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Ladybug's P.O.V
"Miraculous Ladybug!" I shouted, releasing the power of creation to heal what was broken.
Surprisingly, the battle was quickly won...
The Akuma was so easy to beat...
How pathetic is that?
How shameful am I to let such a weak foe kill so many? This battle could have ended without any tragedy if I had not hesitated. So many servants, guards, and my father are now dead due to my ignorance.
And there is nothing I can do about it. My powers cannot bring back the dead. That is against nature's laws.
I almost feel numb to this. How terrible.
I have always wanted to be a hero and protect those who cannot protect themselves. I wanted to learn how to sword fight so that I may one day fight with just as much valor as father had.
I thought those dreams would never become a reality and turn to ash along with the wooden saber mother threw into the flames. That was until I met Tikki and the heroes.
They gave me a chance to be a hero and have been training me to improve my fighting skills.
I would like to say that I have come far in a short amount of time. That all my training has paid off.
How can I though with all this death surrounding me? Civilians, friends, and family who trusted me to protect them are now deceased.
How can I be proud of myself for this? How can I be worthy enough to call myself a hero after all this?
"Ladybug?"
I was startled out of my thoughts and faced Chat Noir. He was frowning and had a worrisome look on his face. He let out a sigh. The cat hero placed a hand on my shoulder and guided me into a hallway.
"Rena, we are going to train. We shall rendezvous later," Chat informed the fox hero.
Rena Rouge had been talking with the servants but paused to confirm she heard. Rena seemed curious but was pulled back into conversation with the servants.
"R-Right now?" I questioned, surprised by the sudden practice arrangement.
"Is there an issue with doing it right now? My mistake. I should have considered that you may be busy," Chat Noir said.
"No! That is not it at all! I was just not expecting to waltz off for a training session after...after the Akuma," I explained, recalling the horrible memories, especially father.
Should I not be mourning my father's passing? Should I not be sad like when I lost Master Fu? Should I not be crying right now? Why do I feel...nothing? Is there something wrong with me? Am I still in shock from it all? Did I ever truly care about him? Maybe, it is due to his lack of presence in my life?
He was like a nice acquaintance that I knew little about.
"Do you really think it is the best time to train?" I asked.
Chat Noir seemed to be studying me for a moment before nodding, "Yes, I believe it is the perfect time."
I raised an eyebrow at him but continued to go along with whatever he had planned. It definitely beats hiding in the lower levels and expelling my negative emotions by hitting a mannequin with a stick I deem a "saber." Although, that may be the safest option.
Chat Noir and I arrived at our usual spot for training on top of the Arc de Triomphe. Chat handed me half of his baton.
We bowed before our training began with the sharp, clanking sounds of metal colliding.
"Third form...fifth form...first form..." I recited the forms in my head. The fighting turned into a blur and I relied on muscle memory. The memories flashed in my mind and changed with every collision of our weapons.
Every gruesome imagery both crushed my soul and ignited a fiery rage within me. Memories can be such a wonderful and cruel thing. Sometimes, there are moments I will forever treasure. Yet, there are also the ones that torment me constantly. Whether it haunts my dreams or just pops up in my mind years later.
These scars will always linger on my brain.
A horrible reminder that I cannot save everyone.
"Ladybug!"
With one brutal swing, Chat Noir fell back and had a baffled look on his face. I pointed my half of the baton at his head and breathed heavily. Chat once again studied me as if the answer would appear on my face.
"What is he trying to uncover?" I thought, relenting the staff. The cat hero stood up before enveloping me in his arms. I was so stunned by the sudden affection that the baton slipped out of my grasp. My cheeks grew warm at the contact.
"Wh-What is this for all of a s-sudden?" I asked.
"You looked like you could use one and the face you were making was very familiar," Chat Noir explained.
"Familiar?" I questioned in confusion.
"Yes," he confirmed, "it reminded me of how I used to look after losing the Ladybug before you. I may be wrong, but did you lose someone precious to you?"
"Ah, I now see why he wanted to train," I thought, "He wanted to tire me out and expel my anger through fighting."
The exhaustion finally caught up to me and faded away the shock. I could not help leaning my head on his shoulder, feeling so much comfort from it. Tears welled up in my eyes before gliding down my cheeks like rain.
Chat soothingly rubbed my back and laid his head on top of mine. I could not help returning the hug, burying my face deeper into his shoulder.
"It is okay. It is not your fault," he whispered to me. Was he a mind reader?
"Yes, it is," I cried. My chest felt so heavy and filled to the brim with sorrow. It ached from my sore heart constantly taking emotional damage from this war.
"No, it is not. It is Hawkmoth's fault," Chat reminded me, "He is responsible for this war and all its loss. You did your best and that is all anyone can ask of you."
"No," I denied.
Chat Noir does not understand how horribly I failed to protect those people. If I had kept going instead of freezing, there would not be so many who died. I may not have been able to save my father but I may have been able to save those workers.
"I am unworthy to be a hero. I hesitated and that is what cost so many lives. I ran like a coward. I do not believe Master Fu picked the right person to wield the Ladybug Miraculous," I argued.
I pushed Chat Noir away. I do not deserve his comfort or pity. I do not deserve to wear these earrings. I reached for the ladybug earrings, only to be stopped by Chat Noir.
"What are you doing?" the blonde questioned as if what I was doing was crazy.
"You have to find someone else to be Ladybug," I told him, "I am in no way perfect for this role. I will only continue to make mistakes and risk more lives. You have to choose someone else."
"I will do no such thing," Chat firmly stated.
"Do you truly believe Master Fu did not choose you for a reason? Why he picked you out of all the thousands of people in Paris? He even wrote it himself that the other Ladybug was not the one destined to wield the Ladybug earrings. You are."
"I am sure Master Fu and the other rebels would have preferred her to be the chosen one rather than me. And...and so do you," I replied, voice cracking.
"That is far from the truth!" Chat expressed.
"You had called me a phony. That I would never be like the original Ladybug," I argued, earning a wide-eyed look from him, "The truth may be closer than you think."
"I was wrong doing so. I have learned my lesson and should have never done so in the first place. You did not deserve such cruelty. I was very upset at the time but that should not give me an excuse to take out my anger on you. I am truly sorry," Chat apologized.
"You are nothing like the last Ladybug. That part is true. I am not saying this in a bad way so do not twist my words. What I am trying to say is, I do not want you to change who you are. I just want you to be yourself and no mere replica. You are wonderful just the way you are. I could never ask for a better partner."
Chat Noir's words were genuine. The hurt expressed on his face proved it. I relaxed in his grip, wanting nothing more than to turn his frown upside down.
As much as Chat was irritating me, I could not help wanting to still make him happy. Strange how this affectionate feeling works. It is just as confusing as magic.
"Ladybug," Chat continued, earning my undivided attention.
"I do understand how it feels losing people you could have saved. Witnessing people you care for slip through your fingers. I could not save Master Fu or the last Ladybug. I just froze and watched from afar..."
Chat trailed off. His eyes were pinched shut. The ears atop his head fell like a saddened cat's ears would. I could tell by his pained expression that he was rewatching that moment again and again.
"I know the feeling of wanting to run away from the problem and never look back would be an easy choice. I would not have to carry the responsibility of being a hero anymore. But I will forever carry the burden of war and guilt on my back. Abandoning those who need help is the coward's way out.
That is something I will never be able to outrun. I do not think I could live with myself if I did do that. As awful as the feeling of losing lives is, leaving would be much worse because I can still do something—I can still save lives. I can still fight. For doing something is better than not doing anything."
I gaped, staring at him in awe even after his speech. Even when the world seems to burn around us and bodies continue to pile up one by one, Chat Noir continues to fight. He had once lost all hope when I first met him and has somehow regained it over time.
It is very inspiring how burned down he was only the rise again from the ashes like a phoenix.
"So, please stay and fight with me—u-us!" Chat jumbled over his words.
I noticed his cheeks growing slightly pinker under his mask. My heart leaped, having noticed the mistake. A surprised squeal was caught in my throat and made me cough a bit.
Yet, I began to smile and giggle. Chat eventually joined in. The awkwardness seemed to fade away as we sat on the edge of the structure and gazed upon the brilliance of Paris.
"What a crazy ride this has been?" I thought, glancing at Chat Noir. His posture was relaxed and his wild hair shook from the breeze.
Chat Noir really has been by my side through thick and thin just as I am there for him. I cannot believe I almost gave up on someone that actually cares about me and kept my dreams in my sleep. The one good thing in my life.
"All my life, I have been treated differently. I was an outcast no matter where I went, even in my own home. But you all make me feel like an equal and gave me a home I can fit into," I continued.
"No one asks me to change a single thing about me. No one punishes me for being myself or for making mistakes. You all encourage me to improve and fix them. While I am still weary, I think I will continue trying to be Ladybug."
Chat Noir's eyes were ecstatic and a lopsided smile stretched wider. He slung an arm around my shoulders, pulling me into his side. I could have sworn I heard a low rumbling coming from his chest but it was gone before I was able to pinpoint what it was.
"That is fantastic news," Chat Noir exclaimed, joyfully.
I am baffled by his enthusiasm. Did it really make him that happy hearing that I would stay? I am sure he would have had the opposite reaction if he still acted like he did when we first met. Now, he is a completely different person. I wonder why he had a change of heart.
Still, I could not help the joy-filled smile blossoming on my lips and the fluttery feeling swelling in my chest. I am sure my cheeks are the same shade of red as my suit.
I suppose I had a change of heart too.
"Besides, I did say I would help you with the young one, Kitty," I replied, "It would be very dishonorable of me to back out on my word."
"O-Oh yes! The little girl," Chat Noir agreed, sounding like he forgot for a moment about the small child in his care.
"Speaking of her," I started, standing up, "I would like to see how she is doing."
I reached for my yoyo but was stopped by a hand grabbing my wrist. I blushed at the contact and locked my eyes with acidic green ones.
"No—I mean," Chat quickly said before letting out a breath, "Can we stay here a little while longer? Just the two of us?"
My breath caught in my throat, and I felt my face starting to burn hotter. He asked in such an adorable way. The stone-hearted cat was looking like a sweet kitten. I never thought I would see the day.
Yet, I was too busy freaking out over the fact that he wanted just the two of us to sit here longer together and without anyone else.
"Uh-huh, th-that is a l-lovely idea!" I agreed a little too quickly. I returned to sitting next to Chat Noir and was curious about what this outcome meant.
We fell into silence and just continued to drink in the scenery before us.
What was his purpose in asking me to stay here longer with him? I am not complaining but it makes me wonder...
I glanced over at the blonde hero and scanned him as if the answer would magically write itself out. I could not tell what he was thinking right now. He seemed dazed and lost in another world in his head.
"Could he be thinking about me right now?" I thought, "No, that cannot be it. He does not see me in that way...right? Chat probably just wants me to relax after such a long day. Maybe, I am overthinking this. I do not have to mistake his kindness for something else."
The sudden reminder made the gray clouds return and hover over my head. While I did not feel as terrible as before, the pain lingered around my very soul. All those poor people and my father...
"Hey, Chat," I started. He hummed in acknowledgment.
"What are your parents like?" I asked before quickly adding, "Y-You do not have to tell me th-though! It is a personal q-question and might give so-some hint to your identity-"
"Woah, it is okay," Chat assured, resting his hand on my shoulder, "I actually never knew my parents. Not really."
My face fell at his words but he smiled.
"Do not worry. I am not sad about it anymore. I had Master Fu as my guardian and the rebel team as my closest friends after all," Chat explained.
"I am glad that you have a family that will treat you as such. I mean, I assume none of you are blood-related but you have such a close bond. I am a bit jealous," I admitted.
"Do you not have a good relationship with your parents?" Chat asked.
I stiffened and looked away. Was I really that obvious? Of course, I did admit I was jealous. It is just so easy to talk with Chat Noir. But I have to keep my identity a secret. I can only give vague information.
"Not really," I answered, "It has been so nice to be with all of you guys. You treat me more like a family than my blood relatives ever did."
"I am glad you found your way to us. You are always welcome at the hideout whenever you need a place to seek refuge," Chat Noir said, "You are a part of this team which makes you a part of our family."
Those words meant more to me than he knew. I have never felt welcomed as a guest much less in my house. Never has anyone made me feel so belonged. Leaving the life of the wealthy behind never sounded more tempting.
I laid my head against his shoulder and locked my arm with his.
"For that, I am very thankful," I said. I snuggled closer to him. A warmth bubbled in my stomach when he placed his head on top of mine.
I wish this moment could last.
I wish I could choose who I can be with. The constant reminder that I am engaged to someone
—something— else poked at me like a thorn in my side.
Although...things could change now that my father has passed on to the next life. Maybe, there is still hope that awaits me for a better future. Maybe, the engagement will be called off. Maybe, mother and I will be sent to live out the rest of our days in the poor section.
Maybe...I will have a chance to be with Chat Noir. But I would like to know who is under the mask before I consider anything. I know he is a good man but I would like to know the entire person rather than just half. I hope that happens someday.
"As much as I enjoy our time, I would like to see the little darling before anyone notices my disappearance," I replied. Mother and Rose are probably the only two that know what happened to me.
"Very well," Chat agreed, grabbing his baton, "then I shall beat you there."
Chat Noir fell off the structure before vaulting himself across the buildings.
"Hey!" I playfully shouted, grabbing my yoyo, "No fair, you cheater!"
I laughed, swinging off towards the poor section as fast as I could.
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