Mad Little Slice of Heaven: Revised & Expanded Edition

by Chuckling-Ghost

My name's Jerry. Fairy Tail is without a doubt the most insane place I've ever been. The brawls are frequent and immense, the jobs and guild members are outrageous in every sense of the word and the magic they use is just as wild as they are. The longer I'm here the more convinced I am that there's really only one way to describe Fiore's number one wizard guild...

6. Chapter 6: Settling In

Chapter 6: Settling In

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The next morning, I stepped out of the Guild Hall for the first time in a few days and the morning sun stabbed me in the eyes like a knife made of solid pickle juice to the brain. I immediately squawked in pain, turned back around and covered my eyes with both hands, "BRIGHT."

"Wow," Cana drawled with a grin as she walked past me and out the door, "You must be a really shitty light wizard to not even be able to handle a little morning su-OUCH!" She too spun and covered her eyes, but she only used one hand as she already had a bottle of something alcoholic in her left hand, "I take it back. The morning is evil."

Makarov chuckled as he strolled past us with dark glasses over his eyes, "Silly brats. That's what sunglasses are for."

If our faces weren't already in our hands, we would've face palmed. Cana fished a pair of sunglasses out of her bag and I put a dimmer spell over my eyes. It only brushed off about twenty percent of the light, but that was more than enough to make it highly tolerable. We turned to the bright sunlight and sighed in relief. "Much better," I declared. Then I remembered that I still had no idea of my way around Magnolia, "Hey Cana?"

Cana looked over her shoulder at me, "Hmm?"

"Where's the nearest clothing store?" I asked with a slightly embarrassed smile, "My coat and hat got torched on that job the other day, and I haven't got anything else to wear so I need to do some shopping. Gotta find a place to stay too."

Cana raised an eyebrow and then pointed down the street, "Go about four blocks down this street and hang a right. Should be on your left. If you get to the canal you went way too far but there's another one on the left before you get to the cathedral."

I smiled, "Thanks Cana!" I jumped and teleported. It was slightly disorienting and I knew as I landed (nearly fell flat on my face) four blocks away that I'd need to practice with my teleportation before I could really make any good use of it. I headed down the street that I was guessing Cana had meant and soon enough found the clothing store she had pointed me to.

I went in and quickly found the men's section. I started poking around and quickly found that plain old blue jeans were in very short supply. I pouted slightly when I realized that and then started checking out all the other kinds of pants. It didn't take me long to find some black and gray camouflage pants made out of a material that I deemed to be close to the durability of denim. They were almost like sleep pants but sturdier. They fit well and didn't look too odd at all, so I bought a few pairs.

Thankfully socks were easy to find, as were underwear, and shirts in seven different colors (one for every day of the week). Then I went to find a good jacket and immediately discarded the idea in favor of a badass dark gray cape with a high collar. I had seen capes back fire on the people wearing them many many times in cartoons, but dammit if they weren't still cool as hell and good for keeping the rain off. Then I became even more delighted with my find when I realized there was a hood that bunched up inside the collar, which made it even better and cemented its place on my list of things I was definitely buying.

I paid for my new clothes and closed my eyes before activating my magic and stuffing them into my Requip space. Even if I couldn't change clothes with it (and I fully intended to learn how), it was still a very useful technique to have an extradimensional storage space. All except for the cape, that I put on right away. I bounced across to the nearest mirror -yes I bounced. I was excited to check out my new cape and excited at being in a world where I could get away with actually wearing a cape- and got a rather disorienting surprise.

I blinked as I looked in the mirror and then I turned to the shop's apparently only employee, "Excuse me, miss?" She looked at me out the corner of her eye, "Yes?"

"Is my hair dark brown?"

"No it isn't sir, is it normally that color?"

I reached up and felt a strand of it, my hair wasn't normally this shaggy either, but I supposed it might have happened when I got transported between worlds. I pushed it back and grinned, "Yeah. I kinda like it like this though. It doesn't look too bad does it?"

The cashier looked from me to the magazine she was reading, back to me, back at the magazine. Then her eyes got very wide, "Ahhh…no it actually looks really good on you. Um, just one question though…" She picked up the magazine and turned it around to show me the picture, "Is this you?"

I let my hair fall back down into its usual disarray as I walked over and looked at the picture. I looked back at the mirror with a frown before looking back at the picture, "That's downright uncanny. No I don't think I've ever been in a magazine before. Out of curiosity though, what magazine is it?"

"Oh it's just this week's Sorcerer Weekly," She replied as she closed the magazine to show me the cover. "Ah," I replied with a smile, "Do you know where I could perhaps buy a copy? Sorry I just arrived in town the other day and I'm not really familiar with local goings on. I was thinking maybe a local magazine could help me get my bearings."

After the cashier gave me directions to the nearest newspaper stand I thanked her and headed off to find it and get ahold of a copy of Sorcerer Weekly.

A few minutes after I left the store, I was stopped by a familiar voice, "Hey Jerry! Is that you?" I paused and turned, "Oh hey Lucy! What's up?"

Lucy ran to catch up to me, "I was hunting around for a place to stay. Where've you been? I haven't seen you at all the last few days."

I smiled, "Well I went on my first job as a wizard and…" I paused as a little lightbulb went off over my head and I remembered what was in my pocket, "sorry I completely forgot. You said the gold Zodiac Keys are super rare right?"

I immediately had Lucy's full and undivided attention, "Yeah, why?" I reached into my pocket and pulled out Virgo and Leo's keys with a grin, "Well I'm sorry, but you're not getting these two."

Lucy's wail of surprise and dismay made several people stop and stare, "YOU FOUND TWO OF THE ZODIAC KEYS ON ONE JOB?!"

"Well to be more accurate, I beat the stuffing out of the jerk who discarded Virgo's key and then me and Levy wound up saving Leo's life so I got his as a reward," I explained. Then I frowned at it, "Although, I've only made my contract with Virgo…I still need to summon Leo, but…"

I leaned over a little closer to her and gave her my best soul searching gaze. Lucy looked slightly intimidated and then I raised the key to my lips the same way I had to call Virgo, "Ay Leo, if you've recovered, pop on down here. I got an idea you might like."

A burst of golden light later and Leo was standing next to me, now with cat ears poking up out of his ginger hair and a suit rather than the baggy green parka he'd been wearing before. He smiled and waved, "Yeah I'm feeling a lot better no- who's that?!" He exclaimed with hearts in his eyes as he noticed Lucy.

I pointed a thumb at her, "Leo the Lion, meet Lucy Heartfilia. She's the one who told me about Celestial Wizardry and she has three of the Zodiac Keys."

Leo's interest immediately doubled, "Really?! Which ones?!"

Lucy blushed slightly at the attention and then pulled out her key ring to show him, "I've got Cancer, Aquarius and Taurus."

Leo made a face, "Oh you poor girl."

Lucy looked mildly spooked, "What? Why?!"

Leo shuddered, "Aquarius."

Lucy looked like she was about to agree with him and then the annoyed switch went off in her head, "Hey! No insulting my spirits! Aquarius has been with me since I was a little girl!"

Leo frowned slightly and then his eyes went wide behind his glasses, "OH! You're Miss Layla's girl? I'm sorry, I should have realized it sooner. You look just like her."

Lucy's eyes went wide, "You knew my mother?"

Leo nodded, "Only briefly. She actually managed to round up all but one of us once. Ironically Aquarius was the only one she couldn't get her hands on in time, and that was because the wizard she'd entrusted Aquarius to had moved all the way to Alvarez."

Lucy was pale with shock, "My mom…had…all twelve…of the Zodiac Keys?"

Leo nodded, "She was super nice." His expression turned that odd mix of sad, embarrassed and something else I couldn't put my finger on that for some reason still looked funny as hell on him, "I wish she had kept my key…she was sooo much better than Karin…" He smacked a fist into his hand, "And then I'd be contracted to you instead of Jerry! Crap why did I let her return my key to circulation?!"

I blinked, "Oh, the contract's already in effect?" Leo nodded and gave me a thumbs up, "Yep, I'm free any time the sun's shining, but for me, every night is date night, so don't summon me at night unless there's cute girls involved." He gestured to Lucy, "Example, this is a truly beautiful girl." He gestured to a rather comically unpleasant looking lady waddling down the street and added, "That's not."

I burst out laughing as Lucy blushed, "I fully agree!" Lucy's blush intensified and then I finished laughing, "Actually Leo, that's part of the reason I called you down here. I wasn't aware the contract was already in effect, but that only changes the question a little."

Leo blinked at me in confusion and then he went pale, "Wait, were you about to offer me to Lucy?!"

I shrugged, "As you said, she's beautiful. If someone offered to hand me over to a girl like her, I'd be jumping up and down for the opportunity, but as the contract is already in place, I won't break it. Bad precedent and it would probably look bad on both of us."

Leo looked mildly stunned and a little mortified as I continued, "However, since we both agree that Lucy is very beautiful, and I'll add sweet, intelligent and fun to be around as well, do you think I should form a team with her?"

"ABSOLUTELY!" Leo exclaimed, "I can't believe you even had to ask!"

I swished Virgo's key through the air and called Virgo. She popped out the ground with a smile, "I was listening Master. I think it would be a wonderful idea. If Lucy is anything like Miss Layla then she's a wonderful girl, and Aquarius, Cancer and Taurus all speak quite highly of her, or at least," she grinned, "As highly as Aquarius ever speaks of anyone."

I nodded, "Good enough for me!" I turned to Lucy with a smile and a thumbs up, "What do you say Lucy? Team up on jobs?"

"Um, yeah, sure…" she agreed in a way that made it clear she was a little too flustered to have really thought about it much. Then she remembered, "Oh, but do you mind if Natsu's on the team too? Natsu said something about wanting me on his team the other day and then EEP!"

Speak of the devil. Natsu landed face first on the pavement and skidded a few feet before slumping to the ground momentarily and then leaping back to his feet like nothing happened as he roared, "GRAY I'M GONNA KICK YOUR ASS!" Then he spotted us, "Oh hey Lucy! Jerry! What's up Loke? Sorry, Gray just fired me out of a catapult."

I looked at Lucy, "Yeah I think I could handle having a tank like him on the team, always good to have at least one really big gun. Whatcha say Natsu, wanna team up with us?"

"I dunno," Leo mused, "Natsu's kind of an idiot."

"YOU WANNA FIGHT?!" Natsu exclaimed.

"Answer the question first," I interceded as I stepped between the two, "Natsu, do you want to team up with me and Lucy on our next job?"

"Sure why not?" Natsu asked, "I was gonna track you both down to team up soon anyway. There's this job that we need a cute blonde for to go in disguise as a maid to steal a book and I thought Lucy would be really good for that."

I grinned, "Ah, hate to break it to ya Natsu, I just finished that job with Team Shadowgear the other day."

"That's how he met me," Virgo added with a smile and wave, "Nice to meet you Natsu-san. I'm Virgo."

"Nice to meetcha Birdo," Natsu declared with a grin, "You wanna be on the team too?"

Leo face palmed as he realized, "Oh right, you've been out of the loop. Natsu I'm actually a Celestial Spirit. I've been pretending to be a human the whole time I've been in Fairy Tail."

Natsu blinked, "Okay. So?"

Leo blinked in what I guess was confusion or maybe disbelief at how dense Natsu was, so I explained, "Natsu, that means Leo, or Loke, whatever you want to call him, is only here when I call him. The rest of the time he gets to go home to the Celestial Realm, just like Virgo and all of Lucy's spirits."

"You remember Taurus right?" Lucy asked, "Leo and Virgo are like him."

"You mean the bull guy?" Natsu asked, "he was kinda cool…" Then it visibly clicked with him what we were telling him and he pointed a finger at Leo, "AHA! So that's why you always smelled funny!" Leo confirmed that it was and Natsu quickly agreed to form a team with us.

He also wanted to go find a job immediately, but we stalled him with the need to find a place to stay first.

Natsu offered to let us stay at his place in the interest of getting us to hurry and go take a job with him, but Leo immediately intervened and firmly, "Nope! I've seen your house Natsu, it's barely fit for a racoon to live in. I'm not sure how you live in it, but I'm sure as hell not letting a pretty girl like Lucy stay there." I grimaced as Natsu squawked with indignation and began to argue with Leo, sounds like Natsu's about as good at housekeeping as I am.

I once again intervened, "We appreciate the offer Natsu, but it's always good to have one's own place to stay. You wouldn't want Gray staying in the same house as you would you?"

Natsu looked mortified at the idea and conceded that maybe it wasn't the best idea for me to stay at his house, but he still wouldn't mind letting Lucy stay. Leo then added that having Lucy in his house could be like having Erza in his house and Natsu immediately went ghostly pale and declared that a less than stellar idea as well.

Lucy and I were both mildly intimidated by Natsu's reaction and Lucy asked, "Just what kind of monster is she?"

"She's awful!" Natsu exclaimed, "A monster!"

Leo gulped slightly, "She is definitely terrifying. I mean don't get me wrong, she's gorgeous, but she's also about the scariest woman I've ever met."

"The only girl in Fairy Tail who could ever hold a candle to her was Mira, and Mira hasn't been in that good a shape in years…" Natsu muttered.

"Wasn't Mira one of the guild's top six?" I asked, more interested than wary.

"Erza's in the top four," Natsu informed me nervously.

"With the exception of Mirajane and Master, she could probably stomp everybody who's regularly at the guild at once," Leo clarified, "And since Mirajane lost her will to fight, I'm not sure she could fight Erza anymore."

I raised an eyebrow, "Impressive. What's she look like?" "Like I said," Leo declared, "Gorgeous, as beautiful as Lucy, but in a more, dangerous sense. Lucy's got that sweet friendly look about her. Erza's pretty like a dragoness. You know you wanna ride, but you know the attempt could get you fried."

Then a voice that made the hair on the back of my neck stand on end purred from behind us as armor clad hands clasped our shoulders, "Aww…I think that's the most sincere compliment I've ever heard out of you Loke…Am I really that pretty?"

Leo and Natsu were both instantly ghostly pale as Leo turned shakily to the beautiful redhead who had popped up between me and him. "Y-y-yes ma'am…" he squeaked in abject terror.

Suddenly the red hair turned to white curls and Mirajane winked at us with a crooked little grin, "I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that about me not being able to fight Erza anymore. I may be rusty, but I think I could still put my game face on and give her a run for her money if I had to."

I think that honestly scared them more than the possibility of Erza sneaking up on them. "I'm…gonna go home now…" Leo squeaked.

Leo disappeared in a burst of golden light and when it faded Natsu had skedaddled as well. Mirajane giggled, "It's so much fun to tease them." Then she turned and looked me over appraisingly before reaching out to run a hand over my chest through the fabric of my cape in a way that made my heart do an interesting little dance. "Nice cape," she purred.

I think I probably blushed about the color of Natsu's hair and then Lucy exclaimed, "Holy crap are you two dating already?!"

Mira laughed, "Oh no, nothing like that! We're just friends…" I felt disappointment start to rear in my head and then with a saucy wink she added, "with benefits." The disappointment turned to glowing smugness. Lucy squawked in surprise and Virgo looked on with extreme interest.

Then Mira sidled over to a stunned looking Lucy and I could just barely hear her whisper, "So did that magic of his feel as good as it looked like it did? I read his mind, it looked like a lot of fun!" Lucy nearly fainted from embarrassment and Mira easily caught her with a grin, "Whoops! Guess that's a little too bold for Lucy!"

Mira wound up helping us house hunt and we eventually found that nice two story building I'd seen on the way to Fairy Tail down by the canal. The diminutive and stumpy old lady who owned it showed us in to the lower apartment and began to show us around.

There were four apartments, the two floors split into two apartments each, and all four apartments were one bed and one bathroom, plus a kitchen. The building was pinkish red brick on the outside and old fashioned plaster with wooden timbers inside. The rooms were spacious with tile floors that would be easy to clean. There was full plumbing and utilities, the place was clean and in good shape all around as far as my careful inspection could tell. "Sooo…how much for the place?" I asked after deciding I liked it fairly well.

"Seventy thousand jewel a month," she replied calmly, "And I don't like shenanigans. I know what kind of madness you Fairy Tail wizards get up to, and I won't have it in my building. If you can keep it some semblance of sane I'll rent to you."

I mused on that for a minute and then, "There are four apartments here and you make seventy thousand a month off each of them, correct?" "When they're occupied yes," she replied, "I have other properties around town and in a few other nearby towns, but just having one of these four paid for is enough to easily cover the taxes on this place and I still turn a profit."

I nodded and did a little quick math in my head, "So over the course of the next ten years you'd make thirty three million six hundred thousand jewels if every apartment was full and paid for on time the whole time. Right?" She checked my math in her own head and nodded, "That's right."

"Would you be willing to sell the whole building for thirty five million cash?" I asked calmly.

The old lady's jaw dropped and then she pulled a piece of paper from her purse and slapped it on the table, "Put your money where your mouth is and it's yours."

I smiled as Lucy and Mira gaped at me, "I'm glad we could work something out." I fished out my wallet and started counting out thirty five million jewels from what was left of the over fifty million I had found in my pocket in Hargeon. When it was done, I figured I was probably down to about fifteen million or so, but given that I'd just bought an entire apartment building and still had almost half what I'd paid for it left over, I figured I was still doing pretty damn good.

When I was done, I slid the money across the table to her and she quickly recounted it at what Lucy had termed Ebeneezer Scrooge speeds before nodding and sliding the deed across to me with a smile, "Nice doing business with you, have a nice day."

I held the paper up to Mira, "Mira, this looks legit right?" When the old woman started to splutter I used the opportunity to glimpse into her mind and see that it was indeed the real deed and she was a woman of her word. I smiled at her, "I apologize ma'am, I have only just arrived in this country recently and I'm not familiar with local paperwork yet. I have to have my friends here help me with everything lest I make a foolish mistake. I sincerely apologize if I have given any offense," I finished with a small bow. Then I rose to shake her hand, "I wish you the best of luck with your other properties and thank you so much for selling me this one. I will treat it as my home."

The old lady blinked and then smiled and rose to shake my hand, "It's been nice doing business with you. If you decide you want to buy any more of my properties like this, I'll be delighted to sell to you."

I nodded with a smile as she headed for the door, snapping her fingers and making her table and chairs shrink and fly back into her purse, "It's been a pleasure doing business with you ma'am." "You too!" she declared as she cheerfully headed on out the door, taking her "vacancy" sign with her.

I closed the door behind her and found Mirajane suddenly very close to me, "Sooo…how much money exactly have you got in there?" she asked with a very sweet smile that rather than making me faint made certain parts of my body come wide awake.

"That was a little over two thirds of what I had," I replied, "Consolation prize for getting yanked here from my home world by forces unknown."

Mira pouted slightly, and I couldn't tell if she was joking or not when she declared that to be a shame as we would've been getting married in less than a year if that had been just pocket change for me. I laughed and assured her that it was quite a hefty chunk of change for me too, "But," I added, "that doesn't mean I don't intend to have that kind of money to throw at what I need to as life goes on."

Mira smirked at me, "I hope you don't plan to make that kind of money on wizard jobs, even if you took a job every week for a year, it still probably wouldn't add up to even a tenth of what you just spent on this place unless they were all S-Class jobs. Our entire request board right now put together probably doesn't add up to a tenth of what you just spent."

I grinned, "Ahhh but you see that's where coming from a different world comes into play. You remember how many hundreds and hundreds of books I told you I've read? How many of those books do you think have been written and published in this world?"

Mira blinked and then her eyes went wide, "Wait, so you're telling me…"

I smiled, "And I remember most all of them very well. Thanks to my Archive magic, I can probably get them all word for word. On top of that, there's no telling how many magic spells and inventions I'll be able to come up with and monetize using knowledge of my world's science."

Mira thought about it for a second and then a grin slid across her face, "Make good on that big talk and I might just have to rethink my stance on that not looking for anything serious thing I said the other day." I grinned and pulled her a little closer for a kiss, "Yes ma'am!"

"Um, should I leave?" Lucy asked with embarrassment creeping into her voice. I broke off kissing Mira to look at her with an owlish blink, "Why? Aren't you going to go upstairs and pick an apartment?"

Lucy blinked in surprise, "Huh? But, you just bought this place and…" "And I'm not charging my teammate for a place to stay," I replied, "You helped me find this place, so as far as I'm concerned one of these ought to be yours."

"B-but I can't just stay here and not pay or anything!" Lucy spluttered.

I blinked and then started thinking, "Well…if you insist…" I thought for a moment and then smiled, "Alright, your rent shall be twenty five thousand jewel a month, due on the second of every month or the earliest available date if you're out of town on a job. How's that sound?"

Lucy bit her lip, as I learned later that was a hell of a good deal. She thought about it for a minute and then asked, "What's the catch?"

I blinked in legitimate confusion, "Catch?" "That is insanely cheap," Mira explained, "You could barely get a filthy hovel in a bad part of town for that kind of money."

I thought for a moment and double checked the math in my head. Then I shrugged, "What can I say? Cost of living was pretty cheap back home. You got what you paid for, but my apartment back home was only the equivalent of forty five thousand jewels a month, and it was in a fantastic location as well as a very nice place. I'd charge more, but if money's that hard to come by on wizard jobs, then I don't want to charge too much and be constantly getting disappointed and frustrated if Lucy can't pay. Besides, friends and family discount."

"But...but…but…" Clearly Lucy was still having severe misgivings about accepting such a cheap rate. I looked at her flatly, "I can make it as uncomfortable as you wish by suggesting alternative means to cover that other twenty thousand jewels worth if you want. Keep protesting about how nice I'm being and I'll get creative."

Lucy flushed crimson and immediately decided that she wasn't going to win this one, "Right! I'm just gonna…go upstairs and start deciding where I want my furniture! Yeah! That's what I'll do!" She turned and bolted up the stairs.

Mirajane looked at me slyly, "So now I'm curious, what would you have suggested if she kept refusing?"

"That she could have the seventy thousand a month rate and pay me whatever she couldn't get in jewels with kisses, one kiss for every thousand jewel and if she went three full months of no pay she could shag it off," I replied nonchalantly before realizing that had left my mouth completely unfiltered and blushing utterly crimson. "I wouldn't have meant it of course," I added quickly, "I'd never even try to enforce a deal like that. A homecooked meal or some help cleaning up or doing the laundry would've been totally viable alternatives. The kissing thing would be only if she really wanted to and you didn't object." Then I had to be honest and admitted with a blush, "I would tease her about it though, and I wouldn't refuse if she wanted to unless you objected."

Mira regarded me coolly for a moment and then tapped a finger on my chest with a naughty little grin, "You are a very bad boy. Keep that up and I'll have to spank you some time."

I blushed crimson again and rather than something intelligent, my brilliant response which proved that my body's instincts had completely overruled my brain, was to ask if I'd get to spank her back. She leaned in and whispered in my ear, "Only if I get to be a very bad girl…"

And out I went like a light! Damn this fainting quirk!

…

…

After I woke up to Mira and Lucy giggling, the three of us went out furniture shopping. Thankfully Mira knew a shop and quickly led us there. The shop keeper greeted us warmly and quickly began to show us around.

Lucy gravitated towards the mahogany furniture, and immediately backed away like it was a poisonous snake when she noticed the price tag. I went straight to the cherry. Cherry reminded me of home, everything in my family's home had been a nice dark reddish cherry. It was also I noticed after a quick glance around, the cheapest wood there aside from pine. The owner explained that about half the forest around Magnolia was cherry trees, and the other majority was pine. Since they were easy to come by, they were much cheaper than the mahogany which had to be shipped from the other side of the kingdom and was extremely hard to get on top of that. Lucy immediately moved over to the pine furniture and started looking through it, much more pleased with the price tags there, although she still balked a little over the price of a three piece bedroom combo.

She bought it anyway though, a dresser, bed (mattress included thankfully) and writing desk. She also bought a table and chairs and called it good since her apartment had come with a stove and refrigerator. I had been a little surprised to learn that they had refrigerators there until Mira explained that they ran on temperature regulating lacrima, the same way a lot of stoves and heaters did actually.

I bought a chest of drawers, a bookshelf, and a bed (again, mattress included), as well as a small table for the kitchen that I'd probably never sit at, two chairs, a couch, coffee table and a little stand for in case I found or figured out how to make a TV (I very much intended to try). After explaining the concept of a TV to Mira and Lucy they realized I was talking about a lacrima-vision (what a convenient name too), which was sold right down the street or could be simply made if I could lay hands on a decently sized lacrima. I shouldn't have been surprised, the existence of magic ovens and refrigerators should've been a giveaway, but…(shrug) who knew?

So after moseying down to the lacrima store and getting myself a decent little lacrima-vision, Mira headed back to the Guild Hall to make sure everything had gone smoothly while she was out, and Lucy and I toted our furniture home using my cards to form a little train of floating wagons behind us. It was a little heavy, but I had carried much heavier things. It didn't take long to get everything moved in and set up. We slid over to the market and went home with a lot of towels and sheets.

By the time we made it back to our shared building, the sun was on its way down and we were both quite tuckered out. It wasn't until our stomachs growled at us that we realized neither of us had eaten all day and we hadn't bothered to purchase any food. I looked at Lucy, "I haven't eaten since last night. Have you?"

Lucy made a face as I fished for my key, "I ate a little breakfast, but I haven't had anything since…" Then she looked at the armful of sheets and towels in her hands and sighed, "I really need to take a job soon, this totally wiped me out…"

I unlocked the door and pushed it open, quickly switching keys and opening the door into my apartment, "Well go on and set your stuff down. I've still got more than a plenty to buy us some dinner."

"What?" Lucy asked in confusion, "But…aren't you and Mira…?"

"Friends?" I replied, "Yes we are. As are you. Friends don't let each other go hungry."

Lucy looked a little guilty about accepting and then her stomach almost roared at her. I smiled gently as she blushed in embarrassment, "Lucy, it's fine. I'm a young bachelor with a fair deal of money. It is perfectly natural and fine for me to spend that on a beautiful young woman. In fact, it's something I don't do often enough, so please, let me buy you dinner."

Lucy blinked and then her blush intensified, "Wait, are you…asking me on a date?"

"Only if you want it to be. It can just as easily be merely two friends having dinner," I replied with a smile before turning and tossing the towels and sheets at the couch like a ball, "Alley-oop!" I turned back to her a hand extended with my smile unwavering, "So, dinner?"

Lucy's blush faded as a smile spread across her face, "Let me throw these into my apartment. I'll be right back."

I half wondered if she thought I wouldn't notice the fresh coat of lipstick and the way she'd quickly done her hair up when she came back down the stairs. The other half wondered and hoped it was for me because she looked extra cute like that. We stepped out and I locked the door behind us. We made our way down the street hunting a restaurant and wound up wandering through town for nearly an hour. After a while we were both tired, and a bit frustrated and hungry too.

We had walked in silence for several minutes and then I paused and sighed, "Well, this is taking longer than I expected." I looked over at Lucy who was still looking extremely cute even as she shot me a weary glance. I sighed through my nose, Eh what the hell… "You wanna make out? We might as well sate at least one appetite."

Lucy immediately froze, turned as pink as Natsu's hair and her neon blush faintly glowed in the moonlight as she stared at me in shock. I smiled wanly and went to walk on, "Sorry, that was probably a bit too forward of me…My brain-to-mouth filter doesn't work so well when I'm hungry."

Then Lucy caught my sleeve and said quietly, "I didn't say I didn't want to."

We both started off a little awkward, it wasn't the best lighting, and neither of us had much of any experience. We both gave it our best though and pretty quickly we hit our stride. I leaned back against the brick wall behind me as she leaned forward against me. After a few minutes I was leaning down with my arms wrapped around her waist as she was leaning up on her tip toes with her hands resting on my shoulders. Our tongues intertwined like they were born to as we started kissing, our initial nervous awkwardness falling away and yielding to our mutual excitement as we let our bodies go on autopilot.

I slid my hand up her back and she moaned softly against my lips. I pulled her tight and her fingers slipped into my hair and held me. A little bit later she squeaked when I slipped a hand down and squeezed her butt, but it wasn't long before her hips were grinding against my crotch. I surprised her with a kiss on her jaw, then she faintly purred with pleasure as I began trailing kisses down her neck to her collarbone and then to the tops of her breasts.

She gasped and let out a shuddering moan and pressed herself harder against me when my lips brushed the edge of her bra, and then she whimpered when I lifted my head and kissed her again. "God you're so pretty…" I breathed as we came up for air.

Her breathing was heavy, and she looked up at me, eyes shining, and her voice was low and husky, "So...what do you think? About my lips?"

"They're incredible ," I declared before kissing her again, "If the rest of you wasn't so enticing, you wouldn't be able to get me to stop kissing these perfect lips…"

Lucy shivered and pulled herself tight against me as we kissed again. After a moment, her hands slipped down from my shoulders, her fingers slipping under my shirt and sliding slowly up along my back. Her fingernails felt incredible and I couldn't help but shudder with pleasure from the sensation.

We might've gone even farther, but we were interrupted by my stomach growling. I wanted to ignore it, but then Lucy's growled right back. We both grimaced. Lucy rested her head on my shoulder with a sigh, "I'm so hungry…"

Then something occurred to me, "Hang on, lemme try something." I reached out with my Archive's telepathy, "Okay, looks like every restaurant in town is closed, but," I added with a grin, "the Guild Hall is still open and serving. I guess it's the happenin' place in Magnolia after sundown." We quickly stepped out of the dark little alley we'd ducked into and headed for the Guild Hall.

About fifteen minutes later, we pushed through the doors to find what seemed like half the guild chanting for either Natsu or Gray. Natsu and Gray were sitting at the table glaring daggers at each other.

Lucy quickly caught Cana and asked what was going on. "Oh that?" she laughed, "Master didn't want them wrecking the place so late in the day, so he and Mira set up a contest. They're gonna have an eating contest. The hottest curry Mira can make for Gray and ice cream for Natsu. See which of them gives up on eating their opponent's element first."

By then though, I was already at the table. I was sold from the moment I heard eating contest, "FEED ME!"

"AW MAN, YOU'RE GETTIN' IN ON IT TOO JERRY?!" Natsu exclaimed excitedly. Gray declared that I was going down. I laughed and declared that I'd take them both on, hit me with everything.

Everyone laughed.

Then the first round came out and I inhaled both my dishes before Natsu and Gray had their third spoonfuls. I tilted back my head and just poured the contents of the bowls in. I must've instinctively used my transformation magic, because it was like something straight out of a cartoon. The trick was to mix the two and let them mitigate each other, just like how I later learned it was easier to fight Natsu and Gray while they were fighting each other. I set my bowls down and grinned at them smugly with my cheeks puffed out to the size of my head like a squirrel as they and everyone else gaped at me with identical expressions of shock and awe. I swallowed, "Don't just sit there, eat up. The food's great, can I have some more Mira?"

Mira set down another bowl of each and watched as I threw them back like shots of whiskey. Mira pouted at me as Natsu and Gray redoubled their efforts, "Are you even tasting the food?"

I swallowed and smiled, "Yes. It's extremely good. I do apologize for rushing my bowls, but it is a contest. May I have another round?" Mira thought about it and shot a meaningful glance at Master Makarov.

Master nodded, "Yes, but you must use a spoon so you don't outpace these two quite so badly." I grinned and replied that that was no problem, but that it wouldn't help 'em much. Mira brought me a fresh round and two spoons. My hands dissolved into blurs of motion turning the contents of the two bowls into a steady stream of food down my gullet. I almost started getting dizzy from switching from one to the other so quickly. "SO! FREAKING! GOOD!" I declared happily between mouthfuls.

In a matter of minutes, I'd cleaned those two bowls as well. It was then that I noticed a hush had fallen over the room. I blinked and realized Natsu and Gray both had their heads down on the table, each halfway through their second bowl. Steam was coiling out the corners of Gray's mouth and Natsu looked… kinda dead really.

Master strode across the table to stand between them and looked from one to the other, "Well boys, it's official." A mildly sadistic grin spread across his face, "You're both wimps. This contest is over! The winner is Jerry! Somebody take these two knuckleheads home! They'll have their punishment game in the morning!"

I tilted my head in surprise as Macao and Wakaba dragged Natsu and Gray out, "Punishment game?"

Makarov looked at me, "Have you never been through one before?"

I shrugged, "Not a thing where I'm from. Care to enlighten me?"

Makarov chuckled, "Well it's lucky you won then! You would've been in for a nasty shock otherwise. You see sometimes bets are made where the only real reward is ducking the consequences of losing. Those consequences are the punishment game. Natsu and Gray's bets usually involve such games because they like to laugh at each others' misfortune whenever they get the upper hand in their rivalry. Tomorrow's punishment game will be embarrassing for both of them since they both lost."

I quirked an eyebrow curiously with a mischievous smirk, "Whatcha gonna do to 'em?"

Makarov raised an eyebrow, "Me? But you're the winner. That means you get to decide their punishment."

I thought for a minute and then a wicked grin spread across my face, "Dunking booth?"

"Dunking booth?" Everyone chorused.

"You've never seen a dunking booth?!" I exclaimed, then my wicked grin returned, "Ohhh…you guys are gonna love this. I'll need some help to set it up though."

The next day truly was awful…for Natsu and Gray.

They were both wearing tutus, floaties and snorkels, and everyone in the guild got to take a turn at trying to dunk them in my giant evil vat of blue gloop. I couldn't make a suitable dunking mechanism, so instead everyone threw bags of feathers at them while they stood on a round log over the vat. Every time one lost his balance he'd start to fall, grab the other one and yank him in too, then on the off chance one managed to avoid getting dragged down with the other, they'd knock each other in when they tried to climb back up! Then they'd get all sticky and the feathers would stick to them until they looked like funky chickens. At least that was the idea.

Of course, being Natsu and Gray, they started fighting immediately and somehow wound up baking themselves into a giant loaf of chalky blue no-longer-gloop. The vat fell apart from the force of their (mostly Natsu's doing I think) explosion and left them sitting in what looked like a giant block of blue chalk. It took them a minute to realize what had happened, and then they exploded out of it. If I hadn't realized what was coming, I probably wouldn't have been able to get my Archive Screen Shield up and keep the entire guild hall from being turned as blue as them. As was, I crossed my arms and grinned as they realized they were blue, "Gents, ya done been smurfed."

Nobody knew what a smurf was, but they all knew what Natsu and Gray being turned blue was, so they all laughed anyway. Then Natsu and Gray started fighting when Gray blamed Natsu for knocking them in and it was back to business as usual.

…

…

I honestly found it bizarre to have so many friends over so often, my parents had been rather paranoid about guests my whole life, so it wasn't something I was used to. Now though, it seemed as though the entire guild wanted to check out my apartment. When I mentioned it to Lucy a week or two in, she revealed that most of them didn't even bother to ask before entering her apartment and just popped in unannounced. "I guess they're a bit more worried about getting blown up if they sneak up on you," she mused.

Natsu and Happy dropped by the day of Natsu and Gray's dunking booth punishment game and only made a cursory glance around, sniffing a few times before asking where Lucy's apartment was. I pointed him upstairs and he took off with a delighted grin. I guess he was more excited to visit Lucy than me. Not that I can blame him, Lucy is much friendlier, and she's gorgeous too, so there's that as well. I initially thought maybe it was just a Natsu thing, but he turned out to be only the first of many who would swing by until eventually I found it almost stranger for people to not drop by out of the blue.

…

…

The next day we took our first job as a team, Natsu, Lucy and me. The job? Hunt down and dismantle a rogue's guild that had set up shop near a nearby town and started terrorizing it. For 100,000 jewels each (the total reward was 300,000), I had no qualms about busting some heads. Makarov begged me and Lucy to keep Natsu from burning down the town when we accepted the job. Lucy and I agreed to do our best and then headed out to the town that had sent out the message for help.

It didn't take long to find the rogue's guild. Natsu had run one down in less than half an hour after we got off the train. I grinned as Natsu started threatening to burn the rogue guild's location out of the rogue in question, "Hang on Natsu, I got this." I grabbed the rogue's head and dove in with my Archive. A moment later, I knew way more than I wanted to about the Rogue's Guild called Red Ravens. I pulled my hands back in disgust and glared, "Natsu, forget burning this bastard for information, let's castrate him."

Natsu looked at me in surprise as I glared at the suddenly terrified scum bag, "You'll see when we get there, but I'm starting to wish we hadn't brought Lucy for this one." Lucy nervously asked what I was talking about. "They've been kidnapping girls to be their playthings, and they're looking to get into slave trading," I snarled as I started glowing angrily, "If it weren't for the fact that they've got hostages I'd ring their base in fire and blow the whole thing to Hell with them in it."

Lucy looked appropriately horrified. Natsu looked appropriately pissed. The pickpocket in Natsu's hand immediately caught a Fire Dragon Iron Fist to the face hard enough to crack his skull on the cobblestones. Lucy flinched and Natsu snarled, "Let's go."

I pulled Leo's key and swished it, "Open Gate of the Lion." Leo popped through and immediately took stock of the situation. He looked at the thoroughly concussed pickpocket, looked at us, "I'm guessing slave traders?"

"Wannabes," I growled, "We've got their location, could you take Lucy and go get the local division of the army? Natsu and I are about to go light those scumbags up."

Leo nodded, "Sure. I'll be able to sense your location through my key."

"Why do I have to go get the army?!" Lucy demanded, "I can fight too!"

I turned a hard look on her, "Because Lucy, if these pieces of shit get the drop on you and manage to separate us, they'll probably have you at gun point, naked and begging them to stop in less than five minutes." Lucy went ghostly pale and I hugged her, "Please, stay with Leo, summon Taurus and stay safe. Anything else, we'd bring you, but not this one okay?"

Lucy nodded and I stepped back to give her a reassuring smile, "We'll win Lucy. Get the army and have them ready to tote what's left of these sorry pricks to jail. If there's anything left, I intend to leave these bastards worse off than the ones we ran into in Hargeon." Lucy nodded and I turned to Leo, "Keep her safe and catch up as soon as you can." Leo and Lucy agreed and Natsu and I turned and took off at a run.

…

…

Natsu and I arrived at the Rogue's Guild's headquarters about fifteen minutes later. Happy was flying Natsu, and I was using one of my cards to sky surf. They'd set up shop in an abandoned chapel. Some part of me took offense to that. Add it to the list of reasons for them to burn in Hell, I snarled internally.

I'd come up with a plan on the way. Natsu wanted to charge right in and beat up everything in sight, but I persuaded him to let me evacuate the hostages and enact a pitfall trap to keep any of them from getting away.

When we arrived, I summoned Virgo. It gave me a small throbbing headache above my eyes but it was worth it, "Hey Virgo, how big of a hole can you make?"

Virgo tilted her head, "Pretty big."

"Big enough to completely engulf that building down there?"

Virgo glanced and nodded, "Yes I can do that."

I smiled, "Good. I'm about to do a lot of teleporting to save the hostages they've got in there, and when I give the word, or if you see men start coming out of there, drop the whole building. Natsu, keep your guard up and when I've got all the hostages out, Virgo's gonna drop the building down the hole, and I want you to set it on fire. I know you want to bust some heads, but a simple Fire Dragon's Roar will be more than a plenty."

Natsu nodded, "Right." I closed my eyes and turned, searching with my Archive. In less than a minute I had a map of the entire area in my head with friendlies in white and shit-stains in red. Calculate trajectory…power levels…time consumed…I didn't open my eyes, I had to keep them shut to keep the map up. "Get ready…" I breathed as I extended my hand.

There was no real thought for the next thirty four seconds, in, out, in, out, in, out… When I had gotten the last one, I felt like my skull was about to explode from the strain, "VIRGO! NATSU! NOW!" I heard an almighty crash and then Natsu charged forward, "FIRE DRAGON…ROOOOOOOOAR!"

I felt Virgo dismiss herself as soon as the building collapsed into the massive hole that opened under it and the pressure in my head lessened considerably to about the range of a mere migraine. It was enough that I could crack an eye and squint through the pain. I grinned as I saw Natsu turn the pit into a maelstrom of flames. Natsu turned and walked back to me and I was surprised that he looked angry. "They're all gonna die now, you know that right?"

I grinned viciously, "Good. Serves 'em right. If you're having doubts, go check on the girls. I'll put out the flames in a minute since it's bothering you." It took me a second to amp my ethernano intake the way Precht's thesis had taught me, but once I did, the pounding headache faded almost immediately as energy raced back into my system. I rose to my feet and threw five cards out over the flaming pit. I tilted them and grew them so that they formed a giant fan. A few minutes of spinning later, the flames were sucked away into the sky and dispersed.

I strode over to the edge of the pit and nodded in satisfaction as I saw over two dozen flash fried bandits and rapists lying stunned and unconscious in the rubble down below, "And there's even bodies for the army to count. Perfect."

Lucy and Leo showed up about twenty minutes later with about twenty soldiers and a small crowd of townsfolk. After the girls had been given blankets and loaded into the back of a wagon for a ride back to town with the local doctor, ladders were brought and the thugs, some of whom were even still alive, were carted away. The mayor of the town and the head of the local guard thanked us and gave us the reward money.

We were halfway back to Magnolia before Natsu spoke, "I won't deny that they deserved it, but I didn't like doing that. Not like that. Fighting's one thing, that was…" he trailed off. Lucy was watching nervously from where she sat behind me on my flying card (walking that far was for Natsu and chumps). An uncomfortable silence had settled over us the instant we were away from the grateful townsfolk.

"A slaughter?" I supplied dryly.

Natsu glared at me and then turned his gaze back to the ground, "Yeah."

I sighed and thought for a moment, "Sorry Natsu. It was the most efficient and effective plan I could think of. If we had gone in guns blazing and busting heads, then some of the hostages could've been caught in the crossfire, or used as human shields, or some of the targets might've escaped. The pitfall would've been sufficient to trap them, but then the guards could've been captured and used as hostages when they went to retrieve them, and then it would've been back to square one. We had to put them down and put them down hard or it could've gone very wrong, very quickly. For the record, I am quite satisfied with how the plan turned out."

Natsu looked up at me with a hard, searching look, "You are one cold dude, you know it?"

"Actually," I said quietly, "right then? I was pretty fired up. Trust me, I wanted to beat the hell out of them too." I crossed my arms and sat back with a sigh, "If it makes you feel any better about it, think about those girls we saved Natsu. They were in a living Hell there. We saved them from that. Now they can get back to their lives."

Silence reigned for a few minutes and then Lucy finally worked up the courage to ask, "Um, guys? What happened before I got there?"

"I had Virgo collapse the building into that pit the instant I got the last hostage out with my teleportation," I said quietly, "Then I got Natsu to set it on fire. Fish in a barrel doesn't even begin to describe it."

Lucy took a moment to grasp the import of that and then her eyes went wide as the images started flashing through her head of what that must've been like for the people caught in it, "Whoa."

I nodded grimly, "When I say I'm sending somebody to Hell, that's where they're going, and I'll get express tickets." Lucy looked at me in shock as though she'd never seen me quite properly before and I sighed, "For the record, I reserve that sort of treatment for the worst of the worst, monsters in the most despicable sense of the word. If they were just thieves, I would have left it at collapsing their building on top of them and dropping them down a great big hole. Those were murderers, rapists and would've been slavers like those bastards in Hargeon if we hadn't gotten there when we did. A plague cannot help being a plague, and a hurricane can't help being a storm. That is their nature and I bear them no grudge. Those men could've been good, but they chose to be monsters. For them, I have no mercy."

"You still put out the flames though," Happy pointed out.

"Only because Natsu was uncomfortable with it," I replied quietly, "I would've let them burn."

"How can you be so comfortable with just killing them like that?!" Natsu exploded, "I would kill for my friends sure, but that was…"

"BECAUSE EVERY ONE OF THOSE GIRLS LOOKED LIKE MIRA, LUCY AND LEVY TO ME, OKAY?!" I shouted. There was a stunned silence for a second, I'm pretty sure people would've been staring if anyone was around. I took a few deep breaths and I'm not sure I wasn't shaking a little, "It doesn't matter what they look like. It doesn't even matter if they're pretty. When I see someone hurting a girl, or a kid, or even just a harmless animal, I'm not seeing what's actually in front of me so much as a nightmare image of people I care about experiencing the same thing, and I think you react to people messing with your loved ones about the same way I do." I snapped my fingers and made a little explosion.

Natsu, Lucy and Happy stared at me and I continued with a sigh, "You're right. I'm cold. I'm cold, brutal and honestly just a bit plain damn mean, but that's because I know that losing control and going off half-cocked will only make things worse. I…I just…the plan worked okay? It worked perfectly. I know it was brutal and horrible, but…they…GRAAAAAH!" I couldn't anymore, I just couldn't. My logic was all logic'ed out and the emotional half of my brain had gotten a foothold and that was it for my rationality.

"Look, I'm a results guy! You tell me squash the bug, I squash the bug. You tell me move the mountain? I may not be able to, but I'll damn sure try! You tell me stop the bandits? I make sure they never ever go again! I take things to their logical extr-finish! I make sure that the problem is solved in such a way that it won't ever be a problem again! When the problem is bugs, that means kill the bugs. When the problem is bandits, that means permanently incapacitate the bandits so they can never ever hurt anyone ever again! I can break their legs, I can flash fry them, I can just out and out pull a queen of hearts and OFF WITH THEIR HEADS! But I can't just risk them getting out of jail and going right back to it. That-that's a problem where I'm from. People go to jail for doing bad things and then they get out and go right back to doing what they went to jail for! Except they're better at it because they've had other criminals to compare notes with!"

I gestured desperately, "Do, do you see what I'm saying here?! I can't instant rehabilitate them, I don't have that much control and power with my telepathy or I could just rewrite their brains and turn them into like soybean farmers or something, so I have to go for the beat down! The ones that died went down in seconds, the ones that lived were only on fire for a few minutes and were probably hurt by the building falling on them as much as the flames, that was actually a very quick takedown! I didn't drag it out, I didn't take any pleasure in it aside from a job well done…I..I just…why are you upset with me when we won quickly easily and thoroughly?!"

Natsu, Lucy and Happy were all quiet for a moment and then… "Huh," Natsu mused, "I guess when you put it that way there's no reason to be." He smiled, "You're right! Thanks Jerry, that did go off really well!"

"YOU GOT ME ALL RILED UP FOR THAT?!" I roared. I was starting to really see why Gray enjoyed punching Natsu in the face so much…

…

…

When we made it back that evening, I made a beeline for the bar. I wasn't going to drink, I liked my brain cells too much to sacrifice them so needlessly. Besides, there was something much better at the bar than booze. Or rather, someone.

"Oh hey Jerry!" Mira exclaimed with a bright smile as I slid onto a barstool and slumped over the bar. Mira noticed my slumpiness and frowned, "Did the job not go well?"

I shook my head, "Oh no, job went as smoothly as could be asked for. Saved seventeen young ladies from being basically toys for a gang of sick pieces of shit, got the immense pleasure of dropping said sick pieces of shit down a deep dark hole, along with their entire hideout coming down on top of them, and then I had Natsu set the whole kit and kaboodle on fire." I might've had a bit of a sadistic grin slide across my face as I said that, and I definitely did as I added, "I love it when bad things happen to people I despise, and that bunch was scum of the earth the likes of which I hate the most."

"Sounds like it went pretty well then," Mira replied with what sounded like a hint of carefulness in her voice, "So why the long face?"

I pouted slightly, "Eh, Natsu and Lucy were both really uncomfortable with my method of 'drop 'em all down a great big hole and set 'em on fire until they're crispy'. Then Natsu complained about it on the way back, which got me all riled up, and then I convinced him that it was the best way we could possibly have handled it, no casualties, all the hostages saved, not a single escaped target, no collateral damage…and then he just blows off the whole thing that he's been giving me the cold shoulder over for hours like it was nothing. Really kinda left me in a bit of a funky humor, was hoping you could cheer me up?"

Mira was staring at me and I felt a bit of a sinking feeling in my gut as I wondered if she was going to have the same reaction Natsu had. "Mira?" I asked tentatively.

Mira shook herself slightly and smiled at me, "I'm sorry Jerry, I must've misheard you. I could've sworn you said 'no collateral damage'. About a job. With Natsu."

I raised up slightly with an eyebrow quirked, "Well, yeah… I mean Master said make sure Natsu didn't burn anything down he wasn't supposed to, so I did. We beat the location of the rogue's guild's base out of one of their pickpockets almost as soon as we were off the train, and then while Lucy went to get the army, me and Natsu flew out and did the whole 'drop em down a deep dark hole and set 'em on fire' thing. I wasn't gonna let him burn down a town after Master said not to. The whole thing took like, maybe an hour?"

"So let me get this straight," Mira leaned down to look me in the eye, "You're telling me that you hunted down and took out an entire rogue's guild, saved everyone they had kidnapped without any harm to any of them, and kept Natsu from destroying anything except the one building he actually needed to destroy…all in the course of an hour."

"Well if you want to get technical it took a grand total of sixty-two minutes, if we include the time it took to turn them over to the authorities, and collecting our reward took another hour," I replied dryly, "We're wizards. Eating the notion of 'impossible' and using improbability for toilet paper is kinda the whole shtick."

Mira searched my face for some sign that I was lying and then turned and walked off. I didn't bother to watch her go as her staunch disbelief had me feeling even more agitated than I'd been when I'd walked in. I flopped back onto the bar and fumed silently.

A few moments later, she came back with wide eyes looking like she was in a bit of a daze and told me, "Don't care what you order, first round's on the house."

I sat up in surprise, "Eh?"

Mira looked at me with a quirked eyebrow of her own, "You might eat impossible and shit it out on improbability, but around here taking a job, especially a job with Natsu, and coming back without a single incident and the entirety of the reward is basically unheard of. I think this is the first time I've heard of anyone from Fairy Tail doing anything more exciting than going grocery shopping without destroying something…and to think you did it with Natsu on your team…"

I stared for a moment in polite disbelief, "You're shittin' me right?"

Mira smiled at me sympathetically, "Yeah, you're definitely from another world. This is Fairy Tail, the biggest and best guild in Fiore, and also the most notoriously destructive. Every guild has something it's known for. Fairy Tail is known for having extremely powerful, and extremely reckless wizards. More often than not we wind up doing as much damage getting rid of monsters and such as the monsters themselves were. What happened in Hargeon was only a little bit bigger a mess than what Natsu usually gets into, and believe it or not, despite being arguably our most destructive member due to his magic, he's actually pretty normal for this guild. So for you to go on a job, collect the full reward and prevent any collateral damage? It sounded too insane even for Fairy Tail. So, in honor of your doing what we had begun to assume was impossible, first round. On the house." She told me with a smile.

I blinked, "If it's not too bold, can I have a kiss?"

Mira smirked, "Someone's feeling brave! What happened to that funky humor?"

I smirked right back, "I'm 95,000 jewels richer than I was this morning, I helped save seventeen pretty girls today, apparently I did the impossible, and now I'm sitting here talking to the most beautiful woman I've ever met who just told me first round's on the house. I came to talk to you hoping it would make me feel better, and I gotta say congrats! You've succeeded."

Mira smiled at me, "Well when you put it like that…" she turned, poured a mug of something fizzy, shot me a wink and took a sip. Then she set the mug on the bar and slid it over to me with a smug little grin, "There ya go hot shot."

I blinked as I processed that her lipstick was still on the rim of the mug, indirect kiss? I felt myself blush and then a grin just as big and smug as hers settled across my face, I'll take it. I threw it back and drained the whole mug in one go before setting it back on the counter as I met her eyes with a grin, "Best drink I've ever had."

Mira snorted lightly with laughter, "Are you sure you don't just want in my pants while you're at it?"

I think that blush would've been in the 'neon fire engine' category, but I carefully schooled my face into a neutral expression, "That'd be nice too…"

Mira took one look at me trying (and largely failing) to keep my cool and burst out laughing, along with Cana who sat down next to me and then I realized Elfman was sliding onto the stool on the other side. "Hey guys!" I said with a cheerful smile trying to cover up the nerves from having the sasquatch sized brother of the girl I'd just been quite shamelessly flirting with slide onto the stool next to mine.

"Baaallsy!" Cana cackled.

Elfman smiled in a very nonthreatening manner as he cracked his knuckles, "Yep, that's pretty manly. You know what else is manly?"

"Remembering what happened the last time you tried to interfere in my dating life?" Mira asked him sweetly, causing her immense brother to go as pale as his hair.

"Y-yeah, it's super manly to let a woman make her own decisions…" Elfman stammered.

I tried really, really hard not to snigger at his expression… Then Cana made a whiplash sound and I couldn't restrain myself. Elfman shot me a look but I couldn't help it, his expression was priceless. After a moment I cleared my throat, "In all honesty I don't blame you Elfman, if I had a sister I'd be protective too. That's just a natural thing a man should do, wanting the best for his sister."

All three of them stared at me and then Elfman exclaimed happily, "I know right?!"

Thus began a rather extensive conversation that lasted several hours and completely eradicated whatever remained of the foul humor that Natsu's objection to my methods had raised that afternoon. I went home grinning from ear to ear and a touch tipsy to boot (mostly courtesy of Cana who had proven to be exceptionally fun and a considerable flirt). We'd actually been the last ones in the Guild Hall that night, so the three of us helped Mira close up and I'd actually gotten a full kiss on the mouth from Cana, who was so inebriated I was surprised she could walk a straight line. My offer to walk her home was waved off and she'd just climbed up onto a very flustered Elfman instead, grinning drunkenly as she pointed forward with one hand while she held onto Elfman and clutched her bottle in the other, "Forward noble steed! To Fairy Hills! Mush! Mush!"

Mira sighed and patted me on the shoulder, "Don't worry about it Jerry, we get her home most every night." Then she kissed me on the cheek and whispered in my ear, "See you in the morning…"

As she ran to catch up with Elfman and his plastered passenger, little shivers of pleasure ran down my spine and between her and Cana, the grin didn't leave my face until well after my cheeks got sore from smiling too much. I couldn't have cared less, that was worth smiling about.

…

…

I'm honestly not quite sure what started the guild wide brawl that morning. I think Gray and Natsu were within twenty feet of each other and the usual explosions ensued. Natsu got thrown out of the brawl and slammed into the bar about two minutes in. "GRAY YOU BASTARD I'M GONNA GET YOU FOR THAT!"

Gray's response was a blast of ice magic… which completely missed Natsu and hit me square in the back!

Let it be known that I really, REALLY hate cold. So it shouldn't come as much of a surprise that I started glowing like a spotlight immediately as I blasted the ice off my back. "Natsu…" I ground out, "Tag. Me. IN."

Natsu looked at me and then reached out and patted my elbow, "Tag, you're it."

"GOOD!" I roared before kicking off with an explosion and hurtling like a cannonball through the melee to blast through Gray's hastily erected ice shield and deliver a punch to his gut that launched him out of the brawl just as fast as I had been going in. Actually, he might've been going a little bit faster since I loaded the punch with an explosion to negate my own momentum so I could get my feet back under me.

Somebody took a swing at me, wasn't sure who, didn't really care. I sprang out of the way and dropped a piledriver into the back of his head when he over extended. He hit the ground and I spun out of the way of the next attack, curiously noting that I could sense where everyone was as a gut feeling. I later realized this was Archive's telepathy giving me a heads up, but at the time I just rolled with it.

A kick came in for my back and I turned and effortlessly slammed my weight into the oncoming foot with my arm folded like a shield. It would've been nasty if it had connected with anything soft, but I'd jammed a lot of kicks like that, and just like those times, my would be opponent suffered a reversal of momentum and fell flat on their back, where they immediately got stepped on.

Then Gray was back with what had to be a hundred pound maul made of ice. Knowing there was no way in hell I'd be able to dodge it forever, I took the opposite approach. One blast powered jump later and my knee was connecting to Gray's jaw hard enough to cut him a flip. I angled the flat of my hand up and used another explosion to drive me straight down on top of him. Judging by his expression, I'd say it hurt about as much as I had intended. Then a fireball came right for my face and a hasty Archive screen was all that kept me from eating it.

Then there was an overly excited Dragon Slayer right in front of me torqueing a full body punch towards my face, through my Archive screen and into my hastily crossed arms. My only thought as he sent me flying anyway was, How the fuck is he this strong?!

I slammed into a very large solid something and landed on my feet, glancing over my shoulder and up as I'd felt it give a little on impact, "Oh hey Elfman…" Then I saw a massive double fire and ice attack headed my way. I reached behind me, grabbed Elfman's shirt and teleported straight up with him. As Natsu and Gray's combo attack roared by beneath us, I turned us with my teleportation, "ELFMAN! BODY SLAM!"

Then I braced my back against his and kicked my feet up to give us a little rocket boost. I think it actually wound up hurting Elfman as much as Natsu and Gray who I successfully pinned under him. How do I know this? About five seconds later, Elfman was after me too.

If not for the fact that my best friend and most frequent sparring buddy back home was about the same size as Elfman, I might've been significantly worried. Something I quickly learned though, was that Gabe was a much better fighter than Elfman. Elfman probably had an edge in sheer strength and size, but he was nowhere near as efficient in his movements and that made his strikes very easy to predict and dodge. Yes, dodge because even as good as my guard is, there are some things you just do not try to stand your ground against. A fist at least half the size of your head being swung by a guy nearly seven feet tall is one of them. The other thing I noticed about Elfman? His guard sucked.

Normally I was a quick, light and mostly evasive fighter. I had always been severely lacking in the offense department, but now that I could accelerate and strengthen my hits with explosions? Elfman lasted about the ten seconds it took me to get inside his reach, put my fist into his jaw on my way past followed by my foot torqueing into his face just in time for me to teleport back to the ground and sweep him with the tail end of the spin on my kick while he was off balance. The bigger they are the more satisfying it is to put 'em on the ground.

There was no time to pat myself on the back though, because Natsu and Gray had circled around and were charging. All I had to do was teleport backwards about two feet and out of the way. They clocked each other instead of me and when they started to get back into it with each other, I grabbed a table and used my telekinesis to pick it up and slam it down on top of them. I picked it up and hauled back in case I needed to do it again, but then I noticed how quiet it was.

Then my wild grin vanished promptly as I noticed Master Makarov standing there looking at me with a bemused expression. I carefully put the table back, "Eh, mornin' Master…nice day ain't it?"

"Yeees…" Master drawled, "And now that you've gotten involved in one of our guild brawls for the first time, you get to help with another Fairy Tail tradition. Cleaning up afterwards."

I looked around and noticed that most of the furniture in the main hall was upended and there was food and drink splattered everywhere. It looked like a riot had gone down, which technically it kinda had. I flexed my fingers, "Right." I raised my hands and reached out with my telekinesis, locking onto all the food and drink that had been spilled, then I furrowed my brow in concentration as I brought my hands together to trigger the transformation magic. I had an instant pounding headache which was not helped by the collective gasps and exclamations of surprise from everyone in the room.

Master asked me in a slightly freaked out tone as I clutched my head, "Jerry, what did you just do?"

I cracked an eye through the stabbing pain right above my eyes, "Telekinetic and transformation magic, busted all the more complex molecules in the mess back into the very most basic particles they were composed of. Turned the whole mess into dust and gas. Did it work?"

"Yes, but I think you probably shouldn't use that magic again so lightly," he told me in a gentle tone, "For one, judging by the way you're holding your head, I'd guess you've got a splitting headache." I nodded and he continued, "You've over exerted your magic, do that too much and it can kill you. You're in good health right now, but if you had tried that while you were injured it might very well have drawn from your very life force, which would've badly impacted your ability to heal and fight off infection, making it take far longer to recover and opening you up to things you'd normally never have to worry about. Magic Deficiency Syndrome is no joke kid, you shouldn't risk your health for the sake of getting around a little house cleaning."

Then he motioned me down closer and told me quietly, "Also, that looked like a very devastating form of magic, please tell me you can't use it on living things."

"Theoretically it works on anything except for the very most basic components of matter, so basically anything except metal, sand and air," I grumbled.

Makarov nodded, "I thought so, yes that's a very dangerous ability and not one you should flaunt. Don't tell anyone how you did that, and never use it in combat unless you want the Magic Council gunning to have it outlawed and you with it. Next time just use a broom and mop like everyone else. For now, sit down, eat something and try to recover a little. You probably just shaved half an hour off the clean up time."

I gratefully sank into a seat at the table I had flattened Natsu and Gray with and started trying to amp my ethernano intake so that maybe my brain would quit throbbing a little sooner. After that Master set everyone else to sweeping up the dust my magic had left before turning to me, "So what do you call that magic? I've never seen or heard of anything like it before."

I thought for a moment, "Decomposition."

A few moments later I managed to amp my ethernano intake and I asked Master quietly, "Master, I understand that this power is devastatingly dangerous, and of course it shouldn't be used lightly, but in the event that I am faced with the choice of using it or being overwhelmed and someone getting killed…I can use it then, right?"

"Of course," Master replied, looking slightly offended that I even had to ask, "That is a stipulation on any rule in Fairy Tail. No matter what it is, our comrades come first. Just please, don't send yourself into Magic Deficiency Syndrome with it. I don't want to have one of my brats saved at the cost of another. Always look for another way out, your teleportation can be used on targets besides yourself right? Resort to it before that. Given that you pulled that out of something as simple as telekinesis and transformation, I wouldn't be surprised if you come up with something equally terrifying to do with teleportation."

I smiled, "You're right about that Master. Back home, telekinesis, teleportation and limitless transformation were widely regarded as among the most dangerous of all abilities. Yes, even without Decomposition, I still have quite a fearsome arsenal with just those three."

WHACK! "Magic is not a weapon," Master told me firmly as I rubbed the back of my head, "Nor is it just some mundane tool to be used. It's a part of you, just as much as any of your limbs, it's an extension of your very being."

I blinked in confusion, the first part was easy. The second… "So…my magic is…a reflection of who I am?"

Master nodded, "Yes. Can't you feel it?"

I looked at my hands and gently flexed a glow into my palms, "No. It just blinks on when I think about it, like flicking a switch. I get a headache when I overdo it, but that's about the only feeling I get that I can directly correlate to it."

Master frowned, "That's very strange, but not unheard of. You must not be very in tune with your magic if it's such a trickle that you can't even feel it."

"So…how do I get in tune?" I asked.

Master thought for a moment, "Magic reflects the user, so I suppose to grow more in tune with it, you will need to become more in tune with yourself. You're still new, so I don't know you as well as my other brats. Tell me. What sort of person are you?"

I sat forward and laughed slightly, "A lazy glutton who can only be roused from his apathy to indulge his adrenaline addiction."

Master was silent for a moment and then, "That's…a very harsh assessment of yourself. May I ask how you came by it?"

I looked at him and blinked, "Eh? Oh…just took a good long honest look at myself really." I sat forward and rested my cheek on my fist with my eyes wandering across dimensions to home, "I never suffered or struggled with anything, and even though opportunities for mental challenge were there, I was always content to coast. I could've been number one at virtually anything I wanted, but I didn't care enough about any of it, so I was content to be the bottom of the top quarter. Better than most, but nowhere near as good as I could have been. I had what I needed, and entertainment was so easy to come by…I never had any reason to get off my ass and go do something, so I never did. The one thing I did do was karate, and that's because it fed my adrenaline addiction perfectly."

"Karate huh? That's not something that lazy people get very far in," Master pointed out, "Judging by your performance in the brawl just now though, I'd guess you stuck with it long enough to gain proficiency?"

"Seven years under one of the most skilled masters in an area about the size of Fiore," I agreed, "I was nowhere near mastery, but I had gotten into the higher ranks."

"Oh? How high?"

"Um…three ranks shy of master and one shy of being able to open a sub-dojo of my own…" I admitted a little shyly, "I think it would've taken at least another two or three years to get to the rank where I could be considered a sensei, but I only ever failed one rank test and that's because I got sick halfway through it, so I think probably two or three years at most. We only had one person above that rank aside from Sensei, and she was really really old, so I think she had been that rank for a while. I never asked, didn't really matter. It was a part of my life and I had no intention of ever stopping."

"And did you?" Master asked.

I curled in on myself a little, "Yeah… I had to move to pursue my education and it was too far to make it back for weekly practice. I fell off my training routine big time and I'm honestly surprised I did as well as I did just now." I smiled thinly, "I guess some of it stuck, but it's hard to tell. That wasn't my old style, I always fought defensively. Of course," I mused, "I suppose I did still use the knowledge pretty regularly even if I had no call to use the movements…" I laughed lightly, "You know it's funny, it wasn't until after I'd been gone for a year that I figured out the openings in my old sparring buddies' styles. Gabe always left his left side open when he punched with it and Julie, for all that her kicks were superb, she always dropped her guard on the back side when she was throwing them. A fast opponent could hammer them." I sat back and looked up at the ceiling, "Don't guess I'll ever get to tell them now…"

Master thought for a moment, "So you think yourself lazy because you never strove for anything when you never had a reason to?"

"Ye…oh," It hit me halfway through what he meant, "So…I'm not lazy?"

"If you never had anything to strive for then how is it wrong to not strive?" Master asked, "There's a lot to be said for being content with what you have, and a lot to be said about throwing your all into goals which ultimately amount to nothing. So. Are you lazy for not doing things which have no need to be done? Is it lazy to accomplish that which you set out to do, no more and no less? Is it lazy to not beat yourself up over not achieving everything there is to achieve?"

He let me ponder that for a moment before continuing, "According to Levy, Jet, Droy, Natsu, Happy and Lucy, you've been a complete and utter draft horse of assistance and help on the two missions you've been on. Mira says you carried everything for Lucy when she was moving in, and that you went out of your way to invent a spell on the spot to make your breath smell better when she was close by because you didn't want to inconvenience her with bad breath before spending an hour helping her get things ready to open in the morning. I've also heard no small amount of talk from Levy and Droy about the wonders of your flying card-mobile which got you all to Shirotsume and back in record time. On top of all that, quick recovery time aside, Natsu tells me you pushed yourself to your limit on your last job for the sake of making sure the mission went as smoothly as possible."

"Seems to me," he mused, "you're mistaking effortlessness for laziness. A lazy person doesn't help and complains even when they do no matter how easy it is. Just now when I asked you to help clean up, you didn't even hesitate did you? Even if that spell was intended to get you out of spending an hour or so with a broom or mop in your hand, you saved everyone else at least half that much by turning all the spilled food and drink to dust. Finding a better way to do something is innovation, not laziness. Don't sell yourself so short. After all, it's not like any of us use brooms and mops and such when we don't have to either. Observe." He pointed and I saw a couple of people playing rock paper scissors.

Then that guy with the brown hair…Max? I think his name was Max… stepped out of the huddle pouting and carrying a broom. Then he raised his broom like a bat, a dull yellow magic seal appeared in front of him and he swung his broom through it. All the dust in the room suddenly flew right out the door as though it had been blown out by a fierce breeze.

"What was that you told Mira?" Master asked with a smile, "We eat the notion of impossible and shit it out on improbability?"

"Something like that," I mumbled.

"So don't be so hard on yourself," Master told me, "From what I've seen, you're practical, not lazy. Try to be a little more accepting of yourself and you might just find your magic responding."

…

…

Later that day, Cana was the second visitor to my apartment. Around four in the afternoon, she dropped by to see the place, and she poked around everywhere. Most particularly I noted, in the fridge and cabinets. After about the tenth cabinet she opened, "Are you looking for something Cana?"

"Where's the booze?" she asked with a frown.

"I don't drink but once in a blue moon, so I don't have any," I replied dryly.

Cana looked at me in shock, "What are you?"

"Supremely stingy and inordinately fond of my brain cells," I replied.

"Ah, so you're a stick in the mud."

"Nooo," I replied a little peevishly, "I just don't drink often."

Cana yanked a bottle out of her purse with a grin and waved it at me, "So if you're not a stick in the mud, how about helping me kill this?"

I looked at it, "Is there enough there for both of us?"

"Yeah, I'm gonna drink like ninety percent of it anyway," she admitted, "But drinking's no fun if I'm all by myself."

I sighed with a small smile, "Alright, alright. I guess if you just need a place to crash, it's not like I've got anything better to do this evening."

I did actually. There was a lot I wanted to learn about the new world I was inhabiting, and I had a considerable stack of books borrowed from the Guild that I was steadily burning my way through to try and get a grasp of the world around me. Even with the Wind Reader Glasses though, it was still mostly boring, especially the friggin' encyclopedia. Informative? Yes. Entertaining? Hell no. An afternoon of drinking and possibly cuddling (or more!) with one of the most gorgeous women I'd ever laid eyes on was much more exciting an option.

And so drink we did! We also played a lot of cards. It started with poker (which she kicked my ass at), then Blackjack (which she also kicked my ass at), then two or three other games (all of which she kicked my ass at). It probably didn't help that she'd had way more than one bottle on her and was making me take a shot every hand I lost. She'd offered a kiss if I won, so I wasn't protesting the booze too hard, but suffice to say I was rather tipsy by the time she suggested strip poker.

I don't remember much of what happened after that, and all I know for sure is that I woke up the next morning in nothing but my underwear with Cana on top of me on the couch in nothing but her underwear and usual bikini top. Cana looked a little surprised when she woke up, but instead of getting angry, she just smiled and gave me a good morning kiss.

Then she helped me cook breakfast and it was not lost on me that she didn't put her pants back on until after she'd had her breakfast while sitting in my lap. She paused on her way out the door, "Thanks Jerry. This was fun, we'll have to do it again sometime." Then she gave me a quick kiss before heading out with a wave and a smile, "See you at the Guild!"

…

…

Two days later on a job to root out some counterfeiters, I learned that there were wizards who could force a "trump card or dead friends" situation with alarming ease.

If anyone ever tells you that Paper Magic is a joke, slap 'em. The origami witch responsible for the counterfeiters' success had blue hair, orange eyes and a high collared black overcoat. Tracking her down had been the easy part. Archive made spotting the distribution pattern and tracking it back to the source a piece of cake…admittedly a very big, tough to chew piece of stale cake… but damn it if it hadn't been the last part of that job that was easy.

I had more papercuts and puncture wounds than anyone should ever have courtesy of a swarm of paper butterflies that despite looking like they should be flimsy and harmless were as hard as steel and acted like a swarm of itty-bitty fighter jets. Natsu and Happy were trying to outfly an apparently fire proof origami dragon the size of a rhino that could apparently unfold itself into a giant razor sharp blade at speeds too fast to even see. The paper shield and sword she had summoned were letting her go toe to toe with Taurus effortlessly and I couldn't tell if she was just that strong and capable of turning into paper or if we were just fighting a magically animated paper… puppet…

I cursed as the thought occurred to me and spread my telepathy, trying to pinpoint our foe's real location.

Then time seemed to slow down and I whirled, not even needing my telepathy to spot her as I realized where she was… right behind Lucy with a javelin.

It wasn't even a conscious decision as I lashed out with my magic, the paper javelin disintegrated into powder along with every other piece of paper on the street and a fair deal of cloth and other things as well. I didn't get any flesh with it…I think…but about ninety five percent of everything else? WHOOM. Dust on the breeze.

I passed out immediately as pain lanced through my skull, but the last thing I saw was Lucy springing away from the flabbergasted and suddenly naked paper mage and Natsu springing at them. He was yelling something I think, but for the life of me I couldn't tell you what.

…

…

I must've woken up pretty quick because I hadn't moved from the spot I'd been in and Lucy and Natsu were only just making it over to me. I felt like my head was a jar of pickle juice with the bass set to BOOM. I could see Lucy's lips moving as I forced myself back up onto my hands and knees, the ringing in my ears screaming as I shook my head, which felt like my brain sloshing around in the pickle juice.

I decided that trying to go anymore vertical was a bad idea and instead flopped over onto my side so I could roll onto my back, scrunching my eyes shut against the murderously bright sunlight. I'm not sure how long it took me to amp my ethernano intake, but once it did the pain went from "utterly intolerable" to just "horrid".

As the pain started to recede and the ringing in my ears with it, I was able to hear Lucy, Natsu and Happy freaking out. "Did we get 'er?" I forced out. I raised a hand, "Natsu…" Natsu took my meaning thankfully and a second later a disproportionately strong hand yanked me upright into a sitting position with another set of hands immediately steadying me.

The ringing in my ears flared up again and I tried to crank my ethernano intake higher, which was actually higher than I'd ever pushed it before. It worked and a few moments later I could hear, see and think again. I sat forward and put my head in my hands, "How long was I out?"

"About a minute," Lucy replied, "What was that? You turned half the street into dust! Is that the same thing you used on that mess the other day?!"

I nodded and Natsu exclaimed, "Didn't Gramps say to never use that and that it would send you into Magic Deficiency Syndrome?!"

"Unless it was that or see one of you die," I clarified, "That witch was right behind Lucy with a javelin. I overdid it big time, but I panicked. I'm glad it worked. I couldn't have shot her without hitting Lucy, and even if I teleported, there wouldn't have been any guarantee I could stop that javelin. You did tie her up right?" I asked as I cracked one eye and immediately felt my heart skip beats for the second time that afternoon as for the second time that afternoon I saw the paper witch standing behind one of my friends with something sharp and poised to strike.

I slammed Natsu to the side and suddenly the pain lanced through my head again. As I scrunched my eyes closed at the pain, there was a flash of light visible even through my eyelids and a sound of fist meeting flesh. Then again and again and again. It must've been one hell of a pummeling and then I heard Leo shout, "REGULUS… IMPACT!" There was a not inconsiderable explosion that set my ears ringing again.

When my hearing came back I heard Natsu ask Leo, "Dang Loke, I never thought I'd see you hit a girl."

Leo snorted, "Are you blind Natsu? Look at the Adam's Apple and fake boobs. That's a crossdresser. Totally fine to pummel."

"What's a crossdresser?"

"A dude dressed up like a lady! How do you not know what a crossdresser is?!" Leo exclaimed, "Anyway, I'd better get going. Every second I'm here is a drain on Jerry's magic. He's at like one percent of his usual magic levels. Take care of him for me will ya?" There was a flash of light as Leo dismissed himself and then the pain in my skull faded. My limbs still felt like rolls of wet felt, but I could think again.

"Natsu…Lucy…" I mumbled, "That was…that was way too close. We…we need to get stronger…"

---

...

Next time on "Mad Little Slice of Heaven"...

...

" DONE!" I exclaimed happily as I set my pen down and slapped the final sheet over on the stack.

Then I turned it over and straightened the stack before putting a fresh sheet on the top and scrawling in a rather fancy but still legible script, Pirates of the Caribbean. I was immediately glomped by Lucy and Levy who were clamoring for an opportunity to read it. I hissed as I felt my still healing ribs creak and they both immediately let go and apologized.

I winced as my ribs reluctantly pulled back to where they were supposed to be, "Okay. Now that my bones have re-cracked…who wants to read about them that sail under the skull and crossbones first?"

Before Levy and Lucy could begin to argue over who got to read it first, Jet burst in through the door, " HEADS UP! ERZA'S HEADED THIS WAY! "