Quote of the Chapter:

"The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference. The opposite of art is not ugliness, it's indifference. The opposite of faith is not heresy, it's indifference. And the opposite of life is not death, it's indifference."
― Elie Wiesel

Chapter Thirty-Seven: (Don't) Forgive Me

Again, she doesn't know how she let herself fall for his trap once more. Kind smile, open arms, a damned laugh that made her insides feel like molten honey: Meliodas was handmade, custom designed, to expose all of Elizabeth's weaknesses. Every damned one of them.

Maybe that was why she was here again, hips rocking in a motion that was all too familiar to herself, chasing an impossible high that was always fleeting whenever it came. Love - that's what she craved from Meliodas - and this was the only kind of love she could ever get from him. With all his sometimes-neglect, his ever-changing moods, it was impossible for Elizabeth to hope for anything more substantial than this.

Nevertheless, when she came back to the apartment tonight, this was the last thing on her mind. Boiling with frustration, bubbling with vexation, Elizabeth was far from willing to engage in their regular push-and-pull dynamic. With a frown on her face and a fierce resolve to stay strong, she had shoved open their front door, stomped right up to him and tried to give Meliodas a piece of her mind. Oh, how hard she had tried to give that scumbag a piece of her mind.

But, as always, none of that went to plan.

Caught up in the moment, filled with both intense anger and swelling relief, Elizabeth had miscalculated her brain's potential. Instead of grabbing Meliodas by the collar, ready to berate him with a harsh, heavy tone, she had grabbed him and kissed him, betraying the intense worry that had rooted itself within her heart. The pieces of her that would never be rid of him.

Now she was here, engulfed in the mattress, headboard banging from their motions, and back to falling into his grasp. His trap. Even though she had promised herself that she wouldn't fall for it again.

"I'm such an idiot," Elizabeth mumbled into the calm, limbs tangled with his as she listened to the thundering echo of his heartbeats. He'd always had an odd heartbeat - a genetic quirk he'd told her. Some gene from his father that caused an erratic beat much faster than the average person's. At the time it had seemed ironic - with his incapability to love like the normal person - now it just felt like yet another glaring red flag, a sour tasting truth, that was trying to wake her up.

"I think it's a bit late to admit that," Meliodas joined her murmur, an edge of something indecipherable entering his voice. Despite the calm hand combing through her hair, Elizabeth could sense the anxiety, the tension, sitting in his nerves. "We're both massive morons."

"Mhm," She hummed in return, not entirely tuned into his frequency. No, she was too busy berating herself, telling herself to peel her body away from this man who will do nothing but harm her in the long term. All he ever did was break her heart; every time he shattered her throbbing, beating organ into bits.

When would she ever learn to just leave him alone?

Comfortably they just... exist while they could. Floating in this bubble of calm, drifting along this lazy river of bliss, was never a luxury that they could afford. Most shared moments between them were filled with energy, charged with the static of emotions and lies and omitted truths. Recently, nothing was ever simple for them. There was never a moment where they could just be, slipping back into the roles of their younger selves, content with having no labels or names, satisfied with just being around each other.

When had things changed? Morphed into this game of want and desire and need? Was it becoming an adult that had changed them? Or was it true age, true maturity, that had slowly reached out to sever the tautly wound chords intertwining their lives?

Honestly, in this moment, Elizabeth couldn't truly say which precise factor derailed her once flawless friendship. As much as she would like to blame something for it, blame anything for it, she just couldn't; it wasn't one thing. It was more or less everything.

"You know," Meliodas broke the calm, his hand faltering in its movements. Blinking, Elizabeth was almost caught off-guard as he met her gaze, cupping her stunned cheeks between his hands. "I really did miss you."

Starstruck, complete and utterly starstruck. Every iteration of her, every single phase of Elizabeth, would have melted at this moment. Hearing those words, captured in a moment of calm where no-one else could invade them, could dare to interrupt their moment, Elizabeth would have gone insane. Would have. In different circumstances, in a different timeline, unaware of all the sprouting patches of red on her battlefield, losing its defenses against Meliodas' endless onslaughts, Elizabeth would have become a blushing, nervous wreck.

Now all she could feel was panic. Intense panic that pinched at her heart and tweezed at her gut as she swallowed thickly.

Oh god. What a moment to convey her true intentions...

"I'm sure you did because I certainly missed you," Elizabeth smiled wanly, gently pulling herself away from his heated hands. Before she could get attached and fall into the deep end once more. Before she could make the biggest mistake of their lives. Shaking her head, Elizabeth bit her lip, "But... I didn't come here for this. I wanted to talk."

"What about?" Meliodas hummed as she slipped away completely, creating the space she needed to function, think, as she decided to ramble her thoughts out. Her entire beating heart.

The first step to that was getting dressed and getting the fuck out of here. Maybe that was why she found it so easy to fish her clothes from the floor. In the past she would always procrastinate, linger, dedicating every single moment to the long-term memory of her brain. Now she couldn't wait to leave, frantic like a fox caught rifling through a rubbish bin.

"Everything," Elizabeth slipped on her underwear with a snap, incredulous as she gestured between them. Now heat was burning on her face, reminding her of the cold air prickling her exposed flesh. "Including this."

Really she shouldn't be surprised by his laughter. Harsh, solitary, Meliodas was a person who thrived best when left by himself. Consideration was never his best quality. Putting her feelings before his own feelings was something Elizabeth had slowly come to see as an impossible trait within him. Through and through, Meliodas would always be his father's son before he was himself; time and time again he was proving that to her.

"No, I'm being serious," Elizabeth huffed, face burning hotter in the barrage of his laughter. Only now it was from frustration, agitation, which boiled and bubbled in her veins as she pulled on her creased jumper and folded her arms over her chest. "I... I think I'm going to take a break."

"Very funny, Ellie," He wasn't taking her seriously. When did he ever take her seriously? "I'm really sorry and I promise not to do it again."

"No really, Meliodas," Elizabeth detangled herself from his arms, staring at him with a serious gaze. Despite her half-dressed attire. But that was something to mention on another more pleasurable day. "This isn't just some silly threat. Ludociel was talking about covering some events in France for the week, getting some French sunshine to counteract the shitty British weather, and I thought about it. So I'm taking leave from you. I need some space."

"France?" Now it seemed to set in. Maybe it was hurt that flashed across his features, maybe it was something else. Whatever it was, it made Elizabeth feel another stab of guilt. "I thought you hated French lessons?"

"I still do. But being apart made me realise how much I sacrificed for you," Elizabeth stated, blunt and straight to the point. Just like him. Fitting that only Meliodas would dislike swallowing his own nasty medicine - especially coming from a mouth as sweet as hers. "And that's not good for either of us. We need space and time to readjust and know who are we are without each other."

"Oh, so I'm a burden now?" Meliodas asked. The typical shift into their usual spats. Whenever anything grew tense they'd try to flip the blame onto each other; whenever things got this far, they always ended up repeating their foolish, past selves. "You're the one who chose to deal with this Elizabeth. Not me. I told you to leave. I'm always telling you to leave."

"And I'm taking your advice," Elizabeth rebutted, her voice taking a firm edge she'd never thought she'd hold for him. Now she was balancing on a foot, trying to tug on her pair of jeans. The pair that always were a damned struggle to get past the ankle. "I'm leaving. For a while."

"So leave then," Meliodas finished it, delivered the final resounding blow on the battlefield. Like always. "Since I'm such a problem."

"I never said that," Elizabeth began, biting deeper into her lip as she twisted her hands together. Between them, the material of her jumper was beginning to grow taut. "I just- "

"Just go if you want, I'll be fine," He insisted, his expression conveying the exact opposite. No, he couldn't be fine with such a big frown, such a clear look of complete pain and rejection and hurt on his face. There was no way he'd be fine. And Elizabeth knew that - could sense it rolling off his body in waves, like the stench of rubbish from a rubbish-truck.

So naturally a part of her felt bad for Meliodas. Part of Elizabeth would always beat and bleed and throb for him, weak-willed to his desires and a slave to his fancies. However, that part of her grown small. So small, so tiny, in fact, that his next actions swallowed her whole within Elizabeth's outrage.

"It's not like I'd notice you're gone anyway," Another lie. Another scathing remark, the kind used to let her know, make her know, how much she truly meant to him in the grand scheme of things. These lies were only told to her, after all. No-one else, not a single fucking other soul, was told these things.

Not even those who deserved it.

"You..." A deep breath. Elizabeth ignored the heated tears pricking at her eyes, her optic nerves, as she blinked at him. "You don't mean that, do you? You're just saying that because you can."

"I don't know," Meliodas shrugged, raising a brow as he threw his shirt over his shoulder. "Am I?"

Behind him, the door slammed shut and for the millionth time Elizabeth felt... stuck. Stranded in the middle, caught in this sea of I-don't-knows and what-ifs, she didn't know which step to take next, which direction to go in. Instead, all she felt was burning frustration, raging tears, that built in the back of her mind, weakening her heartstrings and stabbing at the throbbing organ. Intensely.

This was reality now - Meliodas had truly locked her out, shut her out, of his life. This time wasn't like before, the half-assed attempts to shove her away and conceal her from the truth. No, this time wasn't like any time previous. Unlike previous times, times where she had grown agitated and he had grown tired of her constant pestering, this time Meliodas was angry. Elizabeth would even dare to say that he was offended. By HER of all people.

A shudder shifted along her spine. Things had changed now; now wasn't at all like before. If it was, she'd already be begging for forgiveness, grovelling at his knees once more with a tearful, trembling voice. But that Elizabeth, the weak-willed girl whose heart throbbed for him, wasn't so incapable anymore. Now she could stand her ground; she could back him into a corner.

And Elizabeth wasn't going to say sorry for it.

Sucking in another shaky breath, Elizabeth recomposed herself. This was it. This was her sign. Now, she had to move on, act before she could get snared into his trap once more.

Keeping that message in mind, Elizabeth carefully scooped up her final sock, reassembling her outfit before brushing out her tangled hair. Shaking hands smoothed out crinkled jeans, trying their best to appear presentable, put together, despite her quivering resolve; stinging eyes spoke a million unspoken words, trying to convey their true message - Elizabeth's true message - as she left her room and slipped on a jacket, handbag and suitcase in tow.

Then, without so much as a second thought about her roommate, Elizabeth left the apartment, locked the door and posted the keys back through the slot. Right where they belonged.

Holding back the urge to return, the piercing sensation that walking away was wrong, Elizabeth followed the familiar path to the lifts, head held high. Now she was doing it she would not change her mind.

This time it was her who was done; this time Elizabeth Liones would be the one to lock Meliodas out of her life.