5. Chasing Your Collision

Obi-Wan remained at Anakin's side every step of the way, making sure he was eating and resting between his physical therapy sessions.

But despite their proximity, there remained an insurmountable gap between them, full of unvoiced hatred and pain. It felt as though Obi-Wan would never again reach Anakin.

It tainted black the little hope that clung to his ravaged heart.

"Why do you talk to him?"

Obi-Wan watched Anakin sitting across the bench from him in the refectory, slowly sifting through his ration pack, exercising his left mechno-arm.

"Talk to whom?" Obi-Wan's own ration pack remained untouched.

Anakin attempted to grip a protein cube between his thumb and forefinger, incidentally splitting the gelatinous substance into two.

"To Master Qui-Gon," Anakin said, yellow eyes softening the slightest degree. "I hear you sometimes."

The familiar blade of shame and disappointment pierced him and Obi-Wan was forced to swallow back the sour taste of failure.

"It's…"

Words failed him.

"You never used to do that before," Anakin continued, forehead crinkled in concentration as he slowly picked up another cube. This time, it slid defiantly through his mechanical fingers and plopped back into the container. He briefly scowled down at the ration pack. "I saw him too, you know."

Obi-Wan stared dully at him. "You…saw him?"

"On Mortis, remember?"

Vaguely, Obi-Wan recalled the report they had given to the council. "Oh. Yes."

"But you thought he was just an illusion," Anakin continued, making the disposable fork his next target. "What changed?"

"I was wrong," Obi-Wan said quietly. "He was as real as you and I."

So why can I not see him?

"Do you see him now?"

Obi-Wan shook his head.

It was Anakin's turn to stare at him, scorched eyes narrowing in accusation.

"What aren't you telling me?" he demanded hotly.

Obi-Wan's dim gaze grew lost somewhere over Anakin's shoulder. "I can't hear him."

He scoffed. "And why should you?"

Anakin didn't know that Qui-Gon had already communed with Master Yoda. He didn't know that this was the training assigned to Obi-Wan. He didn't know that this was supposed to be possible outside the ethereal realm of Mortis.

Regardless, his words punctured Obi-Wan's heart.

Faintly, Obi-Wan answered, "I don't know."

Obi-Wan woke up, a scream snared inside the bottom of his lungs, unable to breach his caved-in chest.

For a long time, he remained frozen in his bunk. Breathing was agony.

And when the roar of blood in his ears quieted down and the galloping of his heart grew sluggish, Obi-Wan pushed himself up with shaky hands. He chose to flee his cabin, unable to stand the thought of enduring Qui-Gon's silence as he did every time he meditated.

Instead, he aimlessly wandered the cold, narrow halls of the frigate, listening to the quiet hum of the engines.

And then, as he did every night cycle, when sleep eluded him, he went to the cockpit and checked the ship's systems. Their fuel was beginning to run low. Soon, they would have to dip into their limited fuel supply.

"Obi-Wan."

Obi-Wan turned in his seat, startled to find Anakin entering the cockpit on unsteady legs. But Anakin locked his jaw and moved forward without assistance, until he could grip the backrest of the co-pilot's chair.

"Anakin, you should be resting."

Anakin sneered. "I didn't come here to be lectured, Obi-Wan."

Obi-Wan nodded and returned a listless gaze to the variety of controls blinking up at him.

The silence dragged, until Anakin shoved a ration pack in his face. Obi-Wan accepted it without a word, but made no move to open it.

"Obi-Wan," Anakin suddenly snapped, aggravated. "You need to eat. You're growing more useless by the day."

"I'm not hungry."

A cold, mechanical finger roughly prodded his cheek. "You're skin and bones. Eat."

A flicker of anger ignited.

"Do not think you have any right to lecture me, Anakin," he bit out sharply, abruptly rising to his feet.

Obi-Wan dropped the ration pack on the empty seat and rounded the pilot's chair, intending to leave, but was caught short by the sudden grip on the billowing sleeve of his tunic.

"Obi-Wan, wait." The hurt in Anakin's voice conflagrated the pain in his chest.

"What do you want, Anakin?" Obi-Wan asked tiredly, without turning around.

"I hate you," Anakin wept bitterly. "But I hate it more when you're not around. Please, Obi-Wan…don't leave me."

This, Obi-Wan could not ignore.

"I haven't gone anywhere," Obi-Wan said, slowly turning around.

Anakin was glaring at him now, fiery eyes on the verge of eruption. "Liar," he snarled. "You couldn't be any further from me than if you had vanished back to the Outer Rim. You're a ghost."

It was then that Obi-Wan wondered if he was the one at fault for the overwhelmingly large gap that could not be bridged.

He tugged his sleeve out of Anakin's grip.

Anakin's hurt morphed into painful resignation, until Obi-Wan reached up and curved the expanse of his palm against Anakin's warm cheek.

He gasped, abruptly pressing a mechanical hand atop Obi-Wan's, burying his face into Obi-Wan's flesh hand, tears seeping from his clenched eyes.

As Anakin cried, he suddenly lost his balance, but Obi-Wan caught him.

"You should be resting," he sighed. "Take a seat."

Anakin shook his head, still gripping Obi-Wan's hand.

"Do you suppose I should hold you up all night?"

Anakin shifted Obi-Wan's hand aside and glared mulishly at him.

Obi-Wan smiled.

"Shut up," Anakin grumbled, and instead of taking the co-pilot's chair like Obi-Wan had requested, Anakin lowered himself, dragging Obi-Wan along with him, until they sat to the side of the narrow cockpit, on the cold, durasteel floor.

Anakin huddled against him, refusing to relinquish his hand.

Obi-Wan's chest pulled tight with affection. It was the kind of pain he did not wish to turn away from.

"I still don't understand why you want to speak with Master Qui-Gon," Anakin grumbled. "He was wrong. About everything."

Obi-Wan frowned. "How do you mean?"

"On Mortis, he said…he believed that I would bring balance to the Force; that I would face my demons and save the universe," Anakin sneered. "He was wrong about me."

Obi-Wan gripped durasteel fingers. "Was he?" he said, though he wasn't sure if he believed it himself. "You are still alive. And the universe still needs saving."

Anakin fell silent.

"But if he was wrong," Obi-Wan continued. "Then it wouldn't be the first time."

Anakin's voice grew hoarse. "Then you trained me for nothing."

The fire in Obi-Wan's heart flared white-hot. "It's true that I trained you because Qui-Gon asked me to, no matter how misguided his request might've been," Obi-Wan said. "But never for nothing, dear one. I have never regretted a second of my time spent with you."

Anakin scoffed a wet sound. "Not even Mustafar?"

Obi-Wan offered a pained smile. "We both made mistakes."

"Me, more than you," Anakin said, near inaudibly. "I'm sorry, Obi-Wan. For all of it."

"I am too," Obi-Wan murmured, turning his face to press it against the crown of Anakin's dark blond curls.

"I thought I needed to save her," Anakin said, anguished. "But I only wanted to save myself."

A band constricted sharply around Obi-Wan's throat. "I'm sorry I wasn't there."

"That's what I kept thinking at the time," Anakin cried. "I needed you, but you were gone."

The words torched brutally through his chest and choked the air out of his lungs. And all Obi-Wan could do was hold him tightly.

Everyone was gone, but Anakin was still here, still alive. And selfishly, Obi-Wan was thankful. Because if it was between a thousand lives and Anakin, he would choose Anakin every time. It was simply agonizing that the lives lost had been by Anakin's own hand.

Obi-Wan would never be able to reconcile the two.

So, he simply held Anakin, alive and breathing, in his arms and remained grateful for it.

He wasn't sure when they'd drifted off, but suddenly, Obi-Wan was waking up to the blaring of an alarm.

"What is that?" Anakin's voice said, thick with sleep.

Obi-Wan lifted his head, and around the pilot chairs, saw the flashing of a red light. The icy chill of dread suddenly washed over him.

"It's the proximity scanners. Someone is approaching our ship."

A/N: I hope you all liked the chapter! And let me know your thoughts please! :3