My Beautiful Doll

Warning: Some descriptions about being assaulted (minor) and some suicidal thoughts (minor and near the end). If any of this triggers you...DON'T READ.

A/N: Heyyyy! I almost forgot to post this today because I was basically completely dead. Had to attend a wedding yesterday and now it feels like my soul has been sucked up by a vacuum. Oh, and a very distant family member that I'm not related by blood has asked my dad to set me up with their son (they genuinely asked me "do you want to be my daughter in law?" out of the blue. Don't even know these people). They even tried to give him a ring, said that they're wiling to give him a house that they own, gold, all that stuff. LOL! Safe to say, the nearby hospitals almost had a cardiac arrest patient that day. Even funnier, the mom that asked this has a sister who years ago, had asked her dad to ask if my dad wanted to be set up with her. So...that was pretty funny. Although I could definitely feel my heart stop for like a second there. Anyways, that's all the shenanigans I have. Have a nice day!

"Coop! Has Dad finished terrorizing you yet?" Don grinned as the red-head slunk into his hospital room, looking sulky. Ian had left a few minutes earlier after he woke up and went to get food. To fill the time between absences, he gave Don a book that he just finished reading. He appreciated the sentiment although he felt like he didn't really need it since people were constantly walking in and out of his hospital room anyways so he always had an abundance of company.

Case in point, the other half of his strange arrow shaped relationship tended to walk in at random times of the day, mostly when no one was around and started to talk about his previous cases. It was a good distraction, certainly better than the math-filled anxious jargon that his brother had or the slight twitchy paranoia that his team also had. He might be in the hospital but that didn't mean that his skills were taking a break.

Something was wrong and he could feel it.

"I'm startin to understand where you get your devious streak from," Coop grumbled, annoyed. He plopped onto the uncomfortable chair like it was a luxury recliner, somehow managing to look like he was straight at home. It was one of the things that Coop did that amazed Don. Something that he was never able to emulate no matter how much he tried.

"Me? Devious? Never," he said, shaking his head as he placed the book onto the bedside table next to him. He fixed Coop the most innocent look he could muster, although judging from the rolled eyes, he knew he wasn't fooling anyone.

"Your puppy eyes don't work on me Donnie," Billy replied, snorting. "I spent years trying to resist you, remember?"

"And where did you end up?" he teased, lightly shoving Coop off the chair. "There's no shame in admitting the fact that you couldn't help but fall for me Coop."

Billy rolled his eyes before an odd expression settled on his face. This wasn't the usual teasing expression, this was something else. "There's also no shame in admittin that you're not okay Donnie," Billy whispered, his voice soft. Don froze as he felt his heart screech to a halt. "You don't need to hide from me. We're partners, remember? In more ways than one."

Don deflated, the fight feeling like it's leaking out of him. "You talked to Ian didn't you?"

"Yeah we talked. You mad?" he asked calmly, like he was waiting for a bomb to go off.

Don shook his head, "no…I think it's fair for both of you to know anyways." Although it didn't mean that I had to like it. He looked down at his hands, fiddling at the blanket there. The silence was now slightly awkward. He looked at his ring finger on his left, the phantom feeling of the metal still there. "You know he planned on killing me and then himself before you busted down his door, right?"

This time it was Billy's turn to freeze. "What?"

"He ran downstairs, screaming all sorts of crazy stuff like how I somehow managed to get help and that you guys were going to ruin his happiness" he shook his head, the memories feeling like they were from a lifetime ago. "I thought that he was going to drag me away to another location, but that wasn't the case. Instead he talked about how he wasn't going to let them take me and then he started talking about…" Don couldn't help but shudder at the memories.

"Donnie, you don't have to-"

"No!" he hissed, he was sick and tired of hiding away. If he wanted to get better, he had to face his demons. "Just please, let me have this."

Billy held his hands up in a show of surrender, "Alright! I won't butt in unless you want me to."

"Thanks," he replied, smiling. Although it mostly felt like a grimace that time. He ran a nervous hand through his hair, careful of the wires that attached itself to his arm. "Anyways, he was…" he let out a nervous breath, needing to get this damn thing off his chest. "...he was talking about our first time," he spat that word out with disgust, the anger coiled tightly within his chest. "Then he said he wanted our final moment to be special," he said that last word with all the sarcasm he could muster, "like there was anything special about getting murdered."

"I mean, we all know he was a crazy son of a gun," Billy replied, "His version of special and ours might be a bit different."

Don let out a snort, "I'll say…" he muttered underneath his breath. Looking away, he decided to observe the flowers that were in a glass vase on the bedside table. "When he…" Don started, grabbing the book beside him and started to mess around with the pages so that his hands had something to do. "When he threw me to the table, I prayed that you'd get to me on time. Find me before he could do any further damage." Then he looked down, swallowing the saliva that seemed to pool in the back of his throat. "But then-" a violent image flashed through his mind, almost making him drop his book. His chest slowly felt like it was being constricted as he felt the invisible clasp of the collar make its way around his neck again. God…not this…

"Hey! You're okay. You're safe," he said. Don grit his teeth as he waited for his racing heart to slow down, opting to focus on Billy's face as he ignored the background that flickered from past to present. He decided to note down the differences between the two, needing something to focus on. They're blue, not green, he's pale and not tan, Coop has red hair and that bastard had brown, Coop's hair is short while the other was long. He repeated that chant in his mind, you're safe with him.

"That's it Donnie, deep breaths. In and out," Coop's voice was calming, cutting through his anxiety like a hot knife through butter. Coop's calloused hand held his, squeezing it gently. "I won't let that son of a bitch come near you, not if I can help it."

It wasn't long before his heart felt like it had slowed down to something normal and that his breathing didn't sound like someone who smoked ten packs a day. "Sorry…" he wheezed out, feeling like the wind was knocked out of him. Embarrassed at his outburst, he decided to continue on. "Anyways, what was I saying?"

Coop shook his head, "First of all, you don't need to apologize. Second of all, are you sure you want to continue?" his blue eyes narrowed as he glanced at Don critically. Don had a feeling that he looked about as shitty as he felt.

"Yes," he replied, "I need to get this out Coop or else I can't move on."

Billy let out a dramatic sigh before leaning back into the chair, shaking his head in exasperation. "You're a stubborn ass, you know that?"

Don snorted, amusement bubbling within him. "At the rate in which you and Ian remind me? How can I forget?"

"Maybe if you stopped being stubborn, we wouldn't need to remind you."

"If I stopped being stubborn, I wouldn't be me," he shot back, grinning widely.

Coop nodded his head, smiling softly. "Yeah…yeah you wouldn't be."

Don let out a huff of amused laughter, feeling slightly better. He looked down at the hand that Billy was holding, drawing comfort so that he could spit out the next few words. He hesitated for a second, afraid of what he'd see. But when he looked at the man beside him, he could see Billy nod, smiling at him encouragingly. That gave him the boost he needed to push through. "Then…" no violent images appeared to shock him, but Billy did grip on tighter. "Then I felt him on top of me, his hands on his pants and that's when I realized…you wouldn't get here in time."

"Don…I'm so sorry we-"

He shook his head vigorously. "Don't be sorry," he said, smiling gently. "It wasn't anyone's fault you got to me when you did." He ran a nervous hand through his hair, feeling the tears start to gather in his eyes. He furiously blinked them away, not willing to cry again. "I could never blame you anyways."

"How? You know us. You know we could be better, could've found a way to get to you faster," Coop argued.

"It's because I know you, I know not to blame you guys," he replied gently. "I know you would stop at nothing to get me. I know that every single one of you has tried your damned hardest to get as much information as you can get so you can find me. How can I be angry at the fact that I knew you guys were running yourselves to the ground to get me home?"

Don has never seen Coop so speechless in his life. His mouth opened and closed as he looked at Don with a wide-eyed stare. Don gently shoved his former partner on the shoulder, "C'mon…did you really think I would hold a grudge against you guys when I understand what it feels like to be in your shoes?"

Coop grumbled under his breath, "You were always so damn perceptive."

"You can blame yourself for that," he teased. "You were the one who knew what I was capable of and somehow managed to help me improve on that skill in particular." Then the smile slipped off his face as he sighed, "Not that it helped me this time…"

"Donnie, we barely even looked at the guy. Let alone suspect him. How can you expect yourself to notice when you were as overworked, stressed, and sleep deprived as you were?" Coop was right, as per usual. It was unrealistic to think that. Logically, he understood that. But emotionally? Don knew that a part of him would always blame himself for missing the signs.

He let out a defeated sigh, slumping back into the bed. He thumbed the edge of the book with one hand, the nervous gesture helping him soothe his shot nerves a bit. "Did you know what I was thinking when all of that happened?" he spoke softly, his voice barely above a whisper.

"What?"

Don dug his fingers in between the pages, feeling the rough and scratchy surface of the paper beneath his fingertips. "When he…" Don swallowed, "when he started to…you know" he awkwardly gestured, not willing to get into too much detail. Thankfully though, Billy understood and nodded, holding his hand tighter. "I couldn't help but think that…" he looked away, unable to look at Billy in the face. "Maybe it was best if I died in the end". He continued to rifle through the pages, barely reading what was written on them in favour of simply touching them. "That maybe…being able to continue living could be the biggest mistake I've ever made."

From his peripheral view, Don could tell that Billy was about to object but a loud BANG stopped him. They both looked up suddenly, twin looks of shock on their faces. It turns out that the sound came from the door to his hospital room. As soon as he saw who was there, Don paled even more. Someone was standing in the doorway, obscuring his sights to the outside world. The figure's wide brown eyes were moist with tears as he looked pleadingly at Don, worry etched on his features. His hand was holding the doorknob so tightly that his knuckles turned white.

"Charlie? How long have you been there?"

Charlie ignored Don's demands for answers in favour of stumbling into the room, grabbing the side of his bed in order to steady himself. Then he fixed Don with a look of both hurt and worry, a look that he was painfully familiar with. It wasn't long before Charlie managed to choke out his own question, causing Don's already fragile world to shatter into a million pieces, the floor crumbling beneath him as he felt like he was just hurled into the void.

"Did…did you just say that you wished you died in that basement?"

A/N: Ouch! Looks like both Charlie and Don are in for a long and painful discussion (exactly what Don needs).