WhIP

by footfungus

nederlands verhalen over mijn otp

46. Present from the Paths - Levi x Petra 1

Present from the Paths

neverdonegrowing

Summary:

The loss of Petra hangs heavy in Levi's heart through the years since her untimely death, and it is no less difficult for Petra residing in the World of the Paths. However, a miracle from the Paths brings new hope that will change the course of the final war to come-a war shaped by children, parents, love, revenge, and sacrifices, for which all must dedicate their hearts. And to earn the ending they most desire, Levi and Petra must learn from their pasts, and decide what to hang on to and what to let go of.

Fix-it fic for both character development and plot, fulfillment of your (or at least my) sexiest, funniest, and angstiest Rivetra fantasies, and revisit of many secondary characters who get a second life in death via the Paths.

Notes:

Thanks for taking the plunge! I give an advance warning that I do explore some of the potential of Rivahisu and Rivamika in this story because I do acknowledge that that potential canonically exists. But ultimately, these other relationships are touched upon in the service of Rivetra—all the drama, action, romance, comedic moments, and gratuitous sex scenes that amount to my definition of Peak Rivetra (Levi x Petra).

I will add Soundtrack Recommendations for most (if not all) chapters and list them at the beginning (see below). Some songs will be from the AoT anime, and some will not be. Based on what I have planned for future chapters so far, their lyrics will be in English, Japanese, or Korean. I highly encourage looking up the lyrics (and translations if you can't understand the original language), because I think they will add another dimension of relevance to the story.

Chapter 1: Regrets

Summary:

Over the four years after the disastrous 57th Expedition, Levi and Petra mourn the loss of each other in their own ways. After Sasha's death in the present day, Levi grieves for the many other dead Scouts who paved their way, as well as for his own wavering ideals. The arrival of Sasha to the World of the Paths teaches Petra a valuable lesson in love.

Chapter Text

Soundtrack Recommendations:

"Bauklötze" – Hiroyuki Sawano (Attack on Titan: Season 1 OST)

"Call Your Name " – Hiroyuki Sawano feat. MPI, CASG (Attack on Titan Exhibition)

First there was daylight, the paralyzing anxiety that surged through her as she felt it coming, the acute agony of being crushed underfoot… and then the sudden darkness. Horrific but swift.

Drifting in that liminal zone to pass from life into death, Petra thought to herself, What was it? That one time we talked? He told me that this might happen...

"Parents don't live forever, you know," Levi said. "The same goes for us soldiers…. You have to see them and talk to them while you still can. You can't even argue anymore after one of you dies."

And once that cruel premonition left his lips, she should have expected this.

Levi hurried, flying through the giant trees to find his squad, praying with his entire being that they were still alive. The ground flew past him as he searched in vain for them…

"As much as you can," Levi had said, "do whatever you'll regret the least…."

His thoughts streamed in an unstoppable rush. And somehow, she heard everything; the perspective that any living person would never have been able to attain.

Shit... Erwin, why did you make me stop and refuel when I might have had enough left? Is this what you wanted to happen? This is my squad; this is people's lives. This isn't just some game... No no no... Gunther... Eld... Oruo...? This again? Everyone dead?... Even... her?

He stopped when he saw her, to force himself to see what he didn't want to see. Vacant eyes, a smeared blood trail from her nose, neck bent back more than it should. He rappelled to the ground beside her and reached out with a shaky hand to touch her shoulder.

"Petra…?"

Her head flopped back even further, then forward as his hand rebounded and pulled her shoulder towards him. Her head smacked against his shoulder and rested against him. He exhaled shakily. The gruesome feeling of her body against his would never leave him—a human body crushed on the inside. But he willed himself to move, and he managed to lean her with her back against the tree, as if she had merely fallen asleep. He gently closed her eyes with his hand to send her off. Then he summoned his full resolve and flew off to face her murderer.

Mikasa must be there by now, he thought as he rocketed faster and faster. I sent her on ahead so I could be with Petra. Did I just send her off to die for me, too? Here I am now, trusting her not to die, either…. But she will, too, if I can't make it there for her, either….

A furious rage seethed within him, and his eyes glowed red—Petra had never seen him like that before….

Mikasa truly was strong—as incredibly strong as he was. He was relieved that she was holding her own, at least to the extent that he couldn't expect of anyone else. But just as Levi had worried, Mikasa's recklessness clouded her judgment. She disobeyed him and went in for the kill, focusing only on the Female Titan's nape—Levi pushed her out of the way of the incoming giant hand just in time, and hurt his ankle in the process. Eren was recovered from the Female Titan's mouth, and that was all they were going to be able to do.

As Levi fled with Eren and Mikasa, he glanced back and saw the Titan crying…. What did she possibly have to mourn, compared to them? Compared to the people she had just taken from them?

Levi found Petra's body at the end of the row of dead Scouts and knelt down to take her badge while his squad looked on somberly in death, unable to do a thing. A tree without leaves reached and twisted towards the sky as the evening light burst through between the branches. Would the tree grow leaves again someday? Or were those long, thin fingertips already frozen skeletons?

He gave the order to dump the bodies, and he could not look away as he saw her face turn towards the sky and her body bounced uselessly upon the ground. They stopped the caravan again when they had finally reached safety, and he surrendered the badge to another Scout who could not maintain his own composure in the face of loss.

Maybe this is for the best, he told himself. If I have anything left of her, then I'll always be looking back….

Petra looked down at her feet and watched a tear leave her eye and hit the grass, then vaporize where it landed. Her body and everything that came from it felt light and insubstantial—just like a Titan's. Trapped in an endless, living death.

Is this what death is, then? she asked herself. To look on helplessly while the living mourn and suffer?

Levi was approached by Petra's father when they reentered Calaneth District. Petra felt both embarrassed and miserable with regret at her father's disclosures.

"You know, I guess you're right," Petra had told Levi back then. "I'll write my dad a letter tonight. I'll tell him I'm coming home after the next expedition…."

"Thank you for taking care of my daughter," her father began. Now as he walked alongside Levi with her letter in hand, Levi's face was ashen, unfathomably stricken.

"Oh God," Petra said aloud, feeling panic overtake her. "My father doesn't know yet and he's blabbing on and on... No, no, not like this... I wanted to tell him myself..."

Oruo was standing next to her, shaking his head sadly. "Oh, tell him what exactly? And when would that have been?"

"Oruo, stop," Gunther said. "Can't you see she's upset?"

"Someday, if we had a good moment..." Petra murmured, more to herself than to them. "Oh, I don't know..."

She sank to her knees; it was broad daylight where they were now, and there was grass underfoot. An idyllic, beautiful place that belied the truth: they had all died brutal deaths, and there was no going back.

"There was never going to be a perfect moment, was there?" she asked. She realized that she was already crying bitterly. The tears vaporized instantly as soon as they landed. They did not exist, they did not matter, and now, neither did she.

Eld lay a hand gently on Petra's shoulder. "I'm sorry, Petra. No matter how much you wish it had gone differently, there's nothing you or any of us can do. It's… time to let him go."

Petra looked up at him through her tears. "Do you think he'll be able to let me go?"

Eld's face was grim, betraying no clear emotion. "We'll have to wait and see." He turned his head at the sound of another voice that only he could hear. "Oh no… my girlfriend…." And he hung his head and wandered off to obey her summons, to say goodbye to her.

The Final Operation to Retake Wall Maria brought 199 newly dead Survey Corps soldiers to the Paths—including Commander Erwin. It also brought a wealth of information on the developments in the living world. Titan Shifters from beyond the Walls who had infiltrated the Survey Corps and Military Police: Reiner, Bertholdt, and Annie. The existence of a serum that could turn people into Pure Titans. And most crucially of all, the echoes of the thoughts of the living who had learned what was in Eren's basement….

"It would have been nice if Levi could have finished the job," Miche sniffed. "You didn't see how that Beast Titan let me die…."

Miche extended a hand in greeting to Erwin, from the Survey Corps' Number Two to its Number One.

"Interesting," Erwin mused. "It seems that Levi let me die in the end."

"What?"

Everyone looked on at the recent past in the living world: Hange checking Erwin's eyes for signs of life and telling Levi and Floch, "He's dead." Armin being pulled out of his steaming Titan body by his friends off in the distance. It was starting to snow there, but the dead felt no difference.

The rest of the dead Survey Corps crowded around solemnly to greet their Commander. The recruits he had led into death with him looked around wholly unsurprised.

"Well, that sucked," one of them said. "But at least it was quick."

"No Captain Levi yet," another one observed. "I guess we're not totally screwed after all. Even if the Commander died…."

"Maybe I was too hard on her," Marlo mused to himself. "I guess she wouldn't have wanted me to charge off to my death the way I did…."

Miche sighed as he considered the overall situation. "It looks like Levi put his hopes on Armin. I hope he can handle the pressure. He always had trouble believing in himself."

"I hope that Hange can handle the pressure," Moblit replied grimly. "They're the Commander now…."

Levi mumbled half-asleep, his head laying on his arms crossed over his desk. He had fallen asleep doing paperwork again. And like many a night, he hadn't even managed to change out of his day clothes.

It's been a few years already, hasn't it? But no matter how hard I try to keep moving forward… I still can't help but have regrets…. Petra… why couldn't you ever just tell me how you felt? Why couldn't I tell you, either? 'Cause of our "duty to humanity" or whatever? These kinds of things… you don't just tell them in a letter to your father, goddammit…. Not that we would've been able to do anything about it either way…. Did it even matter? Our feelings don't matter. We're just—tools for humanity. Killing Titans, killing people, revenge…. I guess that's why I chose Armin in the end. And I let Erwin die; I watched him die. I thought that we needed someone different; someone who can dream of a better future than the shit we've been swimming in this whole time…. He was the better choice; he just needs to figure himself out…. You probably can't even hear me. You're all dead, and here I am, talking to myself…. Screw it….

"Levi. Can you hear me?" Petra asked.

"What?" he murmured. He sat up slowly and half-opened his bleary eyes.

"Petra," Eld said warily. "Don't do this to him."

"We can hear you, Levi," she called out to him, before Eld managed to pull her away.

"Petra?" Levi whispered. "Eld?"

He was wide awake again now. But no one answered anymore.

Levi and Historia were alone together on the front porch of her farmhouse. Her face was thinner and more mature than Petra remembered her looking at fifteen. Her figure was developed into a woman now. She was sitting in her rocking chair; Levi chose to stand and lean against the railing.

"I can't do it," Levi said at last. "I can't do this."

"Is it because of her?" Historia asked. She was stony-faced and on the verge of tears, but willing herself not to be.

Levi was silent for a long moment, but eventually he said, "Yes. And… that's not fair to you."

"Why are you spending your life wanting what you can't have, Levi?" Tears welled up in her eyes afresh, but she fought even harder to keep them in. Her voice came out again in a quiet half-whisper: "Why do I have to lose to someone who's dead?"

He could sense her tears but kept staring at his feet, unable to face the hurt he had caused. "I know. But even still—I can't help it." He stood up to let himself out. "I'm sorry, Historia."

Levi made his way down the steps of the porch. When he was already out of earshot, Historia spoke out loud one last time. The words came out quietly, but still cut her like a blade.

"But—I still had something left to tell you..." She slumped back down into her chair as the finality of the moment overtook her. "But I guess it's not important anymore."

In the Paths, Eld was equal parts thunderstruck and furious.

"What are you doing, Petra?!" He grabbed her by the shoulders and gave her a violent shake.

"I didn't do anything!" She stared defiantly back at him.

"You can't keep doing this to him! He could have been happy with her! You're dead, you can't be together, so you have to let him go."

"He's the one who isn't letting me go. He's the one who brought me here because he's the one who was thinking about me."

He let go of her and turned off to the side, crossing his arms. "Look. My girlfriend moved on to someone else. And I let her go; I accepted it." His voice cracked a little just remembering the heartbreak. But he pressed on, detaching himself again. "It's been a while for you and him, and he's moving on, too."

"I told you," she insisted, her voice quivering, "I didn't do anything but watch."

"Are you sure he couldn't see you? He couldn't—hear you in his head again?"

"I'm sure." She looked on as he walked down the road, stewing in his thoughts. "I was a good ghost this time…."

Gunther spoke this time. "I'm with you there, Petra. This time was on him; he sabotaged himself."

"Oh, that's for sure," added a tall, thin, aging man with a beard. "After I spent my dying breath telling that lil' idiot that he was 'father material', now I have to watch him shoot himself in the foot." He shook his head. "Made Historia cry, to boot."

Petra and Eld stared at him.

"Who are you?" Eld asked.

The man chuckled to himself. "Kenny Ackerman. Levi's uncle. 'Kenny the Ripper'. Whatever has the nicest ring to it."

Eld stared even harder at Kenny. "'Kenny the Ripper'? That guy? And you're his uncle?"

He scoffed. "No need to freak out like that. That's right, I taught him everything I know."

A slightly shorter woman who resembled Kenny appeared next to him and sighed. "You mean you made him into a killer just like you."

"Hey, what I did to survive was no better or worse than what you did, Kuchel. Besides, he took to it so well, you'd think he was the one asking me for lessons."

Another man approached the scene, clad in a glowing white robe: Uri Reiss, the former King of the Walls.

"As lovely as it could have been to have our families united with an Ackerman-Reiss child, it seems that your nephew wasn't meant to be with my niece," he said. He turned to another niece of his, standing right next to him. "Frieda, do you think she would want to talk to you?"

She rested her hands on her hips and peered closely at Historia, who was trying valiantly to keep her composure.

"Well... I'll check in on her tonight. I think for now, she needs some time alone..."

Kuchel continued: "It's hard seeing him like this, too. It makes me wonder what kind of mother I even managed to be in the end, if he was going to be this traumatized about these things..."

And Petra finally said aloud, more to herself than to anyone in particular: "I know that we can't be together now. I just don't want him to keep on suffering like this." She pursed her lips at the thought of all the times he called her name in loneliness. "Even if he were to forget about all of us one day, if it means that he can finally live peacefully and happily... then I know that that's for the best."

Eld rested his hand on her shoulder.

"You see, Petra? That's what it means to let go..."

There had been no more new arrivals for four years after they retook Wall Maria. They could almost convince themselves that the fighting had ended for good. But after the Attack on Liberio, there were eight Survey Corps soldiers to join them.

"Meat…." An auburn-haired woman mumbled through her drool. "Wait, what? We're all dead?"

Lobov seemed disoriented, too. He kept on blinking and touching all over his face with his hands.

"So you're Lobov," Farlan said. "Huh, good to finally put a face to the name."

"Yeah, after we died just for trying to get fake dirt on you!" Isabel huffed.

"Was it really that girl who shot me?" Lobov asked to the crowd in general. "I spared her life, and she just shot me in the head. Without hesitation."

"Hey, same here, pretty much," Sasha said. "Although I guess she hit me in the stomach instead…." She looked down at her midsection. "Huh, all the blood is gone. Huh… I remember saying I was hungry… meat sure sounded good… but we had to go back to Paradis first…."

And suddenly she gasped when it dawned on her what being dead really meant.

"Nicolo…."

"Who?" Petra asked.

"Nicolo was going to make me a five-course meal," Sasha said, her voice sounding distant. "I've never stood him up before…." And she heaved a sigh.

Petra smiled warmly at her. "What was Nicolo to you, Sasha?"

"Well, he's a chef from Marley. He has wavy blonde hair, looks cute when he smiles.…"

A distant look came over her eyes as well now.

"And at first, I loved his cooking. Marleyan seafood… lobster… shrimp… ah man, it was all so good," she explained. "But then after a while, his food was special because… well, 'cause he was the one cooking it. For me."

Petra thought back to all the times she and Levi would have tea late at night. He was always good at getting her on her own—everyone was off duty doing other things, everyone had gone to bed early at his order, or for whatever other perfectly understandable reason—and then it could be just the two of them. Tea was always better with company, but it did matter whose company it was….

"Did you tell him everything you wanted him to know?" Petra asked her gently. "Because what you left him with is all he'll have to hold on to now…."

Sasha considered her words for a moment, then nodded.

"I can't regret anything, to be honest," she concluded somberly. "I'll miss him for sure… but I don't want him dying anytime soon. So I'll be okay…."

"You really have no regrets at all?" Petra couldn't imagine dying suddenly and not having something left to say.

Sasha shrugged. "He told me how he felt about me, and I told him how I felt about him. There's nothing I can regret about that."

Such a simple girl, Petra thought. Such a simple thing to do. Just tell each other how you feel. Why...? Why couldn't he and I manage to even do that?

"Well, you know what they say," Sasha continued. "The way to a woman's heart is through her stomach!"

So simple, to just understand your feelings and tell them to someone…. Why did it take me having to die to figure that out?

Petra shook her head with renewed regret.

"You said he's Marleyan, though, right?" Petra noted. "Because here in the Paths, it seems that only Eldians—Subjects of Ymir—can end up here. All other races of people in the world… to be honest, I don't know where they go, or if they go anywhere at all…."

Sasha seemed even more down than she already was.

"Oh well…."

Petra suddenly regretted saying anything at all. Maybe the harsh reality had been better left unsaid. What else were ghosts to do but wait for their loved ones to join them one day? Was it right to kill all hope for reunion if there was none to begin with?

"Hey wait, what was your name again?" Sasha asked. "I remember you from when I first joined the Scouts. The nice one who helped all the newbies…. Was it Petra?"

Petra smiled. "That's right."

She felt that familiar, warm sensation inside her hollow body of someone thinking about her. Levi again, calling upon her at her gravestone.

"Hang on, Sasha," she told her as she turned to go. "Levi has something to say…."

"The Captain?" Sasha asked, nonplussed. She stared at Petra's retreating figure, heading dutifully away. "Huh…. What was he to you?"

In the morning, Levi visited Sasha's grave early, before the others showed up. He was as private a person as ever, and he preferred to mourn alone.

It's like this every time we lose someone. Is it always going to be like this?... Sasha... This is like Petra all over again. I'm sure Nicolo will show up today... You two had something special. But it's over just like that.

He knelt down and solemnly laid two white roses at the foot of her tombstone: the first flowers of the day. White because she died pure of heart, like too many others before her.

I hope you don't end up like me... I hope you didn't have regrets.

After Sasha's grave, Levi visited his regulars: Erwin, Miche, Eld, Gunther, Oruo, and Petra. The ones he remembered best from back in the day. The ones he fought alongside, and now the ones he carried inside. They were all in the main section of the cemetery, and all in the same row—they all died within six months of each other, along with the scores of other soldiers they had lost in that chaotic time. And his former Special Operations Squad were all commemorated next to each other.

He wiped away the dirt on the tombstones with a dust rag from his jacket pocket, and he gave each grave a sprig of edelweiss. But the largest bunch of flowers was always for Petra.

All that time, we kept on acting like we couldn't afford to spend time with each other... But we just ended up wasting all the time we did have. All those teatimes late at night, just looking at each other... But somehow we always just ended up talking about work. What was it we had to talk about that was so important? Whatever the next expedition was? Eren? All the things we thought we were doing for the good of humanity?

He sighed heavily.

Eren... I think we've already lost him. I honestly don't know if we can trust him anymore.

And I'm tired of losing people…. All the people we've had to sacrifice up until now… when will it finally end? I'm "Humanity's Strongest Soldier", but I've failed so many times to save anyone but myself…. I'm always the last one standing, even though I seem to be the only one with nothing left to live for. What good is that to humanity?

Every year on her birthday, he would run into her parents there. They didn't have to say much; they understood. The last time that December 6th came around, however, Petra's father felt the need to say more to him than the usual somber greetings.

"Captain Levi…" he began with much deliberation.

Levi turned his head silently to him.

"We appreciate how devoted you are to our daughter. Dare I say… you must have loved her, too, to keep on coming here every year."

He said nothing and could only blink once, slowly. He wondered if anything he said or did could possibly make anything easier for them instead of harder.

"But we worry about you, too, Captain…. We'll always be here for her, because we're her parents, but—what I mean is…" He reached out and laid a gentle hand on Levi's shoulder. "You're still young. There's so much out there to keep on living for."

Levi was glad that they didn't live through the horrors beyond the Walls. That they didn't see the blood streaming from her face. Or feel her shattered spine slung in pieces over their arms, shifting like jagged wooden blocks suspended in a meat sack. He took that burden on for them: two grieving parents who somehow still believed that life could hold beauty and promise. But the path of every life inevitably ended in death. And out there, there were far more ways to die brutally than not.

"So," her father continued, "if there ever comes a time when we don't meet like this anymore—if you can find a way to move on—to find some hope in your life again—we'll understand." He smiled sadly at Levi, as only he could as the father of Levi's not-quite-lover.

Levi turned his gaze back down to his toes.

Petra's mother sighed and smiled bittersweetly at their offering. No flowers in winter, but candles instead. Her mother was very much a redheaded reflection of her, save for the bit of her father' spirit in her eyes. A light, frigid breeze passed through and made the candle flames flicker. He thought he could almost make out Petra's silhouette off in the distance behind her gravestone….

"Thank you, Captain Levi," her mother said. "Maybe one day, thanks to your efforts… there will be no more parents who have to bury their children."

Back in the present, Levi considered her father's words again. To move on; to find hope for the future instead of clinging to pain from the past. Her mother's words, too: parents bearing witness to the life they had created, from the beginning to the end, and surviving hopelessly for whatever came after the end. All because they still believed in hope, despite everything to the contrary.

I've finally decided, he told himself. He shuffled the flower stems around absentmindedly between his thumb and fingers. This will be my last visit to you all. I shouldn't keep doing this to myself… maybe four years is long enough. No, actually, it's more like… I might not even live long enough to make it back here again. So maybe, at the end of all this killing and dying… I can at least see you again.

He laid down the rest of the edelweiss upon her grave. Where her body would have been buried if he had managed to bring it home.

But until then... I need to figure out how to let you go... I don't quite know how to do it yet, but I need to at least try.

I hope you can understand… Petra.

Armin sat on the stone floor with a seashell in his hands, gazing up at Annie entombed in the crystal of her own making. Hitch looked on from the stairs behind him, standing guard over her former roommate. Torches mounted on the walls shone brightly over them.

"I doubt this is something you want to hear, but just listen," he said. "Three years ago…. Back then, we still might've been able to change something."

Armin, she thought to herself. All I can really do is listen, you know. At least I have someone to listen to at all….

"I wonder… did we make the right choice? I can't help but think… could there have been some other path? I thought I understood Eren better than anyone. Mikasa, even. But I don't know anymore."

Eren is a monster. There's nothing more to understand than that.

"Eren would have done it alone. Whether we helped him or not, the worst would have happened anyways. In any case, we killed a lot of people. The navy, army, and civilians got dragged into it. And just like that, all were lost. But unless that port was destroyed, Marley would've retaliated and attacked the island. We killed any hope for peace, but we had no choice. Just like you guys that day."

Armin paused and stared at her again. If only staring was enough to bore a hole into that crystal. It had been four years now since she had really been alive. If they could just get through to her in there, would she even open her eyes again?

"Hey, Annie…. Say something, please."

If she could dare to wish for anything, she wanted atonement for her sins—absolution that she knew she could never deserve.

But….

I did what I had to do to see my father again. Or at least, what I thought I had to do. The truth is, if I could go back at all, I'd do it all over again, if that's what it took to go home at the end of it all.

But the people who got in my way had to die. And I'm sorry… I'm sorry….

The words echoed through Petra's head. A telepathic thought from a far-off place. Who was it from? Whose father? And why?

Petra gazed back at Levi through the veil of death, and she plainly saw the pain in his eyes. She caught his attention—could it be that?—because he lifted his head to look her directly in the face.

He seems to be looking right at me, she thought. If she had still had a heartbeat, she was sure it would have stopped.

"Levi…?" she asked aloud. "Can you—see me?"

Levi stood rooted to the spot, motionless as if in a trance. Petra saw his pupils flash red, and then she felt herself being pulled by some invisible force. She turned and saw a little girl with blonde, shoulder-length hair, wearing a head band and a ragged dress.

The Founder Ymir. Mother of all Titans.

The girl never spoke, and this time was no different. But this time, Petra could clearly see her eyes, when before they had been clouded in shadows. She looked up at Petra and smiled. She had lovely hazel eyes…. Such a shame that she never showed them to anyone before….

A brilliant flash of lightning emanated from the edelweiss laying on Petra's grave. A 5-meter Titan with pale skin and shoulder-length blonde hair grew spontaneously from the ground up, engulfing the flowers from whence it sprang.

Levi stood before it, gazing spellbound at its serene face, and in his heart, he asked for answers. For meaning. For indisputable truth. It clawed at its belly to tear the flesh of its own abdomen, and a naked human spilled out of it, covered in its steaming hot guts.

Petra Ral, as alive as she was in the moment before her death.

Petra tumbled out of the Titan and fell right into Levi's arms. Her wet body smacked him right in the chest upon impact and knocked some of the wind out of him. He caught his balance and took an incredibly long moment to look upon her in equal parts shock and wonder; he held her upright as she leaned into him. She was a little weak and unsteady, seemingly dizzy at being on solid ground.

The Titan sat down on top of Petra's grave and closed its eyes to rest. It started to decompose in a column of rising steam, sizzling under the falling rain. Edelweiss plants sprang up and grew from beneath its steaming skeleton. There was a commotion as onlookers drew close. Who could ignore a Titan rising up from the land within the Walls?

Levi hugged Petra tight, so tight that he thought he might crush her in his arms. He squeezed his eyes shut and a single tear rolled down the inner corner of his eye, blending with the rainwater on his cheek. She started quietly sobbing into his chest and he murmured in her ear, "Petra. It's okay; I got you… I got you."

Chapter 2: Hope and Duty

Summary:

The Scouts in the Paths welcome Sasha in exuberant fashion, and they look on with cautious optimism at Petra's reception back into the living world. Emotions run high as Petra finds her place in the Survey Corps again and confronts a demon from her past.

Notes:

It seems I'm settling into a roughly weekly update schedule here. I make no guarantees moving forward, but I'll try to be as regular as possible. I'm still so excited to keep on sharing this journey with you! Thank you all so much for reading.

Chapter Text

Soundtrack Recommendation:

"Counter-attack Mankind (Sasha Version)" - Samuel Kim (Attack on Titan: Final Season Tribute)

In the World of the Paths, there had been no Survey Corps deaths in years. Naturally, this called for a welcoming celebration for the new arrivals. And with Sasha in the mix, it had to be a barbecue.

Survey Corps Squad Leader Klaus was busy grilling a roast pork hock on a spit over a fire. He called out, "Sasha! Lobov! You 'six fallen heroes'! Get over here!"

The "fallen heroes" were not amused.

"Way to lump us all together, dude," one of them grumbled.

"Yeah, dude, we have names, too."

"Whatever." He threw up a hand dismissively. "There's too many people here already; like, literally thousands of us. Go find your mother if you wanna hear someone call your name."

"What the hell? Eww, man."

"Why are you even bothering to grill anything yourself, though?" the first one asked. "It looks like we can just snap our fingers and have everything pre-cooked for us."

Klaus just laughed. "The preparation is another pleasure in itself! You can just smell the deliciousness…." And he inhaled deeply to demonstrate his point. "Ahhh, mouth-watering."

Being more practical about her food, Sasha was incredulous to see how easy it was to conjure whatever food or drink her heart desired, just by thinking about it. She never felt neither hungry nor full, so she could eat continuously for as long as she wanted.

Sasha thought to herself, Hmm, how about… wild boar meat? And a platter of piping hot boar meat materialized in her lap, already pre-sliced and accompanied by a fork and knife. She roared in amazement.

"Well, I'm in heaven now!" And she proceeded to stuff her face.

Squad Leader Marlene chuckled a little at the sight.

"Just behave yourself this time, Sasha! There really is plenty to go around now."

Sasha gulped sheepishly at the memory of the night before retaking Wall Maria. She certainly had not comported herself well, biting Jean on the hand while getting sleeper-choked by Conny, and ending up being tied to a post while everyone else got to eat their fill of meat that she had rabidly tried to hoard from them.

Jean… Conny…. She suddenly remembered Petra talking to her about regrets, and her last hug with Jean and Conny on the airship. And she realized that if she somehow could, she did wish she could tell them one last time how much she valued their friendship. How much she would miss them, too….

Two other Scouts from four years ago, a man and woman, sauntered over to greet Sasha sitting at a picnic table while she resumed gorging on multiple platters at once. Despite the man's inebriated stumbling, his gravity-defying pompadour managed to stay perfectly coiffed.

"Hi, Sasha, I'm Nanaba," the woman said. "Don't mind Gelgar here; he's just drunk. Perpetually."

"That's 'cause I wanna be!" he insisted. "I didn't get to taste a drop before I died." And he sobbed for effect. "And now that I'm finally as drunk as I oughta be, I intend to stay that way!"

He suddenly realized Sasha sitting there, chewing and smacking wantonly.

"Hey, you're Sasha, right? Yeah, you might not remember me—we didn't talk much before—but yeah, I did hear you like eating meat." He smirked suggestively and cackled.

Nanaba kicked him in the leg.

"For God's sake, shut up! She's too young for your dirty jokes." She turned to Sasha. "How old are you, Sasha?"

"Twenty."

"See?" Gelgar said. "Plenty old enough." He took a swig from a liquor bottle in his hand.

Sasha stared at him, confused, and then gulped her mouthful loudly.

"Ugh," Nanaba grumbled. "You know, at times like this, I really wish I hadn't died, so I wouldn't be stuck here with you for all eternity."

"Hey hey, why can't it be the other way 'round, where you died and I survived?"

"Are you kidding me? You were made for this place." She gave him a witheringly disapproving glare.

"Totally." And he hiccupped a little.

Oruo looked around confused, craning his neck over people's heads. "Hey wait, where's Petra? I thought she loved these kinds of parties."

Sasha's mouth was stuffed full, but she still managed to speak in between bites and swallows. "Oh yeah, she—said that Captain Levi—called her over for something—"

Eld sprang to his feet. "Again?! I thought we were over this by now," he huffed, grumbling "this has gone on long enough" and stormed off to find her.

Sasha shrugged. "Beats me. I mean, I didn't even know they were a thing... But now I guess he's groveling in front of her grave." She smacked her lips and licked some sauce off her fingers. "I feel bad for him, now that I know... And for her, being stuck here without him..." She finally finished swallowing the contents of her cheeks and reached for a skewer of freshly sizzled meat cubes.

"'Groveling.'" Oruo pondered the word. "Heh. Now that you put it that way, that's pretty much exactly what it is."

Gunther crossed his arms, brow furrowed. "Well, I wouldn't say he actually gets down on his hands and knees, but... Yeah, he's been pretty miserable." And he sighed. "It's hard to watch."

From far away, they heard Eld yell out, "What the fucking hell?!"

Everyone at the barbecue got up at once and seemingly teleported instantly to either side of him.

"Dude, what is going on?"

A crowd was forming to encircle the scene, and people in the back were jostling each other to see better.

And surely enough, there was Petra back in the living world at the cemetery, with Levi draping his green trench coat over her naked body while she shivered in the cold rain.

"Holy shit, that's Petra."

"Wow, she's just standing there totally naked…."

"Wasn't she just here a minute ago? How is she alive again?"

"Incredible," Erwin said; a spark of genuine curiosity flashed in his eyes. "I don't believe this kind of thing has ever happened before..."

Erwin suddenly noticed that the Founder Ymir had been standing next to him the whole time, also enraptured by the living world. He peered in at the steaming Titan corpse in the living world, and back at Ymir next to him, then back at the Titan, and then back at her again. Then she faded away to black.

"She seems to do that a lot," Miche observed. "I wouldn't doubt it if she had a hand in this…."

Oruo crossed his arms and huffed, "Bah! She's the Dungeon Master! Trapping us all here to enslave us."

"How are we her 'slaves'?" Gunther asked him. "She doesn't make us do anything, ever. We do whatever we want, whenever we want, forever into eternity here."

"She does make us stay here, though. We're her prisoners." Oruo scratched his head. "Although I guess there's nowhere else we really can go without a body, anyway…."

Gelgar muttered under his breath very audibly: "They gon' smash," and cleared his throat loudly.

Nanaba gave him a deadpan stare.

"Ehhhh?!" Sasha's mouth hung agape, still full of half-chewed food.

"Somebody had to say it! I mean, she's hot!"

"So inappropriate," Nanaba said. "You realize that she was a Scout alongside us, too, right?"

"Are you telling me that if your sexy, naked, long-lost lover just fell out of the sky into your arms one day, that you wouldn't smash?" And he raised his liquor bottle up to toast her before taking another swig. "It's gonna be so hot."

"Ugh."

Gunther said, "Well, technically, it looks as if she came out of that Titan there."

"Yeah," Oruo added, "apparently Titans can give birth to people now... And make them new bodies or something…?"

Eld scratched his head. "Well, there's no bringing her back here now." He sighed in defeat. "This is going to be something."

"Uh, she could just die again," Oruo pointed out most unhelpfully.

"No. Seriously," Gunther said. "It was rough enough for her to be here the first time. Let's just—hope she makes the most of this."

Nicolo stood quaking before Sasha's grave, commiserating with her dearest friends and comrades in the Survey Corps. He had planned to prepare a five-course dinner of Marleyan delicacies just for Sasha and himself, and after dessert, he had been planning to truly, fully, express to her what she meant to him. No matter what anyone else said or thought. But yesterday morning, the news came when the airship landed... And just like that, it was too late.

Everyone in the cemetery noticed the unmistakable sizzle of lightning, felt it vibrate the earth in a shockwave radiating outward from its source: the spot where a Titan had sprung up from an aging grave. And Captain Levi stood before that Titan, gazing transfixed. Normally they would have run from the sight of a Titan, but this time was different—a terrifying, yet intriguing sight that demanded to be witnessed.

Petra found the young man near the front of the crowd with wavy blonde hair and asked him, "Excuse me, are you—Nicolo?"

Levi whirled around to notice Nicolo standing there. Nicolo gasped sharply.

"How do you know my name?"

"I met Sasha."

She reached out to hold Nicolo's hand; he flinched a little at her touch, disbelieving her words.

"You—met—Sasha? Huh…?"

"She told me about you. That you're special to her; that she'll miss you..." At this, she smiled warmly at him: "And that she has no regrets."

Nicolo was both incredibly shocked and visibly moved. Tears welled in his eyes, and he turned away to hide it.

Sasha suddenly materialized next to Petra.

"Guys, wait!"

Petra snapped her head to look at Sasha, which did not go unnoticed by the others. Levi stared at her, staring at seemingly nothing.

"There is one thing I didn't get to say..." Sasha began.

Sasha? Can everyone see you? Or just me?

Sasha said, "I didn't get the chance to tell you about them, Petra, but… I'll remember my friends, too."

And she smiled at Conny, Jean, and Mikasa; they all slowly turned to look at each other incredulously. And she gave her best friends her proudest military salute with her skewer of meat clutched in her right fist—right over her heart, where it belonged.

"Am I really just seeing things," Conny began, "or was she holding... a meat skewer?"

And Jean, Conny, and even Mikasa could not help but laugh with each other and shed a couple of mirthful tears at how Sasha would always be Sasha. When they finally lifted their heads again, Sasha was gone. Her family- her father, mother, and little sister- seemed just as shocked now, too. Her friends had just missed it, but Sasha had left something for them, too.

Levi was as stunned as everyone else, but he quickly recovered and addressed them: "Jean. Conny."

"Y-yes?" they answered in unison.

"Round up all the bystanders here and take them to HQ for witness statements and non-disclosure agreements. We need them to keep this quiet for now. And all three of you will likely be asked to provide written statements about what you just saw."

"Yes, sir!" Jean and Conny saluted and turned to start on the crowd control.

"And Mikasa."

"Yes?"

Mikasa stood ready for his instructions with no discernible emotion on her face. Why couldn't she muster up anything to tell him what she was thinking?

"Find Hange for me right away and get an interview room ready at HQ."

"Yes, sir!" Mikasa also saluted and turned promptly to leave.

Levi then turned to Petra.

"Petra, I hope you'll tell us more about what you know. You seem to have been conscious this whole time you've been..." The word somehow would not leave his lips; the very thought of it burned him.

"Dead," she said quietly. "That's right..."

She glanced down to rub where the bite mark on the pad of her thumb should be, but somehow it was gone. She saw him notice her hand, too: no mark. But he said nothing.

"It's the truth."

"This is probably overwhelming for you right now," he continued. "But you might start to forget things if we wait. I think it's important if you can tell us everything you know about what just happened…."

"It's okay. I understand... Captain."

He was a little jarred to hear her call him that. He had stopped regarding himself as her Captain a long time ago. And it created a feeling of distance between them again- a distance he didn't want in their way.

"Can I ask that you just... call me by my name?" he asked.

Her expression changed: was it embarrassment? Uncertainty?

"Okay. Levi."

He nodded. "I'm going to take you to get some clothes for the time being. Do you need anything? Are you… hungry or thirsty or something?"

She hugged herself a little, feeling what it was like to have a living body again. One that felt discomfort, one that got cold, one that got dirty….

"Maybe a warm bath or something? If there's time at some point…."

"Okay, after the meetings we can do that," he said.

Petra paused. "'We'?" And she looked over expectantly at him.

Levi felt his face grow hot. "You did get that slime all over me, too." He pulled at his soaking wet sleeves to shake out some of the water.

She smiled to herself.

"Right. Sorry about that."

They locked eyes. He looked so different than she was used to seeing him from beyond the grave—he seemed to be at peace, just looking at her.

"Don't be sorry," he insisted to her, and held her by the shoulders. "I don't know what's happening or why, but… I'm glad you're here."

As Mikasa hurried on her horse to get Hange, she thought to herself about way back when Levi had attacked the Female Titan. She only found out later that he had passed the bodies of his squad before getting there, and she did vaguely remember Petra being among them. His eyes had glowed red- just as they had glowed in the cemetery just now.

And she remembered overhearing bits and pieces of Petra's father talking to Levi while she had been riding in the wagon with Eren. She had looked over to see the tops of their heads while they walked; how innocently sheepish Petra's father had looked, not knowing that it was already too late for marriage or anything else that could have been. And of course Levi said nothing in that moment… what could he possibly have said to express whatever it was he had felt?

I remember thinking back then… it was all too tragic to bear to hear any more of.

But here Petra was, the impossible made possible. Something unexpected and fast, and yet something so momentous that they could not ignore.

What would Eren say if he knew?...

"Sorry you have to go barefoot in the streets like this," Levi told her as they started to walk to the nearest barracks for clothing. They did not hold hands…. Should they, though?

Petra grimly tucked a section of wet hair behind her ear, which Levi also noticed. "Oh well…. What can you do?" She was aware that she looked a bit strange indeed, wearing nothing but a trench coat in public, and she lifted her head up and tried to exude as much of an air of self-confidence as she could to salvage her pride. "Oh look, we're almost there, huh?"

"Just be careful where you step," he cautioned her. "Would you rather if I had carried you…?" He felt a little embarrassed at having finally said it out loud, but just as he suspected, she shook her head anyway.

"Levi...?" she asked.

"Yeah?"

"Where's Eren?"

He heaved a sigh.

"At HQ. In one of the underground cells."

They had arrived. He unlocked the door and let her in first.

"It's complicated, but we'll fill you in soon."

A simple room in Headquarters with a long table and chairs. Everything from the walls to the furniture was made of wood: a dead sound environment, perfect for discussions and official interviews. Hange finished setting up the audio recording equipment while the others filed in: Mikasa, Jean, Conny—and then Armin.

Armin had hurried over from talking to Annie as soon as he got the message to see Petra for himself. And surely enough, he was shaken by seeing her again: a ghost he had known for only a month in life, made incarnate through unknown means or reasons. She sat up straight in a clean button-down shirt, black pants, and a belt, although her hair was visibly damp and in need of combing. Captain Levi sat next to her in his green trench coat, shirt, and bolo tie, looking slightly disheveled as well from standing in the rain.

"Everyone please state your names for the record," Hange began. "This is Hange Zoe, 14th Commander of the Survey Corps." They looked up at each person in turn to prompt them next.

"Levi Ackerman, Captain of the Survey Corps."

"Petra Ral, member of the Survey Corps Special Operations Squad—under Captain Levi."

"Mikasa Ackerman of the Survey Corps."

"Jean Kirschtein, Survey Corps."

"Conny Springer, Survey Corps."

"Armin Arlert, Survey Corps." Armin's eyes grew sad; he couldn't fully explain why.

"Well then," Hange continued. "Petra! Let's talk!"

And she suddenly leaned in close to Petra's face; Petra looked taken aback at her display of unrestrained curiosity, then smiled.

"I've missed you, too, Hange." She glanced sideways at Levi, who peered back at her with an unreadable expression. "I suppose I should start by explaining some things….

"I died four years ago during the 57th Expedition of the Survey Corps," she continued. "I fought the Female Titan alongside the rest of my squad, and we were all killed… except for Captain Levi. He was on the way to us… but he didn't make it in time."

She glanced again at Levi. His arms were crossed over his chest, and he continued to gaze at her. She thought she could perceive the torment behind his eyes as he recalled that horrible day….

"This whole time I was dead, I was in a place called the Paths. Everyone who ever died could be found there, including soldiers."

A stunned silence hung heavily in the room.

"Is that, like, the Afterlife?" Conny asked.

Petra nodded slowly.

"That's the only way I can think of to describe it, I guess…. We found out about what was going on in the living world whenever someone died and told us what they knew. And sometimes we could see what was happening in the living world to the people we knew in life. The people who died more recently said that we are Eldians, and that what we thought of as all of humanity was just one race of people on an island filled with Titans. But even though there are millions of other people all over the world, only Eldian Subjects of Ymir would live on in the Paths. We never met anyone from the outside world who wasn't..."

At this, she sighed and recalled the predicament of Sasha and Nicolo.

"It's as if other races of people truly do die, but we don't; our bodies get left behind, but our spirits still live on in another dimension."

Hange adjusted their glasses. "My goodness…. I believe this is the first we're hearing about any of this."

"So you knew about everything that happened since you died, Petra?" Mikasa asked. "And you knew everyone else who died… like Sasha."

"Yes."

"Were you ever able to speak to anyone who was still alive?" Armin said.

Petra nodded. "Yes. They could talk to me, even though they were still alive and I was dead."

Levi stared thunderstruck at her, trying to make sense of the hazy, sleepless nights when he could have sworn he had heard her voice….

"I couldn't talk to them back, though. They'd never see or hear me... unless they were asleep and dreaming." She looked down at the table, feeling her face grow warm. "At least, that was until this morning, when Levi went to visit my grave, and..." She turned to address Levi. "You saw me, didn't you? You looked right at me."

Levi was in shock again on top of the first shock. "That's right... I did."

"Could this be another Ackerman power?" Armin asked. "Mikasa, has anything like this ever happened to you?"

Mikasa glanced aside as she considered this.

"If you mean bringing someone back from the dead, no... I don't think I ever spoke to anyone's ghost, either."

Armin leaned back in his chair until the wood creaked under his weight shift. This was yet another layer of complexity to comprehend. Was there something special about Levi that Mikasa lacked? What was it about today, this moment, that cemetery? What Levi or anyone else had been doing or thinking about today in particular?

He could not help but connect her to Annie in his head. He had talked to Annie just before this…. He had reminded her of that day…. The day they had broken the Wall. The day that the Female Titan had decimated the 57th Expedition. The day that she and Eren had fought in Stohess District, and she had retreated into her crystal time capsule, maybe forever...

Armin's eyes grew wide for just a moment as a half-realization grew in his mind. Could it have been… Annie?

"But Levi..." Hange continued. "You seem to be awfully calm about all this." Their glasses shone as they tilted their head in the light. "In fact, it's as if none of this surprises you at all."

"Oh, I was definitely surprised," Levi said. "But… I've accepted this as reality." He doubled down on his arm-crossing and looked off to the opposite side of Petra. "And I'll admit it: I do want to believe that this is happening for a reason."

"You mean other than your own wish fulfillment? 'Cause I don't know if the rest of this gang here knew about you two…" and at this, Hange crossed their arms and smiled. "but I was there since you joined the Survey Corps. I knew."

Levi gazed intensely at Hange.

"Maybe it is for something even more than that."

"And if it isn't? If you really somehow resurrected someone you missed, just because you wanted to be with them? Could you believe that, too?"

And at that, he turned his gaze to Petra next to him. She looked back at him, peering into his heart.

"Yes," he said. "I would."

Hitch had conveyed a message to Armin, who hurried off for a long while. And then, Annie heard the voice of someone new.

"So you're Annie," she heard a feminine voice say. "The Female Titan."

The woman came closer. Through closed eyelids, Annie could fuzzily make out that she had strawberry blonde hair that hung slightly past her chin, and amber-colored eyes.

"My name is Petra. I am a member of the Survey Corps. And, four years ago, you… you murdered me." Her voice trembled in barely suppressed rage.

I see…. I remember you now. You were one of the Scouts guarding Eren that day…. And I did say… that I was sorry….

"I read the report of the 57th Expedition." Her gaze grew steely hard. "You slaughtered us in all sorts of gruesome ways…. Was it—fun?"

Those words struck a chord in Levi. It almost felt in that moment as if she were channeling his own thoughts from back then to voice them now.

"Petra," Levi cautioned her. "Maybe that's—"

"You don't know how badly I wish you would wake up," Petra continued, seething. "You deserve to face me, and see that I am a real, living person you killed. And you won't even tell us why?"

Petra stepped closer to Annie's crystal.

"It must have been easy to kill people you didn't know. Of course I meant nothing to you then." She turned to look at Armin, standing grimly off to one side. "But you spared Armin, and Jean, and everyone you had trained with as a cadet." She paused. "I guess I can at least understand that."

Armin sensed Petra getting more agitated and extended a hand to keep her from Annie, but Petra shoved his arm away and started towards her.

"Petra, don't touch the crystal," Hitch warned sternly.

"Why did you do it, Annie? I wrote a letter to my father... I told him I was coming home to see him... But because of you, I couldn't." Her voice trailed off at the end of her sentence. "I did my duty, and for that, you killed me. All because you didn't know who I was, and I got in your way. Huh, Annie?!" She felt tears in the corners of her eyes, and she let them sit there and felt them burn. She bent over and supported her hands on her thighs.

Jean laid a gentle hand on her shoulder. "Maybe it's no use after all, Petra. We've already said what you just said to her, and more..."

"Jean," Armin added, "I saw Bertholdt's memories of Annie, and she mostly kept things private. But I do remember her telling him about her own father in Marley… that she wanted to earn the right to return to him one day."

Petra looked up at Armin silently. The irony of his words burrowed deeply into her, settling into her core. She remembered again the cruel reality of the world: not everyone could get what they wanted.

"Look what you did, Petra," Hitch sighed. "You made her cry…."

Armin gasped and lunged closer to the crystal himself. "Annie!"

Indeed, tears had begun to slide down Annie's cheeks while her eyes remain closed.

"You can hear us, Annie?" Armin asked quietly. "You really were listening—this whole time?"

Maybe we're all just fools in this together, Petra thought, starting to recollect herself. Just naïve children who wish we could keep our promises….

Premier Zachary and Commander Pyxis of the Garrison were waiting in Zachary's office for Petra, Levi, and Hange. They had listened to the recording of the interview of Petra and Levi, they had read the written reports of the Scouts who had witnessed it all, and now it was time for them to decide Petra's future within the Survey Corps.

"So," Premier Zachary began. "Petra Ral, correct?"

Petra saluted. "Yes, sir! Petra Ral, Survey Corps Special Operations Squad."

"You were in Captain Levi's Squad at the time of your death, then?"

"Yes..."

"Hmm." Zachary crossed his arms in thought. "Commander Hange, do you suggest that she be assigned under Captain Levi again?"

Hange cleared their throat. "Sir, actually, we're thinking that it would be best if she were reassigned. A lot has changed since then, and Levi Squad has been filled for a while. We have Armin, Mikasa, Jean, Conny... Quite a handful already."

They left out Eren, Petra thought to herself. This really is happening…. He's really going off in a different direction than we are now….

Pyxis turned to address Petra. "Well then, we'll get into the reports your comrades wrote. They said that your body was birthed fully naked from the belly of a Titan that grew up from your gravesite?"

"I believe so... I came out from the Titan and Captain Levi was there, right in front of me."

Zachary asked to the room at large, "Was her body buried under the tombstone, and just restored and reanimated?"

"No." Levi's eyes grew dark. "We had to leave it outside Wall Rose while were retreating."

"Please understand our shock," Pyxis said. "As you can imagine, we have never seen or heard of anyone being resurrected from the dead. From the belly of a Titan, no less."

"Well, if anything, this only further proves how entwined we Eldians are with our Titan heritage," Hange said. "In a sense, we are all birthed from a Titan, as Children of Ymir, are we not?"

Zachary stroked his beard. "Well, regardless of how or why this managed to happen, you're here, alive again, with a brand-new body, but the same memories and consciousness from your previous life. That and you continued on in spirit form in this Paths place and continued to learn about what was going on in our world of the living." He crossed his arms. "This will be quite the topic of gossip if we reveal this to the civilian public. We've already had to get non-disclosure agreements from the Braus Family and Nicolo the Marleyan chef."

Petra pondered this for a moment. "Then does this mean… I can't contact my family, either?"

"No. I'm sorry. The overall situation within the Walls is tense enough. You can understand if people would get—upset." His eyes narrowed. "Many, many families have lost people to the Titans. If they find out that someone was able to come back from that, and their loved ones couldn't… well, you can imagine how they'd feel."

Petra sighed quietly and looked down at her feet. The shoes fit well enough, but they could fit better. Some things could be more ideal, but they simply weren't.

Zachary turned to Pyxis to convene quietly in the corner. When they reconvened with the room at large, Pyxis spoke first:

"Well then, Hange, we appreciate your honesty about wanting to reassign Petra due to personal bias here. But I'm of the opposite opinion. Levi," and Pyxis turned to address him, "we're sending Zeke under your guard for an indeterminate amount of time, with the 30 high-level Scouts you selected to support you. But no amount of support can be enough to guarantee that nothing will go wrong. And we cannot afford to have you be distracted by worrying about your girlfriend if she's not around. So Petra will stay under your command for the time being, as a member of your squad."

'Girlfriend' already? Petra wondered. Levi didn't flinch at the sound of the word—but then again, he was good at hiding his true feelings. I guess that is what I am… or at least, what I wanted on some level… I can't deny that that's where this was going from the start….

"Yes, sir," Levi said simply. He was equal parts relieved that she could stay with him for this, and troubled by Pyxis' warning for caution. He fully agreed that this mission was incredibly dangerous: Zeke—the Beast Titan—could not be underestimated. But he would choose to believe that he could rely on her to have his back, just like he used to.

"Besides," Pyxis added, "if I had a lovely lady in my squad and my superiors had her transferred when they found out about us, I'd be heartbroken!" And he chuckled a little to himself, perhaps reminiscing over any number of lovely ladies in his own past.

I need to remind myself not to turn into a dirty old man like him, Levi noted dryly.

Zachary spoke next, "Petra: beyond what Pyxis thinks about Levi needing some hand-holding…." And he glared at Pyxis out of the corner of his eye. "I'm confident that your abilities will prove useful in this capacity. You'll have plenty of time to learn how to use the new ODM gear while participating in regular training with the others we're assigning there. A lot has changed in the past four years, and I daresay you have some more catching up to do with the technology we have now."

He reached out to shake Petra's hand.

"We would like to welcome you back to the Survey Corps, and to the Special Operations Squad. You were one of many highly skilled soldiers we lost along the way to get to where we are now, and you served bravely until the end—and even beyond that, now. You have our sincere respect."

And both he and Petra saluted each other, as if on cue. She felt very touched, and incredibly proud.

"Thank you, sir! I will give it my all."

Pyxis clapped his hands together and grinned. "And Captain Levi: congratulations!"

Levi grimaced a little, trying to temper his obvious discomfort. Pyxis took closer notice of how bedraggled Levi and Petra both looked.

"Although please don't take offense, but you both seem like you could use a bath…."

Chapter 3: Water

Summary:

The recorded interview of Levi and Petra continues. Levi, Petra, and Armin have some much-needed discussions before and after the meeting with Zachary and Pyxis. Mikasa, Armin, Jean, and Conny process the day's events and the storm gathering over the Survey Corps. Flashback of a series of experiments on Ackerman powers run on Mikasa and Levi. Petra and Levi talk about where to go from here, and they are finally able to be honest with each other.

Notes:

The smut has finally come! (Yes, pun intended.) It's time to earn the Explicit rating. And if that's too scandalous for you, then I'm not quite sure why you're here. :P In all seriousness, this chapter is a lot longer than previous ones, but I hope it's worth your while.

Also, I hope you're reading this story as a whole with a critical eye to themes, symbolism, etc. because all that is supposed to mean something!

Chapter Text

Soundtrack Recommendations:

"eye-water" – Hiroyuki Sawano (Attack on Titan: Season 1 OST)

"Won't Let You Go (Mai Hai Tur Pai)" – Potato

"Beautiful World (Da Capo Version)" – Hikaru Utada (Rebuild of Evangelion 3.0+1.0 Thrice Upon a Time OST)

In the interview room, they had come to a natural silence. Levi crossed his arms again and let his eyes drop to the wooden table in front of him, not quite focusing on any one thing. Mikasa was gazing out the window, also deep in thought.

"What I just saw happen with you two today reminded me of that day four years ago. When the gate to Trost was breached," Mikasa said. "The graduation day of the 104th Cadet Corps."

Mikasa turned to face the group again. Armin's and her eyes met.

"When I found Armin, he said that Eren had pulled him out of a Titan's mouth and gotten eaten in his place. I wanted so badly to just give up and die... but just as I was about to be killed, something within me made me keep on living anyway."

She closed her eyes and dipped her head a little, remembering her feelings from that moment.

"I had to live so I could remember... who Eren was, and what he did for me."

That vow of remembrance rang too true for Levi as well. The visits to the cemetery, the memories that came unbidden in the night, the flickers of the dead he would see in the faces of the living. He had come to believe that remembering them all was his duty, his debt to them all for surviving without them.

"He saved me again that very moment in his Titan form, although I didn't know it was him," Mikasa continued. "And a bit later, he came out of the nape of his Titan—alive."

And she and Levi looked into each other's eyes.

"It was… a miracle," she said quietly. "Something I never would have thought was possible, until it was."

Levi glanced at Petra out of the corner of his eye. She gazed intently back at him.

"It sounds as if we Ackermans just don't know how to give up and die," Levi said.

"That, and maybe you guys are some good luck charm for bringing people back from the dead," Conny suggested.

There was a tinge of resentment in Conny's voice that did not go unnoticed. Jean looked from Conny, to Levi, to Petra, to Mikasa: none of them ventured to look at each other.

"Huh," Hange murmured, tilting their head back to ponder that.

Armin steered them onto a different topic: "Did you see... Erwin there?"

"Yes. He's there," Petra said.

Levi turned his head to look at her properly again.

"I told him to die, and he did—because I chose not to save him... Was he okay with that?"

Petra nodded. "Yes. He understood."

Levi nodded tacitly and left it at that.

She noticed more consciously that everyone was wearing the same green bolo tie that Levi had been wearing all day (save for Hange's red one that signified their upper-level status as a regiment commander).

"Those bolo ties you're all wearing... They're for when you retook Wall Maria, right?"

"Yes." Hange nodded grimly. "Only nine of us survived out of over 200."

Petra smiled at Hange, sensing a disturbance in their aura: more anxious over the pressure now.

"Commander Erwin is there, in the Paths, Hange. He's watching over you. And Armin, too." She smiled reassuringly at them. "You're doing everything that anyone could do in your situation. Both of you."

Armin looked downcast. "But Commander Erwin wasn't just anyone..."

"No, he wasn't," Levi said. And he looked directly at Armin now. "But neither are you."

Levi's burning conviction in his gaze made Armin uncomfortable—it made him feel unworthy. He turned away slowly. Erwin took well over a decade to build up the level of experience he had by the time he died, not to mention his natural leadership and charisma. Where was any of that in Armin?

I know you're trying to tell me that I'm valuable, too, Captain… or that Commander Erwin valued me… but I just don't know if I'm the one we need right now.

"Petra, would you like to read the reports of the 57th Expedition?" Hange asked seriously.

"Yes. Please."

"Commander Hange," Armin said, "after we bring her to the archives… do you think we should bring her to… Annie?"

Petra looked inquisitively at Armin. "Annie…?"

"Petra…" Armin began with deliberation, "we captured the Female Titan—the human inside is Annie Leonhart, from the 104th Cadet Corps. And we have her here, in this very building."

Petra's eyes narrowed and her expression grew cold. Levi felt a familiar, subtle shift in the air around her: the rage of bitter injustice that fueled an ice-cold resolution.

"Then I want to see her."

Levi had almost forgotten that unrestrained intensity that Petra had inside. It came out on missions when fighting, in training sessions, in situations when she was determined to achieve her goal. That same face that could hold a warm smile could also hold a menacing glare; and when she was really raging, she would even show her canine teeth and snarl like a wolf. But in truth, it made sense to him: after all, he was very much the same.

Petra stalked off down the hall after Hange and the others. Levi could tell that she was in battle mode now, not her peaceful and relaxed self. But what stood out to him even more was Armin, and the palpable guilt he exuded with every step. How had he regressed so much in confidence to where he was now, and how had he stayed there for four years already?

Levi reached out to tap Armin on the shoulder.

"Armin. Can I have a word with you? Alone?"

Armin looked even sadder at being singled out. He nodded slowly. The others passed them by and descended the stairs.

"Shit," Levi muttered. "Look, Armin: I'm not the greatest person at inspiring people or whatever… but I just feel like you could use a boost."

Armin was silent, feeling guilty at his incompetence. It must be so clear that anyone could perceive it on his face. Levi pursed his lips and then continued.

"To make great things happen, you have to be able to see them first. I can't dream big like you can... Maybe I've gotten too jaded with all these people dying on me- but you haven't."

Armin's eyes grew just a little wider. He did still want to believe in Levi's words, deep down inside….

"You can be better than any of us—even better than Erwin—because you can see things that only you can see."

Armin stuffed his hands in his pockets and looked down at the floor. He wanted to be worthy of this praise from his captain... Did having foolish dreams really matter much? Dreams that not even his best friend Eren could smile at in the end?

Levi was a little surprised at his own words coming out of his mouth. He sure wasn't one for speeches… but he couldn't help but feel some sense of responsibility for this kid that he had chosen, belated though it was. If it had taken him four years to figure out what he needed to do for Armin, then so be it. At least he was doing it now.

"All those self-doubts of yours…. They'll keep holding you back, but only if you let them." Levi reached out and pointed to the convex oval of Armin's bolo tie at his neck. "Remember everything you did that day. Remember what you sacrificed so that we could win. That was all you."

Armin finally felt the start of a releasing of the anxious tension in his chest that had plagued him. He lifted his head to look Levi in the eyes.

"You're right, Captain," he sighed. "You and Erwin entrusted things to me and Hange. We'll find a way out of all this..."

Armin's voice grew determined once more, for the first time in ages; it felt a little forced, but he would just have to force it until it grew to fit him again.

I will not be anyone's burden.… I can stand on my own.

"There is no other option," Armin concluded.

Levi nodded, relieved that he had gotten through to him. "That's right: you do it your way. Embrace it."

And Armin smiled when he remembered his Captain telling him something similar, way back when he needed to hear it then, just like now.

"I wanted to say that I'm sorry, Petra," Armin began. "It was my fault that the Female Titan killed so many people. I had suspected that it was Annie for a whole month, but I didn't tell anyone because… I didn't want to believe it." He sighed quietly and looked at his feet while shoving his hands into his jacket pockets. "And I brought you down to see her because I thought it was the only thing I could do to apologize to you..."

Petra sighed and propped her wrists on her hips.

"I appreciate you trying, but…."

She shook her head.

"I just don't think it's your apology to make." At this point, she turned away from him. "And I'm not ready to forgive her. Let her cry if she wants to, but it doesn't change what she did. Some things just can't be forgiven."

Armin hung his head.

"But I did also realize… no matter whose fault anything was, it doesn't change the past." She placed a hand on his shoulder, but she could not quite bring herself to smile to reassure him any further. "But thank you anyway."

Armin nodded in tacit acknowledgment of her stance. He then turned and picked up a stack of documents that he had set down on the bench near them.

"Here," Armin said, passing the papers to Petra. "I pulled these files for you while you were in the meeting. I guess you could say we're giving you some homework while you're on your guarding mission."

"Hmm, what's all this?"

"Copies of more reports on expeditions and information gathered by the Survey Corps." His analytical brain was working now, and it brought out his inner focus and determination. "As many of us as possible must learn as much as possible about Eren and his motivations. If there's any way to salvage this situation, it will come from understanding him. You were in the same squad with him, back in the day… if that counts for anything now."

She nodded solemnly.

"So please read everything you can and think it all through. Maybe you'll be able to help us come up with another way."

All was silent between them for a long moment.

"To come up with another way… to stop him somehow?"

At this, Armin sighed again.

"The others are… really upset—with what Eren did in Liberio. They're blaming him for Sasha," he admitted painfully. "They're not letting any of us talk to him so far…. But I can't help but think that if only we could just get through to him somehow…."

His shoulders slumped; he looked defeated.

"We'll all talk about things tonight. And I have a feeling that the way forward is to talk to Eren: just me and Mikasa. I don't know if Zachary will let us, but—we have to try."

He looked up again and met Petra's gaze, seemingly deep in thought.

"Maybe, if they allow us to tell him about you… he'll remember how he got here today… how much he's changed…."

Petra nodded sadly. "It's worth a try, at least…."

Mikasa, Jean, and Conny turned to see Armin enter the study. It was dusk outside by now and the lamps glowed warmly, but dimly. Mikasa and Jean sat on opposite couches, and Conny was at the window with the drapes open. There was plush upholstery on the furniture, drapes on the windows, and wooden bookshelves stuffed full. A room designed to stay in for a while and do little else but think.

"So," Armin said to everyone, "what do you guys think about what happened?"

"You mean with Petra?" Jean said. "I… have no idea what to think."

"Hey, if she and Captain Levi can be happy together now, then that's a good thing, right?" Conny said in a subdued voice; he was no longer his usual, carefree self, but standing lifelessly at the window. "But Sasha's still gone…."

"Conny…" Armin began haltingly.

"Why Petra, though? Why not Sasha, too?" Conny asked them all. "I can't be the only one thinking it."

Jean shook his head sadly. "Whatever you or any of us want, it doesn't change a thing."

Armin plunked down heavily on one of the couches, hanging his head.

"I know."

After a pause, Armin added, "Captain Levi went through this, too, Conny. Years of it—and more times than any of us have. And none of us even paid attention…."

Conny's expression grew even more tormented at this—this much was the undeniable truth.

Jean asked, "What about you, Mikasa?" He eyed her carefully to catch her reaction. "I guess you did talk for a bit about what you thought, but…."

Mikasa looked down at her feet.

"I knew," she said. "But he's our superior; he just preferred to hide it rather than burden any of us."

Jean tilted his head a little.

"But in the end… it is what it is," she concluded.

A collective sigh went around the room.

"We still haven't managed to attain a lasting peace," Jean continued. "It's still as dangerous as ever to get attached to anyone." He glanced at Mikasa out of the corner of his eye, then at Conny and Armin. Here I am, saying one thing, but look at us: all of us still ended up with a soft spot for someone….

"It's been a busy day for Zachary and Pyxis, too," Jean said, changing the subject at last. "To think Commander Pyxis would go so far as to detain the volunteers."

Armin added, "Since they and the Scouts are so close, we weren't told in advance."

"Yeah. I'm sure he didn't have much choice. Until Zeke's intentions are made clear, it puts us in a real pickle. And Eren's suddenly aboard Zeke's plan." Jean looked over at Mikasa the Eren Expert. "Whatever the two of them talked about is something only they know."

"Hey," Conny said, still facing the window. "Did that look like Eren to you guys?"

Mikasa dropped her head a little.

"Not me," he continued. "That wasn't Eren. If he's made up his mind to side with his half-brother over us…."

"If he has, then what?" Mikasa asked.

"We've gotta be prepared to cut him down if necessary—"

"I won't let you!" Mikasa spat out.

"Huh?" Conny turned his head again to look at her outburst. But she continued to sit quietly with her thoughts, not even turning to look at him.

Conny's eyes blazed so intensely that he could barely focus them. "Are you siding with them, too, Mikasa?"

She gasped, then seemed to come to her senses. "I don't think it'll come to that," she said more calmly. "Eren cares about us more than anyone. You guys should know that."

The others grunted uncomfortably as they looked around at each other.

"Maybe that's why he's so hostile to anyone who isn't one of us," Mikasa explained, trying to also make sense of things herself as she said them. "He cares too much."

"That's not it," Jean insisted. "No matter how strong you were, the old him tried to keep you off the front lines. But he made Armin destroy the port and pulled you into the fight. Me, Conny, and Sasha, too. The ones he called important."

"I think that's because he trusts us. If we hadn't gone, he couldn't have done it."

"And Sasha wouldn't have died," Conny said. "Sasha's ghost came to see us, sure, but she should still be here with us. Not dead." His eyes grew wide again with his inner torment. "Mikasa… when Sasha died, what did Eren do? Did he cry? Did he regret his actions?"

"Conny, stop," Jean said sharply. But Conny would not be stopped.

"He laughed."

Nobody could dispute that.

"What part of it was so funny to him? What part of Sasha dying?" he demanded, growing angrier and angrier with each word. "Explain it to me, Mikasa. Why was Eren laughing? You know everything about him, right?!"

That's right, she thought to herself. There was one other time that he did something like this….

"When Eren and I were surrounded by Titans after getting away from Reiner and Bertholdt," she began, "we thought we were all about to die. Not just us, but all of you, too. And back then, too, he… started to laugh."

Armin stared at her in shock. This was the first he had heard of this… maybe Mikasa did know Eren better in some ways after all.

"He laughed while he was crying, and he called himself 'as useless as he ever was'…." Her eyes dropped to her hands folded in her lap.

Conny sighed heavily, and Jean shook his head sadly.

Armin spoke up at last. "We'll talk to Eren. Just me, Mikasa, and him. We'll find out his goal."

"But will it help?" Jean asked. "What if his goals are the same as Zeke's?"

Armin looked off to one side, his gaze distant as he ruminated. "Now that the military has Titan serum, we've got options."

Mikasa gasped. "You don't mean—!"

"The option of making someone we trust into a Titan, who would then inherit Eren's Founding Titan."

Jean crossed his arms. "The Survey Corps is only going to keep being told about things after the fact. Especially if they're all things that we would protest against. How can we anticipate who that trusted person is, or when they would try to feed Eren to them?" He paused. "I can't imagine them succeeding, either. How would we possibly subdue someone with the power of three Titans?"

"Although, if you think about it…" Conny mused. Then his voice became graver than ever: "A new Survey Corps member did just conveniently fall into our laps today."

Everyone was taken aback.

"That can't be," Jean said. "Why is she going off to who knows where on the guarding mission tomorrow if they had any intention of turning her into a Titan?"

Mikasa looked pointedly at Jean, then at Armin, and said: "Maybe Eren isn't the only one they want to be prepared to eat."

"The serum may be stored in HQ, but it can be allocated as they see fit," Armin pointed out solemnly. "Considering they're guarding a Titan Shifter who was our enemy in the past… I'd be surprised if they don't get sent off with any serum at all."

In that time of relative peace and discovery when the Survey Corps and the Volunteers were working hand in hand, Hange was eager to learn more about the Ackerman powers experienced by Levi and Mikasa. Thus began a period of ostensibly voluntary experimentation that tended to feel like anything but. They told each other that they were doing it for Hange—for humanity—for science! But after losing virtually all their privacy and control over their time, they could not help but grow weary. They even had to sleep in underground jail cells every evening for overnight observation, like Eren once did at Survey Corps Headquarters. They were deprived of sleep for three days straight (after which they passed out asleep for another three days), deprived of physical exercise for a week, made to lift as much weight as they could handle, and any complaint of soreness, tiredness, or headache was documented in great detail. Hange was particularly humiliating after feeding them a purely meat-based diet for a week (because "Titans only eat meat, too"):

"I can't believe I agreed to any of this," Levi muttered as he passed his waste bucket through the half-open cell door.

Hange peered into the contents with genuine curiosity and sloshed them around a little. "Hmm, you seem to be getting constipated, too…."

"Like anyone else would if they got no vegetables." He shoved Hange out the door and pulled it shut immediately, locking himself in to keep Hange away from him.

Hange chuckled and strolled off with the bucket hanging from one hand. "I dunno… Sasha never seems to complain!"

In a test of the effects of sunlight deprivation, Mikasa found herself spending every day and night for a whole week in the same underground jail cell that she had served her insubordination time in—although this time in the cell next door to the person who she had originally been put in there for defying the previous time. Just like last time, she was growing a little thinner every day, and the numbers on the weight scale corroborated it. Levi might have also been noticeably losing muscle… but somehow, it was harder to tell on him—and it was hard to see through his shirts to notice….

After five nights in, Mikasa was sitting on her bed with her arms around her knees, thinking one thought after another to fill the empty space in her head.

"Hey, Captain Levi?" Mikasa called out quietly into the dimly lit space. The sound of her voice enveloped the room, bouncing off the stones built into the walls, floor, and ceilings.

She heard him get up from the bed with a squeak of the bed springs.

I thought he didn't sleep much, she thought to herself. He got up so quick…. Was he even lying down in the bed, or just sitting on the edge of it like another chair?

She got up from her own bed and walked quietly over to the wall between them.

"Yeah."

She felt his presence there now, on the other side of the wall. Why are there always more walls out there that we didn't even know existed?

"I miss people," Mikasa admitted at last. "It's just the two of us down here with that guard over there, and… we can't even see each other."

Levi got up to rummage through his bag for something and came back over. He stuck a small hand mirror through the bars.

"Look," Levi said. "If you look at it from the right angle, you might see me."

Mikasa leaned over and saw the top of her own face in the dim reflection—as well as his own face on the other side. And when they compared each other side by side, they saw reflections not just of themselves, but of themselves in each other. He always had those dark circles around his eyes, and a sadness borne from a lifetime of pain and loss. But even so, she had to admit that there was something about him that demanded attention—because of what he had been through in his life, that compelled others to respect him. To follow him until death. She wasn't sure if she could say the same kinds of things about herself… but seeing the intensity in her own gray eyes that mirrored his, it showed her a part of herself that she didn't tend to give much thought to. That fierce, determined look of a survivor: of an Ackerman.

"All this stupidity we have to put up with from these guys, just because we're 'distant cousins' or whatever," Levi muttered.

"That's true," Mikasa said. "If being an Ackerman weren't this noticeable, we wouldn't have even known we were related at all."

She reached out as well to hold the other side of the mirror; their fingers touched. She felt a warm comfort from the contact with his skin. And she wasn't quite sure what to feel about that…. But she at least knew that it felt good. That it felt comforting to have someone else out there who knew exactly what it was like to be her—uniquely blessed, and uniquely cursed.

Mikasa smiled the tiniest bit at him through the mirror's reflection.

"But in the end… I'm glad that we figured it out," she said. "It's nice to have someone who can have your back."

Levi's hand holding the mirror wavered slightly; she thought she saw his grip on the mirror's edge tighten between his thumb and forefinger. Then he pulled the mirror back in to himself and turned to put it away.

"Better get some rest, Mikasa," he murmured. "We need to relax while we can so we can withstand tomorrow's tortures."

Laying awake on her bed soon after, Mikasa asked herself, I wonder if I said something wrong….

The last major theory they wanted to test was how Ackerman power affected memory. In one of the interview rooms, Eren and Historia jointly examined the memories of multiple non-Ackermans as control test subjects before bringing in Mikasa and Levi at last.

"Somehow I always end up being dragged into another humiliating experiment for you people," Jean had grumbled loudly when it had been his turn.

Eren asked obtusely, "How did you draw a picture of Mikasa if you hadn't even met her yet?" Which earned him a death stare from Jean and a sad shake of the head from Historia.

"It's okay, Jean; it's just us in here," Historia reassured him. She looked over at Hange in the corner, who smiled a bit too playfully for comfort; the rabid gleam in their eye was the opposite of reassuring.

"Hmph." Jean crossed his arms. "That's exactly the problem."

"Well, anyway, it seems as if we can't manipulate anyone's memories without the full access to the Founding Titan's powers," Historia concluded somberly.

"You mean, unless you become a Titan yourself," Eren said. His eyes plainly told his stance against the idea.

Mikasa's turn was second to last. She was given a prompt on a piece of paper that said, "sunny".

"Think of a memory that happened on a sunny day," Hange instructed her.

Eren and Historia joined hands to make skin-to-skin contact; a little jolt of electricity encircled their entwined fingers. Then they reached out with each of their free hands to touch Mikasa on the hand as well.

Sunny day… those two together….

She recalled the time when Eren and Historia had been kidnapped together by Rod Reiss, and it had taken a long road to get them back. Even though the two of them were not physically there with Squad Levi, they were the reason for everything they had gone through back then: they loomed large in everyone's minds…. It was a long period in Eren's past that Mikasa had not been by his side to experience with him. It was a time she had spent working alongside the other people in her life, not just him….

A sunny day. Armin and Jean as decoys for Historia and Eren. Mikasa and Levi convening on the roof of a building.

"They're going to see through Armin's disguise if we don't hurry…" Mikasa had said to Levi.

"I see," Levi said; his eyes narrowed perceptively. He had surely encountered such lascivious men in the past, too.

She added more quietly, "I feel bad for him, too."

It occurred to her at the time that it hadn't been too long since she had caused Levi's ankle injury. The guilt had still lingered in her conscience for a while. Yet he was already running around and using his ODM gear again. Did he really fully recover that quickly?

"How's your leg?" she asked him, turning her head slightly to see him out of her right side.

"It's moving pretty well," he commented, rubbing his knee a little. "It's not bad."

The moment moved on to the next, and his tacit forgiveness of her past carelessness concluded things for her. She resolved to be more considerate of him, after he had done the same for her….

"I still can't believe you used a boy as a decoy for me," Historia huffed. "That definitely wouldn't have worked if you had done that now."

"I'm telling you: that horse-face Jean has never looked like me," Eren muttered.

Hange laughed from the corner. "Oh, so that's what you guys saw? I would have liked to see that, too!" they cackled.

Mikasa sighed to herself. Somehow, even though Eren could be so simple-minded, she found Levi to be much simpler to understand than Eren….

And finally, after Mikasa exited the room, in came Levi.

Levi's paper said, "raining". As Eren and Historia reached out to touch his hand, Levi noticed that they themselves were holding hands. It triggered a memory as they touched him….

Levi and Petra were caught in the rain on their way back to the barracks, and they sought refuge under the eaves of a civilian house. It felt like a lifetime ago; they were both still so young, and still the same rank. They held hands to keep from slipping, and their faces were close. Levi smelled the electric freshness in the air that only comes with the rain. They looked into each other's eyes and held their breath at the tension between them. Her eyes were wide and inquisitive, asking him what he was feeling. He looked down and rubbed his thumb on the back of her hand, then looked back into her eyes. The potential for more hung heavily between them. But they kept their eyes open; they did not get any closer.

Eren gave him a meaningful look through their shared vision of the scene in their minds, to which Levi stared flatly back.

"Stop that, Eren," Historia admonished him.

Eren shrugged. "What? He wishes it had gone differently."

Levi said, "Eren, leave it alone." This is so invasive…. They didn't need to see any of that.

With a not-quite conscious effort, Levi found himself closing off the memory to Eren and Historia, and all three of them were jolted back into the present reality. Eren and Historia were both left blinking, seemingly startled at actually being pushed out of his mind.

Levi was resolute.

"They're my memories. And it is how it is."

Historia looked at him with some sadness in her eyes. "All this time, you were holding on to that?"

"I don't want to talk about it." He had that blank expression on his face again: the one that had always succeeded at repelling people away from his real, inner world.

Historia nodded. "Don't worry; we won't tell anyone. Right, Eren?"

Eren continued to watch him, deep in thought. "Right."

Petra walked slowly alongside Levi in the afternoon fog as he took them to the bathhouse for officers. It was a relief to finally get to talk, just the two of them for once.

"I said all those things to Annie..." she began, suddenly hesitating to continue. "But all I got were tears instead of answers..."

Her eyes grew sad.

"Is that what it was like for you, too?" she asked him quietly. "All those times at my grave, just talking to a stone that couldn't say anything back?"

Levi was silent, but she swore she could feel the turmoil within him.

"You know, I've been thinking," she continued.

"About what?"

Petra brushed a loose strand of hair behind her ear, feeling a little self-conscious now.

"Maybe we've been a bit too hard on ourselves all this time. I mean, it's not as if we're starting from zero together..." And she looked over at his face; he turned to look back at her with a knowing look in his eyes. "Even if we never put words to things, we did still feel something for each other. Didn't we."

"... Yeah."

She looked ahead again at where they were walking. For a few long moments, there was nothing but the sound of their footsteps on the ground, in tandem with each other.

"Then all we have left to do is decide. To say what we mean; and stand by our words."

They were standing still now, gazing into each other's eyes to search for each other's thoughts.

"It's—scary—having something to lose," Levi finally said. "But losing something that I never quite had in the first place... That's not something I ever want to happen again."

But why now? Why today, when he had just resolved to finally let go of the memory of her?

Levi spoke again: "Today, I had finally decided to move on... And only then did you come back."

Petra pursed her lips and nodded. "The truth is... A bit ago, I had also come around to something like that... Maybe that had been the key all along: maybe that was what real love was...

"I want you to know that this doesn't mean I didn't care for you," Petra insisted. "But I'm sorry... for having let go of you first."

Levi smiled sadly.

"If anything, that means that you cared enough to let me go." He laughed a brief "huh" to himself, then added, "But I didn't end up even wanting to move on…."

Petra sighed. "Still, though…. It is different being alive," she mused. "Being dead meant being detached from the world of the living; I couldn't afford to get that invested in what happens because I had no control over it. But now I do."

Levi nodded and waited for her to continue.

"But now there's pressure. Zachary, Pyxis, Hange… everyone wants me to keep making a difference here and 'do what I came here to do', I guess… but it's hard to know where to start."

Levi nodded again. "It's like that when all of us are born. No one can tell us who we're supposed to be or what we're supposed to do with our lives."

He looked up at the overcast afternoon sky, with the obscuring clouds gathering to prepare to blanket the coming night.

"We just have to keep on living until we figure it out one day."

She hugged herself instinctively and tucked her chin down as the air grew chillier.

I hope I can live long enough to see that day….

"Finally: a bath," Petra enthused, albeit wearily. After spending an entire day looking as if she had had a bucket of water dumped on her head, she finally got to dump another bucket of water on her head—but of her own accord this time. And there they were, standing in their towels and just looking at each other. It was obvious to the other that they were ostensibly looking at each other's faces, but with their vision broad enough to take in much more than that.

I have seen him shirtless before on whatever random times, haven' t I…? Although has he seen me in nothing but a towel? She started to blush a little, and she cupped her hands in her cheeks to try to hide it under the pretense of squeezing some energy into her face.

Levi began, "I'm sorry we couldn't go earlier. But I figure that it would be better to not be rushed when you need to decompress."

"Yes…" she sighed and nodded. "That's true."

Petra's eyes lit up as she fiddled with the faucet knobs. "Wow, hot water on demand, right out of a spout..."

"Well… I end up using a bucket anyway," he said simply, and he passed her a second bucket and water scoop from the stack just in case. "Subordinates are normally in the other showers; they only get cold water."

"Huh. But aren't I your subordinate?"

Levi paused. "I honestly don't know what you are at this point." And he paused again. "But Pyxis still thinks you are."

He guided her over to a stall in the far corner and took the stall right next to her. They could hear—or rather, they were listening to—the mutual rustling of their towels as they took them off and hung them on hooks on the wall. As she stood naked by herself in the stall, Petra took a good, long look at her own body for the first time. The bite mark on her hand was still gone, but so were all the little birthmarks, moles, and scars she had accumulated from an active childhood and her years spent as a cadet, and then later, as a Scout. The entire surface of her skin all the way down to her nail beds seemed to have been scrubbed clean of every possible imperfection or abuse that a human body could sustain. She turned her hands over, inspecting her palms, then the backs of her hands with an eye to detail, and found no detail out of place.

"Are you okay?" Levi asked. He was also standing still, craning his neck over to catch her eye.

"Huh... are you done already?"

"Yeah."

She heaved a sigh. How did guys manage to get it all done so fast? She swore that he couldn't have been splashing water and lathering up for more than two minutes at most. Meanwhile, she had only managed to rinse herself with one scoopful of water so far...

"I was just—looking at my body," she began, suddenly aware of how strange she was sounding. "I look like myself, for the most part; I feel like myself; but it's not the same... I'm not the same."

He picked up his towel and absentmindedly started drying himself off. "You didn't have that bite mark on your hand," he finally commented. "Do you mean that?"

"Yeah... All my birthmarks and moles and scars... they're all gone, too."

"But in the end... you're still you," he concluded. "Same brain, same memories... same face. Same body. At least, from what the rest of us can tell. Maybe there is something else in you now that you didn't have before—or maybe you just got a newborn baby makeover. Does it really matter?" He was done drying himself and now he wrapped his towel around his waist again.

"I guess not. Not as far as I can tell."

Petra gazed all around her, taking the environment in more fully.

"Well, anyway... This place is really cool. But still, why shouldn't everyone get hot water if it's available?"

"Beats me. Maybe 'cause suffering toughens up the newbies."

He peered over at her over the top of the divider to see her sitting on her stool.

"They also don't even get dividers between the stalls," he added.

She looked up from where she was sitting and met his eyes on her. He didn't even blink; he just openly stared at her.

"Are you done?" he asked without looking away.

"Yes."

"Good."

They looked away from each other at last. Petra reached for her towel and fastened it around over her breasts. As they were walking out of their stalls, they made eye contact yet again. She felt compelled to take a small step towards him, but he started to close the distance first: he walked the couple of steps over to Petra's stall to approach her, and he pulled her in so close that their noses touched. But although she half-closed her eyelids in anticipation of a kiss, he turned it into a fierce, tight hug instead. His body tensed up against her, and he could not even breathe fully.

"What is it?" she asked.

"There are things I want—but I don't know if I should want them, or if I can even have them..."

"Levi. Look at me." She pressed their foreheads together; he closed his eyes to avoid looking at her while he processed his thoughts internally. "I'm right here, alive, right in front of you. There's no one telling you what you should or shouldn't want..."

Levi finally opened his eyes and stared intensely into hers. "And what about you? What do you want?"

"I want to feel alive." She half-closed her eyes and nuzzled the tip of her nose against his. "I want everything."

Levi's gaze softened as he took in her face. Her golden eyes calmed his spiraling thoughts and invited his heart in, without judgment or imposition of demands. Just simple desires and hopes, and no self-questioning of shoulds or coulds. She was just there, there with him in that moment, right where she wanted to be.

So finally, he leaned his head in and met her in the middle for their first real kiss. And the one kiss became two, then three, all melting together into one continuous touch of passion, slowly releasing from the uncertainty that caged it. He guided her against the wall of his stall and kissed her one more time. Then he stopped and looked into her eyes.

"What are we doing? … Is this real?"

"It is…." She gazed back at him and reached her nearest hand up to wrap around his hand that was bracing against the wall. He leaned in hungrily for another kiss, then just one more….

He broke away at last to say, "Wait, we should go somewhere else. People might see..."

"See what, exactly?"

Levi looked hazily into her eyes. "Everything."

He grabbed her by the hand and guided her over to the door to a steam room in an unassuming corner. The inside of the room was encircled with two levels of wooden benches mounted to the walls. In the corner of the steam room there was a small metal container filled with round, smooth stones heated by a small fireplace. He scooped a bit of water out of a nearby bucket and splashed some on the stones with a loud sizzle to add some humidity to the air.

"Huh, a steam room…?" she observed out of vague curiosity. "I don't think I've ever gotten to actually go to one of these before…." If her eyelids had not already gone heavy with arousal, she might have been more interested in asking questions….

He hung his towel over the window by draping it over the top of the door, and he locked the door with an audible click. She glanced at his butt for a split second before sliding her arms around his waist to hug herself to his back. He was just staring at her naked outside in the bath area….

He guided her over to sit on one of the wooden benches fused to the wall, pushed her back against the wall and climbed up to kneel right next to her on the bench. He reached out slowly and deliberately with a hand and undid her towel from the front where it folded over her breasts, unwrapping her body like a present. She looked at him with her quiet eyes both coy and inviting. He gazed up and down for a long moment upon her glorious nakedness: her lean, supple muscles of her limbs and abdomen, the curves of her bare breasts rising and falling with her breath, how very sexy her face looked when her hair was damp and messy. She interrupted his gazing by pulling him by the shoulder for another kiss.

He summoned the courage to touch her outer thigh and run his fingers slowly over her skin. She held his hand in her own and spread her legs, knees pointed upward and feet on the bench surface, guiding his fingers up her inner thigh to touch her where she wanted. He kissed her again as he gently probed her wetness and started to rub her slowly up and down the swollen folds around her clit while she guided his movement with her hand over his. She squeezed her eyes shut at the sensation and settled on a slow but purposeful rhythm of touch. When she was satisfied that he now knew what to do, she let his hand go and ran her own hand through his wet hair. She held his head close to hers so she could moan softly in his ear, like a secret message for only him to hear.

He vaguely noticed some pre-cum dripping from his erection onto her thigh, so he took a moment to wipe it off her with the edge of the towel, and then pressed himself into the towel to stem the flow. He could hardly believe that he was already spilling semen in someone else's presence, much less onto her…. But she reached out with her hand to guide him to resume his touching, and he willingly refocused on her.

This isn't a dream, is it…? This is way too real to be a dream.

When he pressed too hard (his touch too intense), she pushed her hips back into the wall to try in vain to get away from him. But when he touched her just right, she moaned and lifted her hips into him to ask for more. And through these moments of trial and error, she taught him the language of her pleasure.

She moaned more and more desperately as her pleasure grew towards climax, which made him rub faster in turn.

"Are you there yet?" he whispered in her ear.

"Almost—almost—" She gasped again and again and squeezed her eyes shut. "Yes—there—oh!" she managed to choke out just as she started to orgasm. The waves of ecstasy coursed and spread through her, and he kept on touching her to keep her there. She panted loudly in a combination of bliss, desperation, and vague panic at the prolonged intensity of the sensation; her body quivered and shook against him. Like being trapped in a prison that she both did and didn't want to be let out of.

He finally slowed his movements when he was satisfied with her satisfaction; he kissed her with his free hand and came up for air by breathing on her forehead while she also panted breathlessly into his chest. She lifted his wet hand away at last and used her towel to slowly dry his fingers off.

She looked up at him suggestively and asked, "What about you?"

Levi's eyes narrowed barely perceptibly. "I don't have any—you know—"

"I don't care," she sighed and pulled him in by the back of his neck for another kiss.

He pulled away slowly afterward and stared at her, trying to read between the lines of her words. "Are you sure?"

"We wasted so much time before," she insisted. "I'm not going to waste any more."

He locked eyes with her intensely for just a moment, then leaned in for another long kiss. He arranged the towel to cover as much of the bench as possible, and he guided her over to lay on her back on top of it. She spread her legs again, this time to allow his hips in between them. Her face looked alluringly coy, with a feral beauty from her half-dried, messy hair. He held her head in one hand and sank his fingers into the tangles as he kissed her on the lips yet again.

She reached down and slowly ran her fingers up his hardness while they kissed; he held her wrist and pushed her hand away and down next to her head. He stayed outside her at first, rubbing the tip of his penis slowly up and down the sides of her clit, teasing her. She was even more sensitive after having just come from the touch of his fingers there, and the pleasure was almost unbearable.

She turned her head to one side and moaned with her mouth open; at one point, her tongue made its way slightly out, almost past her lips, and reaching for her thumb. Somehow the sight turned him on even more than he already was, and he ground his tip even harder into the base of her clit to help release his tension. A cry of desperation caught fast in her throat, and she gasped.

He noticed her breasts in easy access and started lightly kissing one nipple while playing with the other with his thumb. He explored with his lips and tongue, then took the breast into his mouth and started to suck, gently at first, then harder and stronger, all the while continuing to stroke around her clit with his tip. She moaned forcibly with the exquisite sensation of the combined stimulation, and when she tilted her head back in agonizing pleasure, he switched his lips to her other breast and started the same sequence there. She hazily noted that he was probably only able to physically do it all at the same time because he was so close to her in height. They really were made for each other...

Finally, when she could stand it no longer, she cried out in desperate anticipation and lifted her hips into him, causing him to slide down and settle in her entrance. He pushed himself fully into her, and they both moaned quietly as they savored this new sensation of him inside her, and her around him. His pleasure built and grew more and more as he thrusted, first in a slow, deliberate rhythm, then gradually quickening until he found a faster tempo that she responded to the best. He felt himself reaching the point of no return, feeling the aching burn.

"Should I—pull out?" he panted.

She shook her head vigorously.

"No—keep—going—" she gasped as she squeezed her eyes shut.

As he finally felt himself coming, he released a tortured groan into the back of her ear and felt his breath catch in his throat as his pleasure peaked and burst in waves inside her. He simultaneously told himself that this couldn't be real, and that it definitely was. She moaned through closed lips as she tilted her head back, and then opened her mouth to groan softly while she felt him orgasming deep inside her. She tightened her inner muscles around him, clamping around his vibrations to feel it better; he stifled another groan. When he was sure he was done ejaculating, he pushed her thighs open even wider with his hands as if to counter her show of strength with his own at the very end. He pushed himself into her once more as deep as he could go, and he continued to thrust with the rest of his hardness so he could feel her around him for as long as possible, and feel her desperate, panting breaths against his ear.

Petra cradled him in her arms as he lay on top of her fully spent, not even managing to pull himself out yet. They breathed heavily and quickly against each other, their eyes closed and their faces pressed close.

Levi finally said, "I feel like—I should say something—right now… but I don't know what… or how…."

"You don't need to say anything," she told him. She brushed a strand of wet hair back behind his ear. "I already know."

"I'm sorry… I'm not good with—telling people things…."

"And that's okay." She closed her eyes and kissed him gently.

Levi sighed. "We should shower again…."

"Do we have enough time?"

"We'll make time." And he kissed her again, slowly and deeply. They both came out of it gasping for air; their hearts were still racing against each other.

After a few quiet moments, she thought to ask him, "How was I?"

"Fucking sexy," he groaned; he ran his lips against her collarbone and ended up on the side of her neck. "What about me?"

"I'd give you... a 12 out of 10." And she chuckled a little to herself at how mere numbers—and even words—were not quite enough to describe her satisfaction.

He kissed her on the side of her neck a second time. He could already see some hickeys starting to blossom on her neck, but he couldn't manage to stop himself from indulging anyway.

"How do I get to 13?"

"My, my, you are ambitious."

He murmured in agreement and started to suck on her nearest earlobe.

"Hmm, make me tea later," she decided.

And he smiled a little at her giving him orders now.

"Understood," he murmured into her ear. He basked in the feeling of her warm, trembling body against his, fully intending to commit every inch of her body to his memory, and he silently prayed that he would never have to lose her again.

Oruo looked on with shock from the Paths as Levi and Petra kissed passionately while wearing only their towels. His mouth hung slightly agape at the sight.

Eld clapped a hand roughly on his shoulder, grinning broadly.

"Time to move on, Oruo. As I've been telling you this whole time: you really never had a chance."

Oruo shook his head mournfully. "The Captain is forevermore... the man I never was." And he sobbed a little in both admiration and resignation.

Nifa, Petra's longtime friend with short red hair, lounged on a grassy bank behind the others. She chuckled fondly to herself and pitched pebbles from her hand one by one. "It's about time, you two."

Sasha was standing next to Oruo, working her way around a barbecue rib and enjoying every moment.

"Ooh, Captain. Getting steamy in there!" She licked some barbecue sauce off her fingers in a playfully sensual way, actively spectating in the scene they were spying on.

"Wow, Sasha," Nanaba said. "You do have a naughty side…."

Gelgar also made his presence known; he was still very much drunk. "Hell, yeah! Get it, Petra!"

"Wait," Levi said to Petra, "we should go somewhere else. People might see..." And he glanced around surreptitiously at their hidden voyeurs whose eyes he felt on him….

The scene in the baths suddenly went black.

"Censored." Gunther covered his eyes with his hand. "Thank God."

Sasha threw up her hands. "Awwww what? It was just getting juicy!"

"It was gonna be so hot," Gelgar sobbed in disappointment, reaching out with both hands as if to touch the empty space where Levi and Petra had just been.

Kenny was full-on belly laughing. "He finally does me proud. I guess that girl is special."

"I knew it all along," Kuchel proclaimed proudly. And she mused aloud, "I know I used to feel terrible when I caught him peeking at me with my customers. But now I'm just hoping that he learned the things he should have!"

Kenny looked genuinely disturbed by her. "Thank God I never went to prostitutes. You're even more twisted in the head than I am, talking about your own damn son like that."

"My adult son in a relationship needs to remember a thing or two from me, not just you. And you never went to prostitutes because I made you promise not to; not because you had some noble reason for being celibate," she sniffed.

"Hell if I'm making any mini-me's on accident. I said I'm not suited to be anyone's father..."

"Anyway, though," she said more seriously. "I can't help but feel a little jealous of them."

"Oh really?"

She sighed. "It would have been nice to have been able to find someone to love that much, myself..."

"Ah, well," Sasha said. "Back to your lives, people. Or deaths. Whatever."

Erwin crossed his arms and smiled paternally. "Well, I hope this means that he has something else to give meaning to his life, other than killing himself trying to avenge me." His eyes narrowed in seriousness. "But if this had happened while I was around, I would have had some choice words for them for sure." And he glanced aside. "I mean, in the public bath, of all places…."

Sasha asked, "You don't think he'll really go that far, will he? Dying for revenge?"

Kenny waved his hand dismissively. "Nah. If there's anything he's gonna get himself killed over now, it's gonna be her."

"Don't say things like that," Kuchel huffed. "We don't need any more tragic things happening to this family…."

"Eh, it seems like we're all magnets for tragedy no matter what. But we're tough, aren't we: we're Ackermans."

Chapter 4: Fire

Summary:

The recorded interview of Levi and Petra concludes, raising some vital questions. Levi and Petra take a shower. Levi takes Petra to his housing quarters for the night, and they talk at length over tea and settle each other's lingering doubts.

Notes:

I admit that this weekly posting schedule is becoming unsustainable to my life. While I greatly enjoy being able to post and share with you all so regularly, I'm going to have to cut back to posting once every two weeks for now. There are lots of things I need to be spending more time on (not to mention the chapters keep on getting longer: 10,000 words per chapter is fast becoming the norm, and it is kind of brutal!).

I don't want to spoil too much, but I'm putting a TRIGGER WARNING over this story as a whole, for any sex, sexual assault, pregnancy, or related trauma.

Chapter Text

Soundtrack Recommendations:

"Shingeki Pf-Medley 20130629 Kyojin" – Hiroyuki Sawano (Attack on Titan: Season 2 OST)

"Tears" – Yoshiki

"Tears" - X-Japan

Near the end of the interview, Armin thought of one last topic to ask about:

"Petra: you've mentioned that soldiers and civilians alike were in the Paths with you. But did you also happen to see any Titan Shifters?"

Petra nodded. "I met two Founding Titans and former rulers of the Walls: Uri Reiss, and his niece Frieda. They seemed to mostly be concerned about Historia…." And she glanced pointedly at Levi out of the corner of her eye. Levi looked back and blinked slowly once, but otherwise did not betray any emotion.

Hange said, "Well, Levi, I'm glad you had the foresight to arrange for this to be an official interview. I think I can speak for everyone here when I say: this amount of new intel from you, Petra, is... astounding."

Hange rocked back on their heels and crossed their arms.

"I instruct all of you here to keep strictly confidential what we've just discussed. Only those of us in this room, the commanders of the other two regiments, and Premier Zachary are to know about Petra's identity or the circumstances of her arrival here."

Jean added, "Not to mention this stuff about the Paths, and this girl Ymir from the distant past... I guess the Ymir we all knew from before was named after the original Founder Ymir..."

Armin said, "It works to our advantage that only the people in this room had joined the Scouts before Petra's death. They won't have known she was even around before..."

"Except for Eren," Mikasa mentioned tersely.

Armin looked pointedly at Mikasa, as if reminding her of someone she had forgotten to consider—or chosen not to. "And Historia."

"What about Reiner?" Jean asked. "He was still a Scout for the 57th Expedition back then, too..."

Conny scratched his head. "Reiner's still in Marley—at least for now. And I'm not sure how relevant Petra was to him, to be honest."

Hange then said, "This is about more than just Petra now, Conny. This is about the Paths. Its existence and its mechanics may not be fully known by Marley yet. And if this place—and the Founder Ymir—are the keys to the Power of the Titans, then you can bet that Marley will be very interested in that."

And the whole room grew tense at the foreboding of that eventuality. After they had destroyed Liberio, a counterattack from Marley was a question of when, not if.

"Armin," Hange continued, "please end the recording." Armin nodded and dutifully and turned to click off the machine. The spooling ribbons for recording their audio input came to a sudden, visible stop.

Hange leaned onto the table to directly face Levi and Petra.

"There is one more question I had. But given recent events going on within the ranks of the military, I want to be cautious about what goes on record here. So, Petra… what did the Founder Ymir look like?"

Petra sheepishly realized that she had forgotten to mention that. "It was a young girl with straight blonde hair, cut straight at her shoulders… she wore a cloth headband and a ragged dress, and cloth shoes bound with leather strips…."

She crossed her arms and tilted her head down to help herself recall better.

"The last thing I remember in the Paths before I ended up in the Titan's belly was that Ymir was standing next to me; she looked up at me and smiled, and I saw her eyes for the first time. Hazel-colored eyes…."

Levi, who had already been gazing intently at Petra as she spoke, now turned his head away to look at Hange.

"The Titan that Petra came out of looked the same. Same hair, same eyes," Levi said. His words hung heavy with consequence. "I might have been the only one who saw it." With that, he glanced around the room at everyone in turn; everyone shook their heads.

"I wonder…" Petra said quietly. She looked down and traced the wood grains in the tabletop in front of her, trying to piece the pieces together….

"I'm thinking the same as you," Hange said. "It's highly likely that your body you're in right now was made from the body of Ymir."

Petra finished Hange's thought, her voice wavering a little with anxiety: "The Founding Titan."

Levi sighed and leaned his elbows on the table. "It's still just a theory," he concluded. "This doesn't change anything. At least… not yet."

Petra continued to stare at the table.

"At the end of the day, you're still our Petra," Hange said reassuringly. "But even so, the time may come when this all very well might matter. And if and when it does, it will be vital that we maintain control of this information. Therefore, nobody is to mention this theory of ours to anyone outside this room. Not even the branch commanders or Premier Zachary. Understood?"

And with that, the former 104th sprang to attention and saluted as one.

"Yes, Commander!"

Petra continued to sit, feeling too numb to salute her commander at the cue. Neither did Levi… she felt her hand being pulled over towards him, and she turned to look at him. Their eyes met as he held his own warm hand reassuringly around hers under the table. This time she could make out an air of determination in his countenance, and in the intensity of his steely blue eyes. She had long noticed that his eyes looked more blue than gray when he seemed to feel strongly about something—or someone….

The steam in the air blanketed their sweaty bodies, making their skin slick and their hair glossy. Petra held Levi in her arms and peered closely into his eyes—still more blue than gray…. But he closed them soon enough and leaned down to start to kiss her. As their lips softly connected, she slid her hands over his muscle definition that shone in the light above them. She could clearly feel where the pointed corners and trapezoids of each individual muscle ended and the next one began…. As she touched his chest and migrated her hand down one side of his abs, she felt the heat of desire spread inside her anew. He sensed this and started to let his own hands wander over her. He appreciated the feel of her own muscles in his hands: she was strong for her size, too—every muscle also well-toned, although her feminine parts had not seemed to suffer any shortcomings, either. He ventured a feel of her nearest breast, rubbing small circles on her nipple until it grew hard. She moaned appreciatively and moved his hand over to her other breast to do the same to her there.

She tilted her head back and took in the sight of the lantern flickering and glowing warmly as it hung from the ceiling. Its radiance lingered in her eyes even after she closed them to focus on his touch.

He kissed her deeply again; any moment when she closed her eyes was a moment he felt irresistibly compelled to do so. He caressed around the half-moons of her ass with both his hands while their lips parted to breathe; she was well-toned down there, too, but also femininely rounded on top of that—plenty enough that she didn't fit into his hands. If he hadn't just come a few mere minutes ago, he was certain that he would have gone hard by now….

As their breathing gradually slowed, Levi got up on his hands and knees to slowly pull himself out of her. She sighed in resignation as she felt him slide out and she closed her eyes to prolong the memory of his touch. He slid his strong, rough hands around the tops of her thighs and closed her legs to give her her modesty back.

"Petra. Come on; it's time to get up," he murmured quietly.

She moaned quietly to herself and curled her legs up into a fetal position and rolled over to face the wall, smiling faintly. He was still hovering over her on his hands and knees, gazing blissfully down at her in his post-coital brain fog. As she squeezed her thighs together, she could still almost feel the sensation of him inside her...

"I'm gonna need a new towel," she said teasingly.

She eased her towel out from under her and rolled onto her back again, and she reached down with a towel corner draped over her hands to dry him off. He leaned in and kissed her on the mouth as she encircled the base of his shaft and rubbed along its length in gentle, buffing motions, slowly making her way down to his tip. He slid one of his own hands down and demonstrated silently to her how to pull back his foreskin.

"So that's how that works," she whispered as her hands took over for his. She lifted her head off the bench and pecked him on the lower lip. He inhaled sharply and jerked his head back a little at the electric sensitivity as she touched the towel fibers to his naked tip.

"It's better to use water to—get that all clean in there," he said back lustily. He held her down for another kiss and groaned into her mouth. He wanted so badly to get hard again…. But he took it as a sign that it was, indeed, time to progress to a shower after all. With much willpower, he finally sat up on his haunches, got his feet to the floor again, and took her towel from her hand to wrap around his own waist.

"Hey, wait—" she started to protest. But then he unlocked the door and brought that towel covering the door window to her to use instead.

"You did say you needed a new towel," he explained.

She blushed a little and accepted the towel from him. Out of habit, she turned around as she wrapped it around her chest, but she questioned why she was still acting as if she had anything to hide from him.

They indeed wore each other's towels when they finally emerged from the steam room. The place was thankfully still deserted. Levi guided Petra over to the same stall that he had been using earlier.

"We can take a real shower for once..." he said, looking at her as if to ask her for permission.

Petra said suggestively, "Can you… show me how to do it?"

They were once again standing very close together; their forearms brushed up against each other's. She turned her gaze down and reached up to undo her own towel, but he intercepted her hand with his own, reaching his thumb into her cleavage and pulling the towel towards him by its edge.

Levi turned the knobs, so the water stream came out of the showerhead above them, rather than the spout near the floor.

"I normally don't use the shower to save on water," he explained as he got the water sprinkling down over their heads, "but if we both use the same showerhead..."

"I think that sounds okay."

As they got drenched from head to foot, they indulged in a watery kiss. Levi turned her around and reached around her to suds up her breasts and under her arms.

"I thought you didn't want people to see," she teased him sensually.

"I changed my mind; I don't care."

"Really?"

She turned her head to peek at him with dreamy eyes. He peered back at her, similarly hazy with desire.

"Let them see; let's make 'em jealous."

After turning off the water, he rinsed a washcloth that he had left hanging on a bar from earlier, rubbed some soap into it from the soap bar, and deliberately exfoliated her in small, gentle circles from the top of her body downward. Her gaze followed his hands in half-closed curiosity as they roamed over her curves. He paused to rub some more soap into the washcloth and sudsed his hand up, then slid his fingers in between her legs. She felt both utility and pleasure at his touch as she felt his hand move slowly throughout her private areas. He stopped short of inserting his fingers inside her, however, and he took the washcloth in his hand again to clean around her thighs and finish with each of her legs and feet. When she was covered in lather, he turned the showerhead on again for a brief spell and she ran her own hands over herself to rinse herself off.

She reached for the washcloth in his hand, added some more soap to it, and started on him. Fortunately, she didn't have to reach too far up to lather around his neck and over the tops of his shoulders. She traced the shapes of his muscles of his torso from top to bottom as he held her around her waist and nuzzled her neck with the tip of his nose. Her hickeys were still there, but already started to change color from the last time he saw them up close as the bruises started to mature under her skin. He made a mental note to get her some ointment for bruises later….

When she got to his groin area, they both looked down, unable to ignore his erection anymore, and then they looked back up at each other.

"Just ignore it," he muttered. "We can go…."

"We don't have to…" she insisted.

She slid the washcloth down and soaped him up down there while kissing him gently on his bottom lip. He took the washcloth away from her when he felt that she was done, and he finished off his legs and feet on his own, and he turned the water on again to rinse off.

As they got drenched in the warm water again, she pulled him in and pressed her thigh up against him to coax him into surrendering to her. His arousal surged even more, to the point where he could not bear to decline. He slid one hand into the hair at the base of her scalp to hold her in to kiss her while he slid his other hand around her ass and pulled their hips together; she moaned, "Mff" into his mouth as the tip of his penis dragged onto her clit. He let go of her for a moment to turn the water off, and he turned her body away to face the wall so she could brace herself against it with her hands.

Petra held on to the cobblestones on the wall at her waist level and leaned her face against the nearest stone. Levi's hands wrapped around her hips and penetrated her from behind. She moaned in approval and closed her eyes shut tightly as she felt him rubbing at a high angle inside her. His hands migrated gradually up her body until settling around her breasts as he continued thrusting, a little more quickly now. He observed that he seemed to be lasting longer than the first time around, probably because he had just orgasmed less than an hour ago. He wondered if he might actually manage to get her to also orgasm just from his thrusting this time, if he could last long enough to get her there. She was trying her best to be quiet, but her breathing was growing ragged and she was tossing her head from side to side….

He now fully appreciated the difficulty in focusing on—let alone committing to—a sound, rational decision while in the throes of sexual arousal. The desire to orgasm inside her was almost unbearable, but—he knew that it might just be better not to indulge again this time….

He pulled out at the last moment and ejaculated onto her lower back, to her audible but futile protest. Orgasming outside of her still felt good—a heady rush of exhilaration regardless—but also definitely not quite as satisfying. He turned the showerhead on again and rinsed his semen off them both. She growled at him in frustration, and even though she was facing away from him, he could see her fangs baring subtly at him in his mind's eye. She turned around and held him by the arms, looking miffed.

"I'm sorry. I didn't think it would be a good idea to—do that to you again…."

She sighed. "I know…" and she leaned in and hugged him. "It's okay."

In the Paths, Erwin and Oruo had already long excused themselves, but others were not quite so noble (in the case of Erwin) or prideful (in the case of Oruo).

Gunther and Eld took it upon themselves to begin dragging the rest of the onlookers away. Naturally, some protested more than others.

Gelgar insisted to them, "But he said, 'Let them see'!"

"No, I think you've seen enough," Gunther said, hooking his arm through one of Gelgar's arms as Eld took Gelgar's other side with his own arm.

"How cruel," he sobbed. "I just want to have some fun now that I'm dead!"

The area cleared to reveal Nifa, still lounging on the grassy hillside. She had been so quiet and unassuming in the back that she had been completely overlooked. Now she was completely alone to watch them undisturbed….

"Hmm," she mused as she observed Levi feeling Petra up from behind. Her parts were covered in soap suds so it was a little hard to make out anything clearly. Nifa wondered for the briefest of moments if she should take advantage of the view... but she thought better of it, and with a slow shake of her head, Levi and Petra faded away from view into a black cloud that summarily evaporated in a wispy burst.

Levi's housing in the barracks was a small, standalone log cabin with the cabins of the other officers situated a handful of meters away on every side. Levi unlocked the door and let Petra in after him, then closed the door with a quiet click. He turned the dial to light a small kerosene lamp on the near end of a tiny square table in the kitchenette area, revealing a twin-sized bed and bedside table next to a window and a wooden desk in the other corner near the foot of the bed; save for a door off to one side for a bathroom, the living quarters was fully contained in a single room.

It suddenly occurred to her that nobody had even bothered to offer her separate housing quarters from him. Just the thought of their assumptions about her and Levi made her cheeks flush a little. But neither one of them had asked for any other arrangement. At least that much was implicitly agreed on by everyone….

"You've had a long day, so just stay here for now and rest while I go buy us some food," Levi told her. "I've only been buying from day to day so I wouldn't have leftovers when I would leave on missions. And I'll get some more clothes for you to tide you over." He paused. "You need more underwear, too, right?"

Petra held her breath out of mild embarrassment. She did manage to get a single pair of standard-issue cloth bra and panties from the barracks that morning, but that was the only pair of underwear she had.

"Well, you already know what size I am, I think..." She thought back to when everyone in their squad rotated the laundry duties. She also knew all his clothing sizes, too...

"Yeah," Levi said. "I remember." There really was no privacy among soldiers: he didn't seem fazed at all at the thought of her underwear….

"I can come with you and help, you know," she offered, eager to be of use again. "You've already done a lot for me today…."

He shook his head. "No, it's okay. You should take it easy."

She sighed, but nodded, realizing that she did indeed feel downright exhausted.

"Then… do you mind if I take a nap?" she asked haltingly. Her eyes wandered over to his bed—the only place there was to lay down at all….

"Go ahead; use the bed," he said. "I hardly use it myself, anyway."

Petra sighed. "Still not sleeping much, huh?"

Levi said simply, "No. Not for a long time now."

Petra sighed again at the thought of his perpetual insomnia. He, out of anyone, deserved a good night's rest for once…. She sat down heavily at the edge of his bed and pulled her boots off, feeling overcome with sleepiness now that she was able to allow herself to rest. Levi walked over to her and set a silver key down on the bedside table.

"Here, this is the spare key to the front door. I'm going to lock it for now, but you should have your own key just in case…."

She nodded agreeably and lay her head down on the pillow, still laying on top of all the bedsheets. "I'll lock it behind me if I have to— leave for some reason…" she trailed off as her eyelids drooped.

"Here, you can use the sheets—" he said, and he helped her shift her body over so he could free the sheets from under her and tuck her in.

"Thank you…" she told him quietly, and then she transitioned into a yawn before she could finish closing her mouth. "Where have you been all my life…?" she murmured in jest, smiling at him contentedly with her eyes half-closed.

He rubbed her gently on the back when he was done cocooning her in. "I've been here. Waiting for you." He lingered for a long moment, and she could feel his eyes on her.

Petra kept smiling as she drifted off. She vaguely heard the front door click shut. In the sudden silence, she allowed her mind to meander, sifting through a deluge of words and images and thoughts and memories. She saw Levi; she saw Hange; she saw the friends she had left behind in the World of the Paths—the realm of the dead where no one leaves, except for her….

Hey… Nifa… she found herself thinking. I wonder… what would you say about all this…?

In the Paths, Nifa came to as she sprawled out on her back on the grass.

"Well, goodbye, Captain Levi... Sorry I lost my head…." And she started laughing through her tears.

Petra held out a hand to help her up and grimaced in empathy for her friend. "I'm sorry, Nifa. You went out rougher than I did for sure."

"Petra!" Nifa gasped. "You've been here this whole time?"

"Well, not for that long so far..."

"I guess we're both dead now, huh," Nifa remarked sadly. "You know, when you died back then, I… I cried myself to sleep that night." And she frowned ruefully. "I missed you."

A fresh tear sprang up in Petra's eye. She quickly dabbed at it with the corner of her sleeve, and it sizzled away at her touch.

"But how are you holding up?" Nifa asked.

Petra sighed and looked away. "I've been better."

Nifa craned her neck around to see her face better. "Is it about the Captain...?"

Petra blushed a little. "Gee, am I that obvious?"

"At least to me." Nifa laughed sadly for her.

The two of them turned to look on at Levi still scrambling around the city to evade Kenny and the MPs hot on his tail.

"It looks like he still has his work cut out for him," Petra said.

"Yeah, the guy who raised him showed up years later to kill him. That's a hell of a thing…."

As Petra descended further into sleep, she continued to think:

I wish I could talk to you, Nifa... There's so much stuff happening to me...

And just like that, Nifa was there before her in the inky darkness.

"So you two finally 'did it', huh? I bet it was extra spicy!" she concluded gleefully.

Petra was standing too, clearly dreaming now.

"Huh? Nifa... Wait, what do you mean, 'finally'?"

"Heh, I'm surprised you guys didn't get physical before you died. I heard about all that late-night 'tea' you were having! And the 'helping him out with paperwork'... in his room... late at night…." And Nifa elbowed her teasingly in the ribs.

Petra put the back of her hand to her forehead. "Gee, having friends is a double-edged sword. Are you sure you weren't the one starting all that gossip?"

Nifa laughed. "Oh please. I didn't even have to open my mouth."

"Well, nothing happened, okay?" Petra grumbled.

"Did you mean back then? 'Cause I'm pretty sure plenty of 'something' happened today," Nifa giggled.

Petra shook her head in exasperation. "Please tell me you have something useful to say..."

"Relax! Now you know he loves you and he has the hots for you! Everything's going great, isn't it?"

"I guess you're right. It's just a lot all at once, you know?"

"Look: if you feel like you want to slow down a bit, just tell him. He's considerate; he'll understand."

"Yeah..." Petra admitted. "I'm sure he would... You really think he loves me?" Her eyes grew a little wider, unsure of what to think of this assessment.

Nifa nodded with conviction. "Definitely." She took on a more serious expression. "But just answer my one question: Was it spicy?"

Petra groaned and laughed at the same time, and she covered her eyes with her forearm. "Yes... Oh my God... It was so good..."

But all of a sudden, she felt sad again. Disappointed at the widening gulf between her and her friend.

"I wish you didn't have to go," Petra said. "No matter where I go, I'm always saying goodbye to someone…."

It dawned on her more acutely now that she was in a separate world from her dead friends now. And she could not stop herself from beginning to cry in desolation at all the people dear to her that used to color her life that she could no longer be with: her friends and comrades in the Survey Corps, and even her own parents, who were alive like she was now, but still off-limits to her.

Nifa smiled, trying to brighten Petra up. "Hey, you got a chance that nobody else got. You got to choose which world you wanted to be in. And you chose the one where you could be with the one you love. There's nothing wrong with that."

"Huh," she scoffed to herself, a little self-deprecatingly. "I chose romance over friendship. Was that right or wrong? I really don't know…."

"It's not about what's right or wrong. It's about what you want. You wanted something more than what you had, not just keeping the good times with us going. And that makes all the sense in the world if you ask me." Nifa pulled Petra into a warm hug. "We're always here for you, Petra; we're all rooting for you two." And Nifa held her by her shoulders and looked her straight in the eyes. "So, keep in touch…. Just take a moment here and there to remember us while you're running around all busy. And getting busy." And she laughed openly at her own joke.

Petra grinned in awkwardness. "I think I'll wait till after to start thinking about you. But thanks."

Nifa chuckled as she faded slowly from view into a black, smoky cloud. And from Petra's other side, Kuchel Ackerman appeared in her familiar gray dress and thick, wavy black hair.

"Petra."

Petra turned at the sound of the familiar voice. "Kuchel..."

Kuchel held out her hands. "He loves you."

Petra nodded and said, "I know."

"And I hope he manages to tell you himself," Kuchel sighed.

Petra smiled faintly. "I like to think he will..."

"That's why he... wants to 'do the right thing'..."

"Huh?"

"Please..." And Kuchel shook her head with an air of pragmatism. "Nobody takes over an hour just to take a bath."

Petra got mightily embarrassed but could not deny anything. The silence roared in her ears, speaking volumes for her.

Kuchel reached out and took Petra's hand in hers. "I just want you to remember that in the end, everything you do is your decision. Even if he's scared. And even if you're scared."

Petra nodded slowly, starting to understand semi-consciously what she was implying.

"Okay. I'll remember."

And Kuchel smiled maternally at her, still holding her hands.

"What a gift you've been given; and what a gift you are. You can make a difference in the world again. And... I think there's no one better suited to be with my son."

She nodded again, wanting to believe every word. Would believing it be enough?

"I know he's rough around the edges, but... thank you," Kuchel said. "For seeing the real him. Please don't be scared... I know that he is worthy of you."

Petra slowly woke up to Levi sitting on the edge of the bed, watching her sleep. He does resemble his mother just a bit...

"Petra. Did I wake you?"

Petra rolled over to face him. "Oh, no, I was already coming around..."

Levi gazed intently at her. "You were crying in your sleep."

"Oh..." She wiped the half-dried tears away from her cheeks. "Is this—how you felt? Everyone that we used to know... dead?"

He sighed quietly and held her hand, surrounding her with his warmth. She could not help but be reminded of his mother holding her hand the same way just a bit ago….

"It's been just me and Hange for while. Dreaming of a world without Titans... Remembering everything and everyone we sacrificed... Somehow that's been enough to keep pushing on."

Petra took a shaky breath as she nodded; just hearing his words burned painfully in her heart.

"Just rest a little more," he told her. "I'll put on some hot water for tea."

She nodded into the pillow. "That sounds good... I guess you did remember, huh."

Levi suddenly felt awkward and stood up maybe a little faster than was normal. Petra rolled over again and chuckled the slightest bit to herself.

"What are we doing…?" she mumbled into the pillow, feeling her thoughts get clouded by her emotions again. Surprisingly, the pillow smelled the slightest bit like him. I guess he does try to sleep sometimes….

Levi washed his hands with soap and water at the sink and then started to unload the full canvas bag of groceries he had set on the kitchen counter as Petra took her own turn to wash her hands.

"I got us some more tea. Good thing tea keeps for a while, at least."

"Ooh, can I see?" She craned her neck and spied the tops of two metal canisters of tea still in the bag: one a familiar, tall cylinder of black tea, and another one stouter and boxier in shape that she couldn't identify on sight.

"Here, let's eat a bit first," he suggested. He set half a bread loaf wrapped in paper on the cutting board in front of him. "The water will still be hot enough for tea after. This tea doesn't sit so well in an empty stomach…." He glanced back at the tea canisters briefly, seemingly lingering on a thought, then again to the task of slicing the bread for sandwiches.

Petra picked up a second package tightly wrapped in paper and twine. She opened it up to reveal a small stack of slices of lean meat. "Wow, thanks for splurging just on me." She examined the meat closely for more clues. "You found good-quality meat slices, even though it's the end of the day…."

Levi shrugged. "Well, meat has become a bit more affordable since we eliminated the Pure Titans from the island, actually…."

She grinned nevertheless. "Oh, come on, it's still special! Sasha would have appreciated this, too."

He produced two plates from a cupboard and arranged the bread slices on them; she efficiently rationed out the meat on top of the bread and closed the sandwiches. It seemed so easy to work as a team again, even though it was a simple task to prepare a couple of sandwiches for dinner. It felt reassuring, being next to him like this, effortlessly understanding what needed to be done next and agreeing wordlessly on who would do it.

"You did talk to Sasha for a bit, then," he mused. He set out mugs and filled them with water from a glass jug, leaving her to move the plates to the table.

"Yeah," Petra admitted; she thought back to Sasha's words to her. "She helped me figure out a lot, actually…."

"Oh?" He pulled out a chair and helped her to sit, then took his own seat across from her.

"She helped me to see things differently. With you and me," she said.

"Huh." He leaned back in his chair to consider her words. "I think I see what you mean."

Petra raised one eyebrow. "Really?" And she picked up her sandwich for her first bite.

Levi nodded and took a quick swig of water. "She never held anything back."

And he looked meaningfully at Petra.

"Nicolo was shier about things. But I think she gave him more courage."

Petra smiled to herself. "You were always good at understanding people…." She swallowed and reached for her mug of water to chase it down. "It's a good thing we're eating. Or else you might 'run out of gas in the tank', if you know what I mean…."

He chewed his mouthful with deliberately visible jaw movement, trying not to reveal the level of his feeling of awkwardness. Somehow her sense of humor always gave her another embarrassing joke to poke fun at him with….

Her thoughts shifted to something else on her mind: "So… I'm really not allowed to contact my parents, huh."

"No; you heard Zachary. I'm sorry. But you know it's for their own safety just as much as yours."

Petra sighed. "All this has happened already, and they still don't even know I'm alive…. But they made it this far without me, and they don't expect to ever see me again. They can make it just a little longer, not knowing anything..."

They looked sadly at each other.

"Do you mind if I ask... about your own parents?"

Levi knew this moment would come when he would have to tell her about his past. But they were surely past the point where she deserved to know where he came from and who he was...

"My mother died when I was eight; she was a prostitute in the Underground… my father was one of her customers."

"Oh. I see."

Levi sighed quietly.

"Does that bother you?"

"No, it's not that... I did meet your mother, too. And I knew you were from Underground, but not much more than that…." She pursed her lips. "I'm sorry if that's upsetting for you to talk about."

They let a few moments of silence sit between them. He thought to himself that she honestly probably knew much more about him than she was letting on, if she had even met his mother in the Paths. But he supposed that she was feigning a certain amount of ignorance to help him feel a little less vulnerable about his private life from before he joined the Scouts….

"It is what it is," he said simply. "But it's in the past."

They continued to eat quietly through their sandwiches for another minute.

Then Petra mentioned, "You do seem to know an awful lot about sex…."

He looked at her plainly. "I did say my mother was a prostitute. Do you really want a more detailed answer to that?"

Petra swallowed her last mouthful of sandwich. "Should I not want to know?" And she paused. "Did you have another girlfriend in the past or something?"

Levi crossed his arms; his chair squeaked a little as he leaned back in contemplation.

"I didn't really have anywhere I could go when she had customers. She'd have me get in the closet before they came in."

She nodded quietly and looked at him to continue.

"But when she wasn't working, she taught me how to clean around the house. It was a tiny place, so it wasn't so much surface area to maintain… but we did always have those customers tracking stuff in, so there was always something to clean up the next morning…."

"That makes sense."

He was honestly surprising himself at how much he was revealing to her all at once. He stood up and got the teacups and saucers out of the cupboard when he realized that they were both done eating. She sprang to her own feet and brought the teakettle over to the table while he produced the canister of tea and measured out two teaspoons of tea leaves into the bottoms of each cup. No sooner was he moving on to adding leaves to the second cup than Petra was already pouring hot water into the first cup.

"She also liked drinking tea," he continued, sighing heavily now. "She had a special tea just for her in the mornings, and she had a different kind of dried herbal tea for me. I only figured out years later that her tea was for… discouraging pregnancy."

She nodded silently again.

"And I ended up transitioning into black tea every day as I got older and stopped sleeping much at night."

Petra smiled sadly. "How old was that for you?"

He smiled just as sadly back. "Some years after she died. Kenny had already come and gone, too…."

"Your uncle, right?"

Of course she met Kenny, too, if she met my mother….

"Right."

Petra tasted her tea carefully, letting the flavor run over her tongue before swallowing. Smooth-flavored black tea, even though it was late… but she did feel that she could use the pick-me-up, anyway.

"Then do you usually think about your mother when you drink tea?"

Levi looked far off in the distance as he reminisced. "Sometimes..."

He looked at Petra for just a moment, then looked away again to gaze out the window at the cloudy night.

"But then, one day, I met you. And we would have tea a lot together, too..."

Petra gazed down and rubbed her thumb on the rim of her teacup. "Does drinking tea remind you of me?"

"... Yeah."

Petra nibbled on her lower lip, feeling guilty at the hold she had had on him, all this time. "Do you still drink it every day, even so?"

He gazed into her eyes even more deeply now.

"Yes."

He thought about how much he had in fact tortured himself in the last several years, choosing to continue a daily ritual that he could never truly uncouple from her in his mind. He would tell himself that he had liked drinking tea long before he had met her, and that there wasn't any good reason why he should have to stop after losing her. But she hadn't slowly faded from memory with time—rather, he had decided not to let her fade away.

"I've been thinking…. Aren't we doing everything backwards?"

She tilted her head as if to ask for clarification.

"We—had sex... twice, actually—" he felt awkward actually saying the words, "and now you're in my barracks, having tea... All this before you even got to see your parents." He sighed and lifted his hand to his mouth, letting the trail of his words linger on his knuckles.

"You heard Zachary and Pyxis. We're getting deployed tomorrow. If we try to be good soldiers again and do everything 'in order', who knows if we'll run out of time all over again," she sighed.

Levi leaned his elbows on the tabletop and ran his fingers around the rim of his teacup. "Actually, what I'm getting at is, I... I got you the same tea. The kind my mother drank."

He made a serious pause to scan her face for her reaction, but she didn't betray much. She lowered her teacup slowly and set it down.

"I know we never really got around to talking about it earlier," he pressed on. "I don't think we thought it all through before we—before we went and did all that."

"Oh," Petra said quietly.

With one hand, he motioned to the canvas bag still on the counter behind him. "It's in there, if—if that's what you want... You ate some food now, so you shouldn't get nauseous. But it's more likely to work the sooner you can drink it."

Petra suddenly gasped and looked down at her own cup, then at him. "This isn't that tea already, is it? Mixed in with black tea?"

"No! Why would I trick you into drinking something like that?" His face suddenly grew hot; he had somehow failed to anticipate her sudden suspicion….

Petra swallowed uneasily. "Right. Of course you wouldn't." And she paused. "I don't want the tea... But thank you. It must have been awkward for you, going to buy it."

Levi felt himself blush a little more; he hoped it wasn't obvious by now. "It was important."

She sipped a little more of her tea, feeling a little better. "But do you want to have a child someday?"

At this, he crossed his arms again. "I don't know how good of a father I'd be. But..." and he nodded to himself, "a part of me still wants to try. Maybe someday."

She eyed him carefully now. "Your uncle thought you'd be a good one."

"Huh…" he murmured to himself. "You knew about that, too, then."

"I met him a bit ago," she explained. "He said so himself…. Anyway… I would like to be a mother one day, too."

Levi nodded knowingly: he knew that there had always been an inherently nurturing, motherly quality to her when she interacted with others in the spirit of mentorship. It was the easiest jump of imagination to envision her being just as caring of a mother to her own child.

"I know you'd be a good one," he said. "But 'one day' doesn't have to be right now. We're probably heading into a lot of fighting from now on, like you said…."

"Is there ever a perfect time to have a baby?" she insisted. "The perfect time never seems to come. It happened to us once before already…."

It hurt all over again to think about that time when it had all first happened. Her horrific death, and all the misery that followed, seemed like a fading nightmare now. But until this very morning, it had been the cold, painful reality. Lost chances. Missed opportunities. Regrets despite pledging again and again to not make the choices that would lead to regrets.

"Yeah," he finally agreed. "You're right."

At this, she scratched behind her ear as she pondered something else floating to the surface of her thoughts.

"But there's something I've been wondering…" she said hesitantly.

"Yeah?"

"Can I ask about… what happened with you and Historia?"

He inhaled deeply, preparing himself to confront the topic.

"Huh. So you saw that, too?"

"Just the end of your conversation, I think…. The part where you started thinking about me, and you told her, 'I can't do this'…." She eyed him closely. "But I got the sense that there was more to it than that. Wasn't there?"

He nodded. "I'll tell you; I'll tell you everything."

"Well, thanks for walking me back," Historia said. She pulled her airy shawl off her shoulders and dropped it on the back of her rocking chair on the porch, then took a seat. "But I probably would have been fine, you know…. I hardly even drank."

Levi stayed standing, leaning with his back against a wooden support column. He gazed off into the distance to take in the brilliantly flaming corona of the sunset. "Don't mention it."

Historia sighed, "I hope they don't get mad that we left that banquet so early…."

Levi shrugged. "We all showed our faces and you did your speech. That's enough if you ask me."

"Stuffy military formalities aren't really my cup of tea, either."

She chuckled a little to poke fun at him. He shook his head, betraying just the slightest hint of amusement.

"Besides," Historia added, "we weren't the only ones who left early. I saw Yelena leaving, too..."

Levi started to wonder if maybe he should have been more suspicious of Yelena. The one person on Paradis Island who could not be let off the leash- other than Eren. But no, Yelena was always under guard. He was just going to have to trust that other people would do their jobs...

The setting sun warmed the balmy air between them with its summer heat. Other than the crickets, it was quiet.

Historia broke the silence first, unsure of how best to say it, but saying it anyway.

"Levi. Would you be willing to… have a baby with me?"

Levi was incredulous; his mind was an absolute blank for a couple of seconds while the words sank in.

"Are you asking me—as the Queen? Or…."

"Or what?" She peered carefully into his eyes. "What am I to you, Levi?"

Levi did not blink as he confronted her, his face drained of emotion now. "A friend."

Historia could not help but look just a little bit disappointed.

"I see…" she said simply.

Levi sighed bitterly. "Was any of this even real for you? Or was this all just part of some grand plan for you to 'save Eldia' somehow?" His eyes narrowed. "Why now? And why me?"

"I didn't plan this from the start, okay? But Eren has been telling me..." and she looked down at her clasped hands in her lap. "I can't see any better way."

"Then I can't do this. I'm done with being used." And he glared at her now. "Especially if Eren's putting you up to this. It's down to you and him; I don't want to get involved."

"It's not like that! You and me being here isn't a lie; I wasn't using you!"

"You weren't, but now you will?" He paused. "You love Eren, but you want to sleep with me?"

She flinched at the accusation, but she did not bother to deny it.

"I can't tell anymore what's what," Levi continued. "Is it really me that you even care about, or because my bloodline is 'special'? 'Cause I didn't ask to be special."

Historia had tears in her eyes now. "Well, neither did I."

Levi felt instantly guilty at his selfish outburst. It couldn't have been an easy decision for either her or Eren to ask someone else to father a child with her. But even so, it just didn't sit right with him.

"Eren… isn't an Ackerman," she explained quietly. "If my children can't turn into Titans… then they will never have to eat each other, or eat me, to keep Paradis safe. And if their memories can never be altered by the Founding Titan," she gazed into his eyes again, "then they would be safe—from all the killing and eating each other and... having their memories taken from them." She sniffed a little, no doubt remembering the trauma of her own memories being stolen from her. "Without your memories, what else is there that makes you you?"

Levi felt hollow inside at her words: they made so much sense, but they left him cold, nonetheless.

"Safe from who, though?" he asked her. "Because the last time I checked, the Founding Titan is Eren."

The sadness and pain from knowing the potential futures showed plainly in her eyes. "It might not always be that way. We can't know the future for sure."

Levi crossed his arms over his chest and looked decidedly away from her. It was much easier to think this through logically if he didn't have to see any tears or miserable expressions.

"But will Paradis be safe without any Titans of Royal Blood?" he asked at last. And he turned back to catch her reaction this time.

Historia looked pointedly at him then.

"Didn't we learn enough from those experiments we did? Aren't the Ackerman Clan already Titans on the inside?"

So this was the theory that they were staking everything on—the future of Paradis, of Eldia, and of the rest of the world. A crazy gamble that could not be tested until it was already put in motion. But he was still a high-ranking soldier in the military—a captain of the Survey Corps. If Eren and Historia were right, then Historia and her Royal bloodline would indeed be spared from having to become Titan Shifters, while still being able to uphold their duty to serve as the "key" to the Founding Titan's powers. But if they were wrong—and mixing the Royal and Ackerman bloodlines negated the powers of the Royal bloodline altogether—then all three of them could expect to be executed for treason, for destroying Eldia's only hope.

Levi tried to mentally prepare himself for it, imagining what it would be like to have sex with Historia, all the while knowing that it was "a duty" and not what either of them necessarily wanted to do out of their own free will. It forcibly reminded him of his mother with her customers: letting anything and everything happen to her, coping with it all somehow, because she needed something from them, and they wanted something in return. For her, it had usually seemed to be such a passionless, matter-of-fact ritual, devoid of any real meaning. He remembered the vacant look in his mother's eyes when she was with her customers. That blank gaze cast far away, dissociating herself from the present reality. Even more so when the men handled her roughly—some were so rough that they left bruises, or even left her bleeding. One time, Levi's eyes met hers while Levi was staring at her through the chink in the closet door. And she quickly closed her eyes and turned away from him—he was sure it was because she did not want to see, and because she did not want him to see.

"But anyway, here I am: the Queen of Paradis," Historia said. "Which is what you wanted. And I thought... you'd understand."

"No, I understand just fine. But... I'm done with caring. Enough with this 'duty' talk. I want... to be a human being. And you can be, too. At least… that's what I thought the old you wanted to be."

"Then we can just be human beings. It doesn't matter who you are or who I am. Why does it have to matter to us if you're an Ackerman or I'm a Reiss?"

Levi shook his head tersely now. "But you said it. There is something more to it. And I can't forget it now." He shoved his hands into his pockets so she wouldn't see his fists clenching. "My mother shouldn't have had to suffer and die like she did, just for me to end up being a tool just like her."

Historia was aghast. "Levi…. Oh my God, no," she sobbed. "This isn't like that…."

"I'll feel however I want to feel," he snapped at her, but then instantly felt bad for doing so. He sighed and tried to reset his train of thought.

"Did your mother love your father?" he asked her.

Historia blinked, taken by surprise. "I… don't know..."

"Did your father... love your mother?"

"... I don't know. But maybe at one point, he thought he did…." She looked troubled by the thought of her parents' past together—something that she hadn't considered that deeply in a while.

"He let her die right in front of you, and you still don't know... And how does that make you feel, as their child, not knowing any of that? What either of them really meant to each other?"

She started to grow visibly upset. "What are you getting at with this? Why are you making me relive all of that right now?" And she stared at him squarely in the eyes. "What am I to you really, Levi?"

"I don't really know that, either. I don't know what this is." His body was still with the gravity of his own words. "And that means the real answer… is probably not what you were hoping for."

Bitter silence hung plainly between them.

Levi added at last, "If this was so important to you, and to Paradis, then why didn't you just seduce me without telling me all this?"

Historia sighed in frustration through her teary eyes. "If I did that, then I'd really be using you."

Levi turned away, feeling a kernel of self-loathing blossoming inside his chest. She had been honest with him, even though he might say no. Maybe she was right, and this was what needed to be done to save her and her future family, not to mention Eldia. But nevertheless… she had given him the freedom to choose. And he could not bring himself to say yes. There were some things that he realized he was not willing to sacrifice. There had to be another way—a way that would not taint whatever they felt for each other with the impetus of duty to others. Especially not with the messiness of another person already more involved with her than he was.

Levi suddenly thought of another possibility, of another Ackerman and another Royal: Mikasa and Zeke. If Eren and Historia had considered every possibility, then they surely had considered even this. But the mere, faintest idea of it made him sick to his stomach. It downright disgusted him. Not to mention it would destroy "Hizuru's last hope" in the process of saving Eldia. And it would render Zeke expendable, if Paradis had someone other than him to rely on to access the Founding Titan's powers—but expendable just in time, for he had less than one year left before his scheduled death from the Curse of Ymir regardless. Eren was then choosing between having his girlfriend sleep with his Captain and having his adopted sister sleep with his brother. Neither choice easy; neither choice ideal.

If I say no to Historia now, am I condemning Mikasa to have a baby she doesn't want, instead of taking that burden on myself? Would Eren sacrifice Mikasa to save Historia? I would like to think he wouldn't…. But how well can I really claim to know him anymore? Can I claim to know how anything will go from here, regardless of what I decide?

How did I get to this moment right now? he finally asked himself. Such a complicated issue…. Things used to be simpler. I didn't want any of this drama…. Just some peace and quiet… with someone who understood all that….

And the image of Petra materialized in his mind; he saw her looking at him again with those eyes that always asked without demanding. Not even demanding that he give voice to his feelings. A person like that might never come along again; a person like that, he could go to the grave for, and not feel like he had wasted his life by living for the memory of her. So, he decided that he was going to honor his feelings for her, even though it could never be fulfilled—even though he knew it would only sustain him long enough to ultimately destroy him.

Because he remembered that feeling of sudden clarity and decisive purpose seared into his nerves and muscles that had driven him onward to avenge her death—to give meaning to her lifeless body in his arms. When he had stood over the bodies of Farlan and Isabel and Erwin had advised him to have no regrets, he had thought that that would be the last time, the most meaningful time, that he would ever feel that familiar surge of power within himself. But then, that horrible moment came when he lost her. And from then on, he himself had been lost. He needed to keep her safe inside his heart—he needed to avenge Erwin—or else he feared that he would also crumble into dust along with them.

Am I really that much of a fool, to want to live in the past instead of the present? But I guess… I just can't help being an idiot, in the end.

"I can't do it," he finally concluded. "I can't do this…."

As Levi neared the entrance to the property again and saw the brown wooden fences shaded to black outlines against the burning sunset, he noticed a familiar silhouette sitting under a blooming apple tree. Eren sat under the laden boughs with his eyes closed and his legs straightened out in front of him. His arms hung down loosely at his sides, giving the impression that he could be either asleep or dead. As Levi approached, subtly disturbing the dirt path underfoot, Eren opened his eyes.

"Eren," Levi greeted him first. He stood still, with his arms crossed over his chest defensively. "What are you doing here...?"

Eren turned his head towards the sun. "Look... The sun is setting on us, Levi."

A moment of stillness hung between them.

"I guess if you're here, then you must have told her no." Eren's voice was flat and dull: devoid of emotion.

"What are you doing, Eren? Do you have any idea what you're doing to her?"

The flaming orange-red of the sun reflected over the green of his irises.

"I could ask you the same thing."

Silence between them again. A breeze drifted through, pulling some flower blossoms from the tree branches and scattering them on the grass between them.

"In the end," Eren continued, "life is a series of decisions. I believe you taught me that... Levi."

Eren stood up and brushed the seat of his pants off with his hands. "Now we keep moving forward. With no regrets."

And he started walking in the direction that Levi had come from—towards Historia.

"Think about what you're doing, Eren!" Levi shouted out after him. "Think about Mikasa... When are you going to just be honest with her already?"

Levi's words seemed to strike a chord with Eren; he whirled around to face him once more. Levi saw a glint of frustration in his eyes—no, maybe more like judgment….

"Levi. If you were really thinking about Mikasa... you wouldn't be here, either."

Levi spoke his thoughts into words for Petra, although it wounded him more to have to hear them aloud.

"I had been selfish just that once, and that had left Paradis without a Titan of Royal Blood. We had no choice but to rely on Zeke... And Eren had no choice but to attack Liberio to get Zeke. And then the Survey Corps had no choice but to get Eren—and kill even more people to do it. Civilians. Innocent families. Children. And I was responsible for all their deaths…."

He remembered Eren on the airship as they were retreating from Liberio, giving him that knowing look and saying: "Was that enough for you, Levi?" It had angered him then, and it angered him now—the implication that he was the one who had forced Eren's hand. Eren, the monster that could not be controlled. But also Eren, whom Historia still chose to love despite everything he was and everything he did... Could a real monster still deserve anybody's love?

Levi found himself gazing into Petra's eyes as his thoughts trailed off. His mind became tranquil and free of worries as she gazed back at him. She held his forearms as if to shake him out of his spiraling thoughts. She couldn't hear inside his head anymore, but maybe she still knew that his stream of consciousness took a little bit of coaxing to slow down enough for him to regain his place in the present. What did she see in him, all this time, that made her so sure that there was goodness in him, too?

"It's just like you said: you're human. You're allowed to be just a little bit selfish," she insisted.

Levi still looked troubled. "Even though my decision got so many people killed?"

"It was Eren's decision in the end, to kill those people. He forced your hand; you had no other choice. And you couldn't know back then what you know now. Letting guilt get to you won't help anything now."

But why did Historia have to get pregnant at all, if the baby wasn't going to be Levi's? Was it planned, or not? Because she could have eaten Zeke as soon as he had arrived in Paradis... if not for Eren convincing her otherwise. Because Eren didn't want to see her sacrifice herself by becoming a Titan for their sakes. He must have wanted to end it now, with the people who are already Titans now. Levi could see no other explanation.

"Headache?" Petra asked him.

He noticed that he was holding his forehead in one of his hands; he lifted his head away from his hand as he came back to reality.

"Yeah," he said. "Something like that."

Petra set her fists on either side of her hips. "Eren sure has grown, huh... He didn't use to be that perceptive."

"Tch. I guess everyone figures out their shit eventually..."

He took another sip of tea, paused with the cup still lifted, and set his teacup down.

"Look at us. Yet another teatime where we end up talking about Eren."

Petra was subdued by this. "You're right... He's all grown up now. I guess he's not our responsibility anymore."

Our responsibility, Levi thought to himself. I guess that's how it ended up...

"Grown up enough to make a baby, at least," he said. "And get in cahoots with Historia to lie to everyone about it."

Petra nodded. "It seems like it, anyway."

Levi scoffed, "Get real. I don't buy that 'farmer' shit for one second. And I can't believe everyone else did."

Petra sighed. "Like I said: you're right. We've spent far too much time worrying about the rest of the world's problems." And she looked meaningfully at him. "So let's let it just be us right now."

He looked silently back at her.

"A lot has happened to you in these four years," she said soberly. She gazed down into her teacup, outlining the shapes of the unfurling tea leaves with her eyes.

"You have other people in your life..." she continued quietly, still looking down at her hands absentmindedly swilling her tea around in the teacup. "Why were you pushing them all away when you—" and she inhaled sharply, "—could have been happy, being with them...?"

"Petra."

He gently took the teacup away from her hands, set it down with a measured "clink" on her saucer, and looked her squarely in the face. He had both hands on the table, sandwiching her in between himself and the table edge. She blushed a little at how close they were.

Levi said, "None of it felt right... And I wasn't ready."

He let go of the table edge and took both of her hands in his, still looking into her eyes. Her gaze wavered a little at his intensity, and she looked down at their hands. But she still felt his eyes on her, and she grew even more timid under his attention.

"In whatever version of reality this is—where you're still alive—I want to be with you here." He looked down at their nested hands to ready himself, then looked back up at her to say:

"I love you."

She finally looked up at him again, searching his eyes—to really see it, not just hear the words.

He added, with more determination now, "And no one's taking you away from me anymore."

She lowered her eyes and felt her eyelids droop in anticipation. He leaned in and kissed her again softly.

"But are you afraid—of becoming a father?" she asked.

"… Yeah. I guess so." He went back to sipping his tea, gazing out through the window. "I can't say I've had the best of role models in that department."

But you know my father, Petra thought to herself. Maybe you can learn a thing or two from him….

Petra watched his eyes over the rim of his teacup. "Then, do you want me to drink that tea?"

His eyes narrowed slightly as they shifted to look at her again. "No." And he set his teacup down on the saucer again. "I want you to make your own decisions."

She scrutinized him even more closely now. "Even if you wish I would choose differently?"

"I don't want to force you into anything... You should do what you want."

Petra stared down into her half-drunk tea, then looked back up at him.

"But if I did... have a baby one day... Would you still be here with me? Even if you're scared?"

Levi seemed to grow anxious, and his body tensed, but his voice came out resolute: "I would."

Petra smiled a little to herself, feeling relieved.

"I still won't drink it, Levi... but thank you."

She leaned in to kiss him again; as he returned the kiss, his body relaxed again, cherishing the moment between them.

"I love you, too," she whispered. She found her way into the warmth of his arms, leaning her chin onto his sturdy, waiting shoulder, and perching her hands over his collarbones. Like the talons of a bird clutching the tree branch it had landed on for refuge and rest. He wrapped his arms around the small of her back and leaned his head against hers. And he marveled once again at the feeling of her heart beating against his chest—proof beyond doubt that she was alive, and not just another memory.

Chapter 5: Dreams

Summary:

Levi and Petra spend their only night together before deploying, and Levi connects with loved ones in the Paths. In a flashback, Hange sends Levi off on his mission with a precious cargo. In the morning, Levi and Petra get dressed in their Scout uniforms and affirm their priorities towards each other.

Notes:

It turns out that I'm managing to post after one week after all, but I really wanted to get this particular chapter out in time for Mother's Day in the United States (since there is a lot of babymaking and mother talk herein!). Anyway, I hope you forgive the pacing slowing to a crawl with this chapter, and may you savor all the sex that inflated the word count, because this is the most sex-focused chapter in the entire story. I promise that the plot and action will pick up very soon! But in two weeks this time! I need a bit of a break for other stuff in my life right now for sure.

And please do feel free to comment and let me know your thoughts! Audience feedback is always helpful for me to "read the room". And as always, thank you all so much for reading, and I hope you enjoy.

Chapter Text

Soundtrack Recommendations:

"Gravity" – Taeyeon

"Tears (Acoustic Version)" – X-Japan

"Counter Attack-Mankind (Sasha Version)" – Samuel Kim (Attack on Titan: Final Season Tribute)

Levi sent Petra to the bathroom first with a face towel, new wooden-handle toothbrush, floss, and the ointment he got for the bruises on her neck while he washed and dried the dishes. The tiny bathroom was also something new for her: another sink with running water, and a porcelain toilet instead of a waste bucket.

She wasn't really aware of the hickeys on her skin until she saw them in the mirror on certain spots on her neck and behind her ears: darkish red and purplish, spreading in thin tendrils from their centers. She opened the packages of floss and a toothbrush he had gotten just for her, dutifully flossed and brushed as she remembered having to do every day, and then dabbed the yellowish-white, creamy ointment on the splotchy areas of her neck. She sighed a little in resignation at her reflection in the mirror, but at the very least, she was thankful that he had noticed what he had done (somewhat intentionally) and had sought to rectify it.

At any rate, she briefly exited the bathroom to get undressed at the foot of the bed and pull on the nightgown he had bought for her. It was a tan-colored, sleeveless V-neck top with rather thin shoulder straps, and a hem that stopped halfway down her thighs. That and her panties were all she was wearing. The nightgown was comfortable and fit very well—in fact, it was perhaps a little too well-fitted around her curves for a humble spring nightgown. She should have known that if she had let him go off to buy clothes for her, that he would choose outfits that were better suited for his own seduction than for sleeping in…. Not that she was complaining.

She glanced furtively over to Levi still standing at the sink. The sound of dishes continued clinking in the direction of the sink; he seemed to be dutifully minding his own business instead of watching her undress…. Then she returned to the bathroom to splash some water on her face and used the towel to dry off.

Soon enough, she found herself on the bed and crawling under the sheets. He took his cue to finish up in the kitchen and take his turn in the bathroom for a brief spell. She lay on her back, pushing her hair to either side of her head with her hands. It was incredibly tempting to close her eyes, but no way in hell did she want to fall asleep just yet…. Just a little longer and the caffeine from the tea would hopefully kick in…. Maybe that was why he had brewed the tea leaves directly in their cups instead of in the teakettle this time, so it would be stronger…. And in fact, the only way the tea could have been stronger would be if they had swallowed the leaves themselves….

She noticed him standing over her at the side of the bed now, casting a shadow over her from the lamp next to him on the bedside table. He wore a light gray, long-sleeved, buttonless shirt and dark, long pants. She edged over to make room for him to get under the sheets as well, but she found there to be very little room at all for two people in one twin-sized bed.

Petra commented, "Your bed is so narrow. How will we both fit?"

He looked at her as if about to state the obvious.

"I did live alone until—well, 'til right now..."

She sighed. "That's true..."

He pulled her head close and kissed her softly at first, then more indulgently for the second.

"I guess we'll just have to lay on top of each other—all night long…" he said.

Petra huffed a little in mock offense, but she pulled his shirt off over his head regardless. "I've had a long day, but you won't let me sleep? Not even a little?"

"That's right," he murmured, "I planned this all along." He guided her hands around underneath his waistband and she took his cue to pull his pants and underwear off of him in one go.

"Ha," she laughed, "I bet you did; I know you like it." She turned away from him momentarily to shove his clothes towards the corner of the mattress nearest to the bedside table.

And he groaned softly in affirmation as he pressed his hardening length against her ass. He turned her around again and kissed her, gentle in touch, but with fiercely passionate intent. He slowly dragged his hands up her sides, pulled her nightgown off over her head, and took in the sight of her breasts glowing warmly in the lamplight; she gazed back at his well-defined, shirtless form. He leaned in and they kissed again; his hands caressed down the sides of her upper body. He lifted her up slightly and wedged his pillow under her back to bring her closer to him.

"Why did we even bother wearing clothes?" she murmured in the back of his ear as she chased his hands down her body with her own on top of his.

"So we'd have something to take off..." He slid his hand inside the waistband of her panties and pulled them downward as he continued his hand around the curve of her butt. Their lips joined in a deep kiss. He shoved her panties up near the head of the bed on top of the crumpled pile of the rest of their clothes, next to the bedside table.

"Don't you dare pull out!" she admonished him, right before they kissed again.

He broke his lips away and said, "I did get condoms, actually…."

"Oh? How many did you get?"

"… They had a 20-pack."

"Twenty? You really thought we could possibly do it twenty times in one night?"

Levi exhaled through his nostrils, feeling slightly exasperated. "It was a better deal if I bought more. We can save the rest for next time…."

Petra huffed. "There had better be a 'next time'…."

They smooched audibly.

"So… should I put one on, or…?"

Petra's face was set. "No…."

He sighed heavily. "You know you're probably gonna... get pregnant."

She tousled her own hair a little, feeling nonplussed that they were still having this conversation. "Didn't you say you were prepared?"

He groaned a little and lay his cheek onto her shoulder. "Why do I feel like you're blackmailing me somehow...?"

She caressed the side of his throat with her finger. "I don't hear you saying 'no'…."

"Shit. Fine." And he pushed her hand away from his neck and kissed her yet again, pressing his erection into her thigh to feed his arousal.

Levi thought to himself that she was as naked as the moment she had returned to him. This was her in her purest, truest state. Back then, he had looked away for the sake of her modesty, but now he indulged.

Levi started by asking, "Petra…?"

"What?"

"It's okay if you don't want to, but… can I—go down on you?"

She turned her head a little towards him, a bit surprised at his boldness. "Huh?"

He lightly kissed her neck under her ear and took in her scent. It was intoxicating….

"I want to see how you taste," he murmured in her ear; he slid his hand between her legs and felt her wetness coat his fingers.

She moaned a little at his touch. "Then I want to see how you feel."

He made his way down with his lips, sucking each of her breasts, and she guided his head with her hands.

He sat her up briefly to wedge his pillow more securely under her upper body, then lay her back down over it. The extra support brought her closer to him, pushing her head and chest up. With her breasts in easy access, bent his head down and slid his lips over one nipple, and then the other, while she cradled his head in her hands. Finally he made it to prying her knees apart with his hands, sliding them up her thighs and touching his tongue to the underside of her clit. She closed her eyes, arched her lower back, and surrendered to the gentle touch of his strong, wet tongue. She ran her hands through his hair; her breasts squeezed together between her arms reaching down to continue guiding his head. His tongue moved according to his will, not hers, and with every pleasurable spot he touched, she sighed a little more loudly, which he took as encouragement to continue there again and again, more and more firmly with each pass. Her eyes squeezed shut and her brow furrowed as she panted with increasing desperation.

At length, he asked her out of curiosity, "Are you—there yet?"

"Oh—almost—almost—"

He licked more firmly and determinedly, forcing her thighs open even harder with his hands to expose her parts even more. She choked on her voice and tightened her fingernails into his scalp a little as she finally attained orgasm.

"How about now?" he asked.

"Yes!" she panted, almost hyperventilating.

"Just say when you—wanna stop—" He slowed down a little but kept going.

She made a motion to push his head away. "Okay—that's enough—"

He came up and kissed her deeply on the mouth.

"How did I taste?" she asked just before he silenced her with another kiss.

"You're finding out right now."

"Hmm," she murmured. "It's—interesting..."

Levi slowly broke away from her lips. "Can I go inside you?"

She groaned, slightly frustrated. "Hurry up and just—" And she reached down with both hands to hold him on either side of his hips and pulled him decisively towards her.

She enveloped him in her hot, tight wetness as he entered her slowly. He took an autoerotic fascination in watching himself as he penetrated her, and he was equally turned on by watching her face to catch any subtle change in her expression.

"You're so wet," he whispered.

She moaned quietly as she kissed him.

"That's so hot."

And she moaned again, slightly higher-pitched now, as he began to move himself inside her.

"That's 'cause you're hot," she retorted between sighs; she tightened herself around him, making him moan this time. She focused on the pleasurable, slippery friction and doubled down on her grip around him as he thrusted in a deliberate rhythm. He was determined to make this last—to get here there and keep her there for as long as possible. But her punishingly pleasurable hold around his erection was making it harder for him to last….

Her moaning got higher-pitched as she started panicking at how quickly her arousal was growing at the way he rode her: gentle but firm, not too fast but definitely not slow, and above all, determined to get her there. She clutched around the sides of his hips with her thighs in desperation. She wasn't sure whether she would be able to stand it...

She finally let loose an anguished moan into the air as she felt a second orgasm begin, and she clamped down around him and squeezed her eyes shut tightly. They both felt the peristaltic waves of her pleasure peaking and sustaining at his continued touch.

She let loose with a teasing little word that she suspected would affect him: "Captain…."

His mind went slightly haywire at the dissonance of hearing his rank while they were being intimate. He impulsively wanted to punish her just a little, for pulling him out of the moment and reminding him of anything related to reality….

"I told you—not—to call me that," he chided her firmly.

At that, he sat up and thrusted a little faster at a different angle inside her, and he slid two fingers around her clit to stimulate her even more. She gasped as her muscles continued to tense, and she panicked further, breathing shallowly and rapidly, as he kept her in her state of orgasm. It was a tortuous, exacting pleasure that she had no control over whatsoever. She could hardly formulate a coherent thought; she thought she could even see stars behind her eyes….

And then finally, they felt him reach his limit as well. He involuntarily held her down as his own orgasm racked his body, sending pulsing waves of his hot fluid deep inside her. As he resurfaced from his ecstasy, he exhaled forcibly onto her face and continued panting as he gazed blurrily down at her, propping himself up on both hands. She continued to forcefully gasp, a little more deeply and slowly now; she dropped her head back onto the pillow as her body finally relaxed again.

Levi gave in to the urge to speak her name, and he gasped desperately onto her forehead: "Petra..." The sex was so mind-numbingly good that it made his heart ache and his head spin. He felt as if he was ensnared in a booby trap of her devising. And he had walked right into it, fully expecting it, but still not expecting it to be quite like this.

She murmured back to him, "Levi..." and caressed the short-trimmed hairs at the base of his head. He started to slowly thrust into her again, and she closed her eyes and tilted her head back to focus on her pleasure. She cried out softly as he angled himself back to make contact with the top of her inner wall, dragging himself back and forth. She squeezed herself around him again, moaning quietly into his right ear, and then his left when he turned his head. His left ear seemed to be more attuned to her voice, more responsive to her auditory stimulation: he sighed louder and began thrusting a little more firmly into her. I guess guys do have a 'favorite ear', she thought to herself...

Panting and breathless as they were, they kissed anew, again and again, until finally he broke his lips away and continued riding her while he was still hard….

"Do you want me to—clean you up?" she asked, her voice still husky and raw from her heavy breathing. He pressed her body into the mattress a little with his thrusting, and it made her head pitch back a little every time.

"Shit," he groaned, liking the idea a lot. "Yeah." He took a long moment to continue to savor the feeling of being inside her, then relinquished it to pull out, sit her up on her hands and knees in front of him, and guide her head down with his hands around her messy hair.

She gazed with hooded eyes at his manhood enrobed with both her water and his milk, and she took him inside her mouth and tasted their syrups, slowly covering every inch of him with her tongue as she made her way outside along the length of his shaft. She touched him right on his tip with the tip of her tongue and, with a few gentle circles, she cleared around over his foreskin. He cradled her head in one hand as he watched her gently but thoroughly make her way around his tip. She folded his foreskin back with her fingers and softly kissed his exposed tip; his fingers dug reflexively into her scalp a little at his raw sensitivity.

"Holy shit," he panted incredulously. "Even in bed—you're good at cleaning—"

She breathed out in rapid puffs through her nose, her laughter caught in her throat for lack of room. He snagged his fingers into a clump of her hair and slowly pulled her head away from him.

"That'll do," he told her. She started to sit up on her own haunches and he pulled her head towards his, engulfing her parted lips in his own. He noted the peculiar tang of what could only be his own semen in her mouth. It was yet another experience he could never have anticipated when he had started the day….

This was sex—incredible in itself—but also more. The love she saw in his eyes when their eyes met. The gentle way he kissed her when they were both done, and their breathing had slowed.

He secretly wished that they could have sex continuously all night if they could both last that long. But he knew that too much of it would also rub them both raw—particularly her.

"How are you?" he asked her quietly.

"Good..." She pulled him in for a gentle kiss on the lips.

"Does it hurt anywhere?"

She frowned. "No…."

He sighed, feeling relieved. "I don't want to ever hurt you..."

At this, she nodded. "I'll tell you if it hurts. So, try not to worry..."

"Okay."

And he leaned in for another kiss, breathing in the scent of her skin as their lips entwined. He was certain that he would love her forever into eternity, so enamored was he with her alluring beauty—and with the way she sighed and moaned in her breathy, delicate voice when he pleasured her. But also because of the way they went together so damn well—because of who she made him when he was with her….

As they both lay next to each other half-asleep, Levi contemplated how easy it actually was to be with Petra. When he kissed her, when he looked earnestly into her eyes, and when he held her in his arms, he didn't think about his mother with any sense of guilt over her memory. He didn't have to worry about doing to Petra what his mother's customers would do to her, or what his own propensity for violence wreaked on the world around him—about his masculine desires being destructive to whoever he dared to love. He didn't have to feel inherently guilty about being a man who desired a woman… because that woman loved and wanted him back. And because she wanted to be with him for those simplest, purest of reasons, and nothing more.

He had accepted long ago that he was a violent creature. But somehow, she would look at him and see something entirely different. She could see his inner world, his real self within, and that was what she valued most in him. In her eyes, he was a worthy human being. Her gentle openness—the pure, sweet goodness in her heart—made him feel so vulnerable. His whole existence was suddenly simpler and more profound at the same time—because of her.

Petra gazed over at him for a few moments, letting it sink in that he was really there beside her.

"You know..." Petra began, "a part of me does wish that we could have taken it slow. I wanted to bake cookies to go with our tea—if we could get our hands on some sugar. I wanted to... go on a real date, even just one time."

They both looked upon the sorrow in each other's eyes, wishing now that they had had more time for even just one time—one date, one quiet evening with no schedule in the morning chasing them onward, one life together with no external expectations….

"You have a lot to learn about romance, though," she teased him to lighten the mood. "You're supposed to take me out on dates before you take me home."

"What are you talking about? I went to see you on your birthday every year. I even brought you flowers…. And let your father give me fatherly advice…."

Petra nodded. "That's true. And you did make me a meat sandwich today." She couldn't help but laugh a little at the hidden innuendo to what he had ended up serving.

He leaned his head in closer to her. "I thought you liked 'meat' in your 'sandwich.'"

They kissed playfully and felt each other's smiles through the touch of their lips. He was beginning to appreciate her naughty sense of humor after all….

"But I'm glad you were all able to stay in touch because of me," she said, seriously now. "I know it must have hurt."

He sighed deeply. "But we did it for you. We wanted to remember you, together."

"Well..." She pulled on his arm and coaxed him back under the sheets to embrace her. "If this was as much time as we were going to get, then I think we spent it well. There's nothing I can regret about today."

They pressed their faces up against each other and nuzzled each other's noses, looking into each other's eyes.

"Technically, though," he said, "it isn't over yet." He kissed her gently on the lips, which she returned eagerly. Another kiss, another wave of rising desire welling up inside them. He sank his nose into her hair, breathed in her scent, and felt himself growing hard. His hands slid around her from behind and squeezed her breasts; she sighed in anticipation.

"Do you want it?" he asked her quietly as he started to push her upper thigh aside with his hand.

"Yes," she breathed seductively. He squeezed her breast in his hand a little tighter and she moaned eagerly as she felt him reach his full length against her. She started to lift her upper leg to make enough room for him; he scooped his arm under her thigh and draped her leg back around his hip, and he pushed himself inside her from behind. He thrusted sideways, adjusting himself to the new technique required, but soon decided that it would be easier to have them on their knees instead. He pulled her up onto all fours and reentered her squarely this time; her fingers clutched around the sheets as she gasped and trembled with his rhythm.

He wanted to savor every moment and relish every kiss. He wanted to remember every sound of passion that escaped her lips, every sensation of their bodies uniting. How she looked, how she felt, how she moved, how she smelled and even tasted. At times she expressed her pleasure easily, but at others, she would be shy and coy about revealing herself to him, and moan only a little, to make him work to earn her satisfaction.

This was one of the latter times. And he hoped it would not be the last, because it made his desire surge like nothing else.

Although she always moaned eagerly when he entered her, as he angled himself inside her and began to thrust, she withheld his validation this time; her breathing was slow and deep instead of rapid and shallow. He wasn't sure if it was because she was facing away from her, but her moaning was quieter this time, too.

"Is something wrong? Does it hurt?"

"No," she said, "but—you can—go faster…."

He grasped his hands even tighter around her hips and obliged. She squeezed her eyes shut and concentrated on the sensation of that friction inside her, the electric shock of almost painful pleasure from him pushing against her cervix.

Before they got too much further, however, he sensed that she was acting differently, and he suspected that she felt pain but was hesitant to say so. He laid her on her back again and pushed her wrists down on either side of her head. He leaned in and whispered in her ear, "I didn't hear you enough," and slid his right hand down her inner thigh.

She whined in pretend protest. "What are you talking about?"

"I'm a war veteran. I have shitty hearing."

"That's bullshit," she sighed, but then she moaned all the same and spread her thighs for him when his fingers reached between her legs. He looked hazily down through half-closed eyes at the lamplight illuminating her naked form. He could stare at her all day and night and still not finish memorizing every last detail of her. He plumbed her entrance for their commingled wetness: her clear smoothness mixed with his white stickiness. And again he found her clit and lubed her up.

"You know, though…" he started to say, and he stopped rubbing her.

"Huh?"

He leaned in to look at her face.

"Do you ever touch yourself like this?"

She smiled mysteriously, with a hint of a mischievous gleam in her eye. "How do you think I figured out how to show you how to do it?"

He moaned in approval through a kiss. "I want to watch you do it…."

"Okay," she sighed.

She kissed him once and slid her own hand down to take over where he left off. He ran his wet fingers through her hair as he breathed heavily against her ear.

She tilted her head a little to turn her face away from him. "You're—messing up my hair…."

"We can take a bath in the morning."

"Mmm, you'd like that—wouldn't you…."

He continued to kiss her, more urgently now, as she continued to touch herself. He was still hard and covered in her wetness; he pressed himself in a slow rhythm against her leg as he stole glances downward to watch her fingers slicking back and forth between her thighs with her own wetness.

She panted, "Are you sure—you just want to watch?"

"What do you mean? You look amazing…."

"I mean you come inside me while I'm—doing this—"

"God, you're something else…." And he propped his hips under her thighs and penetrated her yet again.

He truly couldn't believe he wasn't dreaming, watching her pleasure herself while he pleasured himself in her. She was demonically, sinfully sexy: her husky moaning, her breasts squeezed together between her arms as they snaked downward between her open legs to touch herself, and sometimes him.

And just like every other time he orgasmed, he hit that peak moment of transcendental ecstasy, when he inherently knew in that instant that everything in life made sense, and them being together made the most sense of anything that had ever happened in his entire life—that he and she were exactly where they should be.

He soon collapsed on top of her, still partially erect, and she cradled his body in her arms.

She thought to ask him, "Am I ever too loud, though?"

He kept panting against her neck. "Too loud—for who? I don't—think you are…."

"Huh. Okay..." She suddenly felt shy to have even asked.

"If anything," he continued, "you're not as loud—as you could be." He kissed her then; she moaned quietly through the kiss, but then pulled her head away and fell silent as she became introspective again.

Petra was starting to understand how the son of a prostitute would have an unusually open attitude about sex. Absolutely nothing either of them could think of doing seemed to faze him; nothing seemed to be too disgusting to at least try. While they were in the moment together, she was as engaged as he was; they didn't care about anything or anyone else. But there were little things that she ended up feeling self-conscious about in the back of her mind afterward—after their arousal faded and they were simply laying naked on top of each other, sweaty and breathing heavily. Had she been too loud? Too bold to touch him a certain way, or to show him how to touch her a certain way? Was it "dirty" to go down on each other? She wondered if he thought that being called a "whore" or a "slut" was even considered bad. Did he understand that those kinds of labels bothered normal people like her?

He seemed to sense her unease, and he held her face in one hand to look at her more clearly. She grew even shyer and looked down quickly to avoid meeting his gaze.

"Petra. What is it?" he asked.

She bit her lip a little as she thought about how to explain it all to him.

"Are we... moving too fast?"

She finally looked back up into his eyes; they narrowed a little as he sought to comprehend her words.

"What do you mean?"

"Before I... died... we never did any of this. Never even kissed, or told each other how we felt... And then we just—fell right into bed with each other... Not even a word to my parents about me, or us..."

He felt a pang of guilt at the mention of her parents again—at her reflecting his own words back from earlier that evening. Maybe he also should have been more considerate than to sleep with their only daughter—multiple times already, at that—when they didn't yet know that she was even alive.

"I thought—you said this was what you wanted. I thought you didn't want to 'waste any more time'..." He started to grow uneasy, too: Could he also maybe have pushed her along too fast for her because of his own desires?

She sighed heavily now. "No, you're right—I do want this..."

And she sighed again, but more quietly now.

"I guess I'm just questioning myself needlessly. Never mind... I'm sorry..."

He nodded.

"It's okay. No need to apologize..." And he cursed himself a little for being so inarticulate in emotional matters. "I guess it's normal to feel the way you do."

She smiled slightly at his efforts to reassure her. "You're right. It'll all be fine... I'm sure they'll be happy that it's you."

Levi suddenly felt the pressure of living up to whatever their standards of a worthy match for her were. But they knew him... they said they worried about him... her mother had thanked him for his service...

"I'd like to think that they will..."

Petra looked deeply into his eyes and nodded solemnly.

"They will."

And she pulled him in for one final kiss—at least, for now.

"You know…" she started again, changing the subject, "your pillow did smell a little like you, when I used it to take that nap."

"Yeah?" He shifted his weight a little to one side so he wasn't pressing directly down on her so much.

"I thought you never used your bed…."

Levi took a moment to close his eyes and rest his head against her shoulder.

"Sasha died. It was upsetting... I was upset."

Petra nodded quietly and brushed a stray strand of his hair away from his face.

He added, "But I figured you would tell me to lie down and try to sleep, if you were here... And I still didn't sleep well last night. But at least I tried."

As if by coincidence, he felt the unbidden urge to sleep start to overtake him now.

"It's so ironic... the one night I want to stay awake... I can't..."

"It's not a stamina thing, so don't worry," she teased him. "I heard that's just how it is: men want to sleep after, but women stay awake…."

He groaned quietly in resignation. "You'd better still be here when I wake up…. I don't want this to all be just some crazy wet dream—and then you'll leave me washing my bedsheets all by myself…."

Petra laughed quietly. "Just sleep. Rest. You don't need to think about anything..." She nodded reassuringly. "And when you wake up, we can keep on dreaming..."

The corners of his lips upturned ever so slightly at the poetry of her words. A lifetime of dreaming with Petra, asleep in the embrace of her love—he never wanted to wake up from a dream like that...

The urge to sleep finally fully overtook his mind, and he felt himself drifting off with his head face down on her shoulder.

Levi awoke gradually, finding himself awash in darkness. He floated on his back, and soon found his footing on the invisible floor; the sound of his feet making contact echoed repeatedly, then faded away. He found that he had instinctively dressed himself in his brown Survey Corps jacket, green cloak, and signature cravat, complete with his ODM gear, a full stock of blades and gas canisters, and four Thunder Spears on one arm. He was determined to always be on guard, now that he had her—now that he had something to lose.

"At ease, Levi," Erwin said. "You don't need all that equipment when you're dreaming."

Levi turned in the direction of Erwin's voice, disbelieving what he was hearing. "Erwin... Miche...?"

Miche nodded tacitly at Levi. "Maybe you've had insomnia for so long that you forgot how dreaming works," he mused knowingly. "But I'm touched that you thought about us. We were beginning to think that you had forgotten about everyone else but Petra."

Levi pursed his lips. "Sorry…. I guess I just can't help it."

"Although you might consider curbing the exhibitionism. There are some people here who are similarly lacking in self-restraint with spectating…."

Miche rubbed his beard thoughtfully to help himself recall.

"We've been hearing comments that you said to 'let them see'...?"

"Tch. You're damn right. You just tell me who the thirsty bastards are so I can double down for next time. Maybe personalize 'em a message or something."

Erwin said now, "You surprised me, Levi. You've usually been very private about personal things like that…."

Levi tried not to reveal his embarrassment too obviously, now that Erwin was also getting in on the admonishment.

"Right."

"And she is still technically your subordinate. Do what you will in private, but please no more bathhouse indiscretions."

Levi groaned in annoyance at being scolded by Erwin, of all people. "You know, she did ask for it every single time…."

Erwin raised one eyebrow. "So there have already been 'multiple times'…."

"That's personal," Levi muttered definitively.

Erwin's countenance grew more serious now. "At any rate… you seem to be particularly stressed about this mission. And about avenging me."

Levi stared at his feet, feeling himself sinking internally into the mire of self-doubt.

"I don't want you to throw your life away over me, Levi. Not when you have so much more to lose now than I ever did."

Levi nodded briefly at this: the truth that he did not want to admit consciously to himself.

"But also know that you didn't truly lose any of us, thanks to the Paths. We've always been here, watching over all of you."

"What the fuck. Why did you never talk to me like this before? Why only now?"

Erwin's eyes focused a little more.

"Because you've never needed to hear me more than you do right now. Ask yourself what's really more important to you: revenge for someone who's already dead? Or a future with Petra, who is very much alive?"

Levi crossed his arms; he admitted that he did feel compelled to contemplate this seriously.

"I know it will be hard for you," Erwin continued, "but you must decide, and you must not waver from that decision. Be prepared to stake your life on it. Or else prepare to fail this mission, as well as lose her."

Levi's eyes narrowed and his body relaxed deliberately. He felt tense in his heart, but he chose to be ready to move. To act decisively to protect the one he loved….

Levi woke suddenly, accidentally disturbing Petra from her sleep, too. He had leaned his body over hers instinctively, trying to shield her from something—anything—that might be out there, waiting to strike. But of course, there was nothing to fear… but too late now: her eyes were open. It was still deep into the night, although the lamp shone dimly on the bedside table. He hazily made out the shape of her features in the light.

"Huh…?" she asked, her voice still muffled with sleep.

"Sorry. Did I wake you?"

"It's okay…." She hugged him. "How are you?"

"I'm good…." He embraced her from behind and breathed in her hair. "Damn good…."

She nodded. "How did you sleep?"

He sat up a little on one elbow. "Got a couple 'visitors', you could call 'em…."

"Oh really? Who?" She tilted her head in curiosity.

"Erwin and Miche."

"Aww, did you tell them I said hi?"

He shrugged. "In a way, I guess…."

"It's good that you saw them," she said, stifling a yawn. "I'm sure you missed them."

He nodded. He was at peace—he was happy—being with her now. But this moment could not last forever, and tomorrow they would have to continue on….

"I love you," he told her quietly in the dark. "And I want you to remember that—that I finally, finally told you." He held her face in his hands and clutched her close to him; he closed his eyes as he felt them grow hot with tears. He ached so painfully in his heart...

She nodded and tears came to her eyes as well. She reached out and caressed his cheek with her thumb.

He continued to speak, "I realized just now—nobody told you where we're actually going on this mission."

She couldn't see his eyes clearly in the dim light from their positioning, but she felt his anguish—and his guilt.

"Where?" she asked him. In truth, she could half-anticipate what his answer would be…. Where else could they be going, really, for him to be this upset…?

"The Forest of Giant Trees," he said. "The same place you died."

Her voice caught in her throat at hearing her fears realized. The reckoning was coming for them now, and she would have to face those fears by this time tomorrow.

"I wish you weren't going with me tomorrow," he admitted softly. "I wish that I could keep you safe."

She nodded again and started taking breaths through her mouth as her tears slid sideways down her face.

"I know," she managed to squeak out. "I—I'm scared, too. But—I'm—a member of the Survey Corps," she said, and nodded again, but more resolutely now. "And so are you."

He sighed bitterly, letting the air pass onto the side of her face. He pulled a corner of the bedsheet to blot the tears from under her eyes.

"So," she continued in the same headstrong voice, "if this is the price I have to pay to humanity to be able to be here with you right now, then I'll do my duty. And so should you."

It was times like this that Levi cursed the circumstances that had brought him to this moment— that brought him to the Survey Corps. And yet if he had never joined, and had never stayed after losing Farlan and Isabel, then he never would have met Petra. He had said it himself earlier that very day—it was far better to have something to lose than to have never had it at all. They were who they were, and they loved each other for it. And down to their very souls, they were Scouts.

"We are who we are, and we are what we are," he concluded for them both. "I know."

He felt the stress of all this morbid thinking start to pull him back to sleep. He felt her hands softly caressing his cheek, and her lips gently kissing his closed eyelids. And he asked himself in the fog of his mind, How could I possibly deserve a woman this good?...

Levi found himself adrift in the darkness of sleep again, still dressed in his Survey Corps uniform and wearing all his gear and weapons. But he was splattered all over with blood now, even all over his hands. He had done many things in his life that he wished he hadn't had to—killed many people—including Titans—that he wished he hadn't had to….

He inhaled sharply through his nose as he turned his head swiftly at the sound of someone approaching. His mother, dressed in the same gray dress she usually wore in life….

"Mother...?"

He stared at her, incredulous.

"You look the same. Exactly how I remember you..."

Kuchel smiled warmly at him.

"Levi. I'm so proud of you."

He frowned, feeling troubled now. He looked down at his bloodied hands—evidence of his sins he couldn't escape.

"Proud of me for what?"

"Proud of what a good man you've become."

"What are you talking about? All I did was probably knock my girlfriend up... like an idiot."

And then he asked himself, Why am I covered in the blood of the people I killed, and yet I'm feeling guilty about her? I swear I didn't hurt her…. I don't plan to let anything happen to her….

"That is a gift," Kuchel said, refocusing him on their conversation. "It's what she wanted: To have a baby."

Levi scoffed, disbelieving. "Is having a baby that damn great? At a time like this, when she'll have to go out there and do God knows what—just to stay alive?"

Kuchel shook her head at his misguided thinking. "It seems you still don't quite understand her... But I can relate to how I think she feels."

"Is that so?"

She nodded simply. "When you don't have control over anything in your life, you find something that can be yours. Something that gives your life meaning."

Kuchel smiled wistfully at him.

"And I know that I'm not her, and I can't claim to know her thoughts, but at least I know that you were that something for me," she said.

He hung his head, feeling guilty now, but lifted his head again to look her in the eyes.

"Mother... I hope... I was a good son to you. I didn't have much time to do anything for you in return..."

"The only thing you needed to do for me was to live your life well. And you've done that."

And he could not help but feel touched, even honored, to hear this validation from his mother. To know that she had always been watching over him, and that he had made her proud of the life he had managed to live.

In the end," Kuchel continued, "I think that a true measure of a man is how he treats women. And you are a good man: you respected her choice. You're helping her make her dream come true. And even if that's the only thing I managed to teach you in eight years… then I can be proud of that."

He nodded to himself, admitting that she was right, despite his lingering reservations. Having a baby was the only way that he and Petra could claim anything for themselves: their dreams of each other, made incarnate through the connection of their love. A tiny, secret hope to nurture, despite living in a world where nothing was certain to live, or to last.

Levi lifted his head up slowly from Petra's shoulder blade; he had fallen asleep a second time indeed. The soft, hazy white light of dawn was percolating in through the window next to them, but he suspected that it wasn't quite time to get up yet….

"What time is it?" He squinted to try to see the alarm clock over Petra's shoulder.

Petra turned her head to see for him. "Five."

He flopped his head down on the back of her shoulder. "God…. Where'd the time go?"

"Time… for what?" she asked suggestively, smiling. She pressed her ass into his hips and felt some satisfaction when she felt him growing hard against her yet again. He copped a feel of her breast with one of his hands; she moaned quietly as he squeezed her and ran his thumb over her nipple.

"Time for this."

He reached around and slid his hand around her breast. He started to go hard against her butt… she felt it and arched her back, pressing her ass tightly against his growing erection. He rolled her over and kissed her, seemingly demanding more.

"How much time do we have left?" she asked.

"An hour."

They kissed again.

"I think that should be enough…" he concluded as he breathed in the scent of her skin against his nose.

Petra turned her head to one side and brushed her hair out of her face. "Do you want more?"

"It'll be—time to get up soon, but—"

She pulled his head in for a kiss and he pressed his hardness against her thigh even tighter.

"God, yes I do," he said.

He held her by her breasts to pull her in closer. She spread her legs a little more and moaned quietly as she felt him enter her from behind.

The morning light diffused over her gave her an almost angelic halo and even seemed to light her reddish-golden hair from within. He could thrust even more deeply into her from behind than he could from the front—all the way in until he bumped his tip against the roof of her inside. She felt the shock of every thrust against her cervix and cried out, and he decided again that that position was simply too much for her, at least for now.

"It hurts, doesn't it?" he asked her, panting against her shoulder blades.

She let her head droop in resignation onto the pillow she had been hugging. "Yeah… I guess it does."

He pulled out of her and turned her around to face him, then guided her onto him as he lay on his back.

"Here—this way you can do whatever," he said, and he helped her position herself on top of his erection. She moaned in pleasant surprise as she sank down around him; he firmly held on to either side of her ass and pulled her down, further impaling her on him. Her breasts looked even better when she was sitting up than lying down….

In the morning light, their sinfully erotic moment was in full display. Her arms pressed tightly against her sides as her hands rested on his abs. Her rounded breasts sitting ripely on her chest. Her legs spread wide on top of him. He grew more adventurous again and hovered one hand under her and probed her wetness with his fingertips, eliciting a quiet moan of anticipation from her, then felt his fingers cleave into her glistening pink folds to the sound of her stifled gasp.

This was the first time she was in charge, riding him at the pace she chose. She bowed her head in focus and braced her hands onto the tight muscles of his abdomen as she rocked herself forward and back; he assisted with his own hands, still pulling her in by her hips, while he pleasured her with his fingers as she continued to ride him. Her moaning grew a little higher-pitched at this doubling of her stimulation, which only encouraged him to renew his efforts. Finally he released himself inside her, shooting upward in vibrating, pulsating waves that threatened to push her over the edge when she squeezed around him to build her own pleasure with his. His fingers pressed up against her involuntarily as his whole body tightened in the throes of his orgasm, and the stiff touch of his fingers took her the rest of the way as well. He pulled her face in close to his and exhaled heavily onto her forehead, and she cried out both in desperation and with a satisfied finality.

He sat up underneath her now, with legs bent at the knees and his feet under his hips. With his thoroughly wet hand, he reached around the curve of her ass to hold her up onto his continuing hardness, leaving a glistening trail of wetness up the side of her ass. She draped her arms around his shoulders, leaning into him, still straddling his erection. He let his mouth wander down past her neck, brushing up against the border of her nipple, then taking it into his mouth to suck, slowly and deliberately. She sighed with satisfaction and guided his head over to her other breast to even herself out.

When he finally fully lost his hardness, Petra lay panting on her back with her arms pressed against her body.

"I think… I'm finally worn out."

Levi also lay panting just as hard on top of her.

"I'm surprised it took you this long."

"Can you clean me up this time?" she asked. "I feel like I'm a bit too wet to get up…."

He obediently lowered his head between her thighs. He thoroughly, methodically lapped up her extra wetness as she ran her own fingers through his hair and sighed in contentment. When he decided that he was as done as he could be, he lifted his head again, and she coyly pulled her thighs closed as if as if she hadn't had them open all night—as if they hadn't had indulgent, shameless sex more times than they could count in the span of just one day. And they pulled each other close and kissed deeply, one more time, and another, and another for good measure, before finally pulling away.

"I'll tell you something that most people don't know," Levi said. "But it's kind of freaky."

"Oh?"

"If a guy does it enough times in a row… he starts jizzing blood."

Petra gasped. "Did you do that just now?"

"No... but I might if we did keep going. We did do it a bunch of times already..."

She looked at him more seriously. "But did you actually see someone do that?"

"Just once," he said, and he paused as he thought about it. "He was... a very well-paying customer."

He stared at her, thinking of blood…. He blinked and did a double-take, taking her by the chin to turn her head from one side to the other, but it was true:

"All your hickeys are gone," he informed her.

"Huh… I guess that ointment was that effective, huh?"

"Maybe…."

Just then, as if on cue, the alarm clock on the bedside table sprang to life, its brass bell ringing obnoxiously. The sound startled them both; Levi reached over and clicked it off.

"Holy shit," he marveled out loud. "We just fucked all night." He flopped his head face down on the pillow, finally feeling the exhaustion now that he no longer had the luxury of time to sleep it off.

She sighed and covered her eyes with her forearm. "We sure did... more or less…."

"That was probably… the most impulsive thing I've ever done," he said to himself as much as to her. "But—worth it."

"I'm sure we made Pyxis proud," she chuckled dreamily.

"God, why did you have to bring him up?" And he groaned in frustration as he sat up in bed and disentangled himself from the sheets. He smacked her playfully on her bedsheet-covered ass; she squeaked and pretended to be offended.

"Get up. Right now. That's an order."

She made a distant-sounding whine in her throat, but then said, "Yes, sir." And she obediently sat up and let the sheets very purposely slide off her naked body. He pointedly avoided looking at her and he shoved her nightgown at her, found her panties where he had left them at the head of the bed, and tossed them matter-of-factly onto her bare thigh.

"Get dressed," he ordered gruffly. "We should take one more bath, and then we have errands and laundry and I have to make sure they added enough provisions for you to the supply runs."

"You got the whole list in your head," she murmured as she pulled on the nightgown and panties he had tossed at her. "You're all focus now."

"That's how I run this squad," he said, pulling on his own underwear and pants from the previous evening.

"This squad?" she asked. She rolled her nightgown down over her breasts. "Just you and me?"

He nodded once, looking down as he made sure his fly was secured. "Welcome to Levi Squad."

"Are we a squad within a squad now or something?" she mused. "I wonder how the others would feel about that."

The corners of his mouth upturned slightly in an air of mischief. "That's confidential. Strictly between us."

She grinned in genuine approval. "Yes, Captain!"

After the meeting with Zachary and Pyxis, Hange took the opportunity to check in with Levi.

"Petra and Armin. It's a good thing they're talking," Hange began. They took a seat next to Levi on the wooden bench in the spot of hallway they had wandered off to.

"Yeah…" Levi said, his voice sounding distant.

"So, Levi... How are you really?" Hange peered at him through their one good eye to study his face. He never did let on much, but when he did, it was crucial to catch it.

Levi turned to look Hange squarely in the eye.

"I could ask you the same thing."

Hange walked him through their past two days thus far: Eren in the underground jail cell, patiently waiting on Hange to come up with a better plan to save Paradis than his own (and aggressively grabbing them by the lapels to hurry it along). A group of Scouts leaking intel about Eren's capture to the press, including Floch, and possibly more turncoats still hidden among their ranks. Mounting anxiety about the future. What Erwin might have done. And why did Erwin make Hange the Commander at all?

Levi crossed his arms as he slouched a little in the seat. "Well, I'm definitely not cut out for that 'diplomacy' shit, and the other options were one of those brats, and no way in hell were they ready. Besides, there are only so many people I'd rather be in charge of at any one time. So that really only left you."

"Wow, process of elimination is the best compliment I'm getting out of you?"

He scoffed. "Be grateful you're getting anything out of me, Shitty Glasses."

Hange laughed openly at his coarse attitude back on full display. "Some things never change. You really still are rude to everyone else but Petra."

He thought wryly to himself that that assessment wasn't quite true. What about Mikasa? Or Historia? Or even Sasha? Shit… I have a soft spot for all these women?….

"Anyway, I know we're still calling you a squad leader, but 30 subordinates—well, 31 now—is the biggest 'squad' we've ever had." Hange chuckled. "At this point, you're a section leader in all but name."

He pursed his lips wryly. "Thrusting ever more responsibility upon me. That's what the Survey Corps did to me since Day 1."

And he tilted his head as his thoughts wandered to something else Hange had said.

"Floch…" he said. "I helped that kid out, too. Got him off his ass when he was crying about getting blasted by those rocks. He went through all that trouble to bring Erwin to me, but I chose Armin instead…." He sighed. "And I'm not sure if he ever really forgave me for that, in the end."

Hange lifted a hand as they shrugged. "You can't win 'em all, Levi. No matter what decision you make, someone, somewhere, is bound to have a problem with it." They leaned forward in the bench, gazing off onto a faraway spot on the floor. "I told you back then, too: the most logical choice had been Erwin. But… the decision had been yours to make. And I'm sure it wasn't an easy one."

He nodded tacitly, but not wishing to explore the matter any further. He then decided to bring up another matter he had been pondering.

"So you just decided for us that she should be reassigned, huh?"

Hange shrugged. "Sorry, Levi. But as you know, ordinarily, an officer is not allowed to show favoritism to their direct subordinate. But on the other hand, these aren't ordinary times. And to be honest, I think that all of us have bigger problems right now than upholding a no-dating policy."

He let loose a little "Huh" and smirked to himself ever so slightly.

"Anyway, I did have a feeling that Pyxis would get a kick out of keeping you two together. So I decided to gamble and make ourselves seem 'by the book' for appearance's sake." They spread their arm out across the back of the bench. "Ultimately, a Scout of Petra's skill would be best utilized right now in guarding Zeke, regardless of who her commanding officer is. So in the end, I wasn't too worried."

He rolled his eyes at the thought of Pyxis' comment again. But he did admit to himself that Hange had played the situation well.

"Oh yes," Hange said, sitting up straighter as they remembered something. "Pyxis meant to give this to you, but he didn't want to get scolded for doing it in front of Zachary. You know, the good stuff for when things get hairy..."

Hange surreptitiously passed the package to Levi; he pocketed it promptly after only a cursory glance at the dummy packaging on the exterior. But he recognized the size and feel of the cases because he had had one in his possession before….

"But why are they in a shitty brown paper bag, of all things?" The bag crinkled audibly in the breast pocket of his jacket as he moved.

"This way no one will think much of it! But—save it for when you're really stressed out, if you know what I mean." And they laughed audibly for effect, trying but failing to sound perfectly relaxed.

Levi nodded gravely. "Then I'll keep it handy."

"One more thing, though," Hange added.

Levi looked over at them out of his peripheral vision. "Oh?"

"This might be obvious to you already, but… be very careful who you give that to," Hange said, their tone of voice serious now. "Especially if it comes down to her…."

His eyes narrowed even further.

"Remember what we all talked about. Given what we know—or at least suspect—the consequences will be severe. And not just for your relationship."

In the locker room, Petra and Levi got dressed in their uniforms and ODM gear, standing in opposite corners of the room. Petra was relieved that the top half had not changed from the green cloak, brown jacket, and straps she was so used to, although the pants and boots were updated. And Levi noted grimly to himself that he was outfitted almost exactly as he had been in his dream. But the dream was over now: now it was time to fight. To bring the dream back, no matter what….

"Does everything fit? Do you get how everything straps up?" he asked her over his shoulder.

"Yes. It's intuitive enough… and similar enough to before."

They were both finished now; they stood facing each other in uniform, adjusting to this new look on each of them. After gazing upon each other naked all night, the clothing of their inherently dangerous profession brought them sharply back into the present reality.

"Petra," Levi began. "I get it: You're a member of the Survey Corps and you want to do your duty and all that."

She nodded silently.

"It's the same for me... I want to do my duty to humanity. But I also want revenge for Erwin. And I want to keep you safe."

They were standing right in front of each other now without having consciously moved their feet. He held her upper arms in both hands to emphasize his words. That intense gaze from him again, and that open look in her eyes to take him in.

"But if it comes down to it, and I have to choose between it all... Between humanity and revenge, I'm choosing humanity. Between you and revenge, I'm choosing you. Between you and humanity... I wish I could choose you."

"What? Even over your duty to humanity?"

He nodded. "Everyone's allowed to be just a little bit selfish," he said, turning her words on her. "But only just a little..."

Her eyelids fluttered a little with dawning realization.

"So when you say you only 'wish' you could choose me..."

Levi dived into her eyes, searching with his own. "I want to be an asshole so damn bad, and just run away from it all and let the whole world die if they have to. But you feel the same way, don't you? This is just... how it has to be."

She inhaled sharply through her mouth as she felt hot tears sting her eyes. He nodded determinedly and embraced her, smelling her hair. That vaguely fresh but generic scent of standard-issue soap, but also still uniquely her. It singed into his nostrils, bewitching itself into the amorphous form of another future memory of impending heartbreak.

Petra said at last, "When all this is over, I want to go on that date. I want you to take me out to dinner, just like normal human beings... You got that?" she said fiercely, determined to live for that simple but seemingly impossible dream...

Levi nodded slowly and seriously, holding down the aching in his heart. "I'll take you out to dinner, and then I'll take you home... and I'll get a bigger bed so you can sleep all night," he wiped her tears with his thumb, "and stay with me forever... I promise."

They gazed into each other's eyes, sharing the profundity of their simple promise. They would survive, and they would earn the right to truly live for themselves. And maybe, just maybe, believing in that shared dream would be enough to make it real.

He finally let go of her arms and turned to leave. "Let's go, Petra."

Petra sighed to herself and put on the bravest face she could muster.

"Yes, sir."

Chapter 6: Children of Winter

Summary:

In flashbacks, Levi celebrates his birthday with a special someone and a sweet surprise.

Notes:

This is not the next full chapter of the story, but it's really all I can manage right now with the amount of time I have for writing. This piece is my contribution to the Rivetra Weekend 2021 art challenge on Tumblr, and it also works as a flashback for Present from the Paths! Additionally, it is Memorial Day Weekend in the United States, so I thought that I would celebrate both and create something in honor of Petra, a fallen military veteran (albeit fictional). Wherever you are in the world and whatever country you call home, I hope that you can take a moment to appreciate the sacrifices of your country's military veterans on your behalf.

Rivetra Weekend 2021 Prompts (choose as many as one wants to create a piece of Rivetra-themed artwork):

*an asterisk means that I worked it into the piece

Breeze*
Yearning*
Bullet
Vacation*
Paranoia
Sensitive
Harmony*
Ashamed
Illness*
Suspicious
Perfection*
Season(s)*

Chapter Text

Soundtrack Recommendation:

"Calm My Soul" - Paper Route

It was Levi's birthday—December 25th—but he hadn't bothered to mention it to a single living soul, as usual. The thing was, when he had greeted Petra a Happy Birthday on December 6th this year, as usual, she had finally wheedled the truth out of him:

"Captain, what about you? When's your birthday? Nobody ever seems to know…."

She's been asking around all this time, trying to find out when it is?

Her warm, amber eyes glowed in the morning light as she gazed expectantly at him—perhaps even a little hopefully. And every time she would give him that look in her eyes, he could not help but open up to her just a little, tiny bit:

"December 25th," he said at last. "But I didn't tell anyone for a reason," he added sternly. "So, don't tell anyone, you got that?"

She beamed at him and nodded. "Yes, sir!"

A couple of weeks after that, and it was today: he was officially one year older, and no one was the wiser—no one else but her. She cornered him after the holiday breakfast with the squad and sat him down in his usual chair at the table. She surreptitiously deposited a pouch onto the chair next to him and cleared her throat to divert his attention onto her, and away from the mystery gift. He was mildly amused and complied willingly, crossing his arms over his chest to see whatever she could possibly have in store for him.

"I think I figured it out," she began. "You got to hide your birthday because it's on the same day as the winter holiday," she said as she crossed her own arms before him. "You got a celebration anyway, so maybe you didn't feel totally forgotten about on your special day. But nobody knew that you were secretly celebrating two things for yourself."

He looked up at her and gave a brief "Heh" in quiet agreement.

She shyly handed him the pouch from the chair seat next to him: a green drawstring bag, secured around its neck with its own string. The warmth of its contents sat and shifted in the palm of his hand as he cradled it curiously.

"Hmm, what could this be?" he smirked, but with the tiniest hint of gladness in his tone.

She smiled coquettishly at him, tucking some stray hairs behind her ear. "You'll just have to find out..." And she blushed and scuffed the floor with her toe.

He peeked inside it for a moment, then stood up. "It seems we could use some more tea," he declared.

"Oh, of course!" And she shoved him back down in his chair by his shoulders. "I'll get right on that, Captain."

He smiled to himself as he watched her walk purposefully over to the stove. Spilling his secrets was an uncomfortable thing for him in general, but sharing drop by drop, for just one special person, he was finding that he never seemed to regret it in the end.

Levi opened the bag to reveal his offering of freshly baked cookies, each a coin-sized, golden brown circle. There she stood before him again, her name now immortalized upon the snow-kissed stone. Delicate, feathery flowers of ice bloomed across the center, obscuring the dates of her birth and death. Therefore, he could choose to believe that she was anywhere and everywhere, at any time and every time, not yet born and living and dead. He pulled out a cookie with his thumb and forefinger and appreciated the harmony of its shape: a perfect circle (as perfect as he could make them, at least) with no clear beginning nor end.

You're not that special, Petra, he joked internally to her. You're not the only one who gets to have a birthday. I wanted someone to celebrate with, too. I guess this is what happens when I never let anyone in. If they don't know a thing about me, then they can't do anything special for me. Even if they wanted to. But at least I managed to let you in... even just a little. I hope it was enough for us... at least in the moment, back then.

Things in life are even more complicated now. Eren ran away to Marley; Mikasa's been beside herself. I can't blame her; I think we all are worried. But no matter what else is on my mind… I still haven't managed to forget about you. It's more like... I don't even want to.

He sighed quietly, acknowledging the familiar yearning in his heart begin to grow again.

I'm not ready to give up moments like this.

He had a teatime ready for himself and Petra at her gravestone: hot tea in a thermos, two tiny teacups, and freshly-baked sugar cookies in the same drawstring bag she had once given him—four years ago already. He set a white candle in a glass jar for her as well; he let the warm, orange-yellow glow warm his heart. And with these ordinary-seeming things, he prepared the altar to show his devotion for Petra, his special someone—his eternally beloved.

He heard a gentle cracking of ice-glazed snow crumbling underfoot and turned his head to see who approached: Petra's parents, Mr. and Mrs. Ral, each holding a jar candle and a small, cloth-wrapped bundle in their hands. All three of them shared a look of mutual recognition, and then Mr. Ral started to chuckle.

"Well, of course you're here, Captain," he greeted Levi. "It's the holidays, isn't it? We took a little vacation day, too."

Levi smiled the tiniest of smiles and decided that now was the time to share just a little more.

"It's also... my birthday."

Their faces lit up from joyfulness within. Mrs. Ral outstretched her arms and made to hug him, and he did not resist.

"Well, well, well," Mr. Ral said. "The more, the merrier, right?"

Mrs. Ral added as she embraced him, "Happy Birthday, Captain Levi."

He received the hug a little stiffly, but he did manage to tilt his chin downward to rest on her shoulder for the briefest moment.

"Thank you. For spending it with our girl." She let him go from the hug and held his hands in hers.

"May we stay for a bit, and—celebrate with you?"

He nodded. "Sure."

Mrs. Ral gave her husband's bundle to him and traded him for his candle. She stooped down with both candles towards Levi's candle, flickering gently but still burning resolutely.

"May I?" she asked Levi. He nodded in silent permission and she lit both of the Rals' candles using Levi's flame, then rested the candles down on either side of his.

Mr. Ral rested his hand on Levi's shoulder in his gentle, fatherly way. "Feel free to say as little or as much as you want, son."

Levi glanced at him out of the corner of his eye, feeling slightly surprised to be called "son" for the first time by anyone, ever.

"Whaddaya know: 'Humanity's Strongest Soldier' had a mother, too," Mr. Ral mused.

He nodded. "'Had'; that's right."

Mr. Ral sighed, "Oh dear. I'm sorry..."

Mrs. Ral straightened up again. "May we ask... what happened?"

Levi turned to look at her. "She died when I was eight. She got sick..."

Mr. Ral nodded in understanding. "Well, we're here now," he said, and extended a hand palm-up towards him. "We're here for you, for as long as you want."

Levi nodded and smiled slightly again.

"You know..." he said slowly, contemplating his thought, "you two really do remind me of her..."

Mrs. Ral smiled warmly back at him.

"It's funny you should say that because—you remind us of her."

He focused more intently on her to ponder her words; it was a genuinely surprising insight to him.

"You couldn't be more different, and yet we can see... the effect you had on her, since she joined your squad. That self-esteem, that dedication, how much prouder she carried herself..."

Levi shrugged. "I can't take credit for all that; she was already in the Top 10 of her cadet class to begin with..."

Mr. Ral shook his head at that. "She did what she was meant to do in life. Our sweet, courageous girl..."

Mr. Ral then pulled out a small, wooden frame from his messenger bag slung around his shoulder and placed it to the right of Levi's candle, and flanked on either side by her parents' candles: a hand-sized, framed portrait of Petra in her Scout uniform jacket. Levi noted that it was indeed an accurate likeness; her parents serving as visual models for the painter most likely helped. A soft, caressing breeze passed through between and among them as they stood before their shared memorial to her.

"It's not so big," her father explained, "but we wanted it small so we could take her with us." He scratched his head in amusement. "Heh. Small just like she was, now that I think on it."

Her mother, the noticeably shorter one of the couple, laughed mirthfully.

"Let's just say that there are both convenient and inconvenient things about being short!"

Levi smirked again, more to himself than to them. He held out the drawstring bag that had been hanging from his wrist.

"Cookie?" he asked.

Mrs. Ral rested her hands on her hips—the same gesture that he had seen Petra do so many times. "Hang on—did you bake these?"

Levi shrugged. "It was her recipe. Do they look familiar?"

She took the bag and rummaged around it a little; her husband crowded in to peek as well. "They're the same ones I used to bake with her for the holidays," she marveled. "My goodness."

"Wow, they sure are," Mr. Ral said. "I suppose it is a bit easier to find sugar nowadays, with the Titans gone…."

Levi nodded. "My last birthday with her... she baked the same ones for me."

Her parents both had unexpected tears sparkling in their eyes now. He handed Mrs. Ral the cookie bag and knelt down next to his insulated thermos. He stood up again with the thermos in one hand with the lid off, and the index finger of his other hand threaded through the handles of two tiny teacups. He offered Mr. Ral one of the teacups.

"Cookies are best enjoyed with tea," he explained. "Sorry I only have two teacups, though."

"Not a problem," Mr. Ral chuckled. "Sharing is what couples do." And he nodded approvingly at the teacups, waiting.

Levi smiled subtly again, not just with his lips, but with his eyes, and also within. He filled her parents' teacup, and then theirs—his and Petra's, shared. He lifted the teacup and toasted her portrait, surrounded with the light of their candles around her.

"Happy Birthday—to me, I guess," he said, feeling a little strange and self-conscious to be greeting himself.

"Happy Birthday, Captain Levi," the Rals said in unison. The sound of their voices made more sense in his head: someone else greeting him, acknowledging his existence, and celebrating his continued life. The reality of Petra's continued death felt a little less painful with her parents there; all three of them were proof beyond doubt that she had once lived, and would continue to do so, for as long as they did.

Chapter 7: Secrets

Summary:

Levi and Petra navigate the world as an official couple, bringing both pride and embarrassment to them. Levi sends an important message. Petra upgrades her skills during a crash course in modern firearms and Thunder Spears. The guarding party finally departs for the Forest of Giant Trees, and tensions run high with Zeke now among them.

Notes:

Thank you all so much for your patience. I have learned in these weeks since the last full chapter (not counting the Rivetra Weekend flashback) that time is the best muse. That's why this chapter became the longest one yet, and I'm particularly proud of all the additional things I was able to come up with over these past several weeks.

Additionally, many thanks to my new beta reader, Puff, for helping me brainstorm for this chapter and for sharing suggestions for improvement. It's a relief to have a second set of eyes. Please continue to be patient with me: I think that I am going to have to take 2 to 4 weeks to publish new chapters from now on, because taking that much time on this chapter has allowed me to improve upon it a lot. And in the long run, I want to look back and see that I delivered the best-quality product possible, without a self-imposed time crunch impacting the writing.

Please do enjoy, and stay safe and healthy in the coming weeks!

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Soundtrack Recommendations:

"So ist es immer" – Hiroyuki Sawano feat. Benjamin (Attack on Titan: Season 2 OST)

"Counter Attack-Mankind (Sasha Version)" – Hiroyuki Sawano (Attack on Titan: Season 2 OST)

While Petra was still pulling her boots back on, Levi was already fully dressed and pulling out a piece of paper from his desk drawer.

"What's that?" she asked him.

"A message to deliver." He unscrewed his ink jar and dipped his metal pen nib in it to prepare to write. "I want you to meet with one of my subordinates at the shooting range later today; they'll bring you over to the final rendezvous point with the supply wagons and the rest of the squad."

She stood up with her footwear on now. "Hmm. What's the plan with them? Will they be retraining me?"

He didn't look up from the scritch-scritch of his brisk writing. "There are weapons that everyone else in the Survey Corps knows how to use now, and we need you to get familiar with them as fast as possible: Thunder Spears, developed by the Engineer Corps, and the bolt-action rifles and semiautomatic pistols from Marley. They'll help you get started while I'm working on other stuff."

"Yes, Captain…."

She recalled having seen the Marleyan rifles, pistols, and Thunder Spears in action as a bystander in the Paths, but watching was different than experiencing them herself: using them and feeling them in her hands. Here was a new test of her skills as a Scout, and she was confident that she could rise to the challenge. He shook his piece of paper in the air to confirm that the ink had dried, and he folded it up in thirds and turned to face her.

She vaguely realized that he had folded his paper up without even putting it in an envelope, instead of rolling it up into a scroll and applying a wax seal, as she was accustomed to. Was this a more modern, casual way of delivering messages that she simply hadn't seen before?

"You can take a second and seal your message," she suggested. "Are we really in that much of a hurry?"

"Whatever. It's not that confidential for me to bother melting the wax for it."

Petra shrugged. "Okay then."

Despite the potential to feel awkward standing there behind him in just her nightgown, panties, and boots while having to be in soldier mode, her mind was as focused as his was now. Almost.

She cleared her throat. "Umm, but… did you happen to get me a—jacket or a sweater or something to, you know, cover up a little?" And she raised her forearm to lay horizontally over her breasts to make sure he got the point; she took the moment to comb her other hand through her morning-after hair to settle the messy clumps down a little flatter. He glanced down at her breasts (or maybe just at her arm covering them?) for the briefest moment, then swiveled to the side to dig into the bottom of the clothing bag on his desk chair.

"Here," he said, producing a lightweight, dark gray woolen cardigan for her.

"Thank you," she murmured, accepting it from his hand and pushing her arms into the sleeves. She felt his eyes on her as she looked down to straighten herself, but she refocused her attention on just getting it done. As she buttoned the cardigan up, she noted with relief that the V-neck rested about two finger widths higher than the V-neck of her nightgown, covering her cleavage securely. At least she didn't have to reveal the things she had shown him to the whole rest of the world, too….

"You look—good," he told her simply. "Presentable enough."

"Presentable enough," she sighed. "Enough for the bathhouse, and nowhere else, really." She curled her fingers around the lower hem of her nightgown, which still revealed the bottom half of her thighs.

He made his way to the front door. "It's still early; no one will care." He turned to look at her for a moment. "Hang on a second while I call a messenger over. You can use the bathroom first." And he walked out the front door, leaving it open behind him as he whistled for someone on horseback to come over and take his message.

When she smacked her lips and thought about the things they had put in each other's mouths and tasted on each other's tongues, she could not help but blush. A thorough mouth-rinsing and tooth-brushing were in short order for sure….

After departing Levi's barracks together, Levi and Petra each took a bath on their own uneventfully, wordlessly agreeing that they had no more time to spend on flirting or impulsive sex. Where they walked, Levi led the way and Petra dutifully followed. Then he took her to his locker room and got her new uniforms and ODM gear. And he told her what his priorities were, moving forward—putting duty and mission first again—but it didn't seem right. Not after the night they had just spent together; not after he had shed tears over the thought of losing her again. She found it impossible to believe that he was truly, freely choosing to put her in second place, after everything they had been through when he had done the same thing once before….

And even though she knew that he was lying, she also knew that he was fully in Captain mode now: he was no longer obligated to tell her his true feelings. But neither was she obligated to hold back her own thoughts on him...

"Captain Levi," she began, determined to speak her mind.

He turned his gaze on her, which she glanced at out of the corner of her eye. He looked somewhat surprised, and also sad, to hear her call him that again, even though it was once again appropriate and expected that she do so.

"What you said earlier... I don't believe you."

She then met his eyes head-on. His gaze wavered despite his efforts to maintain it; it was getting harder and harder for him to hide his feelings from her….

"But if this is your way of coping with the pressure—telling yourself, by telling me—that you'll still prioritize the rest of humanity—then I can understand."

He shook his head ever so slightly, as if to tell her not to press the matter. Even so, she could sense the storm gathering in his mind when she looked into his eyes. What color were they this time? Pale blue again? Or maybe actually a little bit green?

"We need... to stay focused on the bigger picture. Otherwise, everything we do will fail."

He paused, considering how vulnerable to let himself be, despite resolving not to be.

"Please..." And his brow furrowed ever so slightly as he spoke. "This is already hard enough."

And she nodded quietly, knowingly. They were just past the threshold of the entrance to the building now, standing side by side and looking at each other under the shade of the awning of the roof. Beyond where they were standing, the pleasantly warm, sunny morning awaited them. Their fingers brushed against each other—by chance, or not? And they reached out with searching fingertips for each other and found themselves holding hands, and then found their fingers intertwining. Petra thought to herself that this situation seemed vaguely familiar somehow—like a distant memory that had lain buried, almost to be completely forgotten…. They smiled faintly at each other: even though they were in uniform again, they could still be together, even just in small ways.

"The rest of the world developed the technology of 'photography', and the Marleyan Volunteers brought this to Paradis," Levi began. "It's much faster and more detailed than paintings or drawings, so eventually they decided that every soldier should have their photograph taken for the military's archives."

"Oh, okay." She truthfully was not sure if she had seen any photographs herself, or if she had seen anyone getting a photograph taken of themselves. Or had she seen it, and now was simply struggling to recall something she had forgotten?

The jingle of the bell hanging on the front door of the photography studio shook her out of her thoughts. She stole a brief glance at the photographs of all sorts of people in the windows—solo shots, groups of friends or coworkers, families, and soldiers in uniform—and then her feet moved without conscious effort to follow Levi inside.

"Welcome!" A sprightly young man in a white shirt, brown pants, and suspenders appeared at the entrance. "How may I help you?"

"We need to get a solo portrait of her for the Survey Corps archives," Levi explained, gesturing to Petra. "She's never gotten one before."

"My pleasure," the photographer gushed. "And have you considered any other kinds of photographs to go with that? Perhaps with you, sir, or with… both of you together?"

The photographer pointed to the example photographs lining the walls, building on what was hinted at in the photos in the street-facing shop windows: all black, white, and intermediate shades of gray. Some were simple portraits of soldiers like what they had come in for now, while others were portraits of whole families, treasured children, and even happy couples sitting in chairs together or holding hands….

Petra pointed at one such photograph and looked at Levi hopefully. In the photograph, a young woman with long, somewhat dark, straight hair was sitting on a stool in an attractive spring dress with ruffled short sleeves, and a somewhat light-haired (possibly light brown-haired in real life) man in a dress shirt and suit jacket beamed while he stood slightly off to one side with his hand on her shoulder. "Would it be possible… to get a couple's photo of us like that, too?" she asked.

Levi felt himself submerging into the now-familiar stew of awkwardness and sheepish embarrassment that caused him to purse his lips and shove his hands into the inner pockets of his cloak. He admitted that it was one thing to decide between themselves that they were together, and another thing to go out in public with photographic evidence….

"I think that's an excellent idea," the photographer determined, grinning broadly. "You two are picture-perfect together!"

And Levi sighed quietly in capitulation. He also had to admit that a secret part of him did want something to remember them being together….

Petra sat on the wooden stool in front of the camera, sitting up straight and smiling proudly. The photographer said, "Look straight into the camera, okay?", stuck his head underneath the hood, said, "Three, two, one!" and produced a blinding flash of light to capture the moment.

She blinked a few times to clear the light from her vision.

"You look great," the photographer chimed. "And now for the cute couple…." He clasped his hands together eagerly. "Don't be shy now!"

Levi somewhat reluctantly allowed Petra to pull him over and stand behind her, slightly off to the left side of her stool. She held his hand and beamed up at him, and he sighed and felt his taciturn expression melt just from looking at her. How did I end up so weak for her so fast…? She looked so happy at the idea…. He wanted her to be happy, in the end, and even if meant she pulled him along for the ride sometimes, he had figured out that he would always end up being happier for it in retrospect as well.

He let go of her hand and rested his right hand on her left shoulder, and she clasped her own two hands in her lap.

"Smile for the camera, you two," the photographer instructed in his chipper voice. "Ah, yes, just like that—"

The camera made its distinctive "juhg" sound while its light flashed in both their eyes.

"This is gonna look great in the shop window," he said, resting his hands on his hips in satisfaction.

"What?" Levi exclaimed. "Hey—"

"Umm, please don't put it up that publicly," Petra asked hastily. "He's—pretty shy, as you can tell…."

The photographer laughed. "No worries. You just seemed like you could use a good tease."

Levi's head was in a flustered jumble as he guided Petra back towards the door under the pretense of urgency and settled the bill. He made a mental note to not get so overtly bothered by things that made him uncomfortable, because it would potentially make people want to rile him up even more so they could further amuse themselves with his overreaction.

"What's her name so I can file the photographs correctly with the Survey Corps?" the photographer asked him.

"… Angelika," he said after a pause. "Angelika Klein."

"What a precious name," the photographer said. "It suits her well!"

Levi nodded and turned to address Petra.

"It'll take several hours for them to develop the photographs," he said, his voice even and calm again. "Petra…?"

"Hm?" she asked absentmindedly. "Don't you mean, 'Angelika'?" It seemed she had been somewhat paying attention to his conversation, but he nevertheless had just now caught her gazing over his shoulder, looking more carefully at the photograph that she had pointed to earlier to serve as their example pose.

Somehow, that woman looks familiar, she thought to herself, but I can't quite put my finger on why….

"'Angelika,'" he started again, "I ordered a couple of extra copies of each photograph. Would you be able to come back here later this afternoon and pick them up for us? They'll hang on to the ones that need to go to the archives."

"Of course." She smiled. "I'm looking forward to seeing how they turn out."

"I guess I won't have time to see them," he admitted. "But… whenever it is that we come back…." And his voice trailed off into uncertainty again.

She reached out to hold his hand in reassurance. "Definitely."

His head tilted downward as he continued to sink deeper into his thoughts. "I figured, when all this is over… your parents might like a copy of them, too."

She nodded both to him and to herself, vaguely remembering it now: the painted portrait they had gotten done of her to place at her grave when they visited her, or to take with them when they traveled somewhere new within the Walls that they had never gotten to take her in life. The image of her that Levi got to see on his most recent birthday, when they shared his teacup….

"You really do think of everything, don't you," she said quietly. She hugged her arms around his own arm hanging down next to her as they continued to walk down the street.

He gave another tiny smile as he looked upon her. "I guess when it comes to you, I do…."

Next on the to-do list was the laundry, to take full advantage of the sunlight. They left their green cloaks in his barracks, draped over his desk chair, rolled their sleeves up, and sighed to each other as they pulled his bedsheets off the bed. Petra shook his pillow out of the pillowcase while he folded up the loose sheets and undid the corners of the sheets enwrapping the mattress.

"Is there anything else we, um… might have gotten stuff on?" she asked him, still holding the sweaty pillowcase in her hands.

"Our clothes…" he said, glancing out of the corner of his eye at the folded pile of their pajamas peeking out of the top of his carrying bundle laying in a heap on one of the dining chairs.

"Right." She walked over and took the entire bundle into her hands as well, trying not to let the clothes touch her brown jacket.

Out the back door were his personal clotheslines, a washboard leaning against the outer wall of the building, and two large, galvanized metal tubs of water: one for soapy water, and another for clean water. The sparkles on the water's surface shimmered and danced as they approached with their laundry in their arms. They looked at each other for a brief moment, sure that they were thinking the same thing: being struck by the mundane familiarity of the task that they had done so frequently back then, either together or individually for the rest of the squad, and that they were now doing together again for the first time in ages.

Levi dropped his bedsheets into the soapy water and pulled up his wooden stool and washboard, and Petra added her own armload of clothes as well with an audible "plop". He then realized that there was only the one stool for two of them.

"Here—" he passed the stool to Petra. "I can just kneel."

"Oh, no, you've done plenty of kneeling last night," she chuckled. "I'll do the honors now."

He sighed and took the stool back, taking a seat and rolling his sleeves up more securely. She also secured her sleeves again and gamely slid her arms into the sudsy water, but she paused to think as her knees ground into the grass with her body weight.

"It's too bad you guys didn't keep the boots knee-high like before… although at least the pants are black now, instead of white. I don't know how we managed to keep those clean…."

"Hm," he added. "Yeah, I never did figure out whose bright idea that was to make everyone wear white pants."

The bedsheets were still only partially submerged the way he had let them fall onto the surface of the soapy water. The sticky, partially dried, yellow-white stains on the bleached-white bedsheets were unmistakable: he had apparently filled her so full of his semen through their almost back-to-back sessions that it had spilled out of her all night, all over his sheets. He wondered if she was even leaking into her underwear right that very moment, despite having bathed after their final round...

The sight of it made them both blush a little, and they turned pointedly away from each other. He was briefly reminded of his moments of orgasm, how it felt and how she reacted, how eager she was to let him get her messy…. But he thought to himself that he was at least glad that there was no blood from either of them—at least he had managed to not make her bleed...

He wadded up the sheets and submerged them further in the vat of soapy water, eager to drown the evidence. She helped him draw the folds out and rub the soapy water thoroughly over the whole fabric surfaces, and on both sides, with the help of the washboard inserted underneath. And thus, there they were, secret bedfellows and partners in crime, taking care of private business matter-of-factly in public. They did make a good team indeed.

"Good thing it's sunny today," he commented while flipping one of the sheets over the clothesline. "Hopefully these will be dry by mid-afternoon..." He turned to look at her as he felt around in his pocket for his wooden clothespins. "Would you be able to please take the laundry back inside after I take you to the shooting range later?"

"So, shooting range, get the photographs once they're developed, and then bring the laundry in, right?"

"Yes."

Petra smiled to herself at how quickly he had her doing errands for him now—just like a dutiful housewife. It was a role she didn't mind at all…. No, more than that, it was a role she was glad to fulfill for someone who had enough on his hands.

"Sure."

The next stop on the schedule was finally for some food: a bustling tavern in the middle of the nearest town. It was still well before noontime but it was already starting to get busy with audible commotion inside. Petra heard the creak of metal above their heads as they stepped up to the entrance, and she looked up at the wooden sign swinging in the gentle breeze. The tavern name, "SOLDIER'S SECRET", was engraved in the wood in all capital letters.

"'Soldier's Secret'," she murmured to herself. "Sounds more like the name of a… brothel or something."

He stared uncomfortably at her out of his peripheral vision as he stepped over the threshold of the open doorway.

"Lots of soldiers frequent this place, due to its location," he explained. "Yes, it's a tavern, and certain people do take escorts upstairs, but I promise you that I only went here for the food."

She grinned. "'Escorts', huh?"

"Yeah. They're the high-end prostitutes; they actually get to go places, instead of customers coming to them."

And she chuckled a little at this comment. "I appreciate how you frame this from the perspective of the escort getting to go out and 'see the world'. 'Cause I figure anyone else would have said: "They're the high-end prostitutes; they're the hottest and the most expensive.'"

He cast his gaze around for open seats. "I guess part of the price is for traveling expenses or something."

"Hmm," she mused aloud to him as they took seats on the wooden benches on either side of one of the short tables pushed up against a window—the last couples' seats in the place, after which the long, wooden tables in the center of the room were the only other option. "At any rate, I'm pretty sure I've never gone here before."

Levi shrugged. "I'm not sure this place even existed before. But I like it here, at any rate."

She unfolded the paper menu already set out on the table in front of her. "Then, what do you recommend?"

He opened his own menu and scanned the panels. "Definitely some fruit and vegetables this time. Meat and bread for every meal makes people constipated."

Levi pulled her menu closer to the middle of the table so he could point out what he had in mind.

"Muesli with nuts and fruit… sausages with sauerkraut… asparagus… potato salad… and strawberries are the seasonal fruit."

Her eyes lit up. "Wow, that all sounds great! But it also sounds like... kind of a lot," she mumbled at the end.

He crossed his arms over his chest. "Do you want to split the dishes, then? We should load up while we can; dinner is probably not 'til after sundown."

"Do you mind if we share?" she asked. "That would be nice..."

He nodded. "Sure."

She looked over his shoulder and cast her eyes around the place in more detail. The clientele appeared to be at least two-thirds single men (most of whom were in soldiers' uniforms, which made sense given how close the town in general was to the soldiers' barracks), a smattering of tippled young couples laughing over beer mugs, and one family with two smallish children who seemed well-behaved enough to sit still, but with food smeared on their cheeks as they smacked their mouthfuls.

"You seemed to be pretty familiar with the menu," she said as she turned back to him. "Do you come here often?"

"Sometimes. Just for a change of scenery."

"'Scenery', huh?"

She eyed the servers flitting around the tavern: all of them wore uniform dresses with exposed shoulders and collarbones, although at least their cleavage was covered securely.

"Not that kind of scenery," he sighed. "Sometimes the drunken people brawl. It's loud and annoying—but it can be entertaining."

She considered that it made a lot of sense for him to be adept at people-watching, but she somehow did not think that he would actively seek it out for his own amusement—maybe it was also an antidote of sorts for loneliness...

"What kind of people get in brawls here?"

He smirked. "The guys; always the guys... Sometimes they get mad at another guy for hitting on their woman."

She smiled in satisfaction now. "Well, maybe they should defend her honor."

"Although every now and then, some guy hits on one of the servers and gets kicked out."

"Heh. So do the servers brawl with them, too?"

He shrugged. "They slap 'em around sometimes..."

"They give 'em a spanking?"

He snorted. "Not quite. More like a welted handprint."

She nodded in approval. "A badge of honor."

"You mean, 'dishonor.'"

"That's right."

One of the servers sashayed over to them at last. "Good morning, Captain Levi! And who might this be?"

Petra smiled at her cheerily, but with an edge of assertiveness in her voice she informed the server, "I'm his girlfriend."

Levi nodded just as smugly in accord.

"I see..." the server said. "Well, it's nice to see that you finally brought her out in public for once! No one would have ever thought you even had a special someone."

"Is that so?" Petra asked, raising an eyebrow. "I wonder why that would be."

The server laughed. "Oh, honey, I've seen that 'lonely bachelor' look in people many a time. But I'm glad that the Captain found himself a sweetheart after turning down all those escorts. So then: what would you like?"

Petra leaned back a little in her seat, feeling pleased with the server's remark. He'd better have turned down all those escorts!

Levi showed her the menu and pointed at each item in turn as he spoke. "We'd like to share all the dishes: two bowls of muesli, sausages with sauerkraut, asparagus with olive oil, potato salad, and fresh strawberries."

The server bobbed her head as she wrote down the list. "And what would you like to drink? Beer on tap?"

"Water, please," he said. "No alcohol." He briefly glanced over at Petra. Not for her, at least….

The server nodded with a knowing look in her eyes and a tiny smile upon her lips. "Water for two, then?"

"Sounds good."

"Great! It'll be right out shortly. And I'll bring out two extra plates for you." She pointed at him with her notepad still in her hand. "Good thing you guys made it here before the noontime rush. The strawberries are always the first to run out!" And she drifted off to check on her other tables, humming cheerily to herself.

Petra smiled at the little, unexpected pleasures of eating restaurant food again. "That's right, it is strawberry season. I'm excited!"

"Strawberries are cleansing for the mouth," he pointed out.

"Gee, you really do think of everything." She shook her head. "Just enjoy it for its own sake!"

He shrugged. "I'm allowed to enjoy things that also happen to be useful."

"And we're also allowed to enjoy things that are enjoyable!"

The server appeared briefly to set two mugs of water and two sets of silverware down before them before hurrying off to attend to another customer calling out for her.

Levi tilted his head slightly downward as he smiled the tiniest bit, and then he sighed as he came to his senses again. He was deep in thought as he sat quietly. But he took a swig of water, then spoke again: "Do you miss eating food?"

Petra considered this while her hand held her spoon suspended between her closed lips.

"We actually could still eat food, just for the fun of eating," she said, gesticulating with the spoon in her hand. "Whatever our heart desired, we could manifest out of nothing."

He nodded slowly, a glint of incredulity shining in his eyes.

"But we didn't ever feel particularly hungry or full. So we didn't need to eat; only if we wanted to. And we didn't have to worry about anything coming out the other end later, either." She chuckled to herself, then progressed into a sigh of nostalgia. "But on the other hand... up there, no matter how much I wanted to, I couldn't share a meal with you. Or even just tea."

"It's never 'just' about the tea itself, though..." he said, swilling the water in his mug around while gazing into the moving spirals. "Or the food..."

She smiled the tiniest bit. "You see? That's what a 'date' really means."

Levi was silent for a long moment, pondering something again. The server discreetly slid the two extra plates, asparagus, and potato salad onto the table. Levi waited until she had walked far enough away that she was no longer within earshot.

"Look—Just so we're clear," he began, "this doesn't count as a 'date.'"

"It had better not," she scoffed, suddenly adapting to the change in mood with her own snark. "This is only the least romantic place you could have possibly taken me."

"Hey, food is food," he countered, extending an arm to briefly gesticulate in the air.

"Look, you said it yourself: it's more about the scenery..." she huffed, and she stuffed an asparagus stalk into her mouth. Her facial expression softened when she tasted it. "Wow, this is really fresh. Good stuff," she mumbled through her half-chewed mouthful.

"And would the 'scenery' get a stamp of approval if all the servers were men with their shirt sleeves rolled up?"

She swallowed her food and cleared her throat to consider this. "If the server were just you, then yes."

"Heh. I'll have to ask Nicolo for some recipes," he muttered.

Her eyes widened a little in excitement at the thought. "Ooh, that sounds great, actually! Sasha said that his cooking made her fall in love with him, you know."

"Hmm. Then can his cooking pull double duty and make you fall in love with me?"

She chuckled. "You don't need anyone else's tricks to get me. You already got me good, all on your own."

He raised an eyebrow now. "Will a meat sandwich a day be enough to make you happy?"

She grinned. "That sounds swell to me..." And she nudged his toe with her foot under the table. He nudged her back with his own foot.

He then crossed his arms, seeming to regain his more professional demeanor.

Petra sighed now, too. "I understand, Captain. This is not a 'date.'"

She noted to herself that he had been his usual, stern, and unromantic self for a good part of the day so far, now that he had decided to keep his emotions in check once again. She surmised that this same man who had managed to tell her, "I love you," and fall asleep in her arms with tears still in his eyes after less than 24 hours together, probably would not manage to be comfortable with any public displays of affection—beyond holding hands—at least for a while, if not forever. But she didn't mind: she knew his heart, and she didn't need him to show it to others at every opportunity to know what she meant to him.

He continued, "I say that, not because I don't want it to be... but because we do have business to discuss."

The look in his eyes as he finished his sentence was one that she knew well: the look that said, Focus on the task at hand. She looked back at him expectantly.

"You said in our interview that you could talk to people who were still alive, and follow along with what they were doing," he said. "And that might have been enough to satisfy the others. But..." And he eyed her closely for her reaction now. "Were you also able to hear people's thoughts?"

She instantly felt uncomfortable, and she surmised that she probably looked as such.

"You didn't explicitly say so, for whatever reason... but I knew that you could. Because you said that I was 'talking to a stone that couldn't say anything back'. But whenever I would visit you guys in the cemetery... I would never say anything out loud."

She sighed in tacit admission.

"And also because... you just seem to know too much about me to not have been able to hear me in my head." He turned his gaze away from her to stare out the window. "Things that I thought to myself in the past. Things about me that I never told anyone else... not even you."

The server appeared again with their two bowls of muesli along with another table's beer mugs, all balanced on her arms with the effortless skill that came from daily experience. She seemed about to say something to them, but she took quick stock of the serious look on their faces and quietly just set the bowls and plates in front of them and left them to carry on.

Petra picked up her spoon and began to stir the toppings into her milky oats, glad for something to occupy her hands—and for something else to look at to avoid having to look at him. "I'm sorry... I should have been more honest. You're right."

Levi sighed and repositioned himself in his seat while he started to mix the contents of his own bowl. "It's okay; I'm not angry. I figured you didn't want me to feel like I'm the only one who had to be the open book, whereas I never got to hear your thoughts in return."

She nodded at this.

"That's right. I wanted to give you the chance to tell me things yourself, if you really wanted me to know them."

There she is again, withholding things just to make me feel more comfortable, he thought to himself now. But I still can't decide whether that's a good thing or not...

"And," she continued, "I'm sure it must feel… invasive, to have someone in your head where you can't hide."

He was stunned by her words—so reminiscent of his own thoughts from when he was being experimented on. By deigning to mention having had this level of insight into his mind, she had believed that she was being considerate towards him. And he had to admit that she was right.

"Then did you ever hear what other people were thinking during the past four years, besides me?" he asked; and his eyes focused further. "For example... Eren?"

She rested her fists on each of her hips and dipped her head downward to help her think.

"Try to think on it. Even if you only caught a little bit... it's still valuable information that no one else would have. Nobody seems to be able to get inside his head, and they're keeping everyone from getting near him to even talk. But if you know something—anything that could help us understand what's going on in his head right now—then now's the time to say it."

Maybe I shouldn't be this surprised that she's been holding out on me like this. I can't expect her to just spill all her secrets to me right away, if we've only technically been 'together' for a day….

She nodded deliberately to herself now. "Most recently, I did pick up something, while he was in Liberio. We all heard it in the Paths." She swallowed pointedly, trying not to get grossed out by her food while recalling. "He wanted to pretend to be a wounded Marleyan soldier to infiltrate a hospital, so he... cut off his own leg with a bayonet, and gouged his own eye out with a bullet—"

Levi was externally unfazed by the gruesome picture she described, but he did purse his lips a little more tightly.

"—and he thought to himself, 'I want them all to live long and happy lives.'"

They looked at each other meaningfully. She broke her gaze away to finish off the last bit of her muesli; he was already done, but he took a sip of his water.

"He was talking about us," she explained. "His friends, his comrades, his people—the Eldians from within the Walls. So I still can't help but want to believe that in spite of everything he's done... he could still be on our side…. Even though I don't know exactly what that means for him."

The server came over again, as if on cue, and brought out the dish of sausages and sauerkraut.

"I'll be back later with the strawberries," she told them quietly and then made herself scarce again. Levi nodded once in thanks, and she turned to leave them alone again.

"Thank you, Petra," he said at last. "I'll keep it in mind." He paused to prepare himself to shift focus. "And I know this is hardly fair to ask of you, given that I'm your superior officer and there are things I can't tell you as soon as I would like... but... I want you to be able to feel like you can be honest with me. To not hold back whatever you know, or whatever you're thinking... I want you to be able to trust me."

Petra sighed and tucked some of her hair behind her ear as she considered his words. "When you ask me to trust you... are you asking me to not trust Eren?"

I guess I didn't realize how torn she would be between me and Eren…. Does she still not understand how dire the situation is for us here? That we can't afford to be considerate of his feelings after what he just did—and whatever else he's planning to do?

Levi's face tightened the slightest bit as he focused more intently on her. "Is it even possible to trust us both? Because these days... it's hard to believe that he and I could be on the same page."

"I know a thing or two about Eren," she said. "He was my friend, too. And he has done things that I don't agree with, either... But you putting me in a room with everyone else but him... it didn't seem fair to him to tell them things that he didn't want to tell them himself."

She frustrated him now by applying this same consideration she had shown him, to other people that he wanted to gain insight into. But he admitted to himself that he respected her desire to be fair and consistent in upholding her values. And in truth, he expected nothing less from her—from someone who reflected so much of himself because she had learned so much of it from his own example—and he decided that he loved her even more for it in the end.

"Then does that mean that you won't tell them, but you might tell me?" he asked.

"Are you asking me... as my direct superior, then?" At this, she trapped him in the snare of her own smoldering gaze. "Or as... my boyfriend?"

He gazed back at her, matching her intensity. "Both."

"Okay. Then I will. When I think you're ready to hear it."

She nodded agreeably.

"But soon."

And she sighed. "I think you were right after all: there were some things I've started to forget since coming back…. Just give me a little more time to remember again. And then I'll tell you everything."

He nodded curtly in response. "I can accept that."

"Good." She paused. "And thank you... Levi. For understanding me."

He gave a small smile. "Don't mention it."

She smiled back. "Thank you for the food, too. It was… really good." And she nodded. "Especially the strawberries." There were a couple of them left, and she helped herself to one more.

"Good thing you're savoring that, then, 'cause we're back to field rations for the indefinite future."

She groaned and tipped her head back, quietly mock sobbing to herself. "Those goddamn biscuits again…."

"Okay, more like stew for every meal or something, and then biscuits for us if we want snacks," he corrected himself. "Can't let Zeke be whining that we don't feed him any vegetables."

She chuckled, in good spirits again. "Gee, we sure can't let him run off on his own too long being constipated…."

The server cleared her throat loudly to make her presence known and set the bill down in front of Levi. "Take your time, you two…." She gave Petra a weird look as she passed her; Petra stared back at her.

"Did you see that look she gave me just now?" Petra asked him.

"About time someone other than me got judged for talking about shit at the table." He smirked at her while he opened the bill, to which she glowered back.

"I guess I learned from the master, huh?" she grumbled.

He gave a little "heh" sound as he exhaled through his grin. "Nicely done."

She huffed and pointedly looked away, having no other choice but to admit defeat.

In the middle of flipping through his wallet to make the right amount to pay for their food, he took out five of the bills of the highest denomination and pressed them down on the table in front of her, then returned to pulling out the food money.

"That's an awful lot for a tip," she commented through her half-full mouth. "More than the price of the food itself…." She swallowed the last strawberry down after having fully macerated it and harvested its juices. "Ahh, the strawberries were good…."

"It's for you, since you don't have a salary of your own yet after just one day…" he clarified. "In case there's anything else you need to pick up for yourself."

"Oh… okay," she said, hesitantly taking the cash. "Gee, this is—kind of a lot. Thank you…."

She realized that whatever salary she had been owed at the time of her death would have gone to her parents, and she was not allowed to contact them. So, whether she liked it or not, she was financially dependent on him until whenever the next payday was—if she was even going to be back in town by then to receive it at all. And she thought to herself, With this much money, there has to be some kind of present I can get for him in return….

He shrugged. "Where we're going, money won't matter anymore." And he stood up.

"That's right," she sighed. She got to her feet as well and followed him out the door.

"That was kind of fun," she mused once she had caught up to walking right at his side.

"Yeah. It kind of was…."

"But you still owe me a 'real' date, you know. Where you don't interrogate me about other people."

"Oh, I know."

As they walked through the sidewalks again, she felt people's stares on them.

"Don't mind them," Levi said, intuiting what was preoccupying her. "My whole squad has probably been running around all over the place in the same green cloaks and uniforms as us."

She nodded. "That's true; the townspeople like to gossip about Survey Corps missions most of all, if I recall correctly."

He uttered a simple "Mm" in response.

"What if people figure out where we're going, though? Especially if your whole squad's been running around buying up inventory from the wholesalers?"

"We sourced from multiple cities so it's not as obvious that we're going camping. Even for things that we can already find locally in Calaneth District where we're departing from." He paused. "And we had to plan and execute it in two days."

"Wow. Lucky you have a lot of subordinates to help. Thirty of them, right?"

"Yeah."

Another question was nagging her in the corner of her mind. She debated whether to give voice to it at all—whether to dare to broach the subject at all. But deep down inside, she had to know….

She took a deep breath before speaking. "Why didn't you order beer with a tavern meal like everyone else would have? Is it because we're on duty today?"

He nodded. "That's right."

"I see. I mean, I do agree..." She watched his face as they continued to walk, trying to get him to turn his head and look her in the eyes again.

He continued to face forward as he walked, perhaps sensing her eyes on him but choosing to keep focused on moving. "I've never felt any different after drinking alcohol. No matter how much I drink, I've never gotten drunk, or even buzzed."

She looked back ahead at where they were walking. "Huh."

"I asked Mikasa about it once, and it's the same with her. So it's probably an Ackerman thing..."

"Your bloodline is special, like you said, right?"

Levi nodded curtly. "And for you, you're on duty, but also…."

He stopped walking to look at her directly. His eyes narrowed as he sought out a reaction on her face.

"You also might be—you know…."

"Pregnant?" she said quietly, to which he nodded. She sighed heavily. "It wouldn't be surprising, given last night..."

They stared at each other mutually full of a complex tangle of emotions now, each trying not to betray too much to the other as they freshly recalled all the things they had done with each other—all the times he had released himself inside her, and how eagerly she had wanted it….

Petra spoke again at last. "Well, I guess we'll just have to wait and see..."

She stared at her feet, feeling her stomach slowly sink with the gravity of consequences—for both of them, not just for her. When she lifted her gaze back to him, she saw that his own gaze upon her had not wavered.

"Do you—resent me for any of this?" she asked him quietly. "Is this really… what you wanted, too?"

She could just make out his eyelids flutter the tiniest bit.

"It is," he said. "I… I do want this, too."

She smiled at him in relief and pulled him in close by the hands. No kissing in public, she figured, so she hugged him instead. She felt his body relax around her as he embraced her back.

"It's gonna be okay, right?" She nodded in further self-reassurance. "We're gonna be okay…."

He took her by surprise again by kissing her subtly on the cheek.

"We will be."

A gentle, contented silence hung between them as they continued walking while they still held hands. But Petra eventually raised her head again and said:

"I thought of something else I want to do."

"Oh?"

She cleared her throat before making her solemn declaration: "I want you to take me upstairs one day."

He stared at her suggestively. "And do what, exactly?"

"And let me be your escort," she proposed, a twinkle of mischief in her eyes. "It'll cost you, though…. I'm not sure what, yet, but—I'll make it worth your while." She grinned at him playfully, anticipating his reply.

The shadow of a smile flitted over his lips. He kept a perfectly straight face as he leaned into her, squeezed her hand, and murmured in her ear, "You just seduce the shit outta me, and I will happily fuck your brains out."

To any casual onlooker, he had merely whispered a sweet nothing in her ear, rather than a sexy something. She squeezed his hand back, continuing the visual charade of a perfectly chaste interaction in public and calmly responding, "That sounds like a deal."

Levi and Petra approached the shooting range on horseback, and Petra could see someone with reddish brown hair kneeling over various cases of equipment, opened and spread out on the grass. Levi dismounted first and tied his horse up to the wooden fence, and Petra followed suit with her own horse.

"Thank you for meeting us, Henrietta," Levi said. "This is Petra Ral. She was in the Special Operations Squad under me four years ago... She was gone for a while, but now she came back."

What a vague explanation, Petra thought. But anything even remotely approaching the truth is not to be shared with anyone. And she fought hard to keep a straight face as she added, I guess you could say I was under him all last night, too...

Henrietta seemed to pick up on the personal nature of the connection between them because something shifted in her gaze.

"Huh," she said as her eyes darted back and forth between Petra and Levi. "So, then, you two... Hmmm." And she rested her pointer finger on her lips, grinning suspiciously behind it.

Petra peeked at him surreptitiously, leaving it to him to decide exactly what to say.

"What are you smiling so damn big for?" he grumbled at Henrietta.

"Nothing!" she tittered.

Levi turned and departed wordlessly towards the horse stables next to the guardhouse.

Henrietta said, "Wow... Captain." She gushed appreciatively at his retreating figure, then turned back to Petra. "You two are together, aren't you?"

"What?" She balked at how unapologetically straightforward this woman was.

Henrietta grinned knowingly. "Oh, please. I bet you've been 'under him' in more than one way. You look like he kept you up alllll niiiight," she drawled gleefully.

Petra both cursed herself internally for being so obvious, and yet felt a measure of pride at being so obviously his.

"It all makes sense, now that I'm meeting you," Henrietta continued. "I'm the only other woman in his squad, and he specifically asked for me to train you. Heh."

Petra cleared her throat testily. "And I see that you're even a redhead, too..."

"That's right. Although my hair is browner red, whereas I'd say you're more of a... strawberry blonde?"

And she smiled to herself again as she shoved the rifle into Petra's hands.

"You don't see that kind of look every day. No wonder you caught his eye. Don't point that at anything you don't intend to shoot, 'cause it's loaded." She paused. "And even if it's not loaded, or you're not sure if it is—just assume that it is, and don't be stupid."

Petra cleared her throat again while she balanced the rifle in her hands, keeping the tip pointed deliberately at the grass. "Well, he is a very private person... He probably wouldn't appreciate us gossiping like this."

Henrietta eyed her suspiciously, seemingly unsure of what she should expect of her current skill level.

"You do know how to use a rifle, right?"

Petra pursed her lips and stared blandly at her. "The flintlock ones, yes…. But maybe you guys consider those to be outdated now."

Henrietta shook her head regretfully. "You have been gone a while."

Petra saw the box of ammunition used by the rifle, sitting open on the grass next to the case. They forcibly conjured her memories of Eren gouging his own eye out with a bullet, and of Sasha getting shot in the upper abdomen with the same such bullet. Despite never having had the opportunity to use this caliber of rifle before, she knew its potential to maim and kill on a visceral level—to kill people now, not Titans...

Henrietta began anew, "So, why'd you leave the Survey Corps and only come back now? Four years is a long time..."

Petra sighed, starting to sweat a little at the attention on her background. "Um, well... let's just say that circumstances have changed."

"Huh." She returned to crouching over her own rifle, seemingly unconvinced but taking the cue to drop the subject. "Indeed they have." And she gestured with her hand to Petra to come closer. "Watch me do this; I'm going to quiz you after this."

Henrietta started to slowly take apart the rifle one step at a time; Petra knelt down close to catch how every individual piece slotted together and moved as one unit.

"This is the 'stock', which braces against your body, and the end of it that braces against your shoulder is the 'butt'," she said, pointing to the respective parts of the weapon. "Sight, muzzle, barrel, magazine and chamber… okay, you probably already know this stuff. And this is the signature part of this weapon: the bolt, which holds the ammunition in place and fires it. And the bolt handle here opens it." She pointed to the removable metal rod that slid back and forth in the barrel.

Petra nodded and murmured "Mm-hmm" intermittently as she followed along with her eyes. Henrietta finished disassembling it while narrating and explaining the rest of the components, then put everything back together in reverse order she had taken it apart in.

"Any questions?" Henrietta asked.

Petra shook her head. "Let me try to disassemble and assemble it…."

She made quick work of it, continuing to nod and hum in self-encouragement as each piece clicked in place. She then pointed to each component and named them aloud: "Bolt… bolt handle… ammunition loaded inside the magazine, which loads the ammo into the chamber before it's shot… barrel… sight… muzzle… forestock… trigger… trigger guard… safety… stock… butt… etcetera," she finished.

"Nicely done," Henrietta declared proudly. "Anyway…." And she indicated towards the standing bullseye targets set up off in the distance, about 100 meters away. "There's no better way to learn than by doing."

Henrietta offered the rifle to Petra, who nodded gamely and took it into her hands.

"Practice hitting the target from varying distances, different angles, and different body positions. You can stand, kneel, sit, lie down…."

Petra, a voice murmured in her head. Can you hear me?

She turned her head in curiosity. She thought she knew whose voice it was, but it already felt so long ago that she had last heard from her….

The faint, shimmering image of Sasha apparated into view to her right side, while Henrietta looked on from her left, seemingly unaware. Sasha leaned in and whispered eagerly into Petra's ear,

When you shoot, try to exhale everything in your lungs before aiming and pulling the trigger so the gun stays steady. And shift the sight line a little if it's windy; you'll need some trial and error when a windy day comes for you to figure that out. Oh, and be sure to focus 100% on every shot, even if you shoot in quick succession….

Sasha continued to whisper a series of tips in Petra's ear as she thought of them. Petra nodded absentmindedly, trying not to seem too obviously listening to someone that Henrietta couldn't hear. Finally, Sasha leaned back, satisfied that she had imparted enough wisdom for the time being. She gave Petra a nod of encouragement and smiled.

"Huh," Petra muttered to herself. "Let's give that all a try…."

Petra experimented with all of Henrietta's suggestions—farther away, then getting closer in increments, shooting while standing, walking laterally or towards the target, kneeling, sitting cross-legged or on her haunches, lying down on her stomach—and each time, she incorporated Sasha's suggestions, too, and each time she would hit in the red center of the target, not infrequently boring through a pre-existing hole with another bullet.

"Great!" Henrietta exclaimed. "Hmm. Now take 20 laps from here to the targets and back, and then try shooting. All the way there and back counts as one lap."

"Yes, ma'am!" She made to rest her rifle on the ground, but Henrietta shook her head.

"No, you should get used to running while holding that," she decided.

"Okay," Petra said, and she started on her laps without complaint. She admitted to herself that it felt good to move her legs and exercise again. Her heart rate rose as her body moved, but only to the point of sharpening her senses—thankfully never to the point of exhaustion. After her 20 laps, she stood before Henrietta again, her breathing only slightly more labored than at rest.

"Great, now drop and do 50 push-ups," she ordered her with a gleam in her eye.

Petra sighed but complied without noticeable delay. She took up a steady rhythm, examining her form continuously along the way. She thought wryly to herself that one thing that ghosts never seemed to bother doing was exercising, since their bodies functioned the same way no matter how healthily or unhealthily they spent their time…. And she was pleased to realize as she finished up her 50 that she could have easily gone on for more. Thank goodness I got a body that's actually in shape….

"Now I want some speed runs. Four shots in succession at the same target, in whatever position you want."

Petra appreciated fully now how important that reminder to focus was. She could see how, if she was panting from having run a while, or if her arms were sore from using them for a while, her shooting aim could easily become poorer. But she took a deep breath and exhaled fully, and while holding her breath before inhaling again, she made her four shots, operating the bolt as smoothly as she could to maintain her firing rhythm. She reloaded her ammunition as needed as she continued, dropping from standing to kneeling and firing four more shots, sitting on her butt and doing it again, then laying down and doing it yet again.

"Huh," Henrietta murmured as she examined the target papers. "Your groupings actually didn't get any bigger, even after you got your heart rate up. That kind of accuracy under pressure almost never happens." She turned and smiled at Petra with a newfound respect.

"What do you mean, 'almost never'? Who else has done that?" Petra asked.

Henrietta chuckled. "Who do you know who has killer focus? Captain Levi, Mikasa Ackerman… Eren Yeager." And then she sighed as she added, "And Sasha Braus, for sure—when she was still alive, that is."

Little did she realize, of course, that Sasha was right there, grinning proudly at herself for having left a legacy of excellent marksmanship within the Survey Corps, even among people she had never even gotten to work with in real life. Petra nodded at Sasha and smiled gratefully.

Henrietta pulled out her pocket watch to check the time. "Wow, it took you less than half an hour to figure out the rifle components and shooting. I guess this is what it means to be in the Special Operations Squad…."

Petra shrugged and smiled. "Well, I can't take all the credit. I did have a little help…."

Sasha winked at Petra and sat herself down to recline on the grass. This is getting interesting, she mused to Petra.

Henrietta nodded proudly. "That's right. Behind every great student is a great teacher. That's why I'm in this squad!"

Petra nodded awkwardly now, realizing that there was no way that Henrietta would have gotten what she had originally been implying. "Sure thing."

"Here, then put that rifle down against the fence—pointy end up, obviously; don't get dirt in the barrel—and try the pistol now." She knelt down on the grass next to the box containing a semiautomatic pistol for Petra. Many of the components were the same or similar to that of the rifle, so figuring out the pistol was even easier for her. Disassembly and assembly, loading the ammunition, and target practice went by in a breeze as well.

To train Petra in Thunder Spears, Henrietta dragged over a long, thick, wooden spear with a whittled point on one end, and then set a real Thunder Spear on the grass next to it for comparison.

"Here, practice hurling this first so you can get used to the size of a real Thunder Spear. And then when you're ready, we'll blow up a real one."

Petra knelt down next to the wooden spear and picked it up with both her hands.

"Wow, are the real ones this heavy?" she asked, exerting some effort to lift it—and with that little boost, she unexpectedly did not need to expend much effort at all to hoist it over her shoulder.

Henrietta scoffed. "Well, now you look like you're just showing off." And she chuckled to herself, "Of course the Captain likes you: you're a freak, too."

"Hey, that's kind of rude, you know," she pouted. She channeled her annoyance into hurling the wooden spear with all of her body weight; it sailed easily through the air along a curved trajectory until it embedded itself into the ground about 20 meters away. And even she was shocked at how far it had gone on a first, barely focused attempt.

"As I was saying…" Henrietta continued pointedly. She threw her hands up in resignation. "On to the real ones, then!" She picked up the real Thunder Spear and beckoned to Petra with her arm as she led the way to a small, isolated patch of trees to the side of the shooting range.

"So, due to how Thunder Spears are detonated, they can only be used in specific situations; this isn't like anchoring your ODM wires into the same target that you're about to slice," Henrietta began, and she explained the risk to the user when they pull the detonating pin using the wire.

"Now throw the Thunder Spear at that tree stump"—she pointed at said stump about 10 meters away—"and detonate it by anchoring your hooks to one of the trees beyond it and pulling the pin as you fly past the Thunder Spear," she instructed.

Petra took a preparatory inhale and performed as requested. The Thunder Spear let loose a startlingly loud "bam" behind her as she flipped her body feet-first to let her knees bend upon impact to absorb the shock of her sideways landing on her chosen tree trunk. She extended her hand downward to catch her fall and continued her body's momentum to complete a one-handed cartwheel to land with her feet on the ground. Looking back again, she noted that the tree stump was summarily obliterated into charred, wooden shards of various sizes.

"Congratulations!" Henrietta called out. "You seem pretty ready to me!"

Petra rode her horse back to the stables near Levi's barracks and dismounted, guiding the horse to one of the stalls and setting it up with food and water to rest for a spell. She walked back to his housing, let herself in with the key to wash her hands in the kitchen sink, and went out to the back to bring the laundry in from the clothesline. She fitted bedsheets around his mattress again, making crisp hospital corners and pulling it taut in every direction, and tucking the other bedsheets on top. Lastly, she pulled the pillowcase back on his pillow and swatted it with her hand to fluff it up again.

As she cast her gaze around the room, it fully dawned on her now what made his living space so strikingly bare: it lacked any kind of personal memento that did not have another utilitarian purpose for daily living. Not a single trinket or decoration of any kind to make the place feel like a real home. Not a single article to expressly remember anyone or anything by….

And it broke her heart a little to see the undeniable evidence of how much of a hollow shell of a person he had been living as, all this time as a lonely bachelor who had struggled so much to move on from her. Sure, he had Hange and his young squad members from the 104th Cadet Corps, but she knew full well that it wasn't quite the same as what he had had with his original squad—with her included. Her gaze drifted over to the two tea canisters still on the kitchen counter, standing guard silently side-by-side over the room; she supposed that despite its perishable nature, tea was indeed the closest thing Levi had to a sentimental item in his living space. Tea: a humble drink that could nevertheless be as complex or simple as one liked, depending on its composition and method of preparation. A daily morning ritual he had shared with his mother, and then with Petra—a deeply personal meditation for the two women in his life who had left the greatest mark on him. And Petra felt immensely proud, and even honored, to be one of those most special people to him: the final addition to his home; the last piece of his life he had been missing.

In her mind's eye, she saw the two of them standing next to the dining table again, him mustering up the courage to tell her, "I love you" and "I want to be here with you", and her shyly lifting her gaze back up to him. That beautiful moment between them was the most precious gift of all—one that she committed to the memory of her heart, which no one could take away.

And she instinctively knew just what the place needed to rectify the situation.

Petra departed for a while to head back into town to pick up the photographs. And when she returned, she deposited the extra prints on the dining table and stood pensively in the middle of the room, cradling two wood-framed photographs in her upturned forearms: one with just her, and the other with both her and Levi.

"Now we can both be here, side by side—together," she said to the black-and-white Levi in the photograph. "And I'm not going anywhere on you this time. So… when all this is over," she said aloud to her own image next to him, "I hope we can both come back home to this."

And she smiled in vain, desperate hope at the image of the two of them behind the glass, looking content and happy simply to be with each other. True to form, he did not grin widely enough to show his teeth when he smiled (and to be fair, she had also chosen to smile with her mouth closed), but the subtly upturned corners of his lips and the light that shone in his eyes said all. She propped the frames up on their support stands on his bedside table, on either side of his alarm clock, and behind the green-gemmed bolo tie for surviving Shiganshina. She thought to check his alarm clock, and he had indeed remembered to switch it off while he was away—to stop the marking of the days, frozen in a moment like the image of them together.

While the messenger on horseback approached from the guard post 500 meters away, Levi unfolded his paper and carefully ripped the bottom third off, then folded the bottom part in half crosswise.

"Good morning, Captain Levi," the messenger greeted him.

Levi nodded curtly in response. "Good morning. I have two messages here to be delivered as soon as possible. The bigger paper is for Henrietta and Valis, over in the barracks for my subordinates. And the smaller one… is for Mikasa Ackerman."

The messenger reached out his hand to accept the papers.

"Do you know where Mikasa is right now?" Levi asked him.

"She's at HQ. You might run into her later if you're already planning to go there yourself…."

Levi shook his head. "That's what the message is for: so she knows I'm coming."

The messenger nodded. "Very well, Captain."

Levi watched him ride off for a few moments, then turned back to the door. Petra was still out of sight in the bathroom. He did not like keeping secrets from her, of course, even though he did not have anything to hide. But he assured himself that this omission would only be temporary, and that it was better to tell her after the fact, once he could say for sure how it had all gone. Right now, keeping Petra focused was more important than worrying her with other things that did not involve her—or at least, so he liked to think….

When Petra and Henrietta arrived at the staging area, it was abuzz with activity and chatter amongst the squad members, all clad in the same uniforms as they were. Henrietta left her side for a few seconds to dig up something from the back of one of the wagons, then returned.

"Here, Petra," Henrietta said, handing her a small package wrapped in a plain, off-white canvas cloth. "Check your supplies and let me know if you need anything else that's missing."

Petra took a seat on the grass while Henrietta headed off to continue helping load the wagons, and she went through the personal hygiene supplies allocated for her in this initial supply: a bar of standard-issue soap in a drawstring cheesecloth bag (it smelled the same as the soap from the bathhouse—another memory that she knew she would do well to suppress in the presence of others); a small, rectangular towel with a sewn-on white patch for her to write her name (but with what, she wasn't sure); a lightweight aluminum mug and mess kit for meals, including a compact cutlery set; and a little metal trowel in a wax-coated carrying sack to aid in burying her own feces. She sighed and mentally prepared herself for the inevitable tasks of "roughing it" in the woods.

She also noted the things she had prepared for herself in a compact, brown, waxed canvas rucksack she had brought from Levi's barracks, such as the copies of the previous mission reports provided by Armin. Lastly, she had bought and packed three extra pairs of cloth bras and panties, one extra long-sleeved shirt and pair of black pants, and seven cloth menstrual pads with button fasteners from when she had gone into town for the photographs earlier—although she wondered in the back of her head whether she could expect to need them for a while, given how much unprotected sex she had just had….

My hickeys on my neck healed overnight, she thought to herself now. I always would bruise easily, and I should never have healed that fast…. Even Henrietta started comparing me to his level of skill. Levi said that his bloodline is special…. If she thinks I'm a freak, then does she think that he is, too?

The reason he seemed so young for his age, the reason he and Mikasa healed so quickly from injuries themselves: the Ackerman bloodline made for recovery, longevity, strength, and more incredibly useful qualities that perhaps nobody fully understood quite yet….

I guess I'm getting what I wanted, she concluded at last. I'm just glad… that it's what he wanted, too.

She pursed her lips, feeling uneasy now. Even though he had said that he accepted it, that he was ready, and that he wanted a baby, too… it was still one more thing to worry about now. And that was on her. He had given her every opportunity he could provide for her to change her mind, but she wanted this. So she could not help but feel that it was her responsibility now, more than it should be his….

She looked up at the sound of Levi's whistle with his fingers in his mouth. The others stopped what they were doing and came closer to listen to their Captain.

"Come over here and stand up," he told her. She brushed her hands off on her pants and stood next to him, looking around at the rest of the squad.

"Everyone, this is Petra Ral," Levi began for his second introduction of her. "She used to be a member of my Special Operations Squad four years ago, but she took some time off. She's just come back on active duty, and she'll be joining us on our mission."

A young man with short, light brown hair stared at Levi, visibly trying to process the news. "Okay, Captain, so you're saying that we have a ginger joining us out of nowhere, at the last possible minute?"

Levi did not bother to repeat himself, but instead purposely ignored the man by squatting and lifting a crate of cooking utensils, pots, and a teakettle into the closest wagon.

"He just said as much, Alessandro. So that's the plan," Valis answered curtly on Levi's behalf. "Which you would know if you had bothered to wake up in time to read the message he sent us this morning."

Valis's imposing height, countenance, and willingness to elaborate on Levi's words made him a natural authority figure among the more easy-going Scouts in the squad—and a natural complement to Levi's sometimes gratingly direct communication style that was light on actual words but heavy on meaning.

"And I'm not a morning person, which you would know if you paid attention to me at all," Alessandro quipped back.

Valis gave him a deadpan stare for the briefest moment, then decided to be professional about it and blinked it away into a neutral gaze again.

"Anyway," Valis pressed on, "we are now 31 strong, plus Captain Levi, of course. The more Scouts we have on board, the better. Especially if she's experienced from back then, when all those Pure Titans were still around…."

But Alessandro just continued tailing Levi and would not be deterred; he cleared his throat with gusto as he dogged Levi's movements.

"Look, Captain: you played with fire when you put two gingers in the same squad."

"Oh, really?" Levi raised an eyebrow in amusement, but he didn't bother to look directly at him as he continued loading crates. "Enlighten me, then."

"Two redheaded women together will go one of two ways: either they'll bond over their shared struggle—or there can only be one." And he chuckled as he pitched his head back. "I'm looking forward to it, anyway."

"Please don't," another man next to them muttered under his breath as he lifted a crate of tea canisters into the same wagon. "Goddamn weirdo…."

"Leave me alone, Bruno," Alessandro told him. "Let me amuse myself in peace."

"Yeah, you like 'amusing yourself' pretty often, don't you?"

And Alessandro stuck his foot out to try to trip Bruno while the latter's hands were full, but Bruno was quick on his feet and nimbly evaded it.

Levi stared ahead with his hands on his hips now, his eyes set in his typical, slightly narrowed fashion. He had spent the entire previous day having more or less forgotten about his squad—and indeed, just thinking about them was a mental juggling act of 30 soldiers with individual skills, shortcomings, and personalities. Now, the original plan of 30 and the wholly unplanned arrival of Petra were converging together, and adding her to the mix was stirring up their dynamic in ways he had not thought to anticipate. But on the other hand, he was glad to have Petra on board: if there was one thing he could rely on to go the way he anticipated, he knew that her social skills and teamwork were as strong as ever, and she could make up for his own lack of charisma in that regard.

Levi noted a stack of cases he had not accounted for, and he walked up to inspect them: they held Marleyan red wine, 16 bottles per case. Petra's head perked up and she approached him as well to see the cases for herself.

"Wine?" Levi asked aloud to the group in general as he lifted a bottle by its neck. "Why do you need wine while you're on duty?"

"Captain!" Bruno insisted as he pulled up next to Levi. "This is rare Marleyan wine that only MPs have gotten to drink!"

Alessandro chimed in, too: "Survey Corps newbies worked hard to get this to us! Are you just going to let it sit here? We deserve a little bit of fun…."

Levi responded plainly, "We've got tea."

Petra nodded emphatically. "I agree, Captain."

"Captaaain!" they whined in unison, reaching for the bottle in his hands as he hoisted it away from them.

"Gimme a break," he grumbled. "Fine. Bring it." He relinquished the bottle to Bruno's waiting hands; he lovingly packed it back into its case. Levi shook his head and turned to address Petra's audible throat-clearing. She took a few steps away from the group to secure the two of them a modicum of auditory privacy.

Now with both their backs turned to the others, she asked him, "Are you sure this is a good idea?"

"Not really, but I'm too tired of their whining to give a shit either way."

She sighed and crossed her arms over her chest.

"Well, like you said," she told him, "No wine for me, either."

Levi nodded once and gave her a meaningful look.

Alessandro was still hovering around their backs, and he leaned in to peer more closely at Petra's face; she leaned her head back evasively in response, feeling highly uncomfortable at the unapologetic invasion of her personal space.

"You don't even have freckles," he commented at last. "What kind of ginger are you?"

Petra sighed. "If you must know, I'm actually 'strawberry blonde'. My mom is a redhead and my dad is kind of a dirty blond."

He shook a finger in the air in sudden realization. "Ah, so she must have gotten all the freckles."

Petra huffed nonchalantly. "No, not really, actually…."

He shook his head slowly. "Shame she didn't have any to give to you, then. You would've looked even cuter with a few."

"Oi, Sandro," Levi interjected. "Go help Bruno and Henrietta and load that wine in the wagons. Since you're all so desperate to get your drink on, you can pack that shit yourselves."

Alessandro bowed obsequiously to him. "With pleasure, My Captain."

Levi exhaled sharply from his nose in an audible puff as he frowned grumpily. I probably should have thought twice about Mister Top Ten... What a pain in the ass.

Petra sighed, placing her fists on her hips in her now-familiar pose of exasperation. "I'm gonna say it one more time: are we sure about letting them drink alcohol on the job like this?"

Levi sighed, too. "As long as they're on off-duty time when they do it, then it's up to them. I'm not babysitting a bunch of brats over some booze." He paused to consider the potential ramifications of letting a pack of bored soldiers loose with enough wine for a whole bottle per person. "Besides, we'll be outdoors, anyway: if someone pukes, they can just leave it there."

Petra laughed out loud, both at the grossness of the thought of someone's vomit being left out in the open wherever it had happened to splatter, and at the unexpected dispensing of his usually top-tier cleaning standards.

"Oh, I'm sure they can at least kick some dirt over it... And come on: none of them seem to be quite that young. Not like the 104th... back in the day..."

"Stop with the reminiscing. You're making me feel old."

Levi whistled to get everyone's attention for an announcement.

"So," he began, "I've thought of some rules regarding your conduct while we're there."

Everyone nodded expectantly.

"If you want to drink the wine, you must wait until you're off duty to do it. And you must stay on the ground during and after. I don't want any of you falling out of a tree or doing anything stupid."

"Like falling out of a tree and dying?" Alessandro called out.

"Exactly. You're all adults here—barely—" and he glared pointedly at Alessandro, who let his mouth go slack as he pretended to be offended. "So act like it, and use your judgment."

Everyone saluted him in unison.

"Yes, Captain!"

Petra grinned at him. "Great speech, Captain. I thought you weren't planning on babysitting."

"I want to lay it out crystal clear from the beginning. I don't want any surprises."

She rested her hands on her hips. "Well, of course not."

Levi then took Petra aside by the shoulder and walked them both a short distance away from the others: near enough that their backs could still be seen, but far enough away that nobody else could see or hear anything they were about to discuss. Levi crouched down on the grass, and Petra followed suit.

"When you said we were a 'squad within a squad'," he began, "you weren't wrong."

He pulled out a hinged, rectangular box from an inner pocket of his cloak, and he opened it furtively and displayed its contents to her: a Titan serum injection kit with a syringe and a stoppered vial holding a shimmering, translucent fluid.

Petra gasped. "Does the military know that you have this?"

"They do; they entrusted two of them to me." He tapped his cloak with his finger. "I have the other. At face value, our mission objective is to stand guard over Zeke, around the clock. But ultimately, it is to maintain control of the Beast Titan's powers."

"But why two kits if there's only one Zeke?"

Levi closed the kit on itself. "If I had had more than one kit back then in Shiganshina, I could have saved Erwin, too…. At one point, we had all three enemy Shifters captured, but only one kit."

She nodded. "Options…. Right."

Levi nodded as well and offered her the kit in his outstretched hand as he looked her squarely in the eyes. She accepted it, albeit with some hesitation, and held it in her hands.

"It's yours to use as you see fit. All my soldiers here signed up for this mission prepared to potentially be transformed into Titans. But if anything bad happens to you, and you are about to die… I want you to inject yourself with that. And I'll come find you, and if I can feed a Titan Shifter to you… then I can save you."

She imagined herself succumbing to the injection and losing consciousness within the hollow flesh of a Pure Titan body, floating endlessly in a mindless urge to devour any human in sight—anything that might grant her just a little more time as a human being in any form possible….

"If I'm a Pure Titan running around, I hope you'll know it's me in there…."

He gazed at her even more intensely now; his determination blazed within his pupils.

"I will."

Levi gazed piercingly into her eyes again. "I intend to do my duty…. And I also intend to do everything in my power to keep you alive."

Petra sighed uneasily. "What if you can't do both?"

"Well, maybe I can," he insisted. "And if I can, then I will."

She stood up. "I'll take the kit. But I don't intend to die."

"No one does," he said as he stood up as well. "But like you said: keep our options open. Even if using it seems unthinkable right now, it might just end up being our only option."

She considered his words gravely and nodded once. The serum kit—and the grim possibilities it held—weighed heavily in her hand. She gingerly tucked it away in an inner pocket of her green cloak.

"So, we're really guarding the people of Paradis from Zeke—we're protecting them from him," she concluded.

He nodded curtly. A pause hung heavy in the air with contemplation.

At length, he finally asked her, "How do you feel? We're about to go back there..."

Petra sighed, dipping her head as she thought. "What can you do? There's no better place to use our ODM gear…."

He nodded. "I wasn't there, but I heard from the cleanup crews: by the time the Titans were eliminated from within Wall Maria and they could come in to sweep the area, a lot of the bodies had been taken apart by scavengers. And whatever was left was... unrecognizable."

Her face grew taut and pale. "What did they do with... whatever they found?"

"They were all cremated together." He gazed at her intensely. "You don't remember seeing this?"

She shook her head. "No... I guess it was something I didn't want to see." She paused. "I think we all preferred to believe that our resting place was in the military cemetery." And she blinked once, glazing over her eyes with tears. "Where you would visit us—and our families, too."

Despite having sworn to himself that he would keep his composure in front of his subordinates, he found himself pulling her in for a hug that she clearly needed. She wrapped her arms around him gratefully and squeezed her eyes shut to hold her tears in.

"I never thought in a million years that I'd ever see your face again," he admitted quietly. "No way in hell I'm letting you die on me again."

She nodded into his shoulder and scolded herself internally for still struggling to keep her emotions in check, but just this one hug was all right, just one last time for now…. And she blotted her tears out on the corner of her sleeve.

"I guess I had it easy, in the end… at least I could watch you from afar. But to you, I was gone for all that time…."

She felt him exhale shakily into her hair and felt his body grow still. After a few more moments, she finally pulled away from him.

"You have to get going, don't you?" she asked him. "All we're missing here now is Zeke."

He sighed, still clinging on to her arms with his hands and looking down at her feet. She always felt safe and warm whenever he held her….

"I know." He looked her in the eyes again. "You be extra cautious around him, you got that? I don't give a shit what anyone else says; there is no trusting him."

She nodded slowly. "I won't let him get the better of us."

There was an interminable wait, during which Petra kept herself occupied with assisting the rest of the squad with securing the supplies for the jostling of the journey, and with making sure their horses were comfortable and well-fed and watered. And at long last, Zeke sidled up to the guarding party on horseback, with Levi at his flank on his own horse.

Zeke eyed Petra curiously when he first laid eyes on her. She gazed back at him, staring him down.

"You must be Zeke," Petra said plainly.

"And who might you be? You have a different air about you than the others do," he commented to her. "Like you've seen things… or know things, perhaps…."

His gaze lingered for an uncomfortable moment on her as he sized her up from head to foot while still up above her on his horse.

She hesitantly opened her mouth to speak again, and she glanced up at Levi to gauge what he wanted her to do; surely enough, Levi glared her into silence.

"Don't talk to her," he snapped at Zeke. "Don't even look at her."

Zeke shrugged, seemingly unperturbed. "Heh. I guess we'll save the introductions for later." And he turned his gaze now towards the rhythmic, clunking sound of the gate being slowly lifted to make way for them.

As they departed, they passed underneath the open gates opening Calaneth District to Eastern Wall Rose. Levi had tended not to think about Farlan and Isabel as often in more recent years, as life moved on and more people came and went, filling his days and then leaving them empty. But he thought of them again now, seeing them in his mind's eye riding along on either side of him, as he usually would when he would ride under the shadow of the gates, gazing upward into the claustrophobic, momentary dimness, and then have his eyesight washed out by the sunlight on the other side. They were his original people closest to him that he had sworn to trust, and to also protect—and back then, too, he had chosen trust, which led to his failure to protect.

But just as it always did, the vast, expansive infinity of the sky beckoned his spirit to reach upward through it—towards freedom. Towards hope.

I was always saying to myself, and to Eren, that no one can ever know how things will turn out. The uncertainty at the time of every decision doesn't ever go away…. But Erwin was right: I had to decide. And maybe it's foolish of me to decide to do two things at once… but I don't think I could live with myself either way if I were to just choose one. The way I did back then. He told me to 'stake my life' on my decision…. And if spreading myself too thin does end up killing me… then so be it.

He looked over to Petra, riding along on the opposite side of him that Zeke was. She seemed to sense his eyes on her because she turned her head briefly and their eyes met. She appeared calm and focused now, taking his words to heart to not let her guard down. And surely enough, she turned her head away from him and onward to the path before them.

All I know for sure is that I'm done with spending any more years of my life without her.

They headed southwest on horseback and in covered wagons—the same route they had taken on that fateful expedition four years ago. The rhythmic clip-clop of the horse's hooves underfoot and the rocking of their dutifully conjoined bodies of human and animal helped Petra to ground herself in their partnership of service. It wasn't the same horse she had had before, but things had inevitably changed in time, and there were new friends to be made with their animal partners as well.

As they rode southwest, Petra made a tiny gasp as she noticed a group of shimmering apparitions in the form of people in a huddled group off to the right side of their course: silent sentinels standing watch. She was thankful that Levi had prepared her for this... She squinted so her vision could cut through the rays of evening light sparkling on the heads of the manifested spirits, and she could just make out their faces gazing mournfully back at her. Eld and Gunther were standing shoulder to shoulder at the front, and with a gap between Gunther and Oruo—no doubt making space for where she should have been... All three turned to look at her, then to Levi, who rode briskly by without trying to find anything that he did not want to see. And Zeke rode along beside Levi, seemingly relaxed and completely unaware of the significance of anything he was leaving in the dust—echoes of the destruction of human life that he had been responsible for, as the War Chief of the Marleyan Warrior Unit...

They passed a river off in the distance as they approached the treeline in a minutes' ride. Levi warily noted Zeke's eyes on Petra again, peering through his glasses as if to examine her more closely. She kept her gaze focused resolutely ahead as her horse rode onward ever faster towards their destination. Levi smelled the storm gathering among them all—an uneasy alliance about to be tested to the limit, and with no outside help in sight for any of them.

Notes:

I confess that I had to try very hard not to plagiarize Lieutenant Dan's first, iconic "don't do anything stupid" speech to Forrest Gump and Bubba. I hope that Levi didn't end up sounding too similar!

You may have caught on to my intense dislike for having to come up with original names for characters that were unnamed in canon. (Remember the "six fallen heroes" whom I purposely avoided having to give actual names to? Haha….) In case anyone was wondering how I came up with original names for some of the 30-member Levi Squad (other than Valis/Varis, the only canonically named character), I turned to my other favorite manga of all time, Gunslinger Girl by Yu Aida. It is a seinen manga about cyborg assassin girls and their handlers and support staff, mainly set in modern-day Italy, and the characters all have names that are Italian, French, or German. Some characters already have the same names as characters in Attack on Titan, such as Jean, Marco, Petra, and Rico. For one example: given Gunslinger Girl character Alessandro's history with two different redheaded women within that universe, I chose his name for an original character who provides some astute observations about the nature of redheads.

Anyway, please look forward to the next several chapters of Forest shenanigans and revelations with Levi, Petra, Zeke, their friends and family in the Paths, and their Italian-German squad of gossiping, in-universe Rivetra shippers! As always, thank you so much for reading and enjoying this story with me.

Chapter 8: Trees

Summary:

In the Forest of Giant Trees at dusk, the guarding party sets up base camp. Zeke becomes annoyed with the situation and breaks out the wine. The dead Scouts in the Paths have a campfire gathering of their own. Petra has an eventful evening and a series of nightmares and dreams.

Notes:

Another chapter, another few new original characters to introduce. Starting with the next chapter, I'm planning to have quick Character Bios at the start of each chapter for a while here to help you keep them all straight. As always, thank you all so very much for reading, and please do leave a comment! Tell me what your favorite scene or character is so far, what you think will happen or what you secretly hope will happen, etc. It's entertaining for me to hear your thoughts, and to hear any constructive criticism! :)

Chapter Text

Soundtrack Recommendations:

"Red Swan lofi" – kurochuu.

"Shock lofi" – kurochuu.

DAY 1

The guarding party approached the treeline and Valis whistled for the group to stop.

"Zeke, please dismount from your horse," Valis commanded him.

Zeke obliged, passing his horse's reins to Valis, who looped the reins onto his own saddle horn in front of him. Zeke gazed up in wonder at the immense trees, and he finally spoke to Levi, with a note of incredulity in his voice:

"This is my hotel?"

Levi retorted, "You got a problem with it? It's a forest of giant trees. I can't think of a better place for you."

"Might be lots of fun with ODM gear," Zeke admitted. "Hey, Captain Levi. Think I could show Gabi and Falco this natural wonder?"

Gabi and Falco? The 'miscalculations'? And suddenly now you care? Even though Levi knew they were too brainwashed and impressionable to truly be deserving of blame, he was still glad to think that they were at least locked up in prison cells. Letting them go anywhere on the island—even just to look around—would be an even more disastrous miscalculation….

"Tch. Whether those brats see the sights or not depends on you."

Levi watched Zeke carefully out of the corner of his eye for his reaction—for some indication that he cared about their well-being as more than leverage in his current situation. But he betrayed frustratingly little to Levi, which Levi admitted to himself that he could not fault him for. Zeke simply sighed and shook his head sadly to himself, and they let the matter rest.

Levi, Valis, Bruno, and 13 more Scouts led the way for Zeke through the main path through the forest towards the location where they planned to set up their base camp. They all dismounted when they came upon a clearing within the trees. Bruno promptly emptied a crate containing the teakettle and other cooking implements, and Valis turned the crate upside down and offered it to Zeke for him to sit on.

Several meters away, the Scouts who were staying for the initial setup of base camp passed off their horses. Levi turned to Petra and Henrietta, who happened to be next to each other, and said, "This is where we're setting up camp. Please take our horses and tie them up with your own horses in a perimeter around the Forest, as we discussed. Half the night duty soldiers should stay out there while the other half can come into camp for dinner first."

After a sleepless night and a long day, Petra was now feeling the exhaustion that she had pushed herself through all day. She sighed to herself, tilted her head forward, and closed her eyes for a long moment, savoring the opportunity to rest them. When she opened her eyes again, Levi was holding the reins of his horse out to her. Of course, he looked the same as always: perpetually a little bit tired, but with his signature intense aura that naturally inspired others to sharpen their focus as well. She accepted them and secured them to her own saddle horn. But he did not walk away just yet; rather, he chose to linger, standing next to Petra on her dappled brown horse. He reached out and petted his own horse along the side of her long face, and she muzzled his hand back gratefully.

Henrietta also patted the neck of her own horse as her horse snorted at Alessandro's horse getting up in her face. His horse flared its nostrils and sneezed on her horse's face in rebuke.

"There, there, Claes," Henrietta cooed, steering her horse to face away from them. "Don't mind them."

Alessandro tugged on his horse's reins and whistled at her to control her behavior as well. "Rosie, play nice…." He gazed around quickly at the others in mild exasperation. "I tell you: redheads never do listen…."

Henrietta turned to look at Petra now.

"Hey, what's your horse's name, Petra?" Henrietta asked.

Levi glanced up at Petra for a moment, then started petting Petra's horse; her horse knickered quietly and licked his waiting hand. No doubt he was taking the opportunity to listen in while he had an excuse to hang around, with Petra there to do the talking….

"Well, my previous horse's name was.…" She and Levi locked eyes as she slowly remembered. "Angelika. Her hair and her whole coat were white." She patted her new horse's solid brown mane. "But this one's different."

Petra tilted her head back to help herself think.

"Hmm, I haven't decided yet. But a girl's name, of course..." She looked around at the group. "What did you all name your horses?"

"I'm Ernest, and this is Pia," said blonde-haired Ernest atop a silvery gray-haired Pia. He dismounted and passed Pia's reins over to Alessandro's open hand.

Alessandro secured Pia to his saddle and piped up proudly, "My lovely lady is called Rosanna. Or Rosie for short." Rosanna had a gloriously long, flowing, reddish-brown mane to match her name.

"And I'm Lauro, and this is Elsa." Lauro had sullen eyes and straight, blond hair that hung in curtains parted on either half of his forehead, and Elsa was fair-haired, with a pure white mane, and very quiet and polite.

Bruno's dark, loose curls bounced slightly on top of his head as he nodded at everyone's introductions. He indicated to his own tawny white horse and said, "My horse is named Franca, after my little sister."

Petra nodded in understanding. "That's great that you keep her close by naming your horse after her."

Bruno nodded as well and continued, "She's a twin, actually: my brother's name is Franco. They both joined the MPs together after I did. But anyway, all our horses are mares, so Franca it was." Franca, his long-maned, blonde horse, showed her teeth a little as she pitched her head to one side to scratch an itch at the corner of the reins in her mouth.

"Huh, so they tagged along to the MPs after you, and then you left to transfer to the Survey Corps?" Petra asked him.

"Yup. Kind of ironic, huh?" He shrugged. "But they're doing really well there. They're some of the best in the regiment… and I assure you they're not lazy or corrupt!"

He then passed his horse off to a short-cut, shaggy brown-haired man, who declared as well, "Hi Petra." His head dipped a little, seemingly in regret. "Sorry I didn't get to talk to you earlier. I was…." And he shook his head and lifted his eyes again to bring himself back to reality. "Anyway, I'm Nino, and I named my horse Nina. She's like my female twin. I don't actually have a twin, but my horse here is the next best thing."

"Well, nice to meet you all if we didn't meet before." Petra chuckled a little. "What is it with you guys and the male-and-female name pairings? Franco and Franca. Nino and Nina."

"Well, I think it's cute!" Henrietta remarked. "If you got to name your best buddy, why not name them after yourself?"

'Best buddy', Petra thought. Petra and Nifa…? At least both our names end in 'A'….

Valis cleared his throat and spoke up as well, now that he was done settling his and Zeke's horses down. Zeke's brown horse was still grumbling to herself at having had to deal with an unfamiliar rider, but the presence of Valis and his own horse grounded her somewhat.

"I named my horse Johanna, after my sister." He sighed. "She was in the Garrison, and… she died four years ago. When the gate to Trost was breached." Johanna hung her head as he spoke, picking up on her rider's change in mood.

They all proceeded to hang their heads as well, in solemn remembrance.

Petra gazed down at Levi, still standing next to her and their two horses.

"What about you, Captain? What's your horse's name?" she asked him.

His even-toned reddish-brown horse whinnied quietly, as if in recognition that they were talking about her now.

He upturned his head to acknowledge her by briefly meeting her gaze, then turned away.

"Isabel. After my friend who loved animals."

She paused to think, while the others within earshot who weren't distracted with dismounting or handing off their horses nodded slowly to themselves, deeply considering this rare bit of trivia about their Captain.

"What about your black horse from before?" she asked. "You never did tell anyone her name, either..."

Levi was silent for a few heartbeats as he gazed into the eyes of both their horses.

"Kuchel. After my mother."

His expression belied no change in emotion, but he always hid things well. He glanced cursorily at Petra one more time, then he turned with a decisive swish of his green cloak and went back to the others who were unloading crates from wagons, building a fire pit, and setting up a tent for Zeke to sleep in.

Thus, Henrietta, Petra, Alessandro, and the other half of the Scouts took the horses from the others so they could make their way back to the northern entrance of the forest that they had entered from, guiding another soldier's horse while riding their own.

As they positioned their horses in intervals around the forest, Petra turned to Henrietta at last to say:

"I've decided what to name my horse."

Henrietta sat up a little straighter in her saddle, freshly alert at the news.

"Ooh, what'll it be?"

"Sasha," Petra said. "It'd be nice to keep her close…."

Henrietta blinked. "Did you actually know her? Sasha Braus? Why didn't you mention it earlier?"

Petra turned to stroke the newly named Sasha's cheek, gazing into her large, brown eyes. "It's pretty personal…. But I have a lot to thank her for."

While the other soldiers were industriously setting up camp all around him, Zeke continued to sit as he gazed around at the crates being unloaded onto the ground. The contents of the crates clinked and shifted quietly as they were set on the cushioned grass underneath. After a time, he finally grew restless of having been sitting for so long that day, and he got to his feet and started to peruse the open crates out of curiosity. When he came upon the crates of wine, he perked up.

"Well, well. Look what we have here."

He fished out a bottle of wine from the case and rested it gently in his hands as he scanned the label, rolling the bottle to catch all sides of it. Valis took notice and appeared at his side at once.

"Let's wait until dinner for that, Zeke. We're still constructing the firepit." He indicated to said firepit over his shoulder, where a ring of rocks had been arranged in a circle and other soldiers were now positioning logs in a tent formation and dry kindling underneath them.

Zeke sighed to himself and uncorked the bottle anyway with an audible "pop!" The rest of the soldiers stared at him.

"Your government's interpretation of 'diplomacy' is hardly transparent," Zeke commented dryly. "We're camping in the forest instead of arranging for me to meet Eren?"

"Those are our orders," Valis stated simply. "And if Captain Levi knows any more than that, he hasn't mentioned it."

Zeke shook his head slowly. "Well, then, please forgive me for drowning my frustrations in a little taste of home…."

Valis sighed and walked over to one of the crates, then came back with an aluminum mug.

"Here," he said, handing it to Zeke. "If you're going to drink, at least you can be civilized about it."

Zeke accepted the mug with a gracious "Thank you" and poured himself a drink. Before he could raise the mug to his lips, however, Levi appeared in the center of his field of vision with his arms testily crossed over his chest.

"You really just can't help yourself, can you?" Levi grumbled.

"As I was saying," Zeke scoffed, "can't I be allowed to deal with my frustrations in my own way here? All of us being here is a deliberate waste of time by your government. And I don't know why you put up with being told to babysit me instead of, you know, fighting Titans, or blowing up other countries' internment zones, as the Survey Corps seems most fond of doing…."

Levi continued to glare silently at him while Valis scuffed the ground uncomfortably with his boot. Finally, Levi spoke:

"None of what happened in Liberio would have been necessary if Eren hadn't sought you out first."

Zeke continued to watch Levi through the glare of his glasses, cradling his mug in his hands. "I see…. So, by your account, it was Eren who made the first move in all this. Isn't that right."

"That's not just my opinion," Levi retorted. "That's an indisputable fact."

Zeke shrugged. "You think that buying more time will help your situation. We'll see if that proves true, or not…."

The other Scouts who had been permitted to return to base camp in the first group were trickling in as well, unpacking their own mess kits and mugs and digging into the crates. A particularly industrious Bruno and Ernest were already setting up a cauldron in the fire while Henrietta and Nino unpacked carrots, potatoes, and seasonings for stew. Alessandro and Lauro soon appeared as well, each hoisting a full jug of water over each shoulder for washing the vegetables and pouring into the cauldron to make the soup broth.

Lastly, Petra wandered in timidly and took a seat as far away from Levi as possible to not attract undue attention to herself, since Zeke was preoccupied with staring in Levi's direction while he sipped his wine. But alas, Levi had stopped falling for Zeke's verbal baiting, and Zeke had no one to bother. He started looking around from face to face, lingering at last on Petra. She glanced down at the dirt in front of her, willing him to move on to someone else, but she knew it was in vain….

Petra stood up and muttered to Henrietta, "I'm going to the bathroom real quick, okay?" Henrietta nodded absentmindedly and kept chopping carrots, and Petra wandered off into the trees by herself, grabbing a lantern on the way.

"I wonder where she's going," Zeke mused aloud.

"Doesn't matter," Levi muttered conclusively. "She'll be fine…." But he could not help but feel a secret worry springing up inside him.

Petra kept on walking off the path, asking herself if she really could manage to pee at all. But in truth, she didn't quite feel like pulling her pants down in the lamplight all by herself with Zeke weighing on her mind, even if she did have to go.

I wish he'd stop staring at me, she thought to herself. But I can't avoid him forever… Levi knows that….

She looked at the tree trunks one by one as she made her way deeper and deeper into the forest. Somewhere in this forest, lining the main path, was the tree she had died upon…. She hoped that she would never stumble upon it for the time she had to be here…. Maybe by now, it would be impossible for her to tell which one it was, anyway….

Off in the distance, she heard a horse whinny once, then fall silent.

Oh boy, she thought wryly now. What could that be? She hoped that whichever Scouts that were still standing guard in the trees above the horses had not been taken by surprise by anything. But at night, there surely were other animals afoot that they normally would not see during the day…. She berated herself internally for not being more cautious, and she wondered if she should use her ODM gear and sit in the relative safety of a tree branch instead….

She gasped and perked her head up at the sound of rustling off to her left. A male deer jutted his head out slowly from behind a tree, peering inquisitively at her, then emerging fully to approach her. He was surely an adult, but therefore of indeterminate age, and his antlers were covered in the thick velvet of its rapid summer growth. Why he was not scared of a human—or of her in particular—she did not know. She thought she could read a measure of sorrow in his eyes: did he feel sorry for her? Or perhaps for himself?

She realized that she did have her rifle slung over her right shoulder. The deer did not seem to mean her any harm at the moment; he was still staring directly at her with his ears turned forward towards her. But they were only five meters away from each other, and if he were to charge her for some reason, she would have to play defense and either use her blades on him or pull herself up with her grappling wires—and hopefully not get rammed in the process. She held her lantern and the forestock of her rifle together in her left hand, and got the broad, muscled chest of the deer in her sight line. But before she could take any further action, a hunting knife suddenly became lodged deep in the deer's chest with a whispered "swish" and "thwuck". The deer turned and started to run away from her in desperation, but he stumbled and collapsed in the grass in just a few panicked strides as his heart gave out from being pierced.

"Petra," she heard a familiar voice behind her and to her left. She whirled around to confirm who it was, and surely enough, there was Levi standing in the dark a few meters away.

"Levi," she said. "I already had it lined up…."

"Better to not waste bullets," he said.

She shook her head. "Ever the pragmatist. But anyway… I'm glad you're here." She heaved a sigh, looked around again to confirm that there was nothing else to potentially threaten them, and then slowly slung her rifle back over her right shoulder. "You know, he might not have charged me after all. It's not mating season…."

Levi crossed his arms, taking up the mentor role again. "Maybe, or maybe not. But sometimes it's better to be the one to make the first move."

The two of them bridged the gap between them in two easy strides, and he held out his hands for her. She clasped one hand in his and held her lantern aloft with her other hand, and she gazed into his eyes, feeling relieved. His face glowed golden yellow and his eyes glinted with sparks of jasper in the lantern light.

"How are you?" he asked. "Are you okay?"

"You're not talking about the deer anymore. Are you?"

He continued to look at her, answering her without words.

"How are you going to convince him that you aren't desperately protective of me when you keep on acting like this?" she asked.

He tipped his head downward a little.

"I don't know…. But I'd rather let him think whatever he wants, if it means I know you're safe."

She nodded at him.

"What do you think he wants? With me? Or with you?"

Levi sighed quietly.

"I'd rather not have to find out…." He started off in the direction of the deer's body and turned his head to make sure she was right behind him.

"If you strike first, then you won't have to find out," Petra said as she caught up to walking next to him, connecting the two situations together. The lamplight cast around and before them on the path they made for themselves in the gathering night.

"That's right," Levi replied quietly. He stopped before the body of the buck laying prone on the forest floor; Levi's hunting knife stayed stuck securely in the deer's chest as he wheezed his last, faltering breath.

"But anyway, first things first: venison for dinner…."

Levi reentered the clearing of the base camp with the sizable buck slung over his shoulders and its hindquarters dragging on the ground behind him, with Petra in tow with the lantern in her hand. The other Scouts made hushed whispers of awe and appreciation.

Valis pulled up next to him to see as well. "Great job, Captain and—"

Petra cleared her throat loudly as Levi glared at Valis to silence him.

"Never mind," Valis muttered, then sighed.

"Great job, you two," Henrietta called out, looking up from stirring the cauldron. "Now we'll have more than just vegetables and broth. Here, your turn—" She shoved the ladle into someone else's hands and came over to see what the fuss was about.

"Now this is a Scouting expedition…" Alessandro gushed as he drew closer, with Henrietta only a step behind him.

"Hmm, that's right, this is the first overnight expedition for a few of you," Valis commented.

"Well, there's a first time for everyone," Levi said. "Same as me. So, watch and learn."

Levi laid the deer on the grass on the base of a tree, rolled his sleeves up to his elbows, pulled his hunting knife out of the deer's chest, and began to gut its body with the knife: first from its hind legs up to the groin, and then from its chin downward. The deer's antlers clicked against the tree bark as its body was summarily eviscerated.

"Do you guys want guts or not?" he asked loudly.

He heard a collective clearing of throats that he interpreted as a "no".

"Never mind," he concluded. "I'm sure Zeke would prefer to have a civilized meal…." He turned to Petra and asked her, "Could you bring me a—pot, or cauldron, or some kind of container for the entrails?"

She gave him a "Yes, Captain," and dutifully made her way to the supplies, then returned to his side in less than a minute carrying a two-handled cauldron surprisingly effortlessly despite its awkward size.

"Perfect," he said. He finished separating the gristle holding the guts to the inner cavity walls, and then he scooped out the organs one by one, dropping them into the cauldron with a series of wet plops. Bluish-purple intestines; floppy, half-filled stomach; and lungs leaking its froth from being stabbed with his knife throw, all went into the cauldron with various smaller organs like the pancreas and spleen. However, he kept the heart and liver despite everyone's general preferences. He quietly told Petra, "The heart and liver will be good for you."

She nodded in silent agreement. "I guess if they don't like it, you and I can just eat them all…."

"Yup."

Petra stared and pursed her lips grimly at the gory sight of the gut pile lining the cauldron bottom as she shone her lamplight down upon it.

"What do you want us to do with the parts we don't cook, then?" she asked. "If there are wolves around, they might come by to scavenge…."

Levi looked up at her, and she bit her lower lip in discomfort when she suddenly recalled their previous conversation about scavengers in this very forest.

"We'll have night duty take it outside the trees," he decided. "Far enough away that it doesn't bother the horses. Ernest! Nino!"

The two soldiers hurried over at his summons, nodded dutifully at his instructions, said, "Yes, Captain!" and knelt down on either side of the cauldron to lift it and carry it away. They were stopped in their tracks by Valis, who held out two headlamps made with a leather strap, a metal buckle, and a coin-sized piece of Iceburst Stone encased in glass.

Petra sighed when she saw the headlamps. "That would have been nice to have earlier, if I had known those were a thing…." She knelt down next to him and asked, "Can I help with anything else?"

Levi shook his head as he methodically continued hollowing out the deer's inner cavities. He paused from his activity to examine his bloody hands, however, and said, "You could help me rinse my hands off after this…."

And she laughed, glad to hear that he was saying something quintessentially Levi again. "Of course."

As various soldiers rotated in and out to tend to the venison stew, others eagerly passed around some bottles of wine. Levi was rinsing off the deer hide with Petra's help so they could dry it and use it later.

Zeke crossed his legs and sipped his own wine out of his mug. "Don't be shy, folks: I assure you this is the highest-quality hooch, even in Marley."

Indeed, once the wine bottles were in their hands, the soldiers were merely eyeing each other uncomfortably, waiting for some sort of sign that this was, in fact, permissible to drink.

Levi did not look up from his task with Petra, but he said quite loudly enough to be heard, "Nobody drink until you see Zeke drink first."

Zeke huffed, "For crying out loud, it's not poisoned. I'm already drinking it."

"When did we ever say anything like that? It's just, an honored guest should get the first taste..."

Zeke sighed, shaking his head.

"Suit yourselves." He toasted the air at them, took a hearty swig and said, "Ahhh" as he lowered his mug. "There. I chugged three-fourths of it already and I'm still alive. Happy?"

Valis, true to his role as Levi's enforcer, said to the group: "You remember the rules, everyone: day shift is off duty right now, so only day shifters may drink the wine."

Bruno raised his mug towards Alessandro next to him and made a big show of taking a sip. He wrinkled his face in appreciation as the richness of the taste hit him.

"Ahh, this is the good stuff."

Alessandro stared at him with his pursed lips conveying a mixture of jealousy and frustration.

"Sucks to be on night duty, Sandro," Bruno said. "I feel for you."

Alessandro ruffled his hair grumpily with one hand and avoided Bruno's gaze. "Dangit..."

Sasha smiled broadly to herself, feeling genuinely touched at being remembered fondly. Nifa also sat cross-legged near Sasha's feet, also quietly looking on at being remembered as Petra's 'best buddy'.

"Petra just named her horse after me," Sasha marveled out loud. "You hear that, guys? Isn't that cool?"

"It is," Isabel declared. Kuchel stood next to her with her hands clasped in front of herself, looking just as proud.

Sasha jumped a little at having been snuck up on, but she regained her composure quickly and smiled again.

"Captain Levi still remembers you, too," Sasha noted to Isabel. "You guys go way back… way before I ever knew him."

"We sure do. We're his original squad." Isabel brought herself, Kuchel, Sasha, and Nifa over to watch what Levi was up to, and she gasped in excitement. "Ooh, they're making a campfire! We should have a campfire, too!"

In a flash, everyone within earshot appeared next to them. Isabel bobbed her head up and down eagerly, with Farlan standing next to her now with a satisfied grin. The two of them sat on wooden crates of their own invention and arranged themselves around the real-life campfire, between the living people in the real-life forest.

Oruo stepped up to Isabel, staring down at her considerably shorter height. He cleared his throat obnoxiously at her; she stared fearlessly back up at him and crossed her arms in defiance.

"Did I hear you mention Captain Levi's 'original squad'?" Oruo asked.

Eld tugged Oruo back by the shoulder.

"Calm down, Oruo. She technically is right."

Gunther sighed at the confrontational chest-puffing. "Regardless of who came first, we all ended up dead together here. So, let's learn to live with each other. Okay?"

"Ah, whatever," Oruo grumbled. He turned on his heels and took a seat on the opposite side of the firepit to glower to himself. Isabel squatted before the fire and poked a stick in it, watching it in fascination as it took flame and was consumed in reddish-orange energy.

"Levi's always been sharp," Farlan insisted to them all. "Honestly, I'm not too worried…."

Gunther took a seat next to Oruo, who sighed at being tailed but did not push Gunther away, either.

"I get the sense that we're all a bit on edge from having to be here," Gunther said to the group out loud.

"Well, of course," Oruo said. "How many of you think that things aren't going to go downhill here all over again, under these circumstances?"

Eld took a seat on the opposite side of Oruo now. Oruo grumbled to himself at his intrusion now and shifted himself closer to Gunther.

"Well, whether they do or not, we should do what we can to stay ahead of it," Eld said. "And warn Captain Levi and Petra if we can."

"Huh," Oruo scoffed, looking around and above them at the treetops and the starry night sky above that. "At least things look different at night… although I'm not sure that's very… comforting…."

Kuchel wrung her hands a little at overhearing their concern.

"This place does seem scary at night, I will admit," Kuchel said from behind the Levi Squad. "But my son is tough enough to keep this Zeke in line…."

Gelgar stumbled over and surveyed the scene, then created three woven mats to rest on the grass next to each other. He then got down and lounged on one of them, outstretching his legs.

Nanaba and Miche walked into view from the same general direction and sidled up to Gelgar, noticing the vacancies.

"Are these… for us?" Nanaba asked Gelgar with some hesitation.

"Of course," Gelgar snorted. "Who else? You're here together and everything, aren't you?"

Nanaba and Miche glanced at each other, as if communicating some secret with their eyes. Gelgar cleared his throat loudly and looked away as if pretending not to have noticed.

"I wish I could try some of that super-fancy Marleyan wine…. Lucky bastards," Gelgar sniffed.

Sasha raised a hand palm-up, as if to present the obvious solution to him on a platter: "Then why don't you just try some? Can't you eat and drink whatever you want now?"

He shook his head and sobbed, "I can't. If I've never tasted it in life before, then I can't imagine it in the Paths. We can only eat and drink stuff we've already had before, because we already know what it's supposed to be like."

Sasha's face fell.

"You mean that once we die, we can't try any new foods for the first time because we can't recreate what we don't know?"

Nanaba shook her head. "Unfortunately, you are correct. Some things about being dead aren't so fun…. We can make it however we think it ought to be, but it can't be exactly how it really is in life."

Sasha's shoulders slouched as she heaved a disheartened sigh.

"Oh well…."

Marlene looked guilty that Sasha was in low spirits, and she elbowed Klaus in the ribs. He sat up a little straighter at this physical admonishment, and he slapped Dirk on the back of the shoulder to engage him as well.

"Do you think we should play that game again?" Marlene asked the two of them. "Since we finally have some more newbies..."

Klaus tilted his head in thought.

"That's right; it sure has been a while…."

Dirk nodded at them and dutifully stood to set up some more crates for people to sit on.

Isabel jumped up and down. "Ohhh yeah! This will be fun." And she clasped her hands eagerly.

Sasha looked on inquisitively at Isabel's reaction.

"What's this all about?"

Klaus cleared his throat to begin the explanation. "So, Sasha, whenever we have newbies, we like to play a game we call, 'Who Died Worst'."

Marlene added, "It's pretty self-explanatory... we go around talking about who died in the worst way, and the one who died worst gets a prize."

Sasha perked up, causing her long, auburn ponytail to swish behind her head. "Ooh, I love games and prizes! Yes, count me in!"

They rotated around in place to see more people start to wander into the firepit area: Lobov, the others who died in Liberio, more Scouts from four years ago, and a smattering of civilians on the outer fringes of the crowd.

Moblit stepped forward from the pack and said, "I heard we're playing that game again? 'Who Died Worst'?"

"Oh, perfect timing, Moblit," Marlene said. "You're always the best mediator for these kinds of things."

Moblit smiled agreeably.

"I guess that's why you keep making me the judge of things. Okay, since you all are new, let's start with you guys from Liberio. Sasha, how badly do you think you died?"

Sasha was preoccupied with staring at the chunks of deer meat simmering in the cauldron in real life; she salivated a little in her mouth and murmured, "Heh heh" as she recalled her past experiences of eating venison. In response, she conjured a juicy, braised venison tenderloin in her hands and finally paused to give an answer with the meat in the air on the way to her open mouth.

"Eh, well, okay, I guess I could have gone out worse than getting shot in the stomach..."

"You did get shot by a 12-year-old girl whose life you had just spared, though," Moblit pointed out. "That's quite ironic, if you ask me…."

Sasha shrugged. "I guess that's true… but either way, here I am. " And she sank her teeth into the meat, taking her first bite. The juices ran down the corners of her mouth and she whimpered in delight.

Another soldier added, "Yeah, and the rest of us got shot with those rifles they had mounted on the Cart Titan."

A second one said, "To be fair, those artillery shells were huge. Like, I could have stuck my arm through the hole in my stomach..."

And a third soldier concluded, "But I still think that death-by-Titan would be worse... It must be terrifying to be eaten alive..."

Nanaba grumbled, "You don't know the half of it. I got eaten by my own father…."

"Whoa." Sasha gulped anxiously.

Nanaba sighed. "That's right. I'm from Ragako, too, just like Conny…. Well, Gelgar is out for sure. Lucky bastard got knocked out before having to get eaten."

"Okay, I'm sure I would've gone down even easier if I had gotten to dull my pain with real booze before cracking my head open! Instead of that idiot cadet pouring it in a Titan Shifter's wounds... The one person who didn't even need it," Gelgar sniffed bitterly. "You know what? Speaking of booze…." And he conjured a beer barrel as tall as he was and positioned it next to his mat, then stuck a wooden mug under the spout to help himself to his first draught.

"Hey, that 'idiot cadet' happens to be Queen Historia, by the way. How about you show some respect?"

Gelgar scoffed at her and took a swig of his beer.

"Look: if she was an idiot back then, then she was an idiot back then. Doesn't matter how regal she acts now."

"And if you weren't an idiot back then but you are an idiot now, then it doesn't matter how professional you acted then..."

Miche crossed his outstretched legs as he lounged on his mat. "Break it up, you two," he groaned. "None of your bickering ever goes anywhere."

Nanaba shot him a sour look, which he wordlessly took in stride.

"I assure you: it's not going anywhere," she said.

"Oh? And why would you feel the need to clarify that to me?"

Nanaba frowned even more petulantly at him and made to scoot farther away from Gelgar to distance herself from him. Miche chuckled to himself and sat up to cross his arms, and Gelgar eyed both of them with equal parts suspicion and glee.

Miche leaned over to sniff in the direction of Gelgar's beer mug. He flared his nostrils in disapproval.

"That beer smells like a… skunk fart," he commented wryly. "Was that really the best you could do?"

"Hey, if you don't like it, then don't drink it," Gelgar spat back. "If your beer happens to be perfectly chilled, then you're not really camping."

Nanaba shook her head. "Well, aren't you a stickler for authenticity…. And here I thought you were just desperate."

"Who says I can't be both?" And Gelgar looked smug as he took another swig.

Lobov was also there among the soldiers from Liberio, bumming a beer mug from Gelgar.

"Well, I don't think I can count for much: getting shot in the head was pretty instantaneous."

"You again," Isabel huffed.

"Look, miss, I don't know why you seem to have it out for me, but I assure you, I committed no crimes that you seem to claim I was accused of," Lobov insisted.

"What are you talking about?" Farlan now said, coming to Isabel's defense. "Erwin told Levi that you got punished and everything…."

Lobov stared at Farlan and Isabel in mounting exasperation. "Are you sure you're not mistaking me with someone else? 'Cause I never did any wrongdoing while I was in the Garrison, let alone get punished for anything…."

"What? I thought you were in the MPs," Farlan said, now seeming to get confused himself.

"Yeah, they said that if we killed Erwin and got the evidence of 'Lovof's wrongdoings' from him, then we would get Surface citizenship," Isabel said.

"I'm not Lovof; I'm Lobov," he pointed out. "Close, but not quite."

Farlan and Isabel both frowned petulantly.

"What the hell…" Farlan muttered and stalked off for a cool-down lap around the outside of the group of people sitting.

"Well, I still don't have to like you," Isabel grumbled. "You seem too straight-laced to be legit, I tell you…."

Nifa cleared her throat loudly to reel everyone in. "Anyway, I agree with Lobov... I looked pretty gross after getting my head blown off, too, but it could've been worse for me for sure."

Marlo added, "I guess all of us who got hit with rocks are in a similar boat... At least for me, 'cause I got hit in the head first..." And he sighed and hung his head.

Erwin appeared before Marlo now, resting his hand gently on Marlo's shoulder.

"I'm sorry, Marlo, for leading you all to your deaths with me. I hope you know that it gave me no pleasure to sacrifice new recruits like you."

Marlo sighed. "It's all right, Commander. We knew why we had to die. At least we died with our boots on, huh?"

Erwin nodded his head pensively.

Marco crouched forward to stick a handful of barbecued beef-and-vegetable skewers above the embers of the fire, then he passed each one to the fellow cadets from the 104th who had also died in Trost. "I did get the whole right side of my body eaten off. 'Cause Annie, Reiner, and Bertholdt all conspired to betray me for overhearing them."

"Yeah…. And we got eaten by Titans and got burned alive in its stomach acids," Mina mumbled, her eyes downcast. "I thought Annie was my friend… but she fed you to a Titan, Marco…."

Thomas, Franz, Millius, and Nack all nodded grimly as they recalled their own gruesome but depressingly run-of-the-mill deaths at the hands of Titans.

Sasha gritted her teeth in empathy and took a seat next to Marco. "Geez, that does sound terrible... And you guys didn't even make it to graduation first."

Miche cleared his throat authoritatively. "Well, Marco, I also got my ODM gear taken away like you did, while the Beast Titan walked away and let me die. I got ripped apart in all directions by all my limbs. Including by my face."

Eld raised his head to speak: "Hey, I died almost as bad: I got bitten in half across the waist. How come getting bitten in half crosswise never gets any traction around here, but getting bitten in half lengthwise does?"

"It's not just 'how' you died, Eld, it's also the 'why', as well as the greater context of your death," Moblit explained patiently. "While your death was gruesome, you did die for the same reason as a lot of other people that day. Which, unfortunately, does make it a little less memorable…."

"Excuse me?" Eld spluttered. "Well, I guess that's why you're never a contestant in this game: you got blown up in the same explosion as how many other people?"

"Hey, we got bitten in half crosswise, too!" Isabel indicated to both herself and Farlan, who had since returned to sit next to her again. "I got my head bitten off!"

"And Levi cried over us," Farlan added. "And then killed the Titan that killed us."

Farlan turned to look at Eld, who raised an eyebrow.

"Did Levi cry over you, Eld?"

Eld frowned sheepishly. "He cried on the inside. I suppose. And he... let the Titan go."

And Farlan and Isabel collapsed onto each other, guffawing.

"'Cried on the inside'—ohh, shit," she wheezed, clutching her sides from the force of her laughter.

Moblit shook his head and pinched the bridge of his nose at everyone's antics.

"So far, Miche and Marco seem to be leading... Followed by Isabel, Farlan… and Eld," he added in appeasement when he glanced at Eld's deadpan expression. Gunther and Oruo shook their heads slowly in resignation for their squad's second-in-command.

Miche crossed his arms, looking visibly pleased and satisfied—he could almost see the finish line: another consolation prize for having suffered so much on the way out...

Sasha finished off her own beef-and-vegetable skewer and mused to herself between smacks of her lips: "Huh, thank goodness Armin didn't—die in Shiganshina. I can't imagine—being burnt to a crisp like that..."

At the mention of Armin, Kenny leaned in from behind Sasha and swatted her on the back of the shoulder to chastise her.

"Hey, we don't give a shit about people who 'almost' died. We're here for the real deal."

Sasha gulped awkwardly. "Oh. Okay, then…."

Kuchel also stepped forward from behind Sasha, trailing right after Kenny.

"Oh, you mean you, Kenny?" Kuchel huffed, poking him squarely in the chest. "You don't deserve to play this game: you didn't do shit for anyone by dying, and you deserved to die."

Kenny scowled at her. "Well, that's probably the rudest thing you've ever said to me."

"Compared to you abandoning my son and then trying to kill him?"

Kenny shrugged and sighed. "Eh, fair point. I never claimed to be a specimen of sanity."

Kuchel turned to the group gathered around the fire and rested her hands on her hips.

"This game can't be just for soldiers, right? 'Cause I'll have you know that I died a slow, painful death from a sexually transmitted disease while my eight-year-old son and I watched each other waste away and starve."

Everyone stared at her in awkward silence. Someone cleared their throat uncomfortably in the back.

"Well, shit," Gelgar said to break the silence at last.

"You have our sincere condolences," Moblit added diplomatically. "That's certainly a… compelling way to die."

Kuchel sighed and shook her head. "Some guys really don't like condoms. What can you do..."

Miche stood up and looked at Moblit, who nodded back at him in silent agreement.

"I think we can award the prize to you this time, Mrs. Ackerman," Moblit said.

Kuchel gave a small but satisfied smile.

"Please. Just call me Kuchel."

Kuchel was thus presented with the prize from Moblit: a bolo tie fastened with an exuberantly large, gaudy-looking gold medallion coin inscribed with the words, "I Died Worst". It was reminiscent of a commemorative bolo tie, but bigger, flashier, and downright uglier.

Oruo popped his head in to explain, "We figured that the ones who lived got to get cool bolo ties, so we wanted something cool for ourselves to wear for dying."

Sasha butted in and stuck her face in close to see the prize. Upon getting a closer look, she made a weird face at Oruo.

"Did you help design this thing, Oruo?" she asked. "'Cause it's… pretty weird…."

"You're finally catching on," Gelgar told her from over her shoulder. "Turns out I'm not the only weirdo around here, I'll have you know."

Kuchel gave a small bow from her waist as she outstretched her hands and accepted the bolo tie, weaving her fingers around the string. "Well, then, it is my honor to have suffered and died for this prize."

She paused to consider something.

"As well as having birthed and raised 'Humanity's Strongest Soldier'," she added proudly.

Everyone nodded in solemn appreciation.

Kenny cleared his throat pointedly.

"Until he was eight."

Kuchel sighed in exasperation.

"Okay, until he was eight."

Erwin stepped up to deliver his thoughts as well. He was dressed in his formal uniform with his own maroon bolo tie from real life to indicate his Commander status. Nifa stood next to him, dutifully pouring him tea from a ceramic teapot.

"In that case, Kuchel, I'd say you've done at least as much for humanity as any of us," Erwin said. "You deserve this." And he toasted her with his full teacup.

Kuchel nodded. "To be honest, though... this prize is... kind of, well..." And she cleared her throat out of attempted politeness.

"Tacky?" Gelgar asked. "We know." He glanced at Oruo, who cleared his throat and looked away. "But it's just a game, Kuchel."

Oruo crossed his arms petulantly. "Yeah, I'm sure that Miche and Marco already conveniently 'misplaced' all their medals from earlier games." He made air quotes with his index and middle fingers around the word "misplaced". "So, if you ditch it behind our backs..." and he shrugged, "it's fine."

Kuchel smiled. "Nonsense. I'll wear it with pride. Let me just—give it a tweak—" And with the power of her mind, she molded the golden coin shape into a more visually-pleasing teardrop and turned the color of the tie cord from black to royal purple. She conjured up a full-length mirror with an oval, wooden frame and took a turn to admire herself in it.

"Now that I can be proud of," she declared.

Marco and Miche looked at each other sheepishly.

"Why didn't we try to change the look of the bolo ties?"

Kuchel chuckled, "'Cause prostitutes would know better than military men how to make themselves look fabulous."

Gelgar was slack-jawed. "Damn. If only you had gotten to work above ground, you would've been all the rage with the soldiers..."

Kenny slapped him upside the head. "Hey, you watch your mouth. That's my sister you're ogling."

Gelgar pulled away and rubbed the back of his head in frustration. "I'm just appreciating what she's got to offer."

"Well, she ain't offering." He glanced at her. "Right?"

Kuchel laughed. "Sorry, Gelgar. I'm much more partial to tea than alcohol..."

Gelgar pursed his lips into a contented line and nodded a tiny nod. "I can respect that. To each, their own." And he pulled his liquor flask out of his pocket, toasted her, and took a swig. She tipped her own head towards him in acknowledgment.

Nanaba chuckled to herself and elbowed Miche in the ribs. "Well, what do you know: Gelgar is able to be civil when he wants to be."

Miche nodded. "He was an excellent soldier back in the day…."

Eld scratched his head, still processing what had transpired. "Yeah, I was honestly expecting him to hit on her, too…."

Gelgar glared at him. "What was that, Eld?"

Eld cleared his throat pointedly. "Nothing…."

Gelgar pivoted around to announce to the group at large, "I'll have you all know that I have nothing but respect for single mothers."

Kenny scoffed, "You'd better, kid."

Kuchel was laughing quite hard to herself now, stifling her laughter behind her cupped hand.

"I'll take it as a compliment. See you around…" she trailed off in a suggestive, yet elegant way. And she drifted off to go find what her son was up to, with Kenny trailing dutifully behind her, shaking his head.

Eld turned to Gelgar again, giving him a stern look.

"Is she going to be a problem for you, Gelgar?"

Gelgar shook his head and waved his hand for emphasis. "Nah, I know a lady when I see one. Heh. A dame like that is too good for anyone, in the end…."

"Good," Erwin said. He held a small tea saucer in one hand and a teacup with black tea in the other, as did Nifa next to him.

Eld, Gelgar, Nanaba, and Miche all turned to Erwin in mild surprise that he was even still there.

"You are a loiterer, Commander," Nanaba mused.

"Nonsense," Erwin retorted as he sipped from his teacup. "A Commander simply must keep abreast of the happenings between their subordinates…. Especially between soldiers and one of their comrade's mothers…."

And Erwin wandered off to ponder things alone while sipping his tea, as he not infrequently did in life as well. Nifa watched him walk away, shrugged, and finished off the dregs of her own tea.

"Huh," Miche said. He took a couple of sniffs in Erwin's direction. "Maybe we do have a problem…."

Once Zeke had entered his tent to retire for the night, Levi went to one of the wagons and returned shortly, carrying two rolled-up blankets and two woven reed mats on his shoulder. He laid out the two sleeping mats next to each other, off to one side of the entrance to Zeke's tent, and unfurled the blankets out on top of them.

"We should sleep with our heads pointed away from the tent, so we can see him when he comes out," he explained.

Petra sighed. "You're sacrificing the privacy of all three of us, just so you can keep an eye on him whenever he leaves his tent?" She indicated the Scouts on night duty, actively watching from above in the trees with lamps hanging from the branches they stood or sat upon. "Why don't we let them do their jobs, since they're the ones on duty, and we can move our beds somewhere less… visible?"

He stared flatly at her. "If you're implying what I think you are… I just think it'd be better not to put ourselves in that position…."

She shook her head in exasperation. "No, that's not what I meant. I meant actually getting a good night's sleep, instead of trying to sleep with one eye open, staring at a tent flap."

"I'm not about to let my guard down on the first night," he insisted.

Petra sighed and decided to let it go, since he was so dead set on inconveniencing himself to satisfy his paranoia. She wiggled her body to settle onto her bedding and sighed happily when she managed to position herself exactly right. And Levi could not help but smile a tiny smile to himself at how even the little things—the momentary pleasures in life—were enough for her.

Petra awoke, standing in the campsite clearing in the Forest of Giant Trees before the smoldering embers of the dying fire. She found herself wholly unprepared for the great outdoors, wearing only her old, brown, knee-high boots from before and the skimpy, fitted nightgown that Levi had bought her, and definitely no ODM gear or blades. This could not be the reality in the living world: this had to be the realm of dreams.

I don't suppose that cardigan is around here anywhere, is it...? Or my uniform, for heaven's sake? She looked all around her and found herself thoroughly stuck with just the clothes on her back, little though they were.

And where was he, then? The one who had put her in this situation, in this embarrassingly revealing outfit, only to not even show up to see her wearing it? She wished it were just the two of them, alone in his bed again (given that she was already dressed for bed, anyway), but alas, she was on duty, despite her inner desire to return to the night before...

In the dimness of night, the trees around her loomed large, tall, and imposing, dwarfing the stars in the sky above. She did not know how she got there, just that she was there. Their branches protruded thickly from their trunks. And then, the roots lifted themselves up and stood the trees up like feet, and the trees themselves morphed into giant creatures with grotesque faces and clawing, grasping hands—Titans all around her, reaching down towards her to consume her…. She opened her mouth to scream, but only a stifled gasp escaped her lips. She suddenly realized that she didn't know where it was—the thing she subconsciously knew she needed to protect. She didn't know what to look for, but she knew that she would know it when she saw it….

A young, blonde girl with a headband and a ragged dress peeked her head out from behind the leg of a tree. The girl ran up to her and grabbed her hand. Petra felt the startling jolt of electricity spark between the touch of their skin: her own warm hand against the girl's cool hand. The trees retracted their claws from her and replanted themselves in the ground, resuming their waking forms as simple trees again.

The Founder Ymir, Petra thought inside her head.

That's right, the girl thought back to her.

Petra gasped again, in surprise this time. You can talk? No… you can think to me?

That's how I always speak, Ymir explained. I can't do it any other way…. And she opened her mouth wide to reveal the scarred, lumpy vestige of a tongue in the back of her throat.

You poor thing, Petra murmured, squeezing her hand back. Who did this to you?

Through their continued touch, Ymir showed her the story of her life in rapid flashes of memories: her tribe overrun by the Eldian marauders, the men and boys slaughtered and the women and girls taken as slaves, their tongues being pulled out and sliced to ensure their silence—to ensure they knew their place….

My husband, the King. He made me bear him daughters…. More children to enslave…, Ymir narrated as she sifted through the years of her life. Her three daughters consuming her butchered body while their father—her husband, the King—looked on with the greed for power shining in his eyes. That fateful day 13 years before, with the moment of compassion she showed for some pigs in a pen that she paid for dearly. She stumbled through the forest with an arrow in her leg and a handful more in her back, with the snarling of dogs drawing close, until she came upon a monstrously huge tree and sought desperate refuge within its hollow. But the ground inside was slippery and insubstantial, and she fell deep, deep down into a hidden, underground lake in a glowing blue cavern, where she hit the surface with an impactful splash and was born anew as she sank into the water, drinking and drowning, slowly suffocating, and feeling innervated with something new, something both living and larger than life….

But why me? Petra asked her now. Why are you showing me all this?

Ymir smiled up at her. You'll remember everything. You're an 'Ackerman' now….

And suddenly, Petra did remember: Levi and Mikasa Ackerman, soaring through the air towards the Female Titan, leaving the wreckage of fresh bodies in their wake as they kept moving forward, towards their target—towards revenge—towards the salvation of their best hope for humanity…. Gunther slashed across the throat, dangling uselessly like an upturned marionette, Eld bitten in half and laying in pieces upon the grass, and Petra feeling her spine snap agonizingly into multiple chunks upon the impact of the Titan's foot, her eyes staring up at the last thing her living eyes would see: the rugged obelisk form of the tree she died upon…. And Eren panicking and lost at being the last one standing, instantly regretting trusting in them when he could have protected them with his own power, screaming out loud at the sacrifices cost by trusting in them—by following her order to do so….

How could you have trusted me when I couldn't even manage to stay alive? she asked herself now. What would it have taken… to save you and myself…?

She looked upon Eren again, feeling that undying, heartfelt wish to have been able to guide him better—to have nurtured him into someone good. His brilliant green eyes stared open in terror at witnessing their deaths for his own wretched sake, and she felt him swear ardently in his heart that he would get his revenge….

But I don't want your revenge, Eren, she thought to herself, as he faded away from view. I just wanted you to survive—and live in a way that honored us. Not by killing more people in cold blood, the way we were killed…. Was there really no other way than to save some by sacrificing others...?

The environment shifted around her, melting away in psychedelic puddles of gray and black liquid shadows to form another place: an expanse of flat grassland with trees interspersed throughout, and the wind whispering as it drifted in the night. A blooming apple tree rose from the nothingness of the ground, releasing a subtly sweet aroma from its falling blossoms. Unripe apples dangled heavily from branches, growing and maturing for the coming harvest time.

A single apple fell at her feet, hitting the grass with a dull thud. She knelt down to pick it up. The grass had cushioned its fall so it did not sustain a visible bruise from impact, but nevertheless, it was green and immature, never to turn a proper shade of red, now that it had fallen from its branch. It must still be in the middle of summer for this apple to not be anywhere near ready, she thought to herself….

She noticed a dark silhouette in the moonlight beyond the apple in her hand, and she glanced up to notice a man's figure in a hooded cloak sitting underneath the tree with his knees drawn up towards his chest. She drew closer, trying to ascertain who it was. If only she still had that lantern, it would be much easier to see….

The man's hood was up, and it was quite hard to see his face; his hands were stuffed securely in his pockets, and the fringe of his bangs peeked out from underneath his hood, obscuring his piercing eyes. She felt her heart thud impactfully in her chest as his gaze penetrated through her. She felt herself being pulled towards him, and then something inside her knew what he wanted: she held out her hands and extended the moonlit apple towards him in offering. A rounded, shining thing that was green in the sunlight was bathed blue and gray in the light of the moon. Her hands began to tremble—Was she timid? Was she scared?—and the man lifted his hands to remove his hood….

Petra woke up gasping and terrified in the throes of a panic attack while still laying on her back on her sleeping mat, breathing rapidly and shallowly. Her eyes were vacant and staring. Levi was already sitting up with his knees raised, and he looked her way immediately when he noticed her stirring. He jostled her leg with his own feet.

"Petra. You're having a nightmare. I'm here; it's Levi."

He leaned over and shook her by the shoulders. Her vision started to focus hazily on his face dimly lit by lamplight, and his shoulders framed by his green cloak. His brow furrowed in concern.

"Take deep breaths," he instructed her. She nodded slowly and closed her eyes, focusing just on inhaling and exhaling.

She sat up, pulled her knees to her chest, and buried her face in her knees. "I wish we didn't have to be here," she whispered, almost sobbing, feeling queasy at the memories of the nightmare—and of the nightmare of the memories.

She continued, "I'm sick to death of trees already." But she paused when she heard the words coming out of her mouth. "Wait—no—ugh, you know what I mean," she backtracked sheepishly.

"I know," Levi said. He rubbed her on the back with one hand and hung his head. "Me, too."

After a few moments, he pulled his hand away and started to get up.

"You want some herbal tea or something? I'll go boil some more water."

"That sounds great," she murmured.

As he walked away, she took a shaky breath as she watched him retrieving kindling from a pile at the base of a tree to revive the smoldering embers of the fire. The flames surged upward, leaping and pitching sparks as he prodded it awake with a stick. She closed her eyes tightly, focusing on the glow of the light through her eyelids. She wanted to wash away the things she had seen and felt in her dream. No, Levi was right: it counted as a nightmare….

But Ymir said I would remember; that Ackermans 'remember' things…. But remember what?

She shook her head in resignation and laid back down to clear her mind.

Maybe in the morning, I'll write it down… if I still happen to remember….

Before long, Levi was prodding her again.

"Tea's ready," he told her quietly, and he held out her mug already filled with the fresh brew.

She accepted it with a murmured "Thank you" and took her first sip, tentatively to make sure she would not burn herself with the heat. It was a calming, delicate blend of lavender, chamomile, and lemon balm tea, just strong enough to coax the anxiety out of her.

"You've learned so much from me," she complimented him smugly. "You picked the right herbs—in the dark!"

"Be proud. I learned from the master." He smirked before taking a sip from his own mug. "The labels on the canisters are harder to read in the lamplight."

"Until you met me, all the tea you ever drank came out of a can."

He glowered at her in mock offense. "Not everyone gets to be a farmer's daughter. Nothing grows Underground."

And they both found themselves chuckling between sips.

"Look at us," Levi said, "drinking tea out of goddamn mugs like a pair of fucking heathens."

"So then, shitting in a hole in the ground is all well and good, but the last straw for you is having to drink your tea out of a mug?" she giggled.

"You're damn right. This goes against the natural order of things. Tea. Teacups. That's how it should be."

They suddenly looked up as they sensed someone approaching. Alessandro stood squarely before them with his hands on his hips.

"Could you two please just go have sex already? The tension between you is super distracting."

Levi huffed a loud, drawn-out sigh. "Sandro, I don't know why I put you on night shift…."

Alessandro shrugged. "'Cause I'm a night owl. So, thank you, Captain, for your consideration."

"Well, I'm considering reconsidering."

Petra laughed quietly into her cupped hand over her mouth.

"I hardly think it's time for that right now, Alessandro. But we'll let you know!"

Levi turned to her.

"What?"

Alessandro slinked away into the dark, chuckling as he walked.

Petra sighed to herself, too.

"Gee, who knows what could happen? Tomorrow's a brand-new day... A good night's sleep sounds nice for a change..."

They turned to look at each other now.

Levi gave her a small smile. "It does." He snaked his arm around her shoulders, hugged her tightly to him, and kept holding on to her, stretching the seconds longer. "Don't think," he said to her as much as to himself. "Just 'be'. Okay?"

And she nodded slowly in agreement as she recalled the lesson she had brought back from the Paths to them both, and she smiled faintly at Levi having taken it to heart.

Just be present in the moment, right here and now—together.

Petra handed her empty mug to Levi and reclined slowly back onto her bedding, lying face up with her hands cupped over each other, and in turn over her lower abdomen. She sighed peacefully now and closed her eyes.

"Thank you again for the tea," she mumbled. "You've never—made a bad batch in your life, have you?"

He scoffed quietly to himself. "I'd never serve you a bad batch, anyway…."

And she smiled a tiny smile to herself as her breathing grew slower and she drifted off to sleep again.

Levi's gaze lingered first on her contented face framed by her golden orange hair shining in the lamplight, then on her hands, cupped in a layered dome over her lower belly, and at the tiny baby they had been imagining, also sleeping underneath those hands. If she really was pregnant—and in all honesty, she probably was—it was probably no larger than a dust mote hiding in a forgotten corner of a room, clinging to a carpet with tiny, fragile strands: easily disregarded if one was not looking for it, but nevertheless there, slowly gathering in size with the passing of the days. He finally willed himself to get up, briskly rinsing out the mugs with the lukewarm tea in the bottom of the kettle and turning them upside down on a towel-covered crate to dry. Then he took his seat next to her again, hugging his knees to his chest to prop himself upright, and his hand slowly migrated to her elbow as he contemplated whether to hold her hand as she slept…. But he let her be, and he pulled his hand back in and rested his head on his knees.

If she really is pregnant, then she needs all the sleep she can get, he told himself. It would be inconsiderate to do anything that might stir her awake unnecessarily….

He closed his eyes and tried to let himself drift off to sleep as well, and although it felt blessedly good to rest his eyes by closing them, his thoughts and emotions were still in a jumble inside him, making it hard to settle his mind. He thought again of Petra in his mind's eye, looking so content to simply be falling asleep next to him, and he smiled a tiny, secret smile to himself. She made him feel special by loving him, with all his flaws and his brittle personality, because she saw his intentions behind his words, and because she knew the caring behind his every action. At least, that was his hope—that she knew all this, that he did care about people, and that it was just difficult for him to figure out how to let them in sometimes….

The tent flaps rustled gently as a hand pushed them aside from within. Levi snapped his head up and found himself face to face with Zeke, who raised his hands in the air as he stepped out.

"I'm just going to take a piss, Captain," he claimed. "No need to glare at me like that."

Levi grunted in begrudging agreement and turned his head to watch Zeke as the latter stumped off into the trees.

"Good thing I'm not out there having to stare at his leaking dick," he found himself saying out loud with a scowl of disgust. "Heh. Maybe that's what Alessandro's for…."

Petra cleared her throat audibly; Levi peeked at her out of the corner of his eye, internally taken aback at how quietly she had reawakened.

"Just don't let him hear you say that." She sighed and laid back down.

"Don't let who hear me?"

"Either of them."

"Tch. Fine." And he laid down on his back as well, closing his eyes and praying to himself that he would manage to clear his mind enough to fall asleep, even just a little.

Petra came around to find herself still laying on her sleeping mat and bedding on the ground in front of Zeke's tent, with Levi laying to her right with his eyes closed under the curtain of his bangs. She was thankfully fully clothed in her full uniform and cloak this time, as was he. It was still deep into the night, with the stars winking down at her from the clear, blue-black sky, and the lamps softly illuminating the clearing with warm light. She sat up and whispered, "Levi?" but he did not give any indication that he heard her….

"Trouble sleeping?" a familiar woman's voice asked her.

Petra glanced to her left and saw Nifa pulling up a seat on the grass next to her. Nifa was dressed in a fitted v-neck nightgown suspiciously similar-looking to the one that Levi had given Petra….

"Ugh, thank God you're here, Nifa," she said, putting her face in her cupped hands. "Save me from these shitty dreams I'm having…."

Nifa smiled and hugged her knees to her chest.

"You'll be okay. It's all about your state of mind. Try not to stress about things or worry about vague fears that may or may not happen…." She looked around at the very ordinary surroundings of their dream. "See? When you just relax, nothing crazy has to happen."

"I know…. It's just stressful, being here again, you know?"

Nifa nodded empathetically. "I know. It must be hard. For both of you. But just being in this forest again doesn't necessarily mean that people are going to die here again." But in a moment, she was already chuckling to herself. "You're starting to talk more and more like him. It's funny…."

Petra sighed and rubbed her thumbnail with the thumb of her opposite hand. "Oh. I don't know. I guess it just comes out."

"But you know, it would have been nice if someone could have named their horse after me," she giggled.

Petra sighed. "Sorry about that… I'm sure your time will come." She smiled mysteriously at her friend. "I guess you could say… I have something else in mind for you."

Nifa plopped her legs down into seating cross-legged. "You'd better!"

Petra eyed Nifa's nightgown more closely, and it was indeed the exact same one that Levi had bought her. Nifa grinned with her lips and stared guiltily back at her.

"Do you like my nightgown?" she asked. "You're right: it is the same as yours…."

Petra assumed a wan face and shook her head slowly. "So you put him up to that."

Nifa shrugged. "I might have whispered a little something in his ear. He didn't know who it came from, though!"

Petra reclined back down onto her bedding. "Oh my God…. You're something else."

Nifa giggled a little. "Did he like it, then?"

Petra turned her head to look at her again. "He hardly even looked at it before he was already taking it off…."

"Mission accomplished," Nifa declared proudly.

Petra turned her head upward and covered her face in her hands in embarrassment, but after a moment, she found herself chuckling into her hands despite herself.

"So?" Nifa asked. "When are you going to give him his little present from you? Or should I say, us?"

"Not anytime soon, for sure," Petra murmured. "It's still back in his barracks…."

"I dunno," Nifa sang. "You know, when you're dreaming, anything goes…." And she tipped her head in Levi's direction.

Petra sat up and turned to him. "I don't think he can hear us…. He usually bolts right up when I say his name."

Nifa shook her head regretfully. "Poor guy just can't sleep," she sighed. "He's laying there with his eyes closed, but he's still awake." And she turned to Petra now and poked her in the shoulder. "But, you know… I bet if you spent some 'quality time' with him, he'd pass riiiight out!"

"Nifa! Oh my God!"

But Nifa was already crawling away from her into the darkness, giggling effusively. "Hasn't he spent enough sleepless nights over you? You really should help him out…."

And Petra shook her head, smiling her exasperation away. Alone again with Levi, she reached out her hand slowly and took his hand in hers, rubbing her thumb on the back of his hand as she sighed, thinking about him. She blinked and did a double-take when he slowly moved his own thumb against her own hand. Smiling again, she laid back down and closed her eyes, letting her mind clear of thoughts as their fingers intertwined.

Chapter 9: Memories

Summary:

Nino struggles to make sense of a traumatic event. Levi learns more about his Ackerman heritage through the Paths. Thanks to Zeke, another meal at camp does not go as planned, but Levi gamely competes for Petra's attention. After breakfast, Petra hangs out with some other Scouts, who are thirsty for gossip.

Notes:

I know I promised Character Bios, but they're coming in the next chapter. I wanted one more chapter to provide more backstory on the original characters in an organic way before handing Character Bios over on a platter.

Everyone's still pretty shy about commenting. It's cool: I guess it means I'm pleasing the crowd, so I'll carry on! As always, please enjoy, and thank you for reading. Special thanks to my beta reader, Puff, for the stamp of approval!

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Soundtrack Recommendations:

"Luna (MTV Unplugged)" – Zoé

"First Love (Jazz Version)" – Hikaru Utada

DAY 1 CONTINUED

"Everyone, this is Petra Ral," Captain Levi began, introducing the strawberry blonde woman standing next to him. "She used to be a member of my Special Operations Squad four years ago, but she took some time off. She's just come back on active duty, and she'll be joining us on our mission."

Nino stared at her in quiet unease for a moment longer than was normal, then internally chastised himself and looked down at the grass in front of his feet.

There's something about her…. A female soldier four years ago…?

A hazy memory floated up from his subconscious mind, but he willed it away, and it faded away from his mind's eye.

Keep busy. That's it. Don't think; just do….

A couple of other, more extroverted Scouts flitted in towards her for individual greetings, then wandered off to keep busy with their original tasks. In particular, Alessandro could not resist an opportunity to stick his nose in this new woman's business. Nino sighed and shook his head. He told himself that it would be better to keep his distance from her for now….

Nino and Ernest hurried through the darkening twilight in the direction their headlamps shone. Each of them suspended one handle of the cauldron between them; the deer organs inside sloshed and smacked quietly with their movement.

"Easy, Pia," Ernest called out as he passed his horse tethered to a tree. Pia whinnied quietly in response and lifted her head to watch her owner go by.

"You guys okay?" someone called out from up in the trees.

"Yeah; we're just dumping some guts from a deer we're having for dinner," Nino called back towards them.

"Oh, cool," the Scout responded. "Save us a bowl, willya?"

"We will," Ernest said, then turned again to continue their task.

The two of them emerged from the trees, and in a few heartbeats, they had reached the riverbank.

"Ready?" Ernest asked him. Nino nodded silently, and they both waded in the water, getting submerged up to their waists.

"Here, I got it—" Ernest said, and he took the cauldron and balanced it on top of his head with the aid of his hands. Nino took the lead, feeling around with his feet for the best path through the water, and Ernest followed dutifully in his footsteps until they resurfaced on the opposite bank.

They both shared the burden of their cargo again, walking briskly in tandem until they were far enough away from the river that they could barely hear the water rushing behind them.

"Stop," Nino said, and they overturned the cauldron's contents onto the grass. A series of wet plops and bloody dripping, and the gut pile lay in a slumping heap: their offering back to the wilderness.

"Let's rinse this thing out on the way back," Ernest proposed, to which Nino nodded again.

They rinsed the cauldron and made their way out of the river again. No sooner did they set foot on dry land than they heard a low growl over the murmuring water. They turned back to see what it was: a pair of golden yellow eyes pierced into theirs over the watery divide between them. A wolf with a coat of sleek, reddish brown summer fur. It barked gruffly at them as if to shoo them away, then raised its furry head to howl. A second and third wolf emerged from the darkness, their eyes also gleaming in the reflected light of the Iceburst Stone headlamps trained in their direction. Nino turned away and continued to walk alongside Ernest, feeling himself go numb inside at the sounds of snarling and wet ripping of flesh over the sounds of the river….

"Here you go," Petra said with a warm smile, handing Nino's mess kit container back to him with a full helping of venison stew inside the flat-bottomed bowl with raised walls. "Nino, right?"

He stared at her openly, thinking he was going crazy by seeing the wolf in her reddish-orange hair and amber eyes. Her appearance before him forcibly recalled something he had found while doing his duty once, making his way with his horse and cart over a grassy plain not far from this very forest. His horse whinnied and scuffed the ground with her hooves, coming to a full stop of her own accord. Among the various human remains strewn over the grass, he found a scrap of a dried human scalp with hair still attached, and with a gloved hand, he reached out and picked it up. Strawberry blonde: a hair color so rare that he had only seen it in illustrations until that day. Just a few meters away was the key to the puzzle: a human skull, stripped bare of skin, meat, and even its lower jaw—other than more of that distinctly-colored hair ablaze in the morning light….

"Snap out of it," Ernest admonished him from behind, slapping him on the upper arm. "You're staring like a crazy person."

"Oh. Sorry. Petra."

Petra nodded encouragingly at him and reached out to Ernest for his container. Nino cleared his throat uncomfortably and took a seat on a crate near the fire. Ernest soon sat down next to him, and they quietly ate their dinner while letting the heat from the orange flames dry their clothes. He could not help but gaze into the flames now, letting their intertwining, warm colors fill his vision.

I must be crazy, huh? There's no way she could have anything to do with that….

He felt someone's eyes on him and glanced up to see who it was: none other than Captain Levi, standing across the fire from him.

Just leave me alone, Captain, he prayed silently. Ernest started to take his boots off to get his socks dry, and Nino vaguely thought to himself to do the same….

Levi pursed his lips and turned his attention to Petra. He stepped up to her and held his hand out for the ladle.

"I'll take over for you. You should eat," he told her.

She sighed and obliged, handing him the ladle and stepping aside for him. She went to get her mess kit and came back in a couple of seconds, and he fished out as many chunks of meat as he could in one scoopful before pouring it into her container. He went back in to get a couple of floating pieces of liver and heart and added those to the top.

"Hey, this is a lot—" she began to protest in a hushed whisper, but he gave a tiny shake of his head.

"Eat."

And she sighed and nodded, dipping her head to examine the food in her hands more closely. Dense in nutrients for a certain, tiny someone with lots of growing to do….

"Thank you, Captain..."

He looked at her for just a moment longer, then turned to accept the empty container from the next person who had come up to the cauldron.

"Don't mention it."

As Levi slowly drifted off to sleep, he felt a warm, comforting heat around his hand. He moved his thumb to feel what it was: a small hand intertwined with his. He smiled ever so slightly to himself as he thought that he could guess whose hand it was….

When he opened his eyes, he was laying on his back in the black void of the dream state, clad in the same Scout uniform he had fallen asleep in. He sat up and got to his feet in time to see someone before him that he never thought he'd see again….

"So, Levi," Kenny drawled. He was dressed smartly in his gray trench coat and hat from his younger days of killing sprees, but he appeared as old as he was when he died. Their environment shifted into a room with wooden walls and one square, glass window on each wall. Kenny took a seat at the rectangular dining table behind him, leaned back, and propped his legs up on the tabletop while crossing his arms. On the table was a single, ripe red apple. Both Kenny and Levi glanced at it momentarily, noticing it there, then looked back at each other.

"You gave the serum to your girl," Kenny continued. "You know what that means…."

"Kenny." Levi set his mouth in a tight line. He suddenly felt the weight of the serum kit in his cloak pocket, and his hunting knife sheathed at his right hip. The fingers of his right hand twitched, as if to assure himself that he was ready to deal with Kenny once again.

"Of course you'd be here, too," Levi growled. He strode up to stand right next to Kenny, towering down over him as he remained seated. "What do you think it means?"

"Wow, you're the one looking down at me?" Kenny mused. "Did my little midget just get taller, or am I just sitting down?"

Levi gave him a withering glare from his superior position.

Kenny shrugged. "It means that we're all Ackermans now. Now that you knocked her up good, that is."

Levi continued glaring at him, his eyes narrowing further. "If you came here to be a judging asshole, then you can turn right back around."

"Chill out!" He started to laugh and his chair creaked as he continued, "I'm really just stating the obvious."

And he reached up with his long arm and gave Levi an approving slap on the side of the shoulder.

"You couldn't even keep it in your pants for 24 hours. No wonder you're finally asleep. You can't cum that many times and not have it catch up to you eventually."

"I'm perfectly willing to kill you all over again if that's what'll shut you up."

"Hey, hey, easy now. I'm just here to say that I'm proud of you—for making me proud."

Levi raised an eyebrow at this.

"What…?"

Kenny crossed his arms. "Heh. I'm the last person you'd think would have useful life advice for anyone, but you actually did listen to mine, in the end. You can be someone's father…. And now you are."

Kuchel drifted over to Kenny's side, crossing her own arms sternly at him.

"Kenny, am I hearing you saying what I think you are?"

"Kuchel!" Kenny exclaimed. "Take a seat. Our boy here is finally paying us a proper visit."

She sighed, smoothed the side of her hair with one hand, and begrudgingly sat across the table from Kenny.

"Mother?" Levi asked her. Even though he had seen her in his dreams just the night before, seeing her again still both comforted and unsettled him. Seeing her through his adult eyes felt like seeing her for the first time. And good thing, too, because he would give anything to blur out the image of her dead, rotting face from his mind and replace it with a better image of how she looked in life. If only they had had cameras back then to capture that face, so he wouldn't have just the lens of his traumatized childhood eyes to remember her with….

Interestingly, also, there was a bolo tie with a purple cord and a golden teardrop fastener around her neck. He raised an eyebrow when he saw it, but he decided not to mention it just yet.

"Who would've thought that dying would be the best thing to get your head on straight, Kenny," she said to his shoes obnoxiously pointed at her face. "If only you were this fatherly when you were actually raising him."

Levi snorted. "Then I guess killing you was doing you a favor," he told Kenny. "You're welcome."

Kenny laughed again. "I guess that's how it turned out." He scratched behind one ear. "You know, your mother here has high hopes for you and that girl. Don't go lettin' them down, ya hear me?"

Levi started to recall something he had been meaning to say: "Petra said that she ran into you two up there..."

Kenny nodded. "Heh, that's right. She's a feisty one. No wonder you fell so hard. You know what they say about gingers..."

Kuchel swatted him on the arm. "Stop, Kenny. I think he already knows."

"Know what?"

And Kuchel could not help but giggle. "Redheads love sex! Or so they say."

Levi pursed his lips in an attempt to conceal his embarrassment. "Technically, it's her mother that's the redhead, and she's just half..."

"Nah nah nah," Kenny insisted, "it's not just a blood thing; it's an attitude. Like how you're such a little shit. Makin' me proud, taking after me…."

A wiry, elderly man with shoulder-length, wavy blond hair, beard, and mustache, and dressed in a cream-colored tunic and loose-fitting dark pants and house slippers cleared his throat loudly from the corner of the room behind Kenny.

"Kenny, you little shit, I'm relieved to say that you didn't take after me," he said grumpily. "Potty mouth notwithstanding, I sure as hell never taught you to kill people for fun." His brisk walk belied his outwardly frail appearance, and he was soon kicking out a chair from under the table and taking a seat next to Kuchel.

"Grandpa," Kenny chuckled. "Perfect timing, old man." He reached out for the apple on the table and started to toss it in the air for his own amusement.

Grandfather swiped it out of the air and glared at him.

"Food ain't for playing with. Settle down," he growled, and he opened his jaws wide and took a bite. The flesh crunched audibly, and the juices ran down into the corner of his beard.

Kuchel shook her head and sighed at the men in her family she was continually putting up with.

"Kuchel," their grandfather began, swallowing his bite of apple, "I want you to remember that this little shit here—" he pointed squarely at Kenny from across the table with the apple still in his hand, "—wanted you to 'get rid of' that kid of yours right there." And he pointed at Levi upon reaching the end of his sentence.

"Yes," she muttered, sending him a deadpan glare. "He said so himself."

Grandfather continued, "And now Levi here, you're the last one we even have to carry on the family name." He turned to Kuchel again. "So you did good, not listening to your brother. Hell, I can't even think of a time when you should have listened to him…."

Levi's eyes glinted with inquisitiveness now to soften his own grumpiness. "So you're… my… great-grandfather, then?"

"That's right, son. After all the Ackermans the King had killed, you're the last stubborn asshole we have left."

"And Mikasa? Isn't she an Ackerman, too?"

Grandfather cleared his throat. "Technically, yes, but her family's over yonder somewhere." He glanced over his shoulder and out the window, then turned his head back towards Levi.

"They left the city a while ago. Turned tail when things got ugly. Can't say I blame them, and it's for the best they got out when they could. But it left the rest of us even more alone…."

Levi nodded slowly. "I see…."

And Grandfather started to chuckle, crossing his arms over his chest. "We've never had a ginger in the family before. I wonder how that kid's gonna turn out…."

"Ever the foregone conclusion, her being pregnant, huh," Levi muttered blandly.

"No shit!" Grandfather cackled. But in a moment, his eyes narrowed more seriously at Levi now, much like how Levi did to others all the time.

"Heed my warning now, though, Levi: we Ackermans have had enough of betrayals. Especially by those Blood Royals. You watch your back. And your girlfriend's, too."

Levi sighed heavily, bidding them goodbye for the time being with a curt nod. His mother, uncle, and great-grandfather nodded solemnly back at him, and Grandfather busied himself with another bite of his shiny, crimson apple.

I guess it's reassuring to know that I'm not the only one getting paranoid here. But I didn't get to ask her about that weird bolo tie, he thought. I wonder what that's about….

The little girl—the Founder Ymir—ran up to him from behind to stand alongside him, looking up at him hopefully. She reached out a tentative hand for his own hand, and he took her hand in his. Sparks jumped between their skin at the moment of their touch.

You're an Ackerman. She spoke without moving her lips, sending her words directly into his head.

Levi nodded.

That's right. But just call me 'Levi'.

Do you remember me? You saw me before…. You talked to me….

At this, Levi remembered what happened in the cemetery. He missed Petra and was looking for one last sign that it was time to move on. And with this one last wish, he unwittingly invoked her in physical, living human form. When he saw her in the Paths, he made her real—alive.

Levi nodded slowly.

I remember… but I still don't understand why.

Ymir turned to gaze ahead of them, still holding his hand. You asked me for three things: Answers. Meaning. And indisputable truth.

That's right….

Then you tell me what you meant.

He sighed to himself, closing his eyes to aid in recall.

I wanted… an answer to 'What if?'

She nodded, encouraging him to continue.

I wanted something—or someone—to give meaning to my life….

Ymir nodded. And the 'indisputable truth'?

Levi squeezed her hand a little more tightly; she looked up at him, and he down at her.

That was just a hope… just a dream…. That she loved me back—that we could love each other. I wanted to believe that she was still out there somewhere… not just a memory. Or a delusion in my own head.

Ymir smiled up at him. Petra was all these things for you. And even after all those years, no one else would do. So, I brought her back to you.

Levi nodded at her this time. I never did get to thank you, then… so thank you.

Ymir turned back to look ahead.

I do not deserve your thanks. You were far from the only reason… she trailed off mysteriously, leaving him raising an eyebrow in curiosity. But there had been a finality to her words: she was done with speaking on this topic.

Levi started to speak anew: There's a weird thing that happened to me that I never figured out. I remember something from a long time ago… I was still living Underground, with Farlan and Isabel… and we were walking up the stairs to go home, and I saw my squad. Eld, Gunther, Oruo… and Petra.

Ymir nodded knowingly. She conjured up the very scene he had been recalling: Levi trailing behind Farlan and Isabel ascending the stairs, staring confused at his vision from the future—although he could not recognize it for what it was back then.

He continued, I hadn't even met them yet, but they were there, in their Scout uniforms… holding scrolls of paper, talking about something….

You have a heightened link to this dimension, Ymir said. Past, present, and future; the World of Dreams, the World of the Dead, the World of the Paths. They are all connected. The Paths are but a waking dream. Through dreams, the dead may speak to the living. And through the Paths, the living, the dead, the Titans, and the rest of my subjects—they can all reunite.

She then showed him what she had seen as the first inhabitant of the Paths: her butchered body laying on a table while the King urged their three daughters to eat every last scrap of her, so that her power would live on in them. Men feared her power in life, but coveted it for themselves once they controlled her in death….

All my subjects have a Titan inside them; I was the first. And through consuming each other's bodies, we shared this power. When you are born, you come from the Paths, and here you return at the end of your life. But Ackermans were made by humans to access the Titan within them, without needing to transform.

Levi's eyes narrowed in dawning realization. But how? And why? Why did they make us like this?

Ymir sighed, opening her mouth to release a puff of air. It hung as a visible whisp of ethereal whiteness in the dark, then dissolved into nothingness.

Karl Fritz—the First King of the Walls—invoked the power of the Founding Titan to build the perfect clan of bodyguards: unsurpassable strength, speed, judgment, and loyalty, inherited down through the generations. In other words, slaves.

Levi nodded his head slightly. I see…. We were bred to be slaves. Like how I ended up a soldier? Or how my mother ended up a prostitute? Following orders? Fulfilling other people's desires?

Ymir shook her head. It didn't quite work; a part of me did not want it to work. They became rebellious. They could not be controlled; their memory would not be erased. Much like how you are. And the same with Mikasa.

Levi let go of her hand so he could cross his arms to help himself think.

Did I fail to do what I was supposed to do, then? Was I… supposed to be the father of Historia's child?

You are still bringing more guilt upon yourself. Were you supposed to fulfill the request of a Blood Royal? Not at all. Many Ackermans died so you could live. None of you are slaves anymore. You are free to live as you see fit….

Levi scoffed. My ancestors were butchered so Mikasa and I could be free?

Yes. Just like your comrades in your military who died for a future they would not live to see.

He turned away from her to stare at his feet.

I know. I remember them all… I remember everything….

Memory makes one wise. The longer I have spent here in the Paths, the more I have learned—about people, and about choices. Every choice is right if it is true to yourself….

Levi nodded, admitting this much. True to myself… true to what I believe in….

Ymir nodded back. And true to what you want.

She smiled up at him anew.

I envy you. You get to be everything I could not be in life: powerful, independent, free….

Aren't you all of those things now, too? Aren't you the master of the Paths?

No. I am still bound by the Royal bloodline. A Royal Founding Titan can still command me as their slave. All my subjects are under their control; I am just the hand that does it, and the sword that kills on their behalf….

But how were you able to resist that to make the Ackermans free from the Founding Titan?

Ymir frowned to herself and scuffed her foot on the invisible ground.

I… do not know.

Then maybe you are freer than you think you are, he insisted to her. You're the one with power now; you don't have to be a slave to anyone anymore.

Ymir paused for a long moment to consider this.

Maybe you are right…. Maybe that's why I chose you….

Ymir raised her hand to draw his attention to a scene he had not been present for: Mikasa in her Cadet uniform and red scarf at fifteen, on her knees and about to die at the hands of a Titan. As she sheathed her blades, she thought to herself:

This world is cruel. And also very beautiful. It was a good life.

Mikasa closed her eyes and surrendered to her crushing loss and impending fate. But Fate had something else in store: Resurrection. Hope. Love…?

I spent so long in the cruelty of the world, and not enough in the beauty, Ymir explained. I hope we can all see more of that beauty…. That we can all be as free as you….

And the Founder Ymir faded from view, leaving Levi alone with his thoughts again.

Beauty… hope… things to live for… people to protect… counting on me… freedom…. Freedom to choose….

DAY 2

Levi stirred awake as the first light of morning hit his face. For his first conscious act, he glanced over at Petra lying next to him: the woman he had chosen. Her eyes were still closed and her breathing was slow. He felt the fingers of her left hand intertwined with those of his right. He didn't remember holding her hand as he fell asleep, but somehow, they had ended up this way by morning. Since she still seemed to be asleep, he sat up without disturbing her; he gently pried her fingers out from between his and laid her hand back next to her sleeping form.

He walked to the clearing, next to the firepit, and the ever-dependable Valis stood up from the crate he was sitting on. How long had he been sitting there, waiting for his Captain to get up? Had he seen them holding hands in their sleep?

"Good morning, Captain. Would you like me to take the first running group?" Valis asked him. "Or…." He glanced over Levi's shoulder at Petra still lying asleep.

Well, he definitely saw us, Levi thought wryly to himself. But at least he's doing me the favor of pretending he didn't.

Levi shook his head. "No, I'll take the first group. I want to be back here in time before Zeke wakes up." He paused. "Hopefully he sleeps in that long, anyway."

Valis nodded curtly and took a seat on one of the crates so he was facing Zeke's tent and watching Petra as well.

"Thanks. Valis."

Levi turned to him to look him in the face for just a moment; Valis nodded in understanding back at him.

"She's been through a lot recently," Levi explained simply. "But I'm confident she'll continue to be helpful." And he walked over through the trees, whistling out to signal to the Scouts in the trees.

"Night duty, let's ruuuun!" he projected out and upward.

Up in one of the trees overlooking the clearing, Lauro nudged Alessandro's foot with his own toe. Alessandro lifted his head from his knees slowly.

"Sorry, dude, but it's running time."

"Shit," Alessandro mumbled. "Making us work out on the very first morning."

"And every morning, so get used to it."

"Yeah, yeah…." He sighed and pushed his hair back from his face. "Just another day in the Survey Corps…. Fucking Bruno laughing his ass off at us in his sleep…."

"Don't mind him," Lauro said. "Just focus on your own objective: stay awake. And alert."

"Duly noted, sir."

Lauro and Alessandro both descended to the ground with the audible whir of their grappling wires unfurling with their body weight. Ernest was already there, heading up the line that was forming.

Alessandro looked over at Lauro standing next to him.

"Do I look like shit right now?" he asked Lauro.

Lauro shrugged. "I don't know. Why?" And he paused. "Do I?"

Alessandro stared at him, contemplating whether to say anything or not.

"Fuck you, man," Lauro concluded at last.

"You'd like that, wouldn't you?" he snorted.

"This—" Lauro pointed at his face, "is the look of a man who does his job well. Good for you for getting your beauty rest…."

"I assure you, I didn't."

"Line up!" Levi snapped at them; they stiffened up immediately at the sound of his voice. "Shut it with the insults. Save your breath for running."

"Yes, sir!" the two of them declared and saluted on instinct despite themselves. Lauro took up the head of the line, and Alessandro fell into place between Lauro and Ernest. Nino stood at full attention behind Ernest, seemingly back to his dutiful self.

"Head north until the entrance and run clockwise around the perimeter until you make a full circle, then return to the firepit," Levi instructed. "Lauro, go!"

Levi counted their bodies as they started to run past him. "One, two, three, four…." When he counted the fifteenth person at the end, he started running behind them as well. The air smelled fresh and the morning light cleared the trees of their ghoulish shadows. It was a new day indeed.

Levi quickly overtook Scout after Scout at the pace he ran most naturally at, and in just a minute or so, he was passing Ernest, who nodded approvingly at him as he passed by, and then Alessandro, still dutiful enough to the routine to push through his exhaustion and chase doggedly after Lauro. Levi nodded once at him to acknowledge his efforts and passed him, catching up to Lauro now, who strode confidently onward with a sideways glance at his Captain. Levi thought to himself that Lauro was the one other person he had seen in recent memory with perpetual dark circles to rival his own. It was strange for Levi to see the physical toll of Lauro's dedication; in truth, it hit a little bit too close to home for him….

"Go ahead, Captain," Lauro told him. "How do you do it…?"

"I just show up and do it," Levi said simply. "Same with all of you."

Lauro shook his head as Levi passed him as well. Despite their captain being a decade older than the oldest among them, he still left them all in the dust with ease. Every new thing he achieved—and with such a casual air of humble unimportance—made his subordinates admire him even more.

Levi headed up the line now, glancing all around him and taking in the scenery while he measured his breathing. The trees spread out before them, reaching skyward with their tops while their branches jutted out at right angles from their massive trunks. In some more minutes, they made it to the entrance to the forest and turned right: the river murmured quietly a short distance away to his left, and he passed tree after tree on his right as he led them all steadfastly towards the sunrise. Levi wondered if Petra was still asleep, and whether she had dreamt about anything else the night before. For him, it helped to keep busy so he wouldn't dwell on the past. He figured that if he could keep her socializing and working on enough tasks during the day, then she wouldn't dwell too much on the past at night, either….

When the night shift group returned with Levi, the day shift running group departed with Valis in the lead. Levi noted that Petra had managed to wake up in time and fall in line right behind Valis, seemingly eager to do everything expected of everyone else as well. The group left a dust trail in their wake, and Levi turned to his running group, prepared to give orders, but he noted that they were all already busying themselves with preparing for breakfast, so he let it go.

In the commotion, Zeke popped his head out from his tent.

"Well well well, good morning, Captain Levi. It seems you're all busy scurrying about," he commented as he emerged.

"This is the Survey Corps," Levi said. "We don't lose our touch." He turned from Zeke and picked up an empty glass jug from the ground, then handed it to another Scout. "Could you please fill this with river water and come back?"

The Scout responded, "Yes, Captain!" and accepted the jug from him.

"Hmm, water for boiling?" Zeke asked as he wandered over to one of the crates pushed up against the base of a tree. "I might have noticed a little something for that…."

"What the hell?" Levi said. He was taken aback when Zeke produced a wine bottle-sized cloth canvas drawstring sack from the crate and set it down on an upturned crate. He opened the drawstring to reveal its contents of brown, aromatic beans with grooves down their middles. They clicked against each other with their tough exteriors as they shifted with the movement of the sack.

"I couldn't help but notice that there was another Marleyan treat included in the supplies," Zeke explained. "The smell alone gave it away."

"It reeks; what the fuck is that?"

"Coffee," Zeke said calmly. "You boil it in water, and you drink it when it turns dark. Kind of like your tea you and Miss Petra seem to be so fond of."

Levi stared at him warily. "We never told you what her name was…."

"Oh, sorry. I couldn't help but overhear a little bit last night. I did have to wake up to take a piss, you know…."

Levi's eyes narrowed as he recalled: The only time I said her name out loud was when I tried to wake her up. That bastard was listening in to our entire conversation…?

Zeke and Levi turned at the same moment when the Scout returned to Levi's side with the glass jug now filled with water. Levi snatched it out of his hands before Zeke could make a move.

"We're boiling this water," Levi stated, "and then we're brewing tea."

"Hey, Captain, what's this?" the Scout asked. He was poking at the coffee beans in the sack and opening it to sniff it.

Zeke eagerly made for the soldier and started to explain, "It's called 'coffee' and you boil it in water. It's much stronger than tea, in fact…."

"Stronger than tea? Cool! Can we try it?"

Levi clenched his teeth in frustration. He was bitterly aware that he could not necessarily order his soldiers not to eat or drink whatever was in the camp. He still could not believe how a crate of an unknown substance to him had managed to make its way onto the wagons in the first place, although even the wine might have escaped his notice if there had not been multiple crates full of bottles, rather than just one drawstring sack within a crate of other foodstuffs….

"Just for today," Levi concluded grumpily.

"Yessss," the soldier whispered gleefully.

And just like that, Levi had lost control of the distribution of another foreign beverage. But no matter how much it rankled him, he had no choice but to put up with it and maintain his dignity some other way.

"Here, Captain," Lauro said to snap him out of his stewing. He held up two dead rabbits, and Nino and Ernest next to him each held three more. "The snares worked great overnight."

"Good. Skin them and roast 'em on spits for breakfast."

"Yes, Captain!" they declared in unison.

While his night duty soldiers made their way back out to the river to prepare the rabbits for the squad, Levi took it upon himself to dig through the food crates himself under the pretense of searching for seasonings. The salt and pepper that had been used the night before in the venison stew were already unpacked on top of an upturned crate, but when he opened the crate right next to it, he found it still mostly full of potatoes. He spotted a curious note wrapped around one notably large potato near the top of the pile. He opened it and it read: "Save this one for me!"

"What the hell," Levi muttered. He crumpled up the paper and lobbed into the embers under the cauldron of water, then instantly regretted it once it went up in flames.

I can think of only one person who would be that desperate to reserve herself a potato—but she's supposed to be dead….

But despite how stupid it made him feel, he reached out for the big potato and pocketed it near the hip area of his cloak for the time being.

I don't know why the hell I'm doing this, Sasha, he thought to her testily. You'd better have a pretty amazing explanation for me later.

And by simply thinking about her, he apparently had managed to summon her spirit before him. Sasha was still dressed in the black Survey Corps uniform she had died in, but thankfully with no more bullet wound in her abdomen. She grinned mischievously and leaned in with her pointer finger over her mouth to hush him preemptively.

"Sasha?" he hissed at her. "What the fuck? I'm wide awake right now."

"Come on, Captain! The way to a woman's heart is through her stomach! You stole the show last night with the deer, but you gotta keep up your lead. Do you want Zeke to steal the show on you now? Or do you want to whip up something tasty of your own to drown out all that 'coffee'?"

He sighed. "Okay, fine. What do you have in mind?" He glanced furtively around to make sure nobody was watching him talking to thin air.

"Here, don't respond to me so you don't look weird, but just do as I say…. Heh, Nicolo loved these when I made them for him…." And she whispered her idea in his ear.

He glanced over at her. "I'm surprised you used to eat that stuff at all. You usually devour anything, even if it's raw…."

"Hey, that's not true. Watch me."

Sasha reached boldly through the fabric of his cloak to take a copy of her potato into the Paths for herself. He flinched at the tickling sensation of her hand diving impudently through his clothing and feeling around his left hip (uncomfortably close to his groin), and he fastidiously readjusted his cloak and pants for good measure when she had pulled her hand back out.

"Keep your hands to yourself, you little brat," he growled in frustration. "I swear to God, if you weren't dead already…."

She giggled sheepishly and squatted in front of the fire and thrust the potato directly over the embers with her bare hand. "It's a Paradisian recipe; don't worry. Heck, you've probably had it before in taverns and such…."

"I know. You're a simple girl, even when you cook…." He reached into his cloak pocket and pulled out the real-life potato, setting it down on top of the nearest upturned crate.

"I'm practical about my food. Kind of like you, actually, Captain," she mused. "Ooh, hot hot hot," she panted, pulling her potato out of the fire at last. She opened her mouth, took a nibble out of the top, and gulped it down audibly. "Ahhhh, nothing quite like a steaming hot potato…." The steam wafted out of her mouth as she spoke.

He nodded absentmindedly as he went through more crates to hunt for an onion and a bottle of cooking oil. Thankfully, he did not find any further Marleyan surprises. He added the salt and pepper shakers, lined everything up on top of an upturned crate, and took out a cutting board, a frying pan, a kitchen knife, and a metal spatula with a wooden handle.

By the time the day shift had returned from their run, the cauldron of coffee had cooled enough to drink, the skinned and seasoned rabbits were cooking on their spits, and Levi had managed to stick his and Sasha's frying pan potato concoction over the flames for long enough to cook a small stack of them. Petra made a beeline for Levi and leaned in to see what he was up to.

"Ooh, aren't these hash browns?" Petra asked, pointing at the stack of them balanced on his open mess kit.

"Yes," Levi replied. He scooped the last one from his still-sizzling frying pan, picked up her mess kit container, and deposited the piping-hot hash brown onto it. "Do you need water or anything? You were just running for a bit there…."

She shook her head, then smiled eagerly. "It smells really good… the onions are a nice touch." She paused to consider something. "You know, this is actually perfect timing. I did actually get this weird craving for salty potatoes while I was running…."

"Oh really?" he smirked. "Then, I guess I just had a feeling…."

And she grinned appreciatively at him and dug in with her stubby aluminum fork for her first bite.

Zeke audibly slurped his fresh mugful of coffee. "Ahh, the universal breakfast. Potatoes and coffee," he mused aloud. "And rabbit, I suppose."

"We excel at the simple things here," Levi claimed. "We don't need fancy wine or seafood to get the job done."

Petra nodded while she panted with her mouth open, fanning herself to relieve some of the steam from the potato in her mouth.

"This is really good, Captain," she effused. "Great idea!" And she gulped down her mouthful and shoved another one in.

He smirked to himself and scooped up another patty to give to Valis right behind her. Bruno sidled up to Zeke and stuck his mug out for some coffee.

"This isn't like wine, which dulls the senses," Zeke explained to Bruno as he filled his mug. "Coffee will actually help you focus more." And Zeke reached his hand out to Petra to ask for her own mug to fill.

Petra looked down at her mug in her hand, and at her almost-finished hash brown patty balanced in her mess kit in her other hand. "Hmm. Well, when you put it that way... I guess I could try it just once..."

Levi glared at her in fervent disapproval, but she sighed, looked away from him, and accepted a sizeable helping of coffee into her empty mug. She scooped the last piece of hash brown into her mouth and chewed as she swilled the brown, aromatic liquid and let its vapors waft up into her nostrils.

"Mm, it does smell good... but... I don't know…." She stared at the shimmering surface of the coffee, now indecisive on whether to drink it after all. She looked back up at Levi, who shook his head in an emphatic "No."

"Drink the coffeeee," Gelgar whispered in her ear. "You only live once!"

Petra gave him a brief glance aside, unsure of what to make of a surprise visit from someone so completely unexpected for her.

"No, don't drink it," Gunther insisted, shoving Gelgar aside with one hand. "Listen to the Captain. You don't even know what that stuff is."

"I agree!" Sasha piped up. "You told the Captain you wouldn't let your guard down."

"She can make her own decision," Eld sighed. "Other people are drinking it just fine." Eld shoved Gunther and Sasha over with his own body weight to stand squarely in front of Petra. "Although I do agree that this Zeke is still shady in my book…."

Oruo cleared his throat and shoved Eld aside. "Look, Petra, I don't really care what you do. But the coffee is getting cold. A proper wife should be more decisive than that!"

As Petra's gaze flitted and refocused from person to person, she got visibly more flustered. Alessandro noted Levi's insistent head-shaking and Petra's awkward standing and staring around her, and he stepped in, suddenly butting in through Oruo's insubstantial spirit body and grabbing Petra's mug out of her idle hand.

"Okay, missy, you're going to let it get cold, just standing there like an idiot. My turn to drink something cool!" Alessandro crowed triumphantly. He raised the mug to his lips and started to chug audibly. He murmured, "Mmm," and smacked his lips greedily between gulps.

Zeke blurted out to him, "I should warn you that this stuff keeps you from feeling sleepy. So, if you're just coming off night shift and wanted some shut-eye..."

Alessandro lowered his mug from his lips slowly and looked timidly into the bottom. Henrietta peered over his shoulder to see how much he drank. Zeke shook his head sadly at him.

"It's all gone already?" she noted. "Gee..." And she scooped a large piece of hash brown into her mouth.

He turned his back to her in frustration at himself.

"God dammit."

Petra sighed in exasperation and extended her hand towards him. "Now, before you forget… that's still my mug you're holding."

He begrudgingly shoved the empty mug back into her hand. "So much for bailing you out."

Petra said, "Now I'm gonna go and wash this." And she turned to go to the river and do just that.

Henrietta called out after her, "You'd better do it twice!"

Levi stared at Petra leaving, secretly relieved that she was excusing herself from the conversation. He turned to engage Zeke in a staring match again, and Zeke was more than ready to play.

"Coffee is powerful stuff," Zeke explained to him. "It was pretty handy that day you Survey Corps soldiers came to play with me…."

Levi's brow furrowed angrily.

"But of course, that was in the past," Zeke said. "Pardon me for… reopening old wounds."

"You can keep your poison to yourself," Levi snapped. "Stop feeding her shit she doesn't want." He paused. "And start showing some respect for the dead. Considering you're the one who killed them…."

Zeke scoffed. "What's wrong with tasting a little bit of something new for a change? Not a drop of wine; not a sip of coffee…. You wouldn't happen to be concerned about anything with her health, would you?"

He sipped the last dregs of his coffee while he eyed Levi carefully.

"After all, if none of you ever lose your touch… isn't she a strong, capable soldier like the rest of you?"

Levi's eyes narrowed even more severely.

"Shut it."

And he chuckled. "Yes, Captain." He leaned back on his crate. "And I wouldn't say she 'doesn't want' to try new things. Because the way I saw it, she was curious, but you got controlling."

Levi got to his feet in a flash, boring into him with his gaze, but internally he knew that he was being baited into losing his cool. So instead of reacting, he took a long moment to settle the rush of angry defensiveness, and he crossed his arms resolutely across his chest to keep himself from doing anything else with his body that he would end up regretting.

"You know, it's most interesting how tight of a leash you're keeping her on," Zeke continued. "Perhaps that explains why Eren never mentioned her…. Even your own squad doesn't know who you've kept locked away from the world…."

Levi continued his silent streak, staring angrily at Zeke.

"But he did mention a certain very attractive Queen whom you've been known to… seek out on multiple occasions. Particularly at a certain very timely occasion some months ago." Zeke's head tilted forward the slightest bit, causing the sunlight to shine over the lenses of his glasses. "And then a no-name farmer was conjured out of nowhere to explain away an unexpected pregnancy…. I wonder, does Petra know about all that?"

Valis stepped in, extending a hand between Levi and Zeke to diffuse the situation.

"That's enough, Zeke. You've crossed the line," Valis declared, glancing quickly between Zeke and Levi.

Levi finally opened his mouth to say, "You might try minding your own damn business for once. It should be abundantly clear to you that I don't trust you."

Zeke smirked at him. "I can see why you wouldn't trust me. I admit that I've had to betray people to get this far. And you're not obligated to understand me. But everything I've done has been—and will be—for Eldia." His eyes narrowed. "So, at the end of the day… you and I are not so entirely different."

"Well, we have very different ways of going about it. For starters, I believe in loyalty. And I'm going to do what's best for the people I care about."

"Doing what's best… I guess that's where we agree to disagree," Zeke concluded. "Open your mind, Captain. Think bigger. Play the long game here…." He reached across his body to scratch his opposite ear while he continued to stare.

Levi stared cunningly through Zeke's shimmering glasses, into his narrowed pupils, both men determined to betray nothing to each other.

"Oh, I already am."

Zeke continued, "Don't just pick and choose who to care about. A truly enlightened leader will choose the greater good." He stood up as well to conclude the discussion. "If you can't bear to sacrifice anything, then you can't change anything." And he turned his back to Levi and wandered off to walk through the trees.

Valis stepped up to Levi and told him quietly, "I'll tail him, Captain; don't worry."

Levi nodded curtly and pursed his lips grouchily as he watched Valis walk away as well.

On the opposite side of the firepit, Ernest took a seat next to Nino, holding an unopened bottle of wine up to him.

"Here," Ernest said. "Now that we're off duty, it's our turn to see what all the fuss is about."

But Nino shook his head.

"I talk a lot when I drink. I don't want to say the wrong thing," he murmured quietly enough so that only Ernest could hear.

Ernest was visibly taken aback, and he pulled the bottle slowly away from Nino.

"What's all that about? You got something to hide or something?"

Nino shook his head. "Just things that I think are better left unsaid," he sighed.

Ernest sighed back at him.

"Okay, well, suit yourself. There's plenty left in case you change your mind…."

At this, Nino nodded at him.

"Thanks, Ernest. I'll keep it in mind." He sat up straighter and took another bite of his rabbit meat.

Bruno and Ernest were sitting around on a sturdy, wide branch of one of the giant trees.

"Okay, make this quick so you can go get some sleep already," Bruno began.

Ernest nodded. "So, Bruno… from one former MP to another…. I wanted to ask you about Nino."

Bruno tilted his head.

"What about him?"

Ernest sighed and rumpled his hair with one hand. "There's something wrong about him. Something off."

"What do you mean? Did something happen last night?"

"Kind of, yeah…." He gazed off into the distance as he though. "Do you remember how we would run into those druggies who would crawl up from Underground and just get—blinded by the light of civilized society?"

Bruno nodded slowly.

"Yeah…. They came up to the Surface, and some of them just could not hang."

"I'm worried that that's what's happening to Nino. He's from the Garrison… they went through some shit after the Survey Corps was done with Wall Maria. But it wasn't glamorous; nobody really talked about it or gave anyone bolo ties or anything….

"You think he can't hang with the Survey Corps or something? He's been doing fine this whole time until—well, until you telling me this right now."

Ernest shook his head. "I just think he's got a lot of baggage, that's all. And I can see it getting in the way of this mission, if he starts to wallow in it…."

Bruno shrugged. "You could bring it up with Captain Levi. Or Valis. Or Lauro, even."

"No, I don't know if that's right to tell on people behind their backs. I just—I want to figure out what to say to Nino. Directly. Without screwing with his head any further."

Bruno sighed. "In that case, I recommend you just sleep on it for now. And I'll think about it, too."

Ernest nodded. "Thanks…."

In the quiet moments of their mutual contemplation, Henrietta and Alessandro rappelled up to join them, followed closely by Petra.

"Ernest," Petra began, "aren't you on night duty? Aren't you going to go get some sleep?"

Bruno snorted, "He should be getting some shut-eye, but this guy—" he tipped his head in Ernest's direction, "—needed to unburden his soul. And I'm a nice guy, so I let him."

"Mm-hmm," Ernest nodded.

Henrietta brightened up. "Do you mind if we join you, then? We have some 'women's work' to do…."

And she and Petra sat down with their rucksacks on their laps and pulled out their towels. Henrietta set down a sewing kit between them and pulled out needles and thread for them.

Alessandro squatted down on the other side of Henrietta. "Who told you it was 'women's work'? I sewed my initials on my own towel, thank you very much."

Henrietta sneered in disapproval.

"Heh. Yeah, I saw. And you did it badly."

"Well, then at least you'll know it's mine."

When Petra was done sewing "PR" in capital letters on her towel, she rolled it up, tucked it away in her rucksack, and pulled out a second towel to be personalized.

Henrietta turned to see what she was doing. "Hey, why do you have extra towels? Ohhh," she said, suddenly realizing whose towel it was.

Alessandro chuckled, "Well, aren't you the happy housewife. Did he ask you to do that, or did he order you to?"

Petra shook her head, still focusing on her task. "Neither; I took them since he's busy. I figured I'd surprise him with one less thing to do…."

"Busy?" Bruno turned to gaze over at Levi down on the ground. "He's just sitting over there…." He pointed to Levi sitting on a crate near the firepit, obviously still stewing.

Petra smiled. "Busy 'upstairs', is what I meant…."

Alessandro leaned in to Henrietta. "So, if I sit around and look crabby all day long, would you do all my boring chores for me?"

Henrietta snorted. "Dream on, boy."

Petra cut the thread and proudly held up the towel. The lone letter "L" sat embroidered upon the name patch of white cloth on the dark, woven cloth of the thin towel.

Alessandro and Henrietta both stared in unison at it.

"Just 'L'?" Henrietta asked. "Not 'LA'?"

Petra shook her head. "He prefers going just by 'Levi', so I figured that was all he needed." She shrugged. "If he says he wants an 'A', then we can just add it on later, anyway."

She rolled up Levi's towel, put it away, and reconvened to gaze at each of them in turn: Henrietta, Alessandro, Bruno, and Ernest, all hanging out together with her.

"So…" Petra began, "I heard that you guys all signed up for this mission by volunteering to potentially be turned into a Titan." And she felt the presence of the Titan serum kit in her inner cloak pocket: a constant reminder of the stakes involved, and the decision she might have to make for any one of her comrades—or even for herself….

Henrietta held a flat expression on her face. "It's not my ideal situation for sure, but if it must be done, then I'll trust in the Captain's decision…."

Alessandro added, "If I had to eat Zeke? I'm pretty meh on that. But if Queen Historia ate me? Now that I wouldn't mind."

Bruno said, "I get the sense that you mean that in a different sort of way..." He stood up and walked to the trunk to recline on the tree branch, leaning his back against the vertical trunk, and he pulled out a notepad and fountain pen from his pocket.

"Absolutely," Alessandro murmured. "Her face alone could Rumble the world..." And he gazed dreamily off into the distance.

Henrietta made a disgusted face. "I would not joke about the Rumbling like that."

"I agree," Petra added. "Destroying the whole world over one person isn't something to get behind for any reason…."

"No really, though," Henrietta continued. "What kind of idiot gets in the Top Ten and then joins the Garrison?" she snickered in Bruno's direction, and he grinned back at her.

"Look, Etta, just 'cause you went straight to the Scouts after our graduation, doesn't make you better than me. I just don't happen to mind being one of the masses; I don't feel the need to compensate for anything." He cleared his throat while glaring pointedly at Bruno, who glared back.

Bruno then shrugged dismissively. He was now huddled over his notepad, drawing something with his pen. "Well, it sounds to me like you just wanted to be the cream of the crud, rather than the crud of the cream…."

"Oh yeah, the Survey Corps. Best of the best. That's why they let you in."

"Hey, they were psyched when I transferred in. The top soldiers from the MPs—the best of the best—lining up to join the Survey Corps? That's some great press for sure."

Petra added in a subdued voice, "But you guys do know that you were filling in the ranks after almost everyone died, right…?"

Henrietta responded, "And now here we are, babysitting the guy who killed them all. We know," she asserted glibly. "But we're all gonna die someday; I figure it's better to die for the right reason if I can help it."

Petra nodded at this and looked around at the others, who also nodded in solemn agreement.

"No matter how you slice it, the Survey Corps really is the one regiment that is turning the tide for humanity." Henrietta paused and looked uncomfortably to the side. "Or at least, for humanity inside the Walls…."

"Anyway," Alessandro continued pointedly, "the Garrison isn't as boring as you think. They do have their own veterans to look up to... Like Rico Brzenska. Ultimate badass..."

Bruno still did not look up from his drawing. "Huh, that's right, she is quite famous. The best fighter they had..."

Henrietta asked, "Wait, but whatever happened to her? It's like she just kind of disappeared..."

Alessandro nodded, as if entranced. "Like I said: ultimate badass."

Bruno looked up momentarily, and he and Henrietta gave him vaguely confused looks, as if unsure of what to think. But Alessandro let it roll off him in stride.

"I like to think that she just drifted off into eternity somehow... Think about it, guys: she's too cool to even die like the rest of us. The rest of us keel over one day and maybe someone will find our body someday—if we're lucky. But Rico got to become a legend."

"What the fuck are you even saying?" Bruno drawled as he moved his pen in long, winding strokes.

"Look, if you don't know what really happened, then you're allowed to believe whatever you want."

Ernest, who had not spoken up in the entire conversation so far, now nodded slowly in admiration. "You know, that's actually… deep."

Henrietta stared at him. "Ernest… what is wrong with you? Like… are you on drugs or something?"

Ernest shrugged. "Why're you asking me? What about Mr. Drift-Into-Eternity right there?"

Bruno insisted, "It's not just him… it's that vacant look in your eyes, you know…. You did transfer from the MPs; I'm sure you'd know how to get your paws on some. Heh."

"Says the guy (who also transferred from the MPs, by the way) who would probably down a bottle of wine a night if we had unlimited supply!"

Bruno gesticulated in his defense. "It's a nightcap: I dream the loveliest, most velvety dreams…. And then in the morning, I can't remember a thing about the night before."

Alessandro snorted, "Maybe that's a blessing. Can't have you remembering all the nothing happening to you at night."

"At least I get to actually sleep at night. Unlike you, Mr. Night Owl. Can't stay awake without wine, can't go to sleep without coffee…." And Bruno snickered and nodded at Henrietta, who nodded back and grinned.

Petra sighed and shook her head at them. "Gee, you guys could really go on forever, huh?"

Ernest shrugged again. "So? What else do we have to do with ourselves?"

Petra sighed again as she looked around at all their faces of ennui.

"I guess you have a point," she admitted to them at last.

Henrietta gave Petra a sly smile. "You, on the other hand, have plenty going on," she teased.

Alessandro leaned forward eagerly.

"Mmm, that's right," he gushed. "Petra and her Captain. Holding hands in their sleep and everything. Heh heh…." He rubbed his hands together, readying himself for the gossip.

"I prefer, 'The Captain and his Petra.'" Henrietta winked at Petra. "Or how about, 'Captain Levi's Lover'?"

Petra sighed in exasperation. "Our lives are not your fairy tale bedtime story, for heaven's sake."

Ernest shook his head and waved a hand. "Remember how we said how bored we are?"

Petra heaved a sigh. "And therein lies the problem…."

Bruno murmured in a far-off voice, "Petra and Levi. Levi and Petra. No, that's a little too plain…." He shook his head in mild dissatisfaction and continued drawing with his pen, a little more quickly now.

Ernest wondered aloud, "Petrivai? Livetra?"

Alessandro perked his head up in an epiphaniacal moment. "Ooh, ooh, wait, I've got it: Rivetra!"

"Wait, but why did you change the 'L' to an 'R'?" Ernest asked. "'Levi' starts with an 'L'…."

"If there's already one 'R' in it, it's easier if there's another 'R'! No, seriously, it. Is. Perfect."

Petra groaned. "God help me…. You combined our names…. Don't ever say that in front of him. Please."

Bruno, Ernest, and Henrietta were all laughing wholeheartedly with each other now. Bruno tossed his notepad with the finished work over onto Ernest's lap, who started laughing even harder when he saw it.

"Holy shit," Ernest sniggered. "That's actually really accurate—"

Alessandro whispered in Petra's ear with their newly formed secret code word: "Rivetraaaa…. The coffee inspired meeee…."

Petra covered her face in her hands and shook her head.

"You guys are all on drugs. Maybe there is something in that wine… or the coffee…."

Henrietta sniffed, "Oh, we should all get to wake up next to Captain Levi every morning. But we don't… but at least we get wine!"

Petra leaned back on both hands, finally satisfied with something that one of them had said.

"Well, then, I guess I can't say I blame you…." And she smiled smugly to herself as she mentally sifted through their many secret moments together that were just for the two of them.

Alessandro cleared his throat now. "So, what is the Rivetra Story? You came for the heroism and stayed for the D?"

Bruno shook his head through his wheezing laughter. "That's—a little too far, Sandro—seriously, stop—"

"Actually, I bet you came for the D, too!" he cackled gleefully.

Henrietta offered him a high-five in a rare display of alliance with him; he gamely smacked her hand with his own open palm.

"That sounded just like—something I would say," she admitted, her face turning pink from continued giggling.

Petra smirked mysteriously at them. "A lady never tells…." And she stood up to prepare to leave, slinging her rucksack on one shoulder.

A wave of fresh laughter overtook them all, and Alessandro collapsed into a fit of hysteria as well, having received all the confirmation he needed.

Petra was still smirking to herself in satisfaction as she descended from the tree branch, her grappling wires whirring as they unspooled. Ernest followed Petra down with his gaze and stood up as well.

"Well, I'll take that as my cue, too," he said. "You day shifters have fun. And, you know, actually get eyes on Zeke every now and then…."

The others nodded coolly at him, to which he nodded back.

"I'm keeping this. Thanks, dude," Ernest said to Bruno, holding the notepad in his hand. "Now this is the stuff of dreams…. Heh."

And he rappelled down the tree trunk and wandered off to get a sleeping mat from base camp.

Petra alighted softly onto the grass beneath her feet and started walking back to base camp herself. Then she heard that familiar voice behind her:

"Petra."

She paused, sighed, and turned around to face Levi.

"All this sneaking up on me is starting to look like a habit," she mused.

"Sorry," he muttered. He bridged the space between them easily, stopping a meter away from her.

"Were you listening to all that?" she asked.

He was silent for a moment. "I was trying not to."

She pursed her lips and put her hands on her hips.

"Anyway… what's going on?" she asked him.

He gazed squarely into her eyes and said, "We need to talk…."

Notes:

You may have thought to yourself that "epiphaniacal" is not a real word, and I should have said "moment of epiphany" instead of "epiphaniacal moment". But I used it in honor of my late 10th Grade English teacher, who told us that a word becomes "real" when it is used enough times by enough people to make its way into the collective consciousness. Case in point: Shakespeare coined many words in his plays and thus made them real, such as the very useful words "puking" and "eyeballs". My English teacher wanted "epiphaniacal" to happen, so I figured I'd help make it happen.

When I started to come up with Nino's backstory in the Garrison, I was reminded of a World War II veteran I had met when he was already very old and losing his mental faculties. He was still a teenager in the US Navy when he was in the dive crew that pulled the bodies out of the USS Arizona after the Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor. Although he served proudly for the rest of the war, it was a highly traumatic experience for him. I was told by others never to mention the words "Pearl Harbor" to him on the anniversary of that day because he would cry like a baby in his confusion, thinking it was happening all over again. Salvaging bodies after a disaster is no joke, and I am grateful to those who do it to bring some peace to the dead, and closure to their families.

Chapter 10: Beacon

Summary:

Levi and Petra have a talk about Zeke and make a shocking discovery about each other's pasts. In flashbacks, Levi sets up Petra's fake identity at HQ and weathers some difficult conversations in the recent and more distant past. After dinner, Levi and Petra go on their first official date.

Notes:

Welcome back, my shy, horny readers! I present the latest beta reader Puff-approved chapter. Yes, there are actually Character Bios for the original characters, but it's incorporated into the actual chapter, so just start reading and you'll figure it out soon enough. I hope you enjoy, and thank you for reading!

Chapter Text

Soundtrack Recommendations:

"No Matter Where You Are (Mikasa Ackerman Character Song) (Emotional Japanese Cover)" – Samuel Kim

"Without You (Unplugged Version)" – X-Japan

"Birden" – Yoko Kanno ft. Arnor Dan (Zankyou no Terror OST)

DAY 2 CONTINUED

After the first breakfast in camp that went very unexpectedly, Levi knelt in front of the fire, tending to the flames with a fresh helping of kindling. But it was all a pretense to occupy his hands while his emotions roiled within him in equal parts smugness that Petra had enjoyed his cooking, annoyance that she had also been interested in Zeke's coffee, and uncertainty at whether any of his efforts to maintain order in the camp were going anywhere meaningful at all.

When the fire clearly was no longer in need of short-term sustenance, he took a seat on an upturned crate and stewed freely in his thoughts and feelings. But after some minutes, he shook his head, and he stood up to go to his rucksack and retrieve the written list of his squad members to take an early assessment of how they were doing in their mission. His eyes drifted naturally to the names that stood out the most to him, who had occupied his thoughts the most in the past few days:

Valis. Stern… dependable… detail-oriented… motivated and loyal. Couldn't ask for more. I remember I ran into him in the cemetery that one time and gave him one of my roses, and he grew up and followed me all the way to the Survey Corps. Huh. I could probably pass out for a whole day and night and he and Lauro would handle everything just fine. And if not them, then Ernest and Nino would get the job done. But those are the kinds of redundancies we planned for by having this many people out here to begin with. So that's good.

In fact, Valis' imposing figure and generally stoic personality reminded Levi of Eld, and even a little bit of Erwin. He saw further leadership potential in Valis, if he could manage to stay alive. But—he had once thought the same thing about Eld, and that did not end well... Eld, the one member of his original squad that hadn't been slashed or crushed, but savagely bitten in half—bisected at the waist by Titan teeth...

Annie… did she have to bite him and spit him out like that? Even I like to think I have a line I wouldn't cross…. Even if I did ever toy around with my kill, it would have been 'cause they deserved it, not just because I could….

Levi absentmindedly shook his head and abandoned that train of thought—at least for now. Once Annie was in front of him, conscious and communicative, maybe then they would have that talk….

Lauro. My other second-in-command. Dutiful… determined… holds the others accountable. I put him on night duty and it seems to be going well. The rabbit snares had a good yield, too; he set those up himself. Hm, he naturally tends to want to stay up late, but I hope he can manage to sleep during the day. His dark circles are pretty damn noticeable… I feel bad for him just looking at him. I wonder if people feel that way when they look at me….

He sighed when his eyes landed on the next name.

Alessandro. Top 10 two years ago but went to the Garrison for a year first. He looked like a good fit on paper... Street smart. Sharp eyes—highly observant, but... shit. Annoying as hell. He better grow a filter on that mouth ASAP or he's gonna blow his chances with—

Henrietta. We got her in the Scouts right out of the Top 10 two years ago, too. Only woman here until Petra showed up. Those two seem to be getting along so far. Pretty snarky jokester like Sandro, too, but at least she has tact. Tch. He could stand to learn a thing or two from her…. She's loyal, dedicated, adept with every weapon we got: guns, snap blades, knives, Thunder Spears….

He smiled a tiny smile.

She does remind me of Petra….

His eyes drifted down to the next one who jumped out at him.

Bruno. Loves that wine, but so far no drunkenness issues. He and Sandro act like they hate each other but they really don't. Draws really well... but he could probably use some direction to put that skill to productive use. Heh, I bet Hange is jealous: I have my own handy Moblit now...

Ernest. Pretty chill guy in general; emotionally sensitive. People listen to him because he's a good listener to them. Pretty chummy with Bruno. I guess the former MPs do tend to gravitate towards each other. Although he does get along well with Sandro, too—and with everybody, I guess….

Nino... Quiet and stoic. Also highly dependable. He does keep to himself, but that's understandable. He was on Garrison cleanup before the Survey Corps, and we agreed we wouldn't tell the others. I wonder if it's starting to get to him, too, being back out here... It's for the best if he and Petra never talk about it, for sure…. Hmm, I think he's the only person other than Petra and me who didn't want any wine. And I got this weird feeling when he and I looked at each other over the firepit last night. I hope everything's okay...

He sighed and shook his head, preferring not to take himself down that path of possibility.

"God, there's so many of them. I'll go through the rest later..."

He folded the rest of the papers and stuck them back in his rucksack, and he wandered off to go find Petra and try to get her on her own with him to talk. He was curious what she was talking about with the others, and beyond that, he had a bone to pick with her about that coffee….

Henrietta gazed down at Petra as Levi confronted her on the ground not far from their tree. She heaved a sigh and turned to look back at Alessandro and Bruno.

"Really, though," she said to them, "What did you guys think about breakfast?"

Alessandro looked at her. "You mean the food? The food was solid." He shrugged. "Well, the rabbit was decent, but the Captain actually makes a mean hash brown…. Perfectly salty and oniony and oily…."

Bruno nodded in general agreement. "The coffee was good, too, I'll admit, but Sandro could have been told up-front that it was a stimulant…."

Henrietta sighed and crossed her arms. "No, I mean with Zeke. And that stuff he said about Queen Historia."

"The Captain and the Queen," Bruno murmured, gazing down onto the ground. "Huh, that has a nice ring to it, too, come to think of it…."

"No! I mean, did Captain Levi really—" she leaned in closer to them and lowered her voice a little—"cheat on Petra? With the Queen?"

Bruno furrowed his brow. "And knock her up, you mean?"

"Yeah!" she half-whispered.

Alessandro scoffed.

"No. No way in hell. Captain Levi is not the cheating type. Zeke just said that to rile him up. Seriously, everything that comes out of that guy's mouth is probably a load of bullshit. Don't read anything into it."

"Yeah," Bruno concluded. "Not worth it."

Henrietta sighed again, hugging her legs to her chest.

"Well, I hope you're right…. Either way, I'm glad she wasn't there to hear all that."

Alessandro shook his head.

"I wouldn't breathe easy on that just yet. Wait till dinner and Zeke opens his mouth again, aaaand—"

"Heh," Bruno chuckled, then perked his head up at a sudden thought. "Hang on a second—gimme your notepad, Etta. I have another idea…."

She grinned and passed her notepad to Bruno.

"Ho boy. Now these you have to show us. Why does Ernest get to be so special?"

Bruno shrugged.

"He gets me. What can I say?"

Levi looked up and around to scout out a place in the trees where he and Petra could potentially have a private conversation.

Petra cleared her throat. "We'd better get far away from here if we want any privacy at all…." She glanced up above their heads where her erstwhile conversation partners were very pointedly looking upward and away from her and Levi down below them. She sighed and started walking in the opposite direction she had started in—towards Levi, and deeper into the trees. He also turned and walked, now leading the way as they made their own way through the grassy forest floor.

They found a broad, sturdy tree branch some ways off where nobody else seemed to be staking out nearby. Looking down near their feet, they noticed a cluster of four flat-faced, jagged rocks at the base of the tree that would help them remember which tree this was, in case they needed somewhere to go in the future as well. She pursed her lips uneasily at the sight of them, shaped and aligned suspiciously like….

"Gravestones," she said aloud in barely more than a whisper. "Four of them…."

Levi shook his head.

"No good can come of thinking like that. This is as good a tree as any."

She glanced aside at him, then back down at the rocks.

"Right."

They both shot their grappling wires upward to pull themselves up. On the tree branch now, Petra took a seat, letting her legs dangle over the edge of the branch, and Levi sat to her left, with his left knee propped up against his chest and his right leg dangling next to her own leg. For a few long moments, their eyes lingered on each other, studying each other's faces. She looked somewhat relaxed, despite her anxious grip of one hand around her opposite elbow; he looked even more worried—more stressed.

"Well? Levi?" Petra asked him at long last.

He sighed quietly into his arm that was wrapped around his left knee.

"How are you?"

She turned and gazed down at her hand poised on the wood of the branch between them.

"Hanging in there. Same as you, I guess…."

She tucked some stray hairs behind her ear as she pondered things. He noted for the first time that her ears were pierced. But he could not recall ever seeing her wear earrings. He made a mental note that maybe one day, he could get her a pair—if only to see how she would look in them….

"I had some… weird dreams last night, as you know…. I wrote them down after I rinsed out my mug in the river."

She dug out a notepad from her inner chest pocket of her cloak and handed it to him.

"Do you want to read it?"

He hesitantly accepted the notepad. "If you want me to." He pocketed the notepad in his own cloak pocket. "To be honest, I had some dreams, too. People who wanted to talk to me…."

She nodded knowingly.

"Well, I'm here… if you want to talk about it."

He nodded, too.

"The Founder Ymir—that little girl—she's the one who brought you back," he began. "She told me some things…. Stuff about the Ackerman Clan…. And before that, actually, some other Ackermans came to visit. They told me to watch my back. And yours, too."

"I see," she said. She looked down at her hands, now nested inside each other on her lap, and twiddled her thumb a little. "What about the Ackerman Clan?"

He scoffed a little to himself. "Basically that the King who built the Walls a hundred years ago tried to make them into the perfect slaves. But Ymir made it so they were the perfect rebels instead. And they killed a lot of Ackermans to try to maintain order, or something like that…."

She nodded quietly as she watched him continue to talk.

"And the ones who were able to hide, hid who they really were. So they could survive."

There was a long pause during which they gazed into each other's eyes, just thinking. At length, Levi broke eye contact first, gazing off ahead into the distance instead.

Petra spoke at last: "You know, your mother never seemed to like going by her Ackerman name, either. 'Just call me Kuchel'. 'Just call me Levi'. I wonder if it's been ingrained in you to hide your family name, from one generation to another."

He paused to consider this.

"I just know that she never even told me what our last name was. Her 'work name' was Olympia, and her 'real name' was Kuchel. And that's all I knew for a long, long time. Until four years ago, when Kenny finally told me…."

She nodded again, staring at her hands again.

"I guess it was better for her, too, if she was hiding her identity…." And she looked up at him once more. "And then you and Mikasa ended up in the Survey Corps, and all of a sudden, being an Ackerman made you 'Humanity's Strongest Soldier'…."

He scoffed anew, shifting in his seat.

"That's right. We've been making ourselves plenty useful."

She pursed her lips when she caught the hint of resentment in his words.

"Are you tired? Of serving humanity?" she asked.

He sighed heavily.

"Yeah. Sometimes I am." He crossed his arms. "But I don't get to just give up whenever I'm tired. Nobody does."

"Yeah," she murmured. "I know."

Another long moment of silence hung between them, growing and swelling with unspoken thoughts with each passing second. He turned to gaze upward, taking in the expanse of tree branches jutting outward towards the cloud-studded sky: green on brown on blue with scattered white.

"What was all that about with the coffee?" he asked.

There it is, she thought to herself. I knew we'd end up here sooner or later….

"Your eyes kept focusing and refocusing in front of you," he continued. "Were you—seeing things? Seeing people?"

She sighed and leaned back onto both her hands, gazing upward at the sky.

"Yeah. Multiple people. Each with their own opinion, and it was all unhelpful in the end…."

She turned her head to look at him again. "I'm sorry," she said at last, with a timid, guilty look on her face. "I shouldn't have even let him pour me any. I honestly didn't think he'd give me that much; I was just expecting to take a sip or two, not a whole mugful…."

She reached out for his hand, and he accepted her hand in his with a sigh.

"Are you mad?" she asked.

He avoided looking directly at her to keep himself from seeming too angry at her, but he also had to admit to himself that he was frustrated with how she had handled it.

"You see what he's doing, don't you?" he grumbled, starting to gain momentum now. "He's trying to butter everyone up with his fancy Marleyan drinks, and then when everyone's happy and their guards are down, he goes around and slits our throats in our sleep. Wine, coffee, then what? Special tea leaves that only grow in Marley?"

Petra frowned. "Oh, I hardly think that Marleyan tea is going to do anyone any harm. If there even is such a thing, let alone here in our supplies."

He took a long pause to stoke the fire of his grumpy jealousy, internally raging more and more intensely.

"Also, I thought I told you not to talk to that asshole," he spat.

"No, you just told him not to talk to me," she clarified.

"Whatever. I told you not to trust him." He started to grip her hand a little more tightly.

"I didn't say I did; calm down. It's just talking; I'm not trying to get in his pants or anything," she huffed. She rubbed her thumb on the back of his hand a little as she frowned disapprovingly, and his grip softened somewhat.

"Well, it sure looks like he's trying to get in yours," he grumbled in response. Levi's hand migrated out of hers and he ran it through his hair as he stewed in his continued frustration.

Petra smiled in amusement at his obvious jealousy. "Look, I just think it would be a good idea to get him talking. Maybe we can figure out some more about him. And whatever we do figure out can only be useful to us."

Levi sighed and closed his eyes in begrudging resignation.

"Okay, then. So, what have you found out about him so far?"

Petra cleared her throat and readjusted her hair behind her ear.

"He honestly seems just as preoccupied thinking about you as you are of him. He seems to want to rile you up to get you to say more than you should."

She gazed directly at him, narrowing her eyes.

"And what's your plan for figuring him out?" she asked.

Levi gazed back at her, his expression flat.

"Watching and observing."

"Okay. And what have you found out?"

Levi scoffed, "He's a professional eavesdropper. He likes to go take a leak just when I'm starting to fall asleep at night." He paused. "And his beard looks like shit."

"That would be an opinion, not just an observation... But I see what you mean: he does look like an old man with that beard," she chuckled.

"That might be 'cause he's dying: he has less than a year left to live."

"See? That can't be an easy thing to accept. He's got more on his plate than you seem to care to acknowledge."

Levi crossed his arms resolutely over his chest.

"Oh, I acknowledge the fact that he slaughtered hundreds of us on Paradis—including Commander Erwin—and soon he'll finally get what's coming to him."

She sighed.

"Maybe he will. But remember what you said yourself: this can't just be about revenge…."

Levi's eyes narrowed severely at the mention of that word. "But if revenge can be part of the package, then you're damn right I'm taking it."

She nodded absentmindedly to herself, admitting that she could not help but agree. She understood that there were some things he was always going to have difficulty letting go of. And she made a mental note to continue to remind him to consider the bigger picture, just in case his thirst for vengeance threatened to turn things for the worse….

"Another thing…" Levi added, shifting the nature of his gaze—he still looked grumpy, to be fair, but not at her anymore. "Zeke brought up Historia. He implied that I knocked her up, and he wanted to know if you knew. So he's likely to bring it up the next time you're around him."

And she sighed again.

"How did Zeke find out so much about Historia, anyway?" she asked.

"'Cause Eren probably shot his mouth off to him while he was hiding out in Marley," he scoffed. But then he paused to consider something else.

"You said that Eren… cut his own leg off? Just to look like a wounded soldier?"

She nodded solemnly.

"And gouged his own eye out."

Levi gazed off ahead at the trunk of another tree in the distance.

"I gotta hand it to the kid: that takes some dedication."

"That's why I think we should hear him out, if we can get him talking. I just don't think he would go through all that trouble for no reason…."

Levi nodded slowly. "I know. I was already planning to send a message out with the supply runners when they come tomorrow. To see if Armin and Mikasa had any luck."

She nodded back in silent agreement.

"Is there anything else on your mind?" She tilted her head, leaning it against her knee propped up against her chest.

He turned to look her in the eyes, peering into them in the hopes of seeing something he could not already feel. She was asking him what burdened him, so now was the time to tell her:

"Yesterday, before we left for the forest here, I… talked to Mikasa. Privately."

She nodded slowly again and waited for him to continue.

"I told her what she needed to hear. And I asked her to do something for me. I hope you can understand…."

At the Survey Corps Department within the Military Headquarters, Levi furtively glanced around the office to confirm that they were alone, and he asked the personnel staff for something in particular:

"I'd like to create a dummy record for a female Scout who's been off duty for the past four years. The photographs were taken earlier today, and they need to get sent to this record. Please put together something brief and vague for her backstory; just enough to make people disinterested in her if they try to read it."

The secretary at the desk peered carefully back at him over his glasses.

"So it's a real soldier, but just under a fake name and fake background?"

"Yes."

The secretary cleared his throat and reached for a blank folder and a fountain pen.

"What name will you be using?"

"Angelika Klein. A-N-G-E…." And he spelled it out carefully until the end of the last name, watching the staff member write down each letter.

"Hmm. Why does that name sound familiar somehow?" he asked Levi. "Ah well. It's a fake name, anyway. Doesn't matter what it is…." He looked up at Levi again. "Are the photographs coming in under this name as well?"

Levi nodded once.

The secretary spoke again: "What classification level?"

"Highly classified. Nobody below Regiment Commander can see it. Except for me."

He nodded, carefully checking the correct boxes on the front of the folder.

Levi gazed around the office again, taking note of the placement of all the windows and doors.

"What level of security do you provide for the archives?" Levi asked. "When I was there yesterday, there were just those couple of guards at the doors."

He crossed his arms and leaned back in his chair with a creak of the wooden seat back.

"'Highly classified' means that the files are hidden in a bookshelf behind another row of files and a false back wall. The files in front are replicas of the oldest ones we have from about a hundred years ago; so old and boring that nobody gives them a second glance by now. They're close enough to the entrance that the guards can see anyone approach that bookshelf, but not so close that it looks suspicious by having a guard there…."

"Huh. Yeah, I'd imagine you'd want to keep the real ones of those preserved somehow…."

As Levi turned to leave, he added:

"I'm surprised, Captain. To be honest, I thought you'd be more familiar with the 'Highly classified' section. Considering there are files concerning you in there…."

Levi turned slowly around on his feet to stare at the man, who was staring pointedly back.

"I thought they purged my record with the MPs when I was brought into the Survey Corps," he said as he furrowed his brow in suspicion.

"Please. This is Commander Erwin we're talking about. Every scrap of intel was potentially useful to him. He wanted you to feel relieved; that you had a clean slate."

Levi pursed his lips.

"I thought I did."

The man nodded. "And he treated you as such, until everyone else came around as well. In the end, that's what mattered."

Levi glared at him, still mildly dissatisfied.

"Tch. I guess by the time I found out, he might've figured I'd forgive him by now…."

He bent his head and sighed.

And I guess it doesn't matter anymore by now….

Levi stood leaning against the table in the interview room, looking at Mikasa, who sat in a chair at the table next to his.

"Thanks for meeting me, Mikasa. It's... about time we talked."

He hung his head, feeling the guilt creep in.

"There have been a lot of conversations with people that I should have had before. But I'm going to do better now."

Mikasa nodded silently and crossed her arms.

"Okay. What's going on?"

He lifted his head, remembering something that had crossed his mind before.

"The guards for the officers' barracks already knew that you were going to be here today. What was that about?"

She shrugged nonchalantly.

"I'm sure the guards for the barracks talk to each other about where we all go in the morning. Armin and I wanted to see Eren face-to-face."

Levi eyed her carefully.

"And were you able to see him?"

She shook her head. "No. Premier Zachary forbade it. But we'll keep trying..."

He sighed. "Unsurprising."

He pushed off of the table behind him, leaning forward onto the table between where he stood and Mikasa sat so he could get a clear picture of her eyes—sharp and yet vaguely disinterested in general, but now widening at his move towards her.

"There are some things you should know before you see Eren, Mikasa... You might not like to hear it, but it's better that you hear it now."

Mikasa stared dully at him—a most unfriendly-seeming invitation to continue. Sometimes it unnerved him to see such similar behavior as his own turned on himself... Nevertheless, he continued:

"That farmer who's with Historia... he's not the father of her child," he said plainly.

Her eyes bored deeply into his. "Then who is?"

He took a pause, bracing himself for the gravity of what he was about to say:

"Eren."

She crossed her arms even more tightly, disbelieving.

"So you want me to believe it wasn't you after all?"

His eyes narrowed.

"No. Why would you have thought it was me?"

Mikasa turned her head to gaze out the window—to escape from this reality. The window panes held the tantalizing view of the world outside this room, but the window grilles held her in like prison bars. She turned back to look at him, narrowing her eyes as her mind turned analytical.

"You and Historia left that railroad commemoration party together. Almost nine months ago. And then on the airship in Liberio... he said something to you. It sounded like a message."

"So you were watching me. Or us."

"That's right..." She blinked, turning her eyes to gaze far off again; she still did not want to believe either his words or her own. "But then, Eren left the party not too long after that, too..." Her grip tightened around her biceps.

Levi nodded.

"That's right."

She leaned back in her chair now, still crossing her arms.

"What if I don't believe you?"

Levi scoffed. "Why don't you believe me? I sat down with you to break it to you straight. Before you're staring at someone else's baby that looks just like him."

Her brow furrowed in rising frustration now.

"Don't you have just as much to gain by claiming that it isn't yours? Now that Petra is here to complicate things for you?"

Levi pushed himself off of the table in front of him to cross his own arms defensively.

"This is ridiculous. She didn't 'complicate' anything for me. I made my choice, Mikasa... even before she came back. There wasn't going to be anyone else."

Mikasa gritted her teeth, almost snarling at him.

"How can you know that for sure? By building your whole future around the past and ignoring everything that's happening in the present?" She was aware of the irony of her words, but she still clung steadfastly to denial, thinking that believing in her dream would somehow be enough—could somehow possibly be enough to save herself from her own current situation….

He muttered, "That sounds exactly like you, too, you know." He paused as he furrowed his brow slightly. "But it doesn't have to be that way for you."

"You don't know shit about him," she insisted.

But he gazed sternly upon her, unfazed by her unfriendly rebuttal of everything he was trying to say.

"I don't want to see you throw your life away over someone who's never going to love you back."

"How the hell would you know that? Just stay out of it—and stay the hell away from me."

She got up to leave, tears stinging her eyes. He grabbed her wrist to keep her from leaving before he was done.

"Oi! Look, just take a minute and cool down—" And he forced her back down into her chair, which she acquiesced to, too teary-eyed and miserable to resist.

He crossed his arms again before her, ready to be harsh but truthful.

"Answer this—for yourself, if not for me: What are you to Eren? How does he really see you? Are you his girlfriend? His adopted sister?" And his voice lowered a little when he ended with: "His mother figure?"

"That's enough." She sniffed and wiped her tears with her sleeve.

Levi nodded. "It's hard to accept, and you probably feel like shit right now... but you know the truth, too. And I wouldn't be putting you through this if I weren't absolutely sure."

She nodded slowly back.

"I know." Her voice cracked a little with the strain of rising emotion. "I get it."

Levi looked out the window, too, letting his gaze grow soft so the window grilles didn't obstruct the view outside so harshly. Somehow, the most difficult things to say came out of him more easily when he didn't have to look at who he was saying them to….

"I'm not saying that he never had feelings for you. Or that he never cared." At this, he willed himself to look her in the face; she deserved to see his true meaning in his eyes now. "But somewhere along the way... he made a choice."

Mikasa seethed with furious, heartbroken tears.

And he ended it with, "I'm sorry you were the one who had to lose."

While swimming in the tears blurring her vision, Mikasa found herself thinking back to when the Survey Corps had gone to Marley, when Eren asked her that fateful night, "What am I to you?" She choked on the pressure of the moment and blurted out that he was "family". And she asked herself now:

What if I had chosen a different answer?

At the thought of those words, she felt a sharp, stabbing headache coming on, and she slammed her eyes shut to control the pain. She lifted her hands and started massaging her temples, and it helped somewhat, but it did not stop the images and thoughts from pouring into her head: She and Eren holding hands, her suggestion that they run away to let the whole world burn, and running, running far away, to a log cabin deep in the forest where no one would ever find them, where they could live like human beings with no responsibilities to anyone else, where he could live out his remaining four years and die in her arms, free as a bird and as selfish as any human being could possibly be….

Levi continued to gaze upon her with pity as she rode out her headache, too preoccupied to care about him. When she finally opened her eyes again, he added one last thought:

"It's for the best this way. Really. He made his choice. Now it's your turn to make yours."

She bit her lip in reluctant agreement, cursing herself for her fruitless hope.

"Funny how you say you gave up on finding anyone after Petra," she said at last. "'Cause to be honest… I thought that maybe you and Historia were going somewhere. You went to see her plenty often enough…."

Levi sighed quietly.

"It turns out she thought so, too."

Mikasa stared back at him, putting the pressure on him now.

"But what did you think?"

He dipped his head as he thought about it seriously.

"I think… that I wasn't thinking. I was just going with the flow. And maybe that was the problem…."

Mikasa scoffed bitterly. "You and Eren are the same: you don't think twice about hurting people until after you've already done it." And she muttered under her breath, "You… assholes."

Levi shrugged. "Maybe you're right. I didn't know what I was doing…. Maybe I was stupid…."

Levi changed the subject to extricate himself from her continued scrutiny.

"You had a headache right in front of me just now. When's the last time you had one—before this, I mean?"

She sighed.

"I have a little fangirl in the Scouts now. Louise. Fresh out of the Cadets, and already got herself locked up for conspiring with Floch and the others to leak intel to the press. At some point, while I was talking to her through her cell bars… I got a headache. I remembered Eren killing the men who wanted to sell me Underground, and him telling me, 'You're safe now'…. He had this wild, psychotic look in his eyes during my headache, though… it wasn't like that when it really happened… and I don't know why that is."

Levi shook his head at hearing her tell part of the story to him directly.

"Sold Underground. That's no place for you, at any age. Say what you will about him now, but Eren did you a solid."

She peered down at her crimson red scarf still wrapped around her neck, remembering the day he saved her….

"I know," she said quietly. "I never forgot it."

At this, Levi also considered the circumstances of his own most recent headache. He was talking to Petra, thinking about Eren and Historia and Zeke... And as if reading his mind, Mikasa asked him back:

"What about you, Captain?"

Levi puffed a sigh out his nostrils as he pursed his lips.

"My last one was yesterday. Ironically, it was also about Eren…. Him and Historia…."

Somehow, it still annoyed him to see her continue to be this obsessed over Eren. In truth, Levi had always thought that his bond with Mikasa was hard to define. As conflicted as he had once felt over his relationship with Petra, his direct subordinate whom he knew well, his feelings about Mikasa were even more so.

He knew more acutely than ever now that when he thought of Mikasa, he felt a confusing tangle of emotions that were best left without putting words to, now that he had Petra... And he stood by his decision from the night before: that no matter who else he had in his life, he would still choose Petra over all others, whether she was living or dead—every time, and with no regrets.

He was then reminded of his conversation with Hange the day before, and he dug into the inner pocket of his cloak and pulled out one of the serum kits to show her.

"Do you remember this?" he asked her. "You were ready to kill me over one of these before…."

Mikasa grunted quietly as she lifted her head to see it better.

"Titan serum... So Armin was right," she concluded. "He said that you'd probably be sent off with some, just in case you needed it for Zeke."

He nodded curtly and put the kit away in his inner cloak pocket again. "He's a smart kid. That's why I chose him."

"Not because we cried and made you change your mind?"

"No. I had my own reasons."

He looked down, busying his vision with tracing the grain of the wooden tabletop.

"And Erwin did, too."

He freshly recalled Erwin coming to him in his dream last night, warning him about decisions and consequences, reminding him what he wanted out of life—about the future he wanted with Petra. Having the right things to fight for, not just to die for.

He took a breath and continued: "I want to remind you that a lot could potentially go wrong in my mission. You're the last Ackerman we have, other than me."

She nodded in agreement, feeling just the slightest bit pleased at his acknowledgment of her abilities. She knew that she was not quite to his level due to his years of experience beyond hers, and with men having a natural strength advantage to begin with, but there was still no one else coming anywhere close to even her.

Levi spoke again: "Can I trust you to do everything you can, to the full extent of your power, to keep on going in case I can't? To do what needs to be done—no matter what that ends up meaning?"

Mikasa narrowed her gaze in full seriousness.

"I will."

"You kill whoever you have to kill. You use your brain before you lose your shit. You survive. You got that?"

Her eyes glinted with determination now.

"Yes, Captain."

He nodded, satisfied with the look in her eyes. She still had fire within her: she would still fight, and she would survive.

"Oh, and another thing," he added.

"Huh?"

"It's unlikely that you'll run into him now that I'm going to be keeping him away from the cities, but just in case... stay the hell away from Zeke. I don't know what he could be planning."

Mikasa frowned in confusion.

"Why would he want anything to do with me in particular?"

"Because you're an Ackerman. I think he has it out for us... because of what we can do."

"Like what you did to him at Shiganshina."

Levi nodded.

"Right. But also… because of what happened at the cemetery. Whatever it was that I did. And we can't let him find that out. Those records of her need protecting in as many ways as possible: Angelika Klein, and Petra Ral."

She nodded back curtly at him.

"Understood."

"Thank you. Mikasa." He paused, gazing meaningfully at her.

"I'm counting on you. You're the only one I can rely on for this."

"I'll do whatever I can, Captain."

He finally loosened his arms from having crossed them for so long, and his gaze lingered on her face for one more long moment, then he turned to leave. But she called out after him with one last question:

"Captain. How are you like this all the time?"

He turned back, raising an eyebrow at her now.

"I know you have feelings, too. But you don't show nearly enough." She glanced aside to mutter, more to herself than to him, "And it's almost like you don't even care about other people's feelings, the way you say things sometimes…."

Levi closed his eyes for a long moment, then opened them again.

"My emotions belong to me. And I decide what to do about them."

She smoothed a hand over the side of her hair, still choosing not to look at him as she spoke.

"And how do you feel? About everything that happened yesterday—with Petra?" As she said "Petra", she finally looked back up to catch his reaction.

Levi smiled ruefully at her—and they both knew that a smile was a rare thing indeed from an Ackerman.

"To be honest... I never thought I would ever get to be this happy again."

Mikasa nodded quietly, biting her lip to restrain her envy.

"I'm happy for you two…."

He gave a faint smile one last time.

"Thanks for asking."

Petra nodded in understanding as he finished his retelling.

"I don't think I have any right to complain about whatever was going on between you and anyone else. I mean..."

She looked down at her hands clasped in her lap now.

"I was dead. I get it."

"So you don't feel threatened that I talked to her?"

She shook her head slightly. "No."

He eyed her even more closely. "And what about now? Now that you're here again?"

At this, she shrugged and sighed quietly. "You two are the only Ackermans left, aren't you? A clan within a people. A squad within a squad. It's important... to find people who can understand you. Isn't it?"

He nodded.

"It is. Thank you... for trusting me."

And she nodded matter-of-factly back. "You have an important bond between you. I won't get in the way of that."

Levi nodded once more as well, laying the matter to rest. He wrapped his arm around her shoulder to pull her gently into a side hug, and they leaned their heads against each other.

"You know, you keep surprising me," she said, letting her eyelids droop closed contentedly. "Sometimes you can be quite romantic..."

"If you make me self-conscious, then I'll stop."

"Heh," she chuckled. "Duly noted."

A long pause hung in the air between them.

"So you asked Mikasa to be your contingency plan—in case something happens to you," she said, opening her eyes and turning her head to look at him now. "Is that something else you didn't want me to know right away?"

His fingers gripped a little more tightly around her shoulder.

"I knew it since the day you came back," he admitted in a low voice. "I didn't realistically expect to make it out of all of this alive."

He sighed quietly as their eyes met and her body shifted uneasily in his embrace.

"And that hasn't changed."

She turned her head away from him and gazed off at the grassy ground far beneath them, her face flat and unreadable.

"But then... what happened to everything you and I said to each other? Everything we promised?" She pursed her lips in an effort to hold her welling emotions in.

Levi held a mournful look on his face.

"It was... wishful thinking. A dream to keep us going. But no matter how badly I want to survive, I have to be prepared for the worst. And you should be, too. Something inside me feels as if this... can't last. There has to be a price for all of this—for having you back here with me."

"Stop. Don't say such morbid things... Better yet, don't even think them."

They maintained their eye contact as he lifted a timid hand to caress her cheek with his thumb. She closed her eyes again, feeling his touch and willing the tears to stay inside.

"Maybe I'll end up taking your place, over there in the Paths. And I would prefer that over anything happening to you again."

He glanced down at her belly, then back up to look her in the eyes again.

"At least now you'll have something to remember me by." He nodded reassuringly. "You'll be okay, in the end..."

She shook her head resolutely and lifted a hand to pull his own hand away from her face.

"I know you're not planning to just give up and die."

"Of course I'm not. But I'm sure you didn't plan on dying, either, way back then." He heaved a sigh and finally let his arm down to release her from his side hug.

She hugged her knees to her chest and rested her cheek on her knees as she tilted her head to face him.

"I guess sometimes, reality wins over dreams," she sighed bitterly. Her pointer finger absentmindedly traced little circles around the contour of her kneecap as she considered the harsh truth of life: in the end, they were all playing one big game with the ultimate stakes and no second chances—at least, until she had turned into the sole exception….

After some moments of quiet, sober rumination, Petra spoke again:

"You know, I do remember you getting a headache once before—way back before you were even made a captain. You and I were both planning to head into town to run errands on our day off, but then you got this really bad headache, and Eld went instead of you. He was supposed to spend the day with his girlfriend, but he bailed on her to help you out."

He stared at her, seemingly nonplussed.

"Do you remember that?"

He started to nod, his gaze vacant and distant. "I think I vaguely remember something…."

She continued, "It rained that day, and then Eld and I ended up running into each other again because we were taking cover under the eaves of the same house…."

A stunning realization dawned on him, and he finally said, "Wait—what are you talking about? I thought that you and I were out there together under that house… in the rain…." His voice trailed off as he stared with renewed shock at her.

Petra shook her head insistently. "No. It was me and Eld."

She paused, realizing how her story may have sounded to him.

"But totally platonic. Really. Actually, he teased me by saying that I probably wished that it had been you with me, not him."

Levi then remembered seeing Petra and Eld come back to the barracks together on everyone's day off, drenched in rain one day after going to town separately. But he had not connected the dots to realize that that memory should have been mutually exclusive with his own memory of him and Petra in the rain.

"I don't know how you're remembering something different, but what I remember is… us."

They gave each other bewildered looks, and as they gazed into each other's eyes, they saw in their heads what the other had seen: Levi saw Petra and Eld joking about his absence as Petra blushed and stammered, and Petra saw herself and Levi in that electrically charged moment, their hair wet and dripping as they shivered with the thrill of possibility….

Her eyes grew wide as her anxiety rose exponentially, like a massive wave threatening to crash onto her and drown her underneath.

"How is this possible?" she asked, her voice a hoarse half-whisper. "How do we remember the same event differently?"

His brow furrowed as he struggled to wrest his thoughts into something comprehensible—something that accounted for his own memory that he had sworn by for so long, as well as for her own memory that she had just transmitted to him.

"When I was in the cemetery, and talking to Ymir, I remembered that day: you and I, in the rain under that house. So, I decided something in that moment. I had to know the answer to 'What if?' And I couldn't move on… until I knew where that road led."

She gazed down at her hands laying loosely in her lap.

"That's why she brought me back? So we could find out that answer?"

He pressed on: "What if there had been a different road—a different path we could have taken? One where it was you and Eld. Or another where you and I were in the rain. Where we—kissed…."

He slammed his eyelids shut with the palm of one hand as he fought valiantly to make sense of it all.

"I think everything came down to that one day for me," he said as he nodded slowly. "You and me in the rain... but nothing more."

"The one thing you remember, that I didn't."

He sighed and let his hand drop from his head.

"When it was you and me out there, but we didn't kiss... it wasn't enough to have no regrets about, but just enough to torment me—to ask myself, 'What if I had had the courage to open up just a little more?' And without that one lingering memory to keep hanging on to... maybe I wouldn't have had it in me to keep on wishing for more than what I got."

She nodded at him, teary-eyed but stoic.

"So…" he continued hesitantly, "I don't blame you for letting me go first. You weren't there in the rain with me... You didn't get to feel how close we really got—to where we are right now."

He bowed his head and closed his eyes again to help himself think.

I thought I knew what was and wasn't real—what did and didn't happen. I was sure that I remembered everything so clearly... Now it turns out that I was both right and wrong at the same time? Or more like, I was both right and also only partly right?

He opened his eyes to look at her: she was also off in her own thoughts, her face drawn taut and pale in complexion.

All this time, the Petra I knew was a different Petra? A Petra from another dimension? How many more memories did I think we shared, when in fact we may not have been together in them at all, according to her point of view? I thought she had been resurrected from the Paths, but now... how can I be sure that that's truly where she came from? Was that meeting with Ymir in my dream all just one big lie—one giant misunderstanding?

And as if she could anticipate his next words, she asked him first:

"You don't think… is that why I'm different than everyone else? Am I actually… from a different version of reality than this one?"

Her eyes widened as her own words left her lips, and she was suddenly thunderstruck by the recollection of another memory: of the moment he told her he loved her.

"In whatever version of reality this is, where you're still alive… I want to be with you here," he said. Did that mean something more than what I thought at the time? Was he really talking about—other realities?

She stared openly at him, searching his eyes for clues.

Whatever may have happened, it can't have been a conscious decision for him, right? Because he seems just as shocked as I am….

"Petra. What's the last thing you can remember before you came out of that Titan? Were you living your life out somewhere else, and all of a sudden you came here?"

She shook her head firmly.

"No. I was in the Paths; I was dead. You wanted to see me... I felt you thinking about me. I heard you call my name…. So, I came to see you, and there you were. And you looked right at me... and there I was."

His expression relaxed and he breathed out as his tension lessened somewhat.

"I thought for a bit there that I had stolen you away..." He glanced off to one side, a troubled look overtaking him now. "Maybe you belonged somewhere else, but I had been selfish… and I wanted you for myself..."

She nodded to reassure him. "Whether I'm here or in another dimension, I'll always be with you."

But he shook his head, still not fully satisfied with that scenario.

"I wouldn't want anyone else to have to lose you. Especially not another 'me'..."

She gave him a bittersweet smile, and her eyes shone a little.

"You really are a good person," she said quietly. "Considerate, compassionate—even to yourself."

He furtively diverted his gaze from her, feeling self-conscious at the unexpected praise. Words like this, he had secretly been wanting to hear for a while now, but he had no idea how to ask for them—words that explained clearly just exactly why she loved him, over all the worthier people she could have chosen to devote her life to…. But never mind that now. Not when there was so much more to grapple with understanding….

"I wonder..." he continued, "if there's more than one of you that's alive, is there also more than one of you that's dead—and in the Paths?"

She frowned.

"I never ran into another 'me'... I never knew another Petra Ral, whether dead or alive."

She bobbed her head a little as she scoffed quietly with the lingering trace of disbelief.

"A different path we could have taken…. Or a path we really did take—just not in this dimension—not in this timeline."

He looked down at the palms of his hands, examining them for their roughness and dexterity, their unique crevices and tiny scars that only he would notice.

"I'm an Ackerman. There are supposedly things I remember that nobody else can." He nodded to himself, his conviction slowly building. "This must be one of those things."

Their eyes met, each conveying to the other that they were in wholly unknown territory and did not quite know what to do about it.

"I remember the same day playing out in two different ways, but you can only remember one," he pointed out. "Maybe the way that you remember it happening is the most recent one, and all the earlier versions were lost… and I'm the one who's been remembering another version than this current one, all this time…."

She shook her head and touched her fingertips to her temples.

"So confusing…. Different versions of you and me, trying to make things right between us?"

"That's the only thing that makes sense," he insisted. "I do wonder how all this was even possible, though. I'm starting to think that something is going to happen further into the future—something that will make the Founder Ymir want us all to try again. If things go wrong every time somehow, then maybe we just end up having to start over with some other way…."

She sighed through her nose, pursing her lips uneasily. "You really think that she'd reset the entire world, just so we can go the distance without either of us dying?"

He scoffed. "Hell if I would know…."

"Well, there's probably more to it than just us, if I'm being brutally honest. We're just two people in this whole world; I know that not everyone can have a happy ending."

Again with that solemn expression she held whenever she reminded herself of a sobering reality, she hugged her knees to her chest and propped her chin up on her knees.

"Making things right by as many people as possible—and maybe for the two of us in the process… that's something I'd want to reach," she concluded. "And if that kind of ending is possible somehow… then it's well worth fighting for."

He looked at her, and she looked back out of the corner of her eye.

"All this time, I had one more memory of you than you had of me," he said quietly.

She reached out her hand to him slowly, and he took it gratefully.

"No wonder you had an even harder time letting go," she sighed, giving his hand a squeeze. "We really could've been something, if one of us had only had the courage..."

And at this, he finally managed a sliver of a smile.

"Well, better late than never."

"That's true," she nodded. "I'm glad we got a second chance… or a third or fourth, as it may be…."

They took each other in fully now, memorizing each other's faces. How lucky they were, indeed, to both be there together.

"Me, too," he murmured, looking down at their joined hands. "More than you know."

She suddenly perked up and turned to open up her rucksack.

"Oh, before I forget—"

She dug into her rucksack and produced his towel, now freshly personalized with an embroidered monogram "L" on the name label. Levi instantly felt even more regretful about berating her about the coffee. Of course she was always thinking about things to do for him….

"Thank you," he said quietly. "One less thing to worry about doing."

He paused to mentally arrange his next words.

"I'm sorry. I got—carried away… about the coffee…."

She sighed, pushing her hanging strands of hair behind her ear again.

"It's okay. I'm sorry, too. You did tell me not to let my guard down."

And then she smiled, and her eyes narrowed suggestively at him.

"And, you know, towels are for something…."

As realization dawned on him, he leaned in a little closer and squinted at her.

"Bathing is important…."

She grinned in her increasingly familiar, mischievous way. "Maybe I'll see you around…. after dinner?"

"That works for me, too…."

They took a pause to listen to the air around them: the birds twittering in the treetops above them, the creaking of the wood as the breeze wandered through, and the whisper of stillness blanketing them in peace.

"We should meet back here, first," Petra added, breaking the silence. "It'd be nice to just be alone and talk more, just the two of us…."

Levi nodded once. "Sounds good." He took a quiet breath to still the vulnerable feeling within himself, and he forged ahead with one more little admission: "I'd like that."

She gave a tiny nod.

"I like this new you, who admits his feelings…. If you just say what you want, you're much more likely to get it…."

He scoffed at this. "So, should I straight-up say, 'No coffee' in front of everyone tomorrow?"

She leaned back on both her hands, tilting her head up and sending another smile up towards the sky.

"What are you talking about? Tomorrow we're drinking tea."

And he nodded again.

"You're damn right."

The lead-up to dinner managed to be blessedly uneventful, and with Lauro's snares continuing to yield a steady stream of rabbits throughout the day, Levi needed not even concern himself with securing enough meat for stew. At the firepit during dinner, the most gossip-prone among the squad huddled together with their shoulders touching as they ate.

Henrietta whispered to Alessandro, "Did you see them together earlier? That was literally the cutest!"

"I know! Yes!" he whispered fervently back.

Bruno turned his own head from his food balanced in his lap. "Wait, what? Did they kiss or something?"

"No," Henrietta said, "but he side-hugged her for, like, a while!"

"And they held hands before all that, too!" Alessandro added. "Dude, you gotta pay attention to these things—"

Petra cleared her throat loudly as she stood before them, and Henrietta gulped, suddenly drowning in awkwardness.

"Oi." Levi stepped up to her with her mess kit bowl in his hands. "What are you doing, staring them down like that?"

Petra turned her head and smiled cheerily at him.

"Oh, nothing…."

"Good." He held her already-filled mess kit bowl out in front of her. "Let's eat."

Petra and Levi sat huddled together, making it a point to stay as far away from Zeke as possible, and mutually deciding from that moment onward that they no longer cared what he or anyone else thought about them. Interestingly, Alessandro and Henrietta both decided to sidle up on either side of Zeke and pester him with nonstop questions—about where coffee came from, about Marley and Liberio, and about the wine they were all still drinking a little bit of every night. And at one point while Alessandro was particularly engrossed in Zeke's recounting of the first time he drank fine Marleyan wine, Henrietta locked eyes with Petra and gave her a knowing smile and a wink, which Levi also noticed. Levi nodded once at her and Petra smiled gratefully back at her—at least for this one meal, thanks to them, Zeke could be preoccupied enough to let Levi and Petra have a quiet meal without him.

After dinner, Petra was waiting for Levi on a tree branch, sitting with a headlamp of Iceburst Stone wrapped in two turns and secured around her right forearm. He landed lightly on his feet before her and crouched down to look her in the face. She smiled at him, and he took a seat to the right of her and let his own feet dangle over the edge of the branch.

Levi turned to her slowly and asked, "Is this… a date?"

She grinned back at him. "It is if you want it to be."

Levi took her right hand in his left hand, tilting her forearm from side to side as he gazed into the light of the Iceburst Stone shining upward between them. It cast its light in all directions, illuminating both their faces and torsos clearly in the shadows of the trees.

"You know…" he continued slowly, "you remind me of something with this."

"Oh, really? What do you mean?"

Levi told her about that one brief, time of echoing emptiness after the 57th Expedition, when he had the excuse of his left ankle injury to take the time to make the rounds to the families and loved ones of his squad. When putting together each soldier's personal effects, he found that Eld had an engagement ring in a box that he never got the chance to give to his girlfriend: a bleak, tangible reminder of the human cost of their war against the Titans. But matters of consequences continued to happen with Eren and the other young Scouts from the 104th. With every day—with every body lain upon the funeral pyres—the end was drawing one day closer...

Petra sighed. "You do remember Eld's girlfriend, then."

"How could I forget?" he said.

She gave him a meaningful look.

"Because I realized that… that was her, in that photograph at the photography studio."

He twitched his head slightly to face her even more directly.

"Seriously? The photo you were pointing at?" He paused to recall exactly what had happened. "The one we copied the same pose of?"

She nodded solemnly.

"But of course, she was with another man... I think he had light brown hair, and a widow's peak under his fringe..."

He tried to imagine the portrait in his head—her having moved on to being with a man who matched Petra's description. He vaguely wondered whether he had happened to lay eyes on someone in Trost like that among the sea of faces in the city, but he really could not say anything for sure, with such a plain and general look as how she had made it sound….

"Time passes; things change," he sighed at last. "At the very least... did she look happy?"

"I think so."

And he nodded to himself. "That's good…. The last time she and I met, it wasn't so happy…."

Due to the nature of Eld's personal effects, Levi saved the visit to his family's house for last. He questioned himself why he had chosen the most tortuous visit until the bitter end, but getting everyone else out of the way was practice in steeling his nerves against the tears, denial, and rejection of his gestures that he fully expected to face. And surely enough, Eld's family was both heartbroken and shocked—and even more so when he pulled the ring box from his pocket.

"I didn't open it, but…" he set the ring box down on the kitchen table, in front of Eld's girlfriend sitting there, "this is for you."

Her gaze hardened and she said, "You open it." And she gazed up at him with cold, miserable tears clinging to her eyelashes; her long, straight, light brown hair quivered with the strength of her emotion.

Levi dutifully opened the box to reveal a golden band with a glowing, bluish-white stone cut with bevels and inlaid in the metal: an Iceburst Stone. Eld's girlfriend and parents all sighed quietly.

"It's stunning," his mother murmured, and she dabbed at fresh tears at the corners of her eyes. "He chose well…."

"Of course he did," his father reassured her. "You raised him well."

Eld's girlfriend presented her right hand in front of Levi. He twitched his head back a little in surprise.

"Well?" she asked him expectantly.

His mother spoke up: "Sweetie, I hardly think that's appropriate to ask of him…."

But she shook her head insistently, her face set with steely resolve. "If he can die for you," she told Levi, "then you can do this one thing for him."

Levi stood frozen for a moment, feeling incredibly awkward but also acknowledging that she was right. He sighed as he knelt down on his injured leg, pushing through the pain in his ankle to do the ritual of proposal the proper way he knew how, and he held up the ring box before her. He gingerly took her right hand in his and slid the ring onto her ring finger. And he gazed up into her eyes, and she back down at him, sharing in this bizarrely bittersweet moment: he was not the one she had wanted to have put the ring on her finger, nor was she the one he had wanted to present such a ring to. But all they had now was each other. Substitutions for the real deal that would now be forever unattainable.

He wanted to instill some measure of hope in her. But how was he supposed to give hope to others when he had none within himself? So, somehow, somewhere, he looked within until he found it—a hope despite the hopelessness, clinging desperately to the deep recesses of his memory. The cheerful, welcoming smile of Petra, inviting all who saw it to sit and stay awhile. To say however little or as much as one wanted. To smile faintly back. To hope there would be a next time—and another, and another. And without that hope—without the giver of that unconditional love—to hope nevertheless that there would be something or someone else worth living for, instead of dying for. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but someday.

And thanks to the memory of her, he remembered what true strength really was. He remembered their dying comrade lying on the ground between them, raising a bloody hand to the sky, asking if he would die in vain. And Levi and Petra bore witness to his passing, sending him onward to his death with the promise to move forward with the strength he left behind. He, Captain Levi, was Humanity's Strongest Soldier, not just because of his physical strength, but because every sacrifice drove him onward with ever more resolve. The true measure of his strength was the measure of his hope.

Finally, the right words came to him, and he said, "I've never seen you and him together before. But judging from that ring… he loves you. And no matter what you do from here… he always will."

As she admired the brilliance of the stone upon her finger, her expression softened sadly into the beginnings of acceptance. Levi paraphrased the words of Petra's father in his head again: She's too young to get married yet… and now she never will.

Levi and Petra gazed sadly at each other at the conclusion of his story. They sat quietly for a time, mutually lost in thought. Petra hugged her knees to her chest again, and Levi bowed his head, examining the growth patterns of the grass far below them.

At length, Petra lifted her head and asked, "Have you heard anything about her since then? About what she's been up to?"

"No. And I didn't intend to find out." He sighed. "I figured it would be easier if we never crossed paths again…."

She glanced down at her knees, still holding them up inside her intertwined arms.

"I wonder what she'd say if she knew about me…. If she knew that I'm alive…."

He shook his head sternly. "For now, it's better that nobody knows. At best, it would be a distraction from the political situation. And at worst…."

"It would make that whole situation worse."

"Probably."

Another moment of silence hung between them, filled by the low murmur of the forest all around them.

"Is it right to lie to people, though?" she continued quietly. "How would my parents feel about me hiding under their noses like this?"

He let loose another sigh.

"I like to think that they'd just be happy you're alive. Once they do find out."

She frowned to herself, moving her finger along the curve of her kneecap.

"Well, however they do… I just wish that they could find out from me."

She looked at him.

"Or you."

His eyes narrowed.

"… What exactly are you saying?"

She gave a tiny shrug. "I wish we could tell them. I want them to know…."

"No; I thought we settled this already. The minute they find out, they'll have a secret to hide from the MPs. Is that what you want?"

She sighed and said, "No. But… isn't it better to give them hope? Like all the signs you were looking for back then—something to show you that I was still there with you?"

He looked upon her face—the light filtering down from on high, through the branches and into her golden yellow irises—and he admitted to himself that what she wanted was no more wrong than what he had wanted back then. But….

"Giving people hope in the impossible is dangerous. It's better to be realistic—not to hope for anything that's out of your control…."

"But how is it impossible if it actually happened?"

She leaned in a little closer to him, scrutinizing him.

"If your mother were still alive, and she thought you were dead, wouldn't you want her to know the truth?"

He didn't respond.

"I know that things have changed, and we have lots of different people in this giant squad of yours now, but I still feel… lost." She hung her head as the feeling overwhelmed her. "I feel like I'm just… floating around aimlessly in this world now. And the only anchor I have is to you."

He closed his eyes tightly, fully understanding but not wanting to let on how helpless it made him feel to hear her say it. There was a limit to what he could offer her—he could only give himself, and no one else.

"And I'm not saying that you're not good enough for me," she continued, "but… you're not the only person who's important to me." She pursed her lips, formulating the rest of her thought. "And maybe that's the same for you, too. Your life is more than just me."

He blinked slowly once, but otherwise still maintained his gaze upon her.

"Everybody in my life is important to me. But you… of course you're different to me. You're special."

He reached out slowly and tentatively to cradle the far side of her head in his hand; his touch grew more assured when she closed her eyes and leaned her head into his hand.

"But I see what you mean, too." And he spoke again to say, "I've thought of a way we can send them a message. Something like a code…."

She swiveled her head to face him squarely now.

"What? A 'code'?"

He nodded. "There are other ways to communicate than with words…. Like how I used to talk to you, when you were dead…."

She paused for a moment in contemplation, then started to nod slowly, too.

"Now I think I know what you mean…."

Mr. Ral looked up from his work, putting bouquets of roses together from their little crop of flowers. Mrs. Ral was cutting lengths of sturdy twine and sheets of brown craft paper to wrap them in for the journeys their flowers would take. It was still very early in the morning and no customers just yet, but they were expecting a steady stream of flower customers, what with the big event in just a couple hours' time….

The bell above the storefront rang, and the Rals noted the unmistakable man before them: Captain Levi in his hunter green Survey Corps jacket, with a dress shirt and dark necktie underneath. The dark circles under his eyes, and the fringe of his bangs hanging over the pallor of his face, told everything they needed to know.

At last, Levi spoke, determinedly to mask his anguish at having to stand before them: "The memorial ceremony is today… Mr. Ral. Mrs. Ral."

Mrs. Ral turned away to salvage her composure and occupied her hands with inconsequential busywork, rearranging apples in a bushel at the fruit stand; Mr. Ral shook his head quietly, filling the silence with their mutual emptiness inside them.

"We're not going, Captain." He paused to swill his words around in his mouth. "We just… need some more time."

Mrs. Ral sniffled miserably and took a brown paper bag, choosing the best apples she could find for Levi.

"You come back for these after the ceremony," Mrs. Ral told him firmly, setting the bag down on the corner of the counter. Her eyes shone with half-formed tears, but like any mother who knew how to stay strong for her child, she put on her bravest face for her daughter's Captain. "Share them with your comrades. If you don't get them… well, you'd better just be back to get them. You got that?"

Levi nodded curtly at her.

"Thank you. It's a kind gesture."

Mr. Ral said quietly, "Here." He handed Levi a blue rose; Levi shifted his gaze downward and wrapped his fingers slowly around the de-thorned stem. "Do you know what blue roses mean?"

Levi shook his head.

Mr. Ral nodded and reached over to gather some more flowers for the bouquet. "Well then, Captain. Let me teach you a thing or two about the language of flowers."

He placed a bunch of two different white flowers on the wooden table, followed by a bunch of blue ones.

"Edelweiss," he began. "The name means, 'white and noble.' Patriotism and sacrifice. Short-lived but beautiful."

His words stopped for a long, heavy moment and he pursed his lips as a strained look overtook him, then he took a deep breath and continued on, still looking down at the flowers instead of up at Levi.

"Wooly white bracts, and blue-green leaves, if you look closely…. They normally only bloom in this time of year—late in summer—so they're the perfect choice. They're hard to find, up in the mountains, but we cultivate these indoors so we'd always have some around all year long."

He looked back up at Levi now, pursing his lips sadly.

"I suppose you could say that the 'season of sacrifice' never truly ends…."

He spread a bundle of edelweiss flowers across the craft paper to form the foundation of the bouquet, then added the blue rose from Levi's hand, grabbed a couple more of the same from the table, and finished it off with an equal number of white roses.

"White roses… for everlasting hope, and purity of heart," Mr. Ral explained, pointing to one of the white blooms.

Then he fondly caressed a petal of a blue rose, lingering with his rough fingertip on its deeply colored, dramatic edge.

"And blue roses… for deep devotion… and unattainable love."

He smiled mournfully at Levi, pulling his hand away from the petals, rolling the flowers up in the craft paper, and securing the flower stems and paper all together with a length of twine. And he pressed the bouquet securely into Levi's arm with an air of resolute finality. The paper crinkled a little at his touch, then fell silent in the stillness of Levi's cradled embrace. Levi gazed down as if enraptured by a newborn baby in his arms, letting his eyes sink and slowly drown in the blueness of the petals….

"You can stand perfectly still when you set your mind to it," Mr. Ral noted. "You really are a formidable man, in the end…."

"'Formidable.' I wouldn't call myself anything special like that. Every soldier learns how to master their body and mind…." Levi turned to leave, then looked back at him one more time, sharing the heartbreak in his eyes with him. "But rather than being a good soldier… I'd rather people saw me as a human being, too."

On the way to the door, Levi stopped just before the threshold. And without turning around, he said, "Thank you… for the flowers. I'll tell her that they're from you."

Mr. Ral shook his head.

"No. I won't be your excuse to run from your feelings. They're from you, and you alone."

Levi sighed, nodded ever so slightly, and stepped over the threshold, pushing the door open resolutely and stepping back into the piercing morning light.

When Levi returned in the afternoon, he had Eren and Mikasa in tow.

"Are the apples still here?" Levi asked.

Mrs. Ral looked up from her cup of tea and smiled at him, although she furrowed her brow at the sight of two young teenagers in the same green jackets as his. The sight of such young soldiers made her worry for their sakes….

"Of course." She reached under the counter and produced the brown paper bag again.

Levi took the bag with a nod and opened it up for his two charges.

"Here, you two," he said. "Eat—so you can grow a little taller."

Eren and Mikasa each reached a hand in and grabbed a bright, shiny red apple.

"Are you sure that's what you want?" Mikasa asked Levi, giving him the shadow of a mischievous sneer.

Levi cuffed her over the head with his hand.

"I'm getting very tempted to change my mind just for you," he grunted at her.

"I feel a little—like a horse—being fattened up," Eren mumbled in between bites.

Levi glared at Eren and scoffed, "You wish you were my horse. Then maybe I'd treat you better…."

"Thank you, ma'am," Mikasa politely told Mrs. Ral. "How should we call you?"

Levi pursed his lips and sighed quietly.

"Mrs. Ral. Petra Ral's mother, if you kids knew her…."

Their eyes fell to the countertop in clear recognition of the name.

"I'm so sorry, ma'am," Eren said. "I—we—" He glanced over at Levi, as if asking him what he ought to say. Levi shook his head barely imperceptibly.

"Let's go, you brats," Levi said. "We still have some Titan-sized problems to fix…."

He turned back to Mrs. Ral and gave her a curt nod in thanks. She nodded back solemnly and watched the three of them walk past the storefront window on their way back to fix their aforementioned problems. Levi went in the middle between them, and the two teens on either side of him, already starting to surpass him in height.

Well, that's Captain Levi, Mrs. Ral thought to herself. A good young man—responsible, kind… cares about those kids…. If only my own kid had stayed alive, he would have been a good man for her….

Petra looked on at the scene, standing in a quiet corner of the storefront with effervescent tears in her eyes, knowing the line between the living and the dead that she was not allowed to cross. Her mother sighed heavily to herself, tears coming to the corners of her own eyes, but she dabbed at them with the hem of her sleeve and put on a brave face for the next customer at the door.

"I'm sorry, Mother," she whispered, grasping a loosely held fist at the level of her heart. "You're right: he was good to me…."

Petra sighed dreamily at the recollection of their shared memory.

"My father taught you well. I remember those flowers…."

Levi leaned back on his two hands and turned to take in the sight of her.

"I'm glad you did. That was the first and last time I brought you blue roses…."

She nodded. "They are a bit hard to find. I understand."

At this, his eyes grew sad. "I don't intend to give them to you again. You're not 'unattainable' anymore…."

And she shook her head in affirmation. "I don't intend to be."

He nodded curtly. "Then it's decided? We'll send your parents flowers?"

"I like it. It's a very Ral thing to do…." And she grinned and added, "Let's help out the competing florist on the other side of town, then."

They lapsed into mutual silence, looking at each other again, not wanting the moment to end.

Levi spoke first: "Would you like to… do this again?"

A wide smile slowly grew upon her lips.

"What's this? Are you asking me out?" she asked.

"Yeah. I am."

She kept on smiling as she proposed, "How about tomorrow? Same time, same place?"

He nodded.

"That works for me."

Feeling emboldened by her inviting smile, he reached over to cover the Iceburst Stone headlamp with his hand and leaned over to kiss her. She returned the kiss willingly and pulled away slowly, feeling the sensation of his lips lingering on hers.

"It's about time we went to that river. Wouldn't you say?"

Levi's eyes narrowed to cut through the darkness. "It is about time we took another bath…."

She huffed as she teased him, "Are you calling me smelly or something?"

He pulled her in a little closer by her arm and murmured in her ear, "More like, you're too hot to be wearing all those layers…."

They made their way into another slow kiss that melded into more of the same, emboldened more by their mutually rising passion.

He continued softly between kisses, "We could—find a quiet spot somewhere—somewhere nobody's watching…."

"You sure like moving fast," she tittered. "It's only the first date…."

He sighed as he resurfaced from another kiss. "I like moving slow, too…. Don't you?" And he slid his hand slowly up her inner thigh.

She moaned quietly into his lips as they kissed, but then she turned her face away and caught his forearm in her own hand before he made his way to her crotch.

"Let's save that for later," she said. "When we don't have all these layers in the way…."

"I agree." He unbuckled her headlamp from around her forearm, stuffed it in an inner pocket of his cloak, and under this newly earned cloak of nightfall, they stole away one last hidden kiss.

Chapter 11: Reunion

Summary:

Zeke's restlessness drives him to get creative with the supplies in camp, much to Levi and Valis' disapproval. Levi and Petra spend some "quality time" at the river. The Ackermans and Yeagers have a double reunion in the Paths after Levi and Mikasa's conversation. In a flashback of one fateful rainy day in the Survey Corps, sparks fly in the barracks between Levi and Petra, and their comrades find shelter and solace in a certain humble tavern. Back in the present, Levi and Petra drink tea to make the night last just a little longer. Sasha's adopted sister, Kaya, introduces Gabi and Falco to a couple of special friends.

Notes:

Greetings once more, my loyal, smut-starved readers! This chapter ended up being way longer than planned, but I couldn't justify moving any scenes to the next chapter because of how they all ended up working together. I had a particularly good time making this chapter happen, and I hope you all enjoy as well. As always, special thank you to my beta reader, Puff, for suggestions and the Stamp of Approval.

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Soundtrack Recommendations:

"Good Night" – Hikaru Utada

"Call of Silence lofi hip-hop" – Kayou.

"Shock lofi hip-hop" – Kayou.

DAY 2 CONTINUED

It was nearly bedtime for Zeke, and he prepared to retire by pacing restlessly back and forth in front of the campfire, pausing at times to gaze pensively into the flames and rub his beard with his hand. With Zeke occupied with unknown internal matters, Levi crossed his arms more tightly as he sat. He glanced over at his own rucksack he had hung on a tree branch above the crates of food—far enough away from Zeke's tent that he would not be able to reach it without transforming into his Titan form, but still close enough that Levi could monitor it at a glance whenever he was in camp. He had sent Petra on ahead of him so he could watch Zeke while Valis took a bath, but now he was starting to wonder if he was going to end up being too delayed to catch her after all: with the water being colder at night, perhaps she would not want to wait too long for him….

With the distant whirring sound of grappling wires respooling and a dull thud of feet hitting the grass, Valis emerged from the shadows of the trees, his hair slightly damp after having bathed.

"Your turn, Captain," he said to Levi as he deposited himself on his favorite crate before the fire. "I'm sorry it took so long. We have to spread out quite a lot to get any privacy over there…."

Levi nodded ever so slightly.

"But there are some pretty rocky bends where it's hard to see who's in them…."

Levi squinted at him, trying to confirm the meaning behind his words.

I think he's saying that that's where I'll find her….

Valis then turned his attention to Zeke. His eyes tracked Zeke from side to side, and Zeke looked up at him as if to attempt to shut him down through a staring contest.

"There will be supply runners here in the morning, as you may have heard," Valis told him.

Zeke nodded.

"You don't suppose I could place an order, do you?" Zeke asked.

Levi sighed and stood up, relieved that he didn't have to be the one to offer anything to Zeke.

"That depends," Levi muttered, still crossing his arms as he stood across the fire from Zeke now.

"Depends on what?"

"On whether I deem it necessary."

Valis sighed now as he attempted to refocus the conversation back to business. "What do you have in mind, Zeke?"

"Smokes," Zeke said. "You know, cigarettes?"

Levi shot him a withering glare. "Absolutely unnecessary." He turned to confer with Valis, who shrugged and pursed his lips.

"There you have it," Valis concluded.

Levi pressed on, suddenly curious to learn: "Why do you want to kill yourself even faster than you're already dying?"

Zeke scoffed. "To that, I would argue that it doesn't matter how much I smoke: the Curse of Ymir is already killing me far faster than smoking ever could."

"Then you said it yourself: it doesn't matter how much you smoke. Therefore, you don't need more cigs."

"It's a 'quality of life' thing!" Zeke insisted. "No, a sanity thing, at this point."

"That's really not my problem," Levi muttered blandly.

"You know, a hotel with prison bars isn't very relaxing," Zeke huffed. "You sure know how to torture someone…."

He turned to look at Valis now.

"Valis. Would you be willing to tear off a sheet of your notepad paper for me?"

Valis cleared his throat, pulled out his notepad, and produced a sheet for Zeke. He also reached back into his cloak pocket for a pen, but Zeke waved this offer away. Valis gave him a curious look and hesitantly repocketed his pen. And he and Levi both stared in confusion as Zeke started to poke around in the supply crates.

"Hmm, this paper is decently sturdy," Zeke mused, shaking it in the air a little. "Now, where's that lovely tea you drink every night? Ah, yes…." He found the canisters packed conveniently at the top of one of the crates, and he pulled out one of them, closing the crate top back over the rest of them.

"What the hell are you doing?" Levi demanded.

"So you won't get me cigarettes. What are you going to do? Not order tea, either?"

Levi looked on, profoundly disturbed, as Zeke folded the paper in half lengthwise, carefully poured a line of dried chamomile tea into it while pinching one end closed with a thumb and forefinger, packed the tea into the valley a little more securely, and rolled the paper around the tea with practiced precision. Levi turned to Valis, who stared back at him looking both shocked and mildly amused.

"Oh, please, Captain," Zeke snorted. "Don't give me that look. You're telling me you never saw anyone in your Underground City get creative with a joint?"

Levi continued to stare with a witheringly judgmental expression on his face. Zeke crouched down at the side of the campfire to light the end of his creation in the glowing-hot embers.

"Look: I admit that I have a bad habit or two. And you've put me in a very uncomfortable situation, in the middle of nowhere here with no cigarettes." He straightened up with his tea joint in between his thumb and forefinger, lifting it to his lips for his first drag.

"You do realize that tea isn't tobacco, right?" Levi pointed out slowly, as if explaining something complicated to a simpleminded person. "Where the hell do you think tea is gonna take you if you smoke it…?"

Zeke shrugged, joint still between his fingers. "It's the ritual of it. It helps. If I had anything stronger, I'd use it."

"Tch," Levi sneered. "What a load of shit."

Valis sighed, shaking his head. "I have to say that this isn't the most productive use of my notepad paper…."

"And, well, I'm going to say that this 'finest of hotels' gets a middling review at best," Zeke continued, his displeasure growing more audible with every word. "No daily pack of cigarettes, no daily newspaper—no running water, even?" He started to turn away to let his point sit, but then he swiveled back to add, "How do you people even wipe your asses?"

Valis stared blandly at him. "We… don't." He paused. "At least, not when we go camping…."

"For the love of God…." Zeke shook his head while chuckling incredulously.

"We did give you a trowel. I recommend you use it." Levi blinked dispassionately as he continued to glare at Zeke as well. "You get free room and board indefinitely, free meals and snacks, an expansive garden for morning walks, unfettered access to the only master bedroom in the house—" he motioned towards Zeke's tent, "—and you're still whining about unfair treatment?"

Valis added, "We're all in the same boat with all of that stuff, Zeke. You benefit from us running back and forth with jugs and waterskins, too."

"Heh," Levi snorted to himself. "I guess Marleyan boot camp isn't much of a wilderness education. At least, nothing like the Survey Corps…."

Zeke shook his head and sighed before taking another drag and replying, "You know, if you'd just rotate one or two horses in and out of camp for people to ride to the river and back, you could save yourself the extra running."

"Most people's horses don't like being ridden by people other than their assigned rider." Levi paused, then added, "And the extra exercise is a good thing, anyway."

"Heh," Zeke chuckled. "Horses. People. Aren't they so very similar? Once they get attached, they don't leave any room for anyone new…." And he gave Levi a knowing, suggestive look.

"They're together for a reason." Levi continued to glare even more severely, willing himself to bore holes into Zeke's glasses.

Zeke snorted again. "Anyway. Like I keep saying, Captain, you and I are all about different means to the same end." He held up his joint to illustrate his point. "See? We can both appreciate a good herbal tea in our own ways."

As he examined the burning end of the joint poised between his fingers, he nodded slowly in appreciation.

"Chamomile tea… this stuff really does chill you out…." He shifted his gaze back to Levi again and motioned slightly towards him with the joint. "Thank you, Captain. Maybe thanks to this stuff, I can finally quit. Kick the habit just in time to kick the bucket."

Levi shrugged. "It's a worthy goal. At least you won't have to reek when you're standing around other people."

"Ohhh, not to worry. I intend to die on my knees, miserable and alone," he assured Levi, his voice sagging with sarcasm. "Isn't that what you want?"

"It's not about what I want. It's about what you deserve…."

The silence between them all hung awkwardly in the air, punctuated only by the intermittent pop and crackle of the fire.

Valis spoke up at last: "Captain. Maybe we should just… leave it at that," he suggested nervously.

Levi nodded once at Valis, his expression set, and he turned to leave towards the trees with a swish of his hunter green cloak. He shot his wires up to pull himself up to his rucksack, slung it over one shoulder, and started to head off in the direction of the river.

Zeke looked on at Levi's retreating figure and chuckled one final time. He lifted the shortening stub of his joint to his lips and savored a long, aromatic drag.

At the riverbank, Levi went about his nightly business near an outcropping of rocks while trying very purposefully not to think about Petra, and also to avoid thinking about Zeke. He figured she was around there somewhere, way ahead of him on the hygiene chores, and he decided that it would be easiest to focus on his own chores first, and then find her when he was good and ready. So he took his cloak off so it wouldn't get wet, and he propped up his hand mirror on a couple of craggy rocks and flossed and brushed his teeth with the help of the flowing water right next to him. He then took a good, long look all around to see if any Scouts were easily visible in the trees above him; it seemed devoid of blatant onlookers, so he took off his ODM gear and straps, removed the rest of his clothes, and got in the water, pulling his shirt in with him to start on the laundry. He dragged his rucksack a little closer and fished his bar of soap out of it, then scrubbed the soap all over the dripping wet shirt and used the rocks as a washboard underneath it.

Once all his clothing was wet, soaped, and scrubbed, he left everything flat on the rocks and stood alone in the river as it flowed and parted around him. He dipped his face in the water, rubbing it over his face and through his hair. And then he wondered again where she had gone.

Another area well-hidden by rocks, he thought to himself. A bend in the river….

He concluded that since he had not seen another area with rocks during the morning run, it must be a ways off from the trees. It made sense: it was far enough away from the trees that any Scouts in them could not see it clearly—particularly at night. But upstream or downstream was the next question….

He decided to go upstream first, because potentially not finding her and doubling back to go downstream would ultimately take less energy than drifting all the way downstream and having to fight his way all the way back if he could not find her there. Even though the river was generally shallow enough to only come up to his belly button, he was secretly very glad now that he had learned to swim in the Survey Corps, way back when he was new….

After a couple of minutes of heading upstream, he saw her in a bend in the river where the water pooled more slowly off to the side as the water rushed more quickly where it could move in a straight path downstream. Surely enough, there were many large rocks smoothed flat by the persistent erosion of the water. Around her and behind her were more large, tall rocks, forming what appeared to be a stony throne in the water; the rocks also encompassed a flat, grassy area that appeared easy to climb onto and off of.

She appeared to be sitting on a submerged rock because the water went all the way up to her collarbones, whereas on him it only went up to the middle of his abdomen as he stood. She sighed in supreme relaxation as she lowered her face into the water, then lifted her head up again to face him. Even though she was mostly in shadow, the orange in her hair was still unmistakable to him in the moonlight reflected off the smooth surfaces of the rocks around her.

"Looks like you found me," she said. "What took you so long?"

At this, he sighed heavily and smacked his face into the water's surface, shaking his head underwater to wet his hair again, then resurfaced.

"I was waiting for Valis to finish. And then Zeke. He wanted cigarettes in the next supply run."

"And?"

"What do you think?" he scoffed. "I said no."

And he stood before her, still glowering furiously to himself. His fingers gripped tightly around his biceps of his opposite arms as he crossed them, his fingertips turning white with the pressure.

Petra huffed an audible sigh at his visible preoccupation.

"Why are you so grumpy?" she asked.

He took a moment to consider whether to even tell her, but ultimately he could not help himself: "That bastard rolled a joint. Out of tea."

After a moment of mental processing, Petra let loose an outburst of uncontrollable giggling, which she attempted (but failed) to stifle with her hand.

"Out of our tea!" he added, growing more outraged at her dismissive reaction.

"Oh, the sacrilege!" she chuckled, her shoulders shaking with her laughs. "So? We share whatever we have. It's everyone's tea to drink—or smoke."

"He's an uncultured boor. An uncivilized heathen. Never seen anything like it."

She grinned at him, starting to regain her composure. "You're as stern as ever. Pick your battles! Does it really matter either way if he gets to smoke?"

"If he drops a cigarette butt and causes a wildfire out here, then it sure would."

She shook his head at him in continued amusement. "You're just coming up with excuses after the fact. You just want to make him suffer in as many ways as possible."

"So?"

And she covered her mouth with one hand once more as her laughter partially rebounded to a continuous chuckling. He shook his head and sighed to himself again.

Once her laughter subsided, she finally stood up from the hidden rock she had been sitting on, and her wet, naked breasts rose up from the water's surface. His gaze drifted over to her body as if attracted to a magnet, and he internally admonished himself a little at staring at her breasts so easily. Somehow, all it took him was one look at her (one look at her naked, furthermore), and he forgot all about being grumpy. She hugged herself to keep herself warm and made her way over to where he stood while he continued to stare at her, and they both turned with their backs to the trees and faced the same direction: outward past the river, to the seemingly endless expanse of grass hazily spread out in the waxing gibbous moonlight.

"My head is spinning," she admitted at last. "There's so much to think about..."

He sighed quietly, recalling everything they had stumbled upon through their conversations earlier that day.

"Mine, too."

She closed her eyes and dipped her head, pressing her wet hands against her face.

"I don't want to go to sleep…."

"Me, neither," he admitted. "But I've given up a long time ago on running from nightmares. I just take them as they come."

She opened her eyes again and stared listlessly into the water, trying to prepare herself for the inevitable descent into sleep, where she could no longer control where her mind would wander.

"And on some lucky nights," he continued, "I manage to avoid them."

She sighed, closing her eyes and bowing her head again. This time, when she slowly opened her eyes, she came face-to-face with her own dim reflection in the surface of the water. But right next to her own reflection was his, as he looked directly at her. She turned her head over at him just as he started to speak again:

"I've found it most effective to end the day on something simple. Something good. Like tea."

They gazed hazily into each other's eyes.

"Or... other stuff," he added. "Then tea."

A lighthearted grin came over her now. "Tea that you drink? Not smoke?"

"Obviously."

They made their way even closer to each other until he was reaching his arms around the small of her back and she was running her hands up both sides of his well-defined, muscular chest.

"I'd like that," she whispered, and she leaned in for a gentle kiss, melding into another, fuller one. Her breasts pressed gently up against his own chest, and he slid a hand up her front to hold one of them in his hand while he breathed in her hair.

"You smell like water..."

"Are you saying I'm wet?" she teased.

"I don't know; are you?"

He held her even closer to him and kissed her again, groaning softly as he pressed himself up against her under the water. She slid her hand down the front of his abs, found his male parts between his legs, and fondled the underside of his erection and his testicles with gentle, teasing ministrations while they nuzzled the tips of their noses.

"Did I ever tell you—how big you are?" she whispered in his ear.

He groaned again into her own ear, a little louder this time, as he dragged his teeth softly up the border of her earlobe.

"About time you did," he murmured, and he parted his lips to suck on her ear.

"I wanna feel it..." she moaned breathily.

"We'll get there," he assured her in a low voice. "Slowly…."

Levi embraced Petra, holding her warm, lean body to his. They rested their chins on each other's shoulders and breathed in each other's damp hair.

"Your body used to feel a little cooler," he commented, "but it's warmer now... almost as warm as mine."

"Huh. I thought that women naturally run a little colder than men."

"That's right. But you've almost caught up to me."

She gazed into the water, searching its shadowy depths. "I wonder what that all means..."

His hands slightly tightened their grip around her upper arms.

"It means... there's a little bit of me in you now. My bloodline is special... do you remember that?"

"Yeah." She sighed quietly and hugged herself to him; the water murmured as it passed from between them and out to either side. "I guess I must be pregnant."

He hugged her to him more tightly in return, pressing his cheek against the crown of her head. "Yeah."

They pulled away from the embrace to look each other in the eyes.

"It'll all be fine." She nodded to reassure herself just as much as him. "We'll get through this together, like we said. Right?"

He nodded and pulled her in close again, resting his forehead on hers. Their eyes closed, the tips of their noses touched, and they kissed.

"I love you," she told him in a hushed voice.

"I love you, too..."

"Levi... go slow," she reminded him quietly. "I want this to last..."

He kissed her softly on the side of her face. "Me, too."

He picked her up in his arms and pushed her out of the water, over the top of the riverbank. He emerged behind her in another moment, pulling her onto her back on the grass and positioning himself over her. Their stress was palpable as it unspooled inside them more and more with every mutual touch, loosening and dissipating as they indulged in each other. He gently stroked one of her nipples until it went erect, then did the same for the other, and finally he slid his fingers down her stomach, over her belly button and ending up in her moist, slick folds between her legs, which she spread open a little wider for him at his touch. While he rubbed her where and how she liked the best, he pressed his full erection against the underside of her thigh in a slow rhythm, reveling in his sustained arousal with a deep sigh. She moaned quietly and deeply, pulling him in for breathy, desperate kisses and arching her back with the rhythm of his pleasuring. Her breathing slowly quickened and her moaning grew more urgent; she slid a hand down to grip around his forearm to gain some semblance of control over his touch as she approached her orgasm, trembling, quivering, and panting while somehow doing her best to keep herself quiet. Finally she felt herself coming, and she pursed her lips tightly together and squeezed her eyelids shut; her whole body stiffened and then her hips bucked upward into his hand, and she gasped. He leaned over her and silenced her mouth with a kiss before she squeaked too loudly, but she quickly broke away to regain her breath.

"Did you just—" he whispered into her ear.

"Yes!" she breathed desperately. "Oh…!" she pitched her head towards her other shoulder, panting through her slightly parted lips.

"How do you keep on going like this?" he marveled sensually in her ear while he resumed his finger movement, urgently and insistently.

She moaned indulgently, lifting one hand to grip the grass next to her head and turning her face off to the opposite side.

"'Cause you keep on going—What am I—supposed to—do—" She slid both her hands around his forearm now in another desperate but futile attempt to impede his prolonged touching. She let loose another moan, but stifled it halfway up her throat. He groaned quietly in response and ran his lips along the taut muscles on the side of her neck as he gradually slowed the movement of his fingers. She murmured a quiet "oh" as he touched her one more time, pressing gently on the base of her clit, and pulling his hand away to slide around the curve of her ass, pulling his erection tighter onto the underside of her thigh.

While she lay panting sexily on the cushioned bed of grass beneath them, he caressed her nipples with his lips and sucked indulgently on each one in turn. He started to gently squeeze one breast while sucking on the other. Then he slid his hands slowly up her sides, dragging his thumbs firmly up the undersides of her breasts and pressing her nipples upward as he moved his hands over them, but she reached down to stop his hands.

"No, wait—stop—"

"What?" he panted. He stopped and released her from his clutches, looking down at her for some signal of what he had done wrong.

She took his wrists in her hands and moved them down to rest on either side of her hips.

"It's just—my breasts are kind of sore," she mumbled, still breathing a bit heavily. And she covered her breasts with one forearm, growing self-conscious and warm in the face.

Levi nodded slowly. Upon second thought, he did admit to himself that her breasts had seemed slightly fuller than before... He lifted a hand to hold her face: she looked distracted—perhaps even troubled—but she leaned her face into his and closed her eyes again as their lips touched anew, and she arched her back to press herself into his body again.

"Okay," he said quietly. "Sorry."

And he kissed her gently on the mouth again, cradling around her shoulder with his strong, lean forearm. She lifted her head up into him and he grew a little bolder with the next kiss, sucking on her lower lip. She moaned quietly and sighed in anticipation of more...

"Is this okay... out in the open like this?" she asked.

"It's kinda too late to ask that now," he pointed out before slipping in another kiss.

"But… well…" she mumbled uneasily, and she turned her face away.

"Everyone probably knows we're here," he said quietly. "Do you see anyone else around?"

"No," she admitted with a titter despite her misgiving. "But if they're in the trees and we're out here in the moonlight, they'd probably see us better than we can see them."

He glanced around them and retorted with, "We're surrounded by rocks on three sides. It's fine."

She sighed and nodded into his shoulder. "Well, if anyone is watching, I guess we'd better not... disappoint." And she sensually combed her fingers through her hair, undoing the tucking of it behind her ear while pointedly drawing his focus to her unshielded breasts.

"What the fuck," he whispered at her. "You just told me not to touch them and now you're—"

And he leaned in to kiss her deeply yet again while sliding his hand back down to fondle her breasts—just a little more, maybe a little more gently than before…. She moaned quietly again at his careful touch, like a kitten purring while being petted, and she closed her eyes and surrendered to his desires. This time, it didn't hurt; rather, it was just enough to make her want more….

As if somehow reading her mind, he asked her, "Can I—put it in?"

"You'd better," she panted, her voice low and intense.

She pulled his head in for another kiss and he released a low, guttural moan from the base of his throat mid-kiss while he gave a firm, decisive thrust with his hips to penetrate her deeply. She pulled her head back and gasped, "Oh," at the pleasurable lightning strike of his manhood driving into her, as he finally got the full acknowledgment of his arousal. He held her thighs open with his hands and rocked his hips into her with a measured urgency, making her continue to moan and almost squeal. She sighed at the exquisite pleasure of his size as he slicked tightly in and out of her, rocking his hips forward and back and panting into her neck. She smiled in satisfaction when she squeezed around him and heard his breath catch in his throat; he pushed through the tightness of her grip and continued to thrust resolutely into her, her wetness coating his engorged manhood in layer upon layer of the lubrication of her pleasure. And she quivered and moaned passionately under his absolute control.

"Levi," she squeaked into his ear (his favorite ear—always his left) and he stifled a groan against the skin of her neck.

"Petra," he whispered into her own ear, panting heavily and closing his eyes to focus on her squeezing around him, holding him in her grasp. "Holy shit—" He held her hair roughly in one hand as he gripped around her hip with the other, pulling her up around him as deeply as he would go. They clutched each other's bodies tightly, moving more and more urgently against each other and breathing in each other's warm, wet skin and damp, messy hair. She moaned again, and again, and again, and finally he came in a torrential blast, shooting his white-hot wetness down into her like lightning meeting a lightning rod, drawing his essence into the ground. She squeezed her eyes shut and clutched around his shivering, jolting erection, feeling every wave of his ecstasy pulsate deep inside her. His breath finally released once he was done, and he panted deeply and indulgently into her hair, kissing her on the ear.

"If I could, I'd fuck you—until I pass out—and die," he concluded, cradling her shoulder in his forearm. Their noses rubbed together and they closed their eyes for a mutual kiss.

"You should save yourself—just a little—so you can live another day," she said. "And we can do the same thing tomorrow—and the day after that—and after that…."

He groaned quietly and kissed her breathlessly again.

"Fuck…. I'm gonna hold you to that."

She giggled into his ear.

"You know I don't say no to you," she whispered naughtily.

She ran a hand through his damp hair, then let her fingers trace downward along his jawline. He caught her hand in his when she reached his chin, and their fingers intertwined effortlessly as he laid her hand back next to her shoulder on the grass. He gave her a series of firm, pumping thrusts with his residual hardness, eliciting a final round of desperate moans through her tightly pursed lips, and he finally pulled out of her when she was surely, thoroughly disoriented by the state of her own pleasure.

In the delirium of her prolonged orgasm thundering through her loins, she vaguely remembered wondering in the recent past whether she counted as a "slut". But even if she was, and even if it was just a little bit shameful, she just couldn't manage to care when fucking felt this good. And if only every woman had a man like Captain Levi, they would all understand her perfectly well….

"Petra," he began again, "we can't let this—become a habit..."

"Why can't this be a habit?" she asked him. "I wish we could be like this every day…."

He sighed and collected her in his arms, bringing her back into the water with him.

"One day at a time," he murmured, standing her up in front of him in the waist-deep, flowing water. She leaned into him, resting her hands on either side of his chest, and they kissed again.

"It's better if it's more random," he pointed out. "We'll be easy to—take advantage of—if we have a 'schedule'..."

"I like that idea." She kissed him sensually and slid a hand down his front and rubbed the water onto his relaxing penis. "Surprise me…."

"I'm not going to just pounce on you out of nowhere," he said, sounding unamused.

"No, what I mean is… make me want it," she whispered, taking his earlobe into her mouth and running her teeth down the cartilage.

"I'm sure you do." He slid his own hand boldly between her legs, feeling between her folds and rubbing water into them in kind. She squeezed her eyes shut momentarily, abandoning her own handling of his privates, then bent her head forward to open her eyes, staring him down intensely as he continued to touch her. When he drew his hand away from her at long last, she leaned her body against his, their carnal selves melding perfectly together as their lips touched and formed around each other perfectly. He cradled her head in his hands by her hair, kissing her slowly, innumerable times more, and she rested her hands against his collarbones as he held her tightly to him. This was the Petra worth losing sleep over: the Petra who was alive and loving him with her body as well as her heart.

On a gently sloping hillside overlooking a little log cabin in the remote hills, Erwin stood gazing at the scenery to one side of his vision while Levi and Mikasa said their goodbyes on his other side.

"Commander Erwin," Kuchel said as she drew nearer to him. "Fancy seeing you here…."

Erwin nodded curtly at her. "Kuchel. I'm here for Levi: he was thinking about what I told him…."

She smiled agreeably at him.

"I'm glad you came. He has so much to get lost in, up there in his head…." And she made her way down the hill to approach the cabin; Erwin hung back to continue to observe.

In front of the log cabin—identical to a certain home in Shiganshina—Mikasa's mother and father looked on at her from the Paths, gazing sadly at each other. Eren's mother Carla stood nearby, also sighing at her son's divergence from Mikasa. In the living world, Levi gave Mikasa a curt nod of parting and walked away down the hall, and Mikasa slumped her back against the wall, hanging her head.

"I guess getting your heart broken is just part of life," Mrs. Ackerman said. "The poor thing…."

"We took that girl in like a daughter," Carla said, her voice sounding distant. "I was quite fond of her; it was nice to have a daughter, as well as a son…. But I guess Eren found someone else for him. What can you do…."

The two dark-haired mothers traded bittersweet smiles. Carla gave a slight tilt of her head when she noticed Kuchel's unique bolo tie.

"What an interesting bolo tie," she commented. "What does it say on it…?" She leaned in to read the words "I DIED WORST" on the golden teardrop fastener, and she pulled her head away, looking incredibly confused.

"It was a game," Kuchel explained, blushing a little in sudden embarrassment. "Those Survey Corps soldiers like comparing who died the most tragic and painful death. And I showed up to it 'cause of Kenny, and I ended up winning the game…."

Carla frowned.

"If I had known about that game, I assure you that I would have made a very compelling case…."

Kuchel nodded.

"Sorry, Carla…. If they ever have another round, I'll keep you in mind next time."

"Where's your husband, Carla?" Mikasa's mother asked her.

Carla scoffed.

"Mikasa knows now, too: men are fickle creatures." Carla adjusted her side-ponytail of deep brown hair so it was out of the way of the side of her face. "Just like my own husband, keeping a first wife secret from me for all those years…." Her obvious displeasure at having been brutally devoured by his first wife hardened her gaze.

They now both turned to notice Kenny Ackerman sidling up to join the group with his grandfather in tow.

"You know they put Titan Shifters somewhere else up here," Kenny said. "I tried looking for Uri lots of times, but that girl Ymir would always turn me around…."

However, as soon as he was done speaking, Kenny's eyebrow raised in shock as Grisha Yeager appeared from a puff of black smoke before them.

"I stand corrected," Kenny said. "I guess the Dungeon Master is slacking off these days…."

"You mean the Founder Ymir?" Grisha asked. "She used to always be around, monitoring how long we went around for. But we haven't seen her in a couple of days now, to be honest…."

"Huh…" Kenny mused to himself.

Kuchel turned to whisper something to Carla, who nodded and ushered her over to the cabin door. Kuchel let herself in, and Carla turned to listen to her husband continue to speak.

"My son with the last woman of Royal blood…" Grisha murmured, turning internally to ponder. "I do admit, it reminds me a lot of myself, way back when…."

Carla crossed her arms petulantly.

"Grisha, I really don't want to see your first wife right now. Or ever. Please don't even talk about her…."

He held up his hands in capitulation.

"Okay, okay. I won't call her over; I understand."

Mikasa's parents noticed Erwin watching them and waved to him to bring him in closer. Erwin pursed his lips and descended the hill in an instant to join them. Mr. and Mrs. Ackerman held out their hands to shake Erwin's, and then the two blonde men turned to look at the two black-haired women next to them.

"We've kind of been off in our own little world for a while, just living out our days in our cabin," Mrs. Ackerman explained to Erwin. "Forgive us for being confused…. If Kuchel is Levi's mother, then… are you his father?"

Erwin shook his head. "No, ma'am. Just his Commander… or at least, until I died four years ago now."

Kenny and Kuchel's grandfather waved a hand dismissively at Erwin's humility.

"Then you're as much a father to that boy as he ever ended up having. So, stay here with us," Grandfather insisted. "A full Ackerman reunion is long overdue."

Kenny cleared his throat uncomfortably and rolled his eyes at his contribution to Levi's upbringing being roundly ignored. Erwin nodded.

"Very well."

"Great!" Grandfather exclaimed. "Ackermans and Yeagers, all together now. This'll be entertaining…."

Kuchel emerged from the door to the cabin with a serving tray holding a full teapot and multiple teacups balanced on top.

"Who'd like some tea?"

Kenny snorted at his sister's predictability.

"I guess it's not a real Ackerreunion without tea," he grumbled. "Honestly, Grandfather, the shittiest thing about being an Ackerman is not getting to get tipsy after drinking one too many…."

"Bah." Grandfather waved a dismissive hand at him, too, and in the same breath, he graciously accepted a full cup of tea from Kuchel. "If the right tea can hit you like a shitload of bricks, then just go with that instead! One man's tea is another man's booze—and vice versa." And he air-toasted Kenny and took a sip.

"You can't make Jägerbombs with tea," Kenny pointed out. "Those always looked like fun. Ohhh, wait a minute—" he looked over at the Yeagers. "They wouldn't have happened to name that stuff after you guys…?"

Grisha and Carla shook their heads, giving him deadpan stares.

"I don't think we even know what that is…." Grisha said. "And I'm from Outside the Walls, and I still haven't heard of it before…."

"It's Jägermeister liqueur and—you know what? Never mind. Fucking prudes," Kenny grumbled, shoving his hat down further onto his head. "I thought Ackermans were supposed to be edgy and shit, but the Mister and Missus from the Branch Family here—" he indicated towards Mikasa's parents, sipping tea and generally trying (and failing) to blend in with the scenery, "—just live out their deaths in a lovely cabin in the woods, with absolutely no living-people drama. How do you all not keel over from the boredom of it all?"

Mr. Ackerman put one hand on his hip while holding his teacup in the other hand.

"Look. If this is a distinction between City Ackermans and Country Ackermans somehow, then it is what it is. But more to the point: our daughter has never tried to contact us, nor have we tried to contact her. She misses us without being needy; we know she'll be okay. She's strong-willed, intelligent, and resourceful enough to handle herself."

Kenny made a face and shrugged in silent capitulation.

Mr. Ackerman continued, "So, why not trust in Levi—and Eren—in the same way, and just let things play out as they will?"

"Because the fate of humanity rests on the consequences of their decisions!" Erwin said, voicing his thoughts at last. "And maybe Mikasa's, too!" And he took a sip of his own tea, his opinion now verbalized.

Kuchel cleared her throat.

"Commander. Are you sure it isn't possible that you're exaggerating things just a little?"

Erwin turned his head to look at her with a hint of inquisitiveness breaking through his stubbornness.

"I mean, I know I do worry about my son, and I do look on after him at times. But at the end of it all… isn't this really just about everyone's happiness? And making it through life—together?"

And Kenny burst out laughing in renewed appreciation for his little sister.

"Finally someone gets it," he chuckled. "Just chill out and enjoy the ride, folks…." His head bobbed with one last chuckle. "I mean, with living-people problems like theirs, we don't need anything more entertaining than that…."

Grisha sighed quietly and tilted his head back, letting the sun shimmer over his glasses and sparkle over the moving surface of his tea.

"To tell the truth, Kenny, I must agree with Erwin. There is far more riding on people's decisions than simply, 'Will they be happy or not?'"

Kenny turned to stare sternly at Grisha.

"Please do tell us what you've been seeing, then. 'Cause it's your son—sons, actually—who's fucking it up for everyone else out there…."

Grisha shook his head.

"No, Kenny. You're not a Titan Shifter; you cannot even begin to understand the burden that entails…."

Kenny scoffed at him.

"Your head's getting overinflated with your self-importance. No wonder Ymir keeps you people locked up 90% of the time…."

"Wow, coming from 'Kenny the Ripper', that sure is saying something…."

"Hey, other people called me that first!"

Kuchel turned to Carla and Mrs. Ackerman and shook her head, her expression flat with her internal judgments.

"Men," Kuchel sniffed. "Sometimes you just can't reason with them…."

And the other two women giggled into their hands and nodded, having no choice but to agree completely.

Alessandro slowly lowered his pair of binoculars and sat back down on the tree branch next to Ernest.

"Man, did they fuck," he marveled to Ernest. "That literally took forever…." He cleared his throat pointedly. "But in a good way, of course."

Ernest shook his head in exasperation mixed with disgust. "I can't believe you watched. Don't let anyone find out you did that."

"Eh, yeah, I probably shouldn't. In all fairness, we're so far away that I could hardly see. And there were rocks in the way, anyway…."

"Why did you even try to watch, though? What purpose did that serve?"

Ernest glanced down at Alessandro's crotch.

"'Cause I didn't ask to be trapped in a tree with a guy with a hard-on…."

"Oh, come on," Alessandro insisted. "I didn't get that hot and bothered..." He glanced down at himself just to confirm. "See? We're good."

And Alessandro patted Ernest on the back; the latter flinched and swatted his hand away.

"Gross. Seriously." Ernest glared at Alessandro, his nostrils flaring. "Look. I'll admit that there are times you can be funny. But have you ever given any thought as to why you also piss people off?"

"Oh, I don't know. You tell me."

"Because the one thing that makes you useful is also the thing that makes you annoying: you notice everything! You stick your nose in everything! And you can't keep your trap shut about anything, either!"

Alessandro pursed his lips in petulant defiance and crossed his arms over his chest. Ernest paused to consider something, then dug into his cloak pocket and pulled out the notepad that Bruno had given him.

"Here. Since you like staring at dicks and pussies so much, you can get a load of this."

Alessandro snatched the notepad out of his hand and flipped open the cover. He grabbed his headlamp dangling from his neck and shoved it back onto his forehead for a light source. The first ink drawing was a blushing, butt-naked Alessandro standing on the grass, whose tiny erection was getting sucked by Queen Historia on her hands and knees (who was clad in nothing but a crown) while he, in turn, was sucking Zeke's enormous dick (with Zeke standing before him wearing nothing but his glasses). Captain Levi stood off to the side in his full uniform, cloak, and cravat, squirting a droplet of Titan serum into the air from a syringe tip while he said, "Suck it up, Sandro!"

"Fucking Bruno," Alessandro growled. "I'm gonna throttle him in his sleep…. But okay, I will admit: the Queen does look svelte…. Regally naked…."

"Aww, does it hurt when the tables are turned? You know, it's pretty funny, too, 'cause usually people get bigger when they turn into Titans…." And Ernest pointed at the drawing of Alessandro's tiny dick to illustrate his point.

"Fuck you." He ripped the notepad out of Ernest's reach. "Wait, there's a second drawing here… and a third… huh."

He pushed the first page over and out of the way to reveal two loose-leaf pages inserted from another notepad. The first had a heading that said, "RIVETRA: DAY 1" in all capital letters, entitling a drawing of Levi and Petra jacking each other off with their hands in each other's fly slits while they lay grinning naughtily with their eyes closed on their sleeping mats. Zeke stood at their feet with his fly open, drenching them both in piss from his penis fountain. And behind that was a third drawing, "RIVETRA: DAY 2", this one an even more explicitly erotic drawing of a naked Levi and Petra going at it doggie-style on their sleeping mats outside of Zeke's tent; Petra was wearing a dog collar and leash, which Levi was using to choke her as he thrusted into her from behind while Zeke popped his head out of the tent, cheering at them in speech bubbles, "Harder, Captain!" and "Tighten that leash!"

Alessandro said slowly, "You know, with the last two drawings… I can almost forgive him for the first one. Almost."

"Are you kidding? The guy's a genius. He could be drawing things for the newspaper. Political cartoons and the like."

Alessandro shrugged. "Eh, well, we all have our own talents. But if he's a Scout, then he most definitely isn't allowed to put anything like this in the papers…."

"But they don't have to be sex scenes," Ernest insisted. "Just something that illustrates an uncomfortable truth…."

Alessandro scoffed. "Well, then, let's wait till he draws a picture of you, and we'll see who's laughing then!"

Ernest cleared his throat. "Actually, I already commissioned something else out of him, so he'll be occupied with that for a bit." He winked at Alessandro. "I'm sure it'll rile you up even more. You, and a certain someone…."

"What?" he spluttered.

"Man, are you dumb, if you think the rest of us are that dumb. Let's just say, it's time to think of another combined name…. My vote is on 'Sandretta'. Heh heh heh…."

Alessandro's face started to grow warm. "What the hell? Leave her alone, Ernest!"

Ernest started to chuckle. "Ooh, I seem to have struck a nerve. That only further confirms it, then. 'Sandretta' it is…."

Alessandro sighed in defeat.

"Fuck."

As Levi monitored the almost-boiling water in the teakettle, Petra unloaded the supply crate with the assortment of tea canisters.

"What kind of tea do you want?" she asked him. "I was thinking straight chamomile tea…. It's good to calm the nerves…."

Levi fought to banish the thought from his mind of Zeke smoking the chamomile tea, choosing to simply say, "That sounds good." But just as the words left his lips, he froze for a second as he vaguely recalled something, then he turned and said, "Wait. Give me the canister first."

She passed it to him with some hesitation, and he pulled out the Iceburst Stone headlamp from his inner cloak pocket to read the canister label better. Surely enough, in printed letters it read, "Not considered safe to consume during pregnancy."

He handed the canister back to her, pointing out the relevant section on the label. He closed his eyes and recalled the ingredient label on the tea his mother drank, from when he had bought it just the other day. One of the ingredients had indeed been chamomile….

He opened his eyes and whispered to her, "I'm sorry. I didn't know… it was never relevant to me, until now…. Shit…."

"Oh no… I didn't think about that, either…."

The color drained from her face as she recalled the herbal tea blend he had made for them last night that included chamomile tea. She slowly replaced the canister back in the crate and fished out the lavender tea one instead.

"Well… at least last night's tea was a blend with lavender and lemon balm, too," she sighed. "Hopefully it'll be okay…." She pulled him over to read the label silently along with her. "Okay, it says that lavender is safe."

"Do you want the leaves in the teakettle or the mugs?" he asked.

"This never used to be open for adjustments," she commented. "You've been leaning towards the strong side lately, huh? Just put it in the teakettle like you used to."

Maybe the bastard does have a point, he thought begrudgingly to himself as he carefully poured the dried tea flowers into the kettle and replaced the lid. I guess we both have our vices…. Although I blame him for stressing me out this much, that I need my tea to be this strong lately….

Petra sighed quietly as she handed him his empty mug. They both stood with their mugs in hand now, scuffing the ground listlessly with their boots as they waited for the tea to brew in the hot water.

"I'll be more careful from now on," Levi said quietly. "I was careless. I'm sorry."

"It's my fault, too. But… it'll probably be fine," she reassured him. "It did help. And I haven't felt sick since then. Really."

He shook his head regretfully and checked on the tea, concluding that it was ready to be served. He poured a full helping for Petra, then for himself, and he took a seat on a crate right next to where he stood, so he could be across the fire from Zeke's tent—and hopefully out of easy earshot of him. Petra pulled another crate right next to his and sat with her own mug cradled securely in her hands, huddled in so close to him that their shoulders touched.

"I guess we both still have a lot to learn," she sighed.

He nodded quietly. "We'll figure it out. We'll do better." He leaned his shoulder ever so slightly into her, and she returned the gesture.

"We'll do it right," she insisted. He nodded, their heads so close that their hair brushed against each other's. She took a small, initial sip to test the temperature and found it to be just right.

"Do you mind—us sitting right next to each other like this?" she asked him.

The shadow of a smile played on his lips. "No. I like it…."

"Even if there are other people around? Like during dinner?"

He shrugged. "They've already figured us out. What is there to hide?" And he took a sip of his tea while he extended his arm underneath their cloaks to wrap around the back of her waist.

They gazed ahead into the flames of the fire, letting it speak for them for a time. The fire whispered, popped, and crackled audibly, filling in the spaces between their utterances.

Petra took a long sip, savoring the light, floral scent of her tea, and turned to him at last and asked, "Do you wish you could have gone out for errands that day? When you had that headache?"

He met her gaze but could not maintain it: he was not sure how to answer her because even he was not sure of what the truth was. On the one hand, there was everything to regret about not having had the chance to be honest with her—even if getting a debilitating migraine had been out of his control. But on the other hand, there was also no telling how things would have gone if he had risked it all on her, and if things could have gone horribly wrong in some other way….

Petra sighed when she realized that she wasn't going to get a verbal answer out of him.

"You seem to be so intent on regretting the things that fell short for you," she commented. "But I wish you would choose to hang on to the good things."

He nodded slowly, seeing now that she was right.

She smiled wistfully and gazed off into the darkness, cradling her mugful of tea with a hand under the base. He stared expectantly at her as he sipped from his mug again, waiting for her to continue.

"Do you remember what happened? When Eld and I came back that day?"

Levi nodded again. "Now that you mention it… I do."

Eld and Petra dashed back to the barracks in the rain together, splashing through puddles and getting their boots and socks soaked. Despite having chosen a lull in the downpour to leave the shelter of the eaves of the civilian house and make a run for it, they ended up getting helplessly drenched regardless. They both heaved sighs as they squelched and squeaked with every step on the wooden floor through the hallway to the men's barracks. Eld pushed the door open first and motioned for Petra to come in. And surely enough, they found Levi still laying on his side on his lower bunk bed with his eyes closed and his boots still on, dangling off the side. He had chosen one of the two beds nearest to the door so he could be well-positioned to attack any potential intruder, but with this particular intruder of the feminine, ginger sort, he did not seem to give as much as a hint of wariness.

"Levi, you're still here where we left you?" Eld asked. He set down his carrying sack at the far corner of the foot of the bed and fished out a black tea canister to hold it in front of Levi's face. "Look: I got you your tea."

Levi's brow furrowed, his nostrils briefly flared, and he twitched his head, but he otherwise did not respond. Eld rested the canister in between Levi's hands; his fingers instinctively curled around the container.

Petra frowned in concern and cranked the flame up a little higher inside the kerosene lamp on the little table near the door. "I had no idea he had headaches this bad… has anyone seen this happen to him before?"

Eld shook his head. "Not that I know of…."

Petra reached over and started removing Levi's boots. Levi froze and opened his eyes, quickly processing Eld and Petra in front of him.

"Huh. You're all wet…."

Petra sighed warmly. "Relax. Just get comfortable—and don't dirty your sheets."

"God… now that would be a nightmare…." He buried his face in his hands. Petra giggled a little to herself as she removed his other boot.

"Did I seriously just—spend all day in bed?" he asked as his hands dropped, holding the tea canister in his upper hand as he sat up slowly with the help of his lower hand.

She shrugged. "That must have been some headache… or migraine, maybe…."

"There goes our day off," he grumbled. "Whatever…."

She frowned in empathy. "I'm sorry. You didn't get to do anything at all."

"It's fine. I don't have anyone out there for me, anyway…."

They looked at each other.

"Everyone I know or care about is here."

Eld cleared his throat loudly and said, "I'm gonna go stand outside… and tell people to go somewhere else…."

"That would be appreciated," Petra replied. "Thank you, Eld."

She reached over and wiggled the tea canister out from Levi's grip.

"You look like you could use some of this already. Let's have a pick-me-up. I'll be back…."

Somewhere else in Trost, Miche, Gelgar, Gunther, and Oruo all stumbled upon each other in the streets, hopelessly drenched and contorting their jowls in mutual displeasure. They were dressed in various colors of civilian dress shirts and slacks, but the rain had turned all their shirts a more similar shade of dark, wet fabric.

"Bah," Oruo grumbled, slicking water out of his hair with his hands. "What the hell are we supposed to do now?"

Miche pointed over at a two-story tavern and turned to the others to silently ask them for their opinion. They all shrugged and nodded amongst each other, and they hurried over to seek refuge there.

"Farmer's Folly Tavern & Inn," Gunther commented, reading the sign hanging from the eaves as they stumped over the threshold of the front door. "I mean, yes, there are some farmers around in Trost, but a lot more of this city is dedicated to the military being supplied with all that food…."

"Whatever," Gelgar muttered. "Let's get Happy Hour started already!" He took a seat on a wooden high stool at the far end of the almost-empty bar, and Oruo and Gunther filed in, with Miche taking up the other end of seats. Gelgar waved the bartender over and ordered a beer mug for all four of them to start off.

Miche rubbed his beard as he cast his gaze around the dim, sparsely occupied tavern. "It's raining outside, but the bar still has space for all of us. This place really must not be that popular…."

"I wonder why not," Oruo said. "It's the only tavern we saw on the way back so far."

Gelgar took an audible slurp of the foamy top of his beer. "Yeah, don't people like beer anymore?"

Gunther also was gazing around thoughtfully. "I mean, it is a pretty dim, unassuming place…. But I honestly don't see any unmistakably farmer-looking people here…." He noticed one other bedraggled single man at the farthest corner of the bar, pounding shots at an alarmingly fast pace and building a tower out of his empty shot glasses, and at a table against the wall, two laborer men sat hunched over plates of sausage and sauerkraut and half-drunk beer mugs at their side. They appeared to be drowning their sorrows by stuffing their faces while merely grunting and pointing to each other, with the dreary evening framed in the window between their heads.

A flash of red caught the corner of Gunther's eye, and as he turned to see it more clearly, a sultry, feminine voice said, "At ease, boys." And the owner of the voice came into view off to Miche's side. The woman leaned onto the bar with her elbow and glanced approvingly at each of the men in turn. She wore her shoulder-length blonde hair down, bright red lipstick, a subtle hint of rouge on her cheeks, and a flaming cinnabar dress with a plunging neckline and a hem so short that any bending at the waist would threaten to reveal whatever she was wearing (or not wearing) underneath. Her feet had black high-heeled shoes with crisscrossing straps.

"I'm Amber," she drawled. "Pleasure to meet you."

Oruo gave her a quizzical look. "How'd you know we're soldiers? We're not even in uniform."

"Your posture, obviously," she said matter-of-factly. "Regular people hunch over at the bar and lean on their elbows."

She tipped her head at the lone man at the end of the bar who was doing just that.

"But all you military men sit up ramrod straight... perfectly... erect." At the conclusion of her sentence, her mouth remained parted in a flirty smile.

Gunther cleared his throat uncomfortably and glanced off towards Gelgar, who was grinning appreciatively at her.

The woman's eyes narrowed as she got down to business: "So, then... which regiment?"

Gelgar set his beer mug down to prepare to speak. Gunther desperately reached his leg past Oruo's legs to kick Gelgar under the bar counter, but it did not land in time to prevent Gelgar from saying:

"Scouts—ahem—" And Gelgar glared at Gunther when he felt the tip of his shoe make impact with his shin.

She tilted her head, her curiosity piqued.

"Oh, really. Then you must be the adventurous type…." She looked them all over approvingly, lingering particularly long on Miche right next to her, who was clearly the tallest and most stockily built of the men.

Oruo eyed her very suspiciously. "You know... you don't seem to be wearing a barmaid outfit..."

"That's 'cause I'm not a barmaid..."

She dragged her fingers tantalizingly up Miche's arm and started massaging his shoulders and neck. He initially tried to extricate himself from her, but as she grew more insistent with her hands, he relaxed into it and let his face fall into his own hands. He groaned quietly, the sound muffled by his palms over his mouth.

Gunther turned to him and hissed, "What are you doing, Miche?"

She sighed as she continued to knead Miche's muscles. "These big, broad shoulders are holding in some stress…."

Gunther leaned in closer and added in a low voice, "What would Nanaba say?"

Miche groaned. "Shit. You're right." And he grasped Amber's hands and lowered them away from his shoulders.

She pouted. "What's all this about? You saving yourself for love?"

"Yes, he is!" Gelgar declared without invitation.

"Well, ain't that a beautiful thing…."

She leaned in and kissed Miche on the ear, leaving a bright red lipstick imprint, which he flared his nostrils at in annoyance.

"If it ever doesn't work out with her… you know where to find me."

As she slinked away, Miche turned back to the guys and sighed audibly. Gunther wordlessly handed Miche a handkerchief from his pocket, and Miche dipped it in his beer to wet it, then scrubbed off as much of the lipstick from his earlobe as he could.

Gunther turned to glare at the other guilty party: "Gelgar. You're perfectly fine when you're sober, but when you drink…" he shook his head. "God help us."

Gelgar burst out laughing raucously, and Oruo's mouth contorted in disapproval at the scene he was making.

Miche began muttering to himself now, somewhat oblivious to the presence of his companions. "Time passes… things change…."

Gunther turned his head toward Miche to catch his words. "Hm?"

Miche then chuckled a little and shook his head. "Never mind…." He gazed over at Gunther and Oruo with a knowing gleam in his eyes. "Let's just say: things are about to change…." And he tipped his head back for a long swallow of his beer.

Petra reappeared at the end of the hallway on her hands and feet, pushing a rag along the floor to mop up everyone's wet, dirty footprints. She pushed off using her slippered feet, which did not provide the most traction. Eld walked over to her and glanced furtively down at her outfit: a dry, brown Survey Corps jacket on top of a nightgown with a brazenly short hem that only went down one-third to one-half of her thigh, which was quickly hiking up her backside, exposing the full length of the backs of her thighs. When he stood next to her, peering down at her, she cleared her throat in sudden awkwardness and stood up, rag in hand. He reached over and wrested it away from her, sighing as he now also noticed the plunging V-neck of the nightgown revealing the top of her cleavage under her jacket. He shook his head and bent down to dry the undersides of his boots and continue the mopping for her.

"What the hell are you wearing?" he grunted as he pushed off.

"What? Everyone has pajamas," she insisted, although she did notice her cheeks growing warm at having been caught in a compromising position. She slowly ambled along next to him as he made his way down the hallway.

"But your 'pajamas' are…." He cleared his throat and looked up at her, having to purposefully avoid looking up the hem of her skirt. "Don't bend over if the hem is that short. If I had let you go the length of this hallway, I'd be staring at your underwear, for God's sake—or your breasts."

"It was a gift, okay?"

"From who?"

She sighed. "Thank you for taking over for me. I'll wash my hands and actually get that tea going…."

"Yeah, no worries. It was good thinking to clean the floor," Eld said, waving at hand as she hurried off again.

Is she trying to seduce him? he asked himself. Hell… with pajamas like that, and his favorite tea, it might just actually work….

Petra reappeared some minutes later with a serving tray and three teacups on saucers balanced on it. She offered one to Eld, who was still dutifully standing guard outside, and she entered the room by pushing the door open with the ball of her slippered foot.

Levi was sitting up in bed now, still with only socks on his feet, and hugging his knees to his chest. He turned his head when Petra entered, and a tiny smile tugged at the corners of his lips.

"See? We can have a tea here in your room instead this time. I brewed it just the way you like it," she said, settling herself carefully at the foot of his mattress with the serving tray in between them. She pulled her bare feet out of her slippers and sat with her thighs clasped together, shifted off to one side.

"Thank you," he said, choosing the cup nearer to him and taking his first sip. His eyes followed her hand as she delicately pushed back a section of her hair behind her ear as she sipped her tea as well. Were her ears pierced? Or was it just the shadow from the upper bunk above them playing tricks with his eyes? He had never seen her wearing earrings before. Perhaps he was mistaken….

"How'd it go out there, then?" he asked her. "Other than getting wet?"

"Oh, the usual stuff," she sighed. "I thought about not going to see my parents, but I went anyway and got an earful from my father—as expected. But at least the shopkeepers all treated me like a normal person, since I wasn't in uniform…."

"How is a 'normal person' treated?"

She sighed again, more heavily this time. "Like… a normal woman who lives in the kitchen, I guess. Nobody raises an eyebrow about someone like me going out there and doing dangerous things…. The way my father does…."

He set his teacup down on the saucer. "And your mother?"

"No, my mother is better. She understands I have to live in my own way. You know?"

He scrutinized her face carefully, taking in every detail of her features and facial expression. Her brow twitched as it tightened barely imperceptibly, and she peered back at him, watching him watching her.

"Why did you join the Survey Corps?" he asked at last. "Did you lose someone to the Titans? That's usually people's story…."

"Pretty much everybody has," she affirmed quietly. "I had grandparents…. But now, it's just my parents and me in Trost."

"Your grandparents? Killed by Titans?"

"It just happened recently; I was already in the Scouts by then," she sighed, her grip tightening around the handle of her teacup. "They sacrificed people en masse to 'retake Wall Maria'. Especially the older generation…."

He nodded silently. "I'm sorry."

"Yes, that's how it went…. We said goodbye to them a little early, so the rest of us could feed ourselves…." Her eyes shone with a mixture of grief and guilt.

"I know that kind of feeling," he admitted. "Others dying so you can live."

She nodded.

"You said your parents are farmers," he continued. "How are they coping with the food shortages? The demand must be a lot of pressure on them…."

At this, a spark returned to her eyes. "We grow food for ourselves. And we also grow flowers; some outside in spring and summer, but also lots of them in our house. Roses in many colors, daffodils, edelweiss…." She smiled in reminiscence but grew mournful again as the seconds passed. "The more people die, the more people seem to want flowers…." She sighed, letting her head droop a little. "Kinda… terrible, huh. To profit from so much death."

He shrugged. "It is what it is. Everyone finds a way to survive. But…." His eyes narrowed at the damning nature of her words. "Be careful who you say that kind of stuff to," he advised her. "The MPs won't be as forgiving as the Scouts if they hear you accusing the government of 'sacrificing people'…."

"I'm just calling it how I see it," she insisted with a quiet sigh. "But I know it's best to always stay positive, too."

He nodded. "I try to do that, too. Usually it works. But sometimes I could use some reminding."

Their eyes met again, and they blinked in their own rhythm as they analyzed each other.

"No more Titans," he added. "No more corruption."

"It's a simple thing to hope for, really. That's why I joined…. It's something worth fighting for." She smiled at him now. "Is that why you joined the Survey Corps?"

"Huh," he scoffed. "Not exactly. But at some point, they turned into good enough reasons to stay."

"'Good enough' reasons? Not just 'good reasons' outright?"

He shrugged and tipped his head back a little to finish off his tea. "I got out of one cage and then figured out that I was still in another, bigger cage with all the rest of you. When there are no more walls holding humanity in, then I can really say that we got somewhere in all of this…."

She nodded and tipped her head back to finish the last of her tea as well.

I wonder if he'll open up enough someday to tell me more about that cage he used to live in, 'Underground'…. Even if they were unhappy stories, I'd want to hear them anyway….

She smiled over to him with the corners of her mouth, and he smiled back with his eyes.

But for now, he and I just having tea… this is enough.

Miche stopped at the hallway entrance to the men's shared barracks as the rest of them filed in. He gave Gunther a brief nod in thanks, holding up his beer-soaked handkerchief, said, "I'll wash this for you and give it back soon," and bid the guys goodbye for the evening.

Gunther grumbled, "I can't believe you, Gelgar. We should have cut you off after one."

"One?" he spluttered. "Who the hell stops after just one?"

Oruo chuckled and sneered simultaneously. "For beer? Nobody, normally, but you…."

Gelgar burped a little and massaged his chest with his hand.

They reached the door after traversing the length of hallway, but Eld held an arm out to bar the doorway. "Uh-uh. You guys gotta go somewhere else."

"What's all this about?" Gunther said.

"Mm-mm." Eld shook his head. "People need their private time."

Gunther squinted a little. "I see…."

Oruo crossed his arms, contorting his mouth into a frown. "What the hell are you talking about? Is that Levi in there, getting grouchy or something?"

Gelgar snorted, "Getting lucky, more like."

"What?"

Gelgar shook his head slowly at Oruo. "Use that big, fat brain of yours, noob. We're getting sexiled. And Mr. Third Wheel here is a big, fat enabler!"

"Who you calling 'noob'?" Oruo demanded. "I've been here for well over a year now! Same as… Petra…." His eyes narrowed in sudden suspicion.

Gunther scratched the back of his head as he pondered the circumstances. "Well, if they are going at it, then things sure picked up the pace. They've been on a road to nowhere for a while…."

"Ehh, not necessarily," Eld retorted. "There have definitely been things simmering in the background for a while, is what I would say…."

Oruo straightened his back further as he doubled down on his arm-crossing. "Bullshit. I don't believe it."

Eld held up his hands to calm them down. "Guys. Just relax. They're not having sex." He paused, suddenly second-guessing himself when he recalled Petra's nightgown. "Probably not, anyway…."

"See? What did I tell you!" Oruo declared smugly.

Gunther heaved a sigh. "Let's go, Oruo. You'll believe whatever you want to believe."

"As will I," Gelgar added gleefully. "Mm-hmm…. Can't believe there isn't steam on those windows, with all that smoldering staring at each other! Although, uhh," and he turned to Eld, "you should probably slip 'em a condom under the door. Just in case."

"What makes you think I'd have any?" Eld's eyes grew intense with both discomfort and annoyance.

Gelgar shrugged. "Hey, you're the one with the girlfriend, aren't you?"

Eld roared, "It's only been a month!"

"Plenty of time for sexy time…" Gelgar murmured as he turned his back to Eld and made his way back down the hallway with the others.

"And how would you know that?" Gunther asked. Oruo started chuckling and he slapped Gelgar on the back of the shoulder, who instantly got agitated and shoved Oruo back. Eld shook his head, crossed his arms, and leaned against the wall, tilting his head upward as his thoughts began to wander. It had only been a month, and he already had to break a promise he had made to his girlfriend. He had ended up going shopping for Levi instead of going shopping with her. But at least she did seem to understand when he explained it to her.

He scoffed to himself. At least he had managed to not miss their first date. Things could have been worse.

When Nifa came by, wearing a suspiciously familiar-looking nightgown (and no jacket on top of it), Eld was still hanging out outside the door with his now-empty teacup poised on its saucer.

"Excuse me, Eld," she began, "is Petra in there, by any chance? You know, with… Levi?"

He raised an eyebrow as his suspicion grew. "Why?"

She smiled with a twinkle of mischief in her eye. "Just wondering… we saw her in the women's barracks really quick, but she just changed her clothes and left again."

He cleared his throat as he eyed Nifa's V-neck nightgown with a shockingly short hem, which was indeed identical to Petra's.

"So it was your gift, huh. The 'gift' of seduction!"

"You like it?" She twirled in place to show it off to him. "You should get one for your girlfriend so you can see some more of it, heh heh…."

"Will people just shut up about my girlfriend already?" he grumbled.

"Well, I think some trends are here to stay. V-necks on women are one of them." She hummed contentedly to herself for a moment, then suddenly remembered the duty given to her. "Oh yeah. Commander Erwin sent me over with a message, actually."

Eld straightened up. "What's that?"

Nifa cleared her throat importantly. "Well, if Levi happens to be in there, too… tell him to go to the Commander's office."

As Nifa departed, Eld knocked, listened for a call of "Come in", and pulled the door open while balancing his teacup and saucer in his other hand. He set the dishes down on the serving tray and turned to Petra:

"So, Petra? Have you nursed him back to health yet?"

Petra grinned over at Levi, who raised an eyebrow in mild amusement as he continued his arm-crossing.

"It seems so," she concluded.

"I hate to break up the slumber party, but Commander Erwin wants to see you, Levi."

Levi took a moment to think, his expression unreadable now.

"In his office?"

"Yeah."

When Miche got to the entrance to his private quarters (the privilege of every captain), Nanaba was already there waiting for him, leaning against the wall with her arms crossed. She had chosen to wear her brown Survey Corps jacket and uniform today, and her professional appearance in comparison to his own thoroughly soaked-through civilian outfit made him suddenly feel self-conscious.

Nanaba cleared her throat testily. "Captain Miche. Gelgar's been saying some weird things since you guys got back. Did you let him get drunk again?"

Miche shrugged and pulled his sleeves down to shake some lingering wetness out of them. "He's a big boy; he can make his own decisions on his day off. As long as he sobers up by morning, I don't see the problem."

She sighed, clicking her index finger against her opposite bicep.

"I guess he always does somehow…. Sometimes I wonder how a guy like that even manages to function…."

"Well, he does. He knows his limits; he's proven it every time."

As he walked past her to pull his door open, Nanaba's eyes narrowed upon noticing the lipstick on his ear. She brazenly trailed behind him into his quarters and could not stop herself from saying, "Your breath smells like alcohol and you have—a lipstick smudge on your earlobe. What the hell is that about?"

He gave a tiny chuckle to himself as he loosened his necktie. "So, this does upset you," he mused. "I made her go away; don't worry."

"Ugh. Never mind... You go to your big, important meeting. I'm going to bed."

He turned to watch her retreating figure, pursing his lips in amusement.

"Women… such a handful…."

And he found himself slowly nodding in approval as he pulled his necktie off, draping it on the coat tree next to the door.

Levi knocked, listened for Erwin's call of "Come in", and pulled open the door to Erwin's office. Erwin and Miche were both there, dressed in uniform: Erwin sitting at his desk and Miche standing next to him, crossing his arms pensively.

"Sorry to pull you in on everyone's day off, Levi," Erwin began. "But I have some news for you."

Levi shrugged. "Okay…. Then spit it out already."

"I'm promoting you. To Captain. It's been discussed with Miche and the other squad leaders and section leaders. Two mornings from now, we'll be announcing it."

Levi frowned as the realization began to sink in. "Captain… of a squad? In two days?"

"That's correct. Take this time to consider who will be on your squad. We are hoping to have your squad operate a bit differently from the others. In playing to your own strengths as a leader, we're looking for a team that can work well together, but also operate with a high degree of independence from each other. You've proven to be highly adept at taking down Titans that others would have surely died against."

Erwin gazed out the window at the cloudy twilight sky, crossing his arms pensively.

"So, choose a team that can similarly handle themselves on special assignments—tasks that require quick decision-making, and ruthless action."

Levi puffed out a sigh through his nose. "I don't suppose I have the option to tell you no?"

"Well, technically, you have two days." Erwin's eyes narrowed, focusing in on him; Miche shook his head slowly. "But think about what the Survey Corps needs the most to keep on advancing against the Titans. And what you can do to assist in that mission."

Erwin stood from his chair now, emerging from behind his desk to stand in front of it on the opposite end of Miche.

"Use the training time tomorrow to take final assessments of your comrades, and who you think would be most suitable."

Levi sighed heavily again and turned to leave.

Erwin continued, "If you have any questions, you can always ask Miche. In two days, I expect a decision from you—and your picks for your Special Operations Squad."

Levi scoffed under his breath. "Special Operations? Huh. What a self-important name…."

Erwin nodded. "And important it is." He held out his hand to shake Levi's, and Miche followed suit, giving Levi's hand a particularly strong shake.

"Good night," Erwin said. "Captain Levi."

But unfortunately, Levi found it even more difficult to sleep that night than usual. In between swearing to work as hard as he could on his penmanship in the coming days so he wouldn't have to draft and sign documents with the only-passably legible scribbling he had managed to get by with thus far, and starting to consider which of his comrades who hadn't yet been placed in special squads or sections would work best with him—and with each other—he found himself acutely regretting not having been able to spend more of that day with Petra—the last day that they were ever going to have as equals in rank, with potential for anything more to happen between them. The road before him remained as unknowable as ever, but for one fleeting, peaceful moment, the present had been filled with her. He had tasted the tea upon his lips, loosening his thoughts from within his mind and weaving them into words that lingered in her ears. He had seen her amber eyes glowing like embers of a fire in the lamplight as she gazed into his own eyes, patiently waiting for him to say the next word, and take the next step. He had managed to smile, feeling calm and tranquil in her presence.

Based on her skills, I should choose her; she deserves to be chosen, just as much as Oruo does, he thought to himself, staring up at the bottom of the mattress above him where Eld snored gently and rolled over in his sleep. I can't let how I feel affect that decision…. I have to choose her.

He shut his eyes tightly, sincerely willing his mind to drive out the memory of her sitting in his bed, spilling her secrets to him in that skimpy nightgown under her jacket that he had fought valiantly not to stare at—but why stop there? Maybe this whole day would be better left forgotten. It was far too sweet a memory to not turn bittersweet on him—and he did not think he could bear another disappointment in his life of things simply not working out—of losing someone else he cared about too much for his own good. But yet, as he paused one final time to indulge in brutal honesty in the safety of his own head, he found the line blurring confusingly between reason and emotion—a familiar struggle within himself that he would always have to fight through when it happened, again and again:

I don't think I could live with myself if I don't choose her.

"That's right," Petra said after he finished telling her about his promotion. "From the next day on, you were a little different…."

"How?"

"You put up a wall between yourself and the rest of us. I mean, you've always kept to yourself about your past, and your private thoughts. But from then on, there was even more reason that you didn't talk about yourself. Or how you felt about things."

He nodded quietly.

"It wasn't just that I didn't want to," he explained, "but also 'cause I… couldn't."

She wrapped her own arm around his waist, underneath their cloaks.

In low, quiet half-whisper, she said to him, "It's hard being someone that people look up to, huh? If you're anxious, if you're scared… you're not allowed to show it."

He sighed quietly and closed his eyes in agreement.

"Am I the only one here you can really be honest with?"

He nodded slightly, his eyes still closed. "As much as I can be honest with anyone, yes."

"I'm guessing there are still things you're holding out on me…. But I'll trust your judgment," she concluded.

As she finished speaking, he opened his eyes again. The quiet stirrings of guilt sprang up inside him again as their eyes met. The light of the fire flickered and rolled over their faces, illuminating just enough of each other to catch the essence of their eyes.

"I guess back then, before you got promoted," she started again, "we did talk about each other instead of work."

They smiled ruefully at each other, and then he dipped his head in tacit agreement. "That was years ago, though. No wonder it slipped our minds." He ran a fingertip along the rim of his mug. "I'm glad we remembered."

She nodded. "Like I said: if we choose to focus too much on our regrets, we'll lose sight of the good things we did have."

They let the moment sit between them as they quietly sipped from their mugs. At length, however, she spoke up once more, changing the subject now: "Did you get a chance to read my notepad?"

He lowered his mug from his mouth. "Yeah. I looked at it before dinner."

She sighed. "I'm sorry I can't remember more than that. I don't seem to have much control over what pops into my head when I'm dreaming."

"It's fine. I can't do that, either; I wouldn't expect you to be able to."

He swilled the tea in his mug and took a slow sip.

"It's funny," he added, finally loosening up. "There was an apple in my dream, too. Only that one was red ripe… Kenny wanted to play with it, but his grandfather took it away and ate it…."

She smiled in amusement at the little inkling of a story he had started. "Are you sure you don't want us to have any more privacy than this?" She glanced up at the tent in front of them, across from the firepit.

Levi's head drooped as he accepted the circumstances.

"If anything, we shouldn't get too cozy with talking about stuff in front of the firepit regardless. It seems no matter where we go around here, we've always got someone listening in, anyway…."

They looked at each other with bittersweet smiles over their mugs and took a sip in unison.

It was broad daylight in perfect, balmy weather, and the sun shone joyfully down upon Kaya, Gabi, and Falco as they stood outdoors in the grass. Kaya motioned to Gabi and Falco with one arm as she stood at the entrance to the horse barn.

"Come here, you two. I want to introduce you."

Gabi looked uneasily at Falco, who nodded at her and stepped under the roof of the horse barn. Gabi sighed and followed his lead.

"Here in the Braus Stables, we also take care of battle-hardened retirees—aging mares who retired from the Survey Corps," Kaya explained.

Gabi said in a faltering half-whisper, "They ride horses… in the Survey Corps…."

Kaya nodded and reached out her hand for an all-black mare with gleaming, deep eyes to lick at. "This is Kuchel. Captain Levi's old horse. Have you heard of Captain Levi?"

Gabi and Falco looked at each other knowingly, remembering having met him on the airship under most inauspicious circumstances—standing next to Zeke, their War Chief—and now, Eren Yeager's co-conspirator….

Kaya then took a couple of steps to the stall next to Kuchel to show them a beautiful, all-white horse with a long, flowing mane.

"And this one is Angelika."

Her gaze fell as she stroked Angelika's neck, thinking about Angelika's story.

"She's had it pretty rough. Her rider died four years ago, and she never accepted another rider again." Kaya pursed her lips grimly; Angelika whinnied quietly, as if in agreement with Kaya.

"But she always gets along well with Kuchel, especially." Her gaze drifted off as she began to contemplate further. "We always figured that their riders probably knew each other well…."

And Kaya thought about that day at the cemetery, when she and her family had gone to send off Sasha and come away with far more than expected: they met a young Marleyan chef named Nicolo, who seemed to care about Sasha as more than just a friend; she saw Sasha's ghost, bidding her goodbye… and even more than that, a lightning bolt off in the distance, joining heaven and earth, and a woman with strawberry blonde hair being summoned by Captain Levi from the belly of a Titan. And Kaya remembered coming home that evening, after the military had sworn them all to secrecy, and Angelika the horse was not her same, calm self, but agitated. Antsy. Kicking at the door to her stall and leaving deep hoofprints in the wood….

Falco cleared his throat to speak: "Do their old riders ever come to visit them?"

Kaya nodded. "Captain Levi did sometimes." She tilted her head to think. "Maybe in the future, they'll come by again…."

Gabi frowned. "What do you mean, 'they'? Didn't Angelika's rider… die?"

Kaya smiled to herself.

"Oh, nothing…. It's just a little secret…."

She swung the doors to both stalls open and guided both horses out by their reins. Kuchel and Angelika sidled up comfortably next to each other like old friends, their respective black and white coats complementing each other perfectly, as they followed Kaya out into the comforting, brilliant sunlight.

Notes:

Yes, I am aware that Jägermeister is an anachronism. But I decided to include it because the hunter-and-deer logo/branding matches well with the symbolism of the Rivetra forest time period. In fanfiction, anything goes!

Chapter 12: Comrades and Lovers

Summary:

A certain hidden voyeur gets confronted by some comrades and gives them a wake-up call of their own. Levi and Petra reunite with their original squad. After a rude awakening, Levi takes his grumpiness out on multiple subordinates. During breakfast, Levi gets Zeke to recount how Marley's "gas weapon" works. The supply runners arrive after breakfast, and Zeke secures a couple of victories for himself. Petra gives Levi a letter to be sent to Hange, which has unintended consequences.

Notes:

I'm getting concerned that these latest chapters are so chock-full of stuff happening that it could be overwhelming. I'm always pushing scenes off until later chapters, and thus the story gets longer and longer than I had anticipated. So, please take your time to read and think it all over (which you'll have at least two weeks to do). Special thanks again to my beta reader, Puff. As always, I hope you all enjoy, and thank you for reading!

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Soundtrack Recommendations:

"nc17 (Piano Cover)" – Gracious Raigeki, original song by Yoko Kanno (Zankyou no Terror OST)

"GT20130218 (a.k.a. eye-water guitar)" – Hiroyuki Sawano (Attack on Titan OST)

"Attack On Dina" – Hiroyuki Sawano (Attack on Titan: Season 2 OST)

DAY 2 CONTINUED

In the relative solitude of night, Miche stood among the crates in camp, sniffing around with his famously keen nose. But unfortunately, being dead seemed to have rendered him anosmic to living-world scents: try as he might, he could not pick up a whiff of anything in particular. He crossed his arms and stared at the fire with his brow furrowed in thought.

"Something just… doesn't smell right… but I can't put my finger on it…."

Erwin took a seat next to Miche on one of the crates, across the campfire from Zeke's tent. "Do you mean that literally, or figuratively?"

"Both, possibly," he muttered. "Everybody's anxious here. But they're all coping with it in their own ways."

Erwin nodded solemnly. "Even with Zeke's bout of complaining earlier, it's just talk. Ultimately, he's being a little too compliant with the situation. No escape attempts, no efforts made to communicate with anyone on the outside…."

"Not yet, anyway," Miche pointed out.

Nanaba sidled up to the two men, also crossing her arms testily. "Why would he try to leave? He doesn't need to do anything but exist, and he already stresses them out. All he needs to do is wait until everyone else's nerves are shot from all the anxious waiting. Wear them down and then turn on them."

Miche turned to address her. "There you are. I was wondering what you'd say to all this…."

Nanaba gave a tiny smirk. "Well, here I am." And she groaned to herself. "I wanted to let you two know… Gelgar's at it again. Watching."

Erwin shook his head slowly in exasperation while Miche's eyes glinted with annoyance.

Erwin sighed and lifted his head to look up at Miche. "Would you mind taking on this one, Miche? He is in your section, after all…. And I'm honestly not in the mood to even bother disciplining people for such pettiness. But I'll back you up."

"I think we should all go," Nanaba insisted. "We need to put a stop to this."

Miche nodded tacitly and strode over to confront Gelgar, with Nanaba only a step behind him. With Nanaba's call to action, Eld and Gunther also showed up to bolster the ranks of the vocal disapprovers, staring wanly at each other before falling in step with the others.

After a brief stroll through the trees that seemed to take a mere second for the dead, Levi and Petra were standing in the waist-deep river water, their bodies pressed tightly together as they unashamedly made out. And unbeknownst to them, Gelgar had the best view possible, perched on top of the rocks that hemmed them in. He sipped a deep burgundy libation from a wine glass as his legs dangled over the edge of the rock, so enraptured by the show that he never took his eyes off the horny couple, even as he drank.

"Levi, go slow," Petra said quietly. "I want this to last..."

"Me, too," Levi replied before pulling her in even tighter for another kiss, then scooping her body up in his arms.

"Me, three," Gelgar declared. And he sat up straighter, thoroughly engrossed, letting the wine slosh around in its glass as he now completely neglected his wine for an even juicier sight.

Nanaba clambered up the side of the rock face and gripped around his dangling ankles. "That's enough, Gelgar."

The scene evaporated in a black puff of smoke. Gelgar's rock perch similarly went up in smoke, and he fell and hit the ground with a dull thud and splayed out on his back on the grass as Nanaba gracefully landed on her bent legs into a kneeling position, then stood up as Miche, Erwin, Eld, and Gunther gathered in behind her. The wine glass flew out of his hands and the stem broke upon impact with the ground; the wine itself spilled out into the soil, glistening tantalizingly like dewdrops on the grass. Gelgar's eyes instantly found his ruined drink, and he frowned in annoyance at the waste.

"Hey, come on! That was a waste of some perfectly good wine," he huffed as he sat up.

"It doesn't even taste like their wine, anyway, 'cause you don't know what they're drinking," she sniffed. "Anyway," she continued, "we got here just in time to stop you, 'cause you've seen plenty more than you needed to already."

Gelgar frowned petulantly and gestured to the space where Levi and Petra used to be. "More like 'way too early'! He didn't even put it in yet!"

Nanaba turned to Miche just behind her and sighed. "Will you back me up here already? He always argues with me…."

Miche nodded as he grunted, "Gelgar. The rest of us have gotten the sense that you have a... problem."

"What problem?"

Nanaba cleared her throat uncomfortably. "A sex addiction problem."

He tilted his head, incredulous. "A sex addiction? Me? When I'm not even the one who's getting to have any of the sex?"

Miche cleared his throat now as well. "A voyeurism problem, then. The bottom line is, you're making people uncomfortable."

"And possibly also the both of them," Nanaba added.

Erwin set his hands on his hips and said, "That's right. Levi sensed us watching and kicked us all out that first time."

Gelgar spluttered, "What are you even talking about? I'm just an innocent bystander here! I'm not the one going around saying, 'Oh, I'm a really private person' and then getting it on in public every other night for everyone to see!" And he remarked to himself darkly, "He's private about everything but his privates. Heh. The irony."

At this, Eld stepped up and poked his pointer finger sternly at Gelgar's chest. "Look, I really don't know—or care—what you get out of staring at his dick all the time, but could you at least lay off it out of respect for Petra?"

Gelgar swatted Eld's hand away. "Oh, Lover Boy is telling me to 'respect the ladies' now? After all the guilt-creeping on your ex-girlfriend you still do?"

Eld gritted his teeth in annoyance. "Hey, we technically never broke up, by the way…."

"No, 'cause your sorry ass went and died on her before you could even propose!"

Gunther waved his hand to divert their attention from each other. "Let's take it back to the topic at hand. All this intimate stuff should be between the couple in question. Not for their friends and comrades to invade their privacy."

Gelgar paused, suddenly realizing something: "Where the hell is Sasha, if you're so righteous and fair, huh? Why am I the only one getting ragged on about 'watching'?"

Erwin crossed his arms as he sighed heavily. "Sasha only showed up the first time out of curiosity, and she has since moved on to different pastimes. She has hardly stooped anywhere near as low as you have."

"You, too, Commander?" Gelgar grumbled. "Urgh..."

Erwin continued, "Last I saw, she helped Petra get up to sharpshooter level with a bolt-action rifle in less than 15 minutes. You'd do well to consider what you could still be doing to benefit humanity yourself."

At this, Gelgar threw up his hands. "Forever imposing your astronomically high standards on us, Commander. Understood."

Erwin and Miche both frowned in unison.

"You know..." Miche said, rubbing his beard thoughtfully, "this really isn't like you, Gelgar. You were never this unrestrained in life."

Gelgar sighed, letting his shoulders droop a little. "Well, maybe I should've let my hair down a little earlier. Maybe life would have been more fun." Then he straightened up again to stare Miche pointedly in the eyes. "But it takes one to know one..."

Miche's own eyes narrowed ever so slightly, and he crossed his arms defensively. "What are you implying, exactly?"

"Aw, come on, look at you two!" He gestured at Miche and Nanaba, both standing within arm's reach of each other. "Staring at each other constantly and just not doing shit about it." And he poked Miche squarely in the chest as he got more animated. "You're just as bad as Levi and Petra. No, maybe even worse, 'cause guess what: the both of you are dead now, not just one of you."

Miche stepped up to him in a seeming attempt to intimidate him with his superior height. Gelgar pulled his hand away.

"I'm not scared, Miche. Heh, maybe all that height is compensating for a smallness somewhere else..."

Miche grabbed him with one hand by the lapels and lifted him off the ground a couple of feet to further illustrate his point. Gelgar gurgled and spluttered as he gasped for breath, thrashing his legs back and forth as he dangled above the ground.

Nanaba cleared her throat testily. "You can cut the theatrics, Gelgar: we all know you don't need air."

Miche let go of Gelgar, who now collapsed into a heap on the ground for a second time that night. He crawled along on the grass on his hands and knees, still wheezing.

"Well, then, Miche, Nanaba, you seem to have this under control," Erwin murmured, turning to Eld and Gunther. All three men nodded and strolled casually away into the blackness, leaving Gelgar at the mercy of Miche and Nanaba.

"Seriously, you guys: fuck saving humanity. You're dead! You can live for yourselves now. So will you do yourselves a favor and just get it on already?"

Miche and Nanaba both sighed heavily as they glanced at each other, somehow still managing to maintain neutral expressions. Gelgar pointed at Nanaba now, tilting his head in towards her.

"You need to find out how big he is, Nanaba. I'm gonna ask you next time..."

And then Gelgar faded away into black, still wearing a smug look on his face, and the two of them were blessedly alone together again.

Miche assumed a wan smile. "Well, wasn't that awkward."

"Apparently, who we are in death isn't who we were in life..."

He shrugged. "More like, who we are drunk isn't who we are sober." But he paused to take a good, long look at her; she could not help but blink at the sudden intensity of his gaze. "Maybe he does have a point, though…."

And they looked at each other for a silent moment, pondering things.

"Huh," Nanaba said at last. "I guess it is pretty sad that we all had to die before we got to live for ourselves..."

Miche cleared his throat. "But at least we got the dying part over with. And now, nothing has to suck for us ever again."

She raised an eyebrow and tilted her chin up slightly as she crossed her arms, tapping her index finger against her bicep. "No 'sucking', ever?"

He tilted his head down and gave her a deadpan stare. "Well, when you put it that way…." He cleared his throat and broke eye contact after a brief second, wondering if this was what it felt like to truly let go of everything—to feel and act however he pleased, with no more obligations to anyone or anything….

Levi awoke in what had to be the dream state, lifting his head to find himself inexplicably on a crate in front of the heartily crackling campfire without recalling ever having gotten up. Before him on their own crates were the dead former members of his Special Operations Squad: Eld, Gunther, and Oruo. And he turned his head to see Zeke's tent behind him, and Petra still asleep on the ground in front of that, laying on her side in a fetal position and facing his empty sleeping mat where he should be next to her. He noted with a pang of mournfulness that the three men still wore the old Survey Corps uniforms with white pants and knee-high boots that they had all died in, whereas he now wore the new uniform with black pants and ankle-high boots. So much had changed in just a few years since he had lost them—but, at least for the present moment, here they were again.

Gunther held up his hands, projecting his signature aura of calm. "Don't freak out, Captain. You're not asleep on duty. It's just been hard to catch you at a good time."

Eld nodded in agreement. "You really haven't been sleeping out there these days." He reached out to slap Levi good-naturedly on the side of the shoulder with an air of approval. "Sometimes some 'quality time' with your girlfriend is just what you need to get some quality shut-eye!"

Levi looked very miffed and embarrassed at the same time. "Hey, guys. It's been a while..."

He turned to Eld, glowering at him now, the upward sparks of the flames reflecting off his eyes.

"Eld, you piece of shit. Who told you you could die? I had to propose to your own girlfriend for you 'cause you were too dead to do it yourself."

Eld smiled sheepishly.

"Thank you, Captain. It did mean a lot to her…."

Oruo cleared his throat to declare his presence. His voice came out a bit pompously, with the air of self-importance that he usually affected. "Anyway, Captain... given recent events, we've decided to grace you with the honor of our presence."

Eld sighed. "We wanted to apologize. We've been... ignoring you for a long time now. We figured it would be easier this way... We're technically not supposed to meddle with the living. But, well, now that Petra coming back blew the lid off all of that..." He held out his hands towards Levi. "We figured you might want to talk."

Gunther nodded pensively. "That, and there seems to be virtually no regulation on our activities lately. That Founder Ymir girl used to always show up and keep us from showing ourselves in broad daylight and such. But we haven't seen her in a while…."

"Thanks for visiting me this time. I missed you guys... Even you sometimes, Oruo."

"But seriously, though—" Oruo began, but was interrupted by Gunther clamping a hand over Oruo's mouth.

"Oruo, that's enough." Gunther turned to address Levi, hand still clamped tightly over Oruo's mouth while the latter mumbled incoherently through it. "Captain, it's fine; we understand."

Oruo finally managed to wrench Gunther's hand off his face and spit his extra saliva on the grass with an audible "puh".

Levi shook his head as he sighed, gazing around at each of them one by one.

"The truth is, I've been on my own for so long that I figured I shouldn't get used to having other people around... Losing you guys felt more like a return to form. Like something I should have expected to happen eventually..."

His former subordinates gave a collective sigh of regret, shifting in their seats.

"I remember when talking to dead people in a dream was the weirdest thing I had to wrap my head around," Levi added as he considered things. "Did you guys know that there are alternate realities of ourselves?"

Oruo's face contorted, mouth hanging slightly agape. "Whaa...?"

Levi continued, "I'm telling you, it's true. I remember something that happened to me in another timeline that happened differently in this one."

Oruo, Eld, and Gunther all turned their heads to gaze at each other with a newfound air of seriousness.

"I don't know if you live or die in the other timelines, but... have you run into other dead versions of you up there?"

Gunther shook his head uneasily as he glanced at Eld, who stared back, seemingly just as shocked. "No... we're the one and onlies." He paused to consider more deeply. "Or at least, we thought we were..."

Eld nodded slowly. "Maybe our dead selves are tied to our living selves within that same version of reality."

And he straightened up a little further, crossing his arms to help him think.

"That makes sense: either we're alive or dead—in one place or another here. And we can't normally look into or remember whatever is going on with whatever alternate realities there may be."

Levi sighed. "You're right. They must be entirely separate timelines that we can't interact with..." He thought again on whether someone in particular was behind the creation of new timelines—Ymir? Or possibly even Eren? "At least, not unless you're... the Founding Titan?"

Gunther eyed Levi more closely now. "That, or... an Ackerman."

"Like you. And Mikasa," Eld concluded.

Levi was reminded again of the last time he saw Mikasa. Out of respect for her privacy, he had not asked her if she had seen anything in the headache she had gotten while they were talking in the interview room. Sure, he had also had headaches during which he didn't see any memories in his mind's eye—but was that the same for her that time? Or had she been seeing something when her eyes were shut so tightly? Something from another reality—a clue that could potentially help them figure something out, or even anticipate something yet to come?

If things had gone differently here four years ago, he thought to himself now, would my squad have survived? Or at least, could they have come back like Petra did?

"How come none of you came back that day with Petra?" he asked them. "There's got to be someone here who misses you, besides me…."

Eld shook his head. "She was the only one who couldn't accept being dead."

His eyes grew stormy with the memory of his regrets.

"Sure, we all still wished we could have been alive for something or other. But all that faded in time. We accepted it."

Gunther patted Eld on the back to comfort him. "What can you do, Captain? She wanted to be with you…."

Levi's brow furrowed as he frowned more heavily. "What about your families? Wouldn't they have wanted to have you back?"

Gunther sighed. "My grandparents died not long after I did, to be honest. I think it was heartbreak. If I were to go back now, they'd be without me all over again…."

Oruo scratched behind his ear as he also considered the current state of his own family. "My little brothers all idolized me for being a Scout. But now that I'm dead, they've reconsidered joining the military themselves. And I can't say I'm too keen on my brothers following in my footsteps to an early grave."

"My parents made their peace with it," Eld added. "There's this support group in Trost for the families of dead soldiers, and that helped them."

"Huh," Levi murmured, nodding as he considered this tidbit of info. "Are all your guys' families in that support group, too?"

Oruo nodded. "Yep. Petra's parents, too. They all still see each other through that."

Eld cleared his throat quietly, steeling himself to admit his own painful truth out loud: "My girlfriend moved on, too. She married another man a year or so ago."

Levi nodded solemnly. "We know. Petra saw her in a photograph with him."

Eld nodded knowingly back.

"And she's expecting."

Levi froze for a moment, eyeing Eld with a newfound caution. "I see..."

"The guy even has the same eye color as me. And a long face like me," he grumbled, scratching his head. "Talk about frustrating…."

Gunther and Oruo squirmed uncomfortably in their own ways: Gunther crossed his arms and cleared his throat subtly, and Oruo grimaced and pointedly gazed off to the side.

"Well, Captain," Oruo ventured to say, "at least your other options all looked totally different from Petra. Historia has blonde hair and blue eyes... Mikasa has black hair and gray eyes..."

Levi shot a withering glare at him, but he seemed not to notice.

"Heh. Every woman with different colors. 'Tasting the rainbow'..."

Gunther shoved Oruo's foot with the tip of his own boot. "Can it already, Oruo. Nothing happened with either of them and the Captain. And at this point, nothing will." And he gave Levi a resolute nod in solidarity.

Levi sighed heavily, feeling fed up with the trajectory of the conversation.

"Oruo, it's clear that you're desperate to pair me off with anyone else but Petra..."

"What about Hange?" Oruo blurted out suddenly. "You two read each other's minds that one time!"

Levi glowered even more severely at him.

"No."

Oruo shrugged.

"Just saying."

Eld crossed his arms and addressed Levi directly again.

"Listen, Captain: I know you aren't asking for it, but let me give you some relationship advice while I have you here."

Levi lifted his head a little to look at Eld more clearly again. "That's right, your girlfriend... She must have had a hard time after you died. She didn't take the news well…. Not that any of your families did when I went around to tell them…."

"She definitely struggled for a long while... But, like I said, she also moved on to someone else in time."

He looked pointedly back at Levi, who suddenly felt a pang of discomfort at the scrutiny on him.

"Unlike you, I could add."

"Anyway," Levi grumbled, "your advice was...?"

Eld put on a forced grin now. "Well, go for it! Petra's great, we all know her, we approve and all that... Right? Oruo?"

Oruo cleared his throat loudly and looked around to avoid having to look at either of them.

Levi let his head dip a little again as he considered his own situation with Petra. "I guess I could use some advice right now... She and I both think she's... pregnant."

Eld continued grinning broadly, which was uncharacteristic of his usual stoicism.

"In that case, you are already past the point of my advice."

Gunther cleared his throat quietly. "I don't think anyone's surprised."

"I'd be more surprised if she weren't!" Eld burst out with a chuckle.

Oruo was thunderstruck all over again. "Wow. You only think she's pregnant, so then you slept with her again... just to make sure?"

Levi stood up from his crate. "Wow, well, thanks for judging me..."

Oruo instantly disappeared from view in a shroud of black smoke.

Gunther also stood up, searching around. "Oruo? Hey—"

But Oruo had already gone. Gunther propped his hands on his hips and sighed.

"Well, he'll just have to deal with it."

Eld nodded slowly. "Yeah, he'll come around. Eventually."

"But what did you mean, Eld?" Levi asked, his eyes widening. "What was your advice?" And he paused. "Was it… to not get her pregnant?"

Eld took on a grave expression now. "Well, yes! Either one of you could die at any time, you have an important mission here, and you—"

Gunther held up a hand to cut him off. "Eld, there's no going back now, so let's embrace it for what it is."

He turned back to address Levi.

"Captain: Congratulations, and let Petra know we said hi." He took a moment to compose a parting word of advice: "And make sure not to die, will you?"

Eld and Gunther faded into the ink of the night, nodding curtly as their faces clouded over.

"Thanks, guys," Levi said sarcastically to the still-raging fire encircled by a ring of rocks. "I'm not sure if I feel better or worse..."

Petra regained consciousness in the darkness of dreams, sitting on her sleeping mat with her arms wrapped around her knees. She lifted her head to notice Levi lying down on his back next to her with his eyes closed, and Oruo standing before her.

Oruo gazed upon her for an interminable moment, his head seemingly full of thoughts. He took a seat next to her on the grass to look her in the eye more clearly.

"Petra... Is it really true, then?" he asked quietly. "You have a little baby there in your belly already?"

Petra pursed her lips sheepishly. "Hi, Oruo... I haven't seen you since I... well, since breakfast, I guess. But it's good to see you."

They gave each other bittersweet smiles.

"I'm sorry, Oruo," she continued on. "About you and me... I just never thought that we were meant to be anything other than friends."

Oruo waved his hand. "Nah, I understand... I've known you since we were teenagers and all, but ever since we joined the Scouts…" and he gazed wistfully at Levi's sleeping face next to her, "you only had eyes for him. Heh. I could say the same about myself. I still admire everything about him, even today..."

"What are you talking about? I was focused on the Survey Corps. I dedicated my heart to humanity, just like everyone else."

At that moment, Eld and Gunther quietly appeared on either side of Oruo.

"Oh please, Petra," Gunther sighed as he took a seat next to Oruo. "It may have started out that way, but after a while, in your eyes... Captain Levi was the Survey Corps."

"Gunther! Eld!" Petra exclaimed. "I was wondering where you guys went."

Eld knelt down and grabbed Petra by the shoulders.

"Petra! For God's sake... you be extra careful, you hear me? A soldier on duty getting pregnant... this is no small thing. No heavy lifting, no flying all over the place with your gear unnecessarily..."

And at this, Eld's countenance grew anxious, even troubled.

Oruo tiled his head and rested his hands on his hips.

"Look, Petra: Eld is just pretty touchy about this stuff 'cause his girlfriend is having a baby, too. Well, she married him and now she's having a baby."

Petra perked up. "Oh really? Congratulations to her…. I guess it's not your baby, though, huh."

Eld sighed and scratched the back of his head. "No. But what can you do?"

Oruo cleared his throat and said, "You could have knocked her up before going off and dying, but you had to be Mr. Straight-laced…."

Eld cast a death stare at Oruo, swearing internally to make him regret his words later….

Petra sighed, too. "How foolish of us to throw caution to the wind, huh... I guess you were even more disciplined than Captain Levi in something, after all."

Gunther waved his hand to dismiss her self-criticism. "No one can really blame you guys—after everything he went through especially. Life happens, and every moment matters. Put off all your dreams and desires until the murky future at some point and... well, you know as well as the rest of us how that can end."

Petra pursed her lips and nodded knowingly.

"My girlfriend wasn't a soldier, anyway," Eld concluded at last. "It wouldn't have been like this at all... She's safe within the Walls, because of soldiers like us."

Petra asked, "You never felt guilty about dying on her, then? It was all for her—and for the rest of humanity in the Walls?"

Eld looked genuinely sorrowful. "That's right. That's... what love is."

All four of them sat in somber silence, wordlessly commemorating the people they loved and sacrificed their lives for. Petra thought about the people and the causes that she herself had died for: the Survey Corps. Hope for humanity. Eren. And, of course...

At this, Levi slowly sat up next to her, opening his eyes hesitantly to take in the situation and company. Petra gasped.

"Levi...? How are you here... in my dream?!"

Levi crossed his arms over his chest defensively. "I don't know; how are you in mine?"

She chuckled a little now, "I guess we were both thinking about each other..."

"We were all thinking about you, Captain," Gunther said quietly.

He looked around at his whole squad, all together again, and he could not help but smile broadly at them all.

Oruo crossed his arms and said, "Don't you go replacing us with those new guys you've got now. Inter-regiment transfers and Top 10 Cadets got nothing on us." He pointed to his chest and puffed himself out in pride. "We're the Original Levi Squad. You got that?"

Levi smirked. "I'll remember. I always did... Didn't you guys hear me when I would visit you?"

Oruo pursed his lips smugly. "I remember every visit starting out with, 'I miss you guys', and then, without fail, it would always end up as, 'I miss you, Petra.'"

Levi sighed. "Look—I meant—"

"And you always gave her the best pick of the flowers," he continued sourly.

"Oruo, you have the biggest family out of all of us," Gunther pointed out in exasperation. "They cover your grave with roses. And roses aren't cheap!"

"But the Captain's roses mean something more…" he insisted. "Considering we died under his command!"

Eld clapped his hands on the backs of Oruo's shoulders in paternal admonishment.

"We'll take care of him, Captain," Eld assured him. "You two go back to your lives for now."

"Thanks, Eld," Levi said. "I appreciate it…." He looked around at all of them in turn. "I appreciate all of you. Really."

And Petra smiled widely at hearing Levi start to loosen his tongue, to speak his true feelings to his former squad. Eld and Gunther nodded in assurance as Oruo squirmed in protest under Eld's strong grip on him, and all three of them faded away into the dark.

Levi and Petra turned to face each other now, all alone in their shared dream.

"If you're dreaming like this, then you must be sleeping well," she surmised to him.

He nodded slightly. "You did say that guys tend to fall asleep after doing it," he pointed out.

She leaned in, grasping his hand in hers, and murmured in his ear, "I guess we'll just have to do it more often. It's important to get enough sleep…."

He gave her hand a gentle squeeze and nuzzled her ear with his nose. "I'm gonna hold you to that…."

At that moment, the sound of a gunshot echoing through the forest jolted them both awake. They both sat up on their sleeping mats, staring at each other through the lightening bluish darkness. He looked down at their intertwined fingers of their closest hands to each other, and she glanced down at it, too, then back up.

"What was that…?" she mumbled, gazing around at the trees.

"That… was the sound of breakfast," he concluded with a sigh, and he lay back down and closed his eyes again.

She sighed as well and rejoined him in laying horizontal. "I wonder who got the deer this time…."

"My bet's on Lauro. He's got night vision. And he never gets tired on duty."

She shook her head. "I bet it's Sandro. He watched us from a distance last night. And listened in. Give him some more credit," she insisted, rubbing her bleary eyes.

He nodded listlessly as he felt himself drifting off to sleep again, his fingers still interlocked with hers.

"Yeah… you might just be right…."

She yawned hugely, covering her mouth with her free hand, and before long, she, too, was fast asleep again.

Still up in their designated tree branch for the night, Alessandro lowered his rifle slowly, squinting through the lightening darkness to ascertain that the deer that had collapsed some paces away in the grass was, indeed, dead.

"Well done," Ernest said, sounding genuinely impressed. He pushed his headlamp up onto his forehead. "Aaand now we gotta go and dress your kill."

"Shit. You're right," Alessandro groaned, adjusting his own headlamp more securely around his forehead. He patted his belt to confirm: "Okay, I do have my hunting knife... Good thing I watched the Captain do this first…."

They both nodded once at each other and rappelled back down to the ground, landing a couple of meters away from the buck. Ernest sighed as he knelt down near the head of the deer.

"You know, for someone who's supposed to be really sharp and smart and all, you sure are pretty lazy. No wonder you chose the Garrison the first time around..."

Alessandro shrugged and pulled his knife out.

"Look: at least I got the deer. If you want the others to think you're not on drugs, at least act sober some of the time..."

As Alessandro began the gutting process, Ernest held the deer's body still.

"You're the one who makes the most dumb mistakes out of anyone here, and you're the one scolding me?"

He scoffed. "I wouldn't call putting meat in your breakfast bowl a 'dumb mistake'. I notice plenty of things you wouldn't. 'Cause you're too stoned to notice them yourself."

"Oh yeah? Tell me something that only you noticed, 'cause of how special you are."

"Well." Alessandro cleared his throat self-importantly. "I'm the only one in this squad who's been awake for two whole days and (almost) two whole nights so far."

"Funny how you were falling asleep on the first night, but tonight you're all focus," Ernest snickered. "Who's the drugged-up one here again? I mean, how long does that 'coffee' stuff last?"

"Well, I can tell you that there is definitely some shady shit going down with Zeke."

"Really?" Ernest's skeptical tone of voice elicited an even more pronounced air of conviction from Alessandro.

"He emerges from his tent at just the right moment. It's like he's timing his entrances based on what people outside are talking about. Even when he's in his tent, he's definitely listening to us. Like when he went to take a piss on the first night: he chose a convenient lull in the conversation to do it at. Or when he comes out in the mornings. He's probably awake as early as the Captain is, but he waits..."

Ernest nodded in acknowledgment. "Huh..."

Alessandro shook his head and continued to present the evidence, emphatically driving his knife into the deer and flicking whole organs out haphazardly onto the grass as he spoke in a near-continuous gush of observations. Ernest flinched away in certain moments when a lump of organ meat would hit the grass with a squelching "splat" and a couple droplets of blood would splatter upward uncomfortably near his face.

"And the way he stares at Petra. It's pretty unnerving... At least to her. And it makes Captain Levi get possessive over her... He doesn't get this worked up over anyone else but Zeke, either. Which makes sense because of Ragako and Shiganshina. And normally the Captain makes logical decisions, but when it comes to Zeke, he gets… emotional…."

Ernest glanced over at the gut pile, which truthfully looked like less of a unified pile and more of a loosely grouped assortment of guts splattered in a disjointed pattern on the ground. He wryly thought to himself that while Alessandro was getting the job done satisfactorily as far as the parts of the deer they were intending to eat, Captain Levi at least put more effort into keeping things neat, even things that were being discarded….

"If you're this good at analyzing people, why the hell were you wasting away in the Garrison instead of going to the MPs? Where you would have actually dealt with people more often?"

Alessandro paused in his work and pointed his bloody, dripping knife at Ernest.

"Everyone forgets that Commander Pyxis is the head of the Garrison Regiment. And he gets people. If there was anyone there I wanted to watch and learn from, it was him... And next, of course, were Commander Hange and Captain Levi of the Survey Corps."

Ernest's eyes narrowed at the sight of the knife still pointed squarely at him. "Hm. Who'd have thought you actually aren't that crazy…."

"Apparently not you," Alessandro sniffed. And at last, he pulled the knife away and finished off his task.

As they both squatted underneath the deer and lifted it on their shoulders, they both inhaled sharply and turned towards the sound of muffled, padded footsteps approach behind them.

"Go. We're watching them," a voice called out quietly from a tree above their heads. They looked up to see Lauro just barely recognizable in the bluish crepuscular light, perched on a tree branch with his own rifle brandished and ready, and Nino at his side with his own rifle out and tracking the wolves with his sight line. Lauro watched the scene unfold through the curtain of his blond bangs, without the use of a headlamp. Alessandro and Ernest turned their heads behind them to notice two wolves, one reddish and one gray, closing in on the deer guts strewn over the grass, growling softly as they sank their teeth into the glistening wet flesh and eyed the two men warily. The two men gritted their teeth anxiously and continued carrying their cargo back to camp.

"They're in the forest, too?" Ernest muttered quietly. "Shit."

"We're not far from the river. They didn't come that far into the trees yet," Alessandro asserted. "Looks like we distracted them with a free breakfast, too."

"For now, anyway," he panted, trudging onward with his share of the burden.

DAY 3

"Wow. Talk about romantic."

"Am I really seeing what I'm seeing…? This is Captain Levi…?"

Levi's eyes sprang open as he regained consciousness. Petra's peacefully sleeping face was right in front of his field of vision, lying on her side next to him with her eyes still closed. He slowly sat up from lying on his own side and realized that he was still holding both her hands in his. And it was morning, the light was filtering through the trees, his soldiers were standing around them, gawking openly at the sight….

Zeke cleared his throat loudly and bent down uncomfortably close to Levi's face. Levi jerked away from him, and instinctively reached for his knife at his waistband. He had inadvertently jostled Petra by pulling his hands out of hers, and she stirred and sighed as she repositioned.

"Well, well, well. The happy couple finally returns."

Petra finally sat up as well, rubbing the crumbs from the corners of her eyes.

"Huh…?" she murmured thickly through the fog of awakening. "Why are you jerking me around, Levi…? Oh," she said, her voice suddenly growing thin and reedy with embarrassment at the audience.

"It's too bad you're with a guy who 'jerks you around,'" Zeke commented gleefully. "That sounds quite frustrating…."

"Shut up," Levi grumbled. He got to his feet and stalked off to excuse himself from the crowd.

Petra sighed heavily and got up as well.

"Show's over, folks," she told the onlookers. "Please."

Valis trailed after Levi as he walked towards the fire.

"Captain, we already did the morning run without you two…. Lauro led the night shift, and I led the day shift."

Levi stopped and looked at him squarely.

"What? You did both shifts without us?"

Valis nodded.

"And none of you thought to wake us up?"

"You never sleep enough," Valis countered. "We didn't want to ruin that for you…."

Levi glared at him.

"Besides," he continued, "you actually looked… kind of happy…."

Levi thought to himself, You think I'm happy now?

"We always wake each other up," Levi insisted. "If you were passed out cold, I'd kick you awake."

Valis shrugged.

"Well, I don't have a girlfriend here to hold hands with in my sleep…."

"Be glad you don't," Levi grumbled. He looked up to track Zeke heading off into the trees for his morning walk, and another Scout shooting up into the branches to tail him. "No Zeke hitting on her every time he sees her."

Valis nodded. "You are in a tough position with that, I will admit. But as long as he doesn't cross any lines, we're not allowed to cross any with him, either."

Levi groaned in half-stifled frustration and turned the opposite way of Valis.

"Bullshit."

He suddenly noticed Alessandro and Ernest standing over the breakfast prep crew, supervising the cutting up of a fully skinned and gutted deer. Petra wandered over to see the commotion as well, with Levi trailing close behind.

"Hey, who bagged the buck?" Levi asked them.

"Me," Alessandro declared proudly. "I got some tricks up my sleeve! That's why I'm on this squad. Right, Captain?"

Levi and Petra turned to each other, and she grinned sheepishly at her little victory.

"Heh," Levi chuckled to himself. "That's right. Good work."

Alessandro grinned widely to himself and glanced up at Henrietta over by the vegetable crates to see if she was paying attention. She shot him a brief, subtle smile and turned her gaze back down to dig through the crate for another potato.

Levi turned and whistled for the attention of the soldiers within earshot. They all set down what they were doing, and the Scouts in the trees came down to the camp site to hear.

"If you all remember, the supply runners are coming this morning. They should be here sometime during or after breakfast."

A murmur of general agreement rippled through the crowd.

"If any of you have last-minute requests, let me know now. And if anyone's sending letters out, submit them to me now so I can screen them."

Petra started to grow paler in the face. She dug into her cloak pocket and hesitantly produced a folded-up letter.

"Umm, this is for Hange—Commander Hange," she said in a faltering voice. "I didn't know you were going to read everybody's letters, though…."

He stared unblinkingly at her.

"Why? Did you write something secret in it? 'Cause that's why I have to read people's letters."

She scratched her head sheepishly and backed away slowly from him.

"You'll see, I suppose… but if anyone asks, I didn't name names!"

And Petra slinked away between the ranks of other Scouts before he could ask her anything else.

"What the hell?" he muttered, looking down at the letter in his hands. He unfolded the paper and scanned the lines quickly, trying not to linger for too long on any one word out of guilt at invading her privacy—even though they both knew that it could not be helped, and it was only fair that any letter of hers was subject to the same scrutiny as everyone else's. When he reached the part that she was nervous about, he knew it right away, and his eyes narrowed disapprovingly. But before he could act on the letter, an audible throat-clearing from someone diverted his attention upward again.

"Captain." Nino stood before him, frozen to the spot in sudden hesitation.

"Yes, Nino?"

He pursed his lips and scratched behind his head with one hand. "I was thinking… what if I were to bring my horse in to camp to help transport water? It would go much faster… and I could get there and back faster..."

"What? Bringing your horse in here?"

"I just thought it might be more efficient to let our horses help," Nino explained. "She's trusty. Won't let anyone else ride her if they tried."

Levi sighed. "Look. There's nothing wrong with wanting to give your horse something to do. But keeping the horses at the perimeter is for their protection, too. Which also means ours."

Nino's face was outwardly emotionless as he nodded.

Levi glanced over fleetingly at Petra hovering over Alessandro to confirm that she was out of earshot before continuing.

"Think about how many Survey Corps horses you had to 'clean up' along with their riders. We lost too many Scouts because their horses were incapacitated first."

"I guess you're right…." He sighed and shifted his gaze around quickly. "At least we have our ODM gear in here, and Zeke doesn't."

"No," Levi muttered tersely. "But he is a Titan Shifter. And he knows the value of horses. The minute you bring a horse near him, you give him a means of escape—or a means of sabotaging our escape."

And with this, Levi stood up and pocketed Petra's letter. He reached a hand out to Nino, palm upward.

"Give me the water jugs. I can fill 'em this time—spare you the trouble. Since I didn't get my morning run in today."

Nino glanced uncomfortably off to one side. He was not about to be rendered useless, even if the Captain was offering to relieve him. "No, no, it's no problem; I got it," he insisted.

Levi sighed and nodded at him, and he gathered one empty glass jug in each hand and left to walk briskly down the path in the direction of the river.

Something definitely happened to him that first night here, Levi concluded to himself. But he seems like he's not ready to really tell me about it. At least, not yet.

Levi convened Valis and Lauro on a tree branch overlooking the campsite to get a report from them.

"Since you two were ever so kind as to let me sleep in, you've taken away my daily run."

An unsettling, awkward silence settled in among them.

"But it's fine," Levi continued, his voice nonchalant to mask his lingering displeasure. "'Cause I've decided that it's time to add another workout in the middle of both shifts. One at noon for day shift, and one at midnight for night shift."

"Yes, sir," Lauro said. "What do you want us to do?" He and Valis reached into their inner cloak pockets and produced their notepads and pens.

"Stretching. Full-body strength and agility exercises. You can vary it up or do whatever you see fit for night shift, Lauro. You can also make people exercise if they're falling asleep."

Lauro nodded and scribbled a few lines of notes.

"You've both been in two runs each so far," Levi began. "Have there been any stragglers?"

"Well, Captain," Valis sighed. "They generally stay in the order they lined up in, but a few at the back have to rearrange themselves to accommodate the more hung-over ones..."

"But no vomiters yet," Lauro added. "So at least there's that."

Levi sighed heavily and briefly rested his forehead against the palm of his hand.

"Well, we can't slow down for them. So they'll just have to keep up…. Or stop drinking so much, obviously."

Lauro spoke again: "Sorry to change the subject, Captain, but you should know that we're noticing wolves getting in close on every night so far."

Levi's eyes narrowed again as he focused more carefully on him.

"How so? You didn't mention that yesterday morning."

Lauro nodded once. "Well, now it's two nights in a row, and it's escalating. On the first night, Ernest and Nino said there were multiple wolves swarming the gut pile from that deer as soon as the two of them crossed back over the river. And last night, the wolves had crossed the river and were in the trees. Ernest and Alessandro were walking away with the deer they shot, and two wolves were right behind them, digging into the pile."

"So they show up wherever we leave deer guts," Valis commented. "I'm a city boy, so I'm a little out of my depth with this one."

Levi's gaze flitted between the two of them, thinking to himself about Nino again. Maybe the wolves spooked him somehow…? Maybe he had a bad experience with wolves in the past.

"But what if they don't find any guts?" Levi wondered aloud. "If we don't have an offering pile on a given night, they could get more aggressive…."

Lauro shrugged. "That, or the opposite issue could end up being the problem: if we cull too many deer, they might not have enough deer left around here to hunt down for their own food."

"Shit. Okay. Let's try not shooting any deer tonight, and we can live off the rabbit snares for breakfast tomorrow. And we'll see what happens."

"That'll work," Lauro said. "We always guard the rabbit snares. At least we can control where the wolves are likely to go if those are the only bait we use."

Levi nodded curtly at him.

"Thanks, you two. Now let's go eat."

They saluted in unison.

"Yes, Captain!"

By the time Zeke returned to camp, breakfast was in the works, simmering cheerily in its cauldron—venison stew, thanks to Alessandro's dawn buck. As Levi tended to the teakettle, confirming that the water was just hot enough before adding a mix of lavender and lemon balm teas, he begrudgingly admitted to himself that last night had been a night worth remembering, and he should aim to focus on the good things that relaxed him, rather than agitating himself more over things he could not control. But alas, his efforts came crashing down spectacularly as soon as Zeke stepped foot back in his field of vision.

"My goodness, are you particular about your tea," Zeke observed gleefully. "Should we swill it around in our mugs an exact number of times or something, too?"

Levi shrugged. "I know what I like, but I'm also not above experimentation..."

Zeke grinned. "You are still talking about tea, correct...?"

"What the hell else would I be talking about?"

Zeke started to chuckle in amusement as Levi glared at him, thoroughly unamused. Petra happened to catch the eyes of both men as she motioned quietly to Levi to request for his mess kit.

"It's ready already?" Levi asked her, turning to find his kit among the other ones drying on crates. "Just in time; tea's almost ready, too."

She made to bring his kit to the cauldron when Levi reached for her sleeve to stop her. He leaned in and murmured in her ear, "If you serve people, he might not bother you as much. And give yourself extra while you're at it."

She gave a tiny nod, steeling herself with a deep inhale, and she took his kit back to the cauldron, where she reached for the ladle out of Alessandro's hand. He pursed his lips, peeking furtively over at Levi and Zeke, and he wordlessly switched roles with Petra, letting her stay a safe distance away at the cauldron and serve people while he drifted off to continue eavesdropping.

"So, Petra, was it?" Zeke asked as he slid up in line behind Levi. "'The Captain's Girlfriend'?"

Levi felt a pang of awkwardness at hearing the word "girlfriend" out loud, uttered by Zeke, no less. He did agree that was what she was to him, and he would not deny it if asked…. But it was still different talking about it so openly in public. She handed Levi his serving of food and sighed as she accepted Zeke's mess kit from him next.

"She's in the Special Operations Squad of the Survey Corps, as far as you're concerned," Levi growled, setting his food down on the crate across the fire from Zeke and returning to the teakettle.

"That's right." She paused, empty ladle dangling idly from her raised hand. "And just 'Petra' is fine."

Levi handed the mug to Alessandro, who stood openly next to Levi to better stare at Zeke. Zeke had fished out a wine bottle and was pouring himself a mugful now.

"This'll be interesting," Alessandro murmured, and he glanced down at his tea before preparing to take a sip. "This won't keep me awake any longer than I already have been, will it?"

"No; you'll be fine," Levi scoffed. "Damn, I can't believe you haven't slept at all since we got here…."

"Some lessons are hard learned, Captain," he sighed. "Be careful what you drink. Or eat, I guess." And he tipped his head back for his first sip.

"I wonder what you'll pull off if we keep you awake for another two days straight. Maybe you'll have a whole herd of deer rounded up in a pen for us by Day 2."

Alessandro shook his head. "Nah, that many deer would only attract a pack of wolves."

Levi glanced over at Zeke again, annoyed to see him still watching Petra over the rim of his glasses as he ate. The more time Zeke spent looking at her, the more fascinating he seemed to find her, as getting admonished for his furtive staring only seemed to encourage further staring.

Seeking to shift the topic of thought away from her, Levi spoke again as he poured a mug of tea for himself: "Zeke. Tell me again about that spinal fluid shit."

Zeke leaned back a little on his crate, seeming to have fallen for Levi's bait.

"It's called a 'gas weapon.' The gas contains some of my spinal fluid. Breathing just a slight amount makes Subjects of Ymir freeze up. They can't control their bodies and lose consciousness. On my command, I send the Power of the Titans to the coordinate via Paths. That's why the people of that village obeyed my orders."

Levi and Alessandro both sipped their tea with an icy precision; Levi, in particular, exuded a taciturn disgust. Petra was also taken aback by Zeke's callous recounting of his past atrocities, but she quickly looked back down into the cauldron to maintain her composure. She found that she had merely skimmed the top of the stew, thus failing to include a single scrap of venison in the bowl she had just filled while listening in; she dipped back into the cauldron to rectify the oversight.

"It's not 'that' village," Levi snapped. "It's Ragako. Don't forget the name of the village you slaughtered, you bearded shit." He thought to himself, Thank God Conny and the others aren't here, or we'd have a brawl on our hands for sure….

"Well, I didn't want to do it," Zeke explained in a maddeningly calm tone of voice. "But if I hadn't, and they found out I was sided with Eldia, I couldn't have brought hope to his island." He sighed and set his now-empty bowl down next to him. "You know, I told you all this when I landed on the island. Why do you keep asking?"

"You don't have a shred of guilt in you, and it shows," Levi said, almost snarling now. "You may or may not want to save Eldia, but those lives meant nothing to you."

Zeke scoffed and lifted his mug. "It's hard to believe you're popular at all with the ladies. It's rude to assume to know someone else's feelings." And he took his first sip of wine for the day while he eyed Levi with a hint of amusement.

"I know," Levi insisted, crossing his arms. "And I am... popular enough." He looked over at Petra, who gave him a shy smile back and delicately tucked her hair behind her ear. Validation was sweet indeed.

Zeke was full-on chuckling now. "Well, isn't that great? Looks like I found a chink in Humanity's Strongest Soldier's armor."

Levi tilted his head down to better glare at him through the tops of his eyes. "You seem to think that having people to care about makes them weaker. But I think that it's the opposite." And he squeezed his own arm as he doubled down on his arm-crossing, as if to demonstrate his strength to himself.

"Heh. Well, then, aren't you two Humanity's Strongest Couple. You sure are paranoid, at any rate. Really, there's no telling how long we'll be out here in this finest of hotels."

Zeke gestured at the scenery around them, and the many Scouts peppering the campsite with their food bowls or mugs in their hands.

"Might as well let loose a little, eh, Captain Levi?" He raised his wine mug in a toast to Levi, then took a slow sip for added effect, appearing to relish the taste. "I'm telling you, Petra," he said to her now, "your man needs to learn to have a good time. But don't let him tell you what to do. Broaden your horizons a little. Just one sip."

"I'm on day duty, Zeke. No alcohol," she informed him plainly, plunking herself down next to Levi with her food.

"Well, when you're tossing and turning at night, having those terrible nightmares, a little nightcap might be just what you need." He gave a shrug. "You think about it."

Levi put down his empty bowl with an overly loud, hollow smack. "You're taking an unhealthy level of interest in me and Petra. Mind your own damn business."

Zeke held up his hands. "Hey now, it's your government that wanted us all to be stranded out here in the wilderness with nothing better to do with ourselves. Forgive me for indulging in a little gossip to pass the time..."

"Gossip?"

Levi looked around at his comrades, who all quickly avoided making eye contact with him, some of whom cleared their throats or ducked away if they happened to already be standing behind someone else.

"Great," he grumbled barely audibly.

Zeke cleared his throat, seeming to reset his posture. "So, then? When will Eren and I begin the test?"

"It's not up to me. We're waiting for HQ."

The sunlight glinted off Zeke's glasses. "They may think they have time to spare, but they don't."

A pause of grim contemplation hung in the air. They didn't have to say it out loud to know it: every day that passed was another day for the enemy to prepare to counterattack the island. And with all of them being so isolated in the wilderness, they might very well not find out they were under attack until Wall Maria had already been overrun.

"At last, we agree," Levi concluded. Zeke nodded once and took another sip of wine.

Petra closed her eyes for a brief moment, acknowledging the truth of Zeke's words: all of them were, indeed, running out of time. She made a mental note to herself to really try to think on things tonight: to remember the things she had promised Levi she would remember. The blurry outlines of conversations, the faintest murmurs of clandestine utterances, hung tantalizingly at the edge of her memory. All of them were in a race to get to Eren first. And the advantage of her perspective of him was waning with every passing day. No more nightmares; no more distractions. She dedicated herself anew to grasp what she was searching for, for all of their sakes.

As breakfast winded down to a natural close, Levi cast his gaze around at all of his subordinates, pondering something or other about each of them in turn. When he got to Ernest, who was finishing up his mug, he vaguely recalled Ernest offering wine to Nino the previous morning: Nino refused, and Ernest drank a little wine of his own, then later he had been coming down from the same tree that Petra had gone down from when Levi had been waiting to talk to her. Levi sighed and got up to give a private reprimand to Ernest while the thought was fresh in his mind, and he was otherwise unoccupied.

Ernest sighed and fidgeted uncomfortably in his seat as Levi took a seat before him and pointed out his transgression.

"You're right, Captain. I forgot all about your orders…. I was… preoccupied."

Ernest remembered wanting to talk to Bruno about Nino, and the easiest place to talk privately had seemed to be up in one of the giant trees.

But this isn't the time to say anything to the Captain. If we ever should, that is….

Levi nodded. "Just don't do it again. I don't want anyone getting hurt. You got that?"

Ernest sprang to his feet and saluted. "Yes, sir. I'm sorry, sir."

Levi grunted an "Mm" and got up to leave.

Ernest shook his head and started talking to himself. "Seriously… nothing escapes his notice… even when you think he's distracted, he's not…."

"I know. And that's what makes him great."

Ernest jerked his head in the direction of the voice. Alessandro.

"Were you snooping around on me?" Ernest demanded.

"Not intentionally. But I just happened to be around, you know…."

Ernest turned away and grumbled under his breath.

"I'm sorry, what was that? Did you want to 'take this outside'?" He waved his hand around them at the outdoor environment they were already in.

Ernest propped his hands on both hips. "One of these nights, you're going to mysteriously, tragically fall out of a tree and break your fucking neck, is what I was going to say…."

Alessandro raised his hands. "I feel threatened. I put my head down, minding my own business, and now I'm being harassed for overhearing too much. This is an unsafe working environment for my mental health."

"Fuck it, I'm just going to break your neck right now—"

"Oi," their Captain said, glowering over at them. "Knock it off. Both of you."

"Yes, Captain!" they shouted, standing at attention immediately. They glanced uncomfortably at each other, then looked straight ahead again as Levi approached.

Levi frowned, feeling oddly conflicted about disciplining Alessandro after having been on the same wavelength with him over Zeke just a bit ago.

"Sandro, you piss off everyone you come in contact with. Lauro, Bruno, Ernest—and me. Shut your mouth a little more often and mind your own damn business."

"Yes, Captain." Alessandro grimaced, his toes squirming a little in his boots.

And Levi shook his head and stalked off to find someone else to bark at.

Ernest shrugged. "Hey, at least he didn't say, 'Henrietta'. Maybe you do have half of a chance with her."

"Don't even talk about her…."

Ernest grinned inwardly.

"Now this kind of harassment is what drives a man to drink." Alessandro reached over for his wine bottle and filled his mug with wine a second time.

Ernest eyed him warily as the wine glugged out. "Uhh… that's your last serving, right?"

"Okay, Daddy, you take it away from me if you don't trust me."

He thrust the mostly empty bottle into Ernest's hands, but the latter shook his head and planted the bottle back down on the grass.

Alessandro pressed on, "But we're both camping out on the ground today 'cause of this. And by 'we', I mean 'you go over there' and 'I go over here, by myself, without you rolling around everywhere.'"

"Fine. I know when I'm not wanted…."

And Ernest marched off, leaving Alessandro sipping his wine alone. Alessandro sighed to himself a little, gazing off into the distance.

"Are you finishing off that bottle, or can I…?"

Alessandro looked up to see Lauro pointing at the bottle next to him. Alessandro sighed.

"Knock yourself out."

Lauro grinned, a glint of excitement in his usually dull eyes, as he leaned over to take the bottle from him.

"Hey, Lauro?" Alessandro asked him.

"What?" He uncorked the bottle and started sipping directly from it while glancing down at Alessandro.

"Do I annoy you?"

Lauro chuckled briefly. "Yeah. You annoy everybody." He reached out and swatted Alessandro lightly on the back of the shoulder. "But you did get us a buck for breakfast. So you did good." He took a second sip and wandered off to find someone less annoying to sit with.

"Fuck," Alessandro grumbled under his breath.

As breakfast concluded, a green signal flare shot up vertically from the northern edge of the forest and was relayed in through the trees with subsequent green flares by the Scouts stationed at watch. A couple of minutes later, two supply runners approached the camp site via the dirt path, each riding a horse with a full supply cart hitched behind it.

Levi handed over the pre-screened letters and dug out two of his own letters from his pocket, and Valis directed the unloading of the supplies. Zeke made his way over, his self-esteem not injured in the slightest as he stood before them.

"Could I trouble you all to please order a book? Something to keep my mind occupied while I'm here, you know."

Levi's initial desire was to blurt out an emphatic "No" out of spite alone. But then he recalled how he had denied Zeke's request for cigarettes, which then drove Zeke to fill a makeshift joint with tea and smoke it right in front of them. If he denied Zeke's new request for a book, there was no telling what harebrained ideas he would end up enacting to alleviate his boredom….

Henrietta stepped up and cleared her throat. "Actually, my parents own a bookstore. Should I give you my recommendations?"

Levi turned to stare at her now, unsure whether she had been addressing him or Zeke.

"Choose wisely," Levi said, gazing intently at her, and he crossed his arms to listen to her. She bobbed her head to indicate that she had understood him, and she turned coolly to Zeke.

"What's your favorite genre, Zeke?" she asked. "Fiction or nonfiction?"

Zeke tilted his head appreciatively at her, pleased to have made a connection with someone. "Let's try nonfiction."

"All right. Do you like biographies? Philosophy? History?"

"History. Or something educational," he decided with a nod.

Levi started shaking his head, so she added quickly, "Whatever's on the shelves in bookstores is already public knowledge. Totally declassified stuff."

Levi pursed his lips in a deeper frown. "Nothing that was published in the past five years," he concluded.

Henrietta swallowed uneasily. "Okay, we can find something from earlier than that," she suggested in an attempt at mutual appeasement.

"Something mildly entertaining but harmless to the Captain's sensibilities," Zeke proposed with a smirk.

"Huh. Okay, well, a good one I liked is Gemstones of the Walls. Don't worry, Captain: it's all cool but harmless stuff," she concluded, and she walked over to one of the supply runners and placed the order. The Scout pulled out his list and made a notation at the bottom, and that was that.

Levi quietly watched the whole thing unfold, questioning whether he was being too lenient with people once again. First the wine, then the coffee, smoking the tea, and now a book to keep our precious prisoner entertained? When does this bullshit ever end?

"Captain, the supply runners were wondering…" Henrietta started hesitantly.

Levi's vision refocused in front of him to gaze at her properly, and his contemplations evaporated into nothingness inside his head as the Scout who had written down her order pulled up next to her.

"Captain. We were thinking that Zeke might need a change of clothes or two. We honestly have no idea how long you're going to have to be out here for…."

Levi glanced past them at Zeke, who appeared to be preoccupied with observing the unloading process.

"If we bend to his every whim, he's gonna take it as an invitation to keep on asking for shit," Levi grumbled.

"But it's not an unreasonable thing to provide," the Scout insisted. "It's only basic human decency. Don't let the man get smelly, at the very least…. A couple of pairs of pajamas and underwear, that's all…."

"He'll reek no matter what he wears."

Henrietta and the other Scout both glanced at each other uneasily, their lips tightly drawn.

"But whatever. Fine." He made to walk past them towards Valis, but then he stopped and added, "But no matter what he says, this isn't a goddamn hotel. He's washing his clothes himself."

Despite Alessandro's threats earlier, he set his sleeping mat within a stone's throw of Ernest's after all.

"No bath for you, Sandro? You're gonna just be stinky?"

"I'm too fucking tired," he grumbled, pulling the hood of his cloak over his head and rolling over to face away from Ernest.

"You gutted a deer with those filthy hands," he reminded him. But Alessandro made no motion to acknowledge him anymore.

Bruno snuck over to Ernest while Alessandro was drifting off to sleep. Ernest paused in the middle of packing his rucksack for his own bath as Bruno stuck a folded piece of notepad paper under his nose.

"Oh shit, yes," Ernest whispered. He furtively opened the paper while Bruno stood proudly over him.

In the drawing, Alessandro was wearing his towel (with a poorly embroidered "AR") like a tented loincloth over his erection, and Henrietta was wearing her own towel covering her breasts and privates. She was holding up a threaded needle in one hand and a hunting knife in the other, and she had a speech bubble saying, "I can fix you!"

"Well done," Ernest mouthed silently. He stuffed the drawing in his cloak and continued fitting his towel into his rucksack.

"Oi."

They both turned their heads slowly at the familiar voice striking dread into their hearts. Captain Levi, catching them in the act. Alessandro rolled back over slowly and stole a peek at the scene from behind the safety of his hood.

Levi extended a hand towards Bruno.

"Give me your notepad."

Bruno froze, rooted to the spot in embarrassment. But his hand somehow managed to move to his pocket, and with a heavy sigh, he handed his notepad over.

"You're coming with me, Bruno."

Bruno nodded slowly and made to follow his captain. Ernest stared at them leaving and muttered barely audibly to himself, "Oh, shiiiiit…."

As they reentered the deserted campsite, Levi stopped walking and flipped open the notepad. Bruno gulped, bracing himself for impact, as Levi's eyes squinted furiously at the sight of the three drawings. As anticipated, Levi slapped Bruno upside the head with the notepad.

"I asked you to draw some pictures of Zeke, and this is what I get?" Levi was so upset that his hissing was almost as loud as outright yelling.

"Um. Well, Captain, to be fair," Bruno stammered, but was somehow emboldened enough to continue, "Zeke is in all of them so far..."

"You mean the one where Sandro is sucking his dick? Or the ones where he's watching me and Petra? Also, why the fuck would I put a leash on her?" he growled in one continuous vomit of words. "Is this what they teach you kids in Cadet training nowadays? How to be disrespectful to people behind their backs?"

He cuffed Bruno on the back of the head with the notepad a second time.

"It seems I delegated badly: you were in need of more direction. So, here's a real sketchbook." He walked over and pulled it out from one of the crates that the supply runners had dropped off. "You're going to draw me some very specific things. And nobody is going to be naked in them. Understood?" He shoved the sketchbook into Bruno's chest.

Bruno stood stock still, frozen in his salute and staring straight ahead. "Yes, Captain." He reached his hand over to take the sketchbook and tuck it under his arm.

"An erotic drawing of the Queen, to boot. Are you trying to get dishonorably discharged?"

"No, sir."

"Then you can thank me later."

He ripped out the drawings and stuck them in the fire. Bruno flinched, then frowned bitterly. Levi looked on dispassionately as Bruno's work went up in flames.

"Now get your shit together," Levi growled. "Get out of my face for now and find Zeke. I want maps of every path he takes on those walks he does in the mornings. I want to know where he takes a leak, where he shits, and what he stares at every day from morning till night."

"Yes, sir!" Bruno heaved a sigh of relief that he was finally excused. He aimed his wires in the direction he had last seen Zeke wandering off and flew up, sketchbook still under one arm. When he was out of view, however, he took a moment to himself to hang his head. To get back in the captain's good graces, he had a long road ahead….

Levi lifted his head and yelled out, "Ernest! I know you're watching; get your ass down here."

Ernest grimaced to himself and descended from the tree branch he had been staking out in.

Levi took a seat on his favorite crate as Ernest stood before him, falling into a salute. He wondered how he was going to salvage his own dignity from getting chewed out by the captain for the third time in a single morning….

"I broke up the gossip crew into different shifts for a reason, but you won't even sleep on your off-duty time 'cause you're so addicted to gossip. Other people's disciplining—not to mention my personal matters—are not for your own amusement. Or anyone else's. You got that?"

"Yes, Captain."

"Good." He leaned over to prop his elbows onto his knees. "Now go boil me water for tea. Get enough for yourself so you can have a nightcap, and get your ass in bed already."

"Yes, Captain!"

Some minutes later, Levi got up to check the water in the teakettle while Ernest stood back for the inspection. He nodded approvingly and turned to the tea canisters.

Petra's not having any, so I can use some more of this, he thought to himself. He grabbed the chamomile tea and added twice the usual amount into the teakettle. I need a double-strength hit of this or I'm not going to chill out until bedtime, I swear….

Ernest took a seat across from Levi with his obligatory mugful of very intensely flavored chamomile tea. Levi was staring silently at him and making him extremely uncomfortable.

"Not a good feeling, is it? Being stared at?" Levi asked.

Ernest took a long swig to buy himself more time to come up with a response.

"I guess not."

"How's my tea?"

Ernest blinked, feeling his discomfort blooming even more.

"It's—strong." He raised his eyebrows as the intensity of the floral taste percolated into his taste buds. "But good," he added reassuringly. "I see why you like it."

"Good." Levi took a quiet sip as he lapsed into thoughtfulness now. "You know, I always figured I would be disciplining Sandro like this, not you. What happened?"

Ernest sighed and scratched his head. "I dunno, Captain. I guess I do have my head up in the clouds."

"Nah." He took another sip. "More like, if he hadn't just been awake for two whole days and hit the sack, he'd have been the one up in that tree instead of you. Did he put you up to this?"

An incredibly awkward silence swelled and enveloped both of them.

"He didn't; he was sleeping. But… I wanted to know what happened to Bruno," Ernest admitted at last.

Levi set his mug down next to him. "Which, again, is not any of your business. You got that?"

"I know, Captain. I'm sorry. I was just—worried about him. But you're right. It won't happen again." He chugged the rest of his tea to have an excuse to leave faster, and when he was done, he got up, slid out Bruno's last incriminating drawing from his cloak pocket, and as a gesture of good faith, he dropped it in the fire on his way out. He stopped and turned his head back to tell Levi: "Thank you, Captain. For the tea."

Levi scoffed. "No need to thank me. You're the one who boiled it, remember."

Ernest smiled slightly. "I'm not really talking about the tea."

Levi sighed heavily yet again that morning as he watched Ernest disappear into the treeline.

"These kids," he muttered to himself. "Sometimes I forget how young they really are…." And he tilted his head back to take a long, indulgent sip of his tea—his one and only vice.

Upon returning from his teatime with Captain Levi, Ernest noticed Henrietta sitting next to Alessandro, who was still not asleep, now that he had a visitor. He flopped back down onto his sleeping mat immediately. Alessandro turned to look expectantly at Ernest.

"No bath for you either, now?"

Ernest shook his head. "Fuck. No. Man, I saw it all. The Captain tore him apart. And then he figured out I was watching and tore me apart. It was painful..."

Alessandro scoffed. "Well, I guess he had it coming. It's his dumbass fault."

"To be fair," Henrietta noted with a tinge of guilt, "we all have been gossiping a lot…. It's just Bruno's the only one who had documented proof of anything."

"No one asked him to draw those pictures," Alessandro insisted. "I mean, how many Days of Rivetra drawings did he think he could get away with?"

"Hey, you enjoyed them just the same!" Ernest said. "The Rivetra ones, at least." And then he added, "Oh, and the captain burned all the drawings."

Alessandro sat up at once. "What?! Even the Rivetra ones?"

"Especially those ones. All obliterated in the fire." He shook his head in disappointment. "Destroying a man's art. That's not cool…. But yeah, it was disrespectful to have drawn it in the first place."

"It sure was."

"Hey, just be thankful that the one with you in it got destroyed, too. You got everything you wanted: Captain Levi kicked Bruno's ass for you, and nobody else has to know about your needle dick—" And he started chuckling uncontrollably as he curled his body up.

"You know that that was bullshit!"

Henrietta also started giggling.

"How the hell do you know about that drawing?" Alessandro demanded.

"I guess things get around?" she murmured with a sly turn of her lips.

"You know—the more you—defend yourself—the worse it makes you look!" Ernest suddenly sobered up. "I'm sorry, man. I know it was embarrassing. You know I got your back and all that…."

Henrietta grinned. "Although you were the one who showed us the drawing with Sandro, Ernest."

Alessandro glared at him now, relishing having a target to blame, but he pursed his lips in begrudging acknowledgment of Ernest's willingness to befriend everyone—and therefore also screw over everyone.

"I should have killed you when I had the chance," Alessandro grumbled.

Henrietta took this as her cue to get up and set her hands on her hips. "Anyway, I'll wake you guys up for dinner. Sweet dreams!"

Alessandro and Ernest eyed each other in silent truce and rolled over to face away from each other, snapped their hoods over their heads in unison, and finally went to sleep.

Notes:

I hope The Zevi Scene lived up to your expectations! I know some of you were saying you were looking forward to how this scene would go. No more will Levi hang his head like a former Prom King washed-up has-been: Petra is the only Levi Simp he'll ever need, and in Rivetra Land, she's right by his side where she belongs. :)

Chapter 13: Lovers in Summer

Summary:

Petra contemplates Armin's writings and fends off speculation from other Scouts about her past. She and Levi consider the proposed fan theory about what happened to her four years ago, which takes them on an unexpected journey.

Notes:

It's taken ages and moving a lot of scenes into the next chapter, but I'm finally back! The next chapter hopefully won't take as long to publish as this one did because it's already mostly done. But let's cross that bridge when we get there. For now, please read and enjoy, and thanks for your patience. And as always, special thank you to my beta reader, Puff.

Chapter Text

Soundtrack Recommendations:

"Lullabies" – Yuna

"Hatsukoi" – Hikaru Utada

As Petra made her way dutifully through Armin's "homework", journeying with the Survey Corps from the discoveries with Conny's home village of Ragako, to the uprising and coronation of Queen Historia, to the Battle of Shiganshina, to the successes of the Executioner From Hell, and on to the sea, when Eren first revealed his intentions of mass destruction to his closest friends, she noted with approval and pride at how much of a wise historian he was at such a young age. Back when she and her comrades—mostly dead by now—had read Ilse's notebook, she had felt as if she were peering through a peephole at something so hugely significant, but only getting the tiniest glimpse of the truth. But reading Armin's transcriptions colored in all the blank spaces and unanswered questions with a broad, yet detailed and veracious account of past events. They had learned so much about the mysteries of the Titans since her untimely death. And it comforted her at least a little to know that something consequential had been built upon the graves of her and her comrades she had left behind in the Paths. If knowledge was power, then the people of Paradis were much stronger now than ever before—but other countries across the sea were still so much stronger and more technologically advanced, with their automobiles, flying boats, radios, and electricity….

Petra looked up at the sound of whirring metal wires and saw Henrietta pulling herself over to her tree branch. She folded up the documents she had been reading and inserted them in the front pocket of her rucksack for the time being as Henrietta situated herself next to her.

"Is it all right if I join you, Petra?"

Petra smiled warmly. "Of course. I'm glad for the company."

Henrietta tilted her head at Petra's rifle resting against the tree trunk. "I see you keep yours close, too. That's a good habit to have." She shrugged her shoulder to emphasize her own rifle slung over it. "Do you have your sidearm, too?"

"Yeah." Petra pulled her cloak aside to reveal her pistol and a hunting knife strapped to her waist in their respective leather sheaths.

"Excellent," Henrietta gushed. "Oh, look who it is…."

The two women turned their heads to catch Bruno alighting upon their tree branch to join them. He had his sketchbook still tucked under one arm as he maneuvered with his ODM wires using his free hand.

Bruno heaved a sigh and let his feet dangle over the edge of the branch. "Zeke's finally back in his tent. Thank God." And he fished around in his cloak pocket for a biscuit and started unwrapping it eagerly in his weariness.

Henrietta nodded, the corners of her mouth stretching into a wan smile. "Yeah, I heard you have a 'special assignment' now…."

He sighed heavily again. "Word gets around, I see. You know what I miss about civilized society?"

"What?"

He lifted his biscuit as if to toast her. "Lunch. I underestimated how weird it would feel to only eat two meals a day."

He took a hearty chomp out of the corner of his biscuit, then while he was chewing, he dug back into his cloak and produced two more to offer to his companions. Henrietta accepted hers readily and started to neatly unwrap it in her lap. Conversely, Petra tensed, suddenly overcome with awkwardness and guilt at having inadvertently gotten him into trouble.

"I'm sorry, Bruno," Petra blurted out. "I wrote a letter to Commander Hange, and Captain Levi read it…. But I promise you I didn't name names; I was just commenting on how some of you guys were so bored out here that you were 'drawing pictures for fun'…."

Bruno sighed and shook his head. "It's okay. I had it coming sooner or later." And he nudged the biscuit in his hand towards her again. She accepted it with a little hesitation, gave him a tiny smile in thanks, and took a second to hold it in her hands, feeling its weight, shape, and smooth, rounded edges in the wax paper packaging.

"It's been a while since I had one of these," Petra murmured. "I wonder if they're any better than they used to be."

Bruno stared at her. "They're really not that special. They're just meant to get the job done, not taste like anything memorable."

Petra chuckled a little. "I know." She unwrapped one end and nibbled off a half-bite, then wrinkled her nose at the unexpectedly bizarre, cloyingly rancid taste on her tongue: like butter that had gone bad, binding together a chalky, grainy powder that was masquerading as wheat flour. She stifled a cough in her discomfort.

"Aren't these supposed to just taste like nothing?" she asked, the disappointment seeping into her voice.

Henrietta shrugged and swallowed her mouthful. "Yeah. Don't they?"

"Mm-hmm," Petra mumbled, nodding absentmindedly while she powered through the deeply unpleasant taste and swallowed it down. She urgently reached into her rucksack for a waterskin and washed the bite of biscuit down with a few hearty swigs. "You know, I'm not really hungry, actually," she said, perhaps a little too quickly, and she rewrapped the rest to keep for later. "But thanks, Bruno."

Bruno and Henrietta took a long, meaningful glance at each other, then back at Petra.

Henrietta cleared her throat and began with some hesitation, "So… Petra… we've been wondering…."

"Yes?"

"So—you were in the Special Operations Squad four years ago."

Bruno added, "'Levi Squad.'" And he nodded, clearly already at least somewhat familiar with the stories.

Petra cleared her own throat quietly. "Yes, that's right."

"And then you just vanished from everything," Bruno concluded. "No helping to overthrow the government. No helping retake Wall Maria. No going to the sea."

Petra felt herself starting to sweat anxiously. "Ummm… no. That's right."

"I know a lot of people died back then," Bruno pressed on, his eyes focusing more intently on her. "They had to refill Captain Levi's entire squad with Scouts from the 104th Cadets."

Petra sat frozen in her seat, staring back at him as her anxiety grew towards full-on internal panic. He was straying far too close to the truth, and she wasn't sure what she could do to deflect any direct accusations….

"But you're still alive and well," Henrietta added, pointing at Petra, who flinched a little at the sudden finger directed at her chest. "Let me guess," Henrietta said, her eyes narrowing perceptively. "He knocked you up, didn't he?"

"Huh?" Petra's eyes grew wide.

"Captain Levi!" Bruno added for clarity. "He got his girl pregnant and then," he pointed squarely at her as well in accusation, "you went on leave to take care of the baby!"

"Umm..." She could not deny their assumption with the truth because they simply weren't allowed to discuss the truth. She thought to herself, He's gonna kill me...

Henrietta beamed, awestruck at apparently having guessed correctly. "Wow. So then, do you have a three-year-old at home with your parents or something?"

Petra was absolutely sweating nervously now; she was at least glad that she didn't tend to sweat on her forehead. "I guess you could say something like that," she mumbled, trying to sound convincing.

Bruno absentmindedly crinkled his now-empty biscuit wrapper in his fist. "Damn. Well, I guess it does make sense. I could definitely see the captain getting his girlfriend pregnant to keep her out of danger."

"But then why are you back out here now if you have a little kid depending on you? This mission definitely counts as dangerous." Henrietta crossed her arms, her concern starting to show in her countenance.

Petra pursed her lips, willing herself to confront their assumptions as directly as she could get away with. "Well... Certain circumstances have changed, let's just say..."

Bruno and Henrietta both nodded slowly and deliberately.

"Like you said: this is a dangerous mission. But it's a little less dangerous the more of us there are…." And she cleared her throat and straightened up again, preparing to add more weight to their story while they were at it….

When Petra stopped by the branch of her and Levi's designated tree, Levi was already there waiting for her. He perked up when he saw her, his mood instantly seeming to improve at the sight of her—although with his eyes narrowed as they often were when he was analyzing something, there was probably something he wanted to discuss. And surely enough, he started by asking:

"What the hell is 'Rivetra'?"

Petra's cheeks grew hot immediately, and she looked away as fast as she could. She put a fist up to her mouth and cleared her throat uncomfortably.

"The others, uhh, came up with a shorthand way of referring to the both of us. By… combining our names. 'Levi' and 'Petra' equals 'Rivetra.'"

His unamused expression spoke for itself.

"'Levi' starts with an 'L'."

"I know. But they thought it sounded better with an 'R'."

Petra heaved a reluctant sigh, recalling her own topic she wanted to discuss, and in a rushed unloading of words, she confessed to Levi about Bruno and Henrietta's 'Rivetra baby' story. She braced herself for the imminent explosion as his body grew still and his expression turned even grouchier.

"So you just let them make up whatever bullshit story, and you just nodded your head and went with it?"

Petra shrugged, staring back at him. "What else was I supposed to say? We have a gag order!" And she took a seat next to him, leaving half a meter of space between them to allow him to gesticulate with his arms without knocking her over.

Levi growled to himself. "Now we have my subordinates spreading gossip about me—about us—instead of focusing on their own mission objectives. And with Zeke listening in on them at every chance he gets."

"But can you blame them? We didn't give them any background info on me at all, so it's only natural that they got curious and came up with a story on their own." She shrugged again. "If anything, they just did our work for us. They figured out the story that made the most sense; all I had to do was agree to it."

Levi grumbled something mostly inaudibly, but Petra thought she could make out the words "unbelievable" and "none of their damn business".

"Well, if anyone asks from now on, we have a three-year-old daughter named Nifa, and she has your hair and my eyes." In fact, she seemed to be enjoying herself, inventing a fake backstory and family life for her to brag about.

He tilted his head back as he groaned, "Out of anything you could name your baby, why did it have to be Nifa?"

"Why not? She was a good friend back in the day!"

"I also had nightmares about her after her face got blown off—right in front of me, by the way."

"Oh…." Her face fell, and her shoulders slumped a little in disappointment. "Well… then are you saying that the only thing worth remembering about someone is the way in which they died?"

Levi instantly felt guilty as her words pierced him like a knife. Her gaze dropped to the grainy sinews of the wooden branch they sat upon, and she heaved a little sigh.

"Never mind; you're right," he admitted in a subdued voice. "She probably missed you, too."

A moment of silence passed between them as they reflected independently on the meaning of death.

He spoke up again: "How is she, by the way? Did you see her?"

She nodded as her expression brightened again. "Yeah. She's doing fine…." And, with eyes twinkling mischievously now, she leaned into his face so he couldn't avoid meeting her gaze. "She said she was waiting for you and me to hook up for years."

Levi's face smoothed over again into his increasingly signature expression that masked his internal embarrassment.

"Great."

"You and me… four years ago… a secret baby inside the Walls… it's highly believable," she insisted playfully.

As she said those words, it shifted something within him—back towards the dream they had dreamt together not too long ago….

"If only it had been true..." And he gazed ruefully into her eyes as he thought, If only you hadn't died….

She smiled softly at him. "It can still come true."

Levi looked away and sighed wistfully.

"It already is coming true. Isn't it," he murmured quietly. He then turned to look her squarely in the face again, but she grew shy in that moment and looked away.

She closed her eyes to examine again the sensation of being in her body—of her heart beating steadily, her lungs filling and emptying, and the whisper of a vague, heavy fullness that was starting to spring up within both of her breasts. And what's more, the biscuits didn't taste like they used to, and over the past few days, she did feel just a little more tired by bedtime than she usually would….

When she opened her eyes again, Levi was still gazing intently at her.

"Can you feel it?" he asked. "Do you feel any different?"

She nodded slowly. "I do…."

As if on cue, she felt a sudden, lightning stabbing in the frontal areas of her brain. It was so startlingly sharp and throbbing that her face fell into the palms of her hands with its heaviness, and her eyelids shut tightly in an attempt to control the pain.

And suddenly, everything was as clear in their minds as if it had truly just happened: a fateful meeting in the rain under the shelter of the eaves of a house in Trost, the scent of an electric charge from the canopy of raindrops scattering all around them, and a moment of resolve that welled up within both of them as their hands joined and their gazes met. A mutual leaning in, and a slow, measured kiss. He admitted to himself that he had no idea what he was doing, and there was a brief moment of awkwardness when he thought too hard about whether he was moving his lips the right way at all. But she didn't seem to either notice or care about his inexperience, and he grew emboldened at her enthusiasm, kissing her more deeply and running his fingers up through the base of her hair along her scalp.

They hardly remembered whatever transitory things happened between then and ending up back in the barracks, but before they knew it, there they were, sitting on his bed in the men's barracks, praying desperately that they would be left alone as they indulged in each other, exhilarated at the first time they had ever tried to get away with anything. He sat with his legs folded under him and she straddled his hips with her legs, leaning over onto him while he held her upright with one hand. He slowly rode his free hand up the hem of her nightgown, touching her briefly, tentatively between her legs with his fingers as they indulged in another deep kiss. She moaned quietly through their lips and pressed herself eagerly against his hand, but her sudden fervor for his touch made him freeze up, and he pulled his hand back out and down her inner thigh, lingering just above her knee. They opened their eyes to find a mutual uncertainty cutting through the longing in their gazes upon each other.

"No… we shouldn't. I'm sorry…." His voice trailed off and his eyes strayed to the door, as if anticipating the door swinging open just a moment after.

Eld was in front of the procession, eyes growing wide as he barred the open doorway on either side with his arms.

"Uhh, we should—go…."

And Eld slowly backed up, holding Gelgar, Oruo, and Gunther out of view while Oruo's voice cried out, "Hey! What're you—"

The door swung shut again with a thud.

Petra cleared her throat uncomfortably. "I guess that's my cue to leave," she sighed, climbing off of Levi's thighs and fishing for her slippers on the floor. They gazed briefly into each other's eyes one last time before parting with each other, and Levi watched Petra smooth her hair back down with her hands as she headed for the door, wondering whether they would ever get a second chance.

In the morning, Levi summoned Petra to the men's barracks after morning training. She knocked at his door with some trepidation, not sure whether to expect a booty call or a scolding for some unrealized transgression.

"Come in," his voice called out, and she opened the door to find him leaning against one of the wooden posts of his bunk bed, crossing his arms as usual.

"Yes?"

"You did well out there, Petra. Today in particular. It's good to see that you haven't let personal matters affect your performance."

She tilted her head in a little towards him. "You mean, after last night…."

He gave a tiny nod. "Yes."

Once again with that wounded look in her eyes, and a tortured guilt in his. He took a quiet inhale and said as calmly as he could:

"I'm getting promoted. To Captain. It'll be official tomorrow."

She nodded slowly, her eyes falling to the grain of the bed. The knots in the wood were tightly coiled and wound in on themselves, much like the knots in her own stomach.

"Now I don't know what to call you anymore," she sighed. "But—" she lifted her head to bravely look him in the eyes again. "Congratulations. Captain Levi." The title sounded so foreign to her ears, but it sounded good on him. She was sure that he would grow into the role with ease—he was a natural leader, after all, albeit in some untraditional ways.

"I wish this could last forever," he said. "But I guess nothing can…."

And it dawned on her then exactly what he meant.

"Then you're saying that this is over. We—are already over."

Levi nodded sadly.

"Yes."

She chewed absentmindedly at her lower lip to bite down on her words.

He continued, "I thought about who to include in my squad. I'm choosing Eld, Gunther, Oruo… and you."

Her brow furrowed as she struggled to understand. He glanced briefly past her head to right himself internally before turning his gaze to her again and crossing his arms, guarding himself.

"I thought about not including you—not because of any lack of skill or teamwork ability, but because… of my own personal reasons."

She narrowed her eyes, still maintaining eye contact with him. "Because you're biased now, you mean."

"Yes. But in the end, I decided that that wouldn't be fair to you." He sighed quietly through pursed lips, letting the air hiss out through his nostrils like a balloon deflating. "I respect you… you've proven yourself, again and again. There really is no one better suited to be in my squad—not just with me, but with the other Scouts I've chosen. You're the last piece we're missing. To make us complete."

She searched his eyes with hers, reading between the lines and seeing the "I" in the "we" he had uttered: You're the last piece I'm missing, to make me complete….

"Maybe, if you can keep working hard in my squad, you can get promoted, too, one day. And we can be at the same rank again. But for this to work out, for us to even get there… we can't do this anymore. We can't be anything other than friends."

His gaze fell to the floor.

"At least—for now."

In the silence between them, possibilities hung tantalizingly down like scaffolding around the framework of their current reality. The work in progress all around them that was their life together.

Her voice came out in a hushed tone: "Can we still… have tea together?"

Another singular nod from him. "Of course."

"But there's that line… that we shouldn't cross," she concluded.

"That's right."

"That line was never there before… but now that it is, we have to toe that line, huh?" She gazed into his eyes even more deeply now, feeling the tears come. "How is that fair? To me? Or to you?"

"It's not. But… it is what it is."

She turned to leave, letting her hands fall limply to her sides as she sought the blurry outline of the doorframe through her tears. One step, then another, and another, and she reached out for the doorknob when she felt him reaching out for her, feeling his fingers wrap impulsively around her other wrist, begging for her to—

"Wait."

She paused with her hand already on the doorknob, and she knew that she should walk away, but somehow she just couldn't. She turned around to face him one more time. His expression was controlled, facial features revealing nothing, save for his eyes: mournful, grasping.

"My promotion… isn't till tomorrow," he said. "So… do you want to stay? Have tea together one more time?"

She gave him a tiny smile now. "Equal rank… for one more night?"

And lo and behold, he returned her smile with the smallest, briefest hint of his own. "Only if you want."

She nodded, her tears fading away into the inner corners of her eyes. "Okay. I'd like that."

Brewing tea always had steps: drawing water from the well into a wooden bucket. Filling a teakettle with it. Lighting the firewood in the stove to heat the water. Choosing which tea to brew. Removing the water from the heat source just before it boiled. Adding the tea leaves to the water. And then waiting. Patience. Biding one's time until the tea was ready, and being ready with the teacups, ready to hold the tea. Levi had always found comfort in focusing on the next step in any task: all doubts and uncertainties faded away in the face of the little decisions in each moment that moved him forward. The only question to answer was where he was moving toward.

Up until then, it had been Erwin giving him direction—serving as his surrogate father figure, his light in the darkness to keep his gaze on to avoid getting lost in the uncertainty and mystery of the night. But things were different now, because now there was another person drawing him in, one step at a time. Now he had Petra by his side, anticipating and moving on to the next step while he did the current one. As he added the tea leaves to the kettle, she was already setting out the saucers and teacups, and when he glanced over at the sound of porcelain clicking, she was already sitting still at the table, waiting with a tiny hopeful smile at him.

They took quiet, measured sips of tea, looking at each other wordlessly, savoring the taste, the warmth, and the companionship. Things between them were on hold indefinitely, until the day would come when they could be together again. But today was not that day. And they could no longer fool themselves into believing that it could be.

So, from then on, they put their heads down and focused on work. Daily training, cleaning and laundry, teamwork, expeditions. Some way or other, they both managed to survive another day, another month, another year, and another year after that. The squad stayed together, growing close-knit and strong: they had teatimes all together in the mornings, and at night, another teatime just for Levi and Petra—alone together, but just as friends. They managed to continually impress each other with their mutual self-restraint as they talked about work, night after night, while suppressing all talk of feelings or tiny, secret dreams of a future together. And somehow, that was enough for them.

But finally, eventually, the day did come when it was no longer enough. During another long night of paperwork, Levi sat at his desk, still in his full uniform, while Petra fed him a steady stream of black tea, full ink bottles, and quiet, steady companionship. She would always be the first to volunteer to help him on nights like this… and it was nice, having her close by, but in time, it also stoked the mutual attraction between them. And in moments like this one now, a furtive glance in the other's direction was full of much more meaning than a matter-of-fact turn of the head.

Her off-white, sleeveless spring nightgown was modest enough that the straps mostly covered her collarbones and the fabric covered her cleavage even when she leaned over the desk, but the hem still only went down to her mid-thigh when she was standing upright. When she leaned over, it naturally hiked a little higher up her posterior, revealing the majority of the milky smooth backs of her toned thighs. The vague thought of her underwear underneath that nightgown flitted through his mind, and he cleared his throat quietly and gazed the opposite way of her in a desperate attempt to redirect his thoughts.

"Levi," Petra said softly.

He grew still at hearing her call him that. It had been so long since she had called him by his name. She regarded him with the same expression on her face that she saved just for him, when they were alone with their tea: looking at him and really seeing him.

"You and me… me in your room…. Is this so wrong?" she asked.

He felt a new uncertainty creep into his mind, causing him to tense. "What do you want, Petra?"

Desiring his direct subordinate felt very wrong indeed, but at the same time, the thought of forbidden sex with her consumed his mind and enflamed his manhood. She was so close to him that he could smell her scent, intoxicating him. And he felt an erection uncontrollably stirring, growing, raging to be released—his body would no longer be restrained by his self-denial. It just came down to her now: whether she wanted him back...

She blinked. "What… do you mean?"

"You want us to run away together, get married, and make babies?"

"Yes! I want everything! All of that! Is that so wrong?"

He sighed quietly. "No. It's not wrong. But… it's also not right. We can't forget about the Titans. Or all our comrades. Aren't we all fighting for the same thing?"

She dropped her gaze to her hands clasped around each other in front of her. "Yes, all that is true. But… isn't it also tiring? Don't you also want to fight for ourselves?"

"I do. I wish I could do it all…."

"Then do it. Let's have this one thing—this one moment—just for us…."

He turned his head to gaze out the window, looking but not really seeing. "And then what happens after? In the morning? And after that?"

"I don't care. I'm tired of worrying about the future…."

She reached over to hold his shoulders in her hands, and he turned back to look her in the face.

"I just want to be here with you. Both of us, together."

He dipped his head to examine the wood of the desk. "I am, too…." And he looked up to face his feelings at last, by meeting her gaze head-on. "I want this, too."

He stood up from his chair, slid his hands up the sides of her nightgown and sat her up on his desk, spreading her thighs around his hips as he stood at the edge of the desk. He leaned his head in and touched his nose to her cheek, feeling his eyelids grow heavy as he took in the scent of her skin and the uniquely clean smell of her hair.

"You know, the good thing about captains is they get their own room," he said quietly, touching a curled finger to her delicate jawline.

"I know; I agree," she sighed.

They weren't sure who closed their eyes first, but before they knew it, their lips met. It had been a long while, but they still remembered—and so did their bodies. They kissed slowly and deeply, again and again, pulling each other in closer and closer, touching and pressing and feeling everything. She ventured her hand down to feel his erection straining in his pants, and he pulled her hips in, grinding himself against her underwear. Her breath caught in her throat and their lips broke away as they stole a few panting, gasping breaths before diving in again, touching lips once more. In between further kisses, she pulled his blazer off and started to paw at his cravat, prompting him to undo it the rest of the way and drop it on the paper covering his desk. He undid his ODM straps, she undid his shirt buttons, and step by step, they took his clothes off on the way to his bed.

"Now it's your turn," he murmured, pulling her nightgown off and taking in her topless form, running his fingers down around the curves of her breasts. He bent down and kissed her nipple, taking her into his mouth until she grew erect; she ran her hands through his undercut, pulling him in with a contented sigh. As his mouth worked on her other nipple, his hands migrated down around her hips, sliding inside her underwear and slowly pulling it down off her legs, and she curled her legs up as the last scrap of her clothing fell off her ankles. She pulled his head off her chest and locked lips with him yet again, spreading her legs for him and moaning quietly as he made his way inside her. He filled her up completely, filling her need to feel him, and they moaned again in unison this time as they crossed the threshold into intercourse with no regrets.

He began to thrust, carefully at first to see how she would take it. She gave a low-pitched moan in encouragement and he moved a little faster, sensually caressing his hands around both sides of her ass while he pulled her in around him more deeply. She cried out at the moment he thrusted most vigorously and he froze, panting as he stared anxiously at her face. But she closed her eyes resolutely again and told him, "Keep going," and he resumed his rhythm, but a bit more gently now. Nevertheless, the sensation was so intensely pleasurable that she let out a high-pitched squeak a little too loudly, and Levi quickly swooped down and kissed her on the mouth to silence her.

"Miche's right there." He glanced up at the wall at the head of his bed. "So be quieter."

"Oh, okay. Sorry," she mumbled sheepishly.

"But I am flattered," he added in a low purr, nuzzling the base of her ear with his lips.

"You should be," she whispered. Her fingers slid down around his shoulders, caressing his well-muscled form from his arms to his hips, and she pulled him deeply into her once more, with her hands clutching at him on either side. He groaned quietly into her neck and resumed thrusting with a renewed vigor, reveling in her sighs and moans that eclipsed every rational thought lingering in his mind, filling his head with only her. But as his arousal rose higher and higher, he hazily considered the thought of consequences, and he took a deep breath to whisper in her ear:

"Should I pull out?"

But she shook her head. "No."

"Are you sure?" he panted.

"Don't you dare," she admonished him firmly, to which he turned her to face him and kissed her, groaning into her mouth as the moment overtook him again. She moaned as her eyes drooped shut and her mind grew delirious with pleasure. And at last, his orgasm cascaded into hers, sending waves of tension and release between them as they clutched around each other breathlessly. They kissed and resurfaced for air, panting hotly into each other's faces, and they pressed their foreheads together as they closed their eyes to better savor the moment.

They made love all night, sometimes slowly, sometimes faster, in a different position every time, but every time even more passionate than the last. He came inside her every time at her insistence, their orgasms uniting and building on each other, blooming rapidly into an expanding ecstasy like ripples in still water, radiating outward into eternity. As day broke outside his window, they lay trembling and sweaty in each other's arms, weary with the exertion of their mutual pleasuring, but nevertheless wishing it would never end.

His alarm clock burst into obnoxious ringing and he reached out to switch it off immediately. He groaned into her hair, shaking his head.

"You should go," he murmured into her ear. "Before people find out you were here all night…."

She sighed heavily, caressing his cheek with her hand.

"I guess that would be best…."

He pulled her head in for one last kiss—slow, deep, and contented—and then he pulled away and pushed her off the bed. She landed with both feet on the floor, her naked ass facing him as she reached over for her nightgown and underwear bottoms he had shoved to the head of the bed.

"Would you like me to make us some tea? Captain?" she asked as she pulled her underwear back on.

He nodded, gazing hazily up at her bare breasts as she burrowed around her nightgown to find the hem.

"I'd like that…."

She smiled mysteriously at him as she pulled her nightgown back down over her head.

"Wait," he mumbled, suddenly reminded of something. She turned to look at him and her messy, morning-after hair became awash in the brilliance of the sunlight from his window. Her effortless beauty took his breath away, and he took an extra moment to find his words again:

"There's a tea that women can drink if they don't want to get… pregnant."

She pursed her lips, suddenly pensive. "Oh," she murmured, more to herself than to him.

"I can run into town and get some if… if that's what you want," he offered with some hesitation.

Petra pulled her legs up from the edge of his bed, hugging her knees to her chest as she let her gaze wander over his bedsheets and to the window.

"Is that what you want? Levi?"

He sighed, closing his eyes to help himself compose his thoughts. "I don't want you to have any regrets about—about us. I can't guarantee what'll happen to either of us if you do get pregnant."

Her grip tightened around her legs as she turned her head to look him in the eyes again. "After all of this, you're still thinking about work? What about our lives?"

"Exactly. What about our lives? Do you really want to be stuck having my baby after just one night together?"

She heaved a sigh of her own, reaching out for his hand. He let his hand rest gently in hers, feeling some of his anxiety melt away as her honey-colored irises peered down at him.

"What I know is, last night, you weren't scared like this. You wanted to be with me. And that's all that mattered."

He continued to stare at her, his mind still foggy with the weight of her decision. And, with one last reassuring squeeze of his hand and a single nod at him, she lowered her legs back down and alighted upon the floor again.

"I'll see you out there," she said quietly, padding over to her slippers still lying next to his desk. "Same tea as always, right?"

After she shut the door, he pressed his (relatively cleaner) hand to his face to help wake himself up. When he lowered them, his eyes drifted over to the milky semen stain she had left on the edge of the bedsheet where she had just sat.

Laundry time, he thought wryly to himself. What the hell did we just do…?

After their sleepless night of secret lovemaking, they no longer made any effort to stay away from each other (although they did try to keep it as much of a secret as they could). A few weeks later, after morning training, Levi absconded to his room to find Petra already there, waiting for him as usual. They were both sweaty from exercising and they knew they would bathe later that day anyway, so they drank each other in as they lay on his bed and made out yet again, pawing at each other and dry-humping slowly through their clothing as they held each other tightly through their kisses. However, they had the unspoken understanding that now was not the time to take off their clothes and go all the way. And indeed, after some heady, delirious minutes of stolen intimacy, Petra grew still in Levi's arms and turned her face away from him.

"Hey. Petra. What's wrong?" He lifted her chin with his half-curled hand to look her in the eyes, but she avoided his gaze.

"Levi…." And she finally, timidly locked eyes with him again. "It's been a few weeks since we… you know…."

He nodded slowly, only half-comprehending where she could be going with this. Yet it did not come as a surprise, in the end, when she uttered the words:

"I think I'm pregnant."

A surging rush of emotions hit him as he stared at her. The blood roared in his ears as the wave of understanding overtook him at the core of his being. They both knew that this was entirely likely to happen. But to actually hear the words, to be in that situation for sure….

"You 'think' so?" he asked. "But you're not sure?"

She sighed, dropping her chin to her chest to avoid having to meet his eyes.

"I guess unless I see a doctor, I won't know for sure. But, um… I never did get my period this time around, and… I just feel different. It's hard to explain."

He felt frozen with shock, giddy with excitement at the future, and churning with unease about that same future.

And then she blinked a few times and tightly pursed her lips to try to keep them from quivering with emotions of her own. She gave a quiet sniff and sat up on the edge of the bed, hugging her arms around herself to ease her vulnerability.

"Hey," he said, holding her upper arms in his hands. "I don't mean to freak you out, but I need to tell the Commander," he concluded at last. "There's no way around it: he has to know."

She sighed heavily and said, "I guess let's go see him, then."

But he shook his head firmly.

"No. I don't want you to have to go through that. I'll do it for both of us."

Levi gave her hand a reassuring squeeze as he turned to leave, and she gave him a tiny nod and a weak smile in return. And before he knew it, he found himself in Erwin's office, still secretly wet with precum in his underwear but resolutely disregarding it. Erwin was sitting behind his desk, burning through paperwork with a pen in hand; he looked up with mild surprise at Levi's sudden, unannounced entrance. And Levi did not even bother to sit down before confessing to him at last:

"Commander Erwin. I'm sorry…."

Erwin's face fell with shock and disappointment as the words "Petra" and "pregnant" sank into his brain, marinating in the tumult of his thoughts.

"You were a squad of only five to begin with, and now you're down to four? All because you slept with one of your own subordinates in a moment of weakness?"

Levi's eyes widened momentarily in shock at the harshness of Erwin's words, but then his face grew impassive. "It wasn't 'a moment of weakness'. I'm not. Weak."

"Oh, really? Then what would you call it?" Erwin got up from his chair and wandered over to face his bookshelf. "Every Scout—nay, every soldier in general—makes great sacrifices to serve humanity. They don't see their families or loved ones. Or… they don't have any family to miss."

Erwin swiveled his head to face Levi again; Levi stared back, stony-faced.

"But for you, Levi… you made a choice out of selfishness that will set the entire Survey Corps back—out in the field, as well as in the eyes of the public. Given that you've taken another elite soldier out of commission in the process of tarnishing your own reputation as an officer."

Levi glared furiously back at him.

"Am I even a human being to you, Erwin?" he growled, lashing out with the deliberate lack of titles. "I didn't tell you to sacrifice your personal life for humanity. That was your choice. But now you tell me that I shouldn't care about myself or anyone important to me, either?"

"You know how fragile our existence is, Levi," Erwin continued, thoroughly unperturbed by Levi's outburst. "To make things easier on you, and on those you care about most, I highly recommend practicing emotional detachment to prepare yourself for the worst." He took a seat back in his chair with a creak of the wood beneath him. "But you'd know all about that."

Levi continued to glower at him. "What about Petra? What about what she wants?"

"If she had wanted to remain in the Survey Corps, then she should have thought twice about acting on her desires with you. Pending confirmation of her pregnancy from one of our physicians, I'm placing her on inactive status indefinitely and sending her home as soon as possible. So, for at least a year, and probably longer, she'll have to nurture the next generation. What you and I and everyone else still here continues to fight for. And without her here with us, achieving that goal will now be even more difficult."

Erwin sighed and picked up his pen again, signaling the impending end of the conversation.

"We invest a lot of resources into our soldiers who survive for as many years as she has—let alone serve in a specialized squad and hold her own–so forgive me for feeling disheartened at having even one such soldier taken away from us for an entirely preventable reason. But I will choose to trust that you will continue on with even more resolve."

Erwin's eyebrows lifted momentarily to bolster his next point:

"After all, if having someone to care about supposedly makes you stronger, not weaker, then I expect that you should have no trouble in fulfilling your sworn duty."

Levi's gaze sliced through the lamplight shining brightly around the study to bore holes into Erwin. But Erwin was busying himself with his paperwork once again, no longer bothering to look up.

"Good day, Captain Levi," he declared with an air of finality. "The next expedition is already in a week, and the 104th Cadet Corps is graduating the day after that. I expect you to present your squad's preparations tomorrow as scheduled. And I imagine you have some reconfiguring to do, to account for having one less person…."

Levi excused himself curtly and let the heavy wooden door swing shut behind him with a self-propelled slam. It was going to be another long night of paperwork and planning—but it was just as well, for he was in no mood to sleep.

The next day brought another early morning of training with the squad—which was to be Petra's last training session with them—and Petra was ordered to sit out the exercises involving ODM gear. She found herself standing awkwardly next to Levi as he directed Eld, Gunther, and Oruo, too preoccupied by shouting instructions at them; they shouted back with a dutiful "Yes, Captain!" and hurried along from task to task, pushing themselves as they always did. She attended Levi's presentation to Erwin, in which she was conspicuously not given a role to play in the squad's game plan. Then, with a heavy heart, she went to visit the military physician that Erwin had summoned. And even though Erwin had at least had the decency to request a female physician to do the pelvic exam (if it had not, in fact, been Levi's intervention to arrange this), it was still plenty humiliating and uncomfortable to have this businesslike older woman poking around in her most private areas with her probing, gloved fingers until she reached her swollen cervix. But Petra thought she detected a hint of reassurance in the physician's smile before she turned her back to remove her gloves.

"It's all right, sweetie," the woman said. "You're not the first young lady taken out of commission like this."

Petra suddenly felt the need to clarify to her (to assuage her own guilt, if for no other reason), "Nobody forced me into anything, Doctor. Nobody coerced me."

And the woman sighed, resting her knuckles on her hips as she pivoted back around to face Petra. "This is all just part of life. You're doing your part for humanity: not just fighting endlessly for this elusive future we're all hoping will really come to pass; but creating that future yourself."

Petra nodded slowly, letting her anxieties unspool, but not quite completely yet. This was one of those times in life that she would have no choice but to go through, and not around. She was not naïve enough to believe that it could ever be easy. But she hoped that the people around her would not make it any harder than it had to be.

That night, Levi knocked tentatively on the door to the women's barracks. Inside, Hange, Nanaba, Lynne, and Marlene all scattered and hurried out the door, not sending more than stolen glances at Levi as they strode past him. Nifa gave Petra an encouraging nod and a squeeze on the hand before standing up from Petra's bunk bed and joining the others, leaving Petra alone to talk things over with him.

When she went to the door for him, her face was pale and taut with worry. His expression was similarly stricken with guilt.

"Come in—just close the door," she sighed, turning to sit on her bottom bunk. She held her hands in her lap, clasping her fingers into each other.

He stood before her, unsure of exactly what to do or say.

"Sit," she said, patting the mattress to her left. He sighed and obliged, sitting close enough that their thighs almost touched. The mattress compressed a little with the extra weight, caving into a little valley in the cotton stuffing in which they both sat like birds in a nest.

She tucked a few strands of her hair behind her ear with one hand.

"I sent a letter to my parents today," she began. "I told them I'm coming home… I explained everything to them."

He sighed quietly, turning to gaze ahead of him.

"I'm sorry…."

"But at least I didn't get discharged," she added. "You probably heard that, too…. I'm just put on 'inactive' status until I, you know—until I have the baby…. And then I can come back. Whenever I want."

Their eyes met again, sinking into each other's sadness.

"How'd it go with the physician?" he asked her.

She heaved a sigh of her own. "She said that any sudden jerking movement to my body—like what happens when we use our ODM gear—could cause me to lose the pregnancy. The placenta could detach from the inner wall of my uterus," she explained. Then she paused. "Do you know… what all that means? What a placenta is, and all that?"

"Vaguely," he admitted, somewhat sheepishly now. "I flipped through a human anatomy book at some point over the years…."

She smiled grimly through closed lips.

"Maybe we can get you another book like that. Or a book on pregnancy; maybe that would be even better."

He nodded. "Yeah. I probably need it." And after a lengthy pause, he spoke again at last:

"Do you—regret what happened?"

She shook her head and smiled faintly.

"No. I'll admit it's been, well… a little embarrassing with everyone finding out, but, you know… I'm glad. I'm glad we finally admitted some things to each other."

He continued to gaze at her.

She took a deep breath and continued, "There are other things I've been wanting to say… I just don't know how to say them."

Something inside him told him to be bold, so he reached out and held one of her hands in his, rubbing his thumb back and forth slowly on the back of her hand. She gazed down at him holding her hand, then back up at him.

"I'm sorry it went the way it did," he admitted. "But at least this way, you can finally know that… that I love you. And I'm not sending you off until you at least know that."

She pursed her lips, stunned to hear such a bold confession from him—and that he was the one to have said it first.

He continued, "And I know I gave myself something to lose, by choosing this—choosing you. But I'd rather it be this way than if I had never had the courage to acknowledge my feelings."

And she let her head droop, feeling the tears come, growing hot at the corners of her eyes.

"I will eradicate the Titans," he insisted. "And once I do… I'm coming back for you." He nodded once at her. "You, and our baby."

"Is that a promise?" she asked quietly, still not daring to look back up at him through her tears.

"I promise." He leaned into her and kissed her gently on the lips. As their lips touched and their eyes closed, her first tears rolled down her cheeks and they both felt a mutual surge of electricity inside them—him, from his chest, and her, from the core of her uterus—radiating outwards through their bodies. It felt like a promise, a solemn vow—a commitment to each other. A sudden strength rose up within her that she had never felt before, and with this came a renewed courage to step forward into the future—full of uncertainty and hope.

"Then I'll wait for you," she murmured, nuzzling the tip of her nose on his. "I love you, too..."

They leaned into each other for one more kiss—to seal their fates together, now intertwined for a lifetime and beyond.

When she arrived back home in Trost, her father in particular was not easily placated. Her mother took her side, supporting her unconditionally, but her father stewed in his wounded pride that his only daughter had been knocked up by her commanding officer and sent home to live with the consequences without him.

"Did he rape you?" he demanded, his gaze boring furiously into her. "Or use his authority over you in any way?"

She shook her head insistently. "No. I wanted to be with him, too, Father. So you can blame me, too."

"He didn't even say that he would marry you at this point? Because that would help. A lot."

"Help with what?" her mother asked. "Help you with your reputation? Who cares? We should care about her. With whatever she needs right now."

He scoffed, crossing his arms. "Well, she's a grown woman now, apparently," he said. "Grown enough to get pregnant with absolutely no thought to what that really means. And now we're here to pick up the pieces for her because the military doesn't know what else to do with a pregnant soldier."

Petra sighed heavily.

"He told me that he was coming back. He promised me."

"Promises don't mean much," her father stated plainly. "Money means something. Legal papers mean something."

"Doesn't love mean anything?" she insisted. "Because he does. In fact, he told me first."

Mr. Ral turned away to stew in the corner, but his muscles loosened when Mrs. Ral laid a gentle hand on his shoulder.

Mrs. Ral motioned at the window next to her. "Honey: think about what's outside Wall Rose—all the destruction. We should be thanking our lucky stars that we haven't been eaten by Titans, that our house is still standing, and that you and I and our daughter are still alive—with another member of the family on the way. Blessings beyond what anyone could dare to dream of these days."

"Sure, none of us three here," Mr. Ral scoffed. "Tell that to your parents. Or mine. Where are they now? Outside Wall Rose, lying dead in a field. And that's where your Captain Levi is very well going to end up sooner or later, too."

"Where was this concern for the fate of soldiers back when Petra was enlisting for the Cadets?" Mrs. Ral snapped, starting to lose her own temper. "Maybe it's a blessing in disguise that she's here with us now, instead of out there fighting and dying like everybody else!"

"Father," Petra said in a subdued voice, "Captain Levi said he'll stop by to meet you and Mother tomorrow. So you can tell him yourself. Say whatever you want." Tears clung to her eyelashes, and with a single blink, they fell into her lap. "Just meet him—give him a chance—he's a good, honorable man. And the strongest Scout we have. If there's any of us who'll survive this war, it'll be him. You'll see…."

Her father sighed in resignation now.

"He'd better be. You deserve the best."

And she smiled to herself just the faintest bit. "He is, Father. You'll see…."

When she made it to her bedroom—her childhood bedroom she had always known—she looked around, taking in the sight. It had been quite some time since she had visited, and the place she had once sought refuge from the busyness of daily life was now a foreign place to her. A wooden desk and chair in the corner across from the bedroom door. The bed with a plain, off-white bed skirt between the door and the bedside table, and the latched window across from the foot of the bed. She deposited her rucksack on the chair pushed in under her desk, and she pulled out two things. First, two copies of an educational book on pregnancy and childbirth from the local bookstore she had visited on the way home: one copy for her, and the other for Levi. And something to keep her grounded: a parting letter from Nifa, her best friend in the Survey Corps.

As she read the letter, she could not stop herself from crying a little at the sudden pang of loneliness stabbing at her heart. Certain phrases stood out to her as she scanned through the lines:

Good on you for landing a hot one, hahaha! I'm so happy for you for finding love from your time with us in the Survey Corps, not just friendship with us…. We're all rooting for you…. We'll always be there for you, so write to us whenever you want…. When you have your baby, you should name it after me if it's a girl….

And Petra chuckled a little at her friend's boldness. She folded up the letter again to use as a bookmark, and she pulled the pregnancy book over to get started on her reading.

The following day at the Rals' dining room table, Levi sat in his Scout uniform to Petra's left, and across from her mother and father. Petra glanced anxiously over at Levi as he slid over a folded piece of paper to her parents.

"It's a joint bank account for me and Petra," he explained, eyeing the paper under his fingers. "I already set up everything with her information. I arranged for three-fourths of my salary to be deposited into it every month, and she'll have full access to the account."

He looked up to gaze at Mr. and Mrs. Ral in turn, both of whom appeared pleasantly surprised and shocked in equal measures.

"I was able to make it happen using my status as a military officer. But it was still difficult to pull off because… because she and I aren't married."

He continued to gaze intently at her parents.

"Therefore… I've come today to ask your permission. For her hand in marriage." He paused to scan for their reactions, which seemed to be delayed. "If you don't approve, for whatever reason, we can just make it legally—on paper—so I can help out with the baby more easily… and you don't have to see me if you'd rather not."

Mr. Ral straightened a little more in his chair with a tiny creak and began to splutter, "Well, I don't see why we wouldn't want to have you stop by as often as you can. I mean, it's the least you could do to help out in person, as much as your job allows…. Check up on her, you know…."

Petra stared at her father, taken aback at his sudden shift in demeanor. Admittedly, she had been confident that Levi would find some way to win her father over, but it was still an amusing sight to see her father change his tune so easily.

But even so, the way that Levi had done it didn't sit quite right with her: everything was agreed upon without a word of her input, without really acknowledging her presence at the same table, and she ultimately saw two men shaking hands over decisions made on behalf of her future. After the talk concluded, Petra took him by the hand and led him up the stairs to the privacy of her bedroom. She closed the door behind her and stood in front of it, gazing intensely into his eyes to divine his intentions—a feat that was difficult even when he was at his most transparent.

"What kind of proposal was that?" she blurted out impetuously. "Talking to my parents about money and legal papers, right in front of me without even asking me for my opinion? It's like an arranged marriage."

Levi stood stiffly before her, being unexpectedly criticized for how he had handled things.

"I'm sorry," he said at last. "I guess I thought we were on the same page about things…." He peered into her eyes, watching her pupils dilating with her rising emotion. And he wondered if the same thing was happening to him—his own pupils widening to take in every detail of her face. "Did I assume too much? Was that… not what you wanted?"

She heaved a sigh and shook her head. "It's not that…. I just wish we had had more time to have an actual relationship before skipping to the end." A somber but accepting look overcame her. "But I get it. There's no time for romantic gestures anymore…."

"Who said that having a baby was already the end?"

He pulled her in close, his arms around the small of her back. Her hands found their way onto his chest as their faces almost touched.

"One day, I swear I'll do things right. We can go out to dinner—on a real date—I'll propose the right way, with a ring and everything—but today's just not that day."

His countenance shifted into unease, and his arms tightened around the back of her waist.

"But if it's too much too fast, and you don't want to get married now—or ever—just tell me. I understand."

She gave his trapezius muscles a reassuring squeeze with her hands. "I'd like to go on a nice date or two, or three… if we could go back and do all that…."

And he gave a tiny nod of his own. "Then we will. I promise."

She smiled wistfully. "I'm gonna hold you to that."

He nodded resolutely once more.

"Even though you're back home, train every day like always. Don't lose your touch just 'cause you're pregnant. Run every morning, stretch, do strength and agility exercises—you know what to do. That way, you can still come back to us."

Her voice came out quiet, barely above a hushed whisper into his ear.

"Yes, Captain. I will."

Their bodies grew still in each other's arms for a long moment, then Petra broke away first to kneel next to the side of her bed.

"Look," she said, and she dragged out an aluminum, rectangular case from under the bed: her ODM gear case. She then pointed to her open closet door, where two gas canisters were standing upright in the corner as well. Levi's eyes flitted from her gear case, to the canisters, and back to her. Her face was set with determination.

"If anything happens—like Shiganshina five years ago—at least I'll be ready with these."

"Fine. If shit goes down, put your gear on as soon as you get the chance. But don't use your gear at all unless you have to," he insisted. "Remember what the doctor said…."

She gave a curt nod. "I know. I'll remember." She then turned to the books on her desk and picked up his copy of the book Pregnancy, Childbirth, and Infancy, pressing it into his open palms. "Look," she said, tipping her head towards her own copy still on the desk. "I have the same one. So, let's both study up. So we can have some idea what the hell it is we're doing."

A wry smile tugged at the corner of his lips, noting the profanity making its way into her speech. It seemed that his potty mouth was contagious—to her, at least.

"Thanks." He tucked the book under his arm. "I will."

Chapter 14: Dreamers in Nightfall

Summary:

Levi and Petra continue their journey into an alternate reality, watching their relationship mature during their time apart.

Notes:

I finally changed the way I post Soundtrack Recommendations so they are part of the main body of text. This way, I can actually have hyperlinks to the YouTube videos with the songs, instead of you all having to copy and paste the links into web browsers. I'm sure that'll make things easier!

Additionally, this is the last chapter with my beta reader because she is getting super busy with life stuff. Thank you so much to Puff for all her hard work and contributions!

Chapter Text

Soundtrack Recommendations:

"True Love Waits" – Radiohead

"Vogel Im Kafig" – Hiroyuki Sawano (Attack On Titan: Season 1 OST)

"Reluctant Heroes (Slow Piano Version)" – Hiroyuki Sawano (Attack On Titan: Season 1 OST)

"Petra! Captain!" Mr. Ral's voice boomed up at them from the bottom of the stairs. "Come down when you're ready!"

Petra stiffened. "Ready… for what?"

Levi deposited his copy of the pregnancy book back onto her desk, took her by the hands, and gazed into her eyes, searching for permission.

"We said we're getting legally married," he explained carefully. "So, we need to go to the courthouse, remember?"

Her eyelids quivered a little under the burning intensity of his gaze, and she looked down at the black mary janes on her feet as she pulled her hands away from his.

"Right," she murmured. "That's right: we only have you here for today…."

And she let loose a quiet sigh as she smoothed a stray lock of her ginger hair behind one ear, and her eyes zigzagged upward over him to rest on his eyes again. Was it a trick of the light that made his eyes seem blue?

"I wish we could keep on talking. There's so much I want to talk about…."

"I know. Afterward, we'll have more time." He held out his hand for hers as he regarded her carefully, searching her eyes for any hint of apprehension. "Are you ready?"

"Some proposal this is," she sighed again, a hint of humor returning to her voice. She took his hand and grasped it gently. "Do I get a do-over with an actual ring next time?"

He scoffed under his breath as he opened her bedroom door and started to pull her through it. "I'll let that be a surprise for next time."

She gasped suddenly when she looked down at the hem of her plain, cream-colored house dress and pulled her hand away, then looked up and compared herself to his more professional (albeit practical) appearance in his brown Scout jacket, white pants, and knee-high boots.

"Wait. I can't get married in this. I need to change—I need a nicer dress—"

And she rushed back over to her still-wide-open closet and started sifting through the dresses on hangers.

"That color already looks good on you," he insisted. "I'm good with whatever…" he trailed off, acknowledging defeat in the face of a woman's fashion sense, and he sighed and swung her bedroom door shut again.

"Well, I'm not," she huffed. "I can't stand next to you looking like this. Plus, it's not just about the color; it's also about the design." She grabbed a sleeveless, ribbed orange dress with over-the-shoulder straps and a knee-length hem and draped it over the foot of her bed, then turned to address the bewildered look in his eyes. "Are you embarrassed at me changing? I mean… you already know what I look like."

He cleared his throat uncomfortably and went to take a seat at her desk. "Somehow this still feels like I'm intruding on you," he explained over his shoulder as she pulled her house dress off over the top of her head. The brief flashes of her bra and panties were summarily hidden under the orange fabric of her dress of choice. She examined herself in the hand mirror she kept on her bedside table and seemingly concluded that she lacked jewelry, because she now unearthed a wooden jewelry box from the top drawer of her bedside table.

She slid the box onto the desk in front of him and took a pair of dangling silver earrings to put on. "Here, could you help me with the necklace, please?"

He glanced down and saw a teardrop-shaped, emerald gem necklace on top of the tangle of various other necklaces and earrings.

"Petra, I'm sure you look just fine!" her mother yelled out from the first floor. "I'd rather we get there before the sun goes down!"

And indeed, the light from the window steadily climbing up the wall above her bed confirmed that the afternoon was wearing thin.

"Almost ready!" Petra yelled back out through the closed door. "Quick—get the clasp on the green necklace," she told him, pivoting around, and lifting the back of her hair to reveal the nape of her neck.

It was a strange thought to him that they both had spent years of their lives obsessing over the napes of Titans, but the much smaller, human nape of his soon-to-be bride, sitting below a tuft of wispy orange baby hairs in the base of her hairline, was still a novel sight. He stood ready with the necklace in his hands, clasp undone, and dutifully draped it around her neck. The scent of her hair wafted tantalizingly through his nostrils as he leaned in close, looping the clasp around the metal ring to close the chain. His fingertips inevitably brushed against her skin as he did so, leaving a trail of tingling sensation that sent a thrill down the back of her neck.

"Thank you," she murmured. He leaned into her and encircled her waist with his arms from behind her, hugging her close. She closed her eyes, pleasantly surprised at the sudden display of affection.

"I didn't know you liked jewelry," he said softly into her ear. "I've never seen you in any."

She sighed. "Well, my mother bought some for me here and there, hoping I'd wear them more often than I did," she admitted. "I've never been quite as girly as she was… but… there are always special occasions for them."

And she rotated around in his embrace to face him, showing him how she looked with her necklace resting on her chest.

"It's not every day you get legally married," she said, grinning cheekily now.

"You look—beautiful," he admitted falteringly, glancing over her shoulder in embarrassment at his awkwardness with words.

"And you look handsome," she replied, leaning her face in closer to his.

"Petra. Will you legally marry me?" he asked, feeling paradoxically more relaxed at sticking to the script of how proposals supposedly went.

"Of course," she said, her eyes sparkling. He leaned in and kissed her slowly, letting the feeling tingle upon their lips and linger. And although they both wanted to keep it going, they sighed in mutual agreement that it was time, opened the doorknob hand-over-hand, and held hands down the narrow staircase to meet her parents in the living room again.

As the four of them walked the streets on the way to Trost City Hall, Petra's parents lagged behind to get a clear picture of their daughter with her soon-to-be-husband together. They certainly had never imagined their only child getting married to a man they had only met earlier that very day—a shotgun wedding for all appearances, minus the coercion and the shotgun. But they could tell that Captain Levi was a man of understated emotion who showed love in subtle ways. And they knew that Petra was a perceptive woman who could appreciate the way he showed it. Somehow, watching Petra and Levi together—the way they looked at each other and gave reassuring smiles, the way he offered his hand to her before they took their first step onto the cobblestones, and the way she accepted with a shy dip of her head and the shadow of a blush upon her face—it felt as right as any grand formal ceremony could have been.

Petra had passed City Hall innumerable times in the streets during her formative years, never really giving much thought to the kinds of things that went on inside its walls. Yet here she was today, with her new husband and her parents by their side as witnesses, and an officiant standing before them with a tabletop of paperwork between him and them. Forms and formalities, quiet sighs and shoulder nudges from her parents, and stolen glances and hopeful smiles between Levi and Petra as their fingers brushed casually against each other when passing the paper to the other. Levi wondered whether her parents had hoped for a formal wedding ceremony for their daughter at some point in their lives, and whether they were secretly dispensing with such a dream when faced with the comparatively unromantic legalities before them now. But if there was any inkling of disappointment from any of them, he did not sense it: all he felt was (dare he think the word) contentment at the way things were: this humble recognition that everything felt right and that this was how it was always meant to be.

Levi paused when he got to the blank line to fill in their names, then turned to Petra to ask:

"Our names… what do you want to do?"

She pursed her lips, suddenly realizing the importance of the threshold she really was crossing by entering into a legal marriage with a man. Levi's face filled her vision as he looked expectantly at her…. Why did she have to change her name at all? Did he intend to change his name?

"I'm Petra Ral," she declared at last. "Always have been, and always will be." Her eyes narrowed perceptibly at him. "And you don't have a last name for me to take, anyway…."

He heaved a sigh, avoiding her parents' gazes of pity and the quizzical look from the officiant. "No. I don't. You're right. I'm sorry I don't have a last name to offer."

"Do you want ours, then?" Petra asked quietly. "Do you want to be 'Levi Ral'?"

Levi's eyes widened as he thought for a long moment; he had never even considered that possibility. And in truth, it did not seem right on him. "I… I can't do that. You're the Rals; I'm just… Levi."

"Nonsense," Mr. Ral scoffed. "You're our daughter's husband—our son-in-law, as of today."

He shook his head. "Names don't really matter, in the end," he decided. "No matter what anyone calls me, I'm still me. And I always will be."

And he wrote "Levi" and "Petra Ral" on the blank lines for their names without any more hesitation.

The officiant nodded sagely. "I agree. A name isn't something to stake your whole existence on." The man shrugged. "There are some people who change their identities entirely, and they still manage to hang on to who they are. I'm sure you'll do just fine, whatever you decide."

"See there," Levi insisted. "If it's all the same either way, we don't need to change a thing."

She looked upon him wholeheartedly, somehow turning him even more vulnerable and weak-willed for her. The witnesses grinned furtively at each other, her parents and the officiant all glancing away and humming and sighing to themselves as they shuffled the paperwork around in their hands.

"Shall I hereby declare you husband and wife?" the officiant suggested gleefully.

"Fine," Levi replied coolly, coming to his senses again. He glanced back at Petra to ask her, "We can take it from here, right?"

She smiled and tilted her head towards him; the evening light from the window filtered through her ginger hair, lighting it afire and bathing her in light rays.

"Of course."

The newly-minted family crossed back over the threshold into the Rals' tiny town house one by one, still abuzz with the range of emotions they had traveled through that day. Mr. Ral cleared his throat and said to Levi:

"Now, Captain, we very much appreciate how generous you're being with your salary, but are you going to be able to get by on just one-fourth of it for yourself? We know we are humble people with our vegetables and flowers, but Petra is also getting an off-duty pension."

Levi gave a curt nod. "I'll be fine. My meals, lodging, and most other expenses are already covered by the military. All I'd really want to buy for myself is tea."

Mrs. Ral asked him, "Are you able to stay for dinner, Captain? Just for tonight for now?"

"No, I don't want to impose…." He glanced around again at their humble dwelling, with its cozy, tiny rooms and cramped stairway to Petra's tiny attic bedroom, living room and kitchen stuffed to the gills with flowers and vegetables growing in planters and pots like a veritable greenhouse, and he wondered how he could possibly spend even one evening there when there seemed to be barely enough room for the three Rals to inhabit the same house.

"You're family now," Mrs. Ral insisted. "You belong here." And she set her hands firmly on her hips as if to convey that her word was law.

"Thank you," he uttered, still somewhat stiffly despite the warmness of their acceptance of him. "It's been a long time since… since I've been anyone's son."

"Oh dear," Mrs. Ral sighed. "So your own parents…."

"My mother died. When I was eight," he explained. He released a quiet sigh through pursed lips.

"And your… father?" Mr. Ral asked hesitantly.

The blurred faces of Kenny, then Erwin, drifted through Levi's mind.

"That's more complicated, but… no. I never knew him," he concluded, crossing his arms and glancing away from them. "Kinda hard to inherit a name I never knew in the first place."

"Mother. Father." Petra took each of them by one hand, giving them pointed looks. "Let's cook dinner. Okay?"

Mrs. Ral smiled anew. "Well, Captain, I hope you like vegetables!"

And Levi gave a smirk of his own in return. "Any kind of food is a luxury. Especially fresh vegetables."

Mr. Ral grinned appreciatively at him. "See there? You're a Ral at heart already!"

Petra motioned to Levi in the direction of the tiny sofa in the living room, hemmed in by planter boxes of edelweiss on either side. "Feel free to wait in the living room or in my room while we get dinner ready."

Her mother propped her hands on her hips again. "What are you talking about? You go spend some time with him and leave the cooking to us."

Mr. Ral heaved a sigh in seeming defeat as Petra smiled at her parents and ushered Levi after her up the stairs. Levi cocked his head back to send them a brief nod in acknowledgment before he made his way out of view behind her.

Mrs. Ral let loose a bark of laughter at her husband. "Oh, come on, what's the worst that can happen? She'll get pregnant again?"

And he chuckled despite himself and shook his head.

Alone together again in Petra's room, Levi stood a bit stiffly in front of the door after it swung shut. He glanced over at the bed, intending to motion to her to sit down, but she was already over at the window, unfastening the latch.

"What are you doing…?" Levi asked cautiously, narrowing his eyes.

"Come on," she said, swinging the window outward to open it and turning to look at him. A glimmer of mischief twinkled in her eye. "I used to always go out here when I wanted to hang out."

And she clambered up and out the open window while he stared dumbfounded at her careless boldness (and at how physically uninhibited she was, despite still wearing her orange formal dress). He shook his head a couple times to clear his mind of all the things that could go wrong with this plan, and he stuck his own head out the open window after her, pulling himself out onto the roof tiles by his hands. She held out a hand to help him maintain his balance as he got up from his belly to his knees, and they each took a seat next to each other, watching the sun begin to set.

Petra sighed wistfully as she took in the grandeur of the clouds illuminated with the orange and gold of the sun dipping its belly under the top of the Wall.

"It still feels early, but the sun is already setting on us. Winter will be here before we know it."

He looked at her through the corner of his eye.

"Will you be able to stay warm?" he wondered aloud, his voice mournful and anxious. "Will you all have enough to eat?"

She smiled pensively, her line of sight tracing the horizon.

"I'm sure we'll make it through. Especially thanks to you."

He leaned back onto his hands, letting the roof tiles clink under him. "Your parents seem to think that we've been going at it like rabbits," he said with a bemused expression now.

She laughed openly. "I mean, we kind of have been… but I think it's more important that we talk."

And they turned heads to look each other squarely in the eyes. Their smiles melted down as they grew more subdued, gazing expectantly at the other.

Levi spoke first: "I'm sorry I didn't say much about my parents. I hope your parents weren't expecting the whole story…."

She nodded. "It's okay. I can understand if it's hard. To talk about your past."

He sighed absentmindedly and pulled one knee up to hug close to his chest as he let his eyes wander away from her again, blurrily regarding the outlines of the roof tiles. And although he was no stranger to this melancholy feeling, this newfound anxiety that tightly gripped his heart caused his breath to stop as he lost himself in time and space, retreating to the blackness in the back of his mind that housed his every intangible fear.

"No matter what I tell you—about my past—would you still love me?" he asked.

"Yes." She reached for his hand and clasped it between her own two hands, resting them in her lap.

"You still don't know a thing about me," he insisted. "How can you be so sure?"

And at this, she gave a tiny shrug, gazing calmly into his eyes. "I like to think that I know who you are right now. The 'you' that's right here next to me right now—that's who I married. And you wouldn't be who you are today if not for the things you went through in the past."

He pursed his lips, exhaling slowly through his nostrils. And as his lungs deflated, his mind grew cloudy with the self-doubt that plagued him, rising up to fill his thoughts.

"Petra. I know you said you love me back, but... why?"

She frowned ever so slightly.

"What do you mean? Why did I say it?"

He inhaled sharply now, as if to hold his breath before diving underwater.

"Why do you love me?"

A moment of surprise flashed across her features, soon replaced by another warm smile.

"Because you're a good and honorable man who loves me back," she declared. "And you might not say much, but you always show it."

He turned away from her again in his discomfort at her praise, unable to bear the pressure of facing her.

"And what does all that mean to you?"

She took a pensive moment to compose her thoughts before responding: "You let me make my own decisions—even if they have a big impact on your life, too. Like when I said I didn't want any of that tea…."

He observed her from the corner of his eye, feeling the guilt creep in ever deeper. Her strawberry blonde hair and amber eyes stood perfectly complementary with the warmth of the setting sun.

"I figured that in the end, mothers are the ones who suffer more for their children. I'm just along for the ride. I don't even have to be pregnant or give birth or anything…."

"But you never said a word about what you wanted," she pointed out. "I wish you would do more of that."

"You mean whether I wanted children or not?"

At this, she hugged her hands around her elbows, bracing herself for his answer.

"Yeah," she admitted quietly.

He turned away to gaze ahead of him again.

"To be honest, I never thought I'd even get as far as being in a relationship with anyone. Let alone married with a baby on the way." He gave a self-deprecating smirk. "But life never seems to go how I think it will. So, here we are. And… it's not a bad place to be."

Their eyes met again, and subtle smiles of agreement flitted across their lips.

"You, me, and a baby," she mused, tipping her head back to bathe her face in the warmth of the evening sun. "Somehow, it just seems right."

She paused to turn towards him again, growing serious once more.

"With you, I feel safe," she said softly. "All of us in your squad feel secure, knowing that we have you to lead us. I could follow you anywhere, and you'd always know just what to do."

He nodded slowly, telling himself to take her praise to heart. To truly believe in himself, because he believed in her, who believed in him. And he hoped that if he told himself that for long enough, he would manage to believe it.

"And…" she added, more deliberately now, "you always keep your promises."

This he knew was not—and could not—be true. Because, despite all the work he had done to move on from his mistakes, he would always remember that there were promises that he had not been able to keep. The one thing that was hardest for him to live with was letting anyone down who trusted in him—be it a friend, a lover, or even his Commander. And his biggest regret in life so far was the promise he had failed to uphold to his best friends: he had trusted them to survive without him by their side, and he had promised to return… and return he did, but just a moment too late. And he wondered whether Erwin would ever come around to making peace with the direction of Levi and Petra's lives together: running parallel to the Survey Corps, but also towards family and dreams and a future where Titans were irrelevant in the face of the simple pleasures that came with embracing one's humanity. The best he could say was that he always intended to keep his promises. And he always did his best and then some—even when that was still not enough, in the end.

"So, in the end," Petra concluded, "I just can't help but have faith in you. Because you are a good man. And I'm sure you'll be a good father, too."

He sighed. "You really think I can be, even if I never had a real father?"

And she smiled at him yet again as a light breeze tousled her hair to embrace her features.

"You've led us and guided us and kept us safe. You taught us everything you know. Isn't that what fathers do?"

Levi dropped his head into a tacit nod. Just as he had always regarded Petra as a mother figure to others, he supposed that he, too, had unwittingly been like a father in everything but name to the people who looked up to him. But agreeing with her in the moment was one thing; truly believing in her words was another matter—one that would take time.

The air was still as the day drew to a close, with the sound of their breathing foremost in their ears, drowning out the bustling of the city streets below. Levi knew that he would have to depart as the sun did, and he would have to be on his way back to the barracks before nightfall. But he thought back to how the last time he had watched the stars with hope in his heart, he was with Farlan and Isabel—the most important people in his life back then. And even though it would probably always hurt to think of having lost them—at having let them down after they had trusted in him—the rawness of the crater they had excavated in his heart was soothed by having Petra in his life, by his side always. And he swore to himself again that he would keep her safe, no matter what.

On the morning of the 56th Expedition just a few days later, Petra went for an early morning run in a green hooded sweatshirt, pajama shorts, and comfortable shoes, savoring the crispness in the air and giving thanks for her continued good health. Captain Levi was right: a body used to exercise benefited most from continuing in that routine. As she ran, she passed the cramped town houses and apartment buildings of her neighbors, the errands they were tending to like buying food or taking their children to school, the shops downtown they maintained, and the cobblestone roads they treaded every day along with her. The familiarity of her hometown was comforting, nostalgic. As she neared her house again to finish the route she usually took around town, the gathering throng of people on the sidewalks forced her to slow her run to a careful walk.

A man yelled out from the crowd, "They're here! The main force of the Survey Corps! Commander Erwin, kill the Titans for us!"

Another man shouted, "Look! It's Captain Levi! They say he's as strong as an entire brigade!"

Levi scoffed in his trademark way, "Tch. Shut up."

Hange grinned to themselves. "If they knew how fussy you are, they wouldn't look at you with such admiration."

Levi scoffed again.

Hange now began to get more excited, twitching in their saddle and clasping their hands together eagerly. "The Titans are right outside…. What kind of Titan will we see this time? It'd be so great if we saw an Abnormal!"

"We have one right here," Levi deadpanned.

"Huh? Where?"

He grabbed Hange by the hair and spun their head around to face him.

"Right here."

Hange grinned sheepishly at him and swatted his hand away.

"Captain Levi! Hange!"

Levi and Hange scanned the crowd for the owner of that familiar voice. A certain ginger-haired woman in the sea of faces wearing a hunter green hoodie caught their eye as she waved at them, smiling broadly.

"Hey, Petra!" Hange called down to her. "Did you wear a green hoodie in solidarity with us? If I didn't know better, I'd say you look just like us!"

Petra grinned. "I might've. Good luck, Hange! And you, too, Captain!"

"Heh," Hange chuckled as they rode onward. "Funny how she calls you 'Captain' but I'm just 'Hange'."

"I guess I outrank you in somebody's opinion," Levi smirked. He noticed Petra's hand reaching upward towards him, and he leaned over a little and caught her hand in his.

A newfound fierceness glinted in her eyes now, and she said, "You come back, you hear me? All of you."

Levi nodded once, his face set. "We will."

Every expedition was going to be like this: a send-off full of hollow promises that were doomed to be broken through no fault of their own. After all, an expedition into Titan territory always resulted in casualties—it was just a question of who, and how many. Their hands inevitably slipped away from each other as Levi's horse strode onward to follow her companions, and Levi finally pried his eyes away from Petra and turned to face the path on which he rode without her.

"I guess you'd better not die on her," Miche noted wryly from Levi's other flank as he passed Levi.

"Tch. I'm gonna be the last to die out of all of you, you mark my words," Levi grumbled, giving his horse a snap of the reins to speed her up towards the outer gate.

Petra was home alone after her morning jog and send-off to her comrades, sitting at her desk in her room and sipping black tea to coax her brain to stay awake through a wave of post-workout fatigue. She had thought that she could get through writing a brief letter to Levi before joining her parents at the shop, but she was having a hard time figuring out exactly what to say that could possibly be interesting enough to read about….

But then she heard the fearsome "boom" of the outer gate to Trost being shattered into a shower of rocks, the hushed gasps and panicked yelling, and the clanging of the bell atop the gate. She sprang to her feet, forgetting all about her tea and letter, and she dropped to the floor, dragged her ODM gear case out from under the bed, kicked her slippers off, and pulled on her straps over her white dress shirt and pajama shorts with a practiced, calm urgency to her movements. In less than one minute, the straps were on, and her brown knee-high boots over them. And in another few seconds, her fully-stocked snap blade sheath boxes were strapped to her legs, with full gas canisters on top of them. With everything in its place, she shoved the empty case back under her bed and hurried out of her room, down the stairs, and out the front door.

And for the second time that day, Petra ran—this time with a determination to consciously override her fear. Her years in the Survey Corps had served as frequent stress inoculation, uniquely preparing her for this moment. And with no more Levi Squad to support her, she was on her own. She would have to find her parents in the escalating chaos and get all three of them—and anyone else along the way—to the inner gate into Wall Rose. And no one had better stand in their way.

Thankfully, she found her parents relatively easily with the help of her mother's fiery red hair bobbing in the sea of brown, black, and blonde.

"Petra, you're in your gear?!" her father shouted. "What the hell are you doing?"

"Who knows if I'll need it!" she exclaimed, feeling her heart rate start to escalate for a different reason than from running. "The Survey Corps is still on the expedition! Maybe they're getting overrun out there, too! What if the Garrison can't handle all the Titans coming in?"

Petra turned and looped her arm through her mother's arm and started hurrying her along. She shot a glance over her shoulder at him.

"This isn't the time for arguing, Father. Let's get to the inner gate before anything else."

Levi knelt next to his blond-haired comrade pouring blood from his abdominal wound, holding the man's bloody hand in his own to comfort him as he passed. And Levi could not help but wish that he had Petra there with him because she always knew just what to say to people in moments like this…. But nevertheless, words of inspiration came to him: he resolved to the soldier before him that he would eradicate the Titans, losing himself a little in thought as his own words filled his imagination of what that future could be. And then when he looked back, the man was already dead, never to see that future for himself.

Erwin then rode up on his white horse, calling out to him. "Levi! We're pulling back!"

Levi's eyes narrowed at the order. "Pulling back? We have yet to push ourselves to the limit. Are my men dying for nothing?" he growled in frustration.

"The Titans are heading north, toward town," Erwin explained. "Just like five years ago… something is happening in town. The Wall may have fallen."

Levi acutely felt his heartbeat thundering through his chest. Was this what it was like to care too much? To live in daily anxiety and fear of losing someone he loved? Emotional detachment, Erwin had counseled. To view each and every person as equally important and therefore unimportant, interchangeable with the next—to look dispassionately upon another dead body, not needing to know or care who it was, only to believe that their death was supposed to build upon the deaths of those who came before, building a staircase of bodies into the sky whereupon true freedom always flew just out of reach...

Sending Petra home was supposed to keep her safe. Not stranded in the path of a Titan invasion with possibly no time to put on her ODM gear to even save herself, let alone her parents. He thought of her parents tending the storefront while she helped out, and all three of them fleeing on foot in terror without bothering to lock the door. Or worse, he thought of her parents at the store while she stayed at home alone, nursing some bad cramps or doing chores, and finding herself face-to-face with a Titan while gardening outside... Had he condemned her to death from the moment they had kissed? Was the irony of life truly this cruel?

"Captain," Eld said to him, jarring him out of his mental spiral. "She'll be fine."

"Of course she will," Oruo declared. "She's one of us, you know."

And Gunther nodded in agreement. "All our families live in Trost, too, Captain. But we're not going to worry. Or else we can't focus on our jobs. Isn't that right?"

Levi said, "That's right. And she has her… gear…." As soon as the words left his lips, it occurred to him that if she had been in a sufficient hurry to leave her house—or if she had been out running errands when the gate had been destroyed—her ODM gear case would likely still be in her bedroom, stored under her bed with two full canisters of gas and maximum refills of snap blades that someone could be using, if not her….

As if reading Levi's thoughts, Gunther cleared his throat and suggested, "Captain, just to be sure, then… should we go by Petra's house and check whether they made it out?"

"Yes. And to see if her gear is there for us to use," Levi replied immediately—probably too quickly to sound like a decision borne entirely from reason. He rode north with the rest of the Survey Corps, biting down his rising internal panic as Titans streamed ahead of them into the city where Petra lived, through the gate and under the shadow of the Wall. Although he was no stranger to stressful, life-or-death circumstances, this time felt different. This time, there was more at stake than ever before.

At the entrance to the inner gate from Trost to Wall Rose, there was growing unrest among the civilians gathered there as a man in the crowd was thrown into the arms of another man, who staggered and almost collapsed under the sudden weight.

"Hey, do you people have any idea what situation we're in?" the man yelled out to the one responsible for the roughing up: Dimo Reeves, Boss of the Reeves Company, who gazed upon the crowd with unabashed disdain.

Boss Reeves' prominent forehead vein pulsated in unison with the flapping of his lips. "I do, and that's why we're doing this!" he snapped. "If you want to live, help us!"

"Screw you!" someone from the crowd yelled at him.

"You can't fit that through!" someone else added. "You should let the people through first!"

"The Titans will eat all of us!" a woman shrieked in rising panic.

Another civilian found a male Garrison soldier among the crowd and pushed him forward to the front. "What are you doing, soldiers? Arrest them!"

The soldier spluttered, "B-But…."

"Try it, peon," Boss Reeves growled savagely. "I'm the boss of the guild here."

The soldier grimaced, a bead of sweat forming on his brow. "Well…."

"Who do you think paid for all the food you soldiers crapped out? Can you get enough money to feed all the soldiers in this city?" The Boss waved his arm to the crowd. "The rest of you, help push! The stuff in here's worth more than you'll ever earn in your worthless lives! Help out and I'll pay you!"

At this, Petra could no longer stand by and watch.

"Boss, are you telling us that human beings are worth sacrificing for your own greed?" She stormed up to him and shoved him roughly in the chest, prompting her father to leap after her to pull her backward.

Mr. Ral choked out gruffly as he fought to restrain her: "Petra—you can't just rough people up—"

"Oh yes she can if it's a man like this!" Mrs. Ral huffed from his other side.

Boss Reeves bent his head back and roared, "Not you, too, lady! You ought to put a leash on your whelp so she can learn her place!"

"Excuse me?!"

The Boss's two bodyguards seized Mrs. Ral by the arms on either side and started to drag her away, which only enraged Petra further.

"Get your hands off of her!" Petra roared. She broke free from her father's grip and push-kicked each of the bodyguards in the guts, causing them to stumble backward; as Mrs. Ral also started to fall, Petra reached out and pulled her upright and out of the men's grip. Mr. Ral looked on helplessly as Petra then grabbed the Boss by the lapels and hurled him effortlessly over her head with a snarl. He crashed to the ground, not helped by his rotund form.

"Goddamn gingers…" Boss Reeves muttered. "The bitch—and the pup…." And he groaned and grabbed his back with his hands as he rolled on the ground. However, his ample fat stores appeared to have cushioned his fall on the hard cobblestones, because he was sitting up and rubbing his lower back in just a few moments without any loss of mobility.

Petra sniffed, "For your sake, I'll pretend I didn't hear that." And she glanced over at her parents, shaking her head to silence them from snapping back at him.

Nearby, a young girl with short blonde hair stared wide-eyed at Petra.

"Excuse me, Miss, are you a soldier, too? You have that special gear…."

"Hmm?" Petra turned to the source of the delicate voice and her countenance softened when she saw the girl. "That's right," she declared. "I'm a Scout. Or at least, I was…."

The girl brightened. "My dad's a soldier, too! But now that there are Titans here…." And her face grew anxious, her eyes still wide, but with worry instead of awe.

"It's okay," the girl's mother assured her, with the familiar look of a parent keeping a brave face for the sake of their child. "Dad will get the Titans with his cannon."

After a moment of listlessness, the little girl straightened up as she gasped and pointed. "Mom… look."

As the ground shook with thunderous footsteps, the people looked up to see an Abnormal Titan running quickly and haphazardly, inadvertently punting a soldier aside with its foot as it headed straight towards the crowd.

Boss Reeves yelled out to the people once more, "Push! If you don't want to die, push!"

Multiple Garrison soldiers chased after the Abnormal Titan, but they were unable to catch up to it to stop it. But out of nowhere, a young teenage girl Cadet with black hair and a red scarf took down the Titan with a slice to the nape—although Petra could tell that the frantic, imprecise swing of her blades had probably dulled them in the process.

As the girl landed atop the head of the downed Titan, surely enough, she checked her blades to observe their roughened edges, and she surveyed the scene of the cart blocking the inner gate and the ring of people around the Boss. And she asked him calmly, "What are you doing?"

"Perfect!" Boss Reeves declared. "You there! Make them help us! We'll pay you well!"

The girl blinked a couple times in dawning realization giving way to shock. She pointed with her right-hand blade behind her to Trost District and said, "Right now, my friends are dying. Because the people haven't evacuated, they're dying, fighting the Titans."

"Of course!" the man spluttered. "It's your job to sacrifice yourselves to protect the people's lives and fortunes. You parasites think you're so special just because you're finally being useful for the first time in a century?!"

Her gaze softened, and she grew seemingly at peace with her inner decision; she jumped down from the felled Titan's head onto the ground and started to walk and talk.

"If you expect someone to die for the sake of another as a matter of course, I'm sure you'll understand this. That sometimes a single, noble sacrifice can save many lives."

Sensing the impending danger, Boss Reeves' henchmen started to gather in front of him to protect him. Feeling emboldened by his protection, the Boss doubled down on his impudence.

"Try it! I've known your boss for a long time… I can decide your fate with a single word!"

Two of the Boss's henchmen closed in on the girl, but she summarily cracked the backs of her snap blades on the napes of both men, felling them to the ground unconscious.

"How is a corpse going to talk?" she replied, her voice still even. And she raised her right hand blade to strike him down, disregarding his sudden gasp of panic.

"Wait!" Petra slid in between the Boss and the Cadet, extending her arms outward to either side to shield him. She tilted her head forward, staring her down.

"There's no need for bloodshed. We can settle this without resorting to killing civilians!" Petra insisted.

"That man is willing to let other civilians die for his own greed. Now you're protecting him like you would the rest of them?"

"If we turn on each other, we humans will wipe each other out before the Titans do it! We're better than this. I know it."

The girl narrowed her eyes perceptibly, and the sight suddenly struck Petra as familiar—reminiscent of Levi somehow, now that she thought on it….

"Do you want the civilians to be able to evacuate or not?" the Cadet asked while gesticulating by brandishing one blade.

Petra clenched her teeth in a silent snarl. "We don't need to kill people to do it!"

"Oh? And how far have you gotten with roughing him up?"

At this, Petra began turning paler in the face.

"Believe me," the girl said now, "this kind of person is beyond persuasion."

And she sheathed her left blade and extended her open hand to try to shove Petra aside, but the latter stood firm and planted her hands on her hips.

"People can change if you give them a chance," Petra insisted. "He may not be this selfish forever."

"It doesn't matter. We don't have time to show mercy."

Petra began shaking her head. "I can't let you kill a civilian."

"Then don't." And the Cadet strode forward, nearly knocking Petra over with the forward pressure on her.

Petra stuck both arms out and planted her hands on the girl's shoulders, bracing herself with her legs. "Your blades look dull. Don't even try it."

The girl ejected her dull blades with an effortless switch of her fingers, leaving them to clatter upon the cobblestones. She and Petra locked eyes intensely as Petra continued to hold her by the shoulders, neither of them backing down from their positions.

The stand-off with the girl was now unavoidable and imminent, given that the Cadet girl had such a cutthroat determination to get her way. The physician's warning to Petra about sudden jerking movements lingered in the back of her mind, and she made doubly sure to keep her guard up so she herself would not end up getting thrown to the ground. But even after withstanding a flurry of grabs, pulls, and pushes to her arms, chest, and shoulders, Petra could not persuade the girl to relent in her attempts to get past. She winced at having her sore breasts inadvertently shoved, but she stood her ground and gave the girl a stare to match her own.

Finally panting with the strain of subduing the girl, Petra heaved out, "You see this, Mr. Reeves? I'm fighting for your life here—whether you deserve it—or not. But I'm getting tired—maybe I should let her have her way..." And Petra suddenly let go of Mikasa's shoulders and gave her a tiny nod of permission. Mikasa glanced first at Petra, then at the Boss, blinking slowly once and reopening her eyes to show the gaze of a hunter zeroing in on the kill.

"Boss…" his third henchman mumbled uneasily, finding himself unarmed against a girl with two very long, freshly unsheathed blades with sharp, glinting edges.

"Wait. Fine." And the Boss grew petulant at having to capitulate, but nevertheless, he said, "Pull the wagon back."

The civilian crowd rushed into Wall Rose, nearly falling and tripping over themselves in their hurry. But the little girl with stars in her eyes stayed behind to say to the teenage Cadet:

"Thank you, Miss!"

The young girl's mother added, "You saved us. Thank you!"

The Cadet smiled and gave the younger girl a proud salute. The girl gasped eagerly, starstruck. And as the moment passed, the cloudy sky let loose the first gray droplets of rain.

Something seemed to suddenly come over the Cadet: she remained standing, but her face went blank, as if seeing something in her mind's eye that only she could see. And as the Cadet emerged from her reminiscence, her eyes refocused to notice Petra still standing before her.

"I'm Petra Ral from the Survey Corps. What's your name?" Petra asked.

"Mikasa Ackerman, 104th Cadet Corps," the girl replied as she saluted to her now.

"I hope we don't have any hard feelings between us," Petra sighed. "Can you understand where I was coming from?"

Mikasa gave her a curt nod and gazed upon her for a quiet moment. "May I ask… why aren't you in uniform?"

"I'm off duty because I'm pregnant." Petra nodded and rapped her knuckles on her gas canister nestled on top of the blade sheath. "But I wanted to say: the last skill to master with ODM gear is how to maximize your fuel. Every new graduate still has more to learn in this regard."

She reached a hand to ask for Mikasa's gas canisters, and she replaced them with her own full ones, then pulled her snap blades out, pair by pair, and slid them over into Mikasa's sheaths at her sides. Mikasa's eyes grew a little wider with obvious gratitude.

"Unlike with your blades, it's harder to know when you're running low on gas when you're caught up in fighting. So, keep an eye on your meter, and let your wires do the pulling once you already have momentum."

"Thank you!" Mikasa saluted again, trading smiles with Petra. But her face began to fall again when she glanced over her shoulder at what was still going on in the rainy city, and the pall of impending doom that pulled her back to the destruction.

Petra nodded to encourage her. "Go on. Whatever you need to find out, find out."

Mikasa frowned. "You are evacuating with the others, right?"

"Don't worry about me; hurry up and go help your friends," Petra insisted, giving her another nod and a gesture with her arm to send her off.

And Petra watched this young Cadet, so much like herself at that age and yet also so much like her husband, flying off towards a future full of death, anguish, and pain, drawn to it like a moth to flame because she was the kind of person who simply had no other choice.

It rained as the Scouts rode north, but Levi barely felt the raindrops rolling off his cloak as he leaned forward into his horse's mane, their pace so fast they were nearly neck and neck with Erwin. Kuchel sensed the urgency in him and did not complain as he pushed her to her limit, trusting that he would make it up to her—he always did. As they neared the Gate, the sun burst forth from behind the ominous clouds, just in time for sunset.

Erwin pulled his horse to a stop, as did everyone else behind him, and he called out in his clarion voice: "The Gate has been blocked! Everyone ascend the Wall using ODM gear and reconvene at the top! Be prepared to encounter Titans inside Trost!"

Atop the Wall, the devastation in Trost was apparent: bloody, dismembered bodies (and body parts) of soldiers strewn everywhere, Titan bodies and skeletons sending up clouds of steam, plumes of smoke wafting gray flecks of ash towards the sky, obvious structural damage to buildings, and a short-haired blond boy pulling a dark-haired boy out of the nape of a Titan while a black-haired girl with a red scarf looked on. The teens panicked when two more Titans closed in, and Levi set his gaze on them and dispatched them both in one swift strike to their napes. And they stared at Levi, frozen in trepidation, as he plunged in close to investigate how a human could be extricated from a Titan, but they couldn't hang around long to ask the questions piling up in his head...

"Levi!" Erwin shouted down at him, his voice filling the air. "Take those Cadets up and join us!"

"You hear that, you brats?" Levi called over to the three young Cadets and pointed upward with a jerk of his head. "Get up there."

Back on top of the Wall, Erwin was already engaged in deep discussion with an elite Garrison soldier, Rico Brzenska, who was still shaken at having just witnessed the demise of her fellow squad leaders, Ian and Mitabi, in the final moments before the gate was sealed. Rico peeked over the edge of the Wall at the Cadets scaling the Wall, and when she was satisfied that there were no more Titans in sight, she turned her attention back to Erwin. The sight of the devastation made Levi numb inside as he buried his personal feelings of desperation at the back of his mind. The words of others registered in his head on a purely superficial level, and other than scanning their utterances for his next order, his thoughts were very much elsewhere.

"What I'm hearing is that we need to clean up the Titans that are still in the city," Levi concluded aloud when he caught a break in the discussion.

Erwin nodded solemnly at him.

"All Scouts are to make a sweep through Trost, heading north and reconvening above the inner gate to Wall Rose!" Erwin declared to the group. "Kill any Titans you find along the way, but focus on extricating any soldiers or cadets who need assistance!"

Levi nodded curtly and turned to obey the order, but the blond-haired boy he had seen earlier shot up in front of him and alighted upon the top of the Wall while carrying the unconscious, brown-haired boy, with the black-haired girl following in another moment.

"How is he?" Rico asked, kneeling next to them to examine them. "Eren?" she asked the boy, shaking his shoulders. He slumped his head against her hand, unresponsive.

"Still unconscious," the blond boy sighed. "He gave it everything he had. And now he's worn out."

"Figures," Rico scoffed. "Well, it took him long enough. We lost so many soldiers while we were buying him time—my comrades and my superiors. But… at least he came through in the end. Thank God."

Her begrudging acceptance prompted the black-haired girl to snap her gaze toward Rico and narrow her eyes in a most unfriendly, even confrontational, manner.

Rico matched the girl with her own gaze of scrutiny as she crossed her arms testily. "Hmm. How were you able to restock your blades all of a sudden, Ackerman? Did you get them off of a dead soldier?"

"An off-duty soldier among the civilians gave them to me. She said she couldn't fight because she's pregnant, so she thought I'd put them to more use."

Levi glared furiously at the Ackerman girl, taking her aback at having a second soldier now staring her down. "When was this?" he demanded.

The girl now glanced aside uncomfortably, adjusting her red scarf to cover a greater portion of her chin. "A couple hours ago... The rest of the civilians evacuated, but she stayed to flag me down. She gave me almost all her blades and traded gas canisters with me because mine were almost empty."

Levi tilted his head towards her, incredulous at what he was hearing. "You mean she didn't even evacuate?!"

Rico scoffed in amusement, preparing for the show.

"Oh boy," Gunther sighed and propped his hands on his hips. "Here we go."

"I thought she did," the girl insisted. "But she told me to hurry and help my friends and not worry about her, so I left..."

"You just fucking left?"

Levi tore off furiously, running off along the top of the Wall in the direction of the inner gate, and his squad sighed amongst themselves.

The girl slowly turned her head to watch Levi departing. "What was that about?"

Oruo shrugged, letting a smug grin set in. "He's the baby-daddy."

"And the boyfriend," Eld added with an upward twitch of one eyebrow. "Or husband. Same thing. I forget sometimes; it all happened so fast, you know..."

"Yeah, they've either been together for four weeks… or four years…." Oruo mused, tilting his head back in thought.

"Oh," the girl said.

Rico crossed her arms, savoring the figurative tea. "Oh really."

Gunther sighed heavily and shook his head. "That's enough. All of you."

And the Cadet girl looked on with a bemused expression as the three men doggedly took off after their superior officer.

Needing no more permission to do what he was agonizingly driven to, Levi dropped downward into the city with his squad in close pursuit, landing on the nearest rooftop. And when he was as certain as anyone could be that the area was as free of Titans as it could be, Levi ran, wordlessly trusting his squad to keep up. He flew between rooftops, faster and faster, until he found the Rals's two-story house. He saw the tiny vegetable garden plot in the back of the house, untrampled and still laden with the late summer's bounty, and the rose bushes in their barrel planters: red, blue, yellow, and even white. And thankfully, no trace of Titans. Hopefully, the Rals had evacuated dutifully and promptly, and that Petra was with her parents—safe within Wall Rose.