"Jason?" said a voice somewhere in the outer darkness.
At least here it was calm oblivion. A numb state he'd longed for ever since—
But then a hand touched him and a shockwave rippled through him
Somehow he gathered up the energy to pull away, but not far enough. They'd take him away. They'd drag him to the pool of gold—and he wouldn't escape relatively unscathed this time…
If I'm unscathed, why am I acting like this? I should be fine. It's nothing. Remember?
The fog cleared and he could see Gray looking at him questioningly.
"Are you okay?" Jason asked.
"He didn't touch me so… I'm fine." Gray tilted his head. "But you're not."
"Yes, I am."
His eyes struck Jason's. "I heard what Lila said. About Zar."
Jason flinched at the name. He leaned forward. "It was nothing. It wasn't— It was only a few touches. I don't deserve to claim any sort of trauma."
"Deserve doesn't have anything to do with it. It's just—what happened. What you feel. You can't help it. And if it were as minor as you're insisting—you wouldn't react like that. Even if it wasn't…." He winced. "It must've been horrible."
"I suppose." Jason turned away, fighting the pressure building in his heart. "But I don't want to dwell on it."
"I understand. However, you and Tasha did say it was good to talk about your feelings."
"I don't want to attack you with any trauma—and I don't want to insult you by implying it was anything close to what you experienced."
"I don't really want to hear it, either. But if it can help you at all… you can talk to me about it."
Jason was touched by the offer. "Thank you." I won't bottle it up forever. But until we're out… I've got to block it off and focus.
His stomach dropped.
Elena.
Soon.
He stood up, shivering. "Want to go back to the room? They don't tend to bother us in there."
Gray followed Jason back to his room and sat down on the bed. A moment later, Sahara peeked in. She hesitated in the doorway, her eyes guarded. "I didn't know you had company."
"It's okay," said Jason. "What do you need?" If it was about the escape or the wedding, it would have to wait.
"I… just saw Rave. He was just talking to one of the other Admins, but he looked at me and—I just know he's going to call me up soon." She took a trembling breath.
Jason gestured to the nearer chair and she walked over slowly and sat down. She slid a shaking hand through her hair, then leaned her head in her hand, her elbow on the armrest. "My hair's grown out. I—if he calls me—I know he's going to ask me to dye my hair, and I don't think I can avoid that, but if my hair is short… then he can't…do much to it. Besides, I like it short. That's the only way it's mine."
Jason grabbed the shaver from the bathroom. Sahara shuffled to the kitchen and sat down in the chair by the table.
"Okay to start?" asked Jason.
Sahara nodded. Gently, Jason braced his hand on the side of her head and turned on the shaver. "Elena wants me to cut my hair," he said.
"She's back?" Alarm cut through her voice.
"No—Kell just told me that's what she wants."
"Would you like me to help?"
"I don't have a scissors, so I'm not exactly sure what I'm supposed to do. It should be a moot point because—" He glanced at Gray; he was sitting cross legged on the bed, staring into space. He might not have heard anything but there was no guarantee. "I don't want to accommodate her if I don't have to.
"In fact, I don't think I'll do anything she asks. Instead of shaving, I'm going to grow a beard."
"She'll punish you."
"Worth it." His skin crawled at Kell's insinuations, but he wasn't backing down. "I'm not going to give her anything—even when—she's back. If she expects me to just—give in—she has another thing coming."
Gray glanced at him, eyes narrowed.
Jason turned off the shaver. Sahara swiveled toward him. "Maybe I'll practice some passive resistance myself."
"This is a good start." He gestured to the jumble of curls on the floor.
"I want to show him I'm not afraid."
"Be careful."
"I know. I don't want to get too injured to… keep resisting."
"It is a fine line… I don't want to go overboard. I just can't let her think she can trod all over me." Hopefully we'll be long gone before she gets back. And she'll be the one captured.
That thought made his heart soar.
The chime sounded and Sahara thanked Jason and darted out the door before it slid shut.
Gray looked at it, then stood, pressed his hand to it, and leaned back against the doorframe. After a moment, his eyes strayed to Jason. "You really think you can resist her."
Jason's heart clenched with indignance and dread. "Yes."
"It'll be futile in the end."
"No, it won't."
"I tried to resist at first. But that only made it worse."
Jason stepped back into the living room. "I'm going to stay myself as long as possible. I'm never giving into despair."
Gray's eyes sparked. "You must not have experienced the worst."
"The others have. They're still fighting."
"For now." He looked away toward the opposite wall. "Perhaps I am too weak…. They crushed me the first day. I fought back but—all of what I was, gone in a few moments…."
"Maybe that's because it was an illusion. I mean—you were a great agent. But that means nothing in the face of… a superior force."
"You just said you're fighting."
"There is only so much we can do."
"Then why fight at all."
"Because," Jason said fiercely, "we keep our dignity. Keep our humanity. We don't let them win because they don't deserve to win."
Gray looked at him, anguished. "How do you do that? How do you keep fighting and not lose all that you are when they come for you?"
"I was… for days I was undone after…" He took a sharp breath that cut through his chest. Perhaps I am weaker than Gray—I collapsed after something much less than he experienced. Maybe I am in over my head after all and the escape will fail—
No. Keep marching forward.
"But I didn't want Zar to consume me. I had to either—hold onto who I was as much as possible—or become a slave."
"I gave in. It's too late."
"It's not too late. You can join me."
"In what?"
"Being an agent."
"How can you be an agent here?"
"It's so much a part of you. If it's buried, you can find it again. You still have that muscle memory. You still have years of compiled knowledge. You just have to remember. You have to practice."
"What if I'm too shattered to get at any of it?"
"You were relearning with Tasha. It was just cut short. You were doing well considering how you shouldn't have been out in the field for a long time yet."
"That's because Tasha was there. Without her…" He scoffed. "Lila is a poor substitute. But I have to make do with what I have."
"You still have Tasha's strength with you. You can become an agent again."
Gray tilted his head. "Are you sure you want me to?"
"You can't be exactly the same as before. With the new things you've learned, with what you've become…"
"It's a good thing for the rest of you my teeth were pulled."
"What happened to you was evil. But good things can come of it."
"I would have killed myself… or they'd have killed me. Or I would have been just a shadow, a thing for them to do with as they liked…."
"But that didn't happen. You were given a chance."
"I still don't know—how…why…." He looked at Jason, his blue eyes intense. "I don't think Tasha loves me—not that way. But I think I love her."
"You… love her?"
"I don't think I know what love is… maybe I'm not capable of it. But I… there's something about her. She's incredible. Even if it's not that kind of love, I am in awe of her. I don't deserve to be near her." He looked down. Then looked up at Jason again, his eyes burning. "I… suppose I should tell you this. Since… you were together once. And I owe you everything too. One day at the hotel… I kissed her."
"You what." He didn't experience any jealousy, but it was a shock. For his former fiancée to kiss his former torturer...
"She kissed me back and it was wonderful—I couldn't believe she would actually want me. She stopped me. Rightly. Something about being professional. But I shouldn't have done it in the first place… She is so much more than me."
Jason sat on the chair and swiveled toward him. "I don't think she would see it like that. You were worth it to her. You were worth helping—she didn't have to do it."
"I don't know why… after all I did to you. It is you she really loves. Since she couldn't have you…" The ghost of a smile crossed his lips. "I'm a poor substitute. If I knew she loved me, maybe… but I could never feel adequate. Never worthy of her notice."
"Love isn't about being worthy."
"It doesn't matter—since she doesn't love me."
"She loves you, though. Not in that way, maybe. But… if she didn't care about you, she wouldn't have helped you."
"She'd be ashamed of me now…."
"You did it to protect her. She's proud of you."
"What I've been collaborating with… how I'm collapsing and undoing all her work…."
"This is an almost impossible environment." He leaned forward. "She would want you to fight, you know."
His eyes were startled, shot through with shame. "I don't know if I can…" he said softly.
"I'll help you. I'll try to be Tasha's proxy, though I can't fill her shoes…"
"You're the best there is, besides the real thing."
A smile crossed Jason's face. Gray, in spite of his despair, showed how much better of a person he was now. He deserved every chance he could get.
Jason showed Gray the exercises he'd been practicing. Not only pushups and makeshift weights, but recounting memories of missions. Practicing skills, if only in their imagination. Sharing knowledge. He told Gray to hold onto everything that helped him feel like an agent. Weave new patterns in his mind, trace over the old ones to make them deeper.
Just having something secret they couldn't get to made you feel more yourself. The fear from that afternoon faded and felt more unreal every moment, and Elena's face faded into the background until it disappeared.
And his dreams were free of her, too.
At first.
He gasped awake. For a moment he didn't know where he was. The nightmare clung to his mind. And there was a strange noise in the corner—terror sliced down his veins.
Then he realized it was Gray. He was whimpering, tossing and turning. Jason made his way over to him in the dark. With the sound as his guide he reached out and touched Gray's shoulder. He didn't wake up. Jason fumbled for his arm, grasped it, and shook him gently.
Gray cried out. The bed creaked and rustled as he apparently scrambled away.
"Screen on," said Jason.
It didn't obey. They must've restricted access to the screens at night…
He could hear Gray's rapid breathing, raspy and panicked.
"It's okay, it's just me."
"J-Jason?"
"I didn't think you'd want to be trapped in the nightmare."
"It was—" His voice shook. "One of the worst."
Jason raced over to the kitchen, stumbling over the divider. He opened the microwave and its light turned on.
His own heart was pounding, the final image of the nightmare etched on his mind.
"Are you alright?" said Jason. "Do you need anything?"
"A drink maybe." Gray leaned back against the wall, legs folded in front of him.
Jason sought in the fridge; there was only a little orange juice. "Juice or water?"
"Water's fine."
Jason filled a cup in the bathroom sink and brought it over to Gray, who took it and gulped desperately.
"More?"
Gray hesitated then nodded. Jason brought the second cup and sat in the living room chair nearest Gray. He had to admit that doing something for someone else in distress diverted you from dwelling on your own. Now that he was idle for a few moments, the feelings from the nightmare closed in on his heart.
He'd tried to escape, but they had cornered him and they were jeering at him like rabid dogs…. Darting in to feign attack, their eyes sharp and dark—
And Elena loomed in the background, ethereal, smiling predatorially….
"Anything else?" Jason asked, partly to break away from the sinister vision. "Something to eat?"
"Can't," said Gray breathlessly. "Nightmares steal my appetite. I haven't had one this bad in a long time. Not since… right after I was taken out. I suppose that was only a few months ago…."
"Would you like me to turn the light out so you can go back to sleep?"
He shook his head. "I won't be able to go back to sleep."
"I have something for that."
"The pain pills?"
Jason nodded.
"I—want to get away from—everything— before I even lay down." He stood shakily and looked at the bed warily. Slowly he made his way to the couch.
"What about a distraction?" said Jason. "Like more training."
"That would be—good. Just let me catch my breath." He leaned over, head resting on his arm.
In a few minutes, they went through their fighting forms and strength training. Gray's skin was glistening with sweat by the time they finished, but he was smiling, a strand of golden hair plastered to his forehead. He looked more like his old self—and yet without the shadows of evil clinging to him.
Jason held out his arm and Gray clasped it.
He almost told him about the escape—but he felt the time wasn't quite right.
Jason gave Gray some painkillers, and they put him out like a light. Jason was happy Gray was able to rest, but Jason didn't feel like he'd be able to sleep.
I need my mind to be as sharp as possible… then I can improvise without stumbling….
He didn't want to take the pain pills because he didn't know when they'd run out, if Ali would supply more, or if Ali would get caught supplying him with extra medicine and they'd stop him. He needed to save them for the others in case they got hurt.
And… he had to admit… he didn't want to be put totally out like that. So he wouldn't even know if he were taken away…. And he'd wake up Above… totally at a disadvantage, tied up, without even the opportunity of last time….
There was another method, though. Not as strong, but still effective.
He grabbed the wine bottle from the fridge. A bit of guilt and alarm at the back of his mind was overridden by the fact he needed to sleep by almost any means necessary.
Just a little more… just in case it wasn't enough and the nightmares would keep him awake….
He lay on the couch, and he imagined the wedding tomorrow… and those beautiful thoughts carried him away into dreams.
A vice crushed his head. Light pierced his eyes. The screen was pulsating brilliant pictures of trees, sun glancing through them.
He groaned.
Serves me right.
But what else could I have done. Not only is the wedding today, but we might get a chance to escape…
He sat up, waves of pain stabbing his temples. Nausea hit him. He sat there, breathing deeply, and it subsided. Carefully he shuffled to the kitchen and with slow movements he got the juice from the fridge and sipped it. Then he spread peanut butter on some crackers and nibbled them, his mind empty except for the roaring pain.
Gray stirred. He sat up quickly, looking around in alarm, then sank back down when he seemed to realize where he was. He lay back on his pillow, staring at the ceiling.
Music jingled from the screen speakers, jabbing Jason's head. He leaned over, shutting his ears, trying to escape it.
It's supposed to be a joyful day. I've got to get over this.
He fumbled through his mind for the hangover remedies he knew of… there weren't many ingredients here.
There were the painkillers….
Carefully, he knelt and got out the canned tomatoes and a pickle jar and poured the juice in his glass, a dash of salt for good measure. Then, sighing, he cut a painkiller pill and crushed ¼ of it and slid the powder into the glass.
He stirred it up. Sickness gnawing at him.
His stomach rebelled a bit, so he sipped slowly.
It wasn't too bad… if he hadn't been feeling sick.
And he nibbled on some more crackers.
The headache gradually subsided. He could breathe without feeling he was going to throw up any second.
Gray shuffled over to the table; he looked rather sleepy. That's what a full painkiller dose did to you; Jason would probably feel a bit out of it for a few hours too. Too bad there was no caffeine in the room.
"Would you like some?" Jason tapped the tomato can. "I drank the rest of the juice."
Gray nodded and Jason poured the rest of the tomato juice in his glass. To his surprise he also wanted some pickle juice. "Mmm," he said as he drank it.
"Not half bad, hm," Jason smiled. More of the pain dissipating. "How did you sleep?"
"Good," said Gray, wonder in his eyes. "Better than I have since….the palace. They gave me painkiller when I was Above but…. It wasn't close to evening. Made me sleepy but… had to keep going. Even then I didn't sleep well up there. I feel… even though I'm Below… I feel safe with you."
"I'm glad I can be here for you."
"Without you, I probably would collapse." He looked down. "If I would have…killed you… I would have doomed myself as well." He looked up, his eyes gleaming with tears. "I'm sorry I shot you, Jason."
"That's okay." He really rarely thought of the gunshot…
"I actually have a very small bit of hope now… feel a little bit more myself…"
"Let's keep it up, then. Want to do some more training?"
Gray nodded, his eyes alight.
They began to practice. Jason was doing a combination kick when the door opened.
"What are you doing," said Gleb, the gel-haired guard, with a smirk.
"Nothing."
The bearded guard, Kent, laughed. "Doesn't look like nothing." He stepped inside. "And who's this?" He gestured to Gray. Gray shrank back toward the furthest wall.
"He's one of you."
"Doesn't look like it. Maybe we'll have a bit of fun with him—"
Gray paled, staggering.
"No," said Gleb. "Orders are orders."
"Oh, alright." Kent grasped Jason's arm and led him into the hallway.
The door closed, and Gray's startled face vanished behind it.
Jason's heart thumped hard. It was probably the same routine as the last few days—but there was no telling for sure. He was almost relieved when they took him to the showers. It meant he wasn't going somewhere Above.
As they stepped inside, Kent wrested Jason's arms behind his back. Pain jabbed his left shoulder blade. He couldn't help but cry out.
Gleb took a knife from his belt. Slid the flat of it across Jason's cheek.
"What are you doing?" He hated the panic in his voice.
Gleb smiled. "Don't worry. We won't pierce your skin—as long as you don't move."
Kent shoved Jason's damaged arm higher up his back and he shrieked as pain shot like an electric shock through his shoulder. As if he were hanging there again, dangling from the ceiling in the shed…
Gleb stabbed the knife toward his heart—only it didn't graze his skin. It merely tore through the rich silk of the shirt.
It crossed his mind to struggle, but that would be counterproductive.
Stay undamaged to escape…..
The knife sliced through the fabric, irrevocably damaging the clothes Ali had given to him.
No more clothes that belonged to him, only slave clothes.
Jason shivered as the knife traveled lower, chopping through the waistband of his pants. This time it grazed his skin a little on his stomach and he flinched away.
Kent laughed. "Don't move, remember—or it'll be the worse for you."
Zar flashed through his mind—the cold of the blade for a fraction of a second before it sliced into his skin—
He screamed—struggled away but he held him down—
Harsh hands pressed him against the wall beneath the towel hooks. Hands shoving into his chest just below his shoulders and pinning him there. A knee between his legs, the blade at his cheek.
Kent held his other arm rather loosely, pressed back against the wall.
"What did I tell you?" said Gleb. "Stay. Still."
Jason forced himself to breathe, to stay in the moment.
Can't panic. Or I will lose everything.
But he couldn't help but tremble as the knife cut the rest of the way through his pants. And he couldn't totally shut out Zar's entitled voice, or the phantom remnants of his hands.
I can't afford this… have to be strong—even when they have the upper hand.
What if they prevail. What if there is no way I can get out.
There definitely won't be if I lose hope or panic. I have to be careful. Not jeopardize this. Hold onto my training. Act like it's affecting me while I harbor strength inside.
Dear God—please give me strength.
I probably should have been praying consistently all along about the escape…
Dear God, please give me strength to crush my enemies.
The guard grazed his legs a little and then the shreds of the pants lay on the cement like pieces of shadows. He begged to undress himself the rest of the way. Gleb chuckled. "Oh, alright. This time."
Jason snatched a towel with shaking hands, and they laughed as he tried to block their view with it. Anger surged through him at their disgusting behavior.
I've got to hold onto anger. Let it burn out any kind of fear.
It was easy to say that when they weren't holding you down. What will I do when I confront Zar? Will anger be enough—or will I get flashbacks?
I cannot afford to freeze. I might only have one chance.
Water streamed down his face, the heat burning away their touches. But fear quivered through him.
Being afraid I won't be able to crush him—I've got to get rid of that too. Cultivate total anger and hate. Then I won't hesitate. I'll rip him apart for what he did to me.
Images of Zar appeared in front of his eyes—Jason wresting the little brat to his knees, slapping him across the face then punching him in the mouth.
Blood flooded over his knuckles.
He exulted in the imaginary pain.
Freedom. He could taste it. It had the metallic tang of blood.
"Time's up!" said Kent and Jason walked back over to them, trepidation hitting him, but hatred clinging to him like a cloak. The towel around his waist, he stood taller than them, letting his nakedness be an asset rather than a detriment, displaying his height and muscles to full effect, getting in their space, letting his loathing pierce their eyes. They stepped back and immense gratification flooded him.
Gleb gestured to clothes on the wooden bench and Jason took them. Kent slid his shockrod beneath the towel and Jason froze; he shoved it downward and the towel dropped to the floor. Jason's face heated. Kent smirked as if to say, I'm back in control now.
Jason turned and dressed in the corner, as far from them as he could. He didn't have much chance to see what the clothes were like but once they were on he felt unsettled—a loose shirt with a plunging neckline and loose pants that were almost translucent.
Both were black and both were embroidered with a golden E.
Chills raced through him. He almost tore the clothes off, but there were no other options and he definitely wasn't going out of here with nothing on.
It was as if she was telling him her return was imminent… and how closely she was thinking of him.
A thread of hatred twisted through his mind and he grasped for it, held onto it—
Though somehow the fear of Elena was more oppressive, pervasive, than his fear of Zar. Zar had hurt him…. but Elena had all the power here. She could order anyone to do anything to him; she could make him do almost anything…
She can't own my mind. She can't own my heart and soul.
Even if my body is almost claimed…
No. Her 'ownership' means nothing. These golden threads are just that: threads. It'll only rattle me if I let it.
He strode out into the hallway, his head held high.
And to his surprise, the guards peeled away from him and vanished completely. Relief hit him; his knees almost gave way. But he wrapped his heart in iron will and kept walking until he came to the cafeteria.
They'd taken him out a little earlier today, so he had time to eat breakfast. Gray was sitting nearest the door by himself, some people at the other end of the same table. Jason stopped next to him.
"Why don't you come sit with the rest of us?" said Jason.
"I don't think I'm welcome."
"If you're staying with us, they'll have to get used to you."
"Associating with me will only taint you."
"I think I have a bit more credibility here than that. I'll explain to them the situation."
"You mean what happened to me."
"I suppose that's your prerogative. I could tell generally… help them understand."
Gray tilted his head. "You know I don't want to be here. I'll go back up if I have the chance."
"I think they'd understand that too. You don't want to do what they'd ask."
"That makes no difference. If I'm… forced to hurt them…."
"You wouldn't do the worst."
He shook his head. "No, I don't think I could ever do that. Even if I didn't have any moral limitations… which I'm not sure I do, it would… crush me. Which means I will probably end up down here eventually. Maybe I should just give in and get it over with."
"Even after our training?"
"What good will it do? Just the off chance I can make it through… even then I'll still belong to someone else."
"Maybe there's another way."
"How can there be?"
"There's always a sliver of hope."
"That we'll be rescued somehow?"
"Maybe."
"I can't count on it. Even if I am…. The NSA will enslave me again…. There are no good options."
Jason leaned over the table, his hand on it. "If you keep hope alive, if you hold onto whatever strength you can, there are always possibilities. Maybe not much, but more than if you give in."
"I'm used to giving in lately…."
"Well—you still have more to learn then." Jason strode to the food counter. There wasn't much left. He slid some watery scrambled eggs onto his plate and a soggy piece of toast. It wasn't appetizing, but he had to eat to keep up his strength.
He sat down beside Karim and then gestured to Gray. Slowly Gray came over and sat in the empty space beside him at the end of the table near the wall.
Across from him, Serhii raised his eyebrow. "What is this?"
Jason shrugged. "Breakfast."
Serhii smirked. "Doesn't look much like it."
Jason raised the toast and took a bite. "Doesn't taste much like it either."
Serhii looked at Gray, then at Jason. "You're doing this now?" He didn't have to use code to get his point across.
"I have to help him."
"He's the enemy. I saw him with them."
"He didn't have a choice."
"There's always a choice."
"What would you choose? Pain—or relative freedom?"
Serhii narrowed his eyes. "You know what I've chosen. We're not like them. Anyone who chooses the enemy is one."
"He might end up with us."
"Even if he does—he could be a spy. How can you trust him?"
"I don't know if I can trust him. But I can't abandon him."
"What is this loyalty to some creature from Above?"
Jason smiled. "It's complicated."
"You're good friends on the outside I suppose."
"Not exactly. He was my… interrogator."
"He tortured you. And you want to have anything to do with him!"
"He's shown that he's changed. And—he's experienced slavery similar to this. He could not go through that again. I can't really blame him for that." He looked at Gray apologetically for revealing that much.
"I can understand your position much more than Jason's," said Gray, looking at Serhii. "You very much can blame me… it's only cowardice that made me side with them. And they will probably figure that out too—and I'll be here eventually anyway. I deserve to be a pariah."
Serhii looked a little taken aback-that Gray was addressing him or from what he said, Jason wasn't sure.
"No one can be blamed for not wanting this," said Karim, looking at Gray earnestly.
"You too?" said Serhii.
"Do we really know what we'd do if given a choice? I… I don't know what I'd do if I didn't have… your strength beside me." He looked at each of them, but Jason knew that he mainly meant Kara, who was sitting at the other table, her back directly opposite his.
"Still." Serhii leaned forward, elbows on the table. "We can't trust him."
"You're probably right," said Gray. "No one should trust me. I don't even know myself anymore… there's no telling what I'll do, who I'll betray, to keep from…" He drew in a sharp breath. Then he looked down, stirring the remnants of his eggs with his spork. Then he looked back at Jason, his blue eyes fierce. "I… hope that I would not betray you. After all you've done for me. Inexplicable – but appreciated. I cannot betray Tasha… which I've already done, but. Perhaps I will throw in my lot with you. Even if it means—" He choked, his whole body trembling. He leaned his head in his arm against the table.
"You can't fake fear like that," said Serhii, looking at Gray with a measure of sympathy. "They probably won't keep someone who is already falling apart. Still…." He looked at Jason meaningfully.
"Maybe we should give him a taste of hope."
"You mean—" He tipped his head in the direction of the Cathedral.
Jason nodded.
"That's up to Karim."
Karim looked at Gray. "Well… we are doing it secretly," he said in code. "So he can come… he might not find out. If he does and nothing happens…."
"That's a big risk."
"I trust Jason's judgment. Besides, there's no way they can tear us away from each other."
"Hey." Mira slid up beside Serhii. "Any room for some last minute changes?"
"Like what?" said Karim.
"Well… could we join you?"
"What do you mean?"
"It wouldn't take many more words. We want to be married." She held out her hand for Pedro as he walked up beside her, and he took it, looking down at her with unabashed love.
"You're only seventeen."
"So?" Anger flashed through her eyes. "Legal age in my country if approved by parents. My parents are gone. You guys are my family. You wouldn't deny us true happiness? Besides, there's no legality here. We make the rules. They don't." She pointed Above.
"Well… just as long as you're careful." He glanced in alarm at their entwined hands.
"We want to show our love!"
Pedro pulled his hand away from Mira's. She looked deeply hurt. "We can't endanger them. We have to be more careful."
Mira pouted. "I want to shout it to the world."
"Soon," said Pedro softly.
Serhii glanced at them, sorrow in his eyes. He huddled down, hands folded in front of his plate. He'd been rather volatile and despondent lately, which Jason didn't quite understand since they were going to be free soon. Perhaps that was why. He was afraid they would fail.
They headed to the Cathedral. The janitor, Rick, was leaning against the fountain, looking at his phone. He wore a purple shirt and black pants, neatly pressed. Sahara was sitting cross-legged on the edge of the fountain, looking radiant, despite the fact she wore the utilitarian, nondescript slave clothes. She waved at them.
"I think I'm going to take some time alone," said Gray beside Jason.
"You can join us."
"I'm an outsider. Don't worry… I won't do anything drastic."
"But will you be okay if…"
"If I have to I'll come ask you to help. Or I'll scream. Or I'll just take it… You don't want me tagging along all the time." He turned and strode to the other side of the Cathedral.
Jason walked over to Sahara. Sorrow flickered through her eyes as he approached. He was mystified at her expression until she spoke. "Oh, Jason… she really has outdone herself this time." She took in his new slave clothes and his face heated. He touched the shirt's collar, rubbing its flimsy material. The embroidered E's burned against his skin like brands.
"I shouldn't even be in public—especially a wedding," he said.
"I know—it's awful. But we're used to degrading things. We don't care what you're wearing—it's you we want with us. Your dignity and your heart—that's what's visible most of all."
His heart twisted with gratitude.
She brushed her shirt with her fingers. "I thought this was bad—doesn't really scream 'maid of honor'."
"You're beautiful."
She beamed. "Thank you. Thanks to your wonderful work—" She ran her hand over her smooth head—"I feel more myself."
Kara strode over to them. She was wearing a red dress with a white sash. The dress was flowy and beautiful, like a flower.
"You look amazing," said Sahara. "Were you able to choose your clothes?"
Kara shook her head. "I'm scared she knows what we're doing…. I almost want to call it off… she might take it out on us."
"Hey." Sahara reached out for her. "This is your day. Even if she knows… she can't tear apart what God has joined together."
Kara laughed, tears in her eyes. "I suppose…. There isn't much more she can do to me. She could tell everyone though… and they could hurt Karim…."
"We will be out of here before that happens. I don't think she does know. Or she'd have broken this up already."
Kara brushed at the skirt of the dress as if it were laden with dust. "I can't get rid of the feeling of her—" A tear slipped down her cheek.
"What about the secret item? Does it help?"
"Oh—I forgot. I've got to just think of it—like a magic object that washes away all the filth of this thing." She clutched at the dress top. She leaned forward, her eyes lighting up. "Karim made it for me. A belt woven from fibers of some vines. The middle has our names on it. So I feel close to him." She glanced around. "But I have to be careful—if Michelle wants me up, I'll have to take it off first. But otherwise I want to wear it always."
"When we're outside?"
"Outside I'll be able to show it. Show that if nothing broke us in here—it definitely won't out there."
"Do you have rings?" asked Jason.
"Little tokens. Karim carved them for us. I sewed some things out of scrap fabric we can wear them with—anklets, hairbands, earrings, an armband, a belt. They're code for our names, twined together in Japanese and Arabic. We're going to wear them all the time if we can."
"What did you bring today?" said Sahara.
"An anklet for me, the armband for Karim." When she said his name, it glimmered with excitement.
"I have something for you," said Sahara. She reached behind her and cradled a blue flower striped with purple in her hands.
"That's beautiful!"
"Here." Sahara slid it behind Kara's ear. She clasped her hands. "You look amazing."
"Thank you." She held out her hand and Sahara took it. They couldn't risk hugging; too much overt touch could trigger the monitors.
Mira and Pedro walked up to them, their hands almost touching. "I guess we'll wait," said Mira. "We don't want to mess up your day."
"It wouldn't mess it up," said Kara.
"We want our own day anyway."
"We might wait until we're outside," said Pedro.
"Then we can scream our love to the sky!" Mira twirled, her dress spinning.
Pedro took his place on the other side of the fountain. Zakhar and Elliot joined Sahara and Jason. Kara stepped over beside Rick and she sat on the fountain beside him. He greeted her warmly. And began to read from his phone—a makeshift Bible that he'd created from the verses he had memorized. There were a lot of gaps, of course—but there were verses from almost every book.
He recited the Love Chapter, only looking down to check occasionally. Jason immersed in the words—and memories flooded him.
Connie walked toward him, resplendent in her white dress. He trembled with desire—everything was a dream. The honeymoon in Paraguay… her beauty unending—
Longing pierced his heart—a deep crushing pain. He couldn't even see her except in dreams and imagination—and that was a very poor substitute.
He needed her.
It was impossible to be this far from her.
We are supposed to be close—souls bound like this shouldn't be so distant…. Cut off in this hell—
A gentle hand touched his arm. Sahara. Bringing him back to the present.
Serhii guided Karim into the room, his hand lightly on his arm. Karim's eyes were closed. He reached the fountain and opened his eyes.
Karim's face shone with stunned delight. Jason couldn't see Kara from this angle but suspected her face mirrored his.
"Do you take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife," said Rick in code. "To have and to hold—to love and cherish—as long as you both shall live?"
"I do," said Karim, his eyes glistening.
"Do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold—to love and cherish—as long as you both shall live?"
"I do," said Kara, laughing and sobbing at once.
"Then let's exchange the symbols of your love."
Karim held them out. Kara took one.
Karim knelt before Kara and slid the small carved object onto her anklet, tenderly brushing her ankle a little before standing again.
Kara leaned forward, an almost-embrace, and slid back his golden shirt a little to reveal a slight edge of the armband. Delicately she attached the token to it, then slid his shirt back, just brushing his chest with her fingertips. Karim looked as if he might collapse with joy, his eyes ablaze with amazement.
"I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may—not kiss, unfortunately."
"Soon," murmured Kara.
"Soon," said Karim in an almost-whisper. They gazed at each other longingly, lips parted, as if they were kissing in their minds.
Kara reached for him and he grasped for her hands—but Serhii stepped between them, gently turning Karim away, hand on his back. Karim sat down on the other side of Rick.
A procession of children swirled into the room, Alelu leading them. She wore a white dress—she at least was now allowed to choose her own clothes. She whirled like a falling flower, then leaped over the stream with expert steps. Three girls and three boys followed her, dancing in a beautiful whirlwind… Alelu twirled in the center of the Cathedral, her dress a white blur around her. She stopped, looking a little dizzy, and handed out some flower petals to the other kids. They danced closer and flung the petals into the air. Spinning up to the fountain, they tossed the rest up and they rained down on everyone, some landing in the water, some landing on Kara and Karim, like kisses from heaven.
Kara took a little petal from her hair and held it in her hand, then held it close to her heart.
The alarm for rest time sounded, and everyone headed back to the residential hall. On the way past, Jason surreptitiously grabbed some fruit—oranges, pears, grapes, peaches. Then he handed them to the others, quickly giving one or two to each when the guards weren't looking.
Back in his room, Jason lay down, his body humming with joy.
Kara and Karim are married!
He hoped that from now on, everything would be wonderful. Not just for the new couple—but for the rest of us.
A new beginning.
Signaling beauty and delight—chasing away all darkness.
Darkness cannot win forever. Cannot prevail against the relentless power of love.
He drifted off to sleep and didn't wake up until the lunch alarm chimed. Jason barely tasted the especially mediocre lunch, and he didn't eat all of it. Afterwards, everyone headed to Jason's room. They each laid their fruit on the table. Zakhar brought two plastic containers and set them in the center.
Jason pulled the two kitchen chairs out for Kara and Karim, and they sat down, their eyes only for each other.
Gray peeked in, his eyes widening. "Oh. I didn't know you were…. I'll leave."
Jason raced over to him. "No—don't. We're just having a little celebration."
"For what?"
"For being free of them. They haven't bothered us for days. Besides, we don't belong to them—neither do you. That's why you belong with us."
Gray followed him inside.
In the fridge were little tarts Jason had saved from what Jarl had brought down. Little chocolates and crepes and vegetables. Sahara grabbed glasses from the cupboard, along with mugs and any other container they could drink out of. Rick passed some to the living room and Jason sat down in the outer chair. Elliot sat on the couch and Gray on the opposite chair.
Alelu and Tim came bounding over and sat beside Elliot. "These are really good!" said Alelu, popping a chocolate into her mouth.
"Mmmm" said Tim. He gobbled up a chocolate, then another one.
"Slow down," said Elliot. "You might get sick."
"I could eat these forever!" said Tim. "They won't make me sick."
"They've kept you from rich food… it might be hard on you."
"None of that," said Serhii, behind Jason. "Now is just to live in the moment, do anything you feel like."
Elliot smiled a little. "I guess I'm not used to that."
"Time to get used to it!" He glanced at Gray, his eyes narrowing. "Within reason."
"How was your time in the Cathedral?" Jason asked Gray.
"I thought I'd be alone. The harem came out… there were so many. And the babies!"
"You don't like babies?" said Sahara from over the divider, just her eyes and the top of her head visible.
"I… was never really around babies. They don't fit in my world."
"Well, the real world is full of babies, so you better get used to it. Did you see Nalika?"
"Who's that?"
"My friend."
"I don't know. What's she look like?"
"She's Indian, very pregnant. Unless she's had the baby…"
"Um… yes, I did see her."
"How is she?"
"Still pregnant."
Sahara laughed. "So she seems fine otherwise?"
"She looked okay."
"They're usually pretty careful with the harem. Not playthings like we are." She disappeared behind the divider.
Serhii leaned against the divider and looked at Jason. "It would be nice to have a liaison… even if he didn't quite know what he was doing." His words were in careful, near-whispered code.
"We could give him a test. An innocuous message," said Jason.
"Or coded."
"He might not want to be a courier."
"Do you want him to come with us or not?"
"I do."
"I'm not saying it's for sure, but. I'm not ruling it out anymore, either."
"He could get things for us. He'd be less conspicuous in the harem…. Maybe he could even get in the other restricted areas."
"Even be a spy for us. Depends on how tight your hold on him is."
"I've helped him. That's more than I can say for them."
"Don't underestimate their ability to brainwash people. But it seems he's in the early stages, so they don't have their barbs in him yet. We might be catching him at just the right time." He looked at Gray. "What would help him be with us?"
"Helping him be an agent—and be independent. He values freedom above anything."
"Well—we can give him freedom…. It's very, very risky though."
"I could hint at it. Not give him specifics. Then tell him at the last minute so he can go with us."
"There are enough of us we can force him if it comes to that. His lack of a monitor can only be an asset… but if he stays down here, they'll give him one. We've got this unique window of opportunity."
Rick wandered over to them, a drink in his hand. "Nice party."
"Thank you for your officiation," said Jason.
"I'm happy to be part of it." He slid his hand through his graying curly brown hair. "You know—just letting me be a part of this is… I can forget where I am for a little while. You guys have really… resurrected me. I was just walking around like a zombie, doing what they told me—but now…." He squinted, tears hinted in his eyes. "I feel like a real person again." He sat on the couch arm. Then leaned forward, his face intense. "I think I'm ready to tell you now."
"What?" said Serhii.
"About the secret tunnel."