Lexi will be living with family. It's the best for her. I want the best for her.
Besides, I can still adopt Tanya and Mina.
"They're such sweet little girls," said Zara. "I don't want to go back to college—I want to stay and play with them."
"Does Lexi have a sister?" asked Jason. His voice seemed muffled, as if from beyond a wall.
"Not technically," said Marija. "But Lexi, Tanya, and Mina are so close—I can't tear them apart. So we're adopting all of them. Or at least, fostering them until adoptions go through. It's…not always easy for Romani to adopt, but with the King's support, we think it'll go through."
They're not mine. I don't own them. This is better. For them—for Marija….
"Then—they'll still be family," said Jason.
"What do you mean?"
"Of the king."
"Oh—right. Yes, they'll be royalty in a way! I just wish…my Luna were here to see them…."
"She will be soon."
"I hope so…. I lie awake and think about what she must be going through…."
Despite trying to keep focused on Marija— who was experiencing something no mother should have to bear—Connie's heart twisted, her face aching from holding back tears. She crept back to the chairs and sat down, leaning her head in her hand.
A few moments later, a hand on her shoulder. Zara stood there, her dark eyes wide, her dark curls cascading over her shoulders. "Are you alright?"
Connie nodded. "I was just feeling a little weird…."
Zara sat down next to Connie, who was struck by her kindness. I'm being selfish. I shouldn't let losing my baby entitle me to other people's children….
Maybe it's not healthy for me to adopt yet. I'm too…desperate. I try to attach myself to any lost child….to make this ache go away….
But other kids aren't a replacement. They're not there to be a comfort to me. I'm supposed to be there for them.
I just have to…be open to whatever kids God brings into my life.
I thought it would be Mina, Lexi, and Tanya.
Maybe I was assuming too much…. I have to be patient… wait and see which kids actually need me, and which have families waiting….
Tears stung her eyes. Zara stroked her hair in a soothing motion. Connie prayed for strength. To get over this, to not be immersed in despair when others had it so much worse. She could never begrudge Marija her beautiful children.
She looked up, hoping she didn't look like she'd been crying, and smiled at Zara. "You'll be a good mom."
"I want to be. I suppose I'll get some practice… but they'll really by my sisters."
"James is getting some new sisters, too."
"Really?"
"Ten-year-old triplets."
"Oh—that's wonderful! When… Luna gets back, we'll be one big family! We'll have to have a huge party for her…." Her voice trailed off. A troubled look settled on her face. Connie offered her hand; Zara took it, and Connie wrapped her in an embrace.
Connie couldn't bring herself to visit the girls; she thought she'd burst into tears if she saw them. Maybe she could bear it tomorrow. She didn't want to leave before seeing them.
It was true—she would probably see them again. They were part of the royal family.
It was the best possible solution—the girls were all adopted, and Connie would still be able to see them sometimes, if she came back to Muldavia.
All they needed for a happy ending now was to find Luna.
And Elliot.
And crush Yavesh so it didn't kidnap any more kids….
She climbed into the car with Jason, feeling like she'd made peace with the fact the girls wouldn't be hers, but as they wound through the cobblestone streets of central Rakima, the tears she'd been holding spilling from her eyes. Jason pulled over as sorrow burst through her.
"We can still adopt," he said. "There are a lot of kids who need us."
"What if—it never works out? What if I can't ever adopt?"
"If not here, then in America."
"I just—can't take getting to know them and then—"
"God probably will bring the right ones into our lives. Besides, we might have biological kids."
"What if God closes the door on that too? All I have is—memories of my little one—" She laid her hand on her stomach. Empty, now. Or perhaps….
She hardly dared hope. She didn't want to be crushed again.
He grasped her hand. "Then you have me. I'll be here, no matter what."
A smile tugged at her lips. She squeezed his hand.
His beautiful face in the sunlight…. His astonishing blue eyes…
You're right, Lord. I can't take for granted what I have.
Love him with all my heart… don't dwell on what I don't have, but what I do. Be content.
You've given me someone impossibly amazing
She kissed him, and the kiss built, fire blooming inside her. He pulled away, caressing her temple. "Maybe…we should continue this at home…."
"Actual home—or the palace?"
"Whatever you desire."
"The sooner the better…unless…"
"I need something beautiful to burn these scars away."
To her disappointment, it began raining on the way back. So they couldn't go to the glade. But he was amazing no matter where they were, so she couldn't complain.
They dashed inside and crept back to their room. Thankfully they didn't run into anyone, though she heard the laugh of one of the little girls and James echoing from the living room.
Jason swallowed a double dose of painkillers, which made her concerned. He also drank some coffee to override some of the painkillers' effects.
She laid a hand on his heart. "Are you sure."
"I've never been more sure of anything. My injuries aren't so serious they'll get damaged, and I won't feel pain otherwise."
"Jason—maybe you shouldn't have taken all those—"
"You're the only medicine I need, but I wanted to convince you you wouldn't hurt me."
Her stomach flipped over. His high dose was partly her fault for being so concerned, but how could she help it? He deserved all she could give him. If he didn't mind, she would have to be okay with it.
She wanted him too, it was just—she couldn't help but be worried she'd jar his injuries. He might think they were nothing, but to her—they looked awful.
She could kiss away some of his pain, at least…
"I'll be careful," she said.
"Not too careful." He swept her mouth into a kiss, full of luscious longing.
She needed something to assuage her wounds, too…. Dull the pain in her soul….
He was the best remedy.
Thrills raced over her skin.
She fingered the collar of his shirt, then tugged it slowly up over his head, her hand lingering on his chest and abs. After the shirt slid off, his hair was all ruffled, sticking up in random directions. She tossed the shirt onto the floor and smoothed his hair down.
He ruffled it back up again.
She laughed and embraced him, reveling in the soft skin beneath her cheek. She slid back a little and caressed his chest, gliding her fingers over the contours of his muscles, marred with scars but not injuries. She slid around to his back—there, it looked worse—the horrific cut on his shoulder, bound by stitches, the new bruising around it. Her stomach twisted at the many crisscrossing scars scars that had cut his beautiful skin.
She walked around to his right shoulder, gliding her fingers over it. It was mostly unscathed. She'd try to focus on the areas that weren't injured…except she'd give the skin near his wounds some gentle kisses.
His arms weren't especially injured either…but the rest of him… his face, shoulders, sides, stomach ….
She pressed her hands to his chest and nudged his chin upward, then nuzzled his neck then gave him soft kisses. He gasped, drawing in sharp breaths, his heart beating hard against her chest showing her he loved this. They shared a deep sensuous kiss.
He slid his hands beneath her shirt, slowly scrolling the fabric up, lovingly caressing her sides, her stomach, delicately drawing his fingers upwards, knowing what she liked. She wanted his hands on all of her. But going slowly—it would only make the finale so much more explosive. She wanted intensity, as much as possible, after the despair at the orphanage.
She returned the favor, lightly drawing her fingers up over his sides, avoiding the bullet wound and the bruise, dark blue and purple, spreading over his ribs. There was a bruise on his stomach, too. She kissed near each of his injuries, then his scars, to erase the pain in his mind, she hoped. Giving him good memories to dull the bad. She paid special attention to the worst—the deepest whip scars, the brutal knife slash across his chest, the gunshot scar beneath his heart, the knife burn scar on his left side. Echoes of pain slashed across each spot on her own body.
We're bound, body and soul. I feel his pain—and I wouldn't change that for a second.
Finally, she came back to his face, sharp twinges hitting her at the scars and injuries. The knife scar on his face, the bandage concealing the worst of it and the stitches. The cut on his ear. The bruises on his cheek and jaw. And his broken nose.
She couldn't kiss that—it was too delicate. She didn't want to jar it at all; even kissing his mouth was risky. Instead, she kissed near it, on his cheek.
His eyes gleamed with love and amazement. His hands lingered on the back of her neck, swirling his fingers absently in her hair. He gave her a light yet luscious kiss on her mouth. Kissed her chin, temple, forehead. A deep kiss over her shoulder. "I love you, so much…." He grasped her waist. "You're so pristine," he said, gazing into her eyes. "I'm just this old, rough, scarred man… how could I be your dream…."
"You're the most wonderful dream. Besides, the scars weren't your fault. Please don't get any more of them, though."
"I'll try not to."
"I'm just… tired of you getting hurt. It—breaks my heart." She laid a hand on her chest.
"I don't want to break something so precious." He kissed her chest, just over her heart, his gorgeous face in awe of her. So beautiful he was, loving her—a lock fallen over his forehead, his blue eyes burning with longing.
He took her hand and they climbed onto the bed.
She immersed in loving him, his love burning through each touch.
She never wanted it to end.
Unending moment of extreme passion –
Then, wrung out, glowing with wonder, not so exhausted she didn't want to keep caressing his amazing skin. Softly tracing his sides, reveling in how beautiful he was. She pressed up close to him, avoiding his injuries, and wrapped her leg around his. He turned to face her and slid his hand into her hair, love blazing in his eyes. He pressed close to her, wrapping his arms around her, nuzzling her cheek.
Longing stirred in her for more of him. But she didn't know what he wanted. He'd taken painkillers, but he'd had an exhausting few days. Despite the fact he insisted he was fine, she knew it had taken a toll on him. As much as she knew he wanted her, she didn't want him to push himself too far. Instead, she contented herself with loving each nuance of his skin, glorying in the fact he was near her, his heart beating close.
Never leave me, Jason. Even this isn't close enough. For people who are one flesh.
He rested his forehead on hers. "That was amazing, Connie."
"Thanks." She grinned. Her face heated despite the fact they had nothing to hide between them.
"I always want to please you…sometimes I wonder how I can measure up…."
"You always do. You're pure love, pure pleasure…"
"And you are always more beautiful each time. I don't have words."
"I…don't think there are any words good enough for this. For you." She kissed his forehead.
"I hate to get up…." He glanced at the clock. "Well…we have some time before supper…"
"We wouldn't have to go to supper."
"It's true… you're more satisfying than any food…. So delicious."
She laughed. "What do I taste like?"
"Oh—some kind of mountain fruit, so rare no one's ever tasted it. I'm the one who found it and brought it home."
"You taste like—the perfect cream pie. One no one's ever discovered…but I found the recipe."
"Like raspberry ripple."
Laughter burst out of her chest. "Like raspberry ripple."
"So…there's like one thing you can bake really well."
She slapped him playfully. "Yeah. I'm getting better though. With your help."
"That's true. Still… I'm not sure if I like being cake…"
"Beautiful cream—so light yet dense and mmmm—exquisite."
"Whipped cream."
Her heart fell with a dull thud.
Her mind flashed back to when his back and chest were whipped in the video… blood streaming down his body…
It was the antithesis of something good. If she'd had an appetite before it had turned into a rock in her stomach.
His face fell. "I'm sorry. I—well. Nothing I can do about what happened… might as well make light of it…. But you're right, you can't really make light of such a thing. That's why—"
He stopped, looked at her searchingly.
"What is it?"
"Just… if there is a way to erase some of their burden… some of the heaviness on my mind, etching into my body as if there are steel bars pressing into each scar…."
"What can I do?"
"If…we could try what I mentioned earlier…"
"What—oh." She'd tried to forget. She didn't like the idea of hurting him. Even if it didn't hurt, per se…. "Maybe you should wait until you're healed a bit more."
"It's true we don't have any handcuffs right now."
She couldn't do it.
Even if it was what he wanted? Even if it would help him?
"But there's my belt. You could tie me to the bed."
She glanced at the belt, discarded on the floor in a vague figure-eight. "Won't it hurt your bad shoulder?"
"My right shoulder isn't bad."
"It can still hurt your other injuries. Why don't we wait until there's no chance it can actually hurt you. Then it won't add more trauma."
He nodded reluctantly. "I suppose. Nothing you could do would be traumatic, but I don't want you to worry. And I don't want pain to get in the way at all…"
Relief burst through her. She hoped she could keep postponing it until he forgot about it or realized it wasn't a good idea.
Trying to forget about his request, she gloried in reminiscence as they lay together, the late afternoon sunlight glowing on their skin, fusing them with golden rays.
They got dressed just in time for supper, and, holding hands, they walked to the dining room. It was hard to concentrate on conversation with him so close. His body heat burned her, embers of his fingertips still smoldering over her skin.
The beautiful time they'd shared, not marred by any darkness.
During dessert, Jason's phone rang. He went into the other room to take it. When he came back, he said the NSA wanted him downtown.
"Tonight?" she said.
"They…strongly encouraged it. I'm not their employee, but I might as well get it over with. It can bookend our trip."
"You're leaving?" said James, looking distressed. The king, queen, and triplets looked alarmed.
"Not right away. This is the end of my being totally independent. The NSA will take the lead, along with your agencies. I was only here for a supplemental role in the first place; it's time I get back to it."
"What about Luna?" said James in a quiet, hoarse voice.
"I'll still look for her." Jason stuck his phone into his back pocket. "But I'm best suited for behind-the-scenes roles now. I'm not the agent I was back when I came here the first time."
"You've already done so much," said the king. "You've jump-started this whole investigation. You've helped bring human trafficking to the front of our agenda. You've given us so much information and—most importantly—rescued so many children. You've more than earned your rest."
"Now that some Yavesh leadership has been captured, hopefully it will lead to stopping it once and for all."
"And finding Luna," said James.
"And Elliot," said Jason. "And…" His voice trailed off, and he looked out into the distance of the gleaming garden.
Connie joined Jason in the car. "It's so nice to be able to stay with you again!"
He kissed her forehead. "This is how it was supposed to be. We diverged from the plan…. I guess we had to. But now that the pros are here, they'll be able to deal with it a lot better, rather than me filling in the gaps."
"Literally," she said, lingering on his visible injuries.
"I'm…staying under their radar from now on."
"You're already on their radar."
He glanced at her as he started the car. "I suppose. But we'll stay in secure places. They can't get to us if we stay in the light."
The car sped off toward the setting sun.
"Now that we're toning things down," he said, "we can treat this more like a honeymoon. Do you want to go to the glade tomorrow?"
"If you're up for it."
He smiled and nodded. "As long as it doesn't rain. I mean—we could even go if it rained; we did go under the waterfall last time, after all."
"That might be interesting…. But you still have your bandages…"
"Another reason to stay out of danger. I can't afford any more injuries—they keep me from you. If they were more serious… if…." His eyes strayed back into the distance.
She wondered where he was going. What had happened out there. He'd told her but hadn't gone into detail. She hadn't pressed him because she didn't want him to relive it.
It had been too close of a call. Again. At least he hadn't been taken.
Gray had taken his place.
That had hardly registered before, but now it slammed into her.
She owed Gray for Jason's life.
Perhaps things did work together for good after all….
She knew this, but it was hard to believe it with what they'd endured over the past few years.
The children she'd wanted weren't hers, but in the end…. God might bring a rainbow after the rain….
Just a few more steps.
Then home.