Chapter Three – The fallen angel is lost
"Ouch. Fuck!"
Urushihara curses as he trips over something for what feels like the hundredth time and lands face down in the snow.
"Shit!"
Tears well up in his eyes from anger and frustration, and for a moment, he just lies there. Even though he lives in the dark, he faints for a moment - his sense of balance doesn't like the sudden change from vertical to horizontal at all.
He should be used to it, after all, he falls every few meters. Sometimes it's a bump in the ground, sometimes it's a branch or just a clump of snow that he stumbles over.
Gradually he gets really tired of it!
The temptation to just lie there grows with each new bruise, but he can't give up so close to the finish line! He struggles to get up - first to his knees and then slowly to his feet.
This damn snow is everywhere - he grumpily picks the white mess out of his collar before it can melt.
He's never liked the cold and wishes he had enough magic to at least materialize his wings. He might not be able to fly - the only creature that can fly blind without an accident is a bat - but the feathers could keep him warm.
Unfortunately, his magic supply is down to zero - the last bit his body needed to survive that illness back then. It was not even enough to save him from the late damages, as every day proves to him anew. And asking Maou or Ashiya to share their magic with him is out of the question. Not to mention that he would have to tell them why ... no, that is a risk he is not ready to take yet.
With his arms outstretched in search, he takes a small, hesitant step forward. If he's not mistaken, there should be another landmark here soon.
When his fingertips touch cold, smooth plastic, he can't help but breathe a sigh of relief.
Yikes. I have to take a really pathetic picture.
If a car came along - would they stop and help him, or would they just speed up, thinking he's a drunk bum, or worse, a junkie?
He'll probably never find out, because no one will pass by, this is a really lonely area. That's why Emi booked this cabin in the middle of nowhere. There are only trees and a gentle slope, which is advertised in the brochure: "for sledding and for beginners in skiing". He knows this so well, because Maou and Emi had discussed loudly whether they should take the sled, which is practically part of the cabin's inventory, or rather buy a new one for Alas-Ramus.
"I don't trust it," Maou argued. "It says that the sled is in perfect condition, but who can guarantee that? No thanks, I don't want to take the risk that the thing suddenly collapses under Alas-chan and she gets hurt."
"YOU would only sell junk to your guests," the heroine retorted sharply. "After all, you are a DEMON."
"I'll buy Alas-chan her own sled and that's it," he cut her off, annoyed.
"And with what money?" she wanted to know mockingly. "You're chronically broke, aren't you?"
"My lord," Ashiya interjected. "We still have the proceeds from the sale of Urushihara's computer stuff. I'm sure Urushihara won't mind, will he?" He turned to him, lurking.
Urushihara just had Alas-Ramus on his lap and the little girl was busy coloring in her new coloring book, but at Ashiya's tone, she paused for a moment and he could literally feel her frown.
But since he didn't want to cause any trouble that would only remind Emi of what bad company he was for Alas-Ramus, he didn't let Alas-Ramus get a word in edgewise and hurried to assure Ashiya that he didn't mind at all.
And that was the simple truth.
He would do anything for Alas-Ramus - if he had the chance.
And if Emi would not make such desperate efforts to banish him from her life.
He takes a deep breath, straightens his shoulders and walks on determinedly. He really shouldn't waste so much time and pull himself together, every minute he wastes is a minute he can't be with her.
Cold.
He is so terribly cold.
His teeth chattering, he digs deeper into his parka, burying the lower half of his face as far as he can in his woollen scarf, trying to breathe only into it, to keep himself at least a little warm.
His hat was left in the car, and the hood is a poor substitute. He must be glad to have his scarf.
Of course he has no gloves either. His fingers are already stiff and he has to stop every few steps to warm them in his coat pockets.
The fact that he accidentally pulls out old notes, candies, or old paper handkerchiefs from his pockets with his numb fingers is no big deal. Nor does he shed a tear for the packet of motion sickness pills. He didn't need them anyway - he's fucking blind, so his inner ear and eyes don't come into conflict.
His feet are still dry, but they won't stay that way much longer. The snow has already crawled under the hem of his jeans and soaked his socks up to his ankles. These boots are not designed for knee deep snow.
He also had no intention of leaving the cleared trails! While the others were out skiing and sledging, he was going to make himself comfortable in the cabin. This would have led to discussions and arguments, but in the end he would have won through somehow. Even if he had to endure their spitefulness and teasing for the rest of this so-called vacation.
After all, he didn't want to go in the first place!
A sharp gust of wind makes him freeze and gasp for air. He shakes even more, wrapping his arms around his torso and shivering.
"Ow..." He lets out a faint whimper that, under normal circumstances, he would have been terribly ashamed of.
He, Lucifer, the highest of all archangels and a powerful demon, is whimpering because he is cold.
But his fingers hurt. They hurt so much that tears welled up in his eyes.
But that hurts even more!
No matter how deep he buries his hands in his pockets, no matter how much he crawls into his parka, the damn cold is everywhere. It's literally drawn into his bones. His nostrils constrict with every breath, that's how much the cold bites.
He feels weak and miserable, and the dull ache in his stomach reminds him that he hasn't eaten anything today except the Anpan Alas-Ramus shared with him in the car.
He has little protective body fat left - he never had much, but he's been losing it fast since he went blind. Eating has become a real challenge, as using chopsticks has proven nearly impossible. He can't see what's on his plate, so how can he squeeze it between the chopsticks? He tried it once, but he was so clumsy that he was mocked and ridiculed by everyone - even by those who were not there, because Maou and Ashiya of course gossiped about everything.
And when he secretly helped himself to food from the fridge, it was quickly noticed and Ashiya gave him hell. At first, he could bear it, but after ten days, everything became too much for him and he burst into tears in the middle of Ashiya's lecture - in front of Maou, Chiho, Emi and Suzuno. And little Alas-Ramus.
He was able to talk his way out of it with a migraine-like headache, but he was so embarrassed that he refrained from raiding the fridge from that point on.
Alas-Ramus is the only one who knows about his blindness, and she helps him in her own way by feeding him when she visits. She makes a game of it - "Lucifer, close your eyes. Guess what this is." - everyone just thinks it's cute. She also shares everything she gets with him - like this Anpan today.
Unfortunately, Lucifer sighs heavily and curls up in a stomach cramp, they last ate together five days ago because Emi refuses to let Alas-Ramus near him.
Jealous, stupid bitch.
His justified anger at the heroine takes him in such a captivity that he almost doesn't feel the cold. But it doesn't take long for this anger to subside, leaving nothing but emptiness.
Whereas before he had been concentrating on every step, his attention wanes more and more, and he gradually slips into a state where his subconscious takes over. His thoughts come to a standstill, his head goes completely blank as he robotically puts one step in front of the other.
When it hits him, it's too late.
He hasn't hit a landmark in ages!
The realization gives him a real shock.
Fuck.
He feels his eyes fill with tears. He must have made a mistake somewhere and lost his way.
"I followed the road. I was sure as hell following the road."
Desperately, he crouches down, making himself as small as possible without immediately lying down in the snow, letting the next icy gust of wind pass over him that way.
He examines the ground around him.
Firmly packed snow, as far as he can tell.
Is what he thought was a road perhaps just a path? A hiking trail?
Could he have just walked deeper and deeper into the forest?
"Fuck." He buries his face in his numb hands in desperation. "I'll never find my way out of here."