Hey, everyone! I'm back with another chapter of Ultimate Alliance What If?! Let's begin!

I DON'T OWN ANYONE IN THIS SERIES!*

It was Christmas at Avengers tower.

Watcher: [exhales] Isn't this nice? No better time of year. You know, let me tell you one of my favorite Yuletide stories. 'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the town, the Avengers were fighting a brand-new superpower. The stockings were hung by the chimmey...

That's when the mood change when the Avengers were caught in a fight!

Watcher: Well, not anymore.

Iron Man: Where's Thor?

Turns out, they were fighting some kind a purple hulk!

Watcher: Oh, right. You're propably who this guy is. Perhaps I should start a bit futher back. Time. Space. Reality. It's more than a linear path. It's a prism of endless possibility, where a single choice can branch out into infinite realities, creating alternate worlds from the ones you know. I am the Watcher. I am your guide through these vast new realities. Follow me and ponder the question... "What If?" Okay, let's try this again. 'Twas only two hours prior and the tower was not yet on fire.

We then see Happy with two Ultron units and they were getting a Santa hat on the A on the Avengers tower.

Happy: To the left, to the left. To the... No, too much left. Stop. Stop!

Then Darcy went on coms with Happy.

Darcy: Sparrow-1 to Puffin-2, do you copy? We have a code red down here.

Happy: Darcy, I told you, while JARVIS is being defragged, this line is for emergency use only.

We now see Darcy inside the tower where the Christmas party was at.

Darcy: Please. Sparrow-1 on the comms, boss. And it's a total code red. [picks up cheese on a stick] The cateres are here, and all I'm seeing are cheese cubes and carrot sticks. Where's the snowmanship? Where are the Kogi buns?

Happy: Darcy, you wanna get college credit for this? Listen to me. This Avengers holiday gala is not my first rodeo.

Darcy: Fine, fine. Ten to the four, Puffin-2.

Happy: Wait. Why am I a puffin? And a second puffin at that. Who's the first puffin?

Darcy: [eats cheese] Bernard in Accounting.

Happy: [upset] Okay, that just hurts.

Darcy: I can offer Turkey-1, Flamingo-6. Ooh, how about the Parakeet?

Happy: [thinks of an idea] Wait. I have a better idea. A very special assignment just for you.

Darcy: [gasps]

Happy: Maraschino cherries. We're running low, and Tony can't have a hot tobby without them.

Darcy: Oh, I didn't know people put cherries in hot toddies. [realises] Hey, you're trying to get rid of me.

Happy: Just looking for a little peace on Earth, okay? [gets hit] Ow! Fifty million, you can't watch where you're going?

That's when Mary Hill came in.

Hill: Everything under control?

Happy: [clears throat] Director Hill. You're looking quite, [sees snowman pin on her chest] uh, festive.

Hill: Now that JARVIS has been shut down for maintenance...

Happy: Oh, I wanna talk about that. I'd like to share a few messages about upgrading our threat matrix...

Hill: Maybe you should leave that to the security professionals.

Happy: [chuckles] But I am a secruity professional.

Hill: I need you to focus on tonight's party.

Shield Agent: [on coms] Eagle-1, Eagle-1. You're needed in command.

Hill: On my way.

Happy: Eagle-1?

Hill: [gets in elevator] This holiday party is vital, Mr. Hogan. After the year we've had, people nedd a reason to celebrate. I'm counting on you to pull it off.

Happy: Yes, ma'am.

Meanwhile, Darcy was on the main floor, going to get cherries.

Darcy: [puts on ear buds] Hmm... [looking for song] Christmas playlist. Hanukkah playlist... [gasps] That one Mariah Carey song on loop. Bingo!

While she was leaving, a couple people were bringing flowers. When Darcy left, two were thugs and one was revealed Justin Hammer!

Hammer: And to all a good...

Thug: [sneezes]

Hammer: Sergei, you stepped on my line, buddy.

Sergei: [pulls out gun] [exhales]

Watcher: Or maybe this is the story of how Justin Hammer stole Chrismas. After the corrupt defense contractor nearly blew up the Stark Expo, he found himself on the naughty list. With time to think, time to relfect, time to...

Hammer then sees a Tony Stark magazine and started to read it.

Watcher: ponder his future. Perhaps, in this universe, Justin Hammer had a little too much time.

Back to now, Hammer was at the party, causing a terrorist attack!

Hammer: Yo, Rusty, hand me that, would you?

Rusty then grabs a tablet from one of the guys and brings it to Hammer!

Rusty: The name is Rustam Leonid Vyacheslav. [hands tablet to Hammer]

Hammer: And that's excatly why we're sticking with Rusty. [insert USB into tablet] People, people, listen up. You stay calm, you stay quiet and I guarantee that you'll be home for the holidays. [sees guy crying] Hey, there's no crying on Christmas. You know, when I was seven years old, I wanted a Red Ryder BB gun more than anything in the world. I begged my parents. I begged Santa for it. Accidentally got my tongue stuck on a telephone pole.

Man: [sniffles] Isn't that a classic movie?

Sergei: Yes, the one with the leg lamp.

Hammer: Hey, shut up. But I didn't get the BB gun for Christmas. You know what?

Man: Could shoot your eye out.

He then hacks into the Stark systems!

Hammer: 'Cause this is America, and if you want something, you gotta take it.

That's when the alarms started to go off!

Happy: Oh, you unplug JARVIS for five minutes, the whole building collapses.

Then the Ultron drones flew down to where Hammer was!

Sergie: Uh, boss?

Hammer: Relax. Reprogramming command protocols, setting new targets. "All on site staff" sounds good to me.

He then programs the drones to target the staff!

Hammer: [laughs] Knock 'em dead, Johnny Fives.

Meanwhile, Darcy was walking outside to get cherries, not knowing what's going on.

Darcy: [singing] Good Queen Darcy last looked down On the feast of Steve Rogers When the snow lay on...

Back to Happy, he was heading down to where the problem was.

Happy: [grunts] "Eagle-1."

But when he reach the lab, Hammer and his thugs were there!

Hammer: Okay, boys?

Happy: Hammer?

Hammer: Behind these doors is a gamma-radiated antigen serum.

Happy: Hulk blood.

Hammer: The amniotic fluid, so to speak...

Rusty: Gross.

Hammer: ...that will birth the next superhero. Me. I'm already smarter than ten Tony Starks and pretty soon I'll be stronger than twelve Captain Americas. [laughs] So, let's get cracking.

Rusty: [pulls out sledghammer] No problems.

Hammer: Dude, come on. What is this? You said you were a safecracker.

Rusty: Yes, and now I crack safe.

He then started to swing the hammer at the glass door.

Hammer: [groans] I knew I should have gone with the Sokovian team.

Happy: [on walkie] Hill. Hill, come in. We got three hostiles in Tony's lab.

Hill: You'd think they'd raid the armory first.

Happy: Tony's been messing around with Banner's blood, seeing if he can be the Hulk without the anger management issues.

Hill: Was he successful?

Happy: It's a process.

Hammer: I'm gonna head up. [heads towards elevator]

Happy: Oh, oh, that's not good. Okay, okay.

Hammer: Call me when you get the good stuff. Time to me to go and sit on Tony's throne. I'm not gonna flush, if you get my drift.

Not to knowing, Happy went to the top of the elevator.

Happy: Oh. [to Hill on walkie] Yeah, it's Hammer. He's heading for Tony's bathroom. [feels something] Oh.

Turns out, the elevator was moving up.

Hill: Hogan, can you secure the sample?

Happy: Yes. I think I have a way in.

Hill: Good. 'Cause I've got Hammer.

Happy then jumped into a vent, but almost slipped off, but he pulled himself back up.

Happy: "Throw a holiday party. It'll be fun," Tony said. "What could go run?" I told them the air vent would be a security issue, but [chuckles] no. Nobody listens to Happy.

While that was happening, Hammer was dancing his way into Tony's penthouse. But when he turned around for a drink, Hill was pointing a gun at him.

Hill: Hands where I can see them, Hammer. Now surrender peacefully.

Hammer: [laughs] [pours himself a drink] Oh, the day you've been dreading has finally come. The day that you face off against Tony Stark's greatest adversary.

Hill: "Greatest adversary?" What are you, a wealth tax?

Back to the thugs, they were a little far from getting inside the lab. But not to their knowing, Happy was above the lab.

Happy: Okay, let's take a look.

He then slowly lowers himself from the vent to find the Hulk blood.

Happy: Where is it? Hulk blood, Hulk blood. Hulk blood. Hulk blood. Okay, just where is... Think... A little vial. Happy, find the Hulk blood. Find the Hulk... [starting to slip] No!

He was half way from falling to the ground. When the thugs heared it, they couldn't see what it was, so Happy was in the clear, for now. Back ti Hammer and Hill...

Hammer: [to Hill] You know what the most important thing I learned in lockup is?

Hill: Enlighten me.

Hammer: Cheating is for winners.

That's when a Ultron blasted from behind Hill, injurying her!

Happy: [hears] No, Maria!

That's when the vent Happy was in, broke and he fell to the ground hard! When Happy stood still, thinking that he was fine, the lights turned on and the thugs saw him! When they saw Happy, They called Hammer.

Sergie: [calling Hammer] Boss, we have security guard.

Hammer: Clever. You thought you could distract the Hammer?

That's when Happy started running away from the thugs! He ran threw the lab, and he sees a Hawkeye arrow that was a Coffetti arrow. He then sees the Hulk blood! But as he picks it up, the thugs scared him and he drops it on his leg! When the serum injected into him, his leg transforms into a big, Hulk-like leg!

Happy: Oh, that's not good.

That's when Hammer used the drones to blast the door open! Happy tried to get away, but the Hulk leg was slowing him down! Soon, they got inside! Happy then used a vile of red stuff, shake it up, and threw it at the thugs and got away! Soon, Happy out away.

Hill: [on walkie to Happy] Happy. Oh, my leg is broken.

Happy: Yeah, that's okay. I might have enough leg for the both of us.

Hill: Happy? Look, I'm counting on you.

Hammer: [walks in with drones] Is that him? Is that the fly in my super serum?

Hill: Stop Hammer. Save the tower.

She then slams and break the walkie!

Happy: Maria! Maria!

Hammer: Oh, you got a big box of coal coming your way, missy. Cuff her. I'm sick of this chick roasting my chestnuts.

Back with Happy, he went to an office and hid in it. When a drone came in, Happy hide in a locker. Now he was stressing out on what to do. That's when he saw a poster that said "teamwork." Then he got the idea to call the Avengers! But when he called them, Natasha was at a balley dealing with a HYDRA assasin, Steve and Tony being elf and santa at a mall, and Clint and Banner fighting over a toy! While that was happening, Happy's arms turned into purple Hulk arms and he broke his phone with them! He then sees the drone seeing him threw the holes, Happy then punched the drone with his one arm! That's when Darcy called Happy.

Darcy: [on walkie] Start pouring the Shirley Temples, big guy. I got you cherries.

Happy: [voice turning deep] Sparrow-1, this is Puffin-2. Do you copy. We got a code red. The tower's been overtaken by terrorists.

Darcy: Terrorists on Christmas? What is this? Con Air? No, wait. Under Siege? No, no, no.That's not it. Wait. I know this one. Uh, walking my mental Blockbuster aisle.

Happy: Hey, John McClane, focus. Every weapon, every suit is currently under Hammer's control.

Darcy: What are you calling me for? Tell JARVIS to dial the army or the Avengers. [gasps] Or that scary dude with the eye-patch.

Happy: JARVIS is offline defragging. It's how they were able to... [realises] Darcy, you're a genius.

Darcy: Thanks. I have been in college for the better part of a decade. Not to brag. But what did I say?

Happy: JARVIS has a mainframe in the sub-basement. if we bring JARVIS back online, we can control of the building and everything inside it.

Darcy: Puffin-2, are you asking me to be your Reginald VelJohnson?

Happy: Reginald VelJohnson? That's what you remebered from the movie?

That's when the thugs found Happy and started shooting at him! When Happy ran to the fabrics, he grabs one and jumps out the window! Soon, Happy was on another floor, and he transformed into the purple theme Hulk, call the Freak!

Freak: [trying to keep balance] [groaning] [laughing] See that? I got Hulk blood pumping through me. Might as well try it on for size. [punching bag out its strings] Broke that damn chain pretty good. What about the short fuse? Can't have a temper tantrum. Be calm. Breathe. That's supposed to help, right? [inhales sharply, exhales]

Darcy: 10-9, Puffin-2. Everything okay there, boss? 'Cause you sound a little Darth Vader-y.

She was at the sub-basement, typing on the computer.

Freak: I just need a minute. I'm going through some stuff.

Darcy: Can't believe the whole building runs off this one dinky box. My next intership sould totally be at WikiLeaks, 'cause I've got this whole hacking thing...

When she manage to get in, the walls moved up to reveal a lot more!

Darcy: Oh, no. Whoa! A secret room!

Freak: You thought the doorknob was the mainframe, didn't you?

Darcy: Anyone would. This is like Narnia for dorks.

Freak: There should be a backup JARVIS AI in the sub-basement.

Not to his knowing, the thugs have an eye on Freak.

Sergie: Boss, he has someone else on the inside. In the sub-basement.

Hammer: [on coms] Wait. I got a better idea. Get back to the penthouse. It's better to make them come to the Hammer.

Darcy was looking at the AI disk to figure out what to use.

Darcy: All right. Here we go, boss. We got a Friday, a W.A.D.S.W.O.R.T.H., an E.D.I.T.H. 1.0. Gosh, sounds like a BBC mystery.

Happy: [getting mad] Darcy, just pick one!

Darcy: Wunderbar! Werner it is.

That's when something grabs Darcy, cutting her off from Happy! When he tried to get an answer, Hammer was the one who answered it!

Hammer: Is this on? The only difference between a hero and villain is good PR. You see, redemption in this country, it isn't about penance. No, it's about rebranding, and that Hulk blood was gonna be my chance. And then you stole it from me, Happy Hogan. But don't worry. I will reverse-engineer it after I dissert your twitching corpse.

That's when the thugs came in with Darcy!

Darcy: Don't let him spook you, Happy.

Hammer: That's right, Ho-Ho-Hogan. I got your girl Friday, but all I want for Christmas is you.

Darcy: Oh-ho! Gotta admit that's some solid holiday word play.

Hammer: Hey, thanks. Penthouse. Five minutes. Or your intern gets a bullet from Santa.

Darcy: [coughs] But I'm adorable.

Hammer: Oh, and, Happy, do us all a favor. Don't be a hero.

Freak: Turn the elevator on. I'm coming up. [snarls]

Five minutes later, Hammer was opening Tony's present, and Freak placed a dummy with the coffetti arrow, causing an distraction while he came threw the floor! Soon, the drones started to attack Freak, but he was kicking their asses! The two thugs were scared and heading towards the elevator and left! Hammer was freaking about the problem, so he used the tablet to find the Avengers armory and went to it by elevator.

Darcy: [she and Hill looking confused] Uh... [as Freak walks towards them] Wow. Your neck is thicker than Thor's.

Freak: Crazy, right? And the party hasn't even started. [breaks handcuffs off the two]

Hill: Look, if we can reboot JARVIS...

Freak: Already on it, Sparrow-1. You said you were counting on me. That means something.

Hill: Hammer's heading to the armory.

Freak: I'll handle him. You guys get to work on the JARVIS reboot. It's time for that Hammer to get nailed.

Soon, Freak was heading towards Hammer. He had to go threw a few drones, but he got threw them. While he was doing that, he was getting more Hulky. Soon, Freak was where Hammer was.

Freak: You lost, Hammer. And there's not gonna be a Christmas miracle.

Hammer: Oh, famous last words, Hulk Hogan.

He then presse a button on a remote, and something was coming!

Darcy: [looks outside] [gasps] Oh, my God! It's Santa! He's real.

But it wasn't Santa. Turns out, it was the Hulkbuster armor coming and going on Hammer!

Hammer: I'm Santa Claus, baby.

Hill: Hammer's taken control of the Hulkbuster. We need to gain control of the suit, now. Upload JARVIS.

Darcy: Not JARVIS, but German. [as Freak and Hammer comes crashing in] This is the worst intership ever.

Soon, the two got to fighting!

Hammer: [sees the two] Hey, what are you doing?

Darcy: Nothing?

But before Hammer could reach them, Freak came crashing down and the fight was back on!

Hill: Oh, it's frozen. We're locked out.

Darcy: Damn you, pinwheel of death. Quick. Control-Alt-Delete.

When she did that, it was back on, suprising Hill.

Hill: Huh? That actually worked.

Darcy: A little trick I picked up interning for the Culver University IT department.

Hill: Have you ever had an actual paying job?

Darcy: Nope.

Soon, the two put in the IA, and turns out, it wasn't JARVIS, but W.E.R.N.E.R.

W.E.R.N.E.R.: Guten tag.

Hill: Yes. All right, we're up. Disengage the Veronica Hulkbuster Protocol.

W.E.R.N.E.R.: In the beginning, men controlled machines. Now, machines control the fate of men.

Hill: Yeah, okay, great. Are you calling the Avengers?

W.E.R.N.E.R.: As they say in German, no.

Hill: What the hell is this program? Siri for nihilists?

Darcy: It sounds like my dad.

Hill: Happy, you're on your own.

Soon, Freak has Hammer in his grip! But before Freak could finish Hammer off, the Avengers showed up! Soon, the Avengers started to fight Freak, leading to the beginning of the story!

Iron Man: Where's Thor?

Captain America: Is that Happy?

Iron Man: Um, no.

Black Widow: What is this thing? [shoots darts at Freak] [grunts]

Darcy: [blocks them from Freak] No, no, no. He's on the guest list. Repeat, he is on the guest list.

Freak: [getting electocuted] [groans] Natasha! It's me.

That's when Nat and the others realise...

Black Widow: Oh, my God. Happy?

Captain America: [chuckles] I was right.

Darcy: This is the good guy, [points at Hammer] That is the bad guy.

Hammer: [chuckles]

Iron Man: What are you doing with my suit?

Hammer: Uh, nothing?

That's when Iron Man disarmed the suit, and Hammer was out of it. Then, Freak roars at Hammer, making him fall out of the building! But before Hammer hit the ground, Freak saved him and brought him back up.

Freak: I'm sorry about the party, Tony. I'm sure insurance will cover most of it.

Iron Man: Are you kidding? You're the only insurance policy I'll ever need.

Freak: Ah, thanks, Tony. Wait. You do have a cure, don't you? I'm not stuck this way, right?

Iron Man: [laughs] My head of security, everybody. How about this guy, right?

All: [cheering]

Watcher: As for how the rest of this holiday tale goes, the tower was safe and secure, still decked in holly and bows, when Tony Stark to his team gave a whistle.

Iron Man: I think I speak for everyone when I say some food would be beneficial.

Freak: My appetite is raging. I can eat an actual fruitcake after that fight.

Watcher: But I heard a voice say as the heroes vanished from sight...

Thor: [appears] "Merry Christmas to all and to all a..." Guys? Oh, I missed the party.

Watcher: [laughs] "To all, a good night."

End

Happy holidays everyone. (even if this chapter is a little bit late, I wish you all a Happy New Year)