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Four years ago...
Rose's P.O.V
"May I have this dance, Lady Lavillant?"
I faced a male who looked around my age. He politely bowed and held out his hand. He was hoping I would seal his offer by placing my hand in his. Hoping to have a chance just like many of the other suitors to have the best lady out of all the Ladies of the Court.
Unfortunately, I am that lady—so I have heard through the rumor mill. They have even nicknamed me Princess of the Ladies.
I would be a fantastic trophy wife for a male. Something for them to show off to other men that they have won a first-place prize in a competition.
Very crude but I am determined to make my family name proud. I follow all the rules of a lady. I treat everyone with kindness (even if they do not deserve it). I keep our reputation in stunning shape.
Yet...the hardest part about all of this is finding a suitor.
At first, I assumed I was attracted to personalities and not looks. Maybe, the reason I do not like any of the male suitors is due to their awful behavior and big heads.
None of that was the case.
My problem had nothing to do with men.
Instead, I began to see women in that light I was supposed to be seeing men in.
There were a few I was drawn to without knowing why—even snobbish girls I found attractive. I did not understand why I felt such emotions towards women. It was very wrong and inappropriate. It went against the rules of a lady.
I did not know such feelings existed until soul searching. I cannot help it though. I cannot help this one flaw that keeps me away from being a perfect lady.
Was it truly a flaw though? Was it so bad to like the same gender?
Unfortunately, it does not matter. I know what everyone will think. I cannot let anyone know or they will look upon me with disgust. Then, our family name will crumble and I will be sent to the poor section.
I have to force myself to play along and like men. I have to push past my feelings—my boundaries—or...what was the point of all this? My whole life I have had the rules of a lady drilled into my head and spent endless days working up to this point.
Everything I worked for would have been all for nothing. My life would have all been a waste of time and a lie. The mask I built over the years and hide behind would be thrown away like garbage.
So...why does my heart want so badly to back out of the ways of a lady? My head knows these emotions are wrong even though they feel right. My mind and heart are at battle with each other.
I smiled at the gentleman, "I am flattered by the kind offer but I wish not to dance at the moment."
He did not seem very pleased. The male scoffed and walked off, no longer interested in me.
"Was that the right thing to do?" I thought, knowing very well that my mother and father would not be pleased by my rejection. To tell the truth, that was the first time I have ever dismissed an offer to dance. I frowned, wondering if this decision will come back to haunt me later.
"Rosemary."
Brought out of my thoughts, my attention sought out the person who whispered my name. Around the corner of a nearby hallway, Marinette poked her head out and gestured for me to follow her.
"Oh," I thought, realizing that my heart fluttered a bit. I brushed my hand over my chest where my heart is located.
"Why do I feel nervous?" I thought before sneaking away with Marinette.
Marinette and I have known each other for nearly a decade now. We have been very close friends since the day we met.
We have had sleepovers, snuck away from parties to play throughout other parts of the mansions, and wrote letters to each other. Those days were past though yet we continue to be friends nonetheless.
Everyone thought Marinette was a social disgrace. Yet, she is the only person I have ever truly felt comfortable being around. She was real and did not fake anything.
"These parties only continue to grow worse all the time," Marinette complained.
"They are not so bad..." I trailed off, not wanting to finish the rest of the reason. The reason that I only ever get to see Marinette anymore was because of these parties.
Suddenly, I could feel nerves starting to rattle my bones. What if Marinette thinks that I am bizarre for having these strange feelings towards females...especially directed towards her the most? What if she would not want to be my friend anymore?
"Rosemary, are you okay? You are being very quiet," Marinette questioned, concern lacing her voice.
Something in my stomach did a little flip, both from being caught and a bubbly sensation.
"I...am unsure," I honestly answered, "I am not prepared to speak about my problem at the moment. I would like to figure things out on my own for now before telling you. Is that alright?"
Marinette smiled and hugged me.
"Of course, it is. Whenever you want to talk about it, do not hesitate to seek me. We are good friends, after all," Marinette assured, pulling away.
A dullness loomed over me like a storm cloud at the mention of just being seen as a "good friend." Was I really wanting something more from Marinette? Would she want it? Would I truly want it?
Marinette grabbed my hand and guided me down the dark hallway.
Do I have some sort of romantic interest in Marinette?
I just recently found out about my desires for the same gender, feelings I never knew existed until feeling them.
But I knew it was something I cannot pursue.
I am supposed to be looking for a male suitor. My parents would never let me go for a female. I would be shunned by my family. By the whole wealthy section. Possibly by Marinette.
I would lose everything I worked my whole life for.
I had no other meaning or purpose except the one I was trained for. Now, my feelings might just break the future I have been building forever.
Having a crush on Marinette may lead to my downfall...and it all might be for nothing.
As far as I can tell, I do not believe Marinette has mutual feelings.
If anyone discovered it, it only takes one person to spread the news. The juicier the gossip is, the faster it will spread like wildfire. For now, I have to keep this a secret. Maybe, I'll tell Marinette one day about this but this was not the right time.
This feeling still confuses me. I would like to learn to understand it before I make any rash decisions.
"Where are we going?" I asked. I tried to decipher our destination by gathering hints from the hallway's decor.
Marinette and I have run through the hallways of the Dupain-Cheng mansion many times when we were little. We were either going to Marinette's room or the garden.
"Right here," Marinette said, walking over to a wall.
"Ah, the secret passageways," I thought. I forgot how fun it was to sneak from room to room through them. Those were some glorious times.
"We will be able to sneak to the lower levels of the mansion without anyone stopping us," Marinette explained.
"What about the workers?" I questioned.
Marinette shrugged, opening the hidden door, "They do not mind and pretend they saw nothing."
Marinette winked at me, making me a bit flustered.
"They are very kind people. I do wish more people treated them with the same kindness," she added. A frown made itself evident on her features.
"I do agree. It is not right how they are treated by the wealthy folk," I said.
Her smile returned before grabbing my hand. My heart skipped a beat as she gently pulled me into the tunnel.
"Come now before the guards show," Marinette said before shutting the door behind us.
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I made a terrible mistake.
I do not know how but my secret has been exposed. The rumors spread throughout the poor section. My family and I had started noticing a shift the moment everyone was looking at us with disgust—or more of ME with disgust.
It grew worse when we were getting fewer invitations to parties and young adults my age were making fun of me behind my back.
How was my secret discovered? Was I really that noticeable? I thought I was doing pretty good at hiding my interest in females.
Yet, here I am now.
I paced my bedroom, anticipating my parent's arrival. I know they are going to be infuriated and beat me to the pulp. They will teach me a lesson to be normal instead of a freak. That I have something wrong with me. That I am dumb for thinking such nonsense and actually do like males.
I have done some more soul searching with these feelings. I understand them better now. I know what I want—what preference of gender I like.
My parents do not care about what or who I am supposed to like. They only care for their precious reputation.
I damaged the family name to the point that it is unfixable. Our reputation has burned in the wildfire of gossip and all that is left are the ashes.
Now, I will pay the price for something I cannot help.
I flinch when the door to my room suddenly burst open. My parents stomped into the room, burning rage making itself evident on their faces.
"You insolent child!" my father yelled, "This is all your fault! Our image has been tarnished because of you!"
"What were you thinking?!" mother followed after.
"Your delusional flaw has made us look like scum. Uck! Even I am having a hard time looking at a disgusting thing like you. Having romantic feelings for females? Are you mad?! What blasphemy has made you believe such ideas?"
I staggered away from them. A wave of panic clenched at my lungs, making it hard to breathe. The thrumming beat within my chest pounded at a speed I did not think was possible.
"No...I...I apologize. I can be-be good. I...I can do better. I can fix our reputation," I promised, fear spiking as the space between me and my parents was closing.
My father growled, grabbing my wrist. I let out a squeal of pain when his grip tightened to the point I thought the bone would break.
"Unfortunately, you cannot fix what you have broken—what you have ruined about yourself," father spat.
"That is not tru-"
I was cut off by a smack. I fell over as the side of my face began to sting. I was so taken aback by the assault that I froze. My shaking hand hovered over my throbbing cheek where he slapped me.
"There might not be a way that you can fix yourself but there might be a way we can fix you," mother said, earning my and father's attention.
"Hopefully, the rumors will only stay rumors and will eventually pass. Then, we will arrange you with any suitor desperate enough to marry you. It will rebuild our name from there and will be proof that your mentality is not lost."
I quickly sat up, seeing my chance to fix myself and clean everything that I ruined. I can return to being everything the wealthy want of me—everything I have worked for.
The only thing I know.
"Yes..." I immediately agreed, desperate for a chance, "Yes...I will do anything! Please, fix me so that I may mend our name! What lesson do I need to learn? Where can I find the books to study my problems? I want to redeem myself. I beg of you, help me."
"Child, this lesson is not in any text. The only way you will learn is through experience. You are mentally ill in the brain and need to be cured," my mother stated, nodding at my father.
My father seemed to know what my mother had implied before she began to walk towards the door. I did not understand what silent agreement they just made but I am sure I was about to find out.
It made me very uncomfortable. A terrible feeling was swirling in my stomach like I had just signed my soul away. What had I just agreed to? What am I about to be taught?
"This will teach you that you do not have any romantic feelings for females and truly do for males," mother declared, placing her hands on my doors, "Tell me when you are done and what you have learned tomorrow."
Mother closed the doors, leaving only me and my father in the room alone.
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My door clicked shut, announcing my father's departure from my bedroom.
It was currently the middle of the night. I laid in bed feeling achy and disgusted with said punishment—my lesson. What did that "lesson" even teach me?
A numbness settled around me like the blanket covering me. I shivered but it was not from the chill of the room.
Such disturbing flashes of horrid memories scarred my brain. I just wanted to forget the trauma, the ache, the phantom touches along my body, the awful grossness of being in my skin.
Everything that happened!
My stomach churned in torment, nausea began to rise. I scrambled out of my bed onto shaky legs. I hurried over to the closet bin and released the bile inside. My throat already hurt from screaming so much and the added acidic heat made it worse.
The horrid experience caught up to me in a blink. I sobbed on the floor, grabbing a hanky off my nightstand to wipe away what was left of my sickness.
"Why?" I thought, "I did everything right. I did everything they asked of me and did not complain. I endlessly molded myself into the perfect lady they expected me to be. I even tried to hide those conflicting feelings."
I reached out for my clothes and put them back on. Just the thought of being exposed like that was humiliating.
I stumbled to my feet once again, still sore from the assault. Yet, I ignored it and pushed on. I was about to leave my room but heard voices outside the door. The quiet voices of my parents conversing.
"Good," her mother's voice stated, "This will hopefully teach her that she is attracted to men and not women. But if she still does not understand, we will sell her."
I stopped listening. My skin was drained of color in the realization that no, I did not learn anything but pain. That no matter what I do will never be enough...it never has.
I am just as ruined as our family name.
A little, rebellious voice in the depths of my head yelled at me to escape. I have constantly blocked out this voice, ignoring it to prosper. Yet, its idea was very tempting.
Escape the mansion and run far away. I could have a new life and not be under the firm grip of anyone's control.
Without a second thought, my body moved on its own. I silently moved around my room and only packed necessary essentials: clothes, a blanket, a pillow, and jewelry to later sell.
Luckily, my room was on the first level. I knew the guard's schedules and where they would be at this time. I thought it would impress my parents if I memorized the guard's s chedules but it hardly earned a glance. I suppose it was worth it for this occasion.
Slinging my bag on and having changed into clothes for easier maneuverability, I pulled up my hood and was ready to go. It was now or never while there was a small gap in the times the guards switch shifts.
I escaped out my window and tried to stay low near the brush. I just had to make it through the garden to a hidden emergency door. I winced when accidentally stepping on a branch but was relieved when no one was around.
Eventually, I opened the door and was met by the streets of Paris. It was dark out, making the streets eerie and unnerving. I have never truly been out on the streets before, only seeing them within a carriage or wagon.
I did not know where to go. I just knew I had to get far away from here and pray that I will be okay on my own.
I shut the door and walked away. I looked at the mansion one last time and felt nothing. I disappeared into the alleyways, searching for a place to temporarily reside.
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My stomach growled in hunger again.
I have lived on the streets for almost a month now. I was hoping to find a home before I ran out of money and jewelry to sell. Yet, I only have one bracelet left and it would not be worth much.
No one has come to look for me, much to my relief. I did not think they would since no one cared enough to put in the effort.
I was making my way down a secluded street when I heard voices talking. I peeked around the corner, seeing a man handing over a pouch to someone concealed under a cloak.
"Now, I want my end of the deal," the man spoke in a raspy voice. I watched as the person wearing a cloak began to chant before the man disappeared in a puff of smoke. I was left agape, astonished by what I just witnessed.
"That person...they can do magic!" I thought, truly enthralled by the spectacle, "Why is something so beautiful outlawed?"
"Good doing business with you, little witch," the man's disembodied voice said.
"A witch! I thought they were extinct?" I said in my mind.
The witch did not say a word and scurried away. I quietly followed behind, wishing to know more. The witch seemed to sense me and began to run.
"No! Wait!" I called, running after the witch. The witch continued to flee but I managed to keep up with them.
"Stay away!" the witch yelled, coming to a halt and threatening me with a vile filled with bubbling lime-green liquid. I stopped and was able to get a good look at the witch's face.
The witch was a girl, seemingly around my age. Her hair is an ebony color with some purple highlights covering her one eye. She is quite tall and had big, doe-like eyes.
Honestly, she was both adorable and cool-looking.
"Stand down or I will use this. It will melt your skin until there is nothing left but bone," the witch warned.
"Please, I just wish to talk," I said.
The witch gave me a hesitant look before lowering her guard a little, "What of?"
Little did I know that this moment would lead me down the path of magic and become known as the criminal, Princess Fragrance. The witch, I have come to know as Juleka, would be my mentor and...someone I see much more than that a friend.
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