Quote of the Chapter:

"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on."
― Robert Frost

Chapter Five: (That Lingering) Dread

Time passes. Work ends. Before she knows it, Elizabeth is on the bus again, wedged next to Diane as they enjoy a cheeky cone of churros, laughing at the obscurity of whispering away at the back of the bus like a pair of school girls. Occasionally, people glance at them - most of them just out of curiosity - and Diane gives them a wave, laughing when each and every native Londoner looks back at her with wide eyes and a face that screams their thoughts about her being crazy. Londoners never were very social.

Beside her, Elizabeth quietly munches away at her share of churros, laughing every once in a while but mostly stewing in her thoughts. All day she'd been unproductive. All day she'd been stuck staring at her phone, regularly checking in with Meliodas, or assisting Mael whenever he asked for her help. In all, today had been slow. So tediously slow and mundane.

And that was kind of good. If today was a slow day, one filled with tedious events and drab drivel, then she would take it. Meliodas' bad days that were like this, filled with the gradual drizzle of a lazy storm, were much preferable to the other options. Days like these meant that things were quiet. Days like this meant that there would be peace when she returned home. At least, that's what Elizabeth hoped there would be.

"So," Diane grins, poking Elizabeth's face with a sugary churro. Sweet cinnamon wafts around the air, dusted with the heavy scent of rich chocolate. "How was it working with the newbie?"

"Mael?" Elizabeth raised a brow, gently pushing away Diane's churro. She laughs when Diane huffs before taking a huge bite from it.

"Yes, Mael," Diane says, rolling her eyes in an exasperated fashion. Another churro in her hand, waved about like a floppy pencil before it was jabbed into Elizabeth's cheek once more. "Who else has recently joined our crappy workplace?"

"Tons of people," Elizabeth responds, now grinning along with Diane. Diane always could brighten up the mood. Be it a good day, a bad day, or just a plain in-the-middle day, Diane could always find a way to make Elizabeth smile.

Nevertheless, Diane could never get rid of the dread, the guilt, that came with knowing it was a bad day. On the way home from the work, laughing all her cares away, acting as if she might not be facing a complete monster when she comes home, Elizabeth would always smile and giggle in Diane's face. Never would she show the true anxiety that rested in her gut; never would her smiles and laughter falter. Instead she would go along with it all, let Diane's warm atmosphere engulf her whole before allowing the gelid dregs of her reality to seep into her life once more.

Right now, it is easy to pretend that this is the end of yet another mundane day. Sitting on this bus, sharing churros and trading work stories, it is simple to act as if today wasn't a bad day. A day where she could end up building the walls again, trying her best to protect herself from harsh words and cold actions that should be meaningless but feel so much more important than that. So much more real.

When bad days came, Meliodas never meant what he said; he told her that, she told herself that, she accepted that. Bad days were like a new person, someone who only took what they wanted, never thought about anything else. After a bad day, when he was on a good day again, Meliodas would always try to make it up to her. A million sorries and a thousand forgive mes would fall from his lips, tumbling out one after the other between stolen kisses and desperate hugs. And Elizabeth would catch each one, place them back and tell him that it was fine, that she was a big girl and could handle it all by herself. None of what he said was taken to heart - at least that's what she tells him to absolve some of the guilt.

What he said was never meant to be used to hurt her. What he did was never done with the intent to harm her. Elizabeth knew that. Meliodas tried his damned best to convey that to her in every waking moment.

But that was so hard to believe on a bad day like this.

"You know," Diane muses from beside her, humming as she pensively chewed away at her churro. Smirking, she raised a brow at Elizabeth, "Maybe we should invite Mael to movie night this week. Since he seems to be someone you don't mind."

"Really?" Elizabeth responded, chasing away all thoughts of Meliodas and his days. Already he was contaminating her day, ruining her time with Diane. That control should not be given; his bad days shouldn't affect her so much. Slyly, she nudges Diane, "Are you sure it's not just to make King jealous?"

"Me? Make King jealous?" Diane tsks, placing a hand of mock hurt over her heart. Huffing, she turns away from Elizabeth, a broad grin on her face. "As if I would ever! I'm still happily engaged to him I'll have you know."

"So movie night will be fine without Mael," Elizabeth responds, knowing that it would be for the best. Mael coming to movie night would be her worst nightmare: mixing her personal affairs with her work life. Two things she never, ever liked to mix - especially because her personal friends were a lot more wild and raunchy than her professional friends from the newspaper and other publishing companies.

"Oh come on! He's our bosses' brother for crying out loud!" Diane groused, shaking her head. Pouting, she gripped onto Elizabeth's arm, pleading with her, "We have to invite him to make Ludociel jealous!"

"Yes because making our boss jealous will definitely benefit us, Diane," Elizabeth sighed, a short laugh escaping her lips. Full of snark, she rolled her eyes. "Maybe he'll even give us a raise."

"Well now we definitely have to do it," Diane grinned, winking at her work buddy. She then pulled out her phone, typing something up before pushing the screen toward Elizabeth, showing her the calendar spread with dates and notifications. "Tell you what, I'll give you three days to gather more intel on Mael. If he's a creep, we toss him, but if he's worthy of the movies, we introduce him to the brood."

Introduce him to the brood? Elizabeth could already sense the horror at just the idea of it - especially if Ban and Meliodas were going to be together. Movie night tended to be the loudest and rowdiest night of the week, the entire group meeting up at the chosen location to binge a couple movies and pool together their ever-dwindling savings. Diane would be in charge of keeping the fun going, Ban would handle snack patrol and Meliodas always handled the booze. Movie night, in short, was like a private party. An exclusive club.

From what she knows about Mael, has seen about him, Elizabeth doubts that he would be comfortable with it all. Like herself, he seemed like the quiet type, the more introverted and polite type which preferred to let loose in private, behind closed doors. Plus, if he was Ludociel's brother, that was almost an immediate way to get sussed out by her boss. One wrong move, one silly slip-up and she could lose her job. Her livelihood.

That was something she never wanted to lose.

"I'll think about," Elizabeth agrees, swallowing thickly as she pushed Diane's phone away from her face.

As if sensing the pooling dread in her gut, the bell on the bus rings, a few passengers standing to make their way to the lower deck. The sound tunes her back into reality, just in time to see as her stop approaches. The end to her reprieve from an infamous bad day.

"Alright," Diane nodded, smiling a little as she placed a gentle hand on Elizabeth's shoulder. The other hand held out the churros, offering them to her. "Keep me posted."

"I'll try to," Elizabeth grinned grimly, taking the churros before following the other travelers to get off the bus.

Too soon she is stepping out into the evening air, her face chilled by the cool autumn gusts as she adjusts her scarf and waves at Diane as the bus disappears from sight. Within a minute Elizabeth is left alone at the stop, clutching onto the churros and biting her lip, dread settled deeply into her knotted gut as she stares into the distance, focusing on a tiny light in the swiftly settling darkness.

She doesn't want to go yet. Doesn't want this moment of slight reprieve to end. Leaving means that things can get worse, that her midway day could take a much more grim and dark turn. Mystery is what awaits her at home; a complete mystery is waiting for her, urging for her to unwrap its gift box and peep inside. Only, Elizabeth doesn't want to. For once she finds herself rooted to the spot, tears pooling in her eyes as she shivers in the icy autumn wind.

Over the past few months, she hadn't noticed her growing reluctance toward going home. Bad days, so few and far between, had grown less frequent over the past year. More often, Elizabeth found herself wanting to be at home, curled up on the couch as she tossed popcorn kernels at her roommate who laughed as he effortlessly caught each and every one with his mouth.

Recently, bad days had become a rarity. Scarce. The very thought of them, the very notion of them, was like a bad omen that only passed in small and swift seasons - like a rapid torrent of rain. But even then, when they did come, Elizabeth didn't get phased by them. Usually, she had some sort of protection, some sort of shield. Today, she had nothing. Today, for once, she actually felt... vulnerable.

For a long time - for too long - Elizabeth stands at the bus stop, shivering and her legs aching, prolonging the inevitable. But once her tears dry and her legs become numb, she turns on her heels and heads toward home, stomach feeling empty but dumping the half-eaten churros in the bin anyway. Right now, she'd be lucky if she could stomach anything that would make her feel somewhat full.

Silently, Elizabeth enters the building, bypassing her neighbours as she shuffles up the flights of stairs, ignoring the barking dogs from the apartment a few doors down and dodging the concerned expression of her next door neighbour. All she feels is static; all she hears is nameless noise.

When she finds herself at her front door, her key slotted into the lock, she's holding her breath. All Elizabeth can find herself thinking is this: Today was a bad day; Meliodas was home; nothing good ever came from a bad day. And that is all she had never known.

So with a steady exhale, she turns the key and pushes her front door open. Yet another bad day to tick off the ever-growing list.