Chapter 17, Growing Pains

That night, Hydra had the nightmare again. Thankfully she managed to wake without screaming down the entire Ravenclaw girl's dorm. She lay in bed, staring into the darkness with her heart pounding away in her chest. She struggled to ground herself, clinging to reality to escape the dream, but the feelings that came in its wake did not release their grip on her so easily. Losing her freedom was a horrifying concept. Being subject to another's will completely, even worse. The terror of being a slave, the utter helplessness of being compelled gripped her. To be a slave was the opposite of her privileged life.

Perhaps Daddy Kreacher had had it good, and some other elves did, but even if one had it good as a slave, they did not have the same life one had when they were free. As she lay in bed, struggling to feel like herself again, Hydra recalled the horror she'd felt when Daddy Regulus had answered her question of why he hadn't freed Daddy Kreacher sooner.

She'd asked this years ago when she was old enough to understand and to wonder, around the age of twelve. "I tried," he'd told her fervently. "I tried and he... well he had a melt down as they say these days. He was so distraught that I feared that it may kill him? You know, hurt his heart or something. The idea of losing him, or of even hurting him terrified me, so I stopped. I begged him to consider allowing me to free him, but he was certain that bad things would come of it if I did. He was certain, for some mad reason, that other wizards would dislike this and come to kill him. Likewise he was certain that I would be unable to protect him."

Granted Daddy Regulus had only been sixteen at that time, so Hydra understood that he was more limited. He was still in school at the time, and had no true power in the family as of yet. When everything had gone to hell, he wasn't there to free Daddy Kreacher. As soon as he returned, though, he'd attended to it, and enough had changed by then that Daddy Kreacher did not object. Hydra didn't claim to understand an elf's fear of freedom, but she knew that she would never understand the slave mentality.

How could she, after all? She supposed the Daddies had done the best they could with what they had. Turning over in bed, she pressed her face into the pillow and squeezed her eyes shut. The feeling of being enslaved in the dream likely felt different to those elves who, unlike her, were used to it. Perhaps they didn't hate it so much. Daddy Kreacher hadn't, after all. Not unless he was doing something he felt guilty about, that was. She suddenly remembered with a nearly jarring sharpness what Daddy Regulus had said about the struggles Daddy Kreacher went through just to be with him. She would have to ask Daddy Kreacher about that when she and Loughness got home for the summer. She wasn't sure why she so needed to understand this thing. Perhaps it was simply about facing her fear in hopes the blasted nightmare would go away for good.

She sighed as she turned over in bed once again. Focusing on her breath, she attempted to return to sleep, but it didn't work. In a way, she didn't mind. She didn't truly wish to return to sleep if it meant she could potentially have that dream again while it was still so fresh on her mind. She rose and dressed quietly when daylight finally began peaking around the edges of the window near her bed. She wasn't going to go back to sleep, so she may as well get up and do something productive.

Slipping quietly out of her dorm, then out of the Ravenclaw common room, she headed to the Owlery. She'd decided to write Daddy Kreacher an apology letter. Thankfully the Owlery had quills and parchment there, because it was still relatively dark in her dorm room, which would make writing more annoying. Half elves may be special, but they couldn't see in the dark. Neither could full elves for that matter... Unless, of course, they were vampires like Daddy Kreacher. Sending letters from the Owlery was safer than risking sending them from her dorm where someone may see her using elf magic.

The Daddies had taught her and Loughness a pigeon charm to send letters directly home. It didn't work for sending other places thus the name of pigeon charm, but it was based around elf magic so far easier for elves or in the case of the twins, half elves to perform than for regular wizards. Hydra didn't want others to see her casting this charm, so the Owlery provided a safe place for her to cast it, and no one would find it odd that she'd gone to the Owlery to send a letter.

Hydra had chosen a bad time to visit the Owlery, as those birds remaining appeared to be getting ready to bed down for the day. Owls being nocturnal sought their sleep during the daylight hours. Those who brought the mail at breakfast, turned in for the day as soon as the mail was delivered. The owls currently in the Owlery, however, had no letters to deliver, thus no reason not to bed down as the sun rose. Hydra glanced around in open appreciation at the various species of owls seated on their perches and preening their feathers in readiness for sleep.

Seating herself at the small rustic square wood table in the corner of the Owlery for letter writing, she chose a quill and fresh sheet of parchment from the stack in the center of the table. For a moment she just stared at the blank page, the quill hovering above it as she searched for what to say. I'm sorry seemed too easy; too basic. Well she'd just write what was in her heart and hope it sufficed, she thought, trying not to feel nervous.

Dear Daddy Kreacher,

I am sorry. Sorry for not understanding what you went through, and sorry for being difficult. I love you very much. Daddy Regulus tried to explain more to us of what it was like for you, and I think it helped. Perhaps your fears have given me a few of my own, and perhaps that isn't a bad thing, at least at present. I honestly hope that you are incorrect about any dangers we could be facing from wizards, even if they do disapprove of you and Daddy Regulus, but as I cannot know this as of yet, I will be careful.

Love always,

your daughter,

Hydra

With the letter completed, she gestured to it, casting the homing charm and watching as it vanished. It would end up in the mail tray at #12 Grimmauld Place, and one of the other four elves would make sure Daddy Kreacher received it. She could've cast a privacy charm on it, but Stormy, Piper, Ripper and Jazz were like family and they always knew what was happening anyway. When she rose from her chair and left the Owlery, her heart was lighter. Rather than returning to the Ravenclaw common room to read, she opted for the library instead. There were so many more books in the library, after all! She happily lost herself among the stacks until Loughness came to fetch her for breakfast.

"How'd you know where I was," she asked, reluctantly lowering the book she was reading on location spells.

Loughness flashed a grin. "You're my twin! I know you a bit. Now come on. It's time to eat," he concluded briskly.

She nodded, rising and sliding the book back onto the shelf. "Thanks." She walked at his side, not speaking again until they exited the library. She was always a stickler for keeping the quiet rule when in there so as not to disturb others. Even if no one else happened to be present other than the old librarian, it was still a good habit to keep. "I wrote Daddy Kreacher to apologize," she said.

Loughness nodded, giving her a grateful look. "Cool. That means there won't be any drama when we get home for summer break."

"Drama is the last thing I want," she agreed. "Though it's not why I apologized."

"I know," Loughness said. "It's still nice when it benefits me, though."

"You're one to complain about drama with the parents when you're usually the one causing it," Hydra told him pointedly.

"I know," Loughness agreed, laughing. "I'm enough."