Note: Hello!
So, before anything, there's something I forgot to address last chapter. A guest left a comment talking about 35 not being old. And let me say this, I totally agree with you! It's not old at all. But Hermione hates Jill Anderson and in her mind she's nothing but a hag! lol.
Thank you all for commenting and reading!
Hope you enjoy this one and its... drama.
December 18th, 2005
Harry's flat
The drapes aren't enough to block out the sunlight completely, so the room is pretty well lit very early in the morning. And it could be just a young couple naked in bed, waking up-
Hermione knows better than this, though. She knows that if she doesn't want to fall deeper into this hole, she should stand from his bed and walk to her flat.
But she woke before him.
And she's admiring Harry.
Something she shouldn't be doing. At all.
However, she reckons it's impossible not to. He's on his side, his face to her and he looks so peaceful. So much younger. Almost like the teenager who she had to jolt awake or else he would sleep till noon.
The thought brings a smile to her face. It wasn't hard for her to accept what he did yesterday. It's not the first time he puts his emotions aside and considers hers above others. And even if he hadn't done what he did… she was already very inclined in forgiving him, in going after him for them to talk. But his presence at the magazine on such a nerve wracking moment was a bit too much and she snapped. Which she regrets.
Hermione sighs, turning from her side to look at the ceiling and wonder what the hell she's doing with her life…
Viktor is back and here she is. In bed with Harry. Completely loving every second of it, even if she's pretty sure they have no future, not as a couple. Friends with benefits is the most Harry wants and yesterday she was so eager to be with him that she foolishly accepted going back to this.
But she shouldn't have.
Fuck.
Yeah, maybe he doesn't want more, but… that kiss they shared inside her office was different. It meant something else. It wasn't just a nice physical act. It was… like two people in love trying to apologize with this gesture of affection. She recognized it because she already shared a few of those on her other relationships. But it probably wasn't like that for Harry. Was it?
Maybe it never will be.
She closes her eyes. Could there be a slight chance that Harry feels the same for her? That he wants to try? Wants to be in a relationship? Is there a chance that he might be in love with her?
Maybe the only way of knowing is opening up to him. Telling him how she feels. What she wants. She knows she could wait to see if the feeling will fade away, if it's something temporary, but on the other hand, they're so good together that she can't help wondering… what if?
What if he wants her? What if they do stay together? What if it works out?
It could be… the best thing in her life. But-
If she opens up and his feelings aren't the same, then… it will ruin their friendship. Ruin what they have because Hermione's not sure she'll be able to act normally after professing her love and being rejected by him. She won't be able to pretend that she's fine with all those women walking out from his flat. It-
Feels like an impossible decision.
Not to mention Viktor.
He wants her. He said it loud and clear already, many times, all the time. And he keeps repeating that he'll be as patient as she wants him to be. That he'll wait for as long as she deems necessary. He wants to marry. He wants kids.
Things that Harry… if he ever wanted them, it was when he proposed to Ginny.
She makes a face at the thought. She's just Hermione. Who is she compared to Ginny? To what Harry felt - and maybe still feels - for her?
I'm just his friend. His know-it-all friend.
Harry never looked at her differently. Never. She has been by his side everyday for years and they never-
Except for that day on the hunt.
She knows that if she'd wanted to, they would have kissed after that dance. It was her choice and at the time she chose Ron - she admits she was consumed by him.
However, she can't deny that very deep inside her heart she's always been nurturing a powerful and amazing feeling for Harry. She can't remember a time when she didn't feel safe with him. Or a time when she wouldn't risk her life for his. Not even a single moment when she doubted he would die for her. Not just that, but the way they understand each other, the way they connect-
What her and Harry have is another level. It has always been so.
And maybe she was too young to understand it while they were on the hunt.
But now she does get it.
She's been in love with him since… forever.
The emotion has been inside her, growing and developing, maturing. It fully blossomed when they finally crossed the last line. The physical one.
Not that she didn't love Viktor or her other brief boyfriends. It's not that. She was happy with them-
It's just that Harry is… Harry.
She covers her face with one hand, completely lost. How the hell is she finding a way out of this?
Turning her head she looks at him again.
What if, Harry?
Can she imagine a house filled with children with dazzling green eyes and brown hair?
Yeah, she can.
But can he? Does he want to?
Maybe she should try finding this out before handing her heart on a platter to him.
Yeah. That's actually a good idea.
She can test the waters. Ask as if she has no interest in his answers and understand how his mind and heart are on the matter. It's a start. A point from where she can think better.
Sighing, she moves one hand to his hair, her fingers into its thickness. He opens a tiny smile, still sleeping.
Hermione never imagined this would happen. A single kiss at a party did this. And she's glad because… she can finally understand what she really feels for him. Why it's so strong. Why it's so powerful.
He mumbles something she doesn't understand and Hermione moves closer to him on the bed, her hand going from his hair to his back, her nails grazing softly against his skin. It was pointless trying to resist him. Resist this.
One of his hands move to her, squeezing her waist and bringing her closer. He's awake and on their sides, they embrace. She nuzzles on his neck, her hand on his butt now - a marvelous butt - and he nuzzles her too, spreading little kisses on her shoulder.
"It's nice waking up with you." He states in a dragged voice, probably still half asleep.
Her heart skips a beat at the words and she kisses his cheek, her hand moving to his cock. Harry squeezes her, moaning lazily.
"Very nice indeed." He says and she chuckles lightly.
"If I remember correctly, I owe you some apologies." She whispers into his ear, his cock getting hard pretty fast in her hand.
She slowly pumps him, biting gently on his neck.
"You do, Miss Granger."
It turns her on. When he calls her that. She has no idea why.
But soon their mouths meet in a simple kiss. Hermione would dare call it tender. Loving.
When Harry pulls back, he smiles at her. "Good morning." He says, touching her forehead with his.
"Hey." She gives him a peck. "Slept well?"
"Better than you can imagine." He says honestly and she smiles. "You?"
"Same."
And he sighs. Happily.
Hermione gulps. He does feel something. He has to.
Not that she has experience with the whole friends with benefits thing, but she's sure friends don't wake up like this. Smiling like fools and caressing each other as if nothing else matters.
But at the moment she shoves these questions down and moves to kiss his chest. Harry lies on his back and she keeps going south on his body, leaving a trail of hot kisses and small bites. Quidditch was a blessing in his life. His body is insane. But not in an exaggerated way since he does have some body fat that she enjoys squeezing, what doesn't stop his veins from showing, which she finds extremely hot.
She looks up at him when she reaches his cock. His eyes are heavy on her.
Cupping his balls - as he said he liked - she licks the head, slowly and diligently. One of his hands fists the sheets and the other goes to her neck, fisting her hair. But he doesn't try steering her - as she said she hated - and she keeps going.
It amazes her how much she enjoys pleasuring him this way. Each time he moans at the back of his throat or whimpers, she feels a tug in her core, a desire so strong that's truly new to her. She moans herself with his cock in her mouth, showing him how much she likes this. Changing the rhythm, she licks his length from his balls to his tip.
"My god." He mumbles. "You're amazing." He says in a serious tone when she takes all of him. "Fuck."
And he loses it, moving his hips up. Hermione lets him fuck her mouth, and she realizes that this notion is very arousing to him, so much that Harry stops, moaning loudly and moving to kiss her. They share a heated kiss while she strokes him, knowing that he'll cum.
He does and she swallows his whimper of pleasure in the middle of their kiss. Breathing hard, he lies back down again, a huge smile on his face, his cum all over his stomach and some on her hand that she makes a show of licking it with their eyes locked.
He exhales heavily and brings her to his arms, kissing her whole face, making her laugh.
"You're going to drive me completely crazy one of these days." He says before kissing her.
I hope so.
"So, am I forgiven for missing your games?"
He squints. "You missed three. You're forgiven for one of them." He wiggles his eyebrow and she chuckles.
"Fair. Ready for the game tonight?"
"Very." His expression changes. He's playing Ballycastle tonight. Viktor's team. It's the first time they'll face each other since he came back to London. The games from the Championship Tournament only begin in January. So, this is just the Nationals. "You'll be there, right?"
She presses her lips together. "I will."
"Good. I missed you in the stands on these last matches."
She caresses his face, kissing him. Maybe it's not the time to say that she'll be at Viktor's stand since he invited her two weeks ago.
"So, do you wanna run?" She asks, changing the subject.
"I do."
She kisses him one more time before moving a wrist and cleaning herself, fetching her clothes and putting them on.
"Meet you there in twenty?"
He nods and she leaves his room with a smile on her face.
At the Quidditch Stadium
She hasn't seen him since their run - and an orgasm that he was eager to give her, Hermione barely had time to think when he pressed her against a tree and his fingers did actual magic. Now, however, as she walks to the Field, she feels nervous. Wearing Ballycastle colors, she knows Harry will freak out when he sees it and she's not very excited about it. But she decided there's something she can do for him to ease his temper.
And that's exactly what she has in mind while she strides to Puddlemere's locker room. Usually the teams arrive one hour before the game actually starts, so, she knows they're all probably talking tactics and trying to lighten the mood before a big game.
The entrance is magically protected and only people allowed can go through it, fortunately Hermione is one of these people. The locker room is gigantic and it takes her a few minutes of walking to see some players, Edward and Evelyn among them. They're already in uniforms, sitting and talking, telling jokes.
But it's Coach Nate that spots her before anyone else.
It's no surprise when he starts yelling, saying she's wearing the enemy's colors. Hermione chuckles, shaking her head. The rest of the team also starts to boo, and Harry finally comes from a hall.
He looks absolutely shocked when he sees her. She thanks the heavens that the others go back to their conversations, not minding her and Harry.
"What the hell?" He asks, stopping right in front of her, his hand raising the scarf with Ballycastle name on it.
"Well, you see," She starts, gulping, "Viktor invited me to this match two weeks ago, Harry. I said I would be here, at his stand…" She shrugs.
He sets his jaw. "Is that so?"
"Yes, but look, I won't cheer, okay? I have no favorites."
That seems to anger him even further. Uh-oh. "No favorites?" He says through gritted teeth. She waits, but he says nothing more. He just keeps looking at her with… feral eyes.
"Look," She closes the minimal distance between them, leaning into his space to speak into his ear. "I'm sorry. I promised him. But is there a place here where we can talk privately?" She looks into his eyes. "Really alone?"
She hints the obvious, hoping he'll understand and accept.
Without a word he takes her hand and leads her through lockers and benches and showers. He only stops when they're very far from the others. Harry leans on a locker and crosses his arms, still not talking, looking really furious.
"Come on, Harry, it's just a game." She says in a low voice.
"Not for me." He snaps and she raises an eyebrow. "This means the world to me, Hermione. And you'll be rooting for my rival!" He snorts.
She clicks her tongue, wondering if he's jealous because of his big ego or because… he feels something for her.
"Ron and Luna will be at your stand, Harry-"
"I don't care." He mumbles, actually pouting.
She blinks a few times, finding it adorable how much he cares about which stand she's going to be. Inhaling deeply, she closes the distance between them and since she's wearing high heeled boots, they're almost the same height.
"Hey, I still have to apologize for missing two matches." She whispers close to his mouth, but he looks away, his arms still crossed even if she's holding him, fisting the hem of his shirt.
She kisses his jaw, knowing that she'll crack him eventually. But he resists, not moving while she kisses his neck, her hands coming under his shirt to meet his hot skin.
"I don't think this is a good idea before the game." He mumbles when her hands reach the zipper of his trousers.
Hermione stops and looks at him. "Are you telling me you never had sex before a game?"
He frowns. "No."
It kind of shocks her and she raises both eyebrows. "It may help you." She gives him a peck, her hand unzipping him. "Let me apologize."
He inhales deeply, feeling her hand on his cock and uncrossing his arms.
"How do you know it may help me?" He asks in a low voice, finally kissing her cheek, embracing her.
And she's so into what she's doing and at the way he's kissing her neck that she barely pays attention to what she's saying, "I used to do it with Viktor when we were together-"
Harry freezes. She feels his whole body tensing and she closes her eyes, realizing what she just said. Oh, shit.
"Then you're at the wrong locker room." He hisses.
But they don't move. Her hand is still inside his pants and his lips are touching her skin.
"No, I'm not. I'm exactly where I should be." She says, turning her head and looking into his eyes.
Hermione can't pinpoint the emotion she sees there, but it's a mixture of anger and desire. And maybe something else that-
He kisses her hard, bruising a bit. And she corresponds just as aggressively.
It's a blur of emotions and feelings, but in a beat she's on her knees, panting and wanting to have him this way so much that she has no idea what's possessing her.
Harry helps her shove down his pants and in a blink she's sucking on his cock. Hermione faintly notices that he raises a silencing bubble around them.
He doesn't last as much as he did this morning, but this time she swallows and watches the satisfaction in his eyes. He relaxes and they kiss in an embrace after he's decent again.
And before she leaves, she whispers in his ear, "Catch the Snitch for me, Harry." She kisses his cheek and walks out.
She's sure the rest of the team suspects something happened between them, but since they're such good friends, there's no way of really knowing. And she's glad about it.
Harry kept his eyes on her the whole game.
Hermione tried her best to be as neutral as possible. She knew that if she cheered for Viktor, Harry would be pouting angrily after. The same way she knew that if she showed too much enthusiasm for Harry, Viktor would be hurt and broody.
But yeah, she yelled in happiness when Harry caught the Snitch and they won the game. She was still smiling when he went over to the Ballycastle side of the stands and handed her the Snitch. Harry winked and flew away.
To say that Viktor wasn't happy is an understatement.
And she had a long conversation with him, skipping the after party of the match and going to his place.
Viktor asked if she wanted to be with him or if he was setting himself up for heartbreak. Hermione had the courage to be as sincere as possible. She told him that things were difficult for her. Even though she was single, there was someone in her heart.
The information made him sad.
He asked if it was Harry.
She wasn't feeling that courageous and she lied. A resounding 'no' leaving her lips. That lifted Viktor's spirits and he said that he would wait for her. Again. He reaffirmed that he wanted to be with her.
Hermione opened up about what happened with them in the past and Viktor apologized until it became exhausting.
So, knackered, she decided it was time to head home.
The clock is marking 2:15am when she apparates to her flat.
Hermione sighs, turning on a lamp in her living room and freezing on the spot. Harry is sitting on one of her armchairs. He looks a bit drunk.
"Hey." She says. "Is the party over?"
He shakes his head. "I thought you would be there."
"I was… with Viktor."
He snorts, raising from the armchair and clapping two times. He looks a bit mad.
"Was it great, then? Your time with amazing Viktor?" His voice carries some bitterness.
"You're drunk." She states, sighing, wanting to sleep. "And I'm exhausted. I have to wake very early tomorrow, is there something you want to talk about?"
He only takes swift steps to her, seizing Hermione in his arms, burying his face on the crook of her neck.
Without saying a word, he lifts her from the floor, walking to her room.
"I really wanna sleep, Harry." She says, her arms closing around his neck, kissing his cheek.
"Me too."
And before she can think about it, they're both naked because of one of his spells. Harry magically raises the covers and climbs the bed with her, then he covers them and sighs, squeezing her in his arms.
"I caught the Snitch for you." He whispers into her ear before they fall asleep practically simultaneously.
December 25th, 2005
Ron and Luna's
She apparates right behind Ron.
And he jumps in place, the huge turkey almost falling to the floor if it wasn't for her fast reflex of stopping it with a spell.
"Bloody hell, Hermione!" He yells, shaking his head.
She chuckles. "I'm sorry, it wasn't intentional."
He sighs, going back to putting some gravy on the turkey. They're having a nice lunch in two hours to celebrate Christmas. Hermione was with her parents yesterday and had a nice talk with her mother about love and finding the right man and all that stuff. It wasn't a long conversation, but it was the final push Hermione needed to open up and ask Ron a favor.
"So, you're early." He states, looking at her. Then, he squints. "Oh, you want something."
She smiles. "I do."
"Shoot."
Hermione inhales deeply. It crossed her mind that this wasn't a good idea, but she can't think of anything else, and Ron is her friend… and they've been over for so long that-
"I'm having sex with Harry." She blurts out.
Ron stops moving. The gravy in his hand, his mouth open. She waits, unsure.
"Ron?" She's afraid he's not breathing-
"I knew it!" He exclaims, coming back to normal and moving, shaking his head, not looking that surprised. "I knew I was right. Even all those years ago-"
"No, no. Wait a minute. This is very recent. All those years ago I really wanted you-"
Luna comes into the kitchen and Hermione closes her mouth. The blond woman looks at them suspiciously. Ron can't stop his body from reacting and he's turning completely red, almost purple. Hermione rolls her eyes.
"Did I hear right?" Luna asks with a smile on her face, amused. "Are you trying to steal my husband, Hermione?"
They laugh and Ron widens his eyes. Of course Luna knows this is not the case and even if Hermione didn't consider sharing this with her, she pulls a stool for the woman to sit by her side.
"Come, Luna, let's gossip a little. Where are the girls?"
"At the Burrow. Mum is bringing them later." Ron states, less red and more calm, going back to his cooking. Hermione never imagined he would inherit Molly's passion, but it makes sense since he loves to eat so damn much.
"Okay." Hermione says and Luna fetches them some beer.
"Spill it out." Luna says.
"She's having sex with Harry." Ron is faster and Hermione presses her lips together, watching Luna's reaction.
"So?" She says. "It took you long enough."
Hermione blinks, surprised. "I- what do you mean?"
"Oh, please. You two are attractive and are always together. I do believe that a man and a woman can be just friends, don't get me wrong. It's just that I don't believe you two can be just friends." Luna shrugs.
Hermione has no idea what to say to this. Ron snorts. "Wise words, wife."
"No one else can know about this, okay? Please. Don't tell Ginny."
Ron whistles and Luna makes a face.
"She'll be here today." He says and Hermione widens her eyes.
"I thought she was spending the day with her fiance's family."
"She changed her mind." Luna says.
"Is he coming? The fiance?" Hermione asks, her throat dry. She can already see a thousand things going wrong. Harry-
"He is." Ron states. Hermione opens her mouth, making a face, "And look, Harry has to learn how to deal with this, okay? He's not a kid anymore and he and Ginny haven't been a couple for more than enough years for someone to get over an ex. This is ridiculous. I'm tired of having separated dinners at my house because they can't meet." He sounds angry and Hermione agrees with his words.
And now her mind is taken by the way Harry is going to act extremely jealous of Ginny like he's been doing for years. She can't help thinking that he'll barely look at her since Ginny will be there and her mood changes drastically.
"You're in love with him, aren't you?" Luna asks, watching her.
Hermione gulps. She came here to talk about this, but now she feels like going home and forgetting she even entertained the idea of them.
"I am." She whispers.
Ron clicks his tongue, moving his wand and putting the turkey inside the oven.
"And you're afraid he doesn't feel the same." He states.
She moves uncomfortably. "It started as us having some fun, you know? Friends with benefits-"
Ron and Luna laugh at the same time. Hermione waits, not fully understanding.
"Oh, no, Hermione. You really thought that would work?" Luna asks, sincerity in her eyes. "It's… I mean, it was the perfect recipe for disaster."
"And you're supposed to be the smart one." Ron raises his hands in the air.
"Hey! It seemed like a good idea, okay? We shared a kiss at one party because of a fucking bottle and then things started to fall apart between us. Sex was… necessary." They're paying attention now. "And things were fine, until…" She sighs. "It just hit me, you know? How much I love him."
Luna takes her hand, squeezing it gently. Ron has his elbows on the marble, his hands holding his chin while he listens.
"I tried not to give in to it, because well, we know how Harry is." They share a knowing look. "But since Viktor came back and the fight I had with Harry… I feel like I need to know for sure. I need to know if he feels the same, if he wants to be with me. Or if I should simply move on."
"Talk to him, Hermione. You two are best friends-" Ron begins, but she cuts him.
"That's the problem! I- if he doesn't feel the same, it will ruin our friendship, Ron. It will ruin everything."
He makes a face, "Maybe not, I mean-"
"No. It will." Luna cuts him. "Men don't understand this, but I do, Hermione. I know that you won't be able to act normally around him anymore and with time you'll lose touch." Hermione nods, some tears filling her eyes.
"And I don't want him to pity me or anything, I wouldn't be able to stand it." She whispers. She thought about this. About telling him, being rejected and then having Harry pitying her, trying to mend things, maybe even having sex with her as some consolation-
"So, how can we help?" Ron asks. "What's the plan?"
Hermione opens a tiny smile to him. Ron seems genuinely excited about this. And that's an amazing surprise.
"Well, I… thought about testing the waters, you know? Asking him what he thinks about being in a relationship. Marriage. Kids. All that stuff. But then I realized I couldn't be the one making these questions, it would be too suspicious."
"Ah, you want us to ask him." Ron says. "Okay. Done." He winks at her. "At lunch?"
She nods. "Yeah, it would be great."
"Good, keep in mind what an amazing friend I am, okay?" He stares at her. Hermione frowns. "Keep thinking about it… are you thinking? Okay, well… I also invited Krum."
"What?" She reacts angrily. "Ron! Come on, you can't be serious!"
"Hermione. The man is my friend and he was going to spend the day alone! I thought you had invited him earlier!"
"I didn't because I knew it would complicate things even further! Shit." She whispers. "Not to mention Ginny being here with her fiance-"
"Relax." Luna says. "It's going to be fine. Look, regardless all this, let's just enjoy a nice evening, it's Christmas, guys. And we're here, alive and well, celebrating!" She opens her arms with a huge smile on her face.
Ron smiles with her. "I love you." He says to Luna and they share a peck.
Hermione sighs, admiring them. "You two are perfect for each other."
"We know." Ron says.
Hermione smiles with them and takes a sip on her beer.
Maybe she's just overthinking things, maybe their day will be perfect and she has nothing to worry about. Right?
She gulps, drinking her wine.
Calling this lunch awkward doesn't make it justice. This is beyond awkward, beyond uncomfortable. But she's trying to stay cool, trying to eat the delicious food Ron cooked for them while she distracts little Sarah, who's sitting by her side.
Viktor is right in front of her. Harry on her other side. And Ginny in front of Harry with her fiance. Ron and Luna keep looking at them, but the girls demand their attention and since Harry is not talking at all, it would be extremely difficult to ask questions such as: "So, do you wanna have kids, Harry?"
Viktor's eyes never leave her and Hermione knows that he's observing her interactions with Harry. Of course he suspects the man that has her heart is her best friend. And he's so damn right.
It's not exactly what Hermione was expecting, but at least Ron tries:
"So, Gin, do tell us, are you guys thinking about having children?" He asks loudly and Hermione presses her lips together.
A silence fills the table, their attention on what Ginny has to say.
Hermione sees Harry fisting his fork and she hates it. He's never forgetting her.
Ginny, on the other hand, doesn't seem bothered by the question or by Harry's presence and clear discomfort.
So, she smiles to her fiance, a nice blond man that has an easy smile and captivating eyes.
"We want to have three, right?"
"Yeah, or maybe five, who knows?"
Hermione tilts her head. Ginny is genuinely happy. For a moment she forgets her own issues and enjoys the way they talk about plans for the future, smiling and agreeing with them in some aspects. Surprisingly, Ron's question breaks the ice and everyone starts to talk, some alcohol helping them loosening up.
The only one that stays quiet, brooding, is Harry. He doesn't even raise his eyes from his plate. At some point, while Viktor is telling a few stories about his cousin who had six children, Hermione puts one hand on Harry's thigh under the table and gives it a gentle squeeze, knowing that no one will see.
She's trying to comfort him in a way, but Harry still doesn't react, the only thing he does is moving his thigh away from her hand. Hermione recoils it fast, doing her best not to flinch. Or yell at his face that he should grow up and move on from his ex girlfriend.
Pursing her lips, Hermione decides there's nothing she can do to make this better. Harry has to understand for himself that his attitudes are childish-
"I mean, being in a relationship is amazing. I love it." Viktor says, his eyes on her.
"And you're not seeing anyone?" Ginny's fiance, Marco, asks. A silence settles. "Why?"
Hermione can't help thinking that ignorance is bliss. To have no idea about the history on this table is… a bit ludicrous.
Viktor chuckles. "I'm just waiting for Hermione here to be sure about me again," He winks at her and she inevitably blushes a bit, smiling to him. She can't deny he's very sweet. "Then, whenever she's ready, what do you think about ten kids?"
She knows he's joking and they all laugh - except Harry.
"Yeah, Hermione, do tell us how many kids you wanna have." Luna prods.
"Oh, I don't know. I mean," She clears her throat, wanting more than anything else that Harry would at least look at her. "Maybe four?"
"I can do four." Viktor says in a serious tone, looking at her in a way that she recognizes well. It brings back so many memories-
"What about you, Harry?" Ron asks.
And Harry finally raises his eyes from the food, an expression of boredom on his face. She hates thinking that he would rather be at some Christmas party hooking up with a random girl-
"What about me?"
He wasn't even listening.
"Do you want to have kids, mate? Children of your own?"
Harry snorts, drinking his beer. "Ron, come on, mate. I don't even want a relationship, can you even imagine kids?" And he makes a face that… shatters Hermione's heart.
She moves naturally, putting some turkey into her mouth to stop words from pouring out. But it tastes sourly, just like she's feeling with Harry's words. She shares a knowing glance with Ron, discreetly shaking her head, telling him to let go-
"Ah, mate, you have no idea the amazing thing you're denying yourself!" Ron says excitedly. "Look at these two angels." He opens a soft smile to his daughters. "You should rethink-"
"Why?" Harry cuts him sharply and Hermione feels the tension, so heavy that she would be able to cut it with a knife. "Maybe you don't know about this, mate, but I actually proposed to your sister." And he looks at Ginny, who sighs. Marco opens his mouth. In fact, except for Hermione, everyone else is totally shocked. "And she said no. So, I guess my only chance at having a family is gone, right? Unless you changed your mind, Gin, who knows? Are you sure she said yes, Marco?"
Hermione closes her eyes. His only chance at having a family.
"Enough, Harry." Ginny says coldly. "I'm tired of having to deal with your outbursts-"
"Maybe I wouldn't have any if you had not rejected me with no reason whatsoever!"
"I had my reasons!" She hisses, raising her voice a bit. "I didn't love you! I wasn't in love with you anymore and you weren't either, Harry!"
"I was!" He also raises his voice.
It's getting out of hand and Hermione tries interfering, "Guys, this is not the time to-"
"Stay out of this, Hermione! Fuck!" Harry says harshly.
Ginny makes a face at him.
Hermione snorts and pushes her chair back, standing up. And that seems to break whatever trance Harry was under because he finally blinks and looks at her, gulping.
"Fine, Harry, suit yourself in acting like a child over and over again and ruining this for everyone."
And she walks out to the backyard, not wanting to stay another minute inside that dinning room. She faintly hears a chair moving and her heart beats faster at the notion that it might be Harry coming after her to apologize, but when she turns around, it's Viktor who's there.
It snowed and it's pretty chilly outside, so, he's bringing her a fluffy sweater, which she gladly accepts.
Putting it on and sighing, she wonders why she still expects something different from Harry. He's been acting like this for years. He only cares about winning his games and having as much sex as possible-
"Hey," Viktor says and she braces herself. It's good that she doesn't want to cry, she's so pissed and… disappointed that she lacks the will to care. "You shouldn't ruin your Christmas because of him."
She sighs. "You're right." Hermione whispers and lets herself be hugged by Viktor. He kisses the top of her head.
"I know some things we could do for the rest of the day."
"Like what?"
"There's a Wizarding Fair close to my place. We could go."
She moves from his arms to look into his eyes. This man wants to have ten kids with her. He's waiting for her. He wants to marry her.
Should she keep waiting for Harry if she's almost sure that he'll never look at her this way? If she believes that he'll love Ginny forever?
Inhaling deeply, she nods to Viktor and in a beat, they're gone.
December 26th, 2005
Hermione's flat
She apparates. Maybe she shouldn't have, but she spent the night with Viktor. She was so frustrated and angry that… it was a bit inevitable. And she enjoyed it just as much as she did all those years ago, but if she has to be completely honest with herself, it was nothing compared to what she shares with-
"Harry." She says his name. He's at her living room, after all.
Hermione notices that this kind of thing is becoming a routine for them.
He raises from the chair, it's very early in the morning and it looks like he didn't sleep at all.
"I waited for you the whole night." His voice is barely there.
It pisses her off. The way he keeps doing this. Hurting her and showing up and trying to mend things-
"I slept at Viktor's." She says the words as naturally as possible, watching his reaction. He sets his jaw, raising an eyebrow.
"I wanted to apologize for the way I talked and treated you-"
"No. You know what, Harry? You don't need to apologize to me. You should apologize to Ginny. To her fiance. To Ron and Luna who opened their house for us and you-"
"I already did, okay? I- I know I acted like a jerk and I'm sorry."
She inhales deeply, "Fine, you're forgiven, Harry, don't worry about it." Her voice is low.
Hermione was not expecting him and she feels drained. Lost. She passes him and goes to the kitchen, Harry only turns to watch her movements.
"Were you- did you have sex with Krum?"
She stops mid motion, her back to him, her hand opening the cupboard.
"I did. Do you want some coffee?" She closes her eyes, pressing her lips together.
And in a blink she feels his arms around her waist, hugging her from behind, his lips on her neck. His touch is everything, but at the same time is so painful that-
"No." Hermione says the word with a firmness that she doesn't recognize. "No, Harry."
His grip loosens around her and he inhales deeply. She turns around to face him. His eyes are big. And he's pouting a little.
"Are we done because you want to be with Krum?"
Hermione wets her lips. "If I decide that I want to date him for real… we can't keep our deal." She says slowly, watching every reaction on his face.
"And have you decided?" He asks, swallowing hard, his Adam's apple bobbing.
She could simply say she did. Tell him that she's going to date Viktor now and end this in a less painful way. She could ignore what she's feeling and how much she wants to learn if there's even the slightest chance for them. Truth is… if Harry has no feelings for her even after they crossed this last line-
"I'm…" She's not sure how to say this without really saying it. "Do I have a reason not to date him, Harry?"
Her words are heavy and they stare at each other for a long minute. Her throat is dry. Harry knows that if he feels something, this is the moment to say it.
But he snorts, running a hand through his hair, shaking his head a bit.
"He makes you happy, doesn't he?" He asks, his eyes on hers.
Hermione falters. Being with Viktor is… simpler. Easier. Not exactly happier. Or right. It's not like what she feels with Harry, it doesn't come close. But what can she say? How can she answer this question?
Maybe I should tell him. Just blurt it out-
"Hey, look," Harry interrupts her thoughts, his face changing a bit, his expression softening, "I understand. You don't have to feel bad for ending our deal. I mean, we knew it would come to an end eventually, right?" She blinks a few times, opening her mouth slightly. "It was a matter of time for you to find the right guy." He doesn't sound sad or hurt. It makes her heart squeeze inside her chest. "We talked about this, remember? You felt like it could have been a mistake letting Krum go."
Hermione is numb. And he's waiting for her to say something. The only thing she can say is:
"Yeah." She clears her throat. "Yeah, I remember." Her voice is barely coming out.
"So, it's only natural that you decide to go back to him." Harry crosses his arms. He looks extremely fine with it. "Don't get me wrong. Our deal was amazing." He winks at her. "I enjoyed it a lot, and as I said many times, you're incredible." She feels cold and hot inside, a complete mess. And… what the hell is happening? "But it's not like it'll change things for me." He chuckles softly. "You know I can't get enough of hooking up and such." Hermione grits her teeth. "And I guess you won't be watching the games from my stand anymore, right? But I'll beat his ass, nonetheless." Harry shrugs.
She's… dumbfounded.
But it hits her what he's saying.
He's saying that he doesn't care if they're not going to have sex anymore. He doesn't care if she dates Viktor. He doesn't care if she marries him.
It can't be.
His reaction is… worse than anything she imagined.
It saddens and angers her at the same time.
"Well, yeah." She finds her voice. "I guess it won't make the slight difference for you." She's almost spitting the words. "And to answer your question, he does make me happy."
"I'm glad." He says fast, extending a hand for her to shake. "It was nice having sex with you, Hermione."
The anger boils inside her. "Nice?" She asks, looking at his hand, not taking it. Instead, Hermione closes the distance between them. Harry widens his eyes, but she doesn't touch him, her mouth moving to his ear. "You'll never find another woman like me, Harry. You can say all you want, but I know I took your breath away, I know it was the best sex of your life." She kisses his cheek and moves away. "I would think twice before calling it nice." She raises an eyebrow in defiance.
He opens a smile. A sincere one.
Then, he pockets his hands and moves to her front door. Harry only looks back one more time before leaving.
There's an emotion in his eyes that she doesn't recognize.
But her heart breaks. And she accepts the reality that what they shared is over.