II. Mail Order Kitty
The bitterness was too much to stomach any longer. There was nothing and no-one to take her anger out on, the latter gone to enjoy life...
But it didn't have to be this way, did it? There had to be a friend for her... there just had to be. Certainly, she thought, a dog would never do. While they might have been "perfect" for her boss, it was quite apparent she was the aloof, independent type. She knew herself. A cat was naturally the best possible choice.
But not just any cat would do!
Reluctantly, Shego decided to make a call to someone who the very thought of conjured such discomfort and cringe. It nearly overcame her totally, but she was determined to have the perfect cat. She was surprised that Drakken even had her contact, as surely, he would have purged that to the depths of hell. DNAmy.
While she mustered the courage to endure an uncomfortable and insufferable encounter with this woman, she remained cool, collected, and thoughtful. DNAmy had been "released" from prison shortly following her incarceration. And to a certain extent, even Shego was concerned by this fact. Drakken was more so, though he pretended that he did not care. He was embarrassed, for sure, as the very thought of the day they met, he had tried to charm her, and they worked with each other made him sheepish and angry. But without that incident, Shego would have never known who to call for this very thing.
Shego approached the colossal console in the dark, the echoing chamber of the lair now empty and interestingly enough, grander. She was guided in the dark by her glowing hands, desperately hoping she would not trigger some security measure and cause the whole thing to awaken, and worse yet, her boss, who would surely shoot down her pursuits.
She knew all of Drakken's passwords, as not only were they easy to guess, but he had told them to her. As she remembered the instances where he shared them with her, she recalled how strange it was for him to be so trusting of her and how immediate those conversations were. She was the only one he had entrusted with those passwords.
"The password for the main console, this WHOLE THING," he outstretched his arms theatrically and suddenly lowered his voice to a hushed, casual tone, "is Nivek, underscore three, asterix 4, exclamation point". "That's too short." "Well, it's worked so far, Shego!"
She turned a dial and watched the pictures and numbers cycle on the massive screen. The eerie glow illuminated the whole room dimly in a bluish light. She slumped over the console in the chair, daydreaming about the wonderful pet she might have. Sleek, mysterious, elegant, grey fur. Emerald-green eyes, just like hers. And, well, if this were possible, wouldn't it be wonderful for the cat to have powers like her? How fantastic! An animal version of her very self…
And, after all, DNAmy offered her services to many other villains in the circle. Though Shego nor Drakken aligned as much as they used to with those circles, they nonetheless remained tied closely with them. With what little repour she had with DNAmy, she could surely make up for with money, right? Drakken wouldn't miss a small sum of several tens of thousands.
She took a deep breath and pressed the key to begin a call. Shego knew that her calling hours were open, as she had so proudly advertised them at the villain expo last year. And surely, she would respond to cash. Surely.
The loading icon with Amy's ridiculous smile and haircut pulsed as she sat casually there in her soft robe and slides. After a seemingly eternal wait, at last, a forehead with glasses appeared on the screen.
"The hell do you- Ah, Dr. Drakken's green minion! Hmm. What can I do for you today, Shego, was it?"
"Yes, yes. Look, I was looking to hire you to make me something- someone very special."
"Hmm. I don't think so. I refuse to work with him," her glowing visage looked more severe as she looked beyond Shego. She jumped in surprise, as Drakken was right behind her in pajamas, drinking a glass of something strong. He looked quite pissed off, but oddly reserved.
"Drakken! You wierdo! How the hell did you do that? You aren't subtle in the least!" she shouted.
"Yeah, well, you need the money, don't you, Amy? I don't know what the hell Shego wants, but honestly, I owe her a bonus for helping me steal the Cat's Eye Diamond. Go ahead. Just do whatever you ladies do. I don't know", he teased. His nonchalant attitude reflected a man who was tired, and who did not give a shit, and that humored Shego. "Heh heh, are you serious? That's actually pretty cool of you. In that case-"
"Just tell me what you want! Go away, Dr. Drakken, the women are speaking!". Amy's dismissal of Drakken and more personable attitude with Shego was welcomed by her. Drakken narrowed his eyes and sneered. "I need to know what this entails. I'll be back, Amy." He patted Shego's shoulder, and she felt something in her chest she had seldom felt before. It was welcome, but somehow, after their moment after the awards ceremony, something had changed. She felt moths in her stomach.
"Soooo… now that is just us gals, what can I do ya for?" DNAmy asked, raising an eyebrow, and sipping a diabetes-threatening Starbucks latte concoction. Shego smirked. "I want a kitty cat. But not just any kitty cat. What degree of customization can you do on a pet? Do you, um, make pets, Amy?".
"Why, I would love to make a pet! I mostly get work from Jack Hench if you must know. It is something I am certainly not proud of," her round, gawky little face frowned in a deep sadness, "I never wanted to make super-henchman. I never wanted to create such things." Shego was a bit baffled, not surprised at the revelation, but surprised she would share something like that with her so quickly in conversation. "Well, I didn't know. To your credit, you are extraordinarily talented," she replied, wincing internally in flattering Amy. She tapped her fingers slowly, allowing the pause to ride out. The two awkwardly gazed forward, off center, as one does when on camera and looking at the screen. Shego broke the silence. "I think a cat would do- a grey one with bright green eyes, like mine- sleek and elegant. Can you make her… superpowers? Like mine?".
This request did not please Amy, who shuffled some papers, folded her hands, and leaned back in her chair, the animal face on her jacket smiling in folds at Shego. Shego stifled a laugh.
"Hmm. I'll see what I can do, Shego. It'll cost ya. I don't like your kind of person. I'm concerned that what you want is a weapon, not a pet."
"No! No! I just wanted a cat to fit in exactly with me! She wouldn't be meant for anything like that. Besides, Drakken's out of the picture! He won't be meddling in my business even if he wants to."
Drakken heard this, in the chamber adjacent, scoffed and continued to browse what was on TV. He settled on Deal or No Deal.
"I love ya, Howie".
Amy typed on her pink computer, her extremely long sparkly coffin nails with hideous charms clicking obnoxiously on the keyboard. She loudly sipped from her drink again.
"Well- fine then. $50,000 is my price. The cat you want will be perfectly the way you want her to, with my magic touch, of course…" DNAmy, at her core, was still a villain. But Shego ignored this, blinded by the prospect of this kitty.
Jade! I'll call her Jade…
"So… I'll just write you a cheque. I will give you 9,000 up front."
"Your cheques are dubious, but sure. If it doesn't clear by Monday, then I'll just dump out the goo," she shrugged.
"Goo?", Shego looked disgusted, but not surprised.
"My home-made primordial soup, if you will". Worryingly, Amy acted as if this was a sort of casual thing, and wrote down some scribbles with a pen adorned with a sparkly pom-pom. Shego bent sideways to the other screen on the console and typed in her banking information. She typed in the amount, and wrote a memo, and slowly pressed the key to submit the electronic cheque.
"The money has been sent to you, Amy. I eagerly await the arrival of Jade."
"Jade! Aw, I like it!", Amy giggled. "Bye bye now, Shego. Let's hang out sometime. Us gals."
"Sure Amy."