YES HELLO I'M ALIVE
I'm so sorry for the delay. With the holidays, COVID in the household, concussions (not mine), and other family events, things just weren't working out. Even now it's not back to what it used to be. The editing may be somewhat different from now on, but things should continue well.
I was gone for so long, and we STILL DON'T HAVE BAD BATCH SEASON 3 INFO.
But! A belated Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, and Happy New Year!
Zabuzasgirl: Thank you! You as well!
imaginationflies: Thank you so much! I need so much more Phee and Tech banter and I hope so bad we get some in canon. It's funny, my Boba scenes are often very by the seat of my pants and unplanned and I'm always pleased by the results. Ventress does have the potential to be such a mom. Senna will hopefully continue calling Fives out! I'm glad I did well with Wrecker! The poor thing probably needs a hobby once the SECOND war is over and things calm down. Of course, the rest of the Batch also need his presence for emotional stability. I do owe you guys like- twenty reunion kisses. I really do like Bo Katan's character! But she doesn't really become 'likeable' until Mando season 3. Hopefully some of that Season 3 Bo Katan is still in there somewhere here.
Venomnizer: Thank you and happy late New Year too! Jesse Toora is here to have a family and shatter people's world views. And he can't be with his family.
Okay, let's go!
Mando'a translations at the end!
TW: depictions of torture
Jesse laid on his side on his bunk. The bunkroom the Mandalorians had given them was small and isolated. Jesse preferred it this way.
Two blue figures shimmered before him, floating from a small holo puck.
"I love you, Jesse!" The smaller of the figures said in a trembling voice. "Please come home safe. You promised, remember?"
"Anything else you want to say to Jesse?" The other figure asked.
Jesse raised his hand to her face, the blue holo fuzzing around his fingers.
"Mummy told me about 'doption!" Gia said. "Will you 'dopt me when you get home?"
"Of course, ad'ika." Jesse whispered.
"Be safe, love." Rhys said. "We love you so much. You're a light to us both. Carry this message with you and we'll protect you."
The two figures disappeared. Jesse dragged his hand down his face and pushed away the tears in his eyes. Then he clicked the holo puck again, and his beloved family appeared to him once more.
"To our Jesse, from Rhys and Gia. To help keep him safe as he fights to keep us safe."
"Jesse." Kix's voice was unusually unwelcome as it cut across Rhys'. "I think you're making it worse."
Jesse turned to him, intending to glare, but Kix's eyes were filled with genuine concern.
"I don't know if I can do it this time, Kix." Jesse found himself saying.
"I know." Kix said softly, putting his hand on Jesse's shoulder.
Jesse was glad that Kix didn't try to comfort him with justifications or excuses for them being here. Instead he felt Kix squeeze his shoulder as a few tears trickled down his face.
"You know I can't promise much, brother." Kix said slowly. "But I will do everything in my power to help you get home to them."
Jesse shook his head.
"And lose you instead?" He croaked. "Why can't I just have my family? My whole family?"
Kix sighed.
"We weren't made for that." He said. "It's a miracle we made it this far."
Then Jesse's comm chirped.
"This is Commander Jesse Toora." He said as he answered it.
"Lady Wren has requested you and your men's input on Republic troop placement." Jesse didn't recognize the Mando's voice. "She is waiting in the war room."
"Copy that." Jesse said. "We'll be there shortly."
He clicked the comm off.
"We just got done with their meetings." Kix said, clearly annoyed. "Just because we're clones doesn't mean we don't rest."
Jesse just sighed and clicked the holo puck off. He pressed it to his lips for a moment before nestling it in his pillows. Then he straightened.
"Beem. Ram." He said. "Kit up. We've got a job to do."
The clones' barracks were empty, just as Bo Katan expected. She didn't know why she was here in the first place. Was she searching for some sign that what she had seen in them was fake? A clever ruse by the Jedi?
She expected identical bunks, but it wasn't the case at all. One was pristine, carefully tucked in with a flimsi certification pinned to the wall. Bo Katan peered closer.
'Certification of Medical License - CT 6116, Kix' it read. So he was a real doctor. What was he doing here? She was sure the Republic would allow certified medical personnel to remain in the reserves.
The next bunk was more sloppily made, but still fairly neat. A necklace lay on the pillow and a flimsi picture of two clones and two women was attached to the wall. They were all beaming at the taker, arms wrapped around each other. The bunk next to it had the same picture and what looked like a child's bangle.
The last bunk was wrinkled, as it hadn't been made since it was last slept in. Sitting in the middle of the pillow was a small holo puck.
What are you doing? Bo Katan hissed in her head as she picked it up.
She clicked it on. Two figures in hazy blue sprung up.
To our Jesse, from Rhys and Gia. To help keep him safe as he fights to keep us safe.
Bo Katan stared at the little figures as they expressed their love for the clone trooper. She twitched as the young girl asked for him to adopt her.
"Lady Kryze!"
Bo Katan jerked her hand, involuntarily turning the puck off. The voice was only in her helmet, however.
"What is it?" She snapped.
"Lady Wren requests your presence."
"Fine." Bo Katan said.
She hastily shoved the puck back onto the pillow and hurried from the room.
The clones were with Ursa when Bo Katan arrived. She couldn't really look at them as she approached the holo table. She barely listened as Ursa outlined the plans they had conceived. She kept glancing at the Commander. Jesse. She couldn't get the heartbroken voices of the woman and the little girl out of her head.
After the meeting, Bo Katan retreated to her quarters. She hesitated before digging through a few drawers. She finally found the dusty holo puck hidden under a set of formal clothes she hadn't worn in years.
She clicked the holo puck on. A single blue figure sprouted and began to speak.
My dear sister-
Obi Wan felt a familiar surge of nausea as he stepped into the ruins of Dooku's home. Dooku's presence still lingered. It was comforting in an odd way. Once again, it reminded Obi Wan of both Yoda and Qui Gon.
The study was mostly untouched, being the farthest from where the blast had happened. A few books had fallen from the shelves, but it seemed Dooku's research was intact.
"So, where do we start?" Fives asked.
"I'm- not sure." Obi Wan said. "Perhaps- start in those books."
"Yes, sir." Fives said.
He moved to the bookshelves, studying the titles.
"Obi Wan. Father." Kor said "Can't you feel how wrong this place is? Please, you must abandon this fool's hope!"
Obi Wan did not respond to him. Kor seemed to think that his presence would dissuade Obi Wan, but every time he looked at his son, he saw Satine. He saw his love's life cut short, Qui Gon dying in his arms, Cody's brothers falling in droves for an uncaring Republic. He even saw a way to solve this new war by bringing Dooku back. Even if the Count knew nothing, wouldn't the crime be undone? Death undone.
Dooku had been right. No matter what the Jedi preached, the will of the Force was never death before its time. As someone who studied the Force, couldn't Obi Wan be the one to determine when that happened?
The tools might be distasteful, but no more distasteful than the times he'd been forced to kill sentients during the war. What was the difference?
Something twinged in the back of his mind. He had been a Jedi then. Now he was supposed to be something better.
He shook his head to dispel the doubts.
"I will begin with his notes." He said aloud.
Fives' Mandalorian friend watched them from the edges of the room. She had not left them, despite Fives' encouraging her to do so and her voiced doubts and distaste.
This would work. It needed to work.
Obi Wan's thoughts were reflected and amplified off of Fives'.
He found both scribbled notes on sheaves of flimsi and a few datapads. Each leaf felt soaked in darkness. What had Dooku done to give himself so fully? It was remarkable that Obi Wan had been able to recognize him at all.
As he shifted through the flimsi, Obi Wan's thoughts turned to Anakin. Wouldn't it be a wonderful gift if Obi Wan could give his apprentice his mother? Give Luke and Leia a grandmother. Could he also not bring back the Jedi who had given their lives during the war? Or the innocents on both sides? Even their enemies, such as the soldiers of Umbara. They had just been doing their duty, like the clones. So many possibilities. So much pain alleviated.
Obi Wan began to read.
"That's enough."
A sharp voice cut through Ahsoka's pain as Spigs carved another line across her lekku. She vaguely recognized the other captor's voice.
"She hasn't told me anything." Spigs spat. Ahsoka felt his spittle pelt her face. "Until then, we keep going."
"No." Vezda said. His voice was cold. "I didn't sign up to watch you carve up this girl. You're not even asking questions anymore."
"She knows what I want." Spigs said. "And this is no girl. She's a Jedi wench. You're Umbaran. You know what these scum did."
"I hold no love for the Jedi." Vezda said. "Or their dogs. But I refuse to sink to this level. Regardless, she's lost a lot of blood. You could kill her."
Ahsoka vaguely agreed. She felt dizzy, even lying on the floor, and she could feel the blood streaming freely from the many, many cuts over her montrals and lekku.
"Fine." Spigs growled and Ahsoka felt a pulse of relief. "It's about time I took one of these meat droids for a spin."
The relief turned sharply to horror.
"No!" Ahsoka croaked. She pulled away from a softer hand on her lekku. "You can't!"
"Then tell us where Kenobi is." Vezda said in her montral.
He sounded resigned.
"I don't know!" Ahsoka snapped. "None of us do!"
Vezda didn't say anything. Ahsoka felt a damp cloth, with bacta by the soothing feel of it, move over her montrals. There was a kindness in this man.
"Please." Ahsoka said. "We don't know."
Vezda sighed.
"I wish I could believe you." He said.
He finished treating Ahsoka's wounds and then shifted her back towards the clones.
"Commander." Cody immediately whispered. She had heard his protests during her torture. "Are you all right?"
He sounded desperate for an answer. If he was blindfolded like Ahsoka was, he wouldn't know. She had forced herself to be as quiet as she could.
"I'm okay." She lied.
"Don't worry, Commander." Oddball muttered. "We won't say anything."
Ahsoka gritted her teeth. That wasn't her worry.
"What are they waiting for?" Crosshair hissed. "Get on with it."
They all paused, realizing that Vezda and Spigs were having another argument.
"This is pointless!" Vezda hissed. "I doubt those things are capable of breaking, even if they know anything."
"We haven't even tried." Spigs said. "Might even have a better effect on the bitch, since the Jedi are supposed to have compassion."
Ahsoka wondered what had happened to this man to inspire such contempt in his voice.
In any case he was right. Hearing the men be tortured would be worse than anything they could do to her body. But she had no information to give. Even if she did, the clones wouldn't want her to give anything up. There would be no way to stop their pain.
Ahsoka's heart began to pound when Vezda offered no more argument. Footsteps grew near.
"How about Skinny here?" Spigs said.
Ahsoka heard Crosshair spit out curses as their captor dragged him from the others.
"Crosshair!" Cody cried out. "You bastards! I'm the highest rank here, take me!"
Ahsoka grit her teeth as she heard a thud and cough from Cody.
"It has a point." Vezda said. "If anyone knows-"
"I don't care!" Spigs spat. "Get her up and take off the blindfold. She watches."
"This isn't necessary." Vezda said. "Spigs, this wasn't part of the job."
"The job I was hired for," Spigs said. "Was to find Kenobi. And your people came to me because they didn't know how. This is how we find him."
Ahsoka attempted to nudge Vezda in the Force, keep him arguing, but he said nothing more. Ahsoka felt him pull her into a sitting position. The blindfold was pulled from Ahsoka's eyes. The room was dim and small. Ahsoka shivered as she saw her own blood streaked across the floor. A human stood over Crosshair, knife gleaming in his hand. He was paler than Crosshair, who was one of the lightest clones. Ashy curly hair fell into his eyes. He was young, too young for the hatred he wore. It had to be Spigs.
Vezda moved from behind her to lean against a wall to watch. He was Umbaran, tall, willowy, and pale in all aspects save his pitch black uniform. Ahsoka tried to catch his colorless eye, but he looked pointedly away from her.
Spigs knelt on Crosshair's chest, but he had to grab the clone by the throat to keep him from writhing out from under him. Crosshair spat at Spigs, who just laughed. Ahsoka clenched her jaw as Spigs began his grisly work. Crosshair stilled, likely to avoid getting accidentally stabbed. He stared straight ahead as Spigs cut into him, his jaw taut.
It was as bad as Ahsoka's own interrogation, except Spigs didn't even bother asking questions. Crosshair was stoic, but Ahsoka could see his clenched hands and his occasional twitch. But when Spigs paused to wipe his knife, Crosshair spoke.
"You're just giving them more reason to kill you, you know."
"Who?" Spigs asked, derisive. "The other meat droids?"
"My brothers." Crosshair said with a triumphant lilt to his words. "And every pain you give me will be paid back in full."
Spigs slapped Crosshair.
"No one is coming for you." He hissed. "No one will find you."
Crosshair laughed.
"Tell yourself that." He said. "And remember it when-"
He choked off as Spigs plunged the knife into his hand. Ahsoka squeezed her eyes shut.
Rex. She begged in her mind. Please, hurry.
She got a response. A vague question, a feeling of worry.
Ahsoka's eyes flew open, then just as quickly shut them. Her heart pounded as she reached out.
Rex! She called.
His response was distant, a mere feeling, but he was getting closer.
Crosshair let out a strangled yell.
"Crosshair!" Cody called, distressed.
Ahsoka saw him writhe against his bonds.
"Don't worry, little clone." Spigs said. "It'll be your turn soon. Once I'm done with this one."
Crosshair's blood mingled with Ahsoka's on the floor.
"You're not to kill it." Vezda said sternly. "That was made clear."
Spigs rolled his eyes, but Ahsoka noted that he stopped cutting as deeply. She fixed her gaze on Vezda. Rex and the others were coming, but if they were too late or not seemed to be up to the Umbaran.
Here they were again. Jesse gritted his teeth as he looked across the Salucemi landscape. Clones worked around him to set up their base camp. The natborn conscripts were still being trained, but a contingent of Mandalorians were with them.
This planet was familiar, though it'd been near the beginning of the war that they'd been stationed here. Jesse closed his eyes, remembering that terrible mission when Rex had been shot. Jesse had been pretty shiny then, though honestly they all had been. Except Rex. Jesse was pretty sure Rex had come out of the tube with stress lines on his forehead.
"It's been a while, huh?"
Jesse looked over to see Kix standing next to him, observing the landscape.
"I thought you were setting up the medbay." Jesse said.
Kix shrugged.
"We've got good boys over there." He said. "As good as I ever was. They can handle it while us old fogies reminisce."
"Yes, thirteen." Jesse said. "We're ancient."
"They told me that I'm one of the youngest humans to ever become a doctor." Kix said with a smile. "At least technically."
"This was one of your first big missions as a medic, right?" Jesse said. "Who would have thought that timid medic could be where you are?"
"And who could have thought that a man who said 'where there's a farm, there's a farmer' could have ever actually become an ARC, or a Commander, or a being that actually managed to attract a woman." Kix said.
Jesse grinned sheepishly.
"Ah, a man changes after a thousand years of war." Jesse said.
They both fell silent. Jesse guessed that Kix was thinking of Captain Rex too. He was the most changed of them all, and not always for the better. Jesse sighed. The poor Captain. But he'd been more like himself the last time Jesse had seen him.
And then, the fourth member of their squad that day. Jesse swallowed thickly.
"You say remembrances recently?" He asked.
Kix raised an eyebrow.
"Yesterday." He said. "I'm scared to see how long that list is gonna get after this."
"When was the last time you said it for Hardcase?" Jesse asked.
Kix fell silent. Jesse watched a eopie meander by. A pink Twi'lek chased after it. They were still in the process of getting all the civilians out.
"Too long." Kix said after a long while. "Sometimes I think there are too many to remember."
Jesse nodded.
"Why do you think Rex has that datapad?" He asked. "But even with that-"
He trailed off, thinking of the words. I am still alive, but you are dead. I remember you, so you are eternal. What did you do when there were too many to remember? Would those brothers' souls slip through the cracks, consigned to nothingness because they were one of too many deaths?
"What do you think happens when we die?" Jesse asked.
Kix blinked.
"I know we're not great at small talk, Jesse, but kriff, that's heavy." He said. "But- I never really thought about it."
"Isn't that weird?" Jesse asked. "We all knew that we were practically doomed at the start of all this, but we don't ever think about where we'll end up."
"Didn't have much time to." Kix said. "I was too busy trying to keep you all from getting to that point."
"You don't even know what you claim to believe?"
Jesse turned around to see Bo Katan Kryze staring at him.
"I know what the Mandalorians believe." Jesse said, raising an eyebrow. "I know about the manda. But we also spent three years listening to the Jedi talk about becoming one with the Force. It muddles things, you know?"
Kryze continued to stare at them. Jesse felt an uncomfortable prickle down his spine.
"Can I help you, General Kryze?" He asked.
Kryze continued to stare at him.
"The droid armies are forming up." She finally said. "Scouts are saying that they're heading this way."
Jesse went cold. His training overwhelmed the numbness he could feel creeping over him.
"Kix!" He said. "Go prepare the medics. We'll be sending in three regiments. I'll get them ready. General Kryze! Can we count on you?"
He wanted to scream as the woman just stared at him.
"General!" He said sharply.
"Yes." Kryze said slowly. "We're with you."
We're with you.
Bo Katan fired into the crowd of droids, the lie echoing in her head. This was easier and harder than she had been expecting. The droids fell easily, no beskar armor to reflect her bolts. But kriff, there were so many. Enough to have split her squad, leaving her with only four warriors with her.
Bo Katan glanced at her wrist comm as she fired. It remained silent and unlit. No communications had come for her.
How long does he expect me to keep this up? Bo Katan thought with gritted teeth. She just wanted this betrayal over and done with. She had expected her 'benefactor' to insist she turn on the Republic before they had clashed with the CIS. It had been four hours since the first shot had been fired. And still she fought on the side of the Republic.
She cursed as she heard the mechanical rolling of droidekas.
"Poppers!" She snapped at one of her companions.
"Sir!" The warrior panted. "They were with the rest of the squad!"
"Harchaak!" Bo Katan spat.
At this rate, she wouldn't be around to give the kriffing order. She activated her shield projector and pulled out the Darksaber.
"Take cover!" She ordered, catching a pair of bolts with her shield. She grunted as they hit. She had to move the shield with the force of it. She was no Jedi, she couldn't deflect the bolts with the Darksaber.
Bo Katan turned to make sure her warriors had found cover. Something rammed into her, throwing her back. She crashed into the dirt. She expected someone to land on her, but only more blaster bolts flew over her head. She could hear a sizzling behind her, on her back. She staggered to her feet and attempted to activate her jet pack. The clones had told her about the droidekas' blind spot.
Nothing happened.
Damn!
The droidekas inched forward and Bo Katan was forced to join her men.
"Requesting back up!" Bo Katan heard one of her warriors say.
The man gave their coordinates, but no reply came.
The droidekas had caught them at the worst possible angle. They were being slowly backed into a rocky corner. Bo Katan tried again and again to activate her jet pack. It remained broken, and the others didn't have them.
What else had the clones said about these rolling pieces of scrap? Blind spot, droid poppers, going slow. Would fire work?
Then Bo Katan saw several white and blue figures approaching the droidekas from behind. Bo Katan held her breath as the clones gently tossed the life saving orbs into the shields. A second passed and the poppers burst into electricity. The droidekas shuddered with the shock and collapsed.
Bo Katan left her cover behind. Their saviors were led by the Commander, Jesse.
"Are you all right, sir?" Jesse asked.
"I'm fine." Bo Katan said. She glanced back. One of her warriors had been hit in the shoulder. No one else was hurt. "I suppose I should thank you."
Jesse nodded and held out his hand, holding a few poppers. Bo Katan took them and the commander turned away.
"Why did you come?" Bo Katan asked. "I'm not your leader. You owe me no loyalty."
Jesse looked back.
"I'm loyal to anyone who will stand with me and my brothers." He said.
Bo Katan blinked. The simple words slapped at her. Loyalty. One of the key tenets of the Creed. Those clones had stood with her and her people in retaking Mandalore, even when not compelled to.
As Jesse walked away, Bo Katan's comm beeped. She answered it, barely thinking.
"Mandalor Kryze, you may proceed with the plan." The distorted, hated voice reverberated inside her helmet. "Give the order."
Bo Katan's heart seemed to stop at the words. She stared at the back of the man who had just saved her life, a back where she was now supposed to put a bolt.
Mando'a:
ad'ika: little one
manda: the collective soul or heaven - the state of being Mandalorian in mind, body and spirit - also supreme, overarching, guardian-like
harchaak: damn it
From the top!
Jesse is a lowkey super tragic figure in this. Surviving a war, finding someone who loves you, and then a new war starts and you feel honor bound to go fight again. Ugh. Someone save him. I should probably do that.
Bo Katan has kind of fixated onto Jesse. He keeps rocking her world view and she really is uncomfortable with that. I don't know what's she's looking for, maybe a note that says 'jk lol we feel nothing.' I originally had her take the holo, but I felt like the drama of Jesse finding out wasn't necessary. Well, at least the type of drama wasn't necessary. This entire fic is just drama to be honest. I also can and will cram RRR references into this completely unrelated fic. No one can stop me.
Obi Wan and Fives continue to make bad choices. No one is surprised.
My editor asked me why I had to choose Crosshair to get tortured next. I couldn't remember at first, and then I realized it was because I came up with the lines he says and I really liked them so...he did it to himself? I honestly think the situation is terrifying. Being tortured for information you don't have.
LET JESSE BE BULLIED FOR SAYING 'WHERE THERE'S A FARM THERE'S A FARMER.' Also, I like this conversation. Bo Katan is also being a freaking creeper.
I was writing this scene where Bo Katan is corned by droidekas and THEN I REMEMBERED SHE HAS A STUPID JET PACK AND I HAD TO GO BACK AND BREAK IT. I was very annoyed.
Ooh cliffhanger! It BETTER not take as long for the next chapter. I hope.
Anyway, stay safe, remember to review, and have a great week!