WhIP

by footfungus

nederlands verhalen over mijn otp

77. Touch your heart - Tobirama x OC

touch your heart

av_versiera

Summary:

Hashirama might go down as the worst matchmaker in history, but he thinks he might be on to something.

Tobirama sees through his brother's schemes and is determined not to fall for it.

Or fall for you.

Notes:

urgh im so excited to write this one and the tone will be COMPLETELY different from the rest of this series: the days where things were much more light-hearted; lols

thanks for reading!

find me on Tumblr: avversiera-writes (formerly animastatic)

Chapter 1: Prologue

Chapter Text

Thank you.

Those two words are what Tobirama's mother seemed to tell his father all the time. She looked grateful saying it too. Too grateful to the point that she is cooped up in the Senju compound all the time, with nowhere to go. Tobirama was a smart kid–too smart for his own good–and he saw that the last place she wants to be was here, with family and raising children in this godforsaken war zone.

His mother said that was how she met his father, and how she fell in love with him, by the words of gratefulness, but Tobirama is a smart kid. He knew nothing of love, but he could tell that his mother did not love his father. She mistook feelings of gratitude as feelings of love.

His mother has a cold face, but she was gentle and fierce and was a great story-teller. She told stories of the great mountains and rivers that she has seen before everything fell into disarray. His mother loved art, books, and knowledge. She always encouraged Tobirama and his brothers to pursue their own curiosities beyond war.

Tobirama always took that to heart. Sure, his body and his mind are well-suited for battle but his interests lie elsewhere. He loves to explore, to discover, to observe and to experiment to prove something foreign to him. He loves to break down something to its smallest detail and build it back up to make something new. He wants to create.

Thank you.

Those were two words that were too much for his mother to bear all her life. It weighed on her. It chained her down.

Thank you.

Those were her last words to Tobirama.

Thank you, for being my son, for letting me be your mother.

Those were two words that stuck to him like a curse. They were binding, until the bitter end.

Chapter 2: I.I - Frozen

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

The first time Tobirama sees you, he immediately forms the opinion that you are too loud. Loud, in a sense that everything that passes by you, has to pay attention to you. Loud, in a sense that, when you speak, everyone has to hang by your every word. You are too loud, and he immediately concludes that you will not last long in a battle because you seem like an easy target. It is not like him to make fast conclusions without further observation, but you are just so loud that he wants to immediately shut down his senses.

So loud in fact, that even among the crowd, Tobirama cannot help but look your way and be wary of your presence.

Contrary to what he thinks, you are not that much of a blabbermouth nor a person who speaks aimlessly, but he does not know you yet. He has not even had a chance to look you straight in the face.

Today, he finds you standing by an umbrella stand, where a dozen colorful and detailed parasols are opened as a display to passerbys. You are in your casual kimono, and because it is spring, there are lovely pink cherry blossoms etched on your left sleeve, spreading towards your chest. Your obi cinches your waist and holds your sword by your side, so that it is easy to rest your hand on top of the hilt. Your hair is held back from your face with a simple hairpiece, and a festival fox mask hangs on the side of your head.

Tobirama stares, not having anything else to look at.

Hashirama and Madara are also walking around, greeting the citizens of Konoha, and holding children up in the air. Hashirama's young sons follow closely behind, playfully roughhousing each other and anyone who happens to get in their way.

Hashirama notices his brother, glaring at a distant point and decides to step in lest Tobirama accidentally offends someone. He knows that his brother does not mean to glower at times. It's just his eyes are a bit sensitive to the sun.

At least, that is the reason, most of the time.

Tobirama immediately looks away from you, but Hashirama already saw who he was looking at. He gives Tobirama a curious smile.

"What?" Tobirama deadpans.

"You should go talk to her," Hashirama suggests. "You seem interested."

Tobirama folds his arms. "No."

Hashirama opens his mouth to add another thing, but Tobirama beats him to it.

"Brother, I said no," Tobirama affirms, and that was that.

Hashirama sighs, and pouts a little. "She's nice!"

Tobirama fakes a cough, making sure to spit out the words idiot clearly, and he crosses his arms. "You think everyone is nice."

"Well, innocent until proven guilty, as they say!"

Tobirama glances back at you, and finds that he can easily track you.

"With all due respect, elder brother, that is a very naive statement coming from you."

Tobirama has heard of you and he stops himself from telling Hashirama that, and instead lets him point out that you were one of the newly ranked jounins and that you specialize in kenjutsu. You also have been spending your free time teaching some of the older genins the basics of close range fighting and defense.

As the Hokage, Hashirama is more than happy to get to know those who are rising to the ranks and especially those who are gifted. It means that their Academy is working, even though it hasn't been very long since it was established. You were one of those people from a clan who are already shinobi, but had to be evaluated in order to determine your rank and the Shodaime Hokage saw how skillful you are, despite not being the most powerful user of ninjutsu. He wants Konoha to have dependable teachers who will pass on useful skills and knowledge to whoever wants to learn.

You start to walk away from the umbrella stand, when suddenly a bunch of kids and teenagers rush towards you. Tobirama sees some young students in the group that he had picked himself. Hiruzen stands out among the rest, loud and rambunctious, while Danzo follows closely behind like a shadow, but as obtrusive.

"Sensei! You should join the sparring competition later! They have bokkens, you're good with bokkens!"

You laugh, and try to back out before the others start to make your decision. "I think I will pass!"

"Aww, no!"

Tobirama watches the commotion, and then you look towards him. He freezes, as you smile at him and continue to wave him forward. Tobirama glares, because you are still waving at him but he does not know you so obviously he is not going to wave back, but suddenly Madara passes by him and Tobirama almost feels embarrassed.

Almost . He checks himself.

The wave was not meant for him.

He glimpses Madara give a small wave, and this makes him pause.

Madara waves ? Tobirama almost scoffs at this, but he must keep his public appearance.

You smile warmly, and introduce Madara to the younger children who were starting to cower a little because of his serious and glum expression. Tobirama watches as you slip your arm through Madara's arm like you have done it many times. Tobirama's students look at each other, but they do not harbor any bad sentiments toward the Uchiha clan leader. Some of them even crack a smile at the younger children's reactions. Madara can be a little intimidating at first, if you do not know him.

Then, you say something to the kids, earning a laugh from them and a small, tight-lipped smile from Madara.

Tobirama notices that the edges of Madara's eyes have softened, something he only does around Hashirama.

"Are you sure you don't want to get introduced to her? She is a very warm person," Hashirama asks. "She's also very smart and I think you'd benefit from her insights."

Tobirama watches her say her goodbyes and pat a few children's heads, and walk away. "I'm fine."

Hashirama looks at Tobirama, doubt painted across his face, but he lets it go.

For now .

/

You stand in front of the Hokage, waiting for him to speak. You have been called early in the morning to meet with him, and you have been there for a few minutes, standing awkwardly. You are not sure whether to start some small talk since the Shodaime is busy peering over a few scrolls. Usually, whenever you see him, the Hokage is pretty chatty and offers a lot of kind words. He also seems to talk a lot about his younger brother to you, bragging about him and his accomplishments, and underwhelmingly explaining his personality, which you find strange.

It makes you think that there's something off about Tobirama.

The door behind you opens and you step to the side to make a wide berth for the incoming person, even though there is enough room for at least a few more people to stand there. Tobirama walks in, his face sporting deep eyebags, but his eyes are hard and alert. You look him over, and your eyes go to his rough hands, where there are dried ink stains on his pale skin. His veins protrude out, blue and green rivers criss-crossing over his hands and up his arms. You see hints of faded scars on his skin, but in this light, his pale skin makes up for the blemishes.

"Brother," Tobirama greets, although it sounds more like he is about to scold his elder brother.

Hashirama smiles and he motions for you to step closer.

You do, and you feel Tobirama's eyes track you. You immediately look up and you catch his gaze, which makes him look away.

"I have a task for the two of you," Hashirama casually brings up. He looks strangely cheerful. Like he has a step by step plan that went exactly as he wanted.

You look at the Hokage, all ears. And curious as to why he is acting this way.

"It has come to my attention that while we are training the next generation to be good shinobis, I do not think that we have a proper and standard curriculum," Hashirama begins.

Tobirama's head snaps upright at this. "Brother, what do you mean?"

He sounds almost angry, and well, if you were the creator of the education system in the village you built and someone had found flaws in it, you would be too.

"I think that there should be specific learning materials for each year before graduating to a genin, and so on," Hashirama elaborates some more. "The two of you are to come up with these materials, and I want you to include other aspects that are not just related to being a shinobi. I want the next generation to not only be bred for war, but to have dispositions in other areas."

Hashirama stands up and he places his palms on his desk. "Tobirama, you know this. You want to expand our village, I think this is a good step to make that happen."

Tobirama looks at his brother with narrowed, suspicious eyes. He is not an idiot. He knows this is some set up, otherwise, why would his brother call you earlier than him? Why would his brother need you for this? These are the types of things he can accomplish on his own, so why are you here?

"I understand. Then, I think it is time for that to happen. We are at peace, after all."

You slowly raise your hand. You notice that Tobirama does not even glance at you, and you want to laugh. You have heard a few things about Senju Tobirama from his own brother, and while it does not surprise you that he has a prickly attitude, it is another thing to see it upfront. It does not intimidate you, rather, it makes you want to see more of his reactions. He reminds you of the shy children that you have met in the Academy.

You just need to push the right buttons.

"If I may, Lord Hokage," you start.

Hashirama nods for you to continue.

"With all due respect, what qualifications did I have to help Lord Tobirama with this new project?"

You swear you saw Tobirama's eye twitch from the way you said his title. You hide your smirk by biting the side of your cheek.

Hashirama lets out a small chuckle, in which he earns a glare from his younger brother.

"I have heard about your dedication in teaching the children when you have the time, and since you insisted that you do not want to be a jounin sensei yet, like my brother is, I think it is a good idea for you to keep your head busy. Besides, I have heard you are quite the quick learner. You will find that my brother here is a very good teacher and can offer guidance well, if you can look past his mean demeanor."

Tobirama opens his mouth to snap at his brother, but instead, takes a breath and holds his tongue.

Hashirama gathers up some documents from the corner of his desk. "You two can start tomorrow. I would love to have this done by the end of summer, just as the new school year is upon us."

"Brother, stop being ridiculous. That is in three months," Tobirama interjects. "I think I'm going to need time to plan."

Hashirama glances at his brother. "Well, luckily for you, someone is here to help you. I have faith in you."

"Too much, perhaps," Tobirama dryly says, not even bothering to hide that he does not like this.

"And you, as well," Hashirama says to you with a cheerful smile.

"Lord Hokage, with all due respect, am I going to get paid enough for this? I am practically jobless, I have a living to make," you inquire with a smile. "Besides, you may also have to compensate for putting me up with your dear brother."

In the corner of your eye, Tobirama crosses his arms.

Hashirama laughs heartily, and he gives Tobirama a grin. "I like her!" He nods. "You will surely be thanked for your services."

He extends the pile of documents towards you and you step forward to accept them. You thank the Hokage with doubt, half-serious about the salary, but you decide to not push it today and you give him a smile. Then, you also smile at Tobirama.

"I will see you tomorrow then," you tell him.

Tobirama carefully gazes at you, and then he nods. He turns to his brother with a determined look on his face. Or an angry look. You are honestly not sure.

"The Hokage mansion's library," Tobirama grounds out curtly. "9 am. Sharp."

You look at him, wondering what type of bad day he is having to be this abrupt, or if this is how he really is. You understand that he and his brother have been at war for all of their life, so maybe this is how he has turned out.

"I will see you." You bow quickly and walk out of there, ready to dive into the materials the Hokage gave you.

/

Madara aims a punch towards your way, but you quickly dodge it and block it with the palm of your hand, and you follow through by sending his movement forward by using his momentum and landing a charged punch to his lower ribs, just where his liver will be.

Madara chuckles and he flips himself away from you.

"Brutal," Madara comments breezily. "That can actually kill someone, but fortunately I'm not just anyone."

You roll your eyes. "Yeah well, give me an A for effort."

Madara falters and his eyes narrow at you. He knows as well as you do that you are slacking and there is a lot on your mind. "Is this about what Hashirama told you earlier?"

You meet his eyes and let out a sigh. "Wow, word travels fast."

Madara starts to walk towards you and he gathers his hair to one side. "That was not fair of him. If you want, I can talk to him about that."

You watch Madara's face, and a cloud passes overhead. You are almost tempted to say yes and cling to the wings that Madara has put you under to shelter you, but you are not that woman anymore. You are not a quitter. Besides, you need to have a purpose to pour your efforts in. If not, then what else could be in store for you?

"It's not like the Hokage asked me to cut off my hand, I will be fine, Madara," you finally answer. "Really."

Madara folds his arms and he presses his lips together. "If you ever need me to go beat him up then say the word."

You cannot help the chuckle that escapes your mouth. "I'm sure it'll be fine. There will be no need of beating." You pause and a smirk forms on your face as an idea takes form in your mind. "However, you can help me get to know Tobirama."

Madara scowls, knowing that you are pushing his buttons. "No, you are on your own," he grits out.

The air around your friend changes, and suddenly all the silliness in your demeanor fades away. Your eyes narrow warily, as his face darkens at you with disapproval. You know that he still holds some kind of grudge on Tobirama, and it really is quite low of you to mention him so casually.

Madara narrows his eyes at you and shakes his head. "You have some guts."

You point your chin towards him naughtily. "Everyone's fair game." You break out into a smile, even if Madara can decide right then and there to end your life. "You just can't take it."

Madara used to always intimidate you, and he furthered that feeling at times by showing you his sharingan, because you know, you know, what he is capable of doing with those eyes, but he never really did anything to you. It was more of the idea of what he can do to you, at any given time.

Madara stays silent for a few more moments. Then, he attempts to soften his voice. "What do you want to know?"

You raise an eyebrow at this. "Uchiha Madara is finally giving in?"

Madara rolls his eyes and he lets out a small, tight-lipped smile. "Just this once, but you are paying for lunch."

You gasp, taking offense at this. "You do know I am broke, right?"

"Who's fault was it for not taking my offer to live in the Uchiha compound?" Madara matches his footsteps with yours as the two of you head towards the village.

"First of all, I am not an Uchiha, your people will oust me the moment I step foot, and second, I want to make a living for myself."

Madara rolls his eyes. "Yeah, but you're all alone."

"Aren't you?" You retort without thought.

Madara falls into silence. "You know someday, you will get in trouble with that mouth of yours."

"You just can't handle me."

"The offer still stands," Madara mutters, and he glances at you. "And it's safe there. I will make sure no one even says a bad word about you. If you are with me, they won't even look at you."

"That sounds like a lonely life, and you know that I have been mostly caged in my childhood." You sigh and you bump your shoulder against his arm. "I appreciate everything you have done for me, but I have nothing, Madara. It's time I do something for myself and invest in something bigger than me. I need that."

/

The Hokage mansion is huge inside, and since you do not visit this place often, you are not sure where the said library is. It could just be any room in here. Or, there is no such thing as the library in the Hokage mansion and Tobirama just said that because he wants to avoid you and send you on a goosechase away from him. You know that he is not thrilled to be put up on this project with you, based on his expressions yesterday, but you are kind of determined to change his mind now.

Besides, you are fun and cool, something he can take notes on as he seems prudish.

You sigh as you decide to just wait for Tobirama outside, instead of wandering inside the mansion. There are still some parts being built, and you do not want to cause any trouble to the workers there.

You are quite early, hoping to beat Tobirama to the punch to solidify yourself in his good graces and show him that you are serious about this. However, due to your punctuality, the waiting time is becoming ridiculously long. Sometimes you are not big on the whole waiting patiently thing.

You sigh, and aimlessly walk around the whole building.

You hear people starting to mile about to start their day, and you hear children laughing and talking loudly among themselves, which brings a smile to your lips. You decide to stay near the entrance of the mansion so Tobirama will not have any trouble looking for you.

Lost in your thoughts, you brandish your blade from its scabbard and you start to draw stick figures on the soil, and you add little details such as trees, kunais and shurikens.

You are not sure how much Tobirama knows about you, but you have heard many things about him, mostly from his brother, both good and bad. You know that he is a great warrior and one of the most brilliant minds that his generation has seen. He is responsible for the complex system of the very village you reside in, and the Hokage's trusted advisor, even more than Uchiha Madara, who you know is very close to Hashirama. You also know that he is a great sensei, according to his students, which you have no doubt about since he is very intelligent.

Personality wise, he remains a mystery to you. Mostly because Hashirama glosses over that when talking about him. All you know is that Tobirama can be difficult at times, but you figure that it is how one should act when you are at the forefront of leading this village.

However, you are not in the least intimidated, even if he is a little older and has experienced more in life. Now that you are going to be working with him more, you are curious as to what the famed Senju Tobirama is really all about.

"I hope I did not keep you waiting," Tobirama's rough voice interrupts the quiet that you have immersed yourself in.

You perk up, and put your sword back with a loud click. He glances down at the ground, where you have made silly stick figures of shinobis fighting. You attempt to erase them with your foot.

"Not at all!" You lie, but Tobirama sees through that and he narrows his eyes suspiciously.

His serious face does not change, and instead you think he grew even more serious. He nods and gestures towards the mansion. He clutches the books and the scrolls he has close to his body.

"Shall we?"

You follow Tobirama towards the entrance, trying to keep up with his long strides, though he seems to be speeding up on purpose. Finally, he unlocks the library doors and opens them wide. The two of you step in, and you cannot help but feel underwhelmed at the great reveal of the Hokage mansion's library.

It is bare, with a lone wooden table and three chairs situated next to the windows.

To the side are empty bookshelves, with the exception of one shelf, which is almost halfway filled.

"This is a sorry library," you comment under your breath.

Tobirama walks up to the table and puts down the materials he has been carrying.

"We are going to fill it, starting today," Tobirama says. "And for the rest of the year."

You raise an eyebrow. "How? Write and publish our own books?"

Tobirama glances up at you, without irony. "Yes."

You feign a smile. "Oh," you deadpan. He does seem like the type of person to do that.

"We are also going to visit every clan in the village and ask if we could transcribe some of their writings," Tobirama continues. "We can make our references through that, integrate their history and make a comprehensive one for Konoha. We also need to learn some of their jutsus and study them, among other things."

You nod, understanding what he means. "Alright, where do we start? And how do we rewrite the Academy curriculum part?"

"Well first, I will have to set a few rules," Tobirama drones on, looking at you pointedly.

You walk towards him so that you are standing on the other side of the table. "Alright, shoot," you say.

"I have written the deadlines of the parts that you will do. You must give them to me, on time ," Tobirama sternly says, slipping one of the scrolls forward. "I have a vague plan of what the curriculum can look like, but you will also have the chance to express your ideas."

You take the scroll and open it gingerly, and you look at the back to back due dates.

"You must not talk to me aimlessly, unless it is about this project or if you need any clarification on the tasks you have to do," Tobirama continues. "When we are working, I expect you to only work."

You nod, thinking that these are easy, reasonable rules.

"You must be punctual."

You are way too punctual, so you know that you are going to follow this rule perfectly.

"Do not eat near me."

At this, you almost roll your eyes, but you hold yourself back.

"Do not touch my things, unless I give them to you. I hope that you can call my title with respect," Tobirama drones on and on, mostly about the little things he is apparently very particular about. "You will also be training with me and my students, and I expect you to always be on top of your game."

"Yes, of course." You blink at all his so-called rules, and fight the urge to roll your eyes. It's like he already has the impression that you won't be as dedicated to your job as he is.

But you are dedicated.

However, you cannot help but talk back. He probably made a rule for that, but it goes unheard by you.

Tobirama nods. "Very well."

"Did you stay up all night making this up?" You ask, unable to help yourself garner some reaction from him.

Tobirama's stare is stormy, and his eyes narrow strictly. "It is common sense that you abide by such unsaid rules."

"But you just, well forgive me, enumerated them. If they are common sense, then you would not have to re-tell it."

Tobirama lets out a stream of breath from his nose that sounds a tad bit impatient, and he rolls his eyes.

You smile, feeling a little triumphant at getting a reaction from him. He catches your expression and he schools his face to become serious once more.

The two of you sit in silence for a moment, and you wait for Tobirama to speak.

"I heard you teach at the Academy at times," Tobirama suddenly brings up. "When did you start?"

Your eyes narrow slightly at this. Tobirama built the Academy, so he must be aware of the things happening there. "Almost a year ago."

Tobirama taps a finger on the books that he set down. "And you teach when?"

"Wednesdays and Fridays," you reply.

Tobirama nods. "I will be coming with you."

You pause at this. "Wait, why?"

Tobirama looks at you as if it's obvious. "To size up what the kids need to learn, observe which materials are appropriate for age groups until they graduate as genin, and so forth."

Of course, that makes sense.

Tobirama pulls out the chair and he slides into it. "Then, let us begin. We have many things to research and read up on."

You look at him as he opens the books, and distributes some of them to you.

"Will you get around to telling me what your plan is, or are you just going to let me guess?" You ask as you flip to the first page of one of the books that he handed to you.

You slide on the chair across from him, taking care to move to the side so that you are giving him his space.

"Silence, when I am working," Tobirama states without looking up from what he is reading. "Do not talk to me aimlessly. You will get a chance to ask me questions later, I suggest you start listing them down."

"Alright, alright," you mumble.

You read the first paragraph of the book, already taking note of the main idea. After a few pages, however, you glance up at your book and to Tobirama, who has not moved an inch except to turn a page. You observe his pristine expression, your eyes going down the slope of his strong nose, his high cheekbones, and his lips that form into a pout, and then to the markings on his face and chin.

He's handsome, you'll give him that.

His eyes never waver, unlike you, and from this, you can tell that he always pours all his focus and efforts when he does something.

"Work," Tobirama reminds you. "And look at the due dates so you can think about how you can strategize your time."

You snap up and pretend to go back to your reading, but you glance at him one last time. Something about him piques your curiosity, and it makes you want to push his buttons just to see what the famed Senju Tobirama is all about.

You cannot help but let out a tiny smile and you raise the book to hide your face.

Well, if he already has some sort of prejudice towards you, you might as well play that to your advantage.

You smirk to yourself, finally looking forward to the time the two of you will spend together.

Notes:

if you've read 'till death do us part (the namesake of this series) you'll finally understand why Madara says those things to her in the first chapter LOL

thank you for reading!

Chapter 3:

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

The due dates that Tobirama gave you are more reasonable and flexible than you thought. You try to find something to complain about so you can relay it to Madara later and earn a small smile from him, but no, there is no reason to complain about it. The only thing you want to complain about are his so-called rules. Tobirama is not about leisure or lightening up, though that is not a bother to you if you are going to be honest. Planning to mess with him a little is just an attempt to wipe off that serious face of his. You want to know him based on what you see from him, not from what other people have told you.

However, you also do not want to mess things up. You are determined to work as hard as he does for this project because it is special to the village and for the children that are going to be attending the Academy.

Also because you know you'll get paid for it. You have been running low on money these days ever since you bought your own place.

Now that you are older, you wish you had the proper education to be a shinobi. You have to learn most of your skills along the way and apart from your family who had basically banished you, and even now, you are still learning as there are a lot of things that you missed.

Now, the children that are going to grow up here have something better for the future. They have more choices and bigger chances to become good shinobis.

You get settled in your bed, which is literally the only furniture your place has. It is your dining table, your workplace, and also your resting place. Your weapons are littered on the floor, and your swords are leaning against the wall in one corner of the room. The books and the scrolls given to you lay open or stacked near your bed where you can reach for it. Some clean laundry you have yet to get to sit on the foot of your bed, and the space you are currently lying on is the only space your bed can make for you at the moment.

Quaint, but it has a lot of potential.

Your new home, which is situated just at the edge of the village and newly built, is a home for civilians and also other shinobis who are not part of a clan, or those who rather have a place for themselves. This is a sign that the village is growing, and more and more families are becoming involved with it.

You force yourself to go through the many materials that you need to read and study up on for the rest of the night until midnight, and you begin to write your suggestions after going through the material once again. You are good at absorbing information, but at the same time, you have trouble keeping still for a very long time. Sometimes you have the unfortunate ability to memorize the wrong things because your mind zeroes into whatever your brain wants to obsess over.

However, you have made it this far. You can adjust.

You hope.

/

You are pretty sure that Tobirama is sending you around the village in a goose chase just so that he can work on the curriculum himself. It's obvious he did not want you near him with all those rules about preserving his boundaries. The said goose chase sounds reasonable enough–talk to the members of the clans, the ones who are the keeper of their knowledge and history and write them down. He did not even look you in the face when he sent you away, he just gave you a list of what to ask the clans residing in Konoha and a blank notebook and a scroll for you to record all of the information in.

This whole ordeal occupied you for the whole day and it also happens to bleed through the next day, in which you are convinced Tobirama has completed at least half the work.

The thought does not make you happy. You want to do something, damn it. You feel like your life depends on it.

Another day passes, and this time, Tobirama has you looking for artists, merchants, inventors and other skilled people in Konoha and recording their name and the location to find them. This part you understand well because you know that Hashirama wants to expand on other skills, but it feels so tedious and it makes the day longer. Not to mention, you do not really know anyone since you have been busy polishing your skills with Madara. Now that you think about it, you spend an awful lot of time with the man, ever since you came here.

Before you know it, you are breaking into a run towards the Hokage mansion.

Tobirama cannot be left to his own devices. You will not let him take this from you.

You find the white-haired man seated on his usual spot, hand poised elegantly over a sheet of paper and eyes moving along the lines of a book he is reading.

"Finished already?" Tobirama says in a very flat tone.

"Yeah, of course, I already know the people to put down." Okay, that was a lie, and you know Tobirama had caught that because he glances at you briefly with narrowed eyes.

You walk up to him and you lay out the information you gathered today.

"Where's your family from?" Tobirama straight up asks you without any preamble. The expression on his face does not change though you can feel that he is bothered by you.

You are taken aback by a beat, but you have no problem answering it. You have memorized the lines that you have to say that it begins to feel true. "They are a little far north from here, but they're just traders, merchants, skillsmen."

"Of what?"

"With the right amount of money, anything." You say in an even, but casual tone. "They don't like shinobi, so I left to make a living of my own."

You can tell Tobirama did not like your answer. He puts his pen down and you feel him scrutinizing you.

"You have any friends?" He immediately follows up.

However, you have long mastered the skills of deflecting and only letting people know certain things about you. They always see what they want to see in you, never bothering to put two and two together that you are just painting a pretty picture for them to look at.

"Too many," you reply vaguely.

Tobirama sighs, and his eyes narrow.

"I cannot trust you if you continue to evade me. This is integral to this village and its future, and I cannot have, no, I cannot afford to waste time or make mistakes," Tobirama says and he meets your eyes.

"I can promise you, I am ready to work just as much as you so let's not get personal," you lean back and cross your arms. "And after this, I will get out of your hair forever. You wouldn't even have to hear from me."

Tobirama rolls his eyes, but you can tell he is satisfied with your answer. "Oh please, with a village this small, and me, holding an important position in the said village, you cannot guarantee that."

You smirk and you pull out the chair across from him. "Touché, Lord Tobirama," you emphasize the lord with a mocking tone.

Tobirama grits his jaw visibly and he grabs his pen almost angrily. You are starting to think that maybe this is what Tobirama generally looks like.

"Get to work."

"What is it this time? List the several types of drinks the people in this village make? Investigate the best type of fabric to wear for each season?" You prompt, unable to keep the grin from spreading across your lips. He just let you get away with calling him lord.

Adding a title to someone's name is supposed to be a sign of respect, but the way you say it makes it sound derogatory. Like you're cursing him.

Tobirama looks about ready to yell, and part of you wants him to take the bait. You lean closer to gauge his reactions and you watch him immediately school his expression. It is like watching a magic show, one moment something is there, the next, it disappears.

"Well, if you wanted me to make up more tasks for you to do, you should have just asked," Tobirama deadpans.

You watch him, intrigued. "Wow. Are you trying to be funny, or are you trying to insult me?"

"Please stop talking when I am working," Tobirama does not sound like he is pleading. He hands you a stack of books to go through. "I want you to compile a list of necessary skills that you deem important, and I will do the same. We can discuss and vet on which skills are required to learn for each grade level right after."

You let out a breezy laugh, and you note how Tobirama seems to twitch at the sound. "Right, right, fine." You pause. "Have you looked at my notes?"

"Of course I have," Tobirama huffs and he shoots you a distasteful glare, and to you, it looks like he's tired of talking. "I will make my own notes on where you're lacking and then you revise it."

"What do we need those for?" You ask, genuinely curious. "What else are we in charge of making?"

"The reason I had you seek out artists, writers, bookmakers, and the like, is because we will commission them to make textbooks," Tobirama explains. "We just need to get the information together. Meanwhile, I would also like to fill this library and another public library with other kinds of books."

You tap your chin. "Your brother tells me you like to invent things and all that. Are you going to include your research and your inventions in the library?"

Tobirama sighs, visibly withering at the statement that his brother talks behind his back, but he revives himself enough to get back to his work. "Depends on what my brother approves of."

You let out an involuntary chuckle. Here are the two most powerful known shinobis in the world right now, and they argue over mundane things.

Tobirama raises an eyebrow at you and you shake your head.

He takes that as a sign to keep on working, so you decide to keep to yourself.

Surprisingly, you are starting to enjoy this. It's not as bad as you imagined.

/

Perhaps you spoke too soon, because here you are at the crack of dawn–no not even the crack of dawn because the surroundings are still dark blue. You yawn as you arrive, and find Tobirama waiting in the middle of the training ground in a different outfit you have not seen him in. He seems to only have one color palette; he wears a navy wrap-around jacket that has a collar in a lighter shade of blue. The sleeves are short, showing off his muscles, and all of this is tied with a light yellow-green belt around his waist. A sword is secured to his belt, and it hangs on his side ready to be drawn. A happuri guards his forehead and the sides of his face, and for some reason, this makes him look more authoritarian and older. A mesh armor peeks through the space between his collars and even in your sleepiness, you note a defined torso that you keep to yourself.

You do not even see an ounce of sleepiness in him and you huff.

Tobirama merely glances at you, but every time he looks at you, it feels like he is already exasperated.

"Is it just us?" You try not to sound too whiny. "Also I ate breakfast, I'm not falling for whatever it is you have in mind."

"And what do you think is on my mind?"

"I don't know? A test of survival, starving us for days in the forest with only the surroundings as our resource?" You rest a hand on your two swords–an uchigatana and a wakizashi, both the same in appearance and made from the same metal.

"I said not to eat too much breakfast, I did not discourage you from it." Tobirama lets out a sarcastic sigh–something he can really pull off well. "I am not that cruel."

You hear an excited gasp behind you and you turn to find Sarutobi Hiruzen and Shimura Danzo walking towards the two of you.

"Tobirama-sensei!" Hiruzen calls enthusiastically, at the crack of dawn. "I hope you don't mind, I brought my friend again!"

You glance at Tobirama and you see his face visibly soften at the sight of his student.

"And I didn't know Y/N-sensei's joining us!" Hiruzen bounds up to you and you reach up to ruffle his hair. He turns to you and points at Tobirama. "He's a really cool sensei! Really cool!"

Tobirama suddenly looks constipated and you laugh out loud.

"We'll see, kiddo," you tell him. "We'll see."

Two more kids come, and the girl, Utatane Koharu, somehow looks pissed, which you can suddenly relate to. The boy beside her, Mitokado Homura, looks more calm and composed as he adjusts his glasses on his face.

Tobirama nods, and then he breaks off into a light jog. Obediently, the kids follow after him and you grudgingly follow behind them. They must be used to this.

After a few rounds, the kids start to stretch and you do the same as well, and everything has been pretty calm. You watch as the kids do sets of push-ups, sit-ups, calisthenics and you are impressed at their stamina. They're barely twelve, but then again, if you are training under Senju Tobirama, you can tell that you will be pushed to your limit.

You feel a pang of envy from these kids for a moment, but you push it away. There is no reason to look back into the past and feel bitter about how things worked out.

"So what's next, sensei?" Hiruzen inquires. You can see how much these kids admire the man.

"Sparring," Tobirama replies. "Since Danzo's here, you guys are evenly matched. Last man standing gets to fight me."

"What about Y/N-sensei?" Danzo interjects.

"Yeah, what about me?" You smirk, and you lighten your voice so that it sounds more childish.

You can feel Koharu rolling her eyes.

You narrow your eyes at him and let out a small stream of breath through your mouth. "I see."

Tobirama slightly raises his chin haughtily. It suits him. He does not need to speak to dominate the atmosphere. He shrugs, and it sparks something in you.

"I'll still try my best," you smirk, but underneath your facade, you are starting to get annoyed. Which is new, because you are generally a patient person.

Tobirama takes Hiruzen and Koharu while you take the other two to coach during their matches. You stand in between Danzo and Homura, watching their small faces study each other.

"Don't kill each other," you advise, and you start their match.

The two go at each other, with Danzo throwing the first punch. You back off a little to make sure that you can see their stances.

Homura whirls around and his foot juts out, with his heel aiming towards Danzo's head. Danzo ducks down, and kicks at Homura's stomach the moment he regains his posture from the kick.

Homura staggers back, and now he is on the defensive, blocking Danzo's hits and kicks, barely dodging them as he keeps backing away. You notice the hits and misses from each boy.

"Homura, don't back away!" You yell out. "Get closer to him!"

Homura does as you say, and Danzo is unable to land a hit on him, limiting his movements unless–

Danzo jumps back to get away, and kicks Homura on the chest.

"Nice!" You cheer.

"Sensei, whose side are you on?" Homura complains and his hand comes up to rub his chest.

You laugh. "Neither!" You glance at both of their faces. "Okay, you two, come here."

Danzo and Homura face each other again.

"Save your movements, don't be so generous with them," you tell them. "Don't punch just to punch. Again!"

The two boys come at each other and you stand back to watch them again. This time, you do not offer any more suggestions. You glance to where Tobirama is at, and he is squatting on the ground, his eyes trained on the students' footwork.

You hear him call out that Hiruzen's feet are too far apart.

You snap back to the two boys just in time to watch Homura flip Danzo on his back.

You walk over and you peer at Danzo. "You okay?"

"Yes," the boy wheezes out.

"Alright, you're done," you chuckle and you look at Homura. "You win, then. Good job. Help him up."

You glance at the other group, and you see Koharu sock Hiruzen straight to his face and Tobirama jump up to his feet. Hiruzen gets to his feet, and you see a trickle of blood coming out of his nose.

When Hiruzen gets closer, you ruffle his hair affectionately and you laugh as he grimaces.

"Not funny!" He whines nasally.

"Keep your hands up next time!" You taunt even though he may already know this.

Tobirama puts a hand on his shoulder and steers him towards a rock so that he can sit. "Sit up and lean forward," he tells his student.

The rest of the kids walk towards him to watch and poke fun at Hiruzen.

You stay back and cross your arms to watch them. You know that there is no place for you to be there.

Once Tobirama is finished attending to his student, he turns to you. "Koharu, you're the referee."

You size him up, your eyes travelling from his face and down to his waist. What was one of his rules again?

Anticipation builds in your core, and your hand rests on the scabbard of your sword, your thumb playing at the hilt.

"Are we including tricks today?" You inquire.

"If you want," Tobirama curtly replies.

Koharu starts the fight, and Tobirama wastes no time coming at you.

His first hit is heavy, and you block it with both of your forearms and brace yourself by stepping back one leg. You are quick to grab his wrist as you twist your arm and you step forward, meaning to put your leg behind his, but he breaks away from you and disturbs the momentum that you were going to use against him.

You are quick to back away because he comes at you without stopping.

He is fast, and he is heavy with his hands. You notice his open hands, ready for grappling. His stance is lower, and you know that it will be hard to knock him off balance, and the effects of kicking at his head will go to his advantage.

You need an opening.

You launch yourself at him, and as he prepares himself to grab you, you drop to your knees and slide in between his legs, hitting his knee as you pass him by. He turns to your direction, and you quickly use his bent knee to step and kick towards his head. He blocks you and you see him almost grab at your ankle.

You do not give him a chance to gather himself, and you swing again at him, this time using his shoulder to propel yourself around him and using his weight and yours, you are able to lock his head with your legs. Just as you are about to go for another twist to bring him to the ground, Tobirama counters by catching you and launching you off of him.

"You fight like an assassin," Tobirama says as you roll to the ground and to your feet.

"Are you impressed?" You grin at him, half jokingly.

Tobirama does not answer you, but it looks like he is about to say something worse as he charges at you.

You step closer to him so that he does not follow through his movement, and you grab the hilt of his sword and then you strike your palm at his chest to send him back. You whirl around to brandish his sword in the air.

What was one of his rules? You suddenly remember.

Do not touch my things, unless I give them to you.

For a moment, everyone freezes.

You study the blade in your hand.

"This is a very nice sword," you muse, and you strike at the air and flip it, testing the weight. You run a finger on the blunt edge of his sword. "Well-balanced and thin, but very sharp. Excellent for accurate and fast hits...and conducting lightning."

Tobirama's face grows stormy. His fists tighten.

You twist blade with a slight twist of your wrist, and you hand it with the hilt towards him. "Sorry. I was curious."

Tobirama takes his sword and quickly sheathes it. You note a minuscule change in his expression, but it quickly passes and you are disappointed for not being quick enough to note it.

"So, is this a tie?" Koharu asks, uncertain.

"Yes," Tobirama grits through his teeth.

You watch Tobirama's tense shoulders and decide to leave him alone. You probably went too far today.

"Well, that was fun, but I have to go," you say, even though the rest of your day is pretty much free. "I have some friends to meet."

Tobirama suspects that you certainly do not have any friends to meet, but he does not say anything more. He's probably eager to make you go. There is nothing he would want more.

"Aw!" Hiruzen cries out. His nose bleed has stopped. "Thanks for coming by, sensei!"

You wink at the kids, and you make your exit, your hand still remembering the feel of Tobirama's sword. It is oddly familiar, and you wonder if the craftsmanship is similar to your own blade.

You can feel Tobirama's stare behind you and it burns the back of your neck as if he is shooting laser beams at you, and just when you glance back to regard it, he is turning away and conversing with his students about hand seals.

Though it was just a joke and a way to catch him by surprise, you can't help but feel that you just stomped over the thin olive branch that he was handing out to you.

You note to yourself to make it up to him tomorrow.

Notes:

the first time i ever used y/n in this whole series HNNGNGNGH

also i think i might be bad at slow burns lmaoooo i hope i don't bore you i promise it will get better?

what did you think about tobirama's reaction lollll what do you think is running through his head hhhehehe

Chapter 4:

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

With the thought of Tobirama being upset over the stunt you pulled the other day at the forefront of your mind, you decide to buy him breakfast. You are not really sure what he likes, but you decide to go to a vendor near the mansion to buy him some sweet pastries and hot black tea. You hope you're not fired, though you're sure that Tobirama cannot do that.

You sigh, hating how impulsive you can get. Madara had always told you not to get carried away.

You make your way to the library that is now your current workplace, but you do not find Tobirama in his usual spot. You set his food on his spot, and you get back to work, doing the things that he asked you to do. You will yourself to stay on task, but your focus is broken when Tobirama walks in, carrying more books and scrolls with him.

He places the pile in between the table to divide your spaces, and you find that the stacks of books and scrolls act as a shield for him.

You roll your eyes, thinking of commenting on how petty this is until Tobirama hands you an ancient, thick book that is about to fall apart at the seams. You hold it gently, afraid that the pages will fly away the moment you open it.

"What is this?" You inquire, unsure of what to do with the book. "Something you want me to throw away?"

Tobirama scowls and you give him an awkward grin.

"Or...recycle?" You suggest uneasily.

"I want you to study it and take notes on what you deem is important," Tobirama answers, going around the table and sitting down so that he disappears from your view.

"Alright," you acquiesce. "Also, I completed the list of skills I thought were important to have for young shinobis based on the information that you've given me from the past several days."

"I see," Tobirama says and he leaves it at that without saying anything more.

You give him a few moments, and you hear papers shuffling behind the wall of books that is keeping you from seeing him.

You push a column of books aside to give yourself some more space, but it proves to be detrimental because suddenly, you hear books and scrolls falling and a chair sliding back violently.

You come around the table and you find the tea you meant to give to him knocked over with its contents spilled.

Tobirama gives you a withering look, and he looks like he is about to yell.

"I said to not eat near me for this very reason," Tobirama scolds.

You cringe. Luckily, the spill only got to the bottom book on the pile near yours. "I'm sorry, I was only trying to make up for yesterday."

"What?" Tobirama says scathingly.

"You know, the sword...grabbing thing," you reply as you move the books aside to get the wet book. "But in my defense, you did not need to stack such a tall pile of books to avoid me."

Tobirama looks at you with disbelief and he crosses his arms together. "I am not avoiding you."

"Right." You do not believe him. "I will go clean this up. Sorry for the mess."

You take up the book with you and you turn towards the exit to look for towels to clean up the spill.

"What you did," Tobirama suddenly grunts out.

You turn around in surprise. He averts from your gaze.

"It's good to take the enemies by surprise," Tobirama comments almost under his breath and you stare at him, bewildered.

"...Alright," you say awkwardly, waiting if he's going to say something more, but that is it.

Is he actually complimenting you?

You press your lips to stop yourself from smiling.

/

Almost two weeks have passed and you found that the two of you have settled into a routine. The atmosphere between the two of you have eased so far, but few words are exchanged between the two of you unless it is about work. Tobirama is very good at breaking down things when you do not understand something, and you also find that the two of you agree a lot on the ideas that the two of you have come up with so far. Getting to know his students is a joy, and you actually do not mind him tagging along when you go to the Academy grounds to teach children who are eager to learn how to sword fight.

This is a skill you are most confident in.

Tobirama does not do much but watch, and then he leaves without saying a word if he is getting pulled elsewhere, which is a common occurrence.

In the days that you spend with him, you notice that Tobirama is always working. You have never seen him take a break in the hours you spend with him during the day, and when he is not with you, he is with his brother, his students or going around the village helping people and solving their menial problems.

You try to let him be, but it is a little concerning when you leave him to go eat lunch and still find him frowning at the things he has to do.

So you find yourself buying extra snacks for him, and you avoid anything liquid just in case another spill happens.

"I don't like this kind of pastry," Tobirama says after you set down a warm bread with melted cheese inside.

"Well, you have to get something in your stomach," you counter.

You decide to just leave it near him, just in case he changes his mind.

More days have passed and it is starting to bother you how he just does not seem to take a break. This man can be doing this for hours without stopping and you are starting to wonder if he is human. You are jealous of his unmatched focus and his ability to delegate and organize everything, so you try to take notes and copy what he does. You want to improve yourself and Tobirama seems like a good role model to follow and obviously, his students are a testament to that.

You keep leaving him snacks, but he always says the same thing.

"I don't like the filling in this mochi," Tobirama says without wasting time. Like he is automatically programmed to dislike whatever you give him.

"That is popular right now," you almost say in a defensive tone.

"It's too sweet," Tobirama cuts in a sharp tone.

"Then what would you like, my lord?" You are a little fed up now.

Tobirama lets out a deep breath and stops what he is doing. He leans back on his chair and his eyes meet yours for a moment before looking away. "What are you doing?"

"Wasting my money on you, obviously," you roll your eyes.

"I did not ask," Tobirama says, but you note that he looks taken aback by your words. A slight wrinkle forms on his pale forehead.

"Right," you sigh and you move to your seat.

Tobirama's eyes track you, his stare boring on your skin as if you are an unknown device he wants to tinker with. You ignore him, and after a few moments, he finally looks away and goes back to his work. His actions leave you mystified, but you let it go. You are probably bothering him by giving him snacks that he does not like.

Tobirama takes a book and opens it, but you hear his nose flare and he slams the book closed immediately.

You look up, and then you see the book in front of him. You bite your tongue to keep yourself from laughing.

"What is this?" Tobirama barks, his ears turning pink.

You raise an eyebrow, not wanting to confess what you did yet. "Well, if you have not noticed, that is a book, my lord."

"Where is my book?" Tobirama demands, and a vein pops out of his very pink neck.

"Relax, it's right here, I just switched the covers," you say to try and calm him down.

"With such indecent pictures?!"

"I was just trying to make you laugh!" You have exchanged one of his books with pornography that you got from the market this morning.

Tobirama grits his teeth. "On what plane of existence is this ever hilarious?"

You sigh. "On a plane where you have a sense of humor. A smile or a laugh on that handsome face of yours would not hurt."

Tobirama's left eye twitches. "Get out," he grits out.

Suddenly, you feel bad and you raise your hands to show him defeat. "Okay, okay, I am sorry. I was just trying to cheer you up."

Tobirama stares at you incredulously. "Then I will leave."

He starts to gather his things, and you jump up from your seat and you step in front of his way.

"Wait, wait, wait," you sigh. "I really am sorry."

Tobirama glances down at you, and you are suddenly aware of the small distance between the two of you.

You step back to give him room. "I am just concerned, okay? You are always working, and I never saw you once take your time to get something to eat." You open your palm towards him to show that you really mean peace. "I also noticed that you look very tired."

Tobirama frowns at you, and he takes a deep breath. "The Hokage has been very busy these days," he says.

You wait for him to elaborate, and you study his face. He looks like he is thinking about what to say next.

"But I am fine," Tobirama finishes after a minute. He glances at you, barely meeting your eyes and then he glances away. "Let's get to work. We're meeting the Hokage soon to present to him what we have so far."

You let out a breath of relief, and you think about how pink Tobirama's ears were and you store that detail in the back of your mind.

/

Tobirama stares as his brother guffaws out loud for a minute. He just told his elder brother about your several pranks on him, and he even admitted–he admitted, something that he has some trouble doing at times–being uneasy anticipating your next act of micro-terrorism on him.

And his brother laughed. His brother, who is always kind and understanding towards him and knows how to ease his mind, laughed.

Everyone just seems to laugh at him these days. Since when did he become the brunt of many consequent unsaid jokes?

"Tobirama, it seems like she is just trying to be nice," Hashirama admonishes and wipes a small tear from the corner of his eye.

"Nice?" Tobirama snaps, overwhelmingly offended by this. His lips form into a small pout unconsciously.

Hashirama sighs. "Look, I know it's not easy getting along with other people that are not family and seeing them every day, but it's normal to clash with different personalities."

"Not like this," Tobirama immediately juts in. "She has it out for me."

"You said that the two of you agree mostly on everything, why would she have it out for you?"

Tobirama steps forward, suddenly determined. "Elder brother, I have some suspicions that–"

A knock interrupts his sentence and Tobirama immediately halts.

Hashirama shoots his brother a look. "Come in!"

The door opens, and to Tobirama's horror, you appear behind it.

"Am I late?" You ask cheerfully.

Tobirama's mind starts to ring alarm bells. Who smiles like that this early in the morning?

"No, no, just in time," Hashirama reassures and beckons you to get closer.

Tobirama feels your glance on him, and everything in him starts to twist tautly. Your presence disturbs the atmosphere around him, and the only thing you did was smile at his brother.

"Okay," Hashirama begins. "What do you two have so far?"

Tobirama clears his throat and steps forward, wanting to get the first word in. He wants his brother to be impressed by what he has done so far.

"We have compiled a list of skills that must be met before graduating from the Academy and we tested it on my students," Tobirama says. "I also decided to break up the ranks even more, adding a special jounin rank, and added more skills that need to be mastered in order to move up from genin."

Tobirama steps forward and hands Hashirama a copy of the said list. "Aside from the skills, we also added several electives that the students can take, such as history, arts and science."

Hashirama nods and then he turns to you.

"Well, in addition to that, we have enlisted many people to commission as soon as possible to help us achieve this," you start. "This is the estimated budget that we may need to do so, and I would like that this is done as soon as possible–to your utmost convenience–of course, so that we can have drafts to work with and reform before the new school year."

Hashirama grins as you hand him the paper with the names and the figures you have written out. "This is brilliant, and way better than I have imagined. To be honest, I thought this was going to be a disaster."

Tobirama's head snaps up at this, and he hears you laugh.

"Oh, Lord Hokage, you are so hilarious!"

Tobirama's eyes snap to your face, noticing that you are smirking with mirth in your eyes. His brother waves a hand, clearly fawning over you.

"Oh please, you do not need to call me Lord Hokage every time you see me," Hashirama chuckles. "My name will do."

"Oh no, that is too much, my lord," you smile and Tobirama feels his head grow hot. "Maybe we can agree on Lord Hashirama? People may talk if I suddenly start calling you by your first name."

Tobirama sees you wink at his brother and he reels. What is this ? You have got Madara under your spell, and now his own brother is also enthralled by you. He remembers you asking cattily for compensation and he jumps to the assumption that this may be a ploy by you to get just that, by getting closer to the founding fathers of this village.

Not on his watch.

"Anyways, are the two of you getting along well?" Hashirama inquires.

"Of course," you lie easily and Tobirama almost loses his cool.

But he does not, because he knows self-control.

He wants to cut this conversation short and tell his brother to stop entertaining you like this. It is indecent.

"And I think he's a great teacher," you continue. "I am learning a lot from him."

Tobirama frowns and thinks about the times that you have tried to copy him.

"Yes, he is very bright," Hashirama glances at Tobirama. "Well, I think that will be all. Thank you."

You nod, and Tobirama stares daggers at his brother.

You rush out of the office, noting how Tobirama seems to react more around his brother.

The door opens, and Tobirama quickly catches up to you. His hand reaches for you to stop you, but he catches your arm and whirls you to face him.

"What is wrong with you?" He demands.

"What?" You snap, and you shake off his grip on your arm. "What now, Lord Tobirama?"

Tobirama glares at you vehemently. "You do know that my brother is married."

You stare at him, confusion twisting your face. "What? What kind of question is that? Of course I do."

Tobirama stares at you even more, and he opens his mouth. He is unable to form words.

"What are you trying to say?" You enunciate slowly and you squint your eyes at him. You fold your arms and Tobirama notes that this is the first time that you look genuinely pissed at him.

Tobirama is still staring at you, and the silence prolongs and it becomes awkward.

"Okay…?" You prompt, and Tobirama hears the vexation on your tone. "You know, your brother has been so kind to me, I am just trying to be friendly. Not that you know what that is."

Tobirama's face twists uncomfortably. He stands there, his hands open and closing, and he abruptly leaves you hanging, unsure of what else to do or say.

It is becoming a common occurrence for him to be disarmed by you. His mind has come up with so many assumptions about you, but you knock them out one by one. He cannot figure you out, not just because he does not know your background. He does not know how your mind works, but he can tell that you are smart and very skilled in what you do. Despite his attempts at probing you, you give him nothing. For once, he is clueless on how to act around somebody.

Tobirama digs his nails into his palm.

Your act will fall sooner or later, and he will be the one to uncover it.

Notes:

and so the many misunderstandings start...

lol

hope you found this chapter somewhat decent HAHAHHA and thank you for reading 3

Chapter 5:

Notes:

ahhh i forgot to thank some ppls 3

thank you Senju_Sekhmet, Kaiseaya, cafeinthemoon, Nikkia, thaifighterexpress, & Florgnar for all your support, comments, help, insights and beta-ing 333 I really appreciate it TT^TT I always see you guys in my fics hheehe

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

You are not sure what to make of it, but you feel like the awkward atmosphere between you and Tobirama seems to have multiplied by the tens. You did not feel like this around him before, but now, every time he addresses you, it makes your insides twist and you just want to avoid him as much as possible.

At the same time, Tobirama's words seem more curt and he often repeats the same sentences like "ridiculous" and "get to work" as if those are the only words he can say.

A part of you wants to make fun of him for sounding constipated around you, but you don't think that the two of you have established a rapport that allows you to do so. You know you have been teasing him nonstop ever since you started working together, but now that he mistook your interaction with his brother as flirting, every time you open your mouth to say something to him, your throat decides to croak and you end up staring at him with your mouth hanging open.

You cannot stand it.

You sigh and decide to stretch your hands up, garnering a glance from Tobirama.

You swear if he utters "work" one more time, you are going to drag him outside to breathe in some fresh air. Maybe the nice change of scenery will make his mind restart so that he can say other words for once.

"I'm curious," Tobirama starts.

You stare at him, not believing what you are hearing from him. Finally, something else he can say to you.

"What is your relationship with Uchiha Madara?"

Maybe he should go back to grunting out one word sentences to you.

You narrow his eyes at him. He keeps asking unwarranted questions.

You press your lips together, thinking about how you want to reply to him. "Well," you start. "He's someone I'm very grateful to."

Tobirama frowns. "Why?"

"Excuse me? Have you never had someone be grateful to you?"

Tobirama suddenly looks pissed, but he quickly fixes his expression.

You let out a burst of laughter. "Don't tell me you think I'm also flirting with him," you grin playfully to hide the ire behind your tone.

Tobirama looks away.

"Relax, he's a friend and kind of a mentor to me," you tell Tobirama. "Nothing more. He helped me get accustomed to Konoha. I think he just felt sorry for me, but thanks to him, I've had a good start here."

Tobirama glances at you, his expression unchanging but for once he is not looking at you as if you committed a crime.

Well, this is probably the first true thing you have said to him. Your heart ponders at this, but you decide that it should be okay. It's not entirely specific, but it's not trivial either. You wonder if you should elaborate more.

"So, there's no grand plan of me wooing the founding fathers of Konoha," you joke and Tobirama rolls his eyes.

"Don't worry, I am not interested," Tobirama huffs and he straightens even more on his seat.

You smile at this, and you go back to your work. "Alright. Are we good, then?"

Tobirama turns his head to you, and you meet his eyes.

"Fine," Tobirama reverts back to his automated one word responses.

You nod, and you detect that the air between you has somewhat cleared.

At the end of the day, as you bid your goodbye to Tobirama, you slip him a piece of paper with some doodles of ninja fighting and a note saying 'have a good day' on it in your attempted fancy writing.

"Really?" Tobirama deadpans.

"For our budding friendship," you joke.

Tobirama's eyes narrow at you. "We are only working together, we're not here to make friends."

You roll your eyes and slip the paper further into his sights. "Co-workers?" You suggest.

"Not even close."

"Oh, come on!"

Tobirama rubs his forehead. "Fine." He grits out. "Co-workers."

"And then future friends," you include playfully.

Tobirama scowls. "Go home."

"That's not a no!" You wag a finger to him. "So it's up in the air, yes?"

"No," Tobirama says, his fingers twitching–probably itching to crumple the paper in front of him. "And don't do this again, this is a waste of paper."

You sigh. "Okay, okay, fine. Have a good night."

Tobirama says nothing as you exit the room, and you let out a deep breath you have been holding. At least, he's talking to you normally now.

You chuckle to yourself.

Tobirama is so weird, you think.

The thought brings a small smile on your lips.

/

Tobirama stares at the doodle in front of him, his focus beyond repair for the meantime. He assumes the long-haired man in the picture is his brother, with a blob of red as his armor, and the one next to his brother is him, with a hair so huge and spiky that it looks like lightning has struck from the sky and connected with his head.

Tobirama stares at it, unsure of what to make of it. Why are you always making fun of him?

He sighs, and he looks to the window, where the sky has changed to a swathe of pink and purple, indicating that the sun has set and the night will soon take over. His eyes go to the table and he notices engravings on the table itself on your side of the table, and he sighs, trying to fight away the signs of a headache. Though for a moment, to his chagrin, he found it a little funny. He did say save some paper.

Tobirama thinks about what you had told him about Madara, and he ruminates on this. Why would Madara take you in, help you get settled and feel sorry for you? How did you even get here, and why did you choose Konoha, of all places?

Tobirama rubs his forehead, his thoughts circling in on you. It's not common that he's not able to figure out someone in a few seconds. He prides himself on feeling out people, whether it be their chakra, their personality or their thoughts, but the only thing he has learned about you is that you are loud .

He can't even figure where you are from or which family you came from based on your chakra signature, which is not all that impressive. Compared to your presence, it is almost silent. It is there, but they are like waves in a low-tide, unable to do any harm. They ebb at some places, like something is disrupting its flow, and at times it feels almost nonexistent. You do not have any affinity for the elements either, and even with taijutsu, there should be a flare of chakra in you, but there is nothing.

He knows that you are skilled with blades because the way you hold and carry it indicates that you have drawn it a thousand times. He knows that you have fought before because you are able to surprise him in a match.

He can keep guessing who you are, but you somehow prove him wrong and it bothers him.

He attempts to get back to work, but his stomach grumbles in complaint, which means that he really cannot focus anymore. Deciding to indulge his uncooperative stomach, he exits the Hokage mansion and trails towards the more active part of the village, where various restaurants are starting to pop up.

People recognize him as he walks and they offer polite and formal greetings towards him. He greets back, but he does not stop for shirt conversations. Those exhaust him.

Ahead, lamps are strung by posts to light the street. The street grows in volume as more and more people flood in, coming and going. Someone shouts nearby, and laughter springs everywhere. Splashes of red and gold appear in his peripheral vision, and the smell of fried food wafts in the air.

Tobirama takes a deep breath, suddenly feeling overwhelmed.

Suddenly, his eye catches you, running towards him with a carefully wrapped package in your hands. He notices you holding it securely, and as you get closer, he notices that they are packed food. You pass by him, and Tobirama turns to see where you are heading.

It is not far, as he can see you stop by an alleyway and walk in.

Tobirama pauses at this, and against his better judgement, he decides to follow you and see what you are up to.

He hears your voice first, and when he sees you, he feels unprepared to react at the sight of you handing the freshly cooked food to two children squatting by the trash.

"Be careful," you tell them, your voice laced with worry.

"Thank you so much, nee-chan!" The boy cries out.

"Can I ask where your parents are?" You inquire.

"Uhm...well," the boy starts hesitantly, his eyes swimming with fear. "We...don't have parents anymore."

The boy looks down. "We came here to find safety."

Tobirama notes the change on your face. You look sad, and Tobirama wonders what is causing it.

"Well, can you tell me your names?" You address both children with a gentleness Tobirama has never heard before.

Maybe that is how you talk to others that are not him.

"I'm Kaito," the boy says. "My sister doesn't talk much, but her name is Yuna."

You offer them a kind smile. "Well...enjoy your food, okay? If you ever need help, come find me. I live near the forest in the new building recently built there. I'll bring you guys some blankets if you stay here."

Kaito stares at you, his eyes swimming. "Thank you very much, nee-chan."

You sigh, and you reach over and pat his head. Tobirama backs away from sight to hide himself.

You run past him, and Tobirama elects to stand where he is so that he can watch the kids while you get them their blankets.

Tobirama suddenly frowns as a thought comes to mind. There is a newly built orphanage in the village now.

"Tobirama?" You cut him off his thoughts and Tobirama snaps to your attention and it occurs to him that this is probably the first time you called his name without insulting him in some way.

Tobirama had not noticed your arrival. He must have been standing here for a while.

He should have moved and went on with his life.

"We should take them to the orphanage." He looks down at your arms where you are carrying a blanket, a change of clothes and a knife.

Tobirama grows uneasy as you stare at him, even though the surroundings are almost dim.

"Okay," you finally said and you called the kids out.

Tobirama glances at the two tiny children, suddenly noticing how thin and grimy they are.

"This is Senju Tobirama," you introduce him. "He can help us find a place to stay warm, okay? He's a good person." You reassure them.

Tobirama attempts at a small smile, but he feels your eyes on him and he ends up grimacing. He also zeroes in on the fact that you called him a good person in front of these kids. He doubted that you even thought of him that way, but hearing it from you is a little refreshing.

"Follow me," Tobirama walks ahead, unable to stand still under your gaze.

You are looking at him strangely and Tobirama is not sure what to make of it.

Thankfully the walk is not too long, but it means that Tobirama has to spend the rest of the time walking with you in this awkward silence that seems to pervade whenever the two of you are near each other. It is now completely dark, save for the occasional lanterns guiding the way, but it does nothing to alleviate the tension. Instead, he turns to himself inwardly and makes a mental note on formalizing how to accept refugees in the future so that random people that have the potential to be a threat cannot enter the village easily. It is still so young and he is not sure how it will hold when there is some disorder.

After dropping the kids off in the orphanage and signing some documents and talking with the ward there, the two of you head back to the center of the village, where the night scene comes alive. He is tempted to say something to fill the air, but he is also waiting for you to say something because he assumes that you would normally talk when there is nothing to talk about.

Alas, he is wrong again.

He never thought that he would be the first one to say a word.

"You look chirper," he comments. He glances at your face, noting how relaxed it is compared to earlier. You also do not look as glum.

"Yeah, well," you start, scratching your cheek lightly. "It's all I wanted to do is–you know, make a difference and all that shi-stuff."

Tobirama hums, amused at your slip of a curse word. He senses the truth in your words and for once, he finds himself relaxing around you.

"I know you probably think that I don't mean that since I tend to joke around, but trust me when I say that I see a lot of good things happening here. Children outside of Konoha are not so lucky," you say.

"Yeah," Tobirama agrees.

Tobirama feels your eyes on the side of his face and he swallows.

" I was not so lucky," your words falter as you begin them, but Tobirama sees the determined look on your face and it surprises him even more. "But I am now in a place where I can help people out."

Tobirama glances at you again, surprised at your sudden confession to him.

"Ah well, I talked too much, you might start to think I'm nice," you joke.

"I do not find anything wrong with that," Tobirama replies, and for a moment the two of you locked eyes.

Tobirama hears your stomach grumbles and you let out a shy laugh.

"Whoops," you announce, chuckling.

Tobirama sighs, but he is not exasperated. "Let's go."

"Where? Back to work? Don't tell me I missed some pages to work on because I was very thorough today."

Tobirama raises an eyebrow. "Only today?"

You smirk and Tobirama looks ahead of him, unable to stare at you straight on.

"My brother and I weren't so lucky either," Tobirama begins, feeling that it's only right that he says something back that is equivalent to your confession. "All we knew was war when we were children. So many people we cared about died, but despite all that, elder brother was very ahead of his time. He's the one who dreamed of building this village."

You smile softly at him. "Well, look at it now. It's something."

"More than something," Tobirama insists. "It's a new world."

"Tell me something, Senju Tobirama. Is this how you saw the world too?"

Tobirama stares straight ahead. For a moment, he considers not answering, but his mind gets the best of him. "No," he admits. "The world is always in peril."

"Then why partake in such an ambitious dream?"

Tobirama tenses up. He gives you an inch, and you are backing him up a mile without his control. Your question is too close in a way that it shows his deep devotion to his family and this village.

You did not even have to try.

"You wanted to make his dreams come true, right?" You prod on.

Tobirama's fingers twitch, desperate to hold something. You are right and it almost pisses him off.

"It's his dream," Tobirama answers curtly. "But he dreams too much. He did not think of what the cost could be and the work that comes with it."

"And you covered that part," you state.

"Right," Tobirama murmurs thoughtfully.

"I can respect that." You smile at him, and you bump your shoulder against his arm.

Tobirama finds that he did not mind, but he is still a little annoyed that you of all people have seen through him.

However, he also realizes that the awkward atmosphere between the two of you has dissipated.

It's a curious thing.

He sees you walking ahead, and before he knows it, he is reaching out to grab your arm. He is able to stop himself, but his fingers brush against the back of your arm. His hand forms a fist as a form of restraint.

You turn to him with a questioning look.

"Dinner," he almost stammers, but his voice is even. "It's this way. My treat."

Your face lights up, but you cringe as your stomach announces once again that it needs food.

"Sounds great to me," you smile at him again, and Tobirama finds himself hurrying his steps ahead of you.

He thinks about the project and how it is almost finished. Just two more months of this, and he can be done and you can get out of his hair.

That was the agreement, after all.

He hears your footsteps catch up to him, and now, he finds you walking by his side.

/

If Tobirama thought that you were a con-man before, then he will probably think that you are now.

Today, he has students doing some chakra training by walking on water, and you have opted to watch and listen to Tobirama's elaborate instructions instead of joining them and demonstrating how to do it along with Tobirama.

The truth is, you have no idea how to do that. You never learned how to because you had no formal shinobi training. All you know how to do is fight for your life, very desperately at that.

You watch the kids, and you cannot help feel the bitterness that you have tried so hard to let go. You did not have this when you were younger. All you knew were sickness after sickness, vials of poisons and medicine, and a hazy mind and a weak body.

Years of your life were lost to parents who failed to protect you because of their twisted beliefs and their inability to stand their ground.

You were lost and without a guide.

You consider sneaking away, but you feel like you and Tobirama are finally on the same page and doing that might not help your case with him.

You are aware of his piercing gaze being directed towards you, but he doesn't call you out for not participating or push you to do the exercise with the kids.

You stand to the side uselessly, using your foot to draw random circles on the ground, until the kids are dismissed and Tobirama is walking up to you with a strict expression. He looks like he might yell at you or scold you, but surprisingly, he does none of that.

"You're awfully quiet today," Tobirama comments tersely.

You look up to meet his hard eyes and you shrug. "I did not think that you'd notice."

Tobirama gives you a very hard and long look, and it burns through you.

"What?" You snap, your facade long gone.

You see Tobirama's eyes widen slightly, but they are back to his usual scrutinizing gaze.

"If you have a problem, it's best that you communicate it with me. We are working together professionally." Tobirama does not back down. "We are both adults."

You press your lips into a thin line, and you look towards the flowing river, where the kids tried their luck to walk across it.

Tobirama turns to walk away, and you grip the hilt of your sword in instinct.

It is now or never.

"I don't know, okay?" You suddenly blurt out. "I did not have any of this when I was a kid."

Tobirama stops and he turns to you questioningly. You observe from his demeanor that he is not particularly judgemental towards you at the moment. He looks at you with an understanding he extends to his students.

You turn towards the river again. "I…"

Tobirama waits, neither impatient nor placating. He does not even look like he's in a hurry.

You grit your teeth, and then slowly let out a deep breath through your mouth. You glare at Tobirama.

"Do not ever speak of this to anyone," you warn him. "This is between you and me."

"I promise," Tobirama says, his tone serious.

You look at his face, your eyes tracing his set jaw and the three perfect markings that are tattooed on his cheeks and his chin.

"I did not have this when I was young," you tell him vaguely, but you realize that you will get nowhere if you keep evading the subject. "I don't know, maybe you can help me, but maybe it's too late…"

"You should get to the point," Tobirama finally says and he folds his arms. "And if it's help you need, you only need to ask."

You stare at the ground uneasily as you feel your face heat up.

"I need your help because when I was young, I did not learn how to be a proper shinobi," you say in a rush. "That walking on water lesson? I never had that. I don't know how to do that."

You look at him helplessly and watch Tobirama's neutral expression, seeing the gears turning in his mind.

"I had to figure out everything myself," you say in a low, dark tone.

Tobirama nods, but then for the first time, he smirks at you. "That's not a lot for me to go by, but it's a nice change to see you not put up a farce for once."

You glare at him. "Yeah, well, beggars can't be choosers." You fold your arms as well. "And you've noticed it, haven't you? That I do not have a good, consistent chakra flowing in me."

Tobirama pauses, and his eyes glow for a moment.

"Shouldn't your closest friend know this?" Tobirama inquires sarcastically.

"He doesn't," you roll your eyes. "Or maybe he does, but he chooses not to bring it up."

"Why did you bring it up?"

"Because I'm not stupid and I refuse to let my shortcomings get the best of me," you snap.

Tobirama raises an eyebrow.

You meet his eyes, throwing your pride away and mustering all the determination you can find in yourself. "And I want to learn. So teach me. Help me. We only have two months and I know the timing couldn't be better, but that's all the time I need."

Tobirama turns to the river, and a breeze brushes by, sweeping the grass, flattening it, and carrying dry leaves and scattering them about. It picks up strands of your hair, and it moves the hems of your clothes, and when the breeze has passed, Tobirama has his reply ready.

"Very well," Tobirama folds his hands behind his back and turns to you. "I'll do it and keep your secret."

Your eyes widen, and you feel elated. "That was unexpected."

Tobirama narrows his eyes.

"But...thank you. That means a lot to me."

You can't help but give him a shy smile, and Tobirama glances at you from the sides of his eyes, his ears and neck turning pink.

"Well, when do we begin?"

Tobirama lets out a sigh through his nose and gives you a funny look. "Now. Get running."

"What?" You stare at him with disbelief. "Now? It's almost lunch."

"Yes, now." Tobirama's face goes back to its hard and strict expression, his eyebrows almost furrowing and his lips and jaw set.

You take a deep breath, and you break into a run and Tobirama jogs lightly after you. You try to get ahead of him, but Tobirama keeps up just as easily, his long legs pumping to match yours. The two of you run towards the forest, jumping over decaying logs and rocks. You hear Tobirama's rush of breath near you, the snap of sticks underneath his feet, and the ruffle of his clothes as his body moves. You focus ahead, and you see a wall of rock blocking the edge of this forest. Tobirama keeps going and you follow him, but you speed past him so that you can get to the rock first.

However, Tobirama does not stop there.

"What are you doing?" Tobirama barks. "We're going back."

You catch your breath and you watch him go ahead of you. Of course, you expected nothing less from the Senju Tobirama. You smirk to yourself, and you run to his direction, determined to get there first as well.

A burst of laugh escapes your lips as you pass him by, and you jump over a small path. You turn towards him, completely exhilarated and Tobirama stutters in his steps.

"Not bad," Tobirama comments coolly as he gets closer to you.

You pout playfully. "I was here first."

"That was not a race," Tobirama says. "And if it was, you'd lose."

"Wow." You roll your eyes, but there is no malice between the two of you. This is the first time the atmosphere between the two of you had eased enough for the two of you to joke around with each other willingly. "Such hubris, my lord."

Tobirama's eyes narrow. "I think you should just stop calling me with a title. You give it no purpose anymore."

"Are you hurt?" You say mockingly.

Tobirama sighs and he pinches the bridge of your nose.

You chuckle easily. "Alright, Tobirama."

Tobirama glances at you, a slight frown etched to his face but he does not look displeased. He nods and you shrug, and you find that spending time with Tobirama like this is not so bad. You are not sure about tomorrow since your interactions with him are like going through hills and valleys, but at least, it does not feel like you are Tobirama's mortal enemy anymore.

Notes:

i mean i think they got closer here or at least finally stepped into the right direction together lols

/

also if u guys know nightravens/necrxmxe? on tumblr pls let me know, they write for nart, mha, jjk and etc! they are a friend but they deactivated and i have lost contact with them and i just wanna know if they are ok.

Chapter 6: I.V

Notes:

idk if i should reveal this, but just. pay attention on the progress of physical touches. there's a significance. i swear. i think. idk. i hope you catch on LMAO

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

While asking Tobirama for help to strengthen yourself is a huge relief, it also means spending a lot more time with him than usual. You appreciate him for taking the time of his day to help you out and you are determined to make his time's worth. You are also learning more about him which is something you thought would never happen, despite your weird and terrorizing attempts at doing so. In truth, while you are good at reading people quickly based on your observations and instincts, you are not the best at building relationships or getting along with people. From your uncanny ability to insult people and the mask you purposely put on, it's no wonder why Tobirama dislikes you from the get go.

You are curious as to what Tobirama thinks of this sudden arrangement between the two of you. Does he think that this is an inconvenience and would rather spend his time somewhere else? You reckon so, based on his attitude towards you from the beginning, but through some observation, you learn that Tobirama's patience is displayed in the way he explains things. You are starting to suspect that this is what he likes to do.

He keeps a neutral expression, but you can sense that he is not tense. His voice is calm, and he elaborates clearly and effectively. When you have questions, he does not give you a look of condescending distaste, and acts in a composed way that validates your questions. You now understand why Hiruzen looks up to his sensei.

Today, he has you studying hand seals: how to do them, read the written kind and also write them. He reasons that instead of having you go through countless basic exercises, he wants you to hone your concentration and focus. He also decides that he needs to examine your chakra thoroughly right now. His examination on you is too close, because his hand is on top of your shoulder and he is staring at you with a sharp concentration that makes your witty words disappear.

He pulls away and looks straight into your eyes, and you can only stare back, dumbfounded. He looks too handsome up close, and your heart begins to pick up and all his words fall deaf to your ears. You are sweating, and your hair sticks to the back of your neck. Your head feels like it is spinning, and your thoughts race as you notice the small distance between the two of you. Your body decides that this is a major fight or flight situation because you are suddenly raising a hand towards his chest to push him back.

Tobirama takes a step back, and confusion paints his face for a second.

You clear your throat. "Sorry, what was that?"

Tobirama blinks and he averts his eyes. "Hand seals will focus your chakra, and that will strengthen your pathways. We can examine it later in depth with a doctor or even with my brother, but so far, they are not permanently damaged."

You nod, and you try to backtrack on what you were thinking, but you cannot get ahold of your thoughts. You let it be, and decide to compartmentalize that later.

"May I ask what happened to you?" Tobirama bluntly says and he folds his arms.

You cock your head towards him and you also fold your arms.

"I mean, logically speaking, this type of damage is not possible when you are not using your chakra," Tobirama begins. "You said you never had proper education but that does not mean your pathways will get severed for not being used."

You freeze, unsure how to reply to him. You inhale through your nose.

"Have you been poisoned?" Tobirama prods. "That's the only way I know you can do damage to your pathways in your case."

Dread washes down from your head, your torso, and it spreads to your limbs until you can feel your fingers tingling. Your hands are now clutching your arms to comfort yourself.

You hear your mind raise alarm bells, and decide to clear your throat to silence them. You know that acting like your usual superfluous self will not help your case. "Yeah, something like that."

Tobirama narrows his eyes, paying extra attention to your answer.

"Also, I don't need a doctor," you add, feeling your voice detach from your body. It sounds alien. "It's not that serious."

Tobirama stares at you, doubtful. He steps closer, and you are aware of his towering height over you. For other people, it might be intimidating, but to you, it is annoying. Your head snaps up and you shoot him the best menacing glare you can manage at the moment and it works because he falters and he steps back again.

"I asked for help," you remind him. "For basic techniques. Please don't take it farther than that. Keeping it professional, remember?" You attempt to make your tone sound joking, but it sounds strained and an octave higher.

Tobirama is frowning now, and you cannot help but feel that you might have hurt his feelings. His fingers twitch, searching for something to hold on to.

You clap your hands together, as if that will negate the weird atmosphere brewing between the two of you.

You let out a sigh, and suddenly feel the need to backtrack. You know that he has only good intentions at the moment. You remind yourself that it might not be easy for him to do this with you, especially since he does not like you in the first place. Truthfully speaking, Tobirama is the one being professional here so you make a mental note to treat others more kindly than you're used to.

"Sorry, that was unwarranted," you say apologetically. "Let's just move on?"

"Right," Tobirama murmurs, uncertain. He reaches behind him and takes out a scroll. "Keep in mind the hand signs I just taught you and watch this."

Tobirama glances at you, and then he lays out the scroll on the ground. You see a bunch of simple seals written on them, and you recognize the needed hand seals that the written ones require from you.

"You see how they're all jumbled and interlocked together?" Tobirama gestures at the writings on the paper.

The characters are small and are grouped in columns. Their lines originate from the corners of the page, and in the middle, they run into each other and together, they form a complicated knot. However, Tobirama explains to you how to sift through them and tells you that each column represents a hand sign.

"Have you ever tried reading and playing music?" Tobirama inquires suddenly.

You tilt your head, confused. "No?"

"To get the concept, it's basically just being able to read the music and relaying that music through an instrument, so in this case, you are reading the seals and you are activating and enacting on those seals through weaving signs," Tobirama explains further. "It'll be easier if I demonstrate it, but keep that in mind."

Tobirama begins to weave the signs, following the columns clockwise, and then when he gets to the last one, he puts his hand on the knot and he says one word.

" Release ," Tobirama commands, and slowly, the knot unwinds, and the columns of seals grouped together spread outwards and farther from the middle.

You watch him, entranced.

"Keep in mind that you have to concentrate so that you have a good flow of chakra and then you translate that chakra into hand signs, which in turn translates the written seals but only the right signs will work," Tobirama summarizes. "There's just a lot of translating to be done."

You nod, slowly understanding what he means.

"When you get better at this," Tobirama begins. "You can then begin to experiment with the seals and even make up your own." He glances at you. "How are the theory books that I have given to you?"

You give him a small, guilty smile. "They're a little challenging to understand."

Tobirama narrows his eyes.

You suddenly cringe at yourself. You don't want him to think you're an idiot.

"But I'll get it in no time! I'm a quick learner!" You follow up immediately.

Tobirama's eyebrows rise up slightly, but he does not say anything.

"Now let me try!"

You watch as Tobirama winds the written seals again, this time, performing the hand seals counter-clockwise.

Tobirama watches you curiously, and he stares at your hands with a thoughtful expression as you weave the signs. You made the mistake of glancing at him, and your heartbeat hikes up a little at the way he is looking at you. You tear your gaze and pray that he did not notice that you were just looking at him, and you take a deep breath to continue weaving your hand signs.

Tobirama stays silent throughout all of it, but the only time he speaks out is to comment on your chakra.

"Maintain a steady flow," he says in a monotonous tone.

"I am trying," you murmur. You feel your chakra trying its best, fighting through the pathways and getting stuck at certain points.

You jump when you feel Tobirama's big hand on your shoulder, and then you immediately still. You do not even dare to take a breath. Then, slowly, you feel a cold and piercing fluid trickling into you. It does not hurt, but it feels jarring and alien and for a moment it scares you. You feel Tobirama and his uncontested presence, covering your pathways but then, you feel your chakra accompanying his own and slowly your chakras start to flow smoothly. There are no walls to stop you.

"What are you doing?" You whisper.

"Just concentrate," Tobirama guides you.

You make the final sign, and you slam your palm against the scroll. Tobirama's hand disappears from your shoulder, and you feel the connection sever, but he has done his part of helping you. You watch as the knot unwinds again, and you let out a shuddery breath.

"What the hell?" You say out in a rush of breath.

You turn to Tobirama, who immediately averts his eyes. You notice that his ears are turning red, and the color is slowly making its way to his face.

"It should feel something like that," Tobirama says and you watch him swallow his throat. "It should be non-stop, always flowing."

You finally stare at him a little longer, and you notice that the reddening of his very pale skin is not just your eyes playing tricks.

"Are you okay?" You gently ask him, and also you find yourself sincerely concerned.

Tobirama seems surprised that you ask him this–it's like he has never heard someone ask this.

He nods first before his words come out. "Yes. It's just that I am a sensor. When I am channeling chakra, I can feel everything. Though your chakra is not very overwhelming."

"Is that like a compliment, or an insult?" You narrow your eyes teasingly. You lean towards him to study his facial expression closer. You have a feeling that his explanation is just the surface of the truth.

"You should try putting the seals back into place," Tobirama curtly interrupts.

"Okay," you turn back to the scroll. "So counter-clockwise, right?"

"Yes," Tobirama says in a hushed tone.

You copy what he did when he joined the seals together, but when you pressed your palm on the scroll, nothing happened.

You grit your teeth in frustration after a few more attempts, but the result is the same.

"It will take some time," Tobirama reassures, sensing your building annoyance. "I only gave you a shortcut earlier, but now, you have to do it on your own."

You sigh and press a hand to your eye.

Tobirama looks to the sky, and then at the nearby trees, judging the shadows. "It's past lunchtime. Let's get you some food and then you have to rest."

"Huh, rest?" You frown. "Don't we have to visit the Hokage to report on our revisions?"

"You have been training since early in the morning," Tobirama reminds you. "If you do not rest, even for a bit, being tired will not help your case. The report can wait."

You eyed him suspiciously. "Alright." Then, you give him a grin. "But since you're inviting me to lunch, you're paying."

Tobirama frowns. "I was not inviting you to lunch, I was merely suggesting that you get food."

You drop your mouth open in fake shock. "But you said!" You make a grave expression and with the best Tobirama voice you can imitate, you say, "'Let's get you some food because if you're starving that leads to fatigue and when you're fatigued, you can't activate your chakra.'"

Tobirama stares at you, incredulous. "I do not talk like that." He crosses his arms defensively.

You make the same somber expression and in the same tone, "Yes, you do."

Tobirama's eyes flare. They look like burning coals.

"'I'm Senju Tobirama and I am the fastest shinobi, look at me and my awesome jutsus, no one can compare to my sensory skills, I am the strongest and the smartest and I can only talk in this somber but slightly angry tone because it works to my sex appeal especially when I scowl so hard that–'"

Tobirama's jaw grit, but you see a corner of his lips turn up slightly.

You stop and you let out a huge laugh. "Come on! That was good!"

Tobirama rolls his eyes and he sighs exasperatedly. "Well, you could have done worse."

"That's the spirit!" You bend down and start to pack up the scroll. "So, what will it be?"

You hear the wind rush and you are almost knocked out of your feet, and when you come to, Tobirama is gone, except for the spot he was just standing on, where it is apparent that something took off and the grass is flattened.

You sigh and your lips form a pout. So much for getting him to treat you to food again.

You gather your things, and you chuckle to yourself. "Good grief."

/

Tobirama gives you several scrolls to work on, on top of your reading for the curriculum and constant rewriting of drafts to submit to Tobirama. You focus on this, and Tobirama assures you that the curriculum work will have to wait since the commission money for the textbooks is still pending. He also asks for the theory books about jutsus and seals back, and a few days later, he gives them back to you–more like dropping it on you and crushing your hands.

The books are heavy on seals and on the elemental natures, and when you open to the pages you were previously on, you recognize his handwriting on the side, pointing out the main points in his own words and explaining some topics in depth. Your eyes linger on his elegant penmanship, memorizing the way they carve into the paper.

You find it easy to comprehend your studies through his explanations, and in no time, you are able to memorize them and you practice on applying them whenever you have free time.

So far, training yields no results, but you keep trying. You lose yourself in training, your mind zeroing in and consuming all the information and the processes like there is no tomorrow. Your brain is hungry, and it takes in every little thing in the book like a sponge. You vaguely remember Tobirama warning you about fatigue, but as the days go on, you sense that you may be close to a breakthrough.

You train at night because there are no distractions and no one to bother you.

Tonight, you decide to try something new.

You remember Tobirama instructing his students on how to focus chakra into your feet so that you can walk on water. You decide to throw yourself into this because to you, you learn best when you are thrown into the gutter without any safety nets. This is how you survived so far.

You take a deep breath, taking in the cool night air, and the silver moonlight touching the dark river. The light reflects off the water and you stare at it, mustering up the courage.

You put your hands together. You close your eyes in concentration and you push your chakra to connect with each other and just flow.

They have to.

You push through each obstruction, and it makes you break a sweat, but you keep going and you do not stop. You imagine Tobirama's chakra on yours, helping you through each stop, and you direct them towards your feet.

You open your eyes, feeling giddy on your accomplishment.

It's now or never.

You hold your breath and you jump to the waters. For a moment, for a second, you are standing on its surface, but your chakra's flow stops and you fall through the waters like something has pulled you down and you crash, your back first.

The river has a current and it pulls you under and carries you along with it.

You break through the surface and throw yourself towards the bank and you curse.

You were almost there.

You let out a string of curse words, and you climb to the dry ground, your hands sinking into the mud. You crawl forward and you lie on your back to stare at the sky. You are cold and tired, and there is this burning sensation throughout your body, but for the first time, you smile at yourself.

You close your eyes to rest them, and before you know it, your consciousness submits to sleep and you forget that you are outside.

/

Tobirama finds you early in the morning on your usual spot, noticing your damp hair. He is also starting to notice that you own a few clothes and that you have worn them out, because he notices some patches and some tears in some of them.

You give him your usual, bright smile that he is not sure how to feel about even now, and he nods at you in greeting. When he sits across from you, he notices the tired lines under your eyes, but he keeps quiet and only passes you more things to do.

"My brother approves of the stipend for the commission," Tobirama announces, and you perk up at this.

"Yes! Finally!" You cheer.

Tobirama nods, and with a very hesitant voice, he says, "And he wants you to eat dinner with us this Friday."

You laugh at his unwilling expression. "Did he threaten you or something? You look like you did not even want to tell me."

"I did not," Tobirama tersely says, but the lie tastes gritty on his tongue.

You shoot him a look. "Come on, we're colleagues! Be kind!"

Tobirama's eyes snap to you. "Take your own advice."

You give him a confused smile, but you get over it. "Sounds like someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed."

"I have been up all night," Tobirama glares at papers in front of him. His forehead creases, and his mind seems to be faraway.

The most important lesson is that getting to know Tobirama happens in silence–something you have never been good at.

However, you are starting to learn his kind of silence and you start to notice the little changes in him.

Like today, you see that he resembles a flighty bird. There is a jittery energy that he is radiating and you notice that his eyes seem wide and frantic. You even notice that his hair is more disheveled than usual, probably from constant pulling and brushing back.

"Are you okay?" You ask him once again.

Tobirama snaps up at your question, once again surprised at your question. He rarely hears anyone ask him this, and he also never expects anyone to. He is okay most of the time, and yet, you may know more about him than he lets on to ask this.

The thought makes his mind numb. How is it that you are able to see him through so easily and he cannot do the same?

The only time he really got close to you for the first time is when he put his hand on your shoulder and let his own chakra in.

You do not even feel as invaded as he did when he felt your pathways, when he entwined himself into you–he almost could not breathe, but he still has come up with nothing.

He finds fault in himself for it.

He pushes away those thoughts, and he focuses on his new endeavor–a new jutsu idea–which is something he has been racking brain overnight. He sifts through his notes, forgetting your question.

He is also able to tune out your presence and your words, and he feels pride in that.

"Hey, so anyways, I was able to stand on water for like a second!" You laugh. "Also, I almost drowned, but whatever, I guess it's part of the process."

He hears you speak, but you eventually fade into the back of his mind. However, you do not know when to give up.

"Also, I was able to unwind one of the seals you gave me this morning! I mean, it was kind of hard because I was so tired, but I remembered your teaching and you know, I really have to give you credit for that," you continue.

Tobirama grits his jaw, unable to pinpoint why he is so frustrated. He thinks it's you, but the truth is, it's the jutsu that he has been working on and he wants to figure it out immediately.

Tobirama abruptly stands up, pushing the chair back. Its legs grate on the wooden floor unpleasantly.

"Tobirama?" You look at him with concern. "Are you alright?"

Tobirama detests that you are looking at him like that. He is unable to bear it.

What is wrong with him?

Why do you ask him if he's okay? How do you know when to ask?

"Do you ever shut up, for once?" Tobirama suddenly snaps, his thoughts crowding in on him. For the first time, he loses volition over his own mouth.

His fingers start to twitch anxiously, but he really is not angry at you, he is frustrated at himself. He thinks he should say something and take it back, but it is too late because you are standing from your seat and gathering your things.

Tobirama stares at his own handwriting, and they look indiscernible for a second.

"Talk to me when you've calmed down," you tell him icily, a huge contrast to your gentle and sincere voice from earlier.

Tobirama avoids your gaze.

"I know you're not mad at me," you say and he hears you walk towards the door.

Tobirama frowns, unable to figure out how you know.

"But I can't be here to be your punching bag," you leave it at that and Tobirama feels you walk away.

He sinks to his seat after a while, his mind racing.

/

Madara dodges back as you swing a fist at him. He notices that you are very upset because your movements are erratic. He knows that you are more calculated than this, and even if something is bothering you, you never fail to push it away. To have it affect you like this, it must have been huge.

You aim a kick towards Madara's chest, but when he grabs your leg and slams you down, you let out an angry scream and you punch the air.

"Fuck!" You swear, and you punch the ground beside you.

Madara crosses his arms and he peers over at you questioningly. "What's up kiddo? You're a little upset."

You glare at him. "Upset?! I am upset?!"

Madara stares at you incredulously. "Obviously," he smirks. "What's gotten your ass so tight and wounded up?"

Madara extends a hand to you and you take it, however, you catch him off guard and you plant your foot on his stomach and swing him over your head. Madara lands with a thud, and he wheezes.

"Good one," he groans. "Your three wins versus my countless ones."

"I hope you choke and die," you snap.

You sit up, and you start to run your mouth indignantly. "He looks at me like I was something indecent! I was just inquiring about his state of mind, you know, because I was trying to change myself and be kinder? Whatever! You know what's indecent? His mere touch on my shoulder is so fucking indecent!"

Madara blinks at this, and he also sits up. He lets you lean and rest on his back. "You know, if you're going to complain this much about him, you should just quit."

"Quit? I'm no quitter! You know what, I'm going to pay him back tenfold! No, twenty-fold! Is that a thing?"

"Yeah, he should be really scared."

You roll your eyes. "Mark my words. I'm going to give him so much hell."

"Scary," Madara comments.

You elbow your friend and you sigh. "You know, my revenge aside, I think something is bothering him."

"There's always a stick in that bastard's ass," Madara says.

"Yeah, but this time, it's really different," you say in a sadder tone, and your mind begins to wander to Tobirama's expression this morning.

Madara suddenly leans back and pushes you forward and he jumps up to his feet.

"Hey!" You protest.

"Get up and stop bitching," Madara chastises. "Or I'll stop paying for lunch."

You clutch your hands together, as if you are praying to him. "Madara, no!"

"I'm serious," Madara deadpans.

You roll your eyes and you finally hop to your feet. "There!" You brush your pants from dirt, and you bump into Madara's side and walk past him.

The two of you walk towards the busiest part of town, and the two of you eat at one of the ramen places that just opened up recently. You almost cry at the taste of the food because you have never tasted something so good before. You eat until your stomach hurts from taking in so much food, and when Madara has finished his and has paid for the meal, you yank him towards the dessert shops to ogle at pastries and sweets.

Madara grabs your collar as you begin to enter a shop, and places you away from it.

"Stop eating so much or your stomach will explode," Madara warns.

"Yeah, but I don't know when I'll be able to e–" You stop yourself from continuing that sentence, and you start to laugh. "Fine, you're right."

The two of you continue walking down the street to help ease your digestion, when you suddenly stop your tracks. You spot Tobirama's familiar white and pointy hair among the crowd, and you observe him.

"What now?" Madara asks tiredly.

"Hide!" You push Madara towards a fruit stand and you peek over a pile of watermelons.

You follow Tobirama's movements, and you notice that he is with someone, who is a very pretty woman, dressed in fine silks and heavy, golden ornaments on her hair.

Tobirama points towards various things, and his mouth moves to explain it to her. His expression is not any better compared to this morning, in fact, you think it has worsened, but he also manages to present himself civilly. He seems tense, but he guides the noble lady around through the crowd.

You frown.

The noble lady does not seem to mind his severely angry face. She may have a thing for handsome, constipated faces.

Maybe you are just making things up in your mind.

You take a deep breath, deciding that it is time to enact your revenge.

Before Madara can grab the back of your collar to placate you again, you march towards Tobirama at a determined pace.

"Hey!" Madara calls you. He slaps his forehead. "Damn it."

You keep going, dodging people and children.

You are almost a few steps away from him, and you pick up your pace into a light jog and you keep going.

You don't stop.

And you barrel into Tobirama violently with purpose, displacing his steps.

Tobirama finds his footing and he stands rigidly, his hand clutching your elbow.

He utters your name in disbelief and lets go of your elbow.

However, you are not done yet.

Even though your reaction is a few seconds late, you follow through.

You let out a dramatic cry and your hand goes to your head. You also bend a little bit for the effect. "Ouch! Ow! What the hell?" You cry out. "It hurts! Why did you hurt me?"

The noble lady watches the spectacle with confusion, unsure of what to make of this. She pulls out her fan from her obi and snaps it open to fan herself.

"What are you doing?" Tobirama hisses through gritted teeth, but he does not sound like he is seething with anger. "People are looking!"

"Ah!" You cry out again, and this time, you fall to the ground, clutching your head. "Ow! Oh gods, it hurts so much!"

People are starting to crowd and gawk at the scene, and Tobirama is turning red on his neck and up. He is frozen, unable to move. He did not expect this out of you.

"What will you do to compensate me?" You yell. "I think I'm bleeding! I think I have a concussion!"

Some people start to murmur.

"How un-gentleman like!"

"Isn't this Lord Hokage's younger brother? How uncouth!"

"Poor lady! He's not even doing anything to help her!"

"Hey, she says she's bleeding!" Someone yells towards Tobirama.

You grin beneath your covered face.

Tobirama's expression withers, and he has a desire to make the ground fold underneath him and swallow him up. He forgets what he is even here for, and he grabs you by the arms, and forces you to stand on your feet.

Then, he grips your elbow hard and he drags you along with him. The crowd parts to let him through, and he keeps you near him.

You bite your lip to keep yourself from laughing.

When the two of you are from the crowd's eyes, Tobirama starts to slow down, and his grip on your elbow lets up.

He lets go, but he suddenly whirls around on you, and he uses his height to tower over you.

"Do you have any idea what you've done?" Tobirama almost yells.

You open your mouth, but Tobirama's face twitches. "Gods, do you hate me that much? I haven't even said anything yet and you're...grimacing."

"You are unbelievable!"

You look up to him, and meet him square in the eyes. "Please, don't act like you did not have this coming."

Tobirama gives you a look of disbelief. No one has ever talked back to him like this. No one has ever had the courage to even meet his eyes when he's acting out like this.

Tobirama glares, and you smirk.

"You," Tobirama growls. "You are ridiculous."

"Are you okay now?" You say, comparing his state right now to the one he was in this morning. There is a huge difference.

Tobirama stops, and you sense that he is not sure how to make sense of this. His frown deepens, and he opens and closes his fist.

He steps back, seeming to realize the close distance between the two of you.

"What are you doing?"

"Well, obviously, trying to get back at you."

Tobirama's eyes widen with rage but they do not burn you. You almost feel sorry for him. You feel like you have done enough damage for the day.

"Also, you look like you need help."

Tobirama sighs, and he shakes his head. "You are ridiculous."

"Yeah, yeah. Who was she?"

"I don't know, some lady my brother and my sister-in-law wanted me to meet."

"Hmm," you hum teasingly, but you are a little glad that you got to embarrass him in front of her. "Well you are one of the most eligible bachelors in Konoha."

Tobirama rolls his eyes. "That's ridiculous."

"How? That's not even up for argument," you laugh.

Tobirama stares at you, but this time he is more confused. "Are you complimenting me, or making fun of me?"

You think about it. "I don't know. I'm just telling the truth."

"Backed by what?" Tobirama scoffs and rolls his eyes.

"I don't know, the amount of ladies that ogle you, even the married ones," you say sarcastically. "I mean, I don't see why you shouldn't get married, I think your brother is just trying to look out for you, unless you're not interested in women–"

"Shut up," Tobirama brusquely interrupts.

"I mean, that's totally fine, I'm not one to judge," you tell him and you fold your arms over your chest.

Tobirama groans internally. " You are ridiculous."

"You know, I would have thought you'd have more vocabulary than shut up and ridiculous since you read all these books all the time, my lord ."

Tobirama narrows his eyes at you. "You know, if you disappear tomorrow, just know that it's going to be because of me, and I am going to make sure no one looks for you."

"Ooh, scary," you taunt. "You're levelling up to murder already? Give me a chance."

"You've simply pushed your luck too many times."

"I think you'll be sad if I disappear," you tease him. "Who else is going to save your ass from stupid dates for arranged marriages and let you vent your anger out?"

Tobirama's eyes widened in surprise. You have caught on well. "I wouldn't call that saving."

"You're a bastard."

Tobirama eyes you, but you sense that there is no ire in his demeanor anymore.

If you knew better, you would think he's more amused at this point.

He gestures towards the street and the two of you start walking together, in a comfortable distance between the two of you.

"I don't hate you," Tobirama sighs. His tone sounds apologetic. "I just find you...vexing."

You throw your head back and you start to laugh. "Imagine how I feel about you."

Tobirama rolls his eyes. "The feeling's mutual then."

"Pretty much."

You elbow him. "Well, I better get back home. I still have things to do, thanks to you."

Tobirama pauses in his steps and glances around you. His shoulders are noticeably relaxed, but his ears are pink.

"I could walk you back home," Tobirama forces himself to say through gritted teeth.

You look at him, unimpressed. "Wow, it looks like it's hurting you to say this."

Tobirama takes a deep breath, and he pinches the bridge of his nose. "You are unbelievable."

"What if I decline?"

"Then you are ruining my reputation as Konoha's most eligible bachelor," Tobirama deadpans.

You cackle and wipe a tear from the corner of your eyes. "That's a good one. I'll take you up on your offer, then."

Tobirama raises an eyebrow and you gesture towards the direction of your home.

"I'm not letting you into my home, though," you warn him.

Tobirama coughs. "As if I'd like to step into your filthiness and get infected by it."

You fake a gasp. "That's harsh, my lord."

Tobirama rolls his eyes, and you turn your face away from him to hide your smile. At least the storm in his eyes is gone.

Notes:

lol Tobirama...she is starting to get to know you bc you two spend so much time together; there's no magic in that, don't stress so much about it, it's normal dude

/

sorry for the wait lol. i was not having it. i was busy studying for the mcat, and for the life of me, i was also feeling very depressed to the point that i could not do anything at all, i've missed days of studying. im either running around and getting everything done and writing away like crazy, or there are some points where i really just cannot even get out of bed lmao. sigh.

i hope that life has been kinder to you guys 3

also i got a succulent and I named them Amarys hehehe my first plant child

anyways

thank you for reading. much love to you all !

Chapter 7:

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

After the fiasco the other day with you, Tobirama tries his best to avoid you, despite the fact that his brother invited you to their home for dinner tomorrow. It's not that he hates you or anything, it's just that his mind is currently preoccupied with a new jutsu idea that he has been working on non-stop. He knows how impossible he can get when he is busy like this, and the more he spirals, the more he becomes reclusive and irate. He is aware of this and he does not want you to see this side of him.

Honestly, he does not want to give you any more edge to see through him.

He also does not want to hear you ask him if he's okay.

He's okay, damn it. This happens every now and then.

It will pass.

Yes, he still thinks that you may be up to something, but at the end of the day, you are a person and he knows that you do not deserve this from him.

He tries to get through work as quickly and as efficiently as possible, and he exercises his patience more than usual because he knows decency .

He notices the little things about you, like the bags under your eyes and the sharp lines of your cheekbones. You look more gaunt these days, and your worn-out clothes look larger than you. Speaking of your clothes, he figures out that you have at least five articles of clothing, and your sandals look like they are about to fall apart in your next step. However, he notices most of all that your weapons are some of the highest quality of weapons he has ever seen.

The way you wield them is also one of the best swordsmanship he has ever encountered, maybe, maybe , even second to him, but that is kind of overestimating you because he does not know your limits. You hold it specifically, with a very practiced and calm air, each arc and swing you make is calculated and dangerous. Your footwork is superb, and your instincts are great, as if you have spent all your life hunting and thinking on your feet. Despite not having any special chakra, he is secretly impressed with the abilities you have shown him.

You are also a good teacher, something he will not admit, and the only improvement he can suggest later on (when he is of sound mind) is that you can tone down your sarcasm because sometimes, kids are impressionable and they cannot read that clearly.

Another thing that bugs him is your relationship with Madara.

For all of his life, he has never pegged Madara to take someone under his wing, especially when that someone is a stranger and could possibly be a dangerous person. What did you do to make Madara take you in like you are one of his own? What did Madara do to make you so grateful to him that you follow him everywhere? Are you two planning something?

Those are some questions that he racks his brain over when he has the time, and he can keep asking himself and keep knocking that wall but he never gets anywhere. It's not like he would willingly interrogate Madara over that too, though that is something he may have no choice but to do later on.

Tobirama sighs, and he glances at you.

He also finds that you are a very determined person, and he delights seeing that his teaching is working. Not that he would admit to that, either. No, he does not hate you, he finally decides that, but you make him face so many things that he'd rather not think about.

He thinks about the irony in that. Here he is, designing the rules that the shinobi should follow about setting your emotions aside for the mission, but he is falling a little short trying to stick to his rules. Aside from feeling disdain towards you, he thinks–and his mind has never failed him because for all the gods' sake he is logical –that you are a pretty good person.

He hears you leave quietly, and when you are gone, he lets out a breath he has been holding.

He just needs to be more patient, and this will all be finished. It won't be long until he does not have to deal with you anymore.

He tries to ignore a sinking feeling in his chest with that thought.

/

You make it halfway through the river when your chakra flow gives up on you and you sink underneath the water again.

You stay under until you can no longer hold your breath, and you break through the surface with a gasp. You ride with the current until you notice your body getting more tired and heavy, so you make a break towards the bank and haul yourself up.

You think that was some good progress.

You shiver from the cold, but you are also too tired to move and even make it home. You crawl towards your things and grab your coat and wrap yourself with it. You lean your back on a tree and you stare at the open scroll in front of you. Under the moonlight, you stare at the silhouette of Tobirama's handwriting on the side of the paper. Compared to his older handwriting, his recent ones look deranged, like he has been writing quickly without looking where he is writing. You do not want to ask him to clarify what he wrote because he may think that you are making fun of him again.

You shake your head and you stare towards the river, listening to the sound of its flow. It lulls you to sleep, your thoughts going to Tobirama and your tiny discoveries about him, and for once, you have a dreamless sleep. The most peaceful one yet.

/

When you come to, a face appears in your blurry vision.

You start and you hit your head at the bark of the tree. At the same time, your hand grabs at your wakizashi.

Your vision clears and you see Tobirama staring at you curiously.

"What is wrong with you?" You snap, and you rub the sleep off of your eyes.

Tobirama blinks, and he peers at you closer with wonder.

You lean away from him. "Okay?" You frown in confusion and you study him.

Tobirama is way too calm, and his eyes are relaxed. There is no malice in his gaze, and there are no wrinkles on his forehead. Is he drunk?

You unsheath your blade, thinking that maybe, just maybe , this is a test of sorts. This is some clone of his and he is spying on you. You know that he is on to you, despite keeping a pretty clean record in Konoha so far.

Tobirama's eyes widen at the blade and he grabs your wrist and throws you to the side.

You yelp, and you accidentally let go of your blade. You glare at Tobirama and you charge at him and tackle him to the ground.

Tobirama fights back, but there is a look of confusion and wariness on his face. You flatten him to the ground and pin him down, but he is a lot stronger than you and he manages to flip you over on your back. He presses his big, callused hands on your wrists, pinning them to the sides of your head.

"Who are you?" Tobirama demands.

You stare at him in confusion. "What?!"

Tobirama's eyes darken, and you sense that he really does not know you . What is going on? Is this a dream?

You clash your head to his face, hitting his nose, and this is enough for you to bring your knees up and shake Tobirama's weight off of you. You straddle him again, and this time, you reach for a knife strapped to your leg and point it towards his neck.

"How dare you?" You drawl.

Tobirama's eyes narrow. "Where am I?"

"Stop playing around," you lean forward to press your arm against his neck, the tip of your knife pointing to his side, where his artery is located.

"You attacked me first," Tobirama says.

"Why are you acting like this?" You yell.

Tobirama frowns in confusion. "I do not know," he says in a daze. "Do I know you?"

"Tobirama," you utter under your breath, and dread washes over you.

"Is that my name?"

You release your hold on him and you help him up. "Yes. You are Senju Tobirama. Are you fucking drunk?"

Tobirama tilts his head with curiosity. "Do you normally talk like that?"

You roll your eyes. "Haha, very funny. You got me. This is the best prank of the year, now stop."

"I'm not kidding," Tobirama frowns, and he seems upset.

You stare at him with disbelief. You massage your forehead and you look to the ground.

"May I know where I am?"

"What? Shouldn't you know? You founded this village!"

Tobirama frowns. "I did?"

You scowl. It is too early for this. "Yes. You and your elder brother, Senju Hashirama."

Tobirama nods, seeming to analyze this information.

"Do you know what today is?" You ask.

"Today?"

"Today is Friday."

"I see."

You step closer to him, meaning to examine his head for any injuries, but Tobirama throws a punch towards you and you block it and grab his arm, then you aim a kick to his cheek to throw him down.

"Why are you attacking me?" You shout, and you step on Tobirama's chest.

"You were going to attack me again!"

"I was going to check if you have any injuries to the head, you bastard!"

Tobirama stops fighting you and he sits up. "Well, now I will, because of you," he taunts sarcastically.

You huff in annoyance. "Damn it, you make my life harder."

Tobirama raises a questioning eyebrow. "Really?"

You roll your eyes. "Whatever this is, I'd rather we find the solution as soon as possible."

Tobirama nods, his expression inquisitive. "It seems that I may be suffering from some kind of memory loss. A normal person wouldn't forget their name easily right?"

You stare at Tobirama and sigh. "You aren't exactly the most normal person," you murmur.

Tobirama peers at you. "Do we know each other?"

You roll your eyes, but then an idea pops into your head. "So you really do not know me?"

Tobirama puts his hand under his chin, thinking. "Naturally, I am starting to think that we are enemies."

You guffaw. "How come?"

"Your first reaction towards me is to stab me."

" You were staring at me while sleeping, anyone would be surprised."

"Your instinct tells you to stab someone when they look at you?"

You hum. "Sometimes. You do what you have to do to live."

Tobirama stares at you, this time with an openness you have never seen him show. "You've had it hard, haven't you?"

You stare back at him, realizing that something must have really happened to this man. He has no memory, and there is a curious youthfulness in his demeanor. It's like he's free from all what plagues him as the Hokage's younger brother, as the smartest and most innovative mind of this generation.

You figure telling him a little more about yourself wouldn't hurt.

You approach him and run your fingers on the sides and on the back of his head, searching for any bumps, bleeding, or cracks of any kind.

"Yeah, I kind of did. I came from a family who quitted being shinobi because of war, and as a result, I had to run from them…"

"Why?" Tobirama asks this question without his usual roughness and judging tone.

You smile bitterly. "Because in my family, to keep women and children out of war, you either have to die or you die trying to run from them."

Tobirama grows silent. You find no injury to his head.

"I am sorry," Tobirama finally says.

You shrug, a little amused that it takes Tobirama's memories getting erased to make him apologize to you.

"Never heard that before," you joke.

Tobirama frowns.

"Okay, well, let's wander around and search for anything to get clues on how you ended up this way."

Tobirama nods and he follows you as you begin to walk around aimlessly. You search for any disturbance on the ground to trace where Tobirama has walked, and finally, you find it, snapped sticks, smashed leaves and vague lines of a footprint.

"Tobirama, you're either the worst drunk in history, or someone got you good."

Tobirama looks around, and he looks to the branches above him.

"Which I find impossible since you claim to be the strongest shinobi, second to your brother of course."

"I sound like a pompous jerk, is what you're saying."

"Hey, you're own words, not mine!"

Tobirama smirks. "So tell me more about myself, it may ring a bell."

You ponder this. While it is fun to lead him on the wrong way, it is also dangerous. If he has been wandering around in this state, he is lucky if he has not run into anyone who would want to kill him.

"Stay close," you tell Tobirama.

You find Tobirama's things in the same path, and you bend down to examine them. There are no signs that he struggled, in fact, his things are neatly arranged like he had planned for this.

You frown and you open his knapsack to go through it. You find his notes, hoping that he keeps some kind of record of his days. You skim through them, and then, his handwriting increasingly gets messier.

You take a deep breath, hoping that it is not as bad as you are thinking.

You read through his research notes, and while some of the information on it is advanced, you can now understand it due to the books Tobirama has made you read. You skim through it faster, realizing that Tobirama is in the process of creating a jutsu: he aims to make a jutsu that can wipe out memories. Your heart sinks as you read his last thought on paper.

Since there are no immediate test subjects, I will have to test this on myself and hope that Elder Brother will notice my absence. If it works, that is.

"Oh, it worked well alright," you mutter tersely.

Your head snaps up and you realize that Tobirama is not near you.

"That bastard," you swear.

You jump to your feet and you search for his familiar white head, when you notice him a few feet away, crouching down near a bush.

"What are you doing?" You ask as you step near him.

"Watching a snake eat a frog," Tobirama deadpans. "It's something else."

You watch Tobirama for a few more seconds, and then you walk over to grab his arm. "Come on, we have to go see your brother."

"Ah, to find more information, I reckon?"

You purse your lips. "That, and to fix what you did to yourself."

Tobirama watches you curiously. "What do you mean?"

"Are you insane?" You cannot help but scold him. "Why would you erase your own memories?"

Tobirama raises an eyebrow at you. You press his notes to his chest and he brings a hand up to get them. He flips through them, his eyes lighting up in delight. He nods in amazement as his eyes move right to left to read his own handwriting.

"I seem to have a gift for experimentation."

"You think?"

"According to myself, this is important work."

"What?" You snap scathingly. "What part of important work is putting yourself in danger?"

He leans forward until he is only a breath apart from you. "If I did not know any better, I would think you care about me."

You look down to his nose to avoid his gaze.

"What are we? Is there something between us?" Tobirama asks, genuinely curious. He raises an eyebrow, and he looks almost smug.

You cannot stand this Tobirama and even though you are going to regret it, you miss the grumpy one.

"Are you mad? You hate me," you snap.

Tobirama gives you a scowl. "If you claim that I hate you, then why were you the first person to be near me? I don't seem like the kind of person to just let anyone accompany me." He crosses his arms. "Even a blind person can see through your lies."

"Because you're mad, that's why." Your heart climbs up to your throat, making it hard to swallow.

Tobirama starts to walk away, but he is heading in the wrong direction.

You follow him, and try to tug him the other way, but Tobirama is stubborn and he is curious about every little thing. You need to get Tobirama to his brother as soon as possible, or the two of you may run into trouble.

"Okay, hey," you start. "I promise that you'll get more information if we just go back to your brother."

Tobirama narrows his eyes distrustfully. "Nice try."

"I am not lying," you hissed. You step in front of him to halt his steps, and you put your hands on his shoulders. "Use your chakra to check."

Tobirama glances down at you, and he tilts his head, thinking. Then he takes a deep breath.

"You can trust me," you promise him.

Tobirama frowns, but you see that he believes you.

"Let's go, please," you plead with him.

/

Hashirama is not surprised that his brother decided to pull something like this. He had his brother sit on a chair and you watch as Hashirama puts his hands on the sides of Tobirama's head and he begins to fix whatever Tobirama did to himself.

"When he was just a little boy, Tobirama was naturally like this, curious, a little rude, but he's quiet most of the time," Hashirama murmurs.

You smile at the thought of a young Tobirama, spending hours poring over a book and going on adventures to make discoveries about nature.

It takes a while, and when Tobirama has come to, Hashirama wastes no time to scold his brother.

The two are yelling in Hashirama's office, and you try to make yourself invisible by making sure you do not make any sudden movements or noise. You slowly inch towards the door, but Tobirama's eyes land on you and you freeze.

"What is she doing here?" Tobirama snaps. "This is none of her business!"

Hashirama takes a deep breath, and he glares at his brother. "Stop treating her like that, Tobirama. If it wasn't for her, you would have probably killed yourself in some way."

Tobirama scoffs, rolls his eyes and crosses his arms across his chest. "Oh, please."

"I am going to leave now," you tell them.

"No, stay," Hashirama commands.

"Lord Hashirama," you protest.

"Elder brother," Tobirama says at the same time.

Tobirama narrows his eyes at you, the man you have met earlier gone. "She is not needed here."

You roll your eyes. "Lord Hashirama, I really do not want to cause any more trouble."

There is a minuscule change in Tobirama's expression, but luckily for you, you are able to catch it. It looks like a hint of embarrassment. Even though he is glaring at you, he can't quite meet your eyes.

"Yeah, you've done enough," Tobirama starts.

Your mouth slightly drops open in shock. "Excuse me? Who was the one staring at me while I was sleeping like some creep?"

"You tried to stab me!"

"I was half-awake!"

"Yeah? Well it seems like your senses are not sharp enough to recognize me!"

"Who got themself in this mess anyways?"

"My memory was wiped!"

"Because you're insane!" You shout. "Who in their right mind would do that to themself?"

"It was for science and for the shinobi world!"

"What a misguided argument."

Tobirama opens his mouth, his eyes purely made from fire.

"Enough! Sit," Hashirama commands, no longer entertaining the two of them. "You on the other side, and Tobirama on the other."

"Elder brother, we are not children," Tobirama says tersely, but he is currently moving towards his designated seat.

"Oh yeah?" Hashirama challenges. "Then quit acting like one, especially you, Tobirama."

You stifle a snicker as you lower yourself in your seat.

Tobirama's jaw sharpens, and his neck is starting to grow pink. Of all people to witness him getting scolded by his brother, it has to be you. Just his luck.

"No talking," Hashirama says firmly and passes the two of you a stack of documents to read through. "And we leave together for dinner."

Tobirama's expression withers, and reluctantly opens the document to start.

You catch Hashirama's apologetic look towards you and you shrug, not really taking this personally. You find it hilarious that Tobirama truly acts like a little brother. You have never seen him more triggered and animated except with his elder brother.

Another day means another interesting adventure with Tobirama.

You are not one to complain.

/

Tobirama's face is stormy during the walk all the way to Hashirama's household. There is a pout on his lips that would not go away and his glare is so severe that it wards off anyone who tries to greet them nicely.

Essentially, the walk was pretty peaceful, thanks to him.

You also stay quiet, your mind wandering to today's events.

The only one talking your ears off is Hashirama, and you vaguely remember him bragging about his sons.

Tobirama does not say anything to interrupt his brother, and as he hears more about his nephews, his face begins to soften and you observe this and try not to make it obvious that you are studying him. Hashirama notices this and gives you a funny look, but he does not comment on it and instead continues to chat, and tries his best to include the two of you in his one-sided conversation.

When you arrive into Hashirama's house, you are immediately greeted with warm light and five boys screaming and hurtling towards their father and uncle. Tobirama picks up the youngest one without fuss who is barely able to keep up with his older brothers, who are tackling their father with their best. The eldest greets his father and uncle calmly but cheerfully, and he leads the chaos towards the kitchen.

You begin to grow shy as the boys peer at you curiously, and you give them a small wave.

One of them gasps. "Is this uncle's girlfriend?!"

You start, and Tobirama almost trips in on himself and almost drops his baby nephew. He looks to be around four years old.

Hashirama cackles, the sound booming throughout the house.

"Is she? Uncle always tells us about you!"

"No, I do not," Tobirama cuts in.

You chuckle nervously. "No, I am not his girlfriend."

His nephews let out a few sounds of disappointment.

"But she's so pretty!"

You blush and you pat the boy who gave you the compliment on the head. "Thank you, I am glad you think so. Your uncle, however, begs to differ."

Another gasps at this. "He's blind!"

"He says you're annoying," the youngest in Tobirama's arms says, and he lays his head on Tobirama's shoulder. He seems mellow and paler compared to his energetic brothers.

"Ah, so he complains about me, not talks about me," you joke.

Hashirama chuckles as he pushes his sons forward to keep them from crowding the hallway.

Tobirama puts a hand on his nephew's forehead and he frowns. He whispers something to him, but his nephew shakes his head. It does not alleviate the frown on Tobirama's face though.

"Ah, here we are," Hashirama announces. "Someone tell your mother that we are here."

"I got it," the eldest says and he disappears out in the hallway.

With no room to sit except beside you, Tobirama sits his nephew next to you, and then sits beside him.

The two of you stay quiet, barely exchanging any words with each other. Tobirama passes you a glass of water in silence, while Hashirama and his sons fill in the silence.

After a few minutes of waiting, Mito arrives and she is followed by her son and her maids, all carrying food in their trays and vases for drinks. Mito sits beside her husband and greets you, and you greet her back with your best polite voice.

Tobirama has told you once that you sound sarcastic even though you are being friendly.

"How was Lady Anzu?" Mito directs the question to Tobirama, who glances towards you. "I received complaints that you left her behind in the street the other day in favor of another girl, who you apparently pushed down to the ground. I know you are a busy man, but please be courteous next time, Tobirama, I can only try to match you with so few ladies in Konoha and in the nearby lands. Try not to forget etiquette and send her a letter of apology."

Tobirama gulps, and you give him a side-glance.

"I will," Tobirama promises.

You try not to cover your face from shame.

An argument breaks out between Hashirama's sons, but it is admonished through one strict look from their mother.

"We have a visitor, please behave accordingly," Mito says. Her children obey her, and she directs her gaze towards you. "I hope that working with Tobirama has been fruitful."

You nod. "It has, my lady."

Mito gives you a funny look. "Mito is fine."

Everyone directs their gaze to Hashirama, and he starts dinner as the head of the family. He takes the first bite, and then signals for everyone to also take their fill.

You help Tobirama's nephew beside you, quietly handing him his utensils and wiping his mouth when he gets messy.

You notice Tobirama's gaze on you, but you ignore it, just in case you accidentally meet his eyes and the events with Lady Anzu are revealed through your shared experience with him.

The boy sneezes beside you and you chuckle lightly, immediately putting a napkin to his nose so that he can blow his nose.

"Your sons are adorable, Lord Hashirama," you comment.

Hashirama chuckles, his face lighting with pride. "Of course!"

Tobirama's nephew begins to lean on you after a while, and you notice that he is getting sleepy. You pat his head, and you frown as you notice that he is very feverish.

"Hey, is he okay?" You whisper to Tobirama, not wanting to alarm his parents.

"He says he's not feeling too well," Tobirama replies, taking notice of the way the boy is leaning towards you. "I will get him settled in bed, then."

You surround your arm around the kid to help him towards Tobirama, and you also touch his hand, finding it cold.

"Is something wrong?" Hashirama asks.

"He seems to have a fever," Tobirama tries to take the boy into his arms, but a cry escapes his lips.

"Shh, it's okay," Tobirama soothes the boy. "I got him."

Hashirama nods worriedly.

"I will have to go then, I wouldn't want to extend my welcome," you say.

Hashirama and Mito thank you for eating with them, and you get up with Tobirama and follow him out of the kitchen and into the hallway.

"You need help with him?" You offer, feeling like you should help Tobirama a little bit. You follow your instinct.

Tobirama looks at you doubtfully. "Fine."

You walk behind him as he leads you to the boy's room, and he kicks away the toys loitering the floor.

"I will be back," Tobirama hands you the child and leaves the room.

You rock the child in your arms to comfort him, and you resist the tiredness settling in your arms. You are not used to carrying children.

Tobirama comes back with towels and a basin, and he directs you to lie his nephew down on his futon. In silence, the two of you coordinate to wipe the child and dress him into clean clothes, and tuck him into his futon. Tobirama presses a smaller towel on the child's forehead, and studies him.

After a moment, his hand comes away.

"Well, the great thing about having Hashirama as your father is that you'll be fine and dandy tomorrow," he tells his nephew. "There is nothing your father cannot cure."

You gaze at Tobirama, watching how gentle and kind he is towards his family. He is very attentive to the way he takes care of his nephew, and you are not going to lie, the sight is making your heart soft.

"Is it serious?" You ask.

Tobirama shakes his head. "No. Like I said, he'll be okay tomorrow once Hashirama checks in on his son."

You chuckle lightly.

The two of you lock gazes, and a calm washes over you, something that has not happened to you in a while. You are always moving about, running and defending yourself. At this moment, Tobirama makes you feel safe. He might be callous at times, but he has never given you any reason to fear him.

For that, you are grateful.

"I should go," you break the silence.

Tobirama clears his throat. "I will walk you out."

You want to decline his offer, but nothing comes out of your mouth as he is following you out.

Before you exit the gate of the household, you turn to Tobirama.

"I hope you do not do that again," you tell him in a hushed tone and you are suddenly unable to meet his eyes. "That fucking terrified me. If you are going to go put yourself in danger, at least, include me. I won't let anything happen to you."

Tobirama stares at you, his dark red eyes swimming like blood pools, and a sigh leaves his body. "I will keep your words in mind."

"You can trust me, you know," you insist. "I hope we can work towards that."

You had half a mind to ask him about what he remembers during the hours that he forgot himself, but you decide to leave it alone.

Before Tobirama can say anything else, you quickly walk away, and if he has reached for the back of your arm, you do not notice it because you do not even spare him a glance.

Notes:

2 updates in a span of 24 hrs? WHO AM I

Chapter 8:

Notes:

cw: implied abuse & murder, implied sexual assault

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

You wake up with a fog in your mind, but you think nothing of it as you pull yourself out of your bed. Your limbs are heavier than usual, and your stomach is screaming for a crumb of nutrient, but you power through, thinking nothing of this since tiredness and hunger are nothing new to you.

You freshen up and pull your hair away from your face, and put on clean clothes. After a moment of perusing your laundry, you make a mental note to do them soon.

You slip your feet into your sandals and grab your weapons in a hurry, not even sparing a glance at the parchment on the floor containing your house bills. You do not want to be late, especially when Tobirama told you in the beginning to always be early. Tobirama has told you to meet him at the market since he wanted to look for new weapons and to commission people into making ninja tools for Academy students to train with. You run outside, only stopping when you see Tobirama standing in front of your building with his back to you. You stare at him a little longer, not meaning to linger on the space on the back of his neck, or the muscles of his back moving in and out as he breathes.

You slowly walk towards him, ignoring the way your heart falters and stops.

"Took you long enough," Tobirama greets you roughly.

You roll your eyes and bump your shoulder against his. "I thought we were meeting at the market."

Tobirama glances away, and you follow his gaze. You find nothing out of ordinary in the direction he is looking at.

"Are you hungry?" Tobirama asks suddenly.

"Huh?"

"Are you hungry?" Tobirama repeats, this time his tone is insistent.

You stare at him in bewilderment. It's not like he knew you skipped breakfast. "Y-yeah."

"Let's go," Tobirama says, and he starts to speed walk down the street.

You lightly jog after him, a chuckle bursting out of your lips. You do not know what has gotten into Tobirama today, but you admit that this is a new side to him that you have not seen yet. He is not being pissy, but rather, he seems to be holding out a light for you to get closer. He is more lenient with your antics. You try not to think too much about it, as it makes you feel weird and queasy in your stomach.

You reckon it's the hunger.

You walk beside him as he leads you to a small eat-in store, where they are selling fresh baked bread, porridges and drinks. Tobirama stands to the side as you peruse the menu outside the store, and when you have decided, the two of you slide into a table, with Tobirama sitting in front of you.

A moment later, someone comes in to take your order, and when they leave, you frown at Tobirama.

"What?" Tobirama scowls.

"Why didn't you order for yourself? Green tea is not breakfast."

Tobirama looks uncomfortable as he loosens his shoulders. "I already ate. You, on the other hand…"

Your mind blanks, coming up with nothing. Not even a teasing remark.

This is surprising, you muse to yourself.

You shrug, and Tobirama's eyes narrow at you.

"How is your training going?" Tobirama inquires in the tone you deem casual for him.

"I'm making small progress," you tell him. You fold your hands and rest your chin over them. "Your notes really helped."

Tobirama nods.

For a moment, you thought that he was going to brag about it, but he did none of that.

"I have some new books for you to go over," Tobirama suddenly says, not even easing you to its idea.

"More books?" Your brain hurts at the thought of new material to consume.

Tobirama glances at you affably. "I think you'd like them."

Huh?! You exclaim to yourself. Since when did your interests matter to him?

Thankfully, your food arrives quickly, and you do not waste time to shove them in your mouth because Tobirama does not get you to talk when you are eating. However, he is looking at you strangely and he looks almost horrified at the speed you are inhaling your food.

"Slow down," Tobirama warns. "No one's going to take your food."

You cough and bits of food spray out of your mouth. You turn away from him to compose yourself, and when your chest is no longer spasming and you are able to swallow down a big chunk of food, you grab his tea cup without thinking and down the tea in it.

Tobirama is not sure whether he is astonished or disgusted.

"Thanks," you gasp.

Tobirama nods, feeling half of his face grimace. "It's fine," he tries to convince himself.

He gestures at the person by the counter for the bill, and you are suddenly embarrassed that he is paying only for your food and not even for himself.

"Wait, can't I pay half?" You ask him, stopping his hand from putting the money on the small tray.

Tobirama glances at your hand on top of his and he stiffens. "I got it."

"Tobirama…" You start, doubtful.

Tobirama raises an eyebrow. "Really? You choose now to have some shame?"

You sigh, and you give him a playful smile. "Be careful what you do for me, Tobirama. If you're being nice today, I will be taking advantage of that."

Tobirama knocks your hand off of his and he places the money down. "You're the most ridiculous person I've ever met."

You cackle. "The honor is mine."

"It's not a compliment," Tobirama immediately shoots back.

You let the moment pass, and then, you lean forward to gauge his reaction. "How's the search for future partners going? Any special women or men you have your eye on?"

Tobirama suddenly looks indignant. "No."

"Aw, why not?" You think about it. "I mean, it shouldn't be hard. Look at you, you're so handsome."

Tobirama is not sure how to react, so he stares at you instead, forgetting to scowl or even frown. His words form in his mind, but they end up being scrambled as they reach his mouth.

"You don't believe me?" You challenge him.

"What?!" Tobirama harshly snaps.

You call the person behind the counter and gesture for them to come closer.

"Yes?"

Tobirama manages to gather himself to glare at you. "What are you doing?!" He hisses under his breath.

"Tell me honestly," you begin, trying to sound thoughtful, like this is the most important discovery. "Isn't he handsome? Sexy, even?"

Tobirama feels like there is a cauldron underneath him and he is hanging over it to be boiled alive.

The person glances at the two of you with shock.

"Um…" They nervously glance at Tobirama, who is glaring daggers at you, his face red.

You laugh, and you hand the money to them. "Sorry. That was uncalled for. Have a good day!"

The person bows to Tobirama, squeaking out my lord and they scuttle away from your table.

You glance at Tobirama, noticing the coloring on his face almost matching the three stripes that frame his face perfectly.

"Are you angry?" You ask, taking note of the redness of his skin. "Or hot? It is summer."

Tobirama stands up abruptly and walks out, his fists clenching by his sides.

You chuckle to yourself, and you follow after him.

"Come again, er…" The person calls out. "What is your name?"

You see Tobirama standing just a few feet away from the door.

"Y/N." You smirk. "Senju Y/N."

Tobirama feels his knees give up on him and he sways a little.

/

While Tobirama walks straight ahead with purpose, you make a point of stopping by each stall to look at their items and try out free samples. While you mile around, Tobirama makes a point of slowing down to wait for you even though he does not stop for anything. You try to pull him towards a stand that sells little toys and trinkets, but he does not budge until you tell him that you found a drawing that looks similar to him.

Tobirama sighs and lets you grab his arm towards the paintings. A man sits on a stool underneath an umbrella, painting away.

"Where is this painting?" Tobirama grounds out, entertaining you instead of brushing you off.

"Here!" You point at a snowman overlooking a snowy mountain range. "Pale and cute."

Tobirama scowls and he immediately marches away but you see that his eyes are warm, almost brown and you feel like you are staring at a hearth. You pull his arm back before he can make it far.

"I'm kidding, that's not it," you tell him. "It's this one!"

You gesture at a portrait of him, and Tobirama stares at it in wonder. It is him, yet in the painting, he looks older, his eyes wild and desperate, and his shoulders heavy with burden. Something in him aches and he turns away from it, feeling like the portrait is trying to speak to him.

"What, too ugly for you?" You tease him, and you duck a little to meet his eyes.

"The nose looks a little big," Tobirama replies vaguely and you roll your eyes.

"You're popular!"

"I am popular enough," Tobirama states and he starts to walk away. "Let's go."

The morning sun is now reaching the center of the sky. The heat is starting to rise up, and it burns the back of your heads, but the two of you power through it and finally, you arrive at a school of blacksmiths. Tobirama enters in, and you follow him, the sight making you misty-eyed. The sound of metal clashing against metal, of the fire being started and water sizzling, it all hits close to home.

"Lord Tobirama," a smith greets him. When he turns to you, a flash of recognition lights his face.

You keep your face neutral, not knowing what the smith's intention is. You go towards a table of freshly made blades to hide your face, letting Tobirama do what he needs to do here.

Your eyes go to the kunais hanging on the wall, the length of their blades varying. You approach it and take the sheathed kunai and weigh it in your hands. The weight feels weird so you unsheath it, completely surprised that it falls apart to become two kunais, splitted in half. You put it back, and go back to the table of blades to run your finger on their surfaces.

"Lovely, isn't it?" The same smith from earlier approaches you. Tobirama is nowhere to be seen.

"Yes," you answer. "Though I have seen better."

"I bet you have," he says and hands one of the blades to you. "I am Nuga."

You accept the blade with both hands and you behold it. In its reflection, you study Nuga, making mental notes on his body language and the way he is positioned, formulating a plan to escape him in case something goes wrong.

"What do you think?" Nuga inquires. "It is yet to be attached by its hilt, but it is one of our best works so far."

"The blunt curve of this tachi is perfect," you murmur. You set it down and look into his gray eyes. "What do you want?"

Nuga smiles. "I have a job for you, Man-Killer."

You grit your teeth, and suddenly you feel cold washing all over you and you lose feeling from your face and hands. A shiver runs down your spine.

"I haven't heard that name in a while," you coldly say, letting the ice drip in your words.

Nuga raises his chin towards you. "I heard you have been out of commission for a while. Some people are looking for you." He folds his arms. "Though I did not think that you'd be hanging out with Konoha's echelons."

"It just happened," you snap.

Nuga nods. "So, this job–"

"Sorry, I don't do that anymore." You shoot him a dangerous look, your hand itching to draw your own sword. "I'm clean now."

"Will the price persuade you?" Nuga asks, stepping closer to you. "You are one of the best–"

"Enough," you interrupt Nuga. "Stop it. I am not doing it. Find someone else."

You make a beeline towards the exit, but Nuga's words stop you cold.

"No matter how clean you think you are because you have stopped killing for the money, it does not erase the bodies you have murdered," Nuga calls after you. "They are forever dead because of you."

You bow your head slightly and clench your fist.

"If you change your mind," Nuga starts as your foot steps forward. "You know where to find me."

/

Tobirama watches you as he walks you home. All the jokes and the playful remarks have stopped, replaced by a serious look on your face. He rarely sees you this serious, and he waits for you to divulge your thoughts with him or even get angry and spew some shit to deter your thoughts, but you do none of those.

The two of you are reaching your home, and you have not even spared him a glance.

While he was talking to the master of the blacksmith school, he overheard a little bit of your conversation with one of the blacksmiths there. The word Man-Killer sticks to his mind like a persistent stain, and it makes his stomach turn. He wants you to ask him for help if you are in trouble, or better yet, tell him everything, but how can he ask you that without condemning you? Do his brother and Madara know about this?

He is not even sure if you took the job or not since he was pulled away at the last minute about prices and delivery of the commissioned weapons.

Tobirama is a second away from doing what he should do: take you and hold you in a cell to interrogate you.

However, he wants to trust in you. He should. The least he can do is to give you the benefit of the doubt. You deserve it.

You did say that you do not do that anymore and that you are clean.

Tobirama thinks that he is becoming ridiculous.

He propagates enough chakra to feel you out.

He reaches forward and catches your arm, and you whirl around. He feels that you are upset.

"Are you okay?" Tobirama asks, hating how vague he is. He is always so straightforward that he does not know how to move away from that extreme.

"Yes," you reply coldly. Your voice is too detached.

A lie.

Tobirama searches desperately. How can he ask this? Of all the times he is smart, why is he incapable of saying the right words?

You wrestle your arm away from Tobirama, and you stare at him. "Why are you asking?"

"Will I see you tomorrow?"

You regard him cautiously, and Tobirama sees a sliver of you. The one you tried so hard to mask. He is only beginning to scratch the surface and he wants to keep peeling each skin to get to the core. He feels like he is on the tip of something here, like the rush of adrenaline before the success of an experiment.

Who are you? Tobirama wants to blurt out. He wants to know. He badly wants to know. He has never desired something this bad.

"Of course," you tell him, and your eyes move to search his face.

You are telling the truth.

The tension in Tobirama's shoulders releases, and he watches you walk away from him. His skin itches where he has touched you, and for a moment, he almost follows after you.

He stops himself and shakes himself out of it.

You are telling the truth.

The moment you stray, he will be the one to stop you.

/

You wake up sweaty and feverish. Your mind feels foggy, and you just do not feel right. You feel cold and your head hurts, and the light coming in from your window makes it worse. You let out a long sigh, and relax into your bed. Your limbs feel like there are anchors attached to them, dragging you down to the bottom of the ocean.

You give yourself a minute to come to, breathing in and out to brace yourself to move.

Then, you count from one to three.

One.

Two.

Three.

Red flashes under your eyelids, and you let out a cry as you attempt to roll out of your bed. You fall to the floor, limbs splayed like a newborn foal. You bite your lower lip to stifle another cry, but your chest begins to heave, and you are unable to control the sob that breaks out of your mouth. You clench your fist, cursing the world.

You should have known that your old nick-name would come back and bite you in the ass. You never took pride in it, for you, it was always a job. The people chose to name you that because when you were young and desperate to live, you killed a man who had assaulted you in self-defense and fled.

Maybe you should have not fled. Maybe you should have faced the consequences, but back then you were running away from your family. You had no morals, and you only cared for yourself.

Your breath comes out shakily, and you press a hand to your face.

More flashes of black and red flashes in your vision, and for a moment, you see vials of medicine surrounding you, all wrongly-labelled. A woman appears above you, pouring poison into your mouth as you fight her with all you have got. You are weak and so small, and she holds you down until all the fight leaves you and she is forcing your mouth open to make you swallow more of the medicine.

"Drink, sweetheart, it will make you feel better, " she says.

"Mother…" You gasp out weakly, your lungs unable to fully support you. "What...have you done?" Your voice fades into a whisper.

The woman brushes your hair from your forehead. "I'm making it better. Don't worry, love, I will keep you safe. You know why?"

You stare at her weakly, trying to fight the grogginess from your eyes.

"Because I love you the most."

You push the flashback from your mind and force yourself up. You hated being sick.

You know that this is probably fever from fatigue, but you cannot bear it. It feels like you are young again, and you are helpless and dying.

A fever is a fever, but to you, it is a death sentence. A slight sniffle or a light cough is enough to send you panicking.

You let yourself cry, but when it is time to get out and back to work, the traces of your tears are gone and you put up your walls that you have spent so much time making. Nothing will come out.

/

Tobirama feels relieved when he sees you come in, but you look worse for wear. You do not spare him your words, but that is fine with him. At least you are here.

He gives you your share of work for the day, and he does not say anything as you move away from him and take to one of the corners of the library to settle in.

Tobirama is great with silences, but he cannot stand yours.

But he bears it because it seems like it is what you need today.

When it is time to leave, he finds you asleep in the corner. He does not dare wake you, and he crouches in front of you to study you. His eyes go to the strands of your hair splayed on your sweaty forehead, and the frown etched upon it. He expects you to open your eyes and draw your blade to stab him, but you do neither.

He slowly puts the back of his hand on your forehead, and he realizes that you are sick. He studies your chakra, and he finds that it is a lot better than before. Though you are very exhausted to the bone.

He sits beside you, debating on what to do next. He knows he cannot leave you here, but he also does not want to alarm you.

The new clock in the library ticks away loudly, and Tobirama looks to the waning light on the floor.

A sudden weight presses against his side and he feels his heart beat pick up as your head rests against his shoulder.

He does not know what to do. Your weight on him does not bother him that much.

He glances at you, and finally, he makes up his mind.

/

"Brother, are you sure you are not pushing her too hard?" Hashirama asks with concern, his voice sounding both far away and near.

"Are you serious?" Tobirama defensively retorts.

You open your eyes to the bickering Senju brothers, and you let out a groan. Their voices make your head throb.

"Hey!" Hashirama chirps. "Welcome to our humble abode, again!"

You are dimly aware of Tobirama assisting you to sit up. "Uh…" You croak out with uncertainty.

"You are sick," Hashirama announces. "And we've done all that we could, but your body is very exhausted. You must rest."

You bring a hand to your forehead, remembering that you were in the library last time you were awake.

"Eat," Tobirama commands, bringing a bowl of soup into your sights.

Hashirama looks offended. "Tobirama! Be nice."

You take the bowl of soup from Tobirama's hands, briefly touching his warm fingers with your cold ones.

Hashirama sits by the foot of the bed, the mattress dipping from his weight.

"So," Hashirama begins. "I took a look at you."

You glance at the Hokage, wary.

"Tobirama says there is an improvement in your chakra pathways, but last he checked, you were worse off," Hashirama continues. "I undid some of the damage to make it easier for you, and we will have to do more gradually. I did not want to overwhelm you. With a lot of training along the way, you should be able to use your chakra with ease and be in top shape."

You glance at the Hokage, feeling like the two Senju brothers have just invaded your space. Nonetheless, you thank Hashirama.

"I owe you one, Lord Hokage," you tell him seriously, like you are taking an oath.

Tobirama catches this and he frowns.

Hashirama pats your knee. "Do not worry about it. I am happy to help." He glances at Tobirama. "Though you should also thank him. He carried you all the way here and insisted that you are to be a priority."

"Elder brother!" Tobirama scolds indignantly. He looks at you. "I don't want your thanks. I just did what any other person would do to help someone who does not know self-preservation."

"Tobirama, stop it." Hashirama glares at his brother.

You nod glumly, the fog in your mind still there. You stare at the soup and you take the spoon to scoop some.

"Please take your time and stay here," Hashirama heeds. "Do not worry too much about the work for the curriculum right now. Focus on your health."

You snap up to meet the Hokage's eyes. "I don't want to–"

"Please, I insist," Hashirama firmly says, squashing any room for questions or rebuttals.

You sigh, and you stare at the soup blankly. "Alright," you give up.

Tobirama's eyes are on you, his stare burning through your head. Then, he walks out of there without another word.

Hashirama gives you a look of sympathy, and you look away, unable to bear it.

"We will see you later."

You set your bowl aside when the Hokage has left, and you lie back down. You pull your legs towards your body and close your eyes, willing away whatever is ailing you as if it is that simple.

/

Tobirama refuses to even let you touch any of the work the next day, even though you did your best to prove to him that you are feeling well. The two of you hurl insults at each other, until Hashirama is coming in to break the two of you up, saying that the two of you are waking his children up so early in the morning. He mitigates by suggesting that you can do some light reading, and by sending Tobirama outside the house for errands. He is the Hokage's right-hand man, after all.

For the most part, Tobirama leaves you alone, except he appears when it is time for you to eat. He stares at you intimidatingly until you finish every last drop and crumb of your food, and when you do, he stares at you some more, like he wants to sock you in the face, or as if staring will have some help to drive away your exhaustion.

It is getting annoying by the end of the day, so you adamantly ask him to leave you alone.

Which he refuses. Stubbornly.

"Tobirama, please, I cannot do this right now," you beg him.

Tobirama's jaw flexes. He walks over to you, but then he stops short, his movements twitchy and not at all him.

"Give me your arm," Tobirama commands.

You scowl at him. "What now?"

"Just give me your arm!"

"Okay, okay!" You raise your arm towards him.

His fingers wrap around your wrist, and your eyes widen at the sight. It suddenly feels like your fever is back and you loathe it.

"Tch," Tobirama murmurs. "You're an idiot. Why did you push yourself this hard? Couldn't you have taken breaks?"

You snatch your arm away from him, and you stare at your toes.

Tobirama stares at you some more, and it is honestly creeping you out. What does he want?

"What?" You snap.

Tobirama rolls his eyes. "Shut up and rest."

"I am not tired," you stubbornly reply. "And I do not want to accumulate too much debt from the Senju brothers, so I should go."

Irritation flares in Tobirama's eyes. "Stop it."

"Tobirama, give me a break."

"No."

You want to scream, as this situation is becoming worse and worse. Tobirama is so overbearing, and it seems like he wants to keep track of everything you do. Your panic over being sick pales in comparison to how he is acting.

The door opens to reveal Hashirama.

"Tobirama," Hashirama calls, exasperated. "Leave her alone."

"Brother," Tobirama chides, barely sparing his brother a glance. "I am talking to her right now."

"No, no you are not," Hashirama walks over to tug Tobirama away from you. "You are bullying her."

Hashirama manages to drag him to the threshold. "Why are you acting like this? Get a hold of yourself!"

Tobirama tugs his arm away from his brother harshly, and he glares at his brother. Then, he glances at you. There is a lot of turmoil manifesting on his face–his lips are pulled into a straight, taut line, his jaw is tense, and his eyes, his red eyes are on fire, like coals burning in a forge.

The air tenses and becomes thick, but then he abruptly leaves and the air becomes calm again.

Hashirama gives you an apologetic look and leaves you alone, and you are plunged into the dark again.

/

Tobirama knows that he is being impossible, and it really is ridiculous, but when it involves you, it agitates him and there is this itch in his throat that he cannot alleviate. He thinks about what you will do next, and he wants to take it up to his brother, but he does not want you to get into further trouble. He would rather fix this himself and do what he needs to do to make sure that you are not a threat. If you are, then this is a matter he will have to take care of himself as well.

He goes back to the school of blacksmiths and demands for Nuga, and when he gets him alone, he corners and questions him.

"Talk," Tobirama demands.

Nuga's gray eyes regard the Hokage's younger brother. "About?"

"Man-Killer, " Tobirama grits his teeth.

Nuga shakes his head and holds out a palm. "Be careful, Lord Tobirama. This is not a can of worms you'd like to open, though everything comes with a price."

Tobirama narrows his eyes, fishes out money and slams it on the man's palm. "Talk, or I will see you in a cell."

"You can't hold me against my will without proof," Nuga says. "And I only hold information, nothing criminal."

Tobirama keeps his cool and raises an eyebrow expectantly.

"She is an assassin," Nuga starts. "Though she's only killed corrupt lords and other rogues, robbers, and the like."

"Why is she here?" Tobirama asks.

Nuga shrugs and smirks at the incoming pun. "Beats me. She says she's turned over a new leaf."

Tobirama remembers his hand on your wrist and your words. You are telling the truth.

"Why Man-Killer?" Tobirama inquires.

Nuga holds out his palm.

Tobirama sighs and presses a few more bills.

Nuga leans forward as if this is some taboo to never be spoken of. "Rumor is, when she was a teenager, she killed a feudal lord's son, who was a rapist. She has been on the run ever since. The feudal lord has a bounty out for her, but of course, no one wants to mess with a reputation preceding hers. She is quite the fighter, even I desire to someday see her in action."

Tobirama has seen her in action, and he believes this man. His head spins from thinking. So many pieces are falling into place and even if they fit, more questions start to arise.

Nuga shrugs and he turns away. "That is all I can tell you. She seems very sincere about her clean slate though. Back then, I heard that if the price was right, she would do anything. She must have grown some morals."

Tobirama stares hard at Nuga, and it does not take long until the room is thick with his power. The forge where fire runs hot and wild fizzles into nothing.

"If you ever speak of this again, I will have your head," Tobirama threatens.

"Of course, I would not want to mess with the people who protect her," Nuga smiles coldly. "I'll tell you one thing for free though."

Tobirama regards him coolly, squashing the mess that is cooking in his mind.

"If you are so ready to defend her and kill for her, you are way in too deep, Lord Tobirama," Nuga warns. "She has got you in her palm, and she will crush you. She is not called ningen satsujin-sha for nothing."

Tobirama grits his teeth, but he says nothing back. His mind turns to think ahead, but his heart beats in protest.

However, he is not the kind of man to take the easy way. There is no such thing, in his life.

Notes:

LMAO he is around her all the time to make sure she doesn't go run off and do the job or something HAHAH but she won't!

but what do you think Tobirama will do now DUN DUND UNDNDNDN

/

人間 殺人者 = Ningen satsujin-sha/koroshi-ya

Human/Man-Murderer/Killer

Depending on the kanji, it can be pronounced as satsugai-sha (殺害者) or koroshi-ya (殺し屋), but they all mean the same thing; just depends on the context lol (though i feel like koroshi-ya is more fitting since it does mean killer in a more professional sense LOL) but for this story's purpose, she is not just a professional, her "killing" not just pertaining to just murder, but it involves men *wink*

UGH IM SORRY I FEEL LIKE IM BAD AT EXPLAINING but yeahhhh...

.

Thanks for reading!

Chapter 9:

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

It is raining blood.

Someone is groaning faintly towards your left, but after waiting it out, they eventually stopped making any sounds.

Your hand comes up to your face to wipe the blood off of your eyes, but you still see red. Your clothes and your uncovered skin are doused in blood, and they trickle down slowly to the ground, mixing with the others' spilled ones.

Blood that you spilled yourself.

Darkness swallows you, and a strained laugh escapes your lips.

What is the point of all of this? Even killing so many bad people does not negate the evil of this world. No matter how you justify it, you still have the sword that ended lives.

Human ones.

Even if they did not deserve to live, who are you to decide that? If anyone can just kill, who decides what is right and wrong?

Tears spill out of your eyes and it clears your vision.

Your hand moves to take your wakizashi. You can end it all today. Easily.

The blood rain stops.

A hand comes into your view, palm opened and extended towards you. Your hand pauses at the hilt of your blade.

"I am Uchiha Madara," the owner of the hand says. "I've been sent to kill you, but I have a feeling that we are more alike than you'd think."

Your head rises, and you look to the face that might have just stopped you from dying.

His dark, spiky long hair surrounds him like a halo. His red eyes stare into you, touching your soul, and your hand falls away from your blade.

"Take it and live," Madara says. "And if not, I will grant you your mercy here and now."

Your hand slowly comes up, and you gingerly place your hand into his. Madara squeezes it and he pulls you up to stand.

"How will I live?" You whisper. At least death grants reprieve. Now, there is only uncertainty.

Madara takes his other hand and raises your chin towards him.

"Atone." Madara's voice reverberates in the bloody forest. "And start anew. There is a village where you can do that. I can take you, if you'd like."

You watch Madara's eyes become black. Like the clearest night sky, adorned by a new moon.

In that moment, you are able to get a taste of this so-called peace for the first time. It tastes of clean water from a cold spring. It feels like freedom and salvation, like the chains bounding you to your past are broken down.

You step towards Madara and you look him straight into his eyes. The man narrows his gaze, sizing you up. Finally, his gaze softens. He must have found something worth salvaging.

Your eyes swim again, and as your tears flow down again, Madara moves his hand from your chin to wipe them away.

"Thank you," you tell him, your voice quiet and reverent.

"Let's go home," Madara beckons, like a shepherd to his flock of sheep. Comforting and gentle.

And you follow him.

/

Hashirama makes you stay in their house for the rest of the week, and while you really do not want to keep imposing on the Senju household, you aren't going to lie to yourself. This is the most peaceful you've been in a while now. You also do not have to worry about your next meal, or whether your water is going to stop flowing. It did not even matter that Tobirama is giving you these dark looks of his, you are used to them and you do not think much of it–to you, this is like his default expression.

Tobirama does not ease up on his staring, you feel his eyes even through the walls.

You are still unsure of what to think of him. One moment, he is cold as ice, the next, he helps you out in the most subtle ways, like making sure your room isn't too hot or too cold, or that everything you will need to work on the curriculum is near you. You try to notice these things, but they go over your head before you can even say thank you.

You can see his effort trying to be nice, but even though you are enjoying your stay a lot, it makes you want to run. Sometimes people who are too kind are not kind for the right reasons. They always have a price to ask or intentions to harm you.

You remind yourself that even if Tobirama is a blunt asshole, he has never given you a reason to fear him. You already know he's a rough man, but he is way better than the people you have met in the past. He is smart and he has a vision for the future, and every day, he proves that he has pure intentions to serve his brother, the village and its people. One ought to have a big heart to lay down for something bigger than you and not ask for anything back.

So you give him a chance.

Despite what you've seen and experienced, you dare yourself to show him a little more.

It is like jumping into the unknown, head first into a pit, knowing there is nothing to catch you.

/

"What is this?" You ask Tobirama, staring up at a very tall tree.

"You are going to climb it," Tobirama says and he looks up as well. "It's the same as crossing the river, but this time, you are going up and against gravity."

You put your hand forward to touch the bark.

"And when you get to the top, let's have that overdue race," Tobirama hands you a kunai.

You give him a sideways glance. "How is that fair?"

"Giving up so soon?" Tobirama smirks.

"Please. You wish," you taunt. "I'll fight dirty if I have to."

Tobirama nods, and his face visibly softens with pride. "That's so much like you, then."

You whip your head to him in awe and he shrugs.

"You have not been acting like yourself," Tobirama reasons. "You're always moping around, like a snot-nosed little kid. It's ugly."

You roll your eyes. "What about you? Always staring at me to make my head explode, like a bastard."

Tobirama presses his mouth into a tight line, but a corner of his lip lifts. "Lucky for you, you're too bullheaded to take any damage."

You open your mouth to retort back, but a laugh escapes your lips. You had no idea how much you've missed your banter with Tobirama until he started brooding around you a few days ago. No moment has ever been dull with him. Each second you are near him, there are always new sights to take in and explore. Tobirama's eyes widen in surprise and his mouth parts slightly at the sound, and the two of you share a look.

There is understanding between the two of you, and you dare each other to look away first.

Neither of you budge.

A breeze passes through, shaking the trees above your heads. A few dried leaves fall and they sway along the wind, following the way it swings until they fall to the forest floor with a silent crunch. Somewhere, a bird flaps its wings and sends out a melodious chirp that echoes through the giant trunks of the forest. Soft sunlight peeks through the small spaces of the boughs of the trees, and the light hits Tobirama's eyes just right, and you can see his white lashes flutter and the lighter specks of his red eyes, the ring of muscles surrounding his pupil iridescent with pink, white and red.

You are rendered speechless.

Another soft breeze comes by to ruffle his hair, and strands of yours whip back.

You peek up at him shyly, unable to look away.

You see Tobirama's arm come forward, and the next thing you know, his hand is nearing your face, and your heart thuds so loudly in your ears that you hear ringing. Every muscle in your body screams to run, but your feet are planted into the ground, as if the tree in front of you caged your ankles with its roots.

Then the moment is over as Tobirama plucks a leaf from your hair.

"Any questions?" Tobirama says in a hushed tone, as if he will disturb the sleeping creatures in the forest.

"No," you almost stammer, but at the last second, you get ahold of yourself.

Tobirama's eyes pore over your forehead, and then your eyes. He stares a little longer, and when you catch him looking, he nods and he walks away from you.

You try your best not to call him back and ask him what he just did.

Nothing is making sense anymore.

/

Tobirama is not normally someone who dreads many things, but right now, he finds that he is dreading the due date of the curriculum. He knows that so many eyes are going to be watching the Academy's growth and its new step forward to raising good shinobi, including the other hidden villages, and for once, that is not at the forefront of his mind and it is irking him.

He is thinking about you and how much effect you have on him. He thinks about you all the time and it drives him up the wall. You are always egging him on and forcing him to feel new things, and when you show that you genuinely care, Tobirama is not sure how to handle that. You are something else, and words are not enough to describe you.

No words are enough, and yet, when he looks at you, when he hears your voice, when he senses your presence and catches your scent, a hundred words run through his mind and it is fighting to burst through his lips. Mostly they are insults, but still. The best part is that you do not take those seriously and you are quick to respond.

Most of all, he is also thinking about the role you will be playing in the Academy. It will be a huge public event, and through his many talks with his brother, it is looking like other hidden villages are reaching out to Konoha because they also want the same thing for their shinobi.

It makes his head hurt, and he knows there are more pressing matters to attend to than just this stupid ache in his chest.

It is ridiculous.

He is a hypocrite.

However, he is not Senju Tobirama for nothing. He has been in war for a long time. He knows how to prioritize and push down his boiling emotions. He is the most logical man around here, and his brain is what is needed. His mind has never failed him.

Never. Not once.

He does not want to fail you either, but it looks like he will have to.

It pains him to even think about the disappointment and hurt that your face will display, and it is because he will be the one to put it there.

He still believes that he is still doing the right thing.

He rubs his temples with his thumb and fingers, chiding himself. This will pass, just like the seasons. This is just a mere infatuation. A curious attraction to the unknown. He is a human being after all, these are things his body reacts to and are just out of his control. The sooner he accepts that, the easier this will get.

It will pass, and it will all be over soon.

/

You are halfway up the tree, when you are free-falling and hurtling towards the ground with a sickening speed that makes your mind numb and your stomach fly out of your body. You squeeze your eyes shut to accept your fate, you have had worse injuries before. You can probably manage. Broken bones heal.

You refuse to let out a shriek, but before you crack open your head on the forest floor, you crash into a hard board with arms that envelopes you and catches you. Suddenly, you are dropped into the ground unceremoniously and you yelp ungracefully, muttering a string of curses.

You glare at the person who caught you, but when you find Tobirama's face, your eyes widen.

You are a second too late, but you have to keep up appearances.

"Ow! What the hell?!" You cry out dramatically, clutching your head. You shrink away from him, exaggerating your pain. "That fucking hurt, you snowman-borne oaf!"

Tobirama's face twitches, but he settles for an eye roll. "Really?"

You peer up at him, and you grin. "Do you feel bad yet?"

Tobirama scoffs. "Do you feel shame yet?"

"You know me," you smirk, and you catch his thighs to help yourself up.

"Stop that!" Tobirama hisses. He grabs your arms instead and pries you off of him.

"Calm down, I knew you weren't going to offer your hand to help me up like a gentleman," you brush the dirt from your clothes.

Tobirama stares at you, incredulous. "Well, I wasn't going to hold hands with a stranger."

You fake your hurt and put a hand on your chest. "Tobirama, I am no stranger! We're friends, remember?"

Tobirama's expression withers. "That's a little much. I thought we decided on co-workers."

"Partners!"

"Hell no."

You pout and Tobirama smirks.

"A running start towards the tree will help you," Tobirama suggests, studying the trunk of the tall tree you were just climbing. "Impressive, given that this is a day's work of progress."

Caught off-guard, you smile shyly. "Well, a competition with you is not something I would want to miss."

"I'm going to win," Tobirama brags confidently. "You know that already."

"Give this woman a chance, Tobirama, she'll make you run for your money."

Tobirama raises his eyebrows. "You have some guts to say that to me."

You elbow him. "I think that you lack people who tell you the truth. You are not all that impressive."

"Liar," Tobirama immediately says. He spares you a knowing look.

You look away, trying not to blush. "Yeah, yeah. I lie a lot. You should expect that already."

Tobirama nods, and he seems to be thinking about what he is about to say. You turn to him expectantly, and it catches him off-guard.

"You told me the truth when it counted," Tobirama murmurs after a while.

You frown, trying to remember what he is talking about.

Tobirama is acting really weird and you cannot find a reason why.

"Let's cross swords," Tobirama proposes suddenly.

Your neck is seriously going to break if you keep whipping your head towards him. "What?"

"I said, let's cross our swords," he grits out. "A match or several. With swords."

Tobirama keeps emphasizing each word, and you want to laugh if it was not for his very grim face. What is wrong with him?

This is the first time you have heard someone challenge you like this. It sounds so official, and not at all barbaric.

"Okay," you acquiesce, uncertain.

Tobirama nods and he gestures towards a path leading back into the village. He takes very long strides, and you jog towards him to catch up and walk by his side. You keep glancing at him, but he reveals nothing except the pink tint of his ears.

/

Instead of bokkens, Tobirama opts to stick with real blades and you are starting to wonder whether he has a plan to kill you today. You cannot help jumping into that conclusion because Tobirama has been acting really strange around you. One moment, he is serious and scolding, the next, he seems to make allowances for your jokes and even participates in a banter.

Maybe this is what makes him truly dangerous. He is unpredictable in his own right.

Well, a match is not only defined by skills and strength. Sometimes you have to poke where it hurts the most before the actual fight.

And it seems like Tobirama also knows this.

The two of you stare each other down, one hand on your respective swords, ready to draw it. You observe the clean lines of Tobirama's form, and you see him do the same with you.

At the same time, the two of you brandish your blades and you both hold it in front of you. The blades sing, and you bend your knees lower.

Tobirama watches the expression on your face change, revealing nothing.

He charges first, gaining his advantage to be on the offensive.

Tobirama's strength is greater than yours and you know that you will not be able to take the brunt of his attack with a simple block, so you step forward and to the side to kill his momentum, and you strike down his sword towards the ground.

At the same time, you aim a back kick towards his chest.

Tobirama jumps back, and lunges his blade towards you, but you are quick to duck down and parry his blade.

You slash and he meets your sword, and the two of you size each other up again between the cross of your swords.

He pushes on you downwards, hard and with purpose. You let him, making him lean all his weight down. Your back arcs slightly, and when you feel that he is pushing you with more strength, you sweep your blade to the side and he follows it.

You get away from him, and when you turn back to him, your blade follows, swinging towards him.

Your blades connect, and they make several arcs in the air, before you are able to get behind him and aim an attack behind him. Tobirama immediately steps around you, the front of his body facing the side, and with his sword horizontal and level with his temple.

You regard him, one hand on the hilt of your sword and in front of your body. Tobirama advances, and you slide to your knees, slamming the flat of your blade behind his knees as you pass him by. You get back to your feet, not wasting time to follow it up. Tobirama is slightly bending his knees from the impact, and you quickly swing up and around him, wrapping your body around his, and with your weight and momentum from the swing, you push Tobirama to the ground, and with a flip of your hilt, you align the sharp edge of your blade against the side of his neck. Your palm holds the edge of your hilt, ready to strike him.

Tobirama immediately puts his sword up, pressing it on the side of your neck as well.

"So?" You ask him. You lean forward towards his face. If he chooses to strike you, he will have no room.

There is a storm in Tobirama's eyes, but they are not angry. He looks alive.

"Your win," Tobirama calmly says. His pulse on his neck betrays him as it thrums against your blade.

For a second, you are tempted to lean down even closer.

Tobirama seems to have predicted that because he holds his breath.

Nothing happens.

"I see." You get off of him and sheath your blade back into its scabbard.

You help Tobirama up to his feet, and then he holds his scabbard to slide his sword in it.

"How did you learn how to fight?" Tobirama inquires.

You shrug. "I'd be lying if I said I learned it on my own...but well." You grin. "I was something of a thug, so I learned through fighting rings."

Tobirama does not seem to look shocked at this. "Like for money?"

"Yeah, they bet and stuff. For entertainment." You purse your lips, making sure to guard your tone. "There was this feudal lord's son who knew how to fight. I learned under him for a while…"

Tobirama glances at you with an open look.

You sigh, trying to control the shaking of your voice as you say, "He was not all that good. One thing led to another, and when he pushed me into a corner, I killed him to get away."

You grow quiet at your confession. You surprise yourself that you would reveal this to Tobirama, but you know that he is not the kind of man to run his mouth.

The only thing you worry about is how he will choose to use this information on you.

Like you said. You are diving into the unknown whenever you are with Tobirama.

Tobirama, for once, does not look judgemental. He seems to understand where you are coming from.

"It was not your fault," Tobirama quietly reassured.

You stare at him, bewildered. This is the first time you have heard those words. The world always seems to condemn you, but Tobirama, who you expect to judge you the most, seems to accept what you have done.

You swallow to control the tears that are pricking your eyes.

You let out an uneasy chuckle.

"So, how about that race?"

/

Tobirama seems disappointed that you are going back to your own home, but your week at the Senju household is over, and you must go back to your own space. Throughout the week, Tobirama constantly challenges you, whether it is about sword fighting, general sparring, more tedious studying, target practice with his students and racing through trees.

You have gotten a lot better, even though you still stumble and fall at times, but you are better than the person you were at the beginning of summer.

Tobirama stands by the gate of his house, his arms folded as you face him.

"Don't worry. I'll still be a pain in your ass tomorrow when I see you."

"I am looking forward to it, then," Tobirama replies.

You nod and you gather up the courage to say your next words. You stare at your feet first and then, you take a deep breath.

"Thanks," you tell him nervously. You pause awkwardly. "For everything."

Tobirama slowly nods. "Sure."

"I'm going, then."

Tobirama watches you as you walk away from him, and he walks the opposite way, towards the Hokage's office, towards his brother, where he must attend to his duties.

You walk towards your home, thinking about the small moments that had transpired between you and Tobirama and you find that you are examining each one, and exploring what you feel towards them. You are surprised to find that you do not find yourself running away from it, expecting danger to catch up with you. Sure, Tobirama can be confusing, and he is truly a bastard, but you like spending time with him.

You will never admit it, but he is actually quite kind. Just saying it in your head makes you want to cringe, but you do not want to lie to yourself anymore.

You see your place ahead, but it looks different today. There are things littering the grounds, a mattress, some clothes, and you see the owner of the building toss out more things, and it slowly dawns to you that they are yours .

You gasp, horrified at the sight and you run towards the owner.

"Hey, what the hell?!" You shout. "What is this?!"

The owner glares at you. "You missed the due date for the bills."

"What?" Your throat tightens as you see your own things in disarray on the ground.

The owner throws down the books that Tobirama has given you and you are quick to bend down and pick them up again.

"Couldn't you give me some time? I know I can pay!" You cry out, clutching the books to your chest. "Please."

The owner folds their arms. "And I can make it rain tomorrow." They turn away. "Find some place else. You are evicted."

"Wait!" You desperately. "Please!"

The owner turns to give you an exasperated look. "Are you really an adult? Even an orphan child can fare better than you."

"But I'm a shinobi and I was incapacitated!"

"You should have paid ahead then!"

Hurt strucks your heart and you try to fight the tears that are coming.

"Wait," you whisper after the owner helplessly. Your chest feels tight, and inside, your heart drops to your stomach. You focus on getting breaths in, but it is harder to take in air when you are trying to hold your tears back.

"Shit," you murmur to yourself as you bend down to get your things. You lay out a blanket to the ground to dump your clothes and your necessities into one big pile. "Shit…"

A few people pass by, and they gawk at you as you scramble to get your life together. You hate their sorry looks, and it is so humiliating to be seen like this, crawling and collecting your possessions on the ground.

You laugh bitterly to yourself. Why did you ever think that you could live on your own and manage to hold a place in society? What is the point in all of this?

You wipe a stray tear away and tighten the knot over your blanket. You heave it up and swing it over your shoulder. A headache tears through one temple to the next, but you grit your teeth.

You loathe the idea of it, but you know that it is time to go back. He is the only one who can help you. He has offered you a place, and you will now take it.

So you go back to Madara, under his wing and his shadow.

Your steps are slow, still processing what just happened to you. You make it to the Uchiha compound by nightfall, and you keep going, ignoring the eyes watching your sorry parade. Madara slides his door open to welcome you, his black eyes as dark as the night. He does not seem surprised. He steps aside to let you in, and you drop your things on the floor, like some sort of surrender.

Madara's hand slowly comes up to the side of your face, as if he will startle you. His touch is comforting and gentle, but it reminds you too much of your beginning with him, and you feel like you have ran in circles and still ended up in the same place. You feel like nothing has changed. You are still that person Madara found in the woods, soaked in blood, the nickname Man-Killer uttered by all the cold, dead bodies surrounding you.

"Welcome home," he greets you.

Your eyes swim, and tears fall from your eyes, but it is not from relief. You are frustrated at yourself for letting this happen.

"It's alright," Madara admonishes and you come forward into his embrace. "It's alright."

His hand comes up to the back of your head.

"You are home."

Notes:

OOP-

/

also crossing swords is a way of flirting okay,, that's literally my love language and i am bestowing it upon all of you

Chapter 10:

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

"This is pathetic," Madara mutters under his breath. "Who did this to you?"

You look away from your reflection, and try not to think about Madara's fingers barely touching your scarred back. The two of you are seated on the floor, with your exposed back to Madara. Bandages and other medical supplies lie next to you, and you play with the scissors to avoid his question, spinning it around and flipping the blade in your hand.

"I said, who?"

You look down at your hands. "It's been there, when you found me," you reply tersely.

"How did you kill all those people without using any jutsus?" Madara presses on.

You bite your lower lip. You feel pathetic and small, being watched by Madara like this, baring your past wounds to him.

"Why is your chakra so weak? What happened to you?"

You grit your teeth. You hate questions that prompt you to talk about yourself. You just want to forget it all and start over, but Madara and the Konoha's leader have convinced you to try atonement. Whatever that means.

"Alright, fine. I'll get the answers on my own."

Madara places his hand on your shoulder, and takes your chin so that your eyes meet his red ones through the mirror. Fear washes through you because while you are not entirely familiar with his Sharingan yet, you know that it can put you under a genjutsu. You have had enough people messing with your head and you are not going to allow Madara, even if he saved your life, into your own mind. The next thing you know, you are flipping the scissors in your hand and stabbing the blade into Madara's thigh.

Madara hisses, but he lets go of you.

"Not bad," Madara comments, seemingly impressed.

You shoot him a glare.

Your savior sighs. "The Hokage wants to know. It has been days. We just don't let anyone in. Especially someone who is wanted outside of Konoha."

You glare at him, harder. "Then I'll go."

Madara raises an eyebrow. "And what? Attempt to kill yourself again?"

"If I stay here, I'll die anyway."

"I won't let that happen," Madara promises. "I need you to trust me and if not me, trust Hashirama. He's a good man. You've seen how he is."

You raise your kimono up to your shoulders, and glance at your reflection. You are clean of the blood, but you still feel its stickiness clinging to you, enveloping you like your second skin. It feels disgusting.

"Don't be so weak now," Madara finally says after a lapse of silence. "Don't make me regret saving you. Now, you either tell me your story or I take you to the Hokage and his deranged brother for interrogation."

"Fine," you grit out. "But if you touch me again, I will cut off your dick, and trust me, I have the experience to make it painful for you."

Madara smirks, and you see pride shine in his eyes. You bask in it.

"I promise," Madara says. "Now, why don't we start with ningen satsujin-sha."

You widen your eyes at the nickname, but the reveal of your emotion is only a second. You pull up your mask like a hood over your head, protecting your thoughts and your feelings while shutting off anyone who dares to seek your truth.

/

"You shouldn't have given your money away," Madara says, leaning against the threshold of the door of your room.

You give him a tired look. "What was I even going to do with the money? I wasn't safe to stay around in any place, I'll get robbed. Starving children needed it more."

You put your clothes away into the drawers against the wall. "And I used the rest in getting the place."

Madara sighs and he turns to walk away. "Well, you know you are always welcome here."

You glance at Madara's side profile. You try to feel glad that you are safe and supported by Madara, that he always lets you in, no questions asked, but all you feel is resentment towards yourself for being unable to support yourself. Back then, when he took you in, you felt relieved that someone wants you with them and that you no longer have to fend for your own. It was one less thing to worry about because your world has become smaller. However, you were ready to venture out of that small world. You just did not want to be associated with your past anymore. You wanted to be better.

"You still think I'm worth saving?" You mutter wistfully.

Madara straightens up and you hear him walk towards you. "Don't be so weak." He lowers himself to sit beside you. "I didn't spend all this time teaching you to be strong just to hear you say that."

You shrug. You are starting to question everything.

"You're kind, Madara," you tell him and you meet his obsidian eyes.

Madara sighs and you watch as his hands ball up to a fist and slide down the length of his thigh.

"Your people will talk. This kind of arrangement is not really practical," you start. "Are you okay with that?"

Madara shrugs. "Let them."

You roll your eyes and suppress a smile. "Thanks."

Madara reaches over and pats your head. "Go sleep. We'll talk more tomorrow."

You look for an excuse to make Madara stay as you did not want to be left alone with your thoughts, but you let him go. You owe him too much, and making him stay will just remind you that you will not be able to pay him back for all the things he did for you.

Madara takes one last glance at you, and then he slides the door close, leaving you in the candlelit room.

/

"Oh, fuck," you exclaim tiredly as you drag yourself into the library.

Tobirama glances at you above his papers, unamused. "Training to be early for tomorrow?"

"Sorry," you cringe. You are not even able to come up with an excuse. "Things came up."

Tobirama narrows his eyes at you, and you know that work is the only thing on his mind. You settle on the seat across him and he hands you a fresh pile of papers that are sewn on the edge.

"A rough draft of the curriculum," Tobirama explains. "The textbooks should be coming by next week."

You flip through the pages, eyes skimming through the passages that the two of you have painstakingly written in the past two months. On top of this work, you have been training your ass off, so seeing results flood in, such as this physical copy and your strengthening chakra, it almost makes you tear up. All of the small steps you have taken to achieve this, they have not gone to waste.

"And the weapons?" You croak out. It doesn't even matter if you got kicked out of your own home. Just holding the tangible results in your hands makes you forget all the troubles plaguing you at the moment.

"It will be coming in late," Tobirama replies.

A ghost of a smile spreads through your lips. "Well, at least I have this going for me," you murmur.

Tobirama stares at you, and in your peripheral vision, you see his hands tighten into a fist.

"Just go through that today, proofread, take notes on what is not clear and what we should take out," Tobirama says. "Have it done by tomorrow so I can go through it as well."

You glance at him. "Tomorrow?"

"Time is running out," Tobirama vaguely replies and you shrug.

"Sure, sure."

You turn the page over to get started.

/

Not wanting to go home yet, you take to the streets of Konoha, heading towards the busiest parts during this time. You observe the life around you–children running and laughing along, couples walking shoulder to shoulder, gazes away from each other and when the other is not looking, and then you look at the individuals, those who are alone but they choose to be out here to live their life.

You realize that you have been an observer for a long time, until Hashirama put you up to work with Tobirama and it made you want to plant yourself here and grow. You just want a life to live and to fight for. Maybe you do not deserve this chance, but something has changed Madara's mind to not kill you off, and you do not want to disappoint him or blow this up spectacularly. You want to care and touch lives and make a difference.

You keep walking, until the sun is setting down and your feet are starting to tire. You tighten your hold on the draft of the curriculum, reminding yourself that you participated in it and that it is a symbol of your new start here in this village.

You have been running all your life.

Maybe the time has come to stop.

You smile to yourself as you walk towards the Uchiha compound, and you promise yourself that this is only temporary. You try not to give yourself a hard time and instead you tell yourself to work harder so that you can get your own place again.

You hurry your steps once you are inside, and it seems like Madara has made good on his words because no one even spares you a glance or a whisper. Still, it makes you feel like a sore thumb, but you bear it for now. It is temporary.

Once you get home, you hear Madara's voice speaking in a low, meditative tone. He sounds calm but his voice is far too detached and it sends a chill down your spine. You try to listen in but you do not hear a clear word from whoever is talking to him. Your hand shakes as it comes up to open the door, but before you can touch it, the door quickly slides open and Madara stands in front of you, his expression cold and unreadable.

Madara peruses your face for a moment, but then he stands aside to let you in. Wordlessly, you slip off your sandals and head to your room. You spare Madara one more glance, but he is looking elsewhere. You want to call out his name and ask him what is wrong, but he is already stepping out, his footsteps silent and the darkness of the night rolling over his shoulders.

/

The following weeks before the new school year of the Academy starts become a flurry of all-nighters and rewriting and revising the curriculum and the lessons. You are also tasked to find instructors that specialize in specific subjects for Tobirama to vet and this presents an opportunity for you to get to know more people, even though you are a little bit wary of introducing yourself and making your face known.

After Nuga, you feel the need to glance back behind your shoulder, and sometimes you think that someone is looking at you, but maybe you are just being paranoid. Though at the same time, your instincts have never failed you.

"Oh, sensei?"

You turn towards the person calling you, and you watch as Sarutobi Hiruzen jogs lightly to catch up to you. An easygoing smile lights up his face and you cannot help smiling back in return.

"Hey, kid," you greet and you reach over to ruffle his hair. "What's up?"

Hiruzen shrugs. "I saw you heading towards the Sarutobi compound. I thought I'd be your guide."

You raise an eyebrow at Hiruzen. "What, why?"

Hiruzen smiles secretively, but he says nothing.

You stare at him some more.

Hiruzen's smile morphs into discomfort. "Because you'll get lost?" He offers.

"Try again," you tell him. You put an arm around the boy's shoulder. "Let me tell you a secret, Hiruzen. I know when someone is keeping something from me."

Hiruzen stiffens and he steps away from you. "Okay! Tobirama-sensei told me to watch you and help you out today."

"Huh?" You are completely baffled at this. Your mind comes up blank.

Hiruzen stares at you awkwardly, and then, his eyes come into a realization. "Oh. Wow."

You roll your eyes. "Why would your sensei ask you to watch me? Does he think I'm going to do something illegal?"

Tobirama's student looks at you with confusion. "No?" He glances at the ground. "Uh, I think he just did not want you to be alone."

"How sweet," you say sarcastically. "I thought we trust each other now."

Hiruzen laughs and gestures towards his home. "I don't think it's like that, sensei. He's probably worried about you."

You roll your eyes. "Sure. Let's go with that." You gesture towards your path. "Lead the way, brat."

Throughout the day, Hiruzen leads you to meet with members of different clans, and this forces you to be more patient and polite, a skill that you really did not have to polish before until you came here. It makes you think of the only person you did not have to worry about speaking your mind with. You know that Tobirama does not really take it personally most of the time and he is just as scathing with his comebacks. Talking with him is always stimulating and not at all boring, and if it is a good day, you also learn something new.

Thinking of Tobirama, you start to get amused. You cannot help the giddy feeling bubbling in your chest when your thoughts go to him. He is like a science experiment, where you poke him in several areas to get a result. Poking him in one place does not always yield the same effect so that makes him all the more interesting.

There is just so much about him that you want to know, and that makes you want to spend more time with him, or force your way into his peaceful bubble just so you can get a lesson or two from him.

He is smart, capable and a really good fighter. You just want to keep on crossing swords with him and gauge his reactions through the space between your respective blades.

He also makes you want to be your best self because in your competitions with him, you want to show him that you are also capable and someone who he can trust.

Sure, his personality is a little rough, but his students love him and brag about him all the time. Not to mention, his heart is in the right place. He is just so good.

It makes you a little jealous.

You laugh to yourself. You are being silly and these thoughts are becoming too ridiculous.

"Sensei?" Hiruzen calls, pulling you out of your secret Tobirama slander time.

"Yeah?" You respond absentmindedly.

"Give Tobirama-sensei a chance, okay?" Hiruzen says. "He's a little mean at times, but he always has good intentions. Though he tends to always believe that he is in the right."

You roll your eyes. "You do not have to tell me twice. Do you know how many times we have argued because he's being an asshole?"

Hiruzen laughs. "I think you're the only one who argues with him. Others tend to shrink away and let him win."

You sigh. "See? It's my job to argue with him! Who else is going to tell him that he's wrong?"

Hiruzen laughs start to grow in volume.

"Those poor people. He's such a bastard. I can't stand him."

Hiruzen pauses, his laugh stuck on his face. No sound is coming out of his mouth. "You can't?"

"I mean, at times, he's okay!" You reason. An unwilling smile makes your cheeks hurt. "Like, when we fight with swords? He's so good!"

Hiruzen frowns a little.

"But I hate that he's so moody at times. You need to tell him that he needs to lighten up, but then he's so hilarious when he's in a mood. He makes it so easy for me to pick on him."

Hiruzen makes a sound that makes it seem like his gut just got punched. "Um, sensei? You're also kind of...mean."

You burst out laughing. "Am I?"

"You know, the two of you are pretty similar," Hiruzen says and he starts to walk away from you. "I will get going now!"

You stare after Tobirama's student, his words ringing in your head. It makes you want to stomp your feet in protest. Similar? To that bastard? In which world?

This is unbelievable.

And this is ridiculous.

You want to pull your hair out. You are also starting to use Tobirama's favorite words.

/

Tobirama is starting to distance himself from you, but given that he is so busy with the Academy preparations and the public event that is going to be held for it, you do not think much of it. However, he is more snippy than usual, so you avoid him by going to your corner in the library to work on your own parts.

You want to talk to him, but then, you stop yourself.

You did tell him that you will get out of his hair once this is over, and it is about to be over. Maybe he is practicing for it. You should also probably start so that by the time you two part ways, it won't be a big deal.

The heavy feeling on your chest at that thought does not let up though. In fact, it makes your heart squeeze a little.

You sigh, and you give yourself three counts to soothe yourself.

It's going to be okay.

No, it's not, you pout to yourself.

You think you are going to miss the sword fights.

/

Another week rolls through, and the two of you are scrambling to get it all together. Textbooks are finally reviewed and are being reprinted for the final versions. The curriculum is also finalized, but Tobirama holds on to it to keep it safe and in good condition. The weapons have come in and have been tested to be safe for use, and the instructors that you and Hiruzen found are being interviewed by Tobirama. He is also preparing to hold a conference to train them on what to teach each grade level, and setting down the official requirements to move up the shinobi ranks.

Tobirama stares at you more than usual, as if he is imploring you to do something, but before you can stare back, he is avoiding you like the plague. You are not a mind-reader and he is confusing you.

Because Tobirama has taken it upon himself to handle the rest, you have more free time than you'd like. He wants everything to go smoothly and up to his standards, so you just let him attend to the little details.

You are walking around the village again to waste your free time, but now that you have some space to really think, you cannot shake the feeling of being watched. Maybe your paranoia is warranted.

You round the corner, and then you circle around, trying to weed the person out.

Suddenly, a knife presses against your back.

"Make a spectacle or I will gut you right here," the person quietly threatens. The voice is light and feathery, like a tickle in your ear.

"As if," you retort.

"Ningen satsujin-sha," the person says. "The price above your head continues to grow."

"Is that so?" You muse, a smirk spreading through your lips. "I do deserve a higher price than what is being offered previously."

The person guides you into an empty street, and keeps you walking far and towards the edge of the village.

You stop.

"What are you doing? Keep moving," the person commands. Now, you are sure that this is a girl.

"Or what? You'll gut me?"

You feel the press of the knife against your back, the sharp end starting to poke your skin. You let out an exhale through your nose.

A showdown inside the very village that took you in was not something you expected. You wish that things are different.

You suddenly step your foot back and dig your heel into the woman's toes. You hear a cry, and you whirl around to catch their wrist and their elbow and you twist, making them let go of their knife. Then, you sweep them off their feet by knocking your leg on the back of their knees.

"Who sent you?!" You demand. You step on their neck.

The woman stares up at you with wide brown eyes. "I'm just a bounty hunter! Your head will feed my family for the next two years."

You grit your teeth. "Well, if you know me at all, I can tear you to shreds and leave your family to fend on their own. I heard from the farmers that this winter will be harsh."

The woman's jaw hardens, and their eyes narrow at you hatefully. "Once a killer, always a killer. Don't you know how many men have not come back to their own families because of you?"

"Then they should have known not to come after me."

The words taste bitter once you have spoken them. You loathe it. You have changed your ways, but still, there are constant reminders of your past.

Something must have changed on your face because the woman grabs your ankle and usurps your balance and knocks you to your back. Your breath leaves you from the impact and for a second you cannot breathe.

You stare up at the woman defiantly.

"Die, Man-Killer," she growls, holding a knife over her head.

"I don't do that anymore!" You shout. You lock your legs around her and you twist your body to make her fall.

"I don't care!" The woman desperately cries.

"Stop it," you hiss as her knife grazes your arm and up your shoulder.

The woman yells out a cry as she gains an advantage on you, and you can only raise your arms to defend yourself.

"I can help you!" You scream out, suddenly remembering Nuga and the job that he supposedly has for you. "I know someone!"

The woman pauses. "What?!" She demands.

"I know someone who can give you a job," you explain to her, trying to sound calm. "The price is just as high as my head."

At this part, you hope it is true.

"I know you just want to feed your family," you start, opening up your palms to let her know you are not going to attack. "And I probably deserve to die, but please, let me help you."

The woman takes a moment to consider. Then, she gets off of you when she made up her mind.

"This better be good, Man-Killer," she snarls.

"Stop calling me that, I don't do that anymore," you snap. "I have a name."

You meet the woman's eyes. She stares you down.

"Let's go," you tell her.

/

The moment the conference for the new instructors was finished, Tobirama is rushing out of the Academy building, his feet bounding towards the direction of your home. He needs to talk to you as soon as possible, and he knows that in order to be in your good graces and for you to trust him, he needs to tell you what he is about to do.

This has been bothering him for the past few weeks, when in the first place, it should not. He is not the type to disclose information to anyone unless they need to know it, but with you, that changes and just admitting it makes his chest tight and uncomfortable. He wants to garner your respect, albeit grudgingly. He wants to make you understand him, which was something he had never desired before to someone who is not family, and though he knows that he can be impossible to talk to, he needs to try.

The public event to announce the new and reformed Academy is now set and important people outside of Konoha are invited. His name and yours will be publicized, and when people put a name to your face, they may recognize you as the Man-Killer .

Tobirama sighs and he stops just outside your home. He looks around and he tries not to pace as he thinks of his next words. He feels like an idiot.

He slowly infuses a little bit of chakra, checking if you are home, but instead of your presence, a stranger is in your own home. Tobirama's eyes darken and he wastes no time getting to your door. He flies over the steps and he doesn't care if his footsteps on the wooden floor are loud and disruptive.

His hand goes to the knob and he shakes it open, and even though it is locked, he does not like the way it gives up so easily. The door flies open, revealing a confused and frightened young man, holding a cooking utensil dripping with oil.

"Who are you?!" Tobirama barks.

The man freezes up.

Tobirama looks around, and he does not recognize your things in the small room. "Where is she?"

The man slowly raises arms up. "W-who?"

Tobirama realizes that you are not here at all. He looks at the man, who is gulping with fear.

Tobirama stands there longer than necessary, and then he starts for the door.

"You should get that fixed," Tobirama advises and he hurries out of there, trying not to fume with embarrassment.

Tobirama's eyebrows furrow as he storms into the street, tearing into the busiest parts as he can feel you heading towards the school of blacksmiths. He pays no mind to the people that are passing by him and bumping into him, and when he arrives to where you are, he sees that your arm is bleeding and your sleeve is coated with your blood. A woman follows you into the school, her knife pressed against your side.

You knock the woman's hand off in distaste and Tobirama smirks in amusement, despite the worry that he feels. Even at knifepoint, nothing scares you.

He gets closer, trying to find a spot to hear you better. Through one of the windows, he sees you talk with Nuga. He presses his ear through the glass, trying to make out the muffled words being exchanged.

Nuga's gray eyes narrow at the woman suspiciously, then Tobirama notices that he looks at you with admiration.

"Fine, fine," Nuga murmurs, a hint of a smile on his lips.

Tobirama frowns, trying to read the conversation through the shape of your mouths.

"How much? " You say.

Tobirama holds his breath. Are you going to take the job that Nuga was talking about? Are you going away?

Nuga replies with the price and you turn to the woman with brown eyes and you grab the front of her clothes.

" Now go," you tell her and you release her by pushing her towards the door. "Never come back."

The woman glares at you. "More will come after you."

"Let them."

"You're lucky you can bargain for your life," she says. "Not many of us can do that."

Your face darkens at this, and you turn away as the woman exits the school.

Tobirama releases the breath that he has been holding and he turns away as the woman walks out. He makes up his mind to follow the woman, but when you step out the door, Tobirama remembers your bleeding arm.

Damn it, Tobirama mentally curses. Nothing is clear when you are involved.

He stalks after you and calls your name.

You turn to him, and Tobirama observes the fierce look on your face. It is a huge chip off of the mask you put up and he finds that he likes this better. There is something so fresh about the way your eyes glitter dangerously, and the way your shoulders tense up as if you are about to strike out at him.

"I can't be dealing with your shit right now, Tobirama," you brush him off and keep walking.

Tobirama follows after, because he is stubborn. "Your arm."

"I fell," you lie.

Tobirama sighs. He is not having it. "Liar."

You stop and kick dirt towards his feet. "What? What now?"

Tobirama falters. He can feel that you are really pissed.

"Really? What did you even expect?" You snap, turning heads in the street. "I lie. That is what I do. Now get off my dick."

Tobirama lunges forward and grabs your uninjured arm before you can go.

"Enough," Tobirama asserts, and he glares at you. "We are getting that patched up."

"I have to talk to your brother," you sneer and you try to wrestle your limb from him. "He can take care of it."

Tobirama slowly lets go of you, and he tries not to let his disappointment sink into his heart.

"Fine," he murmurs.

"Fine."

Tobirama watches you walk away from him, his words dying in his throat. He dampens down the desire to speak with you. It can wait another day.

/

Hashirama studies your arm carefully, gently pulling off the torn and bloodied sleeve. The two of you sit in silence for a moment as Hashirama tends to your arm, and when he is finished, you recount to him the events of the day. The Hokage listens, his face serious and not a trace of his usual happy go lucky manner. You try to control your voice and keep it even, pausing when you need to take a deep breath, and keeping your tone low.

Hashirama nods, and he does not interrupt you.

At the end, you make a request.

"Are you sure about this?" Hashirama repeats, eyes watching your face closely.

You resist the urge to fold your arms over your body. "I have no choice, Lord Hokage. They will always come for me. I simply have run out of time."

"This village is your home now," Hashirama says. "We will protect you. Madara and I will do anything."

"I know," you say, your voice disappearing. "That…is what I am afraid of, Lord Hashirama. You know me, and what consists of my past. I can only bring you all down."

"This is a long-term mission, you will come home after this," Hashirama decides.

"Lord Hokage," you protest. "With what I have done–"

"–is not a cross you must carry all your life," Hashirama interrupts. He gazes at you with an understanding look. "You will come home. That is an order."

You sigh, and you cannot help the smile that is flitting upon your lips. "I will go, right after the announcement of the new reformed Academy."

Hashirama nods and takes your hands, and then he squeezes them tenderly. "You have clearly made up your mind. I will no longer hold you up. Go, you have my blessing."

"Thank you, Lord Hokage."

Hashirama nods, and then he lets go of your hands.

Notes:

and the REAL slow-burn starts lmaooo i hope i am not boring any of you. i promise things will pick up right after this. also this is actually the first real slow-burn i've written...soooo lol hope it's actually going well hehehehe

reading slow-burns are so fucking fun until you write them. because. fuck. so many good scenes i have thought up and i am not even half-way there. CAN I JUST BE FLASH FOR A MOMENT SO THAT I CAN WRITE QUICK

also time-skip alert next chapter.

thank you for reading!

Chapter 11: II.I - Show Yourself

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

"You're really going?" Madara inquires. He is seated in front of you, with a small wooden table between. A candle and two cups of tea sits on its surface.

You smile at him. "Yeah. I need to make amends. Help out those who need help and be good, whatever that means."

Madara's eyebrows knit in worry. "I could come with you."

You let out a chuckle and you reach for your friend's hand. "It's okay. I can handle my own. You know I need to do this."

Madara looks at you doubtfully, then he stares at your hand on top of his. For a moment, the two of you sit in silence. You glance at Madara's face, the candle light flickering shadows on his skin. You notice the dark bags underneath his eyes and you worry about whether he is not getting any sleep. Madara moves his hand to cover yours, and he squeezes it.

"I…" Madara starts. He presses his thin lips together.

You raise your eyebrows up, expectant.

"Nevermind," Madara sighs.

You lean forward to encourage him. "Come on. You can tell me anything."

Madara's eyes grow hesitant. His thumb grazes over your skin, and the action makes you swallow your words. This makes you sad. Someone finally cares about you and you are going to leave them behind.

"Madara," you whine.

"What will you do when you get back?" Madara asks tentatively.

You stare at your friend, trying to think. You did not think about this ahead. "I do not know."

"Will you still pursue a career of being a shinobi?"

"Of course," you tell him. "It is my life."

Madara nods, and he looks to the side. "Will you be happy, if you do?"

Your eyes swim for a moment. "Madara, what is going on?"

Madara retracts his hand and buries it underneath the table. "Nothing."

"Madara?" You call for him. "Thank you for everything you've done."

Madara nods, and a small smile softens his cold features. "Don't die. I will not forgive you, if you do."

You smirk, and you slowly stand up. "That's a given."

You head towards the exit of his room. You hesitate to slide it open, your fingers resting at the handle.

"I do not have any plans. I do not have a dream either," you start to say. "But I want to figure it out. See where I stand in the grand scheme of things."

You move your arm to slide the door open.

"That is not an easy path to take," Madara warns, moving his hand to take his cup.

"When did I ever want easy?" You give him a huge grin, one full of bravado. If you are being honest, you are afraid of going out there once again, but this is the way forward.

Pride is the last thing you see from Madara's eyes before you close his door.

/

You do not see Tobirama until the day you have to be on the Academy grounds, where the ceremony to announce its new curriculum and reformation is going to happen. You stay by the sidelines, your eyes tracking him as he moves about. His face and his demeanor is calm, but there is an air of frenzy surrounding him, as if his skin is itching but he cannot scratch it to ease his discomfort. The sun travels high across the sky, and the expression on Tobirama's face becomes worse. His eyes start to squint, giving an impression that he is glaring at just about anything he sees, and the lines of his face start to form a scowl.

People start to gather in front of the Academy, children, parents, and people visiting from outside of Konoha. You stick to the shadows, carefully watching your back just in case another person tries to pull a knife on you again.

That is the only reason you want to get out there again–to offer help to anyone who is desperate to go after you, and to stop the bounty on your head. You know that you must come back to where it all began. Instead of hurting others, you want to use your skills to save because you think you can do it. Hashirama and Madara believe you can do it.

You wait for a little bit more, and finally, Hashirama and Tobirama take to the stage that was quickly built this morning. Hashirama says a few good words after retelling the brief beginnings of Konoha and the alliances between the clans that reside in it, and then, he steps aside to let his brother speak.

Tobirama glares at the crowd. You watch him with amusement.

"My brother has a vision of what the Academy can be," Tobirama begins. "It is not only a place to train young shinobis, but it is also a place to foster an environment where they can excel in many areas such as the sciences and the arts. I proudly announce that I have reformed the Academy to be exactly that…"

You frown.

Tobirama finishes his speech and goes on to summarize the curriculum by reading the titles and its author . There is no mention of your name anywhere. Not even a slight reference to you.

Something hot washes over you, and it makes your head dizzy.

When Tobirama steps off the stage, he nods at everyone and his brother and welcomes the people to explore the Academy.

You fight through the crowd to get to him, but he gets farther and farther away.

You see Hashirama clutching a copy of the curriculum in one arm as he entertains a few children.

You wait for an opening, and you fake your smile as you greet Hashirama and ask to see the book.

You stare at the first page where Tobirama's name is printed. Your head becomes empty.

Suddenly, you push the book back into Hashirama and you bound after Tobirama with a boiling determination to bury your fist into his face. You try not to shout his name in the crowd, and instead, you run to him and you violently push him into another direction.

"I can't believe you!" You almost shout, once the two of you step into the empty classroom.

Tobirama's hard expression does not change.

You have never felt rage like this. You have been angry to the point that it gives you enough power to destroy things, but this rage is different. You only see fire, and it makes your heart burn and your face hot. Most of all, it makes tears prick your eye, making your vision blurry. All you can do is yell out because this one really stings.

"Are you not going to say anything?" You bark. "Say something or I am going to take my katana and fucking stick it up your arrogant, senile ass!"

Tobirama seems to take his time to make up his mind. You are too angry to see the conflict crossing on his face and the more he stays silent, the more you want to rage on. How can he just do this?

"Why aren't you saying something?" You scream, the question tearing at your throat. Your head is spinning. You have never felt like this before.

You feel...betrayed.

Your heart shatters before you can grab the pieces to salvage them.

Tobirama's eyes are rippling with unsaid words, but they settle and they grow indifferent. "You are a criminal. I could not have your name publicized and connected to the Academy."

You gape at Tobirama, realization dawning on you. His suspicions, his need to keep track of you and your movements, his invasive questions to you, his constant monitoring of your abilities and what you can't do.

It is all too much.

"After I tell you something so personal to me," you grit your teeth and clench your fists to keep yourself from throwing him on the ground. "You use it against me in a very prejudiced way?"

You go to a desk, and with sheer strength, you flip it over and it crashes to the floor, knocking back a few chairs.

Tobirama keeps silent and his expression remains stoic. His jaw tightens, and he is also clenching his fists to the point that they are shaking.

"What is going on here?!" Hashirama interrupts, barging in through the classroom doors.

You try not to glare at the Hokage so you keep your eyes to the ground.

"Nothing," Tobirama grinds out.

"Your brother," you slowly start. "Accidentally left my name out on this project you assigned to us, in which we equally worked on."

Hashirama's head snaps to Tobirama, disbelief written all over his face. "Is that why you wouldn't show me the whole thing in the beginning?" He asks his brother.

"You're only in this for the money," Tobirama says through gritted teeth, but it sounds like he is trying to convince himself. He does not even look at you when he says this.

Your mouth drops in shock. "How dare you?!" You have never been so outrightly insulted.

"Tobirama, that is enough!" Hashirama interrupts.

"What is it to you anyway?" Tobirama demands, his face growing even more emotionless. "You're just loud, but there really isn't anything to you. You're just an empty can, clanking around, making noises to get attention."

Hashirama looks shocked at his brother's words, and his eyes flit to you with concern immediately. "Tobirama!" Hashirama scolds, wanting to knock sense into his head.

You stare at Tobirama, and then you turn away when you feel a hot tear slide down your cheek. "Wow," you laugh to yourself. "To my naivety I thought you couldn't get worse. On top of being a jerk, you are also quite egoistic, forget it."

You quickly wipe the tear away, wondering why you cannot depend on your usual facade to hide your hurt away. You take a few deep breaths, and then you turn to Tobirama.

"Get fucked, you bastard," you snarl, and with that, you walk away from him. "I'm glad this is the last time I'll get to see your shitty face."

/

Tobirama stares at the space you just left, and he feels bereft of any feeling except regret. He tries to push it away but it weighs down on him to the point that he is bracing himself on a desk. He is an expert at controlling his emotions and yet, he cannot control the guilt that is taking over him. He feels shame over his own words and he immediately wants to chase you down and take it all back, but he plants his feet and he stares at the surface of the table he is leaning on.

"What did you do?" Hashirama quietly asks, staring at the back of his brother's head.

"Leave me alone," Tobirama says.

"Tobirama," Hashirama calls his name, trying to make him talk.

"I said, leave me alone!" Tobirama slams his palms on the table.

"Tobirama, you are acting like a child," Hashirama scolds, the warmth from his voice undetectable. "I suggest you get it together."

"Or else?" Tobirama retorts, feeling risky today. His brother can be scary when he is angry, and he deserves to receive his brother's wrath.

Hashirama grabs his arm harshly, forcing his brother to look at him. "Why did you do that?"

Tobirama grits his teeth and he does not look his brother in the eye.

"Don't make me repeat myself."

Tobirama takes his arm away and he starts to pace in the classroom. "Do you really want to know why?"

"Yes. Why?"

"Because if her name gets out in public and it is associated with mine, not only will that put a target on her back, she will also get my enemies on top of hers!" Tobirama shouts, his voice almost cracking from his outburst.

Hashirama stares at his brother, processing what he just said. "What?" He breathes out. "It's not because you know about her past or you're being your judgemental self?"

"No! I don't care about that! How could you make her work with me?" Tobirama grows quiet, and he takes his hand and covers his forehead with his palm. "How could you just dump that on me...just how?!" He suddenly bursts out. "She is unbearable!"

Hashirama suddenly understands where his brother is coming from. "You should have just talked to her."

Tobirama glances at the door. "Yeah, well. You could have warned me, elder brother."

"Then would you have worked with her in the first place?" Hashirama asks.

"No," Tobirama scowls.

Hashirama raises an eyebrow. "Exactly."

Tobirama falls silent, and his forehead creases.

"And I am also her Hokage. I can't be giving out her secrets without her permission," Hashirama adds, his voice gentle this time. "You should have told her because she is going away for a mission today."

Tobirama's head snaps at this and he bounds for the door immediately, but his brother stops him.

"Leave her be and give her space," Hashirama advises. "She will be back."

Tobirama shakes his head, but he does not want to impose on you anymore. He leans back into the edge of a table and he folds his arms together.

"She is not who you think she is," Hashirama tells Tobirama.

"I know," Tobirama quietly says, staring at one spot on the floor.

"Tobirama, you are one hell of a fool," Hashirama continues to scold.

Tobirama glances up at his brother. and he grits his teeth "Stop it, elder brother, I am aware of what I did."

He continues to glare daggers on the spot on the floor, and although he is trying to push his guilt away like he is used to doing, it does not abate and it hangs over his head like a kind of condemnation.

He really drove you away, and so easily.

/

"Took you long enough," the woman with the brown eyes–Hina, you remember from the day she attempted to stab you–says, peeling herself away from the shadows of the trees. "We have a deadline to meet."

"I had some men problems," you roll your eyes and you keep walking. "Let's go."

"I'm surprised you even want to tag along, you had a good life in there," Hina says, matching your quick strides. "And why don't you just kill him? It'd save you time."

"How many times do I have to repeat that–"

"Yeah, yeah, you don't do that anymore," Hina finishes and she gives you an unimpressed look. "Why did you even stop? I don't understand."

"I changed my mind, that's it," you lie.

"You felt guilty," Hina surmises. "You never come back from killing, you know."

You raise a shoulder to shrug, too angry to elaborate or to come up with a smart comeback. "Sure."

Hina unsheathes her knife and she flips it over in her hand. "Don't give me that."

"Why? I don't even know you. You tried to kill me, remember?"

"Yeah, but now, we are working together."

You sigh. You are tired of teamwork. It has not served you in any way that benefits you.

"I promise I won't kill you," Hina says, and she uncovers her hood from her head. Reddish brown hair falls down her shoulders and strands fall over her eyes. "Your turn to promise the same thing."

You roll your eyes. "I promise," you obnoxiously exclaim, not really meaning it. "Now, shut up and let's go."

You keep your eyes forward, using this newfound anger in you to not spare the village another glance.

/

Two years later…

Tobirama's nephews push him to take them to the new meat restaurant that just recently opened up. He sighs, but he gives in since he got off work early and they came all the way to fetch him anyway. He watches them fondly as they fight and jostle each other as they walk, and he lets his mind wander about his latest research and the new jutsus that he just came up with. His brother did not approve of some, forcing him to seal them away and storing them in a more secured place. This is becoming a pattern between the two of them, and at times, Tobirama thinks that every jutsu he comes up with is dangerous to his brother.

He cannot blame him, though. Tobirama has been obsessing over his experiments more than usual because there are no more fights to go to. He has made a habit of picking up his pen over his sword.

He has kept himself busy, especially now that other Hidden villages are trying to model right after them. His brother sends him to many diplomatic missions to make allies, establish trade and commerce with nearby lands to make sure that Konoha is flourishing and growing. He also participates more in political games to gain resources and to learn of the newest technology. On top of his duties of being the Hokage's advisor, he is also a teacher and he makes sure that his students are progressing in their careers as shinobi by taking them to espionage missions or bringing them to other lands to protect people and help out wherever they can.

He pushes them, and in turn, he also pushes himself to evolve more. He has a routine that he prides himself on following when he is well enough, but he breaks them occasionally when he is rendered inaccessible due to his bouts of manic passion, where he gets all of his work and thinking done all by himself. Hashirama warns him about self-preservation and reminds him of his many self-inflicted accidents, but Tobirama is not one to worry about himself when he is so close to accomplishing a new feat.

He is unstoppable when he is in his element.

And in his most vulnerable moments, when he feels like the weight of his responsibilities are too much (something he will never ever admit because he is a very proud man who loves what he does), his mind goes to you without his consent. He tries not to think about you at all, but his inhibitions fail him in the worst of times and his worries for you escape his most guarded parts of his mind and to the forefront of his thinking. He does not have feelings of contempt over the fact that this is how he is now, but you are gone. There is no point of fighting himself over feelings that will fade in time. Tobirama hopes they do fade in time.

He has more important matters to attend to. He has lives to look after and take care of. He cannot afford to entertain his sorry feelings.

He is also a shinobi. He trained all his life to set aside personal afflictions for the sake of the bigger picture. He cannot fail himself and his ways.

He has all the time to keep convincing himself that this is how it should be for him.

His many nephews push open the door to the new restaurant, and Tobirama follows after them, warning them to calm down.

Sometimes, having their father's exuberance has its disadvantages.

Tobirama naturally looks around the restaurant, observing the decorations: the traditional paintings of landscapes hanging on the wall and the small, makeshift fountain in the corner, where tiny fishes are swimming, the way the tables and booths are arranged. Then, his heart stops when his gaze lands on the familiar shape of your head. You are seated by the counter, quietly munching on your meal like you have not eaten in days. Your weapons lie on the next chair beside you, and there is a knapsack by your feet.

Tobirama cannot help but marvel at you, and he thinks that he is seeing a ghost because you have been gone for so long. He never thought that he would see you again.

Even in his fair share of travels, he attempts to look for you, and each time, he comes up with nothing and he is nowhere near where you are. He knows his thoughts are becoming more absurd by the moment, but he cannot help but stare at you. He notices that your skin is darker, probably from long exposure from the sun, and there are new healed scars on your arms that he never saw before, but most of all, you are alive.

He has spent so many months wondering if you are safe, that seeing you here is a relief, like a breath that he has been holding so damn long. Tobirama does not know what to say. He couldn't just go there and sit himself near you and start a conversation, not after what he pulled.

He deserves your silence. He deserves nothing from you.

What would he even say in the first place?

That when he no longer hears your vindictive laugh coming after him, when your loud presence and your insulting demeanor are no longer terrorizing him, he has the urge to seek you out.

That despite the fact that he should no longer be thinking of you and what he did to you, he still does, and he does it obsessively, as if taking apart that moment can piece him another result that will not end in you leaving.

Tobirama feels sick as he slides into the booth with his nephews. He is glad that the booth hides him from view, but if he really tries to turn his body, he can easily spot you.

Someone comes to serve them, and Tobirama waits for his turn as his nephews shout their orders out.

/

Arriving just a few hours ago, you hear about a new restaurant that has opened in Konoha. You take your time to get there, observing the new things that are happening in the village. The place has changed a lot in two years, and it seems like the place has also grown in population. You try not to wonder about one of the people leading this village who definitely had a big role in encouraging Konoha to grow this strong, but your mind fails you because the Senju clan's influence is tangible in the air. The people clearly worship their Hokage, because you hear songs in the streets dedicated to Hashirama and poems being recited to tell his feats in battle and in building this village. Naturally, word outside the village travels fast when it comes to the formidable Senju brothers.

You hear that Tobirama has grown into a bigger role of politicking, and you speculate that he prefers to work in the background and have his brother in the spotlight because you do not hear songs or poems about him, or see colorful painted portraits of him being sold in the markets of Konoha.

Again, you try not to think about him, but his absence in the corners of the streets you pass by just pushes your mind to fill in the gaps with him.

Time away from Tobirama did not foster your distaste for him. Instead, you are filled with questions. You want to understand where he is coming from. You want to understand his intentions. You have always known based on your instincts and expertise of reading people that he is the type to lay his life down for this village and his elder brother, that his heart is dedicated to a cause bigger than him. You know deep in your heart, he is a good man, so you want him to talk and explain why he decided to exclude your name from the credit of participating in creating the Academy's curriculum.

Despite his harsh words, he did only speak of the truth. It made sense, though it does not excuse the fact that he hurt you and actively chose to do that.

He should have talked.

You are disappointed in him, because you know that he can do better. You have seen him be better than that.

Your only regret is that you have let your anger blind you for the first time. You are usually pretty good at keeping your cool, but suddenly, when it comes to Tobirama, your feelings become heightened for no damn reason. It's like his face triggers you and your mouth fires off to immediately insult him and make him see and hear you.

You arrive at the new restaurant, and your mouth waters at the sweet and savory smell of meat cooking. It has been a while since you had a good, hearty meal and that is what you will have, before you meet with the Hokage and catch up with Madara.

You keep still in your seat as you wait, trying your best to not walk around and touch everything in the restaurant because it is pretty neat. A group of loud boys enter the restaurant, and you chuckle to yourself, remembering Hashirama's cute sons, but then your food arrives and you quickly take your utensil to eat. You have been so hungry that it does not matter how others perceive you right now.

"The bill, please," you request once you are finished eating.

The waiter hands refills your glass of water. "Your bill has been paid."

"What?" You say in surprise, completely puzzled. "When?"

You clearly did not pay your bill before you ate.

"Just a few moments ago," the waiter replies and he leaves you to your thoughts.

You stare at your filled glass, thinking that you got lucky today and that the restaurant is probably doing this to garner more customers.

You admit to yourself that what they are doing is a good strategy.

You shrug to yourself and gather your things so that you can meet Hashirama. You have been dying to catch up with him, and most of all, you are hoping to get a glimpse of Tobirama.

The anger you felt towards him is gone, and it replaces with an uncomfortable feeling on your chest.

You ignore it, lest it blossoms into something you cannot control.

/

Hashirama greets you with open arms, and he goes to you like an eager child and you are immediately pulled into a huge embrace. You let out a surprised laugh, and Hashirama steps back to examine you. A huge grin spreads across his features and you cannot help reflecting back his sentiments.

"I'm here!" You exclaim.

"Two years, my gods," Hashirama cries out, his hands settling on your shoulders. "You could have sent a letter."

You shrug apologetically. "I'm sorry."

"No matter, no matter!" Hashirama walks back to his desk. "So? Tell me all about it."

You take a deep breath, trying to find the courage to retell what happened to you for the last two years. Different events flash into your mind, but you decide to start from the very beginning. Hashirama nods expectantly, encouraging you.

You leave with Hina, the woman who was sent to kill you. The two of you take the job that Nuga speaks of, which is to assassinate the leader of a growing gang towards the eastern lands, near the ocean. You had offered to help Hina so that she could make it back to her family, and then go on your way from there to offer your skills to help people. However, it did not go as planned.

The gang has controlled the growing ports near the ocean, signifying their growing power. As the two of you infiltrate the living quarters of the leader, swarms of his subordinates flood the hallways and the two of you become surrounded. With no way to go and no hope of accomplishing this job, you and Hina decide to fight your way out.

And in the heat of the battle, Hina gets injured.

You wade through countless bodies, one arm defending the two of you and the other half-carrying Hina. Blood sprays in the air, and your vision is painted red, but you keep going. You have no choice if you want to live. You try not to aim at the most vulnerable spots, and instead, you aim low at their legs or choose to slam the flat of your blade against their heads and swoop them off their feet. You are not free of injuries either, as you feel the debilitating stings of the blade slicing against your arm and your side.

"I'm sorry," Hina whispers as the two of you leave a wake of injured men behind you.

You trudge ahead, not wasting time to put a huge distance between you and the gang of men.

"Hina," you tell her. "You better not die on me."

Hina murmurs your name with a smile. "To fight with you is an honor, Y/n."

You glance at the woman leaning heavily on your shoulder. Half of her body is completely soaked in blood. "Don't say that. What happened to referring to me as the Man-Killer?"

"My family lives in the forest at the very south of the Earth country," Hina says, her voice becoming weaker and weaker. "Please protect them and help them get through the winter."

"Hina," you say. "Don't tell me this."

"You're just human, you know. You don't deserve every bad thing out there."

"Hina," you plead. "Shut up."

"Sorry for your arm…" Hina murmurs.

The buzz of energy you feel that makes your blood pump leaves you, making you feel sluggish. Hina is now leaning her weight on you fully, and you know that the two of you cannot travel far like this, so you settle her down against a tree and you check her injuries.

Blood covers your hands like a pair of gloves, but you do not shrink away in fear or disgust. You do your best to take care of Hina, refusing to look her in the face. The moonlight shines between the spaces of the trees, illuminating her pale skin and her blood-soaked clothes.

"Hina," you whisper fearfully.

You do not get another response.

You fall to your ass on the ground, feeling defeated. You rest your elbows on your knees, and you stare at Hina, feeling empty. After a minute, you make yourself reach for Hina's hand, and you hold it, until the warmth from her body fades away. You let her know, as she leaves her body, that you are there for her and that she was not alone.

Then, before the sun rises, you do your best to clean her up, wiping away the blood from her face and arms, and you cover her with your own garment. You make her a grave, even though your body is tired and in pain.

When morning comes, you have her knife strapped with your swords, and you head towards the direction of her home.

The trip takes almost two months, and in those months, you practice travelling through trees using your chakra to propel yourself from one branch to the next. You get tired, and you require long rests, but towards the end, you feel yourself getting stronger and more aware of your power. You pass many towns, luscious forests and dry deserts until you are in another country, taking extra care to watch your back.

It takes another two weeks until you find Hina's family, and you find them in the old Hina fashion, with one of her siblings sticking a knife on your back. You disarm her younger brother easily enough, but the youngest sibling is on a tree branch above you, aiming an arrow to your head.

"I come in peace," you announce, immediately raising your hands and dropping the boy's knife. "Hina sent me."

"Where is our sister?"

"I have her knife. She died from a job," you tell them.

The girl glares at you. "Did the famed ningen satsujin-sha get her?"

You swallow nervously. "No." The guilt swallows you, even though your hand did not strike her down.

"Are you her friend?"

You try to think if the short time you spend with Hina can be called friendship. "No." You decide.

The girl fires her arrow, and you quickly dodge it. You glance back to see where the arrow hits and you narrow your eyes. If you were a little slower, she could have gotten your eye.

"Good shot," you compliment. "Your sister told me to help you for the coming winter. You do not need to trust me, but I can help you. Her last words were focused on you."

The girl eyes you suspiciously, and despite the grim situation, you break out into an uneasy grin. The shape of her face reminds you of Hina.

"I promise I'll get out of your hair soon enough. I just want to make good on my promise to Hina. I am of your service for as long as you see fit."

You end up staying with them for a year and a half. You help Hina's family with hunting and house repairs. When the hunting is fruitful, you help the kids barter for money and other goods through skinned fur and meat that will help them prepare for the seasons. You also teach the kids how to fight, just in case they need to defend themselves. You help chop down firewood and you also fashion two bokkens for Hina's siblings, and you promise to teach them swordfighting during the summer.

Through Hina's family, you learn a thing or two about forgiveness and compassion.

Hina's parents hated you the moment they saw you. They blame you for their daughter's death. Harsh words usually bounce off of you and in fact, you feed on harsh words because you have an arsenal of your own. Though this time, you choose to ignore their harsh words and practice your tact. Though there are other places you could be, you choose to plant your feet and follow Hina's dying wishes, and that means ensuring that they can live through the fast-approaching winter.

When the harsh winter passes, Hina's mother gives you a scarf and serves you a bowl of hot soup. Hina's father offers you their couch to crash on and asks if you could stay with them a bit longer, and look out for their kids.

You could be in other places to pursue your own salvation, but instead, you choose Hina's family to make it right with.

After the next winter and spring, you leave them, and you head towards Konoha, towards home.

You were not able to erase the bounty over your head, but helping Hina's family, that finally felt like atonement. It finally felt like your actions are starting to mean more than just fighting and looking out for your own life.

You did not get all the answers you are looking for, but for now, you feel like you are finally on the right track.

You take a deep breath, and look the Hokage in his eyes. It is completely nightfall, and Hashirama has lit a few candles to make the room brighter. You observe his misty eyes and you chuckle to yourself, because despite your absence, nothing has changed.

"I'm sorry for what you've gone through," Hashirama begins, but he does not say anything more, letting a pregnant silence dawn between the two of you.

"You do not have to worry about the bounty over your head," Hashirama finally says as he settles on his chair again.

Your gaze snaps to Hashirama's face, on full alert.

"How come?"

Hashirama smiles, and he looks giddy. "My brother pleaded for your case and did some negotiations while you were gone. It is erased. You are free."

Your jaw drops open in shock. "What?"

Hashirama smiles softly. "You know he feels really bad for what he did to you."

"I knew it," you whisper in disbelief.

Hashirama sighs and he taps his chin. "I know you might hate him, and I am not excusing what he did! He is wrong for that. He is so wrong."

You chuckle and you let out an exasperated sigh.

"My brother and I have countless enemies," Hashirama explains and he meets your eyes seriously. "You have your own burden to carry and he did not want to add any more by associating your name with his. He wants you to be free and not be tied down by the village to do what you need to do."

The urge to look for Tobirama and punch him grows stronger. You have forgiven him long ago, but Tobirama seems to have forgotten that communication exists. If he just told you this in the first place, then you wouldn't have spent the last two years cursing his name in your mind and making you think that he is a horrible person.

"Well, I do hope that you catch him soon so that the two of you can talk," Hashirama emphasizes the last word. "Knowing my brother, it will take years for him to admit anything true to himself, but he is kind, I can promise you that."

You let out a laugh, and warmth spreads across your chest. You shake your head with disbelief, and the excitement you feel makes you want to run through the streets of Konoha in joy.

"I will let him know that you are back," Hashirama promises. He smiles fondly at you. "And Madara has been waiting for your return."

The mention of your friend makes you start for the door. You can hardly wait to see Madara again. It has been too long. You think you may start crying just thinking of him.

"Lord Hashirama, thank you," you tell the Hokage sincerely, with all of your heart.

You mean it, and with the bounty lifted and your heart set on the right path, you feel like you have taken a breath of fresh air. You can finally make your new start here, in Konohagakure.

You are free.

Notes:

Tobirama does the equivalent to "get out of my school" meme to his crush here... this man is a mess,, honestly 99 of his 110 problems can be solved if he just...talks...

thanks for reading !

and tobirama's weird way of courting begins, next chapter LMFAOOOOOO this is going to be such A MESS

Also is there even a forest in earth country I was totally pulling shit from my ass sorryyyy

Chapter 12:

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

You cannot find Tobirama anywhere, no matter how hard you look for him. You search the Hokage mansion and its many rooms, wait outside the Senju compound like a fool to get a glimpse, but Tobirama is nowhere to be found in the usual places you know he is supposed to be. You also wait around outside the Hokage office discreetly, but Tobirama is not there either, and instead, you get found out by Hashirama and Madara.

Madara stares at you, his expression unreadable. Hashirama is smiling with no teeth, trying his best not to laugh.

"For a Hokage who claims to be busy, you sure do have a lot of time to….walk around," you finish lamely.

Madara lets out a small cough and he rolls his eyes at you, sending you a knowing look. "You're not going to find him out and about in public."

Hashirama claps his hands together. "That's right! He's probably busy messing around in his laboratory."

Hashirama and Madara walk towards you, and you are forced to walk in between them. The three of you head outside, with no specific destination in mind.

"Have you two talked yet?" Hashirama inquires.

Madara glances down at you, trying not to be too curious.

"No…" You reply. "I think he's avoiding me."

"He won't be able to avoid you if you keep on hanging around outside the Senju compound," Madara points out. "Like a stalker. Or worse, a beggar."

You shoot Madara an offended glare.

"Oh please," Hashirama shoots his friend a look. "You are welcome to stop by anytime and visit. We'd love to have you again."

You feel your cheeks heat. "That is not necessary."

Hashirama's shoulders shake slightly from his laugh. "Oh, you two. You guys are so silly."

"Don't encourage them," Madara interrupts Hashirama, then he glances at you. "You deserve better."

You cringe inwardly.

"Oh, by the way, Mito has stopped setting Tobirama up for dates so he's really free now," Hashirama includes, as if this is information that you need to know.

"Okay, I guess," you slowly say, not really sure how to respond to this. Each second they keep mentioning Tobirama to you makes you more confused and flustered. It is more than you can comprehend.

"If he is bothering you," Madara painstakingly interrupts Hashirama's intentions, "just scream and I will be there."

Hashirama laughs uneasily.

The two men sandwiching you between them suddenly quiet down and freeze. You feel Hashirama push you forward, forcing you to look straight ahead, where you spot the person that is blocking your way.

You stare at Tobirama, and it is like you are seeing him again for the first time. You feel yourself still, as the rest of the world moves around you. You are vaguely aware of Hashirama pulling Madara away to give you two some space, but your focus is completely stolen by Tobirama. He looks more mature and young at the same time, but he is still just as handsome, if not more. His hair is still the same shocking white pile of a bird's nest, unruly, and yet, you find yourself wondering if it feels softer than it looks. You notice that he seems to be more muscular than the last you saw him, his fitted dark clothes sticking to his skin that makes each line of muscle sharper than it looks.

Or maybe he has always been like this and distance from him has changed your perspective.

You are not sure how to react. You have been seeking him out to give him a piece of your mind, but at the same time, you just feel this relief settling in your chest, as if your heart has been twisting all this time and this is the moment it chooses to unwind and finally relax and let it beat properly.

You feel an urge to get him alone and just talk it out with him.

Realizing the direction your thoughts are taking, you mentally slap yourself. You never had to miss someone like this before.

"My eldest nephew got married," Tobirama starts, as if this is vital information for him to share, and you hear someone snickering behind you.

It sounds a lot like Hashirama.

Tobirama glares in your direction, but it is not towards you.

"Come with me," Tobirama suddenly commands, and he turns around to walk away, not even checking if you're following him.

You pause for a moment, a little bewildered by Tobirama. Then, you notice him slowing down his steps to wait for you and despite your chagrin, you finally allow yourself to bound after him, jogging lightly to catch up.

Tobirama leads you through the streets, walking very quickly and without saying a word. You try to think of what to say to him, and you also want to thank him for what he did for you, but whenever you would open your mouth, Tobirama hastens his pace, and the words get stuck at the back of your throat. It is like he does not even want to hear you speak.

You start to notice that the two of you are climbing up the Hokage mountain and a funny thought of Tobirama pushing you off crosses your mind. Does he still hold some grudge against you? Are the two of you about to butt heads over what he pulled years ago with the Academy? Even if he did basically help you get pardoned, Tobirama is a man who dedicates his heart fully to the village. He would do anything to help the people that he serves.

The trek is long and hard. The unpaved road is slippery and unstable, and there are rocks slipping off occasionally as you two make your way up. Your breaths are loud in your ear, and despite having a good stamina, you find yourself tiring already because you have been feeling too jittery all the way up.

You try not to complain, but the sun is high up in the sky, and it is making your eyes tear up from the brightness.

"Are we there yet?" You ask him, trying to find a stable foothold.

Tobirama does not reply and he keeps going.

"Hey, when are you going to talk to me?" You ramble on, not even considering politeness anymore. Tobirama should be used to it by now. "Mind you, it is your fault that we left on a bad note two years ago. You know I really thought we were growing closer, but you pull some heinous shit–fuck!"

You almost slip but you catch yourself.

Tobirama glances at you, and his silence is beginning to annoy you.

"Also, what the actual hell is wrong with you?" You continue.

"Are your manners going to get any better?" Tobirama inquires, and he stops ahead of you.

You burst out running to boost yourself towards where he is, and you glare at the side of Tobirama's face, mostly at the red stripe tattooed on his cheek.

"Tobirama," you utter his name, after a beat of silence. "What you did…"

Tobirama turns his head to you, and for a moment, he looks hesitant to hear what you are about to say.

However, the view below you catches your attention, and you forget your words again. It takes your breath away, and you smile widely.

"Wow!" You exclaim in amazement. You look at the growing village, its winding streets sprawling through what used to be the forest. More buildings have popped up, and it seems the walls of Konohagakure are expanding. You can see the clan compounds, the training grounds, and some new construction happening in new spots.

Tobirama turns his gaze towards the village as well, but his eyes slide to the side to glance at you, and then forward again.

You feel your face soften at the village, your home.

"This village," Tobirama starts, and you turn your head towards him. "It is everything to my brother and I. It holds our hopes for the future, and it is a way to nurture children so that they may thrive and become the new leaders for a peaceful world."

You cannot help the smile that is lifting the corners of your mouth. For someone who seems to be your opposite in almost everything, you find that your views align with his. The confirmation of what you have always known him to be is like a favorable result from a long experiment; it is quite cathartic.

So Tobirama is this kind of man, you muse to yourself. Though why does he have to take me all the way here to give a speech…

You start to chuckle, and Tobirama gives you a weird look.

You shrug, and you turn back to the village below you.

"I'd like to help," you tell him, deciding here and now, that you want in on Tobirama's vision.

"Why?" Tobirama asks. "You're free. You do not have to be tied down by anything.'

You glance at him questioningly. "It's because I want to, Tobirama. Not because I've been given some kind of ultimatum or held hostage."

For a moment, Tobirama stares at you and you see gears turning in his head. You want in on what he is thinking.

"You will always have a choice here," Tobirama replies, and this time, it is your time to stare and you get lost in your thoughts, trying to see the meaning behind his words.

The clouds ahead start to move, putting a shadow over the village. Slits of sunlight pore through the shadows, and silver light outlines the tips of the clouds, as if the sun is climbing to peek through.

As if on cue, a breeze blows by and the shadow of the clouds move on, and on its wake, the sunlight shines on Tobirama's face and there is this realization dawning in you, blossoming just under the left of your chest and spreading through you until it is seizing every fiber and nerve in you. It is warm and it is gentle, like you can bask in it forever. It makes you question everything all at once, but it also holds all the answers to all of those questions.

You are walking into the unknown, but you do not feel alone.

The feeling makes you step closer to Tobirama and the man studies you, and you find that he seems to be looking at you differently. There is no malice, no judgement.

Nothing has changed, and yet, everything feels changed.

Tobirama's forehead creases, a sign of his puzzlement. He blinks and you notice the way his white eyelashes looks almost silver under this light.

You stop at this because you are admiring him, memorizing his little details that you think you have missed before. You feel more than fond, and a part of you longs to reach out to him, to touch him and see how he reacts, and there is a sliver of hope that maybe, just maybe he will not let go.

It slaps you like cold water on a winter morning, and it makes your head dizzy.

Oh.

Oh.

You tear your gaze away from him, and your heart thunders against your chest.

Oh, shit.

Nausea hits you and it feels more like a gut punch.

"Are you alright?" Tobirama suddenly asks.

You press your lips together, trying to buy yourself time to figure this out. You have never felt like this before and it makes you want to run up and down the Hokage mountain, screaming your lungs out.

Maybe that is an exaggeration.

Tobirama calls your name, and finally, his voice tears you out from your spiraling thoughts.

"How about a match?" You blurt out, not knowing how else to handle this. At least crossing swords with him is familiar and not at all confusing.

Tobirama smirks and you look away.

"I will win today," Tobirama declares.

"As if," you scoff, already feeling like your old self. "You've picked up more pens to write with, I bet you're out of practice."

Tobirama hums. "Maybe, but I have every intention to do so. I do not lose, unless it is to my advantage."

You raise an eyebrow, suddenly feeling fired up.

"Oh, is that so, my lord? "

Tobirama does not look at all offended. In fact, you notice that he is enjoying this.

His smile to you looks almost fond.

You want to cover his face so that you do not have to see him look at you like that.

/

You twist the blade in your hand using your wrist, and you hold it in front of you. You regard Tobirama, watching the lines of his body as he positions his sword at the front of his body.

"Just because we seem friendly right now does not mean I have let go of my anger towards you," you warn Tobirama.

This seems to change the expression on his face. He looks apologetic.

"Hit me with all you've got," Tobirama says, and it sounds like he is saying sorry.

Without any more preamble, you charge first, swinging your sword with all your might. Tobirama counters, presses, and he lunges and he braces himself to keep himself steady.

You feign by lightly tapping his blade with yours, and then you slide forward until the sharp edge of your blade is against the top of his hilt.

You give him a dangerous smile. Tobirama's eyes narrow, and he backs off, and he wrings his sword against yours, spinning the blades until he manages to throw your sword up in the air. He catches it and he gives you a triumphant smile for disarming you.

You suddenly feel contempt and your face darkens.

"Is this my win?" Tobirama asks, his tone cocky.

"You wish, you bastard," you snap and you charge towards him, hands up and open, ready to grab at anything.

His hands are preoccupied and you waste no time launching yourself at him, hitting him with your knee up his torso.

At the last minute, Tobirama ditches both swords and he also puts his hands up. You throw a punch, and you keep going, your stance low and steady as you advance in on him, raining down your fist, your elbows, trying to get him to open up.

Tobirama steps back with each hit, dodging and sidestepping but you do not let up with your assault.

You aim a kick to his head and try to anchor your leg on his shoulder but he throws you off and flips you to your back.

Tobirama suddenly looks confused. This fight has gotten a lot more serious serious he intended.

All you want to do is express how frustrated you are with him.

You jump to your feet, despite the light pain on your back. You charge at him and this time, you grab at his neck, swing both of your legs up and then around his neck.

Tobirama immediately grabs your waist and he goes to the ground to throw you. His hands go to your arms to pin them to your chest, but you twist your legs to bring him to the ground and you waste no time to get on top of him.

You grab at his collar. Tobirama places his hands on your wrist, firm, but he is not fighting back.

"You're such an asshole," you yell, not liking how you are suddenly snapping at him. Usually, it takes a lot more to make you angry.

"I know," Tobirama quietly replies. His answer is so painfully honest, like he is aware and yet, here he is. Admitting it to you.

Frustrated that he is just agreeing with you, you slam your fists to his chest, trying to make him fight you again, but his firm hold on your wrists does not ease up.

Your eyes dart to your arms on his chest, and you watch as Tobirama's big hands travel up to cover your hands with his. You feel the callouses of his palms against your skin.

"Are you done?" Tobirama stares straight at you.

You let out a sigh, and you fall slack against him. Tobirama reluctantly lets go of your hands and you land beside him, your skin tingling from where he touched you.

"Fine, you win," you murmur.

Tobirama sits up and he glances at you. "Are you free tomorrow?"

Your gaze snapped to him in surprise. "What?"

Tobirama opens his hands in front of him. "Are you not angry with me anymore?"

"No. Just disappointed." You glance at his hands. "I've forgiven you long ago, and as much as I hate to say it, I understand why."

Tobirama nods.

"About the bounty," you start.

Tobirama interrupts you before you can continue. "Don't thank me. It is my duty to look out for each citizen of Konoha."

You look away, unable to identify the budding frustration and disappointment you are feeling with his words.

"Ah well," you murmur, feeling awkward.

"If you are free tomorrow, meet me at the Hokage office," Tobirama says, and when you turn to look at him, the tips of his ears are reddening.

You sigh, and you stand up. You feel Tobirama's eyes on you as you move and it makes you feel a little clumsy. Suddenly, your bones do not know how to function.

He looks at you expectantly, and it occurs to you that he probably needs to hear you say yes, which makes no sense because he is almost commanding you accompany him tomorrow, not asking.

"Yes, okay, fine," you tell him.

Tobirama's eyes wash with relief and he also stands up. He gestures towards the village.

"Shall we?"

You raise an eyebrow at him. "What? Determined to take up all my time to make sure I'm not doing any suspicious stuff?"

Tobirama rolls his eyes. "Oh please, not everything is about you."

You chuckle and you bump your shoulder against his. "Are we….good, then?"

"Fine," Tobirama answers, but it is better than nothing.

"What are we doing tomorrow?"

"Assisting the Hokage."

"And then?" You keep asking, suddenly determined to make him keep talking to you. It has been so long since you've heard his voice.

"Go around the village and see what we can do to help out."

"And then?"

"Study."

"Why?"

"Because it's important."

"To what?"

Tobirama sighs tersely and he glances at you. "Improvement. Training."

You smile, trying to see if Tobirama will blow his fuse. "All day?"

"It could extend to several days."

"That is only if I am free for several days."

Tobirama rolls his eyes. Surprisingly, he does not grow impatient with you.

"See if it fits your schedule." Tobirama looks ahead. "If you want to be a jounin-sensei, I can also show you the ropes." Tobirama keeps on walking ahead of you, his steps long and quick. "If you want."

Tobirama keeps on surprising you.

You laugh to yourself, but the sound reaches Tobirama and he turns, his face twisted in confusion.

"What?"

"Nothing." You go to him, and you peer at his face. "You're pretty great, I think."

Tobirama looks away, unsure how to reply.

"Don't be late," Tobirama suddenly says, and he disappears on you, using his flying raijin to conveniently bring him anywhere he wishes.

You take a deep breath and you fold your arms. You shake your head, but you cannot help the smile spreading across your lips.

For some reason, you are looking forward to tomorrow.

And for now, you bury your revelations from today.

Notes:

hmmmm,, if you've read "and may i ask for your hand" there was a similar line of "taking all of my time" so that no one else does, signifying like a new beginning or sumn... hahah

another addendum,, remember the prologue? just remember the prologue !

you know they're gonna have to work for that confession sooooo brace yourselves lols

thank you for reading !

i lied when i said i'll take a break but i did sleep all day so now i got all this time yay

Chapter 13:

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Tobirama has always been a volatile man, as opposed to his almost calm demeanor—as calm as a storm is before it wreaks havoc, that is. He has a penchant for disappearing for days on end, and sometimes those disappearances lead to great discoveries, and sometimes, they bring big trouble. Like right now.

Tobirama, to put it in Hashirama's terms, has been moping around, and in order to distract others from the fact that he is moping , Tobirama had the brilliant idea of inventing a weapon that shoots straight lightning out of its hilt. The consequences are dire, as it almost ended up singeing Tobirama's eyebrows off. It also left several burn marks on Tobirama's arms and hands, and Hashirama is not okay with watching Tobirama have no regard for himself.

He knows his brother is feeling guilty over what he pulled with you, and your sudden leave confused Tobirama. Hashirama thinks that maybe, just maybe, Tobirama hates your absence.

Life has been pretty quiet for Tobirama these days. In which there is one less person in his life that can only stand up and point out his mistakes. Hashirama tries to keep him busy by sending him to travel all over the country, and he was also hoping that somehow, by some serendipitous fate, Tobirama would be able to meet her.

However, she was nowhere to be found, and Tobirama does his job perfectly, albeit with a more closed off air that Hashirama has not seen him put on since they were younger.

Hashirama does not want to give his brother false hopes–not that Tobirama is eager to buy into that either. No, what Tobirama needs right now, is something he can hold on to, physically.

And so that led him to dragging Tobirama into their weapons storage past midnight.

Tobirama was murmuring under his breath grumpily, his arms crossed and eyes darting around as if he expected the shadows to jump at him, to grab him by their claws and swallow him whole.

"Ah, here it is!" Hashirama exclaimed excitedly.

Tobirama frowned, clearly displeased at being interrupted from his work to look at old Senju weapons.

"Oh, don't look at me like that," Hashirama reprimanded. "I am doing this for you."

Tobirama rolled his eyes, but he gave Hashirama a chance. He held out his hands, and his elder brother placed a blade on his palms.

"Draw it," Hashirama advised.

Tobirama glanced at his brother, doubtful, but he did as he said.

Tobirama stared at the steel in front of him, not sure what he was supposed to be looking at.

"What did she tell you about her family?" Hashirama inquires.

Tobirama shrugs and he sheathes the blade. "Not much. She said she had to run from them."

"Did she tell you why?"

Tobirama shook his head no.

Hashirama stared at his brother, and he tapped a finger against the scabbard. "That blade was made by her family."

Tobirama's eyes widened. "What?" His breath quickened.

"And many other swords. Of course, we made most of our weapons, but we were warriors first, we had to get them somewhere," Hashirama continued. "Her family, however, had to stop because their craft was sought after by many clans. This resulted in them being hunted so that they could steal their secrets."

Tobirama unsheathed the sword again, and he thought about the first time she disarmed him. She seemed to know a lot about swords.

"Her family married off to merchants and other craftsmen that spread them out, but before that, they had no choice but to do whatever it took so that their women and children could not be taken away to fight or to be exploited for their craft."

Tobirama thought about the things she told him before, like her having to run from her family because they end up killing the women and children in it. The lies she told were closer to the truth than he thought. It is just that she knew how to tell a story without revealing the whole plot.

Tobirama clutched the hilt and he pressed his lips together. He kept quiet as Hashirama led him out of the storage room, his hand gentle on his shoulder, steering him so that he does not bump into walls.

"Will you be alright, if I leave you alone?" Hashirama asked his brother.

Tobirama does not see himself letting go of the blade anytime soon. "Yes. I'm a grown man."

Hashirama nodded. "I will talk to Mito to stop the arranged marriage dates. You should be free to choose who you want to be with. It is not like it is required of you, just because I had one."

Tobirama glanced at his elder brother.

"You have many responsibilities, Tobirama, but one of those is not with love."

Tobirama frowned. "What are you talking about?"

Hashirama smiled knowingly. "Oh, please. I know you, brother."

Tobirama looked away from his brother's gaze. "It doesn't matter."

"I just want you to be okay, Tobirama," Hashirama gave his shoulder one last squeeze and left him with those words.

/

Hashirama peers at you and Tobirama, his eyes darting between your face and his brother. He scrutinizes the small distance between your shoulders, and the way neither of you seem to want to look each other in the eye, but there is no hint of awkwardness or any hostility between the two of you at the moment. He is relieved that the two of you made up because to be frank, he cannot stand Tobirama's worsening irateness from the past two years. He knows his brother more than anyone else in this world, knows him like his own mind, and he knows that his brother initially liked you. For him to come to terms with that, is a different thing to Tobirama.

The Hokage sighs to himself. At least the two of you seem to be on good terms again.

"The flower festival is coming, and many visitors from outside the village are coming to participate," Hashirama begins. "I'll task the two of you with providing them hospitality, entertainment, and the like. They will arrive in three weeks."

Hashirama watches the two of you nod at the same time. He smiles kindly at you.

"I heard that you are interested in being a sensei?" Hashirama inquires, suddenly changing the topic.

Tobirama narrows his eyes at him, signaling him to stop talking.

Your eyes slide to Tobirama briefly, then you direct your gaze to the Hokage. "Not really...but I'm thinking about it."

Hashirama grins, and Tobirama glares daggers at him, willing him to be quiet. The tips of his ears are noticeably pink. Hashirama knows that this is what happens when he is embarrassed.

"That's good," Hashirama chirps. "You will now be working even closer with Tobirama. I think you'll be as great as him–he does make astounding students."

Your face falls at this, and Hashirama is suddenly mystified.

You let out a strained chuckle and your eyes go to your feet. "I don't think it will be to that extent, but since I have a lot of free time these days, I'll have to try something new."

"Is that all?" Tobirama interjects, but not because he is trying to be rude or curt. Hashirama sees his eyes go to you, a hint of worry in them.

"Yes, yes," Hashirama finally says. Maybe he said something wrong?

The two of you quickly bow and hurry out of his office, and Hashirama wonders if something is finally blossoming between the two of you.

/

Tobirama hates the way his eyes can't seem to avoid tracking you. He knows that something has made you upset, but he cannot put a finger on it. He finds himself being willing to fix whatever it is that has made you upset, and he tries to pull all the stops for himself. He should not get ahead of himself. He does not know yet what you feel towards him, and if anything, he knows that it has been impossible to get along with him so he does not expect you to harbor any attachment towards him. Besides, he does not want to impose his feelings on you. He is responsible for his own heart and he will never give that burden to you.

And maybe, just maybe, given the time, these feelings will go away like a purchased item from a store with a return receipt. Better yet, maybe being around you more will make him see more of your flaws and make him realize that this has all been a long, running (and cruel) joke and that it is just an attraction to the unknown and the unfamiliar.

Of all the logic Tobirama surrounds himself in, these reasons are one of the most ridiculous ones he has ever come up with.

However, despite his many reasons, nothing stops him from calling your name in a tone he does not recognize himself.

You turn to him, eyes clearing into a more inquiring gaze.

"I have some books for you," Tobirama says, instead of asking if you are alright. "To study."

You frown for a second, but then your face brightens. "Oh yeah!"

Tobirama studies your face, trying to read in between your expressions, but he knows that he will find nothing, unless you give him an inch.

And you rarely ever do.

Your eyes are on him as well, and he reckons that this must be your expression when you are thinking.

"Also, about that flower festival, when will it be?" You ask him, and the two of you walk together, your steps matching in tandem.

Tobirama leads the way towards the library, where a stack of books awaits you. He spent last night and this morning picking these books and tucking in several notes for you to read. He hopes that you pay attention to them.

"About a month from now," Tobirama replies. "It's just a normal festival that the Yanamaka clan chooses to include the rest of the village in."

"What do you do?"

Tobirama shrugs. "Who knows? I've never really been."

You raise your eyebrows in surprise. "Why not?"

"It's not my thing," Tobirama slowly states. He opens the doors to the library, and he steps aside to let you enter first.

"Well, then you have got to go in this one!" You smile at him. "I'll go with you and drag your ass out if I have to."

Tobirama shakes his head in amusement. "We'll see."

You shrug. "Is that a challenge?"

Tobirama rolls his eyes. "Everything is a challenge for you."

You let out a breezy chuckle. "Well, excuse me for trying to find something to stave off boredom. Sometimes hanging out with you isn't as fun as you'd think."

Tobirama gives you a look and he leads you to a table and gestures at the books sitting on it. "There's your remedy for your boredom."

Tobirama tries not to smirk at the way your face withers at the sight of the thick books laid out before you.

"Again?" You ask him, dubiously.

"Finish them by next week," Tobirama says. "It's a must. There is much to know about chakra natures. The theories you've read last time were just the surface."

You put a hand on one of the books, your eyes growing determined. You nod to yourself as if you are psyching yourself up. "Okay. I'll do it."

Tobirama finds that he feels proud of you. He keeps that to himself, though.

"Right," he almost stammers, but Tobirama is a man of composure, and he does not stammer. "Well, let's get to planning for that festival, shall we?"

You smirk at him, and Tobirama freezes and he is caught off guard. Something about this scene is both familiar and new to him, and it is almost easy to fall back to the way the two of you used to do things.

"Just like old times," you speak his thoughts out for him.

Tobirama nods, and his breath catches in his throat as you smile at him genuinely. "Yes," he says, his voice stiff.

You roll your eyes at him as you pull your old chair away from the desk. "Lighten up! I won't give you a hard time!"

Tobirama goes to his seat across from you, and he gives you an exasperated look. "Please, if I have learned anything, it is that you never make it easy for me."

You shrug, and you fold your hands underneath your chin. "So. Any idea where to begin?"

Tobirama sighs to himself. He has never been one to attend festivals, and the fact that he has to show a bunch of people around the village and ensure that they have a grand time makes him feel weary. Hashirama is more suited to these kinds of things. Entertaining and accommodating are not his suit.

"First, we need to find a place for them to stay at, and make sure that we can cater for their meals, and whatnot," Tobirama starts off, his mind already racing to come up with a plan. There are several places opening up in Konoha that can house many people and also provide relaxing baths and excellent food.

However, you interrupt his running thoughts.

"How about the mansion?" You suggest.

Tobirama's eyes snap to you. "Here?"

You shrug. "It's a huge place to keep them all inside. The location's practical. The courtyard below is empty and the space is enough to gather many people. We can have the festival in this area too, so that everyone does not have to travel around, if that is not too much trouble for the Yanamaka clan."

Tobirama blinks. It does make sense.

"And you know, they're coming from outside. It is easy to group them in one place and keep an eye on them, just in case…"

Tobirama nods, and he writes it down. "That seems plausible. We do have to get people to help us set up the beds and make this place more comfortable and neat."

"Enlist the Genins to help, as well as your students too. That way, everyone gets to participate. We can get jounins to supervise and guard the area and all that."

Tobirama finds it agreeable that you do not have to guess around with him and instead, spells out the direction his thoughts are taking him.

"As for entertainment…" Tobirama begins. "We should hold an event to welcome them."

"Do we have dancers? I do remember some time ago, when you were sending me around on those crazy errands that we do have some musicians in the village."

Tobirama rolls his eyes. "Those errands were necessary."

"Sure," you give him an amused look.

"I am not sure about dancers, but if there are musicians, there are bound to be some."

"Alright, then let's start now!" You exclaim, pushing back your chair. It squeaks against the floor in protest.

Tobirama cringes. You never lose your ability to keep him on his toes and test his levels of patience and tolerability.

Somehow, he does not find himself complaining. He is surprised that it does not bother him as much like before.

/

You are starting to hate the way you cannot make yourself meet his eyes for a longer period of time. Tobirama's gaze is intense and piercing, and it never really bothered you as much before, but now, you feel like you are burning under them. If he was trying to figure you out before with his scrutinizing gazes, this time, he is peeling you layer by layer, and soon enough, he will get to the core. You are apprehensive to that thought, since Tobirama did compare you to an empty can back then. You feel more vulnerable since Tobirama seems to no longer focus on your farces. At least, having an activity to do makes you feel at ease since your thoughts are somewhere else.

Then again, you hope that Tobirama does not think of you like that anymore. A part of you wants him to seek what is underneath your mask. Maybe he may not like what he sees, but at least you've tried.

The two of you walk through the streets of the village, and your attention is easily caught by the little details around you, like the stall of pinwheels, colorful kites that are shaped like animals, and red and gold lanterns.

You wave at kids that happen to look at you, and you playfully glare at babies in their mothers' arms, earning a startle of a cry.

"Stop that," Tobirama reprimands.

"Heh," you sigh sheepishly. You inch closer to him, trying to gauge his reaction by the small between the two of you.

He seems to tolerate you a lot more than before. You wonder how much you can push his buttons before you can get something more from him. Just because he sees you as a student to mentor or a normal citizen to help, does not mean you have to refrain from your old antics. Besides, his company is enough.

At least by annoying him, you are able to affect him.

Tobirama glances at you as you bump your shoulder against his, and then his eyes come forward to watch his steps.

You grin at him, as the surroundings are becoming more familiar to you.

"Hey, remember this street?" You bring up mischievously.

Tobirama pauses to think, and when he comes to a revelation, a shudder seems to go through his features.

"You mean the street where you decided to put on a ridiculous show to humiliate me?"

You laugh. "It'll be funny if I pull something as ridiculous as pretending you pushed me."

Tobirama sighs, exasperated. "Please, don't." He is practically begging.

"Come on, it will be just like old times."

Tobirama stares at you incredulously, but your eyes catch a quaint shop.

"Hey, let's check that out!"

"Wait," Tobirama blurts out but he does nothing to stop you from dragging his sleeve towards the shop.

The air inside smells of a thick, warm aroma of coffee, and you gasp as you peruse over the desserts on the menu.

"It'd be good if we can order some of these in bulk for our visitors to try," you suggest.

Tobirama raises an eyebrow in suspicion. "Not for you to binge on?" He deadpans.

You throw him a glare, but then you can't help but break into a smile. "So you've discovered my ulterior motive! Do you want a gold star to come with it?"

Tobirama rolls his eyes. "Please. Just say your order."

You look at him, puzzled. "I can pay…"

"Let me, as I will also put in an order for the said desserts for the visitors," Tobirama coolly says, already stepping up to the counter and fishing out his pouch of money.

You grow quiet, and you step forward to his side. You suddenly feel shy. Tobirama is being nice today and you wonder if that implies something else.

Maybe he's just actually just being nice because he is actually a nice person and is only looking out like he would look out for anyone in general.

You try not to think about it too much, so you tear yourself away after ordering and plop into an empty table to wait. From your seat, you observe Tobirama, out of mere curiosity to find something new about him and not just to make him uncomfortable. However, you find yourself admiring minute details, such as the tip of his nose and the way his lips jut out on his side profile when he slightly pouts. Your eyes unfocus towards the floor, still thinking about Tobirama's lips when his shadow suddenly appears on your line of vision and you start, as if you are caught with your hand on the jar.

Tobirama's eyes narrow. "Are you alright?"

You hope that your face and your neck are not turning red, because it suddenly feels very hot here. "Yes," you say quickly.

Tobirama nods and he slides to the chair across from you. "Where are you staying?" He seems to lean forward, as if he needs that little space to hear you better.

You hum, trying to buy yourself time to answer. You cannot really lie to him anymore, because not only will he know, you also just want to start being honest with him. You do not want him to think badly of you anymore.

Normally you would not care if someone is misconstrued towards you, in fact, it's what protects you from getting discovered—but with Tobirama, you feel at ease to share more. You want him to get to know you and see that maybe there is something else to you than an empty can. You're not just loud.

Of all the words he has said to you, being called an empty can is what sticks out.

You shoot your shot. You are willing to let him in.

"I'm staying with Madara for now," you reply and you watch his reaction. You know, from what Madara has told you that the two of them do not really get along. They are civil, at best.

"Oh," Tobirama slowly says. He is expressionless.

Your order is called out and the two of you straighten up to get it.

"Let me," Tobirama murmurs, already jumping to his feet.

You watch the back of his head as he goes get your food, and when he is turning to go back, you look away.

Once Tobirama is on his chair again, he serves you your order and you smile sheepishly at the action.

"I can help you find a new place, if you want," Tobirama says quietly, after a moment of silence.

"Okay," you say, because you want it.

Tobirama's eyes are on you for a minute too long, and you try not to think about it because you are starting to feel giddy over that prospect. Maybe using up all the hours he is willing to spend with you is something you can be content with. You don't want to encourage his image of you being just another citizen of Konoha or the proverbial empty can, but you also cannot resist the chance to be near him to learn more about him by garnering reactions from him. You bite a smile away, and turn your attention to your food.

/

A few days later, Tobirama is nowhere to be seen. You are beyond miffed because on top of organizing the preparations for the incoming visitors and arranging the festival with the Yanamaka clan, you are also tasked by Hashirama to keep up with his share of work. You can tell that Hashirama also knows nothing about Tobirama's disappearance because he is a little frantic and more strict with you and tends to be more demanding with the work that is required of you. He wants it exactly the way Tobirama does his job and while you have an idea of what Tobirama does, actually doing his job is daunting. Who knew being the right-hand to the Hokage was stressful?

You try to delegate, but most of the stuff that Tobirama is entrusted with is something you just have to learn by thinking on your feet. You are not one for organization because it is easy to lose track of things, but in an environment where Hashirama is the one harping on you, the pressure springs you to action.

There are mountains of papers everywhere, some you have to read or stack on a pile. There are deliveries and visits and meetings all day, and it makes your head dizzy with all the information to report and you think you may have mixed up a thing or two, but you just have to deal at the moment until you find the free time to search for the younger Senju.

You curse Tobirama throughout the day, and the only thing keeping you going is the sweet revenge you will enact on him. A sock on the face will do him well.

You are suffering.

You are also even more annoyed at the fact that Tobirama said all these things he will help you with, but he leaves you alone to go who knows where.

As the day slows down, you start to brainstorm his whereabouts, and the worry that builds from that begins to eat at you. What if he did something as dangerous as wiping his mind again? What if Tobirama is in trouble?

The thought puts you on edge. You remember telling him that you should be there if he chooses to experiment on himself.

You are not there right now.

You are frustrated. No one has ever made you worry this much. You think you are about to be sick.

When night comes, and you have managed to make it through the day with the added responsibilities, you give Hashirama a quick bow and you bursted out running from his office. You are going to try and find him and give him a piece of your mind.

You first go through the Hokage mansion, and you find no signs of him, you comb through the training grounds, the streets of Konoha, and even had the courage to sneak into the Senju compound, looking for signs of him. You find none and your searching makes you feel like a fool.

You go back towards the Uchiha compound, ready to talk off Madara's ear about your day, when you spot Hiruzen and Danzo walking towards you. You hurry to them, and the two visibly perk up with your presence.

"Sensei!" Hiruzen greets.

Danzo greets you enthusiastically as well.

"Have you guys seen your sensei?" You ask them, and they must have been worried about the same thing because Hiruzen's face wrinkles with concern.

"He may be in his lab again," Hiruzen replies solemnly.

You raise an eyebrow.

"Sometimes this happens," Hiruzen elaborates. "It won't take long, but when he gets busy, he tends to get really obsessive over his work or inventions...when this happens, he usually never tells anyone and then he disappears."

You bite the inside of your cheek. "Not even his own brother?"

"No," Danzo replies. "It just happens out of nowhere, without warning."

"It's not like him," you state.

"Yeah…" The two boys look at each other, then at you.

"I guess I'll go tell Lord Hokage, though he may already know by now. They're brothers," you say, but it is more to yourself.

You excuse yourself and you head towards the Senju compound again, but a part of you does not want to go near it. The other part wants you to go to Tobirama instead. For a moment, your feet do not move.

But your mind has made up itself.

Your steps slowly lead you towards the location of Tobirama's lab. You have an inkling of where it is, but you actually have not been there before. One of it is underground, and the other is nearer to the Senju compound, near the forest.

However, before you can get far, a familiar silhouette is walking into your own direction, head down, and mindlessly muttering to themself.

You pause, and narrow your eyes at the sight.

It is Tobirama, but he looks disheveled. His white hair is tousled more than usual, and when he passes by under a streetlight, his eyes are frenzied by a storm and his face has shadows in it.

Instead of the worry you felt earlier, you suddenly feel anger. It is an anger that you do not feel often and so nothing stops you from going up to him and making him halt his steps.

Tobirama looks alarmed when he sees you, and it takes all of your will not to land a slap on his face.

"Where the fuck have you been?!" You exclaim.

Tobirama's eyes are wide, and they look different. His jaw tenses, and he moves his trembling hands behind his back.

"What are you doing here?" Tobirama says in a monotonous tone.

"Looking for your ass!" You almost shout. However, instead of complaining about what you had to do today, you blurt out your worries for him. "I thought something bad had happened to you!"

Tobirama's eyes soften slightly, but he looks away. "I'll be fine."

Tobirama turns to walk away, but you will not have it with him. He is not going to get away from your sight if you can help it.

You close the distance between the two of you, and you begin to weave signs. Then, you reach out to slap his wrist, and a string made from your chakra and his forms between you two.

Tobirama whirls around and he pulls his wrist back, and in turn, pulls you closer to him.

"What is this?" His tone lowers dangerously.

"You like it?" You challenge haughtily. "I made it myself. Took some time perfecting it, but your books and your lessons really helped."

Something glimmers in Tobirama's eyes, and you find that it is close to pride, because you see that expression on Madara's face whenever you do something that he approves of.

You step closer to Tobirama until he is forced to meet your eyes. "You can't undo it. Only I can."

Tobirama narrows his eyes and tries to lean his head back. "How wise of you. Now enjoy the consequences of what you've done."

You frown at him, but before you can come up with a retort, the ground lurches under you and the sky swirls in colors of brown and blue and gray. There are no more trees, no more houses surrounding you. There is no moon and its stars. You are hyper-aware of Tobirama's presence but everything is moving too fast, and it feels like you are hurtling towards a cliff, only that cliff gets farther and farther away, delaying the inevitable with the knowledge that you'll run out of steps. There are many voices fading in and out, and when the world settles, you lose your vision temporarily and you fall to the ground, feeling queasy.

You groan, but before you can even get back your senses, you are sent into that dizzying space again, and you close your eyes because it feels like you are about to slam into a wall any moment now.

It doesn't feel like falling, exactly. It just makes you feel part of something bigger, like there is an infinite amount of knowledge and your brain cannot process it at a human speed.

Finally, it stops, and you manage to stay on your feet.

Tobirama tugs at your joined wrists. "Undo this."

"No," you tell him stubbornly. You swallow the incoming vomit from the back of your throat.

"Undo it or you will spend the rest of the night travelling like this."

You glare at his direction because at the moment, you are seeing double. "Is this your idea of taking a lady around the village? Because you suck. No wonder no woman wants to marry you."

You focus your vision just in time to see Tobirama scowl.

Tobirama tugs again, and it closes the distance between you two. You bump into him roughly, and the mere motion makes you want to–

You keel over and you empty your stomach, nearly missing Tobirama's feet. Nearly. You are spot on.

"Bitch…" Tobirama hisses.

"Bastard," you croak out.

"Not you," Tobirama says through gritted teeth. "It feels fucking warm."

You cringe, not liking the taste of bile in your mouth. "Uh, well. Sorry."

Tobirama shakes his wrist to remind you, and you quickly undo the string that is attaching you to him. You glimpse his fingers slightly shaking. He hefts a sigh, and while his eyes remain dark and cloudy, there is relief on his features. Like you have broken him out of a suffocating room.

"Are you okay?" You ask him, after what seems like hours.

"Not really, you just vomited on me."

"That is on you, my lord."

"You're ridiculous."

"Yeah, yeah."

Tobirama's face twists. "I'm going to go home."

You turn your head away from him, the embarrassment starting to grow on you. "I'm sorry. I'm really sorry."

"It's...fine."

"No, it's not. I just threw up on you!" You want him to react some more, really let out some sort of cathartic action.

"I said, it's fine. So it's fine."

"Why do you keep repeating the same words? You can tell me the truth. You can tell me you hate me too, for throwing up on you."

Tobirama lets out a frustrated noise that is unbecoming of him. "I don't hate you. You just...you never shut up. So just stop."

You shoot him a glare. "I have been worrying over you all day."

"Don't," Tobirama snaps. "I'm fine."

You tighten your fists. "No, you're not!"

Tobirama's eyes swim, and for a moment, he looks so vulnerable that it makes your heart twist.

"Why?" Tobirama demands. His eyes watch you carefully. "Why care?"

You throw up your hands, not really sure how to answer that without revealing your secret feelings. "I don't know! Maybe because you're important to this village. You have a good head between your shoulders, Tobirama. Your mind is brilliant. You are needed by your brother, this village, your students..."

And I want you to be okay...I just want you...

You shake those thoughts out.

The light in Tobirama's eyes dies, as if he is disappointed by your answer.

"I see."

"Yeah," you follow up awkwardly.

Tobirama turns away and this time, you let him go. Every step he takes that is away from you is like a thorn finding its home into the muscle of your heart, and it hurts to breathe and there are tears pricking your eyes. You do not really understand this feeling, just that it is unbearable and that all you want to do is go to him and make sure he is alright. Maybe liking someone also hurts this badly. You want to shout at him, and maybe that will make you feel better.

"If it's your experiments," you suddenly blurt out, despite the fact that you want to keep quiet. "I'll help, okay? I told you, long ago. I'll be there."

Tobirama stops, and his shoulders, seemingly pulled up over him by puppet strings, lowers. "You might regret that. I'm not the most ideal companion."

"Me neither, but we've made it this far."

A sigh escapes his lips, but it sounds light-hearted. "Maybe you're right."

Your reply dies on your tongue, and you watch him walk away. You exhale through your nose slowly, and when you feel calm again, you start your way home.

You make a mental note to yourself to look out for Tobirama some more. Someone has to. No one else really seeks him out, except for his brother. The others seem to be hesitant to.

Your heart feels heavy as you walk home. You hope that tomorrow can be better for Tobirama.

Notes:

ayye sorry for the late update! turned 21 a few days ago, so here's a gift hahaha thank you for reading! kudos and comments are appreciated but not required 3

Chapter 14:

Notes:

long chapter ahead bc this chapter is really important lols; im literally putting tobirama through the gutter HAHAHAH

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Tobirama plops another book in front of you, and you keep your gaze on it because if you look at him, you'll be reminded that you threw up on him and that is something you still feel embarrassed about. You did not know that being teleported for the first time comes with side effects.

So you stare hard at the book, as if you can open the book with your mind.

"I'm still reading the books you gave me," you tell him quietly.

"I know," Tobirama grounds out. "This one's important...too." He adds the last word as if it's not meant to be there.

"Tobirama," you start, but you are unsure where to start. There are so many things you want to say to him all at once.

"Just read that one," Tobirama interrupts, already turning away from you. "It's important."

You look up to him, and you watch the back of his head.

"We have to meet the Genins that will help us with the accommodations in a few minutes," Tobirama says, and as usual, it is back to business with him.

He walks out of the library, which is now transformed into your shared office space again, and your gaze lowers on the cover of the book again. You realize that this book is fiction, which is a nice change from the dry texts that he has been handing you one after another. However, as much as you want to open it and start it, you know that you will have to finish the other books first because you might not be able to get to them. You have a tendency to zero in on an object, obsess the hell out of it until that obsession runs dry. You have to exhaust it and there is always this need to find out every single thing about what is keeping your attention.

You pause at yourself. Maybe this is what you feel towards Tobirama. Maybe you do not like him, and it's more of an obsession for you and because he is now a part of your life in more ways than one and has helped you a lot, you are also grateful to him and you are mistaking it for love.

You shake your head to yourself, as if it is the remedy to chase those thoughts away.

I am a mess, you think. He'll never even look my way…

The thought of that makes your heart squeeze a little. It should not matter and yet. You have never felt like this before, never longed to be by someone's side to the point that you are willing to do just about anything–like read books–just so you can take up their time. You almost did not want to believe yourself when you realized that you are feeling like this. It is not like anyone was around to show you what exactly this is. You always thought about it as a weapon, something to use to your advantage. Like getting settled in this village or getting a place in society instead of running around like some kind of rogue.

It is not like your childhood was full of affection, safety and happiness. So when you start feeling an inkling of these, there is an urge to run away, to convince yourself that this is all a farce and people will show their hideous intentions any second. There are walls you want to jump over, but they catch your foot at the last second, refusing to surrender and let you process and accept it.

You slap your face with your palms, and you scream into your hands. You never had to think so much about these kinds of matters.

Maybe you can still change your mind in the near future.

/

Tobirama is wearing layers of clothing today. The air has gotten a bit chilly now, as autumn approaches. He can feel the cold settling in his bones, and it is not like he is a person who gets cold easily, but the change in seasons often affects his mood. It does not get any better over the years. In fact, he thinks it has gotten worse. He is either riding on a high to get his work done, or he is crashing to the ground, out of control and feeling paranoid, as if there is someone right outside the door, ready to snuff his breath with a pillow while he sleeps. His eyes never close for a long time, as his mind races ahead of him and he loses track of time.

Sometimes his body likes to remind him of war. It craves to fight and it sends a numbing, tingling sensation to his face, to his fingertips, and that makes his fingers shake. His body also trembles, thinking that it is in another fight, but he is not and so he struggles to control himself. Though he is used to it and has learned how to deal with how he is, he does not want you to see this part of him. So he tries to disappear and lay low, trying to wait for this impossible dark cloud over his head to pass.

Strangely, he feels calmer around you. He feels almost safe, as if he can lay his head down for a minute and not worry about the next. Strange.

His eyes track you as you animatedly instruct the Genins over their tasks, and he lets you do all the talking because his mouth is tired of moving to form words, and yet when you talk back to him, he cannot help replying. His words do not fly over your head, in fact, you make use of them and throw it back to him. At first, it is vexing because no one had dared speak to him so crassly, but he finds that the two of you are similar like this. You speak with no holds barred and borderline vulgar.

Your face lights up as you speak, and you look almost kind, if not for the way you curse every now and then. He knows how your face changes when you are in the heat of a battle, and he wants to explore and observe how you will react to various things. He wants to be there to see all of it. There is so much more to you and every time he cracks a layer, the deeper he falls, and the closer he wants to get. He doesn't know how to get closer to you, though. He only knows his own ways, like giving books, teaching and helping you out. He only knows words and fighting, and the allure of science. He also doesn't want you to know because letting you know means that he is burdening you for something you did not ask for, and forcing you to make a decision you may regret because of that burden is the last thing he desires.

For now, he can only look because it never asks for a price.

"Got it?" You smile at the students, your hands on your hips.

Your words snap Tobirama out of his thoughts, and he watches you herd the children towards a hallway to start, shouting out directions of where to find linens, pillows, decor, and other necessities. Then, you turn to him and Tobirama commands himself to snap his gaze away from you.

"Are you okay?" You ask him.

There it is, that question again. You are the only one to ask him that countless times with the same sincerity each time. You do not seem to make fun of him when you ask him about his well-being. It never sounds forced.

Tobirama can never answer honestly. "Yes," he replies, and he painstakingly starts to walk away from you. "Let's go and help the kids."

He hears your footsteps come after him, feels your skin tingling within his vicinity. You are so close. Too close.

"If you need to go and be alone, I can take it from here," you suggest casually. "I know what to do. I'm not a stranger to these kinds of things."

Tobirama turns his head to you.

You shrug. "I know you're a workaholic, but sometimes it won't kill you to go rest."

"I don't need rest right now."

You roll your eyes, and Tobirama is almost amused by it.

"Are you human, Lord Senju Tobirama?"

This time, Tobirama rolls his eyes and you chuckle. It is so easy for you to pull him out of his moods.

"Do you bleed, breathe and hurt, Lord Tobirama?"

Tobirama is halted as you cut his path forward. You stare into his face, and it looks like you are searching for something. Tobirama wants in on your thoughts.

He holds his breath.

"It seems like I am human then, unfortunately." He presses his lips together in a thin line.

Your eyes narrow, and because Tobirama is the most observant person, he is quick to take note of the way your eyes darken in color as your pupils get bigger. He begins to feel you out with his chakra, trying to get a gist of what you are feeling through disturbances in your chakra, but he stops himself because he should not be disturbing your boundaries. It is not like you reveal much anyways. He might have felt different a lifetime ago, but he knows that you deserve respect. He is well aware of how callous he can be to you.

A corner of your mouth lifts, and your face morphs back into the relaxed and playful way you like to show. However, your eyes are wide, and they glisten and for a moment, they look very thoughtful.

"I'm glad." There is an edge to your voice, and Tobirama zeroes in on it. That is all you with no pretense.

You leave him there, mystified by what just occurred between the two of you.

Tobirama sighs and he glances at the ceiling.

Any moment now, he thinks to himself. Anything that will stop whatever this is.

/

The final preparations for the welcome party for the incoming visitors were a flurry of events. Tobirama feels like he is going down a rabbit hole, but he copes with his organized ways of sorting everything–from the selection of music, the variety of food, the music and performances–and it is almost perfect. Except he knows that he is being hard on everyone around him more than usual. The only one who takes it in stride and calls him out on his actions is you, while everyone else scurries to make things exactly how he wants it. However, as the day gets closer, you spend more time with the dancers and disappearing to gods know where. He is mildly annoyed by your absences, but he cannot blame you. He knows it can be impossible to be around him.

Yet, he also knows without a doubt that your absences are not because of him, or because you are caught up in some trouble. He just knows.

Tobirama does not let himself think of your actions towards him too deeply. Now that is a different rabbit hole he'd rather not fall through.

He does last minute sweeps of the rooms, making sure the beds are made up and the rooms are cleaned. Then, when he deems every detail good enough after at least the third check, he goes back to his other work of supporting the Hokage. As he makes his way to the office, there is a part of him that is hoping that you are just around the corner of these hallways.

Tobirama chides himself for the nth time today because he has his pride and other priorities.

/

Tobirama is early as usual, and you find him waiting by the gates for the incoming visitors. He is leaning against the wall, one foot braced against it, while the other keeps his balance. You cannot help the smile that is spreading across your lips as you get closer to him, and maybe he is put off a little because he straightens up when he sees you. However, when you stop short a few feet away from him, you sense that he is calmer than yesterday and he nods at you quietly. Maybe he is not as bothered by your presence, after all.

For some reason, you are just glad to see him.

You do not even notice the shinobi nearby, ready to assist Tobirama with assessing and checking in the incoming people.

Tobirama puts his hands behind his back and clasps them, and he turns to you, and you see the gears turning in his head.

"Did you eat breakfast yet?" Tobirama inquires, almost gravely, as if this is something urgent.

You are caught off guard by his question, and you let out a nervous chuckle and you scratch the back of your neck. "I had some pastries on the way."

"Would you care for a meal with me after this?"

You raise an eyebrow at him, but you are really touched that he is offering to have a meal with you. Of all people he can go with.

"Have you forgotten about the welcome party tonight for the guests?" You ask him.

Tobirama turns his head slightly away from you, and after a pause, he utters, "Right."

You shrug. "We can go for some tea if you want before the event since we have to give the guests time to settle, but we can't take our time." You think about the commitment you made with the dancers and the musicians for the welcome party and a part of you wants to mention it, but it is a surprise.

"If that's alright with you."

You give him a confused look. "Of course it is."

"Then," Tobirama nods, more to himself. "It's settled."

The two of you share the same baffled look, as if you cannot believe that the two of you are speaking like you have just learned the words and its pronunciations yesterday. Then at the same time, the two of you look away from each other.

Your heart thunders against your chest. What was that?

You wish you can just blurt out your feelings and get this over with. At least, you'll know what you already had assumed, but then again, if he rejects you, you may not be as close to him.

"The weather's nice," you chip in, instead and your comment makes you want to bang your head against the gates of Konoha.

Tobirama glances at you. "Could get worse," he grumbles.

You glance at Tobirama, and the tips of his ears are pink. "Are you hot? Do you need to go stand in the shade?"

"What?" Tobirama says, and you can see the confusion twisting his features.

"You're kinda red," you comment. You gesture at his neck and his ears.

"It's...nothing," Tobirama grits out, and he looks almost angry.

"You might get sunburnt."

Tobirama looks like he is about to melt. It's probably the heat.

"Tobirama, it's not even noon." For some reason, you just cannot stop babbling. "Maybe you should wear a hat when you go out."

"I'm not hot," Tobirama insists.

"And the sun might already be too bright for you." You cannot help but let out a chuckle. "And I beg to differ."

"Excuse me?"

"You're glaring."

"That's…"

"You are hot."

Tobirama stares at you, at a loss for words.

You press your lips together, trying to hold yourself back from blurting out more words.

"Here they come," Tobirama announces a little too quickly, but it saves you just in time.

You gather your composure, and in your peripheral vision, Tobirama does the same.

You watch carriages and people trekking in the distance, looking like tiny dots, and in no time, they grow into their full sizes. Tobirama steps forward, and you follow after him, your steps matching up in tandem beside him. A group of men separate themselves to meet Tobirama, and you watch their faces and their stances, unable to delete that part of your instinct. There you are, always looking for the most dangerous person in the vicinity and making plans for your escape.

Judging by how wide their stances are and their gaze, you can easily tell that Tobirama is the most dangerous person here. You are certain that they will not try anything in front of him.

The relief is overwhelming, and you do not even notice how the men's gazes pass through you as if you are not there. They only face and address Tobirama.

It's not really a big deal, so you let your gaze wander to the shinobis walking down the road to check on the people and make sure that there are no security risks.

Finally, Tobirama decides that is high time to escort the visitors in, and the two of you turn around to lead the entourage.

You shoot Tobirama a grin, your excitement bubbling up as this is your first time ever pulling off something this huge. Tobirama's face is soft as he nods at you, and together, you walk side by side into the streets of Konoha. You even give him a bump against his shoulder, and when you turn to see his face, he looks about ready to smile.

/

Tobirama stands by your side as you tell the congregation in front of the Hokage mansion where their rooms are and where they can find you or Tobirama if they ever need help, but the men only stare at you, or rather, through you as you speak. Puzzled, you look around, noticing that only the men are outside, and if there are women and children with them, they are inside the carriages, away from the sun's heat. You meet Tobirama's eyes, and it looks like his thoughts are the same as yours.

Tobirama sends you a look, and he steps forward to take over. He repeats the same things as you have said, and only then the men start moving, peeking through the curtains of the carriages to tell whoever's inside what's going on.

"Don't worry about it," Tobirama tries to reassure you.

You give him a small smile and shake your head. "I'm okay, this isn't anything new."

Tobirama frowns, but before he can open his mouth, someone interrupts him.

"You let your woman treat you like that?" A strict voice cuts between you two, and it makes Tobirama whirls around, his shoulders squared and his head held up high to show his authority.

The man dressed in regal clothes stops short of Tobirama, and he is followed by his men and well, women, and they are all the way in the back.

"You ought to teach her some manners," the man says. "A good woman walks behind her husband, and only speaks when spoken to."

You snicker, amused. Sometimes you forget how traditional some families are outside of Konoha. Even though some clans like the Uchiha adhere to their own strict following, most clans here are pretty open and slowly moving away from old traditions in exchange of embracing the culture Konoha is starting to foster under the Senju brothers.

"She can walk beside anyone she wants to and talk to anybody she desires to speak with," Tobirama answers, his voice unmistakably displeased.

You stare at the side of Tobirama's face, trying to tell him that he does not need to do this and that this is pretty common in most clans and other places, but he continues to stare down the man, who seems to be the leader of this entourage.

"From now on, you will seek her permission and wait for her to lead you," Tobirama announces. "I am not in charge of this event, and if you have a problem, take it up to the very busy Hokage, who is the most temperamental these days due to the extra work that has to be done for this festival. You are his guests, not his friends."

You glance back up at the man, and he looks at you, almost fearfully, but he turns his head.

"Fine," he almost stutters.

Tobirama gestures at you, and you narrow your eyes at him, warning him that you need to have a few words with him later.

And then, as if nothing has happened, you paint a smile on your face.

"This way, everyone."

After spending an hour accommodating the guests and having Tobirama follow you around closely like your personal bodyguard, you are starting to get bogged down. The day is not over yet, and you still have a huge thing to do for the welcome party, but at this moment, all you want to do is dive into your bed and scream into your pillow.

As the two of you head out for your...tea thing for the afternoon, you pull Tobirama aside by the sleeve and you face him.

"Tobirama," you call his name. "You did not have to do that, okay? It is fine."

Tobirama frowns. "No, it's not. You let anyone talk to you like that?"

You blink at him. "It's not really a problem to me. I won't remember this tomorrow. I'm used to it."

Tobirama grits his teeth and his eyes flare up to a redder color. "Have some self-preservation. Boundaries." He adds the last word last minute, as if it's some cushion to the blow of his blunt tone.

You sigh, and you do not even have it in you to get angry. He is right about you just letting anyone treat you how they want to, but in the grand scale of things, you never really paid much attention to that. The world has done you wrong in so many ways, so another mistreatment or some foul action on top of that does not make you blink an eye.

You stare at him, trying to read in his emotions. He is frowning, but he never frowns like this. His eyes are wide, and he is leaning closer to you, staring into you, as if he is trying to convey something more.

Does Tobirama care, after all? In a different way you'd like him to care? Maybe you are jumping into conclusions too quickly. You've never had someone to like before, and you've never had anyone like you before. No one gave you a blueprint to follow.

"I've dealt with people like that before. Ignoring them is the best response."

Tobirama's frown deepens.

"And usually pointing my blade at their faces does the trick." You break out into a smile, trying to ease the tension between you two.

Tobirama lets out a huff of breath and he rolls his eyes. "Can you respond to anything appropriately?"

"Nope," you chirp.

He raises his eyebrows at you, but you see that he is a little amused by you. Then, he gestures towards the gate. "Shall we?"

"We shall!" You offer your arm for him to take it in a joking manner.

Tobirama rolls his eyes again. "Shouldn't I be doing this gesture?"

"If I wanted to take your arm, then I'd take it." It is a bluff, but you say it anyway. If you take his arm and touch him, you might not react appropriately.

Tobirama falters and then he glances at you. The tips of his ears pink again. He seems to be ruminating over something. He narrows his eyes at you as if he is daring you to do something.

"You're joking around again," Tobirama concludes.

For some reason, he seems disappointed and you cannot help but feel that you missed something important here.

And your answer tastes bitter in your mouth, but you just do not know how to act or what to say. "You know me. Always joking around."

Tobirama stares at you, his expression almost unreadable, except you know that look of his. He wears it often. There is no distaste, only gentleness, but also a culmination of his many thoughts. He is hesitant.

Could it be something else?

You want to hope, but you also do not want to jump into conclusions.

/

Tobirama walks you back towards the mansion, and when you step away from him, he cannot help but think that he missed something between your interactions with each other. After waiting around the courtyard and briefly supervising the welcome party's setup—from the tables and various games, to food, drinks, desserts and even the lights—he goes home to shower and get his thoughts in order.

What has happened to him? It's like you manage to take him apart, limb by limb, and then you build him up again, only bent over backwards and his insides butchered up from the process.

Every moment with you weakens his resolve, and then in those moments, he gets a reminder that maybe after all this time, you are playing him around and he is the sorry clown willing to let it happen.

Tobirama leans his head back on the tub, and he stares at the ceiling.

I wonder what she is up to, at this moment... he thinks.

He catches where his thoughts are heading and he blocks them, and when he deems his mind sane enough, he rises out of the tub to dress for the event.

His robes have nothing particularly special in them since most of them are in dark colors, but he finds himself carefully picking the style, and looking at the mirror so that he does not look disheveled and sleep-deprived. He scowls at his reflection, but he also tries to adjust his expression so that it does not look like he's angry all the time. Then, before he can feel too embarrassed about it, he quickly flies out the door of his home and hurries to the Hokage mansion's courtyard, where he can already see the people milling around, going from one stall to another or table games.

He spots his nephews messing around, and when he is about to call out to them, his gaze goes to his elder brother, who is at a gambling table, laughing his head off, a bottle of wine clasped in his fist. With his free hand, he sweeps the chips of the table towards his direction, a clear sign that he had won. He makes his way over, a barrage of words ready at the tip of his tongue about etiquette and acting like a proper Hokage, when Madara approaches his elder brother and manages to wrestle him away from the table.

Good grief, Tobirama says to himself. If not me, then of course, he'd listen to Madara.

He turns away from the two friends, and he looks for you. You are not with the children, playing pranks on them, or with the men who had disrespected you trying to make them run for their money, or with his nephews, running around with them and wrestling them to the ground. You're not with his students either, cracking up Hiruzen and gaining a forced smile from Koharu.

Where are you?

His mood is starting to sour.

As the welcome party drones on, and the red lanterns are starting to be lit as the sun sets, the music starts to change its course. The dancers file out into the huge space of the courtyard, and somehow, Tobirama gets handed a cup of wine. He watches the commotion and downs the cup, and his fingers reach for the next one.

The ground starts to hum, as the drums beat in a consistent rhythm. The dancers file out, in swathes of red, gold and blue, their faces covered with a veil. Their feet move on the floor at the same time, and as the flute plays its first notes, the group of dancers stand in one straight line, and they draw their swords out, one higher than the other. The drums play like a sickening thunder, and the swords alternate sides, and one by one, each dancer falls away from the line, assuming a new pose and forming a circle with the others.

And in the middle, is you, clad in black, your eyes lined fiercely that it makes his heart burn.

You are holding two swords and you swing them in arcs, and the motion is fluid, and you start to take a few steps, your swords an extension of you.

Tobirama gapes, and he thinks he is losing feeling from his fingers.

The circle closes in, and you spin, feigning a fight with the other dancers, and suddenly, you point your blade towards the man who had disrespected you, the one who told Tobirama to scold you for not walking behind him.

Your blade flies fast, one can miss it with a blink of an eye, and suddenly, it ends up just above the man's head, short of his forehead. Fearful gasps echo in the courtyard. The man gulps and Tobirama smirks with pride. He also notices that you used a little bit of chakra to propel your aim like that.

It seems like all those lessons are not going through your ear.

The song reaches its climax, and you and the dancers file into a line again, demonstrating the unity of your blades by making a wide arc over your heads and then to the ground, and then after a few more demonstrations of skill, the song ends, and the dancers leave the stage.

"Exquisite, isn't she?"

Tobirama turns, and he recognizes the man. "Nuga."

Nuga smiles at the recognition. He gestures towards you with his chin. "I've longed to see her in battle, and I guess this is good enough."

Tobirama glances towards you, and watches as you hug and thank the dancers.

Nuga nods at him, and he steps forward. "I'll go shoot my shot with her, but we both know I can never win her heart."

Tobirama stares at the back of Nuga's head as he walks towards you.

You scowl at the sight of Nuga, and the satisfaction from watching that happen almost pulls a smile from him.

The two of you briefly exchange words, and while the two of you talk, people begin to flock to the courtyard with their partners, and everyone starts to dance.

Nuga offers his hand to you, and Tobirama frowns at the gesture.

You slap his hand, and then you smirk at him.

Nuga seems to look towards Tobirama, as if he just proved something. Then, after a few more exchanges, he leaves and you turn your back to him and watch the crowd.

Tobirama slowly makes his way towards you, and it is so easy because you do not need to do much and yet he is gravitating towards you. He comes up beside you, shoulder to shoulder.

"May I have this dance with you, Tobirama?" You ask him.

"Take my hand, then," Tobirama dares. He feels awfully brave in front of you today. Maybe it is the alcohol working.

You glance at him, seeming to make up your mind.

Tobirama raises his palm towards you, and slowly, tentatively as if you are testing the waters, you rest your hand on top of his, and then you glance up at him.

"Is this okay?" You whisper, the sound drowned out by the background.

But Tobirama catches it. "Yes."

Tobirama squeezes your fingers, softly, almost savoring it, because he cannot believe that you are holding his hand, that your hand is in his. He can barely breathe, or rather, he is holding his breath.

He does not want you to let go.

He leads you forward and for once, you follow, and then the two of you are facing each other again, gazing anywhere but each other.

He closes the gap between the two of you by slipping his arm around your waist. The action makes you look up into his eyes and Tobirama is stopped in his tracks.

Then, Tobirama finds himself leaning forward, unable to resist getting closer to you. Maybe it is the alcohol, or maybe it is just you, but whatever this spell is, it has him enthralled.

You stare up into his eyes, and Tobirama truly thinks he is at your mercy at this moment.

The hairs on his skin stand up as you take your hand forward to brush his hair back.

He wants to ask you what you want to do.

"Huh, your hair's surprisingly soft," you comment, your eyes flitting down to his lips.

Tobirama blinks, and he mulls over the comment in his head. The moment was broken, and it seemed like it did not even happen. Maybe not for you.

Tobirama sighs, mildly annoyed.

"What?" You ask him, confusion visibly written on your face.

"Nothing," Tobirama grumbles.

You stare at him, but Tobirama looks away.

"Do you…" You start. "Could it be…"

Tobirama turns to you, and he gives you his full attention.

"Nevermind," you immediately. "It's nothing."

Tobirama looks down, and he watches as you rest your hands on his chest.

He wants to take them into his, but his hands are awkwardly sitting on your waist, and it becomes ridiculous as he contemplates about it longer.

The dance ends after what seems like hours, and when the music stops, Tobirama lets you go your own way, and he goes to his, trying not to think about you and your lips, and your scent on him. When he gets home and finds his bed, he falls into it willingly, and the moment his head hits his pillow, his consciousness has left him long ago.

/

There must be something, you think.

You are not that dense, and after dancing with Tobirama last night, you start to convince yourself that your assumptions may have some truth in them. However, you also change your mind the next second, explaining and reasoning why there isn't something.

But the way Tobirama pulled you to him, strongly by the waist, the way he stared into your eyes so softly but dark with a hint of desire, you cannot help but ponder about it some more and it sends you squealing into your pillow.

The door to your room slides open, and Madara greets you with an unimpressed expression.

"You know, for some guy you claim to hate, you think and talk about him too much," Madara comments, leaning against the threshold.

"Oh, shut up."

"I'm going away on a mission," Madara tells you. "To the Water Country. Hold down the fort for me."

You sit up, and you blink at Madara. "Only you?"

"Yeah," Madara says.

You look down at your hands, a little saddened by being alone in this house. It does not feel like home with just you in it and Madara's absence will be a constant reminder that you do not belong here.

"Behave," Madara narrows his eyes at you, and you know that he is talking about your impromptu dance move from the welcome party.

"You shouldn't be saying that, you'd do the same thing," you retort. "Maybe even worse."

Madara sighs, and it looks like something is bothering him. "Maybe I've changed."

You raise an eyebrow. "What is this mission?"

"Delegating, politicking, the boring stuff."

"That's Tobirama's job."

"Hashirama wants to put more responsibilities on my shoulders to involve me in the Village even more." Madara's eyes seem to look through you. "He wants me to be the next Hokage."

You gasp. "Wait, what?"

Madara shrugs. "I wanted it to some degree long ago and even tried to fight Tobirama about it, but now, I am uncertain."

"But that's an honor." Your eyes are bugging out of your head. "Wait, why did you have to fight with Tobirama about it?"

"He didn't approve." Madara curtly replies. "I need to go."

"Wait, Madara," you call to stop him.

Madara pauses briefly to shake his head at you, to not push it or talk about it, and then he turns to walk away.

"Get a hold of yourself around that guy," Madara advises, and he slides your door close.

"Come to the festival!" You yell out last minute so that you can see him before he leaves.

You sit there for a moment, wondering why Madara does not want to make a big deal about it. You start to brainstorm ways of celebrating it before he leaves, even if it will just be the two of you.

You slowly take in your room, from your messy clothes on the floor and your weapons lining up against the wall.

Then, you lie back on your futon, and stare at the ceiling. Madara tells you less and less about what is going on with him, and it worries you because you sometimes hear him talking to himself around the house.

The urge to scream comes once again.

"Why are men like this?" you wonder to yourself.

Of course, it's a rhetorical question.

/

The flower festival is in full swing, and both Tobirama and Madara are avoiding you. You shouldn't care that much, but you do care about them and you want to be there for them if they are having some troubles. For now, you decide to help out with the festival because it's tangible thing you can do instead, managing games and prizes for the children, and learning a thing or two about flowers from the Yanamaka clan.

You learn that there are meanings that come with each flower, and these flowers are given to the person they want to relay that message to.

There are flowers for almost every meaning, even for the most petty ones. Like, giving a yellow carnation to reject someone or orange lilies if you really hate someone.

You find it hilarious. They're just flowers, but a part of you wonders if there is merit to this after all.

As the day goes on, you start to wonder whether Tobirama will not show since he did say he is not the kind of person to attend these kinds of events. After mulling it over, you decide to go the extra mile to find him and drag him out here at all cost, because he needs to live a little and do away with some work and rest.

You also are pretty certain that he is tinkering with his experiments, and despite promising to ask you for help if he ever needs it, he never does.

Your heart is heavy as you walk towards his usual spots and find him nowhere near there. You go to the Hokage mansion's library last, already deciding to head back out to the festival to watch fireworks and grab a meal with Madara before he goes. You find people there working on setting up the fireworks for the evening show and you wave to them.

When you open the doors to the library, you find Tobirama stooped over your shared desk, a pencil on top of his ear and his mouth pressed into a firm line from concentration. A candle flickers to his side, almost going out as you walk towards him.

Tobirama slowly looks up, and his mouth relaxes.

"What are you doing here?" He asks, and then he peers at the window.

"I came to invite you out to the festival," you reply, and you hope he does not reject you.

Tobirama's eyes fall to his work, and you notice his wild handwriting decorating the paper, different from the elegant and neat lines that you normally see. "I am busy."

"Take a break," you suggest.

Tobirama shakes his head. "You go on ahead and enjoy it."

"Tobirama," you sigh.

"Please," Tobirama insists, his voice quiet.

You nod to yourself, feeling really disappointed. You cannot even place the feeling.

"Alright," you finally say, already turning away so that your face does not give you away. "But if you have time, please come."

"Of course," Tobirama replies and you leave him in the dark there.

/

You explore the streets that are drowning in the decorations of the flower festival. While the courtyard was teeming with food and games and children running around, these streets are filled with flowers and lanterns, and it is calmer than the courtyard's atmosphere. You observe the couples wearing their festival clothes and walking hand in hand while they eat their desserts, and a part of you wonders if watching these people will teach you a thing or two about love.

Is this what it looks like?

"Psst! Give a flower to the person you like!" A girl calls your way.

At first, you want to ignore her, but then, you suddenly think of Tobirama and you find yourself making your way towards the stand filled with red chrysanthemums, colorful camellias and roses. You stare at the rows of petals arranged in a circular fashion, and you lean forward to catch its scent.

"How much?" You ask the teen.

"For free!" She gives you a toothy grin.

You raise an eyebrow, doubtful.

"Clearly, you came over here! It means there is someone, right?"

You sigh, but a smile flits its way to your lips. "There is someone, but I am not sure if they like me back."

"These flowers will grow love from nothing."

"Oh, please. I am not naive."

The girl laughs. "I hope he likes you back."

You laugh, despite yourself. "Me, too. I'd like to see how this one goes."

The girl gives you an assortment from her stand, and you explore more of the streets again, finally taking notice that there are other flower stands, saying the same thing.

Coincidentally, you find Hiruzen, Danzo and their other friend, Kagami walking towards you.

"Sensei!" Hiruzen calls. "We're about to head to the best spot to view the fireworks! Want to come?"

"Sure, why not?" You reply, and the kids take you along with them. You really have no better way to pass the time.

"Where is this spot?" You ask them.

"The Hokage mansion rooftop," Kagami replies.

"Is that even allowed?" You smile at them mischievously. If these kids are up to trouble, then who are you to stop them?

"Red chrysanthemums! For the person you like! Confess your love today!" The same girl from earlier calls out.

Hiruzen turns to her, and then at the flowers in your hand.

"Don't judge me," you chide.

Hiruzen laughs. "Sensei, you have nothing to worry about."

Kagami laughs along with him. "Yeah, I'm sure he'll like it."

"Stop." You feel your face heating. It should not be a big deal.

Hiruzen shrugs his shoulders. "You ought to give yourself more credit, sensei."

When you get to the rooftop, the evening sky is already dark, but from up here, you see the streets lit up to the point that it sends a gold glow above the village. The world is still bright, despite the sky blanketing it with darkness.

The courtyard is silent, as people wait for the fireworks to be lit, and you hold on to your bouquet, hoping to see Tobirama. You bounce on the balls of your feet in anticipation and nervousness, that the loud roar of the blood in your ears drowns out the booming fireworks lighting up the sky.

There is still no Tobirama to be found. You wonder if he is seeing this from the darkness of the library. He only ever needs to peek out of the window, if his concentration fails him. You hope that he can see this beauty, however fleeting and artificial.

You stare blankly at the flowers.

The fireworks end, and you watch as the streams of people head out from the courtyard.

"If you see your sensei around, just hand him this for me, alright?" You ask Hiruzen.

"But, sensei," the kid protests.

"It's getting late," you reason. "I...tell him it's from me."

You head down as fast as you can, and you barrel yourself into the crowd to blend in.

You have managed to convince yourself of the negative, forgetting that you even looked forward to giving those flowers.

/

Tobirama tries to seek you out from the crowd below him, but he does not see you. He uses his chakra to pick you out, and finally, he finds you among the throng of people, directionless and indiscernible, just how you like to be. He wonders why you are in a hurry, and finally, he decides to head out, still hoping to catch you and maybe apologize with some refreshments for his behavior towards you as he has been too rough with you for the past few days.

As he heads for the gate, he finds his students hanging out there, looking unsure about themselves.

His eyes fall to the flowers on Hiruzen's hand.

Hiruzen catches his gaze and his student gulps.

"What?" Tobirama prompts.

Hiruzen comes up to him nervously. "Uh, she was just here. She says this is for you."

Tobirama looks down at the bouquet of flowers and he slowly takes it into his hand. He tries to remember if there are meanings for red chrysanthemums and camellias, and for a moment, he stares at it blankly.

Hiruzen interrupts his thoughts. "Sensei?"

Tobirama almost drops the bouquet when a realization dawns on him and he stares at his student. "She said this is for me?"

Something washes over Tobirama. He feels thrilled.

"...Yes."

Tobirama takes off running, hoping to catch you. He does not know what to do yet, he will probably butcher it and say something insulting to your face, but maybe, maybe you are being serious and this is not some joke.

Maybe there is something there.

He still cannot shake the feeling of you from his skin, despite scrubbing his skin clean. His mind cannot be purged of you.

The anticipation leaves him breathless.

Where are you?

He does not know how to go about this. What will happen if he truly reveals how he feels?

He hears your laughter, and Tobirama turns to the sound. His hand tightens on the bouquet.

Is this it?

Tobirama heads to your direction, but he stops. He senses someone with you.

His resolve dies the moment you appear in his sights.

Madara looks down at you fondly, though he seems a bit absentminded, as you animatedly talk about today's event, and then you point at a direction and steer Madara towards it, and Tobirama notices that you had taken his arm to lead him without hesitation.

Something strikes Tobirama in his heart, like one of your swords had aimed for it and twisted itself in there. He watches the back of your head glumly, and for the nth time, he lets you go.

However, it does not stop him from keeping the flowers. When he finally gets home, he puts water in a vase and plop them in it. He stares at them briefly, because it is getting harder to shake you out of his mind, and his chest feels weirdly tight.

He sighs to himself.

He still hopes, even though he is against it. He prides himself in logic, but that all goes to the gutter with you. There is not enough reason to describe you, not enough to buy him out of this long hell of waiting just for you to look his way.

He can try, and despite all the successes he has accomplished, this is the one thing he knows he will fail over and over again.

He is completely, hopelessly, and utterly in love with you.

There is no way around it.

Notes:

also if this seems a lil chaotic ,, imma fix it, i do not have enough sleep i literally wrote this chapter while commuting and studying so imma go back and see if there needs to be changed, edited...

thank you for reading thoughhhh sending love 3

Chapter 15: II.V

Notes:

in which tobirama forgets his teleportation jutsu lmaooo

/

unrelated comment but the parts of this fic are inspired by frozen HAHAHHAA bc well. i'll let you draw your own conclusions xd

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

The fictional book that Tobirama has given you dropped to the ground, scattering hidden bookmarks and notes inside its pages. The people in the street look at you, a spectacle to behold. The other books Tobirama has given you are still in your arms, ridiculously thick and heavy, and out of exasperation, you want to toss them all up in the air.

Why did Tobirama even include so many additional notes in the book?

You glare at the extra papers flying around the street, having half a mind to leave them, but your conscience gets the better of you.

You place your books to the ground and one by one, you pick up the pages and shove them inside the book, not even caring if they are rumpled or wrinkled, just as long as they get in there.

People pay you no mind as they pass by, and you wonder if they can see how much of an outsider you are because Madara is not around.

It's so easy to pretend that you belong in a place where no one knows you when you have someone who can turn the tables for you easily, but Madara is gone and his absence in the house and especially in the Uchiha compound is felt.

You are beginning to really despise that you need Madara for almost anything.

You didn't have to need anyone before.

Finally, you managed to get the books together, and you picked up the others to carry them back to Tobirama.

You wonder what he is doing or if he even got the flowers. What will even happen then, if he realizes the meaning of the flowers?

You almost do not want to hear it, even getting rejected sounds better at this point.

But you don't want to get rejected.

You let out a frustrated sound, and as if on cue, the books you are carrying are lifted off of your arms.

Your eyes go to Tobirama, who is now passing by you, the heavy books in his arms.

"Keep up," he calls to you. "The Hokage is summoning us."

You bite back a smile, and you lightly jog towards him to walk by his side.

Then, as subtle as you can, you glance up at his features, praying that there is a small inkling that can reveal his thoughts and his feelings, but Tobirama is as cool and calm as he can be.

Tobirama glances down at you. "What?"

"Nothing."

Tobirama stares at you a little longer. "What did you think of the book?"

You shrug, remembering nothing from the plot since you read it top quickly. "Dry. Boring."

Tobirama's expression withers. "Really? Nothing interesting to point out?" He grinds out.

You look at Tobirama, a little mystified by his reaction. "What? Is there something I'm supposed to find?"

Tobjrama rolls his eyes and he briskly walks ahead of you, his exasperation coming out in waves. You bound after him, but you sense that Tobirama is quite annoyed at you, but you're not sure why.

Was he going to quiz you about the novel? Did he want to discuss it further with you?

You groan internally.

Tobirama leads the way to the Hokage's office, and he uses his foot to hold the door open for you. Then, the two of you enter, with Tobirama still carrying the books behind you.

Hashirama nods in greeting. You realize that you might not be the only one noticing Madara's absence.

"As you all well know, fighting is not our priority anymore," Hashirama begins. "We aim for peace, and that means reaching out to other villages, making allies or helping them out to set up the shinobi system that we have here."

You and Tobirama nod in agreement at the same time.

"I am sending the two of you to a mission up north, in the Land of Frost, where you will be helping a new village out by establishing a government and electing qualified leaders in it, and creating a shinobi system," Hashirama explains. "This mission will take some time to be finished, so I suggest that you two start preparing now. You will leave by the end of this month."

You glance at Tobirama. "Is it really just going to be the two of us? Isn't Tobirama busy with other nearby nations?"

Hashirama nods. "I let Madara take over for now. Tobirama is great with making allies, while Madara has more use to let people know they should not cross any lines with Konoha."

You frown. "Pardon for my asking, but are we–" You catch yourself– "Is the Village in trouble? Are we going up North to seek out more allies?"

Hashirama raises an eyebrow, but he is more amused than angry. "We hope that the Village is not on the verge of trouble, as you say. For now, we are holding on to peace with other nations. Madara is insurance that it is maintained."

You press your lips together. Something just feels off. "Will he be alright?"

You feel Tobirama's eyes on you.

"Madara's as strong as me, he will be okay," Hashirama reassures. A dark frown etches on his forehead. He glances at his brother and dismisses him with a wave of a hand, and Tobirama scowls, but he does as his brother wishes.

"How is he?"

"What do you mean, Lord Hokage?"

Hashirama sighs. "It's just that Madara and I have been arguing a lot lately. Tobirama surely will butt in and give him a piece of his mind, but I'd rather it not come to that. At least, again."

"Madara is well." You ponder if you should reveal to Hashirama about Madara's grave murmuring and occasional outbursts in the middle of the night. "What have you guys been arguing over? I hope it isn't about women." You try not to seem like you are too curious, and you play it off with a joking smile.

Hashirama sighs, and an uneasy grin spreads across his face. "It's nothing. You should go catch up with Tobirama before he starts complaining."

"Lord Hashirama?" You start, before you get kicked out. "Will Madara be the next Hokage? Is this why everyone's a little tense?"

"Do you also think he is not fit to be one?"

You shake your head. "I mean, he's strong and smart...but he's violent. Though, that's a great trait right? You get your point across, you can defend against anything. I told him that it's great news, if that's the case."

Hashirama stares at the desk. "Not always."

"Will Tobirama be the next Hokage, then?"

Hashirama chuckles, as if that notion is silly. "He's a candidate, but you know him. He prefers working in the background to support, and he likes to keep to his experiments. He has no ambition for the position."

You stare into Hashirama's dark eyes. "Doesn't that prove Tobirama has the right mindset for the job? He is brilliant and all the things the people of this village can ask for, Lord Hashirama. He can change the world as we know it. He is good."

"Do you believe that?"

"With all my heart," you state carefully.

Hashirama sighs, and he folds his hands together under his chin. "Very well."

"Why are you eager to pass the position on already?" You ask, straight to the point.

"Hm, well. A leader should not lead past his prime. He'll be seen as a tyrant. Times change quickly, as a leader should to match its mindset."

"You are still in your prime."

"Yes. I'd like to think so."

You nod and then you bow quickly and head for the doors, but Hashirama stops you with a question.

"Do you believe in Tobirama?"

You turn, and you straighten up to let him know that you mean what you say. "I do. I really do. He is a good man, with all the right intentions."

Hashirama nods. "You may go."

/

Tobirama is looking at you weirdly, but you pay no mind to it because you feel your face getting red the longer he stares at you. You do not even know where to begin or what to say. You reach over and take the novel from the top of the piled books and start flipping through the pages mindlessly, until it is put to a stop with Tobirama's hand on top of yours, flattening your palm against the page.

You gulp, and Tobirama retracts his hand back as if he has been burned.

"If it is Madara you are worried about," Tobirama says, his voice fighting to keep a gentle tone. "I assure you that he is a capable shinobi."

Tobirama grits his teeth as you look at him, bewildered.

"That's the first time I've heard you praise him," you almost crack a smile.

"Yeah, well. You're going crazy over it," Tobirama replies and then he sighs. "And I was not praising. I was stating a fact."

Silence falls in the space between the two of you, but if either of you is going to address the flower festival fiasco, the time is ticking for it to be acknowledged.

Neither of you budge, because the two of you are stubborn in your own ways.

Still, you are not sure how to address it or act upon it in a way that is obvious and clear. A part of you wants to keep testing Tobirama, to push and pull all his buttons until he reveals himself to you.

Maybe you need to get closer to him.

"So, do you want to be a Hokage someday?" You almost bite your tongue off. Not that close.

Tobirama looks offended, and you cringe inwardly. "No. I prefer backing my brother up."

"Yeah, but someday, it's not always going to be your brother on the seat," you lean closer across the table to gauge his reaction. "He might retire, or something could happen to him, like you know. Death."

Tobirama lets out an impatient sigh, you ought to think that he is starting to get mad. "When that day comes, I'll be sure that the next Hokage is fit to lead the village and support them. For now, I will help him with everything that I can help him with." His eyes narrow to glower at you. "And I will never let anything bad happen to him."

You assess his statement, and it truly aligns with what you assumed about him. Tobirama is not greedy for the seat. He just wants the best for his brother and the village. He is also very protective over family, a concept that you find unfamiliar.

Tobirama's eyes change when he sees you relax visibly.

"What are you doing?" He almost snaps.

You shrug. "Just trying to see where I can put my bets on. I don't know a lot about you."

"You know enough."

"I guess."

You almost feel bad, since you really feel that he is starting to get upset.

Tobirama glances to the side, and his lips arrange into a small pout. "I know very well that shinobi do not last long in this game, but that is the point to all of this. Peace. Safety. To live the next day without fighting a war."

"You really care for your brother, huh?" You smile softly at that.

Senju Tobirama is a lot of things, but you see how transparent his heart is, no matter how much he shields it from his rough manners.

"More than anything," Tobirama replies thoughtfully, eyes going towards the windows to observe the village.

The statement repeats in your mind, and you find it admirable that Tobirama sees bigger things than him and cares for the people closest to him. It tells you what you already believe him to be, and even if his affections for you are nonexistent, you find it comforting that you are putting all your cards on him.

It does not feel like a gamble. With Tobirama, you know that the outcomes will be certain. You just hope to be there by his side to see it all.

/

Over the following days to prepare for the upcoming mission, Tobirama has you study over Konoha history, its policies and laws, the political system within, and the allies that it has made. Few words are exchanged between the two of you, but you work side by side most of the time, having to follow Tobirama around to show you what you will be doing in the Ice country, because the two of you will be splitting the work in half.

Other than the unmistakable tension between the two of you over words unsaid from the flower festival (if there are any, at all), you are still able to work together smoothly, perhaps, even more than before. You find that your points of views similarly align, and what you lack in values and morals, you look forward to Tobirama showing you his own and you learn from him through observation and examining what those can mean to you.

While Madara has taught you how to survive, Tobirama teaches you how to live, and it is something you never had to face before. Surviving was the only way you know how to live, but now, you do not have to look behind your back as often. You find that you want that peace Tobirama speaks of, and you especially want that for him, because you have noticed in the last few weeks with him that he is subjected to erratic moods that pushes away everyone around him.

You feel at ease around Tobirama, and it only fuels you to grow closer to him no matter what.

And you want him to feel safe around you, too. To let you know his thoughts comfortably, to depend on you and trust you more, just as you unequivocally do with him.

"Why do you not like the idea of Madara being Hokage?" You ask abruptly, as the two of you pore into more books.

"This again?" Tobirama exasperatedly grinds out.

You focus your gaze on him, and you brace yourself, as if you are preparing to fight.

Tobirama looks at you carefully. "What did he tell you?"

"That you do not approve."

Tobirama lets out a slow breath, and he closes the book in front of him. He seems to mull over his answers.

You watch this Tobirama closely because he is good with words, and people who are good with words have a way of romancing people to change the same picture into another image.

"Because he seeks war and does nothing to maintain the collective peace in the village and outside of it," Tobirama finally replies, his eyes not quite meeting yours. "I understand he has his pride, that he too has lost a lot, but nothing good will come in a path of hate."

His eyes slowly slide forward to meet yours, and his jaw tenses. There is some regret in his eyes, but he composes himself.

"I killed his brother," Tobirama quietly confesses. "His last remaining sibling."

You freeze in shock and your mouth slightly opens. Tobirama lets the words sink into the silence, but you recover quickly enough. It is not like you are a stranger to death.

"He never told me," you tell Tobirama carefully. You knew about the Senju and the Uchiha clans' fighting before they united to form Konoha, but you know little about Madara's early life.

Tobirama nods, and he looks surprised about the fact that you did not know.

"It was a different time," Tobirama says. "We were young, we just wanted to live and end all wars but to do that, we have to keep fighting. We held prejudices against each other, used that to justify our actions, but at the end of the day, family died, children, brothers…"

You let Tobirama know that you are listening by nodding and keeping still.

"Though if there is one person he hates, it's me. I do not fault him for that, but we must move past that."

"You mean, you did."

"I try."

"Doesn't seem like he has."

Tobirama raises an inquisitive eyebrow. "Are you here to change my mind about my sentiments?"

You shrug. "Not at all. Just laying out all the facts. You do what you want with that."

Tobirama's jaw tenses. "Of course, you'd defend him."

You narrow your eyes at the change of his tone. "I'd defend him, and anyone else I care for. I'm not telling you he's wrong, but I'm also not going to tell you you're right. This is bigger than that, and you know it."

Tobirama looks away and falls into silence, eyes hard and teeth gritting against each other.

"It's not about who's defending who, Tobirama. I'm just a simple commoner, I won't get hung up on your politics."

Tobirama's glare is piercing as it goes to you.

"What?" You smirk, almost challenging him. You are curious on how he will react next.

"You're always joking around," Tobirama grumbles, and he finally relaxes. "But I hate to say it. You have a point."

You chuckle. "Is your pride hurt, Lord Tobirama?" You mock.

"Enough," Tobirama snaps.

You laugh again, and Tobirama looks at you tersely.

"You're a pain in the ass."

"Only for your ass though," you remark jokingly, but the words are out there and you begin to grow self-conscious over it. Why must you be so vulgar at the most inopportune moments?

Tobirama grimaces, suddenly looking constipated.

You let out an awkward laugh. "What? You need to go shit?"

Tobirama's face twists and his neck and ears turn red. Then, he stands up abruptly. "I need to go."

Tobirama almost trips in on himself as he rushes out into the hallway, and all you hear is a loud smack echoing.

You hurry to the door to see what's happening with Tobirama, but he is not there anymore, and the only thing remaining were the dust motes that were displaced from his flying raijin jutsu.

/

Tobirama smacks himself on the forehead, trying to fight the growing smile on his lips. He must have looked like a mad man in front of you as he struggles to keep a neutral expression on. He was so close to bursting out laughing, and the feeling is weird as it begins to grow on his chest. Even though your conversation with him had started seriously, you have a way of turning it into a gag and Tobirama can no longer keep himself at check. He doesn't even know how to respond to you anymore, because he does not trust himself to talk around you. He just knows that he'll either start arguing with you, reply with his automated words, and then start stuttering like a fool, even though he does not stutter.

Tobirama lands in the middle of his bedroom, and he settles himself against the wall.

His gaze lands on the flowers you gave him, and he is disappointed that neither of you brought this up again. Maybe you gave it to him as a joke, since playing pranks on him is your forte.

Tobirama does not know anymore. You make his mind convoluted to the point that just being around you brings him at ease.

For a while, Tobirama stares at the flowers on top of his bedside table, letting his thoughts wash over him.

He feels like a child experiencing the taste of candy for the first time.

The word like is so juvenile, Tobirama thinks that it does not encompass all this turmoil in his heart.

His eyes go to his books, and an idea goes to his mind.

/

"What? Had a rough shit?" You ask, and Tobirama withers from your question.

He doesn't want you to get that impression of him. It's stupidly embarrassing.

He hides his face and plops another book in front of you. Another book filled with his own notes, bookmarks, and now, other references from other books.

As calmly as he can, he replies, "No. That part went surprisingly smoothly."

You raise an eyebrow at him, and you look at the book placed into your sights. "Really? You took your time for this?"

Tobirama drops himself into his seat unceremoniously. He is very close to giving up. "Yes, it's important," he emphasizes, hoping to convey his meaning, willing you to read his thoughts even if it's close to impossible.

You look at him dubiously. "You know, it's really hard for me to start new things when I'm already focused on other materials."

"It's okay, take your time," Tobirama tries not to feel disconcerted, and instead, he starts to understand you more.

Your inattentiveness, your uncanny ability to zone in and get lost into whatever you are doing, your obsessions with weapons and playing pranks on him, and re-reading of the older books he has given to you. It makes sense.

It also has him thinking if you are just very focused on him because you it is just how your mind works.

He hopes that it is not the case, because that would mean that you'll forget about him right after you find everything that is to know about him.

Tobirama pushes that thought away. It does not matter. All he wants is for you to be well and to not have any troubles if he could help it.

Tobirama hears you sigh and he turns his attention to you. He cannot help it. You always demand his attention even if you do not try to.

"I'll try to read this, okay?" You frown as you trace a finger on the book's spine.

Tobirama peers at you curiously. "You know, reading helps calm the mind."

"Holding my swords has the same effect," you reply softly. "It's all I need when I'm fighting, to focus my strength. I'm always calm whenever there is chaos around me."

Tobirama knows a thing or two about working with chaos. He dabbles with it all the time.

"Me too," Tobirama reassures. "In fact, I make it all the time."

You smile at him questioningly, and Tobirama sighs.

"Get up, I have something to show you."

/

"Holy shit!" You shout from beside him as the hot wind from the blast Tobirama created with his paper bombs blows your way.

Tobirama fights to hide his smile. He has been working on this jutsu for a while, experimenting with many formulas to ensure that the paper bombs are connected in a chain and will blow up one after another. He still needs to work on the timing and the length of the blasts, but so far, he is on the right track. He still has a long way to go to make it almost endless, to make it so strong it can blast a mountain to bits.

The following blasts rock the earth, and you lose your footing, knocking into Tobirama.

He stays his ground, and he steadies you. He tries to calm the way his heart is beating against his chest. He is pretty sure you can feel it.

"Damn, this is amazing!" You laugh almost madly. "Can I try?!"

"No," Tobirama says sternly, and he feels almost bad for killing the zeal in your eyes. However, you are also volatile in your own way and he doesn't know how much damage you can do if he leaves you experimenting with this jutsu.

"You're no fun, Lord Tobirama." You fake sulking, and Tobirama almost laughs at the sight.

"Stop that, you snot-nosed little kid," Tobirama says and he disables the paper bombs.

"Again!" You exclaim.

Who is Tobirama to say no?

You hide behind Tobirama, and he has the mind to pay attention to the way you are gripping his arm, as he releases another chain of paper bombs, and this time, it travels far, and blasts a boulder in its way, as well as leveling part of the forest.

"Oh, shit," Tobirama murmurs. He feels his brother's presence first, before he actually arrives.

"What in the gods' name are you two doing?!" Hashirama suddenly bellows behind them and the two of you turn to him, like two kids caught in the act of crime.

Tobirama supposes that this could count as one.

"I leave you two for a few hours and you're blowing up training grounds?!" Hashirama looks at Tobirama in disbelief, and Tobirama is half-offended. "The villagers thought we were under attack!"

Sure, he is the mature one in this situation.

"She started it," Tobirama curtly replies, trying to keep his face blank.

However, you are also the biggest enabler in his life.

You gasp and open your mouth in shock. "Traitor," you snipe at him, then you turn to his elder brother, changing into a more respectful tone. "Lord Hashirama, he is the one who invited me out here to watch this."

Hashirama slaps his forehead from exasperation. "Tobirama, I told you to lay off on creating weapons of mass destruction."

"This is not even that massive," Tobirama retorts.

Hashirama glares at him, and Tobirama straightens up. His brother can be scary when angry.

"I apologize," Tobirama says immediately. He refuses to look at the ground in shame.

"I am so sorry, Lord Hashirama, I was curious about–" You start your lame excuse.

"I do not want to hear it," Hashirama interrupts, holding up a hand, and he looks at Tobirama pointedly. "You two, go home. I will think of a fitting punishment for you two later."

Hashirama walks towards the levelled forest, and he starts to grow trees from the ground. You stick around for a few seconds to watch, and your mouth hangs open in awe.

"Wow, so this is Lord Hashirama's power," you remark, your head tilting to observe how each trunk of tree tangles with each other from the ground.

"He's the best of the best," Tobirama proudly says.

You smile at him and Tobirama's stomach churns.

Tobirama turns around, and he tries his best to be nonchalant about it. "Let's get dinner. I'll cook."

"Wow, you can cook?"

"I'm offended that your question implies that I cannot."

"I'm just surprised. You don't seem like the type to cook."

"Oh, please. I can do a lot of things."

"I bet you can only cook bland dishes."

Tobirama gives you a dirty look. "What about you? Are forest squirrels and rats your only specialty?"

You snicker, and Tobirama allows himself to smile a little.

"Well, joke's on you, I do make a very mean rat dish."

"That's disgusting. I am appalled."

You roll your eyes. "Much better than steamed vegetables with no spices!"

"At least my dishes have nutritional value."

"Excuse me? Rats are high in protein!"

"I do not want to hear rat and food in the same sentence, please."

You click your tongue. "You're such a lord."

Lord is your word equivalent to priss.

Tobirama smirks, and he leads you towards the market to shop for dinner ingredients. The two of you fall back into your old banter routine, and Tobirama is glad because he almost thought that he was making things weird between the two of you. He wants your company, and everything else that comes with it.

He keeps his smile to himself as he catches you chatting with the vendors and negotiating prices for him (you are awfully good at this, he notices and to his relief he saved more money than before), and when he is not looking, he feels your gaze on him and he tries not to let it affect him too much. He knows some self-control.

After buying the fresh ingredients, the sky begins to change into a more orange color, and Tobirama notices the folding pattern of the clouds. The sky makes the white sheets above them gold. The air also begins to get cooler, and Tobirama shivers slightly from it. He hopes that as the season comes through, his moods will not serve to ruin him.

You suddenly bump into his shoulder, and Tobirama feels your hand graze against his. In the next second, you are carrying the groceries he was just holding. Warmth spreads from his chest and to the rest of his body, and he turns his gaze to the sky once again.

He is unexpectedly calm at the moment.

When the two of you arrive at his house, he lets you go in first, and he waits behind you as you take off your sandals. He does the same, and then he takes back the groceries from your hand and he makes a beeline for the kitchen.

"Make yourself at home," Tobirama says, and his feet quickens its pace across the wooden floorboards.

/

Tobirama finds you rummaging through his things, and staring at his shelf of fine liquor that he never really drinks. It is more for decoration than for use.

"Wow, these are some expensive alcohol," you comment, and then you turn to him, your face lighting up. "That smells really good."

Tobirama looks at the beef stew that he made, and he sets it down on the table. "Better than your rat dishes, I suppose."

"I'm hungry, so yes, it is way better."

Tobirama rolls his eyes. You grab the bottle of rice wine from the shelf and set it on the table.

"I want to see you get drunk," you tell him, and your eyes appear to have a glint of mischievousness.

Tobirama sighs. "I do not drink."

"Liar, you drank at the festival."

"I thought it was water."

You smirk. "Liar!"

Tobirama sighs. "Eat this first. Do not drink on an empty stomach."

You sigh and roll your eyes, but you acquiesce, taking his utensils and his bowls to serve yourself a meal.

You have not been here in his house for long, but it feels like you have never left it.

He watches as you slurp the soup and shove the food into your mouth, one spoon of rice after another. You tear into the meat, and Tobirama notices the way your arm guards around your area, as if you are afraid that he is going to reach over to take your food away.

Tobirama pours you a glass of water, a little worried about the way you are inhaling the dish.

When you reach for the glass of water, Tobirama's hand lands on your wrist.

"Slow down," he reprimands. "There are plenty for seconds."

You smile sheepishly, and Tobirama is relieved as he watches you chew slowly.

"Sorry," you say after you swallow your food properly. "It seems like this is a habit of mine."

Tobirama nods. "It's okay."

You chuckle. "It's just that when I was young, I rarely got to eat, you know? And when I do, there are always others trying to take my food away, so you either have to fight and lose, or eat the food quickly, even if it's stale and expired."

Tobirama sees your eyes get a little sad and misty.

"I forget that I'm not that kid anymore," you comment. Then, you laugh to sober yourself up.

Tobirama wishes for you to keep on talking, because he does not mind your voice filling up the silence of his house.

"What about you? How were you as a child?"

Tobirama purses his lips. "Rude, to sum."

"Well, you are a little brother, I feel like that's what little brothers are like, not that I know."

Tobirama stares at your face, and he feels comfortable enough to share more about himself.

"I wasn't always the youngest brother. I had two more younger brothers," he starts, and he looks away from your attentive stare. His heart softens a little at the thought of his late siblings. "The one after me, Kawarama, he was the hilarious one. He always had something to say, but he was a very strong and remarkable kid. The youngest one, Itama, was the shiest one out of all of us. The three of us tended to baby him–though we couldn't help it. He did not have much of a childhood either."

Tobirama surprises himself. That is the most he has talked about Kawarama and Itama to someone, and there was no alcohol involved. His jaw almost hurts from talking about a painful subject.

You smile at him gently, but there is no pity in your gaze. There is just pure understanding. Tobirama is almost apprehensive about the fact that you can make his tongue loose.

You pour Tobirama a cup of rice wine and you fill it to the brim. "To childhood memories."

Tobirama hesitantly takes it, and he looks at you with shock as you down the cup of wine you poured yourself empty.

You pour yourself another cup.

"Drink up, Tobirama!" You exclaim. "Don't tell me you're a light-weight!"

Invigorated, Tobirama downs his own cup in one go. He does not want to lose to you.

/

"I am not one to brag, but I won," you say as you pour the last drops of wine into your cup. "You barely had three cups!"

Tobirama has turned red, and his eyes are beginning to close. He rests his jaw on his hand, and he tries to glare at you vehemently. You smirk at the sight, and you memorize this moment because this is the first time Tobirama has been so vulnerable with you. It makes your heart squeeze and you feel so much for him already.

"Okay, question time," you grin.

Tobirama almost face-plants into the table, but you stand up to grab him and to make sure he does not fall.

"Favorite color?" You ask as you sit beside him.

"Blue," he murmurs. "Sunset is okay."

"Hm...type of woman?"

"...Kind. Strong."

"And?"

"...self-less. Smart. Funny."

Your face falls in disappointment, but you recover quickly. You feel like you are neither of those.

"Appearance wise?"

"Don't care."

"Really?"

Tobirama's eyes go to your face. "You're okay."

You giggle, and you support Tobirama's weight as he leans his weight forward to you.

"Do you hate me?"

"Never...hated you."

"Do you like me?" You slowly ask.

Tobirama stares at your hands on his shoulders, and it looks so funny as his head bobs from left to right, trying to look at your hands at the same time.

"You're okay," Tobirama mutters, his eyes fighting to stay closed. "...You're good."

"Yeah? What about me is good?"

"..."

You start to laugh. "That bad, huh?" You sigh fondly, and you brush his hair back from his forehead–something you have longed to do again. "Let's get you to bed, okay?"

Tobirama nods, and you help him stand up.

He leans all his heavy weight on you, and you do your best to not topple over and drop him. After turning a hallway, you find his bedroom and you almost throw him into his bed. His weight brings you down along with him, and you grunt from the struggle to untangle yourself from him.

However, Tobirama has managed to take your hands and he has them in a hard grip.

"Tobirama, I need to go," you tell him.

He pulls your hands, and he studies them in his, as if he has never seen a pair of hands before. He squeezes your hands, and your heart begins to pick up its pace.

"Your hands," Tobirama says to himself. "You have hands."

"Tobirama," you say.

Tobirama caresses your hands with his thumbs, and the mere gesture is enough to make you melt into the floor.

You pull your hands away from him, but he pulls back.

"No," he whispers.

"Tobirama, you are drunk."

You stare at him nervously as he brings your hands to his face, and suddenly, he plants a kiss on your knuckles, and you let out a shaky gasp.

He meets your eyes, and you freeze.

Something must have registered in him because his eyes finally recognize that you really are in front of him.

Tobirama lets go of your hands immediately, and he stares at you with fear. His eyes seem to shake, as he attempts to pore lasers on you with them, and he rears back from you.

"Wait, Tobirama," you say to him, hoping to reassure him in some way, but you do not find the words.

Because Tobirama had suddenly smacked his forehead so hard that he fell back from the impact.

You immediately stand to see if he is okay, but Tobirama is passed out cold on his bed, and you stare at this mess of a man in bewilderment.

Your knuckles tingle from where he kissed them, and you bring them to your face in an effort to get closer to him, as if his warmth and his scent are there.

You slide down to the floor, blankly staring at Tobirama's lump form, and then you cover your face with your hands, completely feeling overwhelmed.

"Damn it, you bastard," you murmur to yourself. "What am I going to do with you?"

You peek from in between your fingers, and your gaze lands on his bedside table. You find the flowers you have given him on it, and you feel tears pricking your eyes.

Could it be?

You almost did not want to believe it. You are already starting to make reasons for the many coincidences, but what if there is actually something here, and it is not just your mind making up things?

You press your palms harder into your face. You want to get a grip.

You make up your mind.

After this mission, when the two of you are not caught up in some assignment that could easily endanger your lives, you want to let him know everything.

You hope that you are not wrong about this, because you do not want to lose your place in Tobirama's life.

Notes:

thanks for readinggg 3

i am sleep-deprived and going mad BUT THIS CHAPTER HAD TO BE WRITTEN OKAY IT'S IMPORTANT

Chapter 16:

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

You quickly slide your door close, as if that is enough to keep your racing thoughts at bay. Your hands shake, as it still feels Tobirama's lips upon them. You put your hand to your chest to steady your breathing, and you lean the back of your head on the door. Then, as you look to the ceiling, you press your knuckles to your cheek, as if that is enough to get closer to Tobirama, to have his lips pressed upon your skin and make an impression. A smile flits to your face, and you have to shake your head several times to fight it away. You will have to linger on that later, when you are in your bed and so close to dreaming about it.

A sound echoes in Madara's house, and you straighten up, your body already moving to action. Keeping your steps light, you go towards where the sound is–in Madara's room. You keep your back against the walls, and when you arrive by his room, you peek in, a hand bracing yourself against the threshold.

You spot Madara's familiar silhouette in the dark, and you rush in.

"Madara," you call and you slowly walk towards him.

Your friend turns to you slightly, not exactly acknowledging you.

You go to the corner, feeling for a match and a lamp to light the room.

When the light spreads to scatter the darkness, you gasp at Madara's expression. There are streaks of blood on his face, his hair, his armor, and his gunbai lies on the floor, splattered with blood.

"What…" You utter. You approach him, grabbing a nearby cloth hanging on a rack to help him wipe off the blood.

You kneel in front of Madara, and his black eyes go to you, blank and cold. It makes you afraid, but this is Madara. The person who saved you, the one who cares for you and provides for you when you can no longer do for yourself. This is your friend. If he is having any troubles, you want to help him out of them.

Your hand goes to his face to wipe it clean. "What happened?" You whisper. "When did you get home?"

Madara catches your arm before you can touch his face and he leans forward. "Are you drunk?"

"What? No," you gently say, peeling his fingers from your wrist. "I was drinking with Tobirama, but you know me, I don't get drunk that easily. You should have seen him, though." You laugh awkwardly, unable to keep the goofy smile coming up to your face.

Madara tightens his grip on your wrist and your expression immediately hardens.

"Do you even still need me?" Madara asks you, and for a moment, he sounds anguished.

His question is something that you are not prepared to answer honestly with him so you are taken aback, but it is a question that you both know the answer to.

"I wish you'd still need me," Madara whispers and you swallow. "Then you'd never leave my side."

"Madara, you know I'll never abandon you," you tell him, and you attempt to take your arm back. "I...you know that I care for you, that I am always grateful to you."

Madara's eyes suddenly harden and you shrink back. Something about Madara unsettles you.

"You will abandon me, in time," Madara gets in your face to study you and you push back automatically. "You know this, don't you?"

"Madara, stop it," you hiss, your fingers catching his shoulder and your nails digging into the skin there. Your heartbeat hikes up to your throat, and all you see is red. All you feel is the need to get away.

"Stop it!" You raise your voice, hating how wheezy it sounds.

Madara squeezes your arm to the point that it makes you cry out in pain, but Madara immediately stops as he seems to realize that he is hurting you. You use the flat part of your palm to strike his jaw, your wrist twisting in for the impact. Madara draws back from you, and when he comes to, he stares at you in numb shock, but then he sneers.

"Get out of my face," Madara commands and you do not even hesitate to make a break for the door.

You do not even look back to glance at him.

When you get to your room, you fall to your knees and you bury your face into your hands, allowing yourself this one moment of weakness. You feel yourself shaking first before your tears come out, and you gasp for air as you try to soothe yourself by pressing your palms harder into your eyes. You do not shed tears often, but this one is enough to break the dam in your chest.

/

Tobirama wakes up in an awkward position, limbs twisted as he lies on his stomach, and he feels pain radiating from his forehead and to the bridge of his nose. He groans, and he tries to recall what happened last night. His thoughts are not at all coherent, and he is starting to get frustrated with himself because he is drawing to a blank.

How many did he even drink last night?

He rolls out of his bed with a groan, and he grudgingly gets to his feet. His head pounds, and he feels cold washing from his temples and down to his toes, but he gets going to the bath to shake off his stupor. He remembers cooking dinner, and lots of loud laughter that makes his head pound even more, and a blurry face getting dangerously close to his own.

Tobirama stops.

The blurry face belongs to you.

Tobirama wants to hit himself. He hopes he did not do anything bad to you.

He would really hit himself.

He cannot imagine doing you wrong.

Maybe it is why the front of his face hurts. Maybe you have smacked him to get away.

Tobirama is beginning to think that his feelings are getting out of hand.

He sighs to himself and he prepares to head out, trying not to linger on what he might say to you. He has always been bad with apologizing, mostly because he never felt like he had been wrong or at fault. He always believed himself to be right, despite knowing that such hubris can be his downfall.

His brother is already in his office when he arrives, along with Madara. There is a dark cloud over their faces and Tobirama looks around for you.

You are nowhere to be seen. There is no sign that you have been here. Not even a hint of the sound of your footsteps, or your presence nearby, and Tobirama frowns at the scene.

"We'll talk later," Hashirama dimisses Madara, and the Uchiha leader storms off.

Tobirama prepares himself to hear the brunt of the conversation, but surprisingly, his brother does not divulge.

However, Tobirama prods, despite being able to read the room. It does not hurt to take a few notes from you.

"What the hell is going on?" He demands, an eyebrow raised.

"Nothing," Hashirama insists heatedly.

Tobirama marches forward. "Elder brother. If there is a problem, I would have to be the one to solve it anyways, no matter what kind of scheming the two of you do. So you better tell me. Now."

Hashirama sighs and looks at him darkly. "The arrangements in the Water Country failed. A skirmish took place and Madara was in the middle of it."

Tobirama begins to feel his blood boil. "And you dare keep this from me?!" He suddenly shouts. He could not help it. What happened to cooperation and making peace?

"You have another mission to focus on, allow him to take care of this," Hashirama shuts him down immediately and Tobirama stares at his brother with disbelief.

"Excuse me? This takes prioritization!"

"It was not his fault!" Hashirama slams a palm on the table.

Tobirama pauses.

"Respect my wishes. He and I will fix this," Hashirama says.

Tobirama shakes his head, not liking where this is heading, but he gives in to his brother. "Fine, but I suggest that you two stay still and let things calm for a bit before making a move. Then draft a letter that I will read and proof to send to them to open negotiations again."

Hashirama eyes him carefully. "After your mission, then."

Tobirama nods, still a little tense. "Fine," he grits his teeth.

He turns around to storm off, not really knowing what to do next despite having the next ten steps already planned. He goes to his temporary workstation with you, and he notes that nothing has been disturbed and your presence is still nowhere near this place. He finds himself gritting his teeth even more, but he holds off his temper to set aside his personal feelings. He needs to think clearly.

He sits down and he spends the next hour writing out specific instructions for the next steps regarding this conflict, and also letters to daimyos to prepare a neutral space for this to happen. The only thing that the Hokage and the Uchiha leader need to do is show up, see where they stand and make concessions without making Konoha look weak. If it does not work out, all they need to do is make sure that Konoha is left alone.

Tobirama sighs. There is so much to do.

He looks to the space across from him.

You are still not here.

He finds that it is easier when you are around him because you facilitate well and you are efficient at what you do, despite the jokes that you make. He is also not used to working alone anymore and he is not sure how to feel about that. He always kept to himself and he was good at that.

Tobirama sighs loudly, as he is mildly annoyed at himself.

No matter how hard he tries, he cannot keep his thoughts of you at bay.

It takes more effort to keep working for the rest of the day, but he gets it all done.

He tries not to jump into conclusions—that you are avoiding him and it is his fault.

He hurries out of the office and into the streets of Konoha, not even bothering to say goodbye to his brother. He is not even sure if he wants to because he knows that another fight will stem out of the encounter, so long he remembers that his brother and Madara had made a mistake.

All he wants to do is find you and talk about this, hear about what you think and your side of the story as he knows that you are close to Madara.

As to how close, he tries not to think about that. He tells himself that your relationship with the clan leader will be of use to get more information, but even that settles on his heart in a very uncomfortable way.

Tobirama is really starting to get annoyed with himself. Even the morals that he does not care about as long as he gets the result does not work with him anymore. Not if you are in the equation.

As his eyes go to observe the streets of Konoha, he notices a peculiar scene ahead. There are broken tables and chairs outside of a tavern, and a few men trickle out, their faces a variety of black and blue bruises, but they are also clearly inebriated. He gets closer to find out what is happening, and when he peeks inside, he sees that there are broken glass bottles littering on the floor and more men beaten black and blue.

He frowns to himself.

"She is insane! Who the hell comes in here and starts to brawl?! We're not savages!" Someone shouts and Tobirama turns to the person. He is nursing his swollen face with a cold drink.

"Well, you and your gang did touch her even though she told you to stop!" The bartender cleaning the top of the counter retorts.

"Someone ought to arrest her! If she wasn't that Uchiha leader's ward, she would have been sacked and dragged through town!"

Tobirama pales and he hurries out of the tavern.

He lets his chakra flow and expand to try and look for you, and when he does, he immediately makes a beeline to your direction.

Nothing else in this world has prepared him to see you like this.

Empty bottles of alcohol line the ground, and Tobirama looks to the riverbank, where you are currently trying to crawl out of the river, with mud up to your arms.

You are completely soaked, and when you have pulled yourself out of the water, you attempt to go back, running across the surface halfway until you run out of chakra control and you sink underneath the waters. You do not seem to have any intention to get out, the more he waits for you to break through the surface.

Tobirama does not hesitate to run in after you.

He jumps, the cold water hitting him that it immediately clears his thoughts. He can only think and feel you. He manages to grab your arm, and he pulls you closer to him so that you do not float away and follow the current down.

He carries you to the riverbank, and when he comes to, he finds you staring at him.

"I just wanted to fight back," you brokenly tell him, your voice breaking off. "I could never fight back…why can't I just fight back?"

Your eyes glisten and they blink back tears, and Tobirama swallows his words.

"All my life...I have been helpless, and I just wanted to be free. To go and find my place in this world…" Tears begin to flow out of your eyes, and Tobirama feels his heart crack in pain.

Nothing could have prepared him for your tears. It is breaking his heart. Anything else pales in comparison to this. He resolves in the future to always do anything in his power to prevent your tears.

"You said it yourself, didn't you?" You chuckle miserably to yourself, and you cover your face with your palms. "I'm just an empty can…"

Tobirama draws back his breath, and he immediately sits you up. "No," he firmly says, desperately meeting your eyes. "You are not."

You sniffle, and Tobirama wishes he has something to dry your face with and to cover you with warmth.

"Oh, Tobirama," you murmur, your eyes unfocusing. "Senju Tobirama...no matter what you do, you are so good. You're so good."

Tobirama cringes. He would not call himself good if it is up to him.

"No," he softly says. "You are good. You are more than good enough."

You shake your head, and you press your palms into your eyes again.

Tobirama takes your arms away to uncover your face and he makes you meet his gaze. "Stop this. Let's get you home."

"I don't want to," you take your arms back from him and Tobirama immediately focuses on the way your skin peels away from his.

It is such a simple movement, but it is enough to make an impression on him, as if every inch of your skin is an extension of his, and when you are far, he burns until you soothe him.

You have always made him feel better, cheered him and saved him from his various moods and troubles. He hates himself at this moment for not being able to comfort you when you need it.

"Don't take me home," you plead to him and your eyes glisten with tears again.

Tobirama lets his arm move—he is not good at this, but he forces himself to. His hand gently comes up to your face, and he hurts again to see you flinch at this simple movement.

He meets your eyes, and just as he is about to take his hand away, fearing that he is stepping on your boundaries, you catch his hand and press his palm against your cheek. Tobirama feels himself blush at this simple gesture and warmth begins to spread across his chest. You look at him, and he feels his heart grow soft.

"Okay," he murmurs. "I won't."

You let out a small, shallow laugh. "Thank you."

Tobirama retracts his hand immediately, and pulls your arm to wrap it around his shoulders. "You don't have to thank me."

He gets you inside his house again, and he quickly wraps you in one of his clothes so that you can be warm. He hands you towels, and without a word, ushers you into his room and points you to the bath and closes the door to give you privacy. He leans against the wall, his eyes to the ceiling. He wonders if this has something to do with Madara. The people in his life seem so hung up with him, and it only ends in disaster. You are not known to get angry or upset easily, and even he can admit that you have the best management of your emotions as compared to him.

He wishes he can fix this, because this is what he is good at. He always has the answers.

He is beginning to be more aware that he has been standing against the wall for a while. He tries his luck by knocking at the door, and when no answer comes, he calls for your name. Tobirama hesitates, not wanting to disturb you any further. He knocks again, and this time, he peeks in to make sure that you are alright.

He finds you passed out on his bed, and he stares at your form on it for a moment. It is such a natural sight for you to be there. He likes his own space, and is even more hesitant to share it with anyone, but he is alright with having you invade it.

He walks over to cover you with a blanket, and when he is sure that you are comfortable, he stares at your face, remembering a vague recollection of a similar event. He reaches over, fingers slightly shaking, and he combs your hair back from your face.

"Sleep well," he says to you.

He gets up to acquire a glass of water to place on the bedside table, and then he leaves you be.

The next day, you are gone, like you have never been in his house at all, except, Tobirama can smell your scent in his sheets, and his pillow still has the dent of your head on it.

He stares at it numbly, unsure how to feel being left like this without a word from you.

His eyes go to the flowers on his bedside table, and he sighs to himself.

This longing does not get any better.

/

Tobirama gives you space, despite wanting to seek you out and take all of your time. He sees you in passing, as you have been observing Academy students to get a better gauge on your potential students. Sometimes he sees the back of your head, as your eyes pore over the same books he has given you. He is left to deal with the preparations for the upcoming mission, but he does not feel up to its task. There are just too many problems to deal with.

He also realizes that this is what you must have felt when he had disappeared on you when the two of you were planning out the flower festival.

The next time he truly sees you face to face, is when the two of you are about to depart for the Ice country and you are laughing at him.

Tobirama wants to retreat into himself.

He is in his whole armor getup, and when your eyes find the fur collar around his neck, you are suddenly doubling over in laughter. He is a little glad that you seem to be in high spirits, but of all things, why must he be the most hilarious thing you have looked at?

He cannot help but sulk. He actually likes this part of his armor.

"What?" He snaps, completely annoyed.

"You look so sharp," you comment cheerfully.

He rolls his eyes. "Yeah, well."

The two of you fall into silence, and your eyes meet briefly.

You immediately look away, and Tobirama notices your face growing pink.

"Anyways," you start awkwardly.

Tobirama senses the exact words you are about to tell him, and he wants to stop you. He does not want to make you feel like you owe him something.

Alas, you say those exact cursed words.

"Thank you," you slowly say, your eyes looking anywhere but him. "I didn't mean to be such a mess."

"It's fine," Tobirama answers gruffly and he thinks about his replies some more. He needs some variety, but he always finds himself answering in the same way. His brain sometimes likes to work against him.

You gesture towards the world outside the gates of Konoha.

"Shall we?"

Tobirama steps beside you so that your shoulders are side by side. He wants to ask if you are okay, but the timing for it does not seem to bode at this moment. There are just so many words to say. He is never one for long conversations.

"We shall," he replies instead, and together, the two of you make your first steps outside in tandem.

Notes:

why do i feel like each chapter comes out as a mess... i promise i do go back and re-read and see what needs to improve lmaooo and the same will happen for this one. anyways. we're...halfway there? LMAO i did say slow-burn

thanks for reading!

Chapter 17:

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

You think that as long as you keep quiet, as long as you mind your own business, Madara would not spare you a glance. Something has changed within him, and you cannot pinpoint it. The Madara you knew would never cause you harm, even though you know how violent and merciless he can be. He saved you and for that, you owe him everything. The way he addressed you that night was shocking to you, and it made everything you know that kept you safe beside him become uncertain.

It hurt. It really, truly hurts.

Madara is the last person you would think to push you away like that.

The last few days awaiting your departure, you keep to yourself just in case any sudden movement or noise might trigger another situation like that with Madara. The house is silent, but it feels thick with tension. It does not provide the warmth that you want to feel.

A part of you wants to reach out to Madara, because you are persistent and unyielding even when it is inconvenient, but you can never forget that cold expression from his eyes.

It's like he doesn't even recognize you.

You sigh to yourself, and as you venture out from your spiraling reverie, you begin to be more aware of Tobirama's eyes on you as the two of you journey on. You try to ignore him, but Tobirama is stubborn. He is not the loudest person, but he carries himself in a way that demands your attention.

Still you try to hold out—by focusing on his armor parts. Like the cute fur that is sitting on his shoulders.

He looks rather dapper, especially with the happuri guarding his face, but for some reason you cannot muster the courage to admit that and instead, you resort to your old friends: humor and borderline mocking laughter.

All you have to do is shoot Tobirama a bright, humorous smile, and his gaze tears away from you, and you get another minute of peace where he is not performing surgery on your brain to try and figure out your problem.

You think about Tobirama that night, skin glistening because of the water and the moonlight, and his eyes—so imploring, so dark and melancholy—that you are drowning in them. You remember his words, that you are not an empty can, and that you are good enough.

More than good enough.

You want to believe him.

"Let's go take a break," Tobirama suggests out of nowhere.

You whirl around to look at him, and suddenly, all the defenses you desperately drawn up have crumbled into dust.

You dread sitting in silence with him because you know that you may not be able to help what comes out of your mouth around Tobirama.

You shrug noncommittally, and you try to stall by looking around you. "Maybe there's a town we can stop by."

Tobirama rolls his eyes, but he follows you anyway without a word.

You hurry your steps, but Tobirama is tall and has long legs, so he keeps up with you without breaking a sweat.

For some reason, your hand itches to take his, even though it is uncalled for and it does not make any sense to do that.

You bite your lip for self-discipline.

Finally, after almost an hour of trekking the woods, the two of you stumble upon a rowdy looking tavern on the side of the road. You head towards it, the laughter from inside loud and cheerful, and although you sense Tobirama's apprehension, he does not say a word and his footsteps press upon yours.

When you enter the tavern, the place is nearly familiar to you. It is almost like a second home, despite the strangers in it. These are the kind of places you have built your criminal reputation, where you can blend in without any worries and get away before you are found. The smells hit you first, which is something you did not miss. The more you linger in this dark, dingy place, the more you realize that you no longer belong in this kind of setting. There is no allure to the darkness of the corners, the dirty mugs of alcohol sitting on the table as the condensation rolls off anymore.

You even forget that there is a kind of harsh jargon that is exchanged here, and for a moment, you freeze.

You feel Tobirama's eyes on you again. He seems to be offering an out, but all of that is thrown at the window when you take your seat by the counter.

Keeping your face neutral, you nod to the bartender. "Two beers and a plate of skewers."

Tobirama sits beside you, and he hesitantly props his elbows on the counter.

"Are you going to pretend I do not exist for the duration of this trip?" Tobirama inquires, a very handsome eyebrow raised at you.

You look to the bartender, who is watching you closely, a hint of recognition playing on his features. You notice a scar dividing his face in half.

"What are you talking about?" You ask in a roundabout way.

"Don't do this with me," Tobirama hisses under his breath.

"Do what, Tobirama?" You turn to meet his eyes, and you see a hint of desperateness in there.

Tobirama glares at you, and if you did not know him any better, you'd interpret this as anger, but he is far from angry.

"You know what," Tobirama says.

Someone leans against the counter beside Tobirama, and the two of you look at the man standing there haughtily. His hair is pulled into a small pony-tail on top of his head, and his kimono lies open, exposing his chest. He chugs his drink down and stares Tobirama up and down.

"Haven't seen your kind of people around here before," he comments brazenly.

Tobirama rolls his eyes, and he turns away from the rude man.

"Seriously, who has white hair like that? Are you some kind of beast? Or just ignoble and senile?"

A few men erupt in laughter behind him.

The man reaches for Tobirama, but you are quick to stand up and slap the hand away.

"Don't fucking touch him with your dirty hands," you snap.

The man laughs, and he stares at you for a moment. A lightbulb seemingly appears on top of his head.

"Ah, Man-Killer , am I right?" He chuckles and leans forward, almost bothering Tobirama's space. "I heard you're acquitted, but I didn't think it was true. It's so brave of you to show your face around. Tell me, who did you seduce to free you?"

"Who the fuck even are you?" You glower, appetite completely forgotten.

"Well, I was supposed to come for your head, but now I am jobless, thanks to your shameless service of your body."

Tobirama abruptly stands up, anger making his face sharp and long. "Enough. She does not owe you anything."

"Oho, is this him? Is this the unlucky man you've got around your finger, Man-Killer ?"

Tobirama attempts to cover you from the man's view, but you are already pushing him aside to step in front of him.

"Watch your mouth," Tobirama snaps.

A few men seated on the tables begin to stand, their chairs dragging against the floorboards.

"Calm down," Tobirama murmurs to you.

"You first," you tell him.

The man draws his sword first, but you are quick enough to brandish yours as well. Even though Tobirama will never need it, your free arm comes up to shield him.

"If you know me at all, then you should know that I will not be merciful about this," you threaten, but it is an empty one. You do not really want to hurt anyone.

The man brings his sword down, but you parry it and trap it to the counter. However, the man draws a smaller sword and strikes your exposed arm, which was blocking Tobirama off.

"Shit!" You gasp, and you kick back at the man.

And suddenly, all hell broke loose. It is all the excuse the men in the tavern needed to throw punches and hash out minimal differences.

It is all comedic, except for the fact that there is now a gash on your forearm, and it is quickly soaking up your sleeve. Your blood trickles on the floorboards, splattering small circles.

Someone aims their weapon at you, but Tobirama is ready to block it off with a kunai. You see the bartender passing by to get away and for the hell of it, you grab at their collar and aim a punch straight to their face, contributing to this drunken pandemonium.

Tobirama rolls his eyes exasperatedly, and without a word, he scoops you up around your waist with one arm. You press up against him as if there is no space in this world except near him, and Tobirama teleports out of there and into that unimaginable space he uses to transport himself into another place.

He lets go of you when the two of you landed, and you almost slam into a tree. You notice Tobirama's seal on it.

"Smart," you comment, as if you are not growing light-headed by the minute.

"You are unbelievable," Tobirama scolds.

You fall silent, and you avert your gaze. "Sorry," you murmur. You know you are acting irrationally.

Tobirama's face twists, and you can tell that he is upset, but when you blink, his face is clear. He gestures with his head towards a direction.

"Come on, I think there's a stream nearby," he beckons, and you follow him, focusing on putting one foot in front of the other.

Tobirama stops and he lets you through when he finds the stream, and you go towards it. When you glance at Tobirama, his back is to you and you smile to yourself. He is too considerate.

You try your best with cleaning your wound, and you also take off your top since the left sleeve is now completely wet and sticky with blood. Now with your shoulders exposed and the wrappings on your chest the only material you have to cover your body, you are vulnerable. You shrink to yourself, suddenly feeling self-conscious. You are hyper-aware of each old scar you have, as if they are fresh on your skin again. It never occurred to you to pay attention to them until now, when you are around Tobirama.

You do not want to be seen like this.

You are quick to cover yourself up after bandaging your wound, and when you are ready to go, Tobirama stops you.

"Your arm," he says and he holds out his hand.

You take a deep breath, and then you rest your left arm into his palm.

Tobirama's touch is gentle, unlike the hard grip that Madara had impressed on your skin to the point that it yielded a faint bruise. You are glad that it is completely gone. You are not sure how to make excuses for that.

"You reckless snot-nosed kid," Tobirama admonishes once again, after stopping the bleeding and adjusting your bandages.

"I said sorry. " You cannot help the petulant tone of your voice.

"I'm not the one you should be sorry to," Tobirama coolly says, giving you a reprimanding look. "Just look after yourself some more. Please."

"Okay," you whisper, almost afraid to speak out loud.

You search his face, but he keeps a neutral expression on. You notice that his ears are reddening. Secretly, you fawn at this detail. You are tempted to blurt out the feelings you have been keeping to yourself.

"If you're up to it, we need to keep going," Tobirama says, and he lets go of your arm slowly, bit by bit, as if he is savoring the feel of your skin.

You nod, and this time, you follow him, your words disappearing as soon as you try to give voice to it.

/

It took two weeks to reach the edge of the Fire country, where you and Tobirama will board a ship towards the Ice country. The days have been pretty uneventful, and for once, you are glad to let someone take the lead and make the decisions. You do not mind it if it is Tobirama. Besides, he seems to ask for your input a lot, and while the talking did not deviate to your usual nonsense, the two of you were pretty efficient with navigating, and you avoid shady rest stops for the sake of safety.

You do not find yourself needing to fill the silences, as such is the case at times when you feel too vulnerable. Tobirama is patient with your quietness, even though you can feel his bursts of questions upon his lips, but you are grateful for it. He seems to respect your space a lot more than usual these days.

The two of you get to the pier, and from here, you can feel the chill in the wind, like a premonition to the coming cold you are going to encounter soon.

Tobirama glances at you, and you observe that he is taking his time to come up with the words to express what he is thinking. You wait patiently, pretending to look at your shoes, or observe the gray ocean before you.

"You're cold," Tobirama states.

You turn to him and let out a surprised chuckle. "What?"

"You should put on a coat," Tobirama suggests, glancing at you with a terse gaze. "Even if you knew how to make your chakra circulate in your body to make you warm, you are not adept at keeping that up for a long time. So put on a coat."

Tobirama's tone may successfully hide his concern by giving you the impression that he is being rude and scolding towards you, but his eyes betray him. For some reason, you are now more attuned to Tobirama's microexpressions and his quiet body language. Maybe you have been observing him too much.

"Fine." You acquiesce and you pull out your coat from your bag.

Tobirama looks at you, and his actions stutter for a moment before he pulls out a thick blue scarf from his small knapsack—however did he fit that in there with all his other things—and he steps in front of you to clumsily wrap the scarf around your neck. He is flighty as he pulls the rest of the length over your head, as if he is being pulled into the opposite direction. Then, maybe this is his idea of humor, he covers your face with the scarf.

You slap his hands away, and adjust the scarf with a pointed glare.

Tobirama looks amused. "Keep that on."

"So it'll be easy for you to choke me in my sleep?" You retort.

Tobirama presses his lips together, but the corner of his lips point up. "Well, you are pretty talkative. That seems like the only solution to quiet you."

You narrow your eyes at him. What is Tobirama doing?

"You can keep it," Tobirama finally says and then he looks to the horizon, cutting the conversation right there.

Your hand comes up to touch the scarf, and you stare at the back of his head, as if you are cutting into his thoughts.

Then, you duck your head slightly into the scarf and you smile to yourself.

/

"First time at sea?"

You glance at Tobirama who has slid into the space beside you. He often points out that you are very talkative, but he is the one who is pursuing you around despite the space you are giving him. You do not want to be any more of a nuisance than you have to be.

"I think so?" You narrow your eyes at the bleak horizon, as if staring at it will give you some kind of revelation. Your hands reach for the rail as you feel the sea churn underneath you.

Tobirama raises his eyebrows curiously. He does not demand for your answer.

You feel a bit skittish with Tobirama acting like this, but you suppose that this is one of his ways to show you his kindness. He is surprisingly a good listener.

"I don't know, everything's really murky when it comes to my childhood," you smile to yourself bitterly. "I may have seen the ocean, but it may have also been my imagination. I wanted to get away so badly, to be as far away as I could be from my home that I could have imagined anything."

Tobirama leans forward over the rails, and you watch as the wind whips his hair away from his face.

"You?"

Tobirama's eyes go to you and then they slide forward again, scanning the dark gray waters. "Yeah. I travel a lot."

"Must be nice."

"Sometimes. I don't always do it for leisure."

"You should. Someday," you tell him.

"Someday," Tobirama agrees and for a moment there is a shine in his eyes, and then he straightens up and it is gone. "You should go inside. It's cold."

You search Tobirama's face, and you find shadows under his eyes and tension in his pressed lips. "Is everything okay?"

"We have been awake for weeks, I have not let down my guard," Tobirama answers. He crosses his arms. "Why do you think we've avoided trouble so far?"

You roll your eyes. "You've been using up chakra all this time? Are you mad?" You cannot help stepping closer towards him. "You should also rest."

Tobirama stares at your face and he holds down your gaze. You try to convey to him through your eyes that you are concerned for him too.

"Do you have a reason to believe that we might encounter trouble?" You ask Tobirama curiously, and the corner of your lips turn up a bit.

Tobirama narrows his eyes at you. "This is not something to look forward to. We are too far from home. If something happens to us, the Village will be the last to hear of it."

The wind whips your hair across your face to cover it, and you swipe it away, annoyed. "Didn't we come in peace and all that crap?"

"We did come in peace and all that crap ," Tobirama rolls his eyes, and you see his gaze stray away from your face to the strands of hair plastered on your cheeks. "But change is always met with resistance, no matter how much peace you come with."

Your eyes go to the horizon, where the sun is breaking through the gray clouds. Slivers of gold peak through, and the color of the sea begins to change to silver. You stare in awe, as the sun continues to come out. Tobirama also pauses his thoughts and his words to look at the sky. The two of you watch the sun, long enough to see it set underneath the waters. The orange color of the sky disperses into a mix of pink, dark blue and purple. You wish to capture this in your mind forever. This is the first time you have seen the sun so enormous and up close. It reminds you that the world is not as small as you believe.

"So, sunset, right?" You prompt, a smile pulling your lips up.

"What?" Tobirama glances at you.

"Now I know why sunset is your favorite color," you grin and Tobirama looks horrified hearing your words.

"Good night," Tobirama abruptly says and he breaks away from you to go inside the ship.

You let out a chuckle as you hurry your steps to catch up with him. "It seems fitting, I think."

"I do not want to hear another word out of your mouth for the rest of the night."

"Why? Afraid of me putting words to your secrets?"

Tobirama draws his breath. "If that is how you will play your game tonight, I think it's fair that I should also have my own arsenal. What happened that night?" Tobirama suddenly asks and it catches you off-guard.

All of your playful manner goes down the drain as your face wipes off its expression. Sometimes, despite being the most eloquent person, Tobirama knows no tact or better timing.

"Don't do that," Tobirama immediately says, his hands clenched beside him. "Don't pretend everything is alright. Don't run."

"Everything is alright." Your tone changes into a more neutral one, and you find that hearing it sounds very foreign to you. "What's it to you?"

"This is a potentially dangerous mission, I do not need you running off recklessly without a thought for your life."

"And you think, you're any better?"

Tobirama shakes his head, and it seems like beating around the bush with him will not work anymore.

"Don't do this," Tobirama almost pleads.

"I don't owe you anything, Senju Tobirama." The scathing words come out of your mouth before you can stop it.

Tobirama looks taken aback and his jaw falls slack. He nods, his eyes growing somber as he turns away from you to walk away.

"Wait," you press a hand to your forehead, trying to analyze the situation before it gets out of hand. "Why are you cornering me? That is how I feel right now."

Tobirama stares at you for a moment, and then he relaxes. Regret crosses the features of his face. "I see."

"I am not ready to talk about it," you slowly say, a little bewildered. "Yes, I am running, I know. Okay? I am just not ready."

"I understand," Tobirama blinks, and it seems like your honest thoughts have reached him. "I…"

Your hands come up to squeeze your arms like a hug as you wait for Tobirama to finish his sentence.

"You never have to run away, not with me," Tobirama murmurs. "I am...s-I know I have been impossible."

You hug yourself tighter.

"It was not my intention to make you uncomfortable," Tobirama sighs, and you note the hint of embarrassment in his tone. "If you'll excuse me."

You stare after him as he makes his way inside, and when he disappears, you look to the night sky. You almost blew up on Tobirama, as always is the case whenever he pries, but this time, you have been confident that he can patiently wait for an answer. You know that Tobirama is not an idiot nor that dense. Maybe he is worried about you.

Maybe you trust him more than you'd like to admit.

You inhale the cold sea air through your nose and let out a breath, watching the fog that your breath created in the air.

After a while, and with a very cold and runny nose as a result, you finally decide to come inside.

/

Tobirama cannot sleep.

He has been trying to communicate and show his concern for you, but the more he acts upon his wishes, the more it backfires on him. He just wants to be there for you, but every advance he makes is turned down. The last thing he wants is to make you upset at him or to make you uncomfortable.

He wants you to come to him when something is bothering you, but your honesty brought to light another obvious fact he should have considered: you have always been alone with your thoughts and you are used to only relying on yourself. You cannot be prodded.

Tobirama can be patient. You can come to him on your terms, and not because he cornered you.

He respects that, and for some reason, that made him admire you more.

And so, he cannot sleep. His thoughts are full of you and of the mission.

He has not been sleeping for days and he can feel the familiar heavy exhaustion in his bones like lead weights, settling there. He is aware that this is unwise of him, but sometimes even his own mind has its own. There is nothing he can do about it. Besides, this kind of alertness has gotten him through his major feats so far, and while he wishes that his mind would be quiet at times, he knows that he is also at his best when his mind thinks quicker than the situations he is in. His body can be at rest, but he never truly stops.

As the hours of the night get longer, he attempts to get a wink of sleep. He allows his mind to drift off to you, and while he denies the squeezing feeling of his heart that is associated with the thought of you, it seems like you are the only one who can make him still. Your loud presence and your uncanny ability to press his buttons, your smile; you are the only peace he can find in his chaos.

He is aware of how pathetic he sounds, but Tobirama is tired of denying himself, of lying and convincing himself that you do not affect him.

Acknowledging the matters of his heart did not even leave a dent on his storm of feelings.

/

Tobirama feels like he only slept for five minutes when he opens his eyes and he finds you staring at him. For a moment you are blurred, but he immediately recognizes your presence. When you come into focus, he shoots up into a sitting position and he shoots you a questioning look.

"We're here…" You trail off. You study him and even though Tobirama is fully clad, he feels too vulnerable in front of you. "Are you still using up your chakra?"

Tobirama looks away from your stare but that is enough for you to get your answer.

"Tobirama," you start. "I understand that you're wary, but you need rest. You need a clear mind. We are in a whole new land and we need to keep our wits."

Tobirama sighs and he massages his forehead. "You're right. I should…"

"Yes," you urge him. "In the meanwhile, I will look out for the two of us."

Tobirama gives you a doubtful look, and you crack a smile at him.

"No shady rest stops, I promise. That will be the first for you and the last for us."

Tobirama closes his eyes and he takes a deep breath, then he halts his chakra, just enough to not feel everyone inside of him. He is at the tip of being on sensory overdrive anyways. You should not have to deal with that side of him.

"Shall we?" You beckon towards the door with your head.

"Let's go."

/

The dock is unnervingly quiet.

Prior to coming here, Tobirama has been informed that there will be people to meet the two of them as escorts, but so far, no one has come up to guide you in any direction.

Tobirama is aware of you looking at your surroundings carefully, which is something he notices with you a lot. You also look back at the ship, your eyes swimming in quiet fear.

"I do not like this," you murmur to him.

Tobirama agrees. He scans the surroundings again. "Let's keep going. See if there is a town nearby."

Despite the cold, the two of you trek forward. Tobirama hopes that there really is a town nearby that the two of you can rest in and get directions. He is not sure how the two of you will fare in this impossible and endless winter.

A startled scream escapes your mouth and Tobirama whips his gaze towards you. He immediately turns his chakra back on and when he sees where you are looking, he stops, feeling dread washing over him. Bodies litter the forest floor though there are no weapons sticking in them. Instead, there is ice stabbed through torsos and faces like spears.

"This mission is off," Tobirama declares. He suddenly senses a group of people, more than ten, approaching the two of you and surrounding you.

You draw your sword immediately and press your back against his.

"Tobirama…"

He reaches down and retrieves a kunai from his weapons pouch.

"Hm," Tobirama assesses the chakra signatures of the people. "We only need to be wary of one. They're at the back of the group."

"Why?"

"I assume that is their best player." His eyes go to the spikes of ice in the dead bodies. "They must use some kind of ice technique."

"How convenient."

"I'll handle them. You take the rest."

You chuckle lowly. "Come on, Tobirama, your faith in me is flattering, but I'm no superhuman."

"No, but I know how tenacious you are in a fight. Besides, you'll have my clones."

"Save your energy. I'll figure it out."

"How?"

Tobirama watches as their figures come closer and become more distinctive.

"Easy. Running away."

If Tobirama was a person that easily laughs, he would laugh right about now. "That's smart."

"Should we? Or should we stay and fight to find out their motives?"

Tobirama only has a split second to make a decision.

"We run. We are ill-equipped. We need to save this fight for another day."

"Say no more," you let out a wild laugh as you hurl your sword forward to clear a way.

Your sword catches someone's shoulder and you launch yourself at them, grabbing your sword on the way to kick another person away. You draw your sword back, and swing at another, and Tobirama follows your chaos, keeping an eye out for the ice technique user.

He tries to observe as much as possible and he wants to know how this person uses their techniques, but as you move the two of them along, he gets farther and farther away from them.

He knows that it is a possibility that they are targeting him. He needs to find out more.

He glances back at you, your beauty and fierceness in full splendor.

Tobirama rushes to your side and without hesitating, he grabs you by the arm to get away. He runs with you by his side, and as he picks up his speed, he slips his hand down to hold yours tightly.

Tobirama feels his heart skip a beat as you squeeze his hand reassuringly. Your hand is cold, and he is sure that despite your weird enthusiasm in battle that the cold is affecting you more so he gives you some of his chakra to warm you.

His heartbeat pounds lightly in his ears.

He is right. You are colder than you let on.

He needs to get the two of you out here as soon as possible, before things go awry and out of his control.

Notes:

Sorry for the late ass update, sadly this is going to be the norm for now as I am very busy lols.

Hope you enjoyed! I will try to update the next chapter as soon as possible to move things along.

Thanks for reading 💕💕💕 leave me some kudos or comments if you'd like 😊

Chapter 18:

Chapter Text

Night is falling, and Tobirama can sense that you are tiring very quickly. Your weight is pressed upon him without care, and he is getting worried about whether the two of you are able to rough it out in this cold. Your breaths are loud and ragged, and you are trembling beside him. However, you do not utter a single complaint and Tobirama begins to marvel at your silent strength. He pulls you closer to him even though it makes your trek slower, but as long as the two of you are moving and not falling into the snow that swallows your ankles, neither of you have any qualms about it.

"You've been awfully quiet," Tobirama comments.

"Well, I'm not exactly in the mood to talk," your voice sounds wheezy as you speak.

"Get on my back."

"No. You get on my back."

Tobirama sighs audibly and you let out a small chuckle despite the blankness of your expression. Maybe your face is frozen stiff.

The wind begins to pick up. A chill begins to settle in his bones.

"You are slowing us down," Tobirama says, even though you can say the same for him.

"Tobirama, I don't want you to get tired."

"I am carrying you one way or another," Tobirama insists, not knowing where he got this bravery from. "I'm giving you a chance to not be humiliated by it."

"Your mere touch on my shoulder is humiliating enough," you murmur under your breath, but you finally acquiesce as you move behind him.

Tobirama bends lower to catch you, and he resists the urge to blush as you wrap your arms around his neck.

"There should be mountains nearby, if we're right about the maps that we've studied," you murmur to him and he can hear your breaths and feel it tickling his ear.

Tobirama nods and he swallows.

"Towns shouldn't be far away if we come across the mountains…" You yawn. "But that's a long stretch...probably."

After trudging through the snow in silence for a while, Tobirama is convinced that you have fallen asleep, but then you perk up as you point towards a dark spot in the distance.

"What about that?" You murmur again, and the hairs on the back of Tobirama's neck stand from the proximity of your breath.

"Looks like a cave." Tobirama is sketchy, but they have no other options at the moment. "And you need to work on your map reading skills."

"Sorry...Had no one to teach me…" You trail off, your voice trembling at the end.

Tobirama sighs and he trudges forward, feeling the wind pick up some more. There is now a faint howl to the wind, and despite his apprehensiveness, the cave they are heading towards is probably their only chance to make it through the night. He adjusts your weight on his back and he keeps going, and when he steps foot into the cave, he heightens his senses to detect any imminent danger. When he cannot find none, he bends his knees slightly to let you put your feet to the ground.

Tobirama winces as you pat him on his back, as one might to a horse after a good ride. You shoot him a small smile and Tobirama shakes his head with chagrin.

He watches you as you take one side of the cave and start lining up any rocks you can find into a line.

"What are you doing?" Tobirama asks, incredulous.

"You can have half the cave," You reply.

"Stop that and line those rocks into a circle so I can build a fire," Tobirama rolls his eyes as he sees you pout mockingly at him.

"You're no fun," you sigh at him but you do as he says and Tobirama bites back a smile.

Even when the situation presents to be grim, you are not a reflection of it. While Tobirama initially grew a distaste towards your facades, he realizes that it is also one of your strengths. He weaves a basic fire jutsu to create a fire, and the two of you settle around it, him taking the other side while you do the same.

"Are you hungry?" Tobirama prompts, and your eyes snap to him in excitement.

"Give me food!" You exclaim childishly, reaching your hands out to make grabbing gestures.

Tobirama rolls his eyes to hide his amusement, and he digs into his pack for his scrolls. He pulls a long part of the scroll, and he lays it flat on the ground. Then, he starts to weave signs and summon his rations.

"Cool," you comment in awe.

Tobirama shrugs, feeling a little smug.

As the two of you munch in silence, Tobirama takes his time expanding his scope of the area, and he extends it further, trying to sense the enemies.

He sighs to himself. He will have to get the two of you moving soon, but for now, he lets you rest.

/

The two of you set out early to get as much traveling done during the day before night falls again. You are feeling better as compared to yesterday, but you conserve your energy just in case a fight springs up again. However, you feel secure with Tobirama beside you. You know that he has your back, and you want to do the same for him, even if he will not need it. You see him always trudging forward alone, never feeling the need to lean on anyone, and you want to be there for him because you know how isolating it is to only depend on yourself.

Which leads you to ask and wonder, how long is Tobirama going to keep this up?

You know that on top of not sleeping properly, he has been using up his chakra endlessly to monitor his surroundings through his sensory abilities. You see that he is trying his best to hide it from you, but he is obviously in duress trying to keep alert.

He is paranoid, and while it gives him the edge to be ten steps ahead of everyone, you wonder if the other shoe is about to drop on the both of you. Whatever affects him will also have consequences for you, and whether you like it or not, you are tied to him in this place. There is also nowhere to run.

You sigh. Running cannot be the first thing on your mind. Besides, you cannot leave Tobirama.

"Look," Tobirama points below the edge of the path the two of you are walking on. You find a dense group of tiny black dots down below, and the golden light of lanterns. "Maybe we can finally find out why this mission has been a mess."

"Why do you think so?" You ask him, and you watch his face harden.

"Sometimes changes are met with rebellion. Maybe there is a group who is against the new shinobi system," Tobirama replies.

Cold wind blows towards the two of you, sweeping your hair and clothes along its direction.

"People benefit from keeping the status quo, especially those who have kept their power so far," Tobirama continues. He stares at the tiny black dots below his feet. "We must keep moving."

"I...shouldn't we be heading to the port?"

"Getting cold feet?" Tobirama raises an eyebrow at you.

You stare at him, wondering if he is privy to your thoughts, or maybe, he has gotten to know you more than you'd like him to. "Likely."

There is no point in lying.

"We need to get to the bottom of this, or this may come back to bite us in the ass," Tobirama pointedly says.

"Or if we get away as possible, we won't have to wait for that bite in the ass?" You reply, feeling a bit uneasy.

Tobirama narrows his eyes at you. "The port will be the last thing to help us. We were ambushed, if they were wise, they would have cut off our means of transportation. We need another way."

Of course, you should have known this, but it is too damn cold.

"Like what?" You reply, trying to sound scathing, but it does not really help that your voice is slightly trembling.

Tobirama lightly smirks, and for a moment, you are stunned. "I may be very well versed in the art of war and jutsu making, but you know people because you are a child raised in the streets."

You glare at him. "Is that supposed to be a compliment? Because I hate it."

Tobirama's smirk grows and you stare at him, bewildered. You really like this look on him. "What I'm saying is that this is exactly what you are good at. You know how to get around and survive. I need you to do this with me."

Tobirama stares at you meaningfully, and you glance back down at the town below. Nothing beyond this path is certain and while you are prone to bouts of courage, in truth, you are out of your wits.

Then again, no one has ever been confident of what you can do.

Maybe Tobirama does see something else in you.

Your heart softens at this for some reason. "Good speech. Are you practicing your public relations skills?" You let out a tiny grin. "You'll need it."

Tobirama looks at you, a bit stunned. Then, his face morphs into a more confident expression, where his lips turn up and his eyebrows raise up slightly. "Let's go."

/

You glance around you, paying attention to the people surrounding you and Tobirama. They have not looked at you twice, which is a relief considering that Tobirama stands out too much with his white hair and red eyes that glares too much at every little thing, and of course, you are not from here and you are not versed in their two of you sit across each other, hunch over the table with a warm drink in hand. You glance around, trying to tune into conversations. If there are people after you and Tobirama, they are likely to follow you here or they are already waiting for you.

"Anything weird?" You murmur to Tobirama.

"They're near," he murmurs back. "You're brilliant for choosing this bar."

You try not to blush at his words. "Well, if they're traveling in this cold, this is the nearest and warmest place that is not too expensive to stay in."

Tobirama takes his drink to his lips, but you can see a small smile appearing.

You narrow your eyes at him. "What's up with you? Why are you letting me take the reins? You're usually bossy and more controlling."

Tobirama's expression sours and he rolls his eyes. "I am not acting as our brains at the moment. I am our best chance at making it out in one piece."

You sigh tersely. "You need to learn how to compliment properly."

"I am not calling you incompetent or dumb, if that is what you're implying."

You let out a small chuckle. "Well, that's a start."

"And we're equals. Partners." Tobirama relays the last word to his cup quietly, but you hear it, even above the chatter.

The doors burst open and a gang walks in, drawing your attention. You glance at them inconspicuously, observing their body languages, and then their clothing. They are the same as the ones who had ambushed you and Tobirama.

"They're here," you mutter under your breath. "We wait for one of them to break away, corner them and beat the information out of them."

Tobirama slides his eyes to the side and then back towards his drinks. "Their trump card is not with them."

"Then wh-"

"We're looking for a white haired man with his companion, they have swords and the other has fur," one of them loudly announced to the crowd. "If anyone can bring them to us, they win a prize of five-hundred thousand yen."

You glance at Tobirama, whose body is tensing up to prepare for a fight.

You reach over to take his hand and you squeeze it. Hard. "Tobirama, calm down. They don't know yet. You've taken off the fur, and sealed my swords away. It's okay."

Tobirama glances at your joined hands and then your face.

"We're good." You nod towards the direction of someone breaking away from the group. "You go. Keep your head down."

Tobirama calmly slides off his seat and blends with the crowd, and you listen in again to the crowd chatter.

You swirl your drink in your cup. Where would they get all of that money? You think. A rebel organization?

"The boss is going to get impatient, if only our damn sensor didn't get drunk and freeze their ass in the cold," one grumbles.

A woman reaches up and takes off her hood. "We're not going to get him because he's smarter than us, and apparently he's with a known assassin in their land."

"So what, he's useful. We're getting paid, after all."

"Don't underestimate him. He created this whole mess we have in this country. Now everyone wants to model after his ideals."

The people around you start to talk loudly again and you strain to hear their conversation. You glance around you again and you notice that your environment has gotten a lot more crowded.

You frown. Maybe someone even higher is supporting them?

You curse silently. You try your best to move without getting noticed, but standing up is enough to garner a few glances. Keeping your head down, you rush towards the exit, but before you can get to the doors, two bodies sidle up on either of your sides and they grab your arms with a viselike grip.

"Don't resist," the woman from earlier whispers in your ear. "We know that you can take us, but our ice user is out there fighting your paramour and she is far more powerful than you think. Perhaps, it is up to you that he lives."

"He can handle himself," you try not to feel panicked as you say your words. You trust Tobirama to make it no matter what.

"Yes, but what good is a water user in the middle of winter?"

You let out a chuckle, but it is more bravado than genuine. "But what good is a bunch of dumbasses against the greatest mind of this generation?"

The woman forces you forward and manhandles you out into the freezing streets. "Walk."

You grit your teeth, but you decide to play by their rules. You do not know much about their ice user, and if one wrong move can harm Tobirama, you are not about to risk anything.

You laugh at yourself mockingly.

Ah, yes, you think to yourself. The familiar double-edged sword of trust . Always getting me into a bind .

They throttle you into a carriage and you roll to your knees immediately, your eyes immediately landing on their faces.

"Since we're going to get chummy with each other here, at least give me your names," you smirk dangerously.

/

Tobirama knew that this was a trap the moment he neared their attackers' ice user. Pursuing the person that broke away from their group seems pointless at this point. He is being led here on purpose.

He could no longer feel your presence from where you were supposed to be. No, you are moving far away.

Tobirama sighs and concentrates, already deciding to abandon this lead and go to you. He knows and trusts that you can handle yourself, but two heads are better than his very tired mind. Though he does not want to admit it, he is exhausted. He has been awake and he has not let himself take a break from surveillance. Every single second, he feels chakra around him, glowing like little dots in his vision and it burns inside him, etching these chakra signatures in him like a map. His nerves are frayed.

He wants to turn it all off.

Tobirama curses at himself. He has made himself a fool. Who was he to think that he can prolong this? He has been too busy being vigilant that he forgets the one lesson that he has been trying to teach you.

Trust.

He should have trusted you to also look out for him.

Tobirama sighs.

He will make his way to you, no matter what.

He heads for you, and he realizes that you are with the attackers and that you are heading his general direction.

Tobirama scans his surroundings, making notes of his landscape. He is pretty high up, and above him, he sees the snowy peaks of mountains and its ridges. Wind begins to pick up, but it does not feel natural.

Tobirama closes his eyes.

"I know you are here," he announces.

A hum in the wind.

"You shouldn't raise your voice too much, Senju Tobirama," a young girl appears by the black stalks of the snow-covered trees bereft of their leaves. "Or you will doom yourself."

"What do you want?"

"To keep my home," the girl replies icily, and she begins to weave her signs. Her sky blue eyes darken at him.

Tobirama holds his breath, waiting how her technique will show so that he can break it down in his mind.

At first, there is nothing.

Then, the tiny particles of snow begin to rise in the air, and they become water.

It rushes towards him, but Tobirama is quick to act. He throws a kunai with his transportation seal tied to its end, and a second later, he disappears into where it landed. He is still within distance to watch the water turn into ice again, but this time, into tiny needles.

Tobirama takes note of that.

"I'm not taking your home away," Tobirama says, and his voice echoes. "I just want to bring peace. Set up a system that works."

"Your system will ruin my family. You are giving my home to those barbaric shinobis."

"My system brings peace. Everyone has modeled their villages around it and molded it into their own."

"My family has kept peace in this land for a long time. It will stay that way."

Tobirama darts out of the way as he picks up on the movement of ice again.

He senses you getting nearer.

He needs to end this before the chaos erupts unpredictably.

Why are they taking her towards me? Tobirama suddenly thinks. Unless…

Tobirama whips around, planning to bar your way towards him when he spots the carriage containing you and you barrel out of the doors, rolling out into the road.

Tobirama is stunned momentarily, but he sees you immediately hop to your feet.

He tries not to smile. Maybe you have a handle on this.

He creates a shadow clone to deliver your weapons to you, and then he turns to his enemy. He does not really want to fight this young girl. She does not look older than twenty.

"I don't want to fight you," Tobirama says.

"Too bad." Another flurry of needles come his way, but before he can react, they immediately turn to liquid, and the ice cold water sprays on him.

The girl runs towards the chaos down below, and Tobirama follows. His shadow clone from below disappears and he takes in the new information that the clone attained during his time in the fight.

It turns out that the girl is a princess, and that this country is divided between the shinobi and the remaining monarchy, according to you.

"Oh no, you don't," Tobirama murmurs and he quickly weaves his signs to summon a water dragon out of nowhere to crash towards the girl.

She is knocked away and he quickly gets to your side.

"Hey," you greet him cheerfully.

"You alright?" Tobirama murmurs to you as he gazes at your enemies.

"Well, I was going to be bait. It was fun while it lasted."

Tobirama spots the girl in the distance, showing no signs of obvious damage.

"You and I have very polarizing definitions of fun," Tobirama remarks.

Tobirama watches as she focuses on him and weaves her signs. The ice cold water travels over his chest and Tobirama widens his eyes as he feels blood run cold and stiffen. However, the water goes to his leg and it hardens, and it twists around his leg.

Tobirama curses out loud, but he forces himself to push his pain away and assess his injury.

It does not take much medical knowledge that his leg is of no use.

"Tobirama," you cry out of concern. You immediately go to him to support him, and Tobirama grits his teeth.

He needs to stabilize his leg. He feels it getting heavy.

You look around. "Let's get to a higher vantage point."

Tobirama nods. He holds you to him and he teleports back to his old spot from earlier. The two of you observe the gang coming up towards you quickly.

Tobirama looks around, and so do you.

"This is going to sound insane," you begin.

Tobirama glances at you doubtfully.

"But how do you feel about physically destroying a mountain?"

Tobirama narrows his eyes, and for some reason, he knows what you are hinting at.

"It's time to test your bombs on a larger scale." Your eyes glint excitedly from your proposition.

"You are insane," Tobirama comments, but he is already preparing for it.

"Well, it takes one to know one." Your eyes meet his, and he notices how they soften around the edges.

Tobirama nods, and without any more preamble, he summons a clone to unleash his endless explosive tags. He stares at the scene as rocks and ice explode high up in the sky, and then looks up as a deep rumble bellows from the mountains.

Then, the whole side of the mountain crumbles, and a violent river of ice begins to travel down, swallowing everything in its path.

Tobirama pulls you to him, summons a wall of water to divert the avalanche away from the two of you. He feels it beating down on him. Not even a man of his calibre can contest this kind of power, but then again, he is the cause for this.

Tobirama envelops you with his arms, and he uses his body to shield you as the avalanche begins to build in on itself like a wave.

Then, the cold and the darkness greets him.

/

When you come to, you feel a heavy weight pressing you down to the ground. Your heart thunders against your ribs as you realize that you cannot see anything. You can barely breathe, and everything feels too cold. You cannot move your limbs, and even if you try to, more snow just piles up on the space you try to plow through.

You relax, trying to make yourself resign to your fate.

This is hopeless , you tell yourself. This is all my fault .

Maybe there should have been another way, but at that moment, this was the only solution you thought of to get your enemies away. You cannot fight them all on your own, especially when Tobirama is injured.

Tobirama.

His name makes your body jerk in panic, and with blind devotion, you resolve to get yourself and Tobirama out of this mess.

You punch your arm through the thick snow, you kick and you push for what seems like forever.

It feels impossible.

Finally, after exhausting your strength trying to crawl your way out, you feel cold air hit your arm and a hand immediately wraps around your arm.

You let out a strangled scream as you are pulled upwards. Preparing for a fight, you tense your body, but when you are dragged out and into the freezing open air, you find Tobirama's haggard face instead.

"I thought you were gone," Tobirama murmurs, exhaustion apparent in his voice. You hear him despite the howling wind in your ears. "I'm out of chakra."

You stare at Tobirama, and his eyes swim as he stares at you.

You get to your knees and then you push yourself up with the best of your abilities. It is not easy to do it when the ground is not very solid.

"Come on," you urge Tobirama, forgetting that you are also weak and tired. You reach for him and you pull him up.

Tobirama's weight almost makes you crash down, but you brace your legs.

"I'm sorry," Tobirama whispers.

"What?" You glance at him with concern.

Tobirama shakes his head, and he stares forward. "Let's find a safer place to regroup."

You sigh. "No more regrouping. We are going home."

"No. We need to fix this."

"Tobirama. Clearly we are not wanted here. Yes, there are groups of shinobi that may need your help, but it is clear that we should not interfere with the affairs here yet. Why are you so insistent on seeing this through the end?"

Tobirama glares at the space in front of him.

"They also did not give us an accurate account of the situation here," you explain to Tobirama. "A war could spark here, Tobirama, and it will be our fault."

Your voice dies as you pause your steps. You look to the distance, thinking that you saw movement ahead.

It looks like a pale body blending in with the snow and from here it looks like grass is moving away.

You blink, and it is gone. You attribute it to your imagination. Maybe this is a consequence to long-term exposure to the cold.

"What?" Tobirama grinds out.

"Nothing," you tell yourself. "Do you sense anything?"

Tobirama frowns. His growing frustration at himself and at the situation marks his face. "No."

"Okay, let's go. While we have three legs available between the two of us, I'm in charge," you assert to Tobirama. You ignore his glare at you.

"Fine," he mutters grumpily.

The trudge through even more snow becomes challenging as a storm begins to pick up. It does not help that Tobirama is in his head, his mood worsening as the trek gets longer. You are not sure how much patience you can exercise.

You usher Tobirama through uneven paths and you applaud yourself for not blowing up on him. You keep your cool, and finally, it seems that self-regulation has its rewards.

In the distance, you find a small, rundown cabin ahead.

You pick up your speed, pouring your effort into it and finally, the two of you arrive there.

One side of the cabin is slanting and it seems like it only needs a slight push to knock the whole thing over, but it is better than nothing.

You sit Tobirama against a solid wall, and you check his swollen and tender leg. Tobirama will not look at you, so you leave him alone with his thoughts. You know that he can take care of himself and pushing and prodding him right at this moment is not going to fix things immediately.

Snow falls through the open cracks of the roof and you sigh as you gather around dry sticks to try and build a fire.

"I can build the fire," Tobirama suggests, his voice hoarse and rough.

"Okay, but can you try summoning us some warm blankets?"

Tobirama nods and he gets to his tasks in his space by the wall.

You look around, and peek through the open gaps of the wood. "It's dark now. I'll take the first watch. You rest."

Tobirama glowers at the fire, but he does not say anything else.

You look at the glowing embers of the fire, accepting that the worse is only going to happen from here on out.

/

Tobirama wakes up cold, and when he comes to, the fire is dead and you are not here. He has regained some of his chakra, but not enough to facilitate the healing of his leg. Instead, he settles for searching for you.

It is not hard, as he is drawn to you, like a moth to light.

You are not too far, and he reckons that you only went out to try and acquire some supplies or do your research on how to get far from here.

He is fine with that. He does not blame you for wanting bail out as things take a worse turn. It is not your fault. He cannot help but feel that your opinion of him has soured, but you say none of the things because you have it in you to be gracious.

He clings to your presence, unable to help himself. Even in this cold, he feels warm around you.

Tobirama frowns as he notices that your chakra signature is hurrying away from his direction. He can feel your panic and it makes Tobirama restless.

Then, a cold dread spreads over himself as he realizes that you are being followed by the ice user that broke his leg.

Tobirama gets himself moving, trying not to groan from the pain in his leg.

He monitors your chakra, hoping that you can hold on until he gets there.

Suddenly, your chakra weakens, alarming Tobirama.

It is dangerously close to disappearing.

Tobirama grits his teeth, and with a newfound determination, he promises you this.

I will come for you.

Chapter 19:

Summary:

at last,,

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

You know that you are being followed, so any hopes of acquiring supplies for the cold and getting information to travel out of here is not an option anymore. Thinking quickly, you move the opposite direction from Tobirama, lest they are still after him. Fortunately enough, you are still being chased.

You feel yourself getting tired, and running through ice and snow is not exactly easy. You can barely walk on water yourself.

You dare glance back, and you see the girl who was after Tobirama the other day. Her hood is off, letting out her platinum blond hair cascading down her shoulders. She is not even trying to catch up to you, she is taking her time and she is making it clear that she has the confidence that no matter where you go, she will come and find you.

Up ahead, you see a clearing and you try not to trip making your way towards it. The sun shines down momentarily, making your surroundings silver and too bright for the eyes. You squint, and you decide to run across the clearing.

When you are halfway on this shiny and hollow surface, you glance back at your chaser. She just stands there by the bank, unmoving.

The wind howls in your ears.

You let out a breath, and you look around.

You still, realizing the predicament you have run into.

You think you hear miniscule cracks spreading across this flimsy surface.

You freeze.

You hold your breath in.

You barely let out a shout as the ice gives out underneath you, and you are plunged into the freezing and unknown waters. You try to fight the shock of the cold coming over you, but before you can do anything about it, the surface above you closes into rigid ice again.

No , you slowly think to yourself, but the shock has overcome you and you cannot react. Your eyes close and you find yourself retreating into the dark.

Wait.

Tobirama .

Your body convulses, fighting for air.

/

Tobirama arrives at the last place he stamped his seal on, which isn't far from where you are currently, but every second he wastes not running towards you is detrimental to your life. He closes his eyes and forces himself to ignore his pain–this is nothing–and to think.

Tobirama moves with an urgency he has never felt before. He thinks only of you and saving you.

He has been too proud throughout this whole mission and he has been acting as if he has something to prove. First, he thought that if he could be on the lookout at all times, he could avoid trouble. Then, he thought that he could still somehow salvage this mission by finding out the root cause of trouble and fixing it, but it only blew up in his face and endangered your life.

Tobirama has been acting alone all this time, while he has been pushing you to learn a lesson about trust that he has not quite grasped yet.

He will never live a day without regret if you do not make it out of here.

He gets to where you are supposed to be, but you are nowhere in sight. Tobirama scans his surroundings. He can still sense the ice user nearby, but instead of going after her, he chooses you.

His eyes land on the frozen lake before him and his heart drops to his stomach.

You are in there. He is certain of it.

Cold freezes his insides, but he wills himself to move.

He runs across the frozen lake, keeping in mind his steps, and he goes to where you are.

He stares down at the darkness you fell into, and he makes out your form underneath.

What if I'm too late? Tobirama thinks passingly. He does not like the way his heart has suddenly grown cold.

He feels numb.

Before he can let himself spiral around that thought, he brings a fist into the ice with all his power. He hears a sickening crack that traveled around him, and he plunges into the dark and icy water. He swims down, gritting his teeth from the cold, and then, he holds out his hand to grab yours. He pulls you to him and tries not to think about how he does your chakra is so weak that it can be mistaken as gone .

He lets the enemy get away, but it doesn't even linger near his thoughts.

He resurfaces with your limp body in his arms, and he kicks and wades through chunks of ice until he makes it to land. He drags your body to the surface, refusing to admit defeat even though the chances of you making it alive continues to grow slim.

Tobirama turns you on your back and begins to pump on your chest. He ignores his bleeding knuckles. It does not even hurt at all.

"Come on," he prays desperately.

Tobirama pushes into your chest again, and this time, you gasp out loud and you start coughing out water from your lungs.

Tobirama falls back in relief, but it is short-lived.

You are turning blue, and he can hear your teeth clash against each other loudly. Your eyes seem absentminded, and they recognize nothing around you.

"Let's get you to a safer place," Tobirama says, already putting his hands under your arms to stand you up.

You fall into his arms, shaking uncontrollably.

"I've got you," Tobirama murmurs.

He teleports the two of you to the safehouse, and immediately gets to work. He starts wrapping you in dry, warm blankets and he builds a fire and places you near it. Then, when you still cannot stop shaking, Tobirama pulls you to his chest and wraps his arms around you. You still keep shaking, and Tobirama briefly glances at the skies for help.

However, you flinch and you let out a scream. Tobirama lets go of you and he gets to his feet, and he watches you tear at your clothes madly.

Tobirama freezes. His hands open and close, not knowing exactly what to do next.

You let out a pained whimper and you rip off everything.

He turns away, shocked at your sudden nakedness, but he remembers that you are freezing and this might be an adverse reaction so he grabs the blankets that you dropped and attempts to cover you up.

"It's okay, it's okay," Tobirama reassures as you thrash under his hold.

"No!" You yelp, attempting to break away. "No!"

"It's just us, it's me," Tobirama continues.

He sits down with your back pressed against his chest, and he tries his best to soothe you. He sends what is left of his chakra to you, trying his best to help you regulate warmth, but it does not make a difference.

He can barely feel your heart beating, and you have become very weak and limp.

Tobirama has never felt so desolate.

You are not going to make it through the night.

He lays you down, still covered up with the blankets, and he pulls you to him. He stares at your face, trying to make his heart jumpstart to the way it's supposed to beat, but he feels himself leaving with what is left of you: a shell of your cold body.

He is a fool. He is a selfish fool.

Why did he pursue this matter further? He should have put you first. He should have listened to you.

Your eyes blink slowly at him, no longer reacting or recognizing anything. Tobirama calls your name, but you do not respond. He tries everything to make you more alert, but there is no use.

Tobirama stares at you, blaming himself for not even telling you every single truth that is bursting from his heart. He supposes it should die with you. He does not deserve one good thing.

He has not told you the one thing that truly matters.

"Thank you," Tobirama whispers, the words gritty and painful in his mouth. He watches as your eyes close and you become still. "I love you."

Tobirama is cursed. Love and gratefulness is a curse that binds him, one that always marks the end of a life, just like the bitter fate that his mother has been given because he was born.

And he has passed it on to you.

Tobirama spends the rest of the night holding you, praying to all the gods that do not know him to get you through this.

/

There is a fog in your mind when you have opened your eyes. Tobirama's face is very close to you, his eyes closed and mouth pulled into a frown. He looks like he is in pain. It takes a long time to become oriented again, as you feel like you have been dead and your soul has passed on, only for it to be slammed back into your body again, never fully knowing what it means to be alive again. You know nothing as of the moment.

Then, you begin to feel. You feel heat, your own nakedness, Tobirama's arms around you.

You feel as if there is a heavy weight pressing on your head from both sides, but you are no longer drowning. You are at land, and there is a dying fire behind you, emitting heat.

Tobirama's eyes flutter open, and he flinches as he sees you. He stares at you in horror and bewilderment.

You cannot find your voice, but the only thing you are certain of is that you are moving towards Tobirama slowly. You get closer and closer to him, until you are a breath's width from him.

Tobirama is still staring, eyes wide, but his arms do not move.

Your eyes flutter close, and this feels right.

Then, your head moves up and your lips catch his gently. Tobirama's lips are cold and they tremble against yours, but the two of you react to another, turning slightly to get nearer to each other.

Tobirama freezes, and then you pull away. You are also in shock, completely breathless. You glance at his lips again, wanting nothing more but to kiss him again.

"Sorry, I'm going a bit crazy here." You laugh a little, finally finding your voice. It sounds rough and scratchy, as if you have been screaming too much. "Thank you. I owe you one."

Tobirama immediately pulls away, and he looks like he is about to get sick.

You watch him take off from your sight, and you recognize the pain of rejection. Perhaps he did not like the kiss, that he would rather not be kissed by you.

You stare at the space in front of you, not really sure what to do next.

You suddenly miss Tobirama's warm arms around you. Just like everything else, you ruin what is good in your life.

/

Tobirama runs. He takes off with no destination in mind. This is so unlike him, but he needs a moment to vent and get out of your presence. His leg does not even bother him anymore. It's just another limb to carry with him, another burden. He has waited for this moment, and he has waited for her to be near him.

He has endured his unbearable feelings and stamped down the best he could to let her be, to let her go her own way, but he cannot lie to himself. He has simply waited for her to go to him, to choose him.

Yet, she chooses to say thank you.

And laughed as if this is a light-hearted moment to be forgotten.

Like a joke.

Tobirama is torn. He wants to be happy for once, because you are not dead, yet you have chosen to thank him for...for what?

For your life, which he almost lost?

He needs to go back to you.

He is being foolish again. He prides himself in his intelligence but he always seems to fail when it comes to you.

He never runs. He should never have to run away from you.

He returns, but you are not where he has left you.

Instead, he finds Uchiha Madara scooping you up in his arms and his heart shatters in dismay. Madara goes towards the dilapidated walls, one foot ready to step outside of this broken safehouse.

"The Hokage sent me the moment the two of you left for the country," Madara says. "An informant has sent us a letter to halt this mission."

Your head rests on Madara's shoulder. "How did you find us?" Your voice is weak and Tobirama cannot help having this urge to come and hold you.

Madara looks down at you, and Tobirama feels the need to turn his eyes away. This moment belongs only to the two of you. With Madara here, he is the intruder.

"I'll always know where you are," Madara replies, his voice sounding gentle and paternal.

You stare at Madara, your mind trying to comprehend what he is saying.

"You are the last person I expected to put her in such danger, Tobirama," Madara gives him a displeased glare. "If there is anything I could trust about you, it would be your feelings, but I guess I am also wrong."

Tobirama stares at the back of your head, falling silent. "Go get her to safety, please."

Madara nods, and he takes off.

Tobirama follows a beat late, putting a space between you and him.

His heart feels heavy, as the three of you head towards home.

Notes:

part III - Into the Unknown coming up next.

disney, do not SUE ME i do not get profit for any of this, just a lot of emotional damage

also. Madara coming in? hint: the grass from last chapter was *whispers* Zetsu

also. Tobirama is a wreck. they don't know how to handle feelings. bc fuck feelings.

thanks for reading!

Chapter 20: III.I - Into the Unknown

Notes:

edit on nov. 8, 2021: just reading through this chapter made me realize about the missing words bc i was typing so fast lmao. anyways,, will attend to them as soon as possible

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Tobirama has only begun to work up the nerve to pay you a visit in the medical ward when he hears that Madara is transferring you to his humble abode. With that, he throws himself into work, and if there is no work, he makes some for himself. Hashirama refuses to give him any more missions and demands that he rest, but Tobirama cannot just sit around idly. He needs to do something. There are some things he can still fix, like attending to the mess that was the mission in the Ice country.

He kept thinking about his confession when he was sure that your death was near. He never wanted to feel like that again, so desperate and so helpless that all he could do was hold your body and hope that you would open your eyes again.

Then, you kissed him.

Something that Tobirama has yearned for a long time, but you laughed and he cannot help but feel like you are making fun of him, that you are mocking him.

He wishes that he does not have to overthink about this.

So he throws everything away, forgoes seeing the light of day and locks himself in his lab.

His heart is frozen yet again, hesitant to endure the cracks that you have been impressing on its surface over time.

/

Madara steers clear of your way unless it has something to do with your health. You do not protest since there is nothing outside of his house that makes you want to get back up on your feet. You focus on getting better, even though physically, there is nothing wrong with you anymore. You just feel colder, and a lot more apprehensive about nearing a body of water.

You think about Tobirama's cold lips on yours, his breath fanning across your face, and the desperateness that he holds you with.

You have never been that near Tobirama, and his absence begins to take notice in your life. You miss being around him, talking with him and learning from him. You miss his quiet company and his sarcastic comments, and you especially miss your quiet moments with him because you never feel the need to talk needlessly to take up the space anymore. Most of all, you miss seeing his expressions and how each miniscule line can change his handsome face.

You turn your face into your pillow, just as Madara knocks lightly on the screen.

"I'm leaving food here," Madara says.

The two of you haven't talked about what happened before you left for the mission. A part of you does not want to address it at all. You feel weak whenever you are in front of Madara's eyes.

"Can we talk?" Madara quietly asks after a minute.

You turn your face towards the ceiling, contemplating.

However, you have waited too long and your silence is enough to discourage Madara.

"I will see you later, then," Madara bids farewell and you listen to his footsteps get farther away.

You let out a breath you did not know you have been holding.

You need to get out of here.

/

For a whole week, you do not see Tobirama, no matter how much you wander the streets of Konoha. Whenever you are close to calling out to him, he seems to dart out of your sight, and then he's gone, to wherever you cannot follow him.

You know something has changed between you and Tobirama, but for the life of you, he keeps avoiding you. You want to talk to him, you truly do–it is something you enjoy doing. You are aware that it is not a coincidence that he is now avoiding you, after all the fiasco that happened in your last mission with him. Speaking of missions, that will probably be the last time you will work with him since he has done nothing but push you away.

You thought that after all these months of being by his side, something between the two of you had shifted beyond the borders of professionalism, but it is Senju Tobirama you are talking about. Serious and moody Senju Tobirama, whom you cannot help but be drawn to.

Maybe it is just wishful thinking on your part, but you couldn't deny that there was something happening there, when he held you in his arms when you were at the brink of death from almost drowning. He did not even resist when you held on to his arm. You cannot help but remember his expression after you kissed him.

You sigh, and decide to leave it alone for now.

You had to admit that you miss his presence, and your talks that usually end up in nonsense bickering.

"Sensei!" You hear someone call behind you.

You turn around and you find Uchiha Kagami and Sarutobi Hiruzen.

"Saru? Kagami?" You ask curiously. "What's going on?"

The two of them look like they have been running around all day. Which is normal, you suppose. You know how hard Tobirama drives them to the ground.

"We need you," Kagami says, his eyes bulging out. "Tobirama-sensei's lost his mind!"

You start. "Since when is he not losing his mind?"

Tobirama's kids stare at you, their faces horrified at your comment.

"It's different this time," Hiruzen interjects.

Kagami nods, insistent.

"Alright, but why do you need me?"

The two students of Tobirama look at each other.

"Because," Hiruzen starts and he looks at you in a way that makes it seem like you already know the answer.

You shake your head. "Leave him alone, he will come to his senses."

"Sensei," Kagami protests.

You sigh heavily and you raise an eyebrow. " Your sensei has done nothing but reject my help when I'm around him. I don't think I can help."

You cross your arms and study the two of them. "However, if you all stage some sort of intervention, he will probably budge. Or you know, get Lord Hokage to do it. Tobirama listens to him."

You turn to walk away, thinking that you can just leave it at that, but something about the disconcerted looks of Tobirama's students make you stop. They are really concerned. You know that Tobirama can take care of himself, even if it's not the best of methods.

A little annoyed, you change your mind. "Where is he?"

/

You aren't going to lie.

Standing outside the entrance of his so-called lab is a little intimidating. You have never been here before, and you don't know what lies beyond this door. You are not even sure if you want to find out. You know that Tobirama is a master inventor, and that he and his brother often butt heads over his new creations. Other than that, you do not know much except for the known jutsus that are not hidden away from general knowledge.

Tobirama immediately throws open the door.

"Run," He commands, slamming the door close, but before he can even finish his command, you are already moving away on instinct.

However, it seems like you are not running fast enough to his standards. He pulls you to him, gathers your legs over his arm and carries you away, and then the world twists around, making you lose your bearings. You hear a small explosion behind you and then silence. The sensation of the world forming around you instead of this impossible vertigo while on the move almost makes you throw up.

Tobirama crouches down a little to let you down on the ground gently. You sway, and he catches you easily by putting his arm behind your shoulders.

You look around you, realizing that you are in a room, surrounded by books and piles of opened scrolls and open ink cartridges that are empty. Brushes lie scattered across the desk, and on the floor are more opened scrolls decorated with mad handwriting.

Tobirama slowly pulls his arm away, his touch lingering at every point it lifts from your skin.

"Are you alright?" He murmurs, his voice sounding tired and lacking its usual strictness.

"Yes," you reply, your voice sounding a bit pinched. This might be your first time being alone with him in a while after the whole fiasco in the mission.

The shadows of the room flicker and you see Tobirama's face and the sight brings worry to you. His face has gotten sharp, and dark eye bags under his eyes are proof that he has not met his bed in a while. His lips form a pout, and you find your eyes flicking to them. Then, you examine him quickly, noticing that even his whole body seemed to have lost some weight. His hands are slightly trembling, and when he notices that you are looking at them, he hides them behind his back.

"Are you hungry?" You ask, bringing your eyes back to his face. It hurts to look at him and your first instinct is to get some food in his system and to get him to sleep, even if it leads to a fight.

Because it looks like he has been awake for weeks. This is probably the truth. You rarely saw him asleep during the mission.

Tobirama stares at your face, his eyes looking a bit haunted. "No."

"Tobirama…" You start. "Have you slept?"

Tobirama continues to stare. "No."

At least he's honest with you.

You press your lips together, trying to think about what you should do. You try not to burn too much under his stare.

"At least, eat with me?" You urge, and you step forward, your hand reaching for his. "I can get you something light? Is that okay?"

You hold Tobirama's hand, which is still trembling in your touch. You feel Tobirama squeeze your hand, but then, his hand falls slack, and he quietly pulls it away from you.

You can't help but feel a little hurt by his actions.

"Okay," Tobirama finally says.

"Let's go," you say, trying not to sound as choked as you felt.

Tobirama follows you out of his study without any complaints.

/

Tobirama is in a daze, as if he cannot believe that you are the one ushering him to bed, but it might also be due to his sleepless nights in order to attend to...anything he can get his hands on. Though it is broad daylight outside, you insist that he needs to get to bed right now.

Tobirama cannot find it in himself to resist, not when you are the one ushering him to his bed, not when your tender touches are all over his arms, his shoulders.

That is how he knows that he is beyond fatigued–when he could no longer hide from you and push you away.

It has been so hard to stay away, when every moment he wants to be near you, to hold you in his arms like he had before. He could no longer keep his thoughts of you at bay, and when he stops moving, that is when he weakens and he loathes it–loathes how you are under his skin and your name just short of being muttered by his own mouth.

He wants to kiss you again.

So when you tell him to close his eyes with your soothing and calming voice, he does, and he remembers what Hashirama has told him before about you.

That you are a beacon of warmth and that you may be too good and out of reach for him. That he does not deserve you, and gods, it kills him to admit it.

But he takes all the scraps that he can get. He is a proud man, but you make him grovel by your feet.

He lets sleep drift him to rest, but he feels your hand on his face, warm and soothing.

/

After the lab explosion fiasco, you hear that Tobirama had taken another diplomatic mission the very next day. At the back of your mind, you wonder if Hashirama has relented to Tobirama's wishes to keep on working–the man is quite stubborn. Though you want to berate him for it because it really grates on you that he has no decency towards himself, you feel like you might have been overstepping in his life too much. You do know that Tobirama likes his space, and that, like you, does not like being told how to run their own lives.

You can only sigh in dismay, but it is not your job to pull him out of his misery–that he brings to himself at times. You are not his heroine nor some strict do-gooder so you let him go. Besides, if you fully go down this rabbit hole with him, no one else will be able to pull the both of you out.

Today, the Hokage briefs you about your three potential students. Though you are not sure if you are ready to take on a genin team, you have learned a lot in the time you spent with Tobirama. Since the kids you have been assigned are not graduated yet, you take your time observing them while you return to teaching in the Academy part-time.

There is no Tobirama to send you around a goose chase anymore.

However, you have hope for this year's graduates. They seem like they are adapting well to the curriculum that you and Tobirama had worked on.

Getting reminded of Tobirama again has put a damper on your mood and the moment you are able to leave the Academy, you throw yourself into training.

Training alone gets a bit lonely, especially when you have gotten used to training with Tobirama and his students.

How it annoys you that Tobirama has managed to be a part of your life in so many ways, and the man probably did not intend to do that.

"What's in that head of yours?" You hear a familiar voice call out behind you.

Madara . You think.

"Wouldn't you like to know?" You say with your snarkiest tone.

You turn to him, your eyes immediately scanning his face and his body language. You cannot help but be wary around him again, but today, under the clear skies and the warm sun, he does not hold any animosity or coldness. He is the Uchiha Madara that you have always known.

Madara steps closer to you and your eyes flit up to meet his own.

"Are you ready to talk to me?" Madara prompts.

You narrow your eyes at him. "Depends."

Madara sighs and he averts his gaze. "I am sorry."

You look to the distance, towards the meadows and the distant forest. "What's going on with you, Madara? I can barely recognize you on some days."

Madara sighs, letting a beat of silence sink in. It is clear that he wants to change the subject. "So, Senju Tobirama, huh?"

You stare at the side of Madara's face in confusion.

"He's not worth the trouble," he advises, and he turns to watch your face. "Though I might be a little biased."

"What are you talking about?"

"I want you to be happy, however long it lasts," Madara continues. "And clearly, I cannot give you everything you need. You have your own life."

"Madara," you interject, not knowing why he is being like this.

"I'm sorry," Madara repeats. He steps closer to you and he lifts a hand to your face.

This time you do not flinch. You lean in into his touch.

Madara's lips point up into a small, tight smile. There is a tinge of sadness in his eyes. "You have come so far, kid. Thanks for sticking around this long."

"Madara, stop being dramatic." You throw him a glare. "And stop changing the subject. What are you sorry for?"

"For hurting you," Madara responds, his tone full of regret.

You nod and you take his hand from your face to hold it. "All is forgiven, Madara."

The two of you stare at each other for a while, and then you break out into a small smile.

"Be happy," Madara murmurs and turns to leave you behind. "And if it means throwing yourself at him , then by all means."

You scoff. "I'm not going to throw myself at Tobirama. I have some dignity."

"Didn't you two already kiss?" Madara pauses and he raises a delicate eyebrow at you. "Kissing him erases the little dignity you have left."

Your mouth hangs slightly open as a blush creeps up your neck and face. "Wh-aaat?"

Madara shakes his head. "Keep your head on your shoulders."

You turn away from him to smirk. Madara has a weird way of praising you. It sounds like a warning at times.

"Wait, how'd you know we kiss? Were you watching, you creepy bastard?!"

You sense Madara leaving you alone, and you turn to your thoughts. You shudder in embarrassment, now aware that there is a witness to you and Tobirama's kiss.

You cannot stop thinking about Tobirama. You cannot help it, not when his lack of presence is palpable. You try to think about what might have caused him to run away like that after kissing him, but you come up with nothing but self-deprecating comments.

Before this mission, you had resolved to be honest about your feelings, but each time you build that resolve, you end up running away.

You do not want to run away anymore, and if Tobirama wants to run from you, then that is on him. You have begun to be honest with yourself and find causes worth standing your ground on. These are your feelings and you are responsible for them. You are not going to ask Tobirama for more or expect him to feel the same way.

The only thing left to do is to find him and talk with him, which is something you have been yearning for.

/

Because Tobirama is still nowhere to be found and he did not bring his students with him, they seek you out to oversee their training. You are more than happy to do it, so you join them early in the morning and you even bring them pastries for breakfast.

It is clear that Tobirama rarely pampers them because each student lined up before you with eager hands.

Even the ever serious Akimichi Torifu thanks you graciously.

"Wow, okay," you say as you watch their eager, young faces munch on the pastries. "There are more, slow down, okay? Can't have you dying because you choked on bread."

You cannot help but smile at the sight. After all, they are still children in your eyes, despite them being in their late teens.

"So what are we going to do today? Did your sensei leave any instructions or something?" You prompt, looking at each of them for an answer.

Hiruzen takes the lead, as always. "Well, he wants us to improve our ninjutsu by having a team fight."

"But we've done that many times," Danzo whines.

You chuckle, but you quickly thought of a substitute. "How about...we all race to that river over there, but instead of just running, only one can make it, and you all use your special jutsus and all that, hm?"

Tobirama's students all murmured in agreement.

"What are you going to do?" Koharu says in that distasteful way of hers.

You raise an eyebrow. Koharu has always been slow to agree with you for some reason, as if she disapproves of all of your life choices. "Well, I am going to make sure none of you kill each other."

"The sore loser pays for dinner," you include and you shoot them an auspicious smile.

/

You watch from a distance as Tobirama's team completely changes the landscape of this training ground. As expected, Hiruzen wins, and Danzo is left far behind the whole team. You wonder if you should intervene when everyone in the team suddenly starts arguing, but they are able to solve it between themselves just as it erupted. The six of them go to you, dirty and sweaty, but more than eager to go eat dinner.

"So?" You raise an eyebrow.

Danzo comes forward with his head hung low. "I'll pay."

"Great!" The rest of the team cheers.

You accompany the team to the nearest restaurant that will take six rowdy kids, and once you have gotten them seated, you let them order the food while also reminding them to be kind to their fellow teammate, who will be paying for them. Once you make sure that everyone has their meal, you take your leave, deciding to not add an extra plate to the expenses. Besides, you have food at home with Madara and after a long day being surrounded by constant chatter, you want to keep to yourself to recharge.

You leave the restaurant quietly, and you realize that it is quickly getting darker.

The street lamps begin to light, and other establishments prepare for the night scene. You smile at the passing civilians, who are walking around with their families and friends. Your heart begins to pick up a little, anticipating every corner to reveal the person you have been looking for, but that is just wishful thinking. If Tobirama wants to avoid you, he is stubborn and he will avoid you for the rest of his life if he can.

Your gaze wanders around again, looking at nothing in particular. The air is vibrant, and the colors that only the night can bring begin to cloud your vision in dizzying arrays of blue, gold and red. Then, in the midst of the loud scene before you, your eyes find the only face that you have been longing to see. He stands out starkly among the background, especially with his shocking white hair and his pale skin, and those hard, red eyes that have seen so much, but they are now only focused on you.

Tobirama looks at you for a long time, and you, back at him.

Then, he holds up two freshly caught fish, and you smile, noticing the way he is trying to school his features into a calmer facade.

He nods to the direction behind him, and you jog lightly to catch up to his footsteps.

/

Tobirama walks beside you, silent but loud. Loud, in a way, that his every move goes without notice by you. Loud, because his stares are boring into the side of your head and you feel your face heating up.

"When did you get back?" You finally ask, seeing his home turn up in the distance.

A pause.

"This afternoon."

"And you went straight to fishing?" A side of your mouth goes up in amusement. This little detail about him fishing makes you excited and giddy.

"There was a commotion in one of the training grounds, and miraculously, I seem to have found an abundant source of fish down the river." Tobirama glances at you, and you realize that he might have sensed you and the kids earlier and went to find you.

Which is a strong assumption, so you stop yourself before you get ahead.

You giggle, remembering the impromptu training you gave to his students. "About that…"

"They seem to have taken a liking to you," Tobirama says, meaning his students.

"Well, they better. We all starved and trained together."

Tobirama's lips curve into a hint of a smile. "That is true."

You chuckle, and you notice that Tobirama's posture has relaxed and that there is not any stoicism left on his face. You see this part of him, and you want to see more, to get closer to him like this.

"Your students are very strong," you comment. "It is a testament to how well you have taught them."

Tobirama seems to have been caught off-guard by your comment, and you hear him clear his throat. "The effort is not all mine. They have been perceptive and welcoming to criticisms."

"I agree," you tell him.

You step into Tobirama's house, and the place welcomes you like it's your own home. Everything is where it should be and where you remember them from the last time you've been here. The house is clean and very spartan, the furniture kept to a minimum to house books and old ornaments, but the atmosphere is unexpectedly warm and the air smells like sandalwood incense.

"I will take this to the kitchen," Tobirama announces. "Make yourself comfortable."

You shrug and you smile at him, and the smile was probably too much because he looks away from you. "I already am."

Tobirama excuses himself with a mutter and you can't help giggling to yourself as you sit by the dining table.

You remembered Tobirama's drunken fiasco the last time you were here. You wonder if Tobirama will reveal more of his sides tonight.

Maybe you can finally talk with him honestly.

You also remember that Tobirama keeps a collection of fine sake, so you go to where it is being kept and you pick one that you think will go with the fish.

You finally pick one at random, mostly due to your indecision. You are not sure which one Tobirama likes best, so you pick another jar to carry to the table.

When you return, you find Tobirama laying out plates and utensils on the table, and pouring water into glasses.

Tobirama glances at the liquor you brought, and then turns back to his task. "Good choice."

You shrug and you put them on the table. "Hope you don't mind."

Tobirama glances at you again, and this time, his gaze lingers. He takes a minute to respond. "I never minded."

That mere phrase has so many meanings, you try to pinpoint which one he means to communicate. Why must he be so concise and add double meanings to each word he utters? He can prolong a whole draft of some treaty, but he never felt the need to do the same with his conversations.

You meet his eyes, unsure how to respond. "Good." You finally say. "That's great."

Tobirama turns to walk away, but you catch a smile in the corner of his lips. He disappears to the kitchen again, and you quickly drink the water that he just poured, trying to drown the butterflies in your stomach because they seem very persistent to fly around in there. You try not to be too self-conscious and instead settle on sipping the alcohol you poured yourself.

Dinner comes, and Tobirama brings two dishes to the table. He serves you rice, and then presents you the fish stew first, then the fried fish that is sprinkled with spices and chopped vegetables. You stare at the food, your mouth watering as the hunger begins to register.

"Wow, so you really went all out, huh? I didn't peg you for a spice person," you comment teasingly.

Tobirama narrows his eyes at you, but to your relief, he gets your joke. "Better than your forest rats and squirrels."

"Oh, grow up."

Tobirama shakes his head, but it is clear that his mood has lightened up.

You start to eat, but after a few bites, you realize that the silence is beginning to get louder.

It is time that the two of you must talk.

"Tobirama, about the mission," you start, not knowing what words to say.

Tobirama suddenly looks like he wants to be anywhere but here, but he does not bolt so that is a good sign.

"I…" You fumble for your words. Suddenly, words do not exist anymore.

Tobirama stares at you, almost terrified of what you might say.

"You know, we were both cold," you say, but those are not the right words you want him to hear. "And when you're cold...stuff happens."

Tobirama's face falls in disappointment.

"We should talk," you state. You meet his eyes, trying your best to speak to him telepathically even though that is not possible.

Tobirama is unnaturally quiet, like everything in him just shut down. Then, he grabs a cup and pours it with alcohol to the brim.

"Tobirama?"

Tobirama immediately downs the cup in one go, and he slams the cup down to the dinner table. Then, he fills another cup to drink.

"Hey, enough. You can't handle alcohol well," you warn him and your hand goes to his wrist to stop him.

Tobirama resists your hold, and when it is obvious that you are not going to let go, he gives up.

His face is now very pink.

You sigh. "This is not how I wanted this to go. Can I start over?"

Tobirama chooses this moment to down the next cup, and you gape at him, trying not to laugh or feel bad for him.

What is he doing?

"You're ridiculous," Tobirama murmurs angrily at the table, then, he slumps forward and almost slams his face into the table.

You react quickly and cushion his fall, then you support him upright.

"What is going on with you?" You put a hand on his cheek and you turn his face to you.

A movement that you should not have done because you are now staring at his lips.

Tobirama blinks, and he looks up into your eyes.

"I don't want to talk," Tobirama mutters. "Stop being ridiculous."

"But I want us to talk," you tell him.

"No," Tobirama quietly says.

"Why not?"

"Because...it's ridiculous."

You sigh, but you are more amused than disappointed. If anything, this fuels you to keep pursuing this matter. To keep pushing his buttons until he reveals his thoughts.

"Do you want another cup of wine?"

Tobirama nods.

You pour a cup for him and he makes a grab for it. You raise the cup out of his reach.

"But you have to answer me honestly," you tell him.

Tobirama scowls and he begins to untangle himself from your hold. "I have to go."

You watch as Tobirama clumsily heads to his room and you follow him quietly, making sure that he does not hurt himself in any way.

You lead him to the bathroom so that he can freshen up, which is another fight to be won, and then you lead him to his bed.

"Senju Tobirama," you hum. "You are terrible at drinking."

Tobirama lands on his bed unceremoniously and this time you laugh. You cannot help it.

Upright and strict Senju Tobirama is struggling to get his bearings. It is an adorable sight. It is such a contrast to the graceful man who carries himself with pride you see everyday.

His inhibitions are gone.

You cover him with his blanket, but before you get up to leave, he grabs your arm and pulls you down on the bed beside him. You land in an awkward position, arms twisted and your stomach on the bed. You stare at Tobirama's face.

He is clearly drunk, and yet his eyes are clear.

"Damn it, Tobirama," you whisper. "You are not helping."

Tobirama leans forward, and you think that he is about to kiss you, but instead, his lips brushes your forehead and in the next moment, he resigns to unconsciousness.

His grip on you does not wane, so you do your best to get comfortable.

You can make a break for it in the morning.

/

Tobirama jerks in his sleep, and for a moment, he forgets where he is. This thought scares him because it is unbecoming of him. He always knows what is happening around him, yet, looking at your sleeping form beside him, he cannot remember why you are here.

He rolls out of his bed in panic. Did he do something to you? Did he get so inebriated that he would resort to forcing you into his bed?

Tobirama feels his heart fall to his stomach. This is not how he wants things to turn out. He does not want to force you into anything.

His hands go to his torso, and he feels relief that he still has his clothes on.

He stares at you longingly, and while this is all he wants, to be near you and to be able to hold you, this is not how he wants it to happen. You have to go to him out of your own will, not because you felt indebted to him or thankful that he saved your life. He does not want that.

Tobirama backs up to the wall when he senses your eyes on him.

"Hey," you greet him lightly. Your eyes change, and he cannot tell if you are serious or joking around with him.

"Wow, you don't disappoint," you say, giving him a sultry look. "You were so good last night."

Tobirama freezes, and he stares at you, half-angry and half-embarrassed. The more he stares, the harder his gaze gets and you are honestly not sure if he will start shouting at you and drive you out of here. He visibly grits his teeth and now you want to take your words back, but...it's too late.

"You were gripping my wrists so hard, Tobirama, don't you remember? How lewd I sounded?" You continue, and you know you should stop, but your mouth keeps running on its own. You roll off his bed and you step towards him, cornering him to the wall.

"Stop it," Tobirama commands forcefully.

You step closer to his face to hound him. "Why don't you remember?"

Your eyes study his face closely, and it unnerves him. He is not sure if you are enjoying this as one of your pranks, or there is something more to your ruse.

"Shut up," he barks. "Stop being ridiculous."

You step closer and he backs up quickly. "Why? Why should I stop, hm?"

Tobirama's eyes widen for a fraction, but then, he grabs your shoulders to push you back.

"You're ridiculous," Tobirama sternly scolds.

He storms out of his bedroom and you follow after him.

"Can we talk?" You ask after him. "Tobirama, I'm sorry, I promise nothing happened last night."

Tobirama's chest feels like it is on fire. He does not know what to make of this. Did he want something to happen?

He whirls around so violently that you stop in your tracks and almost fall back.

"Nothing?" He snaps.

You blink in confusion. "Nothing."

Tobirama balls his fists. He sees your eyes falter, and he cannot help hope that there is something more to this.

You sigh.

"I am sorry, but I promise that nothing happened," you repeat and you head towards the door to leave his house.

Tobirama scowls. Damn, he hates how much you have gotten under his skin.

"Is this some kind of sick joke for you?" Tobirama barks harshly. "Did my brother put you up to this?"

You snap around and frown at him. "Excuse me?"

"You," Tobirama accuses. "You have done nothing but insult me and push me into a corner."

"Tobirama," you protest, feeling like you have missed something.

"No, you do not get to call my name like that ," he furiously says. "Why do you play me around, with your smiles and your touches? You never leave me alone! What did you hope to achieve from me?!"

Tobirama looks like a wreck and he is now staring at you desperately, and you stare back, your confusion gone and replaced by bewilderment.

"I am not playing you," you tell him seriously, with your voice as even as you can manage. "Nor did your brother put me up to play some prank on you. I am by your side on my own volition."

Tobirama frowns, and he wants to feel relieved by your truth.

"And I did not want to leave you alone," you add, your voice gentle. "I just wanted your company."

Tobirama's clenched fists fall slack. "Then why….why do you…"

Tobirama feels so torn.

"I am sorry, for making you feel like I am making fun of you. That was not my intention." You smile nervously.

You sigh again and this time, you step towards the door. You decide that it's probably best that you leave Tobirama alone to meditate on his thoughts and feelings. You have answered all of his questions and cleared everything on your end.

However, there is still something amiss.

You press your lips together, deciding if you should take the dive. Or if you should leave. You feel like something he will slip farther than you can reach.

But Tobirama has always been fast.

He steps closer to you and he keeps his eyes on yours, searching and assessing you; his mind whirling and second-guessing himself.

You take the last few steps to form a solid conclusion.

You close your eyes and lean upwards to catch his lips softly. You feel him freeze momentarily but it does not last long. His trembling hands come up to your face, gentle like feathers, so different from those hands that kill in battle. Those hands you have seen deliver a deadly blow to enemy shinobi.

Tobirama is certain that there will never be anything sweet about him, but you see him, in between those hard stares and his rough, calloused hands, that what is left are his actions that transgress more than a thousand words he could have ever conjured in his short life.

You pull away for a second, under a trance, and then you go for another one, and this time Tobirama reciprocates with more fervor.

You feel yourself molding against him, and he holds you tighter and tighter to himself, and you cling to him, trusting him to uphold you.

He pulls away, his breathing rushed, and then he presses his forehead against yours with his eyes closed, trying to get his bearings back. Tobirama has never been caught off-guard, but in your vicinity, he feels himself slipping and yearning just to be by your side.

He does not want to live another day where you are not with him.

"I love you," he whispers. Almost painfully, as if he is breaking open and there is no stopping the flood that comes from the turmoil of his heart.

But saying it was freeing, like he had finally found refuge from a storm, like he had been swimming and trudging through mud and you brought him water to wash all the weariness away.

You almost did not hear it, for it was as silent as a prayer and as quiet as falling snow in the middle of nowhere.

Your hands reach for his wrists, and then you put your palms over those large hands framing your face.

Looking straight into those red eyes that are so dark with desire makes your heart burn with a passion that you have never felt before. He does not make your heart stop, no, he would never be the one to cause you harm, but instead, he is the force that pumps it so that you will continue to live.

You lean forward again, and you part his mouth for a deeper kiss. Slowly, you bring your hands on his sides, then his chest, and his neck. You feel his muscles underneath your palms, each dip and bump and line, hardened from many years of battle.

Tobirama's hands go to your waist and pull you to him closer, unable to hold himself back.

He wants this, he wants you.

He loves you.

You kiss him again and again, and then your lips go to his ear as he holds you in an embrace.

" I love you ," you whisper and you bury your face into his neck.

Tobirama kisses the side of your neck, resolving to hold you longer. He does not see himself letting go of you anytime soon.

He is completely enraptured, and so in love, like a fool forewarned by tales, but it is the truth that makes his heart beat.

Notes:

we are almost at the end! one more thing to happen, which comprises of at least 5 chapters? maybe. and then epilogue. yay.

thank you all so so so much for all the support, the comments, the kudos. i know each one of you and i send you all my love for being with my on this journey. this is my first long slow-burn and your feedbacks and comments have been enjoyable to read and take in. im so happy to receive them so thank you so much!

now. let's get ready for part 3, the last part of this fic. it's gonna be wild! (and ridiculously FLUFFY)

Chapter 21:

Summary:

no plot, just fluff ig

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Tobirama cannot stop looking at you over breakfast.

You try to give him little smiles as you try to eat, but he is staring at you with a vigilance that is akin to a hawk. He hasn't even touched his food. You try to calm your heart from all the bursting emotions—there is so much!—but Tobirama is not helping your case at all. You thought letting him know your feelings would calm your heart a little, but it only served to make you more exhilarated.

Tobirama is staring at you like you are about to evaporate into steam any moment now.

You put down your spoon and you raise your eyebrows towards him.

"Yes?" You murmur, trying not to blush.

Tobirama immediately looks down, trying to play it cool. "We should go to dinner with my family soon. Elder Brother will be thrilled."

Tobirama looks up again, and this time you hold his gaze down.

"And are you?"

"What?" Tobirama narrows his eyes at you attentively.

"Thrilled?"

Tobirama falls silent again, but his ears turn red. He clears his throat. "Yes."

You try not to squirm in your seat. The air between the two of you isn't exactly awkward, yet, despite the words trying to burst through your lips, none of them make it as a spoken word.

There are so many questions you want to ask. What now? What comes after the confessions? Do you revert to what the two of you were before?

You have no idea where to begin.

"Give me your hand," Tobirama suddenly requests.

You watch his seemingly blank expression, the only dead giveaway of his emotions being his red ears.

You give your hand to his open palm, and he encloses it with his own gingerly. He stares at your joined hands for a minute and you stare at him, wondering what is going through Tobirama's mind. His thumb runs over your knuckles lightly, and then he lets your hand go and presses his palm flat on top of your hand, pinning it down as if you will pull your hand away from him.

"I must admit, I do not know where to start," Tobirama relays to you. "I have a good idea, as I've watched a fair share of couples…"

"Yeah, me too."

Tobirama nods. "Shall we talk more later and act slowly with sound of mind?"

You try not to giggle at his words. "What, are you going to present me another set of rules just as you did at the beginning of our meeting?"

Tobirama shoots you a startled glare. "Rules are important."

You gasp in disbelief, but you are more amused than annoyed. "Are you serious?"

Tobirama gapes at you, clearly bent on cocooning himself on some corner to list a few rules for this burgeoning relationship between you.

"Tobirama," you stifle a laugh.

"Don't make fun of me," Tobirama snaps.

"I am not," you press your lips together to keep your mirth to yourself.

"You are. I know you ."

"If you knew me so well, then you'd know that I never do well with rules, at least not for the long-term."

Tobirama narrows his eyes and his shoulders begin to slump. "I suppose."

"I'm telling your brother, if you keep to this path."

"You wound me."

" I know you," you repeat his words to him in a cheeky manner.

Tobirama shakes his head, completely amused. He smirks. "You are one hell of a person."

"You know me so well," you finally let out the laugh you have been trying to control.

The serious lines on Tobirama's face break and you can see his expression visibly soften.

A smile flits on his lips, and you stop laughing in order to catch it. His smiles are rare at best and only lasts in a blink of an eye. You vow to yourself to get more of his smiles for as long as you are able to. There will definitely be more happy days than sorrowful ones.

"Then, it's settled," Tobirama stands up and takes the empty plates on the table. "We do not have to try too hard. Let's just be ourselves. As usual."

You smile at him, unable to help your heart that is melting inside your chest into a puddle of warmth. "As usual."

/

Hashirama frowns at the space between the two of you, forgoing the assignments of the day. A perpetual frown shadows his face, unsure which question he should delve into first. You study your feet as it becomes the most entertaining thing at the moment since Tobirama and his elder brother are at a stalemate of some sorts, their eyes doing all the talking.

"Madara asks for your whereabouts, Y/N," Hashirama finally says, his tone terse, but if you listen closely, there is a childish whine in his tone.

Tobirama rolls his eyes, giving into his brother as he always has. "We shall have a family dinner on Friday."

Hashirama beams. "Why?"

Tobirama rolls his eyes. You do not have to see his face to know that he is rolling his eyes to the back of his head. You can feel the heat he is emitting despite being a good foot or two away from him.

"Because…." He utters through gritted teeth.

Hashirama grins. It seems like he knows what is happening, but in order to tease his brother, he acts like an idiot to glean it out of him.

"Of personal matters," Tobirama finishes.

Hashirama clears his face and schools it into a clueless expression. "Such as?"

You duck your head slightly to your shoulder to stop yourself from revealing a smile. You are all for embarrassing Tobirama, but for now, you spare him of your whims. He already believes that everyone plays a joke around him.

"I want to introduce Y/N to the whole family. It has been established that we have feelings for each other and have decided to start a relationship," Tobirama quickly says, spitting the words in rapidfire.

Hashirama almost falls back on his chair and he laughs wholeheartedly. "That's great! I shall tell Mito of the good news."

Tobirama huffs uncomfortably. At the corner of your eye, you see him fight the urge to fold his arms together.

"Forgive him," Hashirama turns to you. "He is awkward with these things."

"I'm well aware," you smile.

Hashirama laughs again. "Have you two kissed yet?" The Hokage abruptly asks.

"Brother," Tobirama immediately snaps. "That is out of line."

You turn to Tobirama and you see him blushing madly.

"What?" Hashirama is unbearably cheerful. "I am happy for you. Though, I have foreseen this coming."

Tobirama resigns to his brother's methods of embarrassing him.

"Can I ask how, Lord Hokage?" You ask, playing along.

The Hokage's eyes brighten and you suspect tears glistening his dark eyes. "Well, he could not take his eyes off of you when he first saw you. I just know from the moment I met you and saw him staring at you that the two of you are meant to meet each other."

"And so you orchestrated that we would end up meeting each other."

"Of course. Tobirama was never known to be interested in anyone."

"That's sad," you chirp in. "Though I reckon he was only interested in me because he thought I was a threat to Konoha."

Tobirama whirls to you, aghast.

Hashirama starts to laugh again, and Tobirama glares at his brother, willing him to stop.

"Alright, alright. Let's get to business," Hashirama finally says.

You step forward, and you raise your hand slightly. "If I may, Lord Hokage. With all due respect, I have a request."

Tobirama's eyes snap to you.

Hashirama gestures with his hand for you to continue.

You glance at Tobirama and he gives you a questioning look.

"I would like to quit being an assistant to Tobirama and truly start my career as a shinobi. I'll take on a team officially with this year's graduates," you confidently say. "Again, with all due respect, my lord. I am a shinobi first and foremost, not an errand runner. I've learned a lot from Tobirama, and in order to have a semblance of professionalism in our working relationship, I must lean away from being his therapist."

Hashirama folds his hands together. "Very well."

Tobirama clears his throat. "I am right here."

You chuckle and you step back. "If you'll excuse me, Senju lords, I must go and attend a few business matters today."

Hashirama and Tobirama stare at you curiously.

"I did just quit as his assistant. I no longer have to attend these meetings with him."

You pat Tobirama on the shoulder which he turns away from with a blush on his cheeks and you proceed to exit the door.

You walk away with a skip in your step, excited at the prospect of moving your shinobi career forward and officially. It has been a long time coming.

Though first, you really must attend to personal business.

/

The way to Nuga's school of blacksmith is a familiar one, as it serves many memorable moments such as having a bounty hunter cut your arm up in the street. You can never forget Hina and her family, despite closing that chapter in your life. They are the lessons that you will keep with you as you strengthen and improve yourself as a shinobi. It is good to remember one's roots and make peace with them.

You stop at the threshold of the school's entrance, already feeling the roar of the fire inside. You hear the faint hammering of metal against metal, molding the delicate shape of a fine sword.

You smile, and you push the door open.

You greet the young apprentices in the forge, looking for Nuga's enigmatic gray eyes among them.

Your eyes go to the fire, and for a moment, you are transported back to a time when you were younger, where you saw the same view of a fire and heard the familiar clanging of swords. The smell of metal is almost bittersweet.

" Man-killer ," Nuga greets, materializing beside you.

"Stop calling me that," you turn to him, annoyed, and your trance broken.

Nuga shrugs. "It is with affection that I call you by your past name."

"Then I reject you and your affections."

Nuga smiles secretly and puts a hand on his chest. "It is an honor."

You roll your eyes, but you do not feel an ounce of resentment for this man despite wanting to. He is like the little brother you never wanted. "So?"

Nuga nods and he offers his arm for you to take. You push him back a little, scoffing at his action.

"This way," Nuga chuckles and he starts to walk.

You follow him, where he exits into an inner courtyard and crosses it to get to one of the storage rooms. He slides the door open, and you step in first, your eyes scanning the shelves for the weapon you asked him to make.

"It is not completed yet, my dear Man-Killer," Nuga goes to a locked box and opens it. He brings out a covered sword and presents it on the table for you to uncover. "Your notes on how to make this sword helped immensely. It's suspicious."

You roll your eyes. "What else needs to be done?"

Your hand lifts the cloth from the blade and you marvel at it. You lift the blade carefully, inspecting its weight and balance.

Not caring for your family ties anymore, you decide to gift Nuga your knowledge on how to make the perfect weapon the last time you talked with him. It seems that he has followed your notes down to perfection.

"The detailing of the hilt, though I can finish it on Friday. You may pick it up at night."

You scowl at him. "At night? Look who's being suspicious."

Nuga laughs, and it makes the room run cold. "It is a busy week, my lady, forgive me. How are things with Lord Tobirama since the last time we've talked? I've heard that you two shared a kiss or two."

You glance at him. "You talk too much, for a man who keeps a trade of secrets."

Nuga takes the blade from you and covers the blade once again and shrugs. "I was only assuming, but your demeanor reveals that you did kiss him. You also asked me to make this as a gift for him. One would assume such conclusions since you are coming to retrieve it earlier than expected."

You smirk. "Touché."

"I am not in this business for nothing."

Nuga smiles, and it is the first warm smile he has given you. It is a contrast to his gray eyes. "I've begun to teach the young apprentices the techniques you have shared. Your notes will change the weapons trade as you know it."

"Please," you roll your eyes.

"Does your popular Senju lover know about these secrets you hold?" Nuga raises an eyebrow. "I reckon he is a mogul for such knowledge."

You grin despite your chagrin. "Like I said, Nuga. You talk too much. You need to be careful."

Nuga shrugs and he locks your weapon in the chest. "Shall we talk of payments?"

You roll your eyes, but your heart feels full. It does not remember a time it is bare and without feeling.

You can only look forward to the future now.

"We shall," you tell him.

/

Tobirama is with his students when you find him, training them in target practice. His eyes immediately go to you, knowing your presence before you can even step foot in his peripheral vision. Your eyes find him as well, and both your expressions soften for a moment before Tobirama turns to his students to instruct them.

You approach him as he throws kunais and shurikens at an impossible target far away.

You take a deep breath, trying to steel yourself from the question that you are about to ask. Tobirama notices that you are a bit unnerved, and he glances at you with concern but you smile at him reassuringly.

It is just a question. You should not be nervous about it. The two of you already understand each other's feelings.

However, those facts do not make it easy.

This is still new to you.

"I have a question for you," you start.

Tobirama throws a shuriken with skill, and he weaves a hand sign that makes it multiply into two. You watch as it curves around to hit a target.

"Yes?" Tobirama produces two kunais and holds them with his fingers.

"I...well, I do not know how to really go about it, but I think this is a milestone we should honor?"

Tobirama raises an eyebrow at you curiously.

"Will...do you…" You take a deep breath. "Do you want to go on a date with me?"

Tobirama freezes momentarily, and clumsily throws the kunais forward. He completely misses the intended targets and instead, almost accidentally makes a cactus out of his students. Hiruzen yelps and darts away, pushing his teammates aside.

For the first time in his life, Tobirama has missed a target.

"Sensei!" Hiruzen protests.

"I have trained you all to anticipate dangers from anywhere, anytime," Tobirama tries to make his tone strict, but he fails from his bewilderment.

His students complained at him but Tobirama has turned to you and their voices fall on deaf ears.

"Do you want to go on a date with me?" You repeat, feeling brave.

"No," Tobirama stammers. "Yes."

You stare at him, confused.

"No," Tobirama says again. "Wait."

You bite your lip, and smile at him shyly. "Surprised?"

Tobirama looks at you, incredulous and shocked. "I am at work," his voice is weak just as his resolve crumbles.

The statement is so serious and so ridiculous at the same time, but you remember that Tobirama is like this. He will not be deterred.

Tobirama looks lost and his mouth hangs slightly open.

"Sorry. Bad timing," you turn to walk away but Tobirama grabs your arm and whirls you to face him.

"Stay," Tobirama asks, his hand softly traveling down the length of your arm. "We will be finishing up here soon."

Tobirama quickly retracts his hand, but the damage is done. You are flustered and you cannot look at him anymore.

"Right," you mutter noncommittally, turning away to find a spot to sit. "I'll go that way."

You feel the heat of Tobirama's gaze at the back of your head, but you keep on walking to find a spot that is far away enough so that he does not see the heat of a blush creeping up your neck.

You settle on top of a flat rock, surveying the environment around you and occasionally watching Tobirama teach his students. A small smile spreads to your lips without your permission, and you duck down when Tobirama's head would turn to you out of nowhere.

Your thoughts run through you, but you do not bother to examine them. You have done enough ruminating that it may have affected your nerves, so you allow this moment of reprieve for yourself. Things are going well right now. You don't want to move on at the moment, despite being a person that is always open to change—or rather used to it.

You did not want to acknowledge when you felt it, just as the sun was covered by a passing cloud—the feeling of being watched. The hairs of your neck stand up, and you turn towards the direction of where you feel this pair of eyes watching you, but this is an open field. They would have to be far away.

Still.

You sigh to yourself. Maybe you are making things up because things are going well with you. You cannot live without the trouble.

Maybe a part of you still believes you do not deserve any of this.

You shake your head. You push your thoughts away for now.

Everything is okay.

/

Tobirama stares at you as you sleep under a tree. He admires your features, noting the shape of your lips, your brows, the faded scars that mark your skin. Your head lolls off to the side, and he places his hand under your cheek to catch you. He smiles softly to himself and gently leans your head against the bark of the tree and then he sits beside you.

His students are long gone, and while they give him known looks, he pretends to be indifferent and unaware of their assumptions. He bids them farewell, tells them to practice more with dodging incoming attacks, and now, he is by your side.

Your head lolls to the side again and this time, his shoulder is there to catch you.

Sunlight filters through the boughs of the leaves above, and Tobirama is quick to block them with his hand, covering your eyes so that you do not stir awake.

If it is up to him, this silence and this moment of affection is already a date, but what does he know? When it comes to you, he becomes a fool that hops on one leg, attempting to stand on steady ground.

He feels you stir and he retracts his hand, not wanting to be caught.

"Tobi?" You whisper, your voice etched with a rasp of such quality that he thinks he may never get tired of it.

"Hm?" He grunts, because it's all he can do before he can turn into mush before you. He tries not to think too much about his abbreviated name, which he supposes is his nickname to you now.

"About that date?"

"Of course, we'll have it," Tobirama smiles softly, but he keeps his mirth to himself.

"We need to talk some more," you continue.

"About what?"

"I don't know, about what we expect from each other, what this relationship means to us…" You trail off and you sit up, groggy from your nap.

Tobirama stares at the grass beyond his feet. "Let's take our time, there is no need to rush."

You fall into silence, and Tobirama can tell that the gears in your wonderful head are turning.

"You are right," you agree and Tobirama glances at your smile.

He has never seen such a smile so bright like yours. Not even the sun can rival it.

"I feel like any second these good things that are happening to me have a catch," you admit, and you glance at Tobirama. "Or if I blink, it'll all go away like a dream."

Tobirama listens thoroughly. You stare forward, your eyes a bit misty, but when you glance at him again, they are clear and bright.

"I don't know a good thing even if it comes knocking down my door," you continue.

Tobirama hesitates, but he is glad to know that the two of you are on the same page.

The two of you are opposites, yet somehow, your values and your thoughts align. You understand him, and he knows you like his own heart.

"Me too," Tobirama admits. "I don't really expect much so that I don't get disappointed. Besides, I focused my energies elsewhere, I do not know if I have it in me to make room for more."

Your shoulder bumps against his. "Me too."

A small smile makes its way to your lips. "You're wonderful, Tobirama." You let out a shy giggle.

Tobirama grasps at your hand clumsily, like he is a child learning how to hold and pick up things. "And I could say the same thing for you."

You shake your head. "And you say you're terrible at this."

"I am," Tobirama says.

"So, about that date?" You squeeze his hand.

"Does dinner and a long walk sound good to you?" Tobirama suggests.

"How about dinner, a short walk and then sparring?" You grin from ear to ear. "We have not practiced together in a while."

"That is because you seem to prefer the Uchiha clan leader for these things," Tobirama says, his tone terse. He is unable to hide his distaste around you, especially knowing that the two of you have a close relationship.

Tobirama hops to his feet.

"Are you jealous?"

"No," Tobirama denies and he offers his hand to you. "I observed it, therefore it is a fact."

"Oh, shut up." You sigh, taking his hand. "There is nothing between us."

"Hm," Tobirama simply says as you get to your feet.

"Nothing," you insist. You narrow your eyes at him. "Are we starting now?"

Tobirama's eyes flit to your face. "Starting what?" He glances away.

"Sparring."

Tobirama feels your gaze against the side of his face, glaring with an intensity that sets his skin on fire. Suddenly, he feels your deft fingers grab ahold of his tied belt and his neck snaps to look at you in panic. He is not very used to your advances and a part of him is certain that he will never do.

You pull him closer with his belt, fitting your body against his. Tobirama attempts to lean away to give you space, but you are not giving him a chance.

"There is nothing," your breath fans across his cheek.

Tobirama swallows and he looks back down at you. If he chooses to lean forward, he will catch your lips.

He wants to.

You quickly push yourself to your toes and press your lips against his chastely, but you pull away immediately and Tobirama is not able to savor the kiss.

Before he knows it, you are grabbing him by the belt again, and Tobirama is quite helpless as you put a leg behind him and knock his knees below him.

You throw him to the ground, and Tobirama stares at your smug face above him.

Tobirama swings his leg against your ankles to knock you aside, but you are nothing but persistent and before he knows it, you are rolling to a sitting position and climbing over him.

His hand comes up to your arm to hold you. You smirk above him as your face leans dangerously close for a kiss, but Tobirama pulls your arm and you land on his chest unceremoniously.

You chuckle softly against his neck. "You are jealous."

"Let's have a proper fight after a proper meal," Tobirama suggests. He smiles to himself because you are not looking at him.

"Fine, fine," you grumble and you attempt to stand up.

Tobirama sits up as you right yourself, but then he tugs your arm towards him and he stares at you, contemplating. He wants to gather up the courage to do what you did earlier, but every time he is met with the conundrum that is his beating heart. Maybe you will just continue to best him with these kinds of things. You blink at him, and Tobirama can see the confusion building behind your eyes. He thinks that maybe he should just settle on what he does best, which is staring at you until the air becomes awkward.

You lean forward as an invitation, and Tobirama decides that maybe stealing back the kiss you took from him is not too bad. When you pull away, you stare at him in shock.

He is also in shock. He can hear his heartbeat grow in volume in his ears.

And then, you start laughing.

"Bastard," you utter, an old nickname that comes easy from your lips.

It is endearing in his ears as it no longer holds the insult that you meant in the beginning.

Tobirama attempts to turn away and hide his creeping blush up his neck. He is pretty sure that it looks like a horrible rash at this point.

"Come on, I know just what to make for you," Tobirama gets to his feet first and lets you use his arm to steady yourself.

/

While you ran to the Uchiha compound to freshen up, Tobirama decides to go all out for tonight. He gets the broth going, adds spices (which he knows you like), prepares and washes the vegetables, cuts the meat (he has beef and chicken) and then he makes sure that the rice is cooking, constantly monitoring it so that the boiling water does not overflow from the pot.

He tries not to think about how just one day with you has changed his house. It used to be empty and spartan. It used to be quiet.

What will years with you do to him? He cannot even begin to imagine.

Now, he sees traces of you in his kitchen with the many dishes that he prepares, he hears the echoes of your voice in his hallways, smells you in his bed sheets, sees your strands of hair on his pillows and his bathroom floor and the shadow of your smile behind his teacups.

He almost believed that he does not have the capacity to make room for more people in his heart. It was always just him, his elder brother and their family. Now, here you are, barreling yourself through his closed gates, making your impressions in corners that Tobirama used to ignore lest they deter him from his goals.

You have made his world bigger.

And he has professed that he loves you. He told only the truth, no, he spoke it as fact. It is not just a mere description of feelings, those are puny and temporary in his opinion, but for all of his pursuits to endless question, that is the one truth he allows himself to feel and to be honest about.

Tobirama never had this before. What would a man know before you?

He now has more to lose than ever.

Tobirama does not have time to reflect on that when he immediately knows that you are near.

He feels your feet stamping on the engawa like you do with his heart, and the air around him changes when you slide open his doors and your presence fills his house.

You have always been loud.

It is one of the many things that drew him to you, if he is going to continue to be honest with himself.

Your relaxed sigh is loud, but Tobirama does not mind. He had long invited your little ticks in his life when you first stepped foot in his home.

He brings the pot of boiling broth out into the dinner table, which he had quickly set earlier, and your eyes brighten as you see him.

Tobirama wonders if you know what you do to him.

"Do you need help?" You smile.

Tobirama notices the wet strands of your hair plastering against your neck. "No, I've got it from here. You make yourself at home."

You grin. "That's easy."

Tobirama turns away, completely flustered but he will rather bury himself underground than let you know.

He lays out the rest of the fresh ingredients on the table, and then brings in a hot plate that keeps the broth boiling. He starts to add the vegetables and the meat into the broth so that it can cook, and when he deems it ready, he scoops a bowl for you.

"Thank you," you receive the bowl and you set it down.

Tobirama tries not to look eager as you take your spoon to get your first taste. "So?"

"It is very good," you beam at him and Tobirama stills.

You like his cooking.

Tobirama is not sure what to do with that information. He cannot exactly jump up and down with joy. It is unbecoming of him, and that sort of reaction is not appropriate at the dining table. At least, he reckons. His brother's sons sometimes do it before their mother's admonition.

The two of you eat in silence, but Tobirama is well-versed in silence. He is more than alright with you sitting near him, spending time with him, however long you permit it.

"Are you staying the night?" Tobirama asks as you help him clean up after dinner. He secretly hopes that you do, but he never wants to assume.

You raise your eyebrows towards him. "Oh, my lord , what would the people think?" You gasp.

Tobirama almost grinds his teeth down.

You giggle. "Only if you want me to."

Tobirama knows what he wants, but he doesn't want to voice them out. He supposes that he should. Communication does exist for a reason.

"Do you want to stay?" Tobirama asks, collecting the spoons and stacking them into the piles of bowls he arranged.

"Yes, I will take you up on that offer," you purse your lips. "You don't have to be so formal about these things."

Tobirama shrugs. He slowly puts down the plates. "Can I ask you something?"

"Hm?" You pick up your pair of used chopsticks.

"Why do you live with Madara?"

You roll your eyes. "Madara again? I am starting to think you are more interested in him than me."

Tobirama stares at you, patiently waiting for your answer.

You sigh and glance at the ceiling. "Fine, fine." You take a seat. "It's because I got kicked out of my apartment after missing the bills. After that, things just happened so quickly. I didn't have the time nor resources to find a new place."

Tobirama nods, ready to listen.

"And now," you sigh, and it is clear that this is a topic that bothers you. "It's just easier, I guess. I depended on him so much, and a part of me feels like I can never outrun his protection."

Tobirama saves his questions. Right now, you need him to listen.

"You can trust me when I say there is nothing between us."

"I know," Tobirama ascertains.

"He is like family to me. A part of me still panics when I'm left to my own devices, after knowing him."

Tobirama reaches for your hand and squeezes it. He knows that he cannot tear you away from Madara. It is not his objective to cut you off from the people who care about you. He is glad, despite his long-running spite for Madara, that you are somehow loved and that you are not alone. However, he hopes that you can come to him with anything. In time, he wants you to know that his affections run deep and that he will do anything to keep you safe.

You glance at his hand on top of yours. "Sorry. I know it's complicated."

"There is nothing to be sorry about," Tobirama runs a thumb over your knuckles.

A silence passes over the two of you.

"Do you want to stay here with me?" Tobirama proposes.

You chuckle. "That is a nice offer, and I would like to, but we are just starting to get to know each other. Sleepovers are the way to go, if we're taking it slow."

Tobirama sighs. "Fair point..but in the meantime if you're looking for a place, you can stay here. You know, if you want to. Only if you want to."

You smile. "Of course, Tobirama."

"And if you're ready for it, I will help you look for a new place."

You raise a knowing eyebrow. "I bet you already have one in mind."

Tobirama lets out a tiny smile. "I have a few options, but I will not disclose them until you are ready."

"How romantic." You collect the used dishes once again and make your way towards the kitchen.

Tobirama follows you with his own load of dishes.

While he cleans them up, you sit at the counter, humming to yourself.

Tobirama thinks he can get used to this.

He tries to keep his desires quiet, but he cannot help but want for more, now that he's got a taste for it.

Everything is okay.

/

Tobirama wakes at his usual hour in the morning, the hour before sunrise and before the birds start to sing. The sheets are warm from your body heat, and Tobirama has trouble peeling himself away from you. He knows that many duties await him the moment the sun lights the sky, but for now, he stalls so that he can stay with you a bit longer. He peeks at you in this dim light and he brushes the hair that is covering your face.

He pulls the blanket up to your shoulders, and he shuffles closer so that he can press his lips on your forehead.

This isn't so bad.

Your eyes flit open and Tobirama wills himself to stay still.

You squint at him and check the light in the room. It is beginning to lighten up, and it is making the colors of the room more apparent.

"Shouldn't you be preparing for work?"

Tobirama notices the way you inch closer. He opens up his arms slowly to envelope you and you chuckle lightly.

"Tobirama, you're going to be late," you chide, but you press a kiss to his throat.

It makes Tobirama's blood run hot.

"I have to go," Tobirama states, but he makes no move to follow his words.

"Yeah, yeah," you close your eyes again, and this time, they stay close.

Tobirama counts to sixty, and with all his willpower, he stands himself up and forces his feet to move away from you. He goes through the motions of his routine, aware of your presence in his house, and when he is almost at the door, he notices his sandals next to yours. They have walked everywhere, only to be settled beside yours, and Tobirama takes another minute to stall. He takes it all in.

He is no longer alone.

Notes:

thanks for reading! family dinner coming up next chapter heheeee

kudos and comments are appreciated!

also, comment down below if i should make a playlist for this fic! i'll be happy to share it 3

Chapter 22:

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

"No, keep your sword up!"

You rush forward to halt the practice match and stop the two boys from cracking each other's heads by wooden swords. You lightly push one boy back and hold the other's arm, and when it is clear that you have both of their attention, you confiscate their bokken away from there.

Holding the blade part of the wooden sword, you flip it so that the hilt is in your palm.

"Look, these are wooden swords, but while they are not sharp, they can still break your heads open," you tell them. "You do not have a shield when fighting with a real blade. Your real defense is blocking the attacks effectively, and that—" You demonstrate a proper fighting stance, with your legs bent and apart from each other. You hold the sword with both hands and you align the blade level with your eyes. "—means keeping your sword up. No matter what."

You flip the sword again so that you are holding the blade, and you hand them back their weapons.

"Again. And don't forget to turn your body. Pivot," you smile at them. "It'll make all the difference."

You set their match again, and you stay a few yards away from them, coaching them on the tiny details. When the boys' turn is over, two girls come up, and you notice immediately that one of them is a bit unsure about fighting with a sword. You study her, recognizing that she is one of your potential students.

Miura Mieko. You remember. She has the head, just not the physical qualities, from your observations. Her limbs are uncoordinated, her balance skewed, but you know in time, she can polish her strength. You always believed that it is the mind that wins battles, not just brute force. Tobirama is the prime example of that.

You hesitate handing her the bokken, but you nod at her when she takes it. "Keep your sword up. Don't drop it."

Her arms shake as she holds it up, but she keeps it up, just as you've said. The other girl comes onto her, hitting her sword relentlessly, and while you keep to the sides, you direct your coaching towards Mieko.

"Turn your body!" You yell. "Look at your enemy!"

Mieko uses her bokken to shield herself, and she steps back hurriedly, but falls down after a particularly strong strike.

You rush forward and toss the bokkens out of their hands. You kneel in front of Mieko, looking for injuries, but after a few questions, she is fine, though her ankle looks a bit swollen.

"You'll live," you smile at her. "Work on your balance. You should be able to run backwards without looking."

Mieko looks down at the ground and hugs her knees. You can see defeat in her eyes.

You sigh, and your eyes happen to go back to the crowd. You spot Tobirama with the kids, spectating this sword fighting lesson.

"Look, kiddo," you start. "If I wasn't so nice, I'd kick you out immediately out of this lesson, but we aren't all experts at ten or twelve, or heck, fifteen. We aren't shinobis the moment we are kicked out of the womb."

Mieko looks up and glares at you with tearful eyes. "I'll never be good."

"Yeah, maybe," you offer your hand to her. "But you know what makes an enemy formidable? Their ability to keep standing up no matter how defeated they are. So you better stand up twice more than your enemies."

Mieko stares at your hand, unwilling to take it.

"Come on, kid," you urge her. "There is courage in admitting your weakness, but you'll never overcome it unless you try standing up." You smile again. "Also, I think you sprained your ankle so you really have to go. You can't sit there all day."

Mieko rolls her eyes, but takes your hand regardless. You help her to her feet and let her lean on you while you make your way towards the other kids.

"I can manage," Mieko says and she gently pushes you away from her. "Thanks."

"Sure," you watch her make her way towards her friends, limping and hobbling, but she makes it to them.

You shake your head and sigh to yourself, and then you turn to the rest of the kids. Tobirama raises an eyebrow at you and you try to keep a straight face.

"Well," you begin, but the kids are rowdy and they want to do more than just learn sword fighting.

"Who wants to see me fight Lord Tobirama?!" You exclaim suddenly.

The kids erupt into cheers and Tobirama stares at you, stupefied.

You shrug, but Tobirama makes his way to the ring to pick up a bokken. He tosses you the other one and you twirl the bokken in your hand to get into position.

You hear the kids hold their breath, and as the two of you circle each other, anticipating, time seems to freeze for a second. Not a hair or article of clothing is displaced, no sound is made except for the slow breaths that the two of you let out.

Then, Tobirama strikes first, and his blade slides against yours until it hits the hilt. You press in, waiting for him to put his full weight on it so that you can get the upper hand to offset his balance, but Tobirama narrows his eyes, and he seems to know your next move. You let out a chuckle and you kick the side of his ankle, then push back even more.

"Your moves are getting old," Tobirama comments as he whirls away from you.

You strike and Tobirama quickly blocks, albeit with one hand.

"Well, it's my thing after all," you comment vaguely as you come forward to strike again. This time, you trap his bokken to the ground, and you strike his wrist with a hand.

Tobirama looks at you with surprise as he drops his bokken.

"Good move," Tobirama comments, but the two of you are starting to get competitive. You can tell by the look of genuine disbelief on his face.

You smirk, just to dig it in for him.

Tobirama rolls his eyes and he picks up his sword by stomping down on the hilt, making it flip in the air and landing it in his palm.

"Again," he says and he lowers his stances.

The two of you forget the kids watching and decide to go all out for this one.

Tobirama's strikes on you are relentless and you are pushed to the defensive. He closes in on all your potential attacks by keeping a short distance between you, making it hard to think, but you are used to chaos. You keep your breaths even and everything begins to slow. Tobirama is clearly the better fighter, being stronger and faster and more experienced, but you are not going to give up easily. You did not encourage Mieko with your words only to come up short for it. It will not reflect well on you as a sensei.

You parry Tobirama's sword with all of your strength as he strikes down on you, but with your combined forces, both of your bokkens splinter into each other and they fall to the ground in pieces. You whirl around, using this opportunity to grab at Tobirama, anywhere you can find purchase on—you place your hands on his shoulders and you shift your weight towards your lower body and suddenly, you bring Tobirama to the ground with you and you place a foot on his torso to flip him over your head.

You hear Tobirama land with a grunt, and children exclaiming and hooting for more.

You sit up, and you glance at Tobirama.

He looks at you tersely. He hops to his feet and offers his hand to help you up.

"I am convinced that all you want to do is fight me and break my bones," Tobirama murmurs.

You brush off the dirt from your clothes. "I know you wouldn't actually get hurt."

Tobirama rolls his eyes.

"And I know you wouldn't hurt me either. You're too soft."

Tobirama cringes and crosses his arms. "You're impossible."

You grin. "Also, you owe me two bokkens! These are expensive, you know. Especially the one with the special hilt."

Tobirama scowls, but he relents. "I'll put in an order then."

You swing an arm over his shoulders and laugh. "I was kidding! Those were from the Academy. You're so gullible!"

Tobirama groans and pushes you from him. "And you are too much of a brat. I now get why you teach little kids, they're right by your level."

"You burn me, my lord," you bat your eyelashes at him and Tobirama looks at you as if you've grown a second head. "Weren't you the one to indulge me in this little game of mine, this little game for children?"

He shakes his head. "You did well," he murmurs just as you turn to dismiss the children.

You turn to him and raise an eyebrow. "What's that? I couldn't hear you well."

Tobirama's face withers. "You never listen."

You giggle and attempt to trip Tobirama by tangling your ankles with his, but he proves to be the sturdier person and he just grabs you by the arm as if he is scolding a petulant child.

"Walk with me," Tobirama says. "You said you wanted to get a gift for the family."

Tobirama walks ahead of you, a hand behind his back, and for a moment, he looks older and wiser beyond his years. Shadows cut his face, and his eyes are dark, dark red, like the blood that flows out of the veins instead of the arteries. Then you blink, and the Tobirama in front of you is younger and full of possibilities, a man whose duties and responsibilities aren't much of a burden that you can see them weigh on his shoulders. For now, he is far from that person.

You skip towards him, and you take his hand quietly, and Tobirama clutches at it clumsily, like he isn't sure what to do with it, but he gives in and pulls you closer to conceal your joined hands.

You glance at him, and he side-eyes you, and you cover your mouth as you let out a tiny laugh.

Today will be a good day.

/

While you wander from vendor to vendor, Tobirama walks behind you, observing the carts laid out in the streets of the market. He did not mean to look at it, but he happens to and now, he cannot tear his gaze away from it.

The cart he has his eyes on is a jewelry cart, and a box of rings are on display. From row to row, he sees rings with ornaments on them, some of them are cut from stone or metal, but one sticks out to him the most. It isn't much, and it isn't anything special. Anyone could have passed their eyes over it, but to Tobirama, it stands out the most.

His finger goes over it, and he lifts it off its box to stare at the simple band of golden ring.

"How much for this one?" He asks, lifting the ring to the vendor.

"My lord, surely we can get you a better ring than that," the vendor says. He points towards the rings with the flower designs. "For your paramour."

"She will not like those," Tobirama says, but he stops himself from saying more. "I want this."

The vendor looks at him, but says nothing else. Tobirama pays for the ring and the vendor wraps it and puts it into a small drawstring bag.

"Good day, my lord," the vendor says as Tobirama walks away, pocketing the tiny bag into his jacket.

He glances at you, mingling with the people with your bright smile, unaware of his intentions. There is no rush, and he knows that it may take a long time before the two of you can get to that point, but Tobirama is a man who rarely doubts himself. In time, this ring will not belong to him anymore.

He smiles as he hears you laugh out loud, earning a few glances from the crowd, but you do not care.

You are most beautiful when your face lights up like this, with the people surrounding you sharing your joy. You might not notice this about yourself, but truly, you are loud, and you are loud in a way that captivates everyone's attention. Loud, in a way that captivates Tobirama and nothing else matters.

When you turn to him, your eyes seeking him in the crowd, Tobirama puts one foot in front of the other, as if you are pulling him to you. He isn't one to complain.

Tobirama's heart hurts from feeling too much, but he opens up to it because he feels you more than ever. He feels more than just your chakra.

You have touched his heart, and nothing could make him feel fuller than this.

He tries not to admit it, and tries to dampen the feeling. After all, he should practice restraint. He has to keep his mind together.

He walks you to the Uchiha compound to freshen up and pick up some things, and while the walk is silent and comfortable, the ring in his jacket feels heavier and hotter near his heart.

"See you later," you tell him.

Tobirama nods, and he stares at your face a little longer. "See you at dinner," he says quietly.

You nod, and when you are out of his sight, he walks back to his house to also freshen up for the big family dinner.

He is thrilled to have you over and officially meet his family. He can bear the embarrassment his brother and his nephews will put him through for one night.

/

Madara leans over the threshold of your room, arms crossed and eyes poring over you dubiously.

"Look at you, finally acting like a girl with brushing your hair," Madara muses.

You roll your eyes. "You should practice it too, you have it worse than me."

Madara chuckles slowly. "Don't be crass."

"You know what we should have?" You turn to him slightly. "A family dinner here as well."

Madara rolls his eyes and walks over to you. "That will never happen." He kneels behind you and wrestles the brush from your hand. "Let me. You're doing it wrong."

You look down as Madara slowly combs your hair, his fingers separating the strands that are stuck together and weaving the comb through them again.

You let him do your hair, carefully inserting a jade pin through a low bun. The strands remaining are combed and styled with hair clips to create a curtain that keeps the hair out of your face.

"There," Madara says. "A style fit for a princess."

You cringe at your reflection. "Madara, I look like a doll."

"The best one in the market, I bet," Madara teases, his tone almost fatherly. "Go on, you'll be late."

"Yeah, yeah," you get to your feet and you grab the presents you mean to bring to Hashirama's family. "I'll see you later."

Madara nods and he follows you out of your room. "Don't stay out too late. Keep your head in between your shoulders."

"A grim way of wishing me luck, but I'll take it," you pause, and then you walk up to Madara.

Your dearest friend stares at you, eyes dark and questioning. Then, you stand up to your toes and press a kiss to his cheek.

"Does that mean that I'm truly forgiven?" Madara asks and he glances at you.

"I love you, Madara," you let him know, because you may never get the chance to. There is room for some kind of twist, but you leave it at that. He has given you the love of a family you never had and that is enough. You let him know by these words that you also think of him as your own. No other words seem fitting, for a man like Madara. "I always will."

Madara is quiet as he lets you go on your way. You do not spare him another look. There is no need to. You have said everything you need to say to him.

/

The walk towards Nuga's school of blacksmiths is eerily quiet. The streets are empty, yet you feel eyes on you everywhere. You let out a deep breath, telling yourself that this is just your mind wanting to ruin the good in front of you. You are left alone to your own thoughts, after all, and you have a tendency to self-sabotage.

Well, not today. You will not ruin things for yourself. After all you've been through, don't you deserve a little bit of peace, no matter how short?

You take a deep breath and push the doors open, but it is also quiet. You do not hear even the shuffle of footsteps or muffled voices deep in conversation.

It is quite dark, but you can find your way. You push through the doors to get into the inner courtyards, and you are surprised to find that there is also no light in the compound.

You look for shadows of people, but there are none.

Your heart sinks to the bottom of your chest.

Nuga would normally greet you by the forge, or appear mysteriously beside you, but he does none of that.

"Nuga?" You call out, despite the danger ringing in your ears.

Your eyes scan the corridors, looking for the room that Nuga brought you in earlier this week.

You hurry to it, hesitating to slide it open. "You better be in there, Nuga."

You slide the doors open, and moonlight filters into the room. You spot the sword that you mean to pick up, but Nuga is nowhere to be seen.

You sigh. Maybe he is playing a practical joke on you. Nuga seems like the type to do that.

As you approach the sword, your sandals step on something sticky and thick. You frown into the darkness, but before it can register to you, you trip on something cold and hard. You want to laugh at your sheer stupidity and your unusual clumsiness more befitting of Tobirama, but you cannot as your hands come up bloody.

It takes a second before you realize that you are really staring at blood, and the body…the body that you have tripped over is Nuga.

You let out a yelp as you clutch Nuga, but you know that he is long gone.

You fumble around, not really sure what you are looking for as you knock into more cold and hard bodies. You feel their faces, their necks, but they are all void of life.

"No," you gasp.

Your mind slips from you, and all you can think about is that you are surrounded by dead bodies once again, their blood pooling underneath you.

"No," you murmur. You search around again and you find a lamp and its matches on a bookshelf. You light it and the room brightens, showing you the grotesque positions of the bodies—blue and purple, as if they have been tossed around.

You drop the lantern and you clutch at your stomach.

This is a nightmare, you convince yourself. It cannot be anything more.

You swallow, and you pinch your nose bridge to fight back the nausea.

Get ahold of yourself, you scream in your mind. You take the sword that you asked Nuga to make and you slice your shoulder open, deep enough to wake you from your stupor.

Tears begin to pour from your eyes.

"No," you cry, as you look at Nuga's body. "No, no, no!"

A figure appears in front of you, covering the faint light coming through. The sounds of feet surround you, guarding your exits.

"For a man in his business, he sure knows how to keep his mouth shut," the voice says, and the sound makes your head ring.

You know this voice.

It has haunted you in your dreams, accompanied by your own mother.

"Come home, child," your father says. "It's time."

"No," you say defiantly.

"Your mother is dying. Come home and say goodbye and attend the funeral rites."

"Good riddance," you growl, and you raise your own sword towards him.

You manage to disarm your father, but the men around him point their own swords towards you. You stop, but you do not drop your sword.

"And how dare you share our knowledge with these average men?" Your father says. "It is by your stupidity that they died. We could've only killed Nuga, as he knows a lot about you and our family, but you just had to involve everyone."

"You will never get away from this," you fight your tears back. This is not the time to be weak. "They were just boys!"

"Good thing I am not running, because you are going home, no matter what."

You let out a scream and clash your swords at the men behind your father. You grab at his clothes and position him so that you can use him as a shield, and you lead the fight to the courtyard. The men scramble around like insects in the dark.

Your body goes into fight mode, shutting off everything else except your killing intent. Your eyes do not register how many you've struck down, but you feel the warm splatter of blood on your skin and you are again in the same place as Madara has found you. Flashes of Nuga and his students' bodies cloud your mind, their drying blood clinging to your skin.

Maybe nothing had changed.

All you see is red.

Your father grabs you from behind and you kick and scream to resist.

"You don't want to hurt me," he tells you. "You are still my daughter, and look at how far you've come. Stand down, or I will have to hurt you myself. You don't want that, right?"

You fight back but the grip on you is strong and a part of you is too hung up to think of a better way out.

He's right. You don't really want to hurt him. You never want to hurt anyone else.

"Good," your father placates you. "No more fighting. Let's go home." He stands you up. "Or your beloved friends here will be next."

It is an empty threat as you know that Tobirama and even Madara can best these men without a sweat, but your mouth is sewn shut and this is all it takes to bring you back to that place, when you were young, with your mother's cold hands around your jaw, forcing poison through your lips.

One of the men carries out Nuga's body into the courtyard and you squirm to look away in shame. Your past had caught up to you and it striked at you, hard and fast, like the enemy armed with the element of surprise.

They have the upper hand here.

"Don't you dare take your eyes off him," your father tells you behind your ear. "Remember that they died because of you."

You close your eyes and you lose all the fight in you. You go still, as if that will make all of this go away.

You feel hands everywhere, all holding you and forcing your limbs still as others beat you and hit you with their weapons. You do not let them get a cry out of you, and even when one of them has their foot on your head and their weight behind your back, you do not give them the luxury of your pain.

You feel nothing.

You close your eyes, and lose yourself in the chaos. You are not really your body, you are not really your mind, you are as far away as you can get from here.

You feel nothing.

You are nothing.

Notes:

yikes more dramaaaaa HAHAHAHA did y'all think imma let you rest,,

ANYWAYS the playlist TOUCH YOUR HEART PLAYLIST

also i am feeling better now after having a whole stress-induced episode that led to a meltdown HAHAHH oops. remember to take care of yourself OKAY PLS PLS TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF 333 thank you for reading

and as always, kudos and comments are appreciated 3

Chapter 23:

Notes:

forgive my manic writing and notes hehehe :'

also i wrote parts of these chapters like earlier on while i was writing the earlier chapters and I REALLY REALLY WANT YOU GUYS TO FEEL THE EMOTIONS DISPLAYED IN HERE INTENSELY SO I HOPE I DID WELL SHOWING THATTTTT lols anyways. good luck :'

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Tobirama waits by the door, staring into the night. Behind him, his nephews begin to grow rowdy as their guest of the night is nowhere to be seen. He knows the food is getting cold, as his brother had informed him minutes ago, but he insists on waiting by the door for you. He wants to set aside his doubts for once. After all, when things are going well, life has a funny way of turning that upside down. A part of him thinks that you are running away from him again, running from anything really, because for all the time that he's known you, you are always heading somewhere he cannot go.

However, he trusts you more than he can ever admit. If you are running, he knows that there is a reason, and it will not be because of him.

The question is, do you trust him, to not run, to go to him if you are ever in trouble?

He knows that it is a lot to ask of you, and he will never ask more than you are willing to give.

Still.

"Something is wrong," Tobirama insists, striding back into the living room. It is getting late and you are still not here with him. "She…isn't heading here."

His panic must have been apparent in his eyes because even his nephews are confused and are starting to get uneasy.

Hashirama nods at Mito to get the boys out of the dining room. "Maybe she's lost?"

Tobirama glares at his Elder Brother, despite his pure intentions of calming him down. "No. She is in trouble. I can feel her panic."

Hashirama stares at his brother with concern. Then, he placates Tobirama by placing his hands on his shoulders. "You cannot let yourself feel more of her panic. She needs you right now, and she needs you sane if she is in trouble."

Tobirama takes a deep breath, and he focuses on your chakra, not your emotions, which have suddenly silenced. There is nothing , yet you are alive. Tobirama closes his eyes. He takes a look at Hashirama, and his brother reflects the pain that he feels.

"Inform Madara. Tell him to go north. Tell him that she was taken," Tobirama says, and he takes off to his house to pack.

Hashirama reaches for him, but he is gone and his brother grabs onto air.

He throws his weapons into a bag, his scrolls, and he quickly puts on his armor and saves his happuri last. He stares at it, and he takes a few deep breaths to calm himself. His brother is right. He will be of no help towards you if he is not using his mind. He closes his eyes, and he thinks of where you were before you were taken. He thinks passingly of Madara on his way to you, and even though he does not like it, there is no one else other than him who he trusts that will prioritize your safety than him.

He needs to figure this out quickly so that he can also be with you soon. He promises you that he will get to the bottom of this.

He immediately makes a beeline for the school of blacksmith, and he finds that the place smells hauntingly like rust. He barges in, and he continues into the courtyard, where he sees the inner garden in a mess—footsteps everywhere and splatters of blood on the grass and a litter of teeth where a few bodies lay. Bodies lay in the corridors, the rooms, the hallways and the storage rooms where he knows the weapons stored there were raided. He walks among the bodies, and he recognizes Nuga's body on the ground. He stares at it, and he crouches to get a pulse on him.

Nuga has been gone for a while.

He takes a deep breath and he continues scanning, and he goes into the messiest storage room to get a gauge of what weapons were taken. The smaller ninja weapons are still here, but the drawers for the swords and the chests to store them in are broken or some are missing.

Tobirama goes into the courtyard again, and he concentrates.

Why were you here?

Tobirama tries not to think about you leaving him again.

When he opens his eyes, a glint under the moonlight catches his eye. He approaches it and picks it out of the mess, and raises the sword up into the moonlight to study it. He notices the balance of the sword, the way it just feels right to hold it, and the detail of the hilt—blue waves outlined with gold, and shaped to be a dragon twisting around it. All the marksmanship of Nuga, no doubt, but when he was here the last time, his work wasn't all that impressive. He can tell that the quality of this sword is one of the best he has ever seen. He flips the blade, traces the flat part of it, feels the ridges, and he takes a moment to run his fingers on the Kanji written on it.

It spells out his name.

Tobirama grips the hilt.

He remembers your only words about your family.

"They are a little far north from here, but they're just traders, merchants, skillsmen."

A vague statement that Tobirama knew to be a lie.

They aren't just mere traders.

He remembers the way you disarmed him in your first sparring match, how you beheld his sword and Tobirama's mind begin to connect the missing pieces together. You told him everything about you, told him everything he needed to know about you enough to send him in circles. You always knew how to hide yourself in plain sight.

For a moment, everyone freezes.

You study the blade in your hand.

"This is a very nice sword," you muse, and you strike at the air and flip it, testing the weight. You run a finger on the blunt edge of his sword. "Well-balanced and thin, but very sharp. Excellent for accurate and fast hits...and conducting lightning."

Tobirama's face grows stormy. His fists tighten.

You twist the blade with a slight twist of your wrist, and you hand it with the hilt towards him. "Sorry. I was curious."

Tobirama studies the sword again and he traces his name etched on the blade.

You made this for him. You know how to make the best sword, and you shared that knowledge with Nuga, which is probably the reason why Nuga is killed.

You are best with secrets, and it is only fair that your family is good at it too.

Tobirama's eyes snap up and he wastes no time to go after you. He quickens his speed, using a small amount of chakra to catch up to the headway Madara had already made.

He knows from what little you have told him that your family has been horrible to you. It must be the only reason why you never mention them.

Everything is starting to make sense. No, everything is clearer. From your slow progress as a shinobi from your first meeting, your knowledge about swords and practical combat and learning through fighting rings, to your need to venture out and help others and make a difference. You have been living on the defensive for so long, you trust no one and you never felt safe.

Tobirama knows how that feels like, but he still has family. He still has people in his life who love and care for him, who accept him as he is even though all he does is push them away. They will always have his back, and you never had that kind of support.

He understands your need to run whenever there is trouble because you have always been on your own with no one to look after you, but you no longer have to fend for yourself.

Wherever you run to, he will always run after you, after your footsteps until he is with you. He will run to you and follow you, and he will not rest until you are safe. All he wants is for you to be safe.

You will never be alone again.

/

Your body is sore, and you can barely see out of your eyes from the way your eyes are swelling shut. You feel your ribs ache, and as they walk you to your family's estate, your limp gets worse. There is no way to alleviate your pain, and even though you fall down, the men guarding you just continue to prod and beat you, until you are numb to every force brought to your body, and enough to make you stand on your feet again.

The men throw you into a room, and you immediately collapse on the floor.

Even if it hurts, you curl into yourself.

You cannot believe that you are back in this place again. Even death is a better option than stepping foot in here.

You do not let yourself cry, not in this place at least. They don't deserve your tears. They did not give you anything but tragedy.

You close your eyes to sleep, but it only feels like a wink as women enter your room, carrying new clothes in silk and hot water and towels to clean you up. They sit you up, strip you of the last article of clothing that is covering your body. You quickly cover yourself in shame, but they pry your arms and legs away from you as they lather the hot water on your skin.

They put a cold compress on your face to treat the swelling, and medicine for your other wounds.

You do not give them a sigh of relief or a pained hiss.

To you, they are faceless. All you feel are their hands, touching you, and you can no longer breathe.

You shake as they cover you in what seems like funeral garb, and when they leave, men storm into your room again and they drag you through the hallways until you are finally in a dark room lit with candles.

You look to your feet, unable to face your parents in the room.

You are trembling uncontrollably, but it isn't cold. Sweat breaks through your forehead, and you clench your hands into fists.

"Come, child, your mother is dying," your father says.

Tears pour out of your eyes, despite your will to keep them from flowing.

"No," you murmur, but more to yourself.

Your father walks over and grabs you by the arm, and throws you to your mother's deathbed.

You cannot even look at her face.

"You left us," your father starts. "You must atone, and you must start with your mother."

His hand goes to the back of your neck and you are forced to look at your mother.

"Don't you think we wouldn't know where you are? News of your rebellion throughout the country made her faint-hearted," your father continues.

"We kept you safe from war and from those who would be glad to get your hands on you and rape you, but all you do is defy us."

You bite your lip hard enough to draw blood.

Your mother begins to cough, and a weary eye opens and you feel a scream coming through your lips.

All you see is red.

Your vision gets hazy, and black spots begin to dance as your mother grips your wrist weakly.

You are a child again, surrounded by poison vials. Your mother claims to your father and to the rest of the household that you have fallen ill to a rare disease. Every time your strength comes back to you, the stronger the poison invades your body, and every single time, she has the cure and she makes you better, only to claim that you have fallen sick again. The cycle never ended.

"Drink, sweetheart," your mother says. "While wars rage on beyond us, I will keep you safe because you are mine."

Her cold fingers brushes over your forehead, smooths your hair down and even presses a gentle kiss on your temple.

"It will all be over soon, just listen to us. You will always be safe with me."

You remember the feeling of being betrayed. You were never sick. You were a healthy child, looking forward to a day when you will finally train with a sword.

"You know why?"

Her scratchy voice brings you out of your flashback.

"I love you the most," your mother whispers, and she starts to cough violently.

You stare at her in horror, as she continues to cough, and then, you watch as she takes her last gulp of air, and her cold fingers from your wrist fall away.

Blood rushes away from your mind, and everything becomes blurry. You gasp for air, desperately trying to pull it into your lungs, but you cannot breathe.

The next thing you find yourself looking at is the floor, and you blink slowly before you succumb to the numbing darkness.

/

The funeral is at dawn, but there is no sun.

The rain is cold and cruel, just like the hands that brought you here in front of your mother's grave.

You are unable to speak. You cannot even move with your own volition.

Why did you ever think you can run from your family?

You glare at the grave your mother is being lowered into. You bear the icy rain splattering down your head and your arms. The feeling is unreal to you, like you are just floating away from your body.

Men begin to shovel dirt into the open grave, and you hear your shuddery breaths and your heartbeat in your ear. Your heart sounds like it is being squeezed and water comes through with a squelch.

Your mother never loved you. She loved herself. She loved that you were something she made, that you were her extension, and that she could do anything she wanted to you. The thought of you wanting to do something for yourself sickened her. Your father had long abandoned you, unable to even look at you because you were not the son he wanted.

You begin to feel light-headed again, but this time, you fight through the haze.

You will end everything here, even if it means your death. There is nothing holding you here anymore.

The rain does not let up, but you glare through it, mustering your strength and your anger towards your father.

When the grave is completely covered, you are pushed to walk again, and then you are thrown into a dark room to be imprisoned again.

However, you do not let the people who have come into this room out.

You count three people escorting you, and when they are deep into the room with you, you are quick to grab a sword from the nearest guard to you and you waste no time aiming for their neck. Your body screams in pain, but it is fire to fuel your anger. The only way out of here is to keep standing up, no matter what.

You hear voices break outside the hallway, and then you hear pandemonium, but you do not let your focus wane as you disarm the two men in the room with you. You sweep one off their legs, parry the other one, and then you drive your sword into the side of their chest. Then, you turn to the one on the ground, and you do not even let them scream.

You whip the sword in the air, and then you twist it so that the blade rests in the inside of your elbow. Then, you drag the blunt side of the blade through your sleeve to wipe off the blood.

You have fought a hundred men, and maybe even more.

If today is your last day on earth, then the last thing you want to see is your father's shocked face as you drive your blade into his chest. You want to look him in the eyes and see the fear he has towards you.

You are not going to run anymore. You are not going to be afraid.

And there will be blood.

/

Tobirama lands next to Madara quietly, who is hiding himself from view and is looking at the crowd ahead dressed in black. It is raining, and it does not show any sign of letting up. The rain is cold, but it is nothing to Tobirama and Madara. They have endured worse.

Tobirama scans his surroundings, and he is immediately drawn to you. He has found you, but he cannot let himself feel the relief just yet.

Tobirama feels Madara's gaze on him.

"She is over there," Madara murmurs. "I think this is her family home."

Tobirama observes the stacked building with lanterns blowing away with the wind, and then he counts the people that are in the place.

"She never told us anything about her family," Madara says.

"She did," Tobirama replies, his tone hard. "We just never knew how to listen."

Madara sighs and he passes two swords to Tobirama.

The crowd ahead begins to shift, and Tobirama spots you and his heart stops momentarily.

Even from far away, he can see that you are not yourself. His heart hurts, and it is an emotion that he fears. He has never felt anything like this.

Tobirama looks down as Madara reaches over, with two of your swords in his hand.

"Give this to her when you find her," Madara says. "When we are finished here, I will be on my way."

Tobirama glances down, and he takes your swords carefully. The sword you've made for him hangs heavy on his side, a reminder that he can never rest until he is with you and has ensured your safety.

He takes a few deep breaths to calm himself. There is no need to be reckless. He is not known for being one after all.

He studies the surroundings again, and when he glances at Madara, he sees those red eyes that he despised so much, but that is another problem for another day. He reminds himself that Madara cares about you too. For just one day, he can set aside this difference.

For you.

"There are men divided into those two main hallways," he begins. "She is located at the side building across from the main one, but we cannot enter it without clearing these hallways. You take one, and hold it down. I will get her."

Madara takes one long look at him, and Tobirama glares at the ground to avoid his eyes. "Don't let her down," Madara tells him, and he gets going.

Tobirama holds his breath, and then, he is bursting through the doors, cutting down anyone who dares to get in his way. He feels you moving away from where you are and to the main building, so he dispenses his clones in his wake. He senses Madara's hallway clearing, but he does not pause for anything else. The rain patters hard over the tiled roofs and it falls down to the ground like a waterfall.

He takes note of the main building and he moves towards it, and finally, he sees you. You are stumbling in your footsteps, hair matted in blood, face bruised and cracked, and from his assessment, it seems that your ribs are cracked from the way you are moving. A gash on your shoulder begins to bleed through your black clothes, the appearance wet and clumpy. There is also a limp in your step, and he reckons that you may have sprained something.

You drop your sword and start after Tobirama.

Tobirama is not sure what to do, so he stays there. You keep going past him, and Tobirama follows you.

"Let us get home," Tobirama says, and you turn to him in an alien expression.

No. An expression that you do when you need to wipe out any emotions on your face. Your eyes stare at him and it pierces Tobirama's heart.

"Stop," Tobirama commands.

You walk closer to him, and Tobirama is speechless as you take your own swords from where they are tied to his waist.

"I'm going to kill my father," you whisper almost madly.

Tobirama begins to grow horrified, but he reels his emotions back as well. Any heartfelt declaration is not going to reach you now.

A cold realization hits him.

There is nothing you need or want from him right now. You do not even need saving. You do not even want to run, and Tobirama would have done anything to let you go on your own way right now, but that is the last thing on your mind.

You are going to do this, with or without him.

You turn away from him, and you continue to hobble down the bloody engawa.

/

You take a shaky breath, and you start towards the main building, where you know your father resides. You grip the hilt of your swords tightly to the point that your knuckles are turning white and they jut out like thorns, ready to prick anyone who touches you. Outside, the rain beats down on the engawa and the roof loudly, and it comes down to the ground like a curtain, barring you and anyone else in here from escaping to the outside world. You only hear your heartbeat and your blood rushing in your ears. Your breaths are coming out wheezy, and you are a bit lightheaded, but there is no going back. You put one foot in front of the other.

A shadow steps in your way to block you, and it is only then you are able to snap yourself out of your spiraling thoughts. You first notice his blue armor, the color of the ocean and the sky, and the color that you decided to design his hilt with. His armor is blue, different from the rest of the Senju armor worn. His armor is blue, the color of peace and the opposite of red, the color that has been haunting your vision.

You bite your lip hard enough to draw blood. You have to do this. You have to fight back. You need to take your power back and show that you are no longer that weak child that they abused.

You have to fight back, or you may never get to.

"Don't stop me," you say in a low voice, barely containing your anger.

Tobirama is silent, his red eyes focused only on you.

"Don't you dare stop me," you repeat, raising your voice.

Tobirama grits his teeth, but his voice comes out calm and even. Almost detached. "I won't. I'm here to help you."

Your eyes snap to his face in surprise, and he nods at you with determination.

"I'm here for you ," Tobirama tells you grimly, and you see his devotion reflected in his eyes.

His gaze makes you swallow your words. He truly means his words.

This makes you pause for a little, but then, you nod at him.

Tobirama steps aside to let you through, and you feel his presence on your heels, following you into whatever path you desire to walk into. Your heart begins to weigh heavily in your chest, but you push your thoughts aside.

You need this. You have to. Surely, Tobirama must understand.

You slide the doors to your father's quarters violently, and it slams and makes a racket. It almost flies off its position.

Your father stands up from where he is sitting, and he looks at you questioningly.

"What, come to seek forgiveness?"

You take a deep breath through your nose. "No. Never ."

It only takes several strides across the room to get to him, and suddenly, your fist is connecting with his cheek, making his jaw rattle. You give it all you have.

Tobirama darts out from where he is, but he does not do anything.

"Hold him in place," you command Tobirama, and your cold voice sounds foreign to your ears.

You only see red.

Tobirama does as you say and there is no hesitation in his actions. He takes your father by the arms, and you do not even give him enough time to prepare himself because you are already launching at your father, pouring all of your strength into another punch to the front of his face and his gut.

"You let her poison me!" You shout, and it tears at your throat. "I was a child!"

Each sentence is followed by a fist. Blood splits your knuckles open.

"You left me to die!" Your throat begins to tighten up. "You were my parents! I trusted and loved you!"

You grab at your father's collar, and you pull him to your face. "I needed you!" You grunt as you aim another punch at his face. Every move hurts but you can take it as long as you can exact your revenge.

You draw back, breathing hard. You place your hand on your sword.

Your hand begins to shake, but you are unable to draw it. Your gaze finds Tobirama, but his expression is neutral. There is no judgement in his eyes. He is sincerely here to help you, no matter what action you decide to take.

Your father begins to cough out blood.

You stare at the pattern it made on the tatami.

Tobirama is still holding your father up, silent.

If you go through with this, Tobirama will also carry this with him. Not just you. The thought is enough to make you drop your hand from your hilt. You do not ever want to give that kind of pain to Tobirama.

If helping you was his logic, then he must have thought that he lost you, and that is the only thing that he can do at this moment and really—the only thing left to do. He could have stopped you. He has the means to. It does not make sense because he is a man who puts forth his intelligence first.

A part of you wishes that Tobirama should have just stopped you with force, but then again, would you ever forgive him, especially when you cannot even determine right from wrong at this moment?

"Let go of him," you say in a defeated tone, your eyes still on the blood on the tatami.

Your father collapses on the ground and he gasps for air.

"You are a monster," he chokes out.

"I know," you murmur, and you clench your fists to dig your nails into your palm. The pain is refreshing, and your mind begins to clear. "The apple does not fall far from the tree, after all."

You untie your swords from your belt, and you toss it to the ground. It pinches your heart to let go of such powerful weapons that you had kept close to your person for as long as you can remember, but you no longer want to carry this pain from here on out. Your strength does not come from these swords either. You are free. You have always been free.

"You will never be welcome here," your father says.

"And you will never hurt me again," your lip trembles, but you stave off your tears. You've had enough crying for one day.

You turn your back from the scene, and you walk out of the room in a trance.

Your steps stutter, and you know that you are about to fall.

Tobirama hurries to your side, and you feel him take you in his arms. You are tiring fast, and it does not take long for you to close your eyes, and lean your head on his shoulder as he slips his arms under your legs.

"You're safe," Tobirama murmurs. "You're going to be okay."

You cling to him, and from here on, you let him take you away from all of this.

Notes:

i kinda accidentally almost divided this chapter in half. i realized i had 2 chapter 23s sitting in my draft and im like? WOW I REALLY CANNOT MATH?

ik there's a lot of grammar mistakes, but i'll eventually get to them. i just need to get these last two chapters out of my mind. also, i hope there aren't any plot holes - that is sadly the unfortunate thing about long-fics, but I WILL ALSO GET TO THEM once i go through the story and the outline for this. i hope that the last two chapters can tie in everything about this fic, and also for the rest of the stories in this series since this is the FIRST part despite writing it last,, however I HAVE A REASON FOR IT. EVERYTHING I WRITE IS INTENTIONAL. bc i think this tobirama project is going to get bigger. there ARE so many easter eggs i've put and i can't wait for you guys to connect the dots lols.

kinda want to get into the psychology of the characters since according to the tags there's a lot of implied trauma, and i write them based on how that affects them. BUT THAT'S TOO MUCH WRITING RIGHT AAAAAAAA

i hope y'all aren't going to tire seeing me. i'm gonna be here for a while.

/

thanks for reading! comments are kudos are appreciated, but not required. i hope you enjoyed. see you at the end :)

Chapter 24: III.V

Chapter Text

The storm rages outside the inn. Tobirama sits in the darkness, alone and surrendering himself to his thoughts. So much has happened in a span of two days, and while he is versed in fighting and is used to the arduous conditions that comes with it, these two days felt like a lifetime.

Tobirama presses his palm to his forehead. Today is the first time he has seen you so unhinged and so angry. It shocks him to the core, because you have always been so calm, no matter what kind of crazy antics you are starting. He has seen your strength to keep getting up in times of trouble, but he is even more beholden to the strength you showed to choose to not follow through the vindication you felt. He knows that you thought you deserved to take your revenge.

He also would have done anything for you. He would have stood there and followed your requests like the dedicated soldier that he is to his leader, but you did not use him for any more brute actions. You chose to lay down your sword—literally.

He admires your strength, but it is because of your strength that he has this pervading thought that, while you have meant your feelings for him, it also means that you can do whatever you want to him, and with your strength, you may even leave him any time you choose.

Though, that is the conundrum he keeps falling into. He admires this side of you, too. He just wishes that you can permit him to stay longer in your life. Your choices are your own, and Tobirama, with all his attention to detail and tendency to be controlling, knows that he has to let you do what you will to do. He knows this, but he isn't sure he has the same strength as you.

Yes, he has the strength and the logic to do what is right, to choose what is right no matter the consequences, but with you he is afraid of falling short because he is not certain of his odds. The only constant in his mind is you despite what lays ahead for him. He knows the duties and responsibilities that are being asked of him, but he is willing to do the work, to fight for you so that he does not have to lose you.

Tobirama's heart breaks for you, and the emotion almost frightens him. He has never felt something so profound other than his blind devotion to his family. He is not that used to these emotions, but at the same time, he has never thought about anything so clearly. His mind is not in its normal turmoil anymore. It also includes you, and you push through the forefront of his consciousness.

Tobirama hears the rain splattering on the roof tiles outside. He has had enough wallowing for the night.

He has always been a man of action.

He stands to his feet, and he immediately strides out of his room and down to the next one.

It does not take him long to go to your room—he booked two rooms, not wanting to assume anything—and when he gets there, he pauses just outside your room. Thunder rolls heavy and loud like a thousand taikos outside the hotel.

He hears a small sob from the inside, and that is all it takes for him to slide open the doors and step in. He takes in your fragile form under the sheets, and he notes that you are trembling. You mumble in your sleep, your eyebrows scrunched up and your fist balling up your pillowcase.

Then, you snap awake and you regard him with weary eyes. You curl inwardly to yourself.

"Don't tell me that the famed Senju Tobirama is afraid of thunderstorms," you comment wryly, and he can see your attempt of lighting up the mood, but you do not bother to cover up the fact that you are in emotional turmoil.

He can easily read you now, or maybe, you have let him into your walls.

"I did not want you to be alone," he utters, his voice cutting through the drone of the rain on the roofs.

"I am not afraid of thunderstorms," you reply, your voice tight. You slowly sit up and study him, like you are breaking him apart to hold each piece above your head.

Tobirama feels suspended by your gaze.

"No," Tobirama agrees. He stands in front of you, ready to act on what you ask of him. He is always willing.

Tobirama watches you look to the side, and all he wants is to get closer to you. He steps forward, and slowly, your gaze goes up to him. He sees you trying to put on your mask, but you are failing. He can see the tired lines on your face, the weariness in the darkness of your eyes, and the way your shoulders droop down in defeat.

He sits next to you and glances at the side of your face, gauging your expression.

He is here, if you need to fall for a moment. You can lean on him.

Tobirama hears you gasp, and suddenly a sob bursts through your mouth. He listens to you cry, and while he hates to see your tears, he waits for you to tell him what you want from him.

He did not have to wait for long.

"Can you hold me?" You ask of him.

You never asked anything out of him, but he is more than ready to give and make all your dreams come true. Like a knight bowing in front of his queen.

Tobirama brings his hand up, and he gently brushes the hair away from your face. "You never need to ask," he simply says.

He pulls you to him by the shoulders, and he lets you scoot over to him and adjust your position so that you are comfortable, and then he holds you with his other hand securely to him. You bury your face into his chest to cry, and he can feel your pain racking through your body as his arms tighten around you, but he never once thought of letting go.

You need him, no, you want him here with you. You do not need him, because you are your own person with your own desires, and to want him enough in your life is something Tobirama will not take lightly.

When your sobs have stopped and your breathing has quieted down and settled into a consistent rhythm, Tobirama slowly lays you down to your pillow. He stares at you for a while, and he mends the frown on your forehead by taking his thumb and massaging the line there until it is gone.

"You are not a monster," he murmurs, remembering what your father called you earlier. He takes your hand and plants a kiss on your knuckles. "Though there are worse things in the world. You are good, and if I didn't love you so much, I would tell you and remind you every hour."

"I know a thing or two about nightmares, as I had my share. They are not real, not until you put life into them and let it take over your mind, but I know that you will pull through. I know your strength and I believe in it."

He listens to the sobering rain outside, and his gaze goes to your face again. "Someday, I would like to tell you the hardest words to say face to face, but for now, you must listen through your dreams."

He squeezes your hand and he covers it with his other hand. "I am sorry, and I am also thankful."

He smiles at you fondly. His heart feels so light and so soft. Only you can make this happen.

"Sleep well, my love."

He sits by your side, holding your hand, and he guards you from the nightmares throughout the night.

/

You wake up thirsty.

You are so thirsty that it is enough to open your eyes, and make you sit up. You rub your eyes with your free hand, and you stare blankly at your feet, hating how gritty and metal-like your mouth tastes.

Your restless sleep has left you more tired than you have ever felt. You feel empty, like someone has cut you open and taken all your organs, and then sewn you shut to wander around the world aimlessly. Your head is muddy, and you feel trapped in it; each step requires great effort from you.

Nevertheless, you sit up, because a voice in the back of your head tells you to keep getting up, to summon the last bits of your strength to get up.

It takes a moment, but you do get up—eventually.

You look to your side, and it finally dawns on you that Tobirama is curled up in a respectful distance from you, asleep. His hand is a few centimeters from yours, his whole arm reaching for you.

You remember him coming to you last night, all somber and ready to hold you up.

You hear him speaking to you from a distance, but the words are muffled and indiscernible. You wonder what he said to you in your sleep, but asking him outrightly, a man who has never really talked as much as you, may take a few prods in the right direction.

You smile at the sight, and then your eyes catch the glass of water by your head. Tobirama must have put that there last night. You know how much crying you did, and if you were a reserve of water, you might have emptied the whole thing and dried the water up until the ground is the only thing a man can see. Like an empty, vast desert.

Guilt stabs your heart.

After all that you put him through, he is still here. There must be some merit for that. You must deserve at least one good thing.

You have committed so many wrongs, and yet, despite Tobirama's do-gooder nature, he stands with you.

You glance at the bridge of his nose, and the shape of his lips. You stare at his long, white eyelashes, realizing that without his stiff expression, he is prettier than the hard handsomeness you are used to.

You admire him for his righteousness, but at the same time, you realize that he isn't always like that. Whatever he thinks, he believes that he is in the right. You are also like that, in many ways, but it doesn't make either of you truly right. Tobirama has his flaws, and he is aware of that.

It's the only way the two of you can understand each other like this. There is a vulnerability in that. You both can hurt each other in ways others cannot.

You want to laugh at yourself. Of all the years you've had to put up your walls and your masks, only for them to fall by a man who is also similar to you. You have always thought that the two of you are on the different sides of a pole, but you are wrong.

In truth, he has always seen you for who you are, because he does the same thing and he knows how it feels to build a wall so high that no one even bothers to knock.

There must still be some good in you.

You hope that Tobirama is right. You never want to let him down. You want him to keep believing in you, and you want to do right by him. Always.

You reach over and place your hand on top of his, and trace over his rough knuckles, full of faint scars from years of battle. You squeeze his hand, and with your other hand, you reach for the glass of water, not wanting to wake him by accidentally pulling your hand away from his.

You stare at Tobirama again, not wanting to wake him. Let the world burn for a moment.

This minute with him is yours as he will have with the rest of the minutes left in your lifetime.

Tobirama opens one eye, and then, he blinks. A pair of red eyes stare at you longingly, keeping a hundred words at bay, but he says nothing.

"Did you like your sword?" You whisper to him, as if it is a secret.

"It's perfect," Tobirama whispers back. He lifts his hand from yours to place it on top of your hand.

You share a minute of silence. Neither of you need to talk. You both somehow understand each other.

"How did you know how to make swords?" Tobirama asks tentatively. "From my knowledge, women aren't allowed in the forges."

You let out a small chuckle, but your eyes get teary as you speak. "Shall I tell you a story?"

Tobirama squeezes your hand.

"When I was a child, my mother would make up diseases that ailed me to get attention. She would get the help she needed, of course, but instead of making me better, I would get worse and worse. That is why I hated being sick so much. It always takes me back to my childhood."

You look down at your joined hands and let out a tiny, sarcastic laugh.

"Then, to escape her and hide from her when I got a little bit better, I would go to the forges. No one would think to look for a child there. I would watch the men work from a hidden spot, listen to their conversations and instructions. When I got older, I stole a sword from there. I started to train secretly and a couple of boys from the forge would help me sometimes. I remember that one of them was named Isamu and he actually gave me one of the swords—the other I stole…and well, the rest is history. He would tell me things about techniques, like how to know the right temperature to melt a metal, or how to identify the best metal to make the sword. He would describe the light-handed way he would use to cut the edges."

Tobirama looks down at your joined hands. "You never told me how you got away from your family."

You think hard, trying to remember the details, but the truth is, your mind cannot recall as much. You have so much time to set aside some of your memories in favor of strengthening yourself. "I remember a man coming to us one day. I suppose he looked like you in a way, but I don't remember much."

Tobirama frowns questioningly, and you shrug.

"I remember that he was skilled and that he was a seasoned fighter, but he was very injured. He was also going to die before my family found him. He also tried to help me escape, I think, but the details are a bit off."

"Anyways, one time, my mother figured out where I was going—and well, I was bedridden for days. I thought I was going to die. She kept telling me she was keeping me safe from war and that she loved me. I think the man took pity on me, and then he brought me out, despite recuperating from his heavy injuries, to watch the sunset."

You narrow your eyes. "I think I told him that I've never seen the ocean and the sunset before." The memory is bleak, but you think, if you concentrate on it, you might even conjure it up and live through it again, but alas, your heart can only remember.

Tobirama straightens up, and he tilts his head to catch your eyes. "Now, because of him, you will watch many sunsets. And you've seen the ocean and sailed on it."

You laugh. "Perhaps." You let out a deep breath. "Perhaps he also led me to you."

Tobirama rolls his eyes, but then, he snaps in alert, suddenly remembering something. "Wait here," he commands you.

You stare at his figure exiting the room in bewilderment. A few seconds later, you hear the familiar thuds of his footsteps.

He sits down across from you with his legs crossed, and he presents to you a sword with his palms.

"My brother knows your family's trade, and well, he has one of your trademark swords. It seems that even after all these years, your swords never rust and dull," Tobirama begins, and then he meets your eyes. "I believe this belongs to you."

You stare at it silently, observing the scabbard of the sword. Then, you gingerly take it from his hands and draw it.

It seems that Tobirama has maintained it, despite not using it.

You stare at yourself in the blade, and your lips begin to form a smirk.

You grip the hilt, feel the fibers tightly woven to hold it. Then, you sheathe it with a snap.

"Thanks," you tell him.

Tobirama nods, his gaze holding onto yours intensely.

This time, you do not avert your eyes.

Of all the conversations you can have, you realize that there is no need to fill in the silence with Tobirama. You finally feel at ease, to let him know, even with just a look, that he means so much to you.

There is forgiveness and understanding in his gaze, and you feel his heart by the way his red eyes burn like a hearth.

You are certain that the two of you will have more moments like these.

You are finally looking forward to the future.

/

The journey back to Konoha is easy after you have recovered from your injuries. The two of you run free above the ground, flying to one branch and to the next, racing each other, but not really racing each other. You make up random challenges to get on Tobirama's nerves, but he only rolls his eyes and pretends to complain before joining you on them.

You wish that the two of you can stay like this forever, because Tobirama seems freer outside the walls of Konoha. There, he has his duties and responsibilities weighing on him. They are his anchors to shoulder on and till the soil of Konoha with.

You also want to get him alone with yourself for a longer time. To get to know him deeply, to explore each other and build your relationship even more.

Despite your wishes, you are adult enough to know that nothing is guaranteed, so you guard him to yourself as closely as you can before you let him throw himself into the fire.

Here and now, he is yours.

And you are his.

He leads the way back, but the two of you stop on top of a hill that views the growing village of Konoha.

The two of you stare at the Hokage mountain, eyes toward a setting sun with joint hands.

When night falls, your heart drops to your stomach.

As much as you wished to be home here, to go in there and resume the life you had, it does not feel like the right time to come in.

Tobirama walks ahead, and you watch his back get swallowed by the darkness.

You want to follow him in, but your footsteps stutter.

You stare at the gates, and you take a deep breath, but Tobirama walks out and comes back for you.

"What are you doing?" Tobirama inquires, eyes filled with concern and unsureness—a look that never suits him.

"I can't," you tell him. "I'm sorry. I'm not ready to go home yet."

Tobirama glances behind him, and when he looks at you, you see the hurt in his eyes. "Why not? Come with me. Stay."

You shake your head and take a step back. "Tobirama."

Tobirama steps forward to fill in the space that you left. "Don't leave."

His hand comes up hesitantly to cradle your cheek in his palm. You lean into his touch.

Then, he kisses your forehead for a second too long.

"I'm not doing this again," Tobirama whispers as he leans his forehead with yours. " We're not doing this again."

You laugh to fight the tears coming in your eyes. "You know I will always come back to you."

Tobirama closes his eyes, and then his hand moves behind your neck to pull you to him. He holds you carefully, and then you feel a breath leave his lungs, like he has made a decision.

"Won't you say goodbye to me properly?" You croak out as your throat tightens.

Tobirama breathes in, and then sighs next to your temple. He plants a kiss there, and then he presses his cheek on the side of your head.

"There will be no need for goodbyes," Tobirama proclaims.

Your heart lights into warmth and you lean back to look at him. "Are you sure? I do not want to demand this of you."

"As I will never ask anything of you," Tobirama says, his tone final. "I know I may impose on you a lot, but…"

Your hand goes up to wipe a stray tear away, but Tobirama gets there first.

"I never want to part with you again," Tobirama murmurs. "If you'll have me."

You roll your eyes. "You and your ridiculous grand words."

Tobirama smirks. "You're stuck with them, unfortunately."

You step back and you grab his hand. "Yes, it is very unfortunate."

The two of you stare at the dark path again, only lit by the lonesome moon and the bright stars.

You take a deep breath, and then, the two of you finally step together in tandem, and in the same direction.

/

My lady,

I hope this letter finds you well. Your father has decided to die with dishonor, with his own hand knowing that you have bested him. After that, I was elected by your distant relatives to pick up the pieces that he left—I was the head of the forge before your father's death. I am sorry that I missed your return, I would have done everything in my power to help you. If you are ever inclined to do so, you are always welcome here to return. We will receive you with open arms and give you the hospitality and protection that is due yours. May the day come when you can come back, but if you choose not to, then remember us, for there will be no one else. We are the last of us, you have made sure of that. Please use our knowledge wisely.

Isamu

Chapter 25: Epilogue - All is Found

Notes:

this is actually my favorite chapter, out of all the chapters ive written in this fic lmaoooo i wrote it ahead of the fic, because this was the intended endgame and i just. i wish i was in the same mindset when i wrote this,, i feel like this was just plainly one of the best i've written out and im proud of it TT^TT

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Tobirama has never known peace, despite being a courageous pursuer of it. He has never known peace where his mind is quiet and still, but he thinks that if there is peace—true peace—this is as close as he is to feeling it.

All it takes is for him to climb into the space next to you and form his body to curl around yours, his arm coming up around your waist to pull you closer to him, and he thinks, yes, this can be peace. His lips press upon the back of your shoulder, and then your temple, the action so gentle, yet it makes Tobirama's heart fawn and release a tender breath that everything else falls away. It is just you and him, and that is enough.

There are no such things as curses of gratitude or love. He isn't cursed either. You have freed him, and now his heart beats in tandem with yours, no longer similar to its cold default.

Tobirama rarely smiles, but this is a sight that warrants such rarity. You are next to him, now a witness to the first breath he takes in the morning and the last face he closes his eyes to.

He pulls up your shared blanket up to your shoulders, and he curls further into you. He listens to the sounds outside of the makeshift tent, and then pays attention to the rhythm of your breaths and the way your heart knocks against his chest. Even though you two are not inside the village you call home, Tobirama does not fret. If anything comes, he is certain he can keep the two of you safe, and even though he is haunted by knowledge that continues to itch at the back of his mind that constantly tells him to go, to keep on working tirelessly, for once, he does not act upon them.

You are next to him, and Tobirama is content. He feels at peace, and he would not mind spending the rest of his days just like this with you, travelling and learning the world around him, even though the thought of it feels wrong, as it creates a dissonance in his heart and his mind. He knows he is still a man of duty and responsibility.

For now, Tobirama lets himself forget. Just this once, with you.

/

His hands come up to your elbows, holding you to himself tightly. Your feet are on his, while he balances the two of you on the surface of the water. He feels you slightly trembling, and even though he knows you are truly afraid, you do not hint at it. Tobirama adores and respects this side of you, because it is a sliver of your strength. Despite being thrown into the gutter, you still choose to go through the hard paths, always striving for the most righteous decisions and mindsets. Even if you are justified in your vindication, you are selfless enough to choose mitigation and peace.

Tobirama thinks he can learn a thing or two from you. Maybe that is the secret to the longevity of peace.

"Tobirama, I can't do this." Doubt crosses your eyes, and Tobirama pulls you closer to him, even though there is hardly any more space to occupy.

Tobirama grips your elbows and he looks into your eyes. "Yes, you can."

You shake your head, and you truly open yourself up to him, a sign that you fully trust him. Tobirama sees your fear, and he seeks to calm it.

"I will be here to catch you," he murmurs. "You will be safe."

After a few deep breaths, you take one foot from on top of his and place it on the surface of the waters. He feels your hands grip his arm, but you are able to put both of your feet on the surface of the water. He feels your control wavering, but you are trying and pushing through your fear.

"Don't look down," Tobirama immediately says when he sees your eyes going to the water. "Look at me. Only me."

You choke back a sob. " Tobirama ," you whisper in panic.

"I'm here," he says to you, and he holds your gaze to keep it from going anywhere else.

He monitors your chakra, and when he deems that you are keeping a consistent hand on directing them to your feet, he takes a step back for you to follow. You immediately replace the space his foot was in.

His hands slide down to hold your wrists, and he takes another step.

Slowly, he opens his hands to let go, but you catch his hands with yours, your palms pressing against his tightly, and your fingers slipping through his to entangle them with yours.

"You're safe," Tobirama says again, and each time he means it. You are. He will keep you safe.

"Don't let go," you tell him.

"Never thought of it."

You shake your head, your face slightly relaxing.

"How long has it been?" You ask, your voice shaking a little.

"Longer than before," Tobirama replies. "You can beat your time."

Tobirama steps back again, and you follow, until the two of you are going around in circles on the lake, making it your makeshift dance floor. Tobirama leads and without protest, you follow. You have let go your need to control, and you allow yourself to just be. Slowly, your hands and feet move to start a fluid fight, and this time, Tobirama follows along, he blocks and he catches your fists, directs your limbs into another direction while you fight and recover from his defense, and then the two of you are dancing. Your back presses against Tobirama's chest, and he holds your hands from your sides as your arms cross over your chest.

Your head lies gingerly on the space of Tobirama's shoulder and neck, and Tobirama feels his eyes flit close from the movement.

A willing smile flits on his lips, and he lets go of one hand to send you back with a slight turn.

Your eyes meet, and Tobirama sees your exhilaration and his heart lightens from the sight. It has been a while since he has seen genuine life in your eyes.

Your face immediately falls when your foot slips into the surface of the water, and Tobirama feels your chakra stutter. Without hesitation, he pulls you to him and his arms engulf your body into his to mold you as one.

Your breathing is harsh on his neck, and slowly, he places his hand on the back of your neck to hold you.

You draw back slightly, only to put your arms around his neck to pull him closer to your face.

Tobirama's breath quickens, and he grows almost rigid from your initiation.

You relax into his arms, putting your weight on him, and Tobirama is pulled towards you. Your hand comes up to caress his face, and ever the willing victim, Tobirama only draws even closer.

His breath is on yours, and finally, he kisses you with the rigour of a man whose only purpose to fill is to press his lips against yours. He kisses you, until his last breath, until all the thoughts and words that usurps his time fades into nothing and Tobirama allows himself to fall into that void, into that unknown world where there is just your presence in it.

He only feels you.

Tobirama has never known peace, but perhaps, perhaps , he must have gotten a taste of it, that this is peace, when you are in his arms and his heart beats in tandem with yours.

There is nothing more he could ask.

End.