in one of the beds in our barrack.
Bessie and Penny see Toby teetering on the edge of the bed in their barracks, ready to jump.
Penny: Oh.
All at once, Bessie and Penny are struck with shock by what's really happening.
Both: (Eyes bulge in horror, screaming) TOBY!!!!!
Toby jumps down the bed and Bessie and Penny try to catch him.
Penny: Here we come, buddy! I'm gonna getcha! I'm gonna getcha!
They slam on the wall next to the entrance of their barrack. They then got out of the wall.
Bessie: Did you catch him?!
Penny: (Looking sadly at her empty hands) No.
Call Girl: I caught him! While you two dumbasses were arguing, I ran inside and caught Toby before he landed. You guys are terrible at babysitting! If my parents have a baby, I'm not letting you watch him or her.
Bessie and Penny began crying.
Bessie: You're right! What were we thinking?!
Penny: Bessie, I'm sorry for being really neglectful towards Toby and not sticking to my commitment! I'm not fit to be a mommy!
Bessie: I forgive you and I'm sorry for yelling at you!
Penny: It's fine! Now Rawls is gonna be angry at us if he found out!
They both cried louder and Call Girl was annoyed.
Call Girl: Girls, calm down! (They both stopped crying.) I won't tell Rawls about what happened, okay? Just keep watching him and make sure you keep an extra eye on him.
Bessie: Okay.
Penny: Thanks, Phone Girl.
Call Girl: It's Call Girl.
She leaves the barrack.
Penny: Bessie, I'll take good care of him this time and I'll help you babysit him.
Bessie: Thanks.
Penny: Okay. Let's do it.
1 hour later, Rawls and Charlene enter the barracks and sees Bessie and Penny reading Toby a story.
Bessie: And they all live happily ever after. The end.
Colonel Rawls: You two did a good job.
Bessie: Thanks. We did it together.
He picks up Toby.
Charlene: We're glad you took care of our son while I was gone for a long time.
Bessie: Yeah. We're good babysitters. But wait, how did you end up back here?
Colonel Rawls: Someone in a nearby ship offered me some fuel and I filled it up in my ship's tank.
Bessie: Okay.
Charlene: Come on, Toby. Time to take you back to your room.
They picked up Toby and they left.
Bessie: Goodbye!
Penny: Goodbye Toby!
Bessie: Well, Penny, he doesn't need us anymore.
Penny: This is the hardest part of every parent's life, I assume.
Bessie: Despite all we've been through, it was worth it.
Penny: Yeah... (Looks at Bessie) Let's babysit another.
Bessie has a surprised look on her face.
Stay tuned for episode 49.