Blitzo drove his van at mock speed, jumping over a nearby hill whilst blasting "Grease" by Frankie Valli at full volume, before slamming the side of said van to a nearby Liyue building and crushing a man.
A woman, who was having a conversation with such man, remained paralyzed, before Blitzo grabbed her by the collar.
« WHERE THE FUCK IS SATAN'S DADDY GIRL!? » he demanded with an angry voice, before countless spears were pointed at his face, belonging to the Liyue guards.
« YOU'LL NEVER TAKE US ALIVE! » Blitzo exclaimed angrily, pointing a shotgun at the guards, before one pointed a spear with a piece of paper on it. After having read it, Blitzo exclaimed « NEVER MIND, YOU CAN TAKE US ALIVE! »
« I still don't get why you're so intent in meeting his highness daughter. I thought you didn't care too much about other demons other than clients…» Moxxie asked.
« Well, I just hope that she has information's that we could use. Maybe she knows where blondie is at. » Blitzo replied.
« Wait, you mean the whore who stranded us? What, still mad at her? » Loona smirked.
« What, aren't ya? » Blitzo asked.
« Well, honestly, I don't really mind…I mean, no purges, far better pay, this place is way better than hell if I have to be real. I mean I miss ma and pa and the rest of my family, but I'm sure they've been probably been stranded here as well. No real reason to come back as far as I'm aware…» Millie replied.
« Maybe, yeah, but it's the principle that fucking counts. You don't strand me into fucking anime land and get away with it! Also anime tropes are annoying, just like the gods around these parts. » Blitzo replied.
« So you met the femboy god? » one of the guards asked.
« Yup. Does your big daddy at least look like a man? » Blitzo shot back.
« Not that I know…»
« Anyway, we've reached the Jade Chamber. Just give Bu'yun the code and you'll be granted access. » one of the guards explained
« Huh. A floating house. That's convenient….» Blitzo commented, before going to Bu'yun and saying the password.
The Imps were lifted, whilst typical elevator music played.
After a while, the group reached the Jade Chamber, and Blitzo opened the main door of the building.
Some we already met, most specifically Ningguang, Charlie, Vaggie, Angel, Alastor, Husk and Nifty.
Other we haven't met yet.
One was a man with fair skin, amber eyes with yellow diamond-shaped pupils and red eyeliner on the lower lids of his eyes, and mostly short dark brown hair with a longer fringe on the right side of his face and Geo-amber tips. There was one section of his hair on the back of his head that was waist-length instead of being cut short.
His attire was elegant and form-fitting, consisting of a beige dress shirt, a brown and amber waistcoat, slim black trousers, black dress boots, and black gloves with twin silver archer rings on the thumbs. His neckpiece was a white tie pinned at the throat by an amber gemstone. His left ear was adorned with a jeweled tassel earring. Over everything, he wore a long dark brown tailcoat with dragon scale patterns, gold and silver accents, golden tassels, and Rex Lapis' diamond symbol on the back. His clothes were decorated with diamond symbols found on his sleeves, belt, trousers, waistcoat buttons, and tailcoat buttons. He wore a Geo Vision embedded on the chain at the small of his back.
Also in the meeting were a stag, a red and orange coloured crane and two women.
One was an elderly lady with her grey hair tucked in a low bun. She wore a long short-sleeved dark green dress, with brown accents and mint green patterns. Her longer sleeves that fit under her dress sleeves were white and loose, with matching green cuffs. Her collar and waistband on her dress were maroon, and she wore a wheat-coloured shawl.
The other had fair skin and pale blue hair that naturally bunched in the middle and faded into a darker shade at the ends. She had black-red horns that bent back along her hair, like how a goat's horns look, with brighter red markings on them. She had eyes that appear to exhibit sectoral heterochromia, fading from purple at the top to pinkish-gold at the bottom.
Her outfit consisted of a black halternecked leotard and black tights with gold accents on the legs, under a white and purple bodice with gold trim and long ends like a tailcoat, with a separated pair of sleeves to match and a pair of grey high heels with black soles. Her Cryo Vision rested on her left hip with a red cloverleaf knot. Additionally, she wore a partially flattened golden bell around her neck tied by a ribbon with xiangyun motifs.
Other Hell inhabitants were in the meeting.
One was a slender snake-like demon whose body colour was predominantly charcoal grey. His eyes had cerise sclera with narrow black pupils, and he had a wide mouth with sharp yellow teeth, two of which were long snake-like fangs.
His neck was long, and his tail was black with thick yellow stripes featuring numerous cerise eyes running down the length of it. He had a black cobra hood with its front coloured yellow with black corners and four cerise eye patterns spread across the centre.
He wore a jacket in a matching charcoal grey to his skin, pinstriped with yellow, and a black bow tie with a single cerise eye in the centre. Beneath the jacket was a long-sleeved yellow undershirt. He also wore black fingerless gloves with yellow dots on each knuckle and had sharp cerise claws.
He accessorized with a large top hat in charcoal grey, which had a sizeable cerise eye in the centre of it, as well as many sharp yellow teeth and a pair of goggles. The top hat appeared sentient.
The other was a cyclops demon. She had long pink hair with blonde and white accents contained in a large ponytail, and wore a large amount of mascara. Her eye had a bloodshot pink sclera and a pale-yellow x-shaped pupil.
Her skin was mostly white, with pink freckles on her face and right shoulder. She also had a tattoo along her right arm.
She wore a grey, fingerless satin glove on her left arm and appeared to have a tattoo sleeve on her right arm. She also wore a red off-shoulder crop top, a black bra, a reddish, torn-up miniskirt with two buttons on the front with one loose suspender, and ripped black leggings underneath.
She appeared to wear a red and white boot on her left foot, while on the right, a pointed red shoe.
Whilst Blitzo had noticed everyone in the room, he paid extra attention and dread towards Alastor, the latter smirking creepily as he knew he had been noticed by the Imp.
« He-» Alastor greeted the demon, before Blitzo shut the door in full panic, before opening the door once more for a few seconds, allowing Alastor to say « -llo-» before he shut the door once more, before opening again with Alastor finishing his sentence with « -there! » before Blitzo shut the door a final time.
« Uh…guys? That's the fucking Radio Demon right there! » Blitzo turned to the rest of the Imps.
« Wait what!? » Millie panicked.
« …Oh god… » Loona dreaded.
« What do we do!? » Moxxie panicked too.
« Well obviously fuck the job! » Loona replied angrily.
Eventually, however, Blitzo took a deep breath and finally opened the door.
« May I continue? » Alastor asked.
« Yeah, sure, let's get this over with….» Blitzo replied terrified, before Alastor dragged him and the rest of the Imps inside before shutting the door.
« Well congratulations for your invitations, you mentally deranged individuals! » Alastor declared. « You have been carefully selected among countless numbers of demons to witness the scoop of the century! »
« Please take the stag! He tastes better and has a worse sense of humour! » Blitzo grabbed the stag in full panic and offered it to Alastor, before the deer kicked him right in the face, sinking it right in his head. « I've tasted the droplets of regret and found them as bitter as sexual intercourse with a Mondstadian femboy…»
« Are we SURE these idiots can come in handy with our plans? » the man with brown hair asked Charlie.
« H-his majesty, I can more than assure you that whilst these individuals may act as deranged morons, but I can more than assure you they're capable assassins and fighters! They're just…nervous, that's it! » Charlie replied.
« Yeah, easy there folks, Alastor ain't gonna kill ya! Yet. » Angel smirked.
« Yeah! "Yet!" » Moxxie shot back.
« Oh come now, my miniature friend! Do I look like the kind of guy who would tear your guts out before strangling you with them, incinerate your eyeballs with hardened spoons and feed your rectum with hellhounds? » Alastor replied in a creepy tone.
«…. Yes? » Moxxie asked terrified.
« Splendid! Mr. Zhongli, these individuals are mentally unstable enough to work wonders for your retirement plan! » Alastor exclaimed.
« How are we the crazy ones after that threat! » Loona exclaimed.
« No sane creature would think of that threat possible! »
« Never mind…»
« Partial retirement, mind you. With lunatics such as yourself around, the people of Liyue still need me. » Zhongli replied.
« Wait, you're Morax? » Blitzo asked.
« Just call me Zhongli. But alas, yes, it's me. I have heard quite a lot about your group. » Zhongli replied.
« Good things? » Moxxie asked with a nervous smirk.
« NO. » Zhongli replied. He then sighed. « But this young lady here did tell me that you can be rather efficient in dealing with my little test. »
« So, what's the plan, daddy? » Blitzo asked.
« Don't call me that. »
« Yes sir. »
« Anyhow, the plan is-»
« Lord Rex Lapis, if I may be so bold, I do believe that we're missing a member of the Adeptus. » the stag noted.
« What, are we missing a panda? » Loona asked.
« A dragon? » Blitzo added.
« Latter's already dead. » the cyclops demon replied.
« "Dead" in heavy quotation marks, I must add! » the snake demon replied.
« Yeah, but by all means, yeah, fucker's dead. » Angel replied.
« What we're missing is Cloud Retainer. Perhaps she didn't get our message? » the stag continued.
« Or maybe she's finally visiting the Middle East. Fuckers could use some water…» Loona commented.
« Oh! So you're searching for more members of this entertaining little council? » Alastor asked, startling everyone.
« Just one. Cloud Retainer. She resembles a white crane with blue, gold, and black plumage. She is in-» the stag explained, before Alastor opened a creepy as hell portal.
« White talking crane! Clear as the sky! Don't tell me more! It makes the hunt all more interesting! » Alastor replied in a creepy tone.
« Don't you mean search, sir lord sir? » Moxxie asked concerned, before Alastor crossed the portal.
A short silence followed. And an awkward one at that.
« Soo….ya folks like jazz? » Blitzo asked nervously.
« …. The fuck is jazz? » Ningguang asked.
« Question for later. » Blitzo replied, before turning to Charlie. « SO! Yer highness! How are the commies treating ya? »
« Oh, it's quite nice so far! Can't believe I'm saying but…nah, this place is obviously better than hell! » Charlie replied.
« That's what I'm sayin'! » Millie exclaimed.
« Still wanna kick that whore's ass! » Blitzo shot back.
« What whore? » Husk asked.
« Fucking goldilocks summoning cubes. Punch her tits a bit and she get all uppity. »
« Wait…you had a fight with the reason we're stuck here!? » Vaggie asked angrily.
« Going so far to say we're the damned reason hell has been stranded here. » Loona replied.
Everyone just stared in anger and disbelief.
« Moxxie did it. » Blitzo pointed at his colleague in defence.
« BUT YOU AGGRAVATED IT! » Moxxie shot back angrily.
« Look, no bitch gets to walk into MY office- » Blitzo was about to reply, before the snake demon grabbed him by the neck and begun to strangle him.
« YOU'RE THE FUCKING REASON WE'RE STUCK IN THIS FUCKING SHIT HOLE IN THE FIRST PLACE!?» he roared in pure anger, before tossing him at Ningguang, Blitzo's face stuck in her tits, the woman awkwardly pushing him away.
« I, SIR PENTIOUS, HAD IT ALL, YOU INSIGNIFICANT BUFFOONS! » the snake demon, Pentious, shouted in a dramatic tone. « A SPECTACULAR EMPIRE, INVINCIBLE MACHINES, HORDES OF MINIONS! ALL GONE! HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO CREATE AN INVINCIBLE EMPIRE WITH THAT THING AROUND!? » he then pointed at Zhongli, the suffering of the (not so) innocents reasoning in the building as the Archon glared at the group.
« …. Opium? » Nifty proposed.
« NO. » Zhongli, Ningguang and the Adeptus replied in unison.
« Look, Sir Pentious outrage might be a bit exaggerated, but starting fights with godly individuals is not cool! » Charlie scolded the group.
« "Not cool"!? HELL IS STRANDED IN THIS PLACE! Have you any idea how crazy things are about to get!? » Vaggie exclaimed.
« Hey! Look at the positives! No more purges! And now our little hotel is a money printing machine after we got our business licence! » Angel exclaimed, before sensually placing his arm around Ningguang shoulders. « Isn't that right, mummy? » he purred, before being punched in the jaw by both her and Zhongli, being sent flying to the floor, before falling like an accordion.
« Flashback time! »
Xxxxxxx
« So you have been stranded here by some sort of magical means you don't fully understand? » Ningguang asked Charlie the day they got stranded in Liyue.
« That would be an accurate retelling of the events, yes…. » Charlie laughed nervously.
« AND, as one would have it, you now intend to turn your hotel in a regular hotel for both demons and humans alike? »
« Pretty please? »
« I do believe that it is quite possible. » Ningguang replied.
« Oh, thank you so much-»
« For the right price. » Ningguang replied.
« …Oh shit…» Charlie commented distressed.
« Easy there, doll, I've got this. » Angel blinked, with Charlie getting even more terrified at the prospect of Angel "Having this."
« Hey there doll? Could I be the right price for ya? » Angel smirked cockily. Ningguang simply punched him right in the testicles, "Ave Maria" playing as he continued smirking. The demon ended up crashing on the roof of the building they were in, cracking his spine like a pop-up book as he fell off.
All the demons remained paralyzed in shock, before Alastor extended one of his arms and grabbed a large coin bag from some nether dimension and tossed it on Ningguang's desk. « Keep the change, my easily irritable lady! »
« HA! My spine hurts more than my balls! »
Xxxxxxx
« How long has he been harassing you? » Moxxie asked annoyed.
« Twice, if we consider this little incident, as a matter of fact. » Ningguang casually replied.
« She likes me really. Unlike Husk! Now HE's the definition of angry rejection! » Angel exclaimed.
Xxxxxxx
Flashback time once more, in a random Liyue shop.
« Oh my goodness, your highness! You look absolutely stunning with this dress! » Nifty commented at the sight of Charlie with a Liyue attire.
« You're not half bad too! And Vaggie! You're killing it! N-not literally, that is! » Charlie complimented her two other companions.
« Oh, honey, we both know anything looks better on you than me… » Vaggie commented.
« Aw… »
« No seriously! I think it's the eyepatch…. You should probably change it…» Nifty commented.
« Say, where are Angel and Husk? » Charlie asked, before demonic cat noised could be heard.
Coming out of a changing room were Angel and Husk, the former attempting to put a typical Liyue attire on Husk, the latter clawing and biting him ferociously.
« Oh, fer' fuck's sake-GET. IN. THE. FUCKING. ATTIRE, YA PUSSY SMELLING FUCK!» Angel exclaimed angrily, before being picked up by Husk mouth and tossed against the wall, the cat demon charging in angrily at the spider demon.
« We're gonna accidentally burn this country to the ground, aren't we? »
Xxxxxxx
« That explain the masochism…» Ningguang commented.
« Nah, he's just horny all the time. » Vaggie explained.
Just as she said that, however, a portal opened out of nowhere, with Alastor coming out holding a panicking crane by the neck.
« Is this Miss Retainer you're looking for? » Alastor asked casually, despite the crane essentially poking his eyes.
« Release her. NOW. » Zhongli demanded angrily.
« No need to get unknown value of grumpiness, your highness! I'm merely holding this specimen with enough pressure to keep her in place with no everlasting effects on her neck bones! » Alastor casually replied.
As a response, the suffering of the (not so) innocents played once more, as Zhongli stared at the demon.
More awkward silence….
« Here you go. » Alastor broke the silence, as he dropped the crane casually.
« You miserable buffoon! To try and kidnap an Adeptus-» the crane glared at the demon angrily, before being interrupted.
« Cloud Retainer. Whilst he could had been somewhat more kind about it, this is no kidnapping. I'm here to give an announcement and explain you a plan. » Zhongli intervened.
« R-Rex Lapis? » Cloud Retainer said shocked. « Y-you're working with this buffoon!? »
« Not quite. It would be more accurate to say that this is a momentary arrangement. »
« W-whatever do you mean? »
« Old man's going to retirement. » the cyclops demon replied.
Cloud Retainer remained silent in shock. « I beg you pardon? »
« Actually, that's a really good fucking point. What are you planning to do exactly? » Loona asked.
« I have seen Liyue grow in many centuries. I do believe that they are more than capable of dealing of most threats or issues that might follow. I, however, will always be present to police the actions of the demons, obviously. » Zhongli explained, focusing his attention to Alastor.
« So yer just fucking quitting, is that it? » Blitzo asked in disbelief.
« A child cannot grow if they stay forever with their parents. It's time for Liyue to grow its independence. » Ningguang explained.
« And it will not be total abandonment. Again, now with powerful demons laying around. » Zhongli added.
« That…makes sense, I guess… » Blitzo replied.
« None the less, I will not abandon my post if the people of Liyue are not ready. This is why I have a test for them. »
« Well that seems reasonable enough, but why faking your fucking death? » Husk asked confused.
« That is also another test I have planned, to see if demons and humans can collaborate with one another. » Zhongli replied.
« So what, we gotta expand the communist manifesto or some shit? » Blitzo asked.
« Because if it is as such, I, Sir Pentious, REFUSE! I SHALL NEVER COLLABORATE WITH FILTHY LITTLE PROLETARIANS WASTING THEIR SHITTY LIVES IN GOD FORSAKEN FACTORIES! » Pentious exclaimed.
« That is not the test. Seriously what the fuck even is communism? » Zhongli replied, the latter part just a mutter.
« Sooo….. what's the test, sir? » Charlie asked. « As Princess of Hell, and representative of the seven rings of hell, will more than willing aid to this plan! »
« You need to "bring me back to life." » Zhongli replied.
« Oh that's easy! Just go outside this Chinese apartment and say that it was all just a prank! » Blitzo replied.
« I want my people to become independent, not a riot. » Zhongli replied.
« Okay, so that ain't gonna fly…so what's your plan, big guy? » Blitzo asked.
« It will require the full collaborations of demons, Adepti and humans alike. » Zhongli explained, before pointing at Sir Pentious and the cyclops demon. « Sir Pentius! Lady Cherry Bomb! I require you to build a machine for my "resurrection." »
« Ya got it bossman! » Cherry replied cheerfully.
« Well I do admit that my mechanical skills in aiding the sick or wounded…or dead…might be slightly limited…» Pentious noted nervously, before striking a dramatic pose. « BUT TO DEMONSTRATE MY SUPREME GENIUS, I SHALL DEFY THE LIMITS OF GOD HIMSELF! »
« Other demons! You are needed in the search of special ingredients for the ritual. » Zhongli continued.
« Sounds easy enough. We are professionals in fetch quests! » Blitzo replied.
« So what are the ingredients? » Moxxie asked.
« Three Noctilucous Jades, three perfumes made from Silk Flowers, one Cleansing Bell and Everlasting Incense. You could probably get that from Bubu Pharmacy. » Zhongli explained.
« Everlasting Incense. Got it. » Moxxie wrote the ingredients down on a list.
« As for you Alastor… Just stand still and breathe in a manner that is not dangerous for any human in Teyvat. » Zhongli finished.
« Would it be possible to stand still and breathe in a manner that is dangerous to Chilli Churros, Fatuis, demons, Skeletons, Zombies, dinosaurs, dragons, explosions, engineers, scouts, explosions, dispensers, sentries, suspicious beans, PAIN, SUFFERING, DEATH, cheesecake pie sasperella? » Alastor reached out to the Archon.
« I guess I can allow that. » Zhongli conceded.
« Do we have a deal? » Alastor reached out to shake his hand. Zhongli just stared in defiance.
« Well congratulations, Sir Lord Sir Zhongli Morax Rex Lapis! You have yourself a deal! And free of soul charge! » Alastor exclaimed.
« Wait, do Archons even have souls? » Blitzo asked confused.
In response, Alastor kept smiling, but let out a static sound. « Attention listeners! Due to technical difficulties, we find ourselves unable to give you an answer. Please await as we reboot our systems. In the meanwhile, we bring you this very important message. I love you. Now, back to maintenance! »
More awkward silence.
« I mean he is immortal, so I guess what's even the point of having one? » Moxxie proposed.
« Do I look like Raiden Shogun? » Zhongli raised an eyebrow.
« Who? » Charlie asked.
« Questions for the next arc. » Blitzo replied.
« AAAAAAAAAAAnd we're back! What did I miss? » Alastor came back from the "dead".
« The plan. » Zhongli replied.
« Oh, well, back to business! But first, my dead one eyed and serpentine friends! » Alastor reached Cherry and Pentious. « I do believe that you are in the desperate need of an outfit change! »
« Fuck yeah! I'm gonna look sick in a Chinese dress! » Cherry exclaimed.
« I disagree with such an idea! I refuse to wear the same clothing as filthy opium addicted communists! THIS OUTFIT SHALL REMAINED ATTACHED TO MY SKIN UNTIL THE END OF TIMES! AND BEYOND! BECAUSE I SHALL ERADICATE THE END OF TIMES! » Sir Pentious declared dramatically.
In response, Alastor smiled creepily, the screams of the (most likely) innocents reasoning in the building.
« Where do these sounds even come from? » Blitzo asked concerned.
Xxxxxxx
Five minutes later, outside a Liyue cloth shop, both Cherry and Pentious had changed to typical Liyue attires.
« Fuck yeah, I'm killing it guys! » Cherry exclaimed.
« It is most gladdening that you could think so, my dear lady friend! Even you, my dear Sir Pentious! I see that the wondrous culture of Liyue has changed your mind, my dear friend! » Alastor exclaimed.
« Not that we had much of a choice…. » Pentious said nervously.
« Nonsense! You could had either chose to change attire or suffer eternal torture by your truly! » Alastor replied.
« …I mean, you're not wrong…You're just not right either…»
« But enough about shopping! Our dear lady Ningguang is delivering an important message! Today marks the resurrection of the great Rex Lapis! »
« WHAT!? How am I to build a machine to play the act in a matter of seconds!? » Pentious exclaimed in a panic.
« Simple, my dear friend! You're not alone in this project! » Alastor replied, placing a hand on his shoulder.
« Y-you mean…»
« The author will cheat the very laws of physics to aid you in this quest! Because he's lazy as fuck! »
« …. I'm not gonna complain. »
Xxxxxxx
Meanwhile, in Liyue main plaza, all its citizens had gathered to listen to Ningguang.
« Citizens of Liyue…. We are here to mourn the death of the Geo Archon, Rex Lapis….»
All citizens remained silent to mourn, before Ningguang spoke up again. « And whilst I do feel that these words would be most accurate to our situation, they are not appropriate. For our god is not dead for long! »
The revelation shocked all citizens, before a huge machine came out of nowhere, with the "corpse" of Rex Lapis standing on a large altar.
Then, emerging from one of the compartments of the machine was Sir Pentious, as he and other demons attached several tubes to Rex Lapis.
In the meantime, a small crane grabbed Ningguang and brought her to the top of the machine.
As that happened, the jades, the perfumes and bell and the incense were placed in the right place, as the adepti glowed in pure light.
Suddenly, then, Sir Pentious made a dramatic pose. « From that fateful day when stinking bits of slime first crawled from the sea and shouted to the cold stars, "I am man!" our greatest dread has always been the knowledge of our mortality! But today, WE SHALL HURL THE GAUNTLET OF SCIENCE INTO THE FRIGHTFUL FACE OF DEATH ITSELF! TONIGHT, WE SHALL ASCEND INTO THE HEAVENS! WE SHALL MOCK THE EARTHQUAKE! WE SHALL COMMAND THE THUNDERS, AND PENETRATE THE VERY WOMB OF IMPERVIOUS NATURE HERSELF! »
« The things I do for Liyue….» Ningguang gritted her teeth, as the demons' played drums.
Ningguang, Charlie and Blitzo then came forth, and as a large incense smoke covered the trio, they came out in Voodoo attires, and begun to sing.
Ningguang, Charlie and Blitzo: « ARE YOU READY!? »
Adepti: « ARE YOU READY!? »
Ningguang, Charlie and Blitzo: « ARE YOU…. REEEEEEADY!? »
Ningguang: « TRANSFORMATION CENTRE! »
Adepti: « Transformation centre! »
Charlie: « REFORMATION CENTRE! »
Adepti: « Reformation centre! »
Blitzo: « REHABILITATION CENTRE! »
Ningguang: « CAN YOU FEEL IT!? »
Charlie: « You're coming, YOU'RE COMING, YOU'RE COOOOOMING BACK! I BET YOU'RE SATISFIIIIIIIIIED! »
Blitzo: « But if you ain't…don't blame us! You can blame our friend, ON FANFIIIIIICTIOOOONNNN…..SIIIIIIIIDEEEEEE! »
Adepti: « YOU GOT WHAT YOU WANTED! AND YOU KEPT WHAT YA HAD! »
The whole altar glowed in pure light, with many chanting and laughers, before the altar exploded in pure light.
Then, coming out of the smoke, was Rex Lapis, alive and well.
« AAAnd, that's the last of the fourth wall jokes for today! » Blitzo exclaimed.
« People of Liyue…I have returned…» Rex Lapis declared.
After a short silence, the whole of Liyue cheered in joy at the return of their god.
As the chorus calmed eventually, Rex Lapis proceeded with his declaration.
« My children, I must confess to you all that I was never dead. I merely felt into a coma of some sort. From what, I am sorry to admit I have little idea. » Rex Lapis then turned towards Sir Pentious. « Apologies, my friend. The horrid face of death is still very safe. »
« BULLSHIT! WE HAVE CLEARLY RETURNED YOU FROM THE DEPTHS OF HELL! » Pentious shouted back, before a huge boulder was thrown against him, flattering his face to the machine floor. « The cold unemotional taste of the machine's iron reminds me of the pain and futility of life before my eternal damnation. »
« Okay boomer. » Cherry replied.
« Up yours. »
« None the less, I have an important announcement to make to you all. » Rex Lapis continued. « I have seen your people grow and prosper in the centuries. I could not be prouder of you all. Perhaps, it's time for you people to be able to decide your own destiny, without my intervention. »
The crowd chattered as they registered what Rex Lapis was saying. « But to see if I am no longer needed for the people of Liyue, I have a test for you. Fail to complete it, and I will continue to guide this country. Succeed, and I shall merely be a symbol and protector. »
« Lord Rex Lapis! What is the task that we must perform? » Ningguang asked.
« You are to defeat Osial, That Which Lies in the Deep, my ancient enemy. You are not alone in this fight. The demons are not your enemies, but your allies in this struggle… » Rex Lapis continued.
« Can't believe I'd ever hear that phrase! » Blitzo commented.
« My children, do not fear failure! For I will never abandon you! » Rex Lapis declared.
« Do not fear, Rex Lapis! I will do my upmost to not fail you! » Ningguang declared, before turning to the people of Liyue. « And what of you!? Will you aid me in this quest!? »
In response to that, the people cheered determined, ready for a fight.
« YEAH! FUCK THE WATER GOD-what what? » Blitzo just processed what they were up to.
« Not to worry, my tiny little demon! I am sure that this Osial fellow will be an easy task for the almighty Radio Demon! » Alastor declared, before Charlie jumped in.
« Wait! I'd say that…perhaps there is no need of the Nuclear Option-I MEANT for your incredible powers as of now! Perhaps this Osial fellow has become weaker with age, which means that perhaps he's now worth your time and that we can handle, and also…as Princess of Hell, and with accordance of the head of the Liyue government, I order you to not participate in this operation! Pretty please? »
« Terribly sorry, your highness, but are you essentially telling me to stay out of this affair? » Alastor smirked creepily.
« …Yes? »
« ….Why I would love to! Actually aiding these people is tiring work and I find it quite dull! Well, off to torment some Chilli Churros until they beg for the sweet release of death! » Alastor declared, before disappearing out of sight.
« So you folks have the same term for Chilli Churros, huh? » Moxxie asked.
« Looks like it…» Husk replied.
«… So are we just gonna aid the commies against a sea god? » Blitzo asked.
« Apparently…» Vaggie replied.
« …Why didn't we stay in Mondstadt? »
Xxxxxxx
Many thanks to Inanna for many of the suggestions for this chapter.
I hope you enjoy this new chapter! Please review so I can know your opinion. I'm willing to accept suggestions for what is going to happen, so stay tuned! Also, remember to like and follow, if you want!
See you to the next update!