4. Heavy From the Hurt
Obi-Wan returned to the med bay to find Anakin tinkering with his new left mechno-arm.
The sight was so familiar, that for a moment, he was hit with a pang of desperate longing.
"Are those for me?"
"Ah, yes," Obi-Wan said, moving forward and placing the folded set of robes at the foot of Anakin's empty bed. "Fortunately, you had a spare set in Padmé's skiff. No boots though."
Obi-Wan's own robes were especially frayed from the dust and gore of Utapau. Even after being washed thoroughly, they still reeked of smoke and his tabards had been beyond salvageable, full of singed holes and smeared black with ash after their duel on Mustafar.
Thus far, all Anakin had worn was a set of thin, blue hospital garb. And even though he hadn't complained, Obi-Wan knew how cold he must be.
"I'm sure I'll be fine," Anakin said dryly with a pointed look at his durasteel feet, resting on the footplate of the repulsorlift chair.
"It's temporary," Obi-Wan said. "Once Padmé gives us the green light, we'll have to procure clothing that doesn't so obviously broadcast us as Jedi fugitives."
"Padmé?" Anakin looked stunned.
Obi-Wan frowned and wondered what Anakin had expected.
"Did you think we were going to remain on this ship for the rest of our lives?"
The sarcasm fell flat.
Anakin said, "I assumed I was your prisoner."
Obi-Wan took a pointed look around the sprawling med bay. "I'm not sure what gave you that illusion."
"After everything, what else could I expect?" Anakin said, stiff-faced.
"After everything, we have bigger things to worry about."
"Then why split up at all?"
"Every bounty hunter in the galaxy is currently on the hunt for you," Obi-Wan reminded him flatly. "You're a liability. Until you're capable of fending for yourself again, you'll only endanger her further."
A shadow fell across Anakin's face. "Right."
The sight cut Obi-Wan to the heart.
"Padmé still has faith in you."
It appeared that that was not what Anakin had been expecting to hear. And all he uttered was a small, vulnerable, "What?"
Obi-Wan lifted a hand to his belt and pulled out a holodisk, pretending not to notice Anakin's flinch when his hand strayed too close to his lightsaber.
"Padmé recorded a holo-message for you, before we went our separate ways," Obi-Wan said, carefully placing it atop Anakin's folded robes. "I'm sure you'd prefer to hear it directly from her."
Anakin looked sick. "But she doesn't know."
"I'm the one who killed her."
"She knows enough," Obi-Wan said and turned to leave to allow him privacy.
"What about you?"
Though Anakin didn't elaborate, it wasn't difficult to read between the lines.
Do you still have faith in me?
Obi-Wan hesitated and, with his back still turned to him, admitted, "I don't know."
For a long time, Obi-Wan sat on the floor of his dim cabin, searching for a presence he hadn't touched in thirteen long years.
He ignored the weeping of the universe, twisted up and tattered, asphyxiating under a deluge of prevailing darkness.
He ignored Anakin's presence, his once brilliant light, now a necrotic miasma of black fire that sat wrong and unnatural in the Force; ice-cold flames that threatened to scorch and devour.
He ignored his own pain, a fiery beast pacing just beneath the surface, everburning and clawing open his insides when he least expected it.
Instead, he searched and searched for the once familiar presence of his master. Searched desperately to commune with him once more; searched desperately to hear his voice again.
But Qui-Gon remained as absent and out of reach as the day he'd died.
Already, he had spoken with Master Yoda. So why was Obi-Wan only met with bitter silence?
The cold flame hovering on the other side of the blast door drew him out of his helpless ponderings.
Obi-Wan rose tiredly to his feet and palmed open the door.
"Anakin, is something wrong?"
As it was every time he laid eyes on Anakin, his heart seized painfully.
At least now, he was comfortably swathed in his familiar, dark brown robes. If he ignored the repulsorlift chair and the eerie yellow eyes, Obi-Wan could almost pretend it was his old Anakin.
"Padmé says…" he trailed off, features twisted angrily, voice brittle. "She said she asked you to protect me."
Obi-Wan's eyebrows arched in disbelief. "And this surprises you?"
Anakin glowered. "Why did you agree?"
Obi-Wan stared blankly at him, uncomprehending.
It had never been a question of whether or not he would protect Anakin. It was a question of if he even could.
And still, Obi-Wan didn't know.
The night and day cycles had blurred into one endless stretch of time. Obi-Wan couldn't remember when he'd last eaten or slept, but it felt so inconsequential compared to the violent decimation of his whole world.
He kept waiting for everything to make sense again, for someone to reach out to him and tell him that none of it had been real.
Only now, the shock was slowly beginning to dissipate. And his heart atrophied under the soul-crushing weight of knowing that they had been thoroughly defeated and that he was so very alone; a mere speck of light in the universe, hunted and left without a hope.
Obi-Wan's fatal love for Anakin was all he had left and everything he refused to let go of.
He didn't know if he could protect Anakin, didn't know if he had any fight left in him, but he would do what he needed to. There was no one left to answer to and no one left to condemn him over the love that consumed him.
I love you.
What Obi-Wan said instead was, "I will do what I must."
Anakin recoiled from him, as though he'd been struck. And Obi-Wan recalled the last time he'd uttered those words, the lava rivers of Mustafar glowing red-hot and bursting in vicious columns of magma around them, smoke heavy in their lungs.
He tried again, "I will protect you with my life, Anakin."
"Why?" Anakin demanded furiously, as though he could drag the very words out of Obi-Wan's mouth.
But Obi-Wan couldn't say it. Not again. Not after witnessing the pain on Anakin's face as he tried walking again for the first time. And not while knowing just how fiercely Anakin hated him.
"You already know," was all Obi-Wan managed to say, exiting the doorway of his cabin as he walked away from Anakin.
For all that he refused to let Anakin go, neither could Obi-Wan face him for long. Not without feeling as though he would choke on memories of hellish fire and searing ash.
It took a total of eleven standard rotations to reach the Unknown Regions from the Outer Rim.
And then, the medical frigate hung, suspended in the black void of space.
Their supplies were limited and their communications cut off, but for the time being, they were safe.
Despite his anger and frustration, Anakin was diligent in training with his new prosthetics once the healing process was complete. He followed every instruction from the surgical droid, carefully exercising each limb, until the neural connections between the organic pathways and the synthetic network were naturally strengthened.
Obi-Wan watched, heart in frayed tatters, as Anakin slowly stood from the repulsorlift chair and attempted to walk again, for the second time.
He took one step. And then another.
On the third step, Obi-Wan was there, gripping his cybernetic forearms and steadying him.
"Damn it," Anakin hissed.
This close, Obi-Wan could see the red lines cracked across the whites of his eyes.
"Let me go, Obi-Wan. I can do this."
Silently, Obi-Wan did as asked and stepped aside.
Anakin managed another three steps forward without aid, before stumbling once more.
Obi-Wan was not as quick and this time, they both went down. Obi-Wan managed to slow their fall until Anakin's knees thudded against the floor with a muted clang.
Close as they were now, Obi-Wan held his breath, awaiting the inevitable fallout.
But Anakin did not push him away or scream at him, like he'd expected. Instead, he dropped his face against Obi-Wan's shoulder and released a wretched sob that shook his whole frame.
The sound was a white-hot saber that cleaved open his soul. And all Obi-Wan could do was hold him, hands trembling and vision blurred, unable to breathe through the knot of agony painfully lodged in his airways.
A/N: I hope you all enjoyed the chapter! :3