Scenes from a Marriage

by aumontalc

Due to the Marriage Law of 1999, Hermione Granger and Severus Snape are forced to wed. This story chronicles the following 15 years of their marriage until one day in 2014 it may all be uprooted. The author takes many liberties with the plot of the Harry Potter series.

1. Prologue

The Daily Prophet

NEW YEAR, NEW LAW

JANUARY 2, 1999

A new law has been enacted by the Ministry of Magic today. One day after ringing in the new year, the Minister for Magic along with the majority of senior officials have decided to start the new year with a bang by forcing unmarried witches and wizards to marry.

"Many lives were lost last year due to the Second Wizarding War. The British magical world is in crisis. We need to replenish our ranks. That is why we at the Ministry of Magic have decided to enact the Marriage Act of 1999," Kingsley Shacklebolt, current Minister for Magic, stated during a press conference today.

The Marriage Act of 1999 will require unmarried witches and wizards to report to the Ministry of Magic's offices over the next three months to begin the process of matchmaking. A series of personality and compatibility tests will be given to each witch and wizard. The unmarried witches and wizards will discover who they will marry June 1st. They will have until the end of June to marry.

The law also dictates certain rules that must be followed by the married couples. The rules are as follows:

* Couples must procreate and produce 5 children.

* Couples must have sexual intercourse once a week.

* Couples are not allowed to have separate rooms or beds.

* Couples must spend at least 1 hour a day together. Sexual intercourse will not be counted as part of the hour.

* Couples must answer daily discussion questions over breakfast. Each couple will be assigned their own personal Love Bug to record and send replies back to the Ministry of Magic's office.

* If any rule is broken more than 5 times in a 6 month period, then said couple will receive mandated couple's therapy.

* If a rule continues to be broken after receiving therapy, then the rule-breaking party shall spend a week in Azkaban.

* Divorce is not allowed.

"Five children? Are they trying to turn us into the Weasleys?" A bystander was heard muttering at the press conference.

"How will couples be able to afford five children? It's expensive enough to feed and clothe one child much less five. How does the Ministry expect us to provide for a family of seven?" Belbius Bowler asked.

The Minister hemmed and hawed and said that those things had a way of working themselves out but the point was to build back the wizarding community better and stronger than ever to which the audience responded by booing.

And what is a Love Bug you might ask? A Love Bug is a charmed insect that not only has the power to record your conversations with your new spouse but will sting you with Veritaserum once a week to ensure that you are having the required weekly sexual intercourse.

If you have someone you love, marry them now. Otherwise, the Ministry of Magic will choose your spouse for you and they could be ugly or toothless or your sworn enemy. The Daily Prophet is certain that this, like many preposterous ideas of the Ministry, will end poorly. Very poorly.