Connie hung up. Her hands were shaking. She felt wonderful—and terrified. To have our own baby! In just a few months! Am I ready—will I be a good mom— Thoughts and feelings rushed through her in such a cascade she could barely process them.
As soon as we sign the papers, she'll be ours! Well…after she's out in the world, sees her first light, and cuddles in my arms—
Jason drew her in close. Kissed her temple and hugged her snugly against him.
It was such a big step. But it was the right thing. She knew it. Finally, she was recovered enough to be able to help someone—a desperate young mother and her unborn child. Raise her in a good home, shower her with good things… a life she might not have if she stayed here. Odyssey…the perfect place to raise a child.
I should have done this sooner… but now is the right time—everything has come together. It's going to be hard—but I'll give the baby all my love as if she were ours. Tears poured from her eyes, dampening Jason's shirt, and they sat down on the bed together, and he held her, his cheeks glistening with his own tears in the light from the window.
"It's funny," she said, one arm tight around him, "how far adoption was from my mind before today. Then everything just clicked. I'm ready to—take this first step. And it's all falling into place—Nika needs us, and we happen to be here. It's hard not to see how clear it is God arranged this."
"Yeah. Through some horrible things—good can come out of it. But—"
"But—what? You're having second thoughts?" Her heart pounded with dread.
"No, not that. I want a baby—and I think God might've brought us here to help her. And to heal us. But—it's not set in stone yet. I don't want you to get your hopes too high just in case something falls through."
"All we have to do is sign the adoption papers."
"There's a long process, background checks—"
"We're a stable family, we'll give her a good home— we'll pass the background check with flying colors. I don't see how it can't happen."
"This is a different country. It could take years—"
"Years?" Alarm shot through her.
"I hope not. Like I said, we may be able to accelerate things. But just in case… I mean, you never know. It seems perfect timing, but what if it's not God's will? What if he… has something else in store for us?"
"Would God do that? After all we've gone through… All Nika's gone through. It's so clear how he's laying out this path for us. I don't see how you can doubt it."
"I just don't want you to get hurt."
"Then don't even bring up the fact it might fall through. I feel so happy—I don't want someone trampling on my hope when—" Her throat tightened painfully.
"You're right. You deserve happiness. Without shadows intruding on it. And here I am, trampling on it rather than sharing it with you. I don't want to miss out on any second of this. If it doesn't happen—we'll deal with that when we come to it. In the meantime—I want to revel in joy with you." He kissed her forehead.
She smiled and held him tightly. "I know you didn't mean anything by it. I just—have to cling to hope. I'm so happy I feel like I could—fly through the roof. At the same time—I'm really scared. It's a big deal to adopt a little baby."
"It'll be hard—but it'll be worth it."
"So worth it." She laughed, happy tears welling up in her eyes.
"Our baby."
She grasped his hand, squeezed it. "To hold a little baby in my arms—I missed out on that. I wanted it so much and then—" Her voice caught but she forged on. "I'll get to fill this empty space." She folded her arms, making a cradle with them. Still empty, but soon to be filled. A beautiful little face looking up at her.
"I can almost see it. A little bundle smiling up at us…"
"We'll give her a good home. And—" Her throat tightened again. "Whit will be an amazing grandfather. I mean, he already is, but—his grandkids are grown. He'll have a new little one to cherish! And to have Whit's End to grow up in—a little kid's dream."
"And we'll fill our house with toys. And give her every opportunity. And—I'll get to see what an amazing mom you are."
"Jason—you think I will be?"
"I never, ever doubted it." He slid his fingers into her hair, looking into her eyes.
"Well, you'll be an awesome dad. I can just see you, giving her rides on your shoulders around the house…." She laughed. It felt good to laugh. To see a bright future with her, Jason—and a new baby.
Part of her hoped she wasn't pregnant, but that part wasn't as vehement as before, either. Even if they had two at once, little Jessica would have someone to play with, just a few months younger….
It startled her she had thought of a name. Just popped up out of nowhere. Would it be her actual name? She didn't even really know the baby's gender! But it was a J name, in keeping with the Whittaker family tradition (except, of course, for those who married into it).
"What...do you think about Jessica?" she said.
"It's a beautiful name."
She flung her arms around him, reveling in his closeness and in this wonderful moment of hope.
A thought struck her. "I just remembered. Nika said something else, too. I forgot, because everything else fades in the face of this, but—it has to do with the case. She said she's written some things down. Some of the names and things she remembered. And we can pick them up too if we want."
"Wow. That was faster than I thought. Considering how hard it would be for her to think of it…. I hope it helped her to do it. To get it out in some form."
"Me too."
They arrived at the women's shelter about half an hour later. Sonya met them at the door. She looked surprised. "We weren't expecting you back so soon! Would you like to come in? I will have to warn the girls, first, though…."
"I don't want to disturb you," said Jason. "We just are here because Nika called."
"She didn't say anything…. It's not like she can't call without telling us, but she should tell us if she's inviting someone over."
"Maybe she didn't think it mattered if we weren't coming in," said Connie. "I don't want her to get in trouble."
"She's not in trouble. It's just—this is unexpected. Why did she ask you to drop by?"
"She said you had some adoption papers we could pick up?"
"Well…. We do already have someone going through the adoption process."
Connie felt a prick of panic. "But—isn't it better to have more applying? So you have more to choose from in case some don't work out."
"Yes, of course. But we wanted as streamlined a process as possible, for Nika's sake. You're welcome to apply, but I have to tell you that it may be much more difficult for a foreigner to adopt a Muldavian baby." She looked apologetic.
Connie's heart sank. "We…would still like to apply." She could barely get the words out.
"I don't want to discourage you… but a native Muldavian will probably have priority. I'm sorry."
Connie wasn't sure what to say. She'd come here full of excitement, but now…. Maybe Jason was right… she shouldn't have gotten her hopes up.
Jason came to her rescue. "We would like to fill out the form. Take whatever steps necessary. Just in case something falls through—we can be your backup."
"Sure. I can go get the adoption papers." She turned; someone was walking up. "Oh! Hi, Nika."
Nika stood there in the entryway, peering out with her dark brown eyes. She looked afraid but also eager. She clasped a small notebook in her hands.
"Hi Connie!" said Nika. She hesitated, then said, "Hi, Jason!" in a more subdued but still guardedly excited tone.
"It's so good to see you!" said Connie. "How are you doing?"
"Good, now that you're here. Sonya, Connie wants to adopt my baby."
"I – this is a surprise. We discussed the Jankowskys the other day— you said they looked like a good fit."
"That was before. I…hardly even cared then. Now—I want my baby to have the best home. And that's with Connie and Jason." She slipped closer to the doorway.
"Wouldn't you rather have a Muldavian family?"
"I want her as far from here as possible. I don't want her to—ever have a chance of being captured. They live in a small town in America—very safe, I looked it up. It's the perfect place. And Connie would protect her and bring her up right. Jason too," she added, looking at him furtively.
"I would do everything I could to keep her safe and happy. I promise." She tentatively reached out her hand and Nika took it, delicate, warm fingers clasping hers.
Nika's eyes lit up. "Thank you, Connie. You helped me be…not so scared. And I can see the baby as a good thing now. Something that…can make someone happy. Someone who deserves it."
Connie's eyes stung with tears. But something struck her about the way she'd said the last sentence. "You deserve all the happiness in the world, too, Nika."
"I… I don't know about that." She hung her head, dark bangs slipping over her eyes. "She deserves to be with someone who wanted her from the beginning and never wished she—" She took a hard breath and continued so softly Connie could barely hear—"would die."
Connie shuddered at such a thought—she had wished the opposite, that Jeremiah could have stayed alive by some miracle. But at the same time, she could hardly imagine the horrors Nika had lived through. "You had something evil happen to you. And you weren't ready for a baby! It's totally understandable you…would have a hard time accepting it after…"
"She wouldn't want to be with a mom like that."
"But you would love her. You would see that beautiful little face looking up at you—and you'd be overcome with love for that tiny little life. You'd be a wonderful mom. Even if you don't think you're ready. The little baby would be so much like you—I can almost see her already—" Tears streamed down her face.
Nika looked at her, startled, then she closed her eyes and a tear slipped down her cheek. "Thank you, I—never thought of myself like that. The baby could be—something wonderful—and I could care for her—"
"You would be amazing." Connie wrapped her arm gently around Nika and she leaned into her and slowly clasped Connie's shoulder, and she held her close as she wept.
Connie stroked her dark hair in a soft rhythm, trying to comfort her. Nika looked up and wiped her tears. "Sorry—I—"
"That's okay."
"I still think—you would be a better mom than me. You would give her a better home and future. But—now I'm scared I might see her and—and want her, and it wouldn't be the best thing for her."
"Well, if—" Connie's throat caught. But she couldn't deny Nika a blessing for selfish reasons. "If you want to keep her—it might be hard. But it will be rewarding. It might help you heal, too. For something good to come from—so much pain. She would give you a reason to fight, to move forward. Someone to help—and someone to love—and who would love you so, so much."
Nika fought tears again. "If I could give mine to you, I would feel like I was helping both of you."
"Whether you want to go through with the adoption or keep her—it'll be the right choice."
"But—" She looked around, as if to escape her own thoughts. "Do you think she could ever forgive me? For…what I thought about her?"
"I think—when she's old enough to understand, she will."
Nika nodded, looking not quite convinced, but considering it.
Connie looked around for Jason, and finally saw that he was crouching near the fence, making friends with the collie, who was now wagging her tail instead of barking. He reached through the fence and scratched her behind her ear. She leaped up and tried to lick him.
He'd probably slipped away in order to give them their space. Gratitude spilled through her.
Nika stepped up beside her, as silent as a shadow. Then said, "Ami doesn't usually like strangers, especially strange men."
"She probably senses he would never hurt her, or you."
Nika nodded. "I think…he would be a good dad."
Connie's heart swelled almost to bursting, and she fought more tears. "Me too."
"I…I've got something here for you. For both of you." She handed Connie the notebook.
"The things you…remembered?"
Nika nodded. Connie flipped it open but Nika said, "Please don't! I relived everything last night—I can't do it again."
Connie flipped the notebook shut. She hadn't been thinking, but of course Nika wouldn't want to look at such things anymore if she didn't have to.
"Here are the adoption papers," said Sonya. She handed them to Connie.
"Thank you," said Connie.
"I don't mean to discourage you—in fact, I think you'd be a great family. I just don't want you to be too disappointed if things don't work out. Just in case. If Nika prefers you… that will count a lot in your favor."
"Thank you," Connie said again, not sure what else to say. She didn't want to dwell too much on it, in case her emotions got the better of her. She definitely didn't want to distress Nika.
"That's pretty amazing," said Sonya, gesturing to Jason, who had succeeded in getting his arm through a larger hole and was scratching the collie's neck. The dog—Amira, Connie recalled—had a look of bliss on her face.
"Yeah— he stopped her from barking."
"Not just that. She doesn't usually let anyone touch her. Especially men. We rescued her from a terribly abusive home—she was tied out in the yard in the winter, and her owner would beat her. You wouldn't believe what she looked like when she first came here—hardly looked like a collie, her hair was so matted with patches missing. She would hardly come close to me, let alone…Jan. As she got better, she began to trust me more. But Jan—she'd just bark at him like crazy every time he was in the same room. Eventually she warmed up to him but it took about a year. And he's been the only man so far who's been able to touch her—until now." She looked at Jason with wonder in her eyes. "She must sense he's got a good soul."
"He does."
"Now he's got Ami's endorsement. And like Nika said, that might be a good thing you live outside the country…. especially if we don't get this human trafficking evil stomped out. No more innocent girls should have their lives shattered."
"I think…the king is working even harder on that now."
"I hope so. Well, I better get back inside, and let you have time to go over the documents. You can call if you have any questions and if you'd like to come back over. It's…probably best if we have a heads up first. For the girls' sake."
"I'm sorry I didn't ask first," said Nika, looking contrite. "I was just so excited—I wasn't thinking."
"That's okay." Sonya smiled. She headed back in.
"Thank you for coming," said Nika. "I really, really hope you get approved."
"Me too," said Connie, her heart feeling like it might burst any second. "Well—I suppose we getter get going. Fill this out—and look at the things you gave us."
"Okay. Bye, Connie." She moved tentatively toward her, as if to hug her, but wasn't sure. Connie swept her into a hug and held her close. Then, she felt a little flutter against her stomach. She gasped.
"Nika—she's kicking!"
"Oh!" Nika's hand leapt to her stomach. She held it there and looked startled, then an expression of wonder and amazement crossed her face. "She's –she's so strong!"
"Like you." Connie smiled to fend off the tears. Of happiness for Nika—and fear that she might never meet the little baby she already felt an attachment to.
Nika waved at the door as they walked down the sidewalk, the dog jumping at the fence as if craving more petting.
They climbed into the car. Connie felt emotionally wrung out. She sat back in the seat, clutching Nika's notebook and the adoption papers.
"Are you okay?" said Jason. "I would have been more involved, but I figured I should keep my distance for Nika's sake."
"Probably a good idea… I just—want the best for her but what if that's not the same as what's best for me? I suppose… whatever happens, it's God's will."
"If this doesn't work out, for whatever reason, maybe it's God's way of preparing our hearts to adopt another baby."
"Maybe." Connie's heart sank. Even if it was what was best for Nika and the baby, the possibility of the adoption falling through made her feel terrible. She didn't want to dwell on it. She set the papers in the middle seat and opened the notebook.
The pencil writing was so faint she could hardly read it. And it looked like there were tearstains on the paper; some of it was rumpled. Connie's heart broke at how wrenching it must've been for Nika to have to relive her nightmares. Her vision blurred, making it almost impossible to read the tiny, halting script.
Jason took the notebook gently from her. "Hm," he said. "We've mostly got first names and descriptions—looks like clients. It's not likely they'll know very much. They could lead us to some clues—and they should be prosecuted. But it's mainly Yavesh leadership we're after—we want to bring the whole thing down. There's also the places she was taken—but those have been combed by police already. We might be able to find something else, but….
"Here's something promising. It looks like she wrote the name of the courier…. The only other person in the cell who knew about Yavesh other than the cell leader, who killed herself in jail…. It's probably an alias, but it's our best lead so far."
He flipped to the next page. "What's this? Som…lex. She says, 'I think it is the drug they used on me. A doctor gave it to them. I think it was Doctor Farlin or something like that.' This could be another angle…. If other traffickers are using this same drug, it could mean they're Yavesh. And we could look for this doctor…."
Connie felt some of the darkness lift off of her heart. "She gave us quite a few leads!"
"We could get a break due to Nika's bravery. She really is amazing—I hope she can eventually accept that."
"Me too. I hope this leads to bringing down Yavesh."
He nodded. "I almost feel… well… responsible. Not that I did anything to cause this, but Muldavia is a special country to me. I feel like I should help as much as I can—and there's the fact that if we can do something, we should. I can't do as much as I used to, but…I should do as much as I can to free people trapped in slavery. Not look away, which would be comfortable and convenient. Sacrifice more than I feel I want to. That's the definition of sacrifice anyway-you don't necessarily want to give up … or risk…" He looked at her, pain in his eyes.
She didn't want to grasp what he was talking about. Despite what he'd said, she wanted to turn away from the implications. To do all you could was one thing. To sacrifice everything… even their lives together, which they were just getting back—was that what he was really suggesting?
She looked out the window, not really seeing, her eyes blurring in spite of her effort to ignore Jason's words.
Jason looked up the names on his phone, and Connie followed suit, since she didn't want to stop investigating just because of what she was feeling. Then, they looked up the drug. There were only a few relevant results. Connie clicked on one. It said there was a new, experimental drug which would probably be on the market next year. It had the potential to revolutionize pain treatment, since it was non-habit-forming and had few adverse side effects. It had a technical name, but its brand name was Somlex.
She was about to show Jason when he said, "Look at this!" He showed her his phone. The headline: Mysterious Origins of Dangerous New Drug." It read, "There is evidence the revolutionary pain management drug Somlex, due to come out this fall, has connections to a dangerous new street drug called zyx. We are not suggesting the company has anything to do with zyx or its distribution. However, it may have a common root in a plant found on the prairie, previously nearly extinct, called roxyen. Without having access to the prescription drug, it is not possible to find a concrete connection. However, they do have stunningly similar characteristics, such as being non-addicting and having few side effects. If it has few side effects, what is the problem? Well, the side effects depend on the dosage. It's particularly troubling how you can have no problem up to a certain dose, but if you go a tiny fraction of a gram over, it can be deadly. It's also troubling that this drug is not only used as a party drug but has also been used as…."
"What do you think?" he said.
"We should probably investigate this… zyx, or whatever it is?"
"Probably—I didn't read it yet. Look at the byline."
Beneath the title, it said, "Dana Kant."
"The same Dana that you know?" said Connie.
He nodded. "I'm thinking she would have info for us. Even more than she says here—she might've found something new or might have some suspicions she can't print yet that we can follow up."
"Sounds good."
"I should probably read her article first so she doesn't have to fill me in on the basics."
She handed him his phone and looked up the article on hers to read the rest of it. She was part of this investigation now, even if it wasn't her forte. Even if it made her uncomfortable at times. She wanted to do what she could to help people like Nika and Ana and Ben…. She just wasn't sure if she was ready to sacrifice everything, or if she should.
The article went on to say that zyx was often used as a date rape drug, because it made people relaxed and compliant. It also made them susceptible to suggestion. Dana related an example of a young woman who reported its use in her assault and was denied treatment because they thought she was making it up. She kept the food that it was laced with, and that's how it came to be analyzed as a new threat. Its primary users, teens and young adults, were sold on the promise of low side effects and lack of addictiveness, and then without any warnings to go with it, overdosed and were left in comas or worse. Dana went on to say that this would be an ongoing series and she would continue her investigation into its effects and source.
Jason called Dana and she agreed to talk to them. They stopped at a café in downtown Rakima; Dana met them at one of the outside tables.
"Hi!" she said and shook Jason's hand then Connie's. "It's good to see you both. I wasn't sure if we'd cross paths again or not—I'd assumed we'd diverged into different aspects of the same investigation."
"So you're still investigating Yavesh?" said Jason.
"Of course! Actually, the zyx investigation is related." She lowered her voice so it could just be heard over the conversation of the other customers and the cooing of the pigeons on the cobblestones. "I suspect it's connected to Yavesh, but with no proof, I can't exactly print it." She sat down and they joined her around the table. When the waiter appeared, Connie ordered an iced latte, since it was pretty hot out and she was feeling a little stifled in her T-shirt and jeans. She found herself wishing for shorts or a flowy skirt.
"Now—you've found a possible connection to Yavesh?" Dana leaned forward, her green eyes sparkling eagerly.
Jason slid the notebook over and Dana read it quickly. She looked up, one eyebrow raised in surprise. "She doesn't mention xyx. She particularly says Somlex. Now this… this is potentially game-changing. It's a good thing we got together to compare notes. She doesn't mention the name for it on the street, but its brand name. In a group that's almost certainly Yavesh."
"So…does that mean the company is actually connected to Yavesh?" said Connie, not sure if she was hearing this right.
"It's looking that way. Of course, it's far from concrete evidence. It wouldn't hold up in court. But investigation-wise…this has a lot of potential."
"Why in the world would the company be connected to Yavesh in the first place?" said Jason.
"They could be an affiliate. Or have a deal together. Or it could be this Doctor Farlin, if that's his real name. He could be a rogue working on his own, who could have given the drug to Yavesh to make the girls more compliant and also leaked it onto the street…. I don't know. It's all speculation at this point. In any case, this doctor messed up big time, letting both his name and the drug slip out. He probably figured the girls were so drugged no one would be able to hear him—and even if they could, a person under the influence of drugs is hardly a credible witness. Still, it's sloppy tradecraft. You can tell he's no professional—criminal-wise, anyway. If this is what breaks the case open, Yavesh won't be too happy with him.
"Now, the next thing to do is find a concrete connection. I suspect Yavesh is behind both the company and the distribution of drugs on the street. Your information shows that Somlex is tied to human trafficking, and zyx, or roxy, is used in a similar way to abuse and kidnap young women, even by those who are probably just common criminals. So there's a shared root, I just have to find it. Follow these trails you've given me. I was going to find roxyen farmers and look for dealers. I'll still do that. But now… I have cause to look into Kovane, the company that's making Somlex. I'll have to be extremely careful. Even if it's not connected with Yavesh, pharmaceutical companies have quite a bit of power and their own means to crush opposition. I'll also have to see if a Doctor Farlin exists and if he works for Kovane. If so, that'll be – well, the break I've been looking for. But it'll be a long way to go before I can have enough to write in my expose—enough that I can back it up in court if I'm sued for libel.
"Now, I was going to hunt down some dealers, see if I could find a through line to suppliers. But this may take precedence. How much do you want to be involved? We could work together on this. You could be my co-writers. I'm freelance, after all, so I can bring in anyone I want."
Jason rubbed his chin. He hadn't shaved that morning, so he looked particularly fetching with the hint of a beard shading his jaw. She loved the way he looked unshaven, but it was a bit prickly to kiss. She did like the feel of it to her hands, however…
Focus! she told herself.
"Depends," said Jason. "Would it be more efficient, or would we just get in the way?"
"I probably would," said Connie.
"Nonsense!" said Dana. "Don't let what Markov said get to you. It's just a matter of using each particular talent everyone has. And everyone has assets they can give to a team, even if they might not be immediately evident." She tilted her head. "Depending on how the investigation goes, it just might be more efficient for us to go our separate ways and then tell each other what we've learned. What we're supposed to do with the task force, but we haven't gotten together yet. I have a feeling Markov doesn't consider our perspectives as essential as an insider's, no matter what he says. I think that we could work on different angles of the same problem, especially since this one looks so promising. Then we can each use our talents for where they work best. I do get a bit lonely sometimes, always on my own, but then, I work best independently. So I think one of our first steps should be to check and see if a Doctor Farlin works for Kovane. Then take it from there. It could be an alias—he might not have been that clueless."
"Sounds like a plan," said Jason.
Dana flipped over the page of the notebook. "What else has she got?"
Connie sipped her latte, the ice clinking inside the plastic cup. The cool taste of mint swirled into her mouth. Mmm—perfect.
"First names…descriptions…." Dana looked through Nika's notes. "What's this? Ali Hawk. Sounds alias-like too…. but you never know. He's the…courier for Yavesh? A direct link!" She said rather loudly and looked around. "Oops. Going back to my rookie days here. You got quite the source there."
"It was hard for her," said Connie.
"It's true that even without being drugged, memory tends to play tricks on you. But still… there could be something good here."
"So you've never heard this name before," said Jason.
She shook her head. "But I know someone who might."
"Who?"
"A courier might need to be tracked internationally. Saul would have that capability."
"I should've thought of that."
"Assistant of national security… the role suits him. And what's more, he's been able to balance his career and family life, not many can pull that off, especially in such a demanding position. And—not that this would necessarily have anything to do with it, but this courier sounds like he could be Turkish. Even if it's just an alias, there may be some truth there. With his Turkish heritage, Saul has quite a few connections in the community in Muldavia. His wife Leila too."
"Perhaps that's the angle we'll take and you can fill me in on your investigation into the doctor. You can always call if you need an extra hand."
"Incisive idea, dear Jason. The more we can investigate on our own, the more threads we'll be able to bring together later. And…it could get dangerous. We freelancers can keep contact with each other so we don't…fall off the map without anyone noticing."
Connie couldn't help but feel a little left out. Dana had gone out of her way to include her…but Dana and Jason were professionals. Connie was just tagging along and couldn't help but feel like a bit of a liability. Jason had wanted her along and so… she had to try to do her best to not just stay out of the way but to help. She wasn't sure how, though….. what talents did she have which were actually assets to an investigation which could turn a corner into danger at any moment…. A shiver ran through her. She wasn't so much afraid for herself as for Jason. He didn't seem like he was being as cautious as before. Like he wouldn't hesitate to go into danger in order to save these girls… and she felt selfish for wanting to hold him back from that but at the same time she couldn't help it. After all he'd been through. After all their time apart… she wanted to be with him. Build a life with him. Not risk everything for people she didn't know….
Dana stood, and they followed suit, Connie clutching her cup of ice. "You know, this isn't just a story to me. It's taken on the tenor of a crusade. I want resolution. I want to crush Yavesh. I want to make them pay for what they've done to this country. I'll make sure I adhere to professional standards, but at the same time, I'm not giving up. Even if no one wants to publish this. Even if the drug company comes down on me with all it has. I would gladly give my life for this, if I knew that it would make a difference and tear Yavesh's claws out of my country." Her eyes flashed.
"Me too," said Jason. "These kids are worth it."
"Every human trafficker should be thrown in a bottomless pit, as far as I'm concerned."
She shook their hands. Her hand was compact but strong and her grip firm with the relentless determination that gleamed in her eyes. "Keep in touch."
"We will," said Jason.
As they turned away and walked back to their car, Connie's heart felt heavy. She knew that she should feel the same as Jason and Dana—after everything Nika and Ana had gone through. They needed closure, justice. But did it have to mean sacrificing everything?
To be willing…doesn't mean you will actually have to sacrifice everything. But… how can I possibly be willing? Dear God, tell me what you want me to do…
They climbed into the car. Jason's skin was sheened with a faint layer of sweat, his muscles glistening as he turned the key in the ignition. She almost regretted the air conditioning, even at the expense of herself. He was always beautiful, but right now he was stunning. A stray lock of hair curling over his forehead, glinting in the sunlight, a few dampened hairs clinging to his skin…. Longing hit her like a punch in the stomach. Her fingers ached to touch him. Almost of its own accord, her hand crept toward him, nearly brushing his arm but not quite—she pulled back, knowing if she touched him a wildfire would explode over her skin and this wasn't the time or the place. But how much longer could she take this? Now that her lessened fear had set free her desire, she realized how much she'd wanted him without realizing it. It had been suppressed, but now it was bursting out… somehow, she had to control herself… Jason was doing very well controlling himself though he'd had more practice since he'd been consciously tamping down his desire from the first day she blocked him off.
I don't really need him like air… even though it feels like I might suffocate without him….
He caught her glance and his eyes widened, catching her unguarded longing, his flaring to match. His hand trembled on the steering wheel.
He reached for her—and in a moment a kiss was exploding across her lips and she was devouring and immersing in the glory of it—
Come closer, Jason, I need you….she laughed against his mouth and he swept her close, holding her waist in an exquisitely firm yet gentle grip—and she was leaning over him, her hair drizzling over his face, the sun flashing across his beautiful features and he tasted of something indescribably glorious and his skin was hot beneath her lips and his chest… she couldn't get to much of it beneath the fabric, but she felt the ridge of one scar, filling her with sadness that anyone had wanted to mar his beautiful body, tear up his beautiful soul—but it was still there and full of light and goodness and beauty and she gazed into those incredible eyes before plunging forward into the depths of his love—his lips on hers, those impossibly perfect lips which knew just how to please her, which fit hers like nothing else, so firm and delicious… Oh, Jason—
Her hands slid down his arms, reveling in his smooth skin, slicked with sweat. The car was like an oven in the sweltering heat but it didn't matter—she wanted him, needed him now—everything that he was—
She slid her fingers up below his shirt—
He grasped her wrist. Shook his head, his eyes blazing with desire and regret. "Not here," he mouthed.
Why? she wondered and then—Heat flooded her cheeks and she sat back, mortified. What was she, a teenager with a first crush? She leaned her head in her hands, partly from embarrassment, partly trying to recover. So much longing pouring through her she had to dampen somehow. She still wanted him impossibly much but she had to look at things practically—like where she was, for instance. Of course—he was more amazing than any man that ever existed. But that was no excuse. It was just…. The dam had burst open. Keeping herself from him had made her want him more—to make up for the time she'd missed. And to make her realize what she had and appreciate it all the more. Never, ever to take it for granted again or leave him. No matter what happened. He was worth everything.
She leaned back, sliding her hair back from her face. She pulled it into a ponytail, her hands shaking.
"Sorry," she said, still breathless.
"I—" he looked at her. "Nothing to be sorry about. I mean—I—didn't want to stop, either. It was almost harder than anything I've ever done." He gave a wry smile that melted her. "You're so incredible, Connie. I can't—I can't stand it. Being apart from you."
"That's another thing I'm sorry about."
"Don't. Leave that in the past."
"Maybe… maybe I'm… okay with… maybe we should just—I mean, we can't go on like this for much longer."
"Just a few more days. So we don't regret anything. So we can do this right."
She nodded. Not sure if she agreed, and not sure if he really meant what he said, other than wanting what was best for her. Her heart swelled with love for him.
"One touch—it's enough to—I mean, it's hard to stop."
"Maybe…. We shouldn't even touch for a few days."
"Or…" a thought hit her.
"Or what?"
"Maybe we can get a reward if we make it. Or some kind of game…"
"What kind of game?"
"I'm not sure yet. Something that… lets us touch but keeps us accountable…" A large part of her wished that the birth control would just kick in. But there was no way to know. Maybe it had already. She was just trying to be on the safe side….
In any case, they had to focus. To help enslaved kids.
Jason pulled his seat back up and started the car again. Cool air blew through the vents. She'd thought she'd wanted him before they were married… this—was on a whole new level….
Jason called the Amirs' home number and Leila answered. Saul would be available later that day. Before that, Leila would be happy to talk with them. She was taking a short vacation at home with her kids and she invited them out to the villa.
On the way, Connie googled Ali Hawk and found a few results, including a Facebook page. But none of them were based in Muldavia or seemed to have anything to do with it. It was probably an alias since Ali and Hawk were different languages and neither of them Muldavian.
A thought hit her. "Maybe she translated the name from Muldavian when she wrote it down."
"If she translated it, it might not be from Muldavian," said Jason. "Ali sounds Arabic…"
As she was typing "Hawk" into Google Translate, Jason said, "Or… it's probably more likely Turkish, since Nika's of Turkish descent."
"Oh." She selected Turkish as the language and it came out as Dogan.
Jason glanced at her phone as he sped out onto the highway. "Ali Dogan. Hm…."
"So you don't pronounce the G?"
He shook his head. "The g is silent when it has that semicircle over it."
She searched the name as he drove out to the countryside, the opposite end of the city as the palace. Wide plains stretched out, most of it lush farmland. Small tree-covered hills rose in the distance and they headed straight for them.
By the time they reached the winding road that snaked up into the hills, she'd discovered a few Ali Dogans in Muldavia, but none of them seemed to have anything to do with the criminal underground. One was a bank manager, one was a lawyer, and one was a business owner who managed a few charitable organizations on the side. She supposed a criminal wasn't about to advertise their illegal activities, but none of these men seemed a likely suspect. It was probably an alias, like they'd figured in the first place.
She almost laughed. Here she was, thinking in investigator's lingo like it was second nature. Maybe she wouldn't be that bad at this after all. You couldn't be good at anything just starting out of course—she'd just never figured she had it in her. She wasn't about to be a super spy or anything, and she didn't think she was a natural at this, but if she practiced and stayed with Jason and kept the goal in mind of helping kids, she might not turn out to be half bad. She hoped not, since she would rather help than get in the way… Jason insisted she helped just by being there but she wanted to do more than that….
They passed a few vineyards in the hills and then wound up to a large brown house half-hidden in tall elm trees and cedars, with tall floor-to-ceiling windows that looked out over the valley.
They sure had a gorgeous house—and with the spectacular view it was a lovely place, secluded, a great place to raise a family….
A pang hit her at the thought of raising a family, though it was a little dulled from what it would have been a month ago….
She climbed out into the late afternoon heat, sun splashing onto her shoulders and flashing into her eyes. She stepped into the shade, Jason's hand sneaking around her back for a gentle squeeze around the other side. A thrill burgeoned through her. She longed for a kiss but it probably wasn't the best time…. besides, they weren't alone. She noticed a young boy, about ten, swinging on a wooden swing hung from the huge elm beside the house. He waved at them. She waved back. She'd seen him at the Centennial briefly but couldn't recall his name. Either Mark or Luke—No, Lukas….
"You're here to see my mom, right?" he said as they approached, and jumped off of the swing at the middle of its upswing, landing firmly on his feet. He had rather tousled dark brown hair and large, earnest brown eyes.
"Yes, we are," she said.
"I'll take you in!" He dashed in front of them and opened the front door, waiting with a smile on his face as he held it for them.
"You're…Lukas, right?" she guessed.
He beamed. "Yeah! I remember you! You were at the party." He squinted his eyes and tilted his head. "You look different."
"Yeah, we were all dressed up then," said Jason.
"Me too. I hate all those fancy dress-up clothes. I wanted to throw them away after, but Mom said I might need them someday." He made a face.
They followed him into an open entry with salmon-colored tiles. On the left was a large living room with a white marble fireplace, the furniture facing the huge window which displayed the view. On the left, a kitchen with broad, blue-green marble counters and wooden cabinets. Leila was just shoving something into the oven. She stepped back and swept the dark curls back from her face, leaving a mark of white flour strewn across it.
"Oh!" she said. "Sorry about that. I was just putting dessert in. Thought I could get it done before you got here, but time got away from me…."
"That's okay," said Connie.
"Even though it's a bit quieter around here than normal… the older girls are out, Mark is in his room, Trina—well, she's sick—I haven't sat down all day."
"I'm sorry to hear she's sick," said Connie, her heart going out to her.
"It must be hard having a sick little girl," said Jason.
"It is." She wiped back her hair, then looked at her hand. "Oh! I always do that. Saul—he laughs at me. I must look a mess."
Connie shook her head. "You look great. I do that too…" And I look a lot less elegant than you do, she refrained from saying.
Jason glanced at her, a small smile on his lips. She wasn't sure what he was thinking, but it was good, and it was about her.
"Would you like to take a seat?" said Leila, gesturing to the living room.
"Sure," said Connie.
They followed her to the living room while Lukas dashed back outside, not before waving, "See you later!"
"Growing up so fast," said Leila. "I wish I could keep him at this age. But then, I thought I could keep the twins little forever, and now they're teenagers—just celebrated their sixteenth birthday yesterday."
"I didn't know they were twins," said Jason.
"Not identical. They still do a lot together. Right now, they're out gallivanting over the countryside, using their newfound freedom…." She smiled wistfully. "Just got their license last week. I worry, but I can't keep them home forever…
"Would either of you two care for a drink? I have milk, chocolate milk, tea, coffee, water, orange pop, strawberry pop…. wine… our own brand, actually."
Jason leaned forward. "You have your own vineyard?"
"The small one that's closest to our house. Just got our first batch out this year. You can be our guinea pigs." She smiled wryly.
"I'll try some," said Jason.
"Connie?"
"I better not."
"Oh! You think….you might be pregnant?" Her eyes sparkled.
Connie's heart felt heavy. "Maybe."
"That would be wonderful!"
"Yes," said Connie, trying to put some enthusiasm in her voice. She wanted a baby, but the thought of being pregnant… she still felt nervous about it. And she wanted to make sure she did nothing that would hurt a baby, just in case there was one growing inside her. So of course wine was out of the question.
"Um…I'll have a strawberry pop." She actually had never had one; she hoped it wasn't as gross as raspberry soda.
Leila strode into the kitchen and Connie could hear the sounds of a drawer opening, clinks and clanks of silverware.
Jason mouthed, I'm sorry.
What for? she replied.
He inched closer to her on the couch and said softly, "When people don't know, they say things that—hurt."
"I don't want to broadcast it. And it's so hard to—tell anyone. But even if they don't know—no way to get away from it."
He rubbed her shoulder gently. She leaned into him and they looked out at the incredible view, the valley and the western half of Rakima gleaming below in the late afternoon sunlight.
"Stuff like this helps," she said. "And you—I don't know what I'd do without you. I don't think anyone else would put up with me."
"Then they'd be idiots."
"I don't ever want to think of the possibility of anyone else—there is only you. Forever." She kissed his shoulder, sensing the reservoir of strength beneath the fabric of his shirt.
Footsteps approached and Connie slid away from him. Leila appeared, a wine glass and a pink-tinted glass in her hand. "You don't have to pull away on my account. It's fine to be cozy. I want you to be at home here. That seat is the best in the house—nice for an evening of cuddling." She smiled and handed Connie the glass with the strawberry soda in it and the wine glass to Jason, then went back into the kitchen.
"Well, if she doesn't mind—" said Jason. He wrapped his arm around her and she snuggled up close to him, feeling happy and secure and warm. It was nice to be near him, as near as she could get. And nice she didn't have to be formal and refrain from touching him. Leila was right, she felt like she could sit like this for hours…
She sipped some of the strawberry soda. It wasn't bad. Actually it was pretty good and tasted a little like cream soda with a strong strawberry taste.
"Mmm," said Jason. "This is good."
"You think so?" said Leila, returning with a wine glass which had a light red wine in it. "That's great." She sat down. Sipped from her glass. "We've got strawberry wine too—that's actually from my father, who's pretty big into the wine business. For us it's just a hobby—we can't devote much time to it, what with the kids and national security."
"I might try some later," said Jason.
"It is nice to be able to sit down and relax a bit…" She sat back in her chair.
"This place—" said Connie. "It's beautiful."
"Thank you. Part of my father's property, actually—he gave it to us as a wedding gift. We couldn't have afforded it otherwise, just starting out. But it was nice to have a big home right away—partly because we had twins. And partly because, we found out pretty quickly, in this game you need a refuge. A place where we can get away from the concerns of the world and just—be us. Bring up our kids in a peaceful place. It can be hard sometimes balancing everything—but somehow we make it work. Usually. We make time for our family and don't let work consume us—though we're very diligent about it too."
"That's nice to know," said Jason. "I've… had problems in the past—balancing work and life. Work consumed me sometimes. I don't know if I'd be able to balance things or if it just wouldn't be possible for me. It's good to know someone can do it—that being in national security doesn't preclude having a family and giving them the attention they deserve."
"It just takes some work. And keeping your family a priority."
"I might be able to… I mean, now that I have a family of my own, I would do everything I could not to let them fall by the wayside. But I don't know if I'd want to risk it. And risk—myself. I mean—being taken away from them, leaving them…alone." His voice faltered.
She looked at him searchingly. "Yes—that's always the risk. Now that we're higher up in the hierarchy, we're not out on missions much anymore. Not in the thick of danger. It's much better this way—that was always in the back of my mind, especially when we were both out, both putting ourselves in danger—the twins, the boys, could've lost both their parents. It's different with Trina, since we've been relatively safe since she was born. The hardest now is travel—I look forward to the time we can bring them with. The girls, well—they've shown interest in our profession so they might be going with us even into adulthood. I do hope they don't become agents and stay in analysis…"
Connie's heart flipped over. Just the baby stage was so dangerous—but that didn't mean the risk was over. For her kids to go into a profession like Jason's…. to worry about them all the time… she didn't know if she could bear it. Whit had had to for years… she wondered how he'd coped….
"Is that the kind of aptitude they show?" said Jason.
"It's what Tessa shows. Gina—on the other hand…. Has a more adventurous spirit. They do so many things together, and I doubt Tessa would want to be an agent, so maybe Gina will keep her home… that's what I'm counting on anyway. But you can't—at this age, you can't really control them. They're out building their own lives… it's hard. To let them go."
"I…don't want to imagine," said Jason.
"It's true, it's not something you focus on during the early stage. You just want them to be born healthy. Then you're up all night trying to keep them safe and happy…"
"She is okay?" said Connie. "Little Trina." She hated the thought of any kid being sick or in pain—it was almost like they were her own.
"Yes—her fever's gone down. She's been sleeping most of the afternoon. We were a bit worried at first—her temperature was one hundred and one, we were almost ready to take her to the hospital. Then it went down this morning and Saul went back to work. We happened to be already off—celebrating the twins' birthday. I sorta blame myself for letting her stay up late for the party… eating too much sugar…Didn't help her immunity…" She pursed her lips. "One thing you do when you have kids—second-guess yourself. All the time. To be responsible for every aspect of their lives…"
"It's a lot," said Jason. "I—even with us—" he stopped. Glanced at Connie. "If we have a baby… there's not much we can do till it's born but I'll want to do everything I can to protect her—or him…."
"it's an amazing, wonderful, incredibly difficult thing to have a kid—should never be taken lightly."
"What was it like to have twins?" said Connie.
"I don't know how we did it… those first few months were a blur. We made it through because we were here for each other and fortunately we both had leave. For the most part—in the beginning, Saul was on a mission. That was—well, Mom helped out. But once they got older and I was…less dead tired… and their personalities started to shine out—well, it was so fun to see them play together. Have their own little language, almost like they can read each other's thoughts…. And so rewarding to see them grow up into beautiful, strong, smart young women." Her eyes shone, pride beaming from her face. "Plus, by the time Mark was born, they were old enough to help. You wouldn't think three-year-olds could help, but Gina and Tessa were remarkably grown-up for their age. Well—they were trouble too. But with Lukas they were perfect little helpers and with Katrina they were like two extra moms."
"So… it might be a good thing to have two at once…" said Jason.
"Thinking of having twins? I don't think there's a way to make sure of that yet…"
"But maybe…adoption," said Connie.
"Oh, yes, there is that. It might be a good idea—it can be hard to have two at the same age, but they can also keep each other entertained…"
Connie's heart leaped. Maybe it would be a good idea after all to get pregnant at around the same time as we adopt… wouldn't hurt anything…. Maybe best if they're a few months apart because I can't imagine the little baby stage where they're crying all the time doubled….
"It is such an exciting time. Not knowing what the first baby will be like—figuring everything out—I think I'm finally past that stage but you never know. Trina sure surprised us—and she's such a blessing." She looked to the right toward the darkened hallway. "I don't know… if I had to choose between being an agent and a mother… I think I'd choose mother every time. You two are in for an exciting adventure.
"But that's not what you are here to discuss. Children are in danger. Not yours, but precious all the same. Sometimes I wish I'd gone into law enforcement – I'm not always in a best position to do things for the most vulnerable, having to put national security first. I am protecting everyone but… these kids need extra help. It breaks my heart every time I think about it—kids my own kids' age. I want to do all I can to help."
It hit her that Saul and Leila's twins were older than Nika. She was still a child herself… she should have parents to look after her, not have to become a mom alone…
"We were wondering if you knew anything about an Ali Dogan?" said Jason. "Ali Hawk perhaps, but—connected to the criminal underworld. International or otherwise."
"The Hawk," said Leila.
"You know him?"
"Could be the same person… he's a slippery character. Used to trade in illegal weapons across the Czech border. We didn't know anything else about him until we connected his face with an Ali Dogan based in Rakima. But we couldn't pin anything on him. We were getting close when—his activities went quiet. He's been an upstanding citizen since, though we've kept a casual eye on him… He owns an electronics store with several branches and actually operates several charities."
"So it's that one!" said Connie. "I can't believe it.…"
"Oh, he's good at covering his tracks. Seeming like someone who could never become a criminal—for one thing, he's already successful, and for another thing, he is a philanthropist. Everyone loves him. But with us—he knows we suspect him. So he plays games. Practically flaunts it. Had even us fooled—the Hawk seemed to be in retirement. But now—it seems that he's been working for Yavesh. And switched from weapons to human trafficking…. I wonder why he'd do that…." Her eyes sparked with realization. "It's kind of scary, actually. The charities he works with are kid-focused…. Though I don't know if he'd risk everything by taking kids out of it…"
"He might not think they're going to be missed."
"That could be…."
"He underestimated Nika—that she'd escape and be able to tell anything about her experiences. And that she'd remember seemingly minor details—and that we'd be able to put them together."
"Pride may be his downfall… but he has been exceptionally careful. To know what would and wouldn't implicate him. Perhaps why he was recruited…. Still, he may be their weak link. We know he's a part of this. We just have to find concrete evidence—anything, really, that can justify us bringing him in."
"What do you suppose is the best approach with him?"
"Don't let him know you're onto him. That's the mistake we made. And so he was able to cover his tracks and play his games. Best is to approach him on some pretext. Somewhere you can keep an eye on him. You don't want to let on to anyone he knows you're investigating him, either. They won't believe you and will protect him. He even has the police on his side, the ones we weren't able to convince with our theories. I have a feeling he's paid off some of them. In a way that would hardly seem illegal if you scratched the surface."
"Sounds like he's not going to be easy to catch."
"He's not perfect. We've found some chinks in his armor—we just have to find more. I'll help you where I can—off the record, as I can't officially work on a case that isn't mine. I'm sure Saul will too—we don't want the Hawk to get away with this."
"What kind of organizations does he manage?"
"One is an orphanage. One is a center for at risk teens."
"That's our inroad."
Her eyes lit up. "Oh—yes, I see. That could work."
"What is it?" said Connie, feeling out of the loop again. Their minds were working on investigative mode, lightyears ahead of her.
Jason turned to her. "We could go to the centers. Talk to the kids—see if they've heard anything, seen anything suspicious. And in the process get to know this Ali… see if we can find any clues… get close perhaps…. Make him think we're working with him."
"He's got a good nose for trouble, remember. And if he suspects anything, he could be dangerous."
"We can also see if any of the kids go missing," said Connie.
"Right," said Leila. "Now that we know his current occupation, we need to make sure those kids are protected. We don't want them to slip through the cracks."
"If he leaves," said Jason, "it probably means he's out on a mission for Yavesh. That would be a good time to follow him."
Leila nodded. "Just be careful. His nickname isn't just Hawk because it's his last name. He's vigilant—and dangerous."
"I'll keep that in mind," said Jason, looking concerned, but at the same time, excited.
Connie wanted to bring this evil man to justice—but she felt more apprehension than excitement. How much danger would they actually be heading into?
Her phone buzzed. Jason's did at the same time. She looked at it—her heart leaped.
"It's Whit!" she said.
"Go ahead—take it," said Leila. "I've got plenty of time. All evening if you like."
Jason lifted the phone to his ear. "Hi, Dad," he said.