A/N: Hey! Anybody reading? I know I'm enjoying my own fic (hahaha laughs at self like a derp), but is anyone else? If you're still reading, please say hi! ^_^

Jumin's POV

If yesterday was the mountain's peak, today is the gravel under the hiker's boot.

When my alarm went off this morning, I woke up in Zen's arms. My back was pressed into his bare chest. His tired breaths came slow and hot against the nape of my neck. My rear pressed between the hollow of his hips.

I was erect, but I didn't want Zen to see, so I silenced my alarm, hoping to calm myself before I woke him. But I failed miserably. As long as he was wrapped around me, I burned with the need to turn over and touch him. I wanted to gaze upon his sleeping face. I wanted to stroke his cheek and kiss his chest. I wanted to tell him how magnificent he was while I made him moan.

When I felt my control begin to slip, I pried myself from his sleepy grasp and went to the bathroom. My length was swollen to a painful fullness. I considered taking care of myself, but it felt disrespectful. Zen would be furious to find out my feelings for him. Did I dare to imagine how disgusted he would be to know I relieved myself to the thought of him?

I finally decided to work out without him. There was no way I could handle seeing his taught form in a state of exertion. No way I could handle being near him for a moment longer in that state.

The exercise helped. The cold shower afterwards helped more.

But as soon as I returned and saw his sleeping face pressed against my pillow… I was a hopeless pile of eager longing again. My arousal had dissipated, but my need to touch him had not.

I can't have him. I can't have him. My mental mantra continued endlessly as I dressed and tried to escape out the door.

But oooh… the disappointment on his face when Elizabeth the 3rd woke him up. It felt as if my insides had been put through a shredder. I had to leave, though. Leave, or break down.

I remained a mess all through the morning. I had that important meeting with Nippon Advertisements, but I could barely focus through it. The morning reports laid untouched. The emails remained unopened in my inbox. The food Assistant Kang brought me sat uneaten.

My inner turmoil was only made worse by the news that Luciel had caught Zen's stalker. Luciel said something still felt off, and that he needed to tie up some loose ends before Zen could go home, but… it wouldn't be long now. That photo Zen sent of himself in my bed is the only proof I will have that my memories of this time are real. The only proof that I had someone. And the fear of being alone again is crippling me.

And even now, as I take the elevator up to the top floor of one of our hotels, I feel like a fog envelops my mind.

This is why I never got involved with anyone, I think with anger. Emotions only interfere with business. I should have never opened these damned floodgates. But I grimace, knowing that returning to my life of loneliness will be a thousand times harder now. My only solution is to find someone I can have. And I must find her today. I must find her and set plans in motion before Zen leaves.

The elevator dings as the door opens. I adjust my watch as I step out, and immediately see Assistant Kang. She stands near a table with a number of documents and folders laid out.

"Mr. Han," she bows.

"Where are the potential candidates?"

"Each in their own hotel room. As you instructed, they are waiting to… welcome you home."

"And this paperwork here?" I indicate the table.

"Background checks on each woman, their signed NDAs, and follow-up information in case you would like to move forward."

"Excellent." My eyes turn up and down the hallway. There are security personnel at each end, and name plates on each hotel room door. I count my breaths to make sure they remain steady. "Where do I begin?"

Assistant Kang hands me a staff master key-card and says, "I thought you might start with Ms. Bang-Cha Kim. You both have a lot in common. Her father is the CEO of BIK."

"Very well," I say.

I move to Ms. Kim's door and hesitate just outside. My heart pounds, eagerness welling inside me. I will find myself a companion today, and she could be behind this door. This could be it. I will no longer have to suppress my solitude induced misery. I will no longer have to pour my affection into Elizabeth the 3rd. I will no longer have to crave someone I can't have. Her, behind this door, I can have her.

My hand feels heavy as I unlock the door and swing it open. Immediately, I see a woman sitting in the desk chair, her back turned to me. She has long, sleek black hair. As the door clicks shut behind me, she spins, and I get to see her black eyes and red lipstick.

"Welcome home, Jumin, dear." She gives me a narrow smile and stands for a cursory bow. "That's how you wanted to be greeted, correct?"

"Yes," I reply. Though hearing her say those words did nothing for me. Is it because I am not actually home? "Nice to meet you, Ms. Kim. Please, sit."

She bows slightly, then returns to her seat at the desk chair. "As this is a meeting for potential marriage, please feel free to call me Bang-Cha."

I nod. I am about to ask her if she likes cats, when she continues.

"Let's get right down to it, shall we?" Her eyes are narrowed as a smile spreads her lips. It is a fake smile. The same fake smile my life has been riddled with. "You want a prenup, and expect me to manage my own expenses. But what will your expectations of me be? To produce a company heir? I will give you a fine son, but I need to be taken care of."

"Taken care of?" I ask, my voice flat. This woman is already leaving a sour taste in my mouth.

"Yes, of course," she says sweetly with a tilt of her head. "A monthly stipend for maintaining my good health would be agreeable."

"I see." I say. "Thank you for coming in, Ms. Kim."

I get up and walk out.

"Wait! That's it?" I hear her heels clack behind me. She yells to me as she stands in the doorway, "Is the wealthy Jumin Han really so cheap that he will not even provide for his wife?"

I ignore her and move to the next room. A Ms. Young-Ja Park.

"Welcome Home, baby!" a chipper voice calls from a pretty young woman. She bounces up and kisses my cheek.

My eyes widen, and I take a step back. She seems very forward. But I suppose I did request she greet me as if we were already married. "Hello, Ms. Park."

She beams up at me, bouncing in her tight top and poofy pink skirt. "Wow! The real Jumin Han! You know, I have to say, I wasn't sure if this was really gonna happen or if I was being scammed!"

Her smile and confidence reminds me of Zen's, but I note that she lacks his elegance and poise.

"Not a scam. Please, let's sit."

I take a seat on the chair, but she sits on the bed, dangling her legs over and swaying them as she continues to bounce.

"So, Mr. Han, can I ask you some questions about this arrangement?"

"Of course, Ms. Park. Ask me anything."

"I know you said I'll have to sign a prenup, which I totally get," she emphasizes, "but I was wondering if I'll be able to get a commercial deal with your company? I'm actually a model, and I have a decent social media following. I'd love to be Mrs. Han - the face of the company!" She clasps her hands together and puts them to her cheek.

I think of how many times I have offered even just a simple ad campaign contract to Zen, and he has always said no. It annoyed me in a way, because I think his looks and skills would be valuable to the company, but I always respected his refusal of perceived handouts due to our social connection.

"I would have to check the quality of your work first, but I might consider it if you are excellent at what you do."

"Might consider…?" I see her smile fade for the first time. "Okay, well what about my boyfriend?"

I cannot hide my frown. "Boyfriend?"

"Yeah! I mean, knowing your status, you probably have a different girl every night, right? You do a great job keeping it under wraps, but I mean, obviously it happens." Ms. Park continues, her posture loose, as if this were a normal conversation for her. "I'm happy to play wifey with you and attend functions, but I will be allowed to be with my boyfriend when the cameras are off, right?"

"...I was looking for something exclusive."

Her brows furrow. "So you want me to be loyal to you, pay for all my own stuff, and probably not even get me a gig? What am I getting out of this deal?"

Is my companionship not enough…?

"Perhaps we are not a good match then," I finally say. "Thank you for coming, Ms. Park. Goodbye."

I pause in the hallway and grit my teeth. That was only room two. I have plenty more candidates ahead of me.

But I go through room, after room, after room. Some of the women seem lovely at first, but there is always something that ultimately turns me off of them. Either they are after my money or the fame associated with my name, or they are too timid, and I could never rely on them to be honest with me. Some were excessively flirty and suggestive, but I felt repulsed rather than aroused by their advances. No matter how they introduced themselves, they all looked at me the way everyone has looked at me my whole life; as either someone to be used, or as someone to be feared.

Each room I go through only makes me crave Zen's gaze more. He so often looks at me with anger in his eyes, but at least he looks at ME and not my name.

One woman had icy white hair down to her waist, and for a moment I felt my heart flutter into my throat as I thought it was Zen waiting for me. But it was just another power hungry suitor.

I go to the next room, the third to last remaining, desperate not to find disappointment. Desperate to find a woman I can connect with and desire. Desperate to find someone who I want and they want me.

But when I walk in, I find a woman in nothing but her panties, sitting on the floor on her knees.

"Welcome home, Master." Her voice sounds husky.

"What…?" I freeze in place, the shock of her impropriety immobilizing me.

Her eyes raise to meet mine. "You said you wanted me to welcome you home as your wife, right? I will welcome you home like this every day if you choose me."

She begins to crawl across the floor to me, her teeth grazing across her lower lip. The action reminds me of Zen last night, and suddenly I'm picturing him crawling naked across the floor towards me. I shut my eyes, trying to shake my mental image. NO. Stop thinking of Zen like that. Look at this girl here and feel those things!

I open my eyes again, and force myself to immodestly gaze upon her body. By now she is at my feet, and I look down to see her pert breasts level with my knees. I try to want her. I try to feel aroused by her. But I don't. I only feel disgust.

She reaches up for my belt and I can't take it any more.

"Stop," I say in an icy tone.

I turn and pull a robe out of the hallway closet. Tossing it at the woman, I walk out without another word.

Once in the hallway, I lean against the wall breathing heavily and clutching my chest.

"Mr. Han, are you alright?" Assistant Kang asks, approaching me from down the hall.

"No, I am not okay!" I snap. "Who are these women that you've found? Did you even try to find someone I would be compatible with?" My words are thunderous and thick with malice.

Shame washes over me. I know I've made a mistake. I know I shouldn't have spoken to her that way. But everything I've been taught tells me you never apologize to subordinates. So I don't.

Assistant Kang hesitates, then answers with uncharacteristic sarcasm laced thick in her voice. "I apologize, Sir. I've never been trained in matchmaking."

I straighten my back, then smooth out my jacket and adjust my watch. I count out ten slow breaths as I compose myself before I speak.

"I see. Well, as I'm three-quarters of the way through, and all have been colossal failures, I am going to decline to continue with the rest."

"Sir. Will you be heading back to the office now?"

"No." I can't go back there. I will get nothing done. And I cannot fail at work as well as this. "I am going to take the rest of the day off."

"But Mr. Han, your meetings and-"

"You can manage it, Assistant Kang. In office matters, I trust your capable hands."

"Yes, sir." Her voice comes out a little weak this time. Perhaps she is pleased I have offered her such a great compliment. "Would you like me to call Driver Kim?"

"Yes. I'll be waiting out front."

I take the elevator down and trudge through the lobby.

"Have a good day, Mr. Han," the chorus of hotel receptionists call as I pass by.

I stand under the awning with my hands in my pockets, my mind screaming, yet utterly silent. It seems incapable of forming a coherent thought.

When Driver Kim pulls up and opens the door, I get in without a word.

"Where to, sir? Assistant Kang didn't say."

I'm about to say 'home,' but do I dare? Zen is there. Zen is there. The knowledge fills me with a wave of solace then agony.

"Ichon Hangang Park, please."

It is a beautiful park that features numerous statues and art installations. V and I would occasionally go there after school if our activities allowed for it. We would walk, play… sit by the lake and talk. And I realize that is what I need, the advice of a friend. Because my own mind can not seem to accept my current situation.

When we arrive, I instruct Driver Kim to wait for me, and walk off towards the least busy corner of the lake. Even as I try to navigate through the least occupied paths, I still notice the occasional passerbys react to my presence. Whether they know me by name, by company, or just the fierceness of my rich authority… The women ogle me. The men avert their eyes.

And I have never been so sick of being Jumin Han.

I find a corner tucked away between some trees, a beautiful view of the lake in front of me. My home building is across the way, standing tall among its fellow skyscrapers. I clench my teeth as I struggle to draw in breath. Whipping out my phone, I call V.

"Jumin?" He answers quickly. "Is everything okay?"

"V… I need to talk to you."

"What's going on? Has something happened?" I can hear the worry in his tone.

"No, I… everything is fine, I just…"

Silence. Then in a soft voice, V instructs, "Jumin. Take a deep breath, then explain clearly."

I do as my friend directed and take in a deep, slow breath as I gaze at the lake. I feel a bit restored, hearing his voice in the place we used to play together.

"Better?" he asks.

"Yes. Thank you."

"Okay, now, go ahead. My connection is not great, so I'd like to hear what is going on quickly."

Yes. Of course. I must be quick, and get to the point. "Do you think I'm gay?"

Silence meets me through the phone again. Did the signal get lost already?

"V?"

"I'm here. I just… Jumin, what is prompting this?"

"As you know, Zen has been staying with me. I have… developed feelings for him. Strong feelings. He's all I can think about. I thought that perhaps it was just the company I craved, so I began to search for a wife, but today-"

"Wait, what?" V interjects. "Feelings for Zen? Finding a wife? Jumin, Zen has only been with you for a couple days."

"I know," I grit out. "But it has changed me. V… Jihyun… I can't be alone again." The air hitches in my lungs.

"Okay. I understand, Jumin. But… the first thing you asked me was about being gay?

"I interviewed women to be my wife today. Many flirted with me. One was even naked at my feet. But I felt disgust, not lust. But… but with Zen…" I push my palm against my face. "How can I find someone to replace him if I'm like this?"

V is quiet. "Jumin. What do you like about Zen?"

"Everything. He is hardworking. And talented. And daring, and passionate, and honest, and-" My words start coming faster and faster until V interrupts me.

"You respect him."

"Yes, of course. Immensely," I rasp.

"What about those women today?"

"Well… no. They were immodest and forward for strangers. It was indecent."

"Okay. And what about other people in your past? Have you ever felt attracted to anyone before? Male or female."

Embarrassment flares in me. It has happened so rarely, but one person in particular stands out - Rika. But how can I admit that to V? Of course I never acted on my feelings. Even thinking it felt disrespectful to their relationship.

And then even V himself. There were certainly moments growing up I felt a similar yearning to touch him, to be with him, that I had brushed away. "Yes. A few."

"Were any of them women?"

"...Yes."

"And what do they all have in common?" he asks.

I search my mind for the answer. Different genders, different appearances, different personalities and mannerisms…

"I'm not sure," I finally say.

"You respected them. You knew them. You trusted them," V's voice cracks on the last line, though I'm not sure why. "Am I right?"

And I realize that he is. There are so few people I have trusted and respected in my life, but I have acquired feelings for each of them.

"Yes," I answer softly.

"So Jumin, you are not gay. You just fall for those you know, those you trust."

"Fall for…?" I whisper.

"The question is, will Zen return your affections," V sighs. "And I don't mean to be cruel Jumin, but I find it so unlikely. You two should just work on becoming friends."

"But… we are friends. He is one of my closest friends." I'm confused.

Another sigh comes through the line. "Are you sure Zen feels that way?"

"He… he asked me to watch a movie with him last night. That's a friend thing, isn't it?"

"He did?" V sounds surprised.

"Yeah, we watched John Wick after dinner. We drank together. We laughed and talked. And he… he slept with me again last night."

"He slept with you?!"

"Slept," I clarify, as I remember back to mine and Zen's conversation last night. "Only slept."

"...A lot has happened since he's been staying with you. I'm quite surprised."

"Me as well," I mumble, looking to my feet.

"Well, old friend, I'm afraid I can't talk much longer. But here is my advice to you."

I press the phone hard against my ear so I don't miss a single utterance.

"For now, try to think of Zen as a friend. You can let him know you're interested, but don't make any advances that would make him uncomfortable. In the meantime," V's soft voice soothes, "seek out a woman you can respect, and perhaps she can become your wife."

I mull over his words for a moment. "You don't think Zen will want me." It is not a question. It is just further confirmation of what I already know.

"I think it is very unlikely. Zen seems like such a, well, ladies man." V lets out an awkward laugh. "But who knows? Matters of the heart can be tricky sometimes. In any case, you don't want to lose such a good friend. And you don't want to make him uncomfortable while he is essentially trapped in your home."

"Ah, I…" I didn't think of that. He is, for now, essentially trapped with me. If I were to tell him my feelings while he can't leave, it would be immoral of me. But oh… How a part of me wishes I could keep him caged with me forever… Could I win him over? In time?

"Jumin?"

"Yes, V?"

"Don't pressure Zen, okay? Love…" his voice wavers, then continues in a shaky, hollow cadence, "and obsession… can't conquer everything." It hurts me to hear my friend sound so broken. Is he thinking of losing Rika? But after a moment's pause, he adds in his normal voice, "Think about what Zen wants before you act on anything, okay?"

What Zen wants… I swallow hard and close my eyes. "Yes. Of course."

"Then I'll be going now. Good luck, Jumin."

"Thank you, V. Goodbye."

The call ends, and my hand drops to my side. I am grateful for my friend's advice, but I'm not sure that it has settled my thoughts at all. But what else is there for me to do at this point except to return home? To face Zen.