In early October, Hermione's hip began to itch incessantly. It hadn't since the train but she was barely able to keep from rubbing it for some relief during the day and drawing peoples attention. After three days it got the best of her. Rather than go directly to lunch after transfiguration she went to her shared dorm. Dropping her bag on the couch she walked into the bathroom as she opened her robe and untucked her shirt.
The word reflected at her in the mirror almost had her on her knees. No longer did it say 'redemption' as it had the last time she'd braved a look after his trial.
Instead there was a name.
Astoria
She had another girls name etched in her skin.
While she knew it wasn't technically possible, the itching became a burning sensation. Her eyes watered. She knew what the itching sensation meant after the first time but they'd never been this intense. Normally she could just ignore it. How desperately she wished she'd seen it before this. But she still felt it was an invasion of his privacy to always know his deepest desire.
After what she deemed was an appropriate amount of time to wallow she charmed away the puffiness of her eyes, blew her nose, and righted her uniform. She told herself she would be brave, no one need know anything was wrong. She repeated it in her mind on the way the Great Hall while smiling at those who acknowledged her. But when she entered the busy Hall she stalled. For the first time since September first.
It went unnoticed by the majority of the student body though a few teachers glanced up and were eyeing her curiously. Harry was the first to notice her from the Gryffindor table.
He mouthed, "Are you okay?" catching Ginny's attention.
Hermione merely nodded.
Glancing at the Slytherin table Hermione saw Pansy frowning at her. Theo looked at her after trying and failing to get Pansy's attention. Just beyond his shoulder was Draco talking with a stunning blonde girl Hermione recognized as Astoria Greengrass, a seventh year behind them. Looking back at Pansy she squinted to keep from crying as her hips burned something fierce.
With her lip between her teeth she looked back at the Gryffindor table, locking eyes with Harry before turning on her heal and leaving, no longer able to stomach the idea of lunch.
Instead she walked.
She walked until the bell rang for the next class. The rest of the afternoon she warded off questions from both her new housemates and old ones claiming to have a stomach bug.
It took her a week after the mark changed before she trudged to the dungeons, trying to talk herself out of her decision.
Still she stood outside the potions classroom for several minutes, hand poised to knock.
"Either come in or stop loitering."
His smooth drawl, laced with a bit of venom, calmed her enough to step inside. Being meticulous, ensure the door was closed before facing him she took a fortifying breath.
"Professor, may I ask you something?"
The scratching of his quill never stopped nor did he look up when he answered her, "If you must. My office hour ends in two minutes though so be quick."
"I waited on purpose," she confessed as she set her bag on the floor and sat in the chair opposite his desk. He finally looked at her, dark eyes boring into her, "Madam Pomfrey gave me access to the restricted section to do my own research on the topic but the selection was still limited to say the least."
Professor Snape gave her a calculated look as he leaned back in his seat, hands folded in his lap, "Pray tell Miss Granger, what subject are you researching?"
"Soul bonding..."
His chair creaked as he leaned forward again so his elbows were rested on the desk, "Excuse me?"
"Soul bonding," she repeated a little louder. "During her evaluations of the Harry, Ron and I after the battle Madam Pomfrey found a mark that I hadn't realized was there. At least, it wasn't before. I didn't really care much to examine myself while in the woods though so it went unnoticed."
She bravely kept eye contact with him as he considered her. In the end he sighed, "I'm afraid my knowledge of them is pretty basic as well. Most couples don't know they're soul bonded until their wedding ceremony when their marks appear on one another, should they be bonded in such a way. Not every couple is compatible that way. Very few couples develop their marks without an official binding ceremony. For them to appear it is usually under extreme duress or accidental vows are taken. Bonded couples share a magical core between them, an even give and take. Pretty rudimentary."
"Yes, that's what the books indicated."
"If you know as much, what details are you looking for specifically?"
Suddenly she could no longer hold his gaze, her eyes fell to her hands as she began fidgeting.
"In the instances that a bond is formed in a moment of duress, lets say torture," she didn't see how he stiffened in understanding, "is it truly an equal exchange? Or did my magic latch onto his?"
"Miss Granger..."
"Did I steal his magic, sir? Did I force this bond on him and steal his magic?"
"No, the bond is always an equal exchange," he spoke calmly and evenly conveying his empathy clearly, "even in an instance such as yours. Whomever you bonded with, their magical core would have had to accept your magic for the bond to be formed. Does he know?"
Hermione bit her lip, "No, I don't think so."
"You don't think so?"
"He treats me as a friend, barely that. Cordial is a better word. So no, I don't think he knows. If he does he has never indicated otherwise. I just...I needed to know that I didn't steal his magic to save myself.." Picking up her bag she stood and slung it over her shoulder, "Thank you sir, I am sorry for taking up your time."
He let her get to the door, his eyes closed as if worried about the answer. "Miss Granger," when she stopped, hand poised on the door knob he continued, "Why not tell Draco?"
Hermione turned to establish eye contact again, her lip between her teeth, "I am not who he desires and I never have been. That's what his mark tells me, his deepest desire. He got his freedom, then his redemption, and now...I'd rather he be happy with someone else than stuck with me simply because he thinks he has to. Draco is honorable enough that that is exactly what he would do." Turning back to the door she hung her head before raising it stubbornly, "I can give him that after I activated this bond."
"You blame yourself? How do you even know it was you who activated it?"
Closing her eyes she let herself think back to that day, verbalizing what she saw in her minds-eye.
"I remember feeling so cold, wanting nothing more than to sleep. I don't know why I did but I looked up and he was there, holding his mother's hand. He looked like he did second year when he fell off his broom," Snape huffed a hoarse laugh behind her, "but his eyes...they calmed me. They were like a beautiful spring storm. I had been so scared but instantly I knew I would be okay. I felt my magic leave me and then it was like I was on a cloud in that storm and not being pinned to floor. Warmth flooded me and the pain ebbed away. He never blinked, he just watched, it's all he could do. But my magic reached out, even if his accepted, mine was the first to initiate the bond."
She paused trying to collect herself while her professor waited patiently.
"He would do the honorable thing," he agreed after a small stint of silence, "but Miss Granger, you know as well as I that a bonded pair such as yours, there is always underlying feelings between the two bonded persons."
"We also know that though the underlying feelings are there, they do not have to be romantic in nature. A fondness would do. There are many accounts of bonded couples who never established physical or romantics relationships."
"And what will you do when he discovers his mark? You knew it was his most likely the moment you saw it, you don't think he would too?"
"It's been seven months sir, respectfully, I'll cross that bridge when and if we get there. Thank you again sir, but I really should get back to the dorms. I promised to help Pansy with her charms paper."
"What of your choice?" He asked without pause. "Draco would do the right thing if he knew and given the choice might even pick you. But given the choice, would you choose him?"
Hermione closed her eyes again and thought back to the first moment she knew she would; the train. The way he'd held her without thought and even shown remorse for Easter. Everything but their final moments together had made her want to know him more and since then, now that she did, she would easily pick him given the chance. Bond or not.
"Yes," she whispered as though it hurt to do so. "Draco is not who he seemed to be. Now that I have had the privilege to see that..Yes sir, I think I would."
"Despite what you know your family would say?"
Her lip trembled, "My family has always supported me," she lied knowing she could get away with it when she wasn't looking directly at him, "Only Ron would raise issue. He's still prone to spontaneous outbursts and still can't fathom my resorting. Nor is he afraid to let anyone in his vicinity know. So at this juncture I could give a rats arse what he thinks anymore."
"And Potter?"
"Harry knows...he was with me when Madam Pomfrey found it."
"I see. Miss Granger, all I can say is only you know what is best for yourself. If you want Draco, show him, don't just step aside because you think you know what is best for him. What you see and may think is his engrained prejudice surfacing may be something you have not considered. Narcissa's family was far more racist and she, from my understanding, happens to adore you. Think about it. You're dismissed Miss Granger. I-" he audibly swallowed and she knew he was as uncomfortable as she was, "I wish you well in this. It is not easy to watch the one you desire, desire another. Goodnight."
Knowing better than to look behind her Hermione slipped out his office door. She made it seven steps before pressing her back against the dungeon wall and trying to control her breathing...
Despite the words on her hip, which she continued to glamour and refused to acknowledge, and her conversation with Professor Snape, the longer Hermione and Draco spent in their private dorm the more their friendship solidified. It was on the verge of becoming similar to that of her friendship with Harry, minus the familial element.
Harry would always be her brother but she didn't think she could or would ever give such a title to Draco.
That said, she did make extra coffee and he joined her for their first cup before getting ready in the mornings. He would playfully tease her for brushing her teeth but was fascinated by the idea of a toothbrush, so much so that she got him his own. He asked her to proof read his essays, and she did the same. They stayed up to talk and playfully started to tease one another with light mocks that held no malice.
All together it was almost peaceful, but for Ron who, while still openly despising her new house, stayed close by.
The true turning point, for Hermione at least, came the night before their first Hogsmeade trip. It was sooner than normal but the Headmistress saw fit to grant earlier privileges to the returning 'eighth' years as well as sixth and seventh years.
Hermione had fallen asleep on the couch in their common room while revising her NEWT study schedule. Draco had gone out earlier that evening to play a mock quidditch game with Blaise, Theo, Harry, Ginny, and, surprisingly enough, Ron. He'd returned, gave her an acknowledging nod before disappearing into his room. He reemerged for a few seconds to disappear into the bathroom. She heard the shower and he was back in his room not long after. Assuming he'd gone to sleep she'd returned to her planning and fallen asleep amidst her scrolls of parchment. Falling asleep on the couch had been an accident.
"No!"
She sat up so fast her book fell to the ground with a heavy 'thump' as she drew her wand to face the possible intruder.
"No!"
Her head snapped to Draco's door at the second cry. Going purely on instinct Hermione went to his door and didn't even hesitate opening it. He was writhing on the bed, naked but for a pair of boxers, sheets tangled around his legs. Without having to think about it, she walked over to the bed and sat on the edge.
"Malfoy."
His flailing only got worse. Reaching out she laid a gently hand on his clammy arm giving him a gently shake.
"Malfoy."
When that didn't work she moved to touch his face, her finger tips brushing the hair from his forehead as her worry mounted.
"Draco. Draco, it's not real, wake up."
He sat up in bed so fast she let out a squeak but said nothing as he wolfed in as much air as he could and tried to calm himself. The hand that was still in his hair she moved to the side of his face, her thumb stroking his jaw, even as he had her other hand pinned in his after dragging her into his lap.
"It's okay.." she breathed, "It was just a nightmare."
He corrected, his voice husky with sleep, "A memory, Hermione."
They just stared at one another, neither one acknowledging that she was essentially cradled in his lap as his posture softened.
"I have them too," she admitted after a while. His pewter grey eyes softened and he shuddered so violently that she gently twisted her captured wrist out of his and wrapped it around him, "I have them too."
Unsure how to handle the situation Draco stiffened when her arm went around him, "What are you doing in here Granger?"
It didn't phase her that he had reverted to her last name, nor that he'd became as rigid as a statue. Instead she held him tighter and put her head on his shoulder.
"You called out," she answered like it was the answer to everything.
"I warded the door."
Her heart hurt but she tried to lighten the atmosphere, "You think your wards could keep me out?" Much to her pleasure she felt him relax again and let out something akin to a chuckle. "But it was unlocked. I was on the couch when your cry woke me."
When he didn't say anything she pulled her legs up and shifted so her bum hit the bed on his side. But she didn't move her head or release him from her hug. To her surprise his arms hesitantly came around her in return and she felt his chin on her head.
"Do you want to talk about it?" she asked softly after a long stretch of silence. She felt him shake his head. "Well did you know your bed is bloody comfortable?" Pulling away from him she laid back on the bed with her legs still over his lap and moaned.
Malfoy stared down at her with a smirk, "I do."
"Mine's a bloody stone in comparison."
He laughed as he laid back against his pillow, not caring that her legs were still draped over his lap. They both laid there, staring up at the ceiling until Malfoy picked up her legs and moved them so they were beside him. Hermione in response straightened out putting her head on the other half of his pillow.
"Darcey charmed it."
Tilting her head just enough to see him looking at her she frowned.
His smirk returned, "Darcey is free you know? As are all the elfs in the Manor. But she has been taking care of me since I was a boy and absolutely refused to leave. I keep trying to pay her but she cries when I try so I gift her things instead. Scarves, gloves, dress, but her favorite are aprons."
Hermione smiled softly. Of all the things she expected him to say, that was not one of them. Neither was the care that she could hear in his tone. He didn't speak much about Darcey, at least not with her.
"And that extends to Hogwarts?"
"Who do you think fed me sixth year?"
Hermione considered that before replying, "Well she did wonderfully," she wiggled further into the bed, "Give her my compliments."
Malfoy chuckled, Hermione found she quite liked the sound, "I'll convey them." Reaching down he pulled the sheets back up and over them. Hermione couldn't withhold the moan that escaped her.
"Gods, tell her these sheets are also perfect," she moaned curling onto her side so she was facing him.
"Sleep Granger," he chuckled.
Only then did Hermione realize just what position she was in. Sitting up abruptly she gaped, "Oh my gods, Draco, I am so sorry."
"For?" He opened one eye and squinted at her.
"F-for.."
When she couldn't seem to finish he wrapped his fingers around her wrist and pulled her back down, "Sleep Hermione."
Too shocked to say anything she just laid down beside him and curled under the covers. He laid beside her on his back, his left hand faceup, dark mark exposed in the space between them. Tentatively Hermione watched his chest rise and fall until it evened out before letting her own hand wander to touch his arm above his mark. Just her fingertips on his alabaster skin. She'd thought he was asleep but he made a sharp noise, his head turning just enough to look at her.
"Granger."
"Malfoy."
Closing his eyes he whispered, "Please," her heart hurt hearing the plea, "don't touch it."
"You fought it," she answered. Using her index finger she traced the skin around the mark. It was red and agitated as if his body was still trying to reject the dark magic branding him.
"Don't make it into something it's not, I took it willingly."
"Yours isn't the first I've seen but it doesn't look like those. You might have knelt and taken it willingly but you didn't want it, that's why your body is rejecting it."
Twisting his hand over hers he pulled her hand down, stopping her exploration, "Granger," she finally looked at him, "Go to sleep or I will kick you out."
Hermione snorted but bravely moved her arm in his hand until their hands were awkwardly entwined and finally closed her eyes.
"Goodnight Draco."
His eyes remained fixed on their joined hands strangely before looking at her and watching her until he fell asleep.