Chapter 29, Muggle Studies 101
"I think I'll return to the Ministry to wait on Kereston," Loughness said. "You know, in case she needs help with anything after speaking to the other governments. Everyone else has likely gone home, after all."
"Good thought," Hydra said, giving her twin an approving smile. Loughness was really becoming responsible.
"Not to mention it gives him more time with his crush," Bellatrix teased, poking Loughness in the shoulder with a finger. They both burst into laughter, and Hydra decided that she wasn't the only one who hadn't gotten nearly enough sleep. When Loughness left, everyone migrated into the dining room, because as Rabastan said, it just felt more soothing. Even though the worst was over, at least when it came to Delphini, a bit of soothing was still in order after such a day. Even when wars ended well, they were still wars, and war was always unpleasant, taking a toll on even the victors.
Harold made a pot of tea and when he placed it on the table, he joined the others to have a cup rather than retreating into the kitchen. The elf usually kept to himself, but even he wanted all the news of Delphini's end. Not to mention he had to be curious about Arthur. Hydra was quite certain that a Muggle had never ever graced the Lestranges home before, after all.
Rabastan caught Harold up on everything while everyone else listened. Somehow the elf managed to convey a sense of being impressed over Bellatrix's wild ride in Arthur's car even with his plague doctor mask hiding any expression. "Harold is sorry to have missed it," he said. Hydra detected a true note of sincerity in his slightly muffled tone.
Bellatrix grinned. "It would've been brilliant to have you along for back up."
"Next time," Harold promised with a smile in his voice.
"So is the plague doctor mask magical," Arthur wondered.
Rabastan smirked. "No. It just looks creepy as hell, don't you think?"
Arthur nodded in sage agreement. "It certainly does," he agreed. "And it matches your Gothic aesthetic," he added, glancing around the dining room. The dark wallpaper was covered in abstract raven designs, and the chandelier above them was heavy twisted iron and shimmering black crystal. Harold certainly fit in as he moved about pouring tea and setting out sandwiches and cakes. Rod snatched up a sandwich at once, clearly ravenous. Arthur took a sandwich as well, giving Harold a smile of appreciation.
"I'm not sure if magic food is better or if it's just because it's British food, but this is very good! Thank you, Harold."
"Arthur is welcome," Harold replied politely. "Harold has never eaten Muggle British food, so he cannot help to answer Arthur's question."
"None of us have," Bellatrix added.
"Some other wizards we know have tried Muggle food for various reasons and to various degrees, so the next time we're around any of them, I'll try to remember to bring it up," Rabastan said. "I should think wizarding food is better, though."
"I feel as if we're in Muggle studies," Hydra announced with a chuckle as she took a sandwich for herself. She hoped that eating would give her more strength and energy. Rabastan took one as well and two cakes. Regulus and Kreacher simply watched the others eat in that weird vampire way that plainly said food was now a foreign entity to which they could no longer relate.
"So to be clear, we are all gathered here to continue Arthur's magical education so that he can continue to help us with any future shit storms," Rabastan said.
"Where to start," Rodolphus mused, leaning thoughtfully back in his chair. "We have a lot to tell you," he said, regarding Arthur as he spoke. "It's a matter of where to start, though. With the things you may personally be interested in or the history of it all."
"I'd say history, as that shit always repeats," Arthur said dryly.
"Sounds right," Rabastan agreed with a grin.
And so they began by explaining the Muggle vs wizarding wars, so Arthur would understand why Muggles were awful and mostly needed to die. "So that's why Muggles are mostly evil and need to die," Bellatrix concluded.
Arthur frowned skeptically. "And you don't believe the wizards could've had a hand in any of the problems that led up to these wars? You don't think maybe the wizards used the magical power they held over…Muggles to their advantage?"
"Like how," Rabastan asked doubtfully.
"Well, let's say you really like my Porsche, and you just take it from me with magic because you can when I refuse to sell. Or maybe you don't even ask if I'll sell it because you can just take it from me with magic because I have no magic, so I can't very well stop you. People are fundamentally shitty for the most part, if we're being honest. Wizards are people so you know they played their part in the shitty behavior that went down between Muggles and wizards. Muggles is such a silly sounding word, by the way," he complained.
"Well, we didn't make it up," Rabastan assured. "It's been around forever."
"Perhaps wizards use a silly sounding word to belittle something they fear," Harold murmured, then flashed a look to Bellatrix and Rodolphus. The light glinted off the round glass goggles in his plague mask as he moved his head. "Harold is sorry," he said hastily.
Bellatrix blinked. "Sorry? What'd you do?"
"Harold just said..." the elf trailed off.
Bellatrix shrugged." As Rabastan pointed out, we didn't invent the word. Why would we care?"
Harold hesitated, then drew in a deep breath. "Just...Harold didn't mean that the three of you are frightened of Muggles. Just he thinks some wizards are, and perhaps the name was invented by people who needed to diminish that which they fear. Like the way the Muggles began calling magical, powerful beings the fair folk and little people to make them appear more harmless."
Hydra was impressed. Harold was insightful. The fact that he was concerned that the Lestranges would be displeased, clearly had nothing to do with his relationship with them, but more to do with what he expected of humans in general. This was likely due to his up-bringing. Sadly he likely shared a similar upbringing to many other elves. Had he truly been concerned that the Lestranges would take issue with him, he certainly would not have opened his mouth. He seemed too relaxed in their presence to truly fear them, but watching him provided a clear illustration to Hydra of just how hard elf habits were to break.
For his part, Arthur looked back and forth between Harold and the Lestranges with an expression of open fascination on his face. Hydra could not help regarding Arthur much in the same way. It was deeply fascinating having the opportunity to watch a Muggle's reactions to such deep wizarding issues.
"Why would wizards fear Muggles," Rabastan asked. "We have the magic, after all, and they aren't shit."
Harold shrugged. "Because they won the war," he said simply. "And the war after that and the one after that and..."
"We get your point," Bellatrix said through gritted teeth. Clearly she did not enjoy the pointed reminder.
"How did the Muggles keep winning, though," Arthur asked.
"By vastly outnumbering us," Rodolphus said. "Muggles breed like bugs while we take far longer to do so, for some reason."
"Ah," Arthur said. "That makes sense. If wizards outnumbered Muggles, or even had similar numbers, magic would win out for sure. Do you think it's something about magic in the genetics that makes it harder for you lot to breed?"
"Certainly, though precisely what is unknown," Rodolphus said. "Magic doesn't appear to show up in blood as a tangible phenomena. Instead it appears to be an advancement of the mind. It shouldn't interfere with breeding, yet it seems to do so anyway."
"That is odd," Arthur mused. "Well, apparently not even magic provides all the answers."
"Not all of them," Rabastan agreed with a sigh. "If it did, we'd have no trouble with the Muggles."
"You have trouble with one another too," Arthur pointed out. "Wasn't this Delphini person magic?" They all nodded, even Harold.
Bellatrix gave a happy sigh, a dreamy expression crossing her face. "It sounds so beautiful when you say 'wasn't' like that."
Arthur grinned. "Compliments will get you most places, m'lady."
"You're right. Humans are fundamentally evil, but we can stop the wizards faster than the Muggles, because again there are fewer of them," Rodolphus explained.
"What gives wizards more of a right to be evil than Muggles, though," Arthur pressed. "I mean, you all dislike Muggles basically because they won, right?"
The Lestranges exchanged a glance. "It gets more complicated than that but in part, sure," Rodolphus said.
"Well, what gives wizards more rights, especially if they keep losing," Arthur asked.
"Because we're better!" Bellatrix exclaimed, drawing herself up in her chair. "You know we are. We just brought you to our home in less than three seconds, and your airport thing would've taken far longer. Wizards are like diamonds, and Muggles are like common rocks on the ground, valueless and too plentiful to matter."
Arthur just stared at her blankly. Or was that disappointment on his face? Bellatrix seemed to take it as such, because she sighed, then glared. "Well, you're different, obviously."
"Why?"
"You already know why! Because you helped us. Because you're bloody Arthur."
Arthur shook his head. "I may not be. We don't really know. And so I helped you. What if other Muggles would've helped you?"
Bellatrix shook her head. "I doubt it. No one stopped their cars but you."
"Alright," Arthur said. "Fair enough. Most of them don't stop their cars for one another either."
"So they may be shittier than wizards," Rabastan said happily.
"Well, with them...us being far more plentiful, unfortunately, they have far more chances to be shittier if you do the math," Arthur said.
"There are fewer elves than there are wizards, yet elves are more powerful," Hydra spoke up quietly. "Just as wizards are more powerful than Muggles, elves are more powerful than wizards. It has a messed up symmetry, doesn't it? There is a stone more rare than a diamond, Bella. It's called Painite, and it's usually a pinkish to pinkish red, but it can come in brown and in some lights can even look green."
"Interesting," Bellatrix said.
"Hey, is that shit real," Rabastan asked. "I mean it sounds like it has the word pain in it, and you know how much we enjoy hurting people… So are you just fucking with us?"
Hydra laughed, shaking her head. "No. That's really the name of the stone. It's so rare that Mag doesn't even have any." She flashed a quick apologetic look to Arthur. "Mag is a friend who makes wands, among other things. Her wands are made of crystal and other stones and have twice the strength of the wooden wands most wizards and witches use."
"Why are wands necessary at all, if the magic is in you people, though," Arthur asked. It was fascinating to see how Muggles thought, especially the smart ones.
Hydra exchanged a grin with Regulus, who clearly shared her amusement. "We still have a lot to explain to you tonight," she told Arthur. "Harold, we may need coffee."
(Dear Reader,
If it feels as if we skimmed over a lot of the Delphini stuff, this is because Hydra and Loughness weren't as directly involved until the end and we did not want her time of terrorizing wizarding society to detract from the tale they have to tell. If you'd like to know more of what went down with her, though, including more about Wulfric and Graven, Lyra, what actions Grindelwald and the Ministry took against her, do read our stories Bad Romance and Don't Let Me Go, also uploaded here.)