Quote of the Chapter:
"I wanted to grow up and plough,
To close one eye, stiffen my arm.
All I ever did was follow." - Follower, Seamus Heaney
Chapter Twenty-Six: (I'll) Destroy Everything
Everything that happened was necessary. Continuing this life of darkness and deception; losing parts of himself along the way; and lying to Elizabeth were all necessary acts of evil. They all needed to happen; to keep the order, to keep her safe, Meliodas had to break her heart. There was no debating it, no beating around the bush and trying to sugarcoat it in order to pass it as something that it wasn't.
Meliodas had to be an asshole. Meliodas had to lie to her. Meliodas had to break her heart. Those were the facts. That was simply how it was.
Nevertheless, doing it all, feeling the deep plunge of her face twisting with betrayal, crinkling with hurt, did not feel necessary. At all. Even after she had yelled at him, pleaded with him to reveal that it was all a silly joke - a gigantic misunderstanding - the way she had looked at him, the pure tsunami of disappointment on her face, couldn't absolve the remorse in his system.
Maybe that was why he'd only watched as she threw together a backpack, chucked her keys at him and slammed the door shut behind her. Maybe that was why he was still here, half-finished plate of apology pancakes still sitting on the table (stone cold) as Ban nursed his third bottle of beer and Melascula glared daggers his way.
Everything wasn't meant to happen this way. Elizabeth finding out - hell even Ban finding out - wasn't meant to happen this way.
Pieces of the past were meant to be outlined; all of the scattered, snipped threads of the timeline were meant to be connected; Meliodas himself was meant to explain it all. When the time came, when the time was right, he was going to outline it all, admit that he was a worthless bag of shit and let them both get on with it. None of them were meant to know like this; Elizabeth wasn't meant to get hurt like this. That was why he'd lied in the first place.
"So when were you planning on telling us all the truth?" Ban was the first to breach the tense calm after the storm, looking awfully pensive as he stabbed at his freezing cold scrambled eggs. "Since you seemed to be harbouring it for so long."
"When I was ready," Meliodas shrugged. Not the exact truth - he'd never be ready and so he'd never share it - but it was close enough. They didn't need to know it all, didn't need to know about his thought process and sleepless nights spent calculating the possible outcomes. No, no-one needed to know about those.
"Typical," Melascula scoffed, disgust on her features as she snapped her compact mirror closed. All through the argument with Elizabeth she had just sat there, primping herself up with her tiny mirror, basking in the chaos. Fitting that she would come out to judge now, ready to devour the vulnerable - just like the snake she was.
Glaring at him, she added with a venomous edge, "You're just like your father."
"I'm not anything like him," Meliodas immediately bit back, frustration building in his veins. In the past perhaps he had been like his father; back in the days where his father was placed on a golden pedestal, high above everyone else, Meliodas had aspired to be like him. Formidable, feared, respected: his father was a man who carved his own path through the rubble and dirt, fighting tooth and nail to escape the slums of poverty.
In his youth, Meliodas had admired that about his father. Now all he wished was to wash away any traits that came from that man. Meliodas wanted to nothing to with him; his hands were begging to be washed clean.
"Well, you sure are acting like him," Melascula continued, prodding more and more at the sleeping bear. Curving across her scarlet lips, a sly grin cut across her cheeks. "Keeping secrets, telling lies, betraying your own flesh and blood..."
"I'm not betraying anyone," Meliodas rebutted, used to her poking and prodding.
Liking to a get a rise out of people, Melascula was the sort who kept digging and digging at freshly opened scars. Once she found something she could cling to, scrape to the bone, she would keep on pushing and pushing until the flesh and muscle gave way and she got what she wanted. The only defense Meliodas had against her was cold indifference.
"You weren't meant to be with her," Was her simple answer, almost sing-songy in its tone and delivery. She was definitely teasing him.
"And I wasn't," The blonde answered, just as blunt and firm as she was suggestive and sly.
"Was he?" Melascula now turned to Ban, halfway through his third bottle and looking as if he were going to fish for a fourth. A perfectly plucked brow raised in his direction, framing dark brown eyes (that looked almost black) as she lightly hissed the question.
Honestly, Meliodas should have known that she would turn to prying the truth out of Ban. Manipulative - known for her ability to pull the strings behind the scenes - Melascula was always looking for a way to easily get what she wanted. That was why his father had chosen to let her into the business. That was why she was here now, checking up on him in his father's stead.
If Meliodas' father had just shown up here, then he would've shut the door and continued with his day. Ignoring his father was much easier than ignoring his lackeys; when his father showed up it meant he was trying to be superficial. When he sent people like Melascula - it was a warning sign that soon he would paying a serious visit with serious people like Chandler.
"Not that it's any of your business," Ban hummed, not at all subtle in the way he frowned as he sipped at his beer. "They weren't. They never spoke about being a thing."
"That still doesn't explain the weird set up going on here," Melascula frowned, her forehead pressed with light wrinkles. Around her eyes, pressed into her cheeks, there they were. Wrinkles. She was growing frustrated. "The lies, the hurt on her face. If I didn't know any better I'd say that you two were in it for the long run."
Ha if only everyone knew. Even the long run felt short in comparison to what Meliodas truly wanted - a million lifetimes were nothing in comparison to what he truly desired. But those thoughts were only that: mere thoughts. Even though the thought was there, the intention was there, he and Elizabeth were never going to last to the ends of time. He'd ensured as much.
"Well we weren't," Meliodas murmured curtly, not in the mood to dig deeper into it. Not so soon after her departure. Not when the fresh wound, the open, throbbing wound, caused by his own callousness was still bleeding.
"And how am I supposed to believe that?" Melascula raised a brow, seeming skeptical as she folded her arms across her chest. "How am I meant to tell your father - my boss - that you weren't fucking the Liones girl?"
"Because I wasn't," Meliodas insisted, denied, but even then he couldn't stop some of the truth slipping out. "Not seriously at least."
"Not seriously?" Ban's eyes grew wide, the man standing from his chair as he gaped at his friend in disbelief. Tightly, his hand clutched at the nearly empty beer bottle, a frown twisting at his sharp red eyes. "Can you hear yourself right now? I'm your friend Mel, I always have been, but you can't lie about that. What was going on was clearly serious."
"Your idiot friend has a point," Melascula nodded, rather calm despite the skepticism still dripping from her voice. "People who react like she did have a reason to be so emotional."
No shit. Of course Elizabeth was emotional about what happened. Who wouldn't be after finding out the person you trust the most - someone you live with - has been harbouring a lie that could turn your entire world on its head?
Yeah, Meliodas had expected something of this scale. He'd expected her leaving, he'd expected to have the keys tossed in his face, to watch as she stepped out of his life - for good - never to return. All of that he had expected. Everything she did today, down to the way she scoffed at him, rolling her eyes as she held back her tears and mustered her best snarky spit. Yeah, he'd expected. Anticipated it.
The only thing he didn't expect, couldn't brace for, was the look of intense hurt. The feeling of knowing that she was feeling betrayed.
Just remembering it was causing him to cringe, to shroud his mind in shame and remorse. It was, after all, what he deserved.
"What are you hiding?" Ban suddenly asked, back in his seat and beer bottle long gone. He must've chucked it in the bin. "What are you avoiding about you and Elizabeth?"
Everything.
"Nothing," Meliodas bit out. Swiftly. Quickly. Too quickly. Both sets of keen eyes were fixed to him as he toyed with his useless fork, twirling the metal object in his idle hands.
"Nothing is a girl you meet with intentions to shag every two weeks," Ban rolled his eyes, continuing with a real life example of Meliodas' definition of 'nothing'. Back before he'd caught on to how he felt about Elizabeth; way before the thought had even crossed his mind to find his way into her pants. "You're telling us that you and Elizabeth were just casually undressing for each other every two weeks?"
"No."
"So what are you telling us?" Ban pressed, all serious and no humour. A rare feat for him.
Hot, it was impossibly hot in this room, pinned to his seat by the watching, prodding stares of Melascula and Ban. It was a damn good thing that Meliodas was well-practiced in the art of bullshit and avoid - one useful thing he did pick up from his father. Not that he would ever credit the ageing windbag with such a feat. That would only serve to swell his already toxic ego.
"I'm telling you both that it was never anything serious," Meliodas responded, voice sharp with a firm edge that was telling both questioning parties to stop asking. Digging and prodding wouldn't get them anywhere. Not like this.
Clearly, none of them got the memo as Melascula continued, "And why was that?"
"Don't act like you don't know," Meliodas snarled, shaking his head. Melascula knew more than anyone else about this, always being privy to the gossip train that shuffled on its tracks at work. If there was even a whiff of a potential scandal that woman was always all over it, feeding on every piece of new information that churned its way into her path.
"Like I don't know," Melascula returned, sarcastic as she rolled her eyes and placed a hand over her chest. Nose turned up at him, she frowned. "You know damn well that I know. But do I really if you're such a shit truth-teller?"
"I wouldn't be like this if I didn't have to lie about this,"Meliodas countered, ire burning in the glare he directed at the woman.
Everything he did revolved around this lifestyle that he didn't exactly choose. Every step, every word, every decision had to account for this second world that Meliodas himself had never asked for. When he had faded into the background a year ago, lost in a fuzzy trail of cars and drugs and names, he had intended to stay that way: lost and faded.
Yet his father had found a way to bring to dead back to life. With his relentless searching, his endless digging, Meliodas' father had found him again, roped him back into the life and warned him about what would happen should he fall though.
Zeldris was already gone. The backup for the oldest had already fallen through. The old man couldn't risk trusting an ass-kissing runner-up with his life's work. No, not when he had a son that was perfectly capable of taking it over, melded with the dark underworld of London ever since he would first toddle around with a watering can.
In his father's eyes, no other person would do. It was either blood or burn it all. No in between.
"See this is the problem," Melascula sighed, shaking her head. Disapproval was evident on her face as she looked at Meliodas. "You can't ever be honest."
"Exactly I can't," Meliodas agreed.
"And that's why you're just like your father," Melascula added, now smirking as she placed her handbag back onto her shoulder. "An idiot man stuck in his ways because of stubborn pride."
"Pride?" Ban snorted, shaking his head in disbelief. Snickering, he raised a brow at the woman. "You think pride did this to Meliodas? Lady you are far off."
"What did then? Since you know him so well," Melascula retorted, almost growling at the taller man as she gripped her handbag tightly.
"He loves that girl," Ban stated simply, clear as day. Confident, assured, he smiled as he delivered his conclusion, leaning back in his chair. "He loves her so much more than I've ever seen him love anything else. And because Meliodas is such a damn coward - no, a pussy - he'll never admit it. Not to you or to me."
"You don't know anything," Meliodas scoffed, not in the mood to deal with either of their conclusions. Both of them were just as bad as each other - even if Ban's was based on truth. So much truth that even the admitting part was right because what was he doing right now? Not admitting the truth even when it was laid before his own damn eyes.
"Mhm I don't know anything," Ban nodded, still not losing the confident, cocky smirk on his face. Shrugging he added, "Just over a decade of drunk babbles and wet dreams about Elizabeth. Absolutely nothing."
Avoid the truth and it shall come to bite you in the ass - that should be his new motto. Avoid the truth around Ban and he will deliver it in the most audacious and embarrassing way, regardless of the audience or the setting.
"Wet dreams?" Melascula echoed, her nose scrunching with disgust. Frowning, she turned to Ban. "Did you really have to add that?"
"It sold my point," Ban shrugged, back to chugging the contents of his latest bottle of beer. Winking, he glanced toward his friend. "And you both know it's true."
Right now Meliodas was ready to explode with how much was going on around him. Like an atomic bomb, a cataclysmic nuke, he wanted to just explode and destroy everything around him, ceasing to exist and deal with the repercussions of his actions. Alas he was not a bomb - nor a nuke. He was a human being, a living, breathing idiot of a human being, who was currently being tossed through the shredder.
Pushing away from the table, he sighed, "I'm gonna go apologise."
"No you're not," Melascula cut in, grabbing his firmly by the wrist. Pinched with disapproval, her face was scrunched into a firm grimace. "You need to take this as a sign to grow some balls, tell the truth and do the right thing for once."
"Yeah, which is working with you all again?" Meliodas deadpanned, ripping his arm from her grip. "Hard pass."
"Not for us, dumbass," Melascula rolled her eyes, huffing as she blocked his path. A skinny, petite woman with little muscle on her bones. What was she thinking trying to stop a hothead like Meliodas? "No, like this you're a dead weight on my stellar game. I don't want you ruining all of the success I've brought to the business - let alone the legacy your father left."
"Oh so I should just get on with life now?" Meliodas quizzed, frustrated with the carousel of choices he was always being plunged into. As if they were choices. No they were just corners within corners, begging him to choose which cramped space would be better for him. "Well, you just ruined my plans for that."
"I'm saying," Melascula sighed, looking just as exasperated as him. "You need to let her cool off and then explain your fucked up thought process to her. After that, you can decide whatever the fuck you wanna do. Quite frankly, I don't care as long as it doesn't mess up my own shit."
"Speaking of your shit, I want a cut," Ban chimed in, looming over his shorter friend to confront the petite woman. He held out an empty hand. "For ruining my day."
"Nice try," Melascula barked out a laugh as she put on her sunglasses, shaking her head. "But I haven't forgotten about last time."
"Mad because your friend was drank under the table?" Ban chuckled, pinching her sunglasses and toying with them in his hands. "He still owes me you know. A good ten grand."
"And he can pay it to you," Melascula retorted, snatching her sunglasses back, balancing on the her tip-toes - in heels. Meliodas had to lean to the side to avoid his body being sandwiched between the pair. Only Melascula would pull off such an outrageous stunt for sunglasses. "Now, if you can excuse me, I'm going to promptly fuck off and leave you both to your pity fest. I have better things to attend to."
With those final words, she slipped on the sunglasses, threw open the front door and clicked-clicked her way out of it. It was only when she was about to reach out of earshot that Meliodas decided to add a final message.
"Hey Melascula," Meliodas called out into the early evening gloom. Barely visible from the shadows, the pale woman turned, her face peeping over her shoulder as she raised a brow at the blonde. Meliodas' neutral tone didn't change, "Tell the old man I send my regards."
"And he wants to shove his foot up his ass!" Ban cackled from behind, slamming the door shut before Meliodas could even do anything. Not that he would. If anything he was laughing with Ban - even with the intense still seeping into his system. But only for a second - a fleeting, swift second that felt like nothing once the pain settled in once more.
Once again, Meliodas was left at the beginning: alone and cornered. Again. After he had promised to never be here again.
When he had first left his father's shadow, stepped out from the smokey abyss of his image, Meliodas had wanted to plough his own path, his own future, void of the sticky corruption that came with his father's lifestyle. When he had first met Elizabeth, first seen a glimpse of what his life could be like, what it could be like with her, all he had wanted was to make his own path, his own decisions.
Only now, in the future, Meliodas realised that in reality he had done no such thing. He was back here, at the beginning, because he only did one thing. All he ever did was follow.