Chapter 5 A New Hope

Despite all the media coverage, no one had claimed baby Emma, so months later with no leads as to where she came from, she was placed in a group home with August. He had stayed with her, determined to watch over her. At 7 years old, he couldn't explain why he had an instant connection to her. And for the weeks that followed, he made himself her guardian, her big brother. He never left her side. Instead of running around with the other kids, he watched over Emma instead. The other kids made fun of him, but he had already learned to tune them out and be invisible. He spent his time hanging around Emma's crib, telling her stories of fairytales he had heard and even helping the group home supervisors with Emma.

One day after the maintenance man snapped at him for using his tools to fix Emma's crib, he came to the hard realization that he couldn't do this anymore. He couldn't keep spending his days in the home with no hope of ever getting adopted.

"Hey! Pinocchio!" He turned to see a group of kids coming towards them. Among them was one of the older boys that bullied him the most, calling him Pinocchio because he was always trying to build things out of wood.

"What do you want?" he asked nervously, getting to his feet, and standing in front of Emma's crib as if protecting her.

"We're leaving tonight. Are you in?"

"You're leaving!" he exclaimed, hope blooming within that he and Emma had a chance to escape.

"Shut up!" the bully hissed. "We're going to Canada. Are you coming or not."

"What about Emma?" he asked, glancing at the cooing baby.

"We can't take care of a baby!" he snapped. "You're either with us or stay here until you grow up."

The thought of staying here until he turned 18 scared him so bad, for a child of only 7. He'd rather run and be on his own. He's been on his own his whole life after both of his parents died in a car accident when he was four. He turned to look at Emma, his heart breaking for the selfish thing he was about to do.

"I'm sorry Emma," he whispered. "I can't stay here but I will always look out for you. I promise."

For a moment the world froze as Emma faced the man she had been avoiding for weeks. The brother that had broken her heart and left her to face the cruel world alone when she had been sent to prison. Everything around her, the breeze in the leaves and the distant laughter from people walking home from the festival were a blur in the background. She barely even registered Regina taking her hand and squeezing it from behind.

"Emma…" Her voice was barely above a whisper, but Emma could hear her subtle fear. Regina had never met August before, and she was getting nervous. Regina's fearfulness for the man who was a stranger to her, pushed Emma to fight through her frozen shock. She managed to pull herself together with a squeeze to Regina's hand in return, and with a deep breath of the cold autumn air into her lungs.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Emma hissed angrily as August stood and regarded her with a look of arrogance. He seemed to still be the same cocky son of a bitch with that insufferable smirk and gleam in those blue eyes. He looked at her like he did when she was young, his annoying little sister. Well… she wasn't that little girl anymore. The moment he tipped off the cops, he was no longer her brother.

"You're throwing away your opportunity to find your mother," he said, the arrogance turning to concern. "Why are you ignoring me? Because you're afraid of going back to the diner? Of seeing me again?"

"Mom, what is he talking about?" Henry asked, coming to stand beside her. She turned to face him, placing both hands on his shoulders and then looking into his confused but worried gaze.

"You must be Henry?" August spoke with solemn realization. She knew exactly who he was thinking about. Another piece of her past that she had yet to share with either Regina or Henry…

She lied to Henry. Her heart dropped as she remembered the first year she had shown up to Storybrooke and he had questioned her about his father. She said he had been a firefighter that had died a hero, not the thief that let her take the fall for some stolen watches.

"Go inside and I'll explain everything," she said, not once moving her gaze from him.

"But…"

She cut him off with a nod towards Regina who was still standing frozen behind her and fearfully looking at August. If they didn't get her inside, and attempt to ground her, she was dangerously close to falling into a panic attack.

"Take her inside and walk her through her breathing exercises. I'll be in shortly. Please, do as I say, Henry."

His shoulders slumped in defeat the minute he looked over at Regina looking both fearful and confused. He nodded and then turned to his mother, placing his hand gently on her shoulder. She flinched, it was subtle, but both Emma and Henry had caught it.

"It's ok mom, let's go inside," Henry said so softly that her gaze finally shifted to her son, no longer fearfully fixated on the stranger on her front porch. Emma wasn't too worried just because she knew Regina's PTSD was still something they worked on and right now it was flaring up at August's unannounced presence. It was by no means a setback. It was just a bump in the road of her recovery, which rarely happened from time to time these days. Still, she felt a bit anxious as she watched Henry guide Regina up the steps and passed August on their way into the house.

"Was it something I said?" he asked as he took a seat on the porch swing again.

"No," she shook her head as she came and joined him. "That's Regina, Henry's adoptive mother and my girlfriend. She's been through a lot, and strangers make her nervous."

"She seemed more than just nervous. I hope she knows I don't mean any harm by just showing up. I was just worried about you."

"You don't need to worry about me! You lost that right when you let me…" she stopped. She couldn't keep having this fight with him. It was exhausting and all she wanted was to just go to bed and hold Regina and pretend none of this was happening.

"I'm sorry, Emma. I truly am, but at the time it was the only way to keep you safe. He was going down a road that was too dangerous for you."

"I don't want to talk about him," she snapped, her tone cold.

"Ok," he sighed. Hands going up in surrender.

"Where have you been for the past 15 years?"

"Phuket," he admitted. "I ran away as far as I could. I thought about you all the time and what I did. I thought I could forget about it and start a new life where no one knew me. You really can't escape your past, even if it's as far as Thailand."

He slipped his hand into his black leather jacket and pulled out a piece of scrap paper with something written between the creases of worn paper. Attached to it was an old yellowing receipt.

"This is the waiter's address and phone number. I figured if you won't come to me then I'll bring this to you."

She took the piece of paper with trembling fingers.

"How did you get this?"

"I was passing through, thinking of you and so I stopped at the diner and talked to the owner. I told him I was working on a cold case of a baby being abandoned by the highway. He was more than accommodating to let me go through old transaction records. They used to record it in books, and it was all just waiting in storage to get shredded. I found this… The only transaction by a woman was made an hour before I found you. The diner was slow that day. There weren't any other transactions that might match the person who could have been your mother."

"You really think this might be her?" Emma asked, her voice full of hope.

"God, I hope so, Emma. I really do. You deserve nothing more."

"Thank you," she whispered, her gaze still on the receipt for one small coffee, on the curved fading signature of Rose Red dated October 22, 1983.

"Look, Emma, I didn't do this as a way to earn forgiveness. I didn't do this because I owed it to you after what I had done. I did it as your brother. I wanted you to be able to find your parents and for you to finally know where you came from. It's up to you now whether you want to take that next step."

He stood and started to walk down the pathway. Emma didn't say anything, she was still fixated on the woman's name who could be her mother, her finger traced the dark lines of fading ink. Just looking at the signature, at the evidence that her mother was out there somewhere renewed an old fire within her. An old hope that she had lost when she had been sent to prison. The drive to find her parents, to figure out her past resurrected inside her. She knew what she had to do now. She knew she couldn't keep hiding from her family.

"August?" She finally looked up at him as he turned to face her. "Thank you."

"You deserve it, duckling. I'll be around if you ever need me."

And just like that, he was gone, mounting his motorcycle, and disappearing into the night. She wasn't sure if she'll see him anytime soon, but she knew just maybe there will be a day where she could forgive him. Right now, all that mattered was finding her past.

She made it inside to see Regina lying on the couch on her back with knees up and a hand on her rib cage while Henry sat on the edge beside her and counted down her breaths. Her witches' hat and cape was draped over an armchair along with Henry's sword and cape. At the sound of her footsteps, Regina opened her eyes and sat up, looking at Emma as if she were expecting bad news.

"Hey, baby, you're ok," Emma assured her, coming to sit beside her and pulling her into her arms. Henry joined in, comforting his mother as much as he could. Despite them trying to soothe Regina, the hug also comforted Emma.

They spent a few long moments in silence just holding each other until Regina was finally pulling away. Regina looked curiously into green eyes almost as if she were looking right into her soul. Somehow Regina knew without a word between them that they were about to have the discussion.

"I think it's time that I'm finally honest with you, Regina." She turned to Henry. "And you too, kid."

"What do you mean?" he asked with a furrowed brow.

She was terrified of his reaction to the truth she had kept from him, but there was no going back. She needed to go forward, otherwise she'd be stuck in the same dark corner until eventually she would fall. Her family was the most important thing in her life, and she knew that she could no longer keep pushing them away.

"I've been pushing you away because I was afraid of really opening up about what I have gone through growing up in foster care. I was afraid of losing both of you, but now after tonight, I realized I'm going to lose you if I don't talk about what happened."

"You would never lose us," Regina spoke so quietly but the determination in her tone was clear. Emma gave her a small smile, reaching up and caressing her cheek with her palm. Her skin was so warm against her cold fingers from being out in the cold.

"I pushed you away Regina because I know you want a future. I know you want more children. I know you want to be my wife, but how can I give you all those things when I have no idea where I came from. I can't move on without knowing what happened in my past."

"Why didn't you tell me?" she whispered, her eyes brimming with threatening tears.

"I didn't know how," she shrugged, removing her hand, and placing it in her lap. "I didn't want to make you feel like you weren't enough because you are. You're everything I ever needed. Henry is everything, but I also need to find the missing part of myself."

"Is this what you were afraid of?" Regina asked. "Are these the thoughts that you said might break us?"

Emma nodded, suddenly unable to look at her girlfriend or their son. She averted her gaze to the floor, unsure what was going to happen now that part of the truth was out. It was until she felt two warm hands cup her cheeks and tilt her head up so that she was suddenly meeting dark eyes.

"After everything we've been through, after everything we've shared, I could never ever just leave you for simply wanting to know where you came from. We don't have to change anything in our relationship until then. I trust you to be able to move our relationship until you are ready, so please trust me that I'm not going anywhere."

"Yeah, Ma. You're stuck with us," Henry laughed, immediately lifting the emotional weight from her chest at the sound of his humorous voice. She laughed, putting an arm around him, and pulling him close.

"I shouldn't have doubted you two, I'm sorry."

Regina kissed her cheek at these words.

"Is there anything else you want to share?" she asked, most likely referring to August.

"I…" She hesitated, unsure of how much she should say in front of Henry. Of course, she wanted to be honest with him, but there were some things he shouldn't have to hear. Regina seemed to understand her inner conflict because she was suddenly getting to her feet and guiding Henry up as well. She held both of his hands in hers.

"Honey, how about you head up to bed. I think there are some things Emma needs to get off her chest first before sharing with you."

"But… I want to be here with you, Ma."

"I know, kid," she stood to face him. "And I want you here too, but your mom is right. There are some bad things I don't want you to hear, and I need to talk to her first, but we will have a chance where it's just you and me, and I will open up to you. I'm not going to push you away anymore, I promise."

"Ok," he sighed in defeat, although his concerned furrowed brow relaxed, indicating he understood this was for the best. He kissed them both goodnight, grabbed his cape and sword, and rushed up the stairs.

"Porch swing and wine?" Regina asked once it was just the two of them.

"You read my mind, beautiful," Emma smiled, kissing her lips, and then headed into the guest bathroom to wash the paint off her face. When she was done and dried up with a towel, she headed down to the cellar to grab a bottle of wine.

Regina had rushed upstairs, and Emma had a feeling she was going to change real quick and check in on Henry. She grabbed the red from the wine rack and headed upstairs to the kitchen where she grabbed two glasses. She popped open the cork and headed out to the front porch, deciding to bring the entire bottle. She had a feeling she was going to need it. She hasn't exactly explained everything to Regina yet, but already she felt like a part of the weight that had settled on her heart lessened. She was a fool to ever think her family would judge her in any way, or worse, leave her. Even if it's been years since she was a lost girl, she still had moments where she felt she wasn't worth anything.

Emma settled on the swing, pouring wine into each glass, and settling the bottle on the small metal table they place on the side of the swing for nights like these. She took a moment to breathe in the cool air, pulling it into her lungs and letting a sense of calm wash over her. This was it. There would be no holding back this time. She would tell Regina everything, even the parts that were too hard to speak about. If she was going to trust anyone with her deepest and darkest secrets from the past, it would be the woman who held her heart in her palms.

Regina soon came out dressed in blue silk pajamas and her face scrubbed clean of any makeup. She had brought the throw blanket from the couch and cuddled up beside Emma, draping the blanket over the both of them. They each took a few moments to get comfortable, to sip their wine and appreciate the serenity of their neighborhood at night. It was dark with only the porch lights and lit windows from neighbors' houses glowing beneath the moonlight along with the lamp posts along the sidewalks. The number of people trick or treating or returning from the festival started to diminish the later the night became.

They were so close to the marina, even from their little blue house they could smell the salty water of the ocean. The large trees were a canopy of fall leaves above them. This was the life she had always wanted, instead of the many group homes and random foster homes in the city. She and Regina gave everything they couldn't have to Henry. At the thought of their son, Emma could suddenly see more children in their future like Regina did. Sitting here with her, she could finally see the future Regina had been dreaming about. Maybe they could have a little girl with Regina's dark hair and warm brown eyes. Her smile. Their future was the motivation she needed to get through this.

"August was the one who found me," she started. "He was 7 years old and running away from a group home. A trucker found him and was driving him to the nearest town. They stopped outside a diner and found me by the highway, only 12 hours old. Whoever my mother was, this Rose Red, she left me all alone in nothing but a blanket with my name embroidered on it."

She felt Regina hug her tighter underneath the blanket at that timid confession. She couldn't help but take a sip of her wine. She was barely at the beginning and already she was drowning in a memory that was only told to her.

"I wanted to go meet August at the diner after he called me. I wanted us to go to Portland, but I got scared. I was afraid of this lead being a dead end. That's why August came here tonight. He wanted to make sure I wasn't throwing away this opportunity." She pulled out the address and the old receipt August had given to her from her jacket pocket and handed them to Regina. She looked at the address and then at the name Rose Red on the receipt. Her thumb brushed over the date, Emma's birthday. A dark kind of look shadowed over her gaze.

"You really think it's her?" she asked, a bit of anger in her voice for the woman who had abandoned her.

"I hope so," she nodded. "Hope is why I was afraid to find out and why I ignored August's calls. If it is her, I get to face her. If it's not, I'm back to square one with no answers."

She took another sip of wine, a longer one and Regina was watching her with concern, the dark look that had shadowed over her face had softened to understanding. She sipped her wine, as if giving Emma a moment to gather her thoughts to decide on what she wanted to say next.

"What would I even say to her?" she scoffed in disbelief that this might actually be happening. That she might face the woman she hated and loved her entire life. She had held on to hope as a child, that her mother would someday find her and love her, but as she grew older that hope started to deteriorate. And the love she held for her, turned to hate.

"If she were sitting here instead of me, what would you say?" Regina asked, her voice soft and patient. Emma shrugged, finished off her wine, and then grabbed the bottle from the table to refill her glass. It wasn't lost on her that Regina had barely taken a sip of her own.

"I would tell her she ruined my childhood," she finally admitted. "I spent nights crying myself to sleep, wishing for her to come get me. I would think of all these crazy scenarios on why she had to give me up, but as I got older, I started to finally realize, maybe she just… didn't want me." Those last words came out as a sob, and Regina was pulling the bottle and glass from her hand and setting them down. Emma didn't fight her as she pulled her into her arms and held her tightly.

She broke down, for the first time since August had called her. She finally let the numbness give way to the deep sadness and despair that had settled over heart. Regina held her as she cried, pressing kisses into her hair, and whispering sweet words to her.

After she had spent a good amount of time crying, she fell into a heavy silence, with her head resting on Regina's shoulder while she combed her fingers through her blonde curls. The soothing feeling of Regina playing with her hair and the familiar apple and cinnamon scent of her as she snuggled into her, calmed her. She promised herself that no matter the outcome, she would always have her beautiful girlfriend and their awesome kid to fall back to.

"Let's go to bed, sweetheart," Regina whispered into her ear. "You're exhausted. You don't have to tell me everything tonight." Emma nodded, relieved that Regina seemed to understand the mental exhaustion that washed over her. Despite wanting to share everything, the wine and heavy emotions made her feel drained.

Once they had cleaned up the remnants from their wine, they both found themselves cuddling in bed. Emma was well on the way to sleep as a sudden motivation washed over her. Before she had been hesitant, but now after the events of tonight, she was finally confident of what she needed to do. A new kind of hope had descended over her. Hope that no matter what happened with this Rose Red, she wasn't alone. She had her family and they would never let her face the uncertainties of her past alone. She would never let herself forget that ever again.

"Let's leave this weekend," she whispered into the darkness, holding Regina against her. "Let's go to Portland. You, me, and Henry."