JENNIE
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Holy fuck. Whips and all manner of implements for fucking hang in front of me. The door in the bookshelf hides so many toys and tools I don't know where to look first. The light shines off of metal handles and the muted black leather brings a scent of sin to engulf me.
There are at least a dozen whips. A fucking dozen. Some are longer, some have thinner strips of leather, and others aren't leather at all. I'd reach out and touch them, but it's all too shocking.
A shiver runs down my spine. Some of these are intimidating. More than intimidating—they honestly look like weapons intended to do severe damage.
"Do you like any of them?" Lisa asks. Her deep baritone startles me and I take a step back, my hand over my chest.
I turn to face her, my heart in my throat. "Have you used all these before?"
She narrows her gaze, dropping down to my chest before answering. "They're new."
"No, like … have you …" I correct myself. "You know how to use them."
"Yes."
Tension remains between us. It's awkward, and not at all like it normally is. Or maybe it's just me. I don't know. I can't get out of my head. I genuinely thought she might hit me for a moment, not that she would. Not that Lisa would … but when I was lying down Kai used to hit me; he always waited until I was lying down. I can't shake the feeling. It was too much like the memory.
"Do you like any of them?" Lisa questions again. Staring up at her, I wish I could tell her, but I don't want to go backward. Instead I focus on the collection of toys … if you could even call them that.
I hug my arms to my chest and warm myself, running my hands up and down my exposed skin. It's a little cold. Or maybe it's my nerves. "Some of them scare me," I admit. There's a belt with studs hanging right at eye level. "This would hurt."
"Very much," Lisa agrees, "but it wouldn't break your skin." Is she always so matter-of-fact like this? It feels different.
"You want to use it on me."
She nods. "I will use it on you, and you're going to fucking love it."
My heart races even faster. A lightheadedness takes over at the idea of having all these things used on me. I can trust her. I'm sure I can trust her. But something in my body isn't so sure. I just want to leave.
There's a knock at the door. Saving me, telling me I should go now. That I'm not in the right mindset for this. I can't shake the feeling of Kai's hands on me and I don't want to do this right now.
Fuck, I thought I was long over this. It takes everything in me not to cry. At the disappointment in myself, at the shame, at the fact that Kai did such a number on me.
I just want to be okay.
"One minute," Lisa calls. Then her eyes are on mine again. "I have an appointment, so you'll have to wait. You haven't chosen your punishment, so this may count if you handle it well." Her tone sounds hopeful. Her lips even kick up into a smirk as she brushes my hair back. I could lean into that touch, her strength and her warmth, but she pulls away too quickly.
"You'll sit how I place you and stay just like that. It's called mental bondage."
Blinking, I question, "Mental?"
"Because the restraints are psychological." Lisa leads me back to her desk and guides me to the floor so I'm kneeling.
"I just … stay like this?"
"Yes."
"For how long?"
"For as long as I'd like." The calm comes with this so-called punishment. Hell, I think I need it. Just a moment to sit and think. To get these thoughts out of my head rather than letting them stew.
Getting down on my knees, I peek up at her in all her authority. Her hand runs down my hair as if she's petting me and I'm able to lean into it for just a moment. I shouldn't feel so comforted, but I do. It's Lisa. Lisa takes my hair in her fist, tilting my head and bends down to whisper in my ear. "You are mine, aren't you?"
It doesn't hurt, to be gripped and moved by her as if I'm a doll. "Yes," I whisper.
She pulls out a plush cushion and tells me to sit. It's black velvet and at least two by two feet. It's simple. Kneeling. Sitting. But I'm naked. She arranges my hands on my thighs and tips my chin up so I'm staring straight ahead. "Do not look at the floor," she orders.
"Yes, ma'am."
My gaze shifts to my dress forming a puddle in front of her desk. She doesn't cover me, or make any move to grab my clothes as she calls out for whoever is at the door to come in. My face heats with embarrassment when the door opens and a man comes in. He sees me on the floor with a flick of his eyes.
I have no idea who he is.
Lisa gestures to the desk like I'm not even there. "Have a seat."
"I like the furniture," the man comments with a quiet laugh. Lisa doesn't laugh. The look she gives the man is deadly.
The man takes a seat across from Lisa, and the conversation begins. Something about the docks and when a shipment is coming.
The news anchor comes to mind.
Every sordid rumor flicks through my mind. I can't stop it and when I do, I wish I hadn't.
It doesn't take long for my mind to fly back to when I was with Kai.
I wish I could stop thinking about him. Wish I could stop remembering everything he did. He used to embarrass me, purposefully. The memories are upsetting enough, and now I'm naked on a cushion. My skin heats, and my heart pounds. I swallow heavily. Lisa and the man don't seem to notice my dilemma. Whoever he is, he keeps glancing over at me.
"What do you think?" Lisa says, and it takes a moment for me to register that she's not speaking to me. Both of them stare down at me expectantly.
"Is she in trouble?" he questions.
"A bit of a punishment, yes." The man readjusts in his seat and nods with a grin. "She's doing very well if you ask me."
I hate that they talk about me in front of me. This is different from before. I nearly speak up, moving from this position until Lisa's hand cups the back of my head and she says, "She's a good girl. Just had a moment earlier."
It's odd to feel such relief, such warmth, while also anger. A moment. It was just a moment for her. It's not one moment for me. My throat tightens, my emotions at war with one another.
The stranger asks, "Is she a new pet?"
"She's mine." Lisa's tone is severe as she takes her hand away. I love her possessiveness, but it's not enough.
The conversation continues without me as the focus.
Kai comes to mind again, and it's too much. It's bringing up old emotions in a storm that won't go away. I feel trapped on this cushion, just as trapped as if she'd tied me up, and I can't stand it. It's like I can't breathe. I should have left. I don't want this. I can't do this. "I want out," I say, interrupting them.
Lisa turns to look at me, her face blank. "If you want to come out, you'll need to tell me your punishment instead."
Anger crashes over me as tears prick the back of my eyes. "Fuck you."
"Get out," she says, so quickly it shocks me. But she's not telling me. She's speaking to the man. The stranger's eyes go wide. "Get the fuck out."
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