Thank you, again, for all the reviews. All you "guest" reviewers, please know I appreciate them and if I had a way to reply to you, I would! Here is the next chapter….I'm going to go hide now….let me know when it is safe to come back
Ranger looked at Stephanie and tried to formulate the words to answer her. His mouth was so dry he wondered who had put cotton in there. He looked around for a glass of water but found none. He wanted to get up, but Sophia was still nursing her bottle in his arms. Finally, he was able to conjure up some saliva and swallowed the lump in his throat.
"I did it because I'm the best of the best. When the government wants the elite, they call me to get a team together. It's what I've known since I was eighteen. I don't know another way to live. It's how I've made all my money, started my business, and provided for Julie.
"When I left, I knew I'd lost you. I figured even if you did do what I had suggested, you still wouldn't take me back. I didn't want to live in Trenton without you. So, I re-signed my contract for another five years."
Stephanie sat there and as much as she wanted to feel bad that Ranger only knew that type of life, she couldn't find it in her soul to feel sorry for him. It was his choice and he decided to stay in. He had the opportunity to be in Julie's life, but he didn't even consider it. He just thought about himself and how that was all he knew. He didn't want to try something new.
"So, instead of maybe taking time and spending a few months with your daughter, you decided you were better off staying married to the government? Instead of giving you daughter the one thing she has wanted for years, to get to spend time with her biological father and get to know him, you deny her that when you could have granted her wish? You really are a piece of work, Ranger. Did you even consider her when you re-signed?
"Answer me this. Have you talked to her since you've been back?"
"I talked to her a few nights ago. I always call her when I get back and check in."
"Did you tell her she has a sister?"
Ranger looked down at Sophia and sighed, "No. I didn't know how to tell her."
"It's easy. 'Julie, guess what? You have a new baby sister'. It isn't hard."
"I didn't know how to tell her that you and I aren't together anymore. What was I supposed to tell her when she asked?"
"The truth. That we are over because we had a falling out. You don't have to give her the specifics; just tell her it didn't work out between us." Steph looked at Sophia and wondered, "Have you even told your parents that they have another granddaughter?"
Ranger put Sophia up on his shoulder to burp her since she had finished her bottle. He knew was about to catch hell for this, "No, I haven't. They wouldn't understand either."
"So, you've talked to Julie and your parents in the past week and haven't once mentioned that you have another daughter. You know, most people would be happy to tell others they have a baby, even if they didn't want the baby in the beginning. Let me ask you this, Ranger and think before you answer." She stopped and waited for him to look at her. He looked up and gave a quick nod. "Do you want Sophia?"
Ranger looked at Stephanie, shocked she asked that. Looking down at Sophia, he thought about it like Steph told him to. I hadn't wanted anymore children, that was the reason for the vasectomy; lot of good that did, he thought. "Did I want her? Honestly, no. I didn't want any children, that was why I had the vasectomy after Rachel got pregnant. Now that she's here, do I still feel the same way?"
Ranger looked at Sophia and back at Stephanie before closing his eyes. He knew what he was about to say was going to hurt, but he'd always been honest with Stephanie before and he wouldn't stop now. Taking a deep breath, he opened his eyes and stared ahead.
"I never wanted any children. I knew that growing up. Do I love Julie? Yes, I love her, but I'm not her dad. I'm her sperm donor; and before you say anything, yes, I've been called that by her, her mother, her dad, and my parents. I'm not involved in her life. I send child support even though I'm not obligated to, but I know nothing about her.
"As for this one," he said nodding down to Sophia, "I want to do better by her, but I know that isn't possible. Had I known about her before I re-signed, I don't know if I would have backed out or not. It's not easy for me to say at this point. "
He glanced at Stephanie and saw her bottom lip quiver and knew she was close to tears, but he had to finish before he left. "I love you, Steph. I always will. But I'm not sure I can be the man you need. I'm not the 9-5 Monday through Friday kind of man. Hell, I'm not even sure how often I'll be in the US for the next five years."
"I never said I wanted or needed that kind of man. I'm not even asking you to be with me. I'm asking you if you want to be in your daughter's life. Can you answer that or am I to figure it out on my own? Because the feeling I have is telling me I already know the answer."
Ranger lifted Sophia up and kissed her forehead and cheeks, "I still can't believe she's my daughter." He looked outside the window for a moment to collect his thoughts and looked at Stephanie. "I don't want to hurt you, you have to believe that. I'll set up a fund for her and money will be deposited every month. If you ever need anything that you don't have, let me know and you'll have it."
Stephanie looked at Ranger, stood up, and took Sophia from his arms, "Get out."
Ranger sat there for a moment not believing she was throwing him out. He watched her walk down the hall with his daughter and knew that was probably the last time he'd get to see her as an infant. When Stephanie came back, she was alone.
"I told you to leave. You don't want anything to do with my daughter, then leave. Don't come back to my house. You are not welcome." Stephanie started to walk to the door but stopped and turned back around. "How could you? How could you be so calm about this? You are abandoning another daughter? I know you didn't want her; didn't believe you got me pregnant. But now that you've gotten the results and seen her, how can you do this? How is it so easy for you to turn off your emotions and just go on like nothing is different?"
"It isn't easy, Babe, but it is necessary."
"Don't. Don't every call me Babe again. The Ranger that called me Babe isn't you. Yes, he would have been upset that his plans were foiled and he had a child that wasn't planned, but I can't believe he would have done this. I really think that MY Ranger would have tried to make things work with him and his daughter. Even if we didn't work."
Ranger grabbed his coat and slipped on his boots. He opened the front door and looked back at Stephanie. "My lawyer will be in touch within the week. I'm sorry, Steph. I never meant to hurt you."
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
"Hey, Sweetheart. Everything go okay?" Zip asked when the call connected.
"I don't want to talk about it just yet. I just wanted to let you know he's gone. You can come back when you are ready. I'm just put Soph down for her afternoon nap and I may take one as well."
Zip could tell she was exhausted. He didn't know if it was from a good visit or a bad one, but he had his suspicions. "Go take a nap. Don't worry about dinner, I'll take care of that. Do you need me to do anything?" Zip disconnected when Steph told him she didn't need anything.
Stephanie hung up, checked on Sophia who was sleeping soundly sucking on her thumb, and then went to lie down in her bed. She'd spent four hours with Ranger and wondered why he even agreed to come over. When she laid down, she shut her brain off, listened to the baby monitor where she could hear Sophia breathing, and fell asleep.
When she woke up, it took her a minute to realize what the noises she was hearing were. Getting out of bed and throwing on a pair of sweatpants, she wandered into the living room to see Zip dancing with, and singing to, Sophia. She stood in the doorway and watched as tears streamed down her face. When Zip turned, he smiled at Steph until he saw the tears.
Walking over to the doorway, he pulled Steph to him and danced with both females in his embrace. He felt Stephanie's hand come up and rest on Sophia's back as her other arm wrapped around his waist. She placed er head on his chest next to her daughter and closed her eyes.
After about five minutes Stephanie pulled away and sat down on the couch. Zip came to sit next to her, but she stopped him, "You don't have to stop dancing with her. I like watching you do that."
"We've been dancing off and on for about an hour now," he said as he put Sophia on the floor for tummy time. Sitting next to Steph, he pulled her feet up into his lap. "Ready to talk yet?"
"There is nothing to talk about. He isn't going to be in her life. He isn't the man for the job and that's not who he is. His lawyer will be in contact with me regarding child support and whatever else that won't be touched. I told him I didn't want his money. But as usual, he thinks money solves everything."
Stephanie stood up and started packing and throwing her hands up, "Did you know he re-signed for a n other five years? He didn't even think about his family. His family that has been begging him to spend time with them. His daughter, Julie, who has wanted to get to know him more…he didn't even think about her. He just up and signed because he's "The best of the best". UGH, I can't believe him.
"What am I going to tell Sophia when she's older? I'm sorry sweetie, but your daddy wanted to play solider more than anything, so he just up and left. He didn't want anything to do with you; oh but he left you tons of money. NO! I won't do that."
Zip stood up and pulled Stephanie into his arms. He could tell she was getting pretty worked up and as soon as he pulled her, she started pounding her fists in to his chest. "Why? What is so wrong with him that he'd resign instead of spending time with family? Especially when he doesn't have to re-sign? He did his time; it's time for someone else to take over. I swear he's trying to get himself killed. Then what would I tell our daughter?"
Zip didn't have the answers, but he also knew Stephanie wasn't really looking for answers; just venting her frustrations. He hugged her tight to him, kissed the top of her head, and just held her. Looking down at Sophia, he knew he'd be in her life for as long as possible; he loved that little girl like she was his own.
TBC….is it safe yet?