u'know how bulgaria sucks at comforting people (romania) even when he tries to? what if his dad was the same?

in 584, the avars took over anchialus and bathed in the baths there. the khagan, bayan, found the expensive robe of the byzantine empress and put it on, probably not knowing that it was female clothing, and then declared himself the new ruler of everything and stuff, like basileus who, I'm the boss here now :D (yeah it must've been fun hanging with these guys BUT IF U DARE TO LAUGH AT THE KHAGAN WHO ACCIDENTALLY CROSS-DRESSED, U'LL PROBABLY BE DEAD)

anyways shortly after that they got news that they were pursued by the gokturks, their no.1 enemy, the ones who destroyed the rouran khaganate (their ancestor state) and who were trying to subjugate them ever since then. everyone panicked and retreated

so I imagine:

avar khaganate: *is terrified, shaking and about to cry, after all, gokturk is the guy who killed his dad and who wants to enslave him*

bulgar: don't worry :D I'm not gonna let him get near u, we'll fight him, if we win, we win, if we lose, we die on the battlefield freely and heroically, with dignity!

avar khaganate: *sarcastically* YEAH THANKS BULGAR THIS IS VERY COMFORTING!

bulgar: well if u don't like the idea, we can run away :D

avar khaganate: run where? I've been running my whole life, I crossed the whole steppe, now the steppe ends here, we can't run anymore! there's nowhere for us to go!

bulgar: well... he's gonna get tired before he comes here and reaches us. he's chased u for so long through so much distance... he's gotta take a break. or stop. if it was me, I'd stop. it's not worth it.

avar khaganate: *big ego gets hurt* u think I'm not worth it?

bulgar: don't take it personally. nobody's worth being chased across the entire steppe. it's too much effort.

avar khaganate: YEAH BUT I'M NOT SOME NOBODY I'M THE SON OF THE GREAT ROURAN KHAGANATE BESIDES GOKTURK HATES MY GUTS HE'S COMING FOR ME HE DOESN'T CARE IF IT'S TOO MUCH EFFORT WHEN UR FILLED WITH HATE NOTHING IS LIKE TOO MUCH EFFORT

bulgar: yeah but by the time he's reached us, he'll fall apart and die due to inner strife. he's taken over so many tribes, they'll try to get out some day, tearing him apart. all khaganates have their limited time, their fate is the same.

avar KHAGANATE: *sarcastically* WELL THANK YOU THIS IS SO NICE TO HEAR!

*they can go for hours with the avar khaganate becoming more and more upset after every one of bulgar's dumb replies)