Chapter 13: Failure

AN: This week was pretty tough on me. I was dealing with my own mental health struggles so that's definitely why Aang has been struggling so much with it as well. Once again, I thank anyone and everyone that takes the time to read my story. To those that have taken the time to review, thank you so much, you have absolutely made my day. Your positive comments bring me so much joy, I can't even begin to explain how much it means to me. I think that this is my new favorite chapter that I've written so far, so I hope you enjoy :)

English is my second language, so I apologize for any grammatical errors

Disclaimer: I do not own Avatar: The Last Airbender

The Southern Air Temple radiantly beamed under the first rays of light brought by the morning sun. The rest of the world was most likely asleep, but the temple was only filled with energy and life from its inhabitants. Sky bison and lemur bats filled the air with their musical tones as they pranced around, stretching their bodies from their previous nights slumbers. Airbenders were everywhere, some meditating, others training, and the children were playing games as the sun continued to rise. Out from the depths of the Patola Mountain Range, two airbenders were making their way back to the others after their morning meditation. One was a Monk, dawning a wooden air necklace, the other, a 12 year old airbending master, but known to the rest of the temple as the Avatar.

The young Avatar was kicking the rocks in his path as they made their way back, his face distorted with frustration. The older Monk, however, had a slight grin on his face. Staring at the Avatar, a slight laugh escaped his throat before he allowed himself to speak. "The Monks have a saying you know, not only is all life sacred but all rocks are sacred as well." The old man's tone was lighthearted, his eyes glimmering as he told his joke.

The younger airbender didn't find this to be so funny, however, as he responded by rolling his eyes and throwing his arms up in exasperation. "How could you possibly be joking right now? Does it not frustrate you that the other Monks want to separate us? Why are you so lighthearted when the world is being so unfair!" The pain etched across the young Avatar's face as he directed his anger towards not only his Elder, but the world.

Fortunately for the Avatar, his mentor had been spending his time with him since the airbender had been three. While the mentor would be the first to admit that he was far from perfect, everyone at the Southern Air Temple admired him for his patience. This particular virtue was being shown at the moment as he allowed for a smile to form on his face. "Frustration is a natural response to what the other Monks have decided, but have you taken a moment to think about what would happen if they were waiting for us to arrive right now to separate us? Would your soul be content knowing that the both of us spent our last moments together in frustration?"

The Avatar's face softened as he let his mentor's wisdom sink in. He slowly shook his head as he tried to hide the tears running down his cheeks. The Avatar looked up at his mentors with soft, wide eyes, an apologetic expression forming across his face. "Thank you for your wisdom, I just don't want to ever leave you." His voice cracked at the end of his sentence, and he allowed the tears and pain to overtake him and flow through his body, just as the Monks had preached.

His mentor, pleased, closed the gap between them as he gently placed a comforting arm on the Avatar's shoulder and brought him in for a hug. "You are very welcome. Besides, you must have forgotten from our meditation this morning that I am not going anywhere. No monk, war, or Avatar duty will ever separate me from you. Not now, or ever. Even in the future when we are physically apart, you know that I will always be with you, right here." The Elder Monk then placed his hand lovingly on the Avatar's heart, who in response, stared back at him with admiration, his eyes glistening with tears.

"I love you, Monk Gyatso." The Avatar whispered, as if saying his proclamation would ruin the sanctity of the moment. The Avatar moved in once again, fully melting into the embrace of his mentor, who proudly was staring down at him.

"I love you too, Aang. Don't you ever forget it." Monk Gyatso replied with a gleam in his eye. With a lighthearted manner, his face lit up as he continued. "Besides, it's only today that we have to be apart. Tomorrow is your Master Airbending ceremony, and I can't wait to celebrate with you all day. I'm so proud of you." This elicited a beaming response from the young airbender, and the two of them made their way back towards their temple, laughing and joking the entire way.

Unbeknownst to them, the burdens from the rest of the temple would get to the young Avatar that day. When night came and the turbulent storm raged across the sky, the Avatar would then disappear from the world for the next century, and the mutually treasured conversation that took place between Avatar Aang and Monk Gyatso that morning would be their last.

One century and ten months later, Aang woke up, tears streaming down his face as he had dreamt of his last interaction with the only father figure he had ever known. Next to him, a waterbender held him tightly against her as she protectively ran her fingers across his arms as she traced the pattern of his arrows, a worried expression overtaking her ocean blue eyes. As her companion turned to face her, she softly expressed her love for him through her expression. "Good morning, Aang. Did you have a nightmare?" Empathy filled her tone as she continued to protectively watch over her beloved.

Aang let a small smile take over him as he lightly shook his head. He took Katara into his arms and tightly held her against him, treasuring the closeness that was shared between them. Moving his right arm behind her, he gently began to run his hand through her hair, eliciting the purring response he loved so much as she melted into his touch. "No nightmares. Just memories." He stated, the longing evident in his voice.

The Avatar had been through a lot in the past 48 hours. Just as he thought he was truly starting to settle into his new life, feeling at peace with himself, life had decided to throw another wrench at him to see how he would react. The rebellion that led to his injury meant that peace was far from being achieved, and it will most certainly be the topic of discussion at the peace meeting they will attend this afternoon. Even worse, yesterday he admitted his greatest weakness to Katara, confessing that he sometimes dealt with panic attacks or long bouts of depression, like the one he currently was in now. Thankfully, she was more than understanding, but Aang knew that the rest of the world wouldn't be so forgiving and that they have high expectations on the duties that he has to fulfill to them.

His companion, who he now liked to think of as his soul mate, brought him out of his thoughts. Katara had gently lifted her free hand to wipe away some of his tears as she finally allowed it to rest on his chest. Still content with him running his hands through her hair, she didn't make much of an attempt to move as she leaned up slightly and kissed his jaw. "How are you feeling?" Her tone was almost angelic as it was mixed with the sounds of her relaxation, but comforting at the same time.

Aang closed his eyes as he pondered her statement, truly trying to internalize his own thoughts and feelings for the first time since waking up. "Tired." A yawn escaped the airbender immediately after as if to accentuate the statement. Katara shifted her body so it was directly pressing against him, nuzzling her head affectionately into his neck. Aang finally took this moment to peer outside, and saw that the sun was just barely starting to creep up, darkness still overtaking the room.

"Do you . . . still feel the same way you did yesterday?" Katara finally asked, looking into his eyes. Her tone was slightly awkward as she asked her question, still recognizing that this was uncomfortable and unfamiliar territory for the both of them. She hated to see Aang feel this way in the first place, and what made things worse for her is that there really wasn't anything that she could do to "fix" it. She prided herself on her healing abilities, but she knew that something like this was something that she couldn't possibly heal, and she slightly resented herself for it.

Recognizing the pain in her eyes, Aang gently sat her up and against him so she could lean into him for support. He took a deep breath to consider what he was going to say, as he had a hard time trying to verbalize his feelings and he wanted to make sure that he could comfort her at the same time. "Katara . . ." his voice was so gentle, putting the two of them at ease. "Yes, I still feel the same as yesterday. To be honest, the sadness never really goes away like my panic does. Instead, some days are just worse than the others. The good news is that I usually only feel this way for a few days before feeling somewhat normal again. But, it's not your fault, Katara. I don't want you to beat yourself up when I am feeling down."

The waterbender's eyes only just peered back at him in response, before slowly welling up with tears. Aang picked her up and placed her in his lap and wrapped his arms around her, allowing her to bury her head into his chest. He tried to make eye contact with her as the tears began to fall, but she looked away, her face full of shame. "I just hate seeing you this way Aang. All I want is for you to be happy and I can't help but feel that it's my fault when you're not." She eventually confided, staring into his empathetic eyes as she finished her statement. As he nonverbally showed her his love, she immediately felt guilty, allowing her voice to rise. "And here you are comforting me, when I should be the one comforting you right now! I'm such a failure."

"You are not a failure, my love." Aang gently whispered, Katara letting out a soft gasp at his term of endearment for her. "I don't know why I feel this way, but I certainly know it's not because of you. In fact, I can't tell you how much I feel better because I was finally able to tell somebody yesterday. You took that burden off my shoulders. You were there for me when I needed you most yesterday. You are not a failure, Katara."

Katara could only stare back at him with her own love and admiration for the airbender. She happily resigned herself to believing him, and she promised herself that she would be there for his highs and his lows, no matter what. "Do you need to stay home and rest again today?" she asked, before slightly leaning up and kissing him on the cheek to thank him for his previous statement, causing him to blush. This elicited a smile on her face as she realized that she still had that effect on him.

The Avatar gently shook his head. "These meetings are too important for me to miss today, people are counting on me to be there. Besides, I'll just push through it like I did in the war. But now, I know that you'll be there for me if things go wrong. It can't be that bad, right?" He was able to form a small smile on face, sighing in relief when it brought her some comfort. Anything is better with her in my arms.

The morning quickly passed by, and all the important politicians of the world found themselves making their way into the Palace of Ba Sing Se. The Earth King's meeting room was ginormous, the seating done in a horseshoe style, with each nation having a section to sit in. Each section for the Fire Nation, Earth Kingdom, and Water Tribes were massive, as they had all politicians representing their area present for this meeting. The section for the Air Nomads however, was a small square and was almost claustrophobic as it held just one chair. Seeing this brought more pain to Aang as he was once again reminded of all that he had lost, especially after his dream the previous night. Fortunately, the Water Tribes sat next to his section, and Katara purposely sat herself as close as she possibly could to him so he didn't feel alone.

Together, they made a massive ensemble. Over 200 representatives of the world filled the room as they strived towards peace. Eventually, King Kuei stood up and broke the silence. "Good afternoon, representatives of the world. The Earth Kingdom is honored to be able to host such an extraordinary event for the world. We would like to remind everyone that we are here in search of peace, and to officially end the fighting that has existed among the nations for the past century. Before we get into such peace talks, we have an official report on the events that occurred two days ago. General Fong, will you please address the room on the outcomes of the rebellion?"

Aang watched as both Sokka and Katara had gone rigid from the name of the General being announced. All three of them immediately were reminded of their horrible memories of their visit to his base. How he had forced Aang into the Avatar State by using Katara's life as an experiment. None of them were excited to see him as he stood up.

"Thank you, King Kuei. We regret to inform that there was indeed a rebellion that occurred two nights ago in the Upper Ring of Ba Sing Se, near the courtyard of the Jasmine Dragon. There were a total of 38 firebenders that came and recklessly sieged the town, setting fires to the homes and threatening civilians. We are happy to report that all 38 of those firebenders have been properly detained and arrested, and we are currently interrogating them to try to find out more information about the cause. There were no casualties to the Earth Kingdom's army that quickly responded, nor to General Gun Ji's newly formed militia that was also there to help. We would like to formally thank General Gun Ji now for his help. Sadly, we have to report one civilian casualty. One 5 year old boy was tragically separated from his family, and the rebels mercilessly ended his life."

At this, Aang froze. Flashbacks of the rebellion immediately came pounding into his head as he remembered Cici telling Katara and him that she was out looking for her friend when she was surrounded by firebenders herself. That had to be him. The news felt like someone had repeatedly punched him in the gut multiple times. He went out to protect the town. He failed. That boy died because he didn't do enough. Overridden with guilt, he felt the tears run down his cheeks. He mourned for the life of a boy that was taken way too early. The war was supposed to be over, how could people possibly do this? Katara looked over at him, tears forming in the corner of her eyes, and reached across the railing to squeeze his hand. Suddenly, another representative from the Earth Kingdom stood up, one that Aang didn't recognize.

"What's wrong, Avatar?" He hissed, a trace of disgust overtaking his voice. "Is the death of the boy making you sad? Maybe you should have been there to prevent it!" Murmurs came up from across the room as representatives debated between themselves over that previous statement. Aang noticed that some were nodding while others were shaking their heads, disagreeing. Eventually, Iroh cleared his voice and spoke up.

"The Avatar and his friends were there to help with the situation. Without them, there certainly would have been more casualties, and the town would have burned for much longer. He clearly is upset by the casualty from this rebellion, there is no need to blame him for it." Aang was grateful to Iroh for speaking up to defend him, but just as quickly as Iroh had defended, another representative from the Earth Kingdom stood up and continued to attack.

"So who's to blame then, General Iroh?" The representative challenged. "Because all the reports say that it was firebenders that were attacking everyone. We knew that the Fire Nation couldn't be trusted!" More murmurs shot through the chamber as people took in the accusation. "And YOU!" the representative pointed straight at Aang. "You were the one preaching peace for the world at the Fire Nation. You are the Avatar, it's your job to protect us, and you failed. Why does this news even make you so upset anyway? It was just one life?"

All eyes turned to Aang, waiting for the Avatar's response, who had been silent this entire time. Tears were still streaming down his cheeks as he continued to mourn not only for the 5 year old, but the rest of the lives that were lost in the war. Taking a deep breath to compose himself, Aang tried to speak as loudly as possible to address the room. "The monks taught me that all life is sacred. No matter what position, gender, or title that a person holds, they deserve to be treated with respect. The fact that we lost somebody to the rebellion is heartbreaking to me."

The room went quiet for a moment as they let the wisdom of the Avatar sink in. Finally, someone from another representative from the Earth Kingdom stood up. "If no one else is going to say it, then I will." He growled. "I am not going to listen to or respect some coward that left the world for 100 years to suffer. It was your duty to protect us from this war, and so many of us lost people we loved because of you, Avatar. Now you expect us to sympathize with you because we lost one person after the war. I'm not buying it. Because of you thousands are dead and now you expect us to treat you like some hero because you ended the war? You disgust me!"

As he sat back down the room grew louder as more murmurs came across the room as people silently voiced their agreements and disagreements. Aang however was staring at the floor, desperately trying to keep his composure as the guilt washed over him. He could sense lots of eyes on him, yet he didn't care. He had let people down. He was a failure. He knew that he had to say something to these people, but he didn't know what to say. Forcing himself to take some deep breaths, he silently stood up, gathering everybody's attention.

"I agree with you, I failed. That failure is a pain that I have to live with every day and it haunts me knowing that I had some shared responsibility for the casualties of the war. I will be the first one to admit that if I could go back and change things, I would. But I can't change the past. We need to look to the future. Right now, the world needs peace, and we can't afford to be fighting with each other. The Air Nomads used to pride themselves on working together with the four nations to help instill peace, and I hope that is the role that I can serve moving forward."

Immediately, the first Earth Kingdom representative that had challenged the Avatar for crying stood up. "And where did that lead to for the Air Nomads, Avatar? Tell me, where are all of the Air Nomad representatives to help promote peace? How did that work out for them? Oh wait! They died! Because they were weak!" His voice was almost mocking as he finished his last statement. With that, there was an uproar in the room as people discussed that last statement. Aang's tears flowed faster, that statement destroying his resolve. That representative crossed a line, and the entire room knew it.

"That's ENOUGH!" Katara stood up, her voice shrill, addressing the room. Just as she was about to continue speaking, a representative from the Fire Nation interrupted her.

"Quiet lady, the men are talking." Katara's face contorted in anger, and it looked like she was about to step out of her seat and walk straight to that man herself, before an arm was placed gently on her shoulder. She turned to her left to find Aang, sending an apologetic look at her through his tears. Aang then turned and addressed the representative, anger filling his voice.

"You all can mock me however much you want. But you verbally attacking my people? Disrespecting my friends? You all disgust me. While you all were hiding during the war, Master Katara of the Southern Water Tribe was out with me on the battlefield, fighting for peace. You will give her your respect because she is more honorable than any of you will ever be."

As he sat back down, Katara sent a look of compassion and empathy towards him, before addressing the crowd. Slamming her fists on the railing in front of her, she began her tirade. "You all have a lot of nerve for attacking Aang and blaming him for the events of the war. Don't forget that you all" she said pointing to the Fire Nation, "were invading and attacking and taking innocent lives during this entire time. The Earth Kingdom had its own problems, as General Fong himself tried using the Avatar as his pawn to end the war, and your own capital didn't even know there was a war going on before our team got there! Even the Water Tribes distanced themselves from each other and allowed their sister tribe to fail. If we're going to play the blame game, every one of us had some mistake that we made during the war. So for you all to blame it all on Aang is awful and you should be ASHAMED of YOURSELVES." With that, she triumphantly sat down, crossing her arms across her chest.

Three representatives, one from each nation, all stood up in response and tried to shout back in response to Katara's statement. They were all clearly extremely offended that they were told off by a woman. Eventually, the rest of the room started to bicker as well, and the volume of the room became exponentially louder to where nobody could properly gain control of the room. Eventually, one voice boomed out over the others. "ENOUGH." The room went silent as everyone gaped at the 12 year old Avatar, who commanded the room with his presence.

"Clearly, the nations aren't ready to work towards peace today. I want all of you to think about your actions, and how you can fix them. If we don't start working together, this war will never end. We will meet tomorrow to continue the peace talks. We will come to an agreement. Everybody will have a part to play in making this world better. I'm tired of fighting, this needs to end now." Silence came over the room as no one dared to challenge the Avatar. "This meeting is over," he finally concluded.

"But Avatar," one of the Earth Kingdom representatives began, "the Earth King is the one that needs to dismiss-"

"I said, this meeting is over." Aang restated. The rest of the room slowly complied, and they slowly made their way out of the chamber into the night of Ba Sing Se. Aang went up to Earth King Kuei. "I would like the address of the family that lost their child, I want to pay them a visit." The King complied, and the Avatar found himself off to his next duty almost immediately, before he was stopped at the door. Katara was staring at him with her wide, ocean blue eyes.

"Are you okay?" she asked, her voice shaking. She was just as upset as he was over the comments made towards him today. She frowned when he shook his head in response.

"No, but that's not important right now, I need to pay that family a visit. They need to hear my condolences." He stated evenly. Katara knew that she wouldn't be able to convince him otherwise, and she just brought him in for a quick hug, placing a peck on his cheek.

"I'll be here when you get back, okay? I'm here for you, Aang." The airbender nodded in appreciation, returning the hug, before heading out into the night of Ba Sing Se. He stopped by a vendor to buy a bouquet of flowers, and he slowly made his way back towards the Jasmine Dragon, finding the specific house that was given to him. Knocking on the door, he braced himself for the conversation that he was about to have.

His visit with the family was devastating. They were all very appreciative of him coming to visit, and they told him that they could tell how much he cared because of his visit. Aang almost wanted them to blame him for the loss of their child, but they refused. They instead thanked him for saving their lives in the rebellion, and told Aang that he had made their son's day when he came to play with him and the rest of the children. He spent the next hour with them, listening to them as they recounted fond memories they had, and he tearfully embraced the mother and father before he left, apologizing to them that he couldn't have done more. Leaving the house, there was someone he needed to see more than anybody, and he quickly went out to do just that.

Katara began to grow anxious as the third hour had gone by, and Aang hadn't returned yet. It had destroyed her to see Aang get mercilessly attacked by the representatives, and she could tell that the airbender was in pain. She desperately was waiting for him so she could comfort him when he got back, and to be honest, so he could comfort her as well. Eventually, she just gave up and decided to walk outside to try to get some fresh air. The sight that she was met with made her heart melt.

Appa and Aang were together, Appa protectively curled around Aang as he lightly cried into his fur. Aang in return was lightly petting the bison, both bringing comfort to each other. Katara began to walk towards the two when Appa suddenly turned towards her and protectively growled. Taken aback, she was about to head back inside when Aang turned around and noticed her. "It's okay buddy," he lightly said to the bison, continuing to scratch him. "Katara has done nothing wrong, she just wants to help." The bison made an apologetic groan to Katara, gently nuzzling his head against her and giving her a soft lick, before allowing himself to open up so she could join Aang, before he curled against the two of them.

Katara just took Aang into her arms and held him tightly against her. Soon, the tears were freely falling from his face and into the crook of her neck. She lightly massaged his temple as her own tears escaped her. "I just miss them so much, Katara." He gently croaked out as she held him. He didn't know why, but it was so easy for him to share his feelings and emotions with her. She, on the other hand, didn't need to ask who he was talking about, she knew that he missed his past nation more than anything.

"I said it back at the Southern Air Temple, and I'll say it again, Aang. You may not feel like it right now, but you are so brave. The way that you dealt with all those pig-headed imbeciles today, made me so proud of you. I was about to pummel that guy for even saying those awful things about your people. I'm so sorry, Aang." The two held each other, enjoying each other's presence and comfort that the other brought. Eventually, Aang sat Katara down with him as they laid against Appa's fur.

"Have I ever told you about the chakras from my visit to the Eastern Air Temple, Katara?" He asked lightly, his voice trying so hard to stay strong. When she shook her head no, he allowed himself to continue. "One of the chakras exists in the heart." He emphasized by placing both of their hands on his own, both of them momentarily pausing to listen to feel his heartbeat.

"The heart contains the love chakra. The love chakra is blocked by grief. Of course, my grief was for my people, my past nation that I lost due to the Fire Nation's attack. As I slowly learned to let the pain go, Guru Pathik explained that the love that I had for my nation was reborn, and still existed. That love was formed for one person. That person is you, Katara. I love you as much as I loved my entire nation."

To say that Katara was moved by these words was an understatement. The couple held each other tightly as they sobbed with each other, remembering the wonderful people that existed in the past, but also being thankful for the love that they had for each other in the present. They knew that nothing that the world could throw at them; no rebellion, no words, no politician could possibly stop the love that they shared for each other.

The two decided that they would sleep with Appa tonight, Katara ran back and grabbed a blanket for the two of them to share. As they settled into each other's arms, they both felt content for the first time since the peace meeting had started that day. Katara decided she had one last thing she needed to tell Aang before the night ended.

"Hey Aang?"

"Hmmm?" The Avatar was exhausted and quickly drifting to sleep.

"There's one thing that you said to me the other night that I couldn't agree more with. We're soul mates."

This, finally, brought a smile to Aang's face. "Good night, my love." He quietly responded, with a quick kiss to the lips. As they let sleep drift over them, Aang felt one last embrace, one that couldn't have come from Katara. Somewhere out there in the spirit world, Monk Gyatso was smiling as he protectively watched over his former pupil.